


"Wait, You Are Supposed To Put It Where?"

by HobbitFeels



Series: Wait... [1]
Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: !BAMF!kili, Ableist Language, Angst pasta with angst sauce, Aphrodisiacs, Apparently Kili's cock is pretty damn magic as well, Audio-Voyeurism, Awkward!Thorin, BigBrother!Bilbo, Bilbo wants the D, BoFA AU--Everybody lives, Bottom Thorin, Creepy!Thorin, Dragon Sickness, Drama, Dream Sex, Dwalin eats cookies, Engagement, Fili is getting pretty tired of Thorin's shit, Fili likes facials, First Time, Fluff, Gandalf is a big ol' romantic, Hurt/Comfort, Kili really likes cumplay, Loud Sex, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Now new and improved with feels, Pining, Possessive!Thorin, Post Unexpected Journey/Pre Desolation Of Smaug Universe Alteration, Seriously so much smut, Sex Education, Sex Pollen, Sick Bilbo, Snowballing, Switch Bilbo, Switch Thorin, Teetering on the fringes of Durincest, Thorin and Bilbo are both affectionate drunks, Thorin and Bilbo get terribly embarrassed talking about sex, Thorin has a magic cock, Top Bilbo, Universe Alteration, Voyeurism, a few of them, big fucking dragon, big!brother!fili, blatant misuse of the One Ring, but only teetering, courting braid trope, drugged elvish wine, drunk!kili, dwarves fucking hobbits in a fantasy world--may require some suspension of practical reality, dwarves have no concept of anal sex, emotional smut, emotional thuggery, invisible blowjob, light dub con if you squint, manipulative!Thorin, pierced!bilbo, pierced!kili, player!bilbo, plotting!fili, random lembas eating, second pairing slow burn, sex savant Kili, sleepingbear!Kili, slight timeline/surroundings AU, sweet!kili, the Durins in general seem to have a thing for semen, treasure!sex, unfulfilled Boffins, virgin!Kili
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-07
Updated: 2013-12-08
Packaged: 2017-11-28 12:26:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 100
Words: 385,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/674384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HobbitFeels/pseuds/HobbitFeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo finds out that dwarves have zero concept of anal sex or rimming and winds up having to explain it to Thorin, to his great embarrassment.  Later, the explanation gets more in-depth and eventually gives both Bilbo and Thorin more than they bargained for.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>This began as a comical smut one-shot but eventually took on a life of its own as a massive Bagginshield vs Kilbo love triangle. It has become a tale of love, pining, heartbreak, family, and sacrifice.  But there is still smut.  I'm still me, damnit.</i></p><p>**This was written pre-Desolation of Smaug, based on the film version of The Unexpected Journey and The Hobbit text**</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Education

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Español available: ["Wait, You Are Supposed To Put It Where?" by HobbitFeels](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3138056) by [HobbitFeels](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HobbitFeels/pseuds/HobbitFeels), [sra_danvers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sra_danvers/pseuds/sra_danvers)



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> Banner by Sra_danvers
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> Unbeta'd. Mistakes are mine. The guys belong to someone else.
> 
> I took a few liberties. The dwarves are prisoner to Thranduil for a couple weeks. Instead of a door with only a keyhole to speak through, Thorin sits in a cell that has bars. I may have also not had a heavy guard presence in Thorin's wing. This worked better for the comfort aspect of my telling.

Bilbo was incredibly relieved when he found Thorin Oakenshield in the lower level of the Elf King's dungeons. The elves kept Thorin separated from the rest--he was the lone prisoner in his wing. It broke Bilbo's heart to see him locked away and all by himself. The other dwarves at least had each other. 

Able to move about undetected thanks to his ring, Bilbo he did what he could to bring comfort to the imprisoned members of the company, spending time with the dwarves and passing around messages so they would not despair while he explored and tried to devise a way out. Luckily, the majority of the company were in the same dungeon wing and not heavily guarded--the elves were pretty confident in their containment. The others had more guards than Thorin, though, who was alone without so much as a guard but for his meals. 

Bilbo visited Thorin every evening. He could have said it was because Thorin was their leader and it was his duty to keep him sane. The deeper truth was a sweet secret Bilbo kept locked away from the rest of the company and the object of his affections. 

Because Thorin was left alone overnight, Bilbo could shed his ring and sit next to his cell to keep him company. Without sharp-eared elf guards patrolling that wing, they could speak softly deep into the night. Bilbo would sit as close to the cell as he could get with his back leaned up against the wall. Thorin would sit next to him on the other side of the bars, back also against the wall. They would talk until Thorin fell asleep or until Bilbo knew it was time to hide to catch some rest. Bilbo was always careful to not fall asleep next to Thorin's cell.

Maybe it was the late hours they kept, or perhaps it was simply easier to open up to someone when not under the weight of their gaze--whichever it was, the conversations Bilbo and Thorin had on these quiet nights seemed special. The hushed tones they used with each other to avoid detection were reminiscent of the soft voices one would use with a lover. Bilbo and Thorin would speak of anything and everything, whatever they could think of to take their minds off the uncertainty of the situation. Bilbo did a majority of the talking at the beginning because it took Thorin a little longer to share details of his life. Thorin eventually opened up, though. While he had a dark past, it seemed to bring him some measure of joy to tell Bilbo of stories when Fili and Kili were small, or of him and Dwalin getting into rowdy lad trouble when they were younger would-be warriors in the days before the dragon. 

One such night of swapping stories, Bilbo was telling Thorin a tale of a couple of tween hobbit boys getting caught in a compromising position following a grand party in Brandybuck Hall when Thorin interrupted him. 

"Wait, so it was two males?"  
"Well, it might have been as many as four but the other two didn't have as many clothes to gather! Who knows, though?" Bilbo chuckled to himself. It had been _quite_ the scandal in Buckland at the time.  
"So, is it unusual for hobbit males to be intimate with one another?"  
"Well, it is not as common as male and female couples, but it happens often enough. What was more unusual is that they were, uh, thrill-seeking somewhere that they could get caught. Hobbits tend to be more private about such matters. Is it unusual for dwarf males to have such interactions?" 

Bilbo was not willing to admit it quite yet, but he was dying to know Thorin's thoughts on the subject.

Thorin replied, "Dwarf males commonly find themselves in situations where they only have other males for company. Because of this, it is common they would develop a particular closeness or relationship."  
"Relationship?" Bilbo interjected, probably a little too quickly. "So courting can happen with pairings like that?"  
"Yes. Courting between comrades in arms is the most frequent because they have a strong emotional connection. There's no way for a male pairing to consummate with a blood bond, so the bond needs to be formed another way. Advisers, cooks, and the like would not carry the same sort of connection as two who have risked their lives for a cause--or each other." 

Thorin blushed in the dark at this, remembering how Bilbo had rescued him with no concern for his own safety.

Bilbo's own head was spinning. This was a lot for both his heart and mind to take in. He figured he would start with the obvious. 

"Wait, what do you mean a male pairing can't consummate their bond? I thought what you were originally implying is that they were intimate?"  
"Dwarves have physical needs just like hobbits, Bilbo."  
"So then why can they not consummate a union?"  
"Unless hobbit anatomy is grossly unlike our own--which it is not from what I've seen when we've had chances to bathe--I would have to point out the obvious fact that you cannot put a sword inside a sword." 

There was something about sitting in the dark with Bilbo talking about such things that made Thorin bold enough to flirt a bit. To be honest, he had been terribly curious for some time about how hobbits felt about same sex relations. Bilbo had intrigued him from the beginning. Thorin had been very hard on him because he truly thought he had been too pretty to be a valuable part of the expedition. Over the course of the journey, it was made clear many times over that Bilbo also had courage and cunning to match any dwarf. On the road, Thorin had resisted sharing any hints of his growing interest in Bilbo, it not being the time nor the place to stir up gossip or a relationship either one. Here, however--trapped in Thranduil's infernal dungeon with Bilbo night after night, veiled in forgiving darkness, sharing stories--well, his resolve was certainly weakening a bit. He found Bilbo a great comfort. Judging by the time that Bilbo spent sitting with him every evening, he figured (and hoped) that he did the same for Bilbo, too. 

For his part, Bilbo was sure he was turning as crimson as a strawberry at Thorin's mention of his...anatomy. Was Thorin actually _flirting_ with him? The thought of Thorin's gaze lingering on him during bath time in various streams and springs long enough to know what was what made him tingle, though whether it was with anticipation or embarrassment, he wasn't quite yet sure. The conversation had certainly taken an interesting turn from where it had started. Bilbo wanted to dig a little deeper--and maybe stir the pot a bit, as it were.

"What _do_ you do, Thorin? Dwarves, I mean. When you have that sort of two-sword situation?"  
"Um, yes. Well." Thorin's tongue suddenly felt three times fatter. "There is touching, of course. Rubbing. Kissing, both above and below. Things can be done with the hands and mouth to bring pleasure and alleviate tension. Is it not like that for hobbits or do you just enjoy hearing me talk this way?"  
Bilbo's ears positively burned, but he pressed onward. "That is but a benefit to having my curiosities answered. So rubbing, kissing...but none of that counts as consummation? What about, " Bilbo swallowed hard "...rear penetration?"  
"Pardon?"  
"Confound it, Thorin, don't make me say it again!"  
"It is a good thing for both of us that you are adorable when you are embarrassed because I need further explanation of this. You mean...you don't mean...you can't possibly..." Thorin trailed off. He'd never heard of such a thing being done.

Bilbo had never been so grateful for dark. He was pressed so far back against the wall that he might have grown into it. Still, he had started this, and Thorin had just called him adorable. His Tookish curiosity (and the swelling in his trousers) insisted he keep going. 

"Your mouth is not the only expandable hole in your body. Of course, _I_ haven't done the same anatomy search during bath time as _you_ have, but I can assure you that I was not the only one digging toilet holes when we made camp. I would figure dwarves and hobbits have a common orifice on their lower half."  
"But that was not made for penetration! It was made for, um, evacuating. What would you even _do_?" 

Thorin was fascinated by this concept. Horrified, too, and a little turned on to be talking about something so personal with Bilbo.

"Well, one may start with a gentle lick to get it underway," said Bilbo.  
"A _LICK_?"  
"Shhhhh, Thorin! You are going to have the entire guard on us!"  
Thorin glanced around furtively. "I apologize but...a lick? There? With what comes out of there?"

This wasn't quite going the way Bilbo envisioned it a minute ago.

Exasperated, he said, "Look, if you are going to be childish about this we can talk about something else. I'm pretty sure you promised me a story of how Kili gave Fili a haircut when they were small..."  
"No. I truly want to know. It just sounds so strange...and unsanitary. Dwarves generally regard that area as unclean."  
"Said the dwarf who walked around for two days covered in warg blood because we could not find a water source suitable for bathing."  
"Point taken. Please, Bilbo, tell me more of this. I promise no more outbursts."  
"Okay. Well, that area is not horribly unsanitary if it is properly cared for. If it has been, uh, used recently, there is not a lot left inside to cause trouble. If there is a concern, it can always be washed beforehand. I imagine once someone is committed to being someone's lover, putting one's mouth on the body is probably not as horrifying as it sounds once the blood starts running hot. So a tongue can be used around the, the, the, the _area_ in question, possibly slipped inside for additional pleasure and lubrication."  
"Lubrication?"  
"Well, yes. If you are going to try to get something the size of your--ahem--dwarfhood inside an opening that small, there needs to be help."  
"Fascinating. Doesn't it hurt? It seems like it would be terribly uncomfortable. Just sitting on this hard floor bothers my hind end."

_...And I'm aroused and uncomfortable,_ Thorin added silently.

Bilbo was feeling less embarrassed as he went on. "Well, fingers can come next to help stretch. It is muscle back there, you know. It warms up with stretches like anything else if someone is patient enough to take the time. Oil or salve certainly do help things along. There's discomfort but there's also quite a payoff. I do not know if it is the same for dwarves, but hobbits have sort of a sweet spot inside that can elevate the pleasure of the situation. I'm sure the connection of penetrating one's lover in such an intimate area can also not possibly be overstated. If that is not consummation of a bond, I do not know what is."

It dawned on Thorin that with the act Bilbo was describing, male couples could imprint and bond the blood the way heterosexual dwarf couples could. It was a life-changing revelation. Thorin chose not to tell Bilbo quite yet that he was pondering what it would feel like if Bilbo was doing these things to him as he described them--or what it would mean if he did. 

Wait.

How did Bilbo _know_ all of this? Thorin's warm arousal was interrupted with the sting of cold jealousy.

Thorin tried to keep his voice steady. "How came you by this knowledge, Bilbo?"  
"Young curiosity. We'd talk amongst ourselves, as you can imagine. Additionally, I keep quite a library and it isn't entirely chaste. There's also the self-exploration. I do live alone, you know. It keeps a body sane to know how to pleasure oneself thoroughly. I had some idle physical dalliances in my capricious youth but none quite that personal. There was no one who drew me so strongly that I wanted to share that particular intimacy with them." 

Bilbo no longer felt a shred of shame talking about this with Thorin--only desire. What a difference five minutes could make! 

Bilbo reached through the bars and found Thorin's hand. It was something so small but the gesture was everything to Thorin. Bilbo had done it before as a comfort, but this time felt different. Promising, Thorin imagined. He let out a breath and let himself relax for the first time in days. Although he was not completely inexperienced in the ways of pleasure, this revelation of Bilbo's opened a whole new world for him. If they ever got out of this Elvish heap, he was sure he wanted Bilbo to demonstrate everything he just spoke of on Thorin in the flesh. His possessive nature wanted him to be the first to claim Bilbo in this manner as well. 

"I thank you for the very enlightening education, my dear Bilbo. I must say the whole of it was well beyond my knowledge. It certainly sounds intense and special--most definitely not something one would do without a strong desire for a connection with the other. I might not mind experiencing it for myself...with the right hobbit, of course."  
"Don't you mean the right dwarf?"  
"I did not misspeak." Thorin squeezed Bilbo's hand. 

Bilbo's brain, heart, and crotch almost simultaneously burst into flames. His desire to get the dwarves out of the dungeon and out to safety was now stronger than ever. He remembered an idea he had earlier that day concerning the empty wine barrels in the hall...


	2. Welcome to Lake Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that they were back on the quest and Bilbo wasn't Thorin's lifeline any longer...well, he just did not know. He might dare to hope but the Baggins in him was pragmatic. It was very possible that Thorin's drawing strength from him during that trying time was a survival tactic and nothing more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is book Lake Town, which I had not initially interpreted as impoverished as Jackson's Lake Town.

Shortly after their arrival in Lake Town, the recently water-logged company became guests of honor when Thorin interrupted the Master Of Lake Town's feast with news of his return to the mountain. They were as characters stepping out of legend to the townsfolk and news of their arrival spread like fire. They received much attention, praise, and food in quick succession. 

The company tucked into their food eagerly, only too happy to be together again. Thorin received the bulk of the attention and felt as though he spent more time talking than eating. If he had his preference, Thorin would have much rather been talking to the other dwarves and Bilbo. They had been through a great deal since they were together last and he knew the lengthy separation in Mirkwood was terribly hard on all of them--particularly Bilbo, who had done so much to ease the stress of their captivity. Thorin also knew, though, that a king must act like one. His claim on his birthright must be matched by his actions, especially as viewed in the eyes of Men. At every opportunity, he glanced around to make sure the company was faring well. If his gaze most frequently fell on Bilbo, no one seemed to notice...not even Bilbo. 

*****

Bilbo was happy to have an actual meal at last, although he was almost too tired to enjoy it. He had been stealing both food and naps in amounts all too small while the dwarves were imprisoned by Thranduil. He noted with some disappointment that the capacity of his stomach had reduced in that time as well. He was not able to consume even half of what he normally would eat. Even so, the merriment of the rest of the dwarves gladdened his heart. He almost despaired while they were stuck in the dungeons, though his late night talks with Thorin kept him sane enough to continue his duty.

The memory of their most personal discussion came back to Bilbo suddenly. He felt himself flush and glanced up to see if Thorin was looking at him. Though Thorin was busy listening to some political figure ramble on between mouthfuls of chicken, Bilbo still felt exposed. Now that they were free once again, Bilbo wondered if Thorin would remember any of what had transpired between them evening after evening. At the time, Bilbo felt like those midnight conversations were building something meaningful between them. Now they were back on the quest and Bilbo wasn't Thorin's lifeline any longer...well, he just did not know. He might dare to hope, but the Baggins in him was pragmatic. It was possible that Thorin's drawing strength from him during that trying time was a survival tactic and nothing more. 

Worn out, BIlbo's thoughts began to fade as he did.

*****

"Hey now! You are going to get potatoes in your hair if you fall asleep there!" Bofur exclaimed.  
"Hmmm?" Bilbo realized he had no memory of the last couple minutes. He was a bit groggy.  
"Poor little fellow! He needs a bed, " said Gloin.  
Kili chimed in, "Or at least a shoulder until Thorin winds down this party and negotiates some lodging."

Bilbo blearily noticed Balin walk up to Thorin and gesticulate in his direction. He noted Thorin looking concerned and leaning in to talk to the Master Of Lake Town. He felt someone scoot their chair over next to his.

"You can lean here and nod off until we find our beds, if you wish," Kili said gently, drawing an arm around Bilbo. 

Bilbo must have done just that because when he woke again, Thorin was carrying him into a large house. 

"What is going on?" Bilbo asked.  
"The Master Of Lake Town has given us temporary use of a sizable residence to recover from our recent ordeal and plan for the next," Thorin replied. 

He put Bilbo down in the parlor and called to Dwalin to go have a look around with him. Bilbo was a little embarrassed that he had to be carried--by Thorin of all people--to their lodgings because he could not make it through the end of the feast. He was secretly a bit pleased as well. He could not imagine a scenario where Thorin would have picked him up unwillingly and so Bilbo felt encouraged... 

...And sort of head-achy. 

...Kind of stuffy-headed, too. 

Bilbo was trying to work all this out when Thorin and Dwalin reappeared with an assessment of their lodgings.

The housing was generous and there were several rooms for sleeping. Thorin returned to Bilbo's side as most of the company began discussing how to pair off. Although there were enough accommodations that some of them could even room alone, none of them especially wanted to. 

Thorin noticed that Bilbo looked most unwell. "Are you okay, Master Baggins?"  
"Oh yes. I think I just need bed."  
Thorin raised his eyebrows.  
"Um, I mean any bed. Erm, just a place to sleep. Even a couch or a chair. Clearly Kili's shoulder was even enough earlier..." Bilbo rambled off, his sleep-addled brain getting the best of him.  
Thorin smiled. "How about my shoulder then? Perhaps we can pair off and resume our nightly conversations without disturbing other roommates."

Bilbo briefly wondered if he had fallen back into a dream when Thorin beckoned him to follow up the stairs. They were surprisingly hard to climb and Bilbo's head began to throb to match the pulse of his heart.

Thorin could see Bilbo having trouble getting up the stairs, which was rather unusual for him. Bilbo was most unlike himself in general this night, Thorin thought. When they reached the room, Bilbo made straight for the bed and shimmied up onto it. He did not even bother with covers.

"I hope it is okay with you that we share one bed..." Thorin ventured. 

Thorin knew there were rooms with more than one bed but he made sure he secured this one. He actually thought Bilbo would notice first--perhaps get cute and nervous, or open up some other avenue suitable for flirting. Instead, Bilbo uttered a noise that was none of those things. It was somewhere between a groan and an agreement. Thorin moved to sit on the bed with Bilbo, who was falling asleep above the covers with his clothes on.

"Don't you want to get under the blanket, Bilbo?"

Bilbo opened his eyes slightly, nodded, and closed his eyes again. Thorin sighed and tried to help Bilbo up. The hobbit was rather uncooperative and his skin was clammy. Thorin opened one of Bilbo's eyes and peered in, causing BIlbo to moan in protest.

"Are you sick? Bilbo?"  
"Don' ffff well. Sleepy." 

Burning crush on Thorin or not, Bilbo _was_ sick. Sick and past the point of being able to stay awake. His head pounded, his throat hurt, and his pure exhaustion was robbing him of any excitement he would have felt at the thought of Thorin asking him to share a room...especially a room with only one bed. 

Though Bilbo had not been resting or eating properly during their imprisonment, he still found a way to smuggle them out, ride down the river with them, and endure their announcement as well as subsequent feast in Lake Town. Now that Thorin truly thought about it, it was a wonder Bilbo lasted as long as he did in what had to have been a weakened state to begin with. Thorin was not sure exactly what he thought was going to happen tonight once they were given lodging, but he felt guilty that he didn't take an exhausted, undernourished, and possibly sick hobbit into account. 

He removed Bilbo's braces and trousers, loosened his shirt buttons, picked him up, and deposited him between the covers. He undressed himself to about the same. Thorin would have preferred for both of them to sleep in nothing at all but tonight was not the night for such overtures. 

Once Thorin climbed into bed, his own exhaustion hit him hard. He, too, seemed to have been running on pure adrenaline for the past several hours. He pulled Bilbo closer to him and fell straight into sleep with an armful of sick hobbit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know several of you were hoping this was the smut chapter! Don't lie :D 
> 
> This one had to be short because I ran out of time.
> 
> Thorin and Bilbo are not mine, but a gal can dream.


	3. Sick hobbitses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't until he was halfway back to bed that Bilbo realized four things almost simultaneously:
> 
> 1\. Thorin was _next to him in bed_ when he woke up.  
>  2\. Instead of saying "good morning" or "this is a surprise," he asked Thorin--the dashing subject of his most frequent fantasies--where he could make water. Rather embarrassing, that.  
> 3\. His trousers were missing.  
> 4\. A group of miniature trolls seemed to have opened a smithy/mucus market inside his skull.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still unbeta'd

Bilbo awoke the next morning and inquired sleepily but rather urgently about the toilet facilities. It wasn't until he was halfway back to bed that Bilbo realized four things almost simultaneously:

1\. Thorin was _next to him in bed_ when he woke up.  
2\. Instead of saying "good morning" or "this is a surprise," he asked Thorin--the dashing subject of his most frequent fantasies--where he could make water. Rather embarrassing, that.  
3\. His trousers were missing.  
4\. A group of miniature trolls seemed to have opened a smithy/mucus market inside his skull.

Bilbo climbed back up into the bed with Thorin. He felt achy all over and he was exhausted just from getting up to relieve himself. Thorin gently touched his shoulder.

"How do you feel this morning?"  
"Pretty awful, actually." Bilbo was shocked at how raspy his voice was.  
"You do not sound at all like yourself. What hurts you?"  
"I think it might be easier to tell you what does not hurt. Um, my hair. That is about it."  
Thorin stroked Bilbo's forehead gently. "You do feel a bit warm. I am going to see if Óin is up to come check you over. Do you feel like coming down for food? There was talk last night of a breakfast being held for us."  
Bilbo knew he should have breakfast but food did not sound at all appealing at the moment. "No, I do not think I could eat."

Thorin was a little alarmed, remembering once again how Bilbo had not been eating properly.

He said, "Now I know you are truly unwell. Let me fetch Óin." 

Thorin got out of bed and started putting on his bottoms to head downstairs.

"Thorin wait--"  
"What is it?"  
"What do you need me to do today? As part of the company, I mean?"

If Bilbo had not already won Thorin's respect, that would have done it.

"Dear hobbit, today is a day of rest for you. Even if you were not sick, you have more than earned a day of not fighting, planning, or fussing over anything but yourself. What you did for us--what you did for _me_ \--in Thranduil's dungeon was exemplary. Do not think I do not know that it came at a cost to your well-being."  
"I am willing to do my duty but I confess that is quite a relief."

Bilbo was not sure how he would have found the strength to get up and work this day but if Thorin had wished it, he would have found a way.

"Rest, now," Thorin said affectionately.

*****

After Thorin left the room, Bilbo moved to the center of the bed and sprawled out. Any part of his body touching another part at the moment was irritating. He was most uncomfortable in his skin.

 _Damn my confounded luck,_ he thought. _Thorin has me in his own room, it only has one bed, he is willingly sharing that bed with me, and here I am, too sick to appreciate any of it._

Truly, Bilbo did not exactly remember how he even got there. If he felt better, he thought he would be more excited about what seemed to be happening. Although his presence in Thorin's room might be because Thorin knew he was ill last night, he preferred to think winning the lodging lottery had more to do with Thorin's interest in exploring the possibility of continuing what they started in Mirkwood. After all, Thorin even carried him to the house...or did he? Bilbo tried to figure out which of his memories of last night were real and which were dreams. He was sorting through his thoughts and about to drift back off to sleep when Óin bustled in and started asking him questions.

*****

Downstairs, Thorin was making plans with Balin. They were figuring out how to delegate which dwarves were in charge of getting clothing, stocking up provisions for their stay, and things of that nature. It seemed that their legend status in Lake Town was going to go further than actual coin in acquiring them the things they needed. Everyone wanted to have a "Returning King Under The Mountain" story to tell (or to advertise on their shingles). They already had offers of goods and services pouring in, many of which were found either slipped under or tacked onto the door that morning.

Sorting through a pile of the papers, Balin randomly asked Thorin, "What made you put the hobbit in your room?"  
Thorin remained calm. "What do you mean?"  
"You specifically chose a room for yourself and Master Baggins to share--a room that only had one bed, I might add."  
"Balin, I noted at least one room stood empty last night because no one in our group wanted to be isolated after what we just went through. Am I to not wish for the same comfort? Am I to suffer because I am King?"  
"Of course not, but remember I have known you for more years than I wish to count. I have watched you suffer willingly and alone on many occasions, almost as though you thought you deserved it. For you to actually choose to draw comfort from another and for that person to be Bilbo, it made me stop to think. I know you both have bonded to one another in battle, each saving the other's lives while on this journey--"  
"Balin, please. I am not ready to discuss this with anyone in the company. I do not wish for what may or may not transpire with our burglar to become gossip. Even the chance of it becoming a distraction to the group kept me from even considering it for many miles of the journey."  
"The chance of it becoming a distraction to you, you mean."  
Thorin hesitated a moment before answering. "Yes, that was a greater fear. Perhaps it still is, somewhat."  
"Maybe it does not have to be that way. What one person names a distraction may be what another would call strengthening, calming, or balancing." Balin put a hand on Thorin's shoulder and winked at him.  
"Thank you, old friend."  
"I promise this will stay between us. And I hope you will consider this, Thorin: even the returning King Under The Mountain deserves happiness. Maybe him especially."

Thorin gave Balin a small nod of understanding. They turned their attention back to more public matters but Thorin kept Balin's words in the back of his mind.

*****

Bilbo sat propped up in bed sipping yet another cup of some bitter tea that Óin promised would "fix him right up." Everything still hurt, he was tired of answering Óin's diagnostic questions, and he was even more tired of forcing liquids. Mostly, he was just tired, period.  
"That's the funny thing about a body," Óin had said. "If you do not listen to the little signs that it sends you to slow down, it will eventually _make_ you listen."

Great.

Bilbo heard footsteps approaching and was pleased to see that it was Thorin coming to check in. Thorin sat on the bed with him. 

"Our healer says that you could use to eat a little more. That and you've gone and found yourself a cold. He recommends broths until you feel like eating actual food again, along with an interesting assortment of not-very-charming teas, I'm afraid."  
Bilbo groaned his disapproval.  
"Now, now. Do not be a bad patient. I would have you up and around to enjoy our status in town as soon as possible. Everyone is quite interested in the hobbit who would help the dwarves retake the mountain. I will be leaving for a few hours to take care of some things for the group but I promise I will be back to take supper with you. If that would please you. that is."  
"It would please me." Bilbo noted in spite of the medicine he still sounded kin to a bullfrog. "Even if supper is lukewarm broth and another dirty-tasting tea it would please me greatly to take it with you."  
Thorin chuckled and reached out to hold Bilbo's hand. "I have ensured that you are not alone in the house today should you need anything. Not all the company will be out exploring the city. Bofur at the very least has promised to check in on you while I am out."  
"Thank you. There is really no need to fuss, though. I would hate for anyone to miss anything good just to be bothering with me. I'm not the first sick hobbit and I will not be the last. There is one thing I wanted to ask you before you go, though."  
"Hmmm?"

Thorin had become distracted by Bilbo running his thumb absentmindedly over Thorin's index finger while they spoke and it was almost enough to make Thorin forget about all his errands for the day.

Bilbo asked, "Um...how did we both wind up in your bed last night with no trousers on?"

Thorin sucked in a surprised breath so quickly that he choked a bit on it.

Bilbo was not quite prepared for that reaction. "Oh, I'm sorry! Oh my...are you okay?"  
"Yes. I must have breathed in wrong." Thorin finished his coughing fit. "Right. Your question."

Thorin paused, trying to figure out how far into this conversation he wanted to get at the moment.

"I wanted to share a room with you so we would be able to continue our midnight talks if you were so inclined. You did not balk at this suggestion so that is how you came to be in my room with me. You were exhausted and starting to feel ill to the extent that you would not or could not get yourself under the covers. I wanted you to be comfortable so I removed your more restrictive clothing. I was reluctant to overstep my bounds so I left as much on as I thought would not impede your rest and settled myself down in the same manner. I hope none of this offended or displeased you in any way. I truly apologize if I took liberties that were not mine to take."

Bilbo thought he might have seen the ghost of a blush rise in Thorin's cheeks and the possibility pleased him. 

"Oh no! It was appreciated. The comfort, I mean, and of course I am very honored to be sharing your room." Bilbo yawned out the last word rather large and uncontrollably.  
_Real suave,_ Bilbo inwardly chided himself.  
Thorin now held Bilbo's hand with both of his. "There is more to say but now is not the time. Please rest, Bilbo. I will return in a little while."

Thorin leaned forward and kissed Bilbo's palm then gently turned it to kiss the top of his hand. As he left the room, he paused in the doorway and gave another soft smile to Bilbo.

Bilbo finished the rest of the tea and settled in for a good, long nap. There was a delightful sunbeam shining on the bed that helped him cozy in considerably. His dreams were warm and full of Thorin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep running out of time before I get to the smut. Thorin's an old-fashioned dwarf, though. He wants to talk to Bilbo about things before he jumps him. And Bilbo is a germ factory right now. I've made it head canon that dwarves have good immune systems so that Thorin won't have to get sick right after Bilbo.


	4. On the mend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Th-thorin?" Bilbo rasped. "Are you my dream again?"  
> Bilbo weakly attempted to embrace the dwarf to see if he was corporeal.  
> "No, Bilbo. I am here. What troubles you?"  
> "I-you were here and I went to touch you and you disappeared. I called to you, b-begging to hear your voice. You kept flickering in and out..." Bilbo trailed off and started to weep. Thorin gathered him up in his arms and began to rock him.  
> "Shh, my Bilbo. I am here. I have you." Thorin wondered if the fever had not made Bilbo a bit delirious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally a one-shot. Then it was to be a two-parter with the first part awkward sexy talk and the second part intended to be a bit awkward but definitely smutacious. I decided it needed a better lead-in to make the smut more fluffy. Now it has taken on a life of its own. I have nothing to say for myself.

When Thorin entered Bilbo's room later in the afternoon, he was rather surprised to find Bofur sitting on the bed and softly stroking the hobbit's back. Thorin's blood rushed behind his eyes and it was all he could do to control the volume of his voice. 

"Exactly what do you think you are doing, Bofur? Speak quickly."  
"I heard him crying out and rushed in to see about him. He is burning with fever and keeps waking to call your name. I've been sitting in here with him for about two hours or so, comforting him when he wails for you." 

Bofur was more than a little afraid of the look in Thorin's eyes. He could not recall seeing Thorin glaring this fiercely at a member of the company before.

Thorin crossed to the bed and sat down, resting a hand softly on Bilbo's leg. Thorin's jealousy of Bofur began to subside and his tone toward him softened.

"He calls for me?" he asked.  
"Aye."  
Moving his hand to Bilbo's forehead, Thorin felt for himself how warm he was. "I need Óin. Will you get him for us?"  
"To be sure. I did not want Bilbo to be alone, but no point staying now that the one he wants is here." 

Bofur rose, pausing to squeeze Thorin's shoulder.

After Bofur shut the door, Thorin leaned down to whisper in Bilbo's ear. "Bilbo?"  
"Th-thorin?" Bilbo rasped. "Are you my dream again?"

Bilbo weakly attempted to embrace Thorin to see if he was corporeal.

"No, Bilbo. I am here. What troubles you?"  
"I-you were here and I went to touch you and you disappeared. I called to you, b-begging to hear your voice. You kept flickering in and out..." Bilbo trailed off and started to weep.  
Thorin gathered him up in his arms and began to rock him.  
"Shh, my Bilbo. I am here. I have you." 

Thorin wondered if the fever had not made Bilbo a bit delirious. He also noted how weak and scratchy Bilbo's voice was. It had gotten worse since this morning. Thorin leaned back to look at his face. Bilbo's eyes were wet and bloodshot with pupils blown large. He seemed to have trouble keeping them open altogether. 

*****

Óin bustled in with a tray. He tried ushering Thorin out of the room but the king was not having it. Óin gently checked over Bilbo again and gave him his medicines.

"I brought some different herbs this time. Some are special to fevers. He needs a bit more continued care tonight and as much rest as can be promised."  
Thorin replied to Óin but his eyes did not leave Bilbo. "What is the continued care? I wish to administer it myself, if possible."  
"You could. Make sure he drinks water as often as he wakes. I'm going to send Bofur up with some broth here shortly. Do what you can to get him to drink that, too. He's already undernourished and this is not helping. If he begins to chatter, warm him as much as possible. If he begins to sweat, get him as undressed as is proper so he can be unimpeded. Sweat is a good sign. Before your own bedtime," Óin paused to hand Thorin a pouch of bagged tea, "toss that in some heated water. It is all ready to go, it just needs to brew. Have him drink that before you take your own rest tonight. It should help with the fever and help him sleep."

Thorin gazed at the hobbit with a mixture of concern and affection that surprised Óin. Óin knew somehow that Bilbo could have no one better watching over him this evening.

"When Bofur comes up with Bilbo's broth, I will also have him bring up some food for you. I fear if I do not, you will not leave him to get your own. If it gets to be too much, please come get me and I will be at your service," Óin assured Thorin.  
"That is much appreciated, Óin. Thank you for looking after Bilbo in this manner."  
"My pleasure. That little fellow has saved my own hide a couple times now. Cannot have our burglar out of sorts, can we?"

Óin gave Thorin and Bilbo a little bow and went down to see about some food.

Bilbo settled down with some manner of peace after taking the medicine. Thorin hoped his presence soothed Bilbo. He was worried about the hobbit getting worse before he got better. It touched him unexpectedly that Bilbo was calling out for him of all people, but it also upset him that he was not there within arm's reach when it happened. 

"That will not happen this evening," Thorin quietly promised the dozing Bilbo. 

*****

Food eventually came via Dwalin, not Bofur. He had insisted upon checking on Bilbo and Thorin himself.

Dwalin was alarmed when he took in Bilbo's appearance, as he had never seemed so small or looked so pale. He watched as Thorin tenderly coaxed Bilbo into consuming some broth and water. Dwalin had rarely seen Thorin like this and he was fascinated. He knew Thorin had a special affinity for their burglar but this...well, this was on a different level from what he had been thinking. Dwalin wondered if Thorin realized he was in love with the hobbit yet. For his part, Bilbo did not put up much of a fight about the feeding and was absent of his usual sass. He was barely coherent at all, a fact that only increased both the dwarves' worry. 

After Thorin was satisfied with Bilbo's intake, he began speaking softly and rocking him in his arms ever so slightly. Dwalin felt like he was intruding on a moment not meant for witnesses. He stood to leave, sharing a look and a nod with Thorin, wordlessly conveying he would keep what he saw to himself. On his way out the door, Dwalin noticed that Thorin's own food sat cold and undisturbed. He was certain it would remain untouched until Bilbo was comfortable and well asleep.

*****

Thorin spent most of the night sitting on the bed with Bilbo, hand gently stroking a forehead or an arm now and then when the hobbit shifted in his rest. He thought back to all the nights Bilbo would risk sneaking down to him in Thranduil's dungeon just to bring him comfort and peace. It warmed Thorin to think that maybe Bilbo was drawing similar comfort from him now. Thorin knew that although the feelings he had for Bilbo were not started in Mirkwood, those quiet evenings were the beginning of the end of his resolve to try and ignore them.

Thorin's memory strayed to a conversation they had in particular that had his curiosity (and his nethers) burning. Bilbo woke an intimate desire in him that night they spoke of how a male may take another, a desire he did not even know he had. A part of him wanted to share that with Bilbo from the moment Bilbo explained it to him. The erotic curiosity it spawned in him at the time was great, but his increasing emotional attachment to the hobbit made him want it even more. With each passing moment, he grew more certain he wanted to create that bond. 

Thorin's thoughts were disturbed by movement on the bed. Bilbo was trembling--shivering, actually. Thorin brewed Bilbo's final tea and managed to get him to finish a cup. Stripping down to all but his unders, Thorin joined Bilbo in the bed. Bilbo was burning warm, but Thorin wrapped himself around the smaller body hoping to ease whatever chill he had. Bilbo clutched at him and murmured his name. Thorin kissed him softly on the forehead and held him close. It struck him that this, too, was rather intimate it its own way. He wanted to protect Bilbo. Truthfully, he had wanted that from the start. There were many nights on the journey thus far he wished Bilbo had stayed home in his warm, beautiful Bag End. Thorin might not have ever had him in his arms in that circumstance, but Bilbo would not have had trolls, orcs, wargs, spiders, Elves, barrels, and a dragon to contend with, either. Thorin's blood turned to ice water in his veins rather suddenly. 

The dragon. Smaug.

Thorin was never overly fond of risking Bilbo with the worm at any point, but how could he bear it now? He held Bilbo even closer. Bilbo's shivering had lessened and he made a soft, pleased sound when the arms around him tightened. 

Thorin had often considered what the realistic possibilities of their journey's end would be. He had long been honest with himself that he only marginally expected to live through it. He had rathered to die a fighting king than to live in exile, haunted by all that used to be. The best-case scenario was hoped for by all, of course, but every dwarf that joined him had their own reasons why they would rather risk death than live the life they had been leading. If they failed to reclaim Erebor, if tragedy struck them all...Thorin used to use this rationalization to talk himself down from his surges of emotion for Bilbo, thinking it would be for the best if there was nothing between them to lose. He realized he felt quite differently now. If fortunes turned against them, he did not wish to leave this world without Bilbo knowing how much Thorin cherished him in it. 

Bilbo grew heavier in Thorin's embrace and his breath grew deeper, though it had a slight wheeze. It pleased Thorin that the Bilbo found sleep again so easily, particularly since he had already slept so much. He had worried these chills would keep Bilbo up half the night. He was glad the tea of Óin's did its job. Thorin decided to shake off his more unpleasant thoughts and allow himself to revel in how good Bilbo felt in his embrace. He drifted off to sleep sooner than later, holding his little hobbit furnace. 

*****

Movement woke Thorin while it was still dark. Bilbo was shifting uncomfortably and was sweating quite profusely. Thorin removed the shirt from a groggy Bilbo (with no small amount of effort). He pulled back the blankets so that Bilbo's lower body was under just the sheet.

"I will be right back," Thorin whispered to Bilbo. 

He returned shortly with a bowl of cool water and a washcloth. He wrung out the cloth and began to wipe down Bilbo's face and neck.

"Thorin," Bilbo whispered, "that feels so nice. I have been so uncomfortable in my skin."  
"I can imagine." Thorin rinsed the washcloth and placed it on Bilbo's forehead.  
"I want a bath so badly. The trip down the river did not really count."  
"There is a bathing area in the house."  
Bilbo brightened more than Thorin had seen since they arrived. "Really? That's something to look forward to, then."

Thorin made a mental note of this. They each made a few more adjustments and managed to settle back in to sleep once again. 

*****

Bilbo woke in the morning to Thorin trying to feed him another unpleasant tea. The fever had not returned and Bilbo's color had improved some.

"You seem a bit better today, dear hobbit. You sound better, too. Would you mind if I did my errands in town today or did you need me close?"

Bilbo was momentarily stunned. Thorin was asking _his_ leave?

"No, go do the things that you need to do. I'm feeling a bit better. I think I'll go downstairs and explore the kitchen here in a bit. I could do with some eggs and toast."  
"You want actual food?" Thorin was surprised how happy Bilbo wanting a real meal made him.  
"Yes, I feel like I haven't eaten for days. In a way, I haven't. I could not tuck away a respectable hobbit's share of food when we last all ate together."  
"Take it easy and do not expend your energy on cooking. I am sure Bombur will be happy to fix you something. I was practically tackled by everyone downstairs this morning wanting to know of your condition. It was all I could do to keep them all from coming up and waking you--I almost had to physically restrain Kili and Fili! I will be leaving shortly since you are on the mend. I will not be gone as long today as yesterday, though."  
"That would be very nice of Bombur if he is willing. Um, Thorin? Thank you for all that you have done for me. Not every hobbit has a king for a healer, much less one willing to hold him through both chills and night sweats." Bilbo nervously chuckled.  
Thorin cupped Bilbo's cheek and kissed him atop the head. "You are most welcome, Bilbo Baggins. It was my great honor."  
Bilbo beamed.  
"I will be back soon. Let the others know if you require anything at all." Thorin stood to leave the room.  
"I will. Thank you." 

*****

Bombur arrived with a large tray. The platter had eggs, toast, bacon, potatoes, sausage, water, milk, and juice.

"Bombur!" Bilbo exclaimed. "This was way too much trouble to go through for me!"

Just then, Fili and Kili barreled in the door.

"Bilbo!" they both yelled.  
"Lads! So good to see you. Oh, so some of this is your breakfast, then? You will be joining me?"  
"No, we ate already." Fili said.  
Bombur cleared his throat. "The king said that you were finally hungry and that if it would not be too much trouble, he would have me make one of everything."  
"I believe his exact words were 'See that our burglar wants for nothing.'" Kili supplied helpfully.  
"So naturally we chose to provide you with the finest companionship that the company has to offer to go with your breakfast, " offered Fili.  
Bombur rolled his eyes and rumbled a laugh. "I'll leave you to it, then."  
Bilbo called after him as he was leaving the room, "Thank you so much, Bombur!"

The hobbit ate breakfast while Fili and Kili regaled him with tales of the town. Thorin was not exaggerating when he told Bilbo of the attention they were getting. Fili and Kili told them how every merchant wanted them to take "samples" with them, some of them rather sizable and expensive. Bilbo was rather excited to find out that they were accepting a local tailor's offer to outfit the group. It seems said tailor was rather eager to be known as the "Official Outfitter to the King's Expedition" and was last seen haggling with the local signmaker over the price to add that to his shingle as soon as possible.

"Thorin told us all before we went out and about to be careful about our acquisitions. There is plenty that we will want to avail ourselves of--food, supplies, etc.--that we should not overly burden ourselves with bric-a-brac or things to heavy our packs with little practical use," Fili explained.  
"I'm glad to have their offers of food and ale to heavy this pack!" Kili patted his stomach.  
"Yes," Fili said, "going to the pub is an exercise in self-control to be sure. Everyone wants to buy us drinks and the barkeep wants to be able to say he served us. I have never experienced anything like this, particularly in the towns of men."  
"How extraordinary!" said Bilbo. 

Bilbo was happy they were experiencing this sort of welcome. They certainly had a run of misfortune leading up to it, and who could say what it would be like when they left? He was particularly glad Fili and Kili were enjoying their stay in the town. He had grown to care for them a great deal--Kili especially--and even if everything they hoped came to pass without incident, the heirs of Durin's line were going to have a lot of work in front of them to rebuild Erebor. 

*****

Visitors came and went throughout the morning. As Thorin said, it seemed everyone wanted to check in on him. Ori could not wait to speak to Bilbo about the local bookseller. They both lamented that they were not strong enough to carry many books. Óin brought him another tea, Gloin paid him a visit, and then Bilbo settled in for a bit of a nap. He slept hard until Thorin woke him in the afternoon with a giant platter of lunch.

As they ate, Thorin spoke to him of the goings on in the town, his opinions on the Master Of Lake Town ("shifty politician"), and about various events the townspeople wanted to hold in their honor. 

"Speaking of generous townspeople, I managed to get something for you." Thorin pulled a small package out of a pocket.  
Bilbo opened it. "Herbal soap! Mmmm...it smells heavenly! And I've wanted a bath so, so badly. This was incredibly thoughtful, Thorin. I cannot wait to use it."

Thorin was proud that his gift was so well received. He was happier still that Bilbo seemed to be steadily improving from his bug. He was eating more, the color was coming back into his skin, and he was regaining strength enough to get out of bed. Óin was getting a Royal Healer's appointment and no mistake.

"If you feel up to it, Fili and Kili want to take you around the town tomorrow. You really should be experiencing some of this admiration for your own. The delay in your appearance has only increased your celebrity amongst the townspeople. If they were curious before about our hobbit companion, they are absolutely mad to see you now that you are the last to visit them. I daresay you could walk away from this town with your own title and political office if you went about it in the right manner."  
"I doubt it. We cannot all be as dashing and majestic as you, my king. Some of us just do not have it in us." Bilbo teased a little but Thorin's gaze grew serious.  
"You have no idea what greatness you possess, do you?" Thorin said quietly. "That 'majestic,' as you say, cannot hold a candle to all that is within you."  
"Thorin, I--"

There was a knock at the door. Fili and Kili filed in without waiting for welcome to share the visit. The moment between them had passed but Bilbo remained distracted by Thorin's words. 

The group eventually made their way downstairs as the afternoon waned. The three dwarves had other business to tend to and Bilbo had a date with a bath and a new bar of soap. Before they parted, Thorin pulled Bilbo to him in a quick embrace and whispered, "We have things to discuss after dinner, Master Baggins." Then he was gone, leaving Bilbo with a family of butterflies doing delightful things in his belly.


	5. Thorin and Bilbo finally have their talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Bilbo, do you remember when we were talking about how dwarf comrades in arms develop emotional bonds to one another?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still unbeta'd

Bilbo's bath was heavenly. The soap, the warmth, and the comfort of finally being clean after so long all helped him feel better than he had in days. He was delighted to note that the soap even had little scrubby particles in it so he could really get clean and soft. The scent was amazing, too. It was herb-ish but not too green; a touch floral without being too sweet. Who knew Thorin had good taste in such things? He wondered if Thorin would enjoy the scent of the soap on his skin and managed to scandalize himself. He felt a delicious rush thinking about what he and Thorin might talk about later. He might have been sick but he was not blind--Thorin clearly had affection for him that went beyond simply being a valued member of his group. Someone would not care for someone that tenderly if there was not something greater there, to say nothing of Thorin's words this morning! Bilbo lost himself in the pleasant smell of soap and fantasies of being courted by Thorin for quite a few minutes. 

Getting out of the bath, Bilbo realized he did not want to put on his dirty old clothes again. They would not have time to dry before supper if he washed them out, either. He was pondering this issue when Dori knocked on the door. 

"Bilbo, did you want different clothes to wear? We have some things that might fit you."  
"Yes!" Bilbo said. He wrapped a towel around himself and opened the door a bit.  
"These are things we've gotten from the townsfolk to serve in the interim while we are having new things made. They might fit a little awkward but they should serve. Here, I'll take those clothes and send them to the tailor for your sizing. If you get out and about tomorrow, you can stop by and see him for measurements of your outer layers."  
"Oh, but they are filthy. I'll be so embarrassed." Bilbo was sure it was not proper to send strangers one's dirty clothes, particularly as dirty as his had to be.  
"Nonsense, they actually insisted on cleaning our clothes. It is sort of weird, but I'll take it." Dori took Bilbo's pile of clothes and shut the door.

Bilbo's sleeves and trousers were too long, even though they had clearly been cut down to be of a smaller size. It only took a couple cuffs and rolls to make those work. A belt around the waist of the trousers helped the looseness there and the shirt buttoned easily enough. It was a bit billowy but no matter--comfort and cleanliness outweighed his usual vanity. Everyone was in a similar boat as he with their regular clothes, anyhow. Dori also thought to bring him a nightshirt. No unders, though. 

*****

When it was time for the evening meal, they dined as a group. Bilbo was overjoyed to be back with all the his friends again. If anyone had any reservations left about him, they were long gone after the incidents with the spiders, the dungeons, and their escape. He was the subject of more than a couple raucous toasts and although he was a bit embarrassed, he was also secretly loving every moment. He had many relations in the Shire, but it had been a long while since he felt like he had a _family_ , especially one that loved him like this.

After they ate, they gathered in the common room. Thorin had excused himself but the other dwarves sang songs, told stories, and played games. After a bit, Nori, Dwalin, Fili, and Kili all decided to go to the pub. Kili in particular tried to get Bilbo to join them but he declined. 

Thorin reappeared with damp hair, dressed much like Bilbo in ill-fitting clothes, and emitting a delightful fragrance of wood and herb. He nodded at Bilbo and slipped upstairs. Bilbo took his leave of the remaining dwarves and followed after Thorin. 

Bilbo opened the door to their room and saw Thorin sitting on the bed, toweling through his hair to dry it more. He had on a cream cotton shirt that wasn't buttoned all the way. He had never seen Thorin dressed so casually without being almost naked before. Bilbo thought him to be very handsome. Thorin stopped fiddling with his hair when he heard Bilbo enter the room and beckoned to him. Bilbo climbed up onto the bed, sitting next to Thorin. He breathed deep the delicious smell he detected downstairs and could not help himself.

"You smell amazing, Thorin."  
"I was not going to let you have all the clean, sweet-smelling fun. I hoped you would like this scent on me." Thorin turned to fully face Bilbo, taking one of the hobbit's hands in his own.  
"Yes, very much," Bilbo breathed.  
"Bilbo, do you remember when we were talking about how dwarf comrades in arms develop emotional bonds to one another?"  
"Yes."

Bilbo was almost sure Thorin could hear how his heart thundered. He also thought he felt Thorin's hand tremble. He gave it a soft squeeze.

Thorin said, "You and I have saved each other on the road and in battle. In at least a couple instances, without this intervention, one of us would have definitely perished. There have also been times where we have risked our own deaths to intervene on the other's behalf. Do you...do you see it this way as well?"  
"Yes, we have both risked our lives for the other."  
"In this, we are bonded in Dwarven culture for life. Without consummation, there is no greater pairing, but bonded in battle can mean different things. We can be bonded to each other like this in eternal friendship and fraternal love."  
Bilbo swallowed hard. "But you said this could also be the way that two warriors bond romantically, that courting can happen in those situations. Right?"  
"Yes." Thorin took Bilbo's other hand. "Bilbo, we cannot leave Lake Town or risk another danger on our road until you know how I feel about you. I could not bear leaving this world without you knowing that I have fallen in love with you."  
"In...in love?" Bilbo was expecting something tonight, but this was _everything_.  
"Yes. I have been lying to myself about it. Whether I felt it, what it meant, what to call it. I have been dancing around it, not daring to name it, pretending it might go away because the implications of it scare me more than the dragon in the mountain. I was not even going to tell you the truth of it and seek a gentler term to tender my affection, but looking into your eyes now, feeling my blood come alive at your touch, thinking of how short our future may be...I could do nothing less than tell you and myself the full truth. You are courageous, brave, smart, infuriating, beautiful, and I love you with a fierceness in my heart that truly frightens me."  
Thorin's eyes welled up with emotion while he was speaking and a tear rolled down his cheek.

Bilbo pulled a hand from Thorin's grasp and caught the tear on his face. He brought it to his mouth and tasted it. He gazed into Thorin's eyes, hoping his feelings were there for him to see.

"Thorin, I never in my life thought I'd hear anyone say anything half that passionate to me and never in all my hopes did I truly think I would hear it from you." Bilbo put a hand on either side of Thorin's face. "Do you have any idea how long I have been in love with you, Thorin Oakenshield?'  
Bilbo's own tears were threatening to spill as he leaned in to kiss him.

Their kiss began softly with a brush of the lips. Thorin pressed in more tightly and Bilbo parted for him. Breaths were inhaled sharply with each of them making soft sounds as the kissing grew deeper, wetter, and more fervent. Without breaking the kiss, Thorin was first up on his knees and then on top of Bilbo, laid across the bed. 

When they separated from the kiss at last, Thorin said, "May I take that as an acceptance of our impending romantic bond?"  
"You had better if you know what is good for you," Bilbo teased. 

Bilbo kissed Thorin again. His hands were in Thorin's hair, tangling through to his scalp. Thorin responded to this with a moan and a bite on Bilbo's lower lip before he sucked his tongue into his mouth, gently but steadily. Bilbo followed the rhythm with his hips along Thorin's body. Bilbo was not sure if it was the physical activity on the heels of his illness or if it was pure desire that had his head swimming. 

"Bilbo," Thorin panted, "are you sure? About the way you feel? That you wish to court and consummate our romantic bond?"  
"I do not think I have ever been more sure of anything. You are right; it is terrifying. But this is also right. You are what I want."  
Thorin sat up and took his shirt off. "I am sure, too." 

Thorin set to unbuttoning Bilbo's shirt and unlacing his trousers. He went to pull them down and was greeted with Bilbo's bare erection.

"No unders? Looks like you were _very_ sure." Thorin flashed Bilbo a catlike grin.  
"Oh, they did not bring me any! I did not...was not..." Bilbo blustered.

Thorin slid back up Bilbo's body and kissed the argument out of his mouth. Bilbo's hands fumbled with Thorin's own laces while they kissed, Thorin's damp, perfumed hair falling to the side of Bilbo's cheek.

Undressed, they slid and pressed their bodies together, smoothing hands over each others' flesh. Thorin had held Bilbo when they weren't wearing much more than this but it had a distinctly different feel when Bilbo was sick and distressed. 

Bilbo had been too ill the nights before to truly enjoy how Thorin's body felt against his. He reached down and circled his hand around Thorin's arousal. Thorin moaned and nipped at Bilbo's neck, causing him to buck back into Thorin. This seemed to please Thorin so much that he nipped Bilbo again. Bilbo released him to snake a hand around to Thorin's backside, digging his fingers into the flesh there. Thorin moved down Bilbo's body, biting, kissing, and sucking his way to his cock. Bilbo met Thorin's eyes, which were filled with a hunger Bilbo had not seen in them before. Thorin winked at him--had Bilbo ever seen him wink at anyone?--and licked a path from his head down to his stones and back up again. Bilbo was about to say something saucy when Thorin took him into his mouth. Oh, that wicked dwarf! Thorin moved his head and his tongue with expert precision. Bilbo moaned and tried hard not to grind up into Thorin's mouth. When Thorin added a hand, Bilbo almost forgot his name. He knew he could not endure it for long. 

"Thorin, please stop. I do not want to be undone already and I am not far off."

Thorin paused, instead turning his attention to rubbing and kissing Bilbo's thighs. Bilbo sat up and Thorin rose up on his knees. They kissed hard and hungry, taking turns biting and then soothing swollen lips with tongues. Bilbo maneuvered them until he could push Thorin on his back. Stretched out across the Thorin's body, Bilbo slipped a tongue in his mouth and tweaked a nipple. Thorin seized Bilbo's wrist, looking up at him. Bilbo noted his expression was serious: lustful, dark, and...hopeful? 

"I need to ask you one last time, Bilbo. And I want you to think hard. Are you absolutely sure that I am your choice?"  
Bilbo was not sure what sort of trial this was. All he could do was speak his heart.  
"I think a part of me has been waiting for you," he said. "I could not be more sure. I know of no stronger words to tell you that I want you to be mine and that I want to be yours."  
"Then take me, Bilbo. Make me yours."

Bilbo's whole body electrified at that statement. With an animal noise, he grabbed Thorin by the neck and kissed him urgently until the two of them could not get enough air to continue.

"Are _you_ sure, Thorin?"  
"I want you inside me, Bilbo. I want you to teach me what you talked about that night in the Elven dungeons."  
"I--you remember I have never done that to anyone. Only to myself, and only with my hands."  
"That makes me want it even more." Thorin's eyes were glinting with mischief and sex.  
"We will need something slick."

Thorin wiggled out from under Bilbo and pulled a bottle from the nightstand. "One has to love those generous townspeople."  
"You were ready for it?" Bilbo was stunned.  
"This conclusion was beyond my fondest wish but when a shopkeep offered me a bottle of olive oil today, I hoped it was a sign. If you had not been ready to declare your love or approve of our romantic bond, it would have probably gone toward tomorrow's dinner."  
Bilbo kissed his lover on the nose. "Lay back for me."

The bowl and the washcloth were still on the surface where Thorin put them last night. Bilbo dunked the washcloth in and squeezed it out. The water was room temperature but he knew it would be a bit cool. 

"Spread your legs for me, my love."

Thorin complied. Bilbo spread his buttocks open, pushing on his thigh to urge his hips up a little more. Thorin hissed in a little breath when the cool cloth touched his skin but he quickly grew used to it. Bilbo gently cleaned Thorin, taking care not to rub too hard along his more sensitive area. Returning the rag to the bowl, he settled himself between Thorin's legs. 

Bilbo began by licking Thorin's hard, dripping erection. Thorin made a sound in his throat that Bilbo interpreted as approval and he stretched his lips around the head of his cock. He went to work slowly sucking it in and out of his mouth until he was almost able to take the whole thing. Thorin had blankets tangled up in his fists, groaning in pleasure. Bilbo licked down the shaft, the stones, and down as far as he could toward Thorin's arsehole. He discovered with some disappointment he could not reach his target area very easily with Thorin like this. He wanted to be able to see his face while he licked him but he was going to have to change his plan. 

"I need you to turn over on your hands and knees, my love." Bilbo's voice was deep and thick with arousal. He did not even recognize it as his own.

Thorin did as requested, filled with anticipation, curiosity, and a little bit of fear. When Bilbo spread his arse to slide his tongue over his hole, Thorin thought he had never felt so vulnerable. As Bilbo's warm and agile tongue went to work on his entrance, Thorin's fear melted into full blown arousal. 

"Bilbo... _Mahal_ , this is so filthy."

Bilbo could tell from Thorin's voice that his comment was far from a complaint, so he continued licking around the textured flesh. Slightly, Bilbo darted his tongue into Thorin's opening, sliding the tip out and back in again. Thorin let out a primal wail, emboldening Bilbo. He began tongue-fucking his lover's hole, slow and insistent. He pointed his tongue and opened as wide as he could to give Thorin as much of it as possible. Thorin thrashed his head around like a wild animal caught in a trap, speak-moaning stretches of words in Khuzdul, but Bilbo could not tell if it was a curse or a prayer. Bilbo pulled back from his task to lick a finger. Thorin had been protesting the loss when the tongue returned along with something else. Bilbo felt the tightening and reached between Thorin's legs to touch his cock, hoping it would distract him the way it did Bilbo when he was pleasuring himself. It seemed to assist but there was still resistance. Thorin did not voice it--he did not know what to expect to be able to say it was not right--but Bilbo could tell that he needed a different approach. Leaning over to get the bottle of oil, he coated his finger. He reached back through Thorin's leg to give his cock a nice, long stroke and this time his fingertip slipped in more easily. Bilbo waited for a moment too long, prompting Thorin to push back on his digit. He was so mesmerized by the sight of Thorin fucking himself on one of Bilbo's own fingers that he forgot himself for a second. 

Thorin made the most of this new sensation. Dwarves simply did not do things like this. It was so taboo, so dirty, so invasive--and he _loved it_. Bilbo's hand on his hip indicated he should still himself so he paused to see what was next. He heard Bilbo fiddling around with the oil bottle again, followed by a new pinch. This one burned a bit more but, as the last one had been worthwhile, he waited a second to see if it subsided. As Thorin relaxed, Bilbo worked the second finger the rest of the way in using short thrusts. Thorin could no longer hold his chest up and collapsed his upper torso into the bed, arse-end still in the air and wrapped around two of Bilbo's fingers. He moaned into the pillow while Bilbo worked into him. He felt like he was going mad, his emotions and libido rushing in a way that he did not recognize. 

Bilbo bent his fingers slightly and prodded around with his fingertips, wondering if dwarven anatomy was even the same. Maybe just like hobbits couldn't grow beards, maybe dwarves might not have a sweet spot. Thorin muffled an enormous scream into the pillow and began to fuck Bilbo's fingers again. _Found it._

Thorin's mind barely registered " _What was that_?" when he felt it again. As the arousal flooded him, Thorin felt as though he was losing his grip on reality. Pleasure-delirious, his mind cooked up wild scenarios: Bilbo was trying to kill him with pleasure! Perhaps he was an assassin sent by the Elves--that was why he was so chummy with Elrond! Thorin hummed a giggle to himself at the thought. Well, if BIlbo was here to destroy him with sex, Thorin decided he may as well die happy. He certainly did not want to suffocate in the pillow before then, though, so he shifted his position. 

Thorin moved beneath Bilbo, pushing up on his forearms. Bilbo took this as a sign that it was time to add a third finger. He could feel it was a little much for Thorin to take as of yet. He kept two fingers and the third fingertip in place to give Thorin a chance to ease up.

"Are you okay?" Bilbo asked.  
"Y-yeah." Thorin was breathing hard. "I j-just need a moment."

Bilbo leaned forward to kiss Thorin's lower back. He felt like he was going to release at any minute. Watching Thorin experience any pleasure was beautiful and new to him, but to have him coming unraveled at the end of his hand was quite something indeed. Bilbo had never experienced anything so erotic.

"I am ready for you, beloved," Thorin rasped.

Bilbo added a little extra oil and worked the third finger in. It took a little longer than the others but soon Thorin was bearing down on his hand and all three digits were buried. He let Thorin set the pace, watching him eagerly fuck himself on Bilbo's hand. Bilbo was very thankful that Thorin was screaming all his crazed noises into his pillow because he was sure it would wake the whole house, otherwise. 

Thorin stopped thrusting and asked, "When does it stretch enough for it to be more than just fingers?"  
"Now, if you wish," Bilbo said huskily. "If you are ready, turn back over so that I may see you when I take you."

Thorin rolled onto his back and Bilbo could see how far gone he was. He was sweating and panting, his face was red from the pillow, and he had self-inflicted teeth marks on his bottom lip. He was the single most gorgeous thing Bilbo had ever seen--and Bilbo was about to fuck him. The thought alone almost prematurely put an end to the whole thing. Bilbo paused for a couple deep breaths to calm down. He stroked himself with oil and fingered a little extra into Thorin's cleft. Lifting Thorin by his thighs, Bilbo positioned himself at his entrance. It was a little awkward but Bilbo was too crazy with need to care. He looked into Thorin's eyes as he started in, pausing quickly when he felt resistance. The two of them gazed at each other. Bilbo did not know how he even got there but he was thankful. 

Thorin's head swam with the pure intimacy of the moment.

"Bilbo, I am scared."  
"I will not hurt you, my king."  
"It is not the pain that frightens me. I have never let anyone in like this, into my heart or my body either one. It terrifies me."  
"I am scared, too. The majority of my wildest dreams have come true in the past hour and I am all but lost in you."  
"Lose yourself, then. I shall be lost with you, Bilbo."

Bilbo began a very gentle rocking until he was buried deep, pausing as much for himself as he did for Thorin. This was a sensation altogether new for him. The tightness, the heat, the closeness--Thorin's very lifebeat thudded against Bilbo's cock. He leaned down to kiss Thorin and had his tongue snatched into his lover's mouth. 

Bilbo buried inside him to the hilt it wasn't enough, Thorin needed Bilbo's tongue inside him, too. Their union was beyond his experience--beyond his capability for rational thought, if he was being honest. Thorin rolled his hips; Bilbo stroked in and out of him. Though Thorin felt a hint of burn in his bum as Bilbo moved, his soul was absolutely on fire. Coupling with Bilbo like this took the love he had for him and increased it exponentially...the feeling of vulnerability was immense. Bilbo could ask anything of him in this moment--abandon the quest, move to Mirkwood--and he would grant it. He began questioning his entire world view. How did hobbits ever go anywhere or get anything done knowing about this exquisite pleasure? He was so thankful Bilbo had not done this with another. He did not want anyone else's soul imprinted on Bilbo's in the way Bilbo was imprinting on his own. 

Bilbo looked down at Thorin, who was moaning, sweating, and looking up at him in what can only described as lustful awe. Bilbo had to keep slowing down his stroke because he feared completing too soon. Being inside Thorin was beautiful in a way he had not prepared and the trust it exhibited could not be overstated. He loved how Thorin was enjoying it. He remembered Thorin's initial reaction of shock and horror in the dungeon, which had now turned into growls, bucks, and gropes. Bilbo thought about Thorin having him like this and his own hole twitched. He wanted it. He wanted it now. 

Bilbo slid out of Thorin and got on all fours. "Prepare me."

Thorin felt empty and wanting, though he was not sure if it was his cock or his arse that was wanting more. Gazing at Bilbo like that was too tempting for him to deny, though. Thorin wrung out the washcloth and cleaned Bilbo the way he was taught. He pushed him apart so he could lick at his opening, Bilbo's moaning reaction further encouraging him. Thorin tongued around it and dared a dip inwards. He tried another one, deeper, and was rewarded with a satisfying wail. Emboldened, Thorin began working his tongue in and out. Bilbo ripped the sheet back from the front part of the bed in all his thrashing around. Thorin looked at Bilbo's shiny hole, delighting in how obscene it was to lick it. 

Deciding he needed more, Thorin slicked his fingers up with oil. Just as Bilbo did to him, he pushed in slow until he was able to move his finger freely. The noises this forced from his lover were nothing short of delicious and they made Thorin's cock _ache_. He wanted to be inside Bilbo, to take him for his own the same way Bilbo had taken him. He prepared another finger and worked it in and out until Bilbo relaxed around him, pushing back onto his fingers. Bilbo changed his angle rather unexpectedly and choked on a moan. Thorin guessed that Bilbo helped him find his own sweet spot. Thorin stroked the same angle a few more times until Bilbo cried, "Third finger, please for the love of all that is good in this world!" Thorin grew more confident in his ability to bring Bilbo pleasure in this way, especially because he knew what came next. He prepped the third finger and started the movement to rock it into place. Bilbo took the third finger easier than he did but began to beg for Thorin's cock almost immediately.

"I cannot wait for you any longer. I need you inside me. Claim me, Thorin." 

Thorin followed Bilbo's lead and urged him to roll onto his back. Thorin slathered the oil on himself and tried to find a good way to balance in order to penetrate his lover. He eased in, Bilbo's muscle slightly resisting. Bilbo took a couple deep breaths and Thorin felt a push back. He returned with light pressure and slid in about halfway.

Thorin asked Bilbo, "How did you do that?"  
"It is a trick I used to use on myself. I was not sure it would work with you or not."  
"Teach me next time." 

Thorin had no idea that his little hobbit was such a secret sexpot. He knew a bit from their previous conversation but this night--this was just unreal. 

Bilbo felt Thorin ease in, little by little, until he was able to bottom out. Bilbo barely knew reality; his skin felt as though miniscule flickers of lightning gently danced along its expanse. The world consisted of only him and Thorin, sweating and growling above him. Despite his self-play, Bilbo had no idea it would feel like this to have someone else inside him. The writings he had read on the subject never explained the sensation could extend past the limits of the physical body. Thorin began to move and Bilbo felt consumed. Owned. Loved. Fucked. 

Thorin stared at Bilbo, who looked equal parts blissful and animal. He had never seen anything so sweet look so wild. Bilbo was shaking, moaning, grinding, and swearing. 

Bilbo could not get enough of Thorin inside him. Instinctively, he knew what he needed, surprising himself when he asked for it.

"Thorin, come inside me. I need you to mark me from the inside out."  
Bilbo increased his rhythm, driving Thorin into a frenzy.  
Thorin panted back, "But what about your finish?"  
Bilbo grabbed Thorin by the hair and pulled him down to whisper in his ear just before he bit it, "You mark me and I'll mark you."

Thorin kissed Bilbo and began to pump faster. He kept his lips against Bilbo's, breathing quickened gasps into his mouth as his completion neared. Bilbo felt Thorin's body go rigid with tension just before the pleasure broke. Thorin roared into Bilbo's throat as his hips stuttered, pumping his release into Bilbo's arse. 

Thorin felt like he had gone mad with ecstasy, as though he was floating, swirling, falling, falling, falling further in love with Bilbo. Stunned by its impact, he realized he had not truly known what a real orgasm was until this moment. He gazed down at a seemingly astonished Bilbo, who was panting and lust-crazed.

"Do this to me, Bilbo. What I just did to you. I want to know what it feels like when you burst inside me."

Bilbo shifted so that Thorin slipped out of him. Thorin started to move to get off him but Bilbo shook his head. He guided Thorin's legs so that he straddled him and guided his cock into Thorin's arse.

"Fuck me, my king," Bilbo managed to croak. "Help me to claim you."

Thorin was sure that request alone would have made him spill if had not done it already. He complied, sliding up and down Bilbo's cock--rhythmically at first, but then more fevered as Bilbo grabbed his hips and pulled him into the fast, hard strokes that would bring him off. He watched Bilbo's face contort into the most exquisite expression and Bilbo cried out, filling him with his orgasm. Physically, Thorin felt it hot (so very hot) inside of him, but there was another sensation: a rush coursed through his body, as though his blood itself was made of energy. _Bilbo's_ energy. Thorin thought his heart and his brain might possibly explode--though beautiful, it was too much to process. _This is it_ , Thorin thought. _This is what it feels like to be imprinted_.

He climbed down to lay next to Bilbo, who was still breathing hard. The two of them smelled like herbs, wood, sweat, and sex. 

"I did not know couplings could be like that," Thorin said, awed.  
Bilbo breathed, "I had no idea it would feel that way. I felt you everywhere. You were in my blood, in my soul. I feel, well, I feel _different_."

Thorin exhaled in relief, hearing Bilbo confirm he now bore his imprint, too. Although he had hoped, he had not been positive a male union (or a dwarf-hobbit union) could be properly consummated with a bond.

"As do I, and I'm glad of it," Thorin said. "Now I know what it feels like to be your lover, to be your _bonded_ , you are not getting rid of me."  
"Nor you me." Bilbo yawned.  
Thorin felt guilty because Bilbo was still not entirely well. "Let's get cleaned up and head to bed."

After wiping each other down, Bilbo settled into the crook of Thorin's arm. The two of them talked quietly into the night until Bilbo fell asleep. 

Thorin still reeled from the whole evening and couldn't follow him as quickly into slumber. He could scarcely believe his good fortune: Bilbo loved him, Bilbo was his, Bilbo taught him how to do _that_ (and demanded Thorin do it back to him before he even finished). Thorin was suddenly aware he held a heretofore unimaginable treasure in his arms. 

Questions floated through his mind that yesterday's Thorin would have been incapable of asking. Why did they need to face the dangers of Erebor? Why couldn't they just settle down in the Shire and fuck each other senseless for the next couple decades? A voice sounding suspiciously like his father's was in the back of his mind. 

_Because it is not all about you. Because you are a king. Because your people need a home. Because twelve other people left everything behind because they believed in you. Because you could give him a better life._

A better life. Thorin paused and considered this. If they took Erebor, Thorin could bedeck Bilbo in gorgeous jewels and roll him in treasure. Bilbo Baggins would be Consort To The King, a lovely title befitting him and more besides--Thorin would see to it Bilbo would never want for anything. Yes, Thorin could give him everything if they could win back Erebor. 

Thorin sighed deeply, feeling sleep finally start to settle in his bones. They still needed a couple more weeks in Lake Town to prepare. That meant two more weeks with this private room and bed. Thorin drifted off to sleep at last, thinking of the fun they could have when they awoke the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Emotional smut! If you've stayed with me through all the rest, I salute you. I hope you enjoy the payoff.


	6. Fili and Kili give Bilbo a tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili and Kili escort Bilbo around Lake Town, much to the delight of the townspeople. However, Thorin does not share the town's delight at the sight of the trio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd

If it weren't for Thorin asleep, naked, and half-draped across him when he woke, Bilbo would have been convinced the previous night was all a fantasy. He ran a hand tenderly down the arm that was slung over his chest. Thorin was _his _. When Gandalf promised the hobbit he would not be the same when he came back, was this in his mind? Bilbo wondered if the old mischief-maker had not somehow known all along. Thorin shifted in his sleep, unconsciously burrowing further into his lover. Bilbo responded by wrapping another arm around a broad shoulder. He had never thought about the things missing from his life before. He was a hobbit with a comfortable home, a room full of clothes, shelves of books, and a pantry full of food. The only thing he was missing by hobbit standards was a wife (or husband) and over the years it had not seemed to matter. No one in the Shire had interested him enough to pursue them, anyway. Thorin changed all that. Bilbo was not sure what the future held for the quest but he believed that regardless of the outcome, he would not want to return to his hobbit hole and his comfortable life if it meant going back without Thorin.__

Bilbo's lover stirred beneath him. 

"Mmmmm, morning," Thorin drawled. The dwarf pressed a kiss to Bilbo's chest. "I cannot tell you how happy I am that last night was not yet another dream."  
Bilbo was surprised. "You would dream about me?"  
"Yes. I must not have a good imagination, though. The reality was beyond the best dream."  
"I-I would dream of you, too," Bilbo confessed.  
Thorin rolled fully on top of his hobbit and regarded him seriously. "I remember from when you were ill. Did I live up to your expectation?"  
"I never dared to dream this far," the hobbit answered truthfully.  
"Do you have any regrets?"  
Bilbo was struck to his heart at how vulnerable his lover looked with this question. "Not one, Thorin. You?"  
"Only that it took me so long to be honest with both of us about my feelings." 

Thorin leaned in for a kiss. One kiss turned into many as they shared languorous caresses. An audible rumble interrupted soft moans. 

"Was that your stomach or mine?" Bilbo asked.  
"I am not entirely sure. It felt like mine but it sounded like it was yours. As much as I would like to have you for breakfast, we should probably get up and find a proper meal. You are still making up for lost meal time. We cannot have Little Bunny getting too scrawny."  
Bilbo buried his head in the dwarf's shoulder. "You have no idea how mortified I was that Beorn said that--doubly so that you heard it. I wanted to cry."  
Thorin kissed honey curls. "I found it charming. Let it be known now and always that I prefer you well-fed."  
"Okay, but no more 'Little Bunny.' Maybe you can find another endearment that is not as hazardous to my libido."  
"Okay, no more Bunny." Thorin kissed Bilbo again. "But definitely breakfast." 

Thorin was not especially pleased about sharing Bilbo with the rest of the company yet. He wanted to keep Bilbo to himself just a little longer, but he knew he could not be selfish. Bilbo did not need to miss any more meals while they were in Lake Town. Thorin already felt a twinge of guilt that they were physical last night when Bilbo was still recovering from his ordeal and his illness. Bilbo seemed much better this morning than he had in a long time, though. 

The two of them headed downstairs where Bombur was already bustling around the kitchen. Bilbo insisted upon helping and would not hear argument from anyone. Thorin was secretly glad, not only because Bilbo felt good enough to cook but also because Bilbo made amazing food. Thorin smiled lovingly, watching his ( _his_!) hobbit and Bombur dodge and weave around each other to prepare the morning meal.

Dwalin sidled up next to Thorin. "Good night last night, was it?" he said suggestively.

Thorin froze with his smile still on his face. He and Bilbo did not discuss what to do about the company. He still wanted to keep things private and special between them...and keep the gossip to a minimum. Turning to his friend, he found himself at a loss for words.

"Do not be so concerned that you are found out," Dwalin spoke low near Thorin's ear. "Anyone who saw you with the hobbit while he was sick knows at least some of your heart lies with him."  
Thorin pulled Dwalin further aside so that Bilbo would not hear. "Have you all been gossiping like hens?"  
"No. Very little has been said but very little needed to be said in the first place."  
Thorin harrumphed.  
"None of that," Dwalin chided. "No one who figured it out has likely wanted to tease or laugh and risk scaring you back into your emotional fortress. Bilbo had his work cut out for him as it was."  
"I do not want talk of this to become a distraction to our group. Bilbo and I have not yet discussed how public to make our private life."  
Dwalin clapped his friend on the back. "I am just pleased you _have_ a private life with our little burglar."  
Thorin fixed his friend with a look and a raised brow. "That's _my_ little burglar."  
Laughing heartily, Dwalin said, "So noted, so noted!" 

One by one, the dwarves made their way toward the delicious smells in the kitchen. The meal was satisfying and spirits were further lifted now that Bilbo was well enough to join the group again. Thorin was reminded by Fili and Kili that since Bilbo was indeed feeling better, they had been promised the chance to take him through the town. He had things of his own to attend to this day but he hoped the lads would not keep Bilbo from him for too long. 

When it came time to part ways, Thorin was unsure how to proceed. He longed to kiss Bilbo goodbye but there were far too many other dwarves around. Bilbo seemed equally unsure and seemed to settle for grasping Thorin's hand and squeezing it.

"I'll see you later?" Bilbo asked shyly.  
His lover nodded. "Do not stay out too late. Be careful in town."  
"Don't worry, Thorin. We won't bite him!" Fili assured as he pushed Bilbo out the door.  
"Not hard, anyway...right Fee?" Kili laughed, pulling the door shut behind him.

"Those lads are on watch duty until we reach Erebor," the king grumbled to himself. 

*****

Bilbo set off to see the town with Fili and Kili on either side of him. Periodically, Kili would grab his hand and pull him over to someone he wanted him to meet or a shop he wanted him to see. Thorin, Fili, and Kili had not overstated the welcome they had received. When word got out that the hobbit of the company had finally made an appearance, they developed quite an audience. Ever respectful, the growing group stayed several feet behind Bilbo, Fili, and Kili. Occasionally, a little girl or boy would run up to give Bilbo a flower, pebble, or some other small treasure in tribute. Bilbo made a small crown out of the flowers once he received enough and placed it on his head. This caused many of the children to giggle with glee and soon the trio found themselves with even more blooms to deal with. By lunchtime, Bilbo, Kili, and Fili were decked out in flower crowns and numerous children of the town had flower bracelets that Bilbo made for them. Fili insisted they stop at a pub and--no sooner did they set foot in the door--the barkeep had offered the three of them lunch on the house. Bilbo was sure the crowd they drew in with them more than made up for the barkeeper's loss. None of Bilbo's observers encroached on his space, though they were fascinated by him. A couple souls approached him politely and asked him for tales of how he came to be there. He spent at least an hour of regaling them with stories, often gaining gasps, giggles, and applause. There was audible disappointment when he announced they had to move on and left the pub.

As they were walking down a sidestreet, Kili spoke. "Did Thorin seem strange to you today, Fili?"  
Bilbo stayed silent as Fili answered. "Yes, now that you mention it. He seemed almost..."  
"Happy," the brothers said in unison.  
"That _is_ weird," Fili pondered. "At least for him."  
Kili grabbed Bilbo by the shoulder and gently knuckled his head. "He's probably just glad our Bilbo is up and about again!"  
"He was incredibly worried about you. You do know that, right?" Fili looked at Bilbo sincerely.  
Bilbo answered softly, "Yes. Yes, I know."  
"Good," Fili replied. "There have been enough misunderstandings between you two."  
Kili squeezed Bilbo into his side again. "As long as Bilbo knows _we_ love him, that's what's important!" 

Fili let out a sudden cackle, smacked Bilbo on the arm, and pointed to a shingle above them. They stood outside the tailor and "Official Outfitter to the King's Expedition" was carved ornately in the wood of his sign. It seemed he managed to strike a deal for his new shingle, after all. Bilbo went in to see about getting measured for outerwear as Dori had suggested. Here, too, it seemed he needed no introduction. The tailor went on and on about the great honor it was to serve the Hobbit of Erebor. Bilbo wondered about the nickname but did not want to ask and be rude. The tailor was horrified that Bilbo's current clothes were so ill-fitting and promised a double rush order on all the dwarf party's accoutrements. As they were leaving, he followed them out into the street waving goodbye and shouting well-wishes. Strolling along, Bilbo enjoyed seeing Fili and Kili so happy and carefree. They were adorable as they chattered to Bilbo and each other, the petals on the blooms in their crowns bouncing this way and that. 

The three of them eventually approached their lodging, having made all of what Fili and Kili thought to be the most important stops around town. Their crowd had dwindled after lunch and fully dissipated after the tailor, so they were on their own once again. 

"Are you enjoying all of this, Bilbo?" Fili asked.  
"Quite! This adulation is really something."  
"Yeah, and they really seem to like you, too." Kili teased. He liked playing dumb to people who knew he was not.  
Bilbo bumped into Kili's side. "Something like that."  
Kili bumped back into Bilbo, knocking him into Fili.  
"Hey! Do not jostle the burglar!" Fili seemed to defend Bilbo but he knocked him back into Kili again.  
"Oh, pardon me!" And back Bilbo went to Fili.  
Bilbo laughed. "Would you two cut it out?"  
Fili feigned innocence. "Oh, Kili, he wants us to stop."

The brothers turned to face Bilbo, embraced him, and picked him up.

"Oh dear, is this better?" Kili asked, nuzzling him.  
Fili tickled Bilbo at the hipbone. "No, I think he prefers this!"

Bilbo kicked and squealed as the two brothers tickled and teased him playfully. He was giggling and having a grand time, as though he was a fauntling again.

Kili tightened his grip on the hobbit and was burrowing his face into the hobbit's neck when a voice roared, "ENOUGH!" 

The brothers froze but did not drop Bilbo, instead slowly lowering him to the ground at the sound of Thorin's voice. 

"What possessed you three to make such a scene out here on the street?" Thorin demanded.  
"We were not making a 'scene!' We were just having a bit of fun." Fili said.  
"Yes, fun. Bilbo is quite a good time. You should try him!" Kili added, rather unhelpfully.  
Barked Thorin, "You two. In the house. Now."

In another circumstance, Bilbo might have laughed at how comical the boys looked hanging their heads with perky flower wreaths still adorning them, but this was not that instance.

Thorin turned his attention to Bilbo. "Care to explain yourself?"  
"Explain myself? Explain what, exactly?" Bilbo shot back.

Bilbo was already cross with Thorin for being harsh with Fili and Kili to begin with. If he was to be cross with him, too...

"Explain why you and my nephews are outfitted with flowers in your hair as though you were courting? Or why stories have been getting back to me all day about the charming hobbit and his prince escorts traipsing through the town, arm in arm? Or you could start with why they were had you in the air with their hands all over you? Or why Kili was buried in your neck? Or perhaps exactly what about you Kili finds a 'good time' enough that he thinks I ought to have a try!" Thorin huffed.

Bilbo was furious. The accusations were true, of course, but Bilbo thought it was more innocent than Thorin made it sound.

"Thorin, are you--are you jealous?"  
Thorin fixed him with a gaze that could have leveled a village. "You are _mine,_ Bilbo. I thought you understood that last night as we claimed each other. Our bond is unique even in the ways of my people. You said it yourself--you felt different afterwards. That was me, what you felt was _my_ mark. I will not share you with my own nephew!"  
"Wait, this is too much to take in." Bilbo did not know where to go with this first. "Let's start at the end and work backwards. Kili and I had fun in town today but we were not intimate. That was an unfortunate word choice on his part. As far as them having hands on me, we were sort of play-jostling and it escalated. I'm not exactly sure how Kili came to be in my neck but there was a lot of tickling and squirming going on. It was children's play, the fun of brothers and a playmate."

Thorin looked at Bilbo hard. He knew he should believe him but it made him crazy in a way he did not even recognize when he saw his nephews touching his hobbit...with Bilbo squealing in delight.

"And the rest?" asked Thorin.  
"The children of the town kept bringing me flowers and I supposed it would be cute to weave us crowns. I thought we all looked rather dashing in them, if you'd like to know. I made several of the little ones flower bracelets, too. Did your spies neglect to tell you that part or do you think I'm courting the children of the townspeople, too?"

Thorin had the sense to look sheepish at this revelation.

"As far as the lads escorting me, is that not what they were supposed to do? To spend time with me today and show me the town? We had crowds following us and many of them were bigger than I was. I appreciated all the times Fili and Kili grabbed my hand or put an arm through mine because it made me feel safer. As many of the folks following us in curiosity were bigger than your nephews, I'm sure it also comforted them as well."  
Thorin kneeled and took Bilbo's hand.  
"It is clear to me now my reaction was extreme and I apologize for supposing the worst." Thorin kissed Bilbo's knuckles. "My feelings...this bond...I am not the same dwarf who bade you follow me to my room last night. I am not yet used to what you do to me. We have learned my jealousies are quick to escalate in ways completely foreign to me. "  
Bilbo closed a hand over Thorin's. "Would it be as bad if you had told them already the claim you have made on my love? I am fairly sure they have not figured it out on their own as some of the others have."  
Thorin stood up. "You know that some of the others know? Did they tell you?"  
"No, but I can tell by the additional respect, coupled with a wider berth around me, that Dwalin, Bofur, and Balin have already figured this out...maybe even before we did."  
"Bofur, too? Hmmm. I think you are right. My fear of others thinking you are free to court may have an effect on my interpretations of their behavior, but Bilbo, I am not quite ready to announce our relationship yet. I do not want money changing hands, catcalls, innuendo, or other gossip to distract the company from our goal--or make you feel ashamed about what we have."  
"I am proud of you, not ashamed. Although I do not see anything being more distracting from our goal than you yourself being distracted, I respect your wish to not announce anything yet."  
"Bilbo, I am truly sorry I was angry with you and the lads." Thorin motioned for them to go in the house.  
"I think that maybe Fili and Kili deserve some of that apology, too."  
"I will. I'll tell them before dinner. Right now--if you would be so kind as to come up to our room with me--I have plans for you. You do look so pretty in your flowered crown."

Bilbo did not need to be asked twice. 

*****

As the door to Thorin and Bilbo's room closed, a dark-haired dwarf sat in a room down the hall. He had a crown of flowers in his lap, running his fingers over the petals, lost in thought. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I'm going with the book canon for Fili where he had to cut off his little 'stache braids when he got webs caught in them in Mirkwood, so they will not bear part of his description from here on out.


	7. Brief, porny interlude before dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd
> 
> Can't let these beds in Lake Town go unused!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has commented on and encouraged this story. Much love to you!

Thorin was upon Bilbo almost as soon as the door shut, kissing him and undoing buttons.

"Bilbo," Thorin gasped between kisses. "I missed you today."  
"Clearly," Bilbo said when he had a chance. 

Thorin backed Bilbo up to the bed, lifted him up on it, and set about removing his lover's trousers. He shed his own clothes before joining Bilbo on the blanket. Thorin crashed down on him, pressing into his body and kissing him frantically. When his mouth wasn't on Bilbo's, it was biting at his neck and chest. He clutched at Bilbo's hair, waist, arms, and thighs with roaming hands that seemed to have minds of their own. Being separated from Bilbo today was tougher on him than he could have guessed, and knowing what he was missing made their time apart harder to bear. The passion that came from having Bilbo alone once again raged through Thorin, overwhelming him. 

Bilbo was only too happy to accept this onslaught of desire. To have Thorin so wild for him made him ache with need. He tried to match Thorin, bite for bite and grope for grope. He bucked underneath Thorin, who responded by holding Bilbo's hands over his head, pinning his thighs with his own. 

Thorin leaned in to Bilbo's ear and nibbled at the lobe. 

He whispered close, "I need to take you tonight, Bilbo." Bilbo tried to flex his hips up for some stimulation but Thorin held him fast. "Please Bilbo. I need to be inside you." 

Thorin's voice broke as he begged, heavy with arousal. Bilbo craned his neck up to try to reach his mouth and was rewarded with another deep, frantic kiss. 

"Yes," Bilbo said. 

Thorin growled and shifted position but paused. Bilbo seemed to realize Thorin was trying to decide what to do next and he panted, "Fingers first tonight, tongue another day. I do not want to wait." 

Thorin took only as much time as he needed to stretch Bilbo for their coupling. He was desperate to be inside him once again and to reclaim him as his own. Where last night was sweet explorations and sacred vows, tonight was all about raw need. Once he was inside Bilbo and adjusted, Thorin began stroking him hard and strong. Thorin wanted Bilbo to remember this from today and not his nephews' touches. He needed to re-imprint himself on his lover completely. He shook his head and increased his pace to get the image of Kili's face pressed in Bilbo's neck out of his mind. 

Bilbo held on, trying to ride out Thorin's wave of desire. Last night was beautiful but this was something quite new. Bilbo _liked_ it. He cried out in pleasure and clawed at Thorin's back. That spurred Thorin onto an even greater pace and, as he increased speed, he also shifted his angle to Bilbo's great bliss. Bilbo's eyes rolled back in his head and he called out Thorin's name. Thorin grunted, growled, and muttered in return. Some of it may have been words in another tongue but Bilbo periodically recognized the word "mine." Bilbo rocked back on Thorin, thrust for thrust, until he could not stand it any longer. 

"I-I am going to--"  
Thorin closed a hand around the Bilbo's cock and began to pump. "Me too. Let go, Bilbo. Come for me."

It only took a few strokes for Bilbo to finish hotly in Thorin's hand. The fluttering around Thorin's cock with Bilbo's climax pushed him over his own edge. He pulsed his release into his lover, collapsing on his chest once he was spent. 

When he regained his voice, Bilbo purred, "If it is only going to get better like this, they are never going to get me out of your bed."  
"If it is only going to get better, I never want you out of my bed, " Thorin replied. "Truly, I do not want you out of my bed even now."  
Bilbo giggled softly and wiggled over a bit closer.  
Thorin asked rather suddenly, "Did I hurt you taking you hard like that?"  
"It had moments, but it was amazing. Part of what made it tantalizing was how badly you seemed to need me."  
"I do need you, Bilbo. You do not even know the half of it."  
Bilbo rolled over to look in Thorin's eyes. "You know everything you do to me is something I want to do to you, too," he said seductively.  
Thorin felt a powerful, lustful wobble in his stomach. "Talking like that is going to make you late to dinner."


	8. Bilbo finds out Kili is not pretty to other dwarves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But without a beard, he'll just have long, fair hair and a sweet face!" Nori replied, laughing. "Like an elvish lassie! Like Kili!" 
> 
> Half the table interrupted in laughter but Bilbo saw that Fili, Bofur, Thorin, and especially Kili did not seem to find it funny at all. Bilbo filled with indignation on Kili's behalf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd

The company took the evening meal in their Lake Town lodging. The generosity of the town and the respite from the nastier aspects of their journey for a few days had everyone in high spirits. Dori teased Bilbo about growing his hair out, dwarven-style.

"However are you going to braid it when there's not even enough to properly weave between your fingers?" Dori asked.  
"But without a beard, he'll just have long, fair hair and a sweet face!" Nori replied, laughing. "Like an elvish lassie! Like Kili!"

Half the table interrupted in laughter but Bilbo saw that Fili, Bofur, Thorin, and especially Kili did not seem to find it funny at all. Bilbo filled with indignation on Kili's behalf.

"Now see here! Where I come from, masculinity does not sprout from one's skin. And I'll have you know that Kili is very handsome, with or without a long beard. You should see the way the women and men in town appraised him today as we walked by. Like they were starving and he was a fine cut of meat! You should be so lucky, Nori," Bilbo scolded. "Although speaking only for me, my hair is already longer than it has ever been. Maybe I will keep growing it out and see what becomes of it."  
Bofur winked at Bilbo. "Maybe add some courting braids to it, eh?"  
"One never knows!" Bilbo smiled sweetly. 

Thorin was uncomfortable with this whole exchange. He did not particularly care for anyone insulting his relations, particularly poor Kili who was already terribly self-conscious about not being traditionally handsome. Had they not been so few in number as it was, or still back in Ered Luin, Thorin likely would have made Nori apologize at blade-point. It pleased him that Bilbo was defending his youngest heir but he did not need to know Bilbo found Kili attractive. Thorin was glad that Bilbo told him Bofur knew of their relationship, otherwise he might have done something he would have regretted when Bofur winked at Bilbo and spoke of courting. Even knowing the intention of the comment, Thorin had a nasty twist in his gut just thinking about what it could have meant. He knew Bilbo playing coy was at Thorin's own request to not publicize things but it was all still new enough for Thorin to feel uneasy at the noncommittal response Bilbo gave Bofur. Thorin looked at Bilbo. His glance was returned with a small grin before Bilbo turned to continue the spirited hair debate with Nori and Dori. Thorin shifted his attention to his nephews. Kili's face had brightened considerably. Fili was leaned sideways saying something to Kili. Thorin could not hear it but from the look Fili was giving Nori, he was fairly certain it was something about the other dwarf's mother. 

Thorin and Balin had made the necessary arrangements earlier that day to stay in Lake Town for several more days before they left for the last leg of their journey. Thorin had a couple more afternoons of logistical meetings and political appearances he had to make before he was able to take some time to truly rest and prepare himself for what was ahead. He hoped to spend some of that time privately with Bilbo. He was addicted to the way Bilbo made him feel. Now that Thorin's heart had been revealed, the feelings he repressed for so long were gushing like a broken dam. And the things they did to each other--who knew such pleasure was to be found in this world? He sorely needed some time to try to tame this enormous wave of emotion and pure want before they tried to reclaim the mountain. 

*****

After dinner, Bilbo and Thorin sat by the fire in the common room. Bilbo longed to touch and kiss Thorin but they were not alone.

Bilbo leaned in and asked him, "Did you speak to Fili and Kili?"  
"Yes, I apologized and all is well again."  
Bilbo got a little closer and a little quieter. "So you explained about us?"  
"What? No, not yet."  
"Then how did you explain your outburst?"  
"I did not explain. I expressed my regret, told them I knew they were good lads, and thanked them for taking you around town."  
"Oh. I suppose that would have worked well enough," Bilbo said somewhat meekly.  
Thorin turned to look at him, not quite realizing how close the Bilbo's face was to his own. "Are you disappointed?"  
Bilbo looked down.  
"Those two would be some of the worst rumormongers if they knew," Thorin sighed. "Please know I am not ashamed of what I feel for you."  
"I know you are not. It would just be easier to be able to be open with more people." Bilbo looked up at Thorin through his lashes. 

Bilbo's skin was awash in the amber glow of the fire and Thorin felt a rush of love for this beautiful creature.

Thorin leaned toward Bilbo so that his lips brushed his ear as he spoke, "Would it make you feel better if I took you to bed?"

Bilbo quickly rose to his feet and started out of the room, turning once to look at Thorin and nod seductively toward the stairs to their room. Thorin did not waste any time following him. 

*****

The next morning, Bilbo watched Thorin getting ready for the day and asked him what he could do to help with preparations.

"Most of what needs to be done are things I need to do in person, Bilbo."  
"That is not entirely so. Other members of the company have duties delegated to them and I am starting to feel a little useless. I wish to do my part, too."  
Thorin cupped Bilbo's chin and kissed him softly. "I love that about you. Do not forget that you suffered much and worked very hard while we were unable to help ourselves. Consider this bit of rest as your reward. Tougher times are ahead."  
"Is there nothing I can do to ease the burden of your days?" Bilbo asked.  
"You ease the burden of my nights. That alone is more than I could dare ask." Thorin kissed Bilbo again.  
Bilbo nuzzled him back. "You are infuriating. Sexy, but infuriating."  
"If you are bent on finding something to do other than enjoying these rare days of leisure, ask Balin if he has any errands to be run today. However, if he has nothing for you, will you please let the matter drop?"  
Bilbo sighed, "Yes, my king."  
Thorin grabbed him suddenly. "If you start with the 'my king' talk, neither of us are getting anything done today other than each other...and then what will become of our quest?"  
Bilbo burrowed into Thorin's hair with his hands. "It will have a well-fucked king at the helm, if nothing else."  
Thorin was sure Bilbo was going to be the end of him. "Such language! Really, the things that come out of your mouth..."  
Thorin leaned in close to Bilbo's lips.  
"...are directly proportional to what you put in it," Bilbo countered as he rose up into a kiss.  
The two of them were interrupted by a knock on the door. They heard Dwalin's voice on the other side. "Are you ready?"  
Looking longingly at the hobbit in his arms, Thorin muttered, "Too ready."  
"What?" came the voice from the other side of the door.  
"I said, 'yes, I'll be down shortly,'" Thorin replied loudly. He touched Bilbo's forehead with his own and sighed. "We will continue this later?"  
"I imagine we'll never be truly finished, my love," Bilbo answered. 

*****

Balin actually did have an errand for Bilbo. The tailor had finished the first portion of their clothing order and had sent word over that it was available for pick-up.

"As luck would have it, laddie," Balin said to Bilbo, "he actually requested that you show up in person since he had to do your initial fitting from old clothes. You'll need help, though. I do not know how many bundles of clothes he will have ready but it could get heavy in a quick."  
Fili munched on a bun at the table next to Kili. "Here!" he called with his mouth half-full. "We can do it!"  
He swallowed his bite and elbowed Kili. "Right, brother?"  
"Oh, certainly! Always happy to be at your service, Master Baggins," Kili said cordially.  
Bilbo grinned. He enjoyed the brothers' company. "Good! Are you fellows ready now?"

With Fili and Kili at his side, Bilbo headed out to the street. They walked about a block when Fili remembered there was one other thing he meant to do that morning. Promising to meet them at the tailor's in an hour, he left off in the opposite direction. Kili thought it seemed odd and looked back at his brother. Fili turned around, walking backwards, and winked at Kili before he continued down the road.

"That was...strange," Kili said.  
Bilbo assured him, "As long as he's back to help us with our bundles, it will be fine." 

They had not walked very long when they started to pick up another audience. The group was smaller than yesterday's and still respectful, but Bilbo and Kili walked a little closer to each other for comfort. Kili linked his arm through Bilbo's. 

"I like the attention but it does make me uneasy when there are large groups," Kili confessed. "Not that I am afraid, mind you. I am just not armed."  
"Kili, after seeing you get so vicious with those enormous trolls I do not think anyone could accuse you of cowardice. Being unarmed and outnumbered is bound to make a warrior extra careful." Bilbo's tone was comforting but not condescending.  
"I-we are sorry about that, by the way." Kili looked guilty. "Sending you in after the trolls like that. Fee and I should not have done it."  
Bilbo dismissed this with a wave of his free hand. "Do not give it a second thought. Many mistakes have been made on the journey, by me most of all." Bilbo patted Kili's arm. "I hold no ill will against you."  
Kili smiled. "Good." 

Kili and Bilbo walked a little further in companionable silence when Kili spoke up again. 

"Um, last night? When Nori called me a 'lassie?' Did you mean what you said?"  
Bilbo studied Kili's face for a moment, noting a rather pained expression. "Absolutely. Do you...do you get teased a lot?"  
Kili murmured, "Yes."  
"Forgive me if I am being too nosy--and you can tell me to hush up if I am--but I do not understand that at all! Is it just because of the beard?"  
Kili sighed, "I am rather unattractive. I do not have a full beard, my hair is not wiry, my nose is too narrow, my cheekbones are too high, my eyes are too big, my legs are too long, and my torso is too short."  
Bilbo's heart hurt listening to Kili speak of himself this way. "It just is not true, Kili. Although you may not look excessively dwarvish, neither do your brother or your uncle. It must be the blood of Durin that gives you all some of your more classical features. Also, you should know the things you describe as flaws are actually rather prized by Men and Elves."  
"And hobbits?" Kili asked.  
"Hobbits usually cannot hope for high cheekbones for themselves but they find it attractive in others."  
Kili put his arm around Bilbo's shoulders and squeezed him as they walked.  
"Please, do not let them get to you, Kili. Nori may be very handsome by some dwarves' standards but you outpace him to my eye by a league."

*****

Kili and Bilbo beat Fili to the tailor shop with time to spare. The shopkeep had Bilbo wiggle into his new clothes to check for fit. The waistcoat was a gorgeous brocade of rich burgundy red. The shirt was a heavy and fine quality cotton in a clean shade of cream. Although not delicate like a linen, it would be warmer and sturdier on their road ahead and Bilbo was happy for it. The shirt, waistcoat, and trousers had to be taken in, though. Bilbo was not sure how he felt about the fact that his original shape had altered so on the road that he had to go down sizes.

"What do you think, Kili?" Bilbo twirled around to show off his new waistcoat (pinned to shape) and shirt.

Kili regarded him for a moment. Bilbo had been wearing coats, scarves, or running around in clothes too big for him for so long that Kili realized he had not really seen Bilbo's form in months. The rich shade of the waistcoat brought out everything divine in Bilbo's coloring.

"Kili?"  
Suddenly realizing he was staring, Kili replied carefully so as not to sound like an oaf. "Uh...red certainly is your color."

_So much for not sounding like an oaf_ , Kili thought.

Bilbo smiled obliviously. "I rather like it."

Having just taken measurements yesterday, the shop was not ready for Bilbo to try his outerwear. Instead, they were gathering the bundles to wait for Fili. The tailor addressed Kili. 

"As long as you are here, we can try your things as well. If it pleases you, of course. What is your name, Master Dwarf?"  
"Kili."

With that, Kili was whisked away for several moments. He returned in a royal blue shirt, a black waistcoat with silvered buttons, deep slate trousers, and a deep slate overjacket to match. Bilbo was unaccustomed to seeing any of the dwarves dressed for anything but battle or the incredibly casual wear they had been given upon arrival in Lake Town. Kili looked absolutely fantastic.

Kili held out his arms and said, "Well?"  
Replied Bilbo, "I'd say that you could have your pick of man, hobbit, elf, or dwarf outfitted like that. A hobbit lass would find you most fetching indeed."  
"A perfectly hobbity answer. So diplomatic! I truly want to know, though--what do _you_ think...really?"

Bilbo looked Kili top to bottom and back up again, settling on his face. Those big, chocolate eyes were looking at him so earnestly and Kili's smile was so bright that Bilbo almost ached. His heart hammered unexpectedly hard in his chest.

"I think you are...beautiful," Bilbo breathed.

The two of them gazed at each other in silence for a brief moment before the tailor swooped in and started chattering again.

*****

Fili showed up while Kili was changing. He carried no bundles of his own.

"Where did you get off to?" Bilbo asked.  
"Oh, just making some appearances. Cannot be disappointing our public, you know, especially not when they are feeding us, clothing us, and outfitting our journey. Heir of Durin and all that." Fili winked at Bilbo.  
"Fine, keep your secrets. It better not be anything I have to explain to your uncle!"  
"What is going on with dear Uncle Thorin these days, anyway? You are his roommate. Does he tell you anything?" Fili inquired.

Bilbo shook his head and realized he did not know what to do or say. He was saved by Kili's return with some bundles. They had quite a few to get home between them. The three of them thanked the tailor and managed to transport all the packages back to the house. 

*****

Back at the house, Bilbo was cornered by Ori. The scribe had been rather eager to get some hobbit history down while they had the luxury of time. For his part, Bilbo wanted to know more about dwarven culture, too. The two of them hunkered down in the common room, making a happy pair until Bombur requested Bilbo to lend his skills to dinner. Thorin kept a discreet eye on Bilbo all afternoon, biding his time until he could touch him again. Another pair of eyes were watching Bilbo with quiet interest, too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't look at me like that. Kili made me do it.


	9. Another very short interlude: Fili & Kili

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A snippet of private conversation between Fili & Kili.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know who originally came up with the familiar "Fee" and "Kee" for the brothers. I like it and used it here.

Fili and Kili washed up for dinner. 

"So, did you get some quality time with Bilbo today while I was gone?" Fili asked.  
Kili looked at his brother, astonished. "Wait...was _that_ what all that was about when you took off?"

Fili waggled his eyebrows at Kili, who promptly shoved him.

"You jackass! You could have at least told me first!"  
"I figured you knew what I was doing when I volunteered us for pack mules in the first place," Fili defended. "Well, what did you two do?"  
"We...talked."  
Fili leered at him. "Talked, eh?"   
Kili smacked his brother in the chest with the back of his hand. "Not like that. We actually talked."  
"Any confessions of love?" Fili drew the last vowel sound out musically.  
"NO!"  
"Oh, brother," mocked Fili. "I fear you are losing your touch!"  
"Shut. Up."  
Kili pouted a bit. Fili slipped an arm around his brother's shoulder.  
"Don't be like that, Kee. I will be serious. Tell me what you talked about."  
"We talked about the townspeople. I apologized for us sending him to the trolls--"  
"Good. I probably should as well."  
"We discussed how I am not attractive to dwarves."  
Fili looked at Kili sharply. "What have I told you about all that nonsense? You need to stop giving it power over you. You look fine. I will bet Bilbo said as much, too."  
Kili folded his lips inward, shyly trying not to smile at the memory.  
"Kee? Are you--are you _blushing_? You are, aren't you?"  
Kili was trying not to giggle at his brother's prodding and brought a hand to his mouth.  
Fili was filled with warmth at the charming (if entirely foreign) expression on Kili's face. He was dying to know. "Okay, now you have to tell me. What did Bilbo say?"  
Kili looked up at his brother with glittering eyes. "He said..." his voice broke. "He said I was beautiful."  
A tear escaped but the smile was still there.  
"Oh, Kee..." The older sibling hugged his brother. "Haven't we always told you?"  
The two of them embraced for several moments while Kili's wave of emotion ebbed.  
"So," Fili ventured, "what are you going to do about it?"  
"I do not know. Bilbo is so free with his time and his compliments. He may not have any interest in me at all beyond friendship. Or he may have intentions for another. It is difficult to tell. Bofur made that comment last night about courting braids, after all, and you know Bilbo is actually staying in Thorin's room..."  
"Thorin feels responsible for Bilbo now that he's saved our necks so much," Fili explained. "Plus Bilbo's main duty is coming up...all that mess with the dragon. He is likely trying to prepare him for what comes next. He is too focused on reclaiming Erebor to have time for romance. As an heir of Durin, Uncle would probably box your ears for even thinking of pursuing anyone in the company."  
"That is a good point," Kili agreed. "He was so irritated with us for 'causing a scene' in the street and playing games yesterday. We do not behave majestically enough for our bloodline, I suppose."  
"We are majestic when it counts--in battle and in bed!" Fili puffed proudly.  
Kili rolled his eyes. Fili gave him a half-hearted push in retaliation before he brought him back to the subject at hand. "Well? So? The hobbit?"  
Kili shook his head. "Not yet. I need a better idea of his heart. And you--" he poked him in the chest, "--if you have any more plans or plots involving myself and Bilbo, _tell me first_."  
"Okay," Fili conceded.  
"And remember--"  
"I know, I know. I will not tell anyone. Especially Thorin. No one knows of your interest in Bilbo except for you and I and I will keep it that way."  
"Thank you, Fee."  
"You know you owe me, right?"

Kili wrestled his brother into a headlock.


	10. The Day The Children Came

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was silenced when his eyes landed on a small army of 20 or so human children, each clutching handfuls of blooms. The little girl who had clearly been elected the spokesperson for the group stood on the doorstep. "We would like to see Mister Bilbo Hobbits, please."
> 
> Thorin took a step backward, putting his hand over his mouth so he would not laugh out loud and offend the young lass who seemed to think this was serious business, indeed. He composed himself and said, "Let me see if Master Hobbits is able to receive company."

It was late and Kili was lying in bed, unable to sleep. He replayed his memory of his day with Bilbo from beginning to end once, fully allowing himself to feel what it would mean if all the touches and gestures were what he hoped. He held onto the warmth of that for a few moments before anxiety took over. He went back through every moment he spent with Bilbo that afternoon in his mind, examining every smile and analyzing each word. Was the hobbit just being a good friend? Was Kili deluding himself? Or was there something else there? Unfortunately for him, everything was easily explainable under the guise of Bilbo just being kind and caring...everything except the incident at the tailor, when Bilbo told him he was beautiful. Of course, Kili himself was deeply affected by that moment and he tried to take that into account. Barring his own feelings, the look on Bilbo's face was not the look of someone who was just a friend, nor was his tone of voice, which sounded almost reverent. The look they shared afterwards could have easily turned into an embrace or a confession had the shopkeep not interrupted. Kili imagined watching someone react to someone else the way that Bilbo reacted to him. He knew if it was anyone but himself, there would be no mistaking that it was attraction. 

His gut twisted with longing--this was going to drive him mad! He knew that he had to be sure before he breathed a word, sure and very discreet. Thorin almost had not taken Kili to reclaim Erebor due to his age. Even so, he received many of Thorin's stern talks about keeping his focus and remembering his place in the line of Durin. Kili knew it would disappoint Thorin greatly if he got kitted up in love and let his focus stray. He sighed, knowing he would not find sleep for many minutes, yet.

*****

Down the hall, Bilbo was tangled up with a sleeping Thorin, spent and sticky. He tried to will the steady rhythm of Thorin's breathing to lull him to his own sleep, though slumber was not coming easily to Bilbo this night. The face that drifted through his thoughts had brown eyes, not blue.

*****

It was mid-morning the next day when Balin answered a knock at the door.

"Thorin? I think you had better come take a look at this," Balin called from the doorway.  
Stalking up to where Balin stood, Thorin snapped, "What is so im---"

He was silenced when his eyes landed on a small army of twenty or so human children, each clutching handfuls of blooms. The little girl who had clearly been elected the spokesperson for the group stood on the doorstep. "We would like to see Mister Bilbo Hobbits, please."

Thorin took a step backward, putting his hand over his mouth so he would not laugh out loud and offend the young lass who seemed to think this was serious business, indeed. 

He composed himself and said, "Let me see if Master Hobbits is able to receive company."

Thorin went to fetch Bilbo. When he found him, Thorin dramatically intoned, "A cadre of children are here and armed with flowers, requesting the audience of a Mister Bilbo Hobbits."  
"What?"  
"At the door for you," Thorin smirked.

Bilbo went to the door to meet his guests. Fili and Kili had scouted ahead and were already amusing the children when he got there.

"Oh my! Miss...Tansy, was it? Of what assistance may I be to you this fine morning?" asked Bilbo

( _Of course he knows her name_ , Thorin thought.)

The little girl thrust her bouquet at Bilbo. "We wanted to give you these flowers." 

There was a murmur of approval from the other youngsters behind her.

"Ah, yes, yes, yes. I see." He shot Fili and Kili a meaningful look, for they had all experienced something similar to this already on Bilbo's first foray into town. These gifts came at a price!

The little girl swung back and forth looking at Bilbo expectantly.

"Well, I should say that I was just hoping someone would bring me by some flowers so that I could make bracelets. Must not fall out of practice, you know. I shall forget how!"  
Bilbo winked at Thorin and Balin, still standing at the door and now somewhat agape. "Come, let me sit out on this bench so I can enjoy the sunlight and the breeze. Would you all mind that terribly, if I were to sit out here with you?"

A rousing chorus of "No!" rang out along with a few giggles. Bilbo settled down on the bench, motioning for Fili and Kili to join him. Fili had slipped away in the preceding few moments and left only Kili to help him wrangle their fan club.

*****

In the house, Thorin tried to get a good look out the window. He turned to Balin, grinning wide.

"Have you ever seen anything like that? If he had half a mind to, he could wrap this whole town around his smallest finger."  
The older dwarf nodded, "That hobbit is extraordinary and make no mistake."  
He patted Thorin on the back and went back to his planning.

Thorin saw Fili peeking out the other window with an odd smile on his face. "Why are you in here and not out there with your brother?"

_Good question_ , said Fili to himself. He did not especially want to tell Thorin that he was purposefully leaving Kili with Bilbo, but then he had a thought, and a truthful one at that. 

"I feel for Kili, you know? Always the youngest, always the second to do things, not the first heir...let him have this moment for himself without being in his brother's shadow for once. I'm sure we'll be telling the tale of 'The Day The Children Came' for years to come and Kili can be the feature."  
"He does not begrudge you anything, Fili. He would lay down his life for you. You go first, true, but you create paths so that he may tread more easily. You are the oldest but you are also the protector. You are no shadow for him. You are comfort." Thorin put his hand reassuringly on his nephew's shoulder.  
"Thank you, Thorin."

Fili was touched by this unexpected and heartfelt moment. He put his hand on Thorin's shoulder in return and they shared a squeeze before going their separate ways. 

*****

Bilbo wove flowers and finished the story of the trolls for the astonished children fanned out in front of him. He wore a crown of blooms that Kili had just completed. Kili had been quite a quick study with the weaving and was helpful in fulfilling the requests. Good thing, too, because Bilbo's fingers would have given out with all those stems. He inwardly wept for what was no doubt a complete decimation of the town's flowerbeds.

"What's a parasite?" a little boy asked.  
Kili said, "You do not need to worry about that right now." He gently elbowed Bilbo. "Just remember that mine are the biggest!"

Bilbo chuckled at the memory. Although it was harrowing at the time, it became more amusing the further they were away from it.

A little boy and litle girl began arguing about which one of them had the bigger "parathites."

Bilbo quieted them down, waving his hand. "Now, now. You all have enormous parasites and let's leave it at that."  
Bilbo hoped the children's parents would forgive him.  
A little girl tapped Kili on the leg. "Your turn!"  
"My turn what, my lady?" he responded gallantly.  
"For a story!"

A ripple went through the crowd of children and soon there were many emphatic requests for Kili to regale them with an adventure story of his own.

Bilbo regarded the dwarf next to him who was smiling wide and laughing heartily. So animated with the children, Kili struck Bilbo as terribly cute. Stunning, actually.

"Okay! I've got it!" Kili announced. "I am going to tell you the tale of a beautiful dwarf princess named Frogmella and how she was taken away to the Spider Forest by the terrible elf witch, Thrandina."  
Kili winked at Bilbo, who was in turn sputtering a laugh. 

While Kili spun his yarn for the group, Bilbo busily weaved bracelet and crown alike. By the time the sun rose highest in the sky, each child was bedecked with blooms and Kili had a crown of his own.

"Well, whatever should we do with these leftover flowers?" Bilbo queried.  
A little girl (they knew her as Bluebell) said, "Put them in your hair!" and then bent forward in a fit of giggles. It amused the children greatly when the hobbit and the dwarves wore flowers. Kili tried to stuff one behind his ear a few times to appease her but the bloom end was too heavy and kept tipping out. This pulled even more laughter from their audience.

"Let me help you with that," Bilbo said. He went to work weaving a simple braid to tuck the flowers in.

Kili froze for a moment. Inwardly he was chanting, " _Ohgodsohgodsohgodsohgods_." Bilbo's hands in his hair were nothing short of bliss. He did his best to not lean into the touch at first, but by the time Bilbo reached the other side, he could not help himself.

Bilbo was so busy putting on a show for the kids that he did not notice his effect on Kili until the second braid. It was hard to miss when Kili sighed softly and rested his face on the back of his hand as he worked. Suddenly, Bilbo was painfully conscious of how close he was to the dwarf. He was half in his lap and suddenly the heat of his thigh was burning. Kili opened his eyes to gaze at Bilbo, and Bilbo became rather lost in them for a moment.

"Now kiss!" Bluebell demanded.  
Kili's head turned so fast that a flower flew out of it. "Excuse me?"  
"Now he's fixed your hair all pretty and given you flowers, you have to kiss!" the little girl asserted. 

There was some chatter amongst the little ones as they agreed that yes, that is the way it is done in stories.

Bilbo looked at Kili and shrugged. "You cannot argue with a child's logic. We will never, ever win."  
Kili looked at Bilbo helplessly. This was not at all how he imagined their first kiss.

Bilbo turned Kili's head so it was facing front. He placed a hand tenderly on the opposite cheek, almost cradling Kili's jawline. Bilbo leaned in, hesitated a bit, and then pressed a soft kiss to Kili's cheek that lingered ever so slightly. A cheer went through the crowd of little ones. Bilbo was not prepared for his own reaction to it. This peck was supposed to just placate the children. It was not supposed to send his pulse racing like this!

At turns both disappointed as well as grateful their first real kiss had not happened in front of a crowd of children, Kili was still struck by the tenderness of Bilbo's gesture. It could have been quick or rough (or even in the air) and their spectators would have been just as pleased. He still felt the tingle and heat of both lips and hand even after Bilbo had fully sat back on the bench. 

Bilbo found himself quickly occupied with a lap full of little girl who gave a noisy smack on the other cheek. 

'Now you match, Mister Bilbo!"

There were soon calls for more tales and Bilbo was happy to put his mind on something other than a now-blushing Kili, whom Bilbo decided was sitting entirely too close to him.

*****

After lunchtime had come and gone in the house without Bilbo's presence, Thorin went out to where Bilbo and Kili were holding court for the group.

"Begging your pardon, all our little masters, but Mister Bilbo Hobbits and Mister Kili have to come in to take their lunch. It is probably time for you to all go see about filling your bellies as well."

A groan went through the group of youngsters but they complied and began to disperse. Bilbo faced Thorin when he stood and mouthed the words, "Thank you." He turned to collect his hugs and bid the children a fond farewell. It took Kili a little longer to disengage from the two young ones that had taken up residence in his lap, but he did the same. It was not until Kili was halfway to the kitchen that Thorin called to him. 

"Kili!" Thorin barked. "Do you mind...telling me...what you are wearing in your hair?" His voice strained as he was struggling to keep his temper.

Bilbo--who had been only a couple paces ahead of Kili--froze in sudden, horrible realization. Some things that are simple to hobbits were not so simple to dwarves. 

_Oh dear_ , he thought. _This is going to be bad_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stole the name "Frogmella" from a discussion on Jezebel.com weeks ago about what Kate Middleton should name the royal baby. It was too funny not to use.


	11. In which Thorin is a diva and everyone gives him his way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin crossed the room to where Kili stood and grabbed the braid with the blooms. He took a deep breath in an attempt to keep his temper at bay. "What. Is. This?"  
> "It is a braid," Kili winced. He knew this looked bad.  
> "A braid. With blossoms tucked in. And, pray tell me," Thorin ungently rolled the braid in his hand. "How came you by such a thing?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments give me life! I appreciate everyone who has given kudos, commented, and bookmarked this. I cannot tell you how much I adore you for it.

Kili hesitated a moment before answering Thorin's question. "Flowers?"  
Thorin crossed the room to where Kili stood and grabbed the braid with the blooms. He took a deep breath in an attempt to keep his temper at bay. "What. Is. This?"  
"It is a braid," Kili winced. He knew this looked bad.  
"A braid. With blossoms tucked in. And, pray tell me," Thorin ungently rolled the braid in his hand. "How came you by such a thing?"  
"Well, the children wanted me to put the last flowers in my hair but they kept falling out when I tried so--"  
" _TELL ME_!" Thorin thundered, throwing the braid back down. A flower tumbled out.  
Bilbo spoke up to save Kili. "Well, um, Thorin...funny story, really...but I put them there."  
Thorin spun around. "Is there a reason you think it is proper to weave courting braids in my nephew's hair, _hobbit_?" Thorin spat furiously. Bilbo was his and yet Kili was the one wearing his braids and receiving flowers.  
Bilbo tried to defend himself somewhat. "Well, I did not realize that they were courting braids, specifically. I was just trying to--"  
"Ignorance is no excuse!" 

Thorin caught himself just before he yelled at Kili that Bilbo belonged to him and no one else.

Bilbo wrung his hands in worry. "Oh dear, I've gone and mucked things up terribly." He awkwardly tried to lighten the mood. "Is this one of those dwarven customs where I've accidentally gotten married or some such?"

Thorin looked stricken for a moment but then steeled himself. 

"Baggins. Upstairs. Now," he commanded.  
He turned to Kili. "As for you, the hobbit may not know what certain actions mean but you have no excuse. You are an Heir of Durin. It is your responsibility to be forthright. You dishonor both yourself and your sires when you toy with our traditions for amusement or to play jokes on the unsuspecting. I expect you to conduct yourself more respectfully in the future."  
"Yes, Thorin," Kili said meekly.

Kili watched Thorin storm upstairs after Bilbo. All the good feeling he had within him just a few minutes ago was gone. He felt sick. He shuddered to think of what terrible reprimand Thorin had in store for Bilbo. It was something bad enough to warrant scolding him privately. In hindsight, Kili wondered if he should have told Bilbo what it meant to braid his hair. Or how flowers were considered tokens of love. He thought Bilbo already knew about courting braids, he reminded himself. Perhaps maybe Bilbo did not see that any braid could be considered a courting braid if it was plaited by someone else's hand. It just felt so good and so right when he was doing it that the thought of stopping him never even occurred to Kili. He chided himself now. He was so caught up in the fantasy that Bilbo may care for him that it never crossed his mind that it was underhanded to let him weave his hair and crown him with flowers. Bilbo was sure to be angry with him. Kili longed to save Bilbo from Thorin's wrath...and himself from Bilbo's. He gathered his courage to prepare himself for the only thing he felt he could do.

*****

Upstairs, Bilbo tried to speak but Thorin cut him off sharply.

"Are you trying to drive me mad? Braids! Flowers! Why not just flip the little strumpet on his back have your way with him?" Thorin's eyes flashed with fury.

Bilbo was hurt and more than a little afraid but he found his tongue.

"I meant no harm and no disrespect to you, your nephew, or your house." Bilbo spoke quietly but resolutely. "I did not think about what a dwarf might make of a matter that is more simple to hobbits. Not having the foresight to avoid the blunder was my fault and I apologize to you and to Kili. However, you may not speak to me like that. You insult me and you insult Kili by saying something so cruel and I will not have it."  
"Cruel? I am the one who is cruel? What about that comment about being accidentally married from a gesture of affection?"  
Bilbo was confused. "I do not understand."  
"Our bonding! Our lovemaking!" Thorin's voice was dangerously close to breaking with emotion. "Something so powerful to me--a gift that you've given me from your culture that has changed me profoundly--and you make jest!"  
Realization dawned across the hobbit's face. "Are you saying we _are_ married?"  
Thorin looked at Bilbo miserably. "A wedding at this point is merely formality. Why did you think I kept stopping you to ask you if you were sure you wanted this before our first coupling? Why did you think you felt altered when it was over? We consummated our love, Bilbo. We are in each other's blood, irreparably, eternally."

Bilbo started to piece it all together, stunned. He had heard dwarrows mated for life, reading whispers of myth in his exotic books that it was the act itself what bonded the blood, but he had taken it for half-truths. When he had begged Thorin to mark him, he did not know he was truly being marked for life. The weight of what they had done (repeatedly, now) bore down on him, but one glance at Thorin's face quelled any argument Bilbo might have currently had on his tongue. Thorin no longer looked like an angry tyrant. Instead, he looked just shy of broken. Bilbo chose to comfort him, instead.

"You have an amazing talent for connecting conclusions across great distances," Bilbo said soothingly. "I was in no way referring to us when I made the comment about accidentally getting married. It was an ill-timed and badly worded jest but it was not at your expense. I did not realize that we had gotten betrothed, exactly, nor do I particularly understand dwarvish bonding, but it was in my heart that we might marry someday when we went to bed. I did not lie when I said I wanted to be with you when we shared each other that first night."  
"...the braids?"  
"I did not think that any plait was immediately a courting gesture. I thought intent had to be put forth at some point. Same with the flowers. We were just playing along with the kids. I did not think if I put flowers in Kili's hair that it was a strong statement of interest." 

While this was absolutely true of the specific situation, Bilbo felt guilt bubble up somewhere deep within him because he _did_ have a feeling for Kili. One battle at a time, he reminded himself.

"You have never even plaited _my_ hair," Thorin choked unhappily. "Or brought me blooms."  
"Because you need to keep us secret. Thorin, I'd braid every hair on your head but then the whole company would know. I would cover you with blossoms but I think it might be just a little bit obvious what is going on. Not to mention, I do not think a flower still grows in this town at the moment."

In his jealousy of Kili getting favors from Bilbo that he himself did not, Thorin realized denial of such was all his own doing. Bilbo was respecting his wishes even when he would rather make their union known. 

Bilbo seemed to read his thoughts. "You know that I understand your reasoning but just know all this could have been avoided if our relationship was not a secret. Please also realize that as long as this must be only between us, you need to give the ones who do not know about it a wider berth, and give me the benefit of the doubt if a misunderstanding pops up. Fili was asking me about you yesterday and I had no idea what to say to him without incriminating us, somehow. I'm sure I have made and will continue to make missteps trying to honor your wish to keep this private."  
Thorin kneeled in front of Bilbo, taking his hand. "I did not realize how difficult this has been for you."  
"It _has_ been difficult, Thorin. Not only from having to find ways to explain things, but also because I cannot give you the open affection that I would like. Open affection, incidentally, that I think would soothe your jealousies greatly. Plus, it would spare me your ire in misunderstandings like this." 

_And it would have saved poor Kili from whatever it is he feels for me_ , Bilbo silently added. 

Thorin kissed and murmured apologies into Bilbo's hand, up his arm, and into his hair as Thorin pulled himself to standing. They embraced and kissed softly as Bilbo accepted these apologies. The disturbance had passed for the time being. 

*****

There was a soft knock at Thorin's door. Thorin was surprised to see Kili when he answered. Usually, Fili and Kili both knocked only as an announcement that they were opening the door. Kili was devoid of flowers or braids and he spoke low with his head bowed. Bilbo suspected he may have been weeping.

Kili said, "I come to offer my apologies to my king and my traveling companion."  
"Continue," Thorin said.  
"To my king, I apologize that my conduct was not consistent with my upbringing. I did not mean to dishonor myself or my family. I will be more mindful of your expectations of me in the future."

Bilbo thought Kili was being a little hard on himself and hoped Thorin would say so, but Thorin just nodded solemnly.

Kili continued, "To Bilbo Baggins, I would like you to know that I do not take dwarven tradition lightly and by allowing you to decorate me, I lapsed in better judgement. I had no intention to dishonor you or make fun of you by not speaking up about the meaning of your actions to my people. I apologize to you sincerely." Kili looked up for the first time. "Please know you are a treasured companion on this journey and that I hold you in the highest regard. I hope you may forgive me."

Bilbo's heart ached. They were both making nice for the king and soothing any hurts they caused to him or tradition, but Bilbo still thought the whole thing was blown uselessly out of proportion. Yet here Kili was, humble and contrite. If Thorin would not have tossed them both out of a window for it, Bilbo would have hugged Kili tightly.

"Kili, please. I appreciate your apology, though It is not necessary. I do not forgive you because there is nothing to forgive." Bilbo smiled at Kili and hoped it comforted him.  
"You are most kind."  
Thorin spoke, "Thank you, Kili. Your apologies are accepted. Is there anything else?"  
"No sir."  
"Then we shall see you at dinner."

Kili left them alone once more. Bilbo badly wanted to say something else in Kili's defense but they had just managed to get themselves out of one problem. No sense in starting a new one. 

"Bilbo, will you rest with me for a few moments?" Thorin asked. "I have a great need to hold you in my arms."  
"I-I think that I could use that, too."

The couple nestled against one another in the bed, relieved that the nastiness was behind them. Bilbo was on the edge of a quiet doze when Thorin spoke softly.

"I have completed enough tasks that I will be free tomorrow. I would very much like it if I could spend the day with you."

Bilbo sighed contentedly. If they had more time together, maybe they would understand each other better, and perhaps Thorin could explain more what it meant to be sexually, dwarvishly marked. If Bilbo was going to carry it for the rest of his life, it would be good to know about it, though he realized now he probably should have asked more questions beforehand. 

"I have been waiting for that. Yes, I'd love to spend the day with you," Bilbo replied.  
Thorin pulled Bilbo even closer to him and whispered, "I love you."

His hobbit.

_His._

*****

Down the hall, Kili sulked in his room. He watched the shadows on the wall shift as the day waned. Fili came looking for him and knew as soon as he saw him that something was wrong.  
"Oh Kee, what happened?" Fili sat on his brother's bed with him. Kili recounted the events from the time Fili had gone inside, with Fili interjected occasionally and enthusiastically--

\--"He _braided_ your hair? _Durin's beard_ , what did you do when he did that?"  
\--"Wait, he did _what_?"  
\--"Was it a _kiss_ -kiss or was it just for show?"  
\--"It doesn't matter if it was not on the mouth. That hobbit wants you!" 

Fili grew darker as the telling reached Kili's scolding from Thorin.

"Why is he like that?" Fili grumbled. "I understand that going to Erebor has far-reaching implications for the future of our people, but at some point people still need to live their lives. That includes falling in love. What does he have against love, anyway?"  
"You know Thorin, Fee. He wants our happiness, but there is a time and a place for it. There is much to be both won and lost right now. Although I _am_ rather tired of the word 'focus.'"  
"I suppose..."  
"Besides, this argument was not about love. He was more concerned with me mocking tradition. I'll admit I may have let Bilbo get away with too much because it felt good at the time. Not knowing how I feel about Bilbo, I could see how it might be looked upon unfavorably that I let a hobbit plait and bedeck my hair in front of an audience with no intent from either side."  
"Yes, and Thorin has been tough on Bilbo in the past. He may not be very pleased that a hobbit was playing with our traditions or being so familiar to an heir to the throne. We did get in some trouble the other day for traipsing around town with flowers in our hair, too," Fili reasoned.  
"I did not want Bilbo in trouble for something that might have been within my power to fix. Oh, Thorin was mad! He called him 'Baggins.'"  
"Ouch. He has not called him that since before the fight with Azog!"  
"I did not want Bilbo to hate me for making him the subject of Thorin's wrath, so I went up and apologized."  
"You _what_?" Fili gasped, astonished.  
"I apologized. I never intended Bilbo any harm. I would much rather take responsibility and receive Thorin's anger than have Bilbo bear it."  
Fili said, "It must be true love, then. I do not know if I could do the same."  
"Of course, I threw myself on Thorin's mercy first."  
"Kee...I did not want to mention it earlier when you were recounting the more pleasant part of today's events but, uh, you no longer have braids in your hair." It was more of a question than a statement.  
Kili lowered his eyes.  
"You took them out, didn't you?"  
"He was so angry at me, Fee. I knew if I went up there to try and make things better that he would see them and it would make him angry all over again..." Kili's voice trailed off as a sob worked its way up his throat.  
Fili embraced him and Kili wept into his shoulder. "Oh, Kee. Taking those out must have been so hard for you to do." 

He felt Kili nod. Fili held him until he calmed a bit, patting his back reassuringly. He was angry that Kili had to endure such heartbreak just to quell Thorin's irrational temper. 

When Kili was more composed, he leaned back. With a bit of his old spark in his still-wet eyes, he confessed to Fili, "I kept the flowers, though."  
Fili laughed. "I would have, too. So the apology? Did it work?"  
"It seemed that it did. Bilbo did not seem angry and Thorin was just...Thorin. But not angry Thorin."  
"And that is what is important."  
"I am concerned now, though." Kili said.  
"About what?"  
"Well, to apologize in the way that would calm Thorin the most, I almost had to tell Bilbo that I had no interest in him. Any progress I may have made this week was more or less undone. I did tell him nice things, too--like how I held him in high regard and that I valued him as a companion--but I do not know if he will read between the lines to see my meaning."  
Fili sighed. "You did the best that you could in the circumstance. Do not dwell on it. We will just have to plan some other way for you to regain your lost ground with the hobbit."  
"Good luck," Kili scoffed. "Forgiven or not, I do not think Uncle will look kindly on me being alone with Bilbo any time soon."  
"Well, dear brother, you will not be alone with him. I will be with you! I think it is entirely possible that we will be called away tomorrow morning on urgent town business and that we shall require our very diplomatic hobbit to accompany us. But--oh!--I have an appointment that slipped my mind and I'll catch up with you two later." Fili waggled his eyebrows at his brother.  
"Did we not just do that?"  
"It worked once, it could work again." Fili grinned.  
"Fee, you are too good to me."  
"Nonsense. I am just angling for an invitation to the wedding. I do so hope it is in the Shire--" 

Fili did not get to finish his thought because Kili's pillow hit him in the face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crisis averted. For now.
> 
> I imagined Kili having to take out the braids that Bilbo put in his hair to appease Thorin and how much that had to have hurt his heart.


	12. It Hits The Fan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just...can't. Read at your own risk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note about Fili & Kili: The boys in this fic are not stupid. They have been taking what their uncle says to heart and believing he's been straightforward with them. The deductions they've made about his behavior are based on cues he's given them because they've had no reason to doubt him. Neither Fili or Kili are dumb for not realizing Thorin's relationship with Bilbo. They just have unwavering faith that he follows the same rules he gives them and they rationalize within those parameters.

The next morning, in between kisses all over Bilbo's body, Thorin explained the depth and meaning of dwarven lovers sharing imprints. Making love to Bilbo agonizingly slow, Thorin confessed he feared they might not have been able to forge such a bond with their unorthodox lovemaking, and with Bilbo being a hobbit besides. Breathlessly, Thorin spoke of the astonished awe and utter relief he felt when Bilbo's bond first coursed through his veins. He told Bilbo he nearly wept when Bilbo admitted he felt it, too. 

When Thorin came inside him this time, Bilbo experienced it fully, finally understanding what that feeling rushing through him was. It was as terrifying as it was gorgeous--Thorin would be his first and last lover like this. An image of Kili arose unbidden in Bilbo's mind, along with an inexplicable wave of sadness. Quickly, Bilbo shook it off, reminding himself that bedding Thorin had long been his heart's desire and no hobbit had ever been so blessed.

*****

Apparently, Thorin's idea of "let's spend the day together" should have been immediately followed by the phrase "in bed." The lovers were already well into their second session of the morning.

Wild-eyed, Thorin grabbed Bilbo by the back of the head. "Take me," he commanded through gritted teeth. "And do not feel the need to be gentle." 

Bilbo attacked him with a renewed ferocity, kissing, biting, and scratching at his quarry. He rolled Thorin over on his stomach and prepared him for entry. The more sex they had, the easier it was for Bilbo to enjoy Thorin going wild on his fingers without fear of popping off before he even began. Thorin flipped over on his back as Bilbo was slicking himself.

"No. Back on your hands and knees." Bilbo said. 

Thorin gave him a primal look and complied.

Bilbo positioned Thorin to a suitable height by spreading his legs a little wider with a knee. He worked his way inside steadily. Sensing that he was about to receive a curt reminder about being too tender, he picked up speed and fucked Thorin deep and hard.

"This angle is intense. Surely if you came now I'd be able to taste you," Thorin panted.  
"How I love your filthy mouth!"

Bilbo wound the hair spilling down Thorin's back around his palm and wrist and gave it a sharp tug, forcing Thorin's head back. He was rewarded with a cry and an arse pushing back against him with greater urgency. Grabbing Thorin's hip with his free hand, Bilbo used his dual leverage to increase his pace to a brutal level. He knew he was not going to last long but then again, neither was Thorin. Thorin was thrashing, twisting, and sweating like someone in the fight of his life. 

The door flew open with Kili and Fili spilling into the room.

Kili was saying, "Bilbo we have need of your--" when he began to process what was in front of him: Thorin on his hands and knees, hair yoked around Bilbo's hand like reins on a pony. Bilbo behind him--naked--and very clearly putting his personals inside his...what? Due to the ecstatic looks on their faces and the nudity, the nature of their activities seemed clear enough but he was very perplexed over what Bilbo was doing. He knew in an instant that none of this meant anything good for him, personally, but...

Kili's thoughts were interrupted by Fili grabbing him by the shirt, dragging him out in the hall, and slamming the door. 

Due to the frantic nature of their rutting, Thorin and Bilbo only realized that Kili had spoken a few seconds after the words had already died on his lips. They looked over in shock just a halved moment before Fili hauled his brother out by the collar.  
Bilbo froze in horror. "What do we do?"  
Too far gone to have the appropriate amount of care for what just happened, Thorin growled, "Finish."

*****

Once Fili pulled Kili into the hall, the realization that something very terrible had happened in his world set in, even if he did not entirely understand it. He looked at Fili like he had seen a ghost and then ran down the stairs and out of the house. Fili chased after him but Kili was always the faster runner. He called after him when he realized he would not catch him but Kili did not slow. He set out in the direction Kili ran in and hoped he would find his brother. He inwardly cursed Thorin. At the very least, he and Bilbo were using each other for, well, whatever it was that they were doing. The greater danger was that Thorin was the worst kind of hypocrite, warning him and Kili against the very thing he himself was doing--with Kili's beloved. He needed to find Kili first and then he would deal with Thorin.

*****

Thorin and Bilbo emerged from their room and asked Ori if he had seen the brothers. Ori told them that Kili tore out of there like he had a demon on his tail and Fili took off right after him. Thorin was concerned for his nephews. He knew that he had a lot of explaining to do, not only about what he was doing but why.

"I should've told them before, just like you said," Thorin said to Bilbo. "I have to go find them."  
"Should I come with you?" Bilbo asked.  
"No, you stay here in case they come back. If they are willing to speak to you, tell them what you will. No point in keeping this secret any longer." Thorin kissed Bilbo quickly and headed out the door.

Ori stood there with a blank look on his face. He had no idea what just happened. He turned to ask Bilbo what was going on but Bilbo had already left the room. 

"Right, then," Ori said out loud to no one.

*****

Bilbo waited in Kili's room, hoping he could catch him if he returned. All the times that Kili's looks lingered long or a touch was particularly gentle had been falling into place; after the events of this week he was unable to deny that Kili was in love with him. He felt gutted but not only for Kili. His own reaction to being caught brought repressed emotions bubbling to the surface. He had not wanted Kili to see him with Thorin because there was a part of him that wanted Kili for his own. He loved spending time with Kili. Their friendship had grown strong over many weeks on the road and Kili was one of his favorite people in this world. Kili's temperament was a good match for Bilbo's kinder nature. Kili's smile was quick to appear and easy for him to share, not to mention how merry and addictive his laugh was. Moreover, Bilbo could not deny being entranced by his beauty. Kili's eyes were wide and expressive and his proportions were more than pleasing. And he was so sweet! Kili gave affection, assistance, time, and more without question or condition.

Bilbo's realized he had fallen for Kili at some point, too. 

Bilbo also realized (rather miserably) there was nothing either he or Kili could do about it. He was very much in love with Thorin and had pledged himself to him. He still could not envision his life without Thorin as his partner. Even with Thorin's faults, moods, and possessiveness, Bilbo would not take back a single thing he said or did on their first night together. After all, it was not Kili who held him when he was sick...though Kili held his hand when the humans felt entirely too tall and he had never raged at Bilbo. Bilbo felt like he would rather face down a pack of wargs than have to live without either one of the dwarves, and having both was not an option they would entertain. He scrubbed his face with his hands. He would simply have to explain it to Kili and hope that it would not ruin them both.

*****

Kili weaved through the houses and shops until he was half-around and doubled back. He did not want to be found by nor talk to anyone. His thoughts were plagued by Bilbo and Thorin. Naked. Doing--well, forget for a minute what _that_ was. There were two possible explanations for this circumstance. The first option was that they were merely bed partners. It happened frequently enough that a dwarf needed release that they would make mutual agreements with others. This particular option turned Kili's stomach in an unappealing way because he did not think he would like that his mate knew what his uncle looked like in his most private moments. Still, if the two of them were bed partners only, Kili thought he could live with it as long as they ceased when Kili started courting Bilbo. The other option was almost too horrible to contemplate: that Thorin was already seriously courting Bilbo himself. A dwarf did not seek to break up a courtship of another dwarf. It was considered a great dishonor. Those who had tried were not widely received and often had to relocate. It would be worse for him because Thorin was also family as well as the king. Kili could be both banished and shunned.

The other side of that terrible coin would be Thorin doing just what he warned Kili against. That in itself would be a betrayal almost as damaging as not being able to be with the one he loved. How many hours did Thorin lecture him about focus and duty? Warned him there was no time for frivolity? Just yesterday, he was shamed and reprimanded for flowers and braids. He had not even been naked at the time! Kili sat on the cobblestones by the lake until the afternoon began to warm and his tailbone ached. He decided to go back to the house. He hoped he could avoid Thorin until he had a better grasp on the situation. He did not feel like he could trust his uncle at the moment. He could trust Bilbo, though, if he could face him.

*****

Kili did not have much sneaking to do to get in the house undetected, as no one was in the hallway when he came in. He crept up his stairs and quietly pushed the door open to his room. He was shocked to find Bilbo there waiting for him. Bilbo was the person that Kili wanted to see least in the world...and also whom he wanted to see the most.

Bilbo stood when Kili entered the room. He spoke nervously. "I--I am not even sure why I am here. I feel like I should explain something but I have no idea what it is."

Kili was torn between asking about Bilbo's relationship with Thorin or asking him about the act he had witnessed.

"What were you doing to Thorin?" Kili finally blurted out.  
"Ah, yes. Well, you see...erm...have you any knowledge of how two males may copulate?" Bilbo asked nervously.  
"You mean having a bed partner?"  
"Yes, but having a bed partner...uh...internally."  
"Up until today it had not been anything I would have thought possible," Kili said truthfully.  
"What do you know of bed partners, Kili?"

Kili felt as though he should be embarrassed having this conversation. He might have been if it were anyone but Bilbo. 

"I know of touching and kissing, rubbing each other to completion, or putting one's mouth on the other person's sex."  
"Just like having a mouth on one's...sex, as you say...can be pleasurable, so can being inside one's partner the back way."  
"How would that even work?" Kili asked.

Bilbo felt as though he was experiencing a vivid case of deja vu. Something about Kili made this talk less embarrassing and more arousing the second time around.

"One can stretch back there. Having something slick like oil makes it much more pleasant, particularly during the stretching process. Having fingers or a cock inside feels good." Bilbo hummed. "Amazing, actually. If one is on the receiving end, it is particularly profound due to the intimacy of letting someone into one's most private area. The fullness and the sensation of being stroked from the inside out feels like it could drive you mad."

He closed his eyes, rather forgetting that he was giving a biology lecture and veering dangerously close to just flat out talking dirty to Kili.

"And if someone is on the giving end?" Kili asked, voice growing husky.  
"Imagine touching yourself but squeezing tight enough to feel your pulse in your fingers and twice as hot. Think what it would feel like to thrust into that aided with the slickness of something like oil. Now imagine that sensation coming from a person, capable of movement and sound."

Bilbo's eyes blinked open and he noted with slight discomfort that Kili's gaze was dark and hungry. He did not realize that Kili's look was mirrored in his own face. Kili swallowed hard and Bilbo's eyes followed his Adam's apple. He caught himself wondering what Kili's neck tasted like.

As Bilbo spoke of a realm of physical pleasure heretofore unknown to him, Kili's initial hurt had been pushed out of his mind by the needs of his body. Listening to Bilbo speak so lasciviously only served to elevate his desire. Kili was certain this time that he was not imaging the want in Bilbo's eyes as he spoke. He moved close to Bilbo, crowding his body. He ran his hands down Bilbo's sides, gently gripped his hips, and pulled him close.

"Bilbo," Kili murmured. "Show me."  
"Kili, we can't." 

The desire and desperation in Bilbo's voice--along with the hardness Kili could feel in Bilbo's groin--made him continue his advance.

Kili ran his tongue from Bilbo's collar up to his ear and whispered, "Teach me. I want to feel you."

Bilbo could not repress the moan that escaped his lips. He had been fighting this attraction to Kili for too long. Those eyes, that sweet smile, his loyalty, his love...gods, his _body_ pressed against him.

Kili placed small kisses along Bilbo's jawline, pausing perilously close to his mouth. 

"Drive me mad, Bilbo," Kili breathed against his lips. "You have my permission." 

Kili's eyes met Bilbo's, silently appraising him. Bilbo understood he would be way in over his head if he let himself get lost in everything those eyes had to offer. His inner voice was screaming at him to step back. He knew did not have enough strength left to fight his own desires should Kili kiss him. In trying to catch his breath, he took in an involuntary gasp and that was all Kili needed. Kili closed the distance between them and sealed his mouth on Bilbo's. 

Kissing Bilbo was almost too much for Kili. Bilbo's hesitation dissolved quickly and Kili felt him yield to him, opening his mouth and wrapping his arms around Kili's neck. Bilbo seemed to return the kiss with all the passion and longing that Kili felt himself. Kili ran his hand down Bilbo's chest and began unbuttoning his shirt. As he worked, his mouth moved onto placing gentle kisses down Bilbo's neck and collarbone. Bilbo called out his name. Running his hands over the newly exposed flesh, Kili reveled in it being solid and warm under his fingers instead of just a fantasy. Bilbo's hands roamed over Kili's back, dropping lower and disappearing under his waistband. Overcome for a moment, Kili clutched Bilbo to him. 

He whispered, "I have been in love with you for a long time, Bilbo Baggins."

The words penetrated Bilbo to his core, striking him with the gravity of the situation. The familiarity of the statement flowed over him like a bucket of cold water. If he went any further with Kili, he would eventually have to break either Kili's heart or Thorin's--and he had only exchanged promises with one of them. He knew it would hurt Kili even now, but Bilbo knew it would be much worse if they made love. Bilbo took a step back out of Kili's arms.

"Kili, we...we cannot do this." Bilbo was flushed and breathing shallowly.  
"Did I say something wrong? I should not have told you, should I?"  
"Kili, I am glad you told me. It was important that you told me now."  
Kili looked hurt and confused. "Do you not want me? Am I not desirable to you?"  
Bilbo smiled wistfully. "I wish I could tell you just how desirable you are to me, so much so that I almost forgot myself and broke my bond. Kili, what you walked in on was not just physical. Thorin and I have bonded in battle--"  
"But you and I are battle-bonded, too. You've saved me many times and although I failed, I tried to save you from the trolls!" Kili's eyes filled with tears.  
Bilbo put a hand on Kili's cheek, "I know, dear heart, but that is not all. Thorin and I have also exchanged words and consummated our union. We carry each other's imprint from physically merging in love."  
Kili's voice was growing more desperate. "But I love you, Bilbo!"  
His tears broke free and spilled down his face.  
"Oh, Kili. I love you, too. It came as a surprise to me when I realized it, but I truly do. You are so beautiful and gregarious and kind. I would have to be crazy not to love you."  
"Then we can be together! I do not need Erebor. You and I can go to the Shire! Or even back to Rivendell since you love it so dearly. Anywhere. I just want to be with you!" Kili pleaded with Bilbo.  
"Kili, I am bonded with Thorin. We are all but married. I love him and have loved him for a very long time. Even without a wedding, I am tied to him for the rest of my life. I cannot walk away from him."  
Kili's voice turned bitter, "But you can walk away from me."  
"Not without considerable damage to my heart, but yes, I must. I have made promises and I need to honor them."  
Kili's mind raced, trying to find some solution, something that would change the outcome of this future without the hobbit. "Teach me, then. Show me how one might couple with another. Let me have that memory of you to carry with me."  
"You do not know what it is you ask. Kili, if I did that to you, you would carry my imprint on your soul for the rest of your days. It would not be like mere tumbling for either of us and you know it. It would be an unfair torture for us to walk the earth like that. It would make being apart harder to bear, Kili, not easier."  
"But I don't want you being apart from me to be easy for you to bear! I want it to be so awful to bear that you do not wish to be apart from me at all." Kili wiped at the wetness still pouring from his eyes.  
"It is going to be terrible for me as it is. You must believe me when I tell you that."

Kili pulled Bilbo to him and sobbed; Bilbo wept back into Kili's shoulder. 

"Kili, Kili, Kili...I am so sorry. More sorry than you may ever know."

Bilbo seized Kili's face and kissed him one last time. Kili poured everything he had into it, both trying to memorize every nuance as well as hoping against hope to change Bilbo's mind. Bilbo eventually pulled away from him and backed towards the door. 

He paused in the doorway. "I'll always love you, Kili. I am sorry."

Kili sank to his knees and wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It had to be done. I hate myself. But not as much as Fili is going to hate Thorin when he finds out.
> 
> PS There is a version of this where Bilbo does NOT stop Kili. If you'd like to see the alternate ending, it is here http://archiveofourown.org/works/953830/chapters/1930438


	13. Fili Finds Kili

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili fills his brother in on the events of the afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, commenters! I appreciate you all! I also love how there are guesses and conspiracy theories about what might happen--you all are great :D

"Kili!"

Kili lost track of how much time had passed when he heard Thorin calling his name up the stairs. He was in no state of mind to hear whatever Thorin had to tell him. Figuring Thorin just wanted to see if he had returned to his room, Kili shimmied under the bed to avoid him. The door opened as Thorin called his name again. There was a pause as Thorin scanned the room and then the door shut again. After the sound of Thorin's footsteps had faded, Kili opted to stay under the bed. He had neither the energy nor the care to go back to sitting atop it at the moment. How was he going to continue this journey? He was furious with Thorin. Furious and envious. The envy brought Kili's thoughts to Bilbo. Oh, Bilbo. For one, brief glorious moment, Kili held everything he wanted in his arms. Now he was alone on the floor, feeling the cool wood against his cheek. 

*****

Fili came back to the house after a fruitless search of the town for his brother. He missed Thorin's entrance by minutes and narrowly avoided running into him between the doorway and the stair. He went up to the room he shared with his younger brother and sat. A sniffle and the sounds of shuffling startled him. He jumped up to see Kili scooting out from underneath the bed.

"Kili!" Fili embraced his brother tightly.  
Kili answered meeky, "I recognized your boots."  
Fili leaned back with his hands on Kili's shoulders and shook him a little bit. "I've been looking all over for you and--"   
He stopped short when he saw his brother's puffy, sob-wrecked face.  
Kili felt guilty for making his brother worry. "I'm sorry, Fee."  
"Something else has happened, hasn't it?"

Kili nodded and took a breath. He opened his mouth to try and explain but his face screwed up and he began to cry again.

Fili hugged and rocked him gently. "Shhh, I'm here now. Did you get caught by someone you did not want to see?"  
Kili shook his head into Fili's shoulder.  
"Did you talk to someone?"  
Fili felt a nod.  
"Thorin?"  
Emphatic head shaking.  
"...Bilbo?"  
Kili clutched him tighter and nodded again.  
"Did you go find him?"  
Kili's voice was a cry-wet whisper. "No."  
Well, this was an interesting turn of events, Fili thought. "He found you?"  
"H-he was waiting...here...for me. When I came back."  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
He felt Kili nod again.  
"Come, let's sit on the bed and you can tell me as much as you want."

Kili tried to compose himself a bit while the brothers sat.

"Bilbo was waiting for me in here so he could explain. I asked him what he was doing to Thorin--"  
"--I'm dying to know myself!" Fili interrupted.  
"I-I can tell you but I would much rather tell you later. I do not think I have it in me to share all I know about it at the moment."  
Fili looked at Kili's pitiful face and decided curiosity could wait a little longer. "Okay. What happened next?"  
"Well, as Bilbo explained it to me he got sort of turned on. Watching him get turned on turned me on and we sort of, uh, kissed."  
"You _kissed?_ " Fili's eyes were wide. "Who kissed whom?"  
"It was me at first but then he kissed back. Rather, erm, vigorously. I asked him to do to me the same thing he was doing to--to...you know who."  
"You _DIDN'T_!" Fili was incredulous at Kili's new-found nerve. From the tears, he knew this story did not have a happy ending but right now it was rather juicy, indeed.  
Kili risked a small, shy smile. "Yeah, I did. We were kissing and touching. He even had his hand down the back of my trousers. I started taking off his shirt and then I did the dumbest thing I have ever done."  
"Which was?"  
Kili took a deep breath. "I told him I loved him."  
"Kee, that isn't dumb," Fili soothed.  
"Yes it was! It made him stop everything. He said we could not go on. Said he belonged to Thorin. He told me they were bonded in battle and love-- _consummated,_ Fili--and that they were to be married." Kili's spoke quickly and his voice hitched but he did not start crying again.

Fili had known subconsciously that this was the answer to all the riddles, although he was hoping very hard that he was wrong and that Thorin and Bilbo were just relieving tension. Confirmation of this news hit Fili hard in the gut. No, he could not think about Thorin just yet. Fili wanted to get the rest of the story from Kili before he began raging.

"So Bilbo did not want to keep going with you after you told him you loved him. Why? Because he didn't want to get physical with someone who was not Thorin? He had already been kissing you."  
Kili sniffled. "He said that if we went any further that it would not be just physical for both of us, that it would mean more. If we continued it would make being apart too hard to bear."  
"Wait, so Bilbo _does_ have feelings for you?"  
"He said he loved me," Kili said shyly.  
Fili was confused and exasperated. "Then I don't see the problem! If he loves you and he was already kissing you, why on earth would he stop you when you told him you loved him?"  
"Because of Thorin," Kili said flatly. "They have a bond and apparently what they were doing together leaves some sort of soul-mark and is very intimate. He did not want to mark me if we could not be together and we cannot be together because he's already engaged to Thorin."  
Fili was starting to understand. "I see. So Thorin got him first and Thorin's gotten further, so that's where his loyalty lies."  
"I don't know if it is 'loyalty,' exactly," Kili justified. "But as Bilbo has made Thorin promises and has made none to me, that is the love he chose. He said he's in love with Thorin, too."  
"Well isn't that nice of him," Fili said snidely.  
"Please do not be like that, Fee. Bilbo is confused and hurt right now, too. He said he didn't mean to hurt me and I believe him. He did not know Thorin was misleading us."  
"Well, didn't you tell him? How his precious love is a hypocrite?" Fili spat.  
"No, it was not my place. It would have seemed like I was trying to discredit Thorin for my own gain."  
Fili nodded in agreement. "What happened after that?"  
"We-we cried. Together. Bilbo kissed me again and then he left. I guess he was kissing me goodbye. It was so beautiful though, Fili. I'm going to treasure it forever..." Kili trailed off.

Fili looked at his brother sadly. All Kili did was fall in love. He did not deserve such heartbreak. If Thorin had made his intentions toward Bilbo known, maybe it would have spared Kili such misery. Instead, Thorin was skulking around courting Bilbo in private while publicly chastising him and Kili for not behaving as solemn heirs of Durin, making Thorin not only a hypocrite but a sneak as well. So much for honor! Fili replayed the events of recent memory with this new information and suddenly all the trouble Kili in particular had been in made so much more sense.

As if reading Fili's mind, Kili mumbled, "I guess that's what I really got in trouble for yesterday. It had nothing to do with being frivolous with our traditions and everything to do with the fact that I was too familiar with his intended. I'll wager that's why we got in trouble for tickling him, too. I wish he would have just told us then."  
Fili simply sighed.  
"Fee, what do we do now?"  
"I do not know," Fili replied honestly. "I am going to have to talk to Thorin again at some point. I am not sure how much I will be able to hold my temper. What about you?"  
Kili thought for a moment. "If I tell Thorin what I'm truly angry about, it is going to present even bigger problems for myself and Bilbo. I've seen already how jealous he gets in the face of a perceived threat."  
"No, I meant with Bilbo," Fili clarified. "Although, really? You are not going to confront him about Bilbo?"  
"What is between Bilbo and I is ours and I am not sharing it with him. I don't want Thorin making things worse or taking anything out on Bilbo, although I may have words to say about how Thorin says one thing and does another. It is not very kingly behavior in my mind. As for what to do about Bilbo, I do not know yet." Kili put his face in his hands. "I should have never told him I loved him! So stupid!"  
"Why would you say something like that?"  
"If I had not said anything, he would not have stopped me. Maybe what we would have done together would have changed his mind about us. Or put me more on Thorin's level in his reckoning. Or...something. I don't know."  
Fili wore a concerned expression. "You know, Kee, this journey is going to be much tougher if you try to carry it out with a wounded heart."  
Kili breathed out heavily. "I know. Trying to continue while I'm mad at the leader of the expedition is going to be hard enough. Doing so while watching him with my beloved, all the while knowing what their relationship is, well, I am not sure how I will bear it. If we win Erebor, I still have to watch Bilbo marry Thorin. I almost think I'd rather relocate with the dragon."  
"I will support whatever it is you do, Kili. If you cannot bear to continue, I will go with you."  
"No! You are the first heir. Your future is in Erebor, for good or for ill. I would not let you give that up."  
"You and I need each other," Fili insisted gently. "We would be terrible apart."  
"I mean it, Fee. I would not let you give up your position just because I had to go off and nurse a broken heart." He leaned his forehead against Fili's. "We can never truly be parted, brother. No matter what happens, we would always meet again."  
"Oh, Kee," Fili hugged his brother tightly.   
He was positive that neither one of them would have gotten very far in this life without the other.   
_Damn you, Thorin,_ Fili thought bitterly.

The brothers relaxed their hug.

Fili said, "I suppose it is close to dinner time by now."  
Kili looked at Fili in horror. "I cannot go down there. Not yet. I am not ready to face Thorin and Bilbo at all, much less with an audience."  
"I will go downstairs myself," said Fili. "If I do not run into Thorin, I'll gather us up enough food that we can take dinner in our room together. If I do run into him, I may have to punch him in the face. In that case, you and I will be eating at the pub tonight."   
Fili ruffled his brother's hair as he stood up to leave.

Kili giggled. The sound was like music to Fili. He had seen too many of his brother's tears lately.

"Thank you for being there for me," Kili said.  
"You always do the same for me, brother."

Fili headed out the door to see about their dinner. Kili hoped Fili would be able to avoid Thorin. He _really_ did not feel like going back out into town tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although some readers may find it a bit redundant, I like allowing the boys to talk about things that have happened so that their perspectives of what is going on can be gained. Besides, Fili gives great reactions. Underneath all that dwarvish hotness of his, he's a bit of a teenage girl :)


	14. Regret And An Uncle's Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Fili! I have been looking all over for you and your brother." He noticed his tray laden with food and drink. "Where are you going with that?"  
> "It is dinner for Kili and I."  
> "Thank Mahal! You have found him? Why are you not dining with us?" Fili fixed him with a look and Thorin had a feeling he might not want to know the answer.  
> "We wish to keep our own company this evening, _Uncle_." Fili spoke the last word with thinly veiled contempt.

Fili managed to get to the kitchen without incident and gathered up a tray of dinner for Kili and himself. Because it had a wider entryway, Fili carried the tray through common room to get back to the stairs. As he rounded the corner, he saw Dwalin, Ori. Balin, Nori, Dori...and Thorin. Thorin was instantly on his feet. 

"Fili! I have been looking all over for you and your brother." He noticed his tray laden with food and drink. "Where are you going with that?"  
"It is dinner for Kili and me."  
"Thank Mahal! You have found him? Why are you not dining with us?" 

Fili fixed him with a look and Thorin had a feeling he might not want to know the answer.

"We wish to keep our own company this evening, _Uncle_." Fili spoke the last word with thinly veiled contempt.

Thorin winced. His nephews were some of the most social souls in the group. This isolation was very unlike them and the venom in Fili's voice did not go unnoticed.

"Please, may I have a moment aside with you so I can explain," Thorin lowered his voice, "what happened this morning?"  
"Explain? The great Thorin Oakenshield wishes to explain his actions for once? I wonder which part?" Fili did not bother to move somewhere more private or lower his voice.  
"Do you wish to explain the part where you have been courting the hobbit in secret while insisting to Kili and I that we would bring unmeasurable shame and failure on our line if our focus strayed but a little? Or the part where you almost did not let Kili come at all because you thought he could not conduct himself properly as an Heir of Durin? Or the fact that you've been holding Kili and I to standards you have no desire to uphold yourself?" Fili's voice rose with his temper. "Maybe you'd like to explain to me why Kili--who has adored and looked up to you his entire life, wanting nothing more than to make you proud--has been beating himself up because you said he dishonored the family--by doing nothing more than wearing a few harmless flowers in his hair? I daresay that is _much_ less of a diversion than anything you've been doing yourself, dear Thorin."

Fili's words were sinking in and affecting Thorin. Thorin had been so caught up in keeping his secret that he had not thought about how his justifications must have looked to his nephews.

Fili continued angrily, "Perhaps you'd like to explain to me how you allowed Kili to feel shame and throw himself on your mercy, accepting his apologies even though he had done nothing wrong? Yes, I could see why you would want to explain yourself, Thorin, Son of Thráin, Hypocrite Under The Mountain, but my brother and myself do not wish to hear any of it. Save it for them," Fili nodded to the rest of the group. "Maybe you can tell _them_ what you were doing with the hobbit's cock up your jacksie this morning while you are at it."

Fili turned on his heel (nearly spilling the drink) and stalked out of the room, leaving six mouths agape in his wake.

Ori's face pinched in thought as he tried to work something out. "How would that even _work_?" he asked aloud.

*****

Kili was relieved to see Fili return with a very fair dinner, indeed. Fili told him of the exchange with Thorin.

"I was so angry that I almost let it slip about you and Bilbo," Fili admitted.  
Kili almost choked on a bun. "But you did not, did you?"  
"No, but I wanted to. I wanted him to know the damage he has caused."  
"Oh, I think he knows enough. I cannot believe you called him 'Hypocrite Under The Mountain' to his face! Has anyone has ever done that and lived to tell about it? I am surprised he did not tackle you up the stairs."  
"Because he knows I'm right! Nothing I said was untrue and he needed to hear all of it," Fili boasted.  
"I suppose so. You did not have to yell at him so much on my behalf. I can fight my own battles."  
"I cannot help myself. I am the big brother, you know. I had more than enough indignation for the both of us, anyway."  
"Sort of sorry I missed the look on his face," Kili chuckled.  
"I really let him have it right before I left, too, In front of everyone, I said 'maybe you can tell them what you were doing with the hobbit's cock up your jacksie!'"  
Kili stopped laughing and the smile faded from his face. "You said what?"  
Fili knew Kili had heard him. "What was wrong with that?"  
"Thorin is not the only one that is going to embarrass, Fili! Now they are going to have to explain it to more people and Bilbo...oh gods, Bilbo is going to be mortified!"  
"I'm sorry, Kee. I was not thinking of Bilbo, to be honest."  
Kili pouted.  
"Aw, c'mon brother. Please do not be angry with me. I did not mean to impugn Bilbo's honor. I just wanted to embarrass Thorin as much as I could. Now that I think about it, it was a pretty bratty thing to do either way." Fili felt a bit less proud than he did a few minutes prior.  
"How long do you think before Thorin barges in here to let us have it?" Kili asked, cutting up a pear.  
Fili stole a slice. "Before the night is over, I would expect. We might want to enjoy our last meal."  
" _Your_ last meal, you mean." Kili teased.

Fili threw the last bun at him.

*****

Bilbo lay on his back with Thorin snuggled into his chest. He lovingly stroked his troubled lover's dark hair. Thorin had immediately sought him out for solace after his confrontation with Fili.

"I only thought they were upset today because they were confused about what they saw. I had no idea. Oh, I have made a mess of things, Bilbo. I should have listened to you and told them of us right away."  
"So you've said. You did not want to cause undue distractions," Bilbo said.  
"But I did, didn't I? Everyone knows now, anyway, plus it is a bit more than a minor distraction when my own nephews have lost their faith in me."  
"They have _not_ lost their faith in you," Bilbo countered.  
"'Hypocrite Under The Mountain?' That does not sound like a loss of faith to you?"  
"Well..." Bilbo faltered, not quite able to explain that one away. "Okay, you've got me there. But you can tell them what you were thinking. Your reasoning made sense to me and I was the one being kept a secret. Maybe if they see both sides of it, it would take the sting out of it."  
"Fili was right. I was overly harsh on Kili...yesterday in particular. It was my jealousy, Bilbo. I did not want you touching his hair and I made way too much of it. I thought myself clever disguising it as him making light of our customs without having a thought about how it would make him feel."  
Bilbo felt a guilty rush of blood when Thorin brought up him and Kili. Thorin did not notice.  
"Bilbo, I care for those two so much. They looked up to me and I've let them down miserably. I was so concerned about keeping everyone on track to retaking Erebor. Is it even worth it?" Thorin looked up at Bilbo questioningly.  
Bilbo kissed the top of Thorin's head. "You are upset, my love. Now is not the time to be asking yourself big questions."  
"I guess." Thorin settled back into Bilbo's chest. "I feel so responsible for all that has gone ill the last few days. My narrow vision has caused so much grief."  
"Well, tell your nephews that. You could hardly do worse by voicing your heart to them. Be vulnerable for Fili and Kili. Let them see your affection for them is real. It may not fix anything, but it could not hurt."  
Thorin rolled on top of Bilbo so he could gaze at him. "You are nothing less than amazing, Bilbo Baggins. You are so good with the lads, and with me. Balin was right."  
"Balin?" Bilbo was puzzled.  
"Before I confessed my feelings for you, Balin knew something was on my mind. I was concerned about losing my own focus if I got distracted by love. He said it did not have to be a distraction, that love could be a source of strength. He was right, Bilbo. You strengthen me and calm my soul. You make me better."  
Thorin kissed Bilbo's nose.  
"I have been a fool by occupying myself with fears of gossip and worries about disturbing the focus of the company. You have their respect and their affection. With you by my side, all of us are the stronger for it. I shall make a formal announcement of our engagement tomorrow evening when we are all together again. Would that please you, my treasure?"

It was everything Bilbo should have wanted, but his very next thought was of Kili and how it would sadden him. Nevertheless, he looked into Thorin's eyes that were blazing back at him with love and hope. 

"Yes, my king."

Thorin kissed Bilbo tenderly. He decided to give Fili and Kili a couple more hours before he sought to open himself up to them. If it was at all within his power, he would do whatever he could to make it right with them.

*****

When most of the house had settled in for the night, Fili and Kili heard a quiet knock at their door. Thorin was on the other side when Fili answered it.

"Please. May I speak to you and your brother?"

Fili nodded and opened the door. The brothers moved close to one another as Thorin entered the room, preparing themselves for whatever was going to come next.

"I must apologize for many things," Thorin began.   
Fili concentrated his effort on holding his tongue.  
Thorin's brows knitted together as he tried to find the right words to say. "I gathered by what has been said that you both know that Bilbo and I are courting. I was not secretive about it because I felt shame or as a means to cause anyone any harm. I was not hiding my hypocrisy from you. I worried that the gossip and the talk that would inevitably come about once I made an announcement of our courting would cause a distraction to the company. We are at a delicate juncture when such variance along our way could be most damaging. It never crossed my mind how the two of you would see it, or how I was going against the very advice I have been hounding you with."

Thorin paused to look at his sister-sons in front of him. Fili's face had softened a bit but Kili's was expressionless. Kili was _never_ expressionless and it worried Thorin.

"I fought my feelings for Bilbo," Thorin continued. "I was worried that if I fell in love myself it would be the biggest distraction of all and it would mean nothing short of disaster. Balin noticed my struggle and advised me that love did not have to be the negative thing I was making of it."  
Fili's tongue came to life. "Balin knew? Balin knew but _we_ did not?"  
"Balin figured it out on his own. I swore him to secrecy for the same reasons that I did not tell you in the first place: I did not want there to be talk. I was so concerned with protecting our mission that I wound up creating even more damaging diversions myself," Thorin explained. "I owe you both apologies for not being honest with you and not trusting you with something that meant so much to me. I had a chance to tell you both that day you came home with Bilbo--the day I barked at you both--but I did not. I should have told you then that I was only cross with you because I was jealous."

Thorin turned his attention to Kili. "Kili, I have wronged you even more than your brother. I was on fire with jealousy when I found out Bilbo's hands had been in your hair. I could not tell you the real reason so I found another justification to punish you for it. Dear Kili, you have suffered the most for my secrecy. I let you apologize for nothing and made you feel grateful for the opportunity. I should not have toyed with your mind like that. I swear to you it all made sense to me at the time. I was not thinking of you, though. I was thinking selfishly."  
Thorin paused a moment to look over Kili from toe to head. "Kili, you are young yet but you are no longer a child. Although I will always want to counsel you and your brother, you are beyond the age for punishment. It was wrong of me to treat you as though you weren't. You have grown into a courageous, strong, and handsome dwarf and I am so very, very proud of you." 

Thorin's voice wavered as he spoke to Kili and suddenly he broke. Thorin fell weeping to his knees, seizing a hand from each nephew. 

"I am so sorry for my thoughtlessness and my cruelty. It was not befitting an uncle, much less a king. I love you two so much. Please forgive me." Thorin buried his head in the hands he was holding.

Fili and Kili looked at each other in shock. Neither of them could remember the last time they saw sadness wet Thorin's cheeks, much less the last time Thorin knelt for anyone's forgiveness. Fili lifted his brows and shoulders at Kili in confusion. Kili's eyes were wide and helpless as he looked back.

Fili squeezed Thorin's hand. "Thorin, please."  
Thorin looked up at them with a pleading expression.

Kili sighed. He remained hurt but it was difficult to hold on to his anger when Thorin was on the floor in front of him, begging forgiveness. Thorin may have Bilbo but he was also Kili's uncle whom he had treasured for as far back as he had memory. 

Kili knelt in front of Thorin. "I forgive you, Thorin."

Thorin seized Kili and held him so tightly, Kili feared for his ribs.

Fili sunk to his knees and put his arms over either side of the pair. "I do, too." 

Thorin reached out an arm to draw Fili in closer and they stayed like that for several moments.

"I can't really breathe," Kili said from somewhere within the huddle. 

Thorin laughed through what was left of his tears and the three of them helped each other off the ground.

"I will do what I can from this point onward to earn back your trust and your respect," Thorin said as he wiped his eyes. "You are my family and you are my heirs. I see so much promise in both of you...sometimes I get overzealous in trying to push you to greater heights."  
Thorin breathed deep and seemed to try to shake off the heaviness of the last several minutes. "Let us speak of happier things. As my family, I would like you two to be the first of the company to hear that Bilbo and I will be publicly announcing our engagement tomorrow."

Fili subtly but quickly grabbed Kili's hand.

"Does he make you happy?" Fili asked.  
Thorin smiled. "I did not know such happiness was possible."  
"Do you make him happy?" Kili asked quietly. Fili squeezed his palm.  
"I hope I do. I'll spend every day for the rest of my life trying, I can tell you that much," Thorin promised. "Well, I should let you two get some rest. Thank you both for this second chance. I will treasure it and try not to fail you again, as kin or as king."  
Thorin moved to leave the room but stopped to look back. "Fili, Kili...I have learned one cannot choose who they love or when. All I can tell you is that when it occurs, it is a beautiful and magnificent thing. When it happens for you, my dear nephews, do not let it pass you by. Take hold of it and never let it go." He nodded deep and left the brothers alone.

Kili was clutching Fili's hand so hard that both of their knuckles were white.


	15. Kili Makes A Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili and Bilbo do a lot of thinking in their respective beds. Kili figures some things out for himself.

Kili lay bed, replaying his stolen encounter with Bilbo for (easily) the fortieth time. His fantasies of Bilbo had been vivid enough in the past, but they did not prepare him adequately for what he was actually like in the flesh. When Bilbo's eyes closed in pleasure as he was describing his filthy thoughts, Kili's desire had spiked most deliciously. Watching Bilbo flush and his gaze turn lustful was more tantalizing than anything Kili could have imagined on his own. He had hugged Bilbo before but had no idea how perfect Bilbo would fit in his arms for kissing--and oh, the way he kissed! Kili still felt the phantom touch of Bilbo's lips on his own. He wished with all his being that he could have had more: More kisses, more touches, more confessions of love...and plans for a future together once the quest was through. 

Kili knew he could not have any of it now that Bilbo's engagement to Thorin was confirmed. Worse, once it was announced, Bilbo and Thorin would be openly affectionate. Touches, sweet kisses, braids, and other gestures of tenderness will be exchanged; the gestures that Kili desperately wished he could call his own, he would have to watch them given to Bilbo by another. Kili would have to endure them and put on an air of happiness about it all as well. Even if he could stand it while they were on the road, he would have to watch Bilbo marry Thorin at journey's end. If he wanted to avoid this heartache, his only option would be to run away...but didn't Thorin himself say Kili should not let love pass him by? He doubted his uncle would have advised him so if he knew _who_ his love was, of course. Still, Thorin never spoke frequently or lightly of love. The fact that such sentiment came from him gave it much more weight. 

So what of Thorin's advice? Kili would like nothing more than to hold Bilbo's love and never let it go. Kili knew Bilbo loved him. He _felt_ it in his kiss and saw the pain of their separation in Bilbo's face with his own eyes. Kili felt the ache himself, although he found some comfort in that Bilbo returned his affection. Good advice or not, Thorin's words did not help much when the heart in question had already been given away. Further imposing himself on a situation like that was frowned upon in dwarven culture. How much was he willing to sacrifice to stand by BIlbo in friendship only? Was the pain to stay greater or lesser than the ache in leaving?

And what of the remaining journey? They had the most dangerous road yet ahead of them. If he left, Bilbo and Fili would be left to face the perils without him. Kili wondered if Thorin would still send Bilbo in to spy on the dragon now that they were betrothed. How could Thorin even bear it? What if it came to battle? How were the rest of them going to handle a firedrake? Fili didn't even like cooking over an open fire because it was too warm for him. Kili could flee now to save his own heart but he would miss Fili and Bilbo...possibly forever if things turned ill. He thought about what his days would be like without his brother. They had hardly been separated since they were dwarflings. How would he feel knowing Fili was facing whatever awaited at Erebor without him by his side? Kili's gut churned with the mere thought of it. Although he knew it would be a daily torment, Kili could not leave Fili and Bilbo alone to face their fates. He would rather deal with the pain and be able to watch over the ones he loved most. He firmly made his decision and hoped he had enough of whatever it would take within him to see it through.

*****

Down the hall, Bilbo lay in the bed he shared with Thorin. He was again tormented by sleeplessness and a pair of smoldering chocolate eyes.

As seemed to be their habit, Thorin was partially draped across him and sleeping soundly. Thorin had returned from his nephews a bit shaken but in much better spirits. He said nothing to Bilbo that would indicate Kili had said anything about his visit with the hobbit earlier that day. Thorin did say that Kili was the first to forgive him, though. This pleased Bilbo as he never wanted to create a rift in the family. He also took Kili's forgiveness as a sign that he had been able to handle Bilbo's rejection. Perhaps it was merely calf love after all, and Kili's youthful resilience would be an asset in helping him move on. If so, Bilbo envied him, for it would be a while before he could do the same. Kili was a beautiful mix of sweet and wild; Bilbo was strongly drawn to him. Once he let himself acknowledge the depth of the feelings he had for Kili--and found out that Kili returned them so ardently--Kili would not be easy for Bilbo to set aside, particularly when the choice to be apart was his own. Bilbo's heart ached because of it. He reminded himself that he should be grateful for what short embraces they had, even if they were more or less stolen. Although Bilbo loved Thorin, his kisses were different from Kili's. Bilbo could almost hear Kili whispering against his mouth, pleading for him to... 

_No, no, no,_ Bilbo chided himself silently. _None of that, now._

His mind was dangerous when left to roam. When he imagined what life would be like with Thorin, he always imagined them in Erebor, although he only had bits and pieces of ideas what it would really be like. Dragon-less, one would hope. Passionate, he already knew. Whenever his mind drifted back to the Shire, however, somehow Kili was always there. Bilbo finally found sleep while entertaining a thought of Kili attending a gathering at the Party Tree in his new Lake Town clothes. A small smile remained on Bilbo's lips as he slumbered.

*****

After breakfast the next morning, Fili and Kili were on a mission to catch Bilbo and pull him aside so that Kili could talk to him. Fili knew that his brother was planning something but he was not sure quite what. Kili promised he would tell him later, insisting on speaking to Bilbo first. Kili seemed more resolute and less giddy, so Fili guessed it was not another attempt at a kiss and cuddle. Fili worried Kili might be planning a private goodbye to Bilbo just before bidding Fili himself farewell and disappearing somewhere back west. Fili resolved to stay aware and keep a good eye on his brother today. Kili was not going anywhere without him, that was for sure.

*****

Kili found Bilbo first, requesting a private conversation. Bilbo was a bit hesitant. He was not sure if Kili was going to try to sway his decision...or if BIlbo would have the strength to give the same answer if he found his way into Kili's arms again. However, Kili was polite and formal, and Bilbo told himself it would be rude to not at least hear him out. Kili led Bilbo up to the room he shared with Fili, shutting the door behind him.

"Bilbo, I was up half the night thinking about you. Thorin told me what is to be announced later today and it pains me more than I can express to you, so much so that I considered leaving tonight so that I would not have to bear it."  
The hobbit was horrified. "Kili! You ca--"  
Kili held up a hand and interrupted Bilbo's exclamation, "But I am not leaving. You and Fili mean too much; I cannot send you to face the danger in the mountain without me. That is why I want to talk to you."  
Kili took a breath and tried to gather his thoughts.  
"Bilbo, I love you. The only thing that pains me more than your sharing another dwarf's life is the thought of living my own life without you. I would rather stay by your side in loyalty and friendship than to not be by your side at all." Kili dropped to one knee in front of the hobbit. "I offer myself as your protector for the remainder of this journey and beyond."  
"Kili, you are going to have your hands full trying to keep yourself safe. I am capable of protecting myself...and sometimes the rest of you, too, as I have proven." Bilbo said haughtily.  
Kili expected this argument. "That is very true, yet we are all on our way to meet our greatest challenge. Who is to say what assistance we will need before the end? If I cannot have your heart, dearest Bilbo, please consider allowing me the comfort of caring for your person."

Kili's eyes were filled with love and sincerity and Bilbo was struck with how disarming Kili's gaze truly was. He would never forgive himself if this sweet dwarf came to harm trying to protect him, but he also could not stand to bring pain to those eyes he loved yet again.

"If it would comfort you, then I would be agreeable," Bilbo said.  
"It would. Thank you." Kili rose to his feet. "It pleases me that I can mean something to you."  
Bilbo felt a twinge in his chest. "Kili, you do. You mean so much to me. Please, do not ever think you do not. Just because I cannot kiss you does not mean I do not carry the heat of your mouth in my memory."  
"Is that true?" Kili asked softly.

Bilbo did not know why he confessed such a thing. Having this beautiful creature still so willing to be candid with him made him want to share his thoughts in kind.

"Yes. You were not the only one awake half the night," Bilbo murmured.

Although Kili desperately wished to embrace Bilbo for this confession, he knew that it would only bring more tears between them.

"Then I am even more decided that my place is at least near you if it cannot be beside you. Bilbo," Kili's voice grew gentler yet determined. "Please know I am ever at your service...whatever you choose for that to mean."

Bilbo felt several tingles fly up his spine. He was searching for a reply to this when there was a sharp knock on the door and Fili's face right after. 

"Thorin is looking for Bilbo." Fili shut the door again just as quickly.

Bilbo felt panicky, as though he had been naked when Fili made his announcement. Kili put his hand on Bilbo's shoulder before he hurried out the door.

"I want you to know I did not tell Thorin about yesterday. I would not presume to tell you what secrets to keep from your betrothed, but he will not hear any of our personal business from me," Kili assured Bilbo.  
"Nor from me." 

With that, Bilbo once again left Kili alone in his room.

"This is getting to be a habit," Kili said to himself.


	16. Party Prep (Smutty McSmutSmut)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo and Thorin get cleaned up and dressed for their engagement dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pendulum swings back over for a little Bagginshield smut. They _are_ engaged, people.

Bilbo tried to compose himself as he went to find his intended, as his encounter with Kili left him flustered and muddled. Bofur directed Bilbo toward the bathing area where Thorin was already waiting for him. 

When Bilbo entered the room, Thorin turned around and smiled brightly. Bilbo was sure his heart stopped for a moment. He still had not gotten used to how breathtaking Thorin was when he smiled like that...and he only smiled like that for Bilbo. If Kili had a way of making Bilbo forget why he chose Thorin, Thorin certainly had his own way of reminding him. Bilbo noticed that there was a steamy, fragrant bath drawn.

"What is this, Thorin?" asked Bilbo.  
Thorin stepped forward and took him in his arms. "A little ritual bathing between intendeds before we present our union to family and friends."  
Thorin rubbed Bilbo's nose with his own.  
"Together?" Bilbo looked up at Thorin through his eyelashes, playing coy.  
"More enjoyable that way, I think."

Thorin began undressing Bilbo, button by button. They were soon fully naked and tangled in hot, deep kisses.

"Why is it?" Thorin spoke between kisses, "that I can miss you so badly when it has only been a scant few hours since I last had my hands on you?"  
"I have no answer. The only solution is for you to have your hands on me all the time," Bilbo flirted.  
Thorin led Bilbo to the bath, helping him in and climbing in after him.  
"So, how does this go? Are there rules?" Bilbo asked.  
"I wash you and care for you. If you are so inclined, you will do the same for me." 

Thorin cupped water in his hands and spilled it over Bilbo's chest and repeated the action for each shoulder. He reached for a cake of soap that smelled of wood and lavender. It was clearly new and procured for this occasion. He worked the bar in his hands to form some suds that he began working over Bilbo's chest. Bilbo hummed with pleasure as Thorin's hands slipped over his skin. Thorin took the bar of soap in his hand and reached below the water, running it over Bilbo's thighs and cock, making low noises of his own as Bilbo's breathing grew heavy. He switched hands and began stroking his lover. Bilbo splashed a little as he tried to find a way to brace himself and thrust into Thorin's grip. Thorin moved his hand then, sliding it up Bilbo's body, cupping his neck, and pulling him into a heated kiss.

"Face the other direction," Thorin whispered into his mouth. 

With a little effort, Bilbo's back was facing Thorin's chest. Thorin created some more lather and smoothed it over Bilbo's skin. Bilbo squirmed and giggled a bit when Thorin got too close to his tickle spots around his sides. Thorin slipped the bar of soap under the water and worked it into Bilbo's crease. After a few seconds, he set the bar aside and set about massaging the area. When Thorin's fingers brushed his entrance, Bilbo threw his head back. Thorin threaded a hand through Bilbo's hair and pulled further so he could bite at his neck. Bilbo cried out and pushed back into Thorin's erection.

"Not yet, my dear wonder," Thorin purred, handing Bilbo the soap. 

Bilbo turned himself around and set to washing Thorin in the same order, in case there was some cultural significance of it. He was not sure the cock-teasing was part of it, but he refused to leave it out. Thorin growled his approval. After finishing his front, Bilbo asked Thorin to turn around. He worked lather over Thorin's back and took extra care to massage around the shoulders where his love was always so tense. He worked his way down to the cleft between Thorin's legs and cleaned him thoroughly, first with soap and then with his hand. Thorin twitched each time Bilbo touched his hole. Bilbo knew that although it was still new to Thorin, the dwarf had a special weakness for play of this sort. He also realized anything he did would eventually be done back to him--with equal or greater enthusiasm. It was a great incentive to be wanton.

"Get up on your knees and bend over the far end of the bath," Bilbo said.

Thorin complied eagerly as he knew he would not regret it. 

When Thorin's backside was far enough out of the water for Bilbo to access easily, he spread him open and began long, slow licks over Thorin's entrance. He heard a deep moan of encouragement. He continued like this until Thorin squirmed with impatience. Bilbo spreaded the tight opening with his tongue, sliding in and out until his mouth was wide open and could not extend any further. He prodded him wetly, moving his head in time, his noises of effort being drowned out by Thorin's growls of pleasure. He alternated between tongue-fucking his lover and merely licking around the pucker while his mouth recovered from the ache.

"I will never get over how obscene it is that you lick me there," Thorin said huskily. "Do you kiss your fiance with that tongue?"  
Bilbo paused in his duties. "Yes. And I fuck him up the arse with it, too," Bilbo teased.  
"You are a wicked creature!"

Bilbo resumed licking his lover into a frenzy. He reached around to grab Thorin's cock and began to pump it to match his mouth's pace. Thorin's moans quickly grew into muffled screams as he shot his release into Bilbo's hand. Bilbo had never experienced Thorin's climax with his tongue inside him before. It was intense in a way he had not imagined and intimate in a way that being inside him with his member was not. He reeled from it as though he had found release, too. 

Bilbo wiped his hands. "Um, I can get most of it off on the washcloth but I think we've made the water a little extra dirty."  
Thorin had settled back into the bath. "Good," he said. "A little seed in the water could be filthy in a fun way. I rather like the idea of you attending our engagement dinner wearing a bit of me on your skin."  
"My, my, my! Who has the obscene mouth now?"  
"Who, indeed?" Thorin said as he physically encouraged Bilbo to standing. 

Before Bilbo could ask what he was doing, Thorin had a throat full of Bilbo's prick and began working it as to leave no doubt of what his goal was. Bilbo wailed and let himself be carried helplessly along for the ride. Thorin's rhythm was sure and strong and it was not long before Bilbo was convulsing and twitching his own orgasm into his mouth. Thorin intentionally pulled back and let the last two pulses land in the bath.

As Bilbo sat and recovered, Thorin said "Now there will be traces of both of us in the water."  
"Is that part of the ritual, too?" Bilbo asked.  
"Well, to be honest it isn't an actual dwarven ritual. I simply thought it would feel more ceremonial if we did something as intimate as wash each other," Thorin said.  
"I never knew you were such a romantic sap, Thorin."  
"Neither did I, to tell you the truth." Thorin leaned in to claim a kiss. "I love you. What you just did to me was nothing short of amazing."  
"It felt pretty incredible from where I was sitting as well."  
"Are you ready to wash each other's hair?" Thorin asked.  
"We're washing hair?"  
"Well, yes. We want clean, fresh hair for the braiding we will be doing." Thorin smiled proudly. "Now that we are not secret, I want those braids you promised me. I'm not sure if I can get one to stay in your hair or not. We'll have to try."  
Bilbo was suddenly shy. "You want to put courting braids in my hair?"  
"More than I can tell you," Thorin said tenderly.  
Bilbo smiled sweetly but his expression quickly turned to horror.  
"Oh, Thorin! I do not have beads or anything to fix your braids with!"  
"I thought of that. I have clasps for you to use. Once we get to Erebor, you can change them out with something different if they do not please you. For my part, I have two of my own personal beads that I wish to share with you."  
"But mine for you aren't from me! They won't be special enough." Bilbo worried.  
"It is okay," Thorin soothed. "If it bothers you, we can fix it another day when a better opportunity presents itself."

The pair washed each other's hair and eased out of the bath, drying one another off. Bilbo carefully combed through Thorin's hair. He picked two spots for his plaits on either side of ones Thorin already wore. 

"Hobbits like symmetry," Bilbo said.

Thorin found that, regrettably, Bilbo looked silly with visible braids in his still short-ish hair. They were not as princely as they had been in Thorin's mind's eye. In fact, they looked more like droopy antennae. Thorin settled for a single braid nestled in at the nape of Bilbo's neck under his hair. It was not as public as he would like, but it was much more dignified.

Gently, Thorin said, "I hope you will consider growing your hair longer so that proper braids will look more appropriate."  
"I will. I had been considering it already," Bilbo assured.

Thorin had two piles of clean, folded clothing waiting for them. The balance of the tailor order had arrived just in time for Thorin, Bilbo, and the rest of the company to be able to dress nicely for dinner. Thorin checked the fit of his clothes in the mirror and took a moment to admire his new braids.

"Bilbo, this plait looks unfamiliar to me." It looked like it was made with several strands and it put him in mind of a fish's bones.  
"It is a braid from the Shire. Some of my Took cousins taught me how to do it when I was younger. Do you not like it?"  
"No, I do. Quite a bit. I just did not expect anything so..." Thorin trailed off.  
"Ah, you expected to have to teach me and for me to bumble through it. I can see it now--wearing the hobbit's crooked courting braids, but it is so charming since the little Shireling didn't know any better." Bilbo's tone was mocking but playful.  
"Well, yes. Actually."  
Bilbo said, "It is a good thing for you that you look so incredible when you are dressed in something other than your traveling leathers, otherwise I might make other plans after our party in answer for you underestimating me like that."  
Thorin wrapped his arms around Bilbo. "You. Just. Try. I have plans of my own for you later. I do not care how gorgeous you look in that new red waistcoat. It will be on the floor of our bedroom tonight while you beg for me to claim your a-mmppfh"

Thorin was cut off with a mouthful of hobbit tongue. Gods, he adored this creature.

*****

Fili cornered Kili in their room shortly after Bilbo left.

"Can you tell me what is going on now? What was all of that about?" Fili asked him.  
"I offered myself in service to Bilbo."  
"Is that what you couldn't tell me?"  
"Yes. I did not want to tell you before he agreed. It did not seem right."  
"Wait, what sort of service?"  
"Whatever he wants. Protection. Loyalty. Friendship. Physical comfort, if he wishes it. Love, if ever I could be so lucky," Kili said wistfully.  
"Did you actually tell him he could _use_ you for physical comfort?" Fili thought his brother had gotten very bold as of late if he was making such personal offers.  
"I did not state the last two specifically, although I did imply them," Kili said. "My pledge was the first three, though. I figured if I was sticking around for this disaster, I wanted to at least have some connection to him."  
Fili grew anxious. "So you _are_ staying, then? No running away?"  
"Yes, he accepted and I am staying. It will hurt but I shall see this through."  
"Are you sure?" Fili was afraid to take his brother at his word.  
"Fee, I know I talked about running off before but I realized I just cannot leave you two."  
"If you are sure..." Fili said warily.  
"You are exasperating! Yes, I am sure!"  
Fili grinned. "You are talking like Bilbo, now! Wait here." 

Fili left their room, returning a moment later with...Kili's bow?

He explained, "Well, by the time I got suspicious that you were up to something today, you already had on your boots so I could not hide those. I knew you would not leave without your bow, so I hid it under Oin's bed."

Kili stared at Fili incredulously, followed by a smile, and eventually a laugh. Fili began laughing, too, and then the brothers couldn't seem to stop.

Bofur peeked in from the hall and said, "Oi lads, has the party started already?" 

That just made the two laugh even more.

When they finally calmed down, Fili was bent full over holding his side and Kili was wiping away tears of merriment.

"Thank you, Fee. I needed that."  
"I told you: you aren't going anywhere without me."


	17. An Expected Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner tables--for they had to push together more than one--were so laden with food that evening that it is a wonder they did not break. Thorin's spot was at the head of the tables with Bilbo, Fili, and Kili closest to him. Thorin looked out over the company and was pleased. They were all dressed in new, clean clothes and looking quite sharp. The dwarves were all growing hale and hearty again with their wounds healing and their weariness abated. Although they were not clad as they would be in his royal halls, for the first time in a long time Thorin truly felt as though he were holding court.

Someone just _might_ have sent word to a couple choice vendors in town that the King Under The Mountain was holding a private party in honor of the Hobbit Of Erebor that evening (the finer details being left out) that resulted in several gifts of food and drink to be sent by messenger to the dwarrows' lodgings throughout the afternoon. An invitation for an after-party to be held at the pub was also issued to the company (gratis, of course), with said pub very likely putting the word out to the town that a dwarf party may make its way over there before the night was out. Never let it be said that the merchants of Lake Town shied away from blatant marketing. Regardless, Thorin was incredibly pleased their status, story, or both had bought them some sorely needed comfort after the hard road they had traveled. The folks of Lake Town could put whatever they wanted on their shingles as long as they heaped kindness and provisions upon his group.

The dinner tables--for they had to push together more than one--were so laden with food that evening, it was a wonder they did not break. Thorin's spot was at the head of the tables with Bilbo, Fili, and Kili closest to him. Thorin looked out over the company and was pleased. They were all dressed in new, clean clothes and looking quite sharp. They were also growing hale and hearty again, wounds healing and weariness abating. Although they were not clad as they would be in his royal halls, for the first time in a long time Thorin truly felt as though he were holding court. He stood and called the dwarrows to attention before the meal got deeply underway. He bade Bilbo stand as well.

Thorin spoke with authority. "My friends, I would like to formally announce my betrothal to Bilbo Baggins, son of Bungo, soon to be Prince Consort Under The Mountain. We have bonded in battle and have decided to deepen it beyond brotherhood, entwining all the days of our lives as husbands."  
Thorin took Bilbo's hand and beamed at him with pride.

A great cheer went up around the tables. Fili and Kili were more subdued but clapped and held up their drinks as the others did. Bilbo smiled and looked around at his friends. If his gaze lingered a little longer on Kili, no one else noticed.

Thorin grew more serious. "We are all facing the last and most important part of our long journey. Although we are announcing our intention to be wed, our focus for the time being will be reclaiming Erebor for our people. I say 'our' for Bilbo is evermore one of us. We will not plan a wedding or split our focus until we meet our fate at Erebor, whatever that fate may be."

Solemn nods and murmurs of approval came from the company. No one would have argued if Thorin wanted to get married that very night, but they wanted to support their leader's decision.

Thorin continued, "I do not think it needs to be said, but from this day forth Bilbo Baggins is to be afforded the same courtesy and respect as you give to me. Probably more than some of you give to me, for that matter!" Thorin joked.

This last comment was met with laughter. Thorin jested rarely and many were happily surprised with his teasing.

"On another subject, regarding...uh...certain rumors circulating amongst you: No one is to approach Bilbo with questions of a sexual nature, regardless of their 'academic importance.' Going forward, it will be considered not only entirely inappropriate but also actionable for anyone to speak to _my_ betrothed about such things."

Ori at least had the good grace to look embarrassed. Someone else coughed uncomfortably. Kili smirked a bit with the small pleasure of knowing the secret in full from Bilbo's own mouth.

Thorin moved on from the warning quickly, gesturing toward the table with wide arms and an even wider grin. "Let this delightful feast be our engagement party. Enjoy this night as though there would be no chance of hangovers in the morning!"

Another cheer went around the tables, this one considerably louder and more raucous. Kili elbowed his brother. They had a silent conversation with eyes and eyebrows before Fili finally stood with his tankard raised.

"I toast my Uncle and King for his union with the courageous and incredibly handy Bilbo Baggins! May misfortune follow you the rest of your life and never once catch up! To the King and Prince Consort of Erebor!"

Thorin took Bilbo in his arms and kissed him soundly as the group echoed Fili's toast. The company hooted and carried on when the kiss lingered long. When the couple broke apart at last, Thorin wore a grin wider than any had seen him wear before. Bilbo was flushed and a little breathless. They took their seats as a signal that dinner was officially underway.

Kili downed his tankard post-toast in record time. He wanted to get drunk enough to dull this ache. Kili comforted Fili by patting his thigh when he sat down again. The brothers had agreed that it was Fili's place as eldest family member as well as first heir to lead a drink to the union, but Kili knew Fili felt guilt for raising a toast to what was ultimately Kili's pain. His brother had argued with him to find a way around it but Kili was insistent that it was not only expected but also proper of Fili's station. Kili wanted to hate Thorin but found it difficult. Although Kili knew the look Thorin wore all too well, he could only begrudge the expression a little. Kili had loved Thorin dearly his entire life. If it had been anyone else that made Thorin glow like the Valar with happiness--or if it was anyone but Bilbo that called to Kili's own heart--he would be the one cheering the very loudest. 

*****

Dinner itself was long and mirthful. Food flew through the air, laughter rang far through the house, songs were sung, and ale and wine supplies dwindled rapidly. Bilbo sneaked glances at Kili, who seemed to be avoiding sulking by attempting to get drunk. For his part, Kili stole a few glances of his own at Bilbo but had not yet been caught by the object of his fancy. Kili also noted with some annoyance that it was taking an appalling length of time to quench the burn in his chest with ale. Fili kept on his party face but peeked regularly at his brother to gauge how well he was holding up. Thorin was incredibly merry and spoke much but he only had eyes for Bilbo.

When the food and ale had both been depleted, it was decided the party would be indeed moving to the pub--no sense in declining the generosity of the barkeep on this auspicious occasion, after all. Thorin knew the mere rumor of their appearance in his establishment would bring the barkeep additional business this night. Being as he was the one who sent them the casks of ale and wine for the party, Thorin wanted to grant him a favor in turn. 

With the decision being made to move the celebration, Bilbo found himself in sort of a receiving line wherein he accepted well wishes from members of their group. His betrothed stood a few feet away with a line of his own. Bilbo was pulled into aggressive hugs and had his spine nearly knocked out of place by overenthusiastic claps on the back. When Bofur came through, Bilbo rose on tiptoe to whisper a request for a special carving project in his ear. Bofur smiled benevolently, asking Bilbo to repeat the request tomorrow when he had a better chance of remembering it. 

Kili and Fili went through Thorin's line first, Fili after Kili so he could keep an eye on his brother.

"Congratulations, Thorin," Kili said with convincing cheer.

Thorin gazed upon Kili with an uncle's love and embraced him warmly. They parted and Thorin thanked him with a proud smile.

Fili was next, pausing a moment to watch Kili walk over to stand at the end of Bilbo's line. "I wish you and Bilbo the best. I owe you both an apology about that other...personal matter. The one I mentioned when I, uh, yeah. I did not really think about the problems it would raise. I did not mean for Bilbo to be inappropriately questioned."  
"You should count yourself lucky that you are too old to be put over my knee. Were I not so stricken by the rest of your words that day, I might have done it anyway," Thorin said in mock seriousness before pulling his heir into a strong hug. "If you were able to accept my apology, I can certainly accept yours. Thank you, Fili."  
After the hug, Fili gave him a small bow and went to stand behind Kili.

Bilbo watched as Kili joined his line. He and Kili had purposefully avoided each other prior to dinner, even as Thorin insisted his nephews stayed close. He knew it would seem too odd for Kili not to do as the others were doing and share his wishes, but Bilbo had no idea what would happen when it was Kili's turn. Bilbo embraced and talked to the others, keeping Kili in his peripheral vision. Inevitably, Kili stood in front of him at last. Bilbo was suddenly very glad he had not yet had much to drink because Kili looked irresistibly stunning in his blue and grey outfit. 

Kili locked eyes with Bilbo, searching for something to say to him. "Bilbo, I..." he began but could not seem to finish.

Bilbo flapped his arms once against his body and tilted his head in a half shrug, feeling equally awkward and wordless. He decided on pulling Kili to him in a hug which Kili returned strongly, breathing Bilbo's scent deeply.

"I know," Bilbo said softly into Kili's hair. "Me too, Kili. Me too."

Kili inhaled sharply and gave Bilbo another tighter squeeze before pulling away and leaving him without a second look back.

Bilbo was still looking in the direction where Kili disappeared when he realized that Fili was last in line and still patiently awaiting his turn.

"Oh, um, yes. Right, then," Bilbo blustered. 

He noticed a peculiar look on Fili's face. It was a sad sort of smile that seemed rather out of place at an occasion such as this. Bilbo thought back to earlier that day when Fili had warned him and Kili that Thorin was looking for him and realization began to creep in. Bilbo looked down at his feet and back up Fili with a small huff of resignation. 

He slightly squinted an eye at Fili and asked, "How much do you know?"  
Fili motioned for Bilbo to give him his hug. When he was next to Bilbo's ear he said, "Enough to desperately hope you know what you are doing."

He leaned back out of the hug, gave Bilbo a deep nod, and went to join his brother.

Bilbo glanced at Thorin to see if he had taken notice but the king was thoroughly cornered by Gloin, who was enthusiastically sharing his marital expertise. Bilbo decided to rescue him.

*****

By the time Bilbo and Thorin reached the pub, the place was filled with people. Thorin's appearance caused quite a stir, and Bilbo's almost more so. The barkeep was most pleased with the turnout. Whatever quenching the thirst of dwarves would cost him, he was still going to make at least double from everyone else who turned out to see them. Plus, this was the first time he managed to get the king in his establishment. That was sure to win him business for months to come. 

*****

Kili had sat himself at the bar almost as soon as they got to the pub. The bartender offered him an ale.

"Do you have anything stronger?" Kili asked miserably.  
The bartender gave him an appraising look. "Green eyes and dark blonde hair?"  
Fili was impressed.  
"Close. Blue eyes and sandy hair." Kili said.  
The bartender poured him a glass of clear liquid. "A couple of those ought to do it. How about your friend?"  
"Moral support," Fili confirmed.

The bartender poured another one for Fili. The two brothers picked up their glasses and each threw back a healthy slug.

Fili slammed his on the bar, eyes watering. 

"That stuff could burn the hair off a horse!"  
Kili's throat burned and his eyes watered like Fili's. "Best keep it away from your beard, then! Damn, that is _strong_."  
"Another?"  
"Absolutely!"

*****

About an hour in, Thorin realized with amusement that he had never seen Bilbo seriously imbibe before. Although he was not participating in any drinking contests--unlike Dwalin, who was going head to head with the captain of the guard--Bilbo was certainly ingesting a respectable amount of the pub's ale all on his own. Thorin looked around. He realized he was feeling his own heady rush from alcohol ingestion when he started thinking to himself how much he adored the members of his company. Thorin knew himself to secretly be an affectionate drunk. He was so happy no one here was treating them poorly or belittling them like Men had other times in the past. All his dwarves were having a wild time with each other as well as the townspeople--all except Kili and Fili, it would seem. They had been seated at the bar since before Thorin arrived and were keeping more to themselves. Still drinking, of course, but it seemed that they were more subdued. Thorin felt guilty because he was sure they were afraid to disappoint him again. He decided to go over and tell them not to worry about it tonight.

Kili was fully drunk by the time Thorin reached them. Fili had slowed down a bit so he could keep an eye on his brother, but he let Kili go for as many as he wanted. If a dwarf could not get blind drunk on the night that his love announced he was marrying another, what other time for it was there?

Thorin put an arm around both his nephews. "I want you two to enjoy tonight. I don't want you to hold back because you think I'm going to lecture you about duty or family."  
"W-we are enjonin' tonight, Thorn," Kili managed to slur.  
Fili smirked. "As you can see, _Thorn_ , we are having a grand time!"  
"How did Kili get so far apace from you, Fili?" Thorin had seen the lads drunk, but their level was usually similar at any given time of night.  
"Kili decided to sample the harder distilled spirits. I switched back to ale a few drinks back."  
"Mmmm-mmmm," Kili agreed.  
"Take care of your brother, Fili. I-I could not bear for anything to happen to either of you. You might be grown but you are still my lads." 

Thorin felt the threat of his emotions wanting to escape through his eyes. Damn ale.

"We care for you too," Fili said.  
Kili attempted speech again. "Yesh. Love...Bilbo."  
"What?" Fili and Thorin both said at the same time.

Just then, a whoop was heard across the bar and the patrons clapped rhythmically. 

The best Fili could tell, Bilbo had taught his side of the tavern (dwarves and Men alike) a Shire drinking song and was now _dancing on his table_ trying to lead them all in the chorus. By the second round, he'd gotten almost full participation and was dazzling them with some fancy footwork. Fili was relieved by the timing. Thorin thought Kili was just noticing Bilbo; Fili knew Kili wasn't noticing anything that was not two feet in front of him. 

Thorin was awestruck by Bilbo's floorshow. He had no idea he had _this_ in him. Thorin's mouth was curled in an open smile, as though he were trying to find words but couldn't. Bilbo noticed him and tried to drag him over to sing with them but Thorin was resistant. 

Somewhere through his haze, Kili thought that if Thorin would not dance and sing with Bilbo that he would. Drunken rationalizations being what they are, it made perfect sense to Kili that this was a way he could prove himself more worthy than Thorin. Fili had no choice but to join and he dragged "Thorn" over with him, too. 

Bilbo was surprised by this turn of events but he was rather deeply under the influence as well and did not have the presence of mind for Kili angst. So it came to pass that the Prince Consort to be, the King Under The Mountain, and at least half the pub attendees in Lake Town sang a hobbit drinking song over and over for at least a quarter hour while the Prince Consort and youngest Heir of Durin danced vigorous jigs on a table for the merriment of all. Even Dwalin's jaw was on the floor at the sight. The barkeep was trying to figure out how to fit it all on a shingle.

Kili's inebriation finally overpowered him the last round through the last chorus and he managed to trip both Bilbo and himself. They fell on the table with Kili landing on Bilbo. They looked at each other for a lingering moment but Fili had his brother off Bilbo and righted on the floor before anything could happen that could not be undone. 

Fili decided it was time for them to go home. Kili was so far gone that he did not even try to argue. With no small amount of effort, Fili got Kili home, up the stairs, and poured into bed.

Fili kissed him on the forehead. "Good night, Kee. Dream of anything but hobbits."

*****

Thorin had also taken the ungraceful finale of Bilbo's show as a signal they should head back to the house. Bilbo was not as far gone as Kili, thankfully, and needed no assistance actually getting there. It turned out that Bilbo was an affectionate drunk as well. _Very_ affectionate, it would seem. Although--even inebriated--the hobbit had a sense of propriety in the bar, the moment they got far enough down the street to be alone, Bilbo kept trying to push Thorin against buildings, demanding kisses and trying to drag him into shadows for _more_. He pouted rather adorably in frustration when Thorin insisted they wait until they got back to their own lodging. Once back to their room, Bilbo wasted no time stripping himself naked. He scrambled up on the bed, laid back with his legs spread wide, and clasped his hands behind his head.

He gave Thorin a saucy little wink and said, "Okay, husband-to-be. Why don't ya give me what you've got?"

Thorin wasted no time working his way out of his clothes to do just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I'm so thankful for all your comments. I'm also thrilled with each and every one of you who have hung with me this far. <3


	18. Interlude:  The Day-Afters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shorter timeline-style chapter of conversations that happened the morning/afternoon after the engagement party.

**8:30 am**  
Thorin woke to BIlbo grumbling.

"What's wrong, Bilbo?"  
"Could you be so kind as to turn off the sun, please?" Bilbo requested.  
Thorin dropped his pillow on Bilbo's face. "Better?"  
"Yes, and ask the birds to keep it down if they do not mind," Bilbo deadpanned, somewhat muffled.  
Thorin closed his eyes again. "I have no skill commanding birds, I'm afraid."  
"Well, what good are you, then?" Bilbo smacked Thorin with the pillow.  
Thorin rolled on top of the complaining hobbit and tickled his sensitive area on his side. "You weren't asking me that last night!"  
"St-stop!" Bilbo was giggling quite against his will. "That tickles! Th-thorin!"  
"Tell me I do you plenty good and I'll stop," Thorin teased.  
"Yes. YES! You are good and useful and wonderful and everything else!"

The tickling stopped and Bilbo opened his eyes. Thorin was smiling at him. _Really_ smiling. It was almost creepy.

"What?" Bilbo asked.  
"How do you feel this morning?"  
"Tired. Hungover. Why do you ask?" Bilbo asked warily.  
"Do hobbits...forget things? When they've been drinking?" Thorin was clearly leading in a direction.  
"Uh, sometimes." 

Bilbo panicked for a moment. Did he call Thorin "Kili" or say something else terribly incriminating? He didn't _think_ so...

"What do you remember of last night?" Thorin, asked...still smiling that big smile, which was looking ever more ominous to Bilbo.

"We got engaged, we ate dinner, I-" Bilbo decided he was going to skip the part with Kili and Fili for now. "-I was congratulated by our friends, we went to the pub, and...oh." 

Bilbo looked up at Thorin who was now grinning like a loon. 

"I seem to recall doing a bit of singing?" He quirked his eyebrows up in embarrassment. Thorin nodded encouragement. "And dancing?"  


Thorin was getting a great deal of delight out of the memory of Bilbo's performance. It had already become a favorite.

"I had no idea you were such an exhibitionist, Bilbo. There's more of this Took, as you say, in you than you have let on!"

"I remember you singing with me, too, but it wasn't you dancing. Was it Kili? Kili was dancing with me?" Surely not, Bilbo thought.  
"Yes! I thought I was going to expire right on the spot at the sight of the two of you dancing on the table. He was about as drunk as I've ever seen him. I don't know if I even knew he could dance. Or you, for that matter! I did not know you sang, either."  
"Hobbits love to sing and dance. We are taught from the time we, uh, are...children," Bilbo informed him, getting distracted by something on Thorin's collarbone.  


Bilbo let his eyes rake across Thorin's body and the rest of their night came back to him, too. How he tried to give Thorin public favors on the way home. How he had left love marks all over Thorin's neck and torso. And hips. And thighs. If he recalled correctly, there may also be some on the tops of his feet. There was also a fair amount of...ah...evidence of Bilbo's pleasure on Thorin's skin.  


Thorin noticed Bilbo staring and grinned anew. "I see you remember some other things as well. Do not look so horrified. You look equally wrecked, love. I'll be a little surprised if you can walk comfortably today, too."  
Bilbo noted how Thorin positively _leered_ at him. "You seem quite pleased with yourself!"  
"I am. More pleased with you, though." Thorin dipped down to nuzzle him. "I said that I was happy we could finally be open about our relationship with the company. You responded by fastening yourself rather firmly to my neck and not letting go until it nearly hurt. You weaved quite a path of destruction down my body."  
"And you mine, as I recall."  
"It is not my fault you taste so appealing! Or look so pretty in my marks." Thorin's hands began to roam as he pressed soft kisses to Bilbo's shoulders.  
Bilbo wiggled out from under Thorin. "As delightful as that feels, I've awoken in sub-par condition after a night of heavier drinking than I've done in months. I need a water closet and then more water to put in me...in exactly that order."  
Thorin looked disappointed.  
Bilbo touched Thorin's cheek and said, "Everything from that point onward is negotiable, I assure you."

 **10:00 am**  
Kili woke in a terrible state. He felt sick, his head pounded, his body ached...even his hair hurt. He was not sure he'd ever been that drunk before. The last thing he could remember clearly was holding Bilbo.

_"I know. Me too, Kili. Me too."_

He did not know what would be worse: Having felt just how much Bilbo loved him in that moment or if Bilbo had never loved him at all. 

Kili sat up and tried to stretch. It proved rather difficult.  
"Good morning, sunshine!" Fili said, a tad too loudly.  
"Shhh!" Kili protested.  
"Have a bad case of the day-afters?"  
"Pretty bad. I'm missing almost the whole night past us leaving for the pub, " Kili admitted.  
"Oh _really_?" Fili looked like a cat with a fresh dish of cream.   
Kili knew this look. "This is not good, is it?"  
"Well, let's see. Only if you think it is bad that you told Thorin you loved Bilbo and then danced with the hobbit atop a bar table," Fili smirked.  
"Oh, ha ha. You are so clever, Fee," Kili said with as much sarcasm as he could muster in his condition.  
"I am serious, Kee."  
Kili dismissed his brother. "If those things truly happened, I'd either be lying here with broken bones or a warm hobbit. Since neither seems to be the case, I do not see how it is possible."

Fili recounted the events of the prior evening for him, taking care to explain how he woke up in the absence of either injury or bed partner. Kili was suitably mortified. He was not sure if he found relief or annoyance in the fact that he did not remember singing the drinking song with Bilbo. He decided it was probably a blessing. 

__**11:00 am**  
Kili made his way down to the kitchen. He hoped putting something in his stomach would settle it a bit. Thorin was cutting up an unfamiliar fruit.

"How goes it today, nephew?" Thorin asked jovially.  
"I've felt better," Kili answered truthfully. 

He noticed Thorin had red marks on his exposed neck and collarbone. It was unmistakable what they were and Kili envied him. He decided he was going to pretend he did not see them. Thorin hummed a tune as Kili rooted around in the adjoining pantry for something that sounded good.

Dwalin joined them. "Do we have any of those cookies left? The ones with chocolate in?"  
"Very possibly still on a plate around the corner," Thorin said before he resumed his humming.  
"You are in a nauseatingly good mood today, Thorin," Kili said dourly.  
Dwalin appeared back in the walkway with a handful of his chocolate prizes. "Of course he is! I'd say from the state of his neck, he had quite the night."  
Kili rolled his eyes. Thorin smiled but said nothing.  
"I'll say you gave as good as you got, too," Dwalin complimented his friend. "I've seen Bilbo today. He's come out of skirmishes with less marks! Someone was hungry for hobbit last night and no mistake." Dwalin winked at Thorin.

Kili ran out of the room.

"What's his problem?" Dwalin asked.  
"He got drunk on hard spirits last night. He probably needed to be sick," Thorin explained.  
Dwalin laughed. "I've had a hangover from those before. I do not envy the lad." 

__**1:00 pm**  
Bilbo found Bofur in the common room.

"So, my request I made yesterday?" Bilbo asked.  
Bofur smiled warmly and nodded. "Ah, yes. Hair beads."  
"Is that something you would be able to do?"  
"Well, it is small carving but I'm pretty sure I could handle it. Normally, they would be made of metal, you know."  
"I know, but I am neither a dwarf nor a smith. Hobbits like wood, though, and I feel like it would be more like me if they were made of such. If it troubles him, I could always commission more kingly ones later."  
"No," Bofur comforted, "I think wood would be just fine. What do you want engraved on them?"  
"Oh, I had not thought that far ahead," Bilbo admitted.  
"The intricacies of the design dictate how long it would take. I have a knack for small details, though. How many do you want?"  
"Just two."  
Bofur considered this. "I will just need a couple small blocks of wood and a design idea. Two beads should not take me too awful long to create."  
"Thank you, Bofur."  
"Any time, laddie," Bofur replied affectionately. 

__**2:00 pm**  
Kili unexpectedly met Bilbo alone in the hall. They stood and looked each other awkwardly.

Bilbo spoke first, attempting lightheartedness. "We have to find a way to get past this communication problem we've developed."  
With his attention not on Bilbo's face but rather the marks on his throat, Kili replied, "Maybe that is because I am not allowed to tell you all the things I want to say to you."  
Bilbo self-consciously brought his hand to his neck. "Did we not used to speak of things other than love, Kili?"

Kili reached out and gently caressed the hand Bilbo was using to try and hide his love bites.

"I apologize that I do not know what to say to you right now," he said quietly. "When I'm standing in front of you, I can only think of how I want so badly to be the one who tastes your neck and kisses your lips."  
"Kili..."  
Kili drew his hand back. "I know it does not help either of us for me to say these things, so I end up saying nothing."  
"Me too," Bilbo admitted.  
"The difference between you and me is that you could have them, the things you say you want from me." Kili's voice was pained. "I could say everything I feel and still wake up alone." 

Kili paused to look at Bilbo for a moment before he walked away and left him by himself once again in the hall. 

**3:00 pm**  
Fili and Kili sat in on a planning meeting that Balin, Dwalin, and Thorin had started. 

Kili was nearly grateful for his post-drinking malady. It gave him an opportunity to sulk without having to explain his foul mood. 

Balin explained how they were going to have to boat up river before they could load out and continue on pony towards the skirts of the mountain. There were many logistics to work out, such as how to get the ponies to the rendezvous point, how long the journey would be before they found the landing spot, and how perilous it would be. It seemed the town had no problem providing the provisions, the boats, or even the ponies, but the company would receive no additional fighting forces. They would be given an escort that would end after the boats were unloaded and the rendezvous made. As Balin spoke, Kili's blood stirred from something other than thoughts of Bilbo for the first time since they got to Lake Town. He eagerly joined the discussion, making suggestions and working out plans. 

Fili also came to life within moments of his brother, scratching out frantic notes as they went. Thorin was proud to see their interest. The mountain reached out to those of Durin's line and he could see that Fili and Kili had heard its call. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still ever-so-loosely following the book. It is clearly AU in some parts (as it needs to be if we are going to have the love stories) and I'm taking liberties with a few facts to manipulate the characters :) Once we leave Lake Town, in-story time should pass a little more quickly. 
> 
> PS I know Dwalin would probably call cookies "biscuits" but I couldn't bring myself to do it.


	19. Absence And Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No, I was just looking for Kili or Fili. Have you seen them around?"  
> Thorin shook his head. "No, they'll be gone for probably another couple days or so. They are scouting our path ahead."  
> " _WHAT_?" Bilbo shouted so loud all three of them jumped.

It had been a couple days since Bilbo had seen or spoken to Kili and he was getting oddly restless. Other than when Bilbo was sick, he had spent time with Kili every single day since he had left Bag End. He hadn't really seen Fili, either, come to think of it. Although it was common during their Lake Town break to not see one of the company entirely for a day or two, Fili and Kili had gone from being underfoot to being invisible.

Bilbo thought sadly of his last conversation with Kili. Maybe it had all gotten a little too much for him and he needed to avoid Bilbo for a bit. It hurt Bilbo to think about it but he understood the impulse. Honestly, Bilbo was not sure he could have handled the engagement celebration with as much grace had their places been reversed. He figured he could casually ask after the brothers without arousing a lot of suspicion and set about to find someone who might know their whereabouts.

*****

Thorin, Dwalin, and Balin were around the dining table debating about types and quantities of provisions they should take with them to the mountain when Thorin noticed Bilbo.

"Bilbo! Did you require my assistance with anything?" Thorin asked.  
"No, I was just looking for Kili or Fili. Have you seen them around?"  
Thorin shook his head. "No, they'll be gone for probably another couple days or so. They are scouting our path ahead."  
" _WHAT_?" Bilbo shouted so loud all three of the dwarrows jumped.  
"Our journey from Lake Town to the edges of the mountain is going to be complicated," Thorin explained. "They are looking ahead to let us know what we may expect so that we can plan more efficiently."

Thorin grew concerned because Bilbo had turned ghostly pale.

Dwalin and Balin looked at each other with confusion at Bilbo's outburst.

"B-but it is just the two of them. What if they encounter danger? What if they get in over their heads?" Bilbo's head spun with horrible scenarios.  
"Better two of them than all of us if there is danger. With just two, they have stealth on their side. They are also agile warriors," Thorin patiently explained.  
"They'll be fine, laddie," Balin comforted.  
"Yes, yes." Bilbo was not even looking at any of them as he walked toward the door. "Sorry to interrupt you." 

He left the room in a daze.

Thorin excused himself from Dwalin and Balin to follow Bilbo. He caught up to Bilbo and gently turned him around.

"Bilbo? What is this?"  
"I did not know you were planning to send out scouts. It was a shock, that is all. You hadn't even said anything about it and you know those two mean a lot to me. I'm concerned for them."  
"They mean a lot to me as well, Bilbo."  
"Of course they do. I just...why them?"  
"Dwalin, Balin, and I had already agreed that they would be the best pair for the job, then Kili volunteered before we even had a chance to ask," Thorin said proudly.  
Bilbo's heart sank. "When was this?"  
"A couple days ago. The day after our announcement, actually. They were so eager to get going that they left before it was even sunset. I remember because Kili was moping around with that hangover of his." Thorin chuckled. "He certainly looked wrung out. I daresay it will be a while before he touches hard spirits again."  
Bilbo smiled weakly.  
Thorin hugged Bilbo to his chest and kissed him on the head. "Please do not fret, my darling love. It is touching that you care for them so. Please know the lads are wild but they are capable. They make excellent scouts, the troll situation notwithstanding. Fili and Kili also have that bowman Bard with them, which is no small thing according to the guard captain."  
"I understand," Bilbo said. "I apologize for disrupting."  
Thorin kissed his intended on the cheek. "No apology necessary."

*****

Bilbo went upstairs to Fili and Kili's room and flopped across Kili's bed. Bilbo figured it was a good setting for pondering the things running through his mind, namely that Kili left on a dangerous scouting mission the day after the engagement. No, Kili _volunteered_ for a dangerous scouting mission the day after the engagement. Not only that, he did not say goodbye. Bilbo did not even have the comfort of saying anything to him before he left.

Bilbo brooded until he got tired of holding himself up on his elbows, switching positions to cradle Kili's pillow. He supposed he had no right to expect anything from Kili. Regardless of Kili's pledges of love or service, Bilbo was still marrying someone else. Kili had already freely given him much more than he deserved. Bilbo breathed in Kili's scent from his pillow. His physical absence made their romantic division even more difficult. Bilbo could not touch him even if he wan--

_Oh._

Oh dear.

It dawned on Bilbo the way he felt now--parted from Kili with no say in the matter--was how Kili felt all the time. Though Bilbo and Kili's separation since they confessed their feelings had not been geographical, it also had not been Kili's choice. Kili had made that very clear. Bilbo had the benefit of knowing he held the cards and could make a different choice at any time. Of course, it would cost him dearly to do so, but he was not helpless. Not like he was now, not like Kili had been. 

Bilbo had been upset about the situation with Kili but now he fully understood Kili's words in the hall. Getting an inside perspective on how Kili must feel made only made Bilbo feel worse, though. He knew he had to get a firmer handle on his feelings before the situation grew beyond his control. He hoped Kili was finding whatever solace he sought from being on the road.

*****

Kili spent that night as he had the last two: floating in a boat, watching the stars, and thinking of Bilbo Baggins. He figured the distance would do him some good and it had in many ways. He and Fili were able to get out and away on their own as they had not since they met the company in the Shire. They were providing a vital service to the mission and making Thorin proud, both of which bolstered Kili's confidence. He was learning things about scouting a shoreline from the water and how to run a boat, too. However, it did not keep his mind off Bilbo entirely, especially at night. Being outside at night reminded him of happy times teasing Bilbo by the fire, either aggravating him purposely so he'd get adorably wound up or making him laugh so hard he'd almost fall off his log. Being on the water at night with a clear, cool sky above made him long to share its beauty with Bilbo. He imagined them cuddled together for warmth and talking tenderly as the rest of the world floated by them, or maybe laying close together on a hill in the Shire, watching for falling stars and listening to crickets.

Putting this distance between them had been difficult for Kili. There had been something comforting about seeing Bilbo every day. It excited and soothed Kili all at the same time. It had been like that almost from the beginning, long before Kili realized what it was. In his heart, he did not truly _want_ this distraction from Bilbo; he would much prefer to drown in him. Since he could not, seeking a distraction was merely a back-up plan. Kili had thought being away from Bilbo and Thorin for the duration of this reconnaissance mission would make him feel better but it didn't. Kili _missed_ Bilbo. He felt badly for being hurt and frustrated the last time he had spoken to him. Though he was not sorry for sharing his frustration with Bilbo--it was hard on him being the only one in their scenario who did not have someone to hold at night--it should not have been the last thing he said to him for four or five days, either. 

Kili thought Bilbo had a tough situation, too, though Fili did not quite agree. Even if Kili had been his choice, Bilbo would have broken Thorin's heart and felt the ache of his absence always. No matter who he had chosen, Bilbo had to lose someone he cared about. Kili closed his eyes and recalled for the hundredth time how perfect Bilbo felt in his arms, hoping the boat would rock him to sleep. 

*****

Bofur worked very quickly, as it turned out. Not two days after giving the dwarf what he requested, Bilbo had his beads. They each had a fancy "B" carved into them (for either Bilbo or Baggins) and Bofur did a beautiful job with them. Bilbo was so excited, he presented them to Thorin that night.

"Bilbo, this was so thoughtful! I would not have thought of wood--it is terribly fitting for a hobbit! Such a clever idea," Thorin gushed.  
The praise made Bilbo blush.  
"I want you to put them in right now," Thorin said happily. "Can you get them in without having to redo the plaits?"  
"I think so, but why? I can always braid it again."  
"I want to keep these as long as I am able because you put these in on a very special day."  
Bilbo kissed his fiance. "You are such a sop, Thorin."  
"Says the hobbit that commissioned me special wooden beads for my courting braids," Thorin teased.  
"Well, it takes one to know one!" Bilbo chirped.  


Once the beads were in place, Thorin turned to embrace Bilbo. His palm traveled up to cradle Bilbo's neck. He gave a little tug on the braid he plaited in Bilbo's own hair.

"Mine," he said with kingly authority. He licked at Bilbo's lips and enjoyed the instant effect it had on the hobbit in his arms. "All mine," he whispered as he once again claimed Bilbo's mouth as his own.  


Bilbo's arousal surged within him as Thorin spoke his claim. Yes, he was _Thorin's_. He belonged in the arms of his betrothed being kissed, being owned, and owning the king in return. It was Thorin's love--not Kili's, he told himself--that could chase away even Bilbo's fear of the dragon.  


Bilbo surrendered himself fully this evening, guiding his lover's hands and his body so there was no mistaking his desire to be consumed. Bilbo was crazed for it. It was all Thorin could do to keep up with the pleas of "harder," "faster," "more." Bilbo scratched into Thorin's back and bucked up into him so hard it almost lifted them both off the bed. Thorin feared hurting Bilbo, but he begged and cried for as much as Thorin could give him and more. Bilbo seemed possessed by a relentless need. Thorin's blood blazed and he worked his best to meet Bilbo's demands, slamming into him over and over until he could barely stand it himself. He freed a hand to stroke Bilbo's erection, struggling to keep up his pace without losing his balance. Bilbo finally came with a fury, crying out as Thorin had never heard him and gripping his hips so hard that they would be bruised the next day. Thorin was right behind him--finishing hard inside his lover, barely in control of his own body. Bilbo clung to Thorin tightly, his small form shaking in bursts. After a moment, Thorin realized the shaking was Bilbo sobbing into his chest. He cradled him gently, not yet pulling away. Thorin was distraught that their lovemaking had spurred such a reaction.  


"Shhhh, Bilbo. Love, what is wrong? Are you in pain?"  
Bilbo shook his head and tried to gather his voice so Thorin would not worry. "I-I'm okay. I'm just over-overwhelmed," he hiccuped.  
Thorin stroked his hair. "I have not hurt you?"  
"No. I am okay."  
Thorin shifted ever so slightly so they would find their comfort. He kissed Bilbo's ear. "You amaze me," he sighed.  
Bilbo calmed and burrowed as close to the body next to him as he could. "I love you, Thorin."  
"I love you, my wicked hobbit." Thorin tightened his hold on Bilbo for a moment.  


Drained, they drifted off to sleep without bothering to clean up. Neither of them truly realized that what just happened was an attempted exorcism. Unfortunately for Bilbo, it did not work.


	20. Deep Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm terrified, if you want to know the truth. Everything that I started this for pales in comparison to what you and I have with each other. I've thought more than once that the dragon can keep the damn mountain and that you and I should settle some place where I can keep you safe for the rest of your life."  
> Bilbo considered this. "What keeps you going?"  
> "I could tell you it is for my people, or Fili and Kili's future, or for our companions, or for my ancestors." Thorin breathed deeply. "I could tell you that and it would all be true but my biggest reason is you."  
> "Me?"  
> "I want to cover you with riches and fine fabrics, shower you with titles, and give you everything you have ever wanted. Reclaiming Erebor means I could provide you the life you deserve."  
> "I do not care about any of that. I want you. You and me, happy and whole, and preferably not eaten by a dragon. That's what I want."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for the comments. I appreciate everyone who has hung in there with me for so long! I had no idea this was going to grow to such a long tale. Kili and Thorin and Bilbo have run away with me, it seems. 
> 
> Much love!

In the brothers' absence--when Bilbo knew he would not be missed or sought--he had taken to haunting Kili's empty bed. Kili's scent comforted him. He thought frequently about their situation but his conclusion was always the same: he could not give up Thorin. He supposed he would have to get used to dull ache that lived in his gut as a result of his being in love with both Kili and Thorin. Bilbo also thought about the brothers' absence and fretted for Fili and Kili's safety. It had now been four and a half days since they had departed on what Thorin had guessed would be a four day journey. He was terrified Kili in particular might not come back. The possibility of their conversation in the hall being their last frightened Bilbo.

*****

After dinner, Bilbo joined Bofur on the porch for a smoke.

"Something's troubling you," Bofur noted.  
Bilbo nodded. "I have a lot on my mind."  
"Want to talk about it? I'm a great listener."  
Bilbo shook his head. "I can't, not really."  
"Can't talk about it, can only let it run through your mind until it rots?" Bofur questioned, puffing on his pipe.  
"Yes." Bilbo thought Bofur always had an interesting way of putting things.  
Bofur tilted his head. "Understood. I've been there, friend. Never a good time, but it is what it is."

They sat, smoked, and pondered in companionable silence for a long while. Eventually, Bilbo got up to go back in the house.

"I appreciate the company, Bofur. Sometimes just sitting with a friend like you helps more than anything," Bilbo said sincerely.  
With a queer, shy little smile, Bofur replied, "You are welcome. I surely enjoy your company as well. Oh, and before I forget, I have a little something that might cheer you up some."  
Bofur slipped a small item into the hobbit's hand.  
"This is gorgeous, Bofur. It certainly helps. Thank you."  
"Anytime!" Bofur nodded deeply.

*****

Thorin's lips were buried in Bilbo's neck, hands stroking his arms. Thorin knew the pleasures of privacy and comfortable beds were now more limited than ever and did not miss a chance to take advantage of them with his love. His favorite times were like now, at the end of the evening. Bilbo was not as responsive as he usually was this night. He was going through the motions but it was not at all what Thorin was used to from him. Thorin stopped his seduction to look at Bilbo. It took the Bilbo's eyes a moment to adjust to the fact that Thorin was peering into them.

"Is it nighttime where you are?" Thorin asked.  
Bilbo blinked. "Beg pardon?"  
"You aren't here, so I was wondering if it was nighttime wherever you actually are."  
"I apologize. I got lost in my thoughts." Bilbo started fiddling with one of Thorin's courting braids.  
"If your thoughts are heavy, allow me share their burden with you."  
Bilbo sighed. "You said that Fili and Kili would only be gone for four days. It has been five with no word."  
"Do not fret just yet, love. It is much too soon to worry they've come to harm."  
"When is it not too soon?" Bilbo asked.  
"If a week comes and goes without them, we will depart and search for them on our way to the mountain. I have faith they will turn up yet, though. An extra day or two of them looking ahead may save us weeks of trouble in the long run. I trust their judgement."  
"Thorin, are you scared?"  
"I'm terrified, if you want to know the truth. Everything that I started this for pales in comparison to what you and I have with each other. I've thought more than once that the dragon can keep the damn mountain and that you and I should settle some place where I can keep you safe for the rest of your life."  
Bilbo considered this. "What keeps you going?"  
"I could tell you it is for my people, or Fili and Kili's future, or for our companions, or for my ancestors." Thorin breathed deeply. "I could tell you that and it would all be true but my biggest reason is you."  
"Me?"  
"I want to cover you with riches and fine fabrics, shower you with titles, and give you everything you have ever wanted. Reclaiming Erebor means I could provide you the life you deserve."  
"I do not care about any of that. I want you. You and me, happy and whole, and preferably not eaten by a dragon. That's what I want."  
Bilbo was trying and failing to see Thorin living in the Shire, but it seemed for a moment like it would be a viable second plan.  
"I knew you would say that. Not asking for it makes me want to give it to you all the more. You are my most important treasure, Bilbo. Nothing in the mountain--not even the mountain herself--rivals you. That both breaks and strengthens my resolve to continue on this journey. The fact that I have you makes me want to carry you away and protect you at all costs, but it also makes me want to do better by you--to see you elevated and honored for all that you are. The mountain calls out to my bloodline, but your heart calls me louder."  
Bilbo was filled with the warmth of flattery and the dizziness of confusion. "Thorin, you are talking in circles."  
"I am sorry, Bilbo. My thoughts on the matter are jumbled. I hear my heart, my father, and the very stone itself all in my head and they bid me to do different things."  
"I'm with you whatever you decide, but I'm particularly amenable to this whole running away together to build a dragon-free, quiet life of comfort idea you have."  
Thorin sighed. "Me too. Dangerously so."

Bilbo slipped his arms around Thorin and leaned up for a kiss. The gesture was returned and the kiss deepened, tongues velvety-slick and sliding together.

Thorin pulled back momentarily. "Does this mean I have your full attention back?"  
"Yes, and you'd best not waste it," Bilbo replied with a delicious glint in his eye.

*****

Once their passion was quelled, Bilbo stretched across Thorin's chest, back to his faraway thoughts. As he nodded off, he found himself once again wondering why he could so easily picture Kili in the Shire but could not conjure Thorin's image there at all. _Maybe it is because my future with Thorin is truly destined to be in Erebor,_ Bilbo thought drowsily. He was asleep before he could ask himself why he imagined Kili in the Shire at all.

*****

Six days had passed since Kili and Fili left Lake Town. It was late morning and Bilbo had stolen away once again to Kili's room. He was sprawled across Kili's bed when he heard voices in the upstairs hall. He ran to the door and peeked out. Fili and Kili were almost to their room. Kili was toweling his hair as though he'd just come from bathing.  


Bilbo threw the door open wide and stood in front of the brothers.  


"Bilbo?" Fili said with confusion.  
"You're back!"

Bilbo threw an arm around each brother and tugged in for a brief, rough hug. He released them just as quickly. In the blink of an eye, Bilbo grabbed Kili's shirt front and yanked him through the doorway into the bedroom. Bilbo pushed Fili out in the hall.

"Stand watch!" Bilbo ordered just before shutting the door. 

Bilbo whirled back around on Kili, who looked rather stunned by his sudden location change. 

"You left? You just _left_? Without telling me! Without saying goodbye! To go off and do something dangerous! Volunteered, no less! Did you think I wouldn't notice you being gone?" Bilbo paced and gesticulated wildly.  
Kili's eyes were still round with surprise but he wore the beginnings of an amused expression. "I am supposing you missed me?"  
"Of course I missed you, you confounded dwarf! What were you thinking? I see you every day for months and then suddenly you're just gone and..."  
Bilbo was running out of breath and he lost steam. Bilbo silently cursed Kili's sweet, wide, brown eyes for ruining a perfectly good rant like that.  
"I am sorry," Kili apologized. "I thought about you a lot after I left and realized too late that I should have said something to you so that you would not worry."  
"I would have worried anyway, you know." Bilbo's tone was much less frantic now. "Neither of you are hurt, are you? When did you get back?"  
"No, we're both uninjured. We got back not long ago. The first thing we did was have some food and clean up a bit," Kili absentmindedly fiddled with the towel-dried tangles in his hair. "I was going to look for you as soon as I smelled a bit better. I did not expect to find you in my room, though."

The look the Kili gave Bilbo implied that he was waiting for an explanation.

Bilbo coughed nervously.

"Well, um, the truth there is, erm," Bilbo looked at the ceiling trying to come up with a good excuse. "The truth is..."  
Bilbo sighed and gave up.  
"The truth is that I've been spending time in here for the past couple days. I've been laying on your bed and inhaling your pillow. So, ah, there it is."  
Kili took a step toward Bilbo. "You were..." he looked at his bed and back to Bilbo, astonished. "You did?"  
Bilbo looked down at his feet. "I told you I missed you." He glanced back up at Kili up through his lashes. "Did you really think of me when you were gone?"  
"Every night," Kili admitted softly.

They stood and regarded each other, each in their own wonder at these revelations.

Kili spoke next. "I had not intended our last conversation to be so terse, nor for it to be the last one we had before I departed."  
Bilbo shook his head. "No, you were right to say what you did. I had not realized how lonely or helpless you must feel in our situation until you disappeared and I found myself in the same state. I _am_ trying, though, to not make it worse." He fidgeted in his pocket nervously.  
"I am not sure what I am doing, either," Kili confessed.  
"We are a little lop-sided, I'm afraid. You've given me your heart, your loyalty, and your friendship. All I've bestowed upon you is a load of heartache." Bilbo took one of Kili's hands. "I think it is time I gave _you_ something. Although we cannot be together as a couple, I want you to know that there is a piece of my heart that always goes with you. I know you can't exactly wear it, but I had this made for you."  
Bilbo pressed something into Kili's palm.

Kili looked at Bilbo in confusion and turned his palm over. Bilbo had given him a wood hair bead, carved with flowers.

The dwarf's face must have looked his question because Bilbo explained, "Are flowers not symbolic expressions of love?"

Kili did not say anything and just turned the bead over and over in his hands, studying it like an artifact.

"I do not want you to get upset but Thorin also has beads from me. I'm only telling you because I want you to know that I had yours made separately and special. The design is only for you. Even the wood is different."  
"Bilbo I...it's...thank you." Kili's eyes were beginning to well up.  
"None of that, dear heart. No crying. I'm trying to limit the number of tears that fall from your eyes with my name on them, thank you very much."  
Kili reached in his shirt and began pulling out a cord that hung around his neck. "These are good tears. This...this means a lot to me."  
Kili opened the leather pouch at the end of the cord and dropped the bead in. Bilbo eyed him, curiously.  
"What is that bag you wear? Have you always had that?"  
Kili's smile turned shy. "Um, this is...well, this is where I keep things that you give me. Fili calls it my 'Baggins' because it is a bag and because he's ridiculous but it is just..." he trailed off, his turn to be a little embarrassed.  
Bilbo was shocked almost speechless. Almost. "What's in there?"  
"Well, a few petals from the first crown you made me, flowers from when you braided my hair, an acorn you gave me at Beorn's from the tree we would sit under, and now your bead."

Now Bilbo _was_ speechless. This sweet secret of Kili's on top of all the longing, sadness, and confusion of their past several days made something snap inside him. Bilbo launched himself and Kili both against the nearest wall.

Kili's mind raced. One minute he was talking to Bilbo and the next, the wind was almost knocked out of him and he had a mouthful of hobbit. Once his brain caught up, one of his arms gripped Bilbo tightly around his waist while the other hand snaked up into his hair. Bilbo had both his hands tangled through Kili's own damp tresses and he was hungrily devouring him like a creature starved. After a couple minutes like this, Kili backed them off the wall and toward the bed, toppling Bilbo onto it. Gravity served Kili well and he began to undulate as he kissed, moaning softly from the pleasure of the friction. Bilbo rose up to meet his rhythm. Kili did not dare speak or push his luck this time by trying to undress him. If all he got were kisses, he was going to be happy for it and get as many as he could. 

Bilbo hummed sweet noises of enjoyment, relishing the way Kili's weight felt on top of him. He could not get close enough and clutched Kili tighter, grinding up against him as he nibbled and licked into his mouth. Kili pulled Bilbo's arms up next to his head and pinned him to the bed while they kissed, threading their fingers together and squeezing tight. Bilbo groaned lustily. Time itself seemed to stand still for them as they remained happily entwined in their kisses.

They weren't sure how long had passed when Fili entered the room quickly. "Dwalin's looking for us, Kee."

Startled, Kili and Bilbo both looked up with flushed faces and swollen lips. Fili took in the proceedings. _Oh, this story was going to be good_ , Fili thought.

"I'll go down and stall them a bit so you can, uh, straighten up," Fili said. He raised an eyebrow at Bilbo in particular and smirked. "Don't take too long, though." 

He shut the door behind him.

Kili looked at Bilbo and relaxed his arms, collapsing onto him with a huff for a few moments before climbing off to straighten himself up. Bilbo stood and started to help, combing his fingers through the tangles in Kili's hair. Their eyes met.

"Bilbo, I want you to know I realize this cannot be a regular occurrence, although I would never have the will to turn it down if you were to offer it in the future."  
Bilbo worried his bottom lip. "Did I make things worse again?"  
"At least it felt good. Fantastic, actually. No, this will not be like the last time we kissed." Kili slipped his arms around Bilbo. "I accept your offering. I am honored to hold a piece of your heart and will cling to it when things get difficult for me to bear."  
Bilbo gazed at Kili. "You really are breathtaking, Kili. I've not faced a bigger challenge on this entire journey than resisting you once I knew you held affection for me. I need you to know that."

Kili leaned down, brushing his lips against Bilbo's before nudging their foreheads together affectionately.

"I love you," Bilbo whispered.

Kili's breath hitched. He held Bilbo tighter for a moment before releasing him and leaving to give Dwalin his report.

Bilbo watched Kili go and sneaked back to his own room to settle down before anyone saw him. He knew he had to look rather mussed. His face burned from Kili's short beard and he was still quite swollen in his trousers. Leaning back on his bed, he unlaced himself to ease the tightness. 

Bilbo was happy that the brothers were back and safe, though he had a new issue, now. The first kiss with Kili was a momentary weakness, the second was goodbye, but the third one? It felt like an exploration, an addiction, perhaps a bit of a promise. He knew there shouldn't be a fourth one--he had already gone much, much too far. It did not make Bilbo happy to keep secrets and Thorin would _not_ be pleased if he found out Kili knew the taste of his lover's kisses. 

At the very least, Bilbo felt like he and Kili had an understanding of sorts between them now. He hoped it would ease the hurt feelings between them and give them some foundation on which to build a new friendship. An annoying voice in the back of his mind scolded him, pointing out it was going to be difficult to build a _friendship_ with Kili if Bilbo was sitting there at that very moment stroking himself to thoughts of him. 

Bilbo willed the voice to be silent while he finished himself to the memory of Kili's body on his.


	21. Clever Kili

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Kili went to bed, he was delighted to find that his pillow smelled like Bilbo. Not that he doubted him, but confirmation that the hobbit was telling the truth about that detail in particular made his stomach flutter most pleasantly. He let himself revel in his feelings, Bilbo's scent, and the memory of deep and wonderful kisses. Kili was ready to focus on what he did have instead of wallowing in what he did not--not only for himself but for Bilbo's sake as well. He had an idea of how they might be able to move forward from here in a way that wasn't as heartbreaking for the both of them. For the first time in a long time, he fell asleep with a lighter heart.

At the first available opportunity, Fili cornered his brother to ask about his "meeting" with Bilbo.

"Well?" Fili asked expectantly.  
"Well what?"  
"Are you going to tell me how you left on rough terms with Bilbo and managed to come home to him snatching you up like that? And with him ordering me to keep watch, no less!"  
"I am not entirely sure, to tell you the truth," Kili admitted.  
Fili chuckled. "Seems like you should go away more often if you are going to get a welcome like that!"  
"It did not start that affectionately. He was as mad as a hornet at me for running off and not telling him! I half thought he might strike me at first but then he just became more adorable."  
"So what is going on, now? Is he going to try to juggle both you and Thorin?" Fili was not looking forward to that for any of them. Especially him, as he'd inevitably be the lookout.  
"No, his choice is still Thorin," Kili stated glumly.  
"Forgive me if my eyesight is not what it used to be, but I'm pretty sure it was _you_ he was kissing like he needed your tongue to live."  
"That...that was a mistake."  
"Did he trip and fall under you?" Fili teased.  
Kili glared at his brother. "Shut up."  
"I'm just saying that did not look like accidental kissing. I don't think his mind is made up as much as he's trying to convince you. There is something else there, Kee. I'd swear my braids on it."  
"I know that. He loves me. He has said it, I have felt it, it is fact. Whether we love each other is no longer in question," Kili said wistfully.  
"But you decided that days ago."  
"Yes."  
"And you were both still sad after that. So what made today different?"  
"We've come to an understanding. I do not know how long it will last until one of us does something stupid to either hurt the other or slip into temptation but we are going to try it."  
Fili looked skeptical. "What sort of understanding is that?"

Kili decided to not tell Fili of the bead. That would remain special to him and Bilbo for now.

"That Thorin will have Bilbo as a partner but a piece of his heart goes always with me. I am prepared to accept it."  
Fili's expression grew concerned. "Are you?"  
"As much as I can," Kili replied truthfully.

Kili did not want to get his hopes up, either, but some of what Fili was saying made sense. The kissing today seemed neither sad nor frantic as it would be if it were a goodbye. It seemed new, welcoming, and exploratory. Kili knew he was violating family honor by kissing his uncle's officially betrothed, but his impetuous nature overtook him completely in the moment and he'd happily do it again. Fili graciously avoided this fact for the most part, likely because he understood Kili better than most. Delaying the courting of Bilbo to begin with may have been one of the only times in his life Kili did not fly forward with feelings first and thought second. He was sure his restraint even surprised Fili. It was only that way because of Thorin and his incessant talk of duty on this trip. Kili was trying to be a dignified Heir of Durin and it cost him dearly. Trying to be what he was not got him into this mess, so he was ready to simply be who he was. That was who Bilbo fell in love with to begin with, and that was how he was happiest spending his days.

*****

When Kili went to bed, he was delighted to find that his pillow smelled like Bilbo. Not that he doubted him, but confirmation that Bilbo had told the truth about that detail in particular made his stomach flutter most pleasantly. He let himself revel in his feelings, Bilbo's scent, and the memory of deep and wonderful kisses. Kili was ready to focus on what he did have instead of wallowing in what he did not--not only for himself but for Bilbo's sake as well. He had an idea of how they might be able to move forward from here in a way that wasn't as heartbreaking for the both of them. For the first time in a long time, he fell asleep with a lighter heart.

*****

The next morning, Kili and Fili bounded down to breakfast with the majority of the company.

Kili flashed Bilbo his brightest smile. "Morning!"  
Bilbo was taken aback by it, but he recovered without flaw. "Hello Kili and Fili! What sort of nonsense do you two have planned today?  
Kili started to answer but Thorin stepped in and answered for him. "No nonsense for them today. Balin has a list for them as long as his beard to be completed. We're putting in final orders and gathering supplies for departure. We need to leave Lake Town while they still love us enough to help us. I fear too much longer and we may wear out our welcome."

Bilbo's heart sank a bit. Lake Town had been so special to him. He was not looking forward to bedrolls on hard ground and no privacy...not to mention the danger of being out in the open world.

"Thorin, does Bilbo have any assigned, official duties today?" Kili asked. 

Bilbo nearly choked on the egg he was eating. Kili kicked his foot under the table, eliciting a quiet, startled sound from Bilbo.

"We had talked this morning about him assisting with the ordering since he has such a knack for charming the townspeople." Thorin looked at Bilbo lovingly and ran a finger along his cheek.  
Kili pretended he did not see that. "Well, maybe he can make some rounds with us then. He can order and we can gather!" he said as brightly as he could.

Bilbo did his best to not stare at Kili as though he had lost his mind. He was failing.

Kili nudged Fili where no one could see it.

Fili said, "Oh, yes! We've been away and haven't had a chance to see him in days. You wouldn't mind if we borrowed Bilbo for a few hours, would you Thorin?"

Fili winked discreetly at Bilbo.

"I suppose that will work out well," Thorin conceded. "What do you say Bilbo?"  
Bilbo went from staring at Kili incredulously to looking at Thorin helplessly. "I think that would be...uh...workable, " he finally managed to get out.  
"Are you feeling okay, my love?" Thorin asked as he leaned in to touch Bilbo's forehead with the back of his hand.  
"No, I'm quite fine." _Get it together,_ Bilbo thought to himself. "I just need a list where I need to go. One in Common language, thank you very much!"  
Thorin chuckled. "Did you hear that, Balin?"  
"I'm way ahead of both of you," Balin countered.

*****

Bilbo walked just a couple steps behind Kili and Fili. When they got far enough away from the house for debate, Bilbo hissed at the brothers.

"Just what was all that about? Have you two gone _mad_?"  
Kili turned around so that he was walking backwards to talk to Bilbo. "Look, if we act weird it is going to seem weird," he said with utter clarity. "We need to be like we used to be, and Fili and I were always kidnapping you and getting you into trouble."  
Fili did not turn around but added to the conversation. "Because you were trying to find the courage to court him."  
'Yes, but Thorin did not know that," Kili countered casually.  
Bilbo blustered, "Do I get a say in this?"  
"No," Fili and Kili answered in unison.  
The hobbit opened his mouth to protest but thought better of it.  
Kili fell into step next to Bilbo. He leaned in sideways and spoke just above a whisper. "My pillow smelled like you last night and it was glorious."

Bilbo turned to look at him and Kili gave him a grin with a wicked glint in his eye. Bilbo smiled back, starting to get the hang of how this was all going to go.

_Interesting,_ Bilbo thought. _This might be fun after all._

The trio set about completing their assigned tasks for the day. Bilbo was gracious and engaging while chatting with the vendors who were offering them favors. Most were altogether sorry to see him leave to move onto the next stop. They had some waiting to do before there were any supplies ready to take back to the house so Bilbo, Fili, and Kili managed to fit some fun into the idle time. They stopped for some jump rope with some of the youngsters they encountered, all of whom Bilbo recognized. Kili set a jump record between the three of them and pronounced himself the "Jump Master." Bilbo had to intervene before Fili taught the kids a rather off-color chant to sing while they skipped rope. Fili denied it, of course, but Bilbo insisted that Fili only knew one word that rhymed with "Horatio." 

The time Bilbo was spending with Kili and Fili was easy and carefree, much like it used to be. He was impressed that Kili had found such a clever way of dealing with their situation. He and Kili could enjoy each other's company with the added benefit of their feelings being known to each other. Kili would periodically lean in and whisper something flirtatious to Bilbo. Bilbo would return the favor from time to time himself. It wasn't kisses, but it was something. 

*****

Not everything was ready to pick up that day but Bilbo and the dwarves still made a couple trips back to the house with assorted supplies. Bilbo had enjoyed his outings with the brothers and was sorry when it was all but ended.

Fili, Bilbo, and Kili filed through the hallway after they had been relieved of the last of their burdens. Before they joined the rest of their group in the dining room, Kili pulled Bilbo back to him by his shoulders. 

"I loved spending this day with you," he whispered in Bilbo's ear. 

Kili gave Bilbo an affectionate rub on his shoulder before gently prodding him through the doorway.

Bofur greeted Bilbo warmly. "Oi, lads! We are being graced by the famous Hobbit of Lake Town!"  
Thorin crossed the room to greet his intended with a kiss. "I thought they were calling him the Hobbit of Erebor?" Thorin rather liked the nickname, truth be told.  
"The more they see of him, the more they want to claim him for Lake Town. Not that we could blame them." Bofur winked at Bilbo.  
The king's grip tightened around Bilbo. "Well, they can't. He's _mine_." Thorin glared at Bofur on the last syllable, silently adding _and not yours, so stop flirting._  
Dori spoke up. "That may be but between the children, the citizens, and the merchants, this little trio of yours," he indicated Fili, Kili, and Bilbo, "has the town absolutely charmed."  
"Would you expect the heirs to the king and his consort to be anything other than diplomatic luminaries?" Fili boasted.  
"Thank you, Bofur and Dori. There will be no living with them after this," Thorin teased, his irritation at Bofur subsiding.  
He kissed the top of Bilbo's head tenderly before sitting to dinner.

Kili kept his smile on his face as he knew he should, though he was no longer feeling the happiness it indicated.

*****

Thorin and Bilbo lay tangled together on their bed, talking softly after a slow but spirited round of lovemaking. Thorin was tucked under Bilbo's arm and into his chest, his lips brushing Bilbo's skin when he spoke.

"I am going to miss this so much when we leave," Thorin said.  
"The nudity, the bed, the cuddles, or the sex?"  
Thorin began lazily tracing circles on the hobbits stomach with his forefinger. "Yes."  
"Me as well," Bilbo sighed. "What's the road like ahead? Will there be no opportunity at all for closeness?"  
"Not for a couple days at least. Unless you feel like coupling with each other on a boat in front of our companions and the Lake Town rowers."  
"Hmmm...kinky," Bilbo taunted. Thorin gently bit him and Bilbo squirmed. "I was teasing!"  
Thorin settled back in and continued, "My nephews timed it and it should be about three days travel by boat up the river. It was a full day less for them but we'll have three boats and ours will be much more laden. We should have a landing point where we will meet up with our ponies and additional provisions. Kili said that there was no clear path from there and that we'd have to find our own way inward until we reach the skirts of the mountain. I'm unsure how many overnights we will stay. Fili said there was not a lot of wildlife around and no sign of orc danger, so hopefully we will not have to worry about attacks or raids."  
"That's at least a little reassuring."  
"Yes, it is. I'm proud of Fili and Kili for taking on this task. It has done wonders for Kili's mood, too. I thought I had extinguished his light by being so hard on him, both about his responsibility as well as the reasons I made up to cover my jealousy." Thorin felt a twinge of shame for putting Kili through needless worry. "He's always been so energetic and free. I've said for a while that I wanted both of my sister-sons to come into the dignity of their house, but to see him dampened so for days...that was heart-wrenching for me. He reminds me so much of myself when I was young."

Bilbo knew he was partly responsible for the sadness of which Thorin spoke. He wanted to ask Thorin more of how he and Kili were similar but he was not sure he was in the right frame of mind to have a deep discussion about the other object of his affection. He changed the subject instead.

"So we are boating up river and then picking up the ponies from there," Bilbo confirmed.  
"Yes. There's really no other way for a party our size."  
Bilbo considered this. "And there will be three boats. How are we filling them?"  
"I think with an equal amount of supplies and a division of our group on each. If a boat is lost, we would only lose a third of the supplies. I also think if a boat is lost, it would be easier to save four or five of us than it would if we were all in the water."  
Bilbo started, "Do you think it is that easy for a boat to be lost?"  
Thorin heard Bilbo's heartbeat increase under his ear.  
"No, no. But it is good to plan for the worst." Thorin was kicking himself for mentioning it at all. He had forgotten that Bilbo was not overly fond of traveling on water. "I would not let you drown, my love. Never."  
"Who goes on what boat, I wonder?" Bilbo was not eager to spend three days without Thorin or Kili either one.  
"With Fili and Kili taking such an interest in this last leg of our journey, I thought to have each of them command a boat. It might also be good to split up the heirs of Durin in case of emergency."  
Bilbo felt disappointment sink into his chest. "And me?"  
"You will be on my boat." Thorin wrapped an arm around Bilbo's waist and pulled him closer.  
"That makes me feel better about it, then."  
He felt Thorin smile into his chest. "I would not be parted from you for three days, even if we were guaranteed safety and escorted by the Valar."  
"When are we leaving?"  
Thorin thought about it. "Looks to be about three days. The town wishes to hold a banquet in our honor before we leave. They requested the night before but I thought it would be more prudent to have it two nights before instead."  
"Why is that?" Bilbo inquired.  
"One reason is that it is not a good idea to go on a journey by boat the morning after consuming a goodly amount of ale. You try telling this lot to take it easy on the alcohol at a party thrown in their honor!"  
Bilbo chuckled. "That is a very good point, indeed."  
Thorin pulled himself up and rolled himself on top of his lover. "But my primary reason is because I intend to make full use of this bed before we leave it behind for good."  
BIlbo wrapped his arms around Thorin and purred, "Is that so?"  
"Oh yes. I've already made preparations. We will be taking supper up here in late afternoon and we are not to be disturbed until the next morning."  
Bilbo imagined what they might get up to knowing that it would be their last chance at a bed for a while and felt a tingle. "That sounds heavenly."  
"I hear your filthy little mind working, Bilbo Baggins," Thorin practically purred. "Tell me what is going on behind those eyes."  
Bilbo raked his nails down Thorin's back. He felt them both getting hard again. "How about you flip over on your stomach and I'll _show_ you?"

Thorin scooted off Bilbo to comply. Looking back over his shoulder, he saw a familiarly devilish look on Bilbo's face that made his heart surge.

"I'm crazy about you, Bilbo," Thorin gushed.  
"I'm equally mad about you, my king. Give me a moment and you are going to feel how much."

*****

While raiding the pantry in search of elevensies the next morning (while he could still get them, he reasoned), Bilbo heard raised voices in the dining room.

He recognized Balin's voice. "I am not questioning the ability of your nephews, Thorin--"  
"Well I am!" Ah, that would be Dwalin. "They have been performing admirably but to put them in charge of supply boats is a bigger test of their responsibility than I'm willing to risk right now."  
"But do you not think that having all three of us on the same boat is a bigger risk?" Bilbo recognized this as Thorin's rumbling baritone.  
He sneaked a little closer to the dining room to eavesdrop.  
"Thorin, I see your point and it is valid," Balin soothed. "But I still maintain as the primary planners that it should be you, Dwalin, and myself in charge of each of the boats."  
"And you feel the same way?" Thorin asked.  
"I do," Dwalin replied.  
"So, how do you see the division of the group?" Bilbo heard Thorin inquire, but he wasn't sure of whom.  
Dwalin answered again, "I think for your boat, it should be yourself, Fili, Kili, Bilbo, and Ori. For Balin's boat, Nori, Dori, Oin, and Gloin. My boat shall be myself, Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur."  
"That sounds like a good split to me, but good luck getting Dori to let Ori out of his sight," Balin said.  
Dwalin spoke again. "I figured that if Ori is chronicling this journey, the king's boat would best. Plus he and Bilbo will keep each other occupied with stories."  
"All Bilbo needs in this world is the royal family and he will be happy," Balin noted.  
"What do you mean by that?" Thorin asked.  
"The obvious part of it is that he is your mate but it is also clear to all that he and Fili and Kili are bosom companions. I thought Bilbo was going to faint dead away the day he found out they left, not to mention that he was a fretful mess all the while your nephews were gone. For their part, the lads are always dragging him off to do their work and errands with them, visiting with him, or some such," Balin answered.  
"I see." Thorin's tone was unreadable and Bilbo wished he could see his face.  
Bilbo heard Dwalin speak next. "It _is_ rather astonishing how easily Fili and Kili have accepted Bilbo as family. I've known those two their whole lives and I've never seen them take to anyone like that other than themselves and you, Thorin."  
There was a terrible silence that Thorin seemed to Bilbo to be considering this.  
"So it is decided, then. We will divide the boats as Dwalin suggests. I'll keep my family together on my boat, happy and secure." Thorin's tone seemed light and peaceful. "We'll settle Ori's position on our boat pending the outcries of his brothers."

Bilbo crept back into the pantry. He was pleased enough that he was not to be parted from Kili for the river journey but he wondered how concerned he should be that their companionship was so noted. Given Thorin's propensity for jealousy at the smallest thing, Bilbo was surprised that his tone was not darker after hearing what Balin and Dwalin had to say about the time he spends with Kili and Fili. He also felt guilty because Kili and Bilbo's closeness had nothing to do with the fact that they would be family by marriage soon. Bilbo froze with this thought at the exact moment it crossed his mind. He had not fully considered this angle yet. Kili would be his nephew by marriage. How were they going to deal with _that_? The thought put him completely off food for the moment. He decided he would do much better with a smoke instead. His nerves needed calming.


	22. Stormy Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo sings, Thorin gets jealous, and there are lots of Kilbo feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went to write the company's last three days in Lake Town and this happened. 2.5 days in Lake Town to go. Sigh.
> 
> I swear to Bob that they will be leaving soon. Really. I mean it. 
> 
> PS I haz a Tumblr.
> 
> http://www.tumblr.com/blog/hobbit-feels

The next day brought a string of rain showers and storms that effectively halted any trip preparations in town. The deeply overcast sky made the hour seem more like twilight than late morning. A handful of the company had gathered in the common room where a fire burned. Bofur and Bilbo were teaching each other songs. Bilbo was more of a natural tenor--something that was unique to the dwarven melodies--and he was subject to some teasing from Nori about it.

"Ignore him, lad. You are doing just fine," Bofur assured him.

Once Bilbo got the hang of it, Bofur picked up the harmony, the rest of the dwarves followed the melody in their low baritones, and Bilbo sang an octave beyond.

Thorin heard Bilbo's voice high and clear above the rest drifting into the dining room. He left his project and leaned against the common room door to watch. The song Bofur had taught Bilbo was a mirthful tune Thorin vaguely remembered from the trouble-making days of his youth. He hummed along as he watched Bilbo sing merrily. Fili was on one side of Bilbo and Kili on the other, both slightly off-key but no less enthusiastic. The song reached a rollicking conclusion and the group cheered for themselves--and each other. Kili ruffled Bilbo's hair and Bofur reached across to shake his hand. Even Nori conceded at the end that Bilbo gave it an extra flair that it might have been missing all along.

Now it was Bilbo's turn to sing an old Shire walking song. With Bofur humming low behind him, he chose to sing it more like a ballad--

_Upon the hearth the fire is red,_  
 _Beneath the roof there is a bed;_  
 _But not yet weary are our feet,_  
 _Still around the corner we may meet_  
 _A sudden tree or standing stone_  
 _That none have seen but we alone._  
 _Tree and flower and leaf and grass,_  
 _Let them pass. Let them pass._  
 _Hill and water under sky,_  
 _Pass them by. Pass them by._

_Still around the corner there may wait_  
 _A new road or a secret gate,_  
 _And though we pass them by today,_  
 _Tomorrow we may come this way_  
 _And take the hidden paths that run,_  
 _Towards the Moon or to the Sun._  
 _Apple, thorn and nut and sloe_  
 _Let them go. Let them go._  
 _Sand and stone and pool and dell,_  
 _Fare you well. Fare you well._

_Home is behind, the world ahead,_  
 _And there are many paths to tread_  
 _Through shadows to the edge of night,_  
 _Until the stars are all alight._  
 _Then world behind and home ahead,_  
 _We'll wander back to home and bed._  
 _Mist and twilight, cloud and shade,_  
 _Away shall fade. Away shall fade._  
 _Fire and lamp, and meat and bread,_  
 _And to bed. And then to bed._

His voice was strong and full of plaintive longing. Thorin marveled at how the firelight mingling with the blueness of dampened daylight gave his lover an otherworldly appearance. Before Bilbo and Bofur were halfway done with their duet, every dwarf in the company had left their corners of the lodging to stand by and listen. Each pair of eyes upon Bilbo were rapt. When his final note faded there was complete silence for a few moments. Thorin was fully entranced, Bofur gazed at Bilbo with something akin to awe, and Kili and Ori were on the verge of weeping. Dori finally began a round of applause, which broke the spell of calm and seemed to loose everyone's tongues at once with appreciation for Bilbo.

Balin leaned into Thorin. "If I were you, laddie, I'd be careful of letting the hobbit sing such bewitchments. I'm pretty sure at least five dwarves in this company just fell in love with him," he teased. "In fact, I might be one of them."  
"Make that six," Dwalin's voice came from behind him.

Thorin's jealousy spiked but as he studied them, he saw there was no honest challenge in either Balin's or Dwalin's faces. The comments were merely compliment and jest. Even so, Thorin felt rather uneasy about the whole affair.

"Does anyone feel like lunch?" It was a question but it sounded more like a command the way Thorin voiced it.

The group knew this tone of Thorin's and took it as a cue to cease their amusements. Thorin went back to his plans while Bilbo reluctantly got up to join Bombur in the kitchen. Kili watched Bilbo go in complete fascination. Fili hit Kili in the chest.  
"What?" Kili protested.  
"You're staring," Fili whispered in warning.  
"Oh." Kili looked around but it did not seem anyone else had noticed. 

No one who was looking back at him, anyway.

*****

Bilbo wondered what set Thorin off in this new, dour mood. Making lunch was not a bad thing but Bilbo had been terribly content by the fire in the common room. He had seen Thorin watching him sing and could tell he enjoyed it. He wondered if perhaps Thorin saw something else he didn't like, or maybe someone said something to him...though what could have been said to so suddenly sour his mood? Bilbo reasoned Thorin's problem could not be all that bad if he hadn't hauled him aside to confront him, but he was nonetheless annoyed with Thorin spoiling everyone's fun. 

*****

Once lunch had been consumed, Bilbo found himself still irritated and at a loss of what to do next. Getting out of the house was not an option; the rain and wind had picked up harder outside and thunder joined them. He hoped for luck when he saw Fili settle back to sitting by the fire without his brother.

Bilbo leaned towards the Fili's ear and questioned, "Kili?"  
"Upstairs," Fili said.

Thorin was still debating the finer points of the journey with Balin. Bilbo considered this for a moment and decided he probably would not be missed. He crept upstairs, stopping first in his room in case anyone followed him. He peeked out the door and found that he had no company. He made his way further down the hall and softly knocked on Kili's door.

"Come in," a sleepy voice said from inside.

Bilbo let himself in and closed the door behind him. The room was pleasantly dark for so early in the afternoon.

Kili sat up. "Bilbo?"  
"Am I disturbing you?"  
"No. This just seemed like good nap weather. Might be my last chance at a lazy afternoon for a while."

Kili left out the part where he had been laying in bed daydreaming about holding the hobbit while they listened to the storm together.

"Yes, it might." Bilbo looked down at his feet awkwardly.  
"Um, you wouldn't want to...join me? Would you?" Kili did not know if it was proper to ask but he was not entirely sure if he cared.

Bilbo climbed up on the bed with Kili without having to be asked twice. Kili adjusted so there would be room to lay side by side, but Bilbo snuggled right in the crook of his arm with his head on his chest.

"Mmmm, this is nice." Bilbo murmured.  
Kili could scarcely believe this was happening. "Blissful," he agreed as he wrapped an arm more firmly around him. Bilbo breathed out the softest, sweetest sigh.

Bilbo relaxed into Kili's embrace like pudding. He reveled in Kili's warmth and let the sound of the rain soothe him. Thunder rumbled in the distance and Bilbo hummed appreciatively. He had been restless and now he was serene.

Kili did not want to spoil this moment but he had a question he needed to ask. He spoke very gently, his words softly vibrating Bilbo's ear against his torso. 

"Bilbo? I am not at all complaining but why are you up here with me?"  
"We are leaving Lake Town soon. This might be my last chance for a long time to have a quiet moment alone with you and I wanted to take it. If you were willing, of course."  
Kili risked a kiss to the top of Bilbo's head. "I am glad you did. It was very difficult for me to remember my proper place earlier when you were singing. It was magnificent." He sighed wistfully. "If you were mine, I would ask you to sing to me nearly every day."  
Bilbo was not really sure of the best response to that. He stammered, "I...um, thank you."  
Kili mentally kicked himself for overstepping his bounds but then Bilbo spoke again. "You holding me like this was everything I needed today."  
Kili dropped his voice to nearly nothing, almost as if he was not sure he wanted Bilbo to hear what he said next. "I was daydreaming about exactly this when you knocked on the door."  
Bilbo trailed a hand over Kili's abdomen. "Oh, Kili. We are such a mess, aren't we?"  
"That we are, Bilbo." The dwarf kissed those honey curls again. "That we are."

*****

Bilbo woke from a pleasant nap and found himself still in Kili's embrace. Due to the weather, the hour was impossible to tell solely by the darkness in the room. He wondered if Thorin had tried finding him yet. He decided he probably should not risk it and find him first. Kili was breathing deeply and evenly under him; Bilbo knew he was asleep. He pondered waking him but decided against it. Bilbo very gently worked his way out from under Kili's arm. Kili stirred but did not seem to wake. Bilbo leaned over him and gazed upon his face in the faint light of the room. He looked peaceful and sublime. Bilbo whispered, "Gorgeous." He touched a feather-light kiss to Kili's lips before stealing away into the gloom of a stormy afternoon.

Kili woke lightly when Bilbo slipped out of his hold, just enough to hear him whisper and feel the kiss on his lips. Shortly before he fell back into sleep's temptation, he wondered to himself when he was going to stop falling ever deeper in love with Bilbo Baggins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo's Shire song was one of Tolkien's own compositions, "Upon the Hearth the Fire is Red." It appeared in the bookverse for FOTR and parts of it made it to the movieverse in ROTK when Pippin sang some of it for Denethor. I didn't have a song in mind for the Dwarf song. Tolkien didn't write out a lot of merry songs for the dwarves but I figured they must have some kicking around somewhere for drinking and parties. They are dwarves, for pete's sake!
> 
> Sradanvers commissioned this beautiful piece to go along with this chapter.
> 
>  


	23. The Banquet (2 Days Left In Lake Town)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin is creepy, Bilbo is charming, Kili gets an ally, and everyone gets drunk.

Bilbo routed through the dining room after his nap and found Thorin nearly just where he left him. Bilbo sat next to him and touched his arm. Thorin clasped Bilbo's hand in his.

"I think we've just about talked all this to death, don't you?" Balin said, rising from the table to excuse himself.  
"Yes," Thorin said wearily. "We've planned as far as we are able to at this point. We won't truly know what's next until we're in the middle of it, I fear."  
Dwalin was making no move to leave the table. His brother pulled his shoulder.  
"What?" Dwalin said gruffly.

Balin indicated Thorin and Bilbo with his eyebrows and jerked his head in the opposite direction. Dwalin got the hint and left the couple to themselves. 

*****

Thorin turned to Bilbo and gave him a small kiss. "Where had you gotten off to?"  
"I went to visit with Kili." It was not untrue, Bilbo reasoned with himself.  
"You were gone for a while." Thorin ran a hand down the side of Bilbo's face, not missing the imprints as though Bilbo's face had been pressed into fabric.  
"I fell asleep, actually. The rain is rather soothing and the house is so dark. I apologize if you were worried. I did not think I would be missed while you were working."  
"I did not need you for anything urgent. I always keep track of where you are, though. Rest assured," Thorin pulled Bilbo close to him, "if I was seeking your company, I would have found you."

Bilbo did not like that. Thorin's tone did not dramatically change, but it sounded vaguely like a threat. He decided to diffuse the situation before it escalated.

"But then _I_ found _you_ , instead," Bilbo coquetted.  
Thorin smiled, "Yes you did. And not a minute too soon. I'm worn from counting, dividing, and multiplying rations and playing through 'what-if' scenarios."  
"You seem exhausted."  
"In mind only," Thorin said, pinching one of Bilbo's nipples through his shirt.  
"Thorin!" Bilbo hissed, trying not to draw attention. He cut his eyes around to see if anyone was lingering in any doorways.  
"If you do not wish an audience, I suggest you join me in our room."

*****

Thorin was upon Bilbo the instant the door closed. He kissed Bilbo deeply, so much so that Bilbo's jaw nearly ached. He worked his way down Bilbo's front, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, and smoothing his palms over the soft stomach that was revealed. He reached Bilbo's trousers and removed them, Bilbo's foot getting stuck in one of the legs in Thorin's haste to get them off. Thorin tossed the offending garment aside and took Bilbo in his mouth, taking care to taste him thoroughly. He stroked a gentle hand in between Bilbo's legs until he felt his opening. He pressed a finger against it and Bilbo flinched at the dry intrusion.

"I'm quite unprepared for that. Perhaps you could help me along?" Bilbo panted, Thorin still attending to his cock. 

Thorin pulled his mouth slowly off Bilbo's erection and stood, satisfied now that the Bilbo had neither tasted of nor had been loosened by another that day.

"I'll help you along, most certainly," Thorin promised as he led him to their bed. "All the way to the end."  
Bilbo moaned as Thorin's body pressed down on his. 

*****

The second day prior to their departure from Lake Town was a flurry of activity. The rain the day before had set them behind schedule. Everyone had a job: picking up, dropping off, counting, bundling, preparing. When the work of the day was done, there was a line for the bathing area to get ready for the banquet. If this was to be their grand, final exit from Lake Town, all the dwarves wanted to look their best. Bilbo had not realized while he was on the rough and grimy road with these fellows just how _vain_ they all were.

Bilbo helped Thorin groom his hair and beard before he got dressed. Bilbo lovingly brushed the long, thick tresses and re-plaited Thorin's braids. Thorin dressed in his finest Lake Town dress clothes, adding snatches of his own dwarven belts, braces, and the like to coordinate. His final touch was his sword at his hip. When he stepped back, Bilbo's heart skipped. Thorin looked every inch a king. He was impressively grand, impossibly beautiful, and Bilbo felt awash in pure want.

Thorin stepped up to Bilbo and cupped his face in his hands. "You _cannot_ look at me like that right now, Bilbo." He kissed him gently. "Later."  
"Later indeed," Bilbo murmured against Thorin's mouth. 

*****

Thorin wanted them to make a striking entrance at the feast and was insistent that they all leave the house as a unit. Fili and Kili were the final two to make their way down the stairs, filing to the back of the bunch for the walk. When they made their entrance into the feasting hall, the Master of Lake Town greeted Thorin and presented him, Bilbo, Fili, Kili, Dwalin, and Balin to the party by their names.

Bilbo stole a glance at Kili. He was clad in his dress clothes with special dwarven touches similar to the ones Thorin and Fili had also added. His hair was pulled back from either side of his face into a clip high on the back of his head. Some darkness at the nape of his neck suggested his hair might still be damp in parts and it looked so soft that Bilbo's fingers itched to touch it. Kili's fringe fell delicately across his forehead and blended into a few tendrils that were not long enough to remain secured in his clip. He stood straight and confident, cutting quite the figure in his dark jacket. Kili met Bilbo's gaze for an instant and Bilbo's chest ached with longing. 

_Valar, save me from the line of Durin,_ Bilbo thought. 

Thorin took care to introduce the rest of the company to the room before they were seated. He and Bilbo shared seats of esteem close to the Master of Lake Town. Thorin was unsure what the Master knew of their relationship but Bilbo was every bit a guest of honor as Thorin was, regardless. Hobbits were unknown in Lake Town and he had enchanted one and all. The company was seated together at the same large table as Thorin. Several other tables were set up around them and filled with Lake Town's most prominent citizens--along with anyone with a deep enough pockets to buy a spot for themselves. Many toasts were raised to Thorin and the company, several were made to Bilbo himself, and a couple were even for Bilbo, Fili, and Kili. They had endeared themselves to many in the town on their outings, particularly through their children. Dinner itself was lengthy and extravagant. Several dishes were served that Bilbo did not recognize but he never shied away from a food challenge. 

*****

As the guests finished their meals, some of them began to mill around and socialize with those who were not seated with them originally. The Master of Lake Town tapped Thorin and gestured towards Bilbo, who had been taken over to another table by a local dignitary.

"This halfling that accompanies you is delightful. A little too delightful, I think. I am relieved that you are taking him away soon lest I need to start fearing for my office."  
"Yes, he does seem to draw people in," Thorin agreed. _A little too much for my comfort,_ he added silently.  
"I do not know how dwarves do things but politically speaking, you may want to consider giving him an office or some manner of official title after you settle your affairs with the firedrake," the Master advised.

Thorin smiled. Bilbo all but already carried the second highest title in his would-be kingdom.

"I've made some plans for exactly that," he said.

*****

Kili scanned the room and took in the spectacle. He started to realize in part what it must have been like for Thorin to be a prince in Erebor before the fall. It was probably frequently like this for him: admirers paying tribute, fine dinners, fancy clothes, and people wanting the royal ear. He knew this was very small in scale to what it must have been like in the mountain, but for them to receive this much adoration was unlike anything Kili had seen before. He was beginning to understand more of what Thorin had lost when the dragon came. The larger things were an integral part of his family history--he and his brother were told of them from the time they were dwarflings--but no one spoke of the loss of feasts, of court, of the respect other races treated them with--willingly or under duress.

Kili's eyes fell on Bilbo, who was smiling broadly and entertaining a table nearby. Bilbo looked small compared to the Men. He was terribly fetching, even so, and held himself with the pride and dignity of one twice his height. Kili felt a phantom tingle where Bilbo had lain in his arms just the day before. 

While Kili was lost in thought, Fili wandered off in search of someone to fill his tankard. Bofur settled into Fili's empty seat shortly thereafter. He followed the path of Kili's gaze and was not surprised to find who was at the end of it.

"Your hobbit is quite something, isn't he?" Bofur said, leaning back to stretch is arms behind his head.  
Kili smiled and replied without thinking, "Yes, he is." 

Wait. 

"My?" Kili looked at Bofur in terror.  
"Now, now, now. Do not look so shocked. He's a hard one to resist. I might have considered it myself at one point but I've never seen anything but friendship in his eyes for me. I would not stand a snowflake's chance in summer against the likes of you and Thorin, anyway."  
Kili was trying to find his tongue so that it could catch up with his brain.  
"How obvious is it?" he finally asked.  
"Oh, I don't know," Bofur said thoughtfully. "I can see it clear but I also have a knack for observation. I like to watch people. I have a bit of a soft spot for Bilbo so I watch him more than most. I do not think many of the others have considered it beyond just him and you lads being good friends."  
Kili considered this. "And Thorin?"  
"I am positive in that particular case you would already know." Bofur laughed. "I've been doing my part to distract him. I might get a blackened eye one day soon for my efforts, but it is worth it to get a blush out of Bilbo every now and again."  
"You've been flirting with Bilbo to divert Thorin's attention?" Kili asked incredulously.  
Bofur leaned forward to rest his hands on his knees. "I would be lying if I said it wasn't fun, but aye. You are both good lads and you're quite a pretty one, yourself. I do not know the heart of the matter, but I would hate for either of you to come to trouble--particularly if Bilbo is going to marry Thorin and all you have are long looks and a shared song or two to call your own."

Kili thought that last comment was far more about Bofur than himself. He looked upon Bofur with new-found perspective and respect.

"Bofur, you truly are a remarkable dwarf," Kili said.  
"That's what I keep telling folks but no one seems to believe me." Bofur winked.  
He paused and grew serious for a moment, bracing a hand on Kili's shoulder. His voice dropped low. "Watch yourself, Kili. Thorin is no one to trifle with. If looks could kill, I'd have long ago been a black, smoking hole in the ground for exchanges with Bilbo more innocent than yours. He'll give you greater leeway but take care not to bend him until he breaks. I fear the consequences."  
"Thank you. I will remember."

Fili came back with two fresh tankards for himself and Kili. "What did I miss?"  
"Nothing of importance." Bofur nodded at the ale. "Where did you find those? I'm finding I'm a bit empty, myself."  
Fili grinned. "Come on, I'll show you."

*****

The feast gave way to a party complete with musicians, drinks, and merriment. Bofur and Dwalin joined the band throughout the night. Bilbo was danced and whirled around by lady after lady. He had no sooner collapsed in a breathless huff next to Thorin when another song came up and Fili and Kili hijacked him for a circle dance. Bilbo grabbed Thorin's hand and tried to get him to join but he declined. Thorin watched him trying to learn the steps with Fili and Kili's arms locked across his back. There was a chain dance after that that wove around the room, picking up participants as it went. Bilbo finally got Thorin out of his chair for that one and they wound back around the hall at least twice before the musicians relented and let them be.

Bilbo found himself and Thorin some ale to quench the thirst they worked up, downing his happily.

"You should dance more often, Thorin! You're quite good." Bilbo gushed.  
"When I'm back in our halls with our people, I promise you I will dance. With you most of all."  
This pleased Bilbo and his face lit up with a goofy, tipsy grin.

Thorin was so enamored and proud of Bilbo. Everyone wanted to talk with him, dance with him, lavish him with attention, and seek him out with appreciative glances. He excelled in these social situations. Funny that the same things that made Thorin glow with pride in his betrothed also built up a dark feeling in his gut. He wanted people to talk to Bilbo, but not too intimately. Dance with him, but not so close. Lavish him with attention but be mindful of the flirting, please. Appreciate him as a prince, but do not let the glances linger. Thorin looked at Bilbo, so happy and free. He decided to let him have his fun this one last night. Tomorrow night would be just for them and then back into danger they would head. 

"Bilbo, I'm going to go back to the house," Thorin said.  
"You can't!" Bilbo protested. "Stay with me! Dance with me, please."  
"Stay as late as you want. Dance, drink, and enjoy yourself. It is truly your night, my love." Thorin took Bilbo's hands and kissed them. "I'll be waiting for you when you get home. Tomorrow, we shall have our own private party together."  
Bilbo looked like he was going to cry. "I don't wish to stay without you."  
Thorin felt guilty that such a statement would make him feel happy, but it did.  
"There would be such an uproar if I removed you from this party right now. It would be a political disaster of the highest order," Thorin gently teased. "Go on, now. Ori needs someone to drag him out to the dance floor for the next group dance. If I couldn't escape it, he shouldn't be able to either."

Thorin nudged Bilbo in Ori's direction, nodding deeply at him in parting when Bilbo looked back.

Thorin stopped to ask Dori to make sure Bilbo got home okay and snatched two bottles of wine on his way out. 

*****

Fili noticed Thorin leave without Bilbo and tapped Kili to point it out.

"What do you suppose all that is about?" Fili asked.

Kili's eyes sought Bilbo. He found him sitting next to where Ori had just been and looking markedly unhappy.

His expression was grim. "I don't know but I'm going to find out."

Kili knelt next to Bilbo's chair. "Did Thorin leave?"  
"Yes, but I don't know why. He told me to stay and enjoy myself but that he was going back to the house." Bilbo put his head in his hands. "I don't understand."  
"He's never been big on parties in general," Kili soothed. "This is the second in a week. He might just be celebrated out."  
Bilbo was fretful. "I'm worried I did something wrong. Maybe I did something that embarrassed him?" He looked up at Kili.  
"Are you kidding? You are making all of us look fantastic tonight." Kili's voice filled with admiration. "You've eaten the local delicacies, been all over the room visiting nearly every table, danced with all the prominent wives and daughters...you've got this entire town eating out of your hand. He would be a fool to be anything but proud of you, Bilbo. You are a better representative than Thorin, Fili, and me all put together."

Kili speaking so sweetly and looking at him with his soulful brown eyes made Bilbo have to fight valiantly against both emotion and alcohol not to kiss him on the spot.

"Thank you, Kili."  
"Do you need a drink or anything?" Kili offered.  
Bilbo looked around. "Ori went to get me one, I think."  
Kili moved forward so only Bilbo could hear him. "Do you have any idea how dashing you look tonight, Bilbo?"  
"Me? You do not even know what you did to me when I saw you at the opening introductions."  
Kili smiled brightly and Bilbo felt that familiar ache in his chest.  
Another circle dance started up and Kili grabbed Bilbo's hand. "New rule: no more moping the rest of the night. Come on, let's go!"

*****

Bilbo, Fili, Bofur, and Kili spent another hour dancing, carousing, and even got up with the remaining dwarves to sing the song Bofur had taught Bilbo the day before for the merriment of all. Fili and Kili eventually made their way home with Bilbo, Dori having left him in their care shortly after Thorin left. None of them were sober, but they were able to walk without needing much assistance from one another.

*****

Thorin was a bottle and a half deep in the wine he brought home and brooding by the time Fili and Kili dropped Bilbo off in his room.

"Where is Dori?" Thorin demanded.  
"Dori left about ten minutes after you did. He left Bilbo to us to get home safely," Kili explained.  
"And we did," Fili affirmed rather strongly. He did not care for Thorin's tone.  
Thorin countered curtly, "If I wanted you two to see Bilbo home, I would have asked you."  
Bilbo, somewhat drunkenly, asked, "What difference does it make? I'm here and I'm fine."  
"It matters because it was not my wish," Thorin growled.  
Kili noticed the wine bottles, one empty and one half gone. "Why did you leave him in the first place, Thorin? Bilbo just wanted to have fun with you. He was so bewildered when you left him behind. Why did you have to come home to drink when your own betrothed was waiting for you at a party with plenty to go 'round?"  
"I do not explain myself to you!" Thorin countered fiercely.  
"He thought he did something to make you leave! You made him _sad_ , Thorin! How could you do that to him when everything he did tonight was for you and your kingdom? He was amazing and you just ran off and left him upset and confused!" Kili raged.  
Bilbo tried to diffuse the situation. "Kili, please..."  
Thorin turned to Fili. "Get your brother out of here and have him sleep it off thoroughly before he tries to speak with me again."  
Kili was furious. "You--mmmpfh!"

Fili clapped a hand over Kili's mouth and drug him out the door. 

Thorin spun to face Bilbo, who was inebriated, overemotional, and trying not to cry. Bilbo had no idea what just happened but it did not feel like any of it was good.

Seeing the lost look on Bilbo's face took all the fight out of Thorin. "Is that true, Bilbo? Did I upset you?"  
"I just-I don't know why you could not just stay with me? You didn't have to dance. Or I would have come home with you." Bilbo's eyes started to fill.  
Thorin held Bilbo to his chest. "Shhh, do not cry. I wanted you to have your good time without worrying about me. Just...happy and free."  
"I was happy with _you_ ," Bilbo's muffled voiced answered.  
"It could not have been all that bad. Did you not have fun with Fili and Kili?" Thorin began rocking Bilbo gently.  
Bilbo turned his head sideways so he could breathe easier. "That was not the point. I wanted you to be part of it."  
"Then I judged the situation poorly. I apologize, my darling love."  
Bilbo looked up. "It is okay. Just maybe ask me next time?"  
"I'll include you on decisions of this type in the future," Thorin assured, kissing Bilbo's forehead.  
Bilbo put his head back on Thorin's chest. "Please do not be too angry with Fili and Kili. They were trying to look out for me...plus they are a bit drunk."  
"Kili knows better than to talk to me like that."  
"I know but he thought I was upset and the ale clouded his better sense." Bilbo yawned. "He may not even remember it in the morning."  
"Let's go to bed. I think we've all had a little too much excitement tonight to stay up much longer." 

Thorin and Bilbo stripped their clothes off and climbed into bed. Although they tangled up in each other for comfort, neither of them made an attempt at getting intimate. Their blood was too thin with alcohol and their minds too thick with thought. Thorin felt Bilbo grow heavier as he drifted off to sleep but he remained awake. 

Bofur flirting with Bilbo. Fili and Kili joined at his hip. Ori asking Bilbo to explain male-to-male sexual relations. Dwalin and Balin now, too. Thorin's entire company was going to drive him crazy over Bilbo. Would he rather none of them liked him, though? For Bilbo to have no one but him? A small, dark part of him wanted exactly that. The rest of him knew that it was a cruel thought, one that Bilbo did not deserve. Bilbo was wonderful and he could not help it if other people thought he was wonderful, too. He _should_ have friends. Good, loyal ones who want to take care of him. 

Bilbo rolled over to adjust and snuffled softly. Thorin wondered if he was awake.

"Bilbo?"  
"Mmm?"  
"Who do you count as friends?" Thorin inquired.  
The question caught Bilbo off-guard and started to bring him out of his drowse. "Um, How do you mean? Like, at home?"  
"No, I mean amongst our number."  
"Oh," Bilbo paused, wanting to find an inoffensive reply. "I suppose I've gotten to know," Bilbo was interrupted by a yawn, "and like everyone so far."  
Thorin nodded. "A diplomatic response if ever I heard one. Now tell me the actual answer."  
Bilbo was a bit sheepish. "Well, then. Uh, not to discount anyone else, but I would count you, Kili, and Fili among my closest friends here. Bofur and Ori, too, but you three most."  
"You count me among your friends?"  
"Of course you are much more than a friend, but certainly no less than one. I seek you out for conversation, counsel, and just to make myself feel better when things get too much. I consider that to be friendship. Do you not consider me a friend?"  
"I consider you as a partner, which includes what you described. I suppose I think of your friends as who you spend time with when I am unable to spend time with you."  
"But friends are more than that. Who are your best friends, Thorin?"  
Thorin answered without hesitation. "Dwalin and Balin."  
"And Dwalin and Balin are more to you than just space-fillers when I'm not around, are they not?"  
"Yes, but they remember they are also my closest advisers on this expedition," Thorin argued.  
"Well, my best friends are _my_ advisers. The scale may not be as grand or the stakes as high, but that is still the way of it."  
Thorin pondered this.  
Bilbo continued, "In Hobbiton, I did not have to be alone. I had various relations and neighbors along with enough clout behind my family name to ensure I was not missing invitations to many parties. But not being alone does not guarantee one will not feel lonely. I did not realize until I came on this trip how lonely I truly was. But I'm not lonely anymore."  
It took a moment for the meaning of Bilbo's words to swim across the river of wine flowing through Thorin's head. The realization hit him strongly.  
"Oh Bilbo. I am so sorry." Thorin squeezed him tight.  
Bilbo squeezed back. "For what?"  
"I'm just...sorry. Can we just leave it at that?"  
"Only if I am allowed to forgive you."  
"Bilbo..." Thorin pulled Bilbo up so that he could kiss him. "I love you."  
Bilbo smoothed the hair back off Thorin's face and gazed into his eyes. "I love you, too."

 _""All Bilbo needs in this world is the royal family and he will be happy,"_

"Then that is what he shall have." Thorin promised himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think we'd jump on the angst-train again for a hot minute but here we are. I don't have anything to say for myself.


	24. Last Day Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo milled around downstairs after Thorin had left for the docks. There was not much left for him to do until it was time to load the boats so he was occupying himself with busywork. Kili ran into Bilbo in the kitchen.  
> "Would you want to sit outside and take a break with me for a bit?" Kili asked.  
> Bilbo nodded and Kili led him out the back door.

The last full day in Lake Town brought with it a string of final preparations. The morning started a little later for the harder drinking members of the company, but no one was in particularly terrible shape. Bilbo woke up a little rougher than the dwarves but was ready to dig into the day's work after a little toast and jam. Thorin was going to spend a portion of his day down at the docks working out the boat logistics. He assured Bilbo that he would be back in plenty of time for them to have their private evening.

*****

Thorin found Fili and Kili together early in the day. This time, Kili's memory of the night before was not muddled by drink. As Thorin approached, the younger dwarf readied himself for whatever was to come but stood resolute in his convictions. If Bilbo wanted Thorin, then by Durin's beard Thorin had best treat him like the jewel he was.

"Fili, Kili," Thorin greeted solemnly. "I wish to thank you for taking care of Bilbo last night. I was wrong to complain."  
Thorin turned to Kili. "You know better than to raise your voice to me in anger, Kili. I understand now that you were trying speak in Bilbo's best interest and I will consider the matter behind us. However, it may be wise for you to keep your mind on your own affairs in the future."  
Kili restrained himself from further argument for the greater good, deciding to merely say "Yes, Thorin" instead.  
"Bilbo has chosen his company wisely." Thorin put a hand on each of his nephew's shoulders. "He could do much worse than having the two of you looking out for his well-being."

Thorin paused for a moment and left Fili and Kili behind to wonder what just transpired.

*****

Bilbo milled around downstairs after Thorin had left for the docks. There was not much left for him to do until it was time to load the boats so he was occupying himself with busywork. Kili ran into Bilbo in the kitchen.

"Would you want to sit outside and take a break with me for a bit?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo nodded and Kili led him out the back door.

They settled by themselves in what passed as the backyard of the house. The two of them sat close on an iron bench, Bilbo with one knee up and one leg swinging, unable to touch the ground.

"About last night...I'm sorry," Kili apologized.  
Bilbo was perplexed. "Sorry? For what?"  
"I raised my voice and made a scene." Kili looked at Bilbo meaningfully. "I'm sorry for the scene, but not sorry for the sentiment. You deserved better."  
"Let's not speak of it. What I want to remember about last night is what a good time we had." Bilbo nudged Kili's leg with his foot.  
"We created quite a disturbance in the banquet hall, didn't we? I didn't know hobbits could even do cartwheels." Kili laughed and gazed off into the distance. "I'm, uh, really going to miss Lake Town."  
Bilbo cocked his head. "Yes? Why?"  
Kili turned to look at Bilbo directly. "Because Lake Town is where I had a part of you."  
Tingles shot up Bilbo's spine. "Oh, Kili. I do not know what to say to that."  
Kili glanced away, suddenly fascinated by an imaginary piece of lint on his sleeve. "Bofur knows about us, you know."  
"Bofur?" Bilbo's blood ran cold. "When? How?"  
"He told me last night. He's got a bit of a crush on you himself, actually. Don't worry, though. He's not going to tell Thorin. He's been flirting with you to distract Thorin from me."  
"Really? That's rather clever of him. Selfless, too."  
"Not entirely selfless," Kili countered. "He does get quite a kick out of making you blush."  
"Does it bother you that Bofur likes me?"  
"Not really. I can't expect that the rest of the world is blind to the things I love about you, nor would I want them to be. Besides, he thinks I'm cute, too." Kili smiled shyly. He was still not used to anyone finding him attractive.  
"Of course he would. I've told you: you are stunning."  
Kili rolled his lips in tightly trying not to grin at the flattery. He shook his head a bit.  
Bilbo lifted Kili's chin to look at him. "Kili--try 'breathtaking.' Honestly."  
"You have no idea how difficult it is for me to resist kissing you sometimes, Bilbo Baggins." Kili reached up to caress Bilbo's forearm.  
"I think I do," Bilbo said quietly.

The pair gazed at each other for several moments before Bilbo pulled his hand back and spoke again.

"Did he say if anyone else knew?"  
"He thinks everyone else probably attributes it to our friendship. Bofur did tell me to watch myself and be more careful, though," Kili said.  
"That is probably good advice," Bilbo agreed.  
"Yes, so the first thing I did was come back home and yell at Thorin for not treating you right."  
"Not exactly subtle, was it?"  
Kili huffed a laugh. "Well, no. When it comes to you, I don't always think clearly."  
"There will be no more privacy after today, either," Bilbo said regretfully. "No chances of talks like this where we can unload the burden of our hearts for a moment."  
Kili hummed in agreement. "No more naps in the rain."  
Bilbo looked up at Kili. "No more kisses."  
"No more kisses," Kili murmured, brushing the hair back from Bilbo's face.  
"Sometimes..." Bilbo paused, not sure if he was ready to confess what was on the tip of his tongue. "Sometimes I wish that I had let you...that day...that we had..."  
Kili leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Bilbo's cheek before he finished his sentence for him. "...made love?"  
"Yes," Bilbo whispered, stomach fluttering.  
"I wish that every day," Kili admitted. "Several times a day, truthfully. Unfortunately, you cannot marry us both."  
"No, I cannot."  
"But I would, you know. Marry you."  
The honesty in Kili's eyes was nearly enough to make Bilbo misplace all reason.  
"Kili, we cannot talk about this right now. I'm going to forget myself." Bilbo sat back to give himself some distance.  
"I'm okay with that," Kili said teasingly. He leaned over to poke Bilbo in his tickle spots.  
Bilbo giggled and rolled his eyes. "I'm sure you would be but I've got a situation, here."  
"Alright, alright. Any more confessions before we take our vow of silence?" Kili asked.  
"I think I've caused enough trouble for one day. What about you?"  
Kili cradled Bilbo's face in a hand and pressed a kiss to his temple. "Only that I love you."

The pair leaned back against the bench and Bilbo rested his head on Kili's shoulder.

"It hurts, Kili."  
"I know, Bilbo."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I planned this to be the full last day (and night) in Lake Town but I could not bring myself to write Bagginshield smut after writing that last Kilbo scene. Bilbo is one cold-ass gangsta if he could fuck Thorin after that...but you know he will.


	25. Last Day Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unapologetic Bagginshield smut. Some of which I had to cover my own eyes to type. I told you guys that Bilbo was a cold-ass gangsta. Hardcore Kilbo readers may find this chapter a bit uncomfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been commenting on, bookmarking, and rec'ing this fic. I LIVE for you <3
> 
> Anyone interested in my odd playlist of songs that I listen to on loop as I write some of these chapters?

Thorin came back from the docks in a fantastic mood. Bilbo sat alone when Thorin found him. The dwarf lifted him off the ground and kissed him.

"Bilbo, my darling!" Thorin greeted him happily.  
"Good day?" Bilbo asked, rather surprised by Thorin's unusually sunny disposition.  
"Good _night_. It has been all I've thought of today."  
Bilbo acted nonchalant. "Oh, I figured I might just stay down in the common room and read a book or something."  
Thorin picked Bilbo up again in a searing kiss. "Isn't this more stimulating than a book?"  
"You might be able to persuade me," Bilbo flirted.  
Thorin returned Bilbo's feet to the floor. "Have you enjoyed a bath today?"  
"No, not yet."  
"I'm going to have one now, if you do not mind. If you take yours after mine, I can get our dinner set up in our room as you unwind. We'll start our evening when you are done."  
Bilbo smiled. "You seem to have it all planned out."  
"Absolutely I have! Tonight is special." Thorin kissed Bilbo again soundly and disappeared down the hall.

Bilbo stood there and watched after him, momentarily stunned. 

*****

Bilbo reclined in his bathwater and reveled in the luxury of a hot bath. He would miss this almost as much as he missed having a soft bed. He would miss quite a bit about Lake Town, actually. He felt like he had lived a lifetime in the two weeks they had spent here.

_"...promise that I will come back?"  
"No...and if you do, you will not be the same."_

Bilbo had been reflecting upon Gandalf's words since his first night with Thorin. At the time, he thought he had deciphered some cryptic riddle of Gandalf's, that perhaps the old wizard had some grand plan for the two of them all along. Now he had Kili's broken heart behind him, marriage to Thorin ahead of him, and a bloody dragon threatening to incinerate the lot of them. Gandalf's words once again seemed infuriatingly vague.

He lowered himself into the water until he was fully submerged to wet his head. He rose up and started washing his hair, careful to not disturb Thorin's braid. Bilbo knew the pit in his stomach was heartsickness. He felt nearly as much guilt for spending the night in bed with Thorin as he did exchanging words of love with Kili. He rinsed his hair and tried to shake away his darker thoughts. He knew the passion he felt for Thorin would dissolve any trepidation he had soon enough. The rest of the world seemed to disappear when he and Thorin were lost in one another. He dried himself off and resolved to put all thoughts of Kili out of his mind for the night. 

*****

True to his word, Thorin had dinner all set in their room when Bilbo went upstairs. It brought a smile to his lips and put him in mind of the lunch Thorin and he shared in their room just after he was ill. He remembered how he yearned for Thorin then; how he cherished every smile, kind word, and soft touch. Was it really only two weeks ago that he would have given his world and everything in it merely for Thorin to kiss him as a lover? Now Thorin was _his_ in every sense of the word. Bilbo had more than he ever dared dream and here he was being careless with this masterpiece.

Thorin turned and smiled at him then--that smile that was Bilbo's alone--and once again they were the only two creatures in existence. Bilbo closed the distance between them and fixed his mouth on his beloved's.

Thorin had to pull back for air after a time. "But dinner?"  
"-can wait for a minute," Bilbo finished, reclaiming Thorin's lips with his own.

After several minutes of kissing, Bilbo and Thorin managed to pull apart long enough to sit down for food. It did not take long after for them to be naked and entwined on the bed. They were kissing, touching languidly, and talking softly...full stomachs not quite ready for more vigorous activities. 

"You have me at your whim tonight, my love. What would you do with me?" Thorin asked.  
Bilbo stroked a thigh. "I thought you had plans."  
"Plans to get away for the night with no interruption, yes. Plans for you and I to shake one another apart, also yes. Specific plans...well, I figured you might have some say in that."  
"Hmm. I have the renowned Thorin Oakenshield at my command. This is an opportunity that must not be wasted."

Bilbo made a show of pondering this possibility even though he knew full well what he was going to request. Bilbo leaned into nibble and suck Thorin's earlobe before running his tongue softly around the shell of his ear. He felt Thorin shiver. Satisfied, he closed his eyes and whispered his request.

"I want you to open yourself for me. Thoroughly. I wish to watch you become your own undoing. When I am pleased, I am going to flip your legs back and fuck you halfway to Erebor."

Thorin made an animal noise and rolled himself on top of Bilbo, attacking his mouth passionately. He was not sure what made him more wild with desire: what Bilbo wanted him to do or Bilbo actually saying it out loud. Thorin adored it when Bilbo was vulgar with him. The more base, the better. The proper hobbit's secret dirty mouth set all Thorin's right embers fully aflame. 

Thorin pulled back for a breath. "Are you ready now?"  
"If you are," Bilbo replied. 

Procuring the bottle of slick, Thorin settled himself in a straddle across Bilbo's stomach, facing his feet. He tossed the container aside and ran his hands over his own backside and thighs. He knew that Bilbo would love watching him touch himself sensually. He stroked his hands up his own torso to his neck where he flipped his hair back. Bilbo let a soft sound escape his lips at the sight. Thorin smiled and reached for the bottle that had rolled down by his knee. He was nervous to perform for Bilbo so brazenly and his hands had a slight tremor. He drizzled his fingers with oil and reached behind him, trailing a finger down his cleft and over his opening. He felt Bilbo reach up with a hand on either side of his cheeks and spread him open, presumably so he could watch. Thorin's face flushed at being so exposed but he continued.

"That's lovely, that is. Slide one inside yourself for me, please," he heard Bilbo say.

Thorin did as he was told, working a finger in and out of himself. The sensation helped assuage his self-awareness. He wanted a little more oil before he added a second digit and removed his hand for a moment. He felt Bilbo slide a finger over his hole in his absence and it made him quiver. Bilbo moved his hand away as Thorin worked two fingers in. Bilbo was grinding beneath him, cock incredibly hard, Thorin bracing himself against his thigh.

Bilbo could see some tension still in Thorin's shoulders from his self-consciousness. "You are gorgeous like this. Get into it for me. I want to see you love it."

Thorin sighed Bilbo's name and began a rhythm that felt particularly good to him, working in circles to facilitate the stretch.

Bilbo's voice was rugged with arousal. "That's it, just like that."

This time when Thorin removed his fingers to re-lubricate, Bilbo slipped two of his own in. Thorin cried out and almost fell face forward. He slid one of his own digits in with Bilbo's. The two of them stroking him inside together seemed so lewd that Thorin thought he might spill without even touching his erection. Bilbo began to growl in pleasure to match Thorin's own vocalizations.

"Turn yourself around so that I may see your face as you unravel," Bilbo commanded.

Thorin straddled Bilbo to face him and set to work with three fingers inside himself. All his embarrassment had been overtaken by pleasure. His head was thrown back, chest heaving, and arm muscles rippling as he manipulated himself.

"Thorin, stroke your cock for me."

Thorin complied without question, moans growing more fierce as he stimulated himself on both sides.

"You are so beautiful like this, my king," Bilbo panted. Thorin truly looked amazing pleasuring himself for Bilbo. His breathing grew more ragged and his nipples were hardening tight. Bilbo knew Thorin was close.

"Finish on me!" Bilbo commanded.

Thorin's eyes snapped open wide and, with a wail, he pumped his release on Bilbo's chest, some of it splashing onto his cheek and neck.

Bilbo ran his finger along the seed that had hit his face and licked it. "Yes...very nice." 

He rubbed the rest into his skin, Thorin watching him with wild eyes. Bilbo rose up to his knees and pushed Thorin down on his back. He tucked a pillow under his lover's hips and wasted no time in slicking up his own erection. He had nearly been lost watching Thorin get himself off. He knew it would not take long at all to find his pleasure.

Thorin was particularly tight after his completion and Bilbo took care to ease in, pushing Thorin's thighs forward for a cleaner angle. Once he was seated to his root, he began to roll himself in and out. Thorin whimpered with excess stimulation but his hand gripped Bilbo's wrist and pulled him forward in encouragement. Bilbo increased his pace, pumping into him deep and hard. It was not long before he was crying Thorin's name and coming hotly inside him. After a moment to catch his breath, Bilbo withdrew. The sight of his seed spilling from Thorin was too erotic to resist. Bilbo pushed his lover's thighs back so he could lick his spend from his hole.

Thorin gasped and moaned. "That-that is so...obscene," he said in awe.  
Bilbo stretched out next to him, noting Thorin was already half-hard again. _This is going to be a fulfilling night,_ Bilbo thought to himself.  
As if he had read his mind, Thorin sighed happily, "Quite the opening volley, my love. The things you do to me, the sensations you give me...sometimes I wonder how you can be real,"  
"You are a fine one to talk. Sometimes I just look at you when we are coupling and quite forget my name."  
"I'll remind you," Thorin whispered conspiratorially. "It is 'Bilbo Baggins, Prince Consort Under The Mountain.'"

*****

Kili sat by the fire in the common room with his brother, Dwalin, Nori, Bombur, and Bofur.

"I wonder why Bilbo and Thorin weren't at dinner," he wondered aloud.  
"You won't be seeing them until morning, I don't expect," Bombur said.  
"Why not?" Fili asked.  
Bombur answered, "They took dinner in their room this evening and asked not to be disturbed."  
Nori barked a laugh. "Not wasting their last night with a proper bed! Can't say I blame them."  
"We'll all be wanting to sleep with pillows over our ears tonight," Dwalin joked.  
Fili put a protective hand on the small of his brother's back.  
"You think the hobbit is going to sing us all a 'lullaby?'" Nori leered.  
"More likely that Thorin will. The halfling nearly chewed holes in him after they announced their betrothal," Dwalin said.  
Nori looked at him incredulously. "You what? The burglar?"  
Dwalin nodded. "Aye. Small he may be but fierce nonetheless. I'll bet he gives as good as he gets."

Bofur's attention was on Kili, whose pinched face looked like he was either about to fight or cry. He wound up doing neither, instead getting up and stalking into the kitchen.

Fili got up immediately to follow his brother. Kili heard Nori call after him, "Best not walk past their door if you don't want an earful!"

Dwalin looked in the direction Kili departed so suddenly. "What's his problem, then?"  
"Likely he did not appreciate you two disrespecting Thorin," Bofur covered.  
"Disrespect? I'm proud of him! I've had naught more than my hand since before we picked up the hobbit," Dwalin replied.  
"Maybe he did not want to listen to details of his uncle's liaisons. I don't know if I really would want anyone to describe Bofur's love life to _me_ ," Bombur said.  
"Ah, he would have to have one first!" Nori cackled.

That's all it took for the conversation to deteriorate into ribald accusations and wicked laughter.

*****

"Kee, are you okay?" Fili asked.  
Kili leaned on the counter with his arms crossed and nodded unconvincingly while Fili shot him a skeptical look.  
"It is just...part of me wants to defend Bilbo. They don't need to talk about him like that, you know?" Kili explained.  
"You know how they are. They are crass, anyway. Crass and horny. They'll probably palm themselves thinking about it later."  
Kili glared at him. "You aren't helping, Fee."  
"Sorry, but you know what I mean."  
"The other thing is-" Kili stopped himself. "The thing is," he tried again, not quite able to voice his thought out loud.  
Fili put a sympathetic hand on his brother's arm.  
Trying another avenue, Kili continued, "I'm not stupid. I know what they get up to. I mean, we saw it with our own eyes, didn't we? But I don't want to hear those fools talking about it and reminding me all over again."  
"I understand."  
Kili ran his hands through is hair in frustration and began to pace. "No, you don't. It makes me _crazy_ knowing Thorin is touching him every night and I'm not."  
"I know it does. I really do." Fili sighed. "It is going to get harder before it gets easier at any rate. Is it worth it? Being near him without being his? Can you truly stay knowing that Bilbo may very well marry Thorin? Because this is our last chance to get out, Kee. After tonight, we won't be able to turn back. "  
"I'm already his, Fee. It is him not being mine that is causing the problem."

Kili thought back to his conversation with Bilbo earlier in the day. He remembered the touch of the Bilbo's hand, the softness of his voice, and the tenderness in his eyes. Kili knew his path might be difficult but it was clear.

He spoke again, "Even if there is no chance for me at all, I have to follow him. It might be a cruel fate that forces me to watch my heart wed another but it is my fate nonetheless."  
Fili touched his forehead to his brother's. "Then I shall be by your side for it, and Bilbo's as well."

*****

"What is to be next, my king? Do you wish to take me in turn?" Bilbo kissed Thorin's shoulder.  
Thorin did want to bury himself deep within his betrothed but he was not yet done being possessed himself this night. "I-I want you to take me again. Gods, Bilbo, I _need_ you inside me again. Longer this time," he begged.  
Bilbo started to stiffen as Thorin's eagerness to yield quickened his blood.  
"Make sure you save some passion for me," Bilbo said as he rolled Thorin over. "It is not my intention to go unclaimed or unfilled by you this night."

*****

Leaving the others behind and taking an early night, Kili trudged up the stairs. He paused at Thorin's door, warring with his better judgement. He looked around to see if anyone could see him. He was safe. He stepped forward hesitantly. _What am I doing?_ he thought to himself. _This is a bad idea. A very, very bad idea._

His curiosity--or his latent need to torture himself when it came to Bilbo--drove him forward. He pressed an ear gently to the door, hearing a duet of ecstatic moans and sounds. He could not make out words but he could tell which voice was which. More Thorin than Bilbo, interestingly. _Gives as good as he gets, indeed,_ he thought morbidly as he quietly backed away.

*****

Thorin and Bilbo rested in each other's arms after their second spirited session of the night. Thorin talked about the departure plans for the morning while Bilbo summoned the courage to bring up something that had been preying on his mind.

"So, I guess there's no chance anymore of forgetting this whole dragon thing and finding somewhere quiet to love each other the rest of our lives like you said?"  
Thorin's heart sank. "Bilbo, I wanted to run away with you. I want you to know that."  
"I wanted that, too," Bilbo admitted sadly.  
"Do you understand why we can't? Why we have to go forward?"  
"In part, I suppose. I guess it was no more than a beautiful daydream. I rather hoped you meant it at the time, though."  
"I did. I do. But this is for you, for Fili and Kili, for the other dwarves who followed me from their homes, for my people, and for my sires. I will build us a life together in Erebor, Bilbo. And if you do not like that one, we will go anywhere you wish. Back to Lake Town, back to the Shire, I don't care. But I have to do this."  
"Back to Rivendell?" Bilbo giggled.  
"Do not press your fortune, hobbit."  
Bilbo looked up at Thorin. "You would really move to the Shire if I did not like Erebor?"  
"I would hope you would give it a chance first, of course, but yes. My blood and sweat have been pledged to the reclaiming of the mountain itself. Once it is taken, I could rule or I could abdicate to another in the line of Durin without shame, but I could not ever find another Bilbo Baggins. Dwarves rarely love more than once, Bilbo. I waited a very, very long time to find you and you are it for me."  
Bilbo was silent for a few minutes.  
"Do you forgive me, my love?" Thorin asked.  
"For now I will. If I wind up incinerated by a dragon, you can consider yourself unforgiven."  
"If you wind up incinerated by a dragon, I would not even forgive myself. More than likely I'd be right behind you."  
"I'd rather not think of that. I'd much rather think of you right behind me in more entertaining ways."  
"I, uh, might need a few minutes," Thorin confessed.  
"It is not even bedtime yet. We've got _hours_. I do believe I was promised a proper shaking apart and I intend to get it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of this fic, hobbits have a very quick recovery time when it comes to sex. Thorin is the hold-out that keeps them from insane rapid-fire sex, but he's still a randy dwarf with a better-than-human drive himself. Smut is more fun to write when not 100% bound by the human laws of nature.


	26. Straight Floatin' On A Boat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The departure and first two nights out from Lake Town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the amazing Sra_Danvers made me a banner. I'd love to attach it to the header or the first chapter of the story.
> 
> Since I'm not sure how, here it is for your viewing pleasure--
> 
> http://sradanvers.tumblr.com/post/47133663805/wait-you-are-supposed-to-put-it-where
> 
> Thank you so much, dear <3

Bilbo's request to be claimed by Thorin was fulfilled twice over before they were halfway to dawn. They'd never had a night together this productive. As such, they found they were quite too sticky and dripping to fix with a mere washcloth. Bilbo and Thorin sneaked down to the bathing area, clad only in sheets, giggling and taking turns shushing one another so as not to wake the house. Once clean, Thorin bent Bilbo over the edge of the tub and took him one last time in Lake Town. Practically boneless, they crawled into their sheetless bed. Thorin pulled the blanket over the two of them and settled into a short but blissful sleep with an armful of his lover.

*****

Thorin woke to preparation noises in the hallway. He gently shook Bilbo awake to start their day, Bilbo smiling sleepily at him as his chest flooded with warmth.

"Mmmm, good morning," Bilbo said as he stretched.  
Thorin kissed him. "Good morning yourself. How do you feel today?"  
"Truthfully, my cock and my bum are both a bit sore and I could use another couple hours sleep. Otherwise, I don't think I've ever felt better." Bilbo slung his arms around Thorin's neck and kissed him back.  
"Last night was...I don't even _know_ what it was, but I have never loved you more than I do this moment."  
Bilbo looked at him thoughtfully. "Do you suppose our bond strengthens the more we couple?"  
Thorin shrugged. "This is foreign territory for me. You're the only one whom I've allowed inside me. I can tell you that there was a point last night when I would have sworn you were one of the Aratar yourself, so it is safe to say that it must do _something_ mysterious."  
"The others would never guess what a romantic you are." Bilbo tugged Thorin close and held him tightly until there was a rap on the door.  
Thorin pulled away. "That would be our wake up call."

Bilbo got up and started getting himself together for the day. He noticed the crumpled heap of sheets in the corner.

"I feel terrible for whomever has clean-up duty of our room," Bilbo said. "At the very least, I hope they do not realize it is the king's room. Can you imagine the songs they would sing about you in the pub then?"  
Thorin laughed heartily. "Let them sing! It is good for a king to be thought to be virile."  
Bilbo felt a distinct pinch of discomfort as he dressed his lower half. "If anyone is ever in doubt, they can ask my arse."  
Thorin laughed even louder. "You have no idea the happiness you bring me. And I've not escaped our night of passion unscathed myself."  
"Worth it," Bilbo said.  
Thorin agreed, "Very much so."

*****

The company was surprised to find the streets lined with the citizens of Lake Town as they left their house. Bilbo lingered in the doorway for the last time, most unhappy to leave. Their house was warm and the days had grown cold. He was bundled in new traveling clothes, a long outer coat, and a light leather vest of under armor Thorin had requested for him. Thorin had said he would much rather Bilbo have something sturdier but they both knew Bilbo would have trouble moving in anything heavier. What Bilbo had going for him in battle was his quickness and compromising that would be even more disastrous. The chilly air on his face and thinking about the reason he was wearing any armor in the first place only dampened his mood and stilled his feet. It was only when Bofur noticed his melancholy expression and gently nudged him out the door that he moved to leave the house.

The Master of Lake Town and his councilors gave a great speech on the steps of Town Hall at water's edge. The company split out into their three boats. Each vessel was large, loaded, and staffed with rowers. Neither Nori or Dori put up any fuss about Ori joining the king's boat. Rather, they considered it a boon and a privilege for Ori to receive such an appointment. Kili kept trying to catch Bilbo's eye but the hobbit was quiet and gathered to himself. 

The boats began rowing north. The townspeople lined the water's edge all the way out to the end of the docks and leaned out windows in waterfront houses, cheering, waving, shouting farewells, and singing songs. The dwarves lined the stern sections of their boats, waving back and singing along. Bilbo stayed close by but did not feel much like singing.

*****

Lake Town was out of sight and the mountain lay some three days ahead. Bilbo was not overfond of water but the size of the boat emboldened him to lean his chest against the side and peer over. He watched the great white oars slice through the water in a regular cadence. It was almost soothing.

A warm body pressed against him and he heard Thorin's voice low in his ear. "Are you doing alright?"  
"Yes, I'm fine. I am just sorry to leave."  
Thorin slipped his arms around Bilbo's chest and hooked his chin over his shoulder. "It will be okay. We loved each other in Lake Town and we shall love each other after."  
Bilbo reached up to clasp one of the arms that held him and breathed deeply. "You know, it is lovely out here on the water."  
"It is," Thorin agreed.  
"I am glad you are sharing this with me, Thorin."  
The dwarf pulled Bilbo tighter to him. "Me too."  
"Mmmm, this feels nice," Bilbo purred.  
Thorin leaned a little closer to Bilbo's ear, close enough for his lips to touch when he spoke. "I can still feel you inside me," he whispered.  
Bilbo turned around in his arms, grinning. "Is that so?"  
Closing the distance between their lips, Thorin murmured, "Very much so."

*****

Kili watched Bilbo and Thorin from where he stood. He could not hear them but he could tell from their body language that their conversation was intimate. He had not seen them like this before, so quiet and tender. Bilbo turned at that moment to smile at something Thorin said. It was like the sun and it was all for Thorin. Thorin kissed Bilbo then, deep and long. He pushed him up against the side of the boat and pressed his body close. Bilbo was up on tiptoe returning the kiss with fervor. Kili had to turn away. When he had thought of Thorin and Bilbo's relationship in the past, it was usually in terms of "Thorin loves Bilbo," not "Bilbo loves Thorin." Bilbo had told him he did, of course, but Kili thought it was more duty-bound. He had a better understanding now of Bilbo's own struggle. If this brief exchange of sweetness sprinkled with desire was any indication of his relationship with Thorin, Kili realized how fortunate he was that Bilbo so much as humored him.

*****

Time passed slowly on the water. It seemed to Bilbo as though they had been waiting two days for it just to be afternoon. Thorin disappeared below the deck to speak to the Lake Town escort. Bilbo decided to join Ori, Fili, and Kili where they sat.

"How are you holding up?" Kili asked.  
"Oh, I'm fine," Bilbo said.

Kili noticed that Bilbo was a little more guarded with him than he had been, not avoiding him but not as open. He wondered if this was because they were in such close quarters with Thorin? Or had something significant happened between Bilbo and Thorin that stopped the part of Bilbo's heart that beat for Kili? He subconsciously rubbed his hand over the bag he wore against his chest to comfort himself.

*****

If leaving Lake Town was not bad enough, the meals on the boat depressed Bilbo even further. He had rather enjoyed having normal meals and access to a pantry again. On the water, it was back to road food, and cold road food at that, for they could not very well make a fire. The boat was big enough for rowers and a small bunk area but no kitchen.

Thorin knew Bilbo was morose about their departure from Lake Town. He thought at least traveling with Bilbo's favorite people would cheer him, but so far it had not. Thorin did not know if Bilbo wanted him close or if he needed to give him enough space for his friends to draw out his good humor once again. He was trying to do a little of both. Regardless, Thorin was looking forward to cuddling up with him at bedtime. Their last night in bed did something profound to him. He was not sure what it was, but he was not just giving Bilbo sweet words when he told him he loved him now more than ever. He felt the need for physical closeness particularly strong today. Perhaps they could not tumble the way he would like while they were afloat, but he was going to find a way for them to share more private kisses and touches.

*****

Ori was thrilled to be away from his brothers and on the king's boat. He did not intend to waste the opportunity and spent most of the day chattering, asking questions, and taking notes. Bilbo thought Thorin to be a master of avoidance when Ori got too talkative for his taste. If he was not responding to an invisible summons below deck, he would say something like, "Ori, why don't you teach Bilbo some of our history?" or "Ori, is there anything you'd like Bilbo to add to your research about hobbits?" and that would get him off the hook for a good hour. Bilbo liked Ori--and the distraction--too much to be terribly irritated by it.

*****

There was much discussion of sleeping arrangements and this night it was decided that the crew would share the bunk area and Thorin's companions would bedroll on the deck. Bilbo and Thorin were close, side by side. Thorin had suggested to Fili that the other three roll out a bit further down deck. Fili had his suspicions of why and did not argue. It took a while to get comfortable after having gotten used to lovely beds, but soon all but Thorin and Bilbo were sleeping. Thorin held Bilbo as they whispered quietly to each other.

*****

An unknown noise woke Kili a short while after he had fallen asleep. As he came around, he recognized at least some of the sound. He looked across to Bilbo's bedroll and saw Thorin on top of him, kissing him. Kili looked away and tried to ignore their heavy breathing. A brief, tiny moan escaped Bilbo and he began breathing harder. Kili's eyes flicked back over to the scene. Thorin was still there. Kili thought he may have heard him murmuring low. He didn't seem to be moving much from what Kili could see in the darkness but he had to be doing _something_ based on the way Bilbo was breathing. Kili looked away again, listening to Bilbo's panting grow sharper and quicker. Bilbo made a quiet, strangled sound and afterward his breathing calmed so that Kili could not hear it anymore. It took him a moment to realize he had just listened to Bilbo get off. As erotic as the notion was, it was still Thorin doing it. Gods, how he envied him. He wanted to be the one to touch Bilbo--so much so that the realization of what just happened manifested as a physical ache in his middle.

Kili heard the rustle of large movement and soft mumbles that he could not make out. _Don't look, don't look, don't look_ , he told himself. He looked anyway...just in time to see Bilbo shimmy head-first down the blanket, his legs on either side of Thorin's head. When Thorin started gasping for breath, Kili put what passed as his pillow over his ears. _I'm never going to make it,_ he thought miserably.

*****

Without much else to do but wait, Thorin spent most of the next day very close to Bilbo. They were talking, watching the water, and holding hands. Bilbo was self-conscious about displays of affection in front of Kili but he did not know what else to do. He could not push Thorin away--how would he even explain it? Besides, Thorin was his intended. Kili had to realize that this sort of thing was going to happen, didn't he? Bilbo still felt the guilt, though. He stealthily watched Kili and thought he seemed quite miserable. Something seemed to be irritating the dwarf's chest, too, for he was rubbing it frequently.

*****

When Ori had wandered off to sit by the stern and write for a while. Fili decided his brother had enough time alone sulking and sat down next to him.

"You look terrible," Fili said.  
"I did not get much sleep last night," Kili replied bitterly.  
Fili dropped his voice low for Kili's ears only. "So you were awake for it, too?"  
"Yes," Kili replied low himself.  
Fili winced. "I was hoping you weren't."  
"I wished I wasn't." Kili pulled his knees up to rest his forehead. "How did I think I could do this?"  
Fili was trying not to be too hard on his brother but for discretion's sake he could not be allowed to wallow.  
"What did you think was going to happen when you, Thorin, and Bilbo were all stuck on a boat for three days? Did you think it was going to be you and Bilbo and Thorin would...what? Have urgent things to do on the other side of the boat?"  
"Shut up. I did not really think that part through."  
"It hurts. I can tell it does. I'm not trying to make it worse, Kee. But you said yourself, if you act weird it is going to seem weird. Thorin is going to know something is up if you get all gloomy and won't talk to anyone. Especially Bilbo."  
Kili glanced up at his brother. "Bilbo started acting weird first. He's been different since we left Lake Town."  
"So, for a whole day," Fili deadpanned.  
Kili shook his head. "You don't understand how it is with us. Something has shifted and I don't like it."  
"What would make it better?"  
"Nothing I can have," Kili muttered.  
"Well, then, let's work with what we _do_ have. Would it make you feel better if you could talk to Bilbo?"  
Kili was silent.  
"That's a yes, then," Fili confirmed.  
"No!" Kili looked around to see if anyone heard his outburst and then lowered his voice again. "I don't even know what to say to him. 'Hi Bilbo, I've noticed that you might actually be in love with your fiance and it makes me feel sad and insecure.' He would think I'd gone mad."  
Fili considered this. "How could you not know Bilbo was in love with Thorin?"  
Kili was happy to look anywhere but at his brother.  
"All the times you've talked about 'Bilbo has chosen Thorin,' did you not believe it?" Fili asked.  
"I don't know what I thought. It is one thing to say it, and maybe even to believe it, but I've been convinced it was just because Thorin got to him first...or I thought that what Bilbo felt for me was different, somehow. What was that story we learned when we were small about the princess locked in the tower? Maybe it was just easier for me to think it was like that...I don't know."  
Fili put his arm around him, speaking almost right in his ear. "He loves you. I know he does. Maybe it is a different love or maybe it is the same, but isn't the conviction that it exists at all part of reason why we're even here right now instead of halfway to Rivendell? Or is all that 'my fate is with him' nonsense just pretty talk?"  
Kili bristled. "Are you suggesting that I am simple and fickle? That I would so easily forget my love and my vow of loyalty? That I am nothing more than a _coward_?"  
Fili smiled. "Ah, _there's_ your fight. I thought you had lost it for a second. Remember that burn in your gut, Kee. It is going to see you through the tough times."  
Fili patted his brother firmly a couple times on the arm before getting up to leave Kili to his thoughts. 

*****

Thorin sat with Bilbo at the stern, watching the boat wake ripple behind them.

"Do you feel any better, my love?" Thorin asked.  
"Oh, I'm fine. I was melancholy yesterday but I'm getting past it. I know it was silly in the first place."  
Thorin kissed Bilbo's knuckles. "It was not silly. These past couple weeks meant a great deal to us. It is not silly to be loath to leave that behind."  
Bilbo sighed resignedly. "Like you said, Lake Town was just a place. We'll still be us wherever we are. Even on this boat."  
"I've enjoyed our time on the water, actually. Spending time with you today without Balin and Dwalin in my ears is just what I needed."  
"I realize I haven't shown it, but I've enjoyed it as well," Bilbo said.  
"I'm sure I'm not the only one who has need of you today. The lads are listless. I've got some things to see to with our escort before we figure out tonight's food, anyway." Thorin looked up to where Kili was sitting up closer to the bow. "If I were you, I'd start with Kili. It doesn't seem that boat travel is agreeing with him."

*****

Kili was sitting with his arms wrapped around his knees when he heard the shuffling of a body sitting next to him. He looked up and saw the subject of his thoughts.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili put his head back down. "Not really."  
"I think you do. I think you do want to talk about it but do not know what to say."  
Kili rested his chin on his knee. "It is sort of scary how you know that."  
"Only because I feel the same way. With you. Quite frequently."  
"I feel like something has changed between us. A couple days ago I felt close to you. Yesterday morning I felt distance and I feel it still."  
Bilbo cleared his throat. "Well, I, uh...put it there."  
"Why?" Kili looked so confused that it pulled at Bilbo's heart.  
Bilbo leaned on Kili's shoulder and spoke in a hush to not be overheard. "I cannot make this work with Thorin if I'm lovesick for you. It isn't fair to anyone."  
"You were lovesick for me?" Kili asked.  
"I've been ridiculously lovesick for you."  
"I thought maybe you stopped loving me."  
Bilbo shook his head. "I don't think I'll ever stop, but I can't do right by Thorin if you and I are always speaking words of love to one another."  
"Doesn't it tell you something that you have words of love for me at all, Bilbo?" Kili tried not to sound as desperate as he felt.  
"It does." Bilbo looked around to see if they were drawing curious looks. "I feel wretched and wrong."  
"Caring for me makes you feel wretched?"  
"I am not _free_ to care for you and that makes me feel wretched."

Kili looked at Bilbo, eyes pleading for a change of heart, a confession...anything to assuage the sting in his soul.

Bilbo couldn't take it. He finally cracked. "Do you want to know?" he hissed. "Do you truly want to know why I have to put this distance between us just to get us to the end of the journey without completely losing our minds? It is because I feel such a yearning for you. I feel it in my mind, in my heart, and--Eru knows--in my trousers."  
Bilbo struggled to keep his voice down. "I've not dared speak even the smallest portion of my heart to you because the things I have to say would likely leave me breathless with want. I love you and I _want_ you and if I don't stop talking about it right now we are both going to get thrown overboard by the king because I will take you right here, so help me."

Bilbo was flushed and panting after this rant and Kili did not doubt him at his word. Bilbo took a moment to calm himself.

When he was fully gathered, he said, " _That_ is why there is distance, Kili, and when you feel it, or any manner of coldness from me, I want you to remember everything I just said because that is what lies underneath. Am I understood?"  
Rather aroused by what just transpired, Kili swallowed hard and replied, "Yes, I understand."  
"Good. Now will you quit with the brooding, please?"

*****

Long after night had fallen and they had eaten, all but Thorin were back to sitting on the deck of the boat, leaned up against the side and gazing at the sky. Kili and Fili sat on each side of Bilbo and Ori had settled to Fili's left. Kili had been rather quiet since Bilbo spoke with him, so it surprised Fili when he broke the peaceful silence.

"Tell us of the Shire, Bilbo," Kili requested.  
"What do you wish to know about it?"  
"The things that bring you happiness," said Kili dreamily.

Bilbo and Fili both turned to look at him but his eyes were on the sky. Bilbo settled back in and spoke at length of gardens, hobbit food, pipe weed, parties under the Party Tree, and Bag End.

Ori interrupted, "So your father built Bag End to woo your mother?"  
"More or less. I think she was probably already wooed, to tell you the truth, but my father figured that if a Baggins was going to hold on to a Took he'd better give her a good reason to stay put."  
"Your home is very beautiful." Kili said softly. "I liked it very much when we were there."  
"So do all hobbits makes such grand, sweeping courting gestures?" Fili asked, hoping that Kili would take note.  
"Not always. More often it is simpler. Flowers, food, kisses, quiet talks, dancing, tokens, and those sort of things are much more common, but what comes at the end of all courting is the grandest gesture of all: asking another person to join and share one's life."  
Kili rubbed his hand over his chest.  
"I should like to visit the Shire again, someday," Ori said. "I would love to do more research. I rather like hobbits!"  
Bilbo chuckled. "Thank you, Ori. I think a number of hobbits would rather like you, too...although you would have to get used to vegetables if you truly wished to immerse yourself."  
Ori made a face.  
"I think I would enjoy it there, myself." Kili said, eyes still on the stars.

*****

Thorin found the quartet sound asleep in that spot later on. Kili was propped against Bilbo, whose head was on Kili's shoulder. Bilbo's leg was drawn over Fili's, who was leaning on Bilbo's arm. Ori was slung full over Fili's left side. It was too precious for Thorin to manage any jealousy. Instead, he sighed and gathered two blankets. One he put over Fili and Ori. Lifting Bilbo just long enough to slide in behind him, he pulled the second blanket up over the two of them and Kili. The lads stirred but a little when he took Bilbo's place and settled easily back to sleep: Bilbo's back to Thorin's chest, Kili and Fili both leaned against their uncle, and Ori holding Fili like an oversized stuffed animal.

*****

Kili woke in the quiet of the chilly night. He could see Bilbo slightly elevated and sleeping on...someone. Turning his head slightly, he saw that Thorin had joined them at some point and brought a blanket. He remembered back to when he and Fili were taking this boat trip themselves. He dreamed then about being on the water with Bilbo. This was not exactly what he was envisioning, but it was at least something. He turned on his side to slip an arm around Bilbo, settled his head against Thorin's arm, and drifted back to sleep. 


	27. Off The Boat And Up The Mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every evening after their meagerly rationed dinner, Thorin would pull Bilbo away from camp. They had discovered that the gloom of the dragon meant there was little to fear in separating from the group. Each night that passed saw their couplings grow more needy and more ragged. Bilbo thought Thorin seemed haunted, at once reckless with passion but guarding a secret ache. For his part, Thorin was nearly frantic to feel Bilbo alive and warm--beneath him or within him either one. He dreaded the day they found the door and he had to send Bilbo to do his duty. Both lovers bore bites and marks of trying to keep their ecstasy quiet, muffling their cries in one anothers skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised (*cough* several chapters ago *cough*), time is passing much more quickly in this chapter. We get through several days.

Bilbo awoke with Thorin warm and snoring at his back, Kili cuddled into his side, and Ori's head in his lap from across Fili's body. He stayed perfectly still for a short while so he could fully take in the scene from his vantage point. He had to admit it was fairly comical. Bilbo glanced at Kili. He looked as though he should be terribly uncomfortable with his head cocked at an unnatural angle in the attempt to use Thorin's arm for a pillow. Even so, his face was calm and sweet. Bilbo tried to squash the warm feeling that spread across his chest but could not resist stroking the arm Kili had over him. Kili's eyes fluttered open and he sleepily smiled up at Bilbo. The hobbit imagined another Bilbo--living in some other time, perhaps--that was rewarded with that sweet expression every morning. He let himself revel in it for a fleeting moment. Extracting himself from the interlocking puzzle of bodies, he reminded himself that _this_ Bilbo got Thorin, which was no small thing itself. 

*****

Around mid-afternoon, Ori, Fili, and Kili were having a lively debate on age versus maturity. Thorin and Bilbo sat with them, listening to the three try to one-up each other.

"So Mister Bilbo, I don't think I know how old _you_ are." Ori said.  
Bilbo joined the conversation. "I am fifty."  
"Fifty? That is so young!" Fili exclaimed, cutting a sharp look at his brother.  
"No wonder you have no whiskers," Ori said.  
Bilbo became indignant. "I will have you know that hobbits age differently than both dwarves and men. Fifty is a very respectable age, thank you very much. I'm considered to be almost middle-aged for my people."  
"Fifty is middle-aged?" Ori calculated trying to make sense of this. He couldn't believe he had never asked Bilbo about this before. He was going to need to add this to his hobbit papers. "If fifty is the middle, then one hundred would be the span?"  
"Yes, with a little luck that is usually the way of it," Bilbo confirmed.  
Kili whipped his head to Bilbo and could not help but stare. "You've only got another fifty years?"  
"Well, the Old Took lived until he was one hundred-thirty. Perhaps my Tookish blood might buy me an extra decade if orcs and dragons don't get me before I turn fifty-one," Bilbo tried to joke. The stricken look on Kili's face was not lost on him and he quite wanted it to fade.  
Fili was also aghast. "Thorin!" Fili called. "Did you know hobbits only live to be one hundred?"  
Thorin's eyes sought Bilbo's. "Yes, I did," he said evenly.  
"What are you two going to do?" Ori all but wailed.  
"We are going to do the best we can," Thorin stated simply before turning his gaze to the water.  
"That we are," Bilbo agreed.

Ori, Fili, and Kili were still staring at him with varying expressions of horror.

"Honestly, the three of you are going to make me self-conscious if you keep goggling at me like I'm going to expire any minute. It is fine." Bilbo looked at Kili especially and patted his hand reassuringly. "Really."

*****

When Ori had settled into his notes for the evening, Fili conveniently developed an urgent need to speak to Thorin alone. This left Bilbo and Kili leaning over the deck by themselves to watch the sunset. Kili knew his brother's heart was in the right place but he feared Bilbo may not appreciate Fili's ruse the way he did. Kili stood in silence with Bilbo, feeling the cool air settling in around them and watching the water the way Kili had hoped for just days before. Well, minus a kiss or two.

Bilbo surprised him when he spoke. "What are we going to do when we are related by marriage?"  
"Call each other husband, of course." Kili joked. "Isn't that the way it usually works?"  
The comment landed a little too close to Bilbo's heart for comfort. "That's not really funny, you know."  
"I-I'm sorry," Kili apologized.  
"I mean, is it not going to be weird for you to have, um, _feelings_ for me once everything..." Bilbo trailed off, gesticulating weakly.  
"I refuse to call you 'Uncle Bilbo,' if that is what you mean. I think the entire situation is going to be difficult to manage." Kili gazed at the fading sky.  
The hobbit sighed. "Such as the inescapable truth that we cannot be alone together without talking about us?"  
"Along with the equally inescapable truth that at least half the time, you start it," Kili said.

Bilbo opened his mouth to argue but the denial died before it reached his lips. They spoke no more until Fili and Thorin returned.

*****

Fili was frustrated. He frequently schemed to give Kili the opportunity to make his move to woo Bilbo to no avail. Kili was continually letting Bilbo take the lead in whatever dance they insisted on doing. As long as he did so, they would never get beyond pained confessions. Bilbo's conscience was too strong. Fili did not want Thorin hurt, but he thought Bilbo and Kili to be a much more suited pair from the beginning. Fili also thought Kili had more power in this situation than he even knew. He was sure of it. He had seen and heard about too much to think otherwise. He wondered how much longer this was going to go on before someone snapped...or caught on.

*****

Shortly after nightfall, the boats drew in and the company met up with their ponies. None of the Lake Town escort contingent would stay with them that night. Wishing them farewell, they made haste to leave as soon as the boats were unpacked. The land around them was desolate and the night seemed especially lonely. They ate mirthlessly and bedded down until the next morning. Thorin cuddled up to Bilbo tightly. It was a matter of mere days now before Bilbo would have to fulfill his part of the contract and it pained Thorin. Bilbo was terribly frightened, too, though he did not tell Thorin much of it. They already had their sad conversation about Thorin's decision to continue the quest and Bilbo did not see the use in increasing his beloved's guilt any further.

As the better scouts, Fili and Kili went in front of the procession the next morning with Thorin to pick out their way up the mountain. The two of them had already checked ahead on their last endeavor into this area and knew there were no existing paths or roads to go where the company needed to head. Bilbo helped Balin with the supply ponies as the group made their way quietly towards the skirts of the mountain. The land grew ever more bleak, sickening Bilbo to his heart and silencing his tongue. Even Bofur--ever quick on the road with a song or a joke--was solemn. Bilbo was hoping for some relief from his gloom when camp was made near an old watchtower, but no such luck. Fili, Kili, and Balin were sent to spy on the front gate.

"Bilbo, why don't you go with them?" Thorin suggested.  
"I was hoping to sit with you some. I have missed you today."  
A dark look passed over Thorin's face. "I have things to sort out here. It is much better if you go."  
"Okay," Bilbo said meekly.  
Noticing the sad look on Bilbo's face, Thorin shook out of his haze and swept him in his arms. "I shall be here when you get back."

*****

Kili noted that Bilbo was troubled as they made their trek along the water to peek at the gate. Balin spoke of the days before the dragon and described how the lands before them used to appear. He paused to show them the ruined valley that used to be Dale. Fili and Kili had not been born until after the desolation and were both fascinated and saddened by the history. Bilbo heard the devastation in Balin's voice and knew Thorin doubtless shared it. He felt dread growing in his stomach, dread that was not lessened by the appearance of smoke and steam they eventually saw coming from the mountain.

When they had seen enough to suit Balin, all four of them headed back towards camp to make their report. Kili let Fili run ahead with Balin and hung back with Bilbo. 

"Out with it," Kili demanded. "And do not play coy. The look on your face is undeniably ill."

Bilbo paused to consider a lie but could not bring himself to one. Kili's eyes were always so sincere and honest. Bilbo could tell him nothing less than the truth.

"I am frightened, Kili. I do not know how to burgle a dragon. Or anything a dragon, for that matter."  
"Does Thorin know you feel this way?"  
"To a point," Bilbo said glumly. "We've had talks about it, but the final outcome is always that we have to move forward, and that means me...fulfilling my contract I suppose. Provided we can get in the back door."  
Kili tried to jest. "Well, maybe you'll be in luck and we won't find it!"  
"Then it will be bad luck of another sort. Can you imagine everyone's mood if we've come all this way for nothing?"

Kili felt for him in this moment. Bilbo so wanted to please Thorin and the company but he was terrified...and rightly so.

"You've told me you like riddles, right?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo felt a shiver as he thought back to his encounter with the creature in the goblin caves, but he answered "Yes."  
"Maybe you can distract yourself with Thorin's map. It is nothing but riddles. If you figure it out, you will have done something for Thorin that the rest of us were unable to do. That has to be worth something, right? And if you can't, the door doesn't get found, which means no sneaking in on ol' Smaug. Either way, you have a small victory."  
Bilbo considered this and felt better. It was not a solution, but it was better than the dwelling that he was doing.  
"That is a good idea. Thank you, Kili."  
The dwarf beamed at Bilbo's approval. "I'm ever at your service."

*****

Pondering the map did brighten Bilbo's mood, oddly enough. Thorin and his advisers had been at an impasse when Bilbo showed them a discovery he had made on the map and suggested a new direction for them to try. They moved their camp west and began meticulously searching for some trace of the door. They split into groups, Bilbo frequently pairing with Fili and Kili as the trio were the most agile of their number. They were able to search tougher areas with a greater ease.

*****

With each passing day, Bilbo's attachment to Kili grew. He watched the way Kili's body moved as he walked, climbed, and otherwise maneuvered through his surroundings. Bilbo admired the way the sun caught in Kili's hair, or the way the wind would blow it slightly over his face so that he would have to reach up to move it out of his eyes. He particularly adored the sound of Kili's laugh when Bilbo and Fili said or did something he liked. Bilbo found more and more often that he would study Kili's face as he talked, fascinated by his eyes and expressions. He grew concerned, though, as Kili frequently pulled and rubbed at his chest. He wondered if he was injured, somehow. He stayed silent about his feelings of both love and concern, though, and Kili had not pressed him to reveal his mind.

*****

Every evening after their meagerly rationed dinner, Thorin would pull Bilbo away from camp. They had discovered that the gloom of the dragon meant there was little to fear in separating from the group. Each night that passed saw their couplings grow more needy and more ragged. Bilbo thought Thorin seemed haunted, at once reckless with passion but guarding a secret ache. For his part, Thorin was nearly frantic to feel Bilbo alive and warm--beneath him or within him either one. He dreaded the day they found the door and he had to send Bilbo to do his duty. Both lovers bore bites and marks of trying to keep their ecstasy quiet, muffling their cries in one another's skin.

*****

On one of their scouting mornings, Bilbo, Fili, and Kili went back down into the valley where another group had abandoned their search before, not wanting to scramble about on rocks. The trio had no such qualms and set about seeing what they could find. Further across the jagged terrain, Bilbo found a set of what were unmistakeably steps. Up they went, being led eventually into a path, a ridge, a ledge, and finally a cliff from where they could actually see their camp below. Bilbo knew they were close, closer than they had yet been to the door. He was sick with it.

"Bilbo, are you okay?" Fili asked.  
Bilbo wanted to say he was fine, but he could not.  
"I should be ashamed to say so, but I am afraid," he confessed. "I want to find the door because it is our goal, but I know what it means if we do."

Kili's heart went out to him. He cursed Thorin for putting Bilbo in this position to begin with. Both Fili and Kili moved to embrace Bilbo.

"There is no shame in being afraid," Fili soothed. "Do you think _me_ a coward, Bilbo?"  
"No! Of course not!" Bilbo answered, horrified.  
"Know then that I count you braver than myself. Trolls, spiders, elves--you're the greatest of all of us and that is a fact." Fili affirmed.  
Kili spoke next. "He's right. No matter what comes next, your value to this expedition has been immeasurable. If you feel fear, please do not feel shame. Know that I am with you--Fili, too--and we will face it together."

Bilbo wiped the tears that had appeared in the corner of his eyes. He looked down upon their camp, took a deep breath, and said, "Right. Let's see where this ledge goes then."

Beyond the continuation of the ledge--in a protective bay of rock--they found what they sought. Although there were no obvious marks that made it such, they were sure that this flat wall of rock too smooth to be made by nature was their door. Fili, Kili, and Bilbo spent a long time trying to get it to yield its secrets, trying everything they knew short of beating their heads against it. Worn out and tired of trying, they sat on the grass to gather themselves for the trip back. Bilbo nestled in between the brothers and rested his head on Kili's shoulder for a while. Kili reached up to touch his own chest and Bilbo's brow furrowed. 

They rose from the grass and made moves to get back down before the dark of the evening was upon them. Bilbo lagged behind trying to find a way to ask Kili about his injury.

"Kili, do you have a hurt or a rash or something?"  
Kili stopped walking. "No. Why would you ask something like that?"  
Replied Bilbo, "You've been rubbing at your chest since Lake Town. Rather frequently, actually. If something is hurting you, I might be able to help or we can see if Oin has anything."  
Kili looked a little embarrassed as his hand reached up to touch the area in question. "Um, that's just my bag."  
"Your bag is bothering you?"  
"No, it's-I-oh...blast."

Kili did not want to explain it to Bilbo. He thought it would sound too strange if he said it out loud. Bilbo blinking his lovely eyes at him in curiosity and concern made Kili tell him, anyway.

"I touch my bag when it gets too much for me, this being apart from you. I suppose it started after you gave me your bead. I touch it when I wish to touch you."

Bilbo thought of the many times he's seen Kili reach for it, never mind all the times Bilbo had not witnessed. His heart went soft and he gazed up at Kili in wonder. Bilbo reached out to cup his face but Kili recoiled sharply.

"Oh, no you don't. Not again. You can't tell me we can't be together, withhold your affections, and then bend the rules when it suits you. When I miss you, I have to lie alone. When you miss me, you can do whatever you wish depending on your whim and how proper you've decided to be for the day. Maybe you just hold me, maybe you touch me tenderly, or maybe I wind up with your body in my arms and your tongue in my mouth. Confound it, Bilbo! It is not bloody fair that you are the only one who gets to make these decisions!" 

Kili called to Fili. His brother had been slowly retreating along the ledge since the beginning of the conversation, wanting to give them privacy even before it was asked.  
"Could you give us a moment?"

Fili gave Kili and Bilbo a fair distance. Inwardly, he cheered for his brother. He had only heard the last bit clearly, but he was glad that Kili was challenging Bilbo. Fili had a feeling that it would get Kili further than his entire last month of lovesick mooning.

Kili grabbed Bilbo's biceps and pulled him into a kiss. It was rough and hungry but Bilbo did not resist.

"Do you think you are somehow being proper, denying what you feel? Denying that you need my touches as much as I need yours?" Kili's eyes were ablaze as he spoke.  
Bilbo was kissed again, leaving him stunned but wanting. Oh, he had been wanting!  
"You tell me you love me, you tell me you ache for me, but you are ever the one in control. Never mind when _I'm_ hurt, when _I_ yearn, or when _I_ love. And for what? So you can tell yourself you are not betraying Thorin? Bilbo, _you are in love with me_. By virtue of that alone, you've already committed your wrong against Thorin. Stop denying me your love to assuage your guilt!"

Kili seized Bilbo and kissed him once more, Bilbo fiercely returning it, tongue for tongue and nibble for nibble. Kili laced his hand through Bilbo's hair and tightened, forcing a moan from Bilbo. Kili felt the courting braid laced in the back and wanted badly to tug it out. 

Bilbo moved from Kili's mouth to taste his neck. Salty and smooth, Bilbo was swept with an urge to mark Kili as his. 

Kili grabbed one of Bilbo's hands and placed the palm on the bulge in his pants. "Feel what you do to me. I want you. I want to be the one who makes your breath quicken. I want to be the one who makes you cry out."  
Kili leaned into Bilbo's ear and bit at the lobe before he continued into it, dangerous and low. "Did you think I could not hear you, Bilbo? In Lake Town? On the boat? Behind stones and trees? Did you think I was deaf to what Thorin was doing to you?"

Bilbo burned with embarrassment that Kili had heard any of that but still he trembled with arousal. Save for one, his encounters with Kili had been tender. He'd never seen Kili so raw. Bilbo _liked_ it.

"If you taught me your special pleasure, I swear I would bring sweeter noises from you than he could," Kili promised huskily. "Had I been your lover in Lake Town, no one would have had peace to sleep at night until you collapsed with exhaustion."

Bilbo thought his knees would give out with the waves of desire pulsing through his body. He ached so hard in his trousers that so much as a stroke would have finished him like a tween. Kili captured his mouth once again, holding him so tightly he thought they both might be crushed. 

As suddenly as it started, it stopped. Kili released his hold, softened his kiss, and pulled away to gaze into Bilbo's eyes.

"Think on this, Bilbo. Think on _me_. Do you really want two-sided love with one-sided passion? Can you honestly move forward with nothing but my friendship and loyalty, exchanging no words of love or physical affections? You can have me, Bilbo. I'm not even certain I would ask you to choose in order to do so. But my heart can no longer take mere whispers and hints of your affection at your whim alone. I don't have the will for it."

Kili pulled Bilbo forward for one last, soft brush of his lips.

"We should head back to camp and let them know what we found," Kili said, already walking in the direction Fili had gone. Bilbo had no choice but to follow in the long trek back down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be particularly irritated if this doesn't update on the feed this time.


	28. A Hobbit On The Doorstep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The company makes camp outside the door and proceeds to wait. And wait. 
> 
> Kili continues to be a BAMF and steps up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although there are a couple fun elements here, this is mostly a bridge chapter. I had to resort to that old fic-trope of using the book to get us into the mountain. I mostly paraphrased but I did quote the map and a small part of Thorin's speech direct from the text. 
> 
> Also, for the purposes of this fic, we stray from Bilbo asking if anyone wishes to come with him. We are assuming that any dwarves accompanying Bilbo would give him away and lead to abject disaster. Therefore he has to go alone.

When Fili, Kili, and Bilbo reached camp with news of the door, there was a rush of excitement. As they explained the treacherous climb upward, a plan had to be put in place to move the camp. Thorin was elated that the door had been found at last but his joy was short-lived when he looked at Bilbo. His hobbit seemed unnerved and for good reason. Although he held Bilbo as tightly that evening as he had in the past, he did not make the attempt at coupling and Bilbo did not pursue it himself. Thorin was right. Bilbo was unnerved, but it wasn't the door alone that caused it. Bilbo fell into uneasy sleep with the memory of Kili's words in his ears. 

*****

It was decided that Bofur and Bombur would stay behind at the main camp at the base as the rest of the dwarves made their way up the more dangerous way around. Once at the cliff overlooking their ground camp, they set about transferring supplies by raising them up the cliff with rope to set up anew. They also used Fili and Kili themselves with this method to relieve Bofur of guard duty and haul the latter up for camaraderie from time to time. It was quicker than using the path, at any rate. Kili particularly enjoyed it when Dwalin was one of the ones operating the ropes. It was a fun ride when it was fast.

Unfortunately, the company was unable to negotiate the door. The tools they brought from Lake Town for this very purpose broke long before the door did. It made Bilbo nervous for them to attempt to break through the door at all. It was much too noisy for his taste. His companions agreed after a short while. They dared not sing or make merry that close to Smaug, either, which made the time pass slowly indeed. The dwarves were bored and wandering, waiting impatiently for Bilbo to figure a way in. Thorin paced like a tiger, his mood dark. He would occasionally steal Bilbo away down a path or into the valley alone so they could find solace in one another, but Bilbo felt Thorin's preoccupation acutely. He only felt like their lovemaking broke through to the real Thorin twice on these sojourns. Those times were the ones Bilbo's heart clung to; the other times were pleasant release but did nothing to assuage the ache in his soul.

*****

Kili and Bilbo had not discussed their situation since the discovery of the door. Kili was amiable and not avoiding Bilbo, but they hadn't any opportunity for private discussion without bored or curious ears close by. Fili's scheming to create diversions for Bilbo to be alone with Kili also stopped. If they were anywhere but dealing with this stalemate, Bilbo would have an idea of what to do. Instead, everything seemed suspended until they could get the door open. The more time that passed, the more Bilbo despaired about Kili and the distinct lack of lingering looks.

*****

Thorin sat by Bilbo in the area next to the door that the hobbit had taken to calling "the doorstep."

"Autumn is closing soon, you know." Thorin said, putting an arm around Bilbo.  
Bilbo sighed. "Yes, I do."  
"We still haven't figured out the door."  
"No, no _we_ haven't." 

Bilbo was trying to figure out where Thorin was going with this. Kili and Fili were close by wondering the same thing.

"The moon runes said that we needed to find the door by Durin's Day." Thorin looked at Bilbo meaningfully.  
Bilbo--frustrated before Thorin even sat down--was growing irritated. "And so we have found it. Thorin, is there a point you are making?"  
"Dwalin seems to think that you could use your invisible ring to head around to the front gate and see what you can do from that direction."

Filil turned to Kili, who was in turn looking at Thorin with violence in his eyes. He was ready to steady Kili if need be, but Bilbo held his own.

"Oh, Dwalin does, does he?" Bilbo knew full well that Thorin thought so as well or he would not have mentioned it. "Tell me, _beloved_ , would this be the same front gate that was belching steam and smoke when last I saw it? Is that the front gate he would like me to enter?"  
Thorin mumbled something unintelligible.  
"The map says nothing about tiptoeing my way into being a steamed side dish at the front gate, so if it is all the same to _Dwalin_ , I shall stay by the stone until the riddle is solved." Bilbo spoke a little louder so all the dwarves nearby could hear him, too. "If anyone else chooses to share a delightfully suicidal idea with me regarding what I should be doing to open the door, I'll be swimming back to Lake Town by myself."  
Bilbo lowered his voice to a mutter. "Bad enough I have to go into the bloody thing at all. Thirteen dwarves and a map and it is the hobbit that has to figure out how to unlock the door to their own mountain..."

Kili and Fili both smirked with pride. Thorin at least had enough sense to look chagrined. He coaxed a kiss from Bilbo to ensure he was not too cross with him before he left to report back to Dwalin that the answer was "no."

*****

Another day shortly thereafter, Bilbo sat in his usual spot on the doorstep. He was staring into the distance with a brain full of Kili, Thorin, and dragons. A sharp sound behind him startled him enough to force a jump. A large thrush had caught one of the snails that seemed to love the door slab so much and was trying to crack it open on the stone.

_"Stand by the grey stone when the thrush knocks and the setting sun with the last light of Durin's Day will shine upon the key-hole."_

It was still full daylight but Bilbo started frantically screaming for all to join him inside the rock bay. The others rushed to him, all but Bombur who did not fit on the paths and refused to be hauled up by ropes. Kili made it to him first, positive that something terrible had befallen him. Even after he was assured Bilbo's news was good, he had been scared enough to be reluctant to leave Bilbo's side. When Bilbo counted twelve dwarrows, he blustered through his discovery excitedly. They would have to wait until evening, of course, but it was thus far the most worthwhile wait of their post-Lake Town journey. As the daylight faded with no change on the door, some of the dwarves began to get antsy and despair. Bilbo was unwavering in his faith and kept his eyes and his hopes trained on the door. With nearly the absolute last light of day, a ray of sun broke through and settled on the door. Bilbo's thrush tweeted a cry and a flake of rock fell from the wall, revealing a hole. Dwalin and Gloin began excitedly pushing on the rock to get it to move but Bilbo started shaking Thorin. "Your key! Use your key! Hurry!"

Thorin slotted the key into the hole. It was a perfect fit and it turned easily. "Quick, everyone! Push! Push on the door!" Thorin thundered. 

Under their pressure, the door gave way noiselessly. Once opened, they saw the doorway was about three dwarves wide, only slightly taller than Thorin, and darker than the night now falling around them. 

With the door opened, Bilbo's pride in figuring it out gave way to fear. He looked helplessly at Thorin. Thorin gazed back at him, nearly shattered thinking of the choice before them.

Bilbo buried his head in Thorin's chest. "Now that it comes to it, I do not suppose I am a very brave burglar at all."  
Thorin spoke to him softly. "We either go forward or we go back. If you do not go, no one can. The mountain will belong to Smaug and Erebor shall remain a lost dwarven kingdom. You have my love no matter what you decide to do."

Bilbo remembered Thorin naked in their bed, explaining to him what taking back Erebor meant and why they had to do this, how it was not only for Thorin, but for Fili, Kili, and their companions. Treasure aside, he did not want to be the reason that Thorin had to abandon his quest. Had Thorin decided it in Lake Town as they had planned, it may have been a more desirable option. However, Thorin brought them all to this point at no small emotional cost and relived the memories of that dark day for a reason. Bilbo would not disappoint his lover or his king.

Kili watched this exchange. He did not hear the words but he saw Bilbo's expression of fright turn to one of resolve, his small shoulders squaring as he came to his decision. 

Thorin turned to speak to their companions, Bilbo standing at his side. "Now is the time for our esteemed Bilbo Baggins, for all purposes Prince Consort, to perform the service for which he was included in our company." 

The dwarves murmured amongst themselves in agreement and appreciation.

Kili glanced at Bilbo. BIlbo's face seemed to be resigned to his fate but his hands gave him away with their trembling. Kili wondered what would possess Thorin to send this beautiful, astounding creature into such a dark hole...to come face to face with Mahal-knows-what. He couldn't stand it. 

"I will go in Bilbo's place," Kili volunteered loudly.

The camp went silent. Bilbo stared at Kili in awe. Thorin just stared, period.

"No," Thorin said firmly. "This is Bilbo's task and he will be the one to do it,"  
"You are truly going to send your betrothed into that dark passage? Into a dragon's very den?" Kili questioned harshly.  
Thorin stiffened at Kili giving voice to the thoughts that had haunted him for many nights. "It is not my choice but it is the way of it. None of the rest of us can do what he can."  
"He's right there, laddie. Gandalf said himself that this dragon knows the scent of dwarf but hobbit would perplex him," Balin reasoned. "If it were one of us, we would have no chance at all."  
"Aye, and he has the ring!" agreed Nori, a little afraid that he'd become the default burglar himself.

Kili ignored the others and addressed only Bilbo, for what Bilbo wanted was all that mattered to him. "You are decided, then?"  
"Yes," Bilbo said, a bit shakily.  
"Very well." Kili knelt and took Bilbo's hand. "My best wishes and every hope for your safe return go with you since I cannot, Master Baggins." 

Kili kissed Bilbo's knuckles tenderly before rising and returning to his place. 

Fili looked at the faces around him, most still stunned. Balin and Dwalin were both looking particularly at Kili. Fili knew at once that Kili's heart was no longer a secret to either of them. Thorin's expression was as unreadable as stone.


	29. A Brush With Smaug Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Balin was the first to see Bilbo begin to emerge. He was carrying a rather large golden cup. Balin whisked him out of the tunnel and lifted him into the open air. There he was snatched up by Thorin. He held Bilbo tight, ran fingers through his hair, and did not wish to let him go ever again...until he saw the cup Balin held. The other dwarves descended upon Bilbo full of congratulations and praise. Still under the effects of fear and adrenaline, everyone around Bilbo seemed to be moving in a different time and dimension. He could only see two people clearly: Kili, whose face was filled with concern for him, and Thorin, cradling the cup Bilbo brought up like a lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more book quoting but not too much :) Also, I did not do any Bilbo POV inside Smaug's lair.

Balin and Thorin were at the door with Bilbo before he descended. Thorin pulled him close and whispered, "Come back to me, please."  
Balin clapped Bilbo on the back and said simply, "Good luck."  
Bilbo took a deep breath, put on the ring, and headed in.

*****

The company had nothing to do but wait for Bilbo's return. Fili and Kili stood on their own, Kili with one hand on his sword, ready to charge in at the first sound of trouble. Bofur walked over to stand in between the pair, slipping an arm around each of their shoulders. He spoke quietly for their ears alone and kept a smile on his face so none could guess his business.

"Well, you've done it now, you have," he said, pressing lightly into Kili's shoulder. "Subtlety is not your talent."  
"I could not just let him send him down there without saying something," Kili protested.  
"Shhh, voice down and smile. That's a good lad. Likely not, but the end result was the same. Bilbo's still gone down the passage and you've gotten attention that will not help your cause."  
"I know Balin and Dwalin are aware now," Fili added.  
"Thorin's right and left arms, they are," Bofur agreed. "It is a hope that Thorin will be too angry about you challenging him to stop and think about why. Or maybe you can count on this friendship the three of you have to get you out of one more tight spot. Either way, you had better brace yourself for when Thorin comes to you."  
"Bofur is right. There will be trouble from that gesture of yours and it was all for nothing," Fili lamented.  
"Oh, now, I would not say 'nothing,' Fili." Bofur leaned into Kili. "If you did not have that little hobbit's heart before, I daresay you might have it now."

Bofur gave both lads a quick squeeze before sauntering back to sit and wait with Bifur.

*****

Thorin sat close to the door with Balin, listening for a time. He stood and paced for a while after that. No one dared talk to him. He was furious with Kili for speaking against him, but far more angry that Kili sounded much like the voice of his own conscience. Beyond that, Thorin thought that it did not flatter his image when one of Bilbo's friends would have a greater care for his safety than his own consort.

"I am king," Thorin reminded himself. "It is for my people and not for myself that I did this."

As he paced, he began to grow irritated with Bilbo for even questioning the decision to begin with. Bilbo knew what he was getting into when they started their relationship. Maybe that was Bilbo's plan, to use Thorin's feelings to get out of doing his duty! Thorin seethed for a moment with rage before his rational side reminded him that Bilbo faced several very real dangers and put his life on the line for Thorin more than once. The dragon may be frightening to Bilbo, of course, but he'd faced more certain danger willingly and without question.

*****

Balin was the first to see Bilbo begin to emerge. He was carrying a rather large golden cup. Balin whisked him out of the tunnel and lifted him into the open air. There he was snatched up by Thorin. He held Bilbo tight, ran fingers through his hair, and did not wish to let him go ever again--until he saw the cup Balin held.

The other dwarves descended upon Bilbo full of congratulations and praise. Still under the effects of fear and adrenaline, everyone around Bilbo seemed to be moving in a different time and dimension. Bilbo could only see two people clearly: Kili, whose face was filled with concern for him, and Thorin, cradling the cup Bilbo brought up like a lover. 

Bilbo thought lying on the ground might feel particularly lovely so he did just that.

"Give him space! He looks pale," Bilbo heard Kili say.

The other dwarves had noticed the cup by now and were all marveling at the Ereborian artifact. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Bilbo wondered how one small item could thrill them so when a vast expanse of gorgeous treasure lay beneath them, still very much guarded by a dragon.

_I can't very well carry it out piece by piece,_ Bilbo thought.

A great rumbling and shaking happened then, coupled with a sound too terrible to contemplate. The dwarves were all stunned silent. Flooded with sudden clarity, Bilbo jumped up and screamed to the group, "Smaug! It is Smaug! He's coming! Make for the door! The door!"

Thorin also came to himself quickly. "Everyone! Into the passage!"  
Bofur cried, "No! Bombur is still at base camp! We have to pull him up!"  
Thorin quickly assessed their situation. He boomed, "Kili, Balin, get Bilbo into the tunnel safely. NOW! Oin, Gloin, move our packs. I need the rest of you to grab those ropes. We have to save what we can before all is lost. MOVE!"

Before Bilbo could argue, Kili had him hoisted over his shoulder and into the tunnel beyond the doorway. Setting Bilbo down, he turned to run back out.

"No!" Bilbo screamed and tried to scramble after him.  
"Sit tight and we'll be back! Balin, hold him!" Kili shouted on his way out.  
Balin pulled Bilbo back with an arm over his chest.  
"Stay put, lad."  
"But they need help! The dragon! Bombur!" Bilbo cried, flailing.  
"They will manage," Balin assured, hoping he was right.

The wait inside the tunnel was agonizing. Bilbo could hear the shouts from outside, occasionally seeing someone drag in supplies or a pack before scurrying back out. Bombur came stumbling in, then, and Bilbo was relieved that he was saved. The rest of the dwarrows crowded in shortly thereafter, each pulling a bundle or carrying a burden. They drew the door nearly closed--leaving a tiny rock to act as doorstop so that they would not be sealed in to their doom--and it was not a moment too soon. They heard the rumble and the shriek along with the disconcerting "whoosh" sound of flames being blown through their rock bay. The flames came in through the small crack in the door and the heat was incredible. Bilbo was sure they'd be roasted alive. There was another gusting sound that Bilbo guessed as the dragon's wings and they heard the horrifying sound of their ponies screaming in terror.

Thorin said sadly, "That will be the end of our poor beasts."

The dragon seemed to have flown away after that, but they did not trust it. It was decided they would spend the night in the tunnel. Thorin was firm that there was no going back now even if they all wished it. They had lost their ponies and Smaug would doubtless be patrolling the mountainside for weeks to come. They had no hope of anything other than remaining. Luckily, they had managed to save most of their stores, making starvation the least of their dangers at the moment.

The dwarrows crept a little further inward and huddled together for the night. Bilbo calmed enough to tell them of what he had seen when he descended the tunnel: the breathtaking beauty of the treasure and the terrifying magnificence of Smaug. Thorin held Bilbo to him firmly, whispering into his ear how fine, beautiful, and brave he was. Though Kili did not have the pleasure of doing the same, he silently marveled at Bilbo's courage. Throughout the night, they were disturbed by distant and not-so-distant roars of Smaug, flying and hunting around the mountain. Sleep was restless when it came at all.

*****

The next morning, they found their nerve enough again to venture outside. No grass remained and the stone was blackened. The ponies were gone with no trace. As Thorin had said, they were fairly well stuck there. The silence of their night gave way to discussion, planning, and eventually complaining. Whereas Bilbo was their hero the day before, now he was the bringer of doom. Blame flew--

_"--he went in too soon!"_  
"--he should never have brought up the gold!"  
"--he should know better than to steal from a dragon's hoard!"  
"--we're stuck here now and it is Bilbo's fault!"

Kili was growing angrier by the second. His brother held his elbow and if the pressure was any indication, he was fairly angry himself at the company turning against Bilbo in this manner. A glance proved Bofur was also none too pleased, either. Kili regarded Thorin, waiting for some kind word. After all, it was not Bilbo's idea to descend at all, much less so soon. That was Thorin's own plan. The king had no words for Bilbo's defense, though. Kili was gathering his thoughts to speak on his behalf when the Bilbo came to life with a fury.

"What else do you suppose a burglar is to do?" asked Bilbo angrily. "I was not engaged to kill dragons--that is warrior's work--but to break us in the door and presumably steal treasure. Now the door stands open and I've brought proof of the hoard. But we're not here for gold, right?" Bilbo looked at Thorin pointedly. "We are here to reclaim Erebor for her people, to build you all a new life. I cannot do that alone. That none of you had even a thought on how to get rid of Smaug other than dangling a hobbit down the hole was an oversight at the very least. Even if all of you decided to abandon the quest for the mountain and settle for riches, no one ever made the vast extent of Thror's wealth entirely clear to me. I should want hundreds of years to bring it all up, if I was fifty times as big, and Smaug as tame as a rabbit."

Thorin spoke, "What then do you propose we do, Bilbo?"

Bilbo looked at him incredulously. " _Me_? What do _I_ propose we do? You expect me to figure out how to evict the dragon? When were you thinking you might let me in on this plan? Do you not have advisers for this sort of thing? Are you not king?"  
Thorin spoke now with measured patience. "Yes, and you are my consort. This shall be your kingdom, too, and you have a vested interest in reclaiming it."  
"A vest-a vested interest? A vested interest, he says." Bilbo spluttered. 

He was looking right at Thorin and felt as though he did not recognize him. Thorin spoke of their soon-to-be marital bond, but his eyes were calculating. Bilbo had a suspicion that his feelings for Thorin were being manipulated and he did not care for it.

Exasperated, Bilbo looked around and simply said, "Nope," storming off to find a corner of the rock bay where he could be alone.

Fili and Kili rose to go after him.

Thorin halted them with his voice. "Fili! Kili! As heirs of my house, I require your presence with me to discuss the matter of the dragon. Let Master Baggins be."

Reluctantly, the brothers did as they were told and sat with Balin, Dwalin, and Thorin. Devoid of workable ideas, the discussion was soon widened to the rest of their company, though they fared no better. Fili realized he had never considered what to do about Smaug before. All he ever knew was that Thorin and Gandalf had a plan and it involved "a burglar." If he would have known that the extent of the plan was "Send Bilbo down the hole and see what happens," perhaps he would have started working on the problem himself weeks ago. It was embarrassingly poor planning and his heart went out to poor Bilbo.

*****

Thorin had been eyeballing Kili throughout the debate. When the discussion had expanded beyond them, Thorin took the opportunity to speak to his nephew.

"Kili, I require a private word." Thorin commanded.

Kili had been expecting this. He knew this conversation was going to be about either his interference or about his feelings for Bilbo. He was not sure which one he dreaded more. Thorin lead them within running distance of the doorway in case of emergency, finding a spot away from both Bilbo's brooding and the dragon debate.

He looked at Kili coldly. "What do you propose I do about your lack of respect for me?"  
"Lack of respect in what manner?" Kili asked, not sure which breach of propriety they were discussing.  
"Speaking out of turn, questioning my judgement, raising your voice to me, and otherwise making a scene in front of the company. How many times do I have to tell you to mind your own affairs before you will listen?"  
"Probably as frequently as you are hurting people I care about," Kili countered.  
"Watch your mouth, _lad_ ," Thorin spat. "You think I do not care about Bilbo as well? That I do not love him?"  
Kili set his eyes on Thorin fiercely. "I know Bilbo was scared to go down the passage. I know you knew he was scared and yet you sent him into danger. I know he went because he loves you and wants to make you proud. What I do not know is how you could send him in without even having a plan. Everyone is angry now that he brought up that blasted gold trinket yet he did it for you. You've all been calling him 'burglar' so long I guess he thought he was supposed to steal something. You neglected to tell him that what you expected him to steal was your kingdom back, Thorin. You tell me how much that looks like love."

" _YOU KNOW NOTHING OF LOVE!_ " Thorin thundered.

His words echoed inside the rock walls. Bilbo looked up, horrified. The other dwarves fell silent, some watching intently and others afraid to look.

Thorin grabbed the front of Kili's collar and roughly yanked him close to his own face. His previous shout had echoed back to his ears, so his next words were spoken with quiet menace for Kili alone.

"Two things are keeping you from harm right now: that you are my own blood and that you are my beloved sister's son. If you were any other dwarf you would not still be standing. You have always been precipitous and your impudent tongue does not serve you. Too long have Fili and I given you a wide berth. You _will_ learn your place, Kili, and it is two steps behind me. Speak not to me of love. In fact, speak not to me at all for a while lest I lose my temper."

With that, Thorin released Kili with a push and disappeared into the passage to sit alone.

*****

Bilbo remained seated but watched the rest of the exchange in fear. He did not hear what Thorin said after the shout but the look on his face was as vicious as if he had been in battle. They did not come to blows, though, nor did Thorin come for him. Bilbo watched as Fili ran over to his brother. They talked quietly for a moment before Kili's eyes caught his own.

Kili crossed over to where Bilbo was and sat on the ground next to him.

"Do I want to know what that was about?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili shrugged. "He does not like me putting my nose into his business. Particularly when it comes to you."  
"Does he know?"  
"I can't tell, really. He was so concerned about me minding my tongue and my manners that we did not get that far." Kili replied.  
"What was all that 'you know nothing of love' stuff, then?"  
Kili looked sheepish. "I might have, um, questioned the way he chooses to treat you. Again."  
"That is going to get you into trouble one of these days," Bilbo warned. He shook his head. "I knew the road would be tough once we left town but I was thinking it would be tough in that sleeping-on-the-ground-again way. I don't know what to make of all _this_."  
Bumping his shoulder into Bilbo's, Kili teased, "I'll bet my idea of running away to the Shire together is sounding pretty good right about now, huh?"  
Bilbo huffed a mirthless laugh. "Yes, a bit. Uh, he had mentioned it at one point, too. Thorin, I mean." 

Bilbo felt a little odd telling Kili this but he felt better getting it out.

"Thorin wanted to abandon the quest and run away to the Shire?" Kili asked, astounded. He was so shocked that he couldn't even panic over the fact that Bilbo almost left.  
"Well, he said somewhere green that we could spend the rest of our days in peace."  
"So why are we sitting here waiting to be roasted by a dragon?" Kili wondered aloud.  
Bilbo looked down, sadly. "He, uh, changed his mind."  
"Did he?" Kili asked softly.  
"It really felt like he had given me a choice. I chose, he agreed, but the quest planning still continued. I suppose I understand it, but I thought for a minute..." Bilbo trailed off.  
Kili's heart broke for his little hobbit. "Oh, Bilbo..."  
"And now I'm here and he's telling me to figure out what to do about Smaug. He's the king, so everyone else is following his lead and looking at me expectantly. He never told me about this part. Today is the first I heard of it, I swear to you, Kili. I don't know what I thought they were going to ask me to do, now that I think of it." Bilbo put his face in his hands.  
Kili ached to comfort Bilbo but he knew they were already drawing stares just by sitting together. "Please do not despair. You have me and you also have Fili and Bofur. Probably Ori, too. We are with you, for whatever that is worth."

Bilbo looked over then, Kili smiling reassuringly when their eyes met. He wondered for a moment if Kili had any idea how special he was.

"What you tried to do for me yesterday, when you volunteered to take my place...I don't even know what to say," Bilbo ventured. "'Thank you' is probably the best place to start, I suppose."  
"Watching you standing there so brave even though I knew you were scared, I felt the same helplessness I did when the trolls threatened to tear you apart. I wanted to fight for you back then and I would fight for you still," Kili said.  
Bilbo wished to express the love he felt at Kili's words but he was loath to bring up the subject until they were truly alone. Instead, he said, "One day I hope to deserve your faith. You are most dear to me."

Kili knew by the look in Bilbo's eyes that there was much more yet to say. He also realized now was not the time. Still, there was one thing Kili wanted him to know.

"Bilbo?"  
"Yes?"  
"I'm relieved you did not run away without me," Kili said simply.  
"Me too."


	30. A Brush With Smaug Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin's head clears for a moment. Bilbo pays the price for taunting a dragon. Kili is still sweet enough to give us cavities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quoted a bit more from the book. I did not detail Bilbo/Smaug's conversation from either of their POVs.

When Thorin at last emerged from the passage, Bilbo rose to his feet and joined him where he stood. He said nothing yet, as he wanted to address all the dwarrows with his thoughts. He did not want the tension between him and Thorin to divert them.

"May I have everyone's attention?" Bilbo called. "Yes, could you give me a moment please?"

Once everyone was facing him, Bilbo spoke with as much authority as he could muster. "I think we can do nothing but stay here for the time being, as Thorin said. If we stick near the areas near the door, we can be outside by day so we do not stifle or turn on each other. It is safest to be well inside the passage at night. "

There was a general murmur of agreement. Thorin looked on curiously.

"It was a surprise to me to learn so suddenly that 'burglar' has a rather expanded meaning for dwarves as opposed to hobbits. I suppose some of it is my fault for not demanding a more thorough explanation from Thorin or Gandalf either one, but there is no point wasting the present fretting about the past. I do not have a plan but I may have a means to form one. I imagine the dragon is spending the day sleeping off his exertions of last night. I can use my ring to creep back down the tunnel now and see what he is up to. I might be able to suss out something that will be of use to us."

This was met with approval from most of the dwarves. The morning's accusations turned into glowing raves of how Bilbo was a natural leader. Kili was concerned but did not speak against Bilbo's plan because at least this one was his. Thorin led Bilbo away from the group to spend a moment for themselves.

Thorin embraced Bilbo. "I am reluctant to send you down again, my love," he said with affection.  
"Then it is probably a good thing that this time it is my idea and not yours," Bilbo sassed.  
"Are you still cross about our misunderstanding earlier?" Thorin asked.  
Bilbo pushed himself out of Thorin's arms. "No, I'm cross that we spent two weeks in Lake Town and however many days since together and you never told me that not only did you not have a plan, but that I was going to be expected to come up with one. I'm cross because you spoke of our bond with no love in your face as you tried to guilt me into fixing your oversight."  
Thorin looked wounded. "My love, please speak no venom to me. You know how sacred I hold our bond. This challenge we are facing is stressing our relationship. We knew it might. Instead of putting distance between us, let us cling to one another instead. I need you." Thorin pulled him close once again. He whispered into his hair, "I love you, Bilbo."

Bilbo struggled to remain angry but it was difficult when Thorin was speaking to him so tenderly. His last shred of resistance melted away when his love bent to kiss him. It was gentle but yearning; emotional in a way Bilbo had not felt from the king since the door was found.

"I love you too, Thorin," Bilbo said when they paused.  
Thorin leaned his forehead to Bilbo's. "Am I forgiven for my lack of foresight?"  
"Please just...no more surprises like today. Okay?"  
"Agreed," Thorin said smiling. "I am so proud of you."

Bilbo snuggled into Thorin's arms feeling at once comforted and more confused. The Thorin holding him right now was a far distance from how he was this morning. Bilbo certainly preferred this one. _Was it all just stress and misunderstanding?_ Bilbo wondered to himself.

*****

The next trip down the passage was not as glum for the group or as terrifying for Bilbo. He noted Kili wisely kept his distance from Thorin. The king sent Bilbo back through the passage with a hug and a kiss, asking him once again to return to him safely.

Waiting for Bilbo to return was nerve-wracking for Kili. Many of the others were more relaxed this time but he did not agree with it. Kili thought it was a much bigger risk to head back in now that the dragon knew the privacy of his lair had been once-breached, ring or not. Fili shared his concern. They spoke quietly between themselves, keeping one eye each on the door in case of trouble.

Thorin was alert but not as inconsolable as he was the day prior. He sat near the door with Balin once again. His friend looked pensive.

"What is on your mind?" Thorin asked.  
Balin hesitated for a moment, looking for the best way to phrase what needed to be said. "Do you know what is going on with Kili?"  
Thorin sighed. "It is a problem, truthfully."

Balin felt relief. He was worried he was going to have to tell Thorin that his own relation was in love with the future Prince Consort. Wars had been fought over less.

"What are you going to do about it?"  
"Well, I've spoken to him already. Rather forcefully, I might add," Thorin said.  
Balin nodded, remembering the outburst from earlier. "I thought you were going to strike the lad, truthfully."  
"If he were not my sister's son and my long loved relation, it would have gone much more ill," Thorin confirmed.  
"He is very lucky." Balin thought of how terribly moody was the day he even jested about falling in love with Bilbo and nearly shuddered at what Kili's fate could have been. "So, what is the course of action?"  
"I made sure Kili knew that he was always going to be two steps behind me. I think he should remember his proper place better in the future."

Balin thought this was an odd answer to his question but before he could clarify, they heard a terrible noise. It was followed by a gust of heat from the passage. Bilbo stumbled out and fell at a dead faint.

A chorus of voices screamed out, "BILBO!" They all flocked to his side. Kili nearly forgot himself and rushed to hold him. Fili held him back, whispering words of patience into his ear. Kili stayed close, though. Thorin checked him for life and set about trying to revive him, tears streaming down his face. Bilbo came around soon after. Oin looked over him for hurts. He had several scorches and had hair frizzled down to the skin along his heels and low at the back of his head. Thorin noted with some dismay that both Bilbo's braid and Thorin's bead had fallen victim to Smaug. They doctored and wrapped his hurts as best they could.

Once they knew Bilbo was going to be okay, they wanted to know the tale. Bilbo was still quite shaken and was not at all ready to tell it yet. Bofur flirted with Bilbo, trying to cheer him up. Thorin was so thankful for Bilbo being alive that he did not even give Bofur a dirty look.

Despite the best efforts of his friends, Bilbo was worried and reluctant to speak. He saw his thrush from the day before--the troublemaker!--and was so not himself that he threw a rock at it. He felt like it was listening. Thorin scolded him gently, explaining how Men used to use the thrushes as messenger birds. He said this one may be old, indeed, and could carry news to Lake Town.

The mention of Lake Town struck fear in Bilbo's heart and it was in mind of their best interests that he finally opened up to share his tale. If the thrush was indeed a messenger bird, perhaps it could carry a warning. Bilbo was sure the dragon had figured out that is where he came from. He feared they would be getting a most unwelcome visit.

Bilbo told them all the story of the conversation with the dragon: flattery, riddles, and his own embarrassing blunders. Most importantly, he told them about a vulnerability in Smaug's breast, a place where he could be easily pierced by a weapon. When Bilbo reached the end of the tale and the dwarrows began to talk amongst themselves, the thrush flew away. Bilbo hoped that Thorin was right and that it could bear some helpful warning to Lake Town.

While the rest of the dwarves were chattering about the nature of dragons, Bilbo felt they were still under a great threat. If one missing cup spurred yesterday's attack, what would be in store after today? Thorin kept a protective arm around him but otherwise seemed to not think there was continuing danger.

Balin comforted Bilbo, "Do not feel badly about any missteps you may have made, laddie. More practiced raconteurs have failed against the wit of a dragon. You held your own admirably and got out alive."  
Bilbo smiled weakly.

Kili and Fili both noticed that Bilbo was silent and jumpy. Fili scooted closer and spoke their minds to save Kili from any more of Thorin's wrath this day.

"You are very uneasy, still. Are you suffering from the shock of your injuries or is there something else troubling you?"  
"I am sure we are very unsafe here," Bilbo said, "and I don't see the point of sitting here. I feel it in my bones that this place will be attacked again. Smaug knows now how I came down to his hall, and you can trust him to guess where the other end of the tunnel is. He will break all this side of the mountain to bits to stop up our entrance and if we are smashed with it the better he will like it. Our only hope is to get well in the tunnel and shut the door."

After the close call yesterday along with renewed awareness that although Bilbo was alive, he was not well, Thorin ordered them all into the tunnel.

"Go quietly, as Smaug could have his snout pushed against the other end waiting for another chance," Balin cautioned.

Once settled with the door pulled closed to their doorstop, the dwarrows decided it was quiet enough that they could resume their conversations. Bilbo did not have as much faith and sat near the door, ears cocked for noise coming from either outside or deep within. Thorin sat close, still touching Bilbo to assure himself he was truly there and breathing. He and Balin struck up a conversation about what may be awaiting discovery within the hoard. They talked at great length of glorious weapons and shields for warriors long-gone, jewels, necklaces, cups, gleaming coats of mail...and the Arkenstone. Thorin chanted its name reverently, as if half in a dream. This alone--for one brief moment--pulled Bilbo out of his dragon-fear. He had never heard Thorin so entranced.

"It was like a globe with a thousand facets; it shone like silver in the firelight, like water in the sun, like snow under the stars, like rain upon the Moon!" As Thorin spoke, Bilbo thought that his gentleness of voice was not unlike the way he spoke to Bilbo alone, naked in their bed.

The dwarves continued their talk of what may await them in Smaug's treasure. Thorin had fallen silent after speaking of the Arkenstone. Bilbo turned his attention back to his guard. The silence was terrible. It grew ever darker and Bilbo was set upon by a great dread. He could hold his tongue no longer.

"Shut the door! I fear that dragon in my marrow!" Bilbo shouted. Thorin snapped out of his reverie. Bilbo shook him at the shoulders. "Shut the door before it is too late!"

The urgency in Bilbo's voice made Thorin act without thinking, only wishing to comply. He kicked the rock out that served as the doorstop and called for the others to push it closed. The door shut with a clang, leaving no sign of a keyhole from their side of the door.

"This is terrible! Now we are sealed inside the mountain!" Bombur cried.

They had just started heading a little further into the passageway when there was a great crash and boom along the mountainside. It shook their tunnel and rocks fell upon their heads. They fled further down the tunnel to relative safety, huddled together listening to the roar and rumble of Smaug laying waste to the mountainside.

Bofur spoke. "Once again, our Bilbo Baggins has saved us." 

He silently dared anyone to blame Bilbo for it happening in the first place, but was only met with murmurs of agreement. 

In the darkness that enveloped them, a hand found Bilbo's. Knowing at once it was Kili's, he gave it a soft squeeze.

They all sat in the darkness, barely willing to speak. They did not know what danger awaited them at the bottom of the tunnel or what had happened at the top. They ate very little and slept lightly. The silence surrounding them was terrible. Bilbo was not sure how long they stayed like that, but it seemed ages. He had Thorin at his side and occasionally the comfort of Kili's touch.

Finally, Thorin could not take it any longer. He and Dwalin climbed up the passageway to see if there was anything to be gained that direction. When Thorin moved away, Bilbo started as a pair of arms enveloped him.

"Shhhh," Kili whispered in his ear, not risking another word in the dark.  
As quickly as Bilbo felt it, Kili was gone again.

Dwalin reported back that nothing but broken piles of rock remained; there was no escaping that direction. Some of the others were speaking words of despair but Bilbo felt suddenly light. He announced he would be heading back down the tunnel again. 

"If forward is our only option, then forward we must go," Bilbo said. 

The dwarrows were not pleased that Bilbo insisted they come along this time. Only Fili, Kili, Bofur, and Thorin did not protest this request. Bilbo told them he still would go ahead with his ring, though it was so dark it did not matter.

Bilbo entered the hall and called out to taunt Smaug. There was still silence. It seemed the dragon was not at home. The company finally dared some light but were still reticent to fully enter the hall. Bilbo took the torch and scrambled to the top of a great mound of treasure to get a better look around. The dwarves saw him pause but did not see the cause.

Bilbo had found the Arkenstone. Its beauty enchanted him and quite before he realized what he was doing, he had dropped it into his deepest pocket. He stood for a moment, faintly thinking that this was going to cause trouble before the end before he shook the thought off and headed down the other side of the mound.

When the dwarves saw Bilbo's torch again, he was far across the hall. Fili whispered to Kili, "Brave little thing, isn't he?"  
Kili was full of pride. "Yes, he truly is."

Several more torches were lit and the company ventured into the hall. The glimpse of the treasure had ignited their inner dwarvish fires and now they were brazenly going through the piles and stuffing their pockets. Fili and Kili found a pair of magical harps still in tune and brought forth the first music the hall had heard since the fall. Though he was king, Thorin was loading his pockets just as happily as Nori. Bilbo noticed that his eyes shifted and searched for something specific but Thorin did not yet say what it was. He had a feeling he knew.

It did not take long for the dwarrows to discover the armor and weapons there were to be found. They eagerly set about outfitting themselves in the best they could find. Thorin found himself a coat of gold-plated rings, with a silver hafted axe in a belt crusted with scarlet stones. When Bilbo caught sight of him, his heart fluttered. He looked very handsome and royal. Thorin caught Bilbo staring at him and called him over. 

"Here is the first payment of your reward," he said.

Thorin removed Bilbo's coat and shirt. Bilbo was a little self-conscious to be stripped by his lover like this where anyone could see them (especially Kili), but Thorin lovingly dressed him again in a stunning coat of mithril mail. He added a belt of pearls and crystals, lingering as he wound it around Bilbo's form and taking the opportunity for a kiss. He finished it with a light helm of leather and steel, studded with white gems.  
"Beautiful," Thorin breathed. "I swear to you I am going to find a way to have you tonight."

They were interrupted by Balin finding one of the long lost treasures they had spoken of and Thorin's attention was diverted for a time. Bilbo did not feel the pull of the gold in his blood the way a dwarf would and eventually grew both tired and suspicious of the treasure before them. He sat against a wall and watched as his companions sifted through the incredible amount of wealth. Kili and Fili were affected by the gold-fascination, of course, but seemed more merry than anything. They had moved on from the harps and were dressing themselves in beautiful coats that rivaled their uncle's. No one noticed if Bilbo's eyes lingered on Kili while he was in between shirts, bag still around his neck.

After sitting on the floor waiting until his tailbone fell asleep, Bilbo called to Thorin. They needed to find a way out in case Smaug returned. With many, many longing looks behind, Thorin led them out of the hall and through his mountain to the front gate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, so thrilled with your comments, recs, reblogs, etc. I can't thank you all enough for your support. 
> 
> <3


	31. "You Two Are Insane"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin did not share Bilbo's opinion, though. His happiness at fully reclaiming the mountain from the dragon was overshadowed by the rage that they should be so challenged. He beseeched the ravens to fly to his cousin Dain in the Iron Hills and ask for reinforcements. The company gathered themselves up and hastened back to the front gate, making the trip in half the time of the previous day with their renewed vigor. While the others sat inside the front gate to have a bit of breakfast, Thorin took a torch and led Bilbo back down through the mountain until they came at last to the hall of gold. Leading Bilbo deep within, Thorin looked around for a suitable pile. He removed his fur and spread it out. Bilbo looked at him curiously.

Thorin knew his way through the mountain as though he had only been there yesterday. He talked as they walked of the things they were passing and what was nearby. Bilbo felt sick and sad for Thorin as many of the things he spoke fondly of as they passed bore extensive damage from the dragon. Finally reaching the front gate that looked out over Dale, never had Bilbo been so grateful for a cold wind in his face. It was around mid-morning and Bilbo became aware that he had not eaten in a while. Unfortunately, it was decided that they could not afford the time to linger. Balin suggested a trek to a look-out point, a hard climb even with the shortcut he spied. Bilbo's heart sank.

Thorin was unusually cheerful.

"We'll get some food in you yet, my love," he said, happily rattling the precious stones in his pockets. "I know you understand how unwise it would be to have our breakfast on Smaug's front doorstep."

Bilbo agreed gloomily and they set forth to follow the river in the direction Balin suggested. 

Kili and Fili did not walk up front with Thorin. Both Balin and Thorin seemed to know where they were going and had no need of scouts. Despite Thorin's apparent surge of goodwill from the time they entered the mountain, neither brother trusted in it enough to depend on it. 

Kili made sure wherever he walked that he could still keep an eye on Bilbo. Even with the hobbit's little bald spot at his neck where the dragon fire licked him, he had to remind himself not to gaze too obviously at how beautiful Bilbo was. The sunlight was in his hair and the cool air made his cheeks delightfully pink. Kili had caught a glimpse in the dungeon of Bilbo's new, fine mithril mail and he was glad it was covered by his regular shirt and jacket now. He thought Bilbo standing in the sun wearing mithril might be enough to make a dwarf forget his place entirely. 

They followed Balin's memory for a couple hours, the desolation around them sobering Thorin's mood. They stopped for a break in a deep dell when Thorin noticed Bilbo would not make the rest of the walk by himself without something to eat. Bilbo took a moment in the daylight to check his dragon injuries. Although he had spots that were still pinkish and tender, none of his dragon singes turned to blister. He was relieved to not have the burden of open burns to add to his list of problems right now. 

Close to sunset, Balin led them up a final hill path and through an opening much like a doorway. It led to a vast guardroom. There was a second, smaller room behind that one that was better insulated from the cold. There, they set down their burdens and settled. Dori was particularly fretful that the dragon might have seen them journey to this point but Thorin comforted him.

"There's nothing to be done for it tonight even if he has. If not, this is the safest place we could be for a while. In either case, we can go no further today. Lay down your pack and your troubles, Dori. None of us has had a good sleep in over two nights and we'll be the better for it if we can have one."

Many of the dwarves were soothed by the words of their king and fell straight away to sleep. Thorin laid down a fur and settled in next to Bilbo against a wall. Bilbo was sleepily munching on a piece of cram. Thorin's desire for Bilbo had not lessened since he dressed him in the throne room that morning but he knew that his lover was fading for the day. He kissed the top of his head. When the snack was done, Thorin guided Bilbo to lie down with him. He was sure Bilbo was asleep before he was even fully reclined. Thorin knew he needed to find sleep, too, but excitement was thrumming through his veins. He had finally come _home_. Walking through his halls, stepping out to view the valley from the front gate...there was a very large part of him that never truly thought he would get the chance to do it again. If everything went badly for him from this point onward, he would still count it a victory. 

Thorin also thought about the gold. Seeing Thror's mountains of splendor again invigorated him--and they were _his_. Thorin was King Under The Mountain, now. Bilbo shifted in his arms and Thorin thought happily on what it was like to dress Bilbo in things nearly as lovely as he was. If they could get past what to do about Smaug, he and Bilbo could build their life together in such glory. He kissed Bilbo's ear and whispered, "I promise this will all be worth it, my love." Bilbo made a soft sound but did not wake as Thorin pulled him tighter.

*****

The next day brought with it both wonderful and terrible news. The thrush had returned to tell them of the dragon. None could understand it, but that old thrush was smart enough to summon the descendants of the ravens that had held a long friendship with the dwarves and communicated through them. Thanks to Bilbo's reconnaissance, Bard of Lake Town had slain the dragon with an arrow to the breast. Unfortunately, there were now Elves and Men marching on the mountain to see about getting a share of the fabled treasure. Bilbo was not sure what claim the Elves would have on it yet, but he certainly could not begrudge Lake Town of a share. The people there fed them, housed them, provided for their expedition, and no doubt suffered great losses from the dragon before Bard slew it. Just for the task of dispatching the dragon alone, Bilbo felt that Thorin owed them _something._ The bird warned to be wary of the Master Of Lake Town (he did not have to tell Thorin twice), but said that Bard was just and true.

Thorin did not share Bilbo's opinion, though. His happiness at fully reclaiming the mountain from the dragon was overshadowed by the rage that they should be so challenged. He beseeched the ravens to fly to his cousin Dain in the Iron Hills and ask for reinforcements. The company gathered themselves up and hastened back to the front gate, making the trip in half the time of the previous day with their renewed vigor. 

While the others sat inside the front gate to have a bit of breakfast, Thorin took a torch and led Bilbo back down through the mountain until they came at last to the hall of gold. Leading Bilbo deep within, Thorin looked around for a suitable pile. He removed his fur and spread it out. Bilbo looked at him curiously.

Thorin's eyes reflected both torch and gold alike. Bilbo recognized the look on his face as lust but it was also tinged with awe and something else he did not quite recognize.

"This mountain, this hall, and all its treasures have been reclaimed by me," Thorin said. "But there is one treasure that I prize above all else and I wish to reclaim it within these walls."

Thorin began to undress for him. Bilbo thought the only thing prettier than Thorin in his golden mail was Thorin naked in the torchlight. Bilbo wasted no time getting out of his own clothes, rescuing a tin of Oin's burn salve from one of his pockets for what he knew was to come. Thorin laid him down on his fur with a tinkling as the gems and coins beneath them moved. Their kisses were passionate and full of need. Thorin worked his way down Bilbo's body murmuring words of love and want, leaving kisses and bites as he went. Something caught Thorin's eye just before he reached Bilbo's cock and Bilbo whined at his distraction. Thorin reached over into the pile and pulled out a flat-linked gold chain. Long for a dwarf, he thought it would look most lovely against Bilbo's skin. He slipped it around Bilbo's waist and fastened it with room to spare.

"Gorgeous," Thorin rasped before setting to work on the part of Bilbo's body demanding the most attention.

Bilbo moaned and arched his body as Thorin licked and sucked him. 

"I missed this," Bilbo panted. "I missed _you_."

When he heard Bilbo's breath quicken as though he were close, Thorin kissed his way back up his body to Bilbo's mouth. Bilbo threw his arms and legs around Thorin as much as he could and held on firmly as their lips and tongues came together.

Thorin stopped for a breath. "I want to be inside you. I need to claim you again," he said.  
"Yes, please. Mark me as yours within your mountain, my king."  
Thorin groaned loudly. "One of these days you are going to finish me before we even start with your wicked mouth."

Handing over the tin of salve, Bilbo impatiently awaited the welcome intrusion of Thorin's fingers. He did not have to wait long.

"You are always so tight," Thorin moaned.

The salve seemed to have more slip than oil but the herbs in it carried an unpleasant tingle on Bilbo's most sensitive skin. By the time Thorin had two digits working inside of him, Bilbo forgot all about the salve and focused on the pleasure. 

It was not long before Thorin had Bilbo begging for it. Thorin was not far off from begging himself, unable to resist the beauty of Bilbo writhing in pleasure, laced in gold on a mound of riches. Thorin rocked himself back and forth within his lover until he was fully seated. He bent forward to lick Bilbo's lips, bringing out a moan. Thorin was flooded with both lust and emotion. Though he and Bilbo had hurried couplings wherever they could steal them once they sailed up river, it had not felt this tender--this _right_ \--since their last night in Lake Town. He moved within Bilbo, slow and steady, the hobbit rising up to meet him each time.

Bilbo felt intoxicated. Thorin was on him, in him, worshiping him with his body. His doubts and his feelings of insignificance the past few days flowed away from him. This was not just for release. It was an act of love. He did not realize how badly he needed this reassurance. It was overwhelming in both its beauty and its pleasure.

Illuminated in the firelight and reflecting the gold like a jewel, Thorin saw a tear escape down the side of Bilbo's face. He stopped for a moment.

"What is wrong, my love?" He leaned down to kiss the track of where the tear had been.  
Bilbo rolled his hips to encourage Thorin to resume motion. "I needed us like this. I've needed it for a while, I suppose."  
Touched that his beloved was moved to tears by their union, Thorin whispered, "I love you, Bilbo."

Their sweet and steady rhythm increased in urgency after a few minutes. Thorin was hesitant to shift the focus of their lovemaking, particularly since it affected Bilbo so deeply, but Bilbo himself was the one leading the way. He gripped Thorin's hips and pulled his own body down hard around him. As Thorin complied, Bilbo keened, moaned, and whispered filthy words of encouragement. The king had never been able to resist Bilbo when he was like this and had an urgent need to comply. He could tell he was close and wrapped a hand around Bilbo's erection to coax him to his own orgasm. It only took a few strokes before Bilbo grunted his finish. Thorin watched hungrily as Bilbo came in ribbons across his stomach. It was more than he could bear and he came roaring himself as he spilled his release inside his lover. 

Thorin settled his weight on Bilbo, reluctant to separate from him. Bilbo sighed happily and wished it could always be like this. His gut told him to enjoy it while it lasted.

Bilbo and Thorin eventually had to put themselves back together and join the others inside the front gate. Dwalin and Balin were there and already forming plans. If an army was set their direction, they needed to fortify the mountain. The first order of business was to check if any old entrances were still penetrable. Several of them spent part of their daylight split into groups, checking the other gates. True and helpful, the ravens brought them news throughout the day. It seemed three of their ponies along with a camp of stores they had left behind were unharmed. Fili and Kili were sent out in early afternoon with a raven guide to round up the ponies and gather any remaining supplies they could. Bilbo was there when they left but could do or say nothing under Dwalin's watchful eye. 

None of the other gates were still passable. Smaug had destroyed them all over the years. This was welcome news because they could focus their attention on the front gate alone. There were still tools aplenty to be found in the mountain and the dwarrows amongst them were not unskilled in their use.

*****

Instead of supervising the walling up of the front gate, Thorin disappeared back into the mountain for most of the day. When Bilbo saw him again, it was after dark. Thorin's eyes were veiled in some mystery Bilbo did not understand and he smelled faintly metallic. Bilbo knew he had been searching for the Arkenstone. He felt a twinge of guilt and wondered if he might give it to him, but something about the look in his eyes stopped him. Bilbot remembered the stories he had heard from Balin on the road and the ones from Thorin's own mouth deep in the quiet of Thranduil's prison about Thror. He thought it might not be coincidence how the reverence for this jewel could be tied closely into the stories of the gold sickness and the mad lust that almost cost Thror his life the day Smaug came. Bilbo decided to wait a little longer before revealing the Arkenstone's whereabouts. He managed to get Thorin to eat something and then the dwarf was gone again, no doubt deep in the treasure hall.

*****

Not much use as a stone mason, Bilbo had spent his own time exploring rooms beyond the front gate, past the great chamber of Thror, to see what he could find. He found no bedrooms, sadly enough, but he found conference chambers and various offices. One contained desk with a great deal of blank writing paraphernalia that he knew would thrill Ori to bits. Once Thorin retreated to his treasure for the night--possibly not even coming out to sleep, Bilbo thought darkly--Bilbo had a torch (plus a spare) and was perusing a little further inward. The unfamiliar rooms long dormant were creepy to Bilbo in the dark, but the thrill of discovery overpowered his fear of lingering, angry spirits.

The hour was doubtlessly late but Bilbo wasn't sure of the time. He had just begun in a new room when he thought he heard noises. The banging and clanging from the front gate had been so constant that Bilbo didn't even notice it any more. This noise sounded different...and _close._ He listened for a moment longer, shrugged, and went back to his shuffling.

"Bilbo!" a voice called out in a harsh whisper. 

The hobbit stopped. Surely he was not imagining his name being called. He crept closer to the door. He heard it again, this time followed by Kili leaning into the room.

Bilbo exhaled in relief, "Kili! I thought you were some long lost spirit! When did you get back? How did you find me?"  
Kili set his torch in one of the ancient wall holders. "Just a little bit ago. Bofur told me you had been exploring today and I thought I might be able to find you by your torchlight. It took me a little while, but I did!" He smiled proudly. 

The two of them looked at each other, the events and distance of the last several days seeming to crash upon them all at once. Kili took Bilbo's torch from him and set it in a holder. They immediately embraced and babbled things they had been longing to say.

"I wanted to hold you so badly after you were hurt by the dragon," Kili said.  
"-I wanted you to," Bilbo muffled into Kili's hair.  
"And while we sat and waited, I needed to touch you."  
"Yes! And they sent you scouting today and I could not see you off. I was terrified something would happen and I would not have gotten to even hug you one last time."  
"I've missed you so much, Bilbo. This forced separation is killing me."  
"Me, too, Kili. Oh, I've missed you terribly." 

Bilbo felt Kili trembling in his arms. He leaned back to look at him. The expression on Kili's face was achingly familiar. Bilbo recognized it from their other shared moments of restrained longing.

"Whatever you are thinking about, Kili, just do it," Bilbo murmured.

Kili lifted Bilbo's chin and searched his eyes. He leaned in, hesitating just a moment before touching Bilbo's lips with his own. The contact was sweet and their movements soft. Bilbo's tongue ventured a light taste of Kili's lips and the dwarf yielded to him. They pulled each other closer and held fast as the kiss deepened. Bilbo felt something deep within him shift and lock into place. It might lead to his ruin, but it was irreversible now.

When at last they broke, Bilbo said, "If this were not one-sided, would you still ask me to choose?"

Kili fully understood what Bilbo was asking him and pondered the weight of the question seriously. He had thought on this many nights past, cold and alone in his bedroll. Now Bilbo was in his arms and he was real, body warm through his clothes and underneath Kili's hands. He answered as truthfully as he could.

"I cannot say that it would always be so, or that moments we can steal will always be enough, but I've been lonely for you far too long. I would rather have half of something than all of this emptiness I've been feeling."  
"I've thought about what you said to me that day we found the door," BIlbo said. "We need to be cautious but I'm ready to try it your way. It hurts me too much to do without you. I-I can't deny it anymore. I can't deny _you_ anymore."

Kili kissed Bilbo again, so giddy and happy that his smile kept breaking their kiss and he was almost giggling into Bilbo's mouth.

"What?" Bilbo giggled back.  
Kili picked him up and spun him around. "I love you so."  
"Gods help me, Kili, but I love you too." Bilbo replied. 

They knew they could not linger. After several more kisses, they went back to the front gate minutes apart. Kili was not thrilled with the prospect of sharing or sneaking either one, but if it meant all that was between his and Bilbo's affections were opportunity and a private space, he would deal with it for now. 

*****

"You _what_?" was Fili's response when Kili later told him of the new arrangement.

Fili shook his head. "You two are insane."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Treasure!sex is such a trope but I couldn't help myself. What good is a dragon's hoard if Thorin can't fuck on it? Plus I think bellychain!Bilbo would be terribly cute.


	32. Raising The Stakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was decided that Bifur and Bofur would remain at the front for the time being. The rest of the dwarrows were to help Thorin in the hall of treasure. Most of them had the gold enchantment enough to be pleased with their assignments of stacking and ordering the treasure. The younger dwarves such as Fili, Kili, and Ori, although delighted by all the riches, were pragmatic and knew that other preparations needed to be made. Dwalin, too, inwardly questioned what good gold was going to be in a battle over who would be its master.

On their earlier excursion, Fili and Kili had managed to find the three ponies and had brought back some weeks worth of cram and supplies from the secondary camp the company had set aside some days prior. This alleviated at least one pressing concern. Work on the front gate was complete, taking care of a second. There were holes for looking out but no longer was there a lower entrance. They used ropes to haul supplies and ladders to carry people up and down.

The morning following their return, their attention turned inward, thinking of additional resources to be found within the mountain. Many of the dwarves were interested in finding better chambers to spend their overnights. Balin wondered if there were still functional hot springs, though the passageway to where they used to be was blocked by debris from either a cave-in or a dragon fit.

Bilbo approached Thorin to talk about the next task at hand.  
"I require free hands to help me in the treasury," Thorin stated simply.  
"What needs done in the treasury that will help us against an approaching force?" Bilbo asked.  
Thorin gave him a hard look. "What do you think is a better use of our time?"  
"Finding bed chambers? I know that you and I could use a proper bed again," Bilbo coquetted.  
Thorin remained unmoved, face showing once again the loveless expression Bilbo remembered from the morning of the dragon attack. "What else?"  
"What else, indeed?" Bilbo repeated. "There was a kingdom within this mountain once. Surely there are other resources that may help us yet. We might not even know what they are, but perhaps we could fan out and look?"  
"And what of cave-ins? Unsound structures? It may not be safe to roam too freely around the mountain. Live dwarves are surely a greater resource than anything they would find."  
Bilbo tried something else. "How about clearing the way to the hot springs that Balin was speaking of? We could all use the comfort of a bath."  
"I would sooner our company move stacks of gold than haul dead rock." Thorin said.  
"So, everybody to the treasury then?" Bilbo asked curtly.  
Thorin nodded. "Two guards should remain on the front gate."

It was decided that Bifur and Bofur would remain at the front for the time being. The rest of the dwarrows were to help Thorin in the hall of treasure. Most of them had the gold enchantment enough to be pleased with their assignments of stacking and ordering the treasure. The younger dwarves such as Fili, Kili, and Ori, although delighted by all the riches, were pragmatic and knew that other preparations needed to be made. Dwalin, too, inwardly questioned what good gold was going to be in a battle over who would be its master.

*****

Bilbo thought the timing was bitter that no sooner did he acquiesce to Kili's need to show his affection than the two of them could barely find any opportunity to trade kisses or whisper endearments without being noticed. Bilbo even tried rather unsuccessfully to be assigned the evening watch duty with the dwarf but Thorin insisted that Bilbo and the heirs were to stay in the treasure room. He wished he had not fought against his conscience so long and had decided to give in to Kili back in Lake Town. Of course, Lake Town would have provided greater temptation to go much too far. He had not quite known the depth of meaning that copulation carried for the dwarves or how it would mark his very soul until after he and Thorin had already done it. Now that he knew, he couldn't give something that sacred to Kili no matter how much he might want to...and he did so _want_ to. In his heart, he realized it would be terribly unfair to everyone involved and make the inevitable hurts even deeper. However, there were _other_ things he and Kili could do to alleviate their needs and he looked forward to the opportunity to do some of them.

*****

The day guard shifted to evening and all the dwarves met back inside the front gate for food and companionship, for they had not yet the heart to sit in the ruins of the great chamber of Thror. It was all Bilbo could do to get Thorin to take time to eat. Fili and Kili had grown rather fond of the harps they had found and played after dinner. Bofur asked Bilbo to sing another hobbit song for them but a single look from Thorin had Bilbo declining. Balin asked Thorin to play a song on the harp like he did when he was a prince in these very halls. He shook his head and said that now was not the time. Bilbo wondered what Thorin thought the right time might be.

Bilbo sat near his love and engaged him in conversation about what it was like when Thorin lived in Erebor before. Bilbo was relieved to see the affection return to Thorin's eyes while he spoke and ate with Bilbo. Earlier, it seemed there was no tenderness at all. More and more often, Thorin fell instead under the enchantment of the gold. It worried Bilbo that Thorin would rather spend his time rooting through piles of treasure than turning their attention toward the army heading their way. At the very least, they could be spending some time finding the comforts to ease their days.

They spent another night on bedrolls rolled out over stone. Although he had the warmth of Thorin at his back, Bilbo was annoyed that somewhere in that mountain might be accessible beds for them. 

*****

They woke the next morning to news from the ravens. The elvish contingent had lingered in Lake Town, buying the dwarves easily another couple days. Bilbo began secretly plotting with both Balin and Dwalin to see about coming up with something that would prove to be more beneficial than sorting gold today.

Leaving Bofur and Bifur at the front gate for watch, Thorin once again demanded his dwarrows come with him to the treasure room. Bilbo went without argument this time and picked a particularly tall and removed treasure mound to work with. He was hatching plans to be carried out, some more personal than others. 

Kili was working on a pile closer to the door when he heard a voice whisper in his ear. "Follow me."  
"Bilbo?"  
"Yes, now be quiet," Bilbo whispered.

Kili looked around. No one was paying him any attention so he let himself be led by an invisible hand to one of the rooms behind the great chamber of Thror. Once in the door, Bilbo appeared before him and shut the door.

"What is this?" Kili wondered.  
"I did not want anyone to see us sneak away together, lest we be caught."  
Kili smiled slyly. "Caught doing what?"

Bilbo backed Kili to the wall and pulled him down to kiss him--tenderly, at first, but soon filled with the full weight of their longing. Bilbo pressed against Kili, moving his hands over his body. Kili's hands were under Bilbo's shirts and gliding over the soft flesh of his back. Bilbo pulled up Kili's long tunic and began unlacing his trousers.

Kili froze for a moment, unsure of what to do. They had never been this far before, nor had Bilbo ever been this forward. He knew instinctively that if he and Bilbo escalated beyond kissing that nothing would be the same again. The thought made him uneasy...and exhilarated. Kili would not refuse whatever Bilbo was going to do, but he feared discovery.

Kili found his voice. "This is risky, Bilbo. What are you--?"  
"Shhh." Bilbo placed his fingers over the dwarf's lips. Kili took them in his mouth, only strengthening Bilbo's resolve that now was the time for what he was about to do.  
"Keep quiet and no one will know I am here...even if you are discovered."

With that, Bilbo disappeared again. Kili felt heat moving down his body and the warmth of a hand removing him from his trousers. He pressed his head back into the wall. A moment hung in the air like an eternity where nothing happened and then he felt...heat. Wet heat swept over his cock with a delicious pressure. He felt a pass of what he could only assume was Bilbo's tongue moving over him as he was engulfed in his mouth. He bucked back and scrabbled for something to grip along the walls. There was nothing, so he crossed his arms and dug into his own sleeves. Pleasure shot through his veins. He looked down and saw only himself. The sensation was like nothing he'd ever felt before. It was all warmth and friction as Bilbo worked his cock in and out of his mouth, tightening a bit here, licking a bit there. He felt a hand grip him while the feeling of the mouth was still upon him and had to bite into his hand to stifle the cry that threatened to escape him. Every muscle in his lower body was tightened as all too soon he felt an unmistakable urge build within him. He'd brought himself off enough to know that Bilbo was about to pull him over the edge.

"I'm...I'm going to..." he whispered brokenly.

Bilbo increased his efforts in encouragement and Kili broke, choking his moans into his sleeve as Bilbo drank his orgasm. Bilbo was thorough and kept at him until he had taken every drop.

Removing his ring, Bilbo stood visible once more. Kili nearly fell on him in an embrace.

"I had no idea that would feel so...fantastic," he said breathlessly.  
Bilbo had a strange feeling. "I thought you said you knew of bed partners, Kili?"  
"I know _about_ things, sure. The things I told you about before, I mean. I've been around enough to hear talk."  
"Just talk?"  
"I've told you before, Bilbo. I'm not exactly attractive to other dwarves," Kili said shyly.  
"Blind bastards, the lot of them." Bilbo licked his way into Kili's mouth again.  
"I taste good on your tongue, Bilbo." Kili said huskily. "Would you like to know how you taste on mine?"  
Bilbo could not suppress his moan at that. "Very much so, but I fear we've already been away too long. Someone might notice we've both gone missing."  
Kili almost whined. "I've waited so long to touch you, Bilbo." He leaned in and licked at his neck. "I want to make you come," he whispered.  
Bilbo almost did, right there in his trousers. "Such a mouth on you, Kili."  
"I'd rather it be on you..." Kili said as his hands deftly undid Bilbo's laces, emboldened by the rush of his blood.  
"You don't have an invisible ring," Bilbo protested weakly.  
"Are you planning on taking a while?" Kili asked cheekily as he descended.  
Bilbo gulped. "Not at all, actually."

Bilbo felt the first few tentative licks before Kili tried taking him in his mouth. It took Kili a moment to get the hang of it without gagging, but soon he was sliding up and down the shaft. Bilbo even felt some tongue swirls. Apparently Kili was a quick study. Bilbo laced his hands in Kili's hair and held on for dear life. When his hair was pulled hard, Kili groaned around the prick in his mouth and sucked tighter. Anything Kili lacked in technique, he certainly made up for in enthusiasm. Bilbo struggled not to cry out as the pressure built.

"I'm almost there," Bilbo breathed in warning.

Kili kept at him and soon Bilbo was ejaculating. Kili took it all, only stopping when Bilbo pulled him off forcibly by his head.

Kili stood and claimed Bilbo's mouth, spitting some warm seed into it before swallowing the rest. The intimacy of the gesture floored Bilbo. He lapped himself off Kili's tongue. 

Bilbo was astounded at the fact that everything that Kili had done, every time he'd turned Bilbo's bones to jelly with a kiss, a word, or a movement, it was all on instinct. Bilbo almost groaned thinking of Kili's natural talent. The idea of teaching him the art of love did sinful things to his insides.

"Kili, you are a marvel," Bilbo said dreamily.  
"Did I do well?" Kili asked earnestly.  
"I think the answer is in both our mouths, dear heart." Bilbo laced his bottoms back up. "We have to get back soon, though."  
Kili pulled Bilbo close. "I don't want to go back to that accursed hall. I want to stay with you. Maybe do some more of _this_."  
"You and I both. Leaving each other after our little meet-ups is the hardest part for me, now."  
"I agree," Kili murmured into Bilbo's neck.  
"You should head back to the treasure room and see if you can sneak back in. I'm going up to the front gate so that I will have an alibi for my absence, plus I have some other business to attend to."

The two parted with several looks backwards until each of them were out of sight.

*****

Bilbo went up to the front gate to see Bifur and Bofur. He told them of a plan he had with Balin and Dwalin to try and get them beds and a bath. Bilbo had been worried Bifur might side with Thorin, but back relief was a strong bargaining chip. Bilbo asked Bofur sweetly if he would be willing to help clear the rocks.

"Of course! Why, if you promise me a kiss on the cheek, I'll move every last stone by myself!" Bofur flirted.

Bilbo leaned in and brazenly gave his face a soft peck, making Bofur blush himself for once. Bifur laughed and made a gesture that Bilbo did not understand, but it made Bofur blush even darker. 

With Bifur left at his post to guard, Bilbo led Bofur down to the passageway that blocked the spring. Dwalin and Balin were already down there, a fair amount of rocks moved. They had constructed a fulcrum with a plank to help them with larger pieces beyond their strength. Dwalin thought the risk of another cave-in was unlikely. He guessed this was dragon damage as the rubble did not reach anywhere near the ceiling. They were going to clear what they could and see if they could climb over the rest to inspect the viability of the ancient spring. 

Leaving Bofur with Dwalin, Balin set off to be Bilbo's guide to what was once the residence area. They found a couple of the hallways damaged but one was indeed open. A number of the beds were either musty or not without their share of dry rot. Many of the bed furs fell apart when they were lifted as well. At any rate, Balin and Bilbo agreed they would still be far preferable to the floor. It was figured that there would be enough for everyone in the one passage they found open if they were willing to be doubled up for the night.

"It is a shame we cannot yet access the royal chambers," Balin said. "One bed in there could fit half of us, easily."

Each room had a fire hearth as well, but Balin supposed that the years of build up and debris throughout the chimneys would make lighting them more trouble than they were worth. 

Balin and Bilbo paused for a few bites of food before they returned to the passageway where Dwalin and Bofur were trying to access the spring. The pair had cleared a large amount of rubble down the middle, a couple particularly large rocks being unmovable. They lifted Bilbo up to stand upon one to see what he saw. The spring still existed and was not stagnant. Bilbo could see steam lightly rising from it. There were water stains on the floor surrounding it to indicate where it had risen and flooded over the decades. It looked incredibly inviting. The four of them set about shifting and adjusting stones on their side to make the scramble up to the taller rock a bit easier even for the older dwarves. Bofur and Bilbo jumped down the spring side and worked on making an easier pathway down. 

Bofur was sent back to the door with Bifur for the time being while Bilbo, Balin, and Dwalin went to report their activities to the king. 

*****

When Bilbo walked into the treasure room, he saw Kili first. The dwarf looked at him with a stricken expression that concerned him greatly. Bilbo bounced over to Thorin, excited to tell him of their discovery. Thorin whirled around at the sound of Bilbo's voice, darkness swirling in his face.

"Where have you been today, Bilbo?" he demanded.  
Bilbo was so shocked at the force of this greeting that he hesitated.  
Thorin growled, "Speak or I will make you speak!"  
Balin stepped in, "My king, Bilbo has made a wond--"  
"I asked _Bilbo_ to answer me!"  
"I was in the mountain, finding us places to sleep and wash," Bilbo said.  
"Was that not something you asked me to look into already?" Thorin asked tightly.  
"Yes, it was," Bilbo replied.  
"Did I not tell you that my priority was the treasury?"  
"Yes, you did."  
"So you disobeyed a direct order from me," Thorin confirmed.  
"I suppose, but I thought you would be pleased that--"  
"Pleased that you did not listen to me?" Thorin interrupted. "That you willfully ignored my wishes?"  
Bilbo was incredulous. He thought he'd be thanked at the very least. This was beyond him. His hobbitly sense of manners and decorum jumped up and used his tongue.  
"Now see here--"  
"No, _you_ see," Thorin countered.  
Bilbo stamped his foot. "NO, you see for once, you stubborn dwarf. Your company is tired, they are sore, they are dirty, and frankly, they smell. We have two armies marching on us in two days. We may not be able to mobilize any further defenses right now but the very least we can do is make sure our own are ready to face what comes. And if these are to be my final days, I do not want to spend them sleeping on stone floors and smelling of sweat. Instead of sorting treasure that will be useless to do anything but buy us out of trouble, I spent a few hours to set up our lodgings properly. Not just for me, but for all of us."  
Thorin's expression was cold. "You need to remember whom you address. I am the King Under The Mountain. Were we not bonded, such blatant disrespect could result in grievous injury or death. I beg you remember that the next time you open your mouth to admonish me publicly."

Bilbo knew he was helpless to whatever had hidden his Thorin from him and left this one in his place. Thorin had not made him feel this small since they left Hobbiton.

Defeated, Bilbo said, "Yes, my king."  
Balin spoke, "Thorin, please, he's done us such a service."  
"Balin, I do not believe my personal affairs are any of your business." Thorin's tone was edged.  
Balin demurred.  
"Come, I desire for you sit beside me until I decide to take dinner," Thorin said to Bilbo.  
Bilbo could do nothing but comply.

*****

Thorin and Bilbo did not take the evening meal with the rest of the dwarrows. Fili supposed it was part of Bilbo's punishment. Even though Thorin did not approve of Bilbo's actions, Dwalin at least talked Thorin into realizing that what was done was done and the company might as well benefit from it. Bilbo was missed at dinner, but everyone was looking forward to experiencing the spring and sleeping in some manner of bed.

Kili took the evening watch with his brother. It displeased Thorin to have his heirs far from the hoard, but Fili convinced him that having them at the door was equally important work for the line of Durin. Kili didn't hear all of it, but it had something to do with ravens and poetic duty of guarding the home front. He thought Fili was going to make a fine king someday. He certainly had a knack for talk. 

Fili and Kili sat alone just inside the gate after everyone had retreated to find their beds or their baths. Kili was worried about Thorin's rough treatment of Bilbo. He heard Thorin raging long before Bilbo returned and he feared for him. He was relieved that he himself was not missed while he was gone. Kili knew it would have gone much worse for Bilbo if they had both been missing. He was grateful that Balin and Dwalin were his alibi today.

 _Today,_ Kili thought, and smiled at the memory of what he and Bilbo got up to before the day went sour.

"What are you smiling at, fool?" Fili teased him.  
"Nothing." Kili tried not to smile but somehow wound up smiling wider.  
"Nothing, huh?" Fili pressed.  
Kili was now laughing and smiling. He was terrible at lying to Fili. "Nuh-thing!"  
Fili knew he was onto something now and needled harder. "So-oo-oo-mething happened today. What happened?"  
Kili started to blush.  
"Something with Bilbo," Fili guessed.  
Kili looked at Fili under his eyebrows and smiled. Fili knew that was a yes.  
"Did you guys _do_ something?"  
Kili bit his lip and nodded.  
Fili's eyes got enormous. "Did he...did he teach you...put his," Fili gestured "in your--"  
"No!" Kili shouted.  
"Shhh!"  
"No, we didn't do _that_ but we did get a little, um, intimate."  
"And?"  
Kili mooned, "It was the most amazing thing."  
"You look sickening right now, Kee." Fili joked.  
"Shut up. I just...I didn't think that I could love him more, you know? I loved him without ever touching him. But now that I can, it feels more intense."  
Fili's look darkened. "Be careful. The closer the two of you get, the worse it will be when he marries Thorin."  
"I will get as close as he lets me, Fili. Even if I didn't want to, I can't help it."  
Fili sighed and turned his attention back outside.

A few minutes went by before Kili spoke again.

"I want to marry him, Fee. I'd do it tonight if I could."  
"I know."

*****

Bilbo did eventually get his dinner and his bath. Thorin led him to the spring and surveyed the handiwork.

"Not bad in a pinch," he noted.

The two of them climbed up over the rocks. Bilbo undressed himself, feeling a little awkward. They had been naked together many times, but that was with the Thorin he trusted. Bilbo climbed in the water while Thorin undressed. When Thorin stroked his shoulders, Bilbo flinched.

Thorin looked hurt, "Why do you recoil at my touch?"  
Bilbo quelled the urge to gape at Thorin's density. "Our words this afternoon have left me disconcerted, my king."  
"They left me disconcerted, too, but I still wish to touch you. I am not withholding affection from you simply because you disrespected me."

Bilbo looked at Thorin, trying to assess how much danger he was in. Thorin's eyes were not cold but he was not as submissive as he was after their last misunderstanding. Bilbo knew to tread carefully.

"I'm not trying to withhold affection. I was not trying to disrespect you by doing something you told me not to. I guess," Bilbo searched for some manner of peace-keeping answer that would suit Thorin, "I guess I thought I was acting within my bounds as consort and caring for our people when in fact I was going contrary to the king. I apologize."  
Thorin pulled Bilbo close to him. "It does not reflect well on either of us if you work against me. We should be united, not divided." He kissed him. "I know one way I'd like to be united..."

*****

Later, Bilbo and Thorin were in bed, naked, Thorin half-slung over Bilbo's body. The king had taken pleasure with Bilbo twice, once in the spring and once in their bed. Although Bilbo's body responded to Thorin's masterful touch, Bilbo felt disconnected from his lover. He did not fully understand what was going on with Thorin but he suspected the gold sickness had much to do with it. He had a few glimpses of his Thorin tonight while they were being intimate but Bilbo was afraid to trust it enough to let go.

Thorin felt Bilbo still tense beneath him even after two climaxes. Something was going on with him. There was a distance between them that Thorin did not understand. He thought of Bilbo's extensive absence today and wondered if maybe there was not more than just hot springs and beds getting sorted out. Who had been missing, though? Bifur and Bofur were at the door or helping Bilbo, but otherwise out of his sight. Ditto Dwalin and Balin. Everyone else was working with Thorin in the treasury, or so he thought. He would just have to keep a better eye on Bilbo to see if he could figure out the source of his distraction.

"My love, I would like for you to work with me in the treasury tomorrow," Thorin said.  
"Okay," Bilbo said, knowing it useless to argue.  
"Do you love me?"  
"Of course I do, Thorin." Bilbo said. 

He just wasn't sure the Thorin he was saying it to was the Thorin he actually did love. 

*****

The next morning brought another trek down to the treasury. Bilbo was beginning to dislike the mountain. It was dark, it was cold, it still smelled of dragon, and the treasure had become an obsession for Thorin. Bilbo had always assumed when he and Thorin married that they would live within and rebuild Erebor. Now, he just found the mountain stifling. He was ordering and stacking treasure when he was approached by Fili.

"Can we take a walk?" asked Fili.  
Bilbo looked over towards Thorin, who was intently sifting through a pile piece by piece. He probably wasn't going far, and it _was_ Fili.  
"Sure."

They left the treasure room and wandered up towards one of the halls.

Fili leaned against a wall and said, "Bilbo, it is time that you and I had a talk."

Bilbo briefly wondered why he had not expected this before now.

Fili took a deep breath before he began. "I will admit that I've been assisting Kili in his bid to win your heart for longer than you probably even realize. I've kept his secrets, created situations, set up diversions, and held Kili many times while he cried for you."  
Bilbo winced.  
Fili continued, "I care for you a great deal, Bilbo, enough to want you for a brother...and I love Kili enough to help him try to make that happen. So far, I've not passed any judgement on this relationship or how you have chosen to navigate it, but you and Kili are in a dangerous situation. You have no idea the risks you take. I know the two of you have tried to stay apart for the greater good and it was too much for you. I also understand the two of you are enjoying just being able to allow yourselves to feel the things you feel right now. For my brother's sake, I beg you to think about your future and Kili's place in it. Kili is living day to day so that he can have even the smallest part of you. He has been as far back as Lake Town. You and I both know that one of these days--even if you two manage to get away with it and fool everyone--Thorin is going to want to have that wedding. Can you honestly make vows to someone else with Kili standing a few feet away? If you can do that to him, then you need to be honest with him now that what you feel for him might be exciting and, uh, physical but it isn't love. Not the kind he feels for you. He might hate me for saying this to you but I know he would marry you tomorrow if he thought you wished it. I told you once that I hoped you knew what you were doing. I think you and I both realize now that you didn't, but you need to figure it out. At the very least, Kili's heart is on the line. At the most, it could be your lives."  
Bilbo nodded somberly. "I understand."  
Fili kissed Bilbo's forehead. "My brother."  
Bilbo touched Fili's cheek. "It would be my honor to be such."

The two walked back to the chamber in silence.


	33. Further Down The Rabbit Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day turned to evening. Thorin looked at Bilbo curiously, having regained a little of himself in his gaze. "Everyone else has gone. I appreciate your company but did you not want dinner?"  
> All Bilbo could do for a moment was stare. Did Thorin not even remember why Bilbo was sitting there?  
> "I-Of course I do. Don't you?" Bilbo managed to ask.  
> "I'm looking for...something important. You go ahead." Thorin leaned in to give Bilbo a peck on the cheek.  
> Bilbo stumbled as he walked backward out of the hall, staring at Thorin all the way.

As Fili walked him back to the treasury, Bilbo thought about Kili. Although Bilbo had put him through quite a lot, Kili rarely lost his temper with him. Kili was incredibly kind but still so courageous. He was infuriatingly upbeat and always full of mischief and joy. Kili's eyes alone could make Bilbo nearly swoon and when they were focused on him with so much love...well, Bilbo always _did_ think the dwarf was unfairly gorgeous. He remembered how heartsick he was when Kili and Fili left Lake Town for nearly a week--and how he kissed Kili afterwards and swore to himself it was the last time. Truly, all the "last times" he kissed him, touched him, told him about his feelings, and relished hearing of Kili's own feelings of love expressed. 

Bilbo had so many pleasant memories with Kili:

...napping in the rain.  
...holding hands in the dark of the passage.  
...flower crowns.  
...running around town.  
...games of jump rope.  
...dancing so Bilbo wouldn't be sad.  
...the feeling of being in his arms.  
...knee-weakening kisses.  
...Kili's gaze so wide open Bilbo could nearly see through to his soul. 

_"Can you honestly make vows to someone else with Kili standing a few feet away?"_

Bilbo was no longer sure he could make vows to someone else if Kili was as far away as Ered Luin. 

*****

When they reached the chamber, Fili went back to his pile next to Kili's and Bilbo headed towards his own that was a little further in. Thorin stood next to it looking like murder.

"Where have you been?" he demanded.  
Bilbo said, "I took a walk with Fili."  
"Fili!" Thorin boomed.

Fili came out into the makeshift aisle. Most of the dwarrows were peeking from behind their assignments as well. 

"Yes, Thorin?"  
"Did Bilbo consent to go for a walk with you?"  
"Yes," Fili confirmed.  
"Why did you need to pull him from his duty to take a 'walk' in the first place?"  
"Because I wanted a break and I like to talk to him," Fili said, perplexed.  
Thorin turned his attention to Bilbo once again. "Did I or did I not tell you that you were to stay with me in the treasury today?"  
Bilbo was defiant, "You _requested_ and I said yes. I didn't realize you meant every second!"  
"You should have asked my leave to go," Thorin said curtly.  
Bilbo could not believe this. "Asked for permission to spend ten minutes with Fili?"

Bofur had traded day watch with Dori and he was both horrified and glad he did. What he was witnessing bothered him, but someone had to make sure Kili did not do anything foolish since Fili seemed to be otherwise occupied. 

Thorin turned Bilbo roughly around in front of everyone watching and thrust a hand down the back of his trousers.

"Wha-Thorin! What are you doing?" Bilbo exclaimed, squirming.  
"Checking to see if you have been used," Thorin replied with terrifying calmness.

Bilbo felt a rough digit press against his entrance, thankfully retreating quickly when it found resistance. He felt himself flush hotly.

Bilbo whispered, "I cannot believe you just did that."

"FIli, come here," Thorin ordered.  
Bilbo was incredulous. "Surely you are not going to check him, too?"  
"Check me for what?" Fili asked, confused at first. 

He thought of how Thorin just handled Bilbo and considered the humiliated look on the Bilbo's face. Piecing together his fragments of knowledge, he stopped approaching Thorin.

"No," Fili replied.  
"No? Why would you refuse if you have nothing to hide?" Thorin sneered.  
"I refuse because I did not do anything but spend time with my friend. Because what you just did to Bilbo was cruel and undeserved. Because your behavior is unbefitting a drunkard, much less a king. And because if you even think of touching me inappropriately, you will regret it gravely."  
Thorin strode towards Fili. "You dare defy me? Threaten me? In front of everyone?"  
Fili held his ground and countered, "You dare _defile_ ME? In front of everyone? Thorin... _Uncle_...please come to your senses!"

Thorin looked around the room. Everyone stared back at him in horror. Bilbo was shaking. The blinding rage that had filled Thorin rescinded into just enough clarity to not lay hands on his nephew. The possessive twist in his gut waned merely a little. 

Only Ori noticed Bofur behind one of the piles of gold. He was holding Kili's back to his chest and restraining him with all his might. Kili was kicking and flailing, the older dwarf's hand over his mouth. Everyone else was too confused or scared to come to Bilbo and Fili's aid. 

"Only a walk, indeed. Fili, you may return to work."  
Fili slowly did as he was told.

"I do not wish you out of my sight for the rest of this day," Thorin said to Bilbo. "If you so much as have to make water, you will do it under my gaze."  
"You can't be serious!" Bilbo cried.  
"Do I need to chain you to show you that I am?" Thorin spat.

Bilbo looked at Thorin, agog. His lover was a stranger. Bilbo wanted to scream, to cry, to put on his ring and run, but where would he even go? What could he do?

"No, you do not," Bilbo said, defeated.  
"Then sit," Thorin said, indicating for Bilbo to sit next to the pile the dwarf was going through, directly in his line of sight.

Bilbo did everything he could to bite back his tears.

Kili stood helpless in the back of the room. Bofur released him to Fili and he quietly wept into his brother's shoulder.

*****

Day turned to evening. Thorin looked at Bilbo curiously, having regained a little of himself in his gaze.

"Everyone else has gone. I appreciate your company but did you not want dinner?" 

All Bilbo could do for a moment was stare. Did Thorin not even remember why Bilbo was sitting there?

"I-Of course I do. Don't you?" Bilbo managed to ask.  
"I'm looking for...something important. You go ahead." Thorin leaned in to give Bilbo a peck on the cheek.

Bilbo stumbled as he walked backward out of the hall, staring at Thorin all the way.

*****

At the dining area near the front gate, Bilbo was nearly tackled by Bofur.

"Bilbo! Are you okay? I'm so sorry I didn't step up for you today. Someone had to help Kili keep his head or you both would have been in a world of trouble."  
"I appreciate you looking out for him. Where _is_ Kili?" Bilbo asked.  
"He's fine, my friend. Off with his brother and waiting for you, I expect. They've been worried sick."

Bilbo helped himself to some cram and water. He longed for more comforting food but the cram at least filled his stomach.

Bofur settled next to him. "Look, Bilbo...if you want to get out of here, I could see to it you aren't alone."

Bilbo stopped chewing and stared at him.

"Oh, not in an untoward way," Bofur rubbed the back of his neck and smiled shyly. "Though I will not deny I have affection for you. But if you fear you are in danger, just say the word. I would leave with you in a moment if it meant keeping you safe."

Bilbo thought about Bofur making this entire dangerous journey to Erebor to start his new life only to leave it behind merely to protect him. He was close to welling up with emotion at such a gesture.

"Oh, Bofur. Are you quite sure you are not a prince?" He leaned up and kissed him chastely on the cheek.  
Bofur blushed madly and avoided eye contact with him.  
"I appreciate the offer, but I am more afraid to leave Thorin in this state than I am to stay," Bilbo said.  
Still not looking at him, Bofur put a hand on Bilbo's. "I've especially managed to get night duty for the next couple nights. If something changes, remember--say the word."

He patted Bilbo's hand and returned his own to his lap.

"Thank you, Bofur."

Bilbo finished his cram and began gathering up additional food and water to take with him.

"Midnight snack?" Bofur teased.  
Bilbo shook his head. "This is for Thorin."  
"He has you delivering his food after what he put you through?" Bofur asked in disgust.  
Bilbo's face was concerned. "No, but I know he hasn't eaten and I fear he will not unless I make him."  
"Bilbo, you are just too good."  
Sighed Bilbo, "He is not himself. I don't know who he is right now, but I still love who he was. Someone has to look after him if he won't do it on his own."

Bofur watched Bilbo go. He wondered if Thorin had any inkling he was about to lose a jewel greater than the sum of his treasury.

*****

Bilbo entered the hall again.

"Thorin?"

He heard a the sound of coins pouring against one another and followed it to find Thorin on his hands and knees sifting through a pile that Bilbo knew he'd been through at least once already.

"Thorin, I brought you food," Bilbo said softly.

Thorin nodded and stopped to eat. He did not say much.

"Will you be coming to our room soon?" Bilbo asked.  
Thorin shook his head. "Not for a while. Still looking. You go ahead, Bilbo."

Bilbo saw a hint of a smile on Thorin's lips and something almost recognizable in his eyes, but it was faint. He threw his arms around Thorin.

"Please come back to us, Thorin." Bilbo begged. "Come back to _me_."  
Thorin kissed him lightly on the mouth. "I'll be up in a while."

*****

Bilbo made it as far as his bedroom before he began to cry.

He did not know how long he wept, but his head was stuffed up and he could barely breathe when two bodies joined him on the bed. He was lifted tenderly into a pair of familiar arms. 

"Shhh, we've got you," Kili soothed.

Fili rubbed Bilbo's back and Kili held him until he calmed down.

"Bilbo, I'm so sorry I got you in trouble today. I had no idea it would be like that," Fili said.  
Bilbo sniffed. "I did not either. It is okay."  
Kili shook his head. "It is not okay at all. None of it."  
"It is the dragon sickness, Kee. We've heard stories about it our whole lives. There is no doubt in my mind that Thorin is affected, now." Fili shifted his gaze to Bilbo. "He loves you and the sickness magnifies his already possessive nature. Under its influence, you are just another valuable object to be hoarded. That is why he is treating you that way. I'd bet my beard on it."

Bilbo had suspected as much but hearing it said out loud did not give him comfort.

"What do I do?" Bilbo asked helplessly.  
Kili sat back and held Bilbo's hands. "We could run away, Bilbo. I'd go with you. Anywhere you want to go."  
Bilbo regarded Kili thoughtfully.  
Kili continued, "It does not have to mean we're running away _together_ , if you don't wish it, but I promised I'd keep you safe."  
"This sounds a bit personal. I, uh, I'll be in the hallway," Fili said.  
Bilbo grabbed Fili's arm. "No, I want you to hear this from me and not second-hand. Kili, Fili...something is very wrong with Thorin. He is not himself. If any of us ever loved him once in our lives, we cannot leave him here to ruin. There are armies marching this way and he could very possibly starve to death in his treasury for all he cares about anything but gold and finding the Arkenstone. We may as well just sneak up on him and slit his throat, for it would be the same thing as abandoning him. And what of our friends? Their king is irrational. Do we leave them at his mercy? At the mercy of the forces heading this way? Thorin once loved the three of us best. I'm well aware I've not been exactly deserving of his love lately but if anyone could get through to him, it would be one of us. We cannot leave now. Do you understand?"  
"We are with you, Bilbo. For Thorin." Fili said.  
Kili looked between them for a moment. "I had not thought of it that way, but your point is valid. He may have only a slim chance with us but without us he has no chance at all."

Fili and Kili sat with Bilbo a short while longer before paranoia set in. It was decided it would be best if they were not discovered in Bilbo and Thorin's room. Fili touched his forehead to Bilbo's before retreating to the doorway. Kili held Bilbo close while Fili watched the hall.

Kili pulled back at last from the embrace, kissed him on his cheek, and whispered, "Good night."

Bilbo supposed the mood was a little too somber for goodnight kisses but he missed them just the same.

*****

Bilbo thought about the dragon sickness. Both Bofur and Kili had offered to help him essentially escape tonight, each one seeming to think that being out in the open world with armies marching upon them was safer for him than remaining with Thorin in Erebor. He did not know what to make of that, nor did he have the first clue of what to do to clear Thorin's mind. He thought of the Arkenstone. Did _he_ bring this madness about by stealing it? If Thorin would have found it that first night, would he not have lost himself looking for it? Should Bilbo sneak it into one of the piles so that it could be discovered and heal Thorin of this sickness?

*****

It was late. Bilbo wasn't sure of the hour, but it had been a while since Fili and Kili left. There had been no sign of Thorin. Bilbo grabbed a blanket and headed back down to the hated treasury. He found Thorin asleep as he had supposed, cuddled atop a nest of coins. Bilbo thought it would be adorable if it were not so tragic. He dug himself out a little spot next to Thorin and pulled the blanket over both of them. Thorin stirred and wrapped an arm around Bilbo.

"Mmmm, my burglar," Thorin hummed sleepily before falling back into slumber.

Bilbo was sure he could hear his own heart breaking.


	34. Running Up That Hill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I could have probably split this into two updates but here it is. I made myself cry on this one--first time in 34 chapters. Good luck!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More than usual book quoting and some paraphrasing for the next two chapters as I thought certain things were important to keep. Also played with some canon details so it would fit this telling a little better.

Bilbo and Thorin were awakened before dawn by Balin.

"They have come!" called Balin. "And their camp is very great. They must have come into the valley under the cover of night along both banks of the river."

"Wake the company. Let us see what threat looms before us," Thorin stated.

Balin bowed shallowly and left to carry out the king's wishes.

  
Thorin pulled Bilbo to him and claimed his lips. "They shall meet the King and Prince Consort Under The Mountain directly!" Thorin said proudly.

Bilbo was a mixture of misery, confusion, guilt, fear, and love. Nevertheless, he followed his betrothed to the gate.

*****

In the pale light of morning, they saw a contingent of men and Elves--both arrayed as if for war--climb their way to the pool beneath the falls, clearly surprised to find the front gate blocked. As they were talking to each other about this circumstance, they heard the booming voice of Thorin Oakenshield.

"Who are you," he called in a very loud voice, "that come as if in war to the gates of Thorin son of Thráin, King under the Mountain, and what do you desire?"

None of them answered. Some left immediately while others lingered, gazing upon the gate and trying to decide their next move. Soon, none of them remained at all.

"What do you suppose all that was about?" Ori asked.  
"I think we will find out soon enough," Dori answered, dourly.

*****

No time was spent in the treasury that day. The company spent it at the front gate waiting for either enemy or emissary. Thorin was short of temper but the previous day's possessiveness did not seem to take hold again. Bilbo stayed close to hear what was going on, anyway. Over the course of the day, the camp of Men and Elves had moved inward between the very arms of the mountain. Once the camp was resettled, music came across the rocks. Voices raised in song and sweet musics made by Elvish harps and other instruments carried to the front gate.

"Are they-are they _singing_ at us?" Dwalin wondered. Axes and war cries he understood. This was just...perplexing.

As the music continued, the dwarves thought they imagined the chill in the air lessening just a bit. Bilbo could almost swear he detected the scent of wild spring blossoms pervading the usual dragon-heavy smell of the fortress. He was filled with a longing to leave the dark of the mountain to join the singers at their fires. Ori, Kili, and Fili were moved by the beauty of the sounds. Kili leaned to Fili and whispered "Perhaps Bilbo has had the right idea about Elves all along."

Thorin remained unmoved, none too thrilled about the enraptured looks upon the faces of the younger dwarves and Bilbo.

"As if dwarrows have no songs to sing!" he sniffed. "Let us make music of our own!"

Fili and Kili took to their harps and dwarves playing other instruments rescued from the hoard joined them. 

"Now, Balin-- _now_ I will raise my voice in my halls," Thorin proclaimed.

Thorin began to sing--

_""Under the Mountain dark and tall_  
_The King has come unto his hall!_  
_His foe is dead, the Worm of Dread,_  
_And ever so his foes shall fall._  
_The sword is sharp, the spear is long,_  
_The arrow swift, the Gate is strong;_  
_The heart is bold that looks on gold;_  
_The dwarves no more shall suffer wrong._  
_The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,_  
_While hammers fell like ringing bells_  
_In places deep, where dark things sleep,_  
_In hollow halls beneath the fells._  
_On silver necklaces they strung_  
_The light of stars, on crowns they hung_  
_The dragon-fire, from twisted wire_  
_The melody of harps they wrung._  
_The mountain throne once more is freed!_  
_O! wandering folk, the summons heed!_  
_Come haste! Come haste! across the waste!_  
_The king of friend and kin has need._  
_Now call we over mountains cold,_  
_'Come hack unto the caverns old'!_  
_Here at the Gates the king awaits,_  
_His hands are rich with gems and gold._  
_The king is come unto his hall_  
_Under the Mountain dark and tall._  
_The Worm of Dread is slain and dead,_  
_And ever so our foes shall fall!"_

The tune was the same as the song that Thorin used to entice Bilbo into joining their quest back in the Shire, but the lyrics had changed. The other dwarves joined in vocalizing but Thorin alone sang the words. Bilbo found himself once again drawn to the beauty of Thorin's voice but this time he felt an uneasiness. The song sounded too much like a war tune for Bilbo's taste.

Thorin's mood was vastly improved by the song and the conversation that it spurred. He, Dwalin, and Balin began speculating how long it would take Dain to reach them, heartened by the thought that they would soon have reinforcements.

*****

That night was not spent in their rooms but at the gate. Bilbo missed his bed and the disliked the wait for whatever was to come of it all, but he was glad Thorin had a new distraction. He was not cruel to Bilbo at this time but neither was he particularly affectionate. Fili and Kili also kept their distance in the interest of safety. Bilbo supposed he should feel terribly lonely but after so many days of emotional peaks and deep valleys, he welcomed this respite.

*****

The next morning, another company approached bearing both the banners of the Elvenking as well as the Lake. Bilbo was relieved to see Bard out in front. He remembered both his own positive, if limited, experience with Bard in Lake Town, as well as the wise old raven's assessment that he was just and true. Bilbo listened to Bard's words for Thorin and claims to a share of the treasure. Bard pointed out that his own arrow killed Smaug thanks to Bilbo's tip (not that he was mentioned) and how he himself was a descendant of the king of Dale. Bilbo had not known this before but realized quickly Bard had a rather personal interest in the rebuilding of the town. Currently still a servant of the citizens of what was formerly Lake Town, Bard also pointed out that their people had spent quite a bit of money to give Thorin's company succor and resources enough to retake the mountain. He did not fail to mention that Lake Town itself suffered Smaug's wrath for doing so. As he listened, Bilbo had no opposition to any of Bard's arguments.

It caused Bilbo particular grief to hear of the destruction in Lake Town. He had made many friends and created several happy memories there. Thorin had many happy memories there, too. Bilbo thought that Thorin would find the same logic in Bard's claims as Bilbo did. They had more than enough in the treasury to share--some of it stolen by Smaug from Dale itself and not even rightfully Erebor's. Surely Thorin would not begrudge them some remuneration. Losing one twelfth of the treasury would still leave it nearly bursting with gold. More importantly, it would also buy the peace, cooperation, and political advantage of the surrounding regions.

Perhaps Thorin would not have begrudged them a thing if he had been himself. However, instead of thinking of the invaluable goodwill the gold would buy, he was incensed at the thought of losing it.

He replied to Bard, "I will not parley with armed men at my gate, nor at all with the people of the Elvenking, whom I remember with small kindness. In this debate they have no place. Begone now ere our arrows fly! And if you would speak with me again, first dismiss the elvish host to the woods where it belongs, and then return, laying down your arms before you approach the threshold."

Bard urged Thorin to think on the matter and reconsider his decision. He led his company away from the gate.

Bilbo's heart sank at Thorin's refusal. Furthermore, he was embarrassed. This was not how hobbits were taught to repay kindnesses, and above all else the people of Lake Town spent two weeks showing them every kindness available. Bilbo also knew of the honor of dwarves. This was not the way they would repay a kindness, either. Bilbo correctly surmised that the presence of the elves and the fear of Thorin were what stayed the would-be protests of the others at such a dishonorable display.

Bilbo also started to piece together the involvement of the elves. They had a long-standing alliance with Lake Town, which is how the company came to be there at all. Bilbo recalled the news from the ravens that the elves tarried in what remained of Lake Town a couple days prior. He had no doubt that Thranduil was providing them with aid. They had been a good ally to him, as removed as he was in his forest. Thorin was adamant about not giving to the elves but their share would still benefit both the displaced peoples of Lake Town as well as the inevitable rebuilding of Dale. Even the shakiest agreement with the elves would strengthen the dwarves' accord with Men. Bilbo knew Thorin would need it if he truly wanted to rebuild Erebor. He'd spoken enough with Ori and Balin to know that the Erebor of old was not completely self-sufficient. A new Dale and the potential rebuild of Lake Town (should they choose to try) would be much needed resources if they were going to make any real effort to try to create Erebor a kingdom once again.

He tried to speak to Thorin about his concerns but the king was not having any of it. He was much happier with Dwalin, Gloin, and Oin, puffing themselves up over the offense of being expected to so easily surrender their hard-won spoils. Balin sat with them, too, but he did not add much to the conversation. He seemed more pensive. Bilbo suspected that Balin understood the benefit of negotiating but realized there was no talking to Thorin about it in his current mood.

Kili was bored and squirming. He was thinking about all this time they had to kill and the different ways he would rather spend it with Bilbo. Or _on_ him, he grinned to himself. They had not had the opportunity yet to take their clothes off or spend any real private time together with this new arrangement of theirs. The contact they had so far was all in quick, mad rushes, and they'd shared only the one moment of sexual intimacy. Kili had every second of it committed to memory from replaying it in his mind so often. He yearned to repeat it. He sighed. Bilbo was ten feet away from him and he couldn't do anything about it.

*****

After several hours of waiting, eating, napping, and talking amongst themselves, Bifur signaled that someone was approaching the gate again. Bilbo peeked out and saw a small contingent of standard-bearers, trumpet heralds, and an apparent spokesperson. The trumpets rang out and the spokesperson came forward.

"In the name of Esgaroth and the Forest," he cried, "we speak unto Thorin Thráin's son Oakenshield, calling himself the King under the Mountain, and we bid him consider well the claims that have been urged, or be declared our foe. At the least he shall deliver one twelfth portion of the treasure unto Bard, as the dragon-slayer, and as the heir of Girion. From that portion Bard will himself contribute to the aid of his people; but if Thorin would have the friendship and honor of the lands about, as his sires had of old, then he will give also somewhat of his own for the comfort of the men of the Lake."

Thorin growled and grabbed Kili's bow. Bilbo looked on in horror as Thorin _shot an arrow at the speaker_. Both the suddenness and aggression of the act astounded Bilbo. Thankfully, the speaker was smart enough to have a shield for the arrow to strike, which it did.

"Are you _mad_?" Bilbo hissed at Thorin.  
"Quiet," Dwalin instructed him, quelling Bilbo with an ungentle hand on his shoulder.

The speaker regarded his shield and considered for a moment. "Since such is your answer, I declare the Mountain besieged. You shall not depart from it, until you call on your side for a truce and a parley. We will bear no weapons against you, but we leave you to your gold. You may eat that, if you will!" The small squad retreated back to camp.

Thorin was grim and the seeming warning from Dwalin stilled Bilbo's tongue for the time being. No one else dared say a word against the king, due to either agreement or self-preservation. Bilbo despaired. If he were going to die on this quest, starved to death in a siege over gold was one of the less appealing choices.

*****

Days had passed since the altercation at the door. The dwarves were ordered back to the treasury but Thorin's possessiveness had shifted direction. His ire and his wrath were no longer for Bilbo or anyone who counted him as a companion. Indeed, other than a few kisses, meals, and sleeping each day, Thorin did not spend his time worrying about Bilbo or his goings on. The Arkenstone was his focus, now, and every ounce of his jealous nature seemed wrapped up in it. Those first few days in the mountain he kept his search for the Arkenstone his own secret but his need for it had grown so great that he spoke of it openly to the company. He had them all searching for it, desperate to lay eyes on it once more. If he was to be overrun by treasure seekers and weakened by hunger, he wanted to at least hold the Arkenstone in his hand.

He told them, "The Arkenstone of my father is worth more than a river of gold in itself, and to me it is beyond price. That stone of all the treasure I name unto myself, and I will be avenged on anyone who finds it and withholds it."

Bilbo could not explain even to himself why he took it to begin with, or why he held it still, but hearing this terrified him. Perhaps weeks ago he could not imagine himself coming to harm over it but now? He was no longer sure. He had thought many times in the days after stealing it about returning it to the pile for Thorin's discovery. Since the siege began, though, Bilbo had started forming another plan. He was not sure if he had the courage or the heart to carry it out.

*****

A comfort of Thorin's attention shift was that--other than the fear of being discovered with the Arkenstone--he did not feel as threatened by Thorin. The moments he saw Thorin behind his own eyes were increasingly rare, though, and he knew should not take the lack of wrath for granted. The absence of jealousy at least meant Bilbo was more free to come and go than he had been. When Fili told him that Bofur needed him up by the gate, Bilbo didn't even have to glance at Thorin. He had just begun excavation of one of the largest piles and Bilbo sadly knew he would not even be missed.

As he walked in the hall that would take him through the great chamber, he thought to himself that he was quite weary of the mountain. If they made it through this alive, it would perhaps be a nice enough place to visit, but it was nowhere he wished to make a life. He didn't get as far as considering how that would work with his betrothal because it was then that Kili pulled Bilbo into one of the unused rooms in the hall.

Bilbo recognized the room they were in as one of the offices he had discovered. Kili closed the door behind them, locked it, and blocked the handle with a chair.

"Kili what are you--"

Kili was upon Bilbo, kissing him, running his hands over him, taking deep breaths through his nose so he could keep his mouth on Bilbo's longer.

He broke away to speak. "I had to touch you, Bilbo. It has been making me wild thinking of what I could be doing to you instead of searching for that blasted stone."

Bilbo felt Kili's hands stroke across his bare stomach as he lifted his mithril shirt to caress him. When did Kili even undo his other shirt?

"Did you work this out with Fili?"  
"Yes. I don't think Bofur is even at the gate right now," Kili said matter-of-factly, concentration clearly elsewhere. He lifted BIlbo up on the desk and set about unlacing his pants.  
"I can barely catch my breath, Kili. Slow down."  
"I prefer you breathless," was the reply, Kili kissing his way down Bilbo's torso.

Bilbo was going to retort with a sassy remark but it lodged in his throat as Kili took Bilbo's cock in his mouth and began sucking him. As Kili increased speed and pressure, small whines escaped Bilbo's throat. He tried to be quiet but it was difficult. Kili was a _very_ quick study, it would seem. He was also clearly enjoying giving as much as Bilbo was enjoying getting if his own quiet noises were anything to go by. He brought Bilbo to the brink once and then backed off.

_Cheeky little tease,_ Bilbo thought, gasping as Kili went back to his task.

He lifted his head to watch Kili in action. Realizing he was being watched, dark brown eyes flicked upward and met Bilbo's. Kili smirked around the cock in his mouth and Bilbo thought that alone might end him. He had both palms clamped over his mouth trying to stay silent. Kili added a stroking hand to his oral ministrations and that was all it took to make Bilbo shake, convulse, and finish in Kili's mouth.

Bilbo lay on the desk waiting for the rush of his blood to slow. He leaned up on his elbows to see Kili standing at his feet, pants open, working himself slowly from root to head. His mouth was slightly open, moist from the tongue that popped out periodically to swipe the bottom lip. His hair was askew and he was flushed with desire. His eyes were on fire and focused on Bilbo. Bilbo had a wicked thought.

"Let me help you with that," he said, sitting up. 

He licked his palm and replaced Kili's hand with his own. He shifted them around so that Kili had the desk to lean against as Bilbo handled him. Kili gasped, head thrown back and eyes closed. Bilbo licked his palm again and renewed his efforts. He looked at Kili's face. 

"Oh, but you do look lovely right now," he whispered lasciviously.

Kili's breathing grew shallower and he gripped the desk more frantically. Bilbo leaned into Kili's chest, feeling his lover's muscles tense as the speed of his strokes increased. 

"Let go," Bilbo implored.  
Kili's eyes flew open and met Bilbo's.  
"That's right," Bilbo murmured. "Come so pretty for me."  
The final build came, breaths in quick succession, Bilbo punctuating each of them with a quiet "yes" until Kili strangled a cry that indicated his orgasm.  
Bilbo's eyes darted from the ecstasy on Kili's face to the vision of him pulsing into Bilbo's hand.  
"Beautiful," he said, transfixed.

Lifting his hand to his mouth, Bilbo began licking it clean. Kili's eyes flashed and he leaned in to help him. Their tongues met and soon the hand was forgotten. Kili clutched at Bilbo's hair as he flicked his tongue in and out of his mouth. Bilbo returned Kili's efforts, humming high, soft noises of bliss as he went. 

Begrudgingly, they slowed their kisses and relaxed their embrace. As much as they were enjoying each other, they were afraid to linger much longer lest they were discovered. As it was, this tryst Kili set up for them was risky.

As Kili went to tuck himself back in, Bilbo made an observation that surprised him.  
"You're, um, _ready_ again."  
"Yes. So? You are too," Kili replied, eying Bilbo trying to adjust himself into his pants.  
"Sure, but hobbits are fairly...resilient."  
Kili furrowed his brow. "And you think dwarves aren't?"  
"I just-that is to say..." 

Thorin was no slouch, of course, but he hadn't a hobbit's stamina. Bilbo could not very well compare Thorin and Kili right to his face, though. It was just rude.

Kili figured Bilbo out before he had to say anything. "Well, you have to consider I'm 77 and Thorin is over twice my age. I've no doubt he is proficient," Kili winced at the thought, "but younger dwarves past maturity are...erm...quite _energetic_ as far as that sort of thing goes."

Bilbo made a mental note that he needed to get Kili in a private bedroom as soon as possible to test this new knowledge.

Kili and Bilbo reluctantly parted at the door: first Kili, then Bilbo. Kili went to the treasury and Bilbo was heading to the front gate to keep his story straight. Bilbo had only taken a few steps into the hallway before he saw Dwalin approaching from the gate end.

"What are you doing out of the treasury?" Dwalin asked.  
"I wanted to see if there was any news from the ravens today," Bilbo lied.  
The dwarf shook his head. "Not yet. I was just on my way back down to the treasure hall."  
"I'll walk with you," Bilbo volunteered, not sure what else to do.

Dwalin was not acting strange or shaking him upside down by his ankles or anything of that nature, so Bilbo assumed he probably did not hear anything or see Kili leave the room they were in. As much as he hated to think it, he and Kili had probably best not make such activities a habit while they were all stuck here together.

*****

Evenings found Thorin spending his time later and later in the treasure room, sometimes even with late shifts of dwarves assisting him. Most frequently it was Gloin and Nori, not that Bilbo was surprised. Bilbo was in the habit of bringing the king his ration of cram around dinner so he would take time to eat. Sometimes Thorin would talk to him. He always got a couple kisses to send him off, but little more. If Bilbo let himself spend time thinking on the way it used to be he would weep, but from day to day he did not miss _this_ Thorin's touches. He'd rather have nothing at all than empty lovemaking, reminding him the passionate Thorin he had loved was overthrown. He supposed he was fortunate that Thorin wasn't pressing the issue or it would be all the more painful. The energy Thorin would normally spend on passion was now reserved for the treasure.

Bilbo spent his own evenings with the rest of the company in the room behind the gate or up in Fili and Kili's room until bed time. They did not fear Thorin's discovery as terribly as they had in days past. Frequently, it was Bilbo himself that had to go remind Thorin to come to bed at all. Kili was frustrated that he and Bilbo had to be so careful about finding time alone together, but he was also concerned that they could have been caught by Dwalin (of all people) the last time they tried. Although sexually unfulfilling, Kili loved the evenings Bilbo spent in his room. He and Bilbo would usually stretch across the bed during these evening visits, laced in each other's arms. Because Fili was there, they tried not to get too carried away. They would just hold each other, give sweet kisses, and talk.

One such evening, Kili was telling Bilbo stories about living in Ered Luin. Bilbo adored feeling the vibration from Kili's voice when he was snuggled into him. It was starting to lull him a bit when Kili asked a question.

"What was your mother like, Bilbo? Is it too sad for me to ask?"  
"No. I'll miss her always, but I don't mind that you want to know about her. She was beautiful, vivacious, kind, adventurous, and curious. She was smart but ever a creature of emotion. My father loved her dearly because of it, although I knew it also made him crazy. He was far more practical, you know. A bit of a homebody, too. I grew up more similar to my father, but I always admired my mother. She was everything I wished I could be."  
"She must have been incredibly special to him if he built Bag End for her," Kili agreed.  
Fili was flopped across the end of the bed, leaning up against their feet. "She sounds like Kili," he said sleepily.  
"Me?"  
Bilbo pondered this. "Yes, I suppose she does at that," he mused.

*****

A morning came when Thorin was summoned from the treasury to the gate. Bilbo followed him anxiously, as did the rest of the company. The wise old raven was waiting with news. A force of more than five hundred dwarves was within about two days' march of the valley, coming from the Northeast.

_The raven said, "But they cannot reach the Mountain unmarked, and I fear lest there be battle in the valley. I do not call this counsel good. Though they are a grim folk, they are not likely to overcome the host that besets you; and even if they did so, what will you gain? Winter and snow is hastening behind them. How shall you be fed without the friendship and goodwill of the lands about you? The treasure is likely to be your death, though the dragon is no more!"'_

The news chilled Bilbo to his marrow. Thorin was curiously unmoved and addressed the other dwarves at the gate. "Winter and snow will bite both men and elves and they may find their dwelling in the Waste grievous to bear. With my friends behind them and winter upon them, they will perhaps be in softer mood to parley with."

Bilbo tried to pull Thorin aside. "Please stop and consider this, Thorin! You risk Dain's people, you risk the company, Fili, Kili, yourself! Me! You are risking it all and for what? You'll still have the richest kingdom in Middle Earth, even if you gave away a full fourth of it!"  
"Do not speak to me of risk or riches! You've lived your whole life happy in your hobbit hole. This gold is my birthright. It belongs to my bloodline. I am not going to give it to Men at the end of a sword and I will not give it to the Elves for any reason at all."  
"Please, Thorin!" Bilbo cried frantically. "There could be a war outside our door for this. Could you do with a little less treasure for your birthright if it meant that your line survived to endure?"  
"Five hundred dwarves are worth twice the force that waits in the valley," Thorin said simply. "My line is not in danger."  
Bilbo needed a new tactic. "We cannot eat gold, Thorin. And if we were willing to buy food with it, the only people we could buy food from are the people who you won't give it to in the first place."  
"The matter is closed, Bilbo. If we have to fight to defend Erebor from treasure scavengers, then we will fight proudly. I have no doubt Dain is bringing ample supplies with him, plus we'll also be able to take a share of stores from the camp of Men and Elves once we are victorious."  
"Thorin, you are delusional! Are you so addled by gold that you do not see you are going to kill us all?"  
" _Enough!_ We are not speaking of this any further."  
"Thorin," Bilbo pleaded, "Do you not love us at all? Fili? Kili? Me?"  
The king's expression softened just a touch. He leaned down to brush Bilbo's lips. "Of course I love you, Bilbo."

He exited the hall, calling for a return to the treasury. Bilbo did not follow him. He took a few steps and stumbled to his knees, head in his hands. A tender pair of arms encircled him. He cried there while Kili held him. Fili and Bofur were also nearby, not quite in the mood to join Thorin in the hoard after all that had transpired and even less likely once they saw Bilbo's distress. After Bilbo's sobs stopped shaking his slender shoulders, Kili led him over to his friends and they all sat close.

"He's going to get himself killed," Bilbo said wearily, fearing another crying jag. "Perhaps us, too."  
"It is okay, Bilbo. We've got a couple days. We'll figure something out," Fili soothed, stroking his hand.

Bilbo already had something figured out. He hated it, but he could not let it come to war. He could not bear losing the people he loved. This might very well mean the end of him, but he had to try.

Letting the others get ahead of him, he fell behind a few steps with Bofur.  
"Can you get evening watch tonight?" Bilbo asked Bofur very quietly.  
He replied, "Aye, fairly easy I imagine."

Kili paused a moment for Bilbo to catch up. Bilbo nodded discreetly at Bofur and he tipped a flap of his hat in return. The hobbit knew a deal had been made.

*****

Bilbo felt soulsick for the remainder of the day. He knew in his heart that any love Thorin had for him was soon coming to an end and it saddened him greatly. Although he had not felt it much lately, the memory of what they had once stung him. He wished for one more beautiful night with his king to burn into his memory but he knew Thorin was too far gone to create it with him.

He brought Thorin dinner as always. Thorin spoke of plans for Dain's arrival and Bilbo grew sadder by the minute. When dinner was finished, Bilbo asked him to tarry a few moments more. Thorin did as he asked, although he was restless to get back to work. Bilbo held Thorin's hands and gazed into his eyes. What Bilbo would have given at that moment for one of Thorin's special smiles--the ones that were Bilbo's alone--but one did not come. Bilbo tenderly cradled Thorin's neck and pulled him into a lover's kiss before touching their foreheads together. 

"Thorin, please come back to me," he whispered, a tear escaping down his cheek.  
"I am here, Bilbo," Thorin said...but it was not _his_ Thorin that said it.

Bilbo closed his eyes tightly in the sad, bitter realization that this was very likely their end.

"I have not always made the best choices but please know I always have adored you so," Bilbo said, voice breaking.  
Thorin hugged him, gold haze strong enough to miss the inner war Bilbo was fighting. "I love you, too."

Bilbo left the treasury, walking sideways to keep his eyes on Thorin until the last possible moment. He walked to one of his secret rooms and cried until there were no tears left.

*****

Bilbo spent the rest of his evening with Fili and Kili. They knew he had been weeping and tried to comfort him, thinking it was still his worry from earlier. When it came time for Bilbo to go back to his room for the night, he asked Fili if he could have a few minutes alone with Kili.

"You don't have to stand watch in the hallway this time. I know that has been a little rude of us to have asked in the past, although it was always appreciated," Bilbo said.  
Fili smiled. "It was all for a good cause."

His brother was scarcely out the door before Kili had gathered Bilbo in his arms, kissing the breath out of him.

Kili gushed, "I don't know if I'll ever get over the fact that I can just kiss you if I want to. Well, provided we're alone enough."  
"Kili, I apologize for making you suffer so, especially in Lake Town. I thought I was saving us from a greater heartbreak but I was already lost to you." Bilbo gently pushed Kili's hair out of his eyes. "I don't know what our future holds, dear heart, but no matter what happens, I want you to know that I don't regret anything we've done. I regret the wrongs I've done in the name of it, but I would not take back a moment I've spent in your arms."  
Kili smoothed his fingertips gently over Bilbo's cheek. "It was worth it. It would have all been worth it even if it was only for that first kiss."  
"To be fair, that was quite an exceptional first kiss," Bilbo teased.  
Kili nuzzled the hobbit's neck. "I was trying to seduce you."  
"And you did."  
"Not enough," Kili murmured, pressing his lips up Bilbo's neck to his sensitive ears.  
"Kili," Bilbo barely was able to say. "Not here, not at this moment."  
Kili grunted a small protest but complied.  
"Kiss me goodnight, now," Bilbo requested sweetly.

Bent on making Bilbo regret his decision to go to bed, Kili kissed him passionately, nibbling and sucking until Bilbo's lips were pink and a bit swollen. Bilbo was more reluctant to leave after that, but he still needed to.

"I love you, Kili. Always remember that."  
"I love you, too."

When Bilbo left the room, he found Fili keeping watch anyway. Responding to the look Bilbo gave him, Fili said,"What can I say? Old habits die hard."  
Bilbo embraced him. "You are a fine friend and a good brother. Be well, my dear Fili."

Fili had an odd feeling as he went back into the room and flopped across the bed. He was on his stomach, kicking his legs back and forth, and trying to put his finger on what it was for a few minutes. Kili eventually broke the silence.

He asked, "Did that seem a bit like 'goodbye' to you?"

Fili turned his head towards his brother. Realization tore through them and they almost got stuck in Bilbo's doorway when they rushed into his room at the same time.

*****

Bofur saw Bilbo approaching him at the gate.

"Here I am, as requested," said Bofur. "What's the plan, then?"  
"Remember that whole 'say the word' thing?" Bilbo asked.  
Bofur nodded.  
"What if I just wanted to be let out and back in, no questions asked? Would that fall under the terms of your earlier offer?"  
"Well, I _would_ like to ask a couple questions, if I may," Bofur replied.  
"Fair enough. 'Minimal questions asked,' then."  
"What are you going to do?"  
Bilbo took a deep breath and replied evenly, "Save us or condemn myself. Possibly both at the same time."  
"And if I don't let you because I don't want to have any part in your condemnation?"  
"I'll find another--"  
"--find another way," Bofur finished, nodding. "That's pretty much what I expected you to say." He looked pained. "Do you promise to keep yourself safe?"  
"As safe as I can," Bilbo replied honestly.  
Bofur tilted his head. "That's about as good as it gets, I suppose."  
Bilbo knew then that he had his permission. "Can I ask you two additional favors before I go?"  
"As well hanged for a sheep as a lamb," Bofur quipped.  
"Will you do whatever you can to stay on watch duty until I come back? Or until dawn, whichever comes first. If I'm not back by dawn, I fear I will not be back at all. Or if I am, trouble will be waiting for me past dawn regardless."  
"I can do that," Bofur agreed.  
"The second favor may be harder. I fully expect Kili to come looking for me before the night is out. You must not let him follow me. I've got my ring to shield me until I'm ready to be known but he has no such trinket. It will do neither of us any good if he becomes a prisoner of war. Do what you must to keep him here. Lie to him, tie him up, I don't care."  
Bofur smiled, incredulous. "I knew he cared for you, but you care for him just as much, don't you?" 

Bilbo studied Bofur. He seemed genuinely happy that Bilbo returned Kili's affection. He had been a good friend to Bilbo from the very beginning as well as a welcome ally for Kili. Bofur protected them both and kept their secrets. Bilbo figured he could keep at least one more.

"Kili secretly carries the third bead," Bilbo confided.  
Bofur's eyes and mouth grew wide with wonder, then he laughed and clapped Bilbo on the back. "That's a good lad! That is glad news, indeed. Well, then, I will make sure Kili stays safe within the mountain for your return."  
Bofur reached out and pulled Bilbo into a strong hug, pressing a kiss to the top of Bilbo's head. "I wish you the best of luck," he said tenderly.  
"Thank you, Bofur. You know, I'm still not convinced you aren't a prince." Bilbo winked at his friend, scrambled up the ladder, and disappeared into the night. 

Bilbo never noticed Bofur's pack, ready to go, at his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title stolen from "Running Up That Hill," by Kate Bush, which was set to "repeat" on my playlist while writing most of this chapter.


	35. Interlude:  Waiting For Bilbo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili and Kili meet up with Bofur guarding the gate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided we needed some semi-fluff with Fili, Kili, and Bofur being buddies. This is still part of the main story and pretty short, but I figured I'd post it on its own while I was working on the ugly stuff. Besides, I know a couple of you really love Bofur <3

Bofur had been pulling a wide, wooden box he had found up to the front gate when Fili and Kili came whizzing around the corner.

"Bofur!" Fili called. "Have you seen Bilbo?"

Bofur sat down on the box he'd pulled up. 

"Oi, you're looking for Bilbo, then?" he stalled.  
"Yes! Have you seen him?" Kili asked frantically.

Bofur thought for a moment. Bilbo told him to do whatever it took to keep Kili there. Though it would probably be easier to lie, he knew Kili would be beside himself if he thought Bilbo had simply disappeared with no word at all. Bofur would rather tell him the truth and deal with the aftermath than have Kili remain haunted by the implications of such a lie all night.

He sighed, "Yes, lads, I have."  
Kili clutched at him. "Has he gone?"  
Bofur nodded. "He has left the gate."  
"Fee, get the ladder!" Kili ordered.

Fili felt a hand grip his shoulder before he could reach it. Bofur had stood and was holding him at arm's length. 

"No, Fili. Kili, you cannot follow him."  
"I'm not going to be stopped, Bofur," Kili warned, widening his stance to get ready for a scuffle. Fili pushed against Bofur with his upper body, trying to overpower him to get the ladder.  
"Kili, Fili, please," Bofur pleaded, struggling against Fili's weight. "Please stop fighting me and listen to what I have to say."

Something in Bofur's voice reached both of the brothers, for they paused and waited for him to continue.

"Bilbo came to me tonight for help which I provided him. I don't know exactly what he is going to do, but he was adamant that only he could do it. If I had to guess, I would say he is defying Thorin and attempting to negotiate with the forces outside the gate so that we don't all wind up getting killed. He was using his ring and he was very clear that Kili not follow him. He seems to think you are in danger of being captured and I don't think I disagree with him. If you go chasing after him, you are going to damage his chances of being able to come back to us at all."

Kili had been so terrified that Bilbo just left them that it hadn't occurred to him that he had been planning to come back. He slumped his shoulders and leaned facing the gate, looking through one of the slots for spying outward. 

Bofur continued, "He asked me to remain at my post until dawn to sneak him back in. I plan on doing just that. Past dawn, he seemed to think he would be detained or that there would be no point in sneaking anymore once Thorin woke up and found him gone."

He walked up next to Kili and rested a hand lightly on his back. 

"Don't fret, Kili. Bilbo is quick, smart, and charming. The Lake Town people already adore him. He's got the best chance of anyone at acting as our emissary."

Fili joined Bofur and Kili at the spy slot. He pressed in behind Bofur, hooked a chin over his shoulder, and looked out into the night. 

He said, "I don't think I could have let him go like that. How did you manage?"  
"Sometimes he just gets this _look_ on his face and over the course of this journey I've learned that folks getting in the way of that look are in for nothing but trouble. Like you," Bofur leaned sideways to look at Fili, "Woe to anyone who tries to get between you and the ones you love--I think I pulled a muscle in my arm a minute ago! Bilbo has it in his mind that whatever he is doing might save the lot of us. All I could do was promise to be here to sneak him in when he came back."  
"... _if_ he came back," Kili mumbled.  
Fili moved to put an arm around his brother. "Tonight's farewells were because he thought there was a chance he could not get back to us, but at least he's planning to try. That's much better than what we were originally thinking, right?"  
"I suppose," Kili said.  
"Wait, you lads thought Bilbo was just...leaving?" Bofur chuckled.  
Already emotional, Kili did not appreciate being laughed at. "It was not funny!"  
Bofur's eyes softened but his smile remained. "Kili, that little hobbit isn't making any long-term moves without you. He told me about the bead."  
Fili looked at Kili with curiosity. "What bead?"  
"You don't know about the bead?" Bofur asked.  
"He doesn't know about the bead," Kili confirmed.  
" _WHAT BEAD_?"

Kili fished his bag from its hiding space and dumped the bead out into Fili's hand. 

"Bilbo had someone carve me a courting bead."  
Bofur scoffed. "Someone? Try 'Bofur.'"  
"Really? This is beautiful work, Bofur," Kili complimented.  
"I did not know what the purpose was. Bilbo was adamant that it was to be special and apart from the ones he had made for...um," Bofur coughed awkwardly. "Well, anyway, that little thing was important to him. I wondered why I had not seen it again with as much as a fuss as he made."  
Fili turned it over in awe before he handed it back to his brother. "Kee, why didn't you tell me about this?"  
"I wasn't sure how to go about telling you I had a secret courting bead from Bilbo that I could never, ever wear because he was going to marry our uncle," Kili said.

His bluntness and candor sobered both Fili and Bofur. He tucked the bead away in its home again.

He addressed Bofur, "If it is okay, I'd like to wait with you."  
"I had already figured that was a foregone conclusion." Bofur gestured to the box he had pulled over earlier. Used as a bench, it would easily fit three dwarves. "Looks to be enough room for your brother, too,"

Fili shot Bofur a grateful smile.

The three of them scooted onto the box, leaned against each other for both warmth and comfort, and waited for their friend to return.


	36. Bilbo Bets The Farm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo's adventures in camp and his homecoming.
> 
> Bonus: Gandalf!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not the droids you're looking for, although this is still around 4,000+ words. I could have either done the two smaller updates today or wait until I had time on Friday (CST) to post it all together. I figured some was better than none. There's still quite a bit going on here, and even some angst for the angst-monsters. 
> 
> More book quoting than I had planned, along with story-appropriate paraphrasing. 
> 
> As always, thank you to the commenters, rebloggers, and anyone recommending this to others. I appreciate you so very much.  
> <3 <3 <3

Bilbo found his way in the dark, down their road and path, and reluctantly set out to cross a stream to head up into the camp. He slipped and fell in the cold water, spluttering and snorting. He pulled himself out of the stream on the opposite bank and could not help a sneeze. His commotion drew the attention of the very elves he was hoping to sneak past. Knowing he was discovered, he removed his ring and called their attention. They seized him quickly and began interrogating him.

"Who are you? Are you the Hobbit of Erebor? What are you doing? How did you get so far past our sentinels?"

"I am Bilbo Baggins," he answered, "Prince Consort-to-be of Thorin, if you want to know. I know your king well by sight, though perhaps he doesn't know me to look at, but Bard will remember me, and it is Bard I particularly want to see."

The elves pressed him further for his business but Bilbo stood firm, insisting that if they didn't want to winter out in the valley that they would find him a fire and the people he needed to speak with. A little impressed, somewhat surprised, and definitely moved by his logic, they granted his request. Within the hour, he found himself sitting in front of a warm fire and having an audience with both the Elvenking and Bard. 

Bilbo filled them in on his own financial interest in the matter (going as far as to produce his contract) and let them know he found their own claim just. He also told them that regardless of this fact, Thorin was very happy to sit on his pile of gold and starve due to his stubbornness.

"Well, let him!" said Bard. "Such a fool deserves to starve."

"Although I can appreciate your point of view, that is my husband-to-be you speak of. He sits in the mountain with my friends who have become like my family. Letting them starve is not in my best interest. Thorin is not quite himself at the moment. The...stresses of reclaiming the mountain do not have him in the proper frame of mind to see your side of things. I see it, however. Lake Town was good to me, Bard, and I know that we would have had a much more difficult road to travel without the friends we found there. I will not say we would not have made it without you, but our path would have been more difficult and that is for certain."

Bard and the Elvenking exchanged glances. Although the hobbit was merely betrothed to the king, he seemed to be wiser in the ways of diplomacy. 

Bilbo continued, "Winter is coming on fast. Harsh weather is approaching and maintaining a supply line will be difficult at best. Although it will trouble our small number in the mountain, it will be a great deal harder on your troops that are out in the open. Other issues may yet arise as well. Do you know of Dain and the dwarves of the Iron Hills?"

"We did, a long time ago; but what has he got to do with us?" asked the king.

"I thought as much. Dain is now less than two days' march off and has at least five hundred dwarves with him. Many of his number have had experience in the dreadful dwarf and goblin wars, of which you have no doubt heard. When they arrive there may be serious trouble."

"Why do you tell us this? Are you betraying your friends or are you threatening us?" asked Bard grimly.

"Neither, my dear Bard. My interest is in keeping my friends alive and hale. That means all of them, both from Erebor and Lake Town. I see a grander picture than my intended does. Erebor needs both Men and Elves to regain her glory, even were there not a great many of them on her doorstep intent on starving her." 

He looked sharply at both Bard and the Elvenking, who were more than a little shocked that such a small thing would dare be so fierce to the likes of them. 

"If you would mind your tone, I have an offer to make you," Bilbo dared. "This decision was not arrived at lightly and I am risking everything I care about to make it. I love my dwarven family enough to sacrifice my happiness with them."

Bard's voice was still authoritative but grew detectably gentler. "What is your offer, Master Baggins?"

Bilbo drew a deep breath and pulled a wrapped bundle from a deep pocket. Bard and the Elvenking leaned forward to see it better in the dark. With quaking hands and a breaking heart, Bilbo unwrapped the Arkenstone. 

The Elvenking stood up in amazement. Bard gazed marveling at it in silence. 

"This is the Arkenstone of Thráin, the Heart of the Mountain." Bilbo struggled but failed to keep his voice from breaking as he spoke. "It is also the heart of Thorin. He values it above a river of gold, and above even me. I give it to you. It will aid you in your bargaining." 

Bilbo, still shaking and now fighting tears, handed the stone to Bard.

"But how is it yours to give?" Bard asked.  
"In most ways it isn't. By marriage it could be, although giving it to you ensures that marriage will not happen now," Bilbo said sadly. "I am to let it stand against all my claim if it means retaining peace and my friends not coming to harm. I should like everyone--dwarves, elves, Men, and hobbits alike--to be warm and eat well this winter. I shall go back now and meet my fate. I hope you will find this useful and that my hopes for a more peaceful future through the giving of the stone were not misguided." 

The Elvenking looked at Bilbo with a new wonder.

"Bilbo Baggins!" he said. "You are more worthy to wear the armor of elf-princes than many that have looked more comely in it. But I wonder if Thorin Oakenshield will see it so. I have more knowledge of dwarves in general than you have perhaps. I advise you to remain with us, and here you shall be honored and thrice welcome."

Bilbo realized why Thorin did not care for the Elvenking. Hobbits were no stranger to the back-handed compliment, after all. Since Bilbo had just given his life away and felt quite like he had nothing to lose, he sassed, "I'll have you know there are those who think I'm quite comely in this armor and some who even prefer me in naught but my skin."  
Bilbo was suitably pleased by the surprised look that crossed Thranduil's face. He continued, "I thank you for the hospitality all the same but I cannot leave my friends and my love like this. Our road has been long and tough and I cannot part with them now. I must be going and if I do not want to be missed, it should be quickly."

His determination was great. Both Bard and the Elvenking feared he would pay too high a price for his compassion, but Bilbo's mind would not be changed about going back. They arranged an escort for him.

"Please take care, Bilbo Baggins," Bard said. "Esgaroth was not misguided in holding you in such high esteem. I also grew fond of Fili and Kili in the time I knew them. Please do not think I have no friendship towards the dwarves. I, too, do not want anyone to come to harm but it is my place is to hope for my people."  
"I understand, Bard. Make this sacrifice worth it and my friendship will always go with you." 

Both the king and Bard saluted Bilbo with honor when he left. 

*****

As Bilbo and his escort passed through the camp, an old man wrapped in a dark cloak rose from a tent door where he was sitting and came towards them.

"Well done, Bilbo Baggins!" he said, clapping Bilbo on the back. "There is always more about you than anyone expects!" 

It was Gandalf!

Bilbo threw his arms around him immediately. "Oh, Gandalf! I've longed for your counsel as of late!"  
Gandalf drew him slightly aside from his escort. "It sounds to me like you've been quite capable, not to mention collecting your fair share of titles! 'Hobbit of Erebor!' 'Hobbit of Lake Town!' But the title I'm most curious about is 'Prince Consort to-be.' I know you are in haste, but can you take a moment or two to explain that title to me?"

Bilbo's heart grew heavy to speak of such hopeful beginnings at what was surely their bitter end, but he told Gandalf briefly of his courtship and engagement to Thorin. He also spoke of the dragon sickness that drove Bilbo to such drastic measures. He left out all the parts about Kili, though. It was not the time or place for it.

"So, there is love there! I feared it might be a political marriage. Well, then, congratulations my dear friend."  
"It may as well all be at an end. I am filled with fear of Thorin over what I have done," Bilbo said miserably.  
Gandalf gestured broadly with his staff. "Things are drawing towards the end now, unless I am mistaken. There is an unpleasant time just in front of you; but keep your heart up! You may come through all right. There is news brewing that even the ravens have not heard. Good night, my dear Bilbo!"

Bilbo hurried on now with his escort. Seeing Gandalf again lightened his heavy heart, and although the wizard's words were typically cryptic, he felt a bit better at hearing them. Far enough away from detection, the escort squad bid him farewell and he headed back to the gate. 

*****

Unsurprisingly, Bilbo found both Fili and Kili waiting for him when he returned. He did not get fully down the ladder before he was in Kili's arms, feet not touching the floor. Kili had completely forgotten himself, kissing Bilbo across the cheek and holding onto him for dear life. Luckily, it was only the four of them in the area at the time, with both Bofur and Fili sweeping eyes around the room the instant Kili snatched Bilbo off the ladder.

"You know you are going to have to share some of those hugs, brother," Fili admonished. 

Both Fili and Bofur took their turns welcoming Bilbo back warmly, too. 

"We're still a few hours away from dawn, my friend! Your business concluded early. Will you tell us now what you went to do?" Bofur asked.

Bilbo lost his smile and Bofur nearly regretted asking the question. Bilbo looked around furtively.

"I...negotiated for our safety."  
There was something about Bilbo's tone that concerned Fili. "I don't like the sound of _that_."

Bilbo felt a horrid pit in his stomach. These were his closest friends and he wanted to tell them the truth. He was scared of their reactions. Thorin's gold fever was one thing but Bilbo stole an heirloom of Fili and Kili's house and gave it to the people threatening them. Granted, they were going to bring it back (oh merciful Eru, please let them bring it back) to trade for the gold they wanted in the first place, but Bilbo _stole_ it to begin with. From his fiance. Right under all their noses. 

Bofur did not know what Bilbo was thinking in this silence but he watched all the color drain from his face. "Bilbo, you are not okay. Fili, Kili, take him to your room if Thorin is not in theirs yet. I'm going to get Bombur to take over watch. He's at least an hour overdue for watch duty. If Bilbo wouldn't have been so efficient, my brother would have gotten out of it entirely!"

Fili and Kili did not argue, although Bombur did. Leaving his brother grumpy at the door, Bofur went to find his friends. 

*****

Thorin had not come back up yet--indeed, Bilbo thought he may not at all without someone to fetch him--so Bofur found them all in Fili and Kili's room. He sat with them on the bed.

Kili was holding Bilbo's hand and stroking it tenderly. "Bilbo? Will you please share your troubles with us?"

Bilbo took his hand back from Kili so that he could bury his face in both of his palms.

"Please understand that I'm only trying to keep you all alive," Bilbo began.

The three dwarves looked at each other with concern.

"I-I've stolen the Arkenstone. Thorin can search until next Durin's Day and he will never find it," Bilbo confessed.  
"Oh, Bilbo..." Fili said.  
Kili asked, "Where is it? Can we see it?"

Bilbo almost smiled through his misery. Of course Kili ignored the part where he stole the Arkenstone and was instead merely curious to see it.

"No, dear heart, you cannot," Bilbo said woefully, lifting his head slightly to rest his eyes on Kili.  
Bofur had a sinking feeling. "Bilbo, why is it that we cannot see it?"

This is it, Bilbo thought to himself. 

"You cannot see it because it is now in the hands of Bard."

Fili brought his hand up over his mouth in shock. Bofur hung and shook his head.

"Oh, Bilbo," Kili said. "Oh Bilbo, what have you done?"

Bilbo was ashamed. He did not know how there were tears left in his body but nevertheless he felt like he was going to cry.

He tried to justify his actions. "We can't survive a siege here, not for a whole winter. Even if the Iron Hills force could save us, so many people on both sides would needlessly die. Erebor will never be what Thorin wants it to be if we are branded as villains to the people of Lake Town. We need people to trust us enough to move back to Dale so we can have trade and food. Our survival in both the short term as well as the long term is all dependent on Thorin giving up some of his confounded gold and he is so far gone that _he would be happy to turn to dust and bone sitting atop his hoard!_ "

Bilbo was sobbing and near hysterical now. Both Kili and Fili held him from either side as Bofur soothingly stroked the top of his foot.

"Shhh, my sweetness, my heart," Kili murmured into Bilbo's ear, petting his hair. "Quiet now, my brave one."  
As Bilbo calmed a bit, Fili tried to cheer him up. "I'm impressed. I'm the _heir_ and I hadn't stopped to think that far ahead politically."  
"Y-you aren't mad I stole the heirloom of your house?" Bilbo sniffed.  
"No, I'm too busy being astounded that you had the nerve to walk alone into an enemy camp with such a formidable bargaining chip," Fili said.  
Kili clutched Bilbo a little tighter. "He's very lucky it was someone as honorable as Bard. Lesser allies would have taken the stone and kept Bilbo, too."  
"Gods, Bilbo...is that why you said goodbye?" Fili asked, horrified. "Because you thought they might take you prisoner anyway after you gave them the stone?"  
Bilbo answered quietly. "As long as they had the Arkenstone to bargain for their gold, that is all that mattered."  
Bofur could barely swallow around the lump that formed in his throat. "Hobbit of Erebor, indeed," he breathed reverently. 

Assured that he was not friendless in the world due to his actions, Bilbo talked a little more about his mission. He let Fili and Kili know that Bard mentioned them fondly by name. Kili almost cackled when Bilbo told them his cheeky reply to the Elvenking saying he was not elvishly becoming in his armor. Bilbo also told them how Bard and Thranduil both pleaded for him to stay with them in safety.

"Bilbo! You should have stayed," Kili said.  
"I can't sit on that side when you are sitting over here," Bilbo replied. "Besides, you all would have worried if I didn't come back and fear the worst."

Bilbo informed them that Gandalf was in camp.

"Gandalf!" Bofur exclaimed. "Why is he down there and not up here? Why has he not approached the gate? We surely could use his advice."  
"Perhaps he would have some words or something he could speak over Thorin to clear his mind," Fili mentioned.  
Bilbo shook his head. "I told him about the dragon sickness and he did not offer a solution. I would have to think that if he had one, he would not hesitate."  
"I'm confused at his absence as well," Kili said. "I wonder how long he has been down there?" 

He had always been partially in awe of Gandalf and would be forever thankful for him bringing Bilbo Baggins his way. Kili wished for the wizard's wisdom in many things.

Bilbo shrugged. "He didn't say. He said that there were unpleasant times ahead but to keep my heart up."  
"He knew of the gold sickness and he clearly knows of Thorin's argument with the Men and the elves, but still he did not come back with you," Fili noted with concern.  
"I don't understand his reasoning. I suppose none of us will until he reveals it," Bilbo said.  
Fili scoffed. " _If_ he reveals it!"  
Bofur cleared his throat. "I don't want to alarm Bilbo, but what happens when Bard shows up at the gate tomorrow dangling the Arkenstone in front of Thorin?"  
"I fear that the most," Bilbo admitted. "I might be more afraid of that than going down to Smaug for the first time!"  
"Then let's leave," Fili said. "We won't be here in the morning for it to be an issue. You said yourself that Bard and the others would have welcomed you in camp."  
Bilbo ran a hand through his hair. "No. I just-I can't."  
"Why not?" Kili demanded. "It is not safe for you here. What could possibly compel you to stay?"

Bilbo raised his eyes to his and Kili immediately knew the answer. _Thorin_. A pain he had almost forgotten sliced through him.

Fili and Bofur heard it all happen even though no one made a sound. They exchanged their own look of sadness for both Bilbo and Kili.

"So the sun comes, Bard comes, and we figure it out as we go along?" Bofur asked.  
Bilbo nodded. "I see no other solution."

*****

Bofur got up to take himself to bed.

"Thank you for helping me, Bofur," Bilbo said.  
Bofur met Bilbo's forehead with his own. "It is my honor to serve one so brave, Bilbo Baggins."

He embraced Fili and then Kili before he closed the door behind him.

"I should go to bed myself. " Bilbo yawned. "I am suddenly rather exhausted."  
Kili ran a hand down Bilbo's cheek. "You have had a trying day."  
Bilbo embraced Fili. Fili did not quite let Bilbo go afterward, asking, "What if Thorin asks where they got the stone? Do you think they will tell him?"  
"I do not know," Bilbo answered truthfully. "If he asks, I will admit it."  
"No!" Kili cried. "It is too dangerous!"  
"I would rather tell him myself than for him to be told it was me while I was standing there pretending otherwise," Bilbo said.  
Fili sighed, "Let's just hope that doesn't happen at all."

Bilbo put his arms around Kili, who hugged him tightly back. 

"I'll see you in the morning," Kili said as he pulled away.  
"Kiss me?" Bilbo asked.

Kili kissed him somewhat chastely on the lips. Bilbo didn't think he could feel any worse but he was wrong. Staying for Thorin had hurt Kili again.

*****

Bilbo found his bed still empty. He thought of going down to get Thorin from the treasury but he wasn't sure if his body or his heart either one could handle the trip. He settled into his bed alone. Although his mind was heavy with worry, he was so drained that he fell asleep almost instantly.

*****

When Bilbo left, the brothers laid in bed and talked about what the morning might bring.  
Kili asked, "What is our plan?"  
"Let's look at possible outcomes. They trade for the Arkenstone, Thorin is angry, maybe even suspicious, but doesn't find out."  
"We don't need much of a plan for that. Not yet, anyway. I'm a little afraid of what becomes of Thorin when he gets his stone."  
Fili thought for a moment. "Let's say Bilbo gets found out. What could happen when Bilbo gets discovered? What if Thorin attacks him? What do we do?"  
"Thorin would not attack him. Thorin loves him." Kili could not comprehend it. "Possessiveness is one thing but someone as strong and skilled as Thorin attacking Bilbo? You may as well be suggesting that Thorin would try to kill him."  
Fili backed off. "Okay, okay. Fine. Forget I said it."  
They lay there in silence for a beat or two. "We draw arms and defend him," Kili said.  
"What?"  
"I said," Kili said in calmly measured tones, "if Thorin tries to hurt Bilbo, we draw arms and defend him."  
"Kee, Thorin is our uncle. He practically raised us. You want us to cross blades with him?"  
"The Thorin that raised me would not harm a hair on Bilbo's head. If Bilbo is in danger because Thorin is not in his mind, I _will_ draw my weapon. If I need to, I'll draw it alone."  
Uncomfortable, Fili brought them back to the subject. "Scenario two of Bilbo getting found out: Thorin banishes him. What do we do?"  
"I leave with him," Kili said simply.  
"We leave with him," Fili repeated.  
"No, you stay here. I leave with Bilbo."  
Fili asked, "Why do I have to stay here?"  
"You are the heir and this will someday be your kingdom," Kili replied. "You belong here."  
"No, Kee. I belong with you. I always go with you."  
"Someone needs to stay with Thorin. He's not all there right now. You need to save him from himself. For all of us." Kili stopped to swallow because his tongue felt thick. "You are going to be king, Fili. And when you are, only you will make it so we can return again."  
"You want me to stay behind so I can un-banish you someday so that you may return to Erebor, a place that has never been your home?"  
"Well, not that only. I also want you to stay behind so you can be king."  
Fili argued, "King of what? Thorin might run this place into the ground with that stone. Men will hate us. Elves will ha...well, nevermind, they already do. So I get to be king of whatever mess Thorin leaves me...after years of living without my baby brother with the added bonus of watching my once-treasured uncle fade into oblivion?"  
"Um, yes?" Kili ventured.  
Fili shoved Kili so hard he almost fell off the bed. "Piss off. I'm coming with you."  
Kili smiled in the dark. "I love you, Fee."  
"And I love you. Good thing, too. You make terrible plans."  
FIli braced for a good shove back at the jibe, but Kili just rolled over and snuggled into him.  
Fili kissed his brother's forehead. "'Night, Kee."  
"'Night, Fee." 


	37. Treasures Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is there then nothing for which you would yield any of your gold?" Bard asked.  
> "Nothing that you or your friends have to offer," Thorin answered haughtily.
> 
>  _Godsgodsgods, here it comes_ , Bilbo thought. He was right.
> 
> "What of the Arkenstone of Thráin?" Bard queried grandly. The hooded man opened the chest and held aloft the jewel. The light leapt from his hand, bright and white in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Book quoting interwoven with story specifics.
> 
> Up over 100,000 words! Holy cow! Thank you to all of you who have been so kind with this fic so far.

Bilbo woke in pale daylight, still alone in his bed. 

"I could have stayed with Kili and Fili for all the good going to bed in my room did me," Bilbo grumbled to himself. 

He would have much preferred sharing the warmth of the brothers and cuddles with Kili. 

_Kili_.

Bilbo remembered the stricken look on his face and the distance in his kiss. 

_One of these days he is not going to be so content to stand in the shadows to wait for you_ , Bilbo's better sense told him.

*****

The sound of trumpets rang beyond the fortress and Bombur roused the company to see what was happening now. Bilbo met Thorin at the gate.

"Did you spend the night in your treasury?" Bilbo asked.  
Thorin nodded.  
"Did you even sleep?"  
"Not as well as if you had come to get me," Thorin replied.  
Bilbo was exasperated. "Then why did you sleep there at all?"  
The king had no answer.

Quickly, a runner ran up as far to the gate as he dared. Not too close, as tales of Thorin shooting at the last emissary had spread. He called out to the king, asking if he would listen to another request from them since new tidings had come to hand.

Thorin shouted back to the runner that he would assent to see a small, weaponless number from their side. Thorin smugly turned to the company and opined that the camp must have gotten word about Dain and were likely ready to negotiate out of fear. Bilbo silently cursed Thorin's bravado. The more wrong he was, the more embarrassed he would be when Bard told him of the stone, and thusly the worse Bilbo's fate when all the truths were laid bare.

*****

There was more miserable waiting at the gate for word. Bilbo hated this part of "negotiations." He felt unpleasantly light-headed. Bilbo had anticipated this moment but now that it was nearly here, he felt altogether unready. He was intensely aware of the locations of both Thorin and his friends. Fili and Kili were close but Kili was keeping his distance, occasionally meeting Bilbo's eyes but not lingering. He had no smiles for Bilbo today. Bofur stood with his brother and his cousin in the opposite direction. Bilbo found comfort speaking with them, for Bofur did not have Kili's hurt feelings. Thorin was directly at the spy slot, arms crossed, chatting almost cheerfully with Balin and Dwalin in his hubris.

*****

By midday, the standard bearers came forth with a company of about twenty. At the start of the final path, they laid aside all weapons and moved towards the gate. The dwarves and Bilbo were at the wall awaiting them. Thorin's own group was stunned to see that Bard and the Elvenking himself were among those approaching. A man wrapped in a cloak and hood walked with them, bearing a chest of iron-bound wood. Bilbo knew from the night before that this was Gandalf. He did not think Thorin would recognize him in his disguise, but he wondered for a moment why Gandalf would need one.

"Hail Thorin!" said Bard. "Are you still of the same mind?"  
"My mind does not change with the rising and setting of a few suns," answered Thorin. "Did you come to ask me idle questions? Still the elf-host has not departed as I bade! Till then you come in vain to bargain with me."  
"Is there then nothing for which you would yield any of your gold?" Bard asked.  
"Nothing that you or your friends have to offer," Thorin answered haughtily.

 _Godsgodsgods, here it comes_ , Bilbo thought. He was right.

"What of the Arkenstone of Thráin?" Bard queried grandly. The hooded man opened the chest and held aloft the jewel. The light leapt from his hand, bright and white in the morning.

Thorin was stricken dumb with amazement and confusion. Bilbo could only hear the sound of his heart beating in his ears. He did not know it, but Fili, Kili, and Bofur were also nearly holding their breath on his behalf. No one spoke for a long while, either stunned by the stone's beauty or the fact that their opposition had it at all.

Thorin broke the silence, and his voice was thick with wrath. "That stone was my father's and is mine. Why should I purchase my own?"

Bilbo's shoulders slumped in disappointment. After all of his worry, fear, and sacrifice, Thorin was reluctant to trade any gold for the very stone he had been obsessing over!

The king asked harshly, "How came you by the heirloom of my house-if there is need to ask such a question of thieves?"  
Bilbo cringed.  
"We are not thieves," Bard answered. "Your own we will give back in return for our own."  
" _How came you by it_?" shouted Thorin in gathering rage, looking around doubtlessly for another arrow to aim.

Bard and Thranduil exchanged looks before their eyes began searching the wall. Bilbo could tell they were unsure of how far to go to protect him.

"I gave it them," Bilbo confessed, terrified but resigned.

"You! You! My own! My betrothed!" Thorin looked wounded for just a moment before blind fury took him. "You miserable hobbit! Heartless betrayer!" he shouted at a loss for words.  
He grabbed Bilbo by the shoulders he once lovingly caressed and shook him.  
"By the beard of Durin! I wish I had Gandalf here! Curse him for his choice of you! I was a fool to ever be bewitched by you! I wish I had never met you! And you are about to wish you never met me!" he cried and lifted Bilbo in his arms. "Today you will meet your end for daring to cross me."

The company was horrified as they realized Thorin was about to throw Bilbo down to the rocks. Many of them were frozen in place. Kili and FIli both unsheathed their weapons and prepared to fight for Bilbo's life. They did not see, but Bofur had done the same. Their advances were halted by a booming, familiar voice.

"Stay! Your wish is granted!" said a voice. The man with the chest threw aside his hood and cloak. "Here is Gandalf! And none too soon it seems. If you don't like my burglar, please don't damage him. Put him down, and listen first to what he has to say!"

"You all seem in league!" said Thorin, dropping Bilbo back down on the wall. "Never again will I have dealings with any wizard or his friends."  
His icy glare landed on Bilbo. "What have you to say, you descendant of rats? What reason could you possibly have for taking the most precious treasure in the mountain?"

Bilbo was stricken to his core. "Is it? Is it truly, Thorin?" Bilbo spat. "Because I remember a night when you told me that nothing in the mountain--indeed, 'not even the mountain herself,' I believe you said--was a greater treasure to you than me. Until we got here, and then I couldn't even measure up to a miserable pile of gold. In spite of that, I took the stone alone as my fourteenth share and traded it for the salvation of you and this company I so love. It was the only way for Bard to get his gold and leave us in peace to build our life together. I have disposed of my share as I wished in the name of my love for you and those who go with you."  
"There will be no life for us together," said Thorin grimly. "And you are fortunate you continue to have one at all. Leave my sight, _halfling_. Our betrothal has ended and I renounce our bond in all the ways we had one. May we never meet again!"

Thorin turned and spoke over the wall. "I am betrayed. It was rightly guessed that I could not forbear to redeem the Arkenstone, the treasure of my house. For it I will give one fourteenth share of the hoard in silver and gold, setting aside the gems; but that shall be accounted the promised share of this traitor, and with that reward he shall depart, and you can divide it as you will. He will get little enough, I doubt not. Take him, if you wish him to live; no love or friendship of mine goes with him.

"Get down now to your friends!" he said to Bilbo, "or I will throw you down."  
"What about the gold and silver?" asked Bard.  
"That shall follow after, as can be arranged," said Thorin said.  
"Until then we keep the stone," Bard said.  
"You are not making a very splendid figure as King under the Mountain," said Gandalf. "But things may change yet."  
"They may indeed," said Thorin. He pondered for a moment that if Dain got there soon enough, they could fight to win the Arkenstone and still keep the treasure.

Bilbo stood quaking with tears spilling down his cheeks. He saw the veil fall heavy over Thorin's eyes during this last exchange with Bard. Bilbo knew that even after this terrible dissolution of their union, Bilbo was already gone from Thorin's mind and his thoughts had turned back to treasure. The choice of whether he wanted to stay had been taken away from him. He had no alternative other than leaving the king to his madness.

Bilbo turned to Thorin and met his eyes. "We had the promise of a beautiful life once," Bilbo said through choked tears. "I never cared if you were king. Only that you were mine."  
"Gandalf!" Thorin barked. "Take him away if you want him unharmed."

Gandalf stepped forward and beckoned.

Bilbo descended the rope one of the others set out for him in his daze.

Once Bilbo disappeared over the edge of the wall and was out of danger, Kili sheathed his weapon and followed him. Thorin watched him go, speechless and a little shocked.

Fili glanced back at Bofur. If he was inclined, Fili knew Bofur would realize the look meant he was welcome to follow. If not, it would serve as goodbye. Fili watched Bofur quickly glance at his brother and his cousin before meeting Fili's eyes again. Fili understood and nodded once to his friend in parting. He set about getting himself over the wall and did not bother glancing back at Thorin.

"Fili, where are you going?" Thorin demanded.  
"I follow my brothers," Fili declared.

Many of the remaining members of their group felt shame and pity at Thorin's treatment of Bilbo. The departure of the trio shocked all of them (save Bofur) to their bones. Balin and Dwalin suspected Kili might leave if Bilbo did but they were not expecting Fili to follow. Ori wept into Dori's shoulder at the horror of it all.

Bilbo reached the bottom of the wall and turned to look behind him. He was encouraged to see both Kili and Fili climbing down after him. Kili reached him first and embraced him tightly, no longer caring who saw.

"I belong by your side," he whispered before Fili pulled him away and demanded a hug of his own. 

Bilbo was heartened by this bold move, but he felt sad for his friends he was leaving behind. _I should say something,_ he thought to himself.

Bilbo turned around. "Farewell, dear company! We may meet again as friends!" he called.

"Be off, for I am sick of the sight of you!" Thorin called back. "You have mail upon you, which was made by my folk, and is too good for you. It cannot be pierced by arrows but if you do not hasten, I will sting your miserable feet."

Gandalf held out a protective arm for Bilbo and began to lead him away.

Bard spoke to the king again. "We will give you until tomorrow. At noon we will return, and see if you have brought from the hoard the portion that is to be set against the stone. If that is done without deceit, then we will depart, and the elf-host will go back to the Forest. In the meanwhile farewell!"

With three additional companions, the contingent left Thorin and his folk at the gate.

"Fili! Kili!" Thorin shouted after them. "You will find nothing but shame, heartache, and faithlessness if you go with the hobbit! Turn back!"

The brothers did not turn around and continued walking.

Thorin was furious. "You are disowned! Disinherited! You will never return to this mountain!"

It hurt Fili and Kili to hear such terrible words from the uncle they once loved so dearly, but their minds were made up and they did not look back.

*****

Thorin watched Fili, Kili, and Bilbo go with the group until he could see them no longer, then he turned to his remaining advisers.

"Can either of you tell me what in Durin's name just happened here?"  
"Are we talking about the stone or are we talking about the remaining heirs of Durin that just shimmied down the wall?" Dwalin asked.

Balin put a hand on his brother's arm to quiet him. This situation needed a little more finesse than Dwalin frequently had to offer.

"Kili followed Bilbo and Fili followed the both of them," Balin said gently.  
"But why? This is their kingdom! It is our birthright! Fili is supposed to follow me when I'm gone! How could they leave it when it should mean everything to them? How could they renounce their share of the treasure?"  
Balin shook his head. "Perhaps what Kili felt for Bilbo seemed to him to be more important."  
"Do not speak in circles to me, Balin. I'm in no mood for riddles today," Thorin scolded.  
Balin was confused. "We've spoken of this. Kili has certain affections for the hobbit."  
"We have not spoken of this! We've never spoken of this!" Thorin felt the stirrings of jealousy for the first time in many days.  
"Yes, the day after Bilbo opened the door. It was the day you had words with Kili. I thought you said you had confronted him?"  
"Not about that wretched hobbit! I scolded him about learning his place with me!"  
"Oh, I see," Balin said, for he had nothing else to say at that moment.  
"And Fili? I suppose you are going to tell me that Fili is in love with him as well?" Thorin sneered.  
"I don't suppose so. Fili looks out for Kili. I imagine Fili may have left in part for Bilbo, but I am doubtful he feels the way Kili does. Fili and Bilbo are more like family."

Thorin remembered Fili said "brothers," as in more than one.

"So I have lost a consort, both my heirs, and a fourteenth of my wealth this day," he said bitterly. "Well, I shall only miss three of them. If Kili cares so little for himself that he wants a traitorous hobbit then he can have him."

As Thorin set about sending messengers to Dain bidding him to make haste in light of the new development, an overthrown corner of Thorin's mind screamed in vain to be heard. It did not want Kili to have Bilbo. Not at all.

*****

Gandalf walked next to Bilbo as they headed back to the camp. Fili and Kili followed closely behind.

Gandalf spoke to Bilbo. "I am disappointed that you had to experience such trauma over so noble a deed. It would not have been my wish. Still, things unfolded as they were meant to whether we liked them or not. You are a child of fate, Bilbo Baggins,"  
"That does not comfort me," Bilbo admitted.  
"Then let the support and sacrifice of your friends comfort you, instead," Gandalf said, widening their path so Kili and Fili could walk alongside them. "You are not alone, my dear Bilbo."  
Bilbo turned his head to give small smiles to both Kili and Fili. "No, it seems I am not."

It was a curious thing to Gandalf that Fili and Kili were with them at all. He certainly never expected two princes with a rightful claim to the mountain to willingly follow a banished hobbit. The wizard observed the brothers as they walked mostly silent alongside Bilbo. As the camp became closer than the mountain, he shifted his focus to Kili alone. Gandalf was the only among the wizards who ever had bothered with things like love. He thought that affection and friendship made his long years far richer. He had many loves come and go--through either circumstance or the ravages of age--but there was one he cherished above all others. Gandalf had adored her from first sight. She married another and yet he had no choice but to love her still. He knew that if they survived to someday sail across the sea that he will go with her; staying without her was not an option he wished to contemplate. Thusly, before Kili said a word, Gandalf knew why he had followed Bilbo. The wizard recognized the look in Kili's eyes because he had worn it himself.

Fili was lost in his thoughts. Thorin almost killed Bilbo, nearly with his bare hands. The gold lust must have taken him deeply, indeed. Fili glanced at Bilbo and his heart ached for him. He tried to imagine someone he loved despising him so much they wanted him dead. How Bilbo was not crying himself blind at this moment was beyond him. He thought about what it must be like at the mountain right now. Surely Kili's secret would be out. If Fili had remained, he wondered what sort of interrogation Thorin would be putting him through. Fili hoped Bofur was distanced enough from the three of them to escape any punishment. He was disappointed his friend did not join them but he understood. Just like Fili wouldn't leave Kili, Bofur did not want to leave Bombur and Bifur. Especially with Thorin in what was no doubt a rotten mood. Fili was doubly glad he followed Kili, now that he thought about it.

Kili trudged along next to Bilbo. He was in turmoil. Like his brother, he was also thinking about how Thorin had tried to kill Bilbo. If even one little thing had gone awry, Bilbo might not be alive now. He was unable to wrap his mind around how awful it was. Also swirling around his mind was the broken engagement. Bilbo was no longer bound to Thorin by bond or duty. Kili figured he should be cheered by this thought, but he knew Bilbo had to be heartbroken about it. Bilbo did not want to leave Thorin when he had a choice. This morning, not only was he was forced to go but he was also given some pretty nasty words. Kili stole several glances at Bilbo. He looked emotionally beaten. Kili felt guilty for even thinking about Bilbo's broken bond at a time like this. He knew that Bilbo was not thinking of him or the possibility of their future right now. His heart was still in the past.

Bilbo had cheated death many times in the preceding several weeks. Somehow, he managed to survive orcs, wargs, goblins, that Gollum creature, and a dragon. At least with those, he knew they were bad sorts to begin with. Bilbo never thought that his end could come at Thorin's hand. He felt strangely calm about it and that scared him even more. A part of him thought he may be in some sort of shock over it, as though some piece of his brain was locking it away for self-preservation. He hoped he was alone when it came crashing down on him.

Bilbo felt Kili's arm brush him as they walked. He was terribly grateful that Kili and Fili were with him. It would have made this much harder if Bilbo had to leave them behind, particularly when Kili had been hurt by him. He peeked at Kili. How did it come about that Thorin always got the best of Bilbo while Kili had to settle for the rest? Was it because he was first? Was it the bond? The promise? The _sex_? Bilbo considered this. Even before the dragon sickness, Thorin was still moody, jealous, secretive, prone to jump to wild conclusions, and not always completely kind. After the dragon sickness...well, no one was going to write any legendary ballads about Thorin's affection for his consort. Kili, on the other hand, lost his chance to be the first to make his affections known to Bilbo by trying to accommodate one of Thorin's demands. Even so, Kili was kind to Bilbo. The hobbit broke his heart several times in the space of a couple weeks and he was still so stupidly happy that Bilbo let him _share_ him with Thorin that Bilbo felt ashamed of himself. Although Kili was not the one engaged to him, he still wanted Bilbo's happiness, going as far to stand up to Thorin demanding he treat him better. Kili's love was selfless yet relentless.

*****

Reaching camp, Fili was relieved to hear Bard tell Bilbo they sent a runner ahead to have them prepare the three of them a tent for the night.

Bilbo was wide-eyed. "Our own tent?"  
Thranduil touched Bilbo's head lightly. "Do not think we do not understand what you sacrificed for the good of us all. The least we could do was provide you a shelter from the wind and something better than the ground to sleep upon."

Bard walked them over to where they would sleep for the night. It wasn't a palace, but as far as tents went it was not bad at all. Three elf-sized cots were set inside set with blankets and furs. There was also a chair.

Fili turned to the wizard. "Gandalf, I'm starving. Do you think you could show me where to get something to eat?"  
"I think food would be a splendid idea," he answered.  
Fili turned around to wink at his brother. Kili shook his head at Fili's continued scheming. "Make sure you bring something back for us, Fee!"

*****

Bilbo and Kili each sat on a cot in their tent, facing each other. Bilbo knew he should be screaming, crying, or rocking himself in a corner after the day he'd had, but he felt strangely free. He was sitting with Kili without the need for lookouts, counting minutes, or sneaking. Bilbo would be in his arms right this second but there seemed to be a strain in the air between them that rooted him to his spot. He thought all had been forgiven based on Kili's actions and words at the gate but it seemed Kili was back to being unhappy.

Bilbo said, "I think this might be one of Thranduil's own tents. I don't feel much chill at all."  
Kili nodded but did not reply.  
"What do you think is going to happen with Dain?" Bilbo asked. "Do you think we're going to wind up in a war against our friends?"  
"I don't know. Something tells me if we are not out of the valley by the time Dain's force arrives, it is going to get a lot more complicated for all of us."  
"I wonder what is going on in the mountain now," Bilbo said.  
Kili glanced at Bilbo and figured he was thinking of Thorin again. He gazed off into the corner at nothing, feeling sadness well up within him.  
"It is hard to say," he said vacantly.

Bilbo could not stand dancing around the subject any longer, not when they were finally alone. 

"Look, Kili, I know you were upset that I didn't want to run away last night."  
Kili's looked back at him, eyes wet. "All I ever wanted in this world was for you to love _me_ like that, this way you love Thorin. I've been holding on to a fool's hope that some day you might. I see that now."  
Bilbo jumped up and started to speak. Kili shushed him with his palm gently over his mouth and continued, "I love _you_ like that, though. Like that and more. I will see you through this, Bilbo Baggins, even if it leads to all our ends."  
The tears that had been threatening to spill from Kili's eyes washed down his face.  
"Kili, my sweet Kili," Bilbo murmured, climbing into Kili's lap. "I have so much to say to you and so much you need to hear."  
He kissed Kili's cheek, their tears mixing.  
"Then tell me, please," Kili pleaded.  
"You are not a fool at all. I've been trying since Lake Town to honor my bond and my word even though my heart yearned more for you every day. I've attempted to put distance between us, used every ounce of will to resist you, and told you 'no' when every inch of my body screamed 'yes.' I've fought against my desire and my feelings trying to do right by Thorin and I've still failed spectacularly at every turn. And do you know why that is, you silly dwarf?"  
Kili blinked at his tears but said nothing.  
"Because I cannot stop myself from wanting you, from needing you, from being ridiculously in love with everything you are. I love your mind and your heart and your face and your body and your kisses so much that I'm helpless against all of it. What I feel for you has overpowered me at last."  
The meaning of Bilbo's words hit Kili hard. He held Bilbo close.  
"Could this really be true?" he whispered.

Bilbo pulled away enough to seize Kili's face and kiss him. Kili put his hands in Bilbo's hair and kissed him back frantically. They were both crying as they consumed each other.

"I love you," Bilbo whispered into Kili's mouth.  
"Swear to me you mean it," Kili begged in between desperate kisses.  
"I've always meant it," Bilbo gasped.

Kili reclaimed Bilbo's lips with even greater fervor. They kissed until BIlbo's face was almost sore from Kili's scruff. Afterward, they clung to each other for a long while. Fili found them like that still when he returned.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Fili said, backing out of the tent. "I didn't mean to interrupt."  
"No, it is okay," Kili called out. He was ravenously hungry and hoped Fili remembered to bring them food.  
Fili came in carrying a waterskin and a curious bundle. "The good news is that I have something that is not Lake Town cram. The bad news is that it is some sort of elvish cram instead."

Fili unwrapped his bundle and Bilbo only saw two small cakes that seemed to be some manner of flat bread.

"Gandalf warned us not to eat too much," said Fili.  
Bilbo frowned. "Too much? There's hardly anything there at all and I'm starved!"  
Fili shrugged.  
Bilbo sighed and picked up a piece to nibble. It was delicious! "Oh! Oh _my_."  
"I'm starting to warm up to these elves," Kili said, happily humming noises of enjoyment as he chewed.  
Fili was also delighted. "I don't know about _that_ , but I'll take elvish cram any day over the other kind."

They split the two pieces between the three of them and somehow became miserably full. Curiously, though, their hearts felt lighter. Fili and Bilbo supposed to themselves it was because they were finally full of something tasty after days of rationing too skimpy to be healthy. Kili suspected that there was something within the food itself that lifted their spirits. Gazing at Fili and Blibo's blissful faces, he decided that maybe elves weren't so bad, after all.

*****

Gandalf summoned Bilbo on Bard's behalf. He neither asked for the brothers to accompany him nor did they fret about going. They knew Gandalf would not let Bilbo come to any harm. Fili was still full enough that he didn't much feel like moving, anyway. Once Bilbo left, he began to pry Kili for details.

"How is he?" Fili asked.  
Kili said, "It is bizarre, actually. He seems fine about all the..." he trailed off with a gesture, not quite able to bring himself to say it out loud. "I expected more distress."  
"Perhaps he is in shock. Or maybe he is suppressing it."  
Kili nodded. "Maybe."  
Fili smirked, "So, how are _you_ and Bilbo?"  
Kili rolled his eyes.  
"What?" Fili asked innocently. "I'm only checking to make sure you two are okay after last night."  
"And wanting the dirty details."  
Fili grinned wolfishly. "That too."  
"There isn't much dirt to tell about," Kili protested.  
"Which would explain why Bilbo walked out of here still wearing the last traces of a rash on his face from your beard."  
Kili tried not to smile, which only made him smile more.  
Fili raised an eyebrow at his brother.  
"We kissed," Kili admitted.  
Fili smirked at how easy it was to get Kili to break for him. "And?"  
"And we talked."  
"Talked about what?" Fili was concerned. He knew all about Kili and Bilbo's talks.  
Kili sighed, knowing his brother was going to get it all out of him eventually, anyway.  
"I was sad because I thought he was thinking about Thorin. That would be understandable, given all that has happened. But he said he loved me. He told me he could not remain true to Thorin because his love for me overwhelmed him. We kissed, I held him, and then you came in with dinner."  
Fili gave Kili a skeptical look. "So why is this not making you as happy as it should?"  
"I'm afraid, Fee."  
"Afraid of what?"  
"His choice was made for him. How do I know it would have been me if he had chosen for himself? What if Thorin wants him back? Or what if Bilbo starts to pine for him?"  
"Kili, it has been you for a while now. I've seen it in his eyes, though I did not truly know for sure until after Bard came the first time. Up in our room, those nights during the siege..." Fili pressed his forehead to his brother's. "I've never seen him look at Thorin the way he would look at you."  
"Really?"  
"Really. If he is offering you his heart, don't waste time fretting about what comes after. Tomorrow will take care of itself, whether we want it to or not."  
"You've been spending too much time with Gandalf today."  
Fili shrugged. "Doesn't make it any less true," he stated, getting comfortable on his cot.  
Kili sat silently for a few minutes.  
"Kee, don't over-analyze this," Fili said. "Get out of your head and appreciate this chance. You've been whining for days upon days about 'we can't find time alone,' 'I'm afraid we're going to get caught,' and the like. There is no one anymore to catch you or punish you either one. When Bilbo gets back, I'm going to find some place to be for a good hour, maybe more. If you are smart and he is willing, you'll make something of it."

*****

Inside the mountain, Thorin visited the gate to see if a raven had returned from Dain. Bofur was quietly carving a piece of wood into something fanciful to pass the time on watch and had no news. Thorin paused to gaze out the spy slot into the night. He thought of Kili, Fili...and Bilbo. The pain of the loss and betrayal could not be assuaged even by hours in his treasury.

"Why would they do it?" he muttered.  
Bofur stopped carving. "Excuse me?"  
"Why would Kili and Fili leave all this for _him_?"  
"Why _didn't_ you?" Bofur countered.  
"How do you mean?" Thorin asked.  
"Bilbo was unhappy here. He didn't ask for the things you put him through but he endured it all because he loved you. Why did you not give him the same care?"  
Thorin shook his head. "Bilbo knew Erebor was important! I wanted to reclaim it for my people and my heirs. For him. For us."  
"Begging your pardon, my king, but your heirs are gone, your people are half-starved on rations due to a siege over gold, and you nearly killed your love before you sent him away forever. From my position, it looks like Erebor cost you way more than you gained from it, even with a full treasury."  
"Think about who you are speaking to, toymaker," Thorin warned.  
"I'm well aware of who you are and what you could do to me. It doesn't change the fact that the best riches in the kingdom climbed down your wall today. I'm truly sad for you."  
Thorin shook his head like he was trying to dislodge something uncomfortable. "I don't need your pity."  
"Well, you have it just the same." Bofur said.

Thorin glared at Bofur and growled, leaving him to his watch. He was halfway to the treasury before he noticed he had tears sliding down his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was very nervous about this chapter. I hope it doesn't disappoint.


	38. Resting Here With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now it is the Bagginshielders turns to avert their eyes. This chapter is 3,254 words of Kilbo emotional smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a fluff reward for all the Kilbo shippers who have been suffering right along with the poor, sweet dwarf for the past 37 chapters.

"What was that about?" Fili asked Bilbo when he returned from his meeting with Bard.  
Bilbo made a face. "They wanted to ask me about Thorin."  
"Surely they did not have the nerve to interrogate you after all you've been through?" Kili asked, disbelieving.  
"No, no, no. Nothing like that. They were very respectful about it, but it was still somewhat difficult. They wanted to know if I thought Thorin's word could be trusted in his condition, what our last word had been from Dain, if I thought Dain himself would try to overtake the mountain, that sort of thing. Gandalf in particular does not think Thorin plans to hand over the gold quietly. He's apparently quite knowledgeable about the dragon sickness."  
"So you are okay, then?" Kili was now wishing he had pressed Gandalf to join them.  
"I am. Talking about Thorin and what he has become is a bit painful for me, but I understood their need to ask." Kili winced slightly and it did not escape Bilbo's notice. "They weren't asking me to betray confidences any more than I already have."  
Fili rose from his cot and grabbed his cloak. "Well, now that you are back to keep my brother company, I think I might go see if I can make some friends and find out anything useful." 

Fili ruffled Bilbo's hair, raised his eyebrows at Kili, and went out into the camp.

"Is this another one of Fili's plots to give us some privacy?" Bilbo asked.  
"You're learning," Kili smiled.  
"How long do you figure he'll be gone?" Bilbo asked, taking a step forward.  
Kili advanced a step as well. "A while, I think. He wants us to have some real time alone."  
"We have never truly had any." Bilbo reached up to cradle Kili's neck.  
Kili pulled Bilbo into his arms. "I know. Whatever shall we do with ourselves?"  
Bilbo whispered, "I have some ideas." He pulled Kili's mouth to his. 

Bilbo leaned heavier into his kiss, needing more of Kili. More of his mouth, more of his hands, more of how he made him feel. Bilbo felt like he was heading into territory that was both familiar as well as uncharted. He had surrendered his love to another before, but this seemed rather different. He felt warm and almost giddy. There was no fear of the heart joining his, just anticipation of joy to come. Bilbo was almost drunk on it. 

Kili felt Bilbo's tongue slip between his lips and met it with his own. He had an odd buzzing sensation low in his abdomen that seemed to spread out into his limbs. This was different than when they had kissed or played before. Nothing about this was stolen; it was living, breathing, and growing. Everything seemed so much _greater_ : sounds were amplified, touches were as lightning, and he could almost taste this thing growing between them. It became suddenly real to Kili and when it did, he wanted more. 

Kili looked down and undid a couple of Bilbo's shirt buttons. He paused and lifted his eyes to Bilbo's, silently asking permission to continue. Bilbo's gaze was steady and he licked his lips. Kili lifted his chin in the slightest of nods and continued until Bilbo's shirt was on the floor. Bilbo stood before him, his mithril shirt glinting in the candlelight.

"The Elvenking must be half blind. I don't think anyone has ever looked as comely as you in this garment," Kili said.  
Bilbo giggled and Kili thought it might be the most delightful sound in the world.  
"Should I keep it on?" Bilbo teased.  
"Absolutely not," Kili replied as he lifted it over Bilbo's head. " _Oh_."

Bilbo felt Kili's eyes on him and became self-conscious. After all Kili's yearning and fantasizing, perhaps he did not measure up. He looked up at Kili, trying to figure out what was in his mind. He didn't have to wait long.

"You're so...wow," Kili stuttered. He began removing his top layer of belt and tunic rapidly. "If I don't feel myself against your skin right this second I fear I might collapse."  
Bilbo helped Kili out of his chain and as soon as he was bare chested, he seized Bilbo to him. " _Mahal_ , you are perfect," Kili breathed into his ear. 

Bilbo felt Kili's warm, bare arms around him for the first time, hands rubbing all over his skin. Bilbo thought to himself that if Kili was this fascinated by holding each other shirtless, they were going to have some fun indeed. 

They stood kissing and touching. "I want to see you too, you know," Bilbo said, pushing Kili back a little ways. 

Now it was Kili's turn to be self-conscious. He was acutely aware of his shortcomings and felt much barer under Bilbo's gaze than just being in his skin. 

Bilbo's eye swept over Kili's torso. He was lean--smaller and leaner than Thorin--but still strong and muscular. He did have a shorter torso, but Bilbo thought it looked lovely in proportion to Kili's longer legs. He appreciated that Kili's frame fit so well Bilbo's own size. Kili had the light scarring of a young warrior but it was all part of what made him...well, him. He was hairy but not in the usual dwarvish manner. There was a nice growth along the chest and down his abdomen into his pants. Bilbo was stunned to see a circular gold ring through Kili's left nipple. How had he not known about that? He stared at it for several seconds and at last could not help himself. He bent his head and took it in his mouth, rolling it on his tongue and lightly biting at the nub it was threaded through. Kili threw his head back and moaned.

"Shhh...this tent might very well be elvish but I doubt they thought to enchant it with soundproofing," Bilbo cautioned.  
"I did not know that would feel so...oh!" Kili started at Bilbo taking the pink flesh back into his mouth. Bilbo licked his way back up Kili's torso, pausing a moment to lightly nip at his neck before landing on Kili's mouth once again.  
"That is a good point," Kili said when the kiss broke. "I've been dying to make you scream and now that we're alone, we _still_ have to be quiet."  
"We'll have to remember that for next time, then. I confess that I'd quite like that myself. I would bet you make such lovely noises when you aren't biting into your hand."

Bilbo's assurance that there would be a next time relaxed a tension that Kili did not realize he had been bearing.

"Bilbo, can we...can we take off the rest of our clothes?" Kili asked huskily.  
"I've been daydreaming about the day that we could be naked with one another," Bilbo admitted, unlacing Kili's trousers.  
"You don't even know," Kili replied, helping Bilbo out of his.

They stood before one another nude for the first time as lovers. The meaning and gravity of the moment was not lost on Bilbo. Though it might not be his first experience at such things, the feelings running through him were as intense as if he were a virgin.

"Do you love me?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili wrapped his arms around Bilbo. "You know I do." He dipped down to kiss Bilbo's lips.

Bilbo felt Kili's erection press into his hipbone and no longer trusted his knees to keep him standing. He moved Kili back towards one of the cots and pulled back the blankets and furs. Kili reclined on the cot and Bilbo could not help staring. The candlelight was dancing across his skin, periodically flashing in the metal on his chest. He was hard and it, too, looked glorious in the flicker of the candle.

Kili squirmed under Bilbo's glance. "Bilbo! I'm getting cold!"  
"I couldn't help myself," Bilbo said, climbing onto the cot. "You are quite a gorgeous sight."

Bilbo arranged the covers over his shoulder and climbed his way up to rest on Kili. "If I painted, I would hang a portrait of you over our bed so I could look at you twice."  
"Goofy hobbit," Kili chuckled.

He looked at Bilbo, who was gazing back down at him, feeling his heat and his weight, and suddenly things seemed very serious indeed. _Our bed,_ Kili thought. _He said **our** bed._

Kili did not dare voice his thoughts, instead pulling Bilbo's mouth to his and kissing him ardently. He was about to overload on sensation. He felt Bilbo's bare legs against his, sliding when the two of them shifted weight or undulated. Bilbo's cock would brush against his as they moved, sending tingles of pleasure up Kili's spine. Bilbo held himself up with one arm and used the other one to stroke all the skin it could reach. He remained seemingly fascinated by Kili's pierced flesh but gave the neglected, unperforated nipple its own share of attention. Both of them struggled with keeping quiet. Although Kili really wanted to hear Bilbo's love sounds, he found some satisfaction in seeing just how much Bilbo struggled to keep his pleasure silent. Kili loved having that effect on him. 

Bilbo wanted to feel Kili's naked weight on top of him, too, but for now he was particularly enjoying touching him and making him feel cherished. He felt Kili's hand drop low, stroking around the swell of his arse. A finger sensually began drawing up the length of his cleft towards his back and back down again, daring either more pressure or depth with each pass. Bilbo wondered for a moment why he had not anticipated this. He dropped his head to Kili's chest and vocalized low.

"You still have some special things to teach me, Bilbo," Kili murmured.  
Bilbo felt the the flutter of desire in his chest and a slight pit of dread in his stomach.  
His voice was thick with lust. "Kili, I don't even know how to tell you how much my body wants that. You know that it carries heavy meaning for your folk and for me."  
"I know," Kili said reverently. "I've told you how I felt. I would've done it that first day and every day after. I want it. I want all of it and I want it with you."  
"We can't right now. We just...can't."  
Kili's body stiffened beneath Bilbo and he wiggled away enough to push himself up on his forearms. "This is because of Thorin, isn't it?"  
Bilbo's heart ached. He knew this would be Kili's reaction.  
"I knew it. I knew this was too much to hope for," Kili said angrily, trying to push Bilbo away.  
"Kili! Listen to me!" Bilbo tried to wrestle Kili back down, succeeding in utilizing gravity to pin his wrists to the cot--but only just barely. "Kili, confound it! Stop pushing!"  
Kili looked into Bilbo's eyes and saw something there that made him stop struggling.  
"It is not because of any feeling I have for Thorin, Kili. I have been through something traumatic and life-changing and I'm still adjusting. My body and heart have desired you for a long time, but I don't want to rush into this."  
"Rush into this?" Kili asked incredulously. He felt like he had been waiting an age.  
Bilbo sighed wearily. "I am tired of hurting you, and I'm tired of being hurt myself. So much has happened...we _both_ need some time to adjust. When the time comes that you and I are each ready to make that promise with eyes and hearts wide open, we will surrender ourselves on a real bed with an entire night at our disposal. And oil. Lots and lots of oil."

Kili looked up at him so hopefully that Bilbo thought his heart may burst. 

Kili wanted to believe Bilbo's words. He wanted to believe that he wasn't withholding because of Thorin. He knew Bilbo made sense. While Kili had been making Bilbo the same heartfelt promise for weeks, he hadn't considered Bilbo himself might be too wounded to accept it so soon after all that had transpired. Plus, Bilbo said "when" and not "if." Kili tried to shake off his insecurities. He felt Bilbo's lips on his and yielded to him fully, wanting to show him he understood. Bilbo made a sweet noise in his mouth as Kili melted into him compliantly. Bilbo pulled back and kissed Kili down his neck, settling at the sensitive area where neck and shoulder met. Bilbo scraped his teeth across the flesh there, causing Kili's back to arch. Encouraged, Bilbo sucked into the skin greedily. It hurt a little but Kili liked it. Bilbo stayed in that spot.

Kili barely dared to ask, "Bilbo, are you-are you _marking_ me?"  
Bilbo paused to look at Kili's skin, pleased with his work. "Well...yes. You are mine, aren't you? I've been wanting to do this for quite a while."  
Kili was filled with elation tempered with caution. "But what if someone sees it?"  
Bilbo looked Kili straight in the eye. "Then you tell them Bilbo Baggins gave it you and if they have a problem they can take it up with me."

All Kili's worries about Bilbo and Thorin were swept away by Bilbo's gesture. He flipped Bilbo over on his back so fast the hobbit positively squeaked. Kili buried his head in the same spot on Bilbo and set about matching their marks. Bilbo bucked underneath him, half the pleasure coming from the meaning more than the sensation itself. 

Kili's vigor was renewed and he set about properly exploring Bilbo's exposed flesh. He had dreamed of this for so long he almost didn't know where to start. Bilbo was so smooth, so pale, with only the lightest dusting of sandy brown hair here and there until just past his navel. Kili enjoyed Bilbo's mouth on his nipple so much that he tried Bilbo's to see if it got the same reaction. The body beneath him wiggled and he heard a quiet, strained "yes." Kili was so excited by Bilbo's approval that he spent an extended amount of time working his way back and forth across his chest. The stimulation only increased Bilbo's need and he was grinding his prick against Kili's skin trying to get some relief. He finally grabbed Kili's hair and made him look at him. 

"I need you to touch me Kili. I need you to touch me _right now_." 

The frantic need in Bilbo's eyes affected Kili like a drug. He wrapped his hand around Bilbo's cock. It had already starting to slick itself with pent-up desire. He stroked it and Bilbo's back rose all the way off the cot. 

"Yes, yes, please," Bilbo whispered desperately, wishing he could cry out. 

Kili climbed up a little further on Bilbo, putting both of them in his hand together, working them with the wetness that was already there. He was so overcome by the moment that he worried he might not be able to hold them together and himself up at the same time. Bilbo licked one of his palms and held the other up so Kili would lick it for him. Bilbo moved Kili's hand and began using both of his to pump their cocks together. Kili braced himself with the newly freed hand and just watched. Bilbo looked so filthy lying naked on his back, two pricks in his hands and his face contorted with pleasure. His eyes flickered between what he was doing and his lover's gaze. Kili felt his end approaching. All he could do was hang on and let Bilbo take him there. Bilbo began gasping hard for air, grunting repeatedly in a quiet rhythm, and he let his control go. Kili watched Bilbo's whole upper body react as his orgasm shook him. His seed coated them in his hands, the extra slip just what Kili needed to finish. He twitched and groaned, squeezing his eyes tight and biting his lip trying not to scream his pleasure. He held himself up as aftershocks went through the two of them, Bilbo still giving the occasional light squeeze. Kili collapsed on him. 

"I didn't quite think this through," Bilbo said. "I don't have anything here to clean us up. It is a little too, uh, everywhere to lick it off, I think."  
Kili said, "Eh, then we'll wear it." and reached down between them to rub what was left into their stomachs.  
Bilbo remembered doing something similar once and looked at Kili strangely.  
"What? Is that wrong?" Kili asked.  
"There is no 'wrong' when it comes to what we do when we're naked, dear heart. I merely admired your impulse," Bilbo assured him.

It wasn't until Bilbo settled into Kili's arms, warm and naked under the furs, that he realized how drained he was. "I'm so tired."

Kili realized that he was, too. They had lived a lifetime in this one day. He was glad they had elf-sized cots. Bilbo just fit into it with him without either of them hanging over the sides.

He pulled the covers a little closer around them. "So we'll sleep."  
"Fili will come back," Bilbo argued sleepily.  
"Yes, and we'll be under the covers and he will neither wake us nor look at your adorable bum," Kili promised.

That answer was good enough for Bilbo and Kili felt him start to grow heavy with the relaxation of sleep. 

*****

Fili stayed away an extra hour, just in case. He peeked in the tent and saw no movement except for the flicker of a candle that was near the end of its usefulness. He listened for a second and heard the soft sleep-weighted breathing of Bilbo and his brother. He crept in quietly, amusedly taking note that all their clothes were on the floor. He glanced at the pair. They were snuggled up on a cot together, each of them with a naked shoulder exposed but otherwise modestly inside the covers. Both of them looked peaceful and none of the day's cares were still evident on either one of their faces.

 _Atta boy, Kee,_ Fili thought to himself. 

Fili removed his cloak and shirts, blew out the last traces of the candle, and settled in for sleep of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spent my Saturday writing Kilbo smut. Sorry, not sorry :P 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed your trip to Fluff Island (with the slightest of angst layovers).


	39. On The Edge Of Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili and Fili had heard the rumors come trickling back, little by little, and Kili frantically searched for Bilbo. When he saw him walking back to the heart of the camp with Gandalf, he almost knocked him over with his relief. The hobbit told him of what he had seen and heard.  
> "I never thought I'd see the day when I would join a battle against my own," Kili said sadly.  
> "I feel like I belong on both sides. Or maybe neither. I don't wish to fight our friends!" Bilbo lamented.  
> "There is no right side for us to be on," Kili agreed.  
> "Thorin may have wished me dead but I wish no such thing for him," Bilbo said. "I would still hope to protect our company, though I have no idea how."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've quoted/paraphrased the book where I felt it was important.

Kili woke to a dark tent and Bilbo jerking in his sleep. As Kili was trying to figure out what was going on, Bilbo yelped and tried to sit up. He was in such a state he almost fell off the cot. Kili caught him but the hobbit was near-wild with terror. He was crying "No, Thorin!" and trying to get away, kicking off the covers in the process. He was finally held fast to Kili's chest and the dwarf whispered soothing words into his ear to calm him. Awakened by the commotion, Fili stood and draped the cover back over Bilbo to preserve his modesty. His brows were furrowed with worry.

"Nightmare?" he whispered to his brother.  
"I think so," Kili whispered back. Bilbo calling out to Thorin in his sleep troubled him, either way.

The imagined danger having faded, Bilbo realized he had woken the whole tent. He hoped he didn't disturb anyone around them as well.

"I'm sorry. I must have been dreaming," Bilbo mumbled with embarrassment.  
"It sounded like quite a nightmare," Fili ventured.  
Bilbo shivered. "Um, yes it was."  
"Do you want to tell me about it?" Kili asked.  
"I was back on the wall before Thorin had...and he was shaking me and he was going to-to..."

Bilbo found he could not say "kill" out loud.

"...to hurt me," Bilbo finished.

Kili and Fili exchanged knowing looks. They had both thought Bilbo had been handling that aspect of the previous day a little _too_ well.

Fili rubbed Bilbo's back. "But he didn't. You were too busy at the time to see, but we were not going to let him even if Gandalf had not been there."

Bilbo was suddenly overcome and weeping. Kili's chest constricted to know Bilbo was in so much pain.

"I've got you. I've got you and you are safe," Kili murmured.  
"How could he do that to me over a piece of polished stone? Did he never love me at all?" Bilbo sniffled.  
"That was not Thorin, Bilbo," Kili sighed. "Thorin would rather die than hurt you, he loves you that much. That person on the wall was just wearing Thorin's shell."

Fili stared at his brother in disbelief. After all the hurts (not to mention that Thorin was his romantic rival), Kili chose comforting Bilbo over tearing Thorin down. He shook his head. Kili was not helping his own cause, here.

Fili was not the only one of three surprised at Kili's generous words for Thorin.

"I-I think I'm okay to go back to sleep if I haven't ruined it for the two of you," Bilbo said at last. "I'm terribly sorry for waking you. Had I my druthers, I would not have had any nightmare at all."  
"It is okay, Bilbo. I'll return the favor when I begin to snore," Fili joked.  
Bilbo smiled as he wiped at his face. "You've never been as bad as Bombur!"

Kili settled back with Bilbo, pulling the covers over them and getting situated in their embrace once again.

"Are you sure you are okay?" he whispered.  
Bilbo absentmindedly twirled his fingertips through the hair on Kili's chest. "Yes. Just sleep, dear heart."

Kili's mind was a flurry of activity but he was certainly going to try.

*****

Thorin sat in his treasury with his head in his hands. He could not sleep, nor did he especially want to. His mind was a mess and his thoughts were at odds. He _hated_ Bilbo Baggins, the deceitful creature.

"Seemingly so soft and so innocent of the ways of war," he thought. "Who was to know it had all been a lie? I had a master of espionage in my ranks and in my very bed, beneath my own body...so beautiful, so willing, so pliant under my hands. To be abed with him again-"

He shook his head. That is not what he wanted to do at all. 

"Absolutely not! I never want to see him again. Vile burglar that he is, sneaky and sly, false and in league with Erebor's enemies, with bright eyes that peek out from under his soft...no, _that's not right_!"

Frustrated, he stood and swung at a pile of silver being prepared in case they had to follow through with Bard, sending coins tinkling across the floor in a mess. It only made him angrier. 

"Look what that blasted hobbit made me do," he thought to himself. "He's not even here and still causing trouble."

Yes, he _hated_ Bilbo Baggins.

A traitorous corner of his mind whispered to him thinly, _"Hate that he's not in my arms."_

*****

Bilbo woke to gentle fingers stroking his back. He smiled and ran his hand over Kili's torso, earning himself a satisfying squirm and a kiss on the head. Kili rolled over onto his side enough to slide a hand over Bilbo's hip and cup his backside. He was pleased by the way the hobbit arched back into his grip. Bilbo gave Kili's little ring a playful tug. After a couple minutes of quiet touching, Bilbo reflexively rolled his hips into the body next to him and discovered that both he and his cot-mate were erect. He smirked and wrapped his hand around his lover's prick. Kili bit his lip and returned the favor. Eyes locked, they began stroking each other tortuously slow.

"Um, hey...you two? I'm awake over here. Just thought you might want to know," they heard Fili say.

Bilbo withdrew his hand, looking up at Kili and suppressing a giggle at having been caught. Kili raised an eye brow and gave Bilbo a couple more slow strokes before he retreated in kind.

"Naughty, naughty," Bilbo whispered in Kili's ear.

They got up and began getting ready for the day. Bilbo became rather acutely aware he going to be naked in front of Fili. He told himself that it was just like the times they had bathed in streams and the like. Of course, those times he had done so as separately as he could, eyes averted, lest he be caught staring at the dwarves he found most attractive and observed with a most humiliating problem. He took a breath and got out of bed anyway, quickly sorting out dressing his lower half. Kili had his trousers on already and was turning over his mail shirt looking for something. He smiled triumphantly and held up his bag he had just untangled from inside. It must have gotten stuck when the shirt had been removed. Bilbo took the cord from Kili's hand, causing Kili to eye him curiously. He kissed the bag and slipped the cord over Kili's head. They stood gazing in each others eyes.

"Next time, I'm getting my own room," Fili pretended to grouse, shaking them from their reverie. "You two are more sickening than ever, truly."

As Bilbo finished dressing, Kili noted with a little disappointment that the love bite he left on his neck was not evident outside his clothes. He made a mental note to remedy that. He wondered if his own was visible outside his mail and tunic.

Bilbo, Fili, and Kili headed out into the camp in search of food. They learned that the elvish cram they shared the day before was meant to be consumed in single bites.

"You mean one bite as a meal?" Bilbo asked incredulously.  
"We ate several bites each," Fili admitted.  
Gandalf tilted his head. "No harm done. Bilbo is much too thin for a hobbit at the moment and both of you dwarves had less color yesterday than you should have for all your youth. I daresay a little binge was overdue for the three of you."

After eating, Gandalf guided Bilbo away for a private talk. 

*****

With Bilbo out of earshot, Fili said, "Dear brother, I could not help but notice before you dressed that you seem to have a new war wound."  
He indicated his brother's neck.

Kilil's hand instinctively reached up to the spot where Bilbo marked him.

"Can you see it?" he asked hopefully.  
"Not now, but I saw it earlier. I see you took my advice."  
"Yes, yes we did," Kili smiled.  
"Did you...do it all?" Fili asked curiously.  
Kili flushed. "No, but it was still intimate and amazing."  
"Good," Fili said. "Don't start thinking I'm going to wander around camp every night freezing my giblets off just so you two can have some playtime, though."  
Kili laughed and Fili was heartened at the sound of it. "Not even if I pay you? I still have gold and gems in my pockets from our first day alone with the hoard."  
Fili grinned broadly and shook his head. He had a thought. "Uh, Kee? Is your little love bruise a bit of unintentional evidence or is that a _mark_?"  
"It is a mark," Kili said proudly.  
Fili considered this. "Did he consent to wearing one himself?"  
Kili smiled almost bashfully. "Yes. It was his idea. He gave me mine first." 

Fili silently thanked the Valar for Bilbo having come to his senses at last. He didn't tell Kili, but he'd happily spend a few nights on a bedroll by the fire if it meant his brother could have some of the happiness that had been eluding him for so long.

*****

"How are you handling your transition, Bilbo?" Gandalf asked after they had stepped away from the brothers.  
"As good as I can, I suppose," Bilbo answered truthfully.  
Gandalf regarded him softly. "Thorin may return to himself before the end, Bilbo. If he did, I know he would regret the hurts he caused you."  
"Be that as it may, I no longer think I have a future in the mountain. Once, it was all I wanted in the world--at least the Thorin part of it," Bilbo said wistfully. "If having him meant living in Erebor, then that was the way it was going to be. Funny, how things just sort of...change."  
"That they do, my dear Bilbo," Gandalf smiled at him tenderly. "Regardless of our wishes, sometimes."

A cry rose within the camp, capturing everyone's attention. Runners arrived with the news that a host of dwarves had appeared around the eastern spur of the mountain and were on their way. This was sooner than they expected and partially confirmed Gandalf's earlier assumption that Thorin might try to fight his way out of giving up the gold. Trumpets called men and elves to arms. Before long the dwarves could be seen coming up the valley at a great pace. The host halted between the river and the eastern spur but a few continued on their way. Drawing near the camp, they laid down their weapons and held up their hands in sign of peace. Bard went out to meet them, and with him went Gandalf and Bilbo.

"We are sent from Dain," they said. "We are hastening to our kinsmen in the mountain, since we learn that the kingdom of old is renewed. But who are you that sit in the plain as foes before defended walls?" 

This was perceived (and correctly so) as a threat to the Men and Elves camped in the dwarves' way.

Bard was still waiting for Thorin to fulfill the bargain they had struck and was unwilling to let the dwarves pass. He and Gandalf had agreed before that Thorin's promise would very likely be rescinded if the fortress was manned with Dain's large, warlike company and their considerable supplies. They could stand a siege for weeks and more dwarves might come even still, for Thorin had many relatives. With these numbers, some of the destructed gates could be reopened, rendering the siege ineffective unless the elves and Men could circle the mountain. They did not have the numbers for that.

Although Bilbo hadn't wanted to consider that Thorin had intended to cheat Bard of his trade, Dain's early appearance and attitude toward Bard made him think that there had been no shortage of strategic planning done with the help of the ravens after the he left the mountain. There was also the ugly possibility that Thorin and Dain intended to overthrow them to steal back the Arkenstone.

There were angry words between Bard, Gandalf, and the dwarf messengers before the latter retired. Suspicious now, Bard sent messengers at once to the Gate. They found no gold or payment but arrows instead. They hastened back and shared their news with Bard and Gandalf. The camp all was now astir and preparing for battle. Dain's troops were advancing along the eastern bank.

*****

Kili and Fili had heard the rumors come trickling back, little by little, and Kili frantically searched for Bilbo. When he saw him walking back to the heart of the camp with Gandalf, he almost knocked him over with his relief. Bilbo told him of what he had seen and heard.

"I never thought I'd see the day when I would join a battle against my own," Kili said sadly.  
"I feel like I belong on both sides. Or maybe neither. I don't wish to fight our friends!" Bilbo lamented.  
"There is no right side for us to be on," Kili agreed.  
"Thorin may have wished me dead but I wish no such thing for him," Bilbo said. "I would still hope to protect our company, though I have no idea how."

Kili and Bilbo joined Fili by Bard's fire where Bard was meeting with Thranduil, Gandalf, and their captains.

"These dwarves are fools to come thus beneath the mountain's arm," Bard said. "They do not understand war above ground, whatever they may know of battle in the mines. There are many of our archers and spearmen now hidden in the rocks upon their right flank. Let us set on them now from both sides, before they are fully rested!"  
Thranduil shook his head. "Long will I tarry, ere I begin this war for gold. The dwarves cannot press us or do anything that we cannot mark. Let us hope still for something that will bring reconciliation. Our advantage in numbers will be enough, if in the end it must come to unhappy blows."  
Bilbo had not expected to side with Thranduil about much of anything over the course of their acquaintance but he fully appreciated the elf's words of prudence.

Unfortunately for them, the dwarves were not as patient. Without a signal they sprang silently forward to attack. Bows twanged and arrows whistled. Before battle could be fully joined, a darkness came on with dreadful swiftness. A black cloud hurried over the sky. Winter thunder on a wild wind rolled roaring up and rumbled in the mountain, and lightning lit its peak. And beneath the thunder another blackness could be seen whirling forward. It did not come with the wind but rather from the North, like a vast cloud of birds, so dense that no light could be seen between their wings.

"Halt!" cried Gandalf, appearing suddenly in the fray. He stood alone, with arms uplifted, between the advancing dwarves and the ranks awaiting them. "Halt!" he called in a voice like thunder, and his staff blazed forth with a flash like the lightning. "Dread has come upon you all! Alas! it has come more swiftly than I guessed. The Goblins are upon you! Azog of the North is coming, the same that slew Thrór in Moria. The bats are above his army like a sea of locusts. They ride upon wolves and wargs are in their train!" Even as Gandalf had been speaking the darkness grew. The dwarves halted and gazed at the sky. The elves cried out with many voices.

Kili, Fili, and Bilbo nearly froze in horror at Gandalf's words. These were foes they had fought before--in much smaller numbers--and were lucky to survive. Bilbo had not forgotten Azog's blood grudge against the line of Durin and feared terribly for Kili, Fili, and especially for Thorin. Bilbo desperately hoped that either ravens or runners were on their way to the mountain itself to warn their friends there of the forthcoming peril.

"Come!" called Gandalf. "There is yet time for council. Let Dain son of Nain come swiftly to us!" 

The commanders of the three races formed a truce to deal with their common foes, for none of them had quarrels with each other that rivaled those they had with goblins and orcs. It was decided their best hope was to lure the approaching armies into the valley between the arms of the mountain. It was not without risk but time was not on their side, nor could they call for additional aid.

Kili looked at Bilbo and felt like sobbing. They had only just begun and now it was very possible that this might be the end. It wouldn't be for Bilbo, if Kili had anything to say about it. While Gandalf was making battle plans with the generals, Kili was making his own.

"Bilbo, you must stay here," Kili said.  
"What? No! I'm not sending you and Fili into battle and staying here by myself!" Bilbo protested.  
Fili agreed. "It will be safer here."  
Bilbo's eyes flashed. "And if things go ill? Then I will be here all alone with no brethren to fight alongside me. Do you truly wish that to be my fate?"  
Fili noted Bilbo's look and recognized that determination that Bofur spoke of when he agreed to let Bilbo sneak out to the camp. "It is no use, Kili. He's coming with us. He'd find a way even if we tied him here."  
Kili frowned. "Then you must use your ring, Bilbo. Go undetected into the fray so that you cannot be seen to be hit."  
"And what if I should lose the two of you?" Bilbo argued. "Or get trampled where no one can see me to help me back up? No _thank you_."  
Kili pleaded, "Bilbo, please! I promised to keep you safe!"  
"And who shall keep you safe for me while you are keeping me safe for you? I'm not a warrior like you and your brother and I'm beyond terrified at all of this, but if you two are facing it then I shall face it with you." Bilbo swallowed hard, for he was truly very afraid. "We'll all have to keep each other safe."

Kili's eyes were wet, already mourning that which had not even died. Gone was the brash youth ready to take on three trolls alone. He knew full well what they were up against this time and what he stood to lose. He held Bilbo close and kissed him gently. He embraced Fili and brushed a tender kiss to his lips as well.

"There has been no one I've loved in life as much as I have loved the two of you," Kili said.  
"And I've adored you from the moment you were born, but chin up, Kee. We'll get through this," Fili assured, though he was not sure he believed it himself.  
Bilbo had started to weep a little.  
"So, where do we make our stand?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo drew a deep breath to summon his courage, squared his shoulders, and spoke as unwaveringly as he could. "We follow Dain back and fight with our people."  
Kili was stunned breathless. Fili let out a yawp and hugged Bilbo heartily.  
" _Our people_ ," Kili said quietly.

At that moment, they heard Bard shouting, "To the mountain! To the mountain! Let us take our places while there is still time!"

And so they went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had several first-time commenters lately and I'm so happy you've decided to talk to me. If you are lurking, feel free to say hello! Bagginshield, Kilbo, None-bo...I'm just happy you're here 39 chapters in :)


	40. Battle Of The Five Armies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly there was a great shout and from the mountain gate came a trumpet call. Part of the wall Thorin's company built--moved by levers--fell outward with a crash into the pool.
> 
> " _It's Thorin_!" Bilbo shouted.
> 
> Word had indeed reached Thorin about the imminent threat of goblins and orcs. He prepared his tiny company for battle. The odds seemed great but he would not wait inside the mountain to be overrun. A last raven came to him to say Dain's men were fighting alongside elves and Men for the greater good. A part of him waking from days of dormancy felt shame that the very people joining together to save their own (and each other) from this scourge were the same ones he and Dain had been plotting to cheat out of both gold and Arkenstone. He would show them the face of Thorin son of Thráin as it was meant to be seen and redeem his honor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I heavily leaned on the text for battle details with some direct quoting and/or paraphrasing to add our boys.

Bilbo stood with Kili and Fili on the Eastern spur with the dwarves and the men. There was no sign of their friends from the mountain. Bilbo was not sure if it was a blessing or not. The elves were on the Southern spur waiting for the time to go in. The waiting was bad but Bilbo knew what would follow was going to be worse. Bilbo had risked it all to avoid a war and somehow wound up in a bigger one. He glanced at Fili. He had become a dear friend and better. Bilbo may have grown up an only child but now he had a brother. Kili stood beside him, fidgeting nervously. Bilbo was especially grateful for their time together last night in the light of today's grim news. He smiled to himself, remembering when Kili first arrived at Bag End. He had gotten his name wrong and wiped his boots on his mother's glory box. They had certainly come a long way together. Well, they _all_ had, hadn't they?

Bilbo couldn't help but think of Thorin. Although recent events had given him doubts, he comforted himself by remembering that Thorin loved him once. He replayed some of their happier memories and let himself linger with them for a moment. He felt an ache in his heart and knew at least a part of Thorin--his Thorin--would always occupy a place within him. Bilbo hoped with everything he had that Thorin would be spared further grief or death this day.

There was a commotion as things began to unfold in the valley. The contingent that was sent in to lure the goblins and orcs where they wanted them seemed to be working. It wouldn't be long now.

Bilbo looked at Kili. "I love you, you know."  
Kili swept Bilbo in his arms tightly. "I love you so much, Bilbo."  
He pulled back and looked in Bilbo's eyes, "Stay close to Fili and me, run and dodge as much as you can. Try to stay away from the Men if you can for they are twice your height and may accidentally hurt you if you are underfoot. Do you understand?"  
Bilbo nodded.

*****

The elves were the first to charge. Their spears and swords shone in the gloom with a gleam of chill flame, so deadly was the wrath of the hands that held them. As soon as the host of their enemies was dense in the valley, they sent against it a shower of arrows, and each flickered as it fled as if with stinging fire. Behind the arrows a thousand of their spearmen leapt down and charged. The yells were deafening. The rocks were stained black with goblin blood. Just as the goblins were recovering from the onslaught and the elf-charge was halted, there rose from across the valley a deep-throated roar. With cries of "Moria!" and "Dain!" the dwarves of the Iron Hills plunged in with Kili, Fili, and Bilbo amongst their ranks. Beside them came the men of the Lake with long swords. Even as the goblins turned to meet this new attack, the elves charged again with renewed numbers. Already many of the goblins were flying back down the river to escape from the trap. Many of their own wolves were turning upon them and rending the dead and the wounded.

Bilbo and the brothers were carried along in a tide of dwarves so vicious that many of their foes were dispatched well ahead of them. Dodging and jumping over the dead and dying goblins was a bigger hazard to the three of them than the current fighting was. 

Victory seemed at hand until a cry rang out on the heights above. Goblins had scaled the mountain from the other side and already many were on the slopes above the gate. Others were streaming down recklessly, heedless of those that fell screaming from cliff and precipice, to attack the spurs from above. It was horrifying to Bilbo. His cousin had poured water in an anthill once and he thought this did not look entirely dissimilar. Too many were coming and the defenders had too few of their own to bar the way for long. The hope of victory lessened. It seemed that they had only stemmed the first onslaught of the black tide.

A new round of goblins gathered again in the valley, this time with wargs. With them was the dreaded Azog and his contingent of elite Gundabad orcs. They also marched with a secondary flank of lesser goblins and sycophants. Fili and Kili were now fighting hard. Not being a warrior, Bilbo did far better at defending and assisting the brothers than he did initiating attacks. His speed and dexterity served the three of them well. They were growing tired, though, and actual darkness would be setting in soon. Bilbo despaired.

Suddenly there was a great shout and from the mountain gate came a trumpet call. Part of the wall Thorin's company built--moved by levers--fell outward with a crash into the pool.

" _It's Thorin_!" Bilbo shouted.

*****

Word had indeed reached Thorin about the imminent threat of goblins and orcs. He prepared his tiny company for battle. The odds seemed great but he would not wait inside the mountain to be overrun. A last raven came to him to say Dain's men were fighting alongside elves and Men for the greater good. A part of him waking from days of dormancy felt shame that the very people joining together to save their own (and each other) from this scourge were the same ones he and Dain had been plotting to cheat out of both gold and Arkenstone. He would show them the face of Thorin son of Thráin as it was meant to be seen and redeem his honor.

As they toppled their own wall at the gate, Thorin thought of Fili and Kili. He had no doubt they were fighting, possibly cutting a path through the goblins to reach them at the mountain. He prayed silently to Mahal that his sister-sons would make it through alive. He thought fleetingly of Bilbo being in the middle of the fray and nearly felt terror. He shook it off, figuring good sense must have prevailed between Gandalf, Bard, or his nephews to keep Bilbo far away from the fighting.

Thorin leapt out of the gate, every inch the King under the Mountain. His companions followed him. Hood and cloak were gone; they were in shining armor, and red light shone from their eyes. Rocks were tumbled down by the goblins above but the company held on, leapt down, and rushed forward to battle. Wolf and rider fell or fled before them. Thorin wielded his axe with mighty strokes, cutting down all that opposed him.

"To me! To me! Elves and Men! To me! O my kinsfolk!" he cried, and his voice shook like a horn in the valley.

*****

Hearing his uncle's call, Fili cut down the foe before him and turned to Kili and Bilbo. He was panting and his eyes were darting between the two in silent question.

"Thorin calls and we shall answer!" Bilbo confirmed.

Needing no prodding, the three of them sprinted towards the company's position.

*****

Down rushed all the dwarves of Dain, rallying to Thorin's call. Many of the Lake-men followed his command, too, for Bard could not restrain them. Thorin's authority in that moment was so strong that he even won many of the spearmen of the elves to his service. Once again the goblins were stricken in the valley. Thorin drove right against the contingent of Azog but he had trouble piercing their ranks. There weren't enough with him to accomplish his tasks and he was surrounded by fallen ally and foe alike. His flanks were unguarded and they were forced into a great ring, facing every way, hemmed all about with goblins and wolves returning to the assault.

*****

Bilbo, Fili, and Kili ran as hard as they could, only stopping to strike at what would keep them from reaching their destination. They were closing upon the group of goblins that had Thorin and his dwarrows penned in. Bilbo looked at the mass and knew they would not be able to fight their way through it all, but he heard Thorin's voice booming either orders or war cries in Khuzdul from within and he had to try. Bilbo turned to see who all was following to help their assault and noticed something against the sky.

"The Eagles! The Eagles!" he shouted. "The Eagles are coming!" Bilbo's eyes were seldom wrong. The eagles were coming down the wind, line after line, in such a host as must have gathered from all the eyries of the North.

*****

Thorin almost paused in the middle of an axe swing. Was that _Bilbo_ he heard? He struck the orc in front of him and decided that his mind was playing another trick on him. Even if someone was foolish enough to let Bilbo onto a battlefield, what are the chances he would wind up there? Trying to defend him when he...no, it could not be Bilbo.

_"The Eagles! the Eagles!"_

Bofur heard it that time, shouting, "Bilbo! I hear Bilbo!" 

Thorin's heart leapt and sank simultaneously.

*****

Some of the elves heard Bilbo's shouting and took up the cry. It spread and soon it echoed across the valley. Several of the lesser goblins split off from their group, afraid of the prospect of fighting with eagles about. They fled toward the river. The eagles joined the battle but the only benefit to Thorin's predicament came from losing the deserters. The remaining flank closed in and Thorin was no longer fighting with his men in closed ranks. Instead, they were separated. That's when Thorin saw him: Azog. He was astride his warg, once-white but now spattered in blood.

*****

Bilbo, Fili, and Kili saw the pale orc, too. They fought (or in Bilbo's case, defended) their way inward, trying to get to Thorin before Azog did. Bilbo saw Thorin charge and get flipped backward high in the air, though he wasn't sure if it was from weapon or warg.

"Thorin!" Fili shouted, frantic.  
"Can you handle a warg?" Bilbo asked him.  
"What?" Fili asked.  
" _Can you handle the warg_? Speak quickly! We have no time!"  
"Yes!"  
"If Kili and I can unseat Azog, there's at least a chance!" Bilbo looked at Kili. 

Kili had feared from the moment Bilbo shouted Thorin's name that he would lose Bilbo if Thorin survived this battle. Still, he did not hesitate to answer.

"Let's go!" 

*****

Thorin was conscious. The flip had knocked the wind out of him and possibly cracked a rib but the real damage came from the way he landed on his ankle. He could not pull himself up on it. Azog advanced on him with his warg. It all seemed sickeningly familiar.

The haze was gone from Thorin and he thought clearly once again. All the trouble, time wasted, and hurt feelings, simply because he had become enamored of a stone and obsessed with hoarding a pile of metal--a pile of metal that could help rebuild a once-great town and aid their allies. He'd been mad, sick, and thus a fool. 

It seemed almost fitting to Thorin that he would die like his grandfather, having shared his affliction. He was going to perish alone without his kin or his love either one and he deserved it. Still, he would have liked to have seen Fili, Kili, and Bilbo one last time. 

Thorin saw something small fly into Azog then, knocking him off balance and then tumbling to the ground and rolling away. It was followed by a dwarf, which tipped him the rest of the way off his mount and landed on him. The warg let out a shriek of pain and reared up. Thorin realized with both elation and horror that Bilbo and Kili had knocked Azog off his mount. 

Bilbo's fall hurt his shoulder but he scrambled back around. Azog swung his weapon and Bilbo ducked, sticking him with his sword before having to roll away to avoid a hit. Kili also ducked Azog's strike and stuck his sword in his chest but the orc was swinging even still. Kili flattened himself and tried to pull his sword free without taking a mace to the head. Bilbo scampered up and brought Sting down on his throat, bringing Azog at last to his end. Kili turned to help his brother finish dispatching the warg.

Bilbo stumbled toward Thorin to see how injured he was. A goblin broke from the group fighting the other dwarves and attacked Bilbo, stabbing at him with his blade. Kili saw the approach and swung to kill the goblin but only managed it a second after Bilbo cried out and collapsed to the ground. The shriek of the goblin created more commotion and soon Kili and Fili had their hands too full to see to Bilbo.

Thorin saw Bilbo fall and cried out. He rolled himself to where he was and spoke quickly, lest Bilbo not have much life left in him to hear what needed to be said.

"Bilbo? Oh Bilbo, I'm so sorry. I've never been so sorry. I did not mean the things I said. Or the things I did. Bilbo..." 

As he spoke, he checked the wound to see how bad it was. Thorin's heart caught in his throat when he saw Bilbo still wore the mithril shirt he gave him and he nearly laughed with relief as he lifted it up. A goblin sword did not have good odds to penetrate mithril. Bilbo's skin underneath was nasty, red, and a little broken where the links were forced into it but there was no stab wound. Thorin had no doubt that the blow was incredibly painful, though. Bilbo had trickles of blood from other slices and cuts on his body that were no doubt from the battle but none that seemed severe. The pain from the blunt stab must have been what dropped Bilbo to the ground.

Bilbo snapped back to himself when he felt Thorin touch his stomach. He was alarmed to see blood on Thorin's face and arms. 

"How badly are you wounded?" Bilbo asked worriedly, hoisting himself up to his knees with a wince to check Thorin over.  
"Don't fret. The worst of it is my ankle. I cannot easily stand," Thorin said.

Bilbo looked in his face and saw _him_ : Thorin as he used to be. Bilbo's heart skipped in his chest. He was stunned for a moment but managed to find his voice. 

"It isn't safe for you here," Bilbo said.  
"It certainly isn't safe for you, either. Didn't my knucklehead nephews try to keep you out of harm's way? Or Gandalf? What was he thinking?"  
"I did not give Fili and Kili a choice, and Gandalf had bigger issues than a hobbit to deal with. Good thing, too. You needed the help."  
"You have saved me yet again, Bilbo Baggins," Thorin said lovingly, itching to touch Bilbo's face.  
Bilbo shook his head and gazed at him. "What choice did I have?"

Thorin smiled slightly, letting himself get lost for a moment in Bilbo's eyes once again.

Kili turned from the battle at the first opportunity only to see Bilbo kneeling over Thorin and the two exchanging tender looks. He felt the sting in his heart for a second before he remembered that Bilbo had been struck.

Kili rushed over to him. "Bilbo! Bilbo are you okay? Let me see, where are you hurt?" 

He lifted Bilbo's shirt and started touching the skin as Thorin had.

Fili also joined them as soon as he was able, checking on his uncle first since Kili had Bilbo sorted. 

"Thorin! Thorin are you okay? How wounded are you?"  
Thorin's emotions nearly took him. He thought he had driven his nephews away forever. "Fili! I am so happy to see you!"

Fili saw _him_ then, saw his uncle and not the husk that he had been in recent days. Though Thorin had put them all through a lot even before the dragon sickness, Fili could not help his relief that he no longer taken by it.

Thorin started drawing up an apology for each of his nephews for the nasty things he shouted after them at the gate. However, the memory came quickly to him that he was not the one who kicked them out. They had left on their own. Balin's words also came back to his now-clear mind; his eyes flicked over to Kili touching Bilbo's stomach and lovingly pushing the hair out of his eyes. 

Thorin had been about to say something to them when Beorn appeared in his great bear shape. Beorn seemed to be a giant of giants in his wrath. The roar of his voice was like drums and guns as he tossed wolves and goblins from his path like straws and feathers. He swept through where Thorin's company was fighting off the last of Azog's lesser horde and made short work of them. He lifted Thorin to take him off the battleground. He also tried hard to take Bilbo.

"Bunny is bloody and needs to see a healer," he insisted.

Bilbo declined and didn't even have the spirit to argue with the nickname. "Bunny can still walk on his own and there are others who need the ride much more gravely," Bilbo insisted.

Beorn did not have time to press the issue and bore Thorin away to the original camp. Swiftly, he returned and his wrath was redoubled. No weapon seemed to bite upon him. Dismay fell on the goblins and they fled in all directions. Weariness left their enemies with the coming of new hope and they pursued them closely, preventing most of them from escaping where they could. They drove many of them into the Running River, and such as fled south or west they hunted into the marshes about the Forest River; and there the greater part of the last fugitives perished.

*****

Beorn's arrival saved Bilbo and the rest of Thorin's company from further fighting where they had made their stand. All of their own had sustained light to moderate injuries but thankfully no one lost limbs or clung sparely to life. Barring their leader, they were all thankfully physically able to trudge back to camp...with each others' help from time to time. Fili sought out Bofur immediately and embraced him warmly. Bofur had a couple fair cuts and knock on the head, but he was talkative as always and it did not seem to be too severe. Bilbo and Kili had their own happy reunion with Bofur shortly after, both of them deeply relieved he, his brother, and his cousin were all still able to stand and walk. By the time they reached camp, night was deepening and several of the tents had already been re-purposed as healing tents. Some of them waited their turn for a healer but most of them were able to patch each other up with a few supplies. Oin administered more than a few stitches by firelight.

The company, mended or in the process of being mended, sat spread wide around a fire munching on the elvish waybread. Other than the trio who had left the mountain, many of them had not had a properly full stomach in days. Fili sat sharing a cake with Bofur, giving him the bigger pieces and catching each other up on what they knew since last they parted. Fili kept Kili's more private secrets, though. Some things were meant to be shared just between brothers.

"So Thorin at least knows Kili has a crush," Bofur said after telling Fili the story. "He was rather flip about it at the time, saying Kili was welcome to him, but I wager that things are a-changing now."  
"Like I said, Thorin seemed very much like his old self when we found him, so I wouldn't doubt that." Fili said. "I prefer this one to the gold obsessed one, but this one is still pretty possessive."

Bofur adjusted the bandage on his head. Fili realized he couldn't recall the last time he saw him without a hat on.

"Regardless of whether it was the gold or not, Thorin cut ties with Bilbo _and_ tried to end the sweet lad." Bofur shook his head sadly. "I figure Bilbo has more than enough right to move on."

Fili glanced over at Bilbo. 

_But does he want to?_ he silently asked himself.

*****

Kili sat with Bilbo a little further away, having found a sturdy supply box to sit upon so Bilbo wouldn't have to get up and down off the ground as much with the ache in his side and shoulder. Bilbo fussed over some of Kili's wounds, dabbing them with ointment and covering them with the makeshift bandages they were able to procure. Kili watched him carefully. He was worried (and with good reason, he thought) about the way that Bilbo and Thorin had been after Azog was killed. A war had been raging around the two of them--with Kili and Fili both fighting goblins to protect them--and they had been gazing at each other like there was no one else in the world.

One of the Men walked out of a tent several yards away. "Bilbo Baggins! Is there a Bilbo Baggins among you?"  
"Yes, that is me," Bilbo answered.  
"The king wishes a word," he said, gesturing toward the tent.

Bilbo looked at Kili.

Kili tried to mask his insecurity. "Go ahead. If you need, you can call and we will aid you, though I don't think there is much he can do without use of his ankle, I imagine."

*****

Kili watched Bilbo disappear into the tent alone. He felt a nauseating twinge in his gut and wondered if this is what it felt like when dreams died.

Soon, someone big settled down on the supply chest with him. He glanced over to see Gandalf looking back at him kindly. Kili tried to muster a smile, though it was weak at best. Gandalf put a gentle hand on his back. The two of them sat quietly together. Kili supposed it should have been awkward but strangely it wasn't. 

After a while, Gandalf spoke. "Kili, tell me something: If I had a magic that would take it all away--these feelings you have for him and the heartache that goes along with them--would you want it?"  
Kili thought on it. "No, I would not. He's a part of me."  
A slow smile spread across Gandalf's face. "Good. Very good."

Satisfied, Gandalf pulled himself to standing with the help of his staff. Before he went about his business, he leaned down. "My dear Kili, there is always hope," he said kindly, if not cryptically, and swished off in a swirl of grey cloak.

As Kili was thinking on how bizarre this encounter was, it occurred to him that neither he nor Gandalf mentioned Bilbo's name. "How did he...?" Kili murmured to himself.

*****

Thorin sat in a chair, waiting for Bilbo.

He gestured to his ankle that appeared to be wrapped so as not to move. "It is not broken but they say I can't walk back to the mountain for a couple days. I'm going to have to stay here."  
"Probably for the best," Bilbo said awkwardly.  
Thorin sighed heavily. "BIlbo, there are things I said, things I did...things I regret with everything I am. I know you probably don't understand but I wasn't myself."  
"I do understand," Bilbo said quietly. "You were suffering from the sickness. I watched you fade from me with my own eyes. Your more wicked words and deeds all happened when there was an emptiness in your gaze. I'll have you know that I was hurt terribly by them, nonetheless."  
"How could you not have been? I don't pretend to know how terrible it was to be with me then. I can't understand why you didn't just leave at your first chance."

There was silence for a few moments.

Thorin spoke again, "Tell me, BIlbo, how did Bard get the Arkenstone?"  
Bilbo looked up at Thorin wide-eyed, searching his face for anger or his eyes for vacancy. All he saw was gentle curiosity. "I sneaked out of camp and got back in again before you missed me. You were spending so much time in the treasury once it took you fully that you didn't even come to bed that night. You didn't know I had left at all."  
"You knew I would be angry."  
Bilbo nodded. "Yes."  
"Yet you did it anyway, knowing that it might end us," Thorin said solemnly.  
"Yes," Bilbo almost whispered.  
Thorin's voice was quiet, but also gentle. "And why? What would make you take that chance? Did I mean so little to you?"  
Bilbo shook his head, tears starting to form in his eyes unbidden. "I did it because you meant so much. Because all of you were like family to me. Because you needed the political allies to rebuild Erebor like you dreamed. Because you needed food to live. Because...so many reasons. I would have rather ended us and had you live and become the king you wanted to be than for us to die there over gold."

Thorin nodded. He remembered Bilbo's answer from on the wall, now. He had remembered much about that morning and would rather like to forget all of it if he could. He had a question he wanted to ask even back then but his gold fever had hold of him too tightly at the time to do anything other than rage.

"Why did you come back? Did they not let you stay with them in relative safety?"  
"They asked me to stay repeatedly, both Bard and the Elvenking. I came back because this was where I belonged, my family, and all my friends. I came back because I couldn't leave you like that, sick like you were. I only left you when you made me."

A tear spilled down Thorin's face. Bilbo was going to stay in misery to care for him and to repay him for his selflessness Thorin had almost killed him. He almost lost him forever. Looking at Bilbo's sweet face now was overwhelming and more than he deserved. Were he Bilbo, he might not have even spoken to himself after that.

Thorin was weeping openly, now. "Is it too late?"  
Bilbo looked down. "You renounced our betrothal." He chose not to bring up his lover trying to kill him. Thorin seemed regretful enough without making the pain worse.  
"And it was the second worst decision I ever made, right behind not taking you away when I had the chance so that none of this would have come to pass at all. Could it be renewed? Our betrothal? Could it be remade? Whatever you ask of me, I will do it."

Bilbo looked at Thorin, who was quickly becoming a wreck of grief before his eyes. His own lovely Thorin, the one that held him when he was sick, who loved him tenderly night after night in Lake Town, who kept him sane in the realm of the Elvenking, and for whom he left his beautiful home to trudge halfway across the Middle Earth. He had so many memories wrapped up in those blue eyes, currently shining with tears.

Thorin noticed Bilbo's hesitation. "Perhaps it is unfair to lay this at your feet today of all days. It has been dark, traumatic, and bloody for all of us. But it has given me myself back and even though I'm breaking my own heart to remember it, I'm glad of it for I can start making amends."  
Thorin reached out to clasp Bilbo's hands. "I never stopped loving you, Bilbo, and I deeply regret ending what we had between us. I beg you to give me another chance to have a life with you. If you do, I'll spend every last day of it making this up to you. I love you and I shall love you always."

Thorin lifted Bilbo's chin and--not without considerable effort given his other injury--leaned in to kiss him. The moment their lips touched, Bilbo knew Thorin was well and truly back. A part of him could have surrendered his will right there if it meant being this Thorin's love once more. He let himself savor the feeling of Thorin's mouth on his again for several moments before pulling away. He could not linger, though; things had changed.

"Will you come to me tomorrow with your decision, Bilbo?"  
"Yes."  
"I know I have no right to ask for favors when it is me who should be granting them, but is it possible...is there anything left in your heart to part from me tonight with words of love?"  
Bilbo wiped his eyes. "Thorin, I do love you. Sometimes, I love you even in spite of myself."  
"Tomorrow then?"  
Bilbo nodded. "Tomorrow."

*****

Kili studied Bilbo when he returned. He could tell he had been crying some. Bilbo did not have anything to say about what transpired and Kili was too afraid to ask. They headed to their own tent to go to bed. Fili did not join them. He was enjoying the company by the fire.

Bilbo undressed himself entirely. Kili followed his example.  
"Well, you and I are a bit of a mess, aren't we? Dirt and blood isn't very comfortable to sleep in," Bilbo said. He grabbed a waterskin and set to work. They did their best to wash some of the blood off themselves and each other.  
"Come on," Bilbo said, pulling back the covers on the cot they had been sharing.  
"You want to sleep with me?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo squinted an eye. "Why on earth wouldn't I?"

Kili shrugged and climbed in. The two of them had a harder time finding comfort with their hurts and cuts, but with some maneuvering and a couple careful tucks of blankets here and there they settled in.

"I would always choose to sleep naked with you if the choice was mine," Kili ventured.  
"The choice is always at least partially yours. Isn't that part of what you were quarreling for to begin with? To have a say in what was between us?"  
"Yes, I suppose. Only..." Kili stopped. 

The day had been long and horrifying. This would probably not be the most productive time to tell Bilbo that he was preparing to be set aside so Bilbo could go back to Thorin.

"Only what?"  
"I-I guess I'm just not used to getting what I want from you."  
"Oh, Kili." He pressed a kiss to Kili's chest. "That is an awful way to feel. What can I do to make it better?"  
_Love me, marry me, don't leave me for Thorin,_ Kili thought to himself.  
"It will get better with time, I'm sure," Kili lied.  
"It will," Bilbo agreed, not sure if he was lying or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whee! Everybody lives!
> 
> I'm putting them through enough that dismembering them as well would just be rude, so suspend disbelief that none of the 14 sustained horrific injuries.


	41. What Kind Of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You do not have to tell me or decide right now. Search your heart and see what it tells you." Gandalf stood. "This is not about making a choice between the two of them. This is about you, Bilbo Baggins. What kind of life do you want most for yourself? Think on that and the right path will open to you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this happened...

Bilbo woke with a cry. " _No!_ " 

Kili tried to hold him and Bilbo started flailing. The pain from his injuries stopped his wriggling before he was able to scramble away from him.

Fili was up and by their side within moments. He spoke low, "Bilbo, it is us. Fili and Kili."  
Tonight, Bilbo was not weeping but he was quaking in Kili's embrace.  
"Shhh, my brave one. You are safe," Kili soothed.  
"I'm sorry," Bilbo whispered.  
Kili stroked his hair. "You can't help it."  
Fili agreed. "We know you don't choose to have bad dreams, Bilbo."

When it seemed the worst had passed, Fili tucked back into his cot.

"I think I managed to re-hurt my hurts when I was struggling. Did I bother any of your injuries when I kicked?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili couldn't bring himself to tell him the truth. "No, I feel fine."  
"I'm sorry I woke you."  
"Back to sleep with you," Kili said.

Kili stayed awake until Bilbo slept again and then a while after, caught up in his thoughts.

*****

Dressing the next morning, Kili was horrified to see just how bruised Bilbo's body was. Where he was stabbed in the stomach radiated wide with an ugly blue and purple bloom. He had several places up and down his limbs that were beginning to show color as well.

Kili's voice wavered. "Bilbo, I had no idea you had taken such beatings yesterday."  
"You only look slightly less damaged, yourself." Bilbo accused. " And you have more cuts. Cuts concern me more. We'll have to keep them clean so they don't infect."  
Fili tried to reassure Kili. "If he were not the object of your affections, you'd be congratulating him on a job well done. Or trying to one-up his injuries. Hobbits are sturdy stuff. He's not broken."  
Bilbo raised his arms to put on his shirt and a pain shot through him. "Ouch, I don't know about that. My limbs are on fire. I've got pains where I didn't know I had any muscles."  
Fili chuckled. "Your body isn't used to anything you did yesterday, I'm sure. I'm sore and I'm at least used to battle training. I don't even want to think about how you must feel."  
"I didn't even consider that," Kili said. "Here, let me help you get your shirts on."

*****

Bilbo, Fili, and Kili joined their friends by the nearest fire. All were present but Thorin and Balin, the balance of the company enjoying breakfast. Although they were more sore than the day prior, they were in higher spirits. The fire was warm, the food was filling, and they were having a grand time comparing new wounds. Dwalin was waging a compelling argument that his bound arm in a sling beat Bofur's head injury when Bilbo decided to slip away on his own for a while. Kili was concerned but merely asked Bilbo to be safe. He breathed a small sigh of relief when he saw Bilbo head inwards towards the camp hub instead of the direction of Thorin's tent.

*****

Bilbo and his sore legs wandered inward where Bard and Thranduil had their own tents. He sat on what appeared to be a bale of hay by the main fire and thought about his predicament. How did a Baggins from Bag End get stuck in an emotional tug of war between a king and a prince? Without a doubt, this was beyond the realm of his experience. Even a relationship with one of them was more than he'd ever had in the years prior. He was at least free of promises, now, but the emotional attachments on all sides were just as strong.

"My dear friend, what brings you to the center of camp alone?" a voice asked. It was Gandalf. 

Bilbo realized he picked this direction hoping the wizard would be near as he gave counsel to the leaders. Thinking of that now, his problems seemed embarrassingly small compared to what Gandalf must be dealing with. Suddenly he felt foolish.

"I needed some time to think on my own," Bilbo said.  
Gandalf sat near him. "Your heart seems heavy."

Bilbo looked into Gandalf's kind eyes and before he knew what he was doing, he had told Gandalf about his relationship with Kili and Thorin's offer. Gandalf appeared genuinely surprised once Bilbo came to the end of it all. 

"Indeed?" Gandalf murmured. His eyes glinted mischievously and his mouth opened in a silent laugh. "Well, well. I suppose we found that Took within you after all, my lad. How right I was when I said you would not be unchanged by this journey!" He chuckled at the thought.  
"I'm glad one of us finds this amusing," Bilbo huffed.  
"I apologize, Bilbo." Gandalf was still amusedly regarding his friend, though he tried to make it less obvious. Bilbo Baggins--of all people--involved in such a torrid state of affairs. "What do you think you might do?"  
"That's my problem. I do not know." Bilbo almost wailed. "Thorin and I were engaged and bonded and he loves me so much. I don't know if I could bear to break his heart. He's reclaiming his kingdom and he will need support. I feel like I've already done him a bad turn by even considering Kili. Oh, Gandalf, Kili! He's been nothing but sweet and kind and patient with me from the start. I've hurt him so much already. I know he loves me a great deal, too. He even walked away from the mountain so I would not be alone. I simply...I don't know what to do! I don't want to hurt either one of them."

Gandalf sighed. He hated to see Bilbo so distraught. He had to hope for Kili because he knew himself what the dwarf was going through. However, he had seen Thorin, haunted by his past and hardened by what he knew he had to do. He was not terribly surprised when he found out that Thorin had found his way into Bilbo's arms. Bilbo would be good for both of them, but Gandalf knew Bilbo was forgetting something more important when pondering his future.

"Whom do you love, Bilbo?"  
"Pardon?"  
Gandalf placed an arm around Bilbo. "This decision is not about rewarding the one who loves you most or who will be most heartbroken by your absence. Whom do _you_ love? Does one of them make _you_ happy?"

Bilbo was silent.

"You do not have to tell me or decide right now. Search your heart and see what it tells you." Gandalf stood. "This is not about making a choice between the two of them. This is about you, Bilbo Baggins. What kind of life do you want most for yourself? Think on that and the right path will open to you."

With a pat on the shoulder, Gandalf left Bilbo to his thoughts. 

*****

Bilbo sat by the fire for a long while turning over Gandalf's words in his mind. It was difficult giving himself honest answers without considering the effect it would have on either dwarf. "What kind of life do I want most for myself?" Bilbo repeated as he thought. He did not know the full answer to that question, but he knew what he did not want for himself. He dreaded what was to come. He loved Thorin and Kili. He didn't want to hurt anyone but there was no way around it. He knew he would be hurt himself, regardless.

*****

Kili saw Bilbo walking through camp, crossing over to Thorin's tent, and ducking inside. Shortly thereafter, Balin exited and came to join them. Fili noticed, too, and put a comforting arm around Kil's shoulder.  


*****

Thorin welcomed Bilbo into his tent but there was no small talk once Balin left them alone.

"Have you thought about what I asked of you?" asked Thorin.  
"Yes I have," Bilbo looked down.  
Thorin frowned. "Your tone and your expression concern me."  
"Although I accept your apology, I cannot accept your offer of resuming our prior plans." Bilbo glanced back up at the him. "Things have changed, Thorin. _I've_ changed from what I've been through."  
Thorin responded, angry and shocked. "You said you loved me! Just last night! You said it! How can that be your answer if you love me?"  
Bilbo started to tear up and he fought them. He knew this was going to be hard. "Oh, Thorin. I loved you that first night together. I loved you well before then, honestly. I loved you when your mind was out of my reach, and I love you still. Sometimes love is not enough."  
_"What more could you want_?" Thorin asked intensely.

The question hung in the air. 

Bilbo spoke quietly. "I used to dream of you, you know. I think I might have told you once. I would dream that you were holding me, kissing me, protecting me...all before we ever talked about a romantic bond."  
"And now?"  
"I wake with nightmares that you are about to kill me, Thorin," Bilbo said with alarming calm. "If anyone tries to touch me, I kick and scream and try to run."  
"But that wasn't me!" Thorin protested.  
"It was somewhere inside of you. The gold didn't give you its own personality. It just twisted what was within you. It might be there still. The treasury will still be in Erebor, only this time you'll have the Arkenstone as well. How do you know you won't fall to the sickness again?"  
Thorin set his jaw. "So we'll leave Erebor."  
"I've heard that before. I'm not foolish enough to believe it twice." Bilbo shook his head sadly.  
Thorin winced at the memory being thrown back at him.  
Bilbo continued with a softer tone, "Besides, I can't compete. Not with all this. This is who you were born to be, Thorin. You are a king. I don't think I realized fully what that meant until the battle. Your authority, the way everyone heeded your call regardless of what their generals said...it was amazing to behold. I had never seen you like that. You were captivating."  
"Not captivating enough," Thorin grumbled.  
"More than you know but we shouldn't speak of that now. My point is that if you can keep your head clear of the gold, you are going to make Erebor great again. You will be the subject of ballads so great that even elves will sing of you. To leave it behind for me is the worst sort of folly."  
Thorin reached out for Bilbo's hand. "Then stay and make it great with me."  
Bilbo took his hand and explained, "Even if it weren't full of bad memories for me, the mountain is not where I wish to stay. When we were engaged and it hadn't gotten harsh yet, I was still merely tolerating it for your sake."  
"You want to go back to the Shire," Thorin stated.  
Bilbo smiled kindly. "I do, but not that only. When I'm not dodging dragons or orcs with a vendetta against your family, I don't mind the travel. I'd like to spend time gathering seeds from Beorn's garden in the spring, spend a few summer weeks in Rivendell, or perhaps travel somewhere else I would have never dared before all this. And then I'll come home to Bag End, make myself a nice pie, and write it all down."  
"You've never spoken of this to me before," Thorin said with wonder.  
Bilbo sighed. "Yes I have. All before we even entered the mountain, as a matter of fact. I would mention Rivendell and you would grouse about how I shouldn't befriend the elves. I'd bring up Beorn's and you would tease me about my fascination with gardens. I would try to tell you about the Shire and you'd either think I couldn't handle our journey or fret that we might not live in Erebor like you wanted. And those were the times you bothered to listen at all." 

Thorin let Bilbo's words sink in. He hadn't realized he had ignored Bilbo's thoughts and dreams so much. 

"Were you ever happy with me?" Thorin asked.  
"Of course I was. The majority of our best times pertained to our quest or us going to bed, though. Now the quest is over and, well, we can't spend every hour in bed."  
Thorin quirked a small smile. "We could try."  
Bilbo fixed him with a look. "Thor- _in_."  
Thorin's voice grew thick and sensual. "I've missed you like that. Beneath me, inside me..."  
"Quit changing the subject!" Bilbo admonished.  
"But that _is_ the subject, now, isn't it? I want to re-form our bond, our betrothal, in every possible way, fill your days with comfort, and make love to you every night. I can't especially do that if you leave me."  
Bilbo shook his head. "I love you but we want different things."  
"No we don't! I want you and you..." The unthinkable began to dawn on Thorin. "You don't want _me_ , do you?"  
Bilbo put his hands on Thorin's face, kissed his forehead, and tried to speak gently. "I want your love, I want your body, I want your pride, and I want more of the beautiful memories we've made together."  
He took his hands back and began counting on his fingers.  
"I do not want your possessiveness, I do not want to be your subject, I do not want to be the victim of non-consensual random body searches, I do not want to be kept in a box, I do not want to be hidden away in a mountain, I do not want to be told who my friends should be, I do not want you making my decisions for me, I do not want to be intimidated by your friends or guards, I do not want to live with the fear that you will be gold sick again, and I do not want to wake from my nightmare about you trying to murder to me being comforted by the very arms that were going to throw me over the wall. Unfortunately for both of us, I can't have the things I love most about you without the rest."  
Thorin frowned. "Then you don't love me enough."  
"I don't agree with that, Thorin, because I know how deeply you affect me and make my heart stutter. I love you a great deal, enough to have put up with all of that and more from even before we began. I guess I just finally love me more."  
"Can't I love you enough for the both of us?" Thorin asked, voice breaking.  
"It doesn't work that way," Bilbo said sadly. He embraced Thorin and could not help but finally weep. "I'm truly sorry, my love. I've always been so crazy about you but I just can't live this life with you."

Thorin's grip on Bilbo tightened. Bilbo could hear him sobbing into his shoulder. They held each other for a long while until Thorin calmed.

"Bilbo..." Thorin leaned up to Bilbo's ear and stroked a hand sensually down his body until it cupped his backside. "I want us to be inside each other one last time."  
"Gods, _Thorin_."  
Thorin ran his tongue around the shell of Bilbo's ear. "Please leave me with that memory of you. I'll live on it the rest of my days."

Thorin's plea was so familiar that Bilbo almost winced. _What is up with these Durins and 'goodbye sex'?_ Bilbo wondered to himself.

Bilbo had been so distracted by Thorin's words and the tongue on his ear that he had only just become aware that Thorin had slipped his hand down the seat of his pants. His mind clouded with desire. Wanting Thorin sexually had _never_ been difficult for him. It was, in fact, the absolute least of their problems. Thorin's finger brushed his hole and he was reminded of the last time Thorin's hand had been down his pants: in the treasury, in front of everyone. The memory gave him the strength to push him away, gently but firmly.

"Thorin, this will not make you feel better. It will make it worse. Didn't you yourself say that such an act is viewed by dwarves as something only a bonded pair does?"  
"But we _are_ bonded," Thorin protested.  
"Physically, yes, but not romantically anymore--by your own decree. And I have declined to reverse it. So what makes it okay? Because you want it?"  
"You want it too," Thorin insisted. "I could feel how much when you pressed against my thigh."  
Bilbo rolled his eyes at the obvious. Thorin would probably always have _that_ effect on him. "Of course I want to have sex with you, but I also just said I did not want to renew our betrothal."  
Thorin looked a little guilty.  
"Were you...were you hoping that if we coupled that it would weaken my resolve?" Bilbo asked suspiciously.  
Thorin hesitated before he answered. "A bit, but not that only. I've never truly been able to resist you, you know."  
Bilbo was on shaky ground and he knew it. "I think it is best I go, now."  
"Where are you going? I mean, once you leave camp?" Thorin asked.  
"I'll stay here until Gandalf or the elves or the Men can start escorting me back."  
"If it takes a while, you are welcome to wait it out in the mountain. Hot baths and your own bedroom," Thorin offered.  
"That is very enticing but I do not know how long it will truly be." 

Bilbo did not voice his fear that he would be held against his will were he to enter Thorin's fortress again, but it was in the back of his mind.

"You need to come back to the mountain with me at some point, anyway, to get your share of the treasure," insisted Thorin.  
"I don't have a share anymore. I took the stone as my share and disposed of it as I saw fit."  
Thorin struggled to pull himself up to his full height. "That is not the way we will be remembering it. Everything you did, you did for the good of our people when my mind was deposed. Your first and last act as Prince Consort was to look out for your people when their king could not. You will get your share."  
"I don't think I could go back in the mountain, Thorin," Bilbo confessed.  
"Then we'll bring it to the gate," Thorin countered.  
"And how many ponies should I bring to caravan back to the Shire with a small fortune on their backs? It is impractical at best."  
"Then I will give you what you can reasonably carry and keep the rest for you in the mountain for whenever you need it. Or when you visit again."  
Bilbo could not meet Thorin's eyes. He did not think he would be coming back for a visit. 

Thorin held a hand out to Bilbo, which he accepted. Thorin pulled him close again for another embrace. He leaned back to gaze upon Bilbo.

"Your treasure is not the only thing that awaits you should you choose to return. You will be the king's only consort for the rest of his days, whether you take the title or not."  
Bilbo closed his eyes. "What if I should marry?"  
He felt a soft kiss. "For the rest of his days, Bilbo," Thorin whispered.  
Bilbo looked at Thorin again. "I don't ask that of you."  
"It is not for you to ask. It is simply the way it is." Thorin said softly but plainly.  
Bilbo reached his hand up to caress Thorin's bearded cheek. "Never doubt that I loved you once and a part of me will continue to love you still. But I have to go."  
Thorin pulled Bilbo in suddenly for a kiss. It was desperate and long but not invasively deep. He released him and gave him the littlest nudge away. "I'm here if you need me."  
"I'll see you again before I go," Bilbo assured.  
"I know. You still have to come to the gate to get your reward." Thorin forced a smile.

When Bilbo left, both he and Thorin broke down in tears on their opposite sides of the tent.

*****

Bilbo returned to his tent after a time and found Kili on a cot inside, staring at the ceiling.

Kili scrambled to his feet when he saw Bilbo. As he came closer, he saw Bilbo's eyes were red and puffy from sobbing. He wasn't sure what to think.

"I just came from Thorin's tent. He, uh, requested a full reconciliation," Bilbo admitted.  
Kili felt his stomach drop to the floor.  
"And you said?" Kili asked shakily.  
Bilbo looked down. "I will be leaving Erebor with the first available escort."  
Kili was stunned. "What? You said no?"  
Inside he was screaming. Was it possible?  
Bilbo nodded solemnly. "I said no."

Kili rushed to gather Bilbo in his arms but the response was not enthusiastic. His stomach began to sink again. He leaned back to look in Bilbo's eyes. Eyes like that did not come from tears of joy.

He murmured, "Saying no to him did not mean saying yes to me, did it?"  
"I meant what I said when I said we both need time to adjust. You need it, too, though you might not realize it. I think we have a chance to be happy together but so much has happened in the past few days. We have to work through it before we can start on the future."  
His voice breaking on the verge of his own tears, Kili asked, "What does that mean for us right now?"  
"It means I'm not quite ready to weave that bead into your hair."  
Kili nodded in understanding and bit his lip, trying not to cry.  
Even though his arm was sore, Bilbo reached up to run a hand through Kili's hair. "Would you be willing to travel back to the Shire with me, Kili?"  
Kili paused in happy shock for a moment as the request sank in. He wrapped his arms around Bilbo. "I think a part of me might have wanted that before we even left the first time!" he gushed.  
He released the hug with a sobering thought. "What about Fili?"  
Bilbo smiled, "Fili has his own road to walk. I would not blame him if he chose to stay and rebuild what will be his future kingdom. But yes, Fili is welcome. He's more than welcome, truly. My heart hopes he comes with us."  
"Bilbo..." Kili began warily. "Does waiting for courting rituals mean that I can't kiss or touch you?"  
Bilbo shook his head. "Dear heart, I'm being cautious but I'm not crazy."

He pulled Kili's mouth to his own. 

*****

Kili and Bilbo joined their friends by the fire after their conversation in the tent. They nibbled on the waybread and passed the time with songs and stories. Ori had not heard the tale of Bilbo sneaking out with the Arkenstone and he was fascinated. He lamented that he had neither quill nor parchment to write it all down at that very moment. After a while, Balin appeared with a request from the king.

"Kili, Thorin desires a word with you."  
Fili stood with his brother. Balin held out his palm and shook his head. "Alone."  
Bilbo did not like the sound of that. Neither did Fili nor Bofur.

"We're close by if you need us," Bofur said.

Fili made sure he knew where Dwalin was before Kili walked away. 

*****

Balin left Kili and Thorin alone in the king's tent.

"Firstly, I wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you and your brother were not gravely harmed yesterday. I also have to thank you and Bilbo for being the reasons I'm sitting here able to draw breath right now. After what happened at the gate, the three of you risking yourselves to defend me touched me deeply." Thorin sighed heavily. "You've always reminded me so much of myself, Kili. I was once young and impetuous with dark, wild hair and a loose tongue. The dragon came and I had to develop defense. I had to become strong and hard to pick up the mantle for our people. I hoped taking you with me to reclaim Erebor would quell some of your more exuberant passion but it has only made you more insolent and reckless."

Kili cocked his head to the side curiously. Thorin seemed to be rambling around a point, although Kili was fairly positive he knew what point it was. 

"Who told you that it was acceptable to fall in love with the hobbit?" Thorin finally demanded.  
It was as Kili expected. He answered calmly, "I did not realize your rule extended to holding dominion over my heart, my king."  
"It does when you are falling in love with my own intended," Thorin said sharply.  
Kili looked at his feet.  
Thorin warned, "You know this is highly frowned upon. You could be banished for this."  
"Is Bilbo still promised to you, Thorin?"  
The question stung. Thorin answered, "No, but he will have the honorary title of consort to claim whenever he wishes it as long as I draw breath. Therefore, you dishonor your family with your affections for my love."  
"How is that fair? You're not engaged nor will Bilbo be living in Erebor, but no one can have him because you've given him a title based on a marriage you aren't even having?"  
" _You_ can't have him because you're my nephew! By Durin's beard, Kili! Where's your shame?"  
"Me? _My_ shame? The only reason I did not court Bilbo first is because _you_ told me that this quest was no place for distractions...and then I found out you had been courting him in secret! If it hadn't been for your interference, I would have been the one courting him first. And if I had, tell me you could have forgotten all about him. Tell me that you could have just been able to move on and just shut off your heart. Could you have done it?"

Thorin scowled. He would not have been able to and Kili knew it. He focused on the more winnable part of the argument. 

"You were planning on courting him?" he asked.  
"Yes."  
"What made you think he would accept?"  
"I don't know. If I hadn't been trying to be a proper Heir Of Durin, I probably would have just asked outright and let it unfold as it should. As it was, I second-guessed myself and delayed and agonized over how you would view me straying from the quest to court him. I suppose we all know how you feel about it now," Kili said bitterly.

This line of arguing was making Thorin a little uncomfortable as well. He could still hear Fili calling him "Hypocrite Under The Mountain."

"No use talking about it," Thorin said abruptly. "Bilbo is leaving soon to go back home. He has informed me he will not stay in Erebor."  
Kili just looked at Thorin unblinkingly.  
Thorin put his head in his hands. "You mean to follow him." It was not a question.  
"Yes."  
"Dammit, Kili! He's too old for you!"  
Kili scoffed incredulously. "I'm 27 years _older_ than he is!"  
"You know very well that hobbits age differently. You would not be happy with him. He likes tea and sitting around reading books and..." Thorin almost said "sex," which would not have been very discouraging to a virile, young dwarf. "...and doilies!"  
"You make it sound like we don't get along at all. We've been best friends for the majority of this journey. We have things to talk about."  
Thorin grasped for something else discouraging. "You'll outlive him."  
Kili laughed disdainfully. "That's the best argument you can make?"  
"It is valid. Think about it, Kili. What are you two going to do when Bilbo passes on and you have another 200 years to live without him?"  
Kili stared level in Thorin's eyes. "The best we can."

These words coming back to him pained him in a way he did not expect. It served as a reminder that his own plans with Bilbo for their future were going to be unrealized, with or without Kili's intervention. The pain made Thorin spiteful.

"I've had him, you know," Thorin said sadistically. "Had him in ways you haven't even dreamed. I've made him plead for my cock, scream my name, thank me for the privilege and beg for more."

Kili was pained by the imagery but Thorin and Bilbo having a sexual relationship wasn't news to him. What cut him more deeply was Thorin striking at him so unfairly and speaking of Bilbo so rudely.

Kili replied icily, "Sounds like he's pretty good in bed, then."

Thorin let out a war cry and looked frantically around for something to throw. Luckily for Kili, his mobility was limited.

He thundered, "Why are you so insolent? So defiant? So disrespectful? Didn't I love you? Didn't I raise you like you were mine?"  
"Is it so horrifying to you that someone around you has their own mind?" Kili countered. "Do you have to be king of everything and everyone?"

 _Time for a tactical change_ , Thorin thought. "Everything makes sense now. All the times you talked back to me on Bilbo's behalf. You did it to curry his favor," he accused.  
Kili paced in frustration. "I did it because it was the right thing to do! Because aside from the feelings I have for him, he is my closest friend who is not related to me by blood. I did it because no one else was doing it. You were his betrothed. He looked to you for guidance and protection and you let him down over and over again."  
Kili stopped pacing and crossed his arms. "Let's imagine that I courted him first and that it was me who put him through all the heartache. Would you have sat quietly aside and watched as I mistreated him? Abandoned him at a party, dangled him in a dragon's den, berated him in front of my company, and nearly killed him for having the audacity for loving me enough to _walk all alone into an enemy camp with the Arkenstone_ , knowing full well he might become a prisoner of war and lose me anyway? Could you have watched someone do that to him and not have been defiant?"

Thorin felt suddenly drained. Listening to his misdeeds listed out so plainly was too much.

"Why Bilbo?" he asked weakly.  
Kili answered, "I could ask you the same thing. Didn't you tell me that one cannot choose whom they love? That when love happens I should take hold of it and not let it go?"  
Thorin pinched his temples and muttered to himself, "The one time this brat listens to me."  
"I did not know you were falling for Bilbo while I was falling for him, too, Thorin. My affections for him were not a willful act of disrespect. I stepped aside for you and watched you be indelicate with his love. I will be thrice cursed to the Void before I will let you shame me for his defense."  
"I need you to leave me," Thorin said. "I can't speak to you anymore right now."  
Kili did as he was told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you have been kneed in the feels-groin and may not appreciate the levity, but sradanvers made the bottom image for me for when Gandalf found out that Bilbo had been working his way through the Durin royal family. 
> 
> http://hobbit-feels.tumblr.com/post/48872270479/fic-update


	42. Whose Side Are You On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continued fallout from Bilbo's decision to leave Erebor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Multitudinous thanks for all who are sticking with this story <3 I appreciate you!

Thorin sat in his tent and brooded about this day that seemed to go from bad to worse. Although his apologies were sincere and his offer to renew their bond genuine, a part of Thorin never truly doubted for a second that Bilbo would return to his side. The fact that Bilbo would leave and not marry him was unexpected and unwelcome news. Thorin was also concerned by Kili's misplaced affections. It did not comfort him that a rival for Bilbo's attentions was his nephew and also one of Bilbo's closest friends. Kili had always been hard to tame, but looking back on his fiercest moments of defiance, they all coincided with times that Thorin and Bilbo were experiencing some manner of conflict. He was not able to leash Kili as an uncle, but perhaps he could use his authority as king.

*****

Bofur saw Kili stalking back to his tent first and nudged Fili.

"Well, at least he isn't bleeding," Fili sighed.

Without a word to anyone, Kili threw back the flap of the tent and disappeared inside. Fili and Bilbo both rose to see about him. Fili stayed Bilbo with a hand on his shoulder.

"Give us a few moments first, okay?"  
Bilbo nodded. 

*****

Fili poked his head in the tent. "Can I come in?"  
"Yes."

Fili looked at his brother standing there with his arms folded and his face stormy.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Fili asked.  
"It went pretty much as you would expect. He was furious, he threatened to banish me, and then he got spiteful."  
Fili was morbidly curious. "How spiteful?"  
"He told me he had sex with Bilbo. He said he had him in ways I hadn't even thought of and then described some of it."  
"Ugh. You know he was just trying to hurt you as much as he could because he's hurt, too."  
"It hurt me more for Bilbo's sake to hear him talk about him so crass. It was disrespectful, like when Dwalin and Nori were talking about them."  
Fili was shaking his head. "I don't think he saw it that way. I think he was just trying to get to you."  
Kili glared at him from under his eyebrows. "Whose side are you on, anyway?"  
"Don't start, Kee. I just think if you are going to be righteously angry on Bilbo's behalf, there are better things to be riled about. What else did he say?"  
"Things I don't want to think about," Kili said glumly.  
Fili looked at him, perplexed. "What would you want to think about less than you want to think about Thorin having sex with him?"  
Kili looked at him so stricken that Fili's chest tightened.  
"Kee?"  
"That I will outlive Bilbo," Kili nearly whispered.  
"Gods, he really _did_ try to hurt you, didn't he?" Fili said gently.  
Kili began to pace. "I knew it was going to be bad. I don't know what else I thought could happen. I mean, seriously, Fee. I fell for his lover."  
"Look, pursuing it after you knew about their relationship was morally hazy but you did not fall for _Thorin's_ lover. You fell for Bilbo before you ever knew Thorin wanted him. I knew before you even told me that you were developing deeper feelings for him. And I knew before Bilbo did that he was falling for you, too. The two of you were nearly ridiculous at Beorn's and Bilbo was frantic until he found you after the spiders got us in Mirkwood. In fact, he was so distracted fussing over your reaction to the poison that it was Dwalin who noticed Thorin was not among us. You fell for _your_ love. It was unhappy circumstance that he wound up being Thorin's as well."  
"Well, regardless, Thorin knows without a doubt how I feel now."

Kili paused, having suddenly remembered another conversation today that took precedence over his rough meeting with Thorin.

"Has Bilbo talked to you yet?" he asked.  
Fili raised his eyebrow. "About what?"  
"Thorin asked him to come back to him, to be his consort again. The term Bilbo used was something like 'full reconciliation.'"  
"Mahal! What did Bilbo say?"  
Kili's expression was serious. "He said no, Fee."  
"See?" Fili laughed with satisfaction. "I told you that you were his choice! Gods, no wonder Thorin has it in for you right now."  
Kili put a hand on Fili's shoulder. "He didn't quite pick me, either. He says he needs some time."  
Fili kept a small smile. "I think that is admirable."  
"Admirable?" He looked at Fili like he was crazy. "I think it is terrifying."  
"You have been so locked in this whole Kili versus Thorin mindset that you aren't seeing this for what it is. Now you can stop chasing and just _enjoy_ him. He's been through a lot. You both have, honestly. Do you really want a snap decision made on the edge of a battlefield within a couple days of his engagement's end? You want him to choose you with a clear mind and an open heart, don't you?"  
"I suppose you are right," Kili reluctantly agreed.  
"Then again, it is going to get pretty awkward around here. Thorin will not want you alone with him, if he chooses not to banish you after all."  
Kili shook his head. "That's the other thing, Fee. Bilbo is returning to the Shire as soon as he gets an escort."  
Fili's eyes grew wide. "He is? What are you going to do, Kili?"

"I've asked him to come with me, actually." Bilbo had entered the tent, catching the very tail end of conversation.

Kili walked over to put his arm around the hobbit.

Fili was shocked. "You've asked Kili to accompany you home?"  
"Yes. I've got some things to work out for myself and Kili has some things to think about, too," Bilbo paused to gaze lovingly at Kili. "But one thing I am sure of right now is that I do not wish to travel without him."  
Fili turned to his brother. "You've said 'yes,' of course."  
Kili couldn't help his huge grin.  
Bilbo stepped forward and took one of Fili's hands. "You've been so dear to me, Fili, and I know you are Kili's lifeline. I am full aware you have a position and duties as your title dictates but if you should desire it, I would very much like you to travel with us, too."  
Fili glanced at Kili with his eyebrows raised.  
Kili answered Fili's silent question. "I also want you to come, Fee. Even if I weren't following Bilbo, I don't think I would be able to safely stay much longer."

This particular announcement was not quite expected, though Fili already had his mind partly made up from times past. He had been willing to walk away from his title, Thorin, and Erebor more than once to be with his brother. Although circumstances had changed, he still knew where he belonged.

"If I am welcome, then I will go with you," Fili said.  
"You don't need time to think on it?" Bilbo asked.  
"No, I've made this decision at least once before and my thoughts on the matter are the same. But," Fili cautioned, "I will be requesting my own room from here on out."

After many hugs, Fili left Bilbo and Kili to themselves shortly thereafter.

*****

"Do I want to know how your visit with Thorin was?" BIlbo asked.  
Kili huffed out a humorless laugh. "No, no you don't."  
"That terrible?"  
Kili shrugged. "It was probably nothing more than I deserved, but his words cut in the deepest places."  
"Do you want to tell me?" Bilbo asked.  
"I don't want to complicate things any further or add to the list of hurts you are already dealing with. I think it is better that you do not know."  
Bilbo's brow furrowed. "Oh my."  
"I will tell you that he knows I am in love with you, like Bofur had said. He's very unhappy about that and pointed out that I could be banished for it." Kili noticed Bilbo's surprised expression and assured him, "I knew that was a possibility from the time you told me about the two of you. It is our culture. There was a chance I might be shunned nor no longer received. Since his position is one of importance, banishment seemed more likely."  
"How does that make you feel?" Bilbo questioned.  
"I suppose someday I might want to visit or return, but Fili would be king by then, anyway. Erebor is the family legacy, I guess, but I never had the drive for it. If it had been on my shoulders to be the one to claim it for my people, it would have sat there until there were only Smaug's bones left under all the gold."  
Bilbo conceded. "I guess that makes sense."  
Kili worried his bottom lip. "He knows I'm leaving with you." He began to ramble nervously." I didn't tell him you asked me to go with you, of course. He just figured out that I meant to follow you and there was no point denying it because sooner or later they'd find me gone and figure it out."  
Bilbo smiled reassuringly. "Kili, it is okay. He was going to know. I'm a bit afraid of what he may try to do between now and then to attempt to prevent it, but there was no point in keeping it secret. Fili was going to have to tell Thorin, anyway. He's far too responsible to just leave at this juncture."  
"I don't think Thorin is done with me," Kili said. "He dismissed me because he didn't want to talk to me anymore today, but I think it is far from over."  
"You think his final word will be that you must leave Erebor?"  
"Could be banishment, could be that he's voiding my contract so I have no claim on what I earned for the trip, could be that Dwalin drags me off to the mountain by my ankles and keeps me there so I can't follow you...I do not know, honestly."  
"I will not leave without you, Kili." Bilbo's voice was determined. "Just in case something weird like that happens, have faith that I would not leave you locked in a room in Erebor and return to the Shire without you."  
"I know you wouldn't," Kili said. And he believed it.

*****

When Balin returned to Thorin's temporary lodgings, Thorin asked him almost immediately where Bilbo had been sleeping. He didn't know why he hadn't asked Bilbo himself the night before. Where had Bilbo spent the night if not tucked warm into Thorin's side?

"It is my understanding that the elves provided Bilbo, Fili, and Kili with a tent when they were banished from the mountain."  
Thorin cringed at the memory. He corrected his friend. "I only banished Bilbo and that was because I was not myself. Were I able to repeat the same action, I would not have done even that."  
"Of course," Balin agreed.  
"So Bilbo is sleeping with Fili and Kili?"  
Balin nodded gravely, "Aye, it would seem that way."

Thorin did not like the sound of that at all.

*****

Bilbo had heated a bucket of water and he and Kili were carefully washing each other's cuts with it in the privacy of their tent. Both of them were shirtless to facilitate matters but Kili's nipple ring was causing Bilbo some distraction.

"Is it common for dwarves have piercings on their body?" Bilbo finally asked, toying with it.  
"I would say many of us do. You should see Mister Dwalin's!" Kili thought for a moment about where some of Dwalin's piercings were and hastily added, "Well, maybe not."  
"Intriguing," Bilbo teased.  
Kili ignored him. "I don't know if you noticed, but Fili has his nipple and navel both pierced. If you were, uh, wondering...Thorin told me once that he took his out after the fall of Erebor."  
"Why would I be wondering about that?" Bilbo asked a little too quickly. In truth, he _had_ been wondering why Thorin lacked body jewelry, but it was disconcerting that Kili thought he cared enough to bring it up.  
"I don't know. I just figured..." he trailed off awkwardly with a shrug. He cleared his throat. "You know, you would look nice with something."  
Bilbo was astonished. "Me?"  
"Why not you?"  
Bilbo rolled his eyes. "For a start, because it would hurt!"  
"Only at first, then an ache for a few days after." Kili protested. "No worse than some of these cuts."  
"It is not only that. I-I think I would look silly with such a thing," Bilbo said shyly.  
"I don't." Kili's hand brushed Bilbo's stomach lightly and he licked his lips. "I think a ring through your navel would be quite a sight to see."  
Bilbo tutted. "Be serious."  
Kili took Bilbo's hand and rubbed it against his crotch. "Feel how serious I am. Merely thinking of it is turning me on."

Kili ran his fingers up into Bilbo's hair, pausing for a moment to play with the short, fuzzy patch on the back of his neck where it was growing back in after being singed. He gripped the longer portion just above it and pulled Bilbo's head back to expose his neck. Kili grazed his teeth along the sensitive flesh before sliding his tongue up the length of Bilbo's throat.

His subject moaned softly. "You know, we're supposed to taking care of each other."  
"That's what I'm trying to do," Kili mumbled onto Bilbo's mouth before licking his way inside it.

Bilbo ran his hands over Kili's bare back as they kissed and let himself get lost in the sensation of being skin-to-skin. Kili was humming his enjoyment as their kisses grew hungrier, which only aroused Bilbo more. He was about to unlace Kili's trousers and give him something more to hum about when someone cleared their throat inside the tent and caught their attention. 

There stood Dwalin, glaring at the both of them.

Bilbo felt a bit of panic at first but it blended into indignation. He was his own hobbit now and Dwalin had invaded his space. 

"May I help you?" Bilbo managed to ask.  
Dwalin spoke roughly, "I won't be telling the king about this. He's already heartbroken enough with your refusal to reconcile. Now it makes more sense to me," he paused to look Kili over. "But only a little," he sniffed.  
He shifted his glare back to Bilbo. "Get dressed. Thorin wishes to speak with you."  
The rest of Bilbo's fear dropped away. " _Excuse me_? You barge in here, you insult Kili, and now you are ordering me around? I don't know if you didn't get the message yet, _Mister_ Dwalin, but I'm no longer the company's burglar and therefore not in the king's employ. If he wishes to speak with me, he may ask me, not command me."

Dwalin's intimidation tactics never sat well with Bilbo's sense of Baggins-like propriety and he had liked them still less when Thorin came to him with Dwalin's ridiculous idea of confronting Smaug at the front gate. This was much too much.

Dwalin sighed. If he returned to Thorin in the king's current mood to say Bilbo refused to see him because Dwalin was impolite, it would not go well for him. 

"Thorin does not command it. He requests it at your leave."  
Bilbo eyed him warily. "I will see him when we are finished dressing our wounds. I shall not need an escort to do so."  
Dwalin nodded. "I will hope you do not tarry _dressing your wounds_ , then."  
He left Bilbo and Kili alone once again.

"I've known him my entire life and I've never had the nerve to speak to him like that," Kili said in awe.  
"It was impolite. Who knows how long he stood there watching before he even cleared his throat? Ordering me to get dressed, being rude to you...even if I were still engaged to Thorin, it wouldn't give his friends the right to order me around like they owned me."  
Bilbo had a fondness for Dwalin at one point--figuring him for a big sop on the inside--but he had seen enough of his stern side to no longer trust him now that he was not Thorin's betrothed.  
"I suppose we ought to get dressed so you can see what Thorin wanted," Kili said reluctantly. "Do you think Dwalin will tell him we were kissing?"  
"No, I believe him when he says he doesn't want to hurt Thorin further. If he does, though, it is what it is. I'm no longer in a relationship with Thorin."  
Bilbo nipped at Kili's lips. "We'll finish this later?"  
"I'll see if I can bribe Fili to stay outside for a while," Kili said, chasing after Bilbo's mouth.  
"Or he can pull the fur over his head," Bilbo volunteered as he clasped his arms around Kili's neck.

Kili smiled at the adorable, half-naked hobbit in his arms. He was ready to go somewhere that Thorin could not summon Bilbo away from him on a whim.

*****

Bilbo ducked his head into Thorin's tent. "Dwalin said you wished to speak to me?"  
"It has come to my attention that you are having to share a tent, Bilbo. It is befitting neither your stature nor my nephews' either one. As one of the heroes of the battle, you should have your own place to stay. Or you know you are always welcome to share my bed."  
Bilbo did not appreciate Thorin's trying to distract him with sex again.  
"I'm quite happy with my accommodation, thank you."  
Thorin frowned. "I must insist that you leave the lads to their tent. I've arranged for you to have your own until we can get back to the mountain."  
"And I must insist that such a thing would not make me happy in the slightest. Kili and Fili comfort me when I wake screaming in the night," Bilbo said pointedly. "I do not wish to sleep alone. I have also told you that I do not wish to go back into the mountain."  
"I could command it, you know. I could make you return with me," Thorin said, threat only slightly veiled.  
 _...and throw Kili in the dungeon,_ he added silently.

Bilbo had feared this, but he willed his voice to stay strong. "I think I could persuade Bard or Gandalf to have something to say about that. Or I could use my ring and disappear completely until I was well outside your borders. I managed to hide from _elves_ for weeks in their own realm, you know."  


The memory of his nights with Bilbo in the dungeons softened Thorin's demeanor. He limped over to where Bilbo was standing. "I apologize. I should not have said that. Bossing you around is not the way to deal with this separation. I'm...I'm not good at this sort of thing."  
"Who is?" Bilbo noted.  
Thorin looked at Bilbo sadly. "I find the nights very lonely without you."  
"You did not find them so lonely when you were sleeping on your hoard."  
Thorin looked wounded and Bilbo immediately regretted his words. He was already hurting Thorin enough.  
"I apologize for that, Thorin. Was there anything else you needed? I think I should go before we start fighting."  
"I, uh..." Thorin started. He yearned to tell Bilbo everything that had been in his head and heart since Bilbo turned him down. "No, that was it. Let me know if you change your mind."  
Bilbo felt like that last sentence seemed to indicate more than just the tent situation. He exhaled slowly. "You'll be the first to know if anything changes at all, Thorin. I promise."

*****

Fili and Kili were together, waiting for Bilbo to return. Kili had mentioned his and Bilbo's fears of what Thorin might do to change his romantic fortunes. His brother did not seem to disagree. Kili also mentioned Dwalin catching them shirtless and kissing.

Fili had been waiting for Thorin to summon him as he did Kili. It seemed only a matter of time. He did not want to be caught off his guard, though. He decided he would go to Thorin himself and get it over with. 

Bilbo returned without incident and both Fili and Kili were relieved that it was so. Bilbo and Kili disappeared together into their tent. Kili had bargained for some private time with Bilbo tonight. Fili did not begrudge it in light of the day they had. He headed over to have his talk with Thorin.

*****

"Fili," Thorin greeted his nephew, a little surprised to see him in his tent unbidden. "Before you even start, please tell me you are not in love with the hobbit, too."  
"No. I care for him and we have our own battle bonds, but fraternally only."  
Thorin nodded his approval. "Then it seems loyalty and love still flow within some of my bloodline."  
Fili jumped to his brother's defense. "Kili has loved you his whole life, Thorin. So much so that I think he used to want to be you."  
"So much so that he decided to pursue my lover!"  
"That is not fair," Fili argued. "If you will remember correctly, he didn't even know you were courting Bilbo until you were engaged. By then, it was much too late for him to stop his heart."  
Thorin's voice was pained. "You always defend him, Fili! How can you take his side on this of all things?"  
"Do you think he doesn't know this is terrible? He's been torn and tormented by his love for you, his love for Bilbo, having to watch the two of you together...he's been heartbroken since Lake Town."  
"He's been insolent since Lake Town," Thorin muttered.  
"He's been advocating for Bilbo because Bilbo had no one else if you were cross with him. You have Balin and Dwalin, a company of dwarves, you now have a kingdom, but if you are angry with Bilbo, whom does he have? His friends, Kili being chiefest amongst them."  
"Where does that leave you?" Thorin asked.  
Fili sighed. "I am Kili's protector just as he has decided he is Bilbo's. Moreover, Bilbo and I have created our own brother-bond. If Kili is going to follow Bilbo to the Shire, that is where I shall go as well."  
"You are my heir, Fili! How can you leave Erebor right as we reclaim it? I need you right now."  
"Thorin, you will have help. Quite a bit of it, actually, now that Dain is here. Bilbo won't, and neither will Kili. Both of them are fragile and they've taken some rather large emotional blows. Not to twist the knife, but I would say they have both received a sizable chunk of their current heartbreak from you."  
Thorin glared. "They have broken _my_ heart, not the other way around."  
Fili nodded in concession. "Then you all are tending wounds, but do not think that Bilbo is not damaged by what has transpired these past several days." Fili paused, considering his next confession. "You know, there was a time that Kili and I feared for his safety and tried to sneak him away."  
"What?" Thorin snarled.  
"You were gold sick and you had assaulted him in front of the company. You threatened to chain him up. Even at our urging, he still would not leave you. When he came back from trading the Arkenstone for our safety, he knew something awful would happen. We tried to get him to leave again, but he would not go. He would not be parted from you. _You_ made him leave, Thorin. Even with you trying to end his life shortly before that, I don't think leaving crossed his mind. I think he still might have stayed had you not forced him gone. If he can walk away from you willingly now, you must realize the damage you've dealt him was great indeed...more than an apology can fix at the moment."  
Thorin considered this. "And how have I broken Kili's heart, pray tell?"  
"I think you and Kili himself have broken it. He never intended to fall in love with the same person you did. He even hid it and tried to suppress it so he could focus on the quest and behave the way you wished for him. Once your relationship with Bilbo became public, Kili was too far gone to stop his feelings. How does one just stop being in love? Wouldn't it be easier for you with Bilbo leaving if you could just stop loving him right now?"  
"But I cannot!" Thorin protested.  
"And neither can Kili. It hurts him. His relationship with you is irreparably damaged and that hurts him, too."  
"He did it to himself," Thorin insisted.  
"But he cannot undo how he feels anymore than you could. I think at least a part of him following Bilbo to the Shire has to do with his feelings for you. It is difficult for him to be around you right now. He's let you down."  
"Damn right he has let me down."  
Fili countered, "But you have let him down, too."  
Thorin replied acidly, "Well, it seems you have my misdeeds properly cataloged and ordered. Your administrative skills are keen."  
Fili said nothing.  
After a minute, Thorin asked, "Why do you have to go, too?"  
"To keep an eye on my brothers is the root of it, although I will admit that I have an interest in retracing some of our steps in a more pleasant fashion now that there isn't an orc army bent on our extermination. Kili and I both liked the Shire a great deal and Bilbo's stories of it have made it sound even more enticing."  
"You can't be lazing about in the Shire when you've got a kingdom to inherit!" Thorin said, exasperated.

Fili grew serious. "Thorin, there is an unpleasant reality to face and we may as well speak of it now. If Bilbo stays in the Shire and never returns to you in Erebor--and even if I stay with him the entire time--I'll still be back within the next 50 years, well before you expire, in plenty of time to learn the things I would need to run a kingdom."

Thorin bowed his head. Bilbo's short life span had quietly pained him for some time, now, but for Fili to be making practical plans around Bilbo's death made it seem too real. He regretted for a moment bringing it up to Kili earlier.

His voice was broken when he spoke again. "And Kili? What of him?"  
"That depends on you. If you need to banish him and shun him to save face or seek revenge, do what you must. It was never truly about Erebor for him, anyway. Kili only came for you and me. He could be happy anywhere. He just wanted to be where we were. He may yet wind up back at Ered Luin with our mother before all is said and done. I can tell you that if he is banished when it is time for me to return, I shall bide my time and make my first act as king revoking the banishment so my brother could join my side again if he chose."

When Kili told Thorin truth he didn't want to hear, it always felt like disrespect. Yet when Fili told him things he didn't want to hear, it just seemed as though the dwarf was direct. Some day when he had less weight on his heart, Thorin would think on why that was. For now, he was going to make the most of Fili's frankness...even if it wounded him anew.

"Fili, does Bilbo love Kili?"  
Fili had been expecting this question and he answered carefully. "I think he does. Kili has long been one of his best friends and allies...they've had something special between them for a while."  
Thorin's heart sank. "What do you think will become of Kili's journeying home with him?"  
Fili answered truthfully, "I do not know. Possibly nothing. Maybe everything."  
Thorin shook his head. "How can I stop it?"  
"You can't. Intervention right now would be riskier than doing nothing at all. All you can do is speak your heart and let things unfold from there. If you try to physically restrain Kili, you will lose him, me, and likely Bilbo as well. If you try to physically stop Bilbo, you may as well just chain him up in Erebor's dungeon because he would be nothing more than your captive. Keeping him against his will would mean losing him emotionally forever. I don't know if you've noticed, but he's pretty fierce when he's cornered."  
Thorin smiled ruefully. He had noticed that, indeed. "So that's it, then. I sit here and let my love leave, observe my youngest nephew pursue him with the intent of winning him for himself, and I've got to watch you leave with the both of them on top of it all?"  
"Bofur told me once-"  
"-Bah, Bofur!" Thorin interrupted. "Nosy toymaker...I regret that I ever brought him."  
Fili's eyes flashed fire. "Do not discount him, Thorin. Just because he isn't Dwalin or Balin doesn't mean he has nothing to contribute. He is quick, sharp, and wise. He watches people, Thorin. Not only that, but he truly _sees_ them. He told me once that Erebor was a lonely reward. He said that if you wanted the mountain that she would be jealous and not share her king. He knew long ago that Erebor would cost you nearly everything if you followed through to the end. So now you have your mountain and you've reclaimed your kingdom. It comes at a price, Thorin."

Thorin remembered the conversations he had with Bilbo in Lake Town about abandoning the quest so they could have each other. Thorin pressed the issue of taking Erebor because he thought he could have it all. He wondered now if the gold sickness had been looming even before he saw a single coin.

"How is it that I'm so easy to leave?" Thorin asked.  
"I don't think you are easy to leave. The things you've chosen to value are shaping your life right now and the people around you are shifting their focus accordingly. Bilbo is trying to figure out where his own life should lead him independent of all the responsibilities you would place on him if he stayed by your side and carried your title. He may return yet. Kili finds no part of this easy, but you know how single-minded he can be when he's determined. I'm going with two people who are emotionally wounded and who would be alone without me. One, the other, or both will need me before the end. I know you are wounded, too, but you are far from alone."  
"I should be so angry with you right now." Thorin said. "I should be furious. Instead, I merely feel defeated."  
Fili had no words of comfort for his uncle. 

*****

Bofur eventually found Fili by the fire closest to his tent, lost in thought.

"Looks like we'll be headed back towards the mountain in the next day or so. All of us are about good to make the walk now," Bofur said while taking a seat next to him.  
Fili nodded, looking into the fire.  
"Will you be coming back with us, then?" Bofur asked.  
"No," Fili glanced at his friend. "Bilbo has made some decisions."  
"Oh?"  
"I don't think he would mind me telling you that he is returning to the Shire. He's extended the invitation to Kili and I to make the journey with him. He's not promised Kili anything more than that, but you know my brother is going to do his best to get permission to stick around a while," Fili smiled.  
"You bet he is!" Bofur smile faded a bit. "So, uh, this is it for our heroic quartet, is it?"  
Fili shifted to face Bofur. "Not necessarily. I know you would be very welcome to join us. Bilbo and Kili would like it and I would like it, too. I think with what we've been through, the four of us have a special bond of our own."  
"That's-that's a grand idea, lad, it truly is. Tempting and not just a little flattering to boot. The matter is that I've got Bombur and Bifur here. I need to get them settled down, send for Bombur's wife, wait for her to arrive, and things of that nature."  
Fili's disappointment showed on his face. "That makes sense. If I'm leaving for my brother, of course you would stay for yours."  
"If I would be welcome, I'd love to come visit the three of you when things do get settled," Bofur ventured.  
Fili's voice was kind but his eyes were sad. "You'd always be welcome, Bofur. No matter where we were."  
"Don't be too down, Fili." Bofur hooked an arm around Fili's shoulder. "Someone has to stay and write the proper songs about what Bilbo did for us to even have an Erebor to settle in the first place. Fili and Kili will also feature prominently. I'm going to make sure everyone learns to sing them, too. It is the least I can do."  
"Don't forget to include Bofur in a verse or two."

Fili leaned his head on Bofur's shoulder and Bofur pulled him closer. They sat quietly gazing into the fire for a long while.


	43. Because You Make Me Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kilbo smut and schmoop

Bilbo was on Kili as soon as they were alone. He pressed against him and pulled his neck down so he could part Kili's lips with his tongue. Kili shuddered and moaned--Bilbo loved how responsive he was--and walked Bilbo backwards towards the cot. In between kisses, Kili managed to mumble the words, "Bilbo. Naked. Now." The loss of contact for the duration of shedding their clothes was unwelcome. With each piece they separated to remove, they came together forcefully after, trying to reclaim the precious lost seconds. They only slowed their pace when they were fully undressed, the closeness being what they craved.

Kili laid Bilbo on his back and straddled his legs to drink in the sight of him. Kili ran his fingers gently across Bilbo's bruise. "Does it hurt?"  
"Yes, along with my sore arms and legs...but not enough to matter. Not when I've got you alone like this."  
Kili crawled up Bilbo's body, hovering above him propped up on knees and hands, trailing licks and nibbles until he reached his mouth. Bilbo groaned into the kiss and tried to pull Kili's body against his with his hands. He was met with resistance, so he arched his body up for contact. It wasn't enough.  
"Kili," he hissed in frustration. "Put your weight on me. I want to feel you."  
Kili frowned. "I don't want to hurt your stomach."  
" _Please_."

The need in Bilbo's voice went right to Kili's cock. He relaxed himself onto Bilbo, who struggled to not vocalize his pleasure. Bilbo started grinding against him without hesitation. He was ran his hands over Kili's back as he claimed his mouth. Kili made low noises in the back of his throat as he picked up the rhythm with his own hips.  
Bilbo panted, "Being quiet is so frustrating. When we get to Bag End, we're putting Fili up somewhere so I can take you to bed for a day and make you moan like a whore."  
"We have to wait for Bag End for that? I was thinking the first available town," Kili leaned down to nip at his lover's neck.  
"Not as much privacy in a town. What about the other people in the inn that could hear us?"  
"We'll be legends," Kili smiled impishly.  
Bilbo laughed and laced a hand through the Kili's hair to pull his kiss to him once again.

Bilbo loved the feel of Kili on top of him, touching him and kissing him. Bilbo was giddy with desire. Kili set him on fire with want but there was also tenderness and joy. The more Bilbo felt it, the more he wanted of it. He wondered if Kili bubbled with the same joy he did...or perhaps he felt the fear Thorin said he felt when they first began. Bilbo frowned inwardly.

"Are you scared?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili was too busy kissing his collarbones to look up. "Of what?"  
"Of going with me, of this, of us?"  
That got Kili's attention. He slid his arms under Bilbo's shoulders and into his hair. Gazing into Bilbo's eyes, he said softly, "The only thing that scares me is being without you. This, _us_...this is right for me. I'm not scared of it. I trust it."  
Bilbo could not help the warmth that spread through his chest.  
Kili nudged Bilbo's nose with his own. "What about you?"  
"I trust it, too." Bilbo answered truthfully.

Their lips met and Bilbo shifted Kili onto his side as they kissed. By the time they broke free again, Bilbo had Kili fully beneath him and was biting and kissing across his torso.  
Kili's voice was dark and raspy with arousal. "Bilbo, taste me."

Bilbo smiled into the kiss he was pressing into Kili's ribcage and worked his way lower to comply. He closed his mouth around the head of Kili's prick and moved his lips over it until he was squirming underneath him. Leaning one arm over Kili's hip to hold him down, Bilbo took nearly his full length in his mouth at once. Kili let out a cry and his torso arched off the bed. He tried valiantly to stifle his other sounds as Bilbo drew him in and out of his mouth, flicking his tongue against him.

Kili threaded his hands through Bilbo's hair. "Yes, _please_ ," he breathed.  
Kili began to roll his hips and Bilbo hummed a moan. He pulled himself off Kili's prick. "That's it, Kili. Fuck my mouth."

The vulgarity of the request set Kili ablaze. Bilbo slid down his length again and Kili began to move, timidly at first but picking up in urgency as Bilbo increased his pace. Bilbo added a hand to the base of his lover's erection so he would not choke as Kili grew more wild. Bilbo fought to breathe as Kili wantonly took his pleasure from his mouth. Kili bit his own arm and screamed into it as Bilbo sucked him to his finish. 

Kili was lying back with his eyes closed and breathing hard as Bilbo pulled himself up to straddle his hips. Bilbo thought Kili was gorgeous like this, laid out and spent. He took himself in his hand. Kili having his mouth aroused him so much that he was leaking. It was not going to take him long at all to reach release. 

Kili heard Bilbo hiss in a breath and opened his eyes. Bilbo was astride him, pulling at his own cock and doing a beautiful job of it if his face was anything to go by. Kili smoothed his hands up and down Bilbo's thighs as his stroking became more heated. He was fascinated with watching the way Bilbo touched himself. He made note of it for later. Bilbo began to shudder and pump himself so fast he was losing his rhythm.

"Yes, do it," Kili purred. "Finish on me and lick it off."  
The lewd suggestion pushed Bilbo over the edge and he did as Kili asked, leaning forward to spill over his cock and stomach. Once he was wrung out, he lowered himself to clean him with his tongue. He kept his eyes on Kili's the entire time. 

Bilbo crawled alongside his lover and settled in on his side. Kili scooted a bit to give him room.  
"That was...are you always this dirty?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo smiled. "It is going to get more dirty than this. You're a fine one to talk, you know. I think you are going to make me considerably naughtier."  
"I'm looking forward to that!" Kili giggled as he tightened his hold on him.

As they lay recovering, Kili lazily traced shapes on Bilbo's hip with his fingers. His hand would trail back a little further each time, caressing the swell of Bilbo's backside. He liked the way it made Bilbo shiver. He thought about the things that Bilbo had yet to teach him and it made his core tingle. 

Bilbo tried to take care not to push back into Kili's touch. He knew it would not take much to encourage him. He wanted to give that particular pleasure to Kili and take it for himself, but he knew now was not the time for such decisions. Still, he imagined how Kili would behave, being filled by him in such a manner. Kili was so responsive and enthusiastic...gods, how fantastically he would take it! Or give it. Bilbo had stroked himself to completion more than once thinking of Kili's promise to him on the mountain of what he would do if Bilbo ever taught him about penetration. 

Bilbo had been so lost in his reverie that he hadn't noticed Kili's abandoning all pretense and stroking his cleft until he dipped deep enough to spread him. His eyes snapped up at Kili, who had been watching him with a great deal of interest.

"You're hard again," Kili said.  
Bilbo smiled. "So are you."  
"Bilbo...since we can't do it, will you tell me about it?" Kili's voice was shy but his look was one of pure heat. Bilbo didn't have to ask what "it" was.  
"I've already told you, remember?"  
Kili hummed. "That was general, though. I want you to _describe_ it."

Kili rolled on his side so he could embrace his lover. He palmed the swell of Bilbo's ass and pulled him in tighter. Bilbo ran his hand over Kili's own backside and let it linger.

"Well," Bilbo began, whispering the words into Kili's lips. "I would dip a finger in oil and swirl it around your sensitive hole. When it was slick, I would slip it inside you. Would you like it inside you?"  
Kili moaned agreement and nipped at Bilbo's lip, squeezing his ass.  
Bilbo gazed into Kili's eyes from his close position as he whispered what would be next. "I would slide it in and out of you until you were relaxed and sighing for it. Then I would take another finger and slip it in right beside it, stretching you out full. I'd slide those two in and out as well, perhaps widen them apart until you start to buck and whine underneath me. Do you think I could make you cry out, Kili?"  
Kili's eyes were wide. "I'm about to cry out now just thinking about it," he breathed.  
He was rutting his erection into Bilbo's hip as he spoke to him.  
Bilbo shifted so he could keep one hand on Kili's arse and wrap one around his lover's hardness. Bilbo stroked it as he continued.  
"Mmm, I'll cry out, too, feeling your tightness around me. When you are comfortable enough with those two fingers that you start pushing back against me and begging for it, I'm going to put a third one inside you." 

Bilbo slipped his fingers down into Kii's cleft as he spoke, deep enough to tease. Kili strangled a groan and reached for Bilbo's erection. He began to pump it in time with the rhythm Bilbo had set on his own cock.

It was harder for Bilbo to speak, now, but he managed. Voice coming in pants, he said, "Those three fingers inside you will make you feel so full, Kili. I'll slide them in and out of you until you scream. I'm going to stretch you for my taking."  
Bilbo couldn't resist smoothing a fingertip over Kili's pucker as he spoke. "You will look so lovely, being fucked open by my hand."

Kili responded with a moan too loud for a tent and increased his speed on Bilbo's cock. Unable to talk any longer with Kili working him over, Bilbo rubbed Kili's hole from the outside as he slid his fist over Kili's cock. Kili broke first, biting Bilbo's shoulder as he came in his hand. Bilbo was not far behind and grunted hard as he spurted his end, suppressing the scream he felt. 

The pair hung onto each other as they caught their breath. Kili finally leaned back to look at Bilbo. "Is-is that how it is really done or were you just being scandalous to bring me off?"  
Bilbo kissed him. "That is how it is done. Or how it starts, anyway."  
Kili dropped his head back on the cot. " _Mahal_! And we've got to wait for that?"  
"Oh, Kili. I'm trying to be cautious about this but I feel like it is getting away from me. I can barely think straight when you and I are alone together like this."  
"I feel it, too," Kili murmured. "But I understand."

The two of them were lazing in quiet contentment when Kili broke the silence.  
"I-um, I want to ask you something that is going to be, uh, strange."  
Bilbo nodded. "Go ahead."  
"Was it...was it like this for you with Thorin?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo looked at Kili. "No, no it wasn't."  
Kili's face fell and he turned his head. "Oh, okay."  
"Kili, look at me." Bilbo touched Kili's face. "This, what is between us? This is unlike anything I've felt before."  
Kili's face brightened with a wide grin. "I love you."  
"My sweet Kili." Bilbo hugged him close. "I love you, too."

They cleaned themselves up before bed as well as they could. Kili gathered the blankets and they took a moment to get comfortable around their hurts.  
"I want you to know how pleased I am that you accepted my request to travel with me," Bilbo said quietly, snuggling into him.  
"Was there a doubt?" Kili asked.  
"I've put you through a lot. I did not want to assume that you would want to pursue this, particularly given that I haven't made you any promises even still. But I wanted you with me. I knew that for certain."  
"I'm not complaining at all, but what made you certain?"  
"Because you make me happy."  
Kili kissed the top of Bilbo's head. "You make me happy, too."


	44. In My Heart, In My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Look, Thorin...I said some things yesterday that were harsher than they needed to be. This is sad enough without me compounding the hurts. I'm sorry for the more cruel things I snapped at you."  
> "No, I deserved them and more. I owe you an apology for pressing my authority as king when you were already feeling defensive around me. I just..." Thorin looked around furtively. "I do not wish to speak of this here. I do not command it and I know I cannot reasonably expect it given these past couple days, but could we talk in private?"  
> "I need to find Gandalf this morning but could we speak later?"  
> Thorin smiled one of _those_ smiles and Bilbo discovered that not even a death threat made him immune to it.

Kili woke when Fili came back in to get ready for sleep. Before Fili extinguished the candle, he met his brother's eyes. He indicated Bilbo with a tilt of his head and a raise of the eyebrows. Kili gave him a faint nod and a sleepy, blissful smile before snuggling Bilbo a bit tighter. Fili was thrilled for Kili that Bilbo asked him to accompany him to the Shire. He wanted Kili to have a real chance to see if anything could come of this relationship. Fili was happy to go along, too. He would not easily be parted from either of them at this juncture. It was going to be difficult to leave Bofur behind, though. He thought sure Bofur would jump at the chance to go but his reasoning made sense. Maybe he would join them yet. 

"If we get that far," he thought darkly. He hoped that Thorin would take his advice to not interfere in the departure. Although he was speaking in Bilbo and Kili's best interest, his advice would have been the same even if he wanted Thorin and Bilbo to marry. Forcing anything--Bilbo to stay, Kili to stay behind--would only have the opposite effect Thorin wanted. The chance that Bilbo would leave Erebor and realize that Thorin was the one he truly loved would only be there if Bilbo was given the freedom to leave in the first place. Fili knew Bilbo loved Thorin, but he was truthful when he told Kili about Bilbo's glances that belonged to him alone. 

Kili had not yet gone back to sleep when Bilbo began to twitch and whine in his arms. He spoke low in Bilbo's ear to wake him, careful to not shake him and cause further panic.  
"Nightmare?" he heard Fili ask from the next bed.  
"Yes," Kili said as Bilbo stirred awake. "I think we caught it early."  
Bilbo looked at Kili with wide eyes. "Kili?"  
"I'm here. Hush, you were dreaming."  
Bilbo closed his eyes. "Same dream. I hate this."  
"I know you do," Kili comforted him.  
The three of them eventually fell back to sleep and stayed that way until morning.

*****

Thorin joined the company around the fire the next day at breakfast as it was already underway. His eyes found Bilbo as he approached.

Bilbo was breaking off little pieces of the elvish waybread and throwing them while Kili was trying to catch them in his mouth. The first one bounced off his nose and hit the ground. He picked it up, looked at it appraisingly, blew on it, and ate it anyway. Bilbo giggled at the scene.

"What?" Kili said indignantly. "Dirt doesn't hurt!"  
"The look on your face was fantastic!" Bilbo laughed.  
"Come on, try me again." Kili widened his stance and swayed his lower body back and forth. Bilbo would swear he was doing it suggestively.  
"If you move like that, I can't aim!"  
"But if I'm in motion, I can catch it easier!" Kili reasoned.

Bilbo aimed and this time Kili caught it. His arms went up in the air and he shouted in victory. The dwarves near him watching the scene also roared their approval. Bilbo was doubled over laughing.

Thorin couldn't hear what they were saying but Bilbo's laugh carried on the crisp morning air. Remembering back, he had heard that laugh before: on the streets of Lake Town, in the common room in their lodgings, at the tavern after their engagement, at the company's going away party--and all with Kili. Thorin reminded himself that he had made Bilbo laugh plenty, too, but it didn't quell his uneasiness.

He sat with Balin on the opposite side of the fire, his desire to avoid an altercation with his nephews overriding his want to be near Bilbo for the moment. He still had not been noticed by them. He watched as Kili fed Bilbo a piece of waybread and licked the crumbs off his thumb. The intimacy of it made him uncomfortable. Bilbo noticed him finally, his smile from giggling fading at first but then replaced with a shy quirk of his lips. Thorin supposed it was natural to be a bit awkward with each other under the circumstances. He returned Bilbo's expression. He was rather surprised to see Bilbo get up and start walking toward him. He flicked his eyes back towards Kili and saw that he was a little shocked as well.

Bilbo stood in front of Thorin. "How are your injuries today? I see you are able to join us at last."  
"Hm? Oh yes, I'm doing better. Looks like we'll be moving the company back to the mountain so we can get down to matters. There's much to do right now, not the least of which is gathering up the gold and silver to get these Men off my doorstep."  
"How are they ever going to transport all that?" Bilbo wondered.  
"I think they will have to get it in installments. Logistically, it is going to be a nightmare. They don't have nearly enough horses or wagons here to fulfill their request outright. I daresay Bard didn't think that one through."  
Bilbo huffed a laugh and Thorin was proud at being its cause.  
"Look, Thorin...I said some things yesterday that were harsher than they needed to be. This is sad enough without me compounding the hurts. I'm sorry for the more cruel things I snapped at you."  
"No, I deserved them and more. I owe you an apology for pressing my authority as king when you were already feeling defensive around me. I just..." Thorin looked around furtively. "I do not wish to speak of this here. I do not command it and I know I cannot reasonably expect it given these past couple days, but could we talk in private?"  
"I need to find Gandalf this morning but could we speak later?"  
Thorin smiled one of _those_ smiles and Bilbo discovered that not even a death threat made him immune to it.  
"That would please me greatly, Bilbo."  
Bilbo leaned in so that only the king could hear him. "No tricks, though...no waiting for me naked or trying to get me into bed to change my mind."  
"Would that work?" Thorin asked, looking at him with mock innocence.  
Bilbo blushed a bit. " _Thorin_!" he admonished in a whisper.  
"It was a fair question," Thorin protested. "So, soon?"  
Bilbo nodded. "Soon."

The blush on Bilbo's cheeks and the small smile tugging at his lips as walked away was not lost on Kili. 

*****

After a brief search, Bilbo found Gandalf toward the center of camp. 

"I am ready to make my return to the Shire," Bilbo said.  
"So you've chosen not to renew your engagement, then."  
"I suppose so. I'm still not sure what it is I want, but I know what I do not want. The life I want is not in Erebor, nor is it under anyone's thumb. It grieves me so, because I still have love for Thorin."  
Gandalf nodded solemnly. "And what of Kili?"  
Bilbo bit his lip and smiled. "Kili and Fili are accompanying me on my trip back home."  
"You look besotted but your choice of words seems careful," Gandalf surmised.  
"Another thing I know I do not want is to leave Kili behind. I'm not quite ready to swear myself to him, though."

The wizard smiled to himself and Bilbo felt like it was part of a different conversation, perhaps one Gandalf was having with himself.

"You'll figure it out when the time comes," Gandalf finally said.  
Bilbo frowned. "I worry about leaving Thorin. I know I shall miss him terribly."  
"The choice is bitter, to be true. There has to be someone who loses and that is the tragedy of it. Continue to follow your heart and ask yourself the right questions, Bilbo."  
BIlbo sighed, "I suppose."  
"Bard will remain for a time as he settles the terms of his contract with Thorin, but Thranduil and the elf host should be on the march soon. We will depart and go with them if you will be ready by then."  
"I should be," Bilbo said.

*****

BIlbo sat for a while alone at the large fire near the general's tents. Was he doing the right thing? He had thought he was, but Thorin's smile still melted him like spring snow. Before long, he would be far away from Thorin. Instead of being a tent or a fortress away, it would be days, weeks, months. The thought knotted Bilbo's stomach. He would be deeply loved if he stayed, he knew that. They would have no shortage of physical passion, either. Bilbo remembered other things, though. Before the dragon sickness, Thorin still brooded. He was still possessive. His temper flared, hatefully at times. His kingdom came first even before he truly had one. And perhaps it should, Bilbo reminded himself, but was that what _he_ wanted?

Bilbo thought about Kili. Kili made him feel young and hopeful, not to mention the lad's uncanny ability to turn his insides to pudding. They also had a physical attraction so strong between them that it was difficult to contain. And so much joy. Bilbo had only been truly unhappy regarding Kili when he denied himself from the dwarf. _No_ , he thought to himself as he headed back in the direction of Thorin's tent, _This is the way it needs to be_.

*****

Bilbo stood outside Thorin's tent and called to him. He was welcomed inside where he and Thorin were alone.

"Did you have a productive talk with Gandalf?" Thorin asked. "I should probably take a meeting with him myself."  
"I was arranging my return home," Bilbo blurted out.  
Thorin flinched. "Is that so?"  
"Yes." Bilbo looked down.  
Thorin took a deep breath. "How long?"  
"When the elven host sets out to return home, so not long."  
"Bilbo, I hate this feeling of helplessness I have right now. I want so badly to make you stay, but I cannot force you. I wish I could exercise some authority as king but that is what got me into this mess to begin with. All I can do is speak my heart."  
Thorin grasped both of Bilbo's hands and held them to his chest. "You are everything in this life I never realized I wanted because it had not been my place to want anything for myself. I did not cherish you as I should have once we reached the mountain. I cannot blame all my faults on the dragon sickness, but I just...I thought we'd have time, you know? And I did the unthinkable. I made several of the most foolish decisions of my life that week. I've loved you for a long time and swear to continue to love you for even longer. I will do anything you ask of me. I beg you reconsider your decision to leave me. I ask you not as King Under The Mountain but as a simple dwarf in love. I will go anywhere. I will do anything. I'll carry the Arkenstone to Mirkwood and mount it on the king's throne itself if you ask it of me. Please do not ask me to live my life without you, Bilbo." Thorin freed a hand to wipe his eyes. "I don't think I've shed as many tears my entire life as I have since we've parted."

Bilbo was speechless. His chest tightened and his resolve began to fade. Mouth agape, he just stared at Thorin with watery eyes threatening to spill.

Thorin cradled Bilbo's neck and pressed their lips together, Bilbo quivering under his hand. Thorin pulled him closer and deepened the kiss. Bilbo surrendered to the hot, wet onslaught. He tangled his hands in Thorin's hair and pulled him tighter, suggestively sucking his tongue. He felt the familiar scratch of Thorin's beard against his skin. Thorin took his time to savor Bilbo in his arms.

When he pulled back at last, he rested his forehead on Bilbo's and gazed into his eyes. "Do you miss me, Bilbo?" he asked breathlessly. "Do you miss my touches? My kisses? Because I miss yours."  
"Yes," Bilbo confessed. "I do miss you. I miss all of that. I miss it so much that it _hurts_."  
"Then why are we denying ourselves?"  
Bilbo was at war with himself. He closed his eyes and breathed deep, trying to clear his mind.  
"Because I want you like this. Or more simply, I would just want you. You are not a simple dwarf in love, Thorin. You are a king. You've lived your whole life as one and nearly all our points of contention in the past have stemmed from the fact that you behave as one whether or not you own a mountain. If you left Erebor for me, we would both pay a high emotional toll. If I stayed in Erebor, I would no longer be who you loved. I thought I could live with it but after what has happened, I don't think I can. Even if we could overcome all that, the life we would have together would forever be tainted by what happened on the wall, by the gold sickness, by jealousy and hateful words."  
"I don't know what else I can say to you or promise you to show you that you are wrong. But you are wrong, Bilbo." Thorin kissed his lips tenderly. "You are wrong."  
"Please, Thorin. This is not making it any better for either of us. It only makes it harder. We're only going to hurt each other more."  
"I'll be able to travel back to the gate, probably today. I-I don't wish to go back to Erebor without you, Bilbo."  
"We made the choices that led to that end long before today," Bilbo said sadly.  
"We?" Thorin asked.  
"I've made mistakes, too. You weren't alone in the damaging of our relationship."  
"Please at least come back to the mountain with me. You could use a warm soak for your wounds before you travel and the beds there are better than the cots we have in these tents. I would give you your own."  
"Thorin, I am not comfortable returning to the mountain. Bad things have a way of happening when you are king of your own fortress."  
Thorin stiffened. "You do not think I would let you go again? That I would keep you against your will?"  
"Look me in the eyes and tell me truthfully you hadn't thought of it at least once."  
Thorin gazed at Bilbo but said nothing.  
"Thorin, we will always be bonded in some way. I am marked by you; I wear your imprint. We've been through so much, saved each other time and again...I have no choice but to carry you with me wherever I go. Our paths aren't the same right now."  
Thorin paused for a long moment to think.  
"You-you know Kili means to follow you?"  
"I've let both he and Fili know they are welcome to come with me."  
"So he is not following unbidden?" Thorin frowned.  
Bilbo sighed. "No, he is not."  
"Bilbo...do you love Kili?"

_Well, there it is,_ Bilbo thought to himself.

"Yes."  
Thorin shut his eyes and bowed his head. This was nearly the worst outcome he could have imagined. "Have you two...bonded?"  
"We are battle-bonded, yes."  
Thorin looked at Bilbo seriously. "No, I mean have you made love? Like...like hobbits?"  
"Not that it is any of your business, but no."  
Thorin began to pace. "How is it not my business if our engagement ends and then you consummate another with someone else inside a week?"  
Bilbo sighed exasperatedly. "Because it just isn't. Your invitation into my private life ended when you broke our ties on the wall and threatened to end me. You sent me away."  
"And I've told you I'm sorry. I'm sorrier for that than I am for anything else I've ever done in my life! But it would be even more agonizing if it meant that you made love to someone else."  
"What if I had?" Bilbo asked quietly.  
Thorin stopped pacing. "Had what?"  
"What if I did make love to someone else? Would you be able to let me go then? Live your own life? Leave our memories behind you?"  
Thorin answered without thinking. "No, I wouldn't. It would make me crazy thinking that you carry another's mark along with my own, but I would still have you as my consort. I've told you Bilbo: I will be waiting for you in Erebor until I'm no longer a part of this world."  
"Thorin, you cannot wait for me. You have a life to live. A life that was always going to be longer than my own even if we married."  
"I'm a dwarf, Bilbo. I'm not a hobbit. Things work differently for us." Thorin paused for a moment. "Do you want to?"  
"Do I want to what?"  
"Do you want to consummate your bond with Kili and marry him?"  
Bilbo shook his head in despair. "Please stop making me say things that will hurt you. It is bad enough as it is."  
"So yes."  
"No! I don't know. I don't know what I want right now." Bilbo threw his hands up in exasperation.  
"But you want Kili to go with you to the Shire and you are leaving me in Erebor. It sounds like you know enough to me." Thorin said, defeated.  
"I've made Kili no promises. He knows I'm still in love with you."  
"You are still in love with me?" Thorin asked.  
"Of course I am, Thorin. It doesn't just go away. Not even for hobbits."  
Thorin sighed. "Don't do that to him, Bilbo."  
Bilbo looked at him incredulously.  
"Rival or not, he's still my nephew. I don't want his heart to be broken. Well, I suppose I _do_ want his heart to be broken because I want you. But I don't want the process to be long and painful. For any of us."  
"I don't, either. But Kili and Fili are my best friends. I want them on this journey with me."

Thorin bowed his head and pulled Bilbo close. 

"Bilbo Baggins, I love you with all my heart."  
"Oh, Thorin," Bilbo croaked. "I love you. I wish love was enough for us."

Thorin lifted Bilbo's chin and kissed him again. He ran his tongue over Bilbo's lips and then gently slicked his way inside. Bilbo sealed his mouth tighter on Thorin's and held him close as they kissed.

Bilbo sighed sweetly as they separated. "Never let it be said that such things were on our list of issues."  
"If I promised you a million such kisses, would you stay?"  
"I might, but I would not be happy Thorin. You can't kiss me every hour of every day, no matter how much you want to say you would."  
"So..." Thorin trailed off.  
"So I probably better go. I could spend the next week kissing you goodbye, but goodbye would still be the end of it."  
"I'll still see you today, but probably not again privately while we are in camp." It sounded more like a question.  
Bilbo nodded.  
"But you'll still come to the gate?" Thorin asked. "There's the matter of the treasure you will be leaving with. That and seeing off the company."  
"I will still come to the gate, Thorin. I promise I will not leave without a last farewell."  
"If you change your mind about it being a farewell..."  
Bilbo smiled. "I promise you'll know."

*****

Bilbo left Thorin's tent and found his way to where Kili was sitting at the fire. Kili had been sitting there since he watched Bilbo disappear into Thorin's tent earlier.  
"How's the day going? What have I missed?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili looked at him critically. "You might want to see if the healers have any more of that salve." Kili's tone was hard and wholly unfamiliar to Bilbo.  
"Why?"  
Kili eyes were on fire. "Because you have Thorin's _beard rash_ on your face," he hissed angrily before rising and stalking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh SNAP


	45. What Have I Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _In our last episode--_  
>  Kili looked at him critically. "You might want to see if the healers have any more of that salve." Kili's tone was hard and wholly unfamiliar to Bilbo.  
> "Why?"  
> Kili eyes were on fire. "Because you have Thorin's beard rash on your face," he hissed angrily before rising and stalking away.

Bilbo sat stunned for several moments, touching the side of his face. He jumped up and ran in Kili's direction.

"Kili, wait!" Bilbo shouted.

Kili did not slow down so Bilbo ran harder. Kili kept walking but held out a palm to his side. 

"No! Leave me be!"

Bilbo slowed to a walk. He was perhaps a dozen paces behind him.

"Kili," he called brokenly.  
Kili turned to give him a sharp look. "Just...don't."

He started to walk away again, but whirled back around. His expression was a mixture of confusion and disgust.

He said, "You are really something, you know? You tell me it isn't because of Thorin that we can't be a couple, but everything you need to work through pertains to Thorin somehow. You say you love him, but you are going to leave him here and take me with you to the Shire. You want me with you, but I can't court you properly. I've had it with you, Bilbo! How are you ever going to move past him if you can't keep your mouth off his? And what about me? "

Kili threw his hands up in frustration and walked around in a circle before he kicked the ground.

"How...how could you kiss him again?" Kili's voice cracked as his shoulders deflated. "Hard enough to get a rash?"  
Bilbo did not have much defense and he knew it. "I have made you no promises. He kissed me and I found myself kissing back. But I told him-"  
"No promises? No promi-" Kili stopped to spit a mirthless laugh. "No promises! You're right. You've not given me any promises. Just false hope. You asked me to come with you. You've taken me to bed and told me you loved me, that you loved _us_. You said that you've never felt this way before. And I believed you! I believed you because I love you."  
He shook his head and his eyes narrowed. "You must think I'm so stupid. Did you and Thorin laugh about it, Bilbo? Laugh that I thought for a second I could ever be your husband?"

Kili turned his back to Bilbo and began walking.

"Kili! Please, understand. It is hard for me to leave him behind."  
Kili paused to glance around at Bilbo. "Then maybe you shouldn't," he said bitterly.  
"Oh, Kili..." Bilbo said helplessly.  
Kili's voice carried behind him as he walked away. "I'm done, Bilbo. Go back to your king."

Bilbo stood rooted to his spot, watching Kili leave him. He thought about how badly he had mucked things up. He knew going into Thorin's tent that he wanted to leave with Kili. How could he kiss Thorin, anyway? Nevermind, he knew exactly how. Thorin's sweet words certainly touched him, and he never could quite resist a chance to kiss him...much less for what could be the last time. Still, even with Thorin's tempting mouth in front of him spilling kisses, declarations, and invitations, he did not stay. He left because he and Kili had something too strong not to explore.

_"I love you, Bilbo."_  
_"Call each other husband, of course."_  
_"I touch my bag when it gets too much for me."_  
_"I've waited so long to touch you."_  
_"But I would, you know. Marry you."_  
_"Teach me. I want to feel you."_  
_"I will go in Bilbo's place."_  
_"I've been lonely for you far too long._  
_"We could run away, Bilbo. Anywhere you want to go."_  
_"This, us...this is right for me."_  
_"I've got you and you are safe."_  
_"All I ever wanted in this world was for you to love me like that."_

Emotions flooded through him as his memories engulfed him. How could he have been so willfully blind? It was all in the past, though. Kili was finished with him. Bilbo had hurt him one time too many, so much so that Kili told him to go back to Thorin. Gods, what had he done? Bilbo felt like he might be sick. He had to get out of here. He needed to go far, far away.

" _Gandalf. I need to find Gandalf_ ," Bilbo thought.

He sprinted towards the generals' temporary quarters.

*****

Fili did not know what was going on but he saw the fight happen from a distance. He saw Bilbo stand still for a few moments and almost fall backwards before cutting and running into the tents. He watched Kili stalking toward the perimeter of camp. Fili ran as fast as he could to catch up.

"What...was...that...all...about?" he panted when he caught up.  
"The Ballad of Bilbo and Thorin," Kili proclaimed sarcastically. "The _epic love affair_. I'm just the sorry dimwit that got stuck in the middle of it all."  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
"No, Fee. Not this time. I can't even bring myself to say it out loud."  
"Did he...did he choose Thorin?" Fili asked.  
"We didn't get that far. I told him to stay here and go back to him."  
Fili was alarmed. "Kili! Have you gone mad?"  
"Look, I said I don't want to talk about it!" Kili screamed.  
Fili flinched at Kili's raised voice.  
"I'm sorry. I don't even know why I'm yelling at you. I-I would rather like to be alone for the moment, Fee."  
"Okay, Kee. Be careful out here by yourself. Don't stay too long."  
"I will be fine," Kili said.

Fili knew by the look on his brother's face that he was not going to be fine. Not at all.

*****

"Well, I will see what I can do but these things have a time and a place," Gandalf told Bilbo.  
"Please," Bilbo said frantically. "I have go to go as soon as possible. I can't bear it anymore. If I thought I could find my way, I would go alone."  
"No! Bilbo, do not consider for a moment trying to find your way back by yourself. We will work things out as best we can but if the elves aren't ready to go yet, they cannot be rushed. They are still working out their terms with Thorin."  
"If that is the way it must be." Bilbo said quietly as he toed at the ground.  
"Promise me you will not leave on your own. In your mother's name."  
Bilbo looked up at Gandalf, momentarily stunned. He cocked his head and looked down. "In the name of Belladonna Took, I promise you I will not leave by myself."  
"Thank you. I will come find you if we can leave early, otherwise plan to be on Thranduil's schedule and not a moment before. I expect you will not wander far?" Gandalf raised his eyebrows.  
"No, Gandalf. I will be in my tent," Bilbo conceded.

*****

When Fili got back to their fire, Bofur was waiting for him. They leaned their foreheads together affectionately.

"I"ve been looking for you," Bofur said, smiling.  
"Aye, and Thorin has too," they heard Balin say. "You and your brother."  
"What? Does he need to talk to us?"  
"I imagine so, as soon as you are done," he gestured in a lazy motion with his hand, "doing whatever it is that you are doing."

Fili looked back at Bofur and they laughed.

"I guess I'll be back?" Fili said to Bofur.  
"At any rate, I won't be leaving before Thorin is ready," Bofur chuckled. "You'll know where to find me."

*****

"Thorin? Balin said you needed me?" Fili said, entering the tent.  
Thorin nodded. "Yes...where is your brother?"  
Fili debated internally. He didn't know why Thorin wanted to speak with him to begin with.  
"He's off somewhere brooding," Fili decided to say.  
"Brooding? What has he got to brood about? Bilbo invited him to go with him to the Shire. He should be on top of the world. Or at least in here eager to throw it in my face."  
Fili was a little surprised at Thorin's words. Neither he nor Kili let Thorin know Bilbo invited them. "Who said we were invited?"  
"Bilbo did. He told me this afternoon," Thorin said matter-of-factly. Thorin was more bothered than he let on but he was trying to get used to the way the words tasted in his mouth.  
"I don't understand why Kili didn't tell me that himself," Thorin wondered. "We had quite a row yesterday...that would have been good ammunition."  
"Because he is not actively trying to hurt you, Thorin," Fili said, pinching his temples. "He's not out to get you."  
"Why didn't you tell me, either?" Thorin asked.  
"it was enough to tell you we were going. Plus if Bilbo...well, if Bilbo had changed his mind and decided to stay, it would have made it a bit awkward that he invited us to go with him."  
Thorin inclined his head. "So you were protecting him somewhat."  
Fili nodded guiltily.  


Thorin took a breath and spoke on the exhale, "I wanted to do this with you both here, but I guess you'll have to do for now. I've, uh, decided I'm not banishing Kili."

Fili's face broke into a smile.

Thorin held up a hand. "Now, that does not mean that I am not hurt, furious, or bewildered. But it does mean that when you return, there will be no sentence to overturn to have your brother by your side."  
"Thank you, Uncle. That means a great deal to me."  
"I've also decided that you and Kili will be entitled to your shares as contracted. I'm not revoking Kili's right to what was won, although it was tempting. You should know that in trying to work out how we will get Bard's share to him, we've figured out that there is no earthly way you could transport much to the Shire. In fact, the Shire would probably be overrun or overthrown if anyone knew such a treasure was hidden there."

Fili thought about Kili. If what Kili said earlier about Bilbo was true, this might be a pointless conversation. He decided to say nothing of it for now.

Thorin continued, "If it be amenable to you--and if Gandalf is right about your accommodation--we can send a few small chests and bags to pack out on your ponies. It should be quite more than you would need for some time. You may always return to Erebor for more. If such a thing is possible on our end, perhaps you might request an envoy to deliver you more. I'm sure some of the company will wish to visit you while you are gone. Bofur particularly, I would expect."

Fili rolled in his bottom lip and tried not to grin.

Thorin pretended not to notice. One problem nephew at a time, he thought. 

"It is my wish that Bilbo return to the mountain to sort his share. If he wants armor, jewels, or anything other than coins, I would prefer for him to pick them out."  
Fili glanced at his uncle skeptically.  
Thorin gave him a look. "I would _not_ keep him prisoner, if that is what you are thinking. I would merely like him to select what suits him best. He has already told me he does not intend to come inside the mountain, for the same reason you suspect. With that in mind, I will pack him some things I want him to have and I request that you pack the rest since you are close to him."  
"I will do that for him," Fili agreed.  
Thorin sighed. "I expect with everything that has happened that Kili would have a similar reluctance. Honestly, I'm not keen myself to welcome him at all in light of what happened today. I don't think I could be responsible for my actions. I would request that you also take care of those matters for your brother."  
"Yes, of course." Fili replied automatically. "Wait, what happened today?"  
" When Bilbo told me today he loved Kili, I truly-"  
"What?" Fili interjected. "Bilbo _told_ you that?"  
"Yes, unfortunately," Thorin said sadly.  
Fili was still flummoxed. " _Bilbo_ told you with his own voice that he loves _Kili_?"  
Thorin turned his head to the side and looked at Fili out of the corner of his eye. "Yes. Surely you knew that? You mentioned it the other day."  
Fili tried to recover a bit. "I only said I thought so. What I think and what Bilbo says are two different things."  
"It was a very hard thing for me to hear, you must understand. I am not at all happy about this. I am making these arrangements out of respect for you and my sister, but things have not been forgiven or forgotten. What I did to Bilbo is my burden, but this is something else entirely. Am I making myself clear?"  
"Yes, Thorin. But-"  
"Please do not try to defend your brother right now."  
"Yes, Thorin," Fili relinquished.

Thorin worked his way over to the tent flap. Fili noted his limp was much improved.

The king peeked out at the sky and sighed. "I was hoping to go back up to the mountain tonight but tying up the loose ends here is taking longer than I thought. After you leave, I still have to have yet more discussions with Bard and that infernal Elvenking. Something about emeralds this time." Thorin shook his head.  
"Emeralds?"  
Thorin shrugged. "Leave it to the elves to be picky."  
"Is there anything else you wish to discuss, then? If not, I'll leave you to it."  
"No. Just..." Thorin paused. "Fili, do not think I care not for your brother. It is because I care for him that I am sick with grief that we should come to this. It is not right that I should face a rival in my own bloodline."  
Fili touched Thorin's brow. "I know. You may not want to hear it now, but he feels the same."

*****

Kili sat in the middle of nothing. He picked at the dead grass until there was only dirt in front of him. He was angry and heartsick to the point that he could not even bring himself to cry this time. He had been sitting so long that his back was aching when a shadow fell across him. He looked up to see Gandalf.

"There is safety in numbers, Kili," Gandalf cautioned.  
Kili stood and shook the dead grass off his lap. "I needed to be away for a while."  
Gandalf gazed at Kili in such a way that Kili thought he could see through to the other side.  
"Would your reason for solitude be the same reason that Bilbo asked me to leave with him this afternoon?" Gandalf asked.  
"You must be mistaken, Gandalf." Kili's tone was clipped. "Bilbo is staying to be Thorin's consort."  
"A wizard does not make mistakes, Kili. Bilbo wanted to leave so desperately that he begged me to ride away with him this afternoon. No treasure, no Kili, no Fili, and certainly no waiting for the security of the elves. Why do you think that is?"  
Kili feigned nonchalance. "What business is it of mine what Bilbo does?"  
"Confound it, you stubborn dwarf!" Gandalf thundered, gesticulating with his staff in hand. "You have a chance right now that others in your position would trade _everything_ for and you are throwing it away on petty jealousies!"  
"A chance to be second best?"  
"A chance to _make something_ of whatever is between you two!"  
"You don't understand, Gandalf," Kili said miserably.  
"Oh, don't I?" Gandalf replied.

Kili regarded him, getting the distinct impression that although Gandalf was looking directly at him, he was clearly seeing someone else.

Gandalf came back to himself. "I will not be granting Bilbo's request because it is far too dangerous. I've also made him swear on his mother to not leave here alone."  
"Leave alone?" Kili exclaimed, horrified. "He mustn't! Oh, he'd die, Gandalf! He'd get lost or injured or captured by rogue goblins!"  
"And I thought it was no business of yours what he does," Gandalf said smugly.

Kili pouted and looked up at Gandalf through his eyebrows.

"We will not leave until the elf host is ready, but they prepare even now. They are planning on granting the heroes ponies enough to carry both person and a small amount of treasure."

Gandalf started to head back toward the tents. 

He shouted back over his shoulder to Kili, "Do let me know if they needn't bother setting aside ponies for you or your brother. I daresay there are others within their ranks that would like to reclaim them."

*****

Kili returned to camp and found a remote spot near the fire to sulk alone. Fili was sitting and chatting amiably with Bofur. He noticed Fili periodically stealing glances at him but thankfully just letting him be. Kili saw no sign of Bilbo. He supposed Bilbo was hiding out in his tent and that suited him just fine. Or maybe he was in Thorin's tent? That idea suited him far less fine. It made his throat burn, actually. He thought about what Gandalf said. If Kili had given him leave to go back to Thorin like he so obviously wanted to, why was he so eager to leave? Why did he not even want to wait for his gold? So soon after the battle, going somewhere with just the wizard was not particularly safe. And Gandalf said he considered doing it alone? What madness was that? Was he so eager to leave Kili behind once he was cut loose? But then Kili expected him to run to Thorin, not home. Kili pushed the heels of his hands over his eyes. All this thinking in circles was giving him a headache.

Bombur popped into their area with some cakes for everyone's dinner. _Lembas_ , they finally learned it was called. They were still having trouble getting the portioning down, but they were doing much better. Fili took a fourth a cake and settled next to his brother. He broke off a bite and silently handed it to him.

"Not hungry, Fee," Kili said glumly.  
"Eh, eat it anyway," Fili insisted. "One bite is supposed to be a whole meal, though I still don't see how."  
Kili pushed his hand away. "I don't want it."  
Fili sighed heavily. "If you would have taken it, you would be done with it by now instead of still arguing."

Kili gave his brother a dirty look and ate the food.

Fili munched on a bite himself. "Are you still determined to end things with Bilbo?"  
Kili shot Fili a withering look out of the corner of his eye. "Don't want to talk about it."  
"Well, Thorin wanted to talk about it today," Fili said casually.  
Kili scoffed. "I'm sure he did. I'll bet he's thrilled."  
"No, no he is the opposite of thrilled. He and Bilbo had a bit of a meeting today, it would seem."  
"Oh yes, a _meeting_. I'll bet they had a couple."  
"No, just the one. They talked earlier before I found you and Thorin left for Bard's tent just after I spoke to him. He's there still."

Kili thought that was weird. He was sure Bilbo would run back to Thorin right away. He made a non-committal noise.

"It appears that Bilbo told Thorin he invited you to the Shire with him," Fili said.  
Kili turned to stare at Fili. "He told Thorin that? Why would he do that?"

Kili realized he suddenly seemed too interested. He cleared his throat and coughed.

Fili shrugged and flicked his eyes towards his brother. He went in for the kill. 

"I don't know. Possibly the same reason he told Thorin he loved you."  
Kili stood in an instant and faced Fili. "You lie!" he hissed.  
"I swear to you, Kili. Bilbo told Thorin today that he loved you. Needless to say, Thorin is furious."  
"But why? What would make him say such a thing?"  
"Maybe because it is true," Fili ventured.

Kili sat back down slowly, reeling from the news. He ran a hand through his hair. Bilbo admitted his love for Kili to _Thorin_ of all people. He wouldn't have done that if he wanted to stay with Thorin. It made sense to him now why breaking it off with Bilbo did not send him into Thorin's arms like he thought. Kili remembered the feeling of wanting to run away when Bilbo first told him they couldn't be together. That's why Bilbo was trying to get Gandalf to leave with him today! He was trying to run to the Shire as fast as he could because Kili rejected him. Because he truly loved him.

Fili watched Kili's face as the threads all started to come together. He did not know what set Kili off earlier to begin with, but soon Kili wore an expression that was equal parts wonder and terror.

"He's in our tent." Fili handed him the remaining lembas and nudged him. "Go on."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost at 900 comments. Holy shizz! Thank you all for commenting, discussing, rec-ing, reblogging, doing graphics, and all the rest. I'm so tickled :D


	46. Things That Do Not Change And Things That Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How did I lose him, Balin?" Thorin lamented. Balin took a breath to reply and Thorin said, "Wait, do not answer that. I already know."

Bilbo had returned to his tent after speaking with Gandalf. He sat on the cot, willing his mind to empty while staring into nothing. It was simply easier not to feel for a little while. He remained in that spot long enough for the edge of the cot to begin uncomfortably biting his legs. He reclined and bundled himself in the blankets that he and Kili had been sharing. The scent of Kili surrounded him and that was all it took for the realization of what he had lost to overwhelm him. Bilbo sobbed hysterically until he was hiccuping and could barely breathe. He rolled on his side, gathered the blankets tighter in his fist, and continued to cry until he had no energy left to stay awake. He fell deeply into an exhausted slumber and did not so much as stir when Fili came in to check on him. Fili regarded him sadly for several moments before he lit a candle and slipped back out again. 

*****

After speaking with Fili, Kili crept into the tent. He found Bilbo sleeping in _their_ blankets and felt a twinge. He approached him quietly and studied him. Bilbo's eyes were obviously puffy even though they were closed. His hair along his pillow side was damp and the inside corner of his opposite eye was still wet with a fat tear that hadn't evaporated yet. Kili could tell Bilbo had wept bitterly and long before falling asleep. 

" _I did this to him_ ," Kili thought. 

He wanted to wake him but he did not want to disturb him. Or maybe he was afraid of what Bilbo would say to him. All Kili had ever wanted was Bilbo's love and now that he was as close as he'd ever been, he might have lost his chance. He was thankful that Gandalf was unable to fulfill Bilbo's request to leave this afternoon. Kili decided to pull up a chair near Bilbo and wait for him to wake. Watching the candle flame proved a bit too hypnotic and he too dozed off after a short while.

"Kili?"

Kili opened his eyes to see Bilbo still where he had left him but with eyes open.

Kili's voice was gentle and sweet. "Hey. I brought you something to eat."  
Bilbo sat up in confusion. "What are you doing here?"  
"It is my tent." He smiled weakly.  
Bilbo furrowed his brow.  
"And besides," Kili reached out to tuck one of Bilbo's damp curls behind his ear. "You're here."  
Bilbo's voice quivered as his face crumpled. "Kili?"  
"Bilbo," Kili breathed before launching himself into Bilbo's arms. 

They held each other tightly, quaking with sobs, breaking apart periodically to pepper kisses across each others face and hair before clinging to one another again.

"Kili, Kili, I'm so sorry, Kili," Bilbo blubbered.  
Kili stroked Bilbo's neck. "Shhh, hush."  
"I'm so very sorry,' Bilbo wailed into his shoulder.  
"I'm sorry, too." Kili said.  
"No, it was true, it was all true, everything you said about how awful I've been. Except I never laughed at you, Kili. Never, ever laughed at you. Not once. I swear it."  
Bilbo shook with more sobs as he gulped for air. "I meant everything I said to you. I've been horrible but I have loved you. I've loved you. I've loved you, Kili. I _still_ love you."

More tremors jolted through Bilbo as he cried.

Kili's heart broke as Bilbo wept in his arms. He would have nearly preferred Bilbo angry and fighting to this.

"Hush, you've not been horrible," Kili murmured.  
"Yes I have," Bilbo insisted. "I don't know what I thought I was doing."

Bilbo hiccuped and tried to catch another breath. Kili rubbed his back, trying to calm him. He was still weeping himself, but not as frantically.

Kili put his hands on Bilbo's face and drew back to look in his eyes. "I do _not_ want you to go back to Thorin. I'm so sorry I said that to you. That is the opposite of what I want."  
Bilbo gazed back at him with full, watery eyes. "Y-you aren't done with me?"  
Kili held him tight again, holding his head and talking into his curls. "I should not have said that, either. I'll never be done with you. Not ever."

Bilbo began crying anew, this time more in relief than sorrow.

"I'm so sorry, Kili."  
Kili began rocking Bilbo gently. He said, "This day has been terrible. Don't let us do this again, okay?"  
Bilbo choked a laugh through his tears. "Okay."

They held each other until the waves subsided. Kili gently dabbed at Bilbo's tears with his knuckle. Bilbo reached up and swiped Kili's away with the pad of his thumb.

"Bilbo," Kili whispered before gently kissing Bilbo's lips. "I love you. That has not changed."

After they had calmed, Kili broke off a piece of food and held it up to Bilbo's mouth. 

"You need to eat. Open," he said.

Bilbo complied obediently and he softly took the bite from Kili's hand, eyes locked on his. The moment was unexpectedly touching for Bilbo. His heart was open and bleeding from the events of the day. It had been shockingly simple for him to figure out what he wanted once he watched it move beyond his reach. Now Kili was here--holding him, taking care of him--and Bilbo felt like he might have some hope after all.

Bilbo sniffed. "I-I've made a mess of everything. I should have known. That very first time I waited in your room, I should have known it."  
Kili took his hand and squeezed it. "Should have known what?"  
"That there was no sense in fighting what I felt for you. It has only grown stronger from the start. I put everyone through so much and and it was all pointless!"  
Kili didn't want Bilbo to get agitated again. He tried to soothe him. "It was not pointless."  
Bilbo wanted to be honest with both himself as well as Kili. Holding back had almost cost him dearly.  
"I could not have married Thorin, Kili," Bilbo confessed. "I thought I could because we were fully bonded but it was never going to happen. Not after I fell for you."  
Kili was stunned by this confession. "You do not think you would have followed through with a wedding?"  
Bilbo glanced up at Kili through his wet lashes. He asked him quietly, "How could I marry him when I was in love with you?"  
Kili's eyes were wide. "How long have you known this?"  
Bilbo thought about the morning Fili talked to him about Kili. "Before Bard came to the gate."  
" _Mahal_ , Bilbo. Why didn't you tell me?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo raised his eyebrows, chewed on the inside of his cheek, and shrugged. "I told you I didn't know what I was doing."

Kili couldn't help but smile back at him. However, a lingering question was in Kili's mind. If they were going to lay it all out, he needed to know something.

Kili asked, "Why were you kissing Thorin today?"  
Bilbo sighed. "I'll tell you the truth even though you will not like it. He begged me to stay and spoke tenderly to me. When he kissed me, I was swept up in it. I knew even as it was happening that my decision to leave was not going to change but I still let us have those last tastes of what we had. That part is the most difficult for me to leave behind because it was never part our problems. I wanted to kiss him goodbye. I can't defend it, Kili. I have no excuse. Just a reason. I wasn't thinking about how it would feel for you. I was only thinking of myself...and prolonging the inevitable for Thorin."  
Kili looked strangely calm. "Was that the same conversation where you told him you loved me?"  
"How did you know I told him that?" Bilbo was surprised.  
"He told Fili."  
"He asked me if I loved you," Bilbo admitted.  
"But you told him the truth," Kili pressed.  
"Yes."

Bilbo was right, Kili did not particularly like hearing about how easily Bilbo fell back into Thorin's embrace or that Bilbo was loath to leave their physical relationship behind. Even so, Bilbo was sitting here with _him _and confessing some pretty big truths. What's more, he told Thorin he loved Kili. Kili almost could not wrap his mind about the implications of such a thing. And even after what Kili said to him today, somehow Bilbo was begging _his_ forgiveness instead. Kili had feared that he had ruined it all...especially after Gandalf told him Bilbo was frantic to leave. He hoped in light of the tears and the apologies that Bilbo still wanted him to travel with him but the fearful side of him still worried. __

Kili took a deep breath. "About me going to the Shire with you..."  
Bilbo cupped the back of Kili's head. "Please come with me, Kili. Please. I need you."  
"Yes, I will go with you." Kili murmured. "Just try and stop me."

Kili pressed his lips to Bilbo's for a lingering moment before parting them for a deeper taste. Bilbo opened up to the kiss, sighing softly into Kili's mouth. Kili detected a faintness of honey from the lembas Bilbo had just eaten. Their movements were languid with lips sliding across one another, dampened by the mingling of tongues. Kili had a strong arm stretched around Bilbo's shoulder while Bilbo cradled Kili's head tenderly. Bilbo licked silent promises into Kili's mouth and he accepted them dreamily. 

When they parted, Kili said, "I will follow you anywhere, Bilbo. You do not even need to ask." 

*****

Fili sat outside with Bofur and most of the company. He didn't hear any screaming (or moaning, for that matter) from the direction of the tent, so he had a reasonable hope for good news. Kili had been gone for a long time, though.

"They'll be fine," Bofur said.  
Fili looked at him curiously.  
Bofur pointed to his head. "You are thinkin' rather loudly."  
"Every time they manage to get two paces ahead, they fall another three paces behind. I try to look at it realistically and factor in the other influences, but it makes me sort of crazy that they cannot get this to work. They are crazy for each other. Have been for ages."  
"Aye, I noticed it a while back. For a short time, I thought Thorin might have the advantage but I've long since changed over."

Fili made a noise of frustration and scrubbed his hands over his face.

Bofur said, "It will work out and when it does, all this trouble will make them appreciate it more. That was Thorin's problem. It came too easy for him. Bilbo had to jump through hoops and prove himself to win Thorin; all Thorin had to do was be majestic."  
"Bo, I've been meaning to ask you something. Were you in love with Bilbo at some point?"  
Bofur smiled bashfully. "Aye, but his eyes weren't for me. I've made peace with it, though I still have a soft spot for him. For both of you, to be honest. You're rather...uh, pretty. And you're courageous with big hearts. Always been a sucker for that."  
Fili looked thoughtful. "Did you ever make your feelings known to him?"  
"Oh no. It was always about Thorin and Kili for him. I could see it from leagues away. I wouldn't even have tried to compete."  
"You are pretty special yourself, you know," Fili said.  
"I appreciate you saying so. Means a lot from you." Bofur said. "Um, Fili?"  
"Yes?"  
Bofur indicated himself. "'Bo?'"  
Now it was Fili's turn to smile bashfully. "I have a tendency to nickname people who mean a lot to me."  
"Then I'm honored," Bofur said as he slipped an arm around his companion's waist.

*****

Bilbo and Kili emerged from the tent together--much to Fili's great relief--and stayed close to one another as they joined the group. Fili and Kili had a conversation with their eyes that assured Fili that the storm had at least passed temporarily. Fili bade them sit with him and Bofur on their side of the fire. He wanted to tell Kili of Thorin's decisions now that the Bilbo situation was somewhat sorted. Before he had a chance, though, Thorin and Balin returned from their meeting with Bard and the Elvenking.

__Thorin glanced at Bilbo and Kili sitting close enough to touch and tried to swallow the lump in his throat so he could address his company, now fully assembled._ _

__"As I shared my happiness with you, my brave companions, so shall I share my grief," he began in his strong baritone. "In the morning, we return to Erebor and begin her rebirth. We will also make plans for the departure of my dearest Bilbo Baggins. My deeds and actions at the gate rightly proved too much for him to bear and so he takes his leave of us. He will be returning to his beloved Shire."__

His words were spoken without a trace of bitterness though they pained Thorin greatly.

He continued, "He will be joined on this journey by a royal escort. Fili and Kili will personally see him home safely on behalf of all of us who have come to care for him. It is my wish that the three of them would soon make their way back home to Erebor where they belong. I would have them enjoy the renaissance of the mountain that they fought so bravely to reclaim." 

Thorin turned his attention to Bilbo, walking over and making a somewhat painful effort to kneel in front of him. He took Bilbo's hand and kissed it gently. 

"There would be no Erebor to rebuild without you, Bilbo Baggins. All my love goes with you, wherever you may travel."

Kili was too astonished to be jealous.

Thorin stood and nodded deeply at both his nephews. No one noticed if his gaze burned a little more fiercely and lingered a little longer on Kili. 

Thorin retreated to the opposite side of the fire to have a word with Dwalin as the other members of the company immediately swirled around Bilbo, Fili, and Kili. Ori was nearly in tears. As the fuss was being made, Bilbo noticed Thorin return quietly to his tent with Balin right behind him.

Kili leaned in to speak softly in Bilbo's ear. "Are you okay?"  
Bilbo appreciated Kili's warmth against his side in a way he hadn't before today. "Yes, I think I am." 

*****

The well-wishers began dissipating enough for Fili to fill Kili in on the rest of the details of his conversation with Thorin. While the brothers were talking, Ori had attached himself to Bilbo and did not want to let go.

Bofur comforted Ori. "I am already planning my first visit. I know you would be welcome to come along with me. Wouldn't he, Bilbo?"  
"Yes, of course," Bilbo replied. "You told me you wanted to visit the Shire again someday to continue your hobbit research, didn't you Ori?"  
"I did," Ori agreed.  
"There you go, then. You can have a nice, long visit," Bilbo assured him.

*****

"How did I lose him, Balin?" Thorin lamented. Balin took a breath to reply and Thorin said, "Wait, do not answer that. I already know."

He fought the urge to pace, wanting to save his ankle for the trek back to the gate. He fidgeted instead.

"Curse the dragon and his hoard," Thorin scowled. "And curse the mountain, too."  
Balin inhaled in shock. "Thorin! You cannot mean that! This is our _home_ we've reclaimed. It has been everything you've thought about from the moment we fled. This is monumental for you and for our people."  
"I had something greater, something just for me. He did not care if I had a mountain or if I owned nothing more than a pack and a bedroll. I gambled him for a chance to have it all and I lost."  
Balin scoffed. "You didn't lose. You may have lost Bilbo but we have _Erebor_ back, Thorin. If you could do it all over again, you know would still choose the mountain."  
Thorin shook his head. "You are wrong, Balin. If I knew it was going to turn out like this, I would have run away with Bilbo before we ever left Esgaroth."  
"Thorin!" Balin was scandalized. "If your sires could hear you now..."  
"If my sires could hear me now, I might tell them to go elegantly fuck themselves."

Balin had to sit. He was concerned he would faint from the horror of hearing Thorin speak this way.

"Their possessiveness, greed, and gold sickness runs through my veins and cost me my real treasure," Thorin said. "Trying to do right by my bloodline meant I had to disappoint the one I love. Years of being haunted by their ghosts in my mind hardened me to my duty and blinded me to all his needs but the physical."  
"He fell in love with a king. Surely he knew a king would have concerns other than him?"  
Thorin nodded. "He did. He made sacrifices of the heart for me. And what did I do? Made fun of his fondness for elves and wouldn't even stay at a party with him." He laughed through his nose without merriment. "Kili plays games with him, makes him laugh, asks him about the Shire...he is so damned _open_ with him. How could I compete with that?"  
Balin snorted. "Surely you are joking. You are a warrior-king, proven time and again as the worthiest of the worthy. You took on the most impossible task known to our age and succeeded. How can you compare yourself to a second-rate princeling who is little more than a footnote in the Durin family line?"  
"Because hobbits are _different_ , Balin! It is the companionship they seek, not the titles! Bilbo was willing to forego his entire reward for us, for Erebor. The reward that he nearly died I know not how many times to earn! Not even for our kingdom itself, but for his companions. It is love, not gold, that moves him." Thorin looked at Balin darkly. "I would ask that you watch how you speak of my heirs. Although I am furious with Kili, he is anything but second-rate."  
Balin looked chagrined. "Yes, I do apologize." He cleared his throat uncomfortably.  
Thorin sighed heavily. "I've done everything I can think of to convince Bilbo to give me another chance. All I can do now is love him enough to let him go."  
Balin put his hand on Thorin's shoulder. "He may be back yet, lad."

Thorin shook his head. " _Not this time_ ," he thought.

*****

Fili, Kili, Bofur, Bilbo, and Ori were the last ones awake by the fire. Ori had started Bilbo in on telling stories of home again. Kili listened raptly as he always did.

"Oh! Tell Bofur the one about your father building your house!" Fili said.  
"Your father built that gorgeous thing?" Bofur said in awe.  
"Yes!" Fili beamed. "He wanted to ask Bilbo's mother to marry him but she was from a well-to-do clan that was rather known for having a streak of adventure. Nothing less than building her the grandest hobbit hole in the Shire would do for him to woo her and keep her in one place for a while."  
Bilbo just stared at Fili.  
"What? I love that story. It might be my favorite one you tell," Fili said.  
"It _is_ a fine tale," Bofur assured him.  
"I would never have taken you for such a romantic," Ori said.  
"You'd be surprised, Ori," Kili said. He doubted he and Bilbo would have gotten very far at all without Fili's belief in love. 

Ori excused himself from their company for the evening not long afterward.

"I will be going to Erebor with the company in the morning to ready us for departure," Fili said.  
"What? Why?" Kili asked.  
"It is important to Thorin for Bilbo to take more special items with him instead of just gold," Fili explained. "I've been put in charge of doing some of the gathering. Although you are not banished, Kili, he is not too keen on you journeying to the mountain right now, so I'll be packing up treasure for you and I as well."  
"I already told Thorin that I don't care if I get any treasure at all," Bilbo said.  
"Be that as it may, Thorin is packing one of your chests himself with things he specifically wants you to have,' Fili said.  
"Fine by me. I'm not very comfortable entering the gate at the moment, anyway," Kili said.  
Bilbo shook his head. "I would be afraid for you to go, Kili. I'm not too thrilled with Fili going, either, if you want to know the truth of it."  
Fili said, "I have spoken to Thorin enough to believe I'm not in any danger, Bilbo."  
"I'll be there with Fili, too" Bofur added. "I would not let anyone harm him or keep him against his will as long as I had breath to defend him." 

Kili and Fili were both stifling yawns as the hour grew later.  
"Bofur, we have an unused cot in our tent. Why don't you sleep in with us tonight?" Bilbo asked.  
"You're going to have to wake Fili to leave in the morning, anyway," Kili reasoned.  
Bofur said, "I wouldn't want to be inconvenient."  
"We'll just not sleep naked tonight," Kili said. "It will be a hardship, but it is worth it for a friend to have warm, fur blankets."  
Bofur was obviously blushing even in the dark.  
" _They_ sleep naked," Fili corrected. "I don't. Not without a bedmate, anyway." Fili winked at Bofur.  
Bofur blushed even more furiously but still smirked back at Fili.  
As Bofur and Kili filed into the tent, Bilbo whispered to Fili, "My, my...where have you been hiding this wicked side?"

Fili waggled his eyebrows at Bilbo, pulling a giggle from him before they joined their companions. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FEEEEELS
> 
> come-chaos (http://come-chaos.tumblr.com)
> 
> made a lovely, angsty Bagginshield graphic quoting this chapter--  
> http://come-chaos.tumblr.com/post/49871589902/hobbit-feels-come-chaos-bagginshield-angst


	47. Almost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dwarrows depart for Erebor.
> 
> Plus smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge and rather unusual formatting problems with AO3 tonight when I updated. I think I've managed to get it sorted.

For the first time since the incident at the gate, Bilbo slept through a night without a nightmare. He was glad he did not have to go through that sort of embarrassment with Bofur two cots over. Bilbo sat up and stretched. He still had some muscle pains but they were abating. Gazing back at Kili, Bilbo felt a sense of thankfulness that he was allowed another night in his arms. There had been a point the day prior where Bilbo did not think he would ever feel Kili's embrace again. The thought had sent him to his knees.

Fili had already risen and gotten ready. He was impatiently prodding the rest of them to get going.

"You are all moving in molasses!" Fili groused.  
" _We_ aren't even the ones leaving, Fee!" Kili protested.  
"Yes, but _you_ need to speak to Gandalf or the Elvenking and get an estimate of how much longer it will be. We will need to know when to anticipate your arrival at the gate for loading ponies and saying goodbyes." Fili's eyes darted to Bofur for a moment on that last word. He turned to address Bilbo. "That needs to happen before Bo and I make for the gate."

Bofur was putting on his boots and could not help but smile broadly at the use of his new nickname.

"Oh! I had not thought of that," Bilbo said. "Although from what I gathered, their parting was inconclusive and based on negotiations with Thorin."  
Fili tilted his head. "True, but Thorin also spent most of yesterday afternoon into the evening doing such negotiations and returned with the announcement that it was time to go."  
"I wonder if Thorin knows how long we've got, then?" Bofur wondered aloud.

"' _Bo_?'" Bilbo wondered silently. 

*****

The four friends emerged from their tent to find the rest of their company beginning to wake and mill about. Thorin was dressed and waiting for his dwarrows to take their breakfast so they could depart.

Fili asked him, "So what was the verdict with the elf negotiations? Did you come to agreement?"  
"Yes. In addition to some uncharacteristically modest requests from the elves, Bard has requested as part of his share that we restore to him the emeralds of Girion. Smaug stole them from Dale and they were not originally a part of Erebor's wealth. It is his intention to bestow those upon the elves for their help. Thranduil has long favored the gems," Thorin said.  
"How will you know which ones those are?" Bilbo asked.  
"From the description, without much trouble I would expect." Thorin said. He did not elaborate further.  
"How long do we have?" Fili asked.  
"Balin suggested two days for the smaller gathering of items for the departure of..." Thorin swallowed thickly. "...the elf host. It will be much longer to get Bard's full share meted out. He's sent messengers to Esgaroth to return with whatever wagons survived the dragon's destruction."  
"So two days," Fili confirmed. "Then what?"  
"From what I understand, an envoy will meet us at the gate to accept their payment. After that, it is up to Thranduil as to what he wants to do but there is no reason for his people to stay past their reward." Thorin smiled sadly. "Bilbo, you will be part of the envoy that goes to the gate and that will be your chance to bid your farewells to all who love you."  
His eyes glanced past Bilbo to his youngest heir. "Kili should be there to say his goodbyes, too. Fili will depart with you at that time."

The implication of what was going to happen in a couple of days unexpectedly shot through Kili when his uncle's eyes landed on him. Thorin was sending away his family--his heirs--as well as his lover. Kili would be leaving Thorin behind in a way he never had in his life. The excitement of what lay before Kili was suddenly eclipsed by sorrow. He longed to throw his arms around Thorin and hold him tightly, regardless of all the hard words between them. Kili thought about Bilbo. If Bilbo felt this sort of pang or regret yesterday, Kili could understand a little better how Bilbo wound up in Thorin's embrace. He did not have to like it, but it made more sense. 

*****

Bilbo did not need to go in search of Gandalf because the wizard found him first. Gandalf swept him aside in that elegant way of his wherein Bilbo didn't realize they were on their own until they, well, _were_.

"I see the dwarrows are preparing to return to the mountain. Thranduil will make his claim at the gate in two days and then he will be ready to depart. I do apologize that the speed will not be greater, but elf royalty are just as stubborn as dwarves."  
Bilbo chewed on the inside of his lip. "My, um, haste is not as great as it was."  
The wizard leaned on his staff. "No?" he said, drawing out the word.  
"Don't mistake me. I _am_ ready to leave. It just isn't as...urgent."  
Bilbo fidgeted and Gandalf smiled inwardly.  
"And what of Fili and Kili? Are you still planning to travel without them?"  
Bilbo looked nearly bashful. "No, they will be coming with me."  
A grin spread across the wizard's face. "Good. That's very good."  


*****

It did not take long before Thorin's companions were ready to head toward their new home. They were making their back with a few mounts, graciously loaned by the elves for those with leg injuries that may be exacerbated by a three hour walk. The creatures would then be tended and gently loaded for their return trip back to the camp in two days. Kili and Fili knew they'd see each other soon, so their goodbyes were not grand. Thorin and Bilbo were beset with the pain of knowing their biggest parting was yet in front of them. Sad and longing looks were exchanged throughout the preparations but no long speeches were given. If Kili noticed any of this, he did not raise a fuss.

Thorin gazed at Bilbo from astride his mount as he prepared to move the company forward.

"I shall see you in two days time," he said gently.  
"I will see you then," Bilbo replied, raising a hand in farewell.

Thorin urged his pony forward and they were on their way.

As the dwarves moved out of sight, Kili stood behind Bilbo and drew his arms around his middle. 

"Are you okay?" he asked.  
"Yes. It all seems so final and that makes me sad. It hurts me to see him this way," Bilbo said.  
"Me too," Kili agreed.  
Bilbo turned around in Kili's arms. "But I'm not as sad as I was yesterday thinking I'd lost you."  
"Bilbo..." Kili began, but Bilbo hushed him with soft fingers to his lips.  
"I know."

*****

The dwarrow company steadily traveled back to the mountain. They were halfway through their journey and it had been uneventful, which suited them all fine. Dain's company would be joining them at Erebor and soon real work would begin to get the mountain restored and inhabitable. Balin and Dwalin were both excitedly chattering about what they could finally get done with all these extra sets of hands and strong shoulders. Thorin did not have it in him to match their joy. Erebor did not hold him in thrall like it would have even six months ago. Circumstances had changed. _He_ had changed. He was a little resentful of the mountain, now.

_"I do not care about any of that. I want you. You and me, happy and whole, and preferably not eaten by a dragon. That's what I want."_

Thorin hadn't listened to Bilbo. Instead, he had gotten greedy. He thought he could have his legacy, his mountain, his riches, _and_ his hobbit. But Bilbo was no dwarf. The mountain only meant something to Bilbo because it meant something to Thorin. It did not occur to Thorin until it was too late that he should have tried to share in the things that were important to Bilbo in return. Without Bilbo--indeed, and without Fili and Kili--Erebor and all her treasure seemed empty. It was merely stone and metal.

*****

Bilbo heated some water and prepared to clean his and Kili's wounds. They helped each other off with their shirts. Kili was still wearing his bag, something that never failed to give Bilbo a little flutter in his chest. Bilbo rested his hand on it a moment before slipping it over Kili's head. He examined the wounds that Kili could not see for himself and the dwarf did the same for him. Things seemed to be healing nicely. Their smaller bruises were beginning to yellow at the edges. None of the cuts were getting puffy or angry. Most of them had scabbed over and were in the beginning stages of knitting back together. Bilbo realized just how lucky they were--how lucky they _all_ were--that their injuries were not more grave. 

Bilbo started unlacing his trousers.

"What are you doing?" Kili asked.  
"If we're washing up, we should probably wash up proper," Bilbo explained.  
Kili ran his fingers down Bilbo's chest. "I thought you might be flirting with me."  
"Can't it be both?"

Bilbo giggled as Kili removed his trousers as fast as he had ever seen him undress. 

Bilbo wrung out the cleaning cloth and tended to Kili's injured areas. As the water cooled on his skin, Kili shivered. Bilbo noted with interest that Kili's nipples had also hardened. He closed his mouth over the nub with the ring and teased it with his tongue. Bilbo thought Kili's sudden intake of breath and subsequent gasps were nothing short of exquisite. He moved his attention past Kili's injuries and dipped the cloth between Kili's legs.

"You're hard," Bilbo said.  
Kili looked down and smirked, "So are you."

Bilbo smiled as he worked the cloth around Kili's erection. He slipped the cloth beneath Kili's legs and drew it up through the cleft in his buttocks. Kili cried in surprise.

"If I'm going to bathe you, I should be thorough. Don't you agree?" Bilbo teased. 

Kili felt Bilbo run the cool cloth up and down, brushing his entrance. He had never thought about how sensitive he was in that area until Bilbo started filling his mind with dirty thoughts. This was only the second time Bilbo touched him there but he wanted _more_ of it. He wanted to go further, to be toyed with, to be taken. Kili wanted to learn every filthy thing Bilbo could think to show him. 

Watching Kili's response--and oh, how responsive he was--electrified Bilbo. Everything about Kili tempted him. He had taken so eagerly to each thing Bilbo had shown him...frequently improving upon things when it came his turn to demonstrate his lessons on Bilbo. It was more important than ever for Bilbo not to rush the most intimate part of their physical relationship. Understanding what it would mean for Kili culturally as well as how it would bond the two of them even closer made Bilbo want to get it right this time. He had already hurt Kili too much. Still, knowing what he was missing made him want Kili more. He couldn't help but tease a little further, shifting the cloth so that his wet digit slid over Kili's pucker instead. As Kili's voice drew out a long moan, Bilbo decided that any future play they did along these lines needed to be in something more soundproof than a tent.

Bilbo rinsed out the rag and handed it to Kili.

"Your turn," he said.

The hungry yet mischievous yet on Kili's face told Bilbo that he was in _trouble_. 

Kili dutifully washed the hurts first. He dropped the rag lower, sliding it along Bilbo's cock. When Bilbo threw his head back, Kili pushed forward to kiss his neck. He kissed and nipped at the taut skin to find the most sensitive spot. When he found a place that made Bilbo hiss and tremble, Kili bit in and sucked. He was delighted by the sounds of pleasure rumbling in the back of Bilbo's throat. He could feel them on his lips in addition to hearing them.

"Yes," Kili whispered.

He pulled the cloth between the swells of Bilbo's backside and stroked gently as Bilbo had done for him. Bilbo's breath was ragged with anticipation. Kili was lusty and curious. It did not take him long to abandon the pretense of the cloth altogether and begin stroking over Bilbo's entrance with nimble fingers. It made him shudder. Bilbo wanted Kili to push inside him, although he knew it was a dangerous progression. Being filled a little would make him want to be filled more; Bilbo wasn't sure he would want to stop until Kili was finishing inside him. 

Kili had been watching Bilbo's face intently. "What are you thinking about? Tell me," he purred as he pressed a kiss to BIlbo's lips.  
Bilbo answered truthfully. "I was thinking I might push back on your fingers until you open me."  
Kili groaned. "Is that so?"  
"But if you opened me, I might beg for you to fuck me," Bilbo teased.

Kili dropped his head on Bilbo's shoulder and increased the pressure of his ministrations.

"Would that be so bad?" Kili asked, voice husky.  
Bilbo replied lewdly, "I don't think I would be done until you were spurting deep inside me, making me come myself from the feel of it, and marking me as yours."

Bilbo felt a heady rush of desire. He thought he might climax just saying obscene things to Kili.

Kili rumbled out a wrecked moan. Bilbo felt a distinct pressure at his hole and knew Kili was about to breach him. He dropped out of Kili's grasp and to his knees. He wasted no time taking Kili into his mouth. He planned on bobbing on it a few times as a distraction before he started sucking in earnest, but Kili was already too close. Before Bilbo could even register what was happening, Kili came in his mouth.

Kili joined him quickly on his knees, still somewhat shuddering.

"Give me," he rasped and dove for Bilbo's mouth, licking and pulling on his tongue with his lips. "I love it when you taste like me," he sighed blissfully.

Kili pushed Bilbo back so that he was lying on the ground. He stretched his body across Bilbo's and reached for his prick.

"You think you are so clever, don't you?" Kili's voice was dangerous and low. He stroked Bilbo's cock as he spoke. "Getting me worked up like that with your filthy talk. I've got something else you can do with that mouth."  
Kili held his palm up to Bilbo's lips. "Lick," he demanded.

Bilbo complied and was rewarded with Kili renewing his efforts around his cock.

"I was going to give you what you wanted before you got so hungry for my seed."

Kili increased speed and added an agonizingly delicious twist. Bilbo could tell by the wild look in his eyes that Kili was going to jerk him off with relentless fervor. He tried to keep his passion quiet but it merely resulted in embarrassing high pitched squeaks and peeps as Kili's pumps grew more determined. These only seemed to inflame Kili further.

"I was going to slip inside you, Bilbo," Kili was breathing nearly as heavily as Bilbo was. "Feel you against my fingertips, stroke your insides slowly until you lost all reason and let me fuck you."

Bilbo was not yet used to such vulgarities dripping from Kili's sweet lips and it sent him over the edge. He gripped Kili's bicep and bit into his neck as his orgasm slammed into him. He could hear Kili whispering, "Yes," over and over again as he pulsed into his hand.

Kili rolled onto his side and gazed at Bilbo, licking the release from his fingers. "Gods, you are such a gorgeous creature," he said.  
"Me? I think I might pop off again just watching you do that," Bilbo panted.  
Kili dipped in to give Bilbo a taste of himself on his lips.  
He sighed, "If talking about touching you inside is this arousing, I think the real thing might be the end of me."

Bilbo giggled. He thought that with Kili's enthusiasm, it might very well be the end of him. too.

 

*****

Dain was waiting for Thorin at Erebor when their company arrived. After a short meeting with his own advisors and Dain, Thorin left Dain and Dwalin to begin delegating tasks. One of those tasks was to find chests or bags for the treasure that was leaving with Bilbo. Thorin asked Balin and Fili to come with him to the treasury to help him pack. Fili paused to exchange a quiet word with Bofur before falling in step with Balin. Thorin didn't miss the besotted look on Bofur's face after Fili walked away. 

Thorin had wondered how he would feel returning to the treasury. The dragon sickness had taken him once and he feared it could take him again. He need not have worried, at least not this day. This day, he resented the piles of riches that surrounded him.

Setting Balin on the task of hunting down the emeralds for the elves, Thorin took a moment to speak with his nephew before they began gathering the more special pieces they were there to find.  


"Fili, what is going on with you and that toymaker?" Thorin asked.  
Fili's mouth quirked up at the corners and he shrugged. "I like him."  
Thorin shook his head. "You are going to be the king of Erebor someday. You will need a better match than a common toymaker!"  
"First of all, you can't be talking about marriage when we are not even courting!" Fili protested. "Secondly, you were going to make a _hobbit_ Prince Consort. Thirdly, stop calling him 'toymaker.' He has a name."  
Thorin bristled. "Yes, a hobbit Bilbo may be but he helped us reclaim our kingdom. He saved our lives! He is anything but common."  
"And Bofur helped us reclaim our kingdom as well. He fought bravely, saved lives, and sustained injuries like we all did. Plus now he's rich." Fili smirked. "In fact, his family owns three shares of the treasure of Erebor. That's as much as the royal family, or so I've been told."  
Thorin rolled his eyes at Fili's indisputable logic and sighed. "When did I lose control over my own nephews?"  
"When we grew up, Uncle," Fili said gently. He placed a kiss to his Thorin's forehead. "But we still love you. Both of us."  
Thorin waved Fili off to start his task, unwilling to get into another argument about his youngest heir.  
Fili heard Thorin mutter, "Better Bofur than Bilbo" as he walked off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you all so much for the comments, recs, reblogs, bookmarks, graphics, and other delights. <3 I appreciate them!


	48. Kili Dreams And Thorin Schemes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili thought he might be pleasantly dreaming. It was late evening and he had spent hours alone and undressed with Bilbo. No hiding, no worrying about when Fili was going to want his cot, and they had finally reached Bilbo's limit on how many times he could get off before needing more than a few minutes of recovery. It had been a blissful day, ending with an armful of naked, spent hobbit pressed against Kili's body.

Kili thought he might be pleasantly dreaming. It was late evening and he had spent hours alone and undressed with Bilbo. No hiding, no worrying about when Fili was going to want his cot, and they had finally reached Bilbo's limit on how many times he could get off before needing more than a few minutes of recovery. It had been a blissful day, ending with an armful of naked, spent hobbit pressed against Kili's body.

Although Kili certainly craved pleasure, giving it to Bilbo was an even bigger rush. Bilbo had been showing him teasing glimpses into the indulgences that they would enjoy as bonded lovers and Kili was determined to demonstrate he was an apt pupil. Bilbo only showed him little bits at a time, though. They did not play like that beyond the first time that afternoon. Bilbo did not say as much, but he seemed wary at how easy it would be for them to give themselves over to the temptation. Kili _wanted_ to give in; moreover, he wanted Bilbo to give in, too. The memory of Bilbo and Thorin in bed in Lake Town was unwelcome but burned in his brain. He hated that it wasn't him, of course, but what truly haunted Kili was the look of pure _ecstasy_ on Thorin's face. Kili yearned for Bilbo to make him feel that way. More than that, he wanted to make _Bilbo_ wear that expression himself. He recalled listening in at Bilbo and Thorin's door and remembered how Thorin's cries of pleasure outnumbered Bilbo's. He was sincere when he told Bilbo he meant to bring sweeter noises from him than his former lover. Kili planned to wring him out until he was hoarse. He wanted to prove himself to Bilbo, to make him feel so good he would be crazed for Kili's touch and forget Thorin's.

*****

Thorin had been sifting through some of the more special piles that he had ordered himself in the days prior when they were seeking the Arkenstone. He had originally intended several of the items to be for Bilbo, anyway. Some for betrothal presents, some "just because," and others he wanted simply for adorning Bilbo's unclad form before making love in their royal chambers. Although there would be no occasions such as these for the two of them any longer, he still wanted Bilbo to have the things he set aside. Or perhaps he could no longer bear the sight of them. Maybe a little of both.

Fili heard a noise and went to investigate. He found Thorin sitting on the ground, one arm holding his knees, his other hand up to his mouth. His eyes were watery.

"Thorin?" Fili said cautiously.  
Thorin looked up at him and Fili's heart ached for how pained he looked.  
"Fili, is there anything-- _anything_ \--I can do to get Bilbo to stay with me? I swear to you, I'll do anything at all."  
Fili sat on the floor across from him, shaking his head sadly.  
Thorin began to weep.  
"I can't bear it, Fili. I cannot pack up all my love tokens to send him off to a life without me."  
Fili did not know what to do or say. He was not used to seeing Thorin like this. Fili leaned in to hug him and was clutched into Thorin's arms fiercely.

"Bilbo never belonged in a mountain, Thorin," Fili tried to comfort him.

Thorin sat back suddenly. "That's it! Fili, you are _brilliant_! I'll go with him! I'll pack my own things and I'll follow him to the Shire!"  
Fili was horrified. "What? Don't be daft!"  
"No! It is perfect!" Thorin pulled himself to standing.

Fili was panicking inwardly. Mahal, if Thorin followed Bilbo all the way back to the Shire...what a disaster! And Kili! Kili would never have his chance with Bilbo if Thorin hung around to thwart him at every turn. Not to mention, if Kili ever found out that Fili inadvertently gave him the idea, he'd never forgive him. 

"Thorin, you are king! King Under The Mountain! You cannot just up and _leave_!"  
"Yes, yes, but Dain is here now and he can act as steward. And Balin and Dwalin are here to serve as my voice."  
Fili's mind raced. "But-but what if, what if Bilbo doesn't want to come back? What if he's happy where he's at? What then of your steward?"  
Thorin grabbed Fili's shoulders. "If I can make Bilbo happy ever again, I will abdicate if he won't return. I do not need a cold, loveless mountain as long as Bilbo warms my bed."  
He threw his hands up in the air in frustration as he ranted to himself. "Gods! Why did I not realize that before? In Lake Town? In _Rivendell_ , even? I would have saved so much heartbreak!" 

Fili had to stop this. He knew a couple ways that he could inhibit it but they both involved hurting Thorin more. He thought of Kili's blissful, happy face as he lay in his cot with Bilbo peacefully cuddled in his arms. Then he thought about how shattered Kili and Bilbo both looked when they thought they were over. They needed this chance and they needed it without interference. " _I'm so sorry, Thorin_ ," Fili thought to himself. 

"Did Bilbo tell you he wanted you to go, Thorin?" Fili said with deadly calm.  
"What?" Thorin looked confused.  
"I'm sure when you were trying to woo him back you made him offers, yes?"  
"I-um...yes."  
"If Bilbo wanted you with him in any way at all, don't you think he would have asked you himself?"  
"Well I...that is to say, he..." Thorin's face fell as he trailed off. "Yes," he whispered.  
Fili felt like he had just broken his own heart watching Thorin's excitement plummet.  
"Thorin, I'm sorry," Fili apologized.  
"No, you are right. I've let Bilbo know I'm willing to do it all--abdicate, relocate--for another chance and he did not say yes. I just hoped that...well, I guess I just _hoped_."  
Thorin turned his sad eyes to Fili. "And I think I always will. Hope, that is. It may be all I'll ever have again."  
Now it was Fili's turn to cry.

*****

Bilbo woke the next morning with a memory of waking Kili the night before with a nightmare. Without a complaint, Kili had kissed and cuddled it away.

Kili opened his eyes and sleepily grinned at Bilbo, melting the hobbit inside. "G'morning, beautiful," Kili said.  
"Good morning, dear heart. I'm sorry I woke you again."  
Kili dismissed him with a wave. "If that is the price to pay for sleeping with you in my arms, I'll do it five times a night."  
Bilbo smiled. "It has been a nice luxury, being alone with you like this. Not getting dressed for hours and touching you inappropriately and repeatedly certainly has its charm."  
"I wish the walls were a little thicker," Kili lamented. "You have no idea how much I want to hear you."  
Bilbo clicked his tongue. "You'll never be satisfied, will you?"  
Kili stroked Bilbo's arm. "Never, but the trying will be a lot of fun."  
Bilbo giggled.  
"We'll just have to make sure as much of our future travel accommodation as possible has solid walls," Bilbo said. "And Fili always gets his own room."  
"We're really doing this, aren't we? Leaving together?" Kili looked at Bilbo so soulfully that he ached.  
Bilbo tenderly stroked Kili's face. "Yes, we really are."

*****

Fili went looking for Bofur and found himself in the middle of a meeting Thorin was having with Balin.

Balin eyed Fili skeptically. "Maybe we can talk about this another time, Thorin."  
"No, Fili might be Kili's brother but he knows I still want to marry Bilbo," Thorin said.  
Fili had a sinking feeling. "You were talking about Kili?"  
"No, no...although what Thorin is considering may affect him," Balin said.  
"Considering?" Fili asked.  
"I'm thinking of buying the Shire in Erebor's name and giving it to Bilbo," Thorin said. 

Fili briefly wondered if he shouldn't stay behind in Erebor to keep an eye on his uncle.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Buying the Shire for Bilbo?"  
"Yes, since he loves it so much," Thorin agreed. "It would show that I understand what is important to him. Plus, since it would be part of Erebor, we could live there as king and prince consort with little difficulty so there wouldn't be any of his 'but you are a king' arguments."  
Balin nodded in agreement. "It would be a good political move, too. It is close to Ered Luin. To have an annex of Erebor close to where a lot of her people had settled...it would be a great way point for those coming to and from Erebor as she rebuilds. Plentiful in crops as well. We could subsidize the farms so as to better prepare expeditions."  
Fili sputtered, "A way point? For dwarves? In Bilbo's precious Shire that he loves _just the way it is_? Thorin, do you _want_ him to never speak to you again?"  
Fili turned to Balin. "And you--you are his adviser! You are supposed to keep him anchored! You aren't supposed to be encouraging him when he comes to you with this sort of nonsense."  
"I thought it would be romantic," Thorin argued.  
Fili said, "Bilbo would hate that even without the way point idea. He owns Bag End and loves it, but I do not think he would want to own his neighbors' property, too. Have you ever _talked_ to him about his home? He is already treated peculiarly because of his family's more well-to-do status. Imagine if he owned the whole thing?"  
"I-I didn't realize," Thorin said.  
Fili sighed. "I know you want him back. I know it hurts. But I fear you do not know him as well as you think you do if you thought this would appeal to him."  
"He was my betrothed, Fili. Of course I know him," Thorin said.  
"Forgive me, Thorin, but knowing the contours of his body is not the same as knowing his heart," Fili said.  
"Fili!" Balin thundered. "Uncle or not, you will not speak to the king in such a way!"  
"Tread carefully, nephew," Thorin warned darkly.  
"Very well," Fili rose to leave. "I hope for your sake that you spent some time actually listening to Bilbo when you were together."  
Thorin watched his nephew dourly as he left.  
"Pay him no mind, Thorin," Balin said. "It was a sound plan."  
"No," Thorin sighed. "He was right. His insight has helped me see the flaws in it. But sooner or later, I will figure a way to woo Bilbo back to me."  
He rested his chin on his knuckles. "I have to."

*****

Kili and Bilbo were unclothed again shortly after they found breakfast. Kili was spooned behind Bilbo on their cot.  
"You know," Bilbo began, "I used to lay awake at night and think about you."  
"You did?" Kili asked. "I suppose you already know I thought of you at night. And in the morning. Afternoon..."  
"Don't make fun," Bilbo admonished him.  
"It is true!" Kili defended. "So, what did you think about?"  
"I used to dream sometimes that you were in the Shire with me."  
Kili smiled. "I imagined what it would be like to be in the Shire with you, too."  
"The Shire?" Bilbo sounded surprised. "Not Erebor?"  
Bilbo felt Kili shrug. "It never seemed to fit you. Even after I knew about Thorin, I never pictured you in Erebor," Kili said.  
"And you? Is it going to be hard to leave behind your title and everything here? Or to live in a smial instead of a mountain?"  
Kili did not hesitate. "No. I might be a Durin but Erebor was never my dream. I just did what Fili and Thorin asked of me."  
"What was your dream, then? Before the journey, was there something you would've wished for yourself?" Bilbo asked.  
"I don't think I really had one before," Kili answered honestly. "I was happy enough, though. I just took each day as it came and made the best day I could of it. You _know _that drove Thorin mad."__  
Bilbo chuckled in response. He could imagine.  
Kili said, "I was never grounded enough, never serious enough, never dignified enough, that sort of thing. My mother told me once I was like a wild foal that just figured out it could run. They all hoped I would grow out of it. I still haven't, really."  
"I"m glad you didn't, Kili. Your exuberance is one of my favorite things about you."  
"Fili used to tell me that to make me feel better when I had gotten in trouble for being too rambunctious. Somehow, he would take the harsher things Thorin would say to keep me in line and make them sound sort of...beautiful. Like maybe I was special just the way I was." Kili's voice broke as he spoke the last few words.  
Bilbo was suddenly more grateful for Fili than he had ever been. He found himself fighting unexpected tears. "You _are_ special the way you are. Incredibly special. I will never be able to apologize enough for not showing you that from the very beginning."  
Kili took a couple deep, calming breaths. "So, no, leaving Erebor will not be a problem. I fell in love with Bag End as soon as I saw it, I think before you even opened the door. To tell the truth, I'm pretty sure I fell in love with you shortly thereafter. It took me a while to realize what I was feeling. It was new to me."  
Kili rolled Bilbo over so that he could look in his eyes. "I've never wanted anything or anyone the way I want you. You were the first thing for which I ever dared truly dream."  
"Kili," Bilbo breathed reverently. He pulled him close enough to kiss. One kiss turned to two, two kisses to three, and they did not stop touching each other until they were panting each other's names in sated rapture.

____

*****

Thorin had Fili occupied with what he considered more personal or royal tasks. Nothing more was said of their disagreement over Bilbo. Fili didn't think he was intentionally being kept away from Bofur--rather, Fili felt like Thorin was trying to spend time time with him while he still could--but not seeing Bofur at all was still the unfortunate outcome. It wasn't until the night before they left that Fili finally managed to wiggle out of his duties at the same time Bofur could slip away from Bombur and Bifur. They spent time catching up, talking about Kili and Bilbo, Fili's fears for Thorin, and Bofur hopes for his family. More than two hours had passed but Fili still hadn't gotten around to the reason he wanted to speak to Bofur alone in the first place.

"Bo?" Fili finally ventured.  
"Hmmm?"  
Fili toyed with the hem of his tunic. "I would ask you to reconsider coming with us when we leave."  
Bofur canted his head. "And I would reconsider going with you if Bombur's wife were already here."  
Fili inched a bit closer. "I suppose it would not make any difference if I were to ask you by royal decree? That your presence was required by the princes?"  
"It would be unfortunate indeed that I would have to decline royalty," Bofur said softly, trying to read the unfamiliar but rather enticing look on Fili's face.  
Fili removed Bofur's hat. "And what if I asked you as myself?" Fili murmured.  
"Oh Fili, you know I can't leave Bombur yet," Bofur said.  
Fili slid his hands up either side of Bofur's face.  
"What if I asked you like this?" he whispered, just before pressing his lips to Bofur's. 

Bofur was stunned for a moment but recovered quickly, moving his lips against Fili's. He fought a gasp when he felt the warm slick of Fili's tongue dart against him. He slipped his own out to meet it and that was all the encouragement Fili needed. Fili sealed his lips firmly over Bofur's, winding one of his pigtails around his hand as he deepened their contact. Bofur pulled Fili's body close to his and held on for glory as he and Fili took turns inside each other's mouths. Bofur sucked at Fili's bottom lip as they pulled apart. 

"Well, that was certainly unexpected, wasn't it?" Bofur said jovially.  
"But not unwanted," Fili said.  
Bofur smiled. "Obviously."  
Fili eyed him warily. "But..."  
"But me wanting you does not change things," Bofur sighed sadly. "I wanted you the first time you asked me to go, just so's we're clear on things."  
The disappointed look on Fili's face was more than Bofur could bear.  
"Fee, I promise you that I want to go with you lads. But you and I both think it wouldn't just be for a quick visit, would it?"  
Fili gazed at him steadily before slowly shaking his head.  
"So I need to get my family settled first. After that, I will head west so fast it will unbraid your hair." Bofur nuzzled Fili's nose.  
Fili smiled bashfully. "Y-you called me 'Fee.'"  
"One good nickname deserves another, right?" Bofur winked.  
Fili kissed Bofur again. "I will miss you."  
"Oi, you have no idea how I will miss you," Bofur said.  
Fili was pretty sure he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out of town this weekend. Next update is not until Monday or Tuesday.


	49. Revelations And Separations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your continued support!

Kili and Bilbo were up early on what would be their departure day. There was tension in the air. Bilbo knew Kili was worried about the farewell at the gate. More to the point, he knew Kili was worried it might not wind up being farewell at all. He understood that Kili did not have much reason to trust Bilbo's heart in light of things that had happened. Bilbo was dreading leaving Thorin behind, it was true, but he was also looking forward to what might lie ahead with Kili. Awkward as it might be, he decided that he needed to tell him a bit about his relationship with Thorin in order to proceed with their own. Bilbo invited Kili to sit on their cot with him. 

"Kili," BIlbo began cautiously. "You've always come to me with an open heart and an open mind. I've not always done you the same courtesy and that needs to change if we are going to try making a go of this. Before we embark on our journey, there are things that I think you need to know. I'm not comfortable talking about them but I need you to understand. The things I have to say might be a bit hard for you to hear but please bear with me, okay?"  
Kili was concerned. The only things that kept his stomach from sinking to his knees with thoughts of the worst were the affection in Bilbo's expression and the sincerity in his voice. He swallowed hard and inclined his head to show he understood. 

Bilbo took a breath and began. "I was already in love with Thorin the first time he touched me as a lover. He had only just shared his feelings for me. At the time, I had not yet dreamed of engagement, but I had hoped for courting. Thorin told me that male romantic bonds were never truly consummated by dwarves the way a male/female bond would be. When I told him of the hobbit way of same sex couples making love, he was both horrified and fascinated with the idea. I personally had never had the particular pleasure of having another inside me so intimately. Once our feelings were admitted and in the open, we began to kiss and undress. He asked me repeatedly if I was sure I wanted to make our bond a romantic one. I knew I loved and desired him, so I said yes. We consummated our love that night in a way he made clear to me was not dwarven custom."

Kili did not like hearing about Bilbo being in love with or having sex with Thorin. Bilbo noticed Kili's unhappy expression and tried to get to his point.

"I had not expected coupling with another person to move me so profoundly. Thorin seemed deeply moved as well, more so than even I. It wasn't until after it was over that I began to truly understand how it felt to be claimed by another. I didn't think I was capable of accepting a dwarf's imprint but I was wrong. It was not until the day you got in trouble for the flowers that I found out what consummation meant for dwarrows specifically. I discovered rather by surprise that by coupling with Thorin, it was to be forever, both in body as well as custom. He was keeping us a secret to protect the quest so we didn't really court once we were engaged. Other than the braid he gave me, there didn't seem much point after we had already, um, bonded. It felt sort of backwards to me and perhaps a little rushed."  
"So you didn't want to be engaged?" Kili asked.  
"If he had told me that first night that being intimate with a dwarf would imply betrothal and leave a permanent mark, maybe it could have changed things," Bilbo shrugged. "Finding out we were intended when I did made it more difficult because I was starting to understand that the way you made me feel--the way I had been feeling for you for a while--was beyond mere friendship. But Thorin and I had physically bonded by then. It was not terribly hard to accept I was betrothed because I did love him, although I would have liked to have known ahead of time."

"So why are you telling me this?" Kili asked, irritated. "Being reminded that Thorin has been able to touch you in ways I cannot is not enjoyable for me. Doubly so that he was able to do these things right away and you've kept me waiting weeks."  
Bilbo shifted uncomfortably. "The day you, um, _saw_ us--when you got so upset and ran off--I was distraught. I realized I had also loved you for a long time. The love that had been building for you may have been sweet, slow, and gradual, but the comprehension of what it meant took me by surprise. The revelation broke my heart because I was not free to pursue it. I had been promised to Thorin and set to marry him all within a day. Had we courted properly, I would have had time to work through it all. As it was, I did not have a chance to consider my other feelings before it was said and done. And now, after weeks of heartache and struggle, here you and I sit. My feelings for you can no longer be caged. I've hurt Thorin because I cannot deny what is between you and I any longer. I cannot have you both, though I feel love for each of you. The part of me that loves Thorin has to cope not only with the loss but also the other unfortunate trauma caused by the gold sickness."  
"I understand," Kili said, expression still dark.  
Bilbo did not think Kili fully twigged his meaning. "I need you to understand a little better. I will miss him, Kili, but I love you. I want to put braids and flowers in your hair. I want to go on walks and take meals with you. I want to sing you songs. I want to lay you on a bed and do the things to you that I've only ever whispered to you in the dark. If we are going to do this, I want to do it right. I want us to have those open minds and open hearts of which I spoke. I want you to know exactly what I'm asking of you when I ask you if you want it. Maybe we will not be beset by as much heartbreak if we do this properly."

Kili's listened to Bilbo's words with a mixture of love, lust, and dawning comprehension.  
"Bilbo, are you trying to tell me you want me to have a better courting than you had?"  
"I do not want to impugn Thorin in any way, you must understand," Bilbo said.  
"But basically?" Kili pressed.  
Bilbo looked away. "Yes."  
Kili sighed in relief. "I've been worrying, you know. About us."  
Bilbo nodded slightly. "I know you have. Much of your worry is my fault. I've been careless with your affection. I wanted to explain myself to you to hopefully ease your mind. I've made so many mistakes. Fifty years as a bachelor did not prepare me for the romantic onslaught of the line of Durin, I can tell you that much."

Kili rubbed the back of his own neck. "I appreciate that you told me. I have some things of my own to tell you."  
"Oh?" Bilbo asked curiously.  
"I have loved you for a long time, Bilbo. Like I told you, I felt it before I knew it had a name. I've wanted to court you longer than you know. I've longed to deepen our fraternal bonds in battle to something much more substantial. That day I, uh, _offered_ myself to you...I knew then. I did not run away even when it seemed you were going to marry Thorin because I thought I would rather stand behind you than not stand with you at all."  
Kili took Bilbo's hand. "Of course, I was not perfect nor selfless. There were times that I was frustrated and lonely. You would confess things to me that went straight to my heart, or there were times that I knew you wanted to kiss me and would not let yourself...or maybe you would. I would get cross with you because these amazing things would happen between us and I would still go to bed alone while you went to bed with him."

Bilbo hung his head. He knew he had not always properly cherished what Kili gave him so freely. Kili raised Bilbo's chin and kissed him softly before he continued.  
"What I want you to remember as we go forward is that I know my own heart and my own mind. I do not need you to second guess me based on your own experiences. If you have second guesses yourself, we'll have to deal with them, but do not try to save me from myself because you don't think I know what I'm asking. There are two of us, not just you, and there are things I want as well."  
Bilbo blinked. "What do you want, dear heart?"  
Kili stroked the pad of Bilbo's thumb as he spoke. "I want you to make me a flower crown knowing full well what its meaning is. I want you to put Bofur's beautiful bead in my hair. I want to plait flowers in yours and cover you with kisses. I want to take you to bed and claim you completely." 

Bilbo felt a delicious shiver run down his spine. He cupped Kili's cheek.  
"So, we are still doing this?" he asked hopefully. "One step at a time?"  
"Bilbo, I'm ready. One step at a time or twenty, it makes no difference. So, yes."  
Kili held Bilbo close to him and felt the him relax into his arms.

*****

Bard, Gandalf, Thranduil, Kili, and Bilbo set out for Erebor later that morning. They were within sight of the front gate by noon. As they rode to the gate, they noticed the ponies already waiting. Their presence was detected by whomever was on watch and before long, Thorin's entire company awaited them.

Thorin gazed at Bilbo as he rode up, feeling the familiar ache in his chest. He took a deep breath and stepped forward, exchanging formal pleasantries with Bard, Thranduil, and Gandalf as they dismounted their horses. He indicated a chest Dwalin held.  
Thorin spoke to Bard. "As first payment, herein you shall find every Girion emerald we were able to locate."  
Dwalin opened the lid for inspection. Bard ran a hand over the stones.  
"You've done well, your majesty. Beyond well. This is more than I hoped you would find. My ancestors would be proud to know that the heirlooms of their house are no longer befouled by Smaug."  
Bard turned to Thranduil. "In appreciation of our alliance and your aid in our time of need, I, Bard, descendant of Girion himself, would like to offer you this token of our gratitude."  
Thranduil bowed deeply, a ghost of a smile playing upon his lips.  
Thorin nodded at Dwalin, who closed the chest and carried it over to attach to one of the mounts.  
Bard spoke again. "And you, Thorin, son of Thráin, now King Under The Mountain, I would like to give you something as a sign of our faith in our own newly forged alliance."  
He dug in his hip pack and brought forth a bundle of cloth.  
"As you restored me my heirlooms, so shall I restore you yours. I do not believe I will have to rely on its influence to complete our agreement any longer."  
He set the cloth in Thorin's hands. 

Thorin unwrapped the bundle to reveal the Arkenstone. He held it up and regarded it in the sunlight. There were gasps from several members of the company unprepared for its dazzling beauty. Thranduil's eyes glittered with jewel-lust. Bilbo thought it to be even more lovely in the sunlight than it had been by torchlight when he had found it. He feared suddenly for Thorin's well-being. It was the Arkenstone that Thorin had prized above all things, treating his own loyal company and his lover roughly in its pursuit. Bilbo needn't have worried. Thorin wrapped it again and handed it to Balin without hesitation. 

"I thank you for your faith, Bard, and for restoring to us Thror's heirloom. Erebor shall prize it, but for me it is now merely a gem." He glanced at Bilbo. "I've lost a much more valuable treasure, one that shone twice as bright."  
Bilbo felt the heat of several pairs of eyes on him, but he only returned Thorin's look. Fili tensed. He knew this gesture would go much further with Bilbo than buying him the Shire. He exchanged a glance with his brother.

Thorin turned his attention back to Bard. "Our agreement will be fulfilled once we figure out how to get the gold to your people."  
Gandalf smiled in relief. He knew this would be the biggest test of the dragon sickness, and it seemed Thorin had passed. 

After a smattering of political discussion and a few more official pronouncements, it was time for the envoy to take their leave. Fili went down the line of their companions first to say his goodbyes, followed by Kili, and then Bilbo. Thorin stood at the end of the receiving line. He would be the last they each would speak with before they departed. 

Before they followed Fili, Kili whispered in Bilbo's ear. "I will not be angry if you wish to kiss him goodbye."  
Bilbo looked at him incredulously.   
"As long as you still leave with me and are not tempted to stay, I will understand," Kili said.

Ori was a blubbery mess when sending off all three of his companions. He clutched each one close as they passed him in the line.  
"You'll come visit with Bofur," Bilbo soothed him. "I'll stuff you full of hobbit history and pies. Make sure you bring plenty to write on and pack loose clothes to boot."  
Ori laughed through his tears and nodded. 

Oin, too, spoke longer with Bilbo than he did with either of the princes.  
"I saw the king care for you when you were sick. He doted on you with such tenderness that I had no doubt he was in love with you even before he announced it."  
Bilbo shuffled his feet nervously as his gut clenched with sadness. He had hoped he would not get any speeches from Thorin's supporters that would make this harder on him.  
Oin shook his head as he continued, "But love is messy, Master Baggins. It is messy and imperfect and more often than not, it blisters like a demon." He indicated Kili. "I've seen the way this young one looks at you...and the way you look at him, too. If the two of you can find your happiness together, then I wish you the best."  
Bilbo just stared at Oin in surprise.  
"Lad, I may be deaf but I'm not blind," Oin said.  
Bilbo hugged him. "Thank you." 

When Fili reached Bofur, they touched foreheads and cradled each other's necks tenderly. The intimacy of the gesture was not lost on Thorin, even from his vantage point.  
"Invitation still stands, you know," Fili said.  
Bofur chuckled, "You're killin' me, here."  
"Just trying to wear you down. I'll get you to agree to it one day."  
"Aye, it is not the agreeing that is the question. I'll come see you as soon as I'm able. You know I can't stay away from you three for long."  
Fili gazed at Bofur. "I'm glad you were with me on this journey. You are an honorable dwarf and a good friend." He leaned into whisper privately, "And I hope someday you will be more."  
Bofur felt his pulse quicken at the suggestion. "Pleasure has been all mine. We will meet again soon. You can count on it."  
He raised Fili's hand to kiss it, causing a quiet buzz to roll through the company. He locked his eyes on Fili's as his lips touched his skin. "Count on _all_ of it," he murmured.

Kili was next to say goodbye to the fourth member of their little group.  
Bofur lowered his voice. "You've got yourself a rare chance to make a wish come true, lad. Don't muff it."  
"I'll do what I can to make him happy," Kili promised.  
Bofur hugged him. "Just see that he makes you happy, too. You are a very special dwarf, Kili. A heart like yours deserves happiness."  
Kili smiled bashfully at the flattery.  
"Take care of your brother," Bofur added. "Someone needs to look out for him while he's looking out for you."  
Kili grinned. "You'll have to come see us soon and make sure I'm doing a good job of it. We'll be missing you."  
"I'll be missing you all too much to avoid it," Bofur assured him.

When Bilbo got to Bofur, he kissed his cheek and hugged him close.  
"I'm going to miss you so. We'll be waiting eagerly for you to join us," Bilbo said.  
Bofur wondered how much Bilbo had guessed about Fili. "As soon as I get the family settled, I promise I will be there."  
"You are very dear to me, Bofur."  
Bofur blushed. "And you to me, my friend."  
He slightly inclined his head towards Kili and spoke quietly enough for only Bilbo to hear. "You take good care of that pretty dwarf you've got. Let him know he's loved."  
Bilbo ran a thumb gently across Bofur's cheek. "I've decided you're a prince after all. You'll never convince me otherwise."

Bofur watched his friends continue down the receiving line and already felt the ache of the loss. He had quite an incentive for getting things done, now. The less time he wasted, the sooner he could join his mates. 

Saying goodbye to Balin was awkward for Kili and Bilbo both. They both always had a fondness for him, but they could feel the disapproval coming off him this day in waves. Gone was the scamp that playfully winked at Bilbo and ruffled Kili's hair. Bilbo and Kili leaving together was a great disappointment to Balin. He had thought better of the both of them.  
All he had to say in parting was, "I hope your better senses lead you back to Erebor where you belong."  
Bilbo thought Balin seemed to be talking to both of them.

Saying goodbye to Dwalin was even worse than Balin because Dwalin had nearly caught them quite truly with their pants down. For Dwalin to fix Kili with such a hard look made him feel like a misbehaving dwarfling again. It pained him as he had grown up idolizing the warrior. Dwalin and Thorin were like brothers and Kili and Fili were practically his nephews, too. Kili had hoped for some softness here at their parting, but Dwalin was unyielding. 

Fili approached Thorin. He was filled with sadness for his loss. Fili knew he and likely Kili would return again some day, but he did not know about Bilbo. Although he hoped that Bilbo and Kili would make their relationship work, he never wished for it to come at Thorin's expense.

Thorin put a hand on Fili's shoulder and squeezed before pulling him in for a hug.  
"Take care of yourself for me," Thorin said low in Fili's ear. "Please take care of them, too."  
"I swear to you I will, Uncle. Promise me no more schemes."  
Thorin pulled back to rest his forehead to Fili's. "You know I cannot do that," he whispered. "I love him too much."  
"Then at least try to be wiser in your choices. If Balin thinks it is a good idea, it probably isn't."  
Thorin huffed a laugh. "Point taken."  
"I'll keep in contact so you know we are safe. Make sure you eat enough and try to sleep properly.," Fili said. "Don't spend too much time in the treasury, either. Just in case."  
"I love you too, Fili," Thorin said.  
They shared one more hug before Fili stepped aside for his brother.

Thorin was still furious with Kili. He had no words for him at this parting. What could he say, really? But Kili was still his sister-son. How many times did he find himself wound up in those gangly arms when he would give Kili praise as a child? He patched up the little boy's hurts and gifted him his first bow. Those brown eyes had gazed upon him nearly their whole lives in love and awe. Now they were regarding him with sadness.  
"Thorin..." Kili started shakily.  
Thorin shook his head and wrapped Kili in his embrace.  
"Don't...don't talk." Thorin said.  
"But I want you to know-" Kili started, voice thick with un-shed tears.  
"-I _do_ know. And...I do, too. Please, say nothing else," Thorin implored.  
They held tightly for several more moments, but neither spoke another word.

Bilbo was last.  
"Now that it comes to it, I do not think I have the strength to let you go," Thorin confessed, clasping Bilbo's hands to his chest. ''Please, stay. Or I'll go. I'll do whatever you want. Just...don't let this be the end."  
"Thorin," Bilbo murmured. "Oh, Thorin. Do not make this more difficult than it already is."  
"Why should I wish to make it easy when every aspect of it pains me?"  
"Because staying here with you is not right for me," Bilbo said. "I know this would not make me happy."  
"But it would make _me_ happy," Thorin countered.  
Bilbo sighed. "And that is why I can't stay. I can't spend the rest of my life pretending to be content in Erebor because you wish it. Do you love me so little that you could watch me wither?"  
Thorin closed his eyes. "No, I would rather you bloom."  
"Then it is time for me to go," Bilbo said.  
Thorin felt desperation coil in his gut. "I would go with you if you wished it, Bilbo. Right this moment with no hesitation."  
"Then it would be you who wilted, my king." Bilbo said sadly. "I, too, want to see you bloom."  
"I bloom only for you, my sun," Thorin murmured, reaching out to stroke Bilbo's cheek.  
Bilbo touched Thorin's wrist. "But that is not true, is it? From Bag End to Lake Town, on the doorstep, and within the mountain herself, being a king and restoring your house is what has driven you from the day I met you. It did not change simply because you fell in love."  
Thorin did not wish to concede, but he knew not what else to say. He had argued this point with Bilbo before and still hadn't figured out a way to convince him otherwise.  
"Will you come back for a visit?" Thorin asked. "Please tell me I will see you again."  
Bilbo answered truthfully, "I don't know what the future holds or what my heart can take. Or yours, for that matter. We could write, though. If you'd like to write to me, that is."  
It seemed to Thorin a sorry long-term substitute for holding Bilbo warm and close.  
He nodded. "I'll write to you," he murmured. "The first letter is already in one of your treasure boxes."

The two of them stood gazing in each other's eyes. Kili and Fili both were having difficulty watching the pair part, each for their own reasons. It was clear Bilbo and Thorin were pained for this to end.

Thorin pulled Bilbo to him at last and held him close for what seemed like a long while. He whispered in his ear over and over, "I love you."  
Bilbo couldn't help the tears that escaped his eyes. He whispered back, "I love you, Thorin. I do."  
"You'll always have a home here," Thorin vowed. "You'll always have _me_ here. I pray I will see you again."  
Thorin leaned in and claimed one last kiss for his goodbye.

When it was over, Bilbo backed away and Thorin tried to discreetly wipe the tears from his own eyes. He was not the only one to do so. Though most of their words had been spoken softly and heard by only each other, many who assembled at the gate that day were deeply moved by the scene that unfolded before them. Even the Elvenking had been touched.

Thorin and Fili had gotten a little overzealous when setting aside the Shire-bound treasures. Once the ponies were loaded, they had one more rider than they had unladen mounts. Being the smallest, Bilbo was seated on Gandalf's horse with him. Final formal goodbyes were given by Bard, Thranduil, and Gandalf but Thorin's attention never wavered from Bilbo. 

Once they were all mounted, they rode away from the gate. Bilbo turned to look back at Thorin several times, leaning far out to peer around Gandalf to do so. Fili thought it was a wonder Bilbo didn't topple to the ground. Kili noticed the distressed expression on Bilbo's face and feared that he might cry out for them to stop. Bilbo's greatest sorrow came when the gate was finally out of sight. Gandalf spoke low to him. Fili and Kili neither one could hear what he said, but they presumed they were words of comfort as Bilbo seemed to be soothed. 

Thorin stood watching them ride away until they could no longer be seen. He remained rooted to the spot as night fell around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter might be a good occasion to revisit come-chaos's lovely graphic--
> 
> http://come-chaos.tumblr.com/post/49871589902/hobbit-feels-come-chaos-bagginshield-angst


	50. The Road Home: Departure And The Borders Of Mirkwood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo's small company rejoined the elf-host and they prepared to depart the next day. The hobbit was quiet and withdrawn. Kili did not push his attention on him, but he did try to keep an eye on him that evening. What he witnessed passing between Bilbo and Thorin as they spoke at the gate alarmed him more than any kiss could. Between the tearful goodbye and the ride that followed, Kili feared Bilbo might run back to Erebor in the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I borrowed a little Tolkien text for the farewell to the elves. 
> 
> Time is passing faster now that they are on the road. Instead of spending 1-2 chapters to get through a single day, it is a handful of days passing in one chapter.

Bilbo's small company rejoined the elf-host and they prepared to depart the next day. Bilbo was quiet and withdrawn. Kili did not push his attention on him, but he did try to keep an eye on him that evening. What he witnessed passing between Bilbo and Thorin as they spoke at the gate alarmed him more than any kiss could. Between the tearful goodbye and the ride that followed, Kili feared Bilbo might run back to Erebor in the night.

*****

Bilbo slipped away on his own despite Kili's best efforts. He knew it would be hard to leave Thorin, but once the king was well and truly out of Bilbo's sight, the weight of his decision fell upon him. He knew it was the right thing to do if he did not wish to lose Kili--and he did not--but the realization did not lessen the pain. Part of him screamed to slip on his ring and run all the way back to the mountain. He entertained the thought for the briefest of moments, imagining the beautiful look that would be on Thorin's face as he ran into his arms. Thorin would lift him off the ground and smother him with passionate kisses, swearing precious oaths and speaking lovely words to him. The king would then take him to a bedroom and set about languorously reclaiming him as his own. The fantasy was beautiful and tantalizing but Bilbo knew all their same old problems would be there the next morning...and Kili wouldn't be. That thought snapped Bilbo fully out of his momentary reverie.

*****

Fili found his brother sitting by himself.  
"Bilbo escaped your surveillance?" he teased.  
"Shut up, Fee," Kili groused.  
"You have been watching him like a hawk since we got to camp," Fili reminded him. "To be fair, I've been worried about him. He seemed really broken up once we lost sight of the gate."  
"I knew it was going to be rough, but I did not expect _that_ ," Kili admitted. "You know, the way they looked at each other and the way they touched. I have not felt so uncomfortable seeing them together since our first day on the boat."  
Fili frowned. "I wish I could tell you that you were imagining things, but I saw it, too."  
"I'm afraid he's going to want to go back," Kili said quietly.  
Fili did not say it out loud, but he thought that could be a possibility.  
"What would you do if he did?" Fili asked.  
Kili shrugged. "I do not even know. Over the past few weeks, I have waited, fought, begged...I've done everything short of tearing my heart out of my chest and placing it in his hands. If he could still walk away at this point after everything we've endured, I do not think me trying to force it would do any good. Of course, that is easy to say now. The truth is I would probably follow him and wait for him until the end."

Kili noticed Fili wore a strange expression. "What is it?" he asked.  
Fili was debating whether or not he should tell Kili what was on his mind.  
"Fee, you are scaring me a bit. Do you know something? Did Bilbo say something to you?"  
"No, not Bilbo," Fili said. "But your mentioning that you would not let Bilbo go easily made me think of Thorin."  
"What? Do you think Thorin is going to jump on a pony and ride after us?" Kili joked.  
Fili was not laughing.  
"Wait, you think he might?" Kili asked.  
"Some things happened while I was in the mountain, Kee. Thorin was going to follow Bilbo to the Shire. I talked him out of it rather cruelly, but he was very sincere."  
Kili swore silently.  
"Then he decided he was going to buy the Shire in the name of Erebor and give it to Bilbo," Fili said.  
Fili thought he may have never seen his brother's eyes open so wide.  
Kili was astonished. "Please tell me you are not serious."  
"I am serious. He was, too. He and Balin were already talking about the political advantages, not the least of which was that Thorin could remain king and live with Bilbo in the Shire. I squashed that idea, too."  
Kili shook his head and let out a long breath through pursed lips.  
Fili said, "I am concerned about what he will do once I am not there to talk him out of these things. Bilbo might have ridden away from Erebor today but Thorin is not letting go that easily, Kee. Just like you couldn't."  
"If it isn't one thing, it is another," Kili lamented with his head in his hands. "All I want to do is love him, Fee. Is it always going to be a struggle like this?"  
"I don't have an answer for you," Fili said.

*****

Kili was relieved when he saw Bilbo dart into their tent again. He gave him a few minutes alone before joining him. He could tell Bilbo had been crying.  
"Do you want to talk about what happened at the gate today?" Kili asked.  
"Do you need me to talk about it?" Bilbo countered.  
"Only if you do not want me to be a nervous mess," Kili halfheartedly jested.  
"I don't want to talk about it, honestly. But I can tell you that if I were planning a reconciliation of some sort, I wouldn't be nearly as upset as I would leaving a part of me behind for good," Bilbo said pointedly.  
Kili said wryly, "So the more upset you are, the better the news is for me as a suitor?"  
"Something like that," Bilbo said.  
"It is not easy for me to see you upset. My first inclination is to fix it or try to make it better."  
"This isn't something that is fixable, Kili. And you do make it better," Bilbo said.  
Bilbo drew his arms around Kili's waist and rested his head on his shoulder. Kili held him close.

Kili woke in the night but not to one of Bilbo's nightmares. Bilbo was awake and weeping into the blanket, an occasional tremor shaking his body.  
"Bad dream?" Kili whispered. He already knew that wasn't the answer.  
He felt Bilbo shake his head into his shoulder.  
_Thorin_.  
Kili stroked Bilbo's head and back.  
"I understand," Kili murmured.  
"I-I can't seem to h-help it," Bilbo stuttered, trying not to wake Fili.  
"So don't," Kili whispered kindly. "I'm here for you to cry upon."  
Kili was anticipating a rough night but Bilbo calmed soon thereafter in his arms. The shaking stopped and Bilbo was again breathing deeply and evenly.  
When he was all but sure Bilbo had fallen asleep, Kili heard him sigh, "I love you, Kili."  
He pressed a kiss to Bilbo's hair and prayed silently to every god he knew:

_"Please, let me have this."_

*****

Bilbo, Fili, Kili, Gandalf, and their elf-host escort had been two days since departed from camp. Bard was left behind with his group of Men, but Beorn strode beside Bilbo's party in man's shape. He was merry and frequently sang in a loud voice upon the road, often requesting others to join him. His presence was cheerful and considerably gladdened the hearts of Bilbo and the brothers. Beorn had a fondness for Bilbo and the dwarrows, too.

Bilbo was sharing a pony with Kili. He refused another pony when they set out from the camp, even though they could have found him one to replace the one carrying the excess treasure. Bilbo told them he felt badly depriving someone else of either mount or pack transport. Although that was indeed true, riding with Kili comforted him in a way he could not describe. Kili was warm, too. The days had grown colder and Bilbo was not properly outfitted to protect against the chill.

The more direct route to Mirkwood did not lead them close to Lake Town. Bilbo was somewhat disappointed, but he knew the damage there would be traumatic to behold for both he and his close companions. He and Kili had not talked any more of the incident at the gate nor his rough night. Instead, their conversations had been light by day and quiet at night as they lay cuddled in with each other and Fili for warmth. The elves did not set up full camp for mere overnights on their way back home, opting instead for efficiency. Fili, Kili, and Bilbo certainly missed the cots and the wind-breaking properties of their tent now that they were back out on the road.

There was no privacy for intimacies. Kili was not sure how appropriate they would be at the moment, even if there had been opportunity. He felt like they had made some real progress as a potential couple the morning before they left but now he felt like they had taken a large step backward. It reminded him somewhat of Lake Town when he had done his best to restrain himself until Bilbo gave the word. He knew things should be more equal between them now, but there was something awkward in the air between them that made him hold back. He felt terribly lucky that Bilbo decided to depart for home in the first place instead of staying in Erebor.

*****

Thorin spoke to few people in the early days following Bilbo leaving the mountain--and then only when necessary. He put himself deeply in his work. Bard's treasure was separated and in the process of being carried and carted out. Seeing the immense piles that were left behind made Thorin even more ashamed of his unwillingness to help Esgaroth when the sickness had him. His company and Dain's troops were beginning to clear out rubble and reinforce the walls and floors. Plans were being made for food and trade. The chimneys and duct systems were attended to so they could make use of their hearths. Artisans were sent for to return to the mountain so they could once again have things like proper clothes, beds, and a functioning forge. The rest of the time, Thorin was in a daze. Dain and Balin nearly had to force him to eat.

Bofur was also uncharacteristically quiet once his friends left Erebor. He was consumed with work, too, for it made the time pass and brought his dreams nearer. The quicker the mountain was ready enough for Bombur and Bifur to settle into their new lives, the sooner Bofur could set out in search of his own. Although he and Fili had never done more than flirt around the subject, Bofur very much wished to court Fili. There was a time that he would not have presumed to set his sights on a prince, but Fili was far from ordinary royalty. Fili's life was full of unconventional choices and Bofur hoped that the blond would consider his suit as one more. The kiss Fili shared with him made it seem like a real possibility.

*****

The elf-host drew near to the borders of Mirkwood. Thranduil bade Gandalf and his companions stay a while in his halls but Gandalf would not enter the wood. Bilbo, Fili, or Kili did not mind at all. They had enough of the forest to last a few lifetimes. Gandalf meant to follow Beorn on the road through the wastes. Now that the goblins were crushed, the road would be much safer than anything they would find going through the trees.

"Farewell Elvenking!" said Gandalf. "Merry be the greenwood, while the world is yet young. And merry be all your folk!"  
"Farewell Gandalf!" said the king. "May you ever appear where you are most needed and least expected. The oftener you appear in my halls the better shall I be pleased."  
"I beg of you," said Bilbo stammering and standing on one foot, "to accept this gift."  
He brought out a necklace of silver and pearls that Fili had helped him root out of his treasure. Fili made sure it did not come from Thorin's box.  
"In what way have I earned such a gift, Bilbo?" said the king.  
"Well, er, I thought, don't you know," said Bilbo rather confused, "that, er, some little return should be made for your, er, hospitality. I mean even a burglar has his feelings. I have drunk much of your wine and eaten much of your bread."  
"I will take your gift, O Bilbo the Magnificent." said the king gravely. "And I name you elf-friend and blessed. May your shadow never grow less (or stealing would be too easy)! Farewell!"

Then the elves turned towards the Forest and the small company that remained set off on their road.

*****

The lack of privacy and the thoughts bubbling in Bilbo's mind were starting to affect him. Or perhaps it was these days of riding with Kili pressed against him with nothing to be done for it. They were one and a half days into their journey around the forest toward Beorn's and Bilbo felt like it was taking ages to get there. At Beorn's they would have food, a bath, and a _bed_. They had things to discuss but Bilbo's mouth was nearly watering for Kili's to be pressed against it. He decided to keep his eye out for an opportunity to steal away with Kili when they made camp again.

Beorn and Gandalf went deeper in the forest together that night when they stopped. Gandalf assured they'd return soon and suggested that Bilbo and the dwarves have something to eat and rest a bit. It was an opportunity for Bilbo to lead Kili away on their own. Not dangerously far, but enough for quiet conversation not to carry. When Bilbo was satisfied with their location out of view, he pulled Kili down into a needy kiss.

"I've been missing you like this," Bilbo panted.  
Kili's hands roamed over Bilbo's back. "I have, too. You bouncing on that pony in front of me has been nothing short of torture."  
Bilbo placed warm, open-mouthed kisses up Kili's neck and across his jawline. He slipped his tongue between Kili's lips, causing him to moan and clutch him closely as he returned the favor.  
"I've been aching for you but I was not sure how welcome my attention would be," Kili ventured, breathless, once they parted again. "I have been trying to give you room to sort your thoughts since we left the gate."  
Kili kissed Bilbo deeply again.  
"It has been so difficult to resist you, Bilbo," Kili pressed his lips to the pulse in his neck. He whispered, "So difficult."  
"i have had...a lot...to process," Bilbo haltingly agreed, sidetracked by Kili's lips and hands.  
Kili only slightly paused to hum. "Do tell."

Bilbo could not concentrate to give him an answer. He ducked out of Kili's embrace. Kili was on him again in a second, pinning him to a tree and leaning into him heavily with his hips.  
"Do not toy with me, Bilbo." Although Kili was being physically aggressive, his voice pleaded tenderly.  
"I'm not," Bilbo protested. "But you are distracting me and we should talk."  
Kili started unlacing Bilbo's pants. "Does this talk involve you telling me that you do not want me touching you?"  
"No," Bilbo said.  
"Then we'll have it later," Kili said as he unlaced his own pants. He pinned Bilbo's hands over his head and began rutting against him. Bilbo ceased all protest and began grinding back, panting out little breaths and whimpering quietly. 

Kili released Bilbo's hands. "Touch me," he whispered wickedly. Bilbo closed his hand around Kili's erection and was rewarded with a shudder. Kili spat into his hand and began to stroke Bilbo. He started slow to enjoy the sweet sighs it brought forth but increased in urgency until all Bilbo could do was hold on for the ride. Kili refreshed the wet in his hand and renewed his efforts. Bilbo had one hand behind him holding to the tree and one hand squeezed tightly on Kili's shoulder. Kili was relentlessly pushing Bilbo over the edge and did not stop until he was stuttering and shaking against him as he came apart in his hand. 

BIlbo leaned against Kili's forehead for a few moments to collect himself. He laced his fingers through Kili's until his hand was also soiled with his release. He licked his lips and looked up at Kili with mischief in his eyes. He slicked Kili's cock with his own semen and began to pump it rhythmically. Bilbo felt Kili's knees waver a bit. He pressed down on Kili's shoulder with his free hand and brought them both to kneel. Still stroking him, he nudged Kili to indicate he wanted him to recline. When Kili complied, Bilbo dipped down and took Kili's length in his mouth. Kili gasped and grunted.  
"I taste nice on your cock," BIlbo said before he slid his tongue down the shaft again.  
Kili moaned lewdly.  
Bilbo worked the flat of his tongue along Kili's cock as he stroked the length of it with his mouth. Kili was muttering obscenities as Bilbo increased his speed and pressure. He sucked harder each time he pulled back along the tip, brushing gentle fingertips along his testicles. Kili stopped swearing and started gulping for air as his muscles tensed.  
"Bilbo..." Kili cried in warning.  
Bilbo kept going until Kili was quaking beneath him and coming on his tongue. He loved the intimacy of taking his lover by mouth and swallowing him to completion. It was the only penetration they had at the moment and Bilbo cherished it.  
"D-did you still w-want to talk?" Kili asked Bilbo breathlessly.  
Bilbo chuckled. "We'll talk later."

*****

Kili was back on his pony with Bilbo the next day and thinking over their stolen encounter. He understood that he and Bilbo still needed to discuss things. He certainly had some questions now that he had a few days to mull over their last big conversation and the events that followed it. Equally as important, though, were yesterday evening's moments of lust and reconnection. He didn't realize how much they truly needed it until after it was over. Their encounter seemed to have broken down an invisible barrier that had been between them emotionally since they left Erebor. The thought of getting Bilbo alone again was making Kili squirm. Bilbo shifted due to Kili's movement and the friction caused a tiny moan to escape the dwarf's throat. Bilbo touched Kili's arm and Kili leaned in to kiss BIlbo's cheek and nuzzle his ear.

"I like to see this!" Beorn said cheerfully, indicating Kili and Bilbo's tender moment. "I wondered at my house how long you were going to dance around each other, sitting under my tree instead of _making merry_." Beorn winked.  
"Oh, but we weren't...back then, I mean..." Bilbo spluttered.  
Gandalf and Fili simply smirked.  
"Nonsense! Love and lust, I can scent them from a mile!" Beorn bragged. "You were--and are!--both ridiculously heavy with them."  
Kili held his reigns with one hand and tightened the other arm around Bilbo. They couldn't help but giggle.  
Beorn laughed heartily himself. "Patience, Little Bunny. Beorn will get you two sorted this time!"

*****

One day before a full week had passed without Bilbo, Thorin pulled Balin aside.  
"Going forward, all correspondence that comes to members of our original company shall go through me first," he said authoritatively. "No exceptions."  
"You mean 'go through you' as in you want to read it?" Balin clarified.  
"If it suits me," Thorin stated.  
Balin thought this request was a little strange. "Certainly, but why?"  
"My reasoning is private."  
Balin fought a smirk. He didn't know why Thorin was being secretive. With a response like that, he may well have said, "My reasoning is Bilbo."  
"Very well, my king," Balin agreed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a housekeeping chapter with just a sprinkling of plot, feels, and smut while we get them from here to there. Next stop: Beorn's.


	51. Beorn's And Porn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is says on the tin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some liberties with Beorn's that weren't mentioned in the book: separate bedrooms for Fili, Bilbo/Kili, and Gandalf. big beds, and a bathing area.

It was an enormous relief to everyone when Beorn's house came into view at long last. Kili's heart swelled when he recognized it. He had warm and happy memories of Bilbo here. Although none were as intimate as the moments they shared in Lake Town, here was where he first allowed himself to hope that he and Bilbo could have a future together outside Kili's fantasies. He pulled the hobbit a little tighter to his chest and kissed his hair. 

Upon entry, Beorn clapped his hands and once again his ponies and his dogs arrived to assist him. Bilbo wondered how they had been tended when Beorn was away for days. Then again, he also wondered how a dog knew to to make a fire. He decided some things were just not for him to know and pitched in to help instead. Soon, fires were roaring, rooms were settled, beds were made, bread dough was rising, and they were sitting around Beorn's table eating nuts and berries. Bilbo had nearly forgotten how enormous everything was. Even Gandalf nearly needed two hands to drink from the cup he was given. 

Bilbo remembered well Beorn's bathing area. They drew lots for who got the first turn with Beorn insisting he would go last regardless. Kili was lucky enough to get the first go. He wanted to share it with Bilbo--the bathing area was huge like everything else--but Beorn ushered him in too quickly to ask. 

Fili had been quiet since they arrived. Once Kili was shunted off to the bathing area, Fili sat by the hearth and stared into the flames. Bilbo could tell he was lost in thought and he was pretty sure he knew who those thoughts were about. 

Bilbo hunkered down next to Fili.  
"Are you okay?" Bilbo asked.  
Fili smiled slightly and shook his head. "Aren't I supposed to be asking you that?"  
"I'm a little tired of being asked that," Bilbo answered truthfully. "I feel like I've been playing the role of some fragile, small, broken thing for a while now."  
"You _have_ been through several traumatic events lately," Fili reminded him.  
"I suppose. But what of you and Bofur? Or, Bo, if you'd prefer."  
Fili turned to look at Bilbo. "I suppose it is no secret to you that you and I both left part of our hearts in Erebor, then?"  
"I'm not sure it is much of a secret to anyone after those goodbyes," Bilbo said. "It is difficult to miss him like you do, I imagine."  
Fili nodded. "Yes. I understand why he needed to delay, though. I, uh, suppose it is difficult to be so far from Thorin as well."  
Bilbo shifted nervously. "It is. It hurts in a way I did not expect."  
"I wish it did not, Bee." Fili put a comforting hand on Bilbo's knee.  
"Bee?"  
"You cannot be the only one without a pet name," Fili said, knocking his shoulder into Bilbo's. "It would just be rude."  
"So I get to call you 'Fee?' Kili will be so jealous that I get to use his special name, too!"  
Fili laughed. "There's no one else he'd rather share it with, I'm sure."  
Bilbo smiled wistfully. "We may have left part of our hearts in Erebor, Fili, but I'm merely mourning my piece. Bo is keeping yours safe for the future when he will join us and make it whole once again."  
"I'm hoping for that," Fili said with a smile. 

"Um, Bee?"  
Bilbo turned his attention toward Fili.  
"Have you read Thorin's letter yet?" Fili said.  
"No," Bilbo confessed. "Do you know what it says?"  
"I do not. I was a little curious myself. He," Fili began, not sure of how much to say. "He, um..."  
Bilbo gestured at Fili to finish his thought.  
"Just because you said goodbye does not mean he has given up," Fili finally managed. "I am not sure what he might do, but I do know that letting you go was more of an offering than it was an admission of defeat."  
The thought mostly bothered Bilbo, but there was still a part of him that betrayed him with excitement at the thought.  
As though he could read his mind, Fili asked. "After all that has transpired, are you still in love with Kili?"  
Bilbo looked steady into Fili's eyes. "Yes, I am."  
"More than you loved Thorin?" Fili pressed.  
"Differently than I loved Thorin," Bilbo answered.  
Fili sighed. "Kili and I were there at the gate. We know what we saw. I love you but I am concerned for my brother."  
"I'm not experienced in these matters, Fee," Bilbo said, trying on the name for size. "I've made mistakes. I've kissed two dwarves in the same day, sometimes in the same hour. I am trying to do better for Kili. We are taking it slower because I want to be sure with him. He deserves better than what I gave Thorin. Thorin did, too, but I cannot fix that now."

As Fili contemplated this, Kili emerged from the bathroom in what appeared to be a sheet with sleeves. They did not have a proper change of clothes and Beorn was many times their size. He had found some items to preserve modesty in the meantime while their dirty clothes were tended. Fili and Bilbo couldn't help but giggle at Kili's struggle with the enormous garment.  
"Go ahead and laugh! You two will have just as much trouble after your baths!" Kili said indignantly. 

Bilbo and his brother's laughs were infectious, though. Soon Kili was laughing along with them in spite of himself. The hobbit's large, merry grin made Kili feel almost drunk. The warmth it spawned in his abdomen certainly made him feel brazen. He pulled Bilbo close and whispered in his ear, "Go get clean so we may get dirty."  
Bilbo felt a shiver work its way up his spine. He brushed his lips against Kili's softly before following his suggestion.

Having a private bath was a delightful luxury Bilbo hadn't had in far too long. As he undressed, he felt the crinkle of Thorin's letter in his deep pocket. He had rescued it from the chest a couple days back when no one was watching him. He had not wished to read it in front of anyone. Taking advantage of his solitude now, Bilbo opened it for the first time.

_Dearest,_

_If you are reading this, then you have left me behind. The ache I feel writing that alone is nearly more than I can bear, and I may yet bear it and more once you are gone from me._

_I have much for which to atone. Only if I could do things differently, I swear to you that I would. I would have left Esgaroth with you. I would have listened to the things that mattered to you more and talked less of myself. I did not have control over the way the gold tainted my mind but if I could change that, I would do that as well._

_I will be forever shamed by the way I was indelicate with you while the dragon sickness had me and I will be eternally haunted by renouncing our bond. There is nothing I regret more than that. You said you feared the dragon sickness dormant within me. When I returned to the treasury, the gold no longer held beauty for me. It was not captivating. It was hateful. Nothing but a cold, gleaming reminder of my weakness and my avarice. Moreover, it was not you and one hundred times its volume would not replace the void your absence has left within me._

_This chest contains things I selected especially for you from our first day with the treasure onward. I had hoped to give you these as your consort and see the bright excitement in your eyes. I've longed to shower you with the treasures of our people, for they would only be made more fair by you. I thought that gifting you with jewels and fine things would show you what you meant to me, but you are a hobbit and I am a dwarf. We are different in our ways. I wish I had taken more care to listen to you when you were my own. Your hobbit sensibilities are why I love you. You gave me love in ways I had never had before. What you made me feel was beyond any gem. Even the Arkenstone. I realize that now. Too late. Oh, please, let it not be too late._

_I was going to buy you the Shire in the name of Erebor. I wanted to give you the land you loved so much. We could have lived there without me abdicating my crown and causing you guilt. I am ashamed to say that it did not come to me on my own that such a move would not have pleased you. However, I would have done this and much more if you merely said you wished it. I would do many things. I would leave Erebor and follow you anywhere. Whatever your wish, I would see it through._

_I miss you so much I fear I may split in two from it. I miss the gleam in your eyes and the smell of your skin. I can yet hear the sound of your voice in my mind. Sometimes, I imagine I can still feel you inside me. If you feel my loss, please let us not suffer apart. Come back to me, Bilbo. Or send for me and I shall go to you. Anywhere. Indefinitely. Eternally._

_I carry you with me always._

_I love you._

_Thorin_

Bilbo read it three times before he folded it up and put it back in his pocket. He felt fluttery inside, heartbreak mixed with longing. Laid bare on the page was the Thorin he loved. He imagined the way Thorin would turn his gaze on him and melt him into a puddle of adoration and lust. If Bilbo was honest with himself, he missed the same things. Thorin's eyes, his scent, his voice that seemed to rumble through Bilbo's chest when they were pressed together, and his touch. Oh, did Bilbo miss his touch! Thorin handled him with the mastery of ownership that bonded lovers shared and he would drive Bilbo wild from the inside out. Bilbo palmed over his growing erection imaging the times Thorin would tease him before stretching him wide and taking him. He remembered the evening Thorin opened himself on Bilbo's command before the hobbit used him to completion. Gods, how they wrecked each other that night. 

Bilbo slipped into the water and began cleaning off the dirt of the road, taking care with the last of his healing wounds. As he washed, his mind strayed to memories of Thorin's hands on his skin. Once his hair was rinsed, he leaned back and wrapped a hand around his prick. Bilbo began pumping himself with long, deliberate strokes. He sucked in his breath and breathed out through his nose to help keep himself quiet. He imagined being opened with skilled fingers and ridden by Thorin, nearly feeling the fullness and the stretch that he had missed for so long. He fantasized about ragged breaths and soft whimpers, clutching at strong shoulders, and bucking his hips for more friction. The hand on his cock became his lover's in his mind, stroking him into a frenzy and pleading with him to finish as he was flooded with Kili's release deep inside. He spilled then with his body tightening and his foot almost slipping against where he braced it. _Kili_. How had his fantasy of Thorin turned into Kili claiming him instead? 

He soaked for a while and tried to make sense of his thoughts. After Bilbo dried and dressed, he stashed Thorin's letter away so that it would not be accidentally washed with his clothes. 

While Bilbo bathed, the others had not been idle. Bread was now baking and there were the makings of the most complete meal Bilbo had seen since Lake Town. Fili happily trundled off to take his turn in the bath. Bilbo was buzzing about and helping Beorn and his dogs prepare the giant table. He could feel Kili's eyes on him. When he caught them in his own glance, there was something burning in them that made all the follicles on his body tingle. 

Gandalf joined them moments before Fili emerged from the bath in the same manner of enormous shirt that Bilbo and Kili wore. Fili got his own back with his brother's teasing and they tucked into their meal. Bilbo never thought in all his life that bread drizzled with honey would taste this good. After dinner, Beorn told stories and demanded a song from Bilbo as well. Kili sighed dreamily as Bilbo sang. After Fili dozed off by the fire and Gandalf and Beorn fell deep in conversation, Kili led the hobbit to their room. 

Kili's shyness was all but worn off once the door was closed and bolted. He had been waiting for this: an enormous bed, solid walls, a lock on the door, and no one around who would dare bother them. Bilbo was on the bed with a mouthful of Kili and his shirt rucked up around his waist before he even knew what happened. Kili had one hand full of Bilbo's bare bottom; the other one was snaking up the hobbit's back.  
"Kili," Bilbo gasped.  
" _Mahal_ , yes. Say my name," Kili purred.  
Bilbo whispered his name again.  
Kili threaded a hand in Bilbo's hair and pressed his full weight on him. "I want you. I want you the way he was allowed to have you."  
Bilbo's prick twitched as logic and reason nearly abandoned him.  
Bilbo breathed, "You know we can't. Not yet."  
Kili sat up, pulling off his shirt and straddling Bilbo's hips. "Why? How is that fair? He told you he loved you and you two consummated it that same night. I told you I loved you ages ago!"  
Kili stroked Bilbo's cock. "You said you loved me. You've whispered dirty little hints of the things we could do in my ear. You're so hard right now that you are wet. _Why not me_ , Bilbo?"  
"Because," Bilbo's voice was husky. "It would mean more with you."  
Kili stopped touching Bilbo and slid off to his side, facing him. "I don't understand."  
"I told you that I did not know what it meant that first time," Bilbo explained. "Hobbits tumble and play in their youths. I've never been the type that could have someone inside me that I did not love, but I never dreamed how much more serious it was for dwarves. Thorin and I coupled because I loved him, but now that I know how much more it is for your people I could not take you in the same manner."  
Kili rolled onto his stomach and rested his chin on his hands. "You have to understand how much it bothers me. You loved him so you claimed him, but you love me too much to claim me. I should feel lucky, somehow?"  
Bilbo flopped onto his belly next to Kili. "Well, yes."  
Kili's tone was dark. "You were were a weeping mess after you left your lover at the gate, Bilbo. You are here with me but I'm still denied the pleasures you gave him freely. Explain to me how I should feel lucky."  
Bilbo kissed Kili's shoulder. "I left Thorin because I could not bear the thought of a future without you. I know it isn't quite what you want in the way of commitment, but it was a large step for me. I want you in my bed but I'm not ready to make you the promises necessary to let you in my body. Not like that."

Kili ran a hand down Bilbo's back. He tugged the shirt up so that Bilbo could wriggle out of it before going back to smoothing his hands over Bilbo. He relished the picture in front of him. He usually did not get this view of Bilbo. He caressed one of Bilbo's buttocks and the hobbit sighed. Kili kissed a shoulder blade.  
"What makes it all about my people," Kili asked softly, trailing kisses down Bilbo's spine.  
"How do you mean?"  
"You are terribly worried about the cultural significance of these things to dwarrows. You just said yourself it is not that way for hobbits. Why are you denying yourself pleasure for my traditions? Why can't I be the one that gives in to your hobbit customs?"  
Kili ran his tongue back up Bilbo's backbone and began placing kisses around his neck.  
Bilbo hummed with the pleasure of it. He could feel the heat of Kili's body full against his, cock brushing his backside.  
"Because of the imprinting. I did not know how deeply it would affect me, too. It is different," Bilbo managed to say.  
"I would never force an engagement on you, Bilbo." Kili was rutting against the separation in Bilbo's flesh. "And even without an imprint, you are already a part of me."  
Bilbo began flicking his hips up into Kili, gathering sweet friction from the bed under him. He groaned.  
"Gods, yes, Bilbo. I want to hear you," Kili panted. 

Kili licked his palm and slicked his cock so he could slide against Bilbo's backside more easily. It helped for a few seconds but it was not quite enough. He leaned down and licked up the length of Bilbo's cleft to make it wetter.  
"Oh!" Bilbo exclaimed, instinctively pushing his arse upward.  
Kili considered this reaction for a moment and ran his tongue back down, risking a little more depth.  
Bilbo shuddered and nearly growled.  
Kili held Bilbo open and licked from his scrotum up over his delicate entrance.  
Bilbo stuttered out breaths, vocalizing on each exhalation.  
Encouraged by this reaction, Kili began lapping at Bilbo's opening.

Bilbo wailed. Kili moaned and gripped him tighter, licking and swirling with more enthusiasm. Bilbo's head swam. He had never told Kili about this. Leave it to his curious lover to stumble upon something so intimate. A part of him wanted to tell Kili that it was not time for that yet, but he could not bring himself to do it. It felt too good. Kili was also right, in a way. Why should it always be Bilbo bending to dwarven tradition? And Kili was _offering_ , knowing the consequences. Bilbo knew that Kili did not truly know what he was promising and that was enough to quell his urge to beg Kili to take him right this second, but the hobbit saw no reason Kili had to stop what he was doing at the moment. He had been denying both himself and Kili these precious moments of vulnerability for far too long. 

Kili was emboldened by Bilbo's squirming and moaning and slipped his tongue inside his lover's entrance. Bilbo cried out loudly, clutching onto the bed and panting. Kili grabbed Bilbo and assaulted his hole, his slick muscle massaging in and out of it. Bilbo was keening and Kili couldn't get enough of it. Kili let a hand go, trying to hold Bilbo open with just the other one so he could stroke Bilbo's cock. It wasn't long before Bilbo began chanting his name, progressively rougher and louder until he spasmed around Kili's tongue and hot wetness splashed over his knuckles. Kili was fascinated by the feeling of Bilbo contracting around him. When it subsided, he kept darting in and out, hoping it would start again.

"Kili, please stop," Bilbo said roughly. 'I can't stand anymore."

Kili climbed back up Bilbo's body, relaxing against his back. His cock slipped in the wetness along Bilbo's crease and Kili remembered why it all started to begin with. He rutted slickly along Bilbo's cleft, sliding a little deeper and pushing the flesh around to cover it. 

"Kili, what are you-- _oh!_ "  
The feeling was new to Bilbo. Kili occasionally slid deep enough to brush his sensitive pucker with the shaft of his prick, but otherwise he was not pushing inside Bilbo. Kili was clutching at Bilbo and moaning as though he were.  
"You sound gorgeous when you're excited, Kili," Bilbo encouraged. "Are you going to come for me?"  
"Yes, oh yes!" Kili cried. His pace quickened and Bilbo felt the friction warming them both. Kili let out an animal cry and Bilbo felt him pouring his release between his buttocks. 

Kili paused a moment to catch his breath before spreading Bilbo open once again to clean him with his tongue. He joined Bilbo by his side and was immediately pounced upon.

"I want to taste me inside your mouth," the hobbit demanded before splitting Kili's lips with his tongue.  
The two of them kissed hotly and wetly, their legs tangling and hands twisting in each other's hair.  
"What made you decide to lick me like that?" Bilbo asked after a few minutes of frenzied kissing.  
"I wanted to make it slick to rub against. When I was licking, I remembered how good it felt for you to touch me there."  
"And you weren't...concerned?"  
"About you stopping me?"  
Bilbo remembered the first time he explained this to Thorin and how horrified he was. "No, I mean about, uh, cleanliness."  
"You just had a bath," Kili shrugged. "It felt so sinful, though. You weren't filthy, but it was _obscene_. Just thinking about it is getting me hard again."  
Bilbo undulated against Kili and felt the renewed erection.  
"At the end," Kili ventured, "when you finished, I felt you tighten all around my tongue. I never wanted it to stop."  
"That happens when we orgasm," Bilbo explained.  
Kili looked at him with his wide, chocolate eyes. "So, if I was actually inside you..."  
Bilbo grinned lustily. "I would tighten around your cock as I came."  
Kili threw his head back and moaned. "If I wasn't hard again before, that would have done it."  
"Kili?"  
"Hmmm?"  
"Would you like to come around my tongue?"


	52. Reciprocation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kilbo emotional smut

_"Kili?"_  
_"Hmmm?"_  
_"Would you like to come around my tongue?"_

Kili felt like all the air had left his lungs and a delicious clench developed low in his gut. This was something new. Naturally curious, he craved experiencing a different pleasure. Deeper, though, this was Bilbo allowing them _more_. The emotional implications of Bilbo's offer aroused him more than the promise of a new sensation. A million things went through his mind at once but all he said was, "Yes."

Bilbo motioned for him to roll over.  
Kili shook his head. "I want to watch."  
"It is difficult to reach if you are on your back," Bilbo said.  
"Could I scoot to the end of the bed?"  
Bilbo grabbed a pillow. "Try this under your back."  
It worked enough to start, Bilbo decided. He pushed Kili's thighs back a bit and Kili responded by all but folding in half, giving him full and nearly spread access.  
"Kili, you are certainly," Bilbo licked his lips slowly, " _limber_."  
Kili felt exposed and a little nervous. "Does this work?"  
"Yes. Oh _yes_ ," Bilbo purred as he perched himself between Kili's leg and darted his tongue out for an experimental lick.  
Kili hissed in a breath and exhaled, "Gods..."  
Bilbo smiled to himself. Kili was always so incredibly responsive. He'd never seen anything like it.

Bilbo flattened his tongue and laved over the exposed pucker. Kili swore and shuddered. Bilbo increased his pressure and worked over Kili's entrance rhythmically. Kili called Bilbo's name and moaned lewdly, twitching and trying to push into Bilbo's face. Figuring this for a hint, on the next lick Bilbo pushed his tongue inside. Kili began a series of guttural swears in Khuzdul and used both his hands to spread himself wider for Bilbo.

"Hmmm, dinner _and_ a show," Bilbo teased.  
Kili's voice was strained. "You are so naughty. Back in me. Mahal, please, back inside me."  
Bilbo nuzzled against Kili's bollocks, gently pulling one inside his mouth before going back to his task.

"If you insist. Just keep making those lovely noises for me, dear heart. I think I could get off from those alone."

Bilbo worked his way back inside Kili and was rewarded by growls and swears. He could hear Kili gulping air in between.

Kili looked down between his legs at Bilbo's head bobbing shallowly, the movement more subtle than when Bilbo was on his cock. All he could see from his vantage point were Bilbo's eyes. He loved it when they fluttered closed in delight because the move was accompanied by Bilbo's moans. These reverberated inside Kili in a way he was certain he would wank to for the rest of his life. The experience grew even better when Bilbo's eyes were open; his gaze bored through Kili's soul. It added a tenderness to the obscenity that went straight to Kili's heart _and_ his cock. He growled out Bilbo's name.

"Touch yourself for me, Kili." Bilbo commanded. "I want to feel you pulse around me."  
Kili wrapped a hand around his cock and sighed.  
"Do it," Bilbo rasped, nearly broken himself.

Bilbo matched Kili stroke for stroke, pushing into his opening each time Kili pumped down on his prick. When Kili sped up, Bilbo did as well. They both breathed hard and heavy when Kili came with a scream, clamping tightly around Bilbo's tongue in warm pulses. They had needed to be quiet for so long that Bilbo vowed to make Kili cry out as often as possible from this point forward. Bilbo licked Kili a few more times until the pulsing stopped. Kili dropped his legs with a huff. He still quaked and moaned quietly in the back of his throat even after Bilbo climbed up next to him.

Bilbo drank in the sight. Kili looked thoroughly debauched: hair a mess and sticking to his forehead in spots where he had perspired, eyes sleepy but a little wild, chest still heaving, lip swollen (from where he had no doubt bitten it), and skin mottled with flush in spots from head to toe. Bilbo had always thought Kili was gorgeous, even from the moment he first answered the door at Bag End. Seeing him spread out with his beautiful body naked in all its post-orgasmic glory excited Bilbo. Knowing he did that to him was a rush.

"Kili, you are a vision. An absolutely breathtaking vision," Bilbo breathed softly.  
Kili gazed back at Bilbo with the disbelieving sweetness he always had in his eyes when Bilbo complimented his looks. "I-um, thank you."  
Bilbo leaned in to kiss Kili. It was soft but insistent, Kili's tongue swiping across Bilbo's lips.  
Kili rested his eyes on Bilbo's. "I feel...different."  
Bilbo nodded, a pleasant knot forming in his chest.  
"Did you feel different when I was inside you?" Kili asked.  
"I did," Bilbo confessed.  
"But you did not stop me," Kili clarified. "Why?"  
"Because I wanted it. From you."  
Kili reached up to touch Bilbo's face, eyes still not wavering. "I understand a little better, now. That was...I mean...I've had your cock in my mouth but even that did not seem this, this-"  
"Intimate?"  
"Yes," Kili breathed. "Gods, I think I'm addicted to you and the way you make me feel..."  
Kili took one of Bilbo's hands and placed it on his chest. Bilbo could feel Kili's heart thudding against his chest through his skin.  
"...in here," Kili finished.

Bilbo lost himself in Kili's gaze, so open and raw. After everything Bilbo had done to hurt him, after all the uncertainty and holding him at arm's length, Kili still trusted him.

"Kili," Bilbo whispered.  
"Oh, how I love you," Kili whispered back as he pulled Bilbo's mouth to his.

Bilbo felt like he was falling, falling, falling. It was almost too much. Too overwhelming, too much feeling. He felt lightheaded. He had allowed himself this little bit of carnal surrender and was hit with an enormous wave of emotion, desire, love, and need. There was a helplessness there he had not felt before, an inability to fight against this tide. All of it had a certain _rightness_ about it. He loved it. Eru help him, but he loved it.

 

 

*****

After they had been at Beorn's a handful of nights, Bilbo realized that his nightmares had reduced in frequency. He was not sure of the reasoning, but grateful all the same. By day, they had developed a routine of sorts. Bilbo, Kili, and Fili happily helped Beorn and his animals with upkeep, cooking, and things of that nature. "Many hands make light work," Beorn said and it was true. They still had a great deal of idle time. It was a nice luxury to enjoy themselves without some great fear looming over them and they were taking advantage of the leisure. Fili, Kili, and Bilbo chose to enjoy that afternoon by the fire. Fili had found a book to read. Bilbo and Kili were each perched on one of the large, soft chairs. Kili lounged over the side of it and Bilbo had his knees pulled up to a cozy ball at his feet.

Bilbo floated in and out of dozing. Bilbo wasn't sure if it was the privacy, the use of a real bed, or the charm of something new to do in said bed, but Kili had been keeping Bilbo awake late into the night since they arrived. Kili could not get enough of their tongues inside each other. He also grew more skilled at the art of the tease. Alternating between Bilbo's cock and his entrance, Kili had him strung out on the edge one night for at least an hour before finally bringing him to a pounding orgasm. Kili seemed to love it, too. By the time Bilbo finished, Kili had rubbed his way to completion twice against the sheets. They had taken to putting down towels. If something Kili did made Bilbo moan, Kili wouldn't rest until the moan became a cry or a scream. For someone who seemed so bright, cheery, and innocent, Kili was incredibly carnal. Bilbo shivered with excitement thinking of what Kili would do with the rest of the knowledge Bilbo withheld. Throughout all of this, he felt things between them deepen and strengthen. The less they had to hold back, the more lost they seemed to get in each other. It almost seemed silly at this point that they weren't at least courting. The caution Bilbo thought he had been taking by delaying any formal commitments seemed more like baseless fear with each lovely day he spent with him. Kili deserved more. _He_ deserved more.

 

 

*****

Gandalf informed them he would be running errands soon that would enable him to send out messages if Bilbo and the dwarves wished it. Bilbo knew he had a letter to answer and other missives he had promised besides. Fili also had some written promises to keep of his own. Bilbo penned notes for Thorin, Bofur, Ori, and Bombur specifically, along with a general letter to the company. Fili wrote only to Thorin and Bofur in Erebor. It was agreed that they would not tell Thorin specifically where they had stopped to spend the coldest part of winter, only that they were safe. Kili and Fili also wrote to their mother in hopes that either Gandalf or Beorn would find someone heading back west.

Bilbo did not know what to say to Thorin. He was rather stirred by the king's letter and quite overcome as he investigated the treasures that Thorin had designated for him. He could not send for him, though. He still had misgivings about their match outside of the bedroom. And then there was Kili. He thought his feelings were already strong for him but something shifted between them when they escalated their physical relationship. Bilbo was moved so deeply by it that he felt nearly imprinted by that alone. Things were too serious between he and Kili now to continue to entertain the part of him that longed for Thorin.

Kili finished writing well before Bilbo or Fili, not knowing what to say or whom to whom he wanted to say it. After abandoning a couple efforts to write to Thorin, he decided not to send any letters this time.

He looked out a window and turned things over in his mind. Kili was awestruck by the new level of intimacy he and Bilbo had reached. Having his pleasure knitted tightly with his emotions was nothing new where Bilbo was concerned, but this was intoxicating. He wanted nothing more than to fall to his knees, beg Bilbo to marry him, and get fucked senseless. Although he was impatient, he knew that Bilbo even conceding to such intimate touches as they had been sharing was a step forward in their relationship. It made him feel special that Bilbo was not taking any of this lightly, though he burned with jealousy that Thorin had experienced it all. Still, Bilbo was here with him even after having fully bonded with Thorin. Now that Kili had an inkling of how such a bond would make him feel, he realized all the more how much it must have pained Bilbo to leave it behind him. And to think about _why_ he left it behind...well, that just filled him with tingles of anticipation. Clearly Bilbo wanted a future with him. Didn't he?

 

 

*****

_Dear Thorin,_

_Thank you for all that you sent home with me. It really was too much. Each piece you selected is more breathtaking than the last. I don't know what I'll ever do with it all._

_We have stopped for the winter season and are safe. You do not need to worry about us attempting travel in either snow or ice. I hope that Erebor is warm and cozy for you. How go the restorations? Is the gold business settled with the leaders of what was formerly Lake Town? What of Dale? Has Bard started rebuilding it? Is trade now open?_

_Reading the words you wrote moved me. Some stirred me in ways I must not mention. I hate to be the cause of pain for you. I never wanted that. You said you wished you had talked less of yourself as though you were selfish. Please do not remember it that way. You spoke to me of your duty, your people, and the things to which you devoted a century of your life. If those things were not important to talk about, then I do not know what would have been._

_I forgive you for the bad times, I do. But my forgiveness does not mean that things can resume the way they were. I'm so sorry._

_Whomever told you that I would not want you to buy the Shire for me was correct. The sentiment was lovely but I'm glad a calmer head prevailed. I do not need gold, jewels, or the deeds to my neighbor's houses._

_I do not know if it would lessen your heartache or cause you more to tell you that I have not forgotten the smell and taste of your skin. I do not regret our time together and I love our memories, Thorin. But that is all we have now. Beautiful memories._

_Be safe and be well, my king. More than that, be happy. It is all I want from you._

_Best,_

_Bilbo_

 

 

*****

_Dear Thorin,_

 

_We've arrived safely at our stopping point for the winter season. Gandalf does not think it wise to try to gain much more ground while the temperature is dropping. We had a few exceptionally cold nights getting here as it was. Gandalf will be checking in with the new Dale from time to time for both word and supplies. If you or the company wish to send any messages our way, Gandalf said that Bard will get them to us._

_Have you eaten yet today? If you have not, do so now. Make sure you are getting enough rest._

_How are things going with the rebuilding? Did the carts ever arrive to get that mountain of gold?_

_Do not let Balin put any more mindless fluff in your ears about Bilbo. If you have any more plans on how to win him, please consult Bofur. I know he is not your favorite dwarf, but he was a good friend to Bilbo and knows his mind better than Balin._

_Please take care of yourself. I worry about you._

_Your sister-son,_

_Fili_

 

 

*****

_Dearest Bo,_

 

_We are wintering at Beorn's at Gandalf's discretion. We are safe, warm, and well-fed. I wish we would have thought to pack clothes, though. We each only have what we wore on our backs to wear in the house. We will have to remedy that soon, but I'm not sure how._

_I'm feeling a bit lonely and find myself frequently pretending to read a book while daydreaming that you are with me. I would love a visit, but I would not want you traveling in the cold. If anything happened to you, I'm not sure I could forgive myself. I do so hope you will write to me, though, and that I will see you sooner than later. Bilbo and Kili miss you as well._

_Bilbo is fine. He had some bad days when we left Thorin behind at the gate. I thought at one point he might run back, but he's kept on with us. Kili is Kili. Eternally optimistic and stupidly in love. As a pair, Bilbo and Kili seem to be fine in spite of the drama that followed our departure. They spend a lot of time just enjoying each other's company. Kili says they are not courting or consummating anything, but they must be doing something. Kili has Bilbo roaring like a Balrog in their bed chamber every night. I'm three walls away and I can still hear it. Would you think me terribly wicked if I said that it made me miss you more?_

_I hope you, Bombur, and Bifur are all well and happy. I wish you much progress with things and I also wish Bombur's wife a safe and expedient trip. I may have alternative selfish motives for this._

_I miss you._

_Write soon._

_Love,_  
_Fili_

 

 

*****

Gandalf took the letters on an errand towards the new Dale not long after. Beorn was out for the day and the trio settled in by the fire after a particularly delightful lunch Bilbo made.

Kili hopped up and pointed towards the window.  
"Bilbo! Fili! It is snowing!" Kili said excitedly.  
Bilbo glanced out the window at the large flakes falling to the ground.  
"So it is!" Bilbo said.  
"Come on! Let's go outside!" Kili insisted.  
Bilbo stood to follow Kili, grabbing their furs so they would not be cold.  
"Are you coming, Fee?" Kili asked his brother.  
Fili shook his head and winked at Kili. "No, you go on ahead. I'll wait until there's enough snow on the ground to make snowballs. Then we'll really have some fun!"  
Kili giggled, took Bilbo's hand, and headed out the door.

They walked around as the snow fell in big clusters of flakes. Bilbo admired the way the snow clung to Kili's hair as he spun around and laughed in it.  
"I love snow," Kili said. "As long as I'm not camping in it, anyway. I like watching it fall. It is so pretty."  
"Yes," Bilbo agreed, not taking his eyes off Kili. "So very pretty."  
Catching his meaning, Kili smiled and softly pressed his lips to Bilbo's.

Hand in hand, they soon found themselves under what had become their favorite shade tree in the days they spent at Beorn's before the disaster of Mirkwood. A proud, gigantic oak, its branches were now winter-bare and the soft patches of grass beneath it were gone for the season. They sat down at its base and let the snow fall around them. Bilbo shivered slightly in the cold and Kili wrapped his arms around him for warmth.  
He kissed the Bilbo's cheek just by his ear and murmured, "The last time we were here, I would have given anything for the leave to sit and hold you like this."  
"Why didn't you ask?" Bilbo wondered aloud.  
"I don't even know. At the time it seemed so important to try and behave properly, to not disappoint my bloodline, and that sort of thing. You know I was constantly drilled about not straying my focus and all that. If I've learned anything on this quest, it is that such worries are meaningless. It was not worth what I almost lost, what I was essentially giving up in the name of maintaining appearances. I loved you, Bilbo. Last summer beneath our tree." Kili rubbed the bag under his clothing. "So much so that I still carry an acorn as a memento of the brief time we spent here. If I had not been so worried about all the nonsense Thorin hammered into me we could have already been-"  
Kili stopped short before he blurted out the word "married." He did not want to spoil this moment by pushing too hard.  
"Well," he corrected himself, "we would not have spent so much time yearning."  
"Yes, that may be true. But I think I loved you both then. You and Thorin, I mean. Maybe things had to happen this way after all."  
Kili bit the inside of his cheek. "After having you inside me, it makes more sense to me why it has been so hard for you to simply walk away from Thorin. The two of you had a," Kili swallowed hard, "full bond. I'm sure it does not lend itself to rational thinking."  
"No, it doesn't. When heart, soul, and libido get involved, it becomes more difficult." Bilbo exhaled audibly. "Still, some things have to end for other things to begin."  
Kili hummed in agreement.  
"May I hold your bag?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili pulled it over his head and handed it to Bilbo.  
"Your 'baggins,'" Bilbo mused aloud.  
Kili shook his head and chuckled. "Fili is ridiculous."  
Bilbo undid the strings and pulled out his bead. "I don't know. I rather like it, myself."

He rolled the bead in his palms for a moment before glancing up at Kili, dusted with large snowflakes all over his head and shoulders and some even on his eyelashes. Bilbo could swear he felt a pain for how beautiful Kili was. Bilbo took his hand and looked into his eyes.

"Kili, I am ready for _us_ to begin."  
Kili's eyes flicked down to the bead and he stopped breathing for a moment. "Us? Courting? With actual intent?"  
Bilbo felt inexplicably shy. "Yes, if it would please you. I know I would be honored to weave my be-mmph!"  
He was interrupted by Kili pushing him to the ground and kissing him feverishly until Bilbo became uncertain of his name. When Kili pulled back, he wore tears in his eyes and a smile impossibly wide.  
"That would please me more than you know," Kili said.  
Bilbo had to find the bead again--he dropped it when Kili pounced on him--and he began smoothing a section of hair behind Kili's ear.  
"We may have to redo this later if you want it to be perfect, but I sort of like the idea of doing it here at the base of the tree," Bilbo explained.  
"Me too," Kili smiled.  
Bilbo was mindful to not give Kili the same style that he had given Thorin. When he finished, he pulled back and rested his forehead against Kili's.  
"This braid means that being without you is not an option I wish to consider any longer," Bilbo said. "I love you, Kili."

Kili had dumped out his bag and presented Bilbo with an elaborate metalwork clasp bead that had been hiding at the bottom. It appeared similar to the ones Thorin had.  
"I've carried this a long time. I made beads when I came of age but I never went in for ornamental braids like Fili did. I don't even know why I took them on this trip with me, but I've carried this in my bag since you gave me yours. I hoped maybe someday..." Kili trailed off.  
Bilbo smiled tenderly and stroked Kili's trembling hand. "It is this day."  
A tear rolled down Kili's cheek and Bilbo kissed it away.  
"I would like to put yours behind your ear like you did mine, if that is okay," Kili said.  
"I think I would like that very much."

After Kili fastened his clasp, he brushed soft kisses across Bilbo's cheek and lips before sitting back.  
Kili's voice wavered. "I feel strange, like something inside of me might burst. I-I've never felt like this before. I feel like I say that a lot to you, but it is true every time."  
Bilbo pushed Kili gently on his back, stretching his body across him. "I feel it, too. Kili, you have no idea what you do to me," Bilbo whispered.  
"I know what I want to do to you," Kili whispered back just before licking Bilbo's lips open for the taking.  
Bilbo rubbed against Kili as they kissed. Kili grabbed Bilbo's bottom and pulled him closer. Bilbo nibbled along Kili's neck, choosing a sensitive spot just below his jaw and under his ear to suck a very prominent mark.  
"Mine," Bilbo hissed.  
Kili whispered, "Yes."  
Bilbo unlaced Kili's trousers.  
"We can't do that out here!" Kili said.  
"Who is going to catch us? Besides," Bilbo smirked as he pulled Kili's cock free. "I want to suck you off underneath our tree."  
Kili thudded his head back on the ground and surrendered to the sensation of Bilbo's hot mouth and the cool air. Each time Bilbo pulled back, Kili would feel the saliva on his shaft begin to chill. Before it got uncomfortable, Bilbo would lower his mouth back over it. The warm and the cool, the wet and the suction, and having Bilbo give him pleasure outside in the falling snow under _their_ tree all overwhelmed Kili's senses in a hurry. He felt his orgasm building.  
Instead of warning Bilbo he approached his finish, he used his last breath before he tumbled over the edge to command, "Swallow it."  
Bilbo had just a moment to moan before he was compelled to oblige. Bilbo licked him clean before tucking him away from the cold.  
Kili sat up and crawled over to Bilbo, laying him back and pinning his wrists to the ground behind his head.  
He grinned lasciviously. "Your turn."


	53. Trembling With Love, Quaking With Rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili took Bilbo's hand and kissed his fingertips one by one.  
> "You are trembling," Kili said.  
> "If I am trembling, it is your fault. I feel so much for you that sometimes my body cannot contain it."

Fili looked up when Kili and Bilbo stumbled in, giggling. As Bilbo closed the door behind him, Kili pressed him into it, kissing him deeply and humming his enjoyment.

"I suppose the snow was invigorating?" Fili teased.  
Kili paused for a moment to answer, "You could say that," before lowering his mouth to Bilbo's once again.  
The hobbit slipped away from him but grabbed his hand to lead him to the fire.  
"We're wet with snow, let's dry off a bit," Bilbo said.

Kili and Bilbo were not in front of the fire a minute before they were back to being all over each other. Fili was surprised. They had grown more affectionate since leaving Thorin's watchful eye, but this was something else entirely.

He asked, "What in Middle Earth has gotten into you two?"

When Kili turned to answer him, Fili saw the braid in his hair. A brief, searching glance showed Bilbo had a new braid of his own in the same spot.

"You _didn't_!" Fili said with an incredulous smile.

Kili rolled his lips into his mouth and blushed.

Fili looked back and forth between the two. "So, which one of you asked for leave to court?"  
"Bilbo did," Kili said, beaming.  
Fili grinned widely. "Bilbo, I'm proud of you. This was a good choice and long, long overdue."  
Bilbo looked at Kili with complete adoration in his eyes. "I'm very fortunate my foolishness of late did not cost me my chance."  
"Never," Kili murmured before kissing Bilbo again.  
"Just when I thought you two could not get any more sickening!" Fili joked.  
Kili turned around and stuck his tongue out at his brother.  
"Seriously, though, I'm very happy for you," Fili said.  
"We would not be here without you, you know," Bilbo said.  
"Thank you, Fee," Kili added.

Bilbo whispered something in Kili's ear and the dwarf softly moaned, stood, and held out his hand. When Bilbo took it, he led him down the hall.

"Have fun," Fili said as they left the room. After a beat, he called after them to tease, "I'm carving myself some earplugs later, just so you know!"

He heard the door close and shook his head, smiling.

Damn, he missed Bofur. 

*****

Bilbo began undressing the moment Kili closed the door. Kili quickly followed his lead, stealing kisses in between garments. Soon, Bilbo was pinned under him on the bed.

"Tell me, lover," Kili purred. "Now that it is official, when do I get to fuck you out of your mind?"  
"Gods, Kili! The things you say," Bilbo gasped with excitement.

Kili leaned in to suck another mark on Bilbo's neck. He had already left a couple when they were outside.

"Well?" he asked expectantly, moving down to wet one of Bilbo's nipples.  
Bilbo yipped at the sensation.  
Kili pretended that was an answer.  
"Oh, so now, then. Good." Kili said calmly, moving down to Bilbo's navel and running his tongue around the rim. "You know, I still think we ought to put a lovely ring through this."  
Bilbo sat up on his elbows to protest. "Not 'now then.' We've only just begun courting."  
Kili licked the length of Bilbo's shaft, still tasting a bit of his seed from earlier. Bilbo dropped his head back and grunted.  
"It was worth a try," Kili shrugged.  
He climbed back up Bilbo's torso until they were chest-to-chest. He leaned his head on his hand and looked into Bilbo's eyes. "I want all you are ready to give me, whenever that may be. I swear I'll give it back to you and more."

Kili reached out with his free hand and lovingly stroked Bilbo's new braid.

"I know," Bilbo whispered.

Kili took Bilbo's hand and kissed his fingertips one by one.

"You are trembling," Kili said.  
"If I am trembling, it is your fault. I feel so much for you that sometimes my body cannot contain it."  
"Oh, Bilbo," Kili sighed dreamily.

Bilbo rolled them over so that he was on top of Kili. He kissed his mouth open and slipped his tongue inside. Kili responded eagerly and grabbed Bilbo's backside with both hands.

"I'm going to taste you all over," Bilbo promised when they paused for air. He licked his fingertips and tweaked Kili's nipple ring. "Once I'm done tasting your skin, I'm going to fuck your arse with my tongue until you are a whimpering, mewling mess. If you put on a good show for me, I'll let you stroke yourself until you finish with my tongue still inside you. What do you think about that?"  
"I think you're overdue to start," Kili smirked.

About an hour later, Fili was roused from a doze in his chair by his brother making a huge commotion. If Kili hadn't been crying out Bilbo's name, Fili would have thought he was in distress. 

Damn, he _really_ missed Bofur.

*****

Although winter was underway, a small supply contingent from Mirkwood (via the former Lake Town men now settling in Dale) arrived one day in Erebor. They had wagons of what either they or the elves had been able to spare thus far for trade. One of Bard's lieutenants, Tomas, was the leader of the group.  
After welcomes and pleasantries were exchanged with Thorin and his advisers, it was time to discuss business. They were directed to a fair-sized chamber Thorin had been using for council.

"Your Highness, Bard has requested that you send him no more gold when we return," Tomas said.  
"No more gold? But he's only taken a fraction of his portion!" Balin exclaimed.  
"We already have more than we need for his plans and additional besides," Tomas explained. "He fears any more would make us a target. We have no treasury as grand or as secure as yours to hold all that was promised. As Dale rebuilds, he may call upon you for additional funds if his estimates are under-planned, but he fully concedes that he knew not what he was getting into when he made his initial request."  
"Very well," Thorin said. "We can draw up a new contract so that there is no mistaking the bargain, but I will insist that we hold twice the amount he has already received here in Erebor in the name of Lake Town and Dale. He only need ask."  
Tomas bowed his head deeply. "Bard will be overcome with His Majesty's generosity."  
Thorin nodded. "Let Bard know that I am impressed with his restraint and economy. Remembering my own greed, his honor shames me. He is going to be a fine leader."

Dwalin and Dain took over the conversation to discuss labor and materials with the Lake Town/new Dale emissaries. Balin and Thorin spoke of matters of diplomacy when Dwalin and Dain had finished. After a couple hours and a great many notes taken on both sides, Thorin closed the meeting. Tomas and his group were released to dine, rest, and supply up for their trip back. 

"Before I forget, Your Highness," Tomas handed Thorin a satchel containing letters. "I was bidden pass these along to you. If you have replies, I can carry them back for you."  
Thorin became aware of his heart suddenly pounding perilously hard against his ribs.  
He composed himself quickly.  
"Thank you. Dwalin, Dain...will you please show Tomas and his men where they can find a bath and some food?"  
Dwalin looked from the satchel to Thorin's face. He did not need to be told what was inside. He nodded and grunted, not particularly happy about leaving Thorin alone.  
Balin lingered around the periphery after everyone had gone. He was pretending to look at his notes for the fifth time when Thorin spoke up.  
"Balin, I require some time alone with my thoughts."  
The older dwarf sighed. "Of course, my king. I shall see you at dinner."  
He hesitated for a moment in the doorway before he left Thorin by himself.

Thorin flipped through the letters. Fili's were in their own language, Bilbo's in common. It occurred to Thorin that he did not even know what Bilbo's handwriting looked like until this very moment. He was ashamed that this was yet another thing he hadn't bothered to learn about the one he loved. Fili had not sent that many letters but Bilbo had. Thorin found Bilbo's choice of addressees to be interesting. He wondered how Ori and Bofur managed to rate high enough to get letters of their own when, say, Nori or Dwalin did not. Always polite, though, Bilbo had included a group letter to everyone who did not get an individual missive. It was just like him to not want to hurt anyone's feelings. Thorin noted that Kili had not sent any letters of his own.

Bilbo's letters to the other members of the company were not particularly informative. He sent Bombur a recipe for pie, included a couple hobbit histories for Ori, transcribed a couple songs for Bofur, and told them all he missed them. Individually, he made references to Ori and Bofur visiting him once he returned to the Shire. He offered the group an open invitation in their letter as well-- 

_"Tea is at four, but any of you are welcome at any time. Give us until Autumn to get there, as we shall be conducting visits of our own on our way back!"_

The "we" and the "our" stood out most to Thorin. It made him ache as it should not be Fili and Kili who traveled with Bilbo. It should be him. And exactly who did Bilbo have to visit on his way? Probably elves, he thought gloomily. Rivendell specifically, if he had to guess. He did not imagine Bilbo wanting to return to the Elvenking's home in Mirkwood any time soon. 

He carefully folded up the other letters and opened the one actually addressed to him from Bilbo. It only took a moment to read but he went through a full range of emotions as he read it. It was not the good news for which he had hoped and it gutted him. There were small joys interspersed within, though, and Thorin clung to those like lifelines. 

He read Fili's letter to himself next. It was tender in its own odd way with Fili reminding him to eat and trying to keep him out of trouble. He scoffed a little at the mention of Bofur. He knew Fili was right, but he had not yet forgiven Bofur for both his flirtation with Bilbo as well as his crushingly accurate insights when things had gone awry. He was embarrassed and would like nothing better than to avoid the dwarf altogether if he could. Thorin was pleased that Fili had arranged a way to exchange letters but found it odd that neither Bilbo nor Fili either one told him where they were staying the winter. 

He paused a moment before reading Fili's letter to Bofur. He knew Fili had an interest in the dwarf and thought perhaps he did not want to read anything too private that Fili might have to say to him. After picking up and putting the letter back down twice, he finally opened it and began to read. He was glad to discover where they were staying (though why hadn't they told _him_ ) and nearly ecstatic to learn that Bilbo missed him so much he nearly fled back to Erebor. His grin did not last. Five sentences later things went horribly, horribly wrong.

_"Kili has Bilbo roaring like a Balrog in their bed chamber every night."_

*****

Balin and Dwalin sought Thorin out when he did not come to dinner. They found him sitting on the floor in the council chamber with his head in his arms. Every piece of furniture had been turned over or thrown, much of it broken into pieces.  
"Durin's beard! What happened?" Dwalin cried. "Were you attacked?"  
Balin quickly assessed the scene. He frowned and shook his head at his brother. He knew this was Thorin's work and he had at least an inkling why.  
Thorin looked up at them dourly with red eyes and said nothing.  
Balin stepped closer to get a better look at him.  
"You are bleeding!" Balin exclaimed. "Dwalin, fetch Oin!"

Dwalin left quickly and Balin sat down on the floor by Thorin to check him for broken bones.  
"Leave me be," Thorin croaked. "They are just scratches."  
Balin regarded Thorin in this moment not as a subject to a king but as a friend of many years.  
"Gods, Thorin," he said gently. "What was in those letters?"  
Thorin shook his head. The pain of Bilbo's rejection was heartbreaking on its own. Reading that Kili had been taking him to bed--and apparently doing it well--was too much to bear. He couldn't bring himself to say it out loud.  
Balin sighed. "Do we have a plan?"  
"No plan," Thorin said. "I need to be alone."  
"Well," Balin said with strained effort as he hoisted himself off the floor, "you will think better with some food in you. We will get you bandaged up and I'll bring some dinner to your room. Dwalin and I will clean up in here."  
Balin held out his hand to help Thorin off the ground.  
The king walked over to the table that he overturned to find his letters from Bilbo and Fili. Balin was picking up the rest of them.  
"Um, what shall we do with these?" Balin asked.  
"Deliver them to their intended recipients. I've seen enough."  
Dwalin entered the room with Oin and a small aid kit.  
"You will collect their replies and bring them to me," Thorin instructed as Balin was leaving with the letters. "I will be the one who has them delivered."  
Balin nodded. "As you wish."

*****

Bofur almost leaped out of his skin with excitement when Balin brought him letters from Fili and Bilbo. He read Fili's over and over again. He subconsciously ran his fingers over the words he loved best as though touching them would make them even more real. Balin said he could write in return, so he wasted no time procuring the supplies to do exactly that.

_My Fee,_

_To hear you are still so close is nearly painful. I wonder if you would scold me if I showed up one day soon half-frozen on the doorstep. I spend my days thinking of your golden hair and the way your lips felt against mine. I miss you terribly._

_Bombur's wife is on her way. I am not sure if they are waiting out the winter in another town. For safety's sake, I hope so, but for selfish reasons I want her here as soon as possible. Bombur and Bifur are in a position to never have to work again if they wished, but they also want Erebor to be great once more and that means assisting with its rebuilding. I always thought Bombur would be happy with a soft life of plenty if he could have it, but he has quite a fire within him these days. I think he is like me. He is missing someone for whom he cares deeply and having the distraction of work is very welcome. I believe Thorin is similarly affected. We do not see him much and he does not often speak to anyone who is not Dain, Balin, or Dwalin._

_I miss Bilbo and Kili as well. After watching Bilbo and Thorin's last parting, I have to say that I would not have been overly surprised to see Bilbo walking up the path to Erebor's gate in the days that followed. I've long worried for Bilbo's well being. I am not faithless in Kili, though, and I'm thrilled to hear of these new developments. If he would not take offense, I would be tempted to congratulate him on his apparent skill. At the risk of being indelicate, I will say I never heard sounds carry beyond the door of the royal chambers when we were in Lake Town._

_If you are wicked, then I shall keep you company. I would be dishonest if I tried to claim that I haven't thought about what you might sound like in more intimate moments. I apologize if I am being too forward. I've got the memory of your warm skin under my touch and it fuels the imagination._

_Although it is true I miss looking upon you so handsome and rugged, I also miss your companionship. Taking a meal with you, learning more about you, and even merely discussing our daily life are all things of which I did not realize I would so strongly feel a lack._

_Take care of yourself, Kili, and Bilbo until I can catch up to keep an eye on all of you myself._

_Love,_

_Your Bo_

*****

Thorin paced in his bed chamber and tried to will his mind to still. He could not decide if he was brokenhearted or furious. He struggled to consider one problem at a time but they all bled together.

Fili and Bilbo did not tell Thorin where they were spending the winter. Was it to be a purposeful secret or just an oversight? Were Kili and Bilbo trying to hide away so they could tryst? Why Beorn's specifically? He was confused. 

Leaving Kili aside, he thought of Bilbo. Reading Fili's letter betrayed some of the thoughts Bilbo had been unwilling to share directly with Thorin. If Bilbo pined for him when they parted, there was still longing there for Thorin. He knew with the bond there would always be an attraction, but Bilbo and Fili both said things that made him think there may yet be love. Bilbo thanked him for the jewels but it was the sentiment Thorin sent along that seemed to move him most. Bilbo also hinted at their physical relationship, seemingly twice. If he was going to compete with a new lover, he was going to need to utilize his strengths. Clearly Bilbo was not attracted to Kili due to his station, titles, or wealth, so sentiment and sex it must be. Interesting.

*****

Gandalf returned to Beorn's after several days and Bilbo was relieved. He had been worried about the old wizard riding out in the cold for so long. Gandalf assured the hobbit that he merely had business in more places than the new Dale and availed himself of warm places to stay the night.  
"It is much easier to travel as one than to travel as many when speed is of the essence, my dear Bilbo," Gandalf said. "I did not spend many nights alone on the cold ground."

It did not take long for Gandalf's sharp eyes to notice that Bilbo and Kili were wearing braids and practically sitting in one another's laps. He smiled to see their happiness.  
When he next saw Kili alone, he took a moment to address it.  
"I am glad to see you did not let foolish jealousy get in the way of your heart's desire, Kili."  
Kili felt embarrassment of the way he behaved that day. "He is worth everything I've gone through. I love him so much, Gandalf."  
The wizard's expression was kind. "You may yet go through more, for neither life nor love are without peril. You did not win his love easily, but fighting for it was its own reward. The lessons you have learned along the way are valuable, Kili. They may help both of you endure whatever challenges you may face in the future."  
Gandalf was surprised when Kili wrapped both his arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. "Thank you for everything."  
"You are welcome, my lad," Gandalf said, hugging him back. "You are welcome."

Gandalf was also caught unawares seeing Fili and Kili preparing dinner alongside Bilbo.  
"Bilbo has been teaching us to cook!" Kili chirped.  
"Isn't that nice, now?" Gandalf said with some trepidation.  
"I promise you, it is edible," Bilbo said.  
Fili knocked his hip into Bilbo. "Yes, and you can eat it, too!"  
Bilbo and Kili laughed at Fili's corny joke as though nothing were funnier. 

Gandalf just smiled and shook his head. He had a great affection for the princes and especially Bilbo. The three of them seemed to get along exceptionally well and he was glad of it. Their journey had been a rough one with many unforeseen complications and emotional tolls. To see them emerge from the past several months not only unbroken but strong and happy almost overcame him. 

Later, he had to admit that the apple pie Kili made nearly brought tears to his eyes as well. The dwarf certainly had a talent for baked goods.

*****

Thorin met with the Lake Town/Dale contingent early in the morning before they were able to depart.

"Tomas, I have a business proposition if Bard can spare you and a couple of your men a short while longer. I'll pay handsomely for your time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you dears for all your continued support! I love all your comments, both here and on Tumblr <3


	54. Tangled Webs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprises for everyone, not all of them welcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bofurlove made a delightful collage for this story! 
> 
> http://bofurlove.tumblr.com/post/51694390154
> 
> Thank you, dear <3

Thorin flipped through the letters being sent to Bilbo, Fili, and Kili. He found little of interest until he came to Bofur's letter. It seemed that Bofur and Fili had a little more going on than mere flirtation. He nearly ripped the letter in two when he read Bofur's comments about Kili. He sat and fumed about that for a few minutes. He was rather proud of his prowess as Bilbo's lover. Bilbo had trouble refusing him and still folded hotly into his kisses up to the end. Surely he was not being outpaced in passion by his own fumbling nephew! After some deliberation, he decided to let the letter go out. He did not want to have to explain its omission later on and the other things Bofur had to say to Fili may yet have their uses. He pulled out some ink and began to write Fili a letter of his own.

*****

Fili and Kili took time to sneak off to Fili's room for some brotherly bonding while Bilbo sat with Gandalf and quizzed him about his travels.

"Are you cross with me, Fee?" Kili asked.  
Fili knitted his brows. "Why would I be cross with you?"  
"Because I'm spending so much time alone with Bilbo," Kili said.  
Fili shrugged. "You two just started courting. It is to be expected. I still spend quite a bit of time with the both of you, you know."  
"I know. It just seems different. I worry that you will be sorry you came along if Bilbo and I get too wrapped up in each other."  
"I won't," Kili assured him. "I had my own reasons for coming along and it wasn't just so you would entertain me every moment of every day."  
Kili tilted his head. "And what about Bofur? Do you ever wish you had stayed behind?"  
"I miss him, Kee. I do. But I do not want to live in Erebor right now. He does not particularly want to, either. We both want to be where you and Bilbo are, and I specifically would like to spend some time in the Shire."  
"Does he?"  
"We haven't talked about the future, really." Fili could not help the heat that was rising in his cheeks.  
Kili grinned. "Fee? Are you _blushing?_ I never thought I'd live to see the day!"  
"Stop it," Fili protested weakly, trying to suppress a laugh.  
"Oh, this is adorable. So have you done more than kiss?" Kili asked.  
"No, we've only kissed." Fili chewed on his lip nervously. "Speaking of which, can I ask what is it that you and Bilbo are doing at night that has the two of you bellowing so? You said that you two aren't, um, making hobbit love. I've fooled around some but I've never been moved to make that sort of racket. What gives?"  
"You can hear us?" Kili asked, shocked.  
"The walls may be solid but they are not impenetrable. It is very possible they can hear the two of you in Mirkwood," Fili noted.

Kili opened his mouth to speak and closed it again.

"Don't worry about it," Fili assured him. "Gandalf has hardly been around and Beorn hasn't said anything. He is probably just happy for you. You know he's a little...earthy."

Kili wouldn't admit it outright to Fili, but as the shock was wearing off, he felt a little proud.

"So, are you going to reveal your secrets or am I going to have to tickle it out of you?"  
Kili looked down. "This is really embarrassing, Fee."  
"Why?"  
Kili ran a hand through his hair. "Because you're my older brother. I feel strange telling you about this."  
"I could ask Bilbo, but it would probably be much more embarrassing for the both of us," Fili said.

Kili looked at Fili like he had just grown a second head.

"If I'm going to court a dwarf of my own, I want all the advantages I can get. I helped you with Bilbo. You owe me," Fili pouted.  
Kili took a breath. "Well, if he likes something I do, I keep doing it until he's half-crazy. If I can draw it out, I will. If he's, uh, done, I try to make him go again. I don't give up until he's begging me to stop or until one of us falls asleep."

Fili was impressed. No wonder the hobbit was growing more enamored by the day.

"So it is more technique than the things you do," Fili clarified.  
Kili hesitated a moment before he said, "Yes."

Fili looked at him skeptically. Kili reddened and he did not want to look at Fili.

"There's something you aren't telling me. There _is_ something special you two are doing."

Kili rolled his lips in as tightly as he could but could not suppress the telltale grin.

"Gods, there is! Are you two...you know?"  
"No! I would tell you about that, I promise. I just...I can't say it out loud. It is not embarrassing when he and I are together but I-I can't say it!"  
"Then do like we did when we were dwarflings. Whisper it to me."

Kili leaned over and whispered in his brother's ear. Fili's eyes grew huge.

"Mahal! And it doesn't, uh, taste bad?"  
"We clean first. There's something about it, Fee. It changed things between us."  
Fili was still gobsmacked. "Well, I guess it would, now, wouldn't it?"  
He looked at his brother who was looking regretful at having said anything at all. "Don't be upset, Kili. I'm just surprised. I've never heard of it before."  
"It isn't particularly dwarven, no."  
"Thank you for telling me, Kee."  
Kili grinned wide at Fili. "Are you thinking about applying some hobbit bedroom techniques on a certain pigtailed dwarf when you see him again?"  
"Maybe."  
"Maybe?" Kili poked his brother.  
"Maybe." Fili shoved Kili.  
Kili tickled him, Fili tickled back, and before long they were wrestling and giggling like dwarves half their age.

*****

Near Yule-tide, Beorn began hosting men who came from far and wide to feast at his bidding. The goblins of the Misty Mountains were now few and hidden in the deepest holes they could find. The Wargs had vanished from the woods so that men went abroad without fear. The men never came empty handed, either. Fili and Kili particularly loved it when the visitors came with wagons laden with casks of wine or ale. The dwarves loved their spirits and Kili particularly loved a tipsy Bilbo. The hobbit was always quick with a snog and a song when he was inebriated.

The men Beorn hosted were very respectful of Bilbo and the dwarves. If anyone had an unkind word to say about them, it never reached their or Beorn's ears. Indeed, it was usually the opposite: Beorn loved to spin tales of the circumstances when he first met them as well as their deeds during the great battle and the men were suitably impressed. 

After one such feast, Bilbo was curled up with Kili in their bed. His limbs were jelly and his head was pleasantly fuzzy. He was pliant with alcohol and Kili had wrung him out the rest of the way with his now-masterful hands and mouth. Bilbo did his best to keep up and give Kili the same intense and repeated pleasures that Bilbo himself received but Kili always outpaced him. Bilbo was a happy loser, though. Kili had absolutely made good on the promises he had sworn to Bilbo along the way about what sort of lover he would be if he was only given the chance. Bilbo found himself thinking more and more often about what Kili might do without any boundaries. 

Bilbo was snapped out of his thoughts by Kili biting a nipple.  
"Hey!" Bilbo protested.  
"I wanted to make sure I was not dreaming," Kili explained.  
Bilbo scoffed. "Aren't you supposed to inflict discomfort on _yourself_ for that?"  
"I'm too comfortable. I didn't want to move anything."  
Bilbo pinched him.  
"Ow!"  
"Serves you right," Bilbo groused.  
Kili smiled and held Bilbo tighter. "Sometimes I cannot believe this is really happening," he confessed.  
"No?" Bilbo asked softly.  
"I wanted you for so long. I would go to bed by myself and think of you. Now I'm the one in bed with you, touching you at night. It is _my_ name you sigh in delight. It means the world to me, Bilbo."  
"I was foolish, Kili. Giving into this was long overdue. When I think about how I almost lost you..." Bilbo could not finish his thought.  
"Hush," Kili murmured as he kissed Bilbo's chest. "I was jealous and heartsick from all that we had endured before. A share of the blame lies with me. But I promise you I'll never be too weary to fight for your love again."  
"We are past that, now," Bilbo said. "You have my love."  
"And what of Thorin?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo sighed heavily. "Thorin is in Erebor with his true loves: mountain and duty. The bond made it difficult to leave him behind and I will not deny that I felt the pull. I apologize for causing you worry and pain on our way back, but be at peace knowing you are the one wearing my braid and in my arms each night. You are the one with whom I'm moving forward."

Kili shifted so that he could gaze at Bilbo.  
"I'm very serious when I say I'm courting with intent," Kili said. "We'll take the time that we need, but at the end of it all I am hoping for a husband. One that would be mine and I would be his."  
Bilbo caught his breath. They had not spoken seriously of marriage outside the debate over sex. He felt like it was too soon after the dissolution of his engagement to consider it, but the idea pleasantly quickened his pulse.  
"Kili," Bilbo exhaled.  
"Shhh." Kili placed a finger on Bilbo's lips. "I realize now is not the time for proposals nor answers, not until you have a whole heart to give me when I ask. But this is what is in mine. _You_ , Bilbo. You have been my heart since the day I learned what it was for."  
Bilbo smoothed a hand over Kili's hair. "Sometimes just telling you 'I love you' seems woefully insufficient for what I am feeling."  
Kili leaned in to kiss Bilbo gently. "And yet," he paused to kiss him again, "somehow I never tire of hearing it."

*****

Another wagon of men arrived at Beorn's house and Bilbo thought little of it at first other than to idly anticipate the cooking time for the evening's feast. It wasn't until Beorn went out to meet them with a stony expression Bilbo hadn't even seen at their first meeting that he felt worry bubble up within him. He was not the only one who noticed it. Soon Fili, Kili, and Gandalf were with Beorn in front of his home. Three men approached.

"My name is Tomas of Lake Town, or New Dale now, I suppose, though I'm not used to saying so. I am the lieutenant of Bard. My guard and I have been sent by Thorin, King Under The Mountain, Ruler of Erebor. We have mail deliveries and supplies for you, if you will accept them."  
Beorn turned to look at Gandalf. The wizard was puzzled but nodded. The large man also glanced at Bilbo, who shrugged first and then nodded in turn.  
"We will accept your deliveries, Tomas of Lake Town and New Dale," Beorn said.  
Tomas bowed deeply. "I appreciate that our errand may be completed. Would it be permissible for us to rent accommodation from you this night so that my men and horses may take a rest? The king has provided us a generous stipend for this purpose."  
Beorn hesitated for a moment but acquiesced. "The men of Bard are welcome here. Both man and beast require warmth and succor. Come, show our resident dwarves what you have brought while the horses are tended."

The wagon contained a chest of gold that Tomas said was specifically for Beorn. It contained a note stamped with a royal seal. Beorn read it and passed it around for inspection.

_Honorable Beorn,_

_Please accept this chest to compensate you for caring for the heirs of Erebor and the king's chosen consort as they stay under your roof. I hope you will find this sum sufficient._

_I thank you for keeping those precious to me safe, warm, and fed through these winter months._

_Thorin, Son of Thráin  
King of Erebor_

Fili looked at Kili and shrugged. Kili frowned. The phrase " _king's chosen consort_ " did not sit well with him. Gandalf remained expressionless. Bilbo looked uncomfortable.

Bundles were pulled out of the cart, each labeled with "Fili," "Kili," and "Bilbo." New clothes were contained within.  
"Clothes!" Fili exclaimed. "Mahal, we've needed clothes! I don't even care if they don't fit well."  
"They were crafted from the pattern of clothes you each had before, commissioned by order of the king," Tomas said. "The fit should not be wanting."

A box of books was also in the wagon. "These are on loan from Ori, Librarian of Erebor, at the king's behest and leave," Tomas informed them.

Bilbo frowned. How was he supposed to return them, he wondered? 

Last, Tomas had a bundle of letters and passed them out individually to Bilbo, Fili, Kili, and Gandalf. 

Company was invited in and Beorn's dogs and sheep set a table of honey, bread, and cream for the visitors and their hosts. Bilbo, Fili, and Kili shared several glances around the table but nothing going on with the men seemed untoward. As Beorn ushered them off to the bathing area one by one to find some comfort, Bilbo and the dwarves met in Fili's room.

"I thought we were not going to tell Thorin where we were," Kili said.  
Bilbo said, "I did not tell him."  
"Neither did I," Fili said. "I told him only that we would be able to get letters passed to the relocated Lake Town."  
"So how did he know?" Bilbo wondered out loud.  
After a few moments in thought, Fili broke the silence gasping in realization. "I told Bofur we were here!"  
Kili glared at him.  
"What? I wanted him to be able to catch up with us!" Fili defended.  
Bilbo shook his head. "There is no way Bofur would have told Thorin!"  
"Maybe Bofur said something to someone else and was overheard?" Kili offered.  
Bilbo shrugged.  
"Um, I told Bofur we didn't have clothes, either," Fili said quietly.  
"And now we have clothes, too," Kili said.  
Bilbo put a comforting hand on Fili's arm. "Someone must have overheard. Bofur would not have betrayed your confidence."  
Fili looked guilty. "I didn't exactly swear him to secrecy."  
"No, but you wouldn't really have to, would you?" Bilbo said.  
"I suppose not," Fili agreed.  
"Maybe there will be a hint in our letters," Bilbo said.

*****

Fili read the letter from Thorin first, hoping it contained some clues to how they came to receive a royal visit in their secret location.

_Fili,_

_Thank you for your letter. I worry about you, too, and am glad you are not traveling further for the winter._

_Rebuilding is going well and will be much better once winter breaks. We did work out the gold arrangement with Bard. He did not realize how much gold he had bargained for and has renegotiated for less. He has no secure treasury to hold it so I am holding a goodly amount still in the name of New Dale and Lake Town. Rest assured, we are keeping close records of this as well as our other agreements and contracts. In the future when you take over the throne, it will be helpful for you to know what we have done in these crucial early days._

_I am eating when I need to. Sleep does not come easily most nights but I do make the attempt. I'm sure you know what it is like, being separated from someone special to you._

_I appreciate your advice but I do not believe my best interest is what Bofur serves. In fact, I would be surprised if he thinks of much other than you. I am not the only one who would prefer you to be here to help oversee the rebuilding of Erebor._

_Maybe you should worry less about Balin and myself and concentrate your efforts on making sure Bilbo does not make any poor decisions of his own. Or your addle-minded lovesick brother, for that matter._

_Take care, sister-son. We all look forward to the day when Fili, Future King Under The Mountain, rides home to Erebor._

_Thorin_

Fili furrowed his brow. He felt guilt about Thorin being left without heirs for rebuilding the kingdom and trying to keep good records for when he returned. The mentions of Bofur also struck a nerve. "Does Bofur openly long for me?" Fili wondered. Thorin was never very charitable concerning Bofur, so this was a surprising development. Thorin's criticism of Bilbo and Kili surprised him as well. This letter left Fili with no answers, more questions, and a sick feeling in his gut.

*****

Kili opened one of the letters Tomas gave him.

_Dearest Bilbo,_

_The Lake Town peoples are satisfied with their gold and we have reopened trade through their camp outside what was formerly Dale, what many are calling New Dale. Bard is indeed looking to rebuild Dale in earnest beginning in the spring, but these are not the things I wish to write about._

_Our parting at the gate took every shred of strength I had. I stood outside by myself long after you disappeared from view, your final kiss still warm on my lips. Did you ache as you rode away as much as I ached watching you go? I cried, my love. I cry still. Did you shed tears for me after you left? Do you miss me now?_

_You said I moved you, that I stirred you in ways you must not mention. I beg you to mention them. If all I have to hold at night are your letters, then please spill your thoughts and write me letters worth holding._

_You wrote that you have not forgotten the smell and taste of my skin. That set me aflame. I've not forgotten anything about you in our bed. I touch myself still and remember how you would passionately claim my body as your own. If I concentrate, I can almost feel you let go deep inside me._

_You want me to be happy. I insist that it will not be possible until I am holding you once again, kissing your lips, and feeling you wrapped around me as we make love. The hunger I have for you will never be sated. I desire you, always._

_If all we have are memories, I will replay each one of them with precious care until the day I am no longer. More than anything, I want the chance to make new memories with you._

_I miss you desperately._

_I love you._

_Thorin_

Kili read as far as " _...smell and taste of my skin"_ in confusion before he backed up to actually read the salutation.  
"Oh, um...this one is not for me," he said uncomfortably.  
"What do you mean it is not for you?" Fili said.  
Kili looked at the outside. It was not marked at all, yet Tomas handed it to him specifically.  
"It was given to me mistakenly. It was for Bilbo."  
"Me?" Bilbo asked.  
"From Thorin," Kili said flatly, handing it over.

Bilbo could not very well save it for later with Fili's and Kili's eyes on him, so he read. He shifted awkwardly and felt his stomach drop the further he read. This was deeply personal.

He looked at Kili, who was studying him closely. "How much did you-"  
Kili cut him off. "Enough. Did you actually write those things to him? While you were here?" _With me_ was left unspoken but implied.  
"They made sense in the letter I wrote. They seem much more tawdry the way he has repeated them back to me, I promise. Did you read to the end?"  
"I did not need to," Kili said icily, climbing off the bed.  
"Where are you going?" Fili asked.  
"Somewhere else," Kili said. He left Bilbo and Fili alone.

Fili glanced at Bilbo's heartbroken expression and held out his hand. Bilbo gave him the letter to read.  
"Oh, Bee," Fili said when he read halfway through. "Bee, this is not good."  
Bilbo put his head in his hands while Fili finished.  
"So you told him something like you were merely a memory for him now and wished him happiness?" Fili said.  
"Yes," Bilbo said miserably.  
"So clearly you weren't trying to instigate renewing your romance."  
"I did not think I was."  
"But if Kili only read half the letter, no wonder he is upset right now," Fili reasoned.  
Bilbo sighed. "The things he mentioned I wrote _do_ sound awfully suggestive. I was trying to let him know that our time together was not meaningless to me, nor was I cold and unfeeling to his pleas."  
"If you give our uncle a few paces he will assume a league. I know you were trying to be kind, but you are not helping Thorin or Kili either one with things like this." Fili shook his head. "Poor Kee. Every time he thinks he can relax and be happy with you, something else happens."  
Fili climbed off the bed.  
"My brother has the gentlest, purest heart in the world," Fili began. "I do not know how you continually manage to be so indelicate with something so precious entrusted to your care alone."  
Bilbo's face contorted with sorrow.  
"I do not try!" Bilbo cried. "I only wish to make him happy. I love him!"  
"You have odd ways of showing it, Bilbo," Fili said.  
Bilbo was left alone.

*****

When Bilbo emerged, Tomas had Kili engaged in conversation at the table. Kili was grinning widely, his face only darkening when he made eye contact with Bilbo. Bilbo desperately wanted to speak with him but now did not seem the time. He settled for helping with dinner. He hoped Fili had at least explained the letter's end to Kili. Bilbo's gaze sought him out. Fili was with the other two men from Lake Town, trading stories of the road. Bilbo sighed and set to his task.

Dinner was merry for nearly everyone but Bilbo. Tomas stayed seated next to Kili throughout dinner and seemed abnormally attentive to him. Kili was laughing and happily speaking to everyone but Bilbo long after the meal was done. Bilbo felt a spark of jealousy ignite within him. He glanced at Fili who seemed to be successfully entertaining his new friends. He was too focused on Kili's conversation with Tomas to bother eavesdropping.

"We were comfortably received in your future realm," one of the Lake Town men said to Fili.  
"The dwarves there were hospitable," the other one said.  
" _Very_ hospitable," the first one said, elbowing his companion and they laughed.  
Fili had a weakness for gossip. "Truly? And did this _hospitable_ dwarf have a name?"  
"Oh, we were not there long enough for names," the man said flirtatiously. "But this one had pigtails and a truly bizarre hat."  
"And a skilled tradesman's hands!" the other added with a wicked laugh.  
Fili felt his stomach nearly reject the food he just ingested.  
"Bofur?" he offered.  
"Maybe. Sounded something like that. Poor sod needed a bit of cheering up at first. He was pining away for someone or other," one of the men said.  
The other man shrugged. "Oh well. Out of sight-"  
"-out of mind!" they said in unison, laughing.  
"Yes, quite," Fili said weakly. "Excuse me, please."

Bilbo watched Fili get up and go outside. He followed him.

When Bilbo and Fili left the room, Tomas invited Kili to sit by the fire. Gandalf had long since retired and once the other two men asked Beorn's help with checking on their horses, the two were effectively left alone.

"Thorin did not tell me how lovely his youngest heir was," Tomas said, gazing into Kili's eyes.  
"Lovely? Me?" Kili said.  
"Mm-hmm.," Tomas pushed Kili's bangs out of his face. "Very lovely. Strong, Brave."  
"Um, thank you?"  
Tomas leaned a little closer. "I'm very interested to know if you've felt the intimate touch of another."  
"W-why would you want to know that?" Kili asked nervously.  
Tomas bent forward to whisper in Kili's ear. "If you were a virgin, I would take longer to prepare you before I would mount your pretty arse."  
Kili leaned back in shock. "Mount? Like hobbits?"  
Tomas laughed lustily. "Hobbits do not have an exclusive right to that sort of pleasure, pretty one."  
"You barely know me," Kili protested.  
Tomas shrugged. "I know I want you. What else is there?"  
"I'm courting someone," Kili said.  
"The hobbit you were so cozy with at lunch? Tell me, Kili," Tomas stroked Kili's forearm. "Does he satisfy you? Completely? Does he fulfill your _every _desire?"__  
Kili paused for a moment. Tomas was still stroking his skin.  
"Don't," Kili said.  
"Why?" Tomas whispered. "Because you like it?"

__Kili looked at Tomas. He may be upset with Bilbo, but he was not going to hop into bed with someone else. The man appeared to be aroused, but it seemed wrong. Not just because of Bilbo, either. Tomas did not seem to have much interest in Kili until he stalked out of Fili's room after having read Thorin's letter. Thorin's letter that Tomas handed him specifically. Kili thought he got it by mistake. Then again, it could have been simply made to look like a mistake. It suddenly seemed obvious._ _

Kili stood. "Or maybe because the king paid you to do it?" he spat.  
Tomas froze for a moment before a vicious smile spread across his mouth. "Rest assured, once I got a look at you I would have done it free. You are much more attractive than a typical dwarf."  
"What did Thorin ask you to do specifically?" Kili demanded.  
Tomas still wore that horrible grin. "Deliver supplies, secure a bed for the night, and take you in it. I brought my own tin of salve to use, though. I'm not an _animal_."  
"But why?" Kili asked.  
Tomas shrugged. "That I do not know." 

____

*****

"Fili, you are going to catch your death out here!" Bilbo fussed.  
"I needed some fresh air."  
Bilbo scoffed. "Yes, a little frozen lung does a body good after dinner."  
Fili rolled his eyes. "So go back inside."  
"I'd rather skip the show. If Kili wanted to make me jealous, he is doing a fine job," Bilbo groused.  
"He's not doing it on purpose, Bilbo. He's not talking to you because he's angry. He's talking to them because that's just who he is. Now _me_ , it seems I'm the one with the worry."  
Bilbo squinted at Fili and shook his head. "What are you on about? How do you have a worry about Bofur?"  
"Those two guys were talking about someone who matched Bofur's description, even down to having an absent lover. They made it sound like Bofur had shared a bed with one of them. Or both of them. It got a little fuzzy."  
"Fili, you can't believe that!" Bilbo argued, teeth beginning to chatter.  
"What else am I supposed to think?" Fili said sadly.  
"Maybe they were just making empty boasts," Bilbo soothed. "Perhaps he was simply the one who brought them dinner and they wanted to brag like they had made a conquest. You know how casual Men are about encounters. And how vulgar they are about bragging about them. Did we learn nothing in the tavern in Lake Town?"  
Fili wrinkled his nose. "You think?"  
"I think that is several times more plausible than Bofur trying to bed strange men, Fee."

*****

Bilbo and Fili came back inside, just missing the end of Kili's accusations toward Tomas. Kili moved to leave the room as soon as he saw them.  
"Last chance, pretty one!" Tomas taunted after him.  
Kili glanced at him hatefully. He pulled Fili close and whispered, "Find Beorn. Tell him they are to leave in the morning, regardless of what they say. Lock your door tonight, brother."  
Fili looked at Kili gravely and nodded.  
"May I have a word in private, Bilbo?" Kili asked, holding his hand out.

Bilbo took it gratefully and followed him to their room.


	55. Plans Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "May I have a word in private, Bilbo?" Kili asked, holding his hand out.
> 
> Bilbo took it gratefully and followed him to their room.

"Kili, I-" Bilbo began.  
"No, me first," Kili said.  
He did not have it in him to rage at Bilbo. Not this time.  
"What made you write those things to Thorin? If they were twisted like you said, how did he twist them? Make me understand."  
Bilbo retrieved the first letter Thorin sent him and handed it to Kili.  
"That came with my treasure box," he said.  
Kili looked down at the letter in his hands. "And you kept this?"  
"Yes," Bilbo said. "Read it."

Kili read the letter and felt both jealousy as well as his uncle's heartbreak. When he had finished, he handed it back to Bilbo.  
Bilbo said, "When I wrote back, I told him our time was over but his letter seemed like he was in such pain. I wanted him to at least know that after all was said and done, our relationship meant something to me. Because it did, Kili. I did not try to hide that from you. I always told you that I loved him."  
"But he said..."  
"He said that I told him his letter moved me in ways that I should not talk about. I did tell him that. And it did. I could no longer respond to him the way he wanted me to, but I was touched by his sentiment."  
"And of the other? About how you could still taste him, Bilbo? For Valar sake, surely I did not misinterpret that?" Kili cried.  
"You didn't," Bilbo said simply. "That is what I said. That I still have our memories of our good times."  
Kili was exasperated. "You cannot tell someone that you remember the taste of their skin when you are courting someone else, Bilbo! What am I supposed to do with that? What was _he_ supposed to do with that? Now he's waiting for a letter filled with dirty talk! I'm not entirely sure I blame him!"  
"I told him that is all we have now, just our memories," Bilbo explained. "If you would have finished the letter this afternoon, you would have seen that. I told him I wanted him to be happy." 

Kili paced back and forth a few times. 

"How long is the ghost of Thorin going to haunt my bed, Bilbo? Can you tell me that so I can at least have my eyes open for the next time?"  
"Is there going to be a next time? I mean, may we continue courting?" Bilbo asked shakily.  
Kili sighed. "I did not lie when I promised I would not be too weary to fight for you again. But I forgot to insist that you must fight for me, too. Fight for us. I cannot do this alone."  
Bilbo's voice was strained. "I'm trying. I suppose I am not very good at it, but I am trying."  
"Can you please just be honest with me, Bilbo?" Kili pleaded. "If you need more time, I need to know. If you do not need time because you want him, I need to know that, too."  
Bilbo shook his head. "Everything I said to you today was true. The day I thought I lost you was the most terrified and the most heartbroken I have been since my parents passed on. I keep making mistakes and I hate that but I love you." Bilbo's voice finally gave way to the tears he had been suppressing. "I love you so much."  
Kili wrapped his arms around his hobbit. "Then I need you in this with me all the time, not just when we are naked."  
Bilbo hugged him back tightly. "I know."

Kili leaned back and thumbed the wetness from Bilbo's cheek. "I have to do my part, too. Being honest with you."  
Bilbo was unsettled by the strange look that stole across Kili's face.  
"Tomas, uh, asked me to bed," Kili confessed.  
Bilbo's gut lurched. He swallowed hard. "Did he?"  
"He wanted to do things that you and I have not done yet," Kili said.  
"Did you want to go with him?" Bilbo asked.  
"No. I was more confused than anything. He had known me a day but he was already set to claim me. It could not have meant anything to him. None of it seemed right to me."  
"Did you...kiss him?" Bilbo asked.  
"No, that is for you," Kili said. He leaned in and kissed Bilbo sensuously. "It is all for you," he whispered.  
Kili began unbuttoning Bilbo's shirt. He pressed open-mouthed kisses down Bilbo's torso as he lowered himself to his knees.  
"Every inch of me, for you," Kili murmured against his skin as he unlaced Bilbo's trousers.  
Kili eased Bilbo's trousers off, one leg at a time. He looked up at Bilbo and locked eyes with him.  
"Inside and out, Bilbo. For you," Kili said. 

He wrapped his mouth around Bilbo's prick, forcing a blissful cry from his lover's throat. He smirked to himself as he pulled his lips across Bilbo's length. He was not sure what to tell Bilbo of Thorin's role in the thwarted seduction, but if Tomas was going to report back to Erebor, by the gods Kili was going to give him something to report.  
He pulled himself off Bilbo's cock and smiled devilishly.  
Kili purred, "If you want me to keep going, you'll let me hear how much you want it."

*****

Fili spoke to Beorn. Kili's request had disquieted the man, but he did not seem shocked.  
"I was planning on insisting they moved on tomorrow, myself. I do not believe they mean physical harm, but there is something about them that does not smell right," Beorn said.  
Fili was deeply curious about what happened to concern Kili so suddenly.

He trudged back to his room with his heart still heavy over his post-dinner conversation with the Lake Town fellows. Combined with Thorin's letter, it made him wonder briefly if he did the right thing following Kili and Bilbo. Maybe Bofur and Thorin both needed him back at Erebor. He remembered with a happy surge that he had a letter from Bofur he had not read yet. He was distracted before he had gotten the chance. 

As Fili read, Bofur's words comforted him. They were not the sentiments of someone idly tumbling with visitors to the mountain. Taken on its own, Bofur's letter seemed to indicate he was eager to join Fili where he was. Combined with Thorin's letter, though, it could be interpreted more loosely. Did Bofur need him to return? 

Fili reread the letter, this time ignoring the anxiety and instead focusing on the parts that made his heart flutter. He unlaced his trousers and took himself in hand. Fili lazily stroked himself while he got comfortable. He picked up his pace as he played through fantasies wherein his mouth was on Bofur's cock or Bofur's tongue was inside his arse. He pumped himself to completion, Bofur's name a contented sigh on his lips.

*****

Kili and Bilbo met up with Fili before breakfast.  
"I don't think we should send letters back to Erebor with the Lake Town men," Kili cautioned.  
"What?" Fili said horrifed. "Are you serious?"  
"I do not trust them," Kili said.  
"But I have a letter for Bofur!" Fili practically wailed. "If I don't send it now, who knows when I will get another chance?"  
Bilbo glanced at Kili. "If you think it is for the best, the things I have to send can wait."  
"Well, mine can't!" Fili said. "Kili, if Bilbo was far away from you, you would take every advantage you had to exchange correspondence. You know you would."  
Kili put a hand on Fili's shoulder. "Peace, Fee. It was a suggestion only. Send your letter to Bofur."

Kili went to Fili's room to get his letter. He shut the door behind them.  
"We need to talk, Fee." Kili said.  
Fili had been expecting this. "What is going on?"  
"Thorin paid Tomas to seduce me. More than to seduce me. To mount me."  
"As in...inside?" Fili asked.  
"Yes."  
"Durin's beard..." Fili breathed in disgust. "He wanted to ruin you for Bilbo and drive you two apart."  
"That is my thought. But I don't think it stopped there. I think he wrote Bilbo that inappropriate letter and had it purposefully delivered to me. I don't think it was a mistake at all."  
"Has he lost his mind?"  
"It is not like he could see Bilbo any less, is it?" Kili said seriously. "Having nothing to lose makes him dangerous. I do not want to send any letters back because I don't know who we can trust. If he is capable of paying a strange, mercenary man to imprint upon me just to get Bilbo back, I do not know if anyone is safe."  
Fili opened his mouth to protest but Kili stopped him.  
"Of course, still send your letter to Bofur. Have you written him anything personal?" Kili asked.  
Fili looked down at his hands. "Could you define personal?"  
Kili smiled kindly. "Words of love?"  
"Something like that," Fili mumbled. "And I told him that you and Bilbo are now courting."  
Kili was pleased. If Thorin was doing what he suspected, that ought to create quite a stir.

"What did Bilbo say when you told him about Thorin's activities?" Fili asked.  
"I told him about the offer but I'm hesitant to tell him that Thorin was behind it or that I think sending the letter to me was deliberate," Kili confessed. "I fear he will not believe me."  
"Kee, he needs to know. Wouldn't you want to know?" Fili reasoned.  
"I'll tell him when the time is right," Kili promised.  
Fili thought for a minute. "Do you think the other two were working for Thorin as well? Aside from the deliveries?"  
"I don't have any reason now to believe they weren't. Did something happen?"  
"They were talking about someone I'm sure was Bofur," Fili said.  
Kili furrowed his brow. "What did they say?"  
Fili hesitated. "Things that would not warm the heart of a suitor."  
"It does seem like quite an unlikely coincidence," Kili agreed. "Did you believe them?"  
"I did until I spoke to Bilbo and read Bofur's letter."  
"So we have up to three shady fellows on Thorin's payroll, new clothes we needed but did not request, mail delivered to a location we did not reveal, my virginity for sale, and your peace of mind compromised all in the space of a day," Kili said.  
"Why do I feel like we are at war with a king over a hobbit?" Fili said.  
Kili sighed deeply. "Because we very likely are, Fee."

*****

Kili took Fili's letter to Tomas as he was readying their wagon for the return trip to Erebor.  
Tomas raked his eyes over Kili. "You'll never know what you missed, pretty one."  
"I wouldn't say I was missing anything at all. My evening was delightful," Kili said defiantly.  
Tomas smirked. "So I heard. Good for you."  
Kili walked away. "You have _no_ idea," he sassed without turning around.

*****

Thorin took a private meeting with Tomas when the wagon returned to the mountain. Balin protested the private debriefing. He thought that as an adviser, he should not be left out.  
"Tomas was on a more personal errand, Balin. If happy news comes of it and it becomes a matter of state, I will include my team."  
Balin grinned, guessing it had to do with Bilbo. "Why did you not say so? Please, proceed!"

After Balin had gone and no one was looking, Thorin waved Dwalin in the room. He felt badly excluding Balin, but the fellow was too tender of heart for plans such as these. 

"Tomas, Dwalin will be sitting in on this meeting with us. He is the only one I trust on this _special project_ of mine. He's not above getting a job done."  
"A dwarf after my own heart," Tomas said.  
"You may begin," Thorin said.

Tomas told him of their arrival at Beorn's and the surprise it caused.  
Thorin asked, "Did you give Kili my letter to Bilbo?"  
"Yes, and he read it. He did not say so, but it bothered him enough for him to leave the hobbit behind in a huff. It was fairly easy to gain his attention after that, just as you had predicted. He remained cross with the hobbit for a majority of the evening."  
"And the other matter?" Thorin asked.  
Tomas explained, "I tried, Your Majesty, but he refused me."  
Thorin began to get a bit agitated. "Did you offer him what I told you to offer him? Did you say what I told you to say?"  
"Nearly exact, Your Majesty."  
Tomas was not sure if he should admit to Thorin how easily he admitted his true intentions when Kili figured him out. He decided against it.  
"He would not lay abed with me because of the hobbit."  
Thorin's mouth was a tight line. "I see. But he was angry at the hobbit, was he not?"  
Tomas shook his head. "It did not seem to matter. I thought it would be a sure thing but he and the hobbit retired together, regardless of his earlier temper."  
"Retired together? Meaning what?" Thorin demanded.  
"They went to their chamber together and had a rather noisy sexual encounter." Tomas smirked. "A few, actually."

Dwalin noted with alarm that Thorin was gripping the table so hard his knuckles were almost white. The subject needed changing quickly.  
"What of your men?" Dwalin asked.  
Tomas laughed. "The heir seemed to regret eating his dinner after what they said, that is for certain."  
"I see," Thorin said. "And the gifts?"  
"The gifts were received well but with confusion. They were shocked to see us at all and even more shocked to get clothes, books, and payment for their host."  
"How _was_ their host?" Dwalin asked.  
"Huge and intimidating," Tomas answered truthfully. "He treated us well, though, and I do not think our beasts have ever been tended better."  
Dwalin nodded. "The wizard?"  
"Scarce," Tomas answered. "He greeted us and took meals. That was all."  
"Any letters?" Thorin asked.  
"Just one," Tomas said, handing over the letter from Fili.  
Thorin felt an ache. No word from Bilbo. This was most unexpected. He was sure Bilbo would not be able to resist the letter he had written him. Unless...  
"Do you know if the hobbit was given the letter once Kili read it?" Thorin asked.  
"I do not, Your Majesty. They were in a room together when I assumed the letter reading had taken place. I would think it was left for him but I cannot be sure."  
"Is there anything else to report?" Thorin asked.  
"Not that I am aware, Your Majesty."  
Thorin sighed. "Although you disappoint me with your inability to seduce a virile, young dwarf practically plattered for you, you have done adequately. I will give you half the bonus I promised you for a fully completed job."  
Thorin stood to dismiss him.  
Tomas bowed deeply. "The King Of Erebor is most kind."

Once Tomas took his leave, Dwalin spoke. "Well, that did not go as planned."  
"No. I can scarcely believe Fili did not come back with them. Between Bofur's own letter, my exaggerating Bofur's loneliness, pointing out he was needed here, and the added terror of Bofur turning to others for soothing in his absence, I would have thought Fili would have beat the wagon here."  
"So now what?" Dwalin said.  
"Having Fili separated from Kili and Bilbo would have made things easier, but we'll simply have to work around it." Thorin circled his desk and thumped his fist on it. "Damn! Why didn't Kili just take the bait? That would have been the easiest way to resolve all of this."  
"At least you had the foresight to try another plan," Dwalin said.  
"A plan which did not work, remember. No, I'm going to have to think on this." Thorin murmured to himself, "Sentiment and sex."  
"What was that?"  
"Nothing. Just pondering. Leave me to myself for a while, please. I need to plan our next move."  
Dwalin nodded without argument and exited the room. 

Thorin sighed. All he wanted was Bilbo back in his arms and back in his bed. Between Kili's challenge to his suit and Fili's support, Bilbo would not have a chance to miss Thorin or question his own decision to end things. Thorin knew that he could reach Bilbo. He just needed that chance. Sending out impassioned letters and gifts would only go so far, no matter how thoughtful. 

He looked at the lone letter sadly. Why hadn't Bilbo written back? Thorin thought maybe he could twig a bit more helpful insight from whatever Fili had to say to Bofur. When he opened the letter, a second folded note fell out. There was no writing on the outside. Thorin opened it.

_Hello Thorin,_

_Reading other people's mail is a violation of privacy, you know. I am sure Fili would not appreciate you picking through his private thoughts for Bofur just to find ways to manipulate us. I imagine Bofur would be equally horrified, but he will never see this, will he?_

_I wish I could say this is a surprise but your code of honor has gotten much looser since your engagement ended. I do not suppose it would do me any good to plead on Bilbo's behalf to leave us be and let whatever is between he and I play out for either good or ill. You are not fighting fair, uncle. Your latest trick of sending others to get dirty while your own hands were kept clean was beneath you. It was beneath your title, it was beneath your honor, and it was beneath the dwarf I once knew you to be._

_You had your chance with Bilbo. I did not tie him up and carry him away from the gate in a sack. Everything he has done has been his choice. I find it interesting that you profess to love him yet you would take his freedom to make his own choices away._

_If you have a problem with me, then it should be settled between us. If you wish to renew your claim on Bilbo, that is similarly between the two of you. Do not send anyone else to do your dirty work or waste your time planning additional schemes. We are worth more than that and you should be better than that._

_Kili_

_P.S. I have not told Bilbo what you have been up to. If I am to be his choice, I want it to be because he loves me, not because he is angry at you._

Thorin scowled. He did not expect Kili to suss him out. He wondered how much he figured out on his own...and how much Fili knew. He read Fili's letter to Bofur next.

_My Bo,_

_I miss you as well. I know Bombur and Bifur need you. You are honorable wanting to be there for your family. It attracts me so because I am the same way. Unfortunately, our love of family is delaying whatever may yet blossom between us._

_I long for the chance to build our friendship into something deeper, but I also miss our friendship itself. I had not realized how much you had become a part of my life until you were no longer there every day. Our separation has grown increasingly harder for me to bear. I wonder how it is for you. Are you wishing that I never left or are you simply counting down days until you can join us on our road? I've almost shown back up on your doorstep myself a time or two this past week. I know it would be much better for you to be here, though._

_Bilbo and Kili still miss you, too. You will be happy to know they now wear each other's beads. Although they are courting at last, they are taking it slow. They are not jumping ahead to bonding or marriage. It is too soon after everything that has transpired and between you and me, I think Bilbo could use the time. Still, it is more than Kili ever dared hope._

_Being here has done us all a world of good after the things we've been through. I cannot wait until you can experience such a pleasant respite for yourself. Bilbo has been teaching us to cook in our spare time. I no longer burn eggs and Kili is apparently a master of pastries. Thorin sent messengers here with the last round of letters from Erebor. They brought clothes, too. Did you reach out to him on our behalf?_

_I am in the sweetest of agonies waiting for the chance to kiss you again. I lay in my bed at night and think of what could be. Sometimes, I whisper your name. It is not at all innocent._

_Missing you,_

_Your Fee_

Thorin barely resisted the urge to ransack his council chamber again when he read that Kili and Bilbo were courting. Something had to be done before it was too late. The only things that soothed him were reading that they were not rushing anything--no bond means no sex--and that Bilbo was the reason for their slow pace. That bought him time and a little bit of hope. It seemed clear that Fili was not running back to Erebor because of some earlier discussion or plan he had with Bofur. Thorin could at least stop trying to make that happen and focus on the more pressing matters. 

He read both letters again and thought about his next move. This was going to require finesse. Perhaps a more personal touch was in order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you all so much <3


	56. Reflection and Appreciation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo appreciates Kili while Thorin resents him. Kili appreciates Bilbo and resents Thorin. Bofur and Fili get surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely comments, recs, reblogs, and all the other fantastic things so many of you have done for this monster of a fic. I appreciate all of it.

Bilbo and Kili were relaxing in a large, soft chair in Beorn's sitting room after supper. It had become their habit. This night, each were leaning against an opposite arm. Bilbo had his legs stretched out across Kili's. Kili was absentmindedly carding through the hair on Bilbo's feet while Bilbo hummed tunes for him. Periodically, Bilbo would softly sigh in happy satisfaction at the attention being paid to his feet. Fili was sitting across from them with his nose buried in a book. He occasionally joined Bilbo's humming if he could pick up the tune. 

Bilbo would open his eyes when he sighed and Kili would smile back at him so sweetly, face illuminated by fire and candles. Bilbo recognized that he was once again terribly fortunate that Kili was patient. He glanced at the dwarf across from him and thought about how different their relationship was from what he had with Thorin. This sort of happy companionship between lovers was much more hobbit-like and familiar to him. After his conversation with Thorin in Lake Town wherein he was terribly confused that Bilbo counted him amongst his friends, Bilbo assumed that dwarrows did things differently. It was not a huge stretch considering the more personal things he had to explain to Thorin. With Kili, they were friends from nearly the moment they met. Even as their relationship progressed romantically and sexually, Kili's desire to have Bilbo for a companion outside of their bed was unchanged. Kili was lusty, no doubt, but they also had beautiful times like these where they were able to just enjoy being with one another. 

Bilbo realized more every day that he had been a fool not to recognize the prize he had in Kili. His bond with Thorin had dangerously impaired his judgement too often. How many times had Bilbo told Kili "no" in Lake Town, held him at a distance in the mountain, or did something so inappropriate regarding Thorin that Kili nearly left? How many times had he jeopardized any future evenings like this...and future nights squirming beneath him in their bed? He nearly shuddered to think of how he almost lost this. When Kili said they were in this together, he meant it. Not just together when they were naked, or together except for when an important decision needed to be made. Kili truly meant that he wanted Bilbo to be his partner and his equal. 

Bilbo shifted and crawled over to Kili. He kissed him tenderly, turned over with his back to Kili's front, and snuggled up against him.  
Kili drew an arm over Bilbo's chest and quietly asked, "What was that about?"  
"Do I need a reason to kiss my sweetheart?" Bilbo said.  
He felt Kili's giggle ripple against his spine.  
"No you do not," Kili said, dropping a kiss on Bilbo's head.  
"I never said how sorry I was about our last...misunderstanding," Bilbo said.  
Kili squeezed him tighter. "Already forgotten."  
Bilbo stroked Kili's thigh nestled alongside him. "We _are_ in this together, Kili."  
"'Til the end," Kili confirmed.  
Fili snorted behind his book.  
"Is there a problem, dearest brother?" Bilbo teased.  
"All this sweetness is making my teeth ache," Fili pretended to complain.  
"You can pay us back when Bofur arrives," Bilbo said.  
"If he arrives," Fili said uncertainly.  
"He will, Fee," Bilbo assured. "I know he will. It might take him until we get to the Shire, but if he's half as besotted as you, nothing will keep him away."  
Fili thought to himself, "Nothing except for Thorin."  
A glance over at Kili confirmed they were both likely thinking the same thing.

Fili found a moment to speak to Kili privately before they retired to bed for the night.  
"I'm concerned. We know Thorin is scheming and planning against you. It seems likely that he might be trying to interfere with me, too. I've been thinking about it since the Lake Town men headed back. I think the coincidence is too great that those men would tell me about a random encounter with one dwarf and it just so happened to be the one I'm falling in l-uh, I mean, the one I'm thinking of courting."  
Kili smiled but did not mention the slip. "I think you might be right. It is puzzling given that you said Thorin did not seem opposed to your feelings for Bofur in his letter to you, but I agree that the coincidence is too great. Especially when you consider what Tomas was sent to do."  
"I think-I think Thorin has been reading our mail, too," Fili admitted.  
Kili agreed, but he still asked, "What made you draw that conclusion?"  
"He knew where we were and sent people here," Fili explained. "He knew we needed clothes and had them made, probably to woo Bilbo or because he couldn't stand for him to go without. Either Bofur told him these things or he saw the letter I wrote. I'm beginning to think if his desperation to win Bilbo back did not spare your virtue, it also would not have spared my privacy. I know it sounds a little far fetched but-"  
"-I drew the same conclusion, Fee," Kili assured him.  
Fili smoothed his hands over his beard. "So what do we do now?"  
"It is my hope that he will cease this foolishness, but I do not think that will be the way of it," Kili said sadly. "We wait for his next move."

******

Thorin was in bed with his mind unwilling to shut down for the night. This had been a problem for him from the time Bilbo stopped sharing his bed. He had always slept so well sprawled over the hobbit's warm form or with him pressed up against his body in the crook of his arm. Of course, with Bilbo he also frequently had the pleasure of being exhausted beforehand. He had tried bringing himself off to fall asleep, but it was not the same as being worn out by his lover. When they were first separated, he would soothe himself thinking that maybe Bilbo was laying in his bed and missing him just as much. Finding out Kili was taking Bilbo to bed took all the comfort out of that fantasy for him.

 _Kili_. It seemed so unfair that his upstart of a nephew would have Bilbo's head on his pillow. Kili, who was always childish, impulsive, and ever resistant to Thorin's attempts to harness him into the dignity of his station. Thorin was rather shocked that a daydreamer like Kili guessed that he read their letters. Doubly so that he would call him out on it so blatantly. It seemed out of character for him to be so aggressive and sure of himself. "Or maybe not," a corner of his mind reminded him. Kili could be deceptively sweet but his fiercer side never hesitated to show itself when he perceived Fili or Bilbo were being hurt somehow. These were the only times Thorin saw the line of Durin's raw passion flash in his nephew's otherwise bright and cheerful eyes. He would probably be proud if he weren't frequently the target of Kili's ire. 

"Damn that reckless lad," Thorin muttered to no one. 

If it were anyone other than Bilbo, Thorin would have been planning Kili a royal wedding before the first bead was fastened. He had always wanted to officiate his sister-son's weddings, both as their king as well as their kin. Now, his very own happiness depended on him wooing Kili's intended away.  
"He was mine first," Thorin reasoned darkly. "It is not my fault that things must be this way."

******

Bilbo was snoozing against Kili, warm and happy in their bed. Kili gently ran his fingers over Bilbo's hair as his body thrummed in sated bliss. Kili had to admit that although he was impatient for the assurances and pleasures that an engagement would bring them, he was enjoying the time he and Bilbo were taking with each other. True to his word, other than the unpleasantness over Thorin's letter, Bilbo had given him a lovely courtship so far. Bilbo sang to him almost every day just like Kili had asked him to do back in Lake Town. He taught him to cook and cooked for him in return. They talked, took chilly walks when it wasn't freezing, cuddled, and loved one another at night to distraction. Kili did his part to make sure Bilbo felt cherished while they were courting, too. His favorite thing was slipping Bilbo little love notes. Bilbo's face always lit up with such delight when he discovered Kili had written him another one. Kili figured the notes would make do until the weather changed and the flowers bloomed. He was nearly sad for Bilbo that he and Thorin had skipped over the courting part of their own relationship. It was probably a blessing, though, for if Bilbo and Thorin had spent more time securing their emotional bond, Kili thought perhaps he would not be with Bilbo now.

Kili tried not to fixate on the restrictions in his sexual relationship with Bilbo. He received many a thrill in bed with Bilbo. He also loved how he could reduce Bilbo to a puddle of hoarse, gibbering goo using only his mouth. In many ways, Kili was incredibly satisfied. He knew he should not push things, but he was haunted by the unknown. What would it feel like to have Bilbo's fingers inside him? Or more? How would Bilbo feel around his cock? He wondered if he would feel the vibration through Bilbo's body when he made him roar? The cruel, darker part of his mind occasionally whispered to him, "Thorin knows." That thought nearly drove him mad. When he would dwell on it too much, he found himself picking arguments with Bilbo and Fili for no reason. He always apologized and tried to make up for it, but he never told them what brought on his foul temper. After a particularly ridiculous row with Fili over the subject of putting dried apples back in the pantry, Kili decided he would aggressively block all thoughts of Thorin in bed with Bilbo. He hated the way the thoughts tarred his soul. Besides, Bilbo was with him _now_ , wearing his braid, and Thorin was in Erebor. Plotting, very likely, but at least far enough away for the bond to be weak.

******

"What are your plans when we reach the Shire?" Bilbo asked Kili one unseasonably warm day. It had been many, many mornings since the Lake Town messengers had headed back to Erebor and they were enjoying a stroll around Beorn's land.  
Kili looked up and squinted as he thought. "Hmmm, plans. Was I supposed to have some? I thought we'd figure out what to do with our days once we got there."  
Bilbo laughed. "No, not like that. I mean, what is your plan in general?"  
Kili smiled nervously. "I do not follow."  
"Well, are you and Fili thinking of just visiting me for a while or..." Bilbo trailed off.  
"Oh. _Oh_! I, um...well, honestly I was not planning on leaving once we got there," Kili said shyly. "I was not thinking about going back to Ered Luin or getting my own smial or anything like that."  
He shuffled a little awkwardly. "It might have been a lot to assume, maybe."  
Bilbo smiled. "I thought maybe I was the one assuming too much by thinking you were going to live with me. Because I would like you to. Live with me, that is. If-if you _want_ to, of course."  
Kili picked up Bilbo and twirled him around. "Very much so! Gods, you have no idea how much!"  
"You can even have your own bedroom if it makes you more comf-"  
"Bilbo," Kili interrupted with a grin. "Shut up."  
Bilbo found his mouth suddenly too occupied to talk, anyway.

******

Bofur and his companions were joined at their dinner by none other than the king himself.  
"Your Highness," Bofur nodded deeply. "To what do we owe your visit?"  
"I'm sending another messenger group west," Thorin said. "Do you have any letters to send?"  
Bofur was taken aback and perhaps a little suspicious. Fili's question in his last letter about speaking to Thorin on their behalf struck him as odd. Bofur did not let on, though.  
"Only about three," he answered amiably. "I can't seem to stop."  
"How would you like to deliver them in person? " Thorin asked. "Could you be spared for a couple weeks?"  
Bofur was speechless.  
"It will be a king's expedition, so you will also have extra provisions for warmth on the road and overnight. It would not be as perilous as going alone, I assure you."  
Again, Bofur felt a twinge of wariness. He and Fili had both mentioned running off to one another and decided against it due to the danger. Still, this was a chance to see Fili and BIlbo again. Could he truly pass that up?  
"Aye, I'm in," Bofur said. "When do I leave?"  
Thorin stood and smiled. "I will let you know when everything is arranged."

After Thorin left, Bombur spoke. "You know, Bifur and I will be fine even beyond two weeks' time."  
Bofur knitted his brows in confusion. "What?"  
"We are not blind, you know. We understand your heart is not in Erebor. We also know what keeps you here. The time you've spent with us helping rebuild has been special, but you've grown more melancholy as the days have worn on."  
Bofur opened his mouth to protest but he was cut off.  
"You have stayed so that we would not feel loneliness, but it has been at your own expense," Bombur noted. "I've only a couple months before my heart joins me. You've been away from yours nearly that long. I think, perhaps, that we are even?"  
Bofur looked across to Bifur, who had been listening to the conversation. Bifur made a sign with his hands and nodded solemnly.  
Bofur chuckled self-consciously. "It is silly, I suppose. I do not even know if we are well-matched. I only know that when he left, it felt like we had left a seam unmined."  
"You will not know if you do not try," Bombur said.  
"I will plan on a visit only," Bofur said. "We are not even set to court, after all. It means the world to me that you wish me happiness, it truly does."  
"We're family," Bombur said. "We look out for each other."

******

"Bofur has agreed to accompany the group," Thorin told Dwalin.  
"I'm sure that was not difficult," Dwalin replied.  
Thorin smiled. "I should have done that to begin with. Fili will be much more distracted by a warm body in front of him than he would by doubt alone."  
"It is certainly less cruel than the last plan," Dwalin agreed.  
Thorin's smile faded to a frown. "I feel badly about that. I needed Fili preoccupied and I thought if he came home to Bofur, it would be the more preferable outcome...perhaps with the added benefit of luring Bilbo and Kili back along with him. But you are right. I was too rough with his feelings. I cannot really apologize for it, though."  
"So, you have made your peace with Fili possibly plighting his troth to this toymaker?" Dwalin asked.  
Thorin sighed. "Not entirely. I am apprehensive about Bofur's mind, though, not his occupation. He is shrewd and I do not always benefit from his insight. I do not need anyone else alienating me from my family or from Bilbo."  
Dwalin tilted his head. "Ah, but it is wise to keep one's enemies close."  
"I hope he and Fili can distract each other from my business," Thorin said. "Both of them have done their share of meddling in my relationship with Bilbo. It is far preferable for them to be preoccupied with their affection for each other than any other way I could personally employ to incapacitate them."  
"Are the rest of the arrangements made?" Dwalin asked.  
"Everything seems to be in order. Balin did not take much convincing, honestly. Your brother is such a romantic at heart," Thorin teased.  
"Too much," Dwalin sniffed. "It makes him soft."  
"Sometimes a touch of softness is commendable," Thorin said gently, suddenly far away.  
Dwalin snorted. "Makes you soft, too."  
"Respect, Dwalin," Thorin cautioned with amusement. "I've got another meeting with Dain before dinner. We will meet in the morning?"  
"Yes, Thorin." Dwalin bowed deeply.  
Thorin allowed himself a few more minutes to daydream about the happiness that could be found with a soft, loving hobbit before Dain arrived to jolt him back to the business of the day.

******

Fili had just pounded down two loaves worth of dough when Beorn called that visitors had ridden up. Fili wiped off his hands to meet the newcomers at the door. He hoped it was more of Beorn's friends from up north. Traveling in winter did not bother them and they always brought delightful ale. Kili and Bilbo were behind him a few paces, also curious to see whom it might be. Kili slipped his arms around Bilbo's waist and nuzzled his hair as Fili opened the door. Fili was stunned to the core when he saw Bofur on the other side.

"Hullo, Fee," Bofur said shyly.  
" _Mahal's light_ ," Fili whispered in shock.

Bofur raised his eyebrows and slowly held out his arms. Fili leaped into them and held him so close that it was almost painful. They took a couple steps together into the house, Fili's eyes were shut so tight in disbelieving bliss that no one existed in that moment for him but Bofur.

"You two can't stand in the door all day. You'll be letting the warm air out," a familar voice groused.  
"Is that Mister Dwalin?" Fili asked, only slightly loosening his grip on Bofur.  
Dwalin bowed shallowly in greeting and entered the house. 

Kili's stomach lurched a bit. Dwalin had made it clear he was no fan of his relationship with Bilbo. What sort of deviousness was this?

"Has the Heir of Erebor so quickly forgotten all his manners as to leave company cold on the doorstep?" a deep voice chided.  


Thorin Oakenshield stepped inside the doorway. His eyes quickly found their desire.  
"Hello, Bilbo," he purred, voice silken and dangerous.

The hobbit's legs gave out from underneath him and he fainted dead away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A personal touch, indeed. Thorin is here to fuck shit up and chew bubblegum...and he's all out of bubblegum.


	57. The Battle For Bilbo Baggins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Thorin Oakenshield stepped inside the doorway. His eyes quickly found their desire._   
>  _"Hello, Bilbo," he purred, voice silken and dangerous._

"Bilbo!" Kili cried as the hobbit fell in front of him.  
"What is all the commotion?" Beorn boomed.  
His eyes darted to Fili still half-clinging onto Bofur, to Thorin, and finally flicked to the hobbit on the floor.  
"He's still breathing," Kili said with relief. "He must have fainted."  
"Such a big shock for such a little bunny, I think," Beorn said as he eyed both Thorin and Dwalin. He gently scooped Bilbo up and placed him on the soft chair with his feet up on the arm.

Fili looked to Bofur with questioning eyes and inclined his head toward Thorin and Dwalin. Bofur had the presence of mind to look chagrined, but he shrugged and shook his head. Fili knew Bofur would not be able to speak freely until they were alone.

_Ugh, Thorin,_ Fili thought. _As though Bo and I did not have better things to discuss when we were alone._

Kili held Bilbo's hand and surreptitiously glared at Thorin as Bilbo began to wake shortly thereafter. Bilbo blinked his eyes open to see Kili close and looking concerned. Bilbo could not help but try a small smile when he saw him.

"Well, now. Wasn't that embarrassing?" Bilbo managed to say. He started to sit up and his head began to spin. "Nope," he said and fell back again.  
"Give yourself a few minutes," Kili cautioned.  
Bilbo tried to nod but in his dizzy state it was more like a flop.

Fili tried to fill the awkward silence like a true diplomat. "Thorin, this is a surprise. How did this visit come about?"  
"Yes," came Gandalf's voice from the hall as he entered the room. "How indeed?"  
"It shall be explained but for brevity's sake, we will do it once Bilbo comes back to himself," Thorin said with authority. "With Beorn's leave, of course, since we are in his home." Thorin bowed to his would-be host.

"Thorin?" Bilbo said. "That _is_ Thorin, isn't it?"

Thorin's entire demeanor softened when Bilbo said his name. He walked over to Bilbo's side but Kili would not budge. Thorin stood behind him instead.

"Yes, my love, I am here," he said.  
Bilbo glanced at Thorin and back at Kili. "I was beginning to think I must have really thumped my head!"  
He sat up slowly with Kili's help. "But why? How? Erm, what are you doing here?"  
Thorin's voice was tender. "I did not hear back from you when my messengers returned. I was worried for you." His voice grew a tad more authoritative. "I also wanted to share news with Gandalf and find out what he's managed to turn up about the darkness in the Greenwood and Dol Guldur. Beorn's information on how it goes amongst the men between the mountains and the wood would also be helpful, as we will need additional resources for trade and rebuilding as spring approaches. Letters may have accomplished this but only over multiple exchanges and many long days. Better that we come now and make the most in a small span of time as well as have the pleasure of a visit. I was able to bring one of my advisers for the political discussions but needed to leave the rest behind to keep things running."  
Thorin looked fondly at Fili. "And we could not make a trip from Erebor to Beorn's in good conscience without including Bofur, now could we, Fili?"

Fili blushed but Kili seethed. Thorin's sweet, thoughtful uncle act was not fooling him.

Gandalf's eyes darted around the room, taking in everyone's expressions. Dwalin was very guarded and Thorin did not seem entirely sincere once he stopped speaking to Bilbo. Kili was angry, Bilbo was confused and rather flushed for someone who was recently so pale, and Fili was too happy Bofur was there to notice much else. When his eyes met Beorn's, Beorn looked toward Thorin and raised his chin just the slightest in gesture. Gandalf nearly undetectably shook his head. Neither one of them knew what Thorin was up to, but Gandalf had an inkling.

"Come now, dinner will be soon," Beorn said.  
He glanced at Thorin and Dwalin. "Am I correct that you will be wanting accommodation for the night?"  
Thorin addressed the man deferentially, but still with dignity. "I realize we came unbidden, and this is now three times I've asked you to share your roof for my own purposes. I have brought payment in hope of your good will, but we are prepared to camp outside your home or even outside the bounds of your property if it is too great an imposition."  
Fili's expression was a mixture of sadness and horror. He did not want Bofur to sleep anywhere further than a couple feet away from him if he could help it.  
Kili was holding his breath. He didn't want Thorin within leagues of this house, much less a room away from Bilbo.  
"You may stay. I do not care much for unannounced visitors but it seems this year there must be a beacon just beyond my porch!" Beorn laughed.

Bilbo did not know what to think about any of this. He noted somewhat sourly that Thorin did not have the decency to stop being gorgeous since he had been gone. The sound of his voice still affected Bilbo, too. He thought with time that the hold Thorin had over him would fade, but it seems that all that had faded was the memory. Bilbo had to remind himself he was courting Kili now. He glanced at him. Kili did not look happy. Fili sure did, though. Bilbo wondered what possessed Thorin to bring Bofur along. Whatever the reason, he was thrilled to see his friend once more. He wasn't, however, all that happy to see Dwalin. The feeling seemed mutual.

"Thorin," Kili said with deceptive congeniality. "Come, I will show you where you can board your ponies. I'm sure they need rest."

Fili and Bilbo knew better than to interfere. Dwalin moved to come with them but Thorin discreetly held out a hand to wave him off. He and Kili were going to have to do this some time, better now and away from the crowd.

*****

"What in the name of the Valar are you doing here?" Kili hissed when they led the ponies to the shelter.  
"What did you think I was going to do when I found out you were courting my consort?" Thorin spat. "Send my love?"  
"You could leave us be! You could let things take their course! Maybe let Bilbo live his life the way he sees fit!"  
Thorin's tone was pointed. "You said yourself that if I had a problem with you, then I needed to take it up with you. Well, I'm here. You said if I wished to renew my claim on Bilbo that it was between he and I. Again, I am here. I have your letter in my pocket if you need a reminder."  
"I knew you were reading our mail!" Kili yelled triumphantly. "Picking through our personal thoughts for your own gain is so unfair."  
Thorin laughed bitterly. "You wish to talk to me about fair?"

Thorin slowly beginning to circle around Kili.

"How is it fair when the two of you are cozied up here while I am in Erebor? _You_ said you wanted a fair fight. I am here to give it to you. So, let's spar, nephew." 

Kili had been turning, eyes following Thorin as he walked. Thorin took two steps quick steps and was behind him, holding him back-to-chest, pinning one arm behind Kili's back. Kili tried to struggle but Thorin held him fast with his forearm across his front.

He growled low in Kili's ear. "But I will use my advantages, Kili. All of them. Be warned." 

Thorin let Kili go roughly. Kili stumbled and whirled around to look at him. Thorin was already stalking back to the house. 

"Do not be late for supper, Kili," Thorin called back to him.

 

*****

Bilbo grinned at Bofur, moving to embrace him warmly. Bofur squeezed him tightly in return.

"I'm so happy to see you," Bilbo said.  
Bofur pushed back to look at him, his hands lingering on Bilbo's shoulders. "And you are a sight for sore eyes!"  
"I can't believe you are here!" Bilbo gushed. "We've missed you so much. Are you planning to continue onward with us, then?"

Bofur's glance flicked to Dwalin. Although he wasn't watching them, Bofur was sure Dwalin's ears were keenly listening in Thorin's absence. He was careful not to say too much.

"I've only just gotten here. There will be plenty of time for planning later." Bofur regarded Bilbo fondly, his voice soft. "Though I've truly missed you, too."

Thorin returned to the house and Bofur quickly put distance between himself and Bilbo.

*****

After Fili hastily popped his breads in the oven, he pulled Bofur into his room. He took a breath to speak, looked at Bofur, and decided to kiss him up against the door instead. He parted Bofur's lips and kissed him hungrily, growling low in the back of his throat. Bofur wound his hand in Fili's hair and nearly lifted him off the ground with the other. The pace moved from hungry to frantic as they kissed out weeks of longing, rubbing against each one another.

They finally paused, breathing heavily.  
Bofur said, "Well, I missed you too!"  
Fili laughed and rested his forehead on Bofur's collarbone.  
"What in the Void is going on out there, Bo?" Fili asked.  
"I'm pleased you have your priorities straight," Bofur joked. "Kissing comes before the hostile takeover of your brother's love life."  
Fili smacked his shoulder in jest but turned serious. "Is that what Thorin means to do?"  
"Fee, I don't know. Thorin came to me and asked me if I wanted to come along on a 'king's expedition' to where you were. I did not realize that meant that the actual king was coming along until we were loading up. He and Dwalin have been distant but cordial over our journey. Still, I knew less than what he told everyone just now for the duration. I think something might be happening, but I don't know what it is. Smart gambler would say that it has something to do with that little wooden bead swinging from your brother's hair. Regardless, I was not missing my chance to see you, or to be here for it if Bilbo or Kili need my help."  
Fili looked adoringly at Bofur.  
"Bo, I care for you so much. Truly, you are turning me into such a sop."  
Bofur kissed Fili sweetly. "I care for you, too. Even if you are a sop."  
That earned Bofur another smack, which made him laugh.

Fili sighed, resting his forehead against Bofur's. "I think Thorin read our mail."  
"I do, too," Bofur agreed. "You asked me if I spoke to Thorin for you and I hadn't. I truly hadn't."  
"I know. Kili and I pretty well figured it out after the last debacle of Thorin sending messengers."  
Bofur leaned his head back to look at Fili. "Debacle? Really? Tell me."

Fili related the tale, not leaving out any detail of which he was aware.

"I swear to you that I didn't lay a hand on anyone, human, dwarf, or otherwise," Bofur insisted. "I couldn't tell you if I even saw those men in passing."  
"That's what Bilbo said," Fili replied.  
Bofur smiled fondly, warming with Bilbo's faith, but it faded as a thought crossed his mind. "What would Thorin have to gain by upsetting you? And then bringing me to you?"  
"Maybe he felt badly and wanted to make it up to me?" Fili said hopefully.  
Bofur looked skeptical. "And what of Kili? Paying a man to do something that Thorin himself found so sacred..." Bofur trailed off shaking his head. "Kili might be in danger."  
"Bilbo too," Fili said.  
"You know Thorin wouldn't harm a hair on his foot," Bofur argued.  
"It isn't physical harm that I fear. Bo, he is honestly in love with Kili. When he hurts Kili, he hurts himself as well. Where Thorin is concerned, Bilbo either doesn't have the willpower or the sense to know what damage he's doing until it is already done--to him and to Kili both."  
Bofur shook his head, perplexed. "I would figure he had more smarts than that."  
"I don't even know if he can help it," Fili said sadly.

 

*****

The group convened to eat. Thorin did not jostle for a special position at the table, though he wished he was near enough to Bilbo to whisper. 

Bilbo sat as he usually did with Kili at his side. Bilbo would meet Thorin's eyes now and then and Thorin would smile at him. _That_ smile. Bilbo still thought there ought to be a law against it.

Kili and Thorin glared at each other whenever their eyes locked. Their only variation was to smirk at the other when Bilbo paid them attention. 

Dwalin answered questions from Beorn and Fili but ignored Bilbo and Kili entirely. He did not say much to Gandalf, either, but he rarely ever did.

"So, if you are here, who is running Erebor?" Bilbo asked before taking a bite.  
"Mostly Balin and Dain. They are acting as co-stewards in my absence," Thorin's expression grew tender. "I told you before, Bilbo: Erebor can be just fine without me. Whether it is official or unofficial."

Bilbo stopped chewing for a moment as he looked at Thorin.

Kili was steaming mad as he watched Thorin glance down demurely and quirk up the corner of his mouth in a smile before looking back up at Bilbo like some blushing maiden.

Bilbo had a moment of self-awareness, realized he was looking too long, and tried to continue the conversation.

"So, uh, how _is_ Balin, anyway?" he asked.

*****

Bilbo did not have much help keeping the conversation politely afloat through supper or well past. Fili only had eyes for Bofur, Dwalin would only speak when he was spoken to, Beorn and Gandalf did not want to talk poltics at the table, Kili was about to spontaneously ignite, and Thorin was alternating between undressing Bilbo and chucking daggers at Kili, both with only his eyes. Bilbo had asked after each member of the company--admonishing them for not also bringing Ori--and had moved on to asking about every aspect of rebuilding Erebor that he could think of when he was finally nearly hoarse and quite done with the effort for the time being.

He said to Kili and Thorin, "If you two are quite done trying to figure out who has the longest stream, I think it is time to retire for the night."  
Dwalin cracked his first smile of the night at Bilbo's hint of vulgarity.

Fili leaned over to Bofur. "Would it be terribly untoward if I were to ask you to room with me tonight?"  
"Big spoon or little spoon?" Bofur asked.  
Fili leaned his head back. "Um, what?"  
"Big spoon or little spoon?" Bofur said with a gleam in his eye. "This is not a difficult question."  
"Ah, little spoon?" Fili said hesitantly.  
"Very nice. Then yes, I will room with you."  


Beorn showed Thorin and Dwalin to the rooms where they would be sleeping. Thorin watched Kili lead Bilbo down the hall by the hand to the room they shared. Bilbo briefly glanced back at Thorin before shutting the door. Thorin thought there may have been a hint of longing to go along with the apology he detected in Bilbo's eyes.

 

*****

Bilbo leaned on the door to their room after he closed it and sighed heavily. He looked up at Kili, who had been restraining his temper for most of the evening. He was surprised to see that no trace of anger remained in Kili's face. The dwarf looked vulnerable and a little lost. Bilbo walked over and embraced him. Kili held him close and Bilbo could hear him taking erratic breaths. Bilbo thought Kili might be crying, but his cheeks seemed dry when they pulled apart.

"Come, let's ready for bed," Bilbo said, unbuttoning his shirt.

Kili nodded and began to undress as well. Bilbo was not used to Kili being this quiet and he was beginning to worry.

Once nude and in their bed, Kili wrapped Bilbo in his arms. With his head against his chest, Bilbo could hear Kili's heart beating rapidly.

"Why do you think he's here, Bilbo?" Kili finally asked.  
Bilbo answered, "You heard what he said."  
"Yes, and I was also there when you fainted and all throughout dinner with functioning eyes in my head," Kili said. "I will ask you again, why do you think he's here?"  
Bilbo realized there was no point in being diplomatic or trying to assure Kili that Thorin was not up to something.  
"I think he's here for me," Bilbo said.  
"He is," Kili confirmed. "He told me so."

Bilbo thought Thorin rude to say such a thing to Kili. And his timing was terrible, at least for them. Bilbo and Kili had been making real progress in their courtship. He shut his eyes. He did not want to think of Thorin this night. He had Kili in his arms, clearly shaken and in need of Bilbo's love.

Bilbo lifted his head to kiss Kili. His lips were accepted easily. With a little encouragement, soon Kili was on top of him and pressing him into the bed with his weight. Bilbo's tongue snaked between Kili's teeth and his nails were lightly raking down his back. Kili moaned loudly into his mouth and Bilbo stilled for a moment. He realized he did not have to hide this from Thorin. They were wearing braids, after all, even though Thorin did not say anything about them. Still, he thought it was unkind to flaunt their bed activities so crassly. Fili had told them more than once that solid walls did not mean their love sounds did not carry to other rooms.

"What?" Kili asked, noticing Bilbo's sudden inactivity.  
"Maybe we could not be so loud this time?"  
Kili pushed up on his arms to study Bilbo. "Are you asking me what I think you are asking me?"  
"Don't look at me like that," Bilbo said. "There is a difference between hiding and trying not to be rude."  
"Yet you had no problem when the Lake Town men were here, crying out to show them what was yours," Kili accused.  
"That was not calculated. Besides, there's a difference between Tomas and Thorin. You didn't break Tomas's heart and run off with his nephew. It is tact, Kili."  
"I doubt Thorin will be so tactful with me while he's trying to win you back," Kili said bitterly, now sitting up.  
"Would you also be so quick to stir his rage? His presence already fills me with apprehension," Bilbo said, rising to his knees to put an arm around Kili.

Kili wanted to ask Bilbo what else Thorin's presence was doing to him, but he did not have the courage. Instead, he slid his arms around Bilbo and rolled him back onto the bed with another hungry kiss. It was heated, firm, and slick. Bilbo wrapped his legs around Kili's as the dwarf kissed up and down his neck. Kili was undulating across Bilbo's body, savoring the silky friction against his prick. Bilbo was doing the same, tiny coos of bliss escaping his throat. Kili couldn't lose this. He just couldn't.

"Bilbo, consummate our bond with me." Kili whispered into his ear. "Tonight."  
Bilbo did not stop bucking into him or touching as much skin as he could reach, but he had an edge of warning in his voice.  
"Kili-"  
"We do not have to get engaged, but we need this. Please, Bilbo." Kili's voice grew husky and deep. "Be with me. I'm ready to surrender myself to you."  
Bilbo moaned. Kili saying those words to him lit a fuse from his heart to his cock. He couldn't get carried away as he had with Thorin before. Bilbo also did not want the presence of Thorin under their roof to taint something that would be so special for them.  
"Kili, I want you," Bilbo panted. "I've wanted you for ages. But tonight is not the night."  
Kili dropped his forehead against Bilbo's shoulder.  
"Tonight might be the only night, Bilbo, don't you see?" Kili's voice took on an edge of desperation.  
Kili stopped moving so Bilbo did, too. His hands rested on the dwarf's biceps.  
"No, I suppose I don't," Bilbo said.  
Kili was still and quiet for a moment. Bilbo was about to break the silence when Kili spoke again.  
"I cannot fight the bond the two of you have without a bond of our own," Kili croaked, fighting back tears.  
"That's not true," Bilbo protested.  
"But it is," Kili said. "You barely have any control over it. Other than today, when was the last time you two were able to keep from kissing when you were together? I saw the way you looked at him tonight, Bilbo. If I hadn't been there, you'd be in his room now. Mahal, you couldn't even resist him in a letter!"

Kili rolled away from Bilbo, now openly weeping.  
Bilbo turned over to slip a comforting arm around Kili's waist. "But I did resist him tonight, Kili. I am with you and not with him, right?"  
"Tonight, yes. Before he leaves, though, we will be truly tested. I thought if we had our bond, I might have a chance."  
Kili buried his head in his hands as his shoulders shook with sobs.  
Bilbo stroked Kili's forearms. "Dear heart, of course we have a chance. We have more than a chance, in fact."  
Kili shook his head. "I'm going to lose you. I don't want to lose you, Bilbo. I love you!"  
"Shhh, you are not going to lose me."  
"Then why won't you-why can't we...?" Kili sniffed.  
"Because we've waited too long and it is going to mean too much to us to waste on just trying to get one up on Thorin," Bilbo said.  
Kili flipped over quickly and looked at Bilbo through weepy eyes. "It is not only about that for me, Bilbo. You have to know that!"  
Bilbo ran his fingers over Kili's face. "I know, which is why I know it is just your fear talking tonight. Kili, I've not given you much reason to in the past, but I am hoping to earn your trust. I want you to trust what we've got to be strong enough to make it through whatever Thorin might be planning."  
Kili twirled Bilbo's braid around his finger. "I do trust us. What we have, what is between you and I...I've always trusted us. I just-I don't know if I trust _you_ when he is around."

The admission nearly caused Bilbo physical pain. Kili's expression was so raw and honest that Bilbo could not even work up any proper indignation over his words.

"I understand," Bilbo said sadly. He laid his head on Kili's shoulder.  
After a few minutes of silence, Bilbo said softly, "You should know that you aren't the only one with something to lose here. I've been far too careless with your love in the past. Those are mistakes I'm not eager to repeat. I-I've never meant to make you feel second best to Thorin. He and I have the bond and there is nothing I can do about that now. But I've chosen to court _you_. I spend my nights with _you_. _You_ are the one I've asked to stay with me in the Shire. I hope that you can remember that in the days to come."  
Kili pulled Bilbo closer to him. _I hope you can remember that, too,_ he thought.

 

****

Fili and Bofur stood awkwardly in Fili's bedroom.  
"I, uh, may have to admit to not thinking this through completely," Fili said with a blush creeping up his neck. "Are we, uh? I mean, should we...no. I-"  
"Are you trying to figure out if we should get naked?" Bofur said bluntly.  
Fili grinned in relief. "Um, yeah."  
Bofur took Fili's face in his hands and kissed him sweetly. "I don't want to waste an opportunity to hold you close as I fall asleep--I've been dreaming of it for weeks--but we shouldn't rush this, Fee. I think," now it was Bofur's turn to blush, "if I am not mistaken, there might be something special here. I do not want to spoil it."  
Fili stroked Bofur's moustache tenderly. "Who is the big sop now, Bofur?"  
Bofur closed his eyes and leaned against Fili, smiling widely.  
"How about we leave on our unders?" Fili suggested.  
"Aye," Bofur breathed.

The two undressed and looked over each others' bodies. Bofur's gaze was drawn to Fili's blond body hair and his piercings; Fili was eyeing up Bofur's tattoos and his gorgeously muscled legs. They nervously climbed into bed together and embraced.

Fili groaned. "Mahal, Bo. You feel so _good_."  
Bofur twined his legs around Fili's. "There might be a case made for haste after all," he teased duskily.

Their lips came together and tongues slipped between them, shyly at first but quickly growing bolder. Bofur touched Fili all over, so much that Fili was quite sure he'd never met a dwarf with so many hands before. Fili grinded his erection into Bofur's thigh. Their kisses grew more desperate as they pressed their bodies together, wanting as much contact as they could have.

Fili finally pulled away. "Bo," he panted. "If we keep going, I'm not sure I will be able to stop."  
Bofur nibbled at Fili's collarbone. "I'm not sure now that I want you to stop."  
"That's not helping me control myself if you do not want to rush this," Fili said.  
Bofur sighed, "I did say that, didn't I?"  
"I agree with the spirit of it. The practice is a little more difficult," Fili noted.  
"You are simply...so much _more_ than I had imagined. And believe me, Fee, I imagined a lot!"  
Fili felt a surge of emotion. "Bo. Oh, Bo. I have nothing to compare this to. You make me feel things I've never felt before."  
Bofur kissed Fili's forehead. "It is mutual, my golden one."  
"So, what now?" Fili asked.  
"I think it would be lovely to hold your body close to me as we fall asleep. I've spent many a lonely night in Erebor imagining you in my arms. Tonight, I desire the real thing."

Bofur's request struck Fili as more intimate and nearly as erotic as anything he had been thinking about while they were kissing.  
"I would like that," Fili said.  
Bofur positioned Fili's back to his front. He kissed his shoulder and nuzzled the back of his neck.  
"You feel brilliant. All my hopes are surpassed," Bofur purred.  
Fili smiled though Bofur couldn't see. "Mmmm, I agree."  
"Fee?"  
"Hmmm?"  
"If you would have said 'big spoon,' I still would have said yes."

 

*****

Thorin was disappointed to lay alone in his bed and even more annoyed that Kili and Bilbo disappeared into their room hand in hand. Seeing braids in their hair today with his own eyes hurt his heart. It made it more real. He was encouraged by Bilbo's reaction to him, however. Bilbo fainting, speaking his name when he woke, stealing glances at dinner, and even outright staring a few times were all very encouraging signs that Bilbo still had strong feelings for him. Thorin made Bilbo smile as well as tremble tonight, both without so much as touching him. Just being around Bilbo again made Thorin feel happy. Causing Kili to scowl so hard his face might stick that way made him even happier. The more angry Kili was, the better Thorin knew he was doing with Bilbo. And was Kili ever angry! This thought almost made Thorin feel better about whatever it was Kili and Bilbo were doing behind their door tonight.

"Enjoy your warm bed while you can, Kili," Thorin thought.

Yes, he would be all too agreeable to dedicating several days to kissing and fucking away Bilbo's memories of Kili when he won the hobbit back.

 

****

Kili and Bilbo rose early. Bilbo suggested that he and Kili take a bath together to start their day. Bilbo hoped that it would comfort Kili after their stressful night. It would comfort him, too. Their baths nearly always turned sexual and this morning's was not an exception. Kili loved the novelty of wet, slick skin and tasting Bilbo without actually tasting him. Bilbo noted with a small amount of guilt that Kili was biting back his moans for him. He rewarded (and tortured) him with a prolonged, soapy stroke while he whispered obscene things into Kili's gasping mouth. They emerged happy, pink, and relaxed before anyone save Beorn was even up and about.

"I wonder what happened in Fili and Bofur's room last night?" Kili said as they crept into the kitchen.  
"You are as bad a gossip as your brother! That being said," Bilbo confided, "I would like to know, too."  
"Do you think they have started courting?" Kili wondered.  
"If they haven't yet, it is a matter of time," Bilbo surmised. "Anything I noticed between them before we left pales in comparison to the way they were with each other yesterday. I almost cried when Fili hugged him at the door!"  
Kili admitted, "Yes, that made me a little misty-eyed as well."  
"So, what happens if we pick up another traveler? When we reach Bag End, I mean?" Kili asked.  
"You did not see all of my home, but I have a couple spare rooms to go 'round," Bilbo said. "It was always my intention that Fili would stay with us and Bofur as well when he was finally able to visit. Even if they each wanted their own room and you besides, it would only be a matter of acquiring an extra bed. I've already got three."  
"Unless you see a reason to kick me out, I only ever want to sleep in your bed."  
" _Our_ bed," Bilbo corrected.  
Kili's smile was huge and bright. "Our bed."  
He backed Bilbo up to the tall dining table and kissed him deep and long.

 

****

Thorin woke alone but he was not in a foul mood. Merely being under the same roof as Bilbo made him feel better than he had in weeks. He had some plans to put in action today. At the very least, he needed to talk to Bilbo. He was not sure how long they had at Beorn's and he needed to make the most of it. Aside from that, every moment he was not touching Bilbo was one moment too many.

Thorin wandered into the kitchen just in time to see Kili kissing Bilbo senseless and Bilbo enthusiastically returning the favor. He froze. His mind screamed at him to retreat but his feet did not seem to want to move. Without his boots on, neither Kili nor Bilbo heard Thorin approach, nor did they show any signs of stopping. Thorin was both heartsick and aroused. Seeing Bilbo kiss anyone besides himself made him feel ill but _watching_ Bilbo kiss was mesmerizing. This was a perspective he didn't really get to see when he was the one kissing Bilbo. Did Bilbo's face look so soft when he kissed Thorin, too? Did his body slot against his as instinctively, hands knowing just the spot on his neck to hold to appear both delicate and strong? 

When the thought _Bilbo is breathtakingly beautiful when he kisses_ was followed by the thought _but he's kissing Kili,_ Thorin's feet finally caught up with his brain and he retreated down the hall.

He leaned against the outside of his door and took a moment to compose himself. He had underestimated Kili's kissing prowess at the very least. Bilbo had been fully engrossed in his task. Thorin's mind was somewhat muddled but he surely knew he did not want to see that happen again. He tapped on Dwalin's room and entered. The other dwarf was awake.

"Problem?" Dwalin said, observing the shaken look on Thorin's face.  
Thorin nodded. "We're going ahead with the wagon plan."  
"Probably best to get him out of the way," Dwalin agreed. "He'll be a petulant little mongoose, otherwise. And the other two?"  
Thorin shrugged. "I'm not sure. They might have a late morning. I don't care what they are doing as long as Bilbo and I are alone to talk. If they wish to be social, see if you can engage them somewhere where Bilbo and I are not."  
"What of Beorn and Gandalf?" Dwalin asked.  
Thorin thought for a moment. "Beorn has his own things to do from day to day. Gandalf cannot possibly begrudge me speaking to Bilbo. He knows he is my chosen consort and he knows enough about our ways to know I will only ever choose one."  
"Do not get overconfident, Thorin. Neither Gandalf nor Beorn were looking upon you with loving eyes yesterday and that is a fact," Dwalin cautioned.  
"Yet we were still allowed food, shelter, and two comfortable beds. Beorn must not hold too much disdain for me."  
Dwalin grumbled disapproval but did not challenge Thorin further.

 

*****

After breakfast, Gandalf spoke to Bilbo alone.

"How does Thorin's appearance make you feel?" Gandalf asked.  
"Surprised. Scared. Excited. Sad. You could say I'm all those things at once," Bilbo said.  
"What does this mean for you and Kili?" Gandalf said.  
"I don't know. I hope nothing," Bilbo said.  
The wizard looked at him seriously. "Do you know that Thorin is here to win you back?"  
Bilbo was surprised. Gandalf rarely asked such direct personal questions, usually preferring to be more cryptic and letting the other half of his conversation puzzle out his meaning.  
"I-yes," Bilbo admitted.  
"How does that make you feel?"  
Bilbo laughed nervously. "Surprised. Scared. Excited. Sad." His laugh trailed away when he noted Gandalf did not find his repeated answer at all humorous.  
"Oh Gandalf," Bilbo said, suddenly fretful. "I thought I made this decision already. But now it has followed after me! It was hard enough the first time. What do I do?"  
"My dear fellow," Gandalf sighed. He wanted to tell him what to do but it was not his place.  
"Just like before, you must do what makes you happy. It is not just about whom you want to take to bed," Gandalf ignored Bilbo's embarrassment at this statement, "but also about with whom you would like to share your days."  
Bilbo huffed a short laugh. "I guess it was silly of me to hope you would have something different to say from last time."  
Gandalf put his hand on Bilbo's shoulder. "Rest assured that if you felt different since the last time we spoke of this, it would not have seemed the same."

*****

"Yesterday, we boarded the ponies but we did not unload the wagon," Thorin said to Dwalin at the table after Beorn had left on his morning errands.  
"Too busy with happy reunions," Dwalin said, nodding toward Fili and Bofur. "So how about it, Kili? Come help me unload the wagon."  
"Why Kili?" Fili said, suddenly suspicious.  
"Doesn't have to be Kili. Could be you, if you can leave Bofur's side for a minute," Dwalin said.  
Fili regretted speaking up.  
"Let's all go," Bofur reasoned. "Fili and I can tend the ponies while Kili helps Dwalin."  
Fili liked this idea better. He and Bofur could make sure Dwalin didn't do anything to Kili without seeming like they were keeping Kili away from him.  
Dwalin shrugged. "Less work for me. Thorin, are you coming?"  
"No, I think I'm going to fix a little more bread and honey for myself. There won't be any honey in Erebor for a few months at least."  
"Lazy king," Dwalin teased.  
"Respect, Dwalin," Thorin countered.

Thorin watched Kili, Fili, Bofur, and Dwalin leave. That went better than he had hoped. He should ask Dwalin to give acting lessons to the elite guard when they are re-formed. Also, it seemed Bofur's kind nature had some uses after all. Thorin ticked through his mental checklist. All that was left was Gandalf, who likely would not stay in the kitchen if it was just Thorin when he and Bilbo returned...if Gandalf returned with Bilbo at all. While he waited, he sliced some more bread. He wasn't merely pretending that he was enjoying the luxury of Beorn's honey, at any rate.

 

*****

Kili walked behind Dwalin with Fili and Bofur. They split off at the wagon with Fili and Bofur heading towards the ponies where they were a mere shout away if Kili needed aid. The wagon had a few bags, a box, and a very heavy chest. It also had a wheel that needed a small repair that Dwalin put Kili on to fixing.

"You and Thorin should have had the ponies bring the wagon back towards their stables before you unhitched them," Dwalin scolded.  
"We weren't paying attention, I suppose," Kili said flatly.  
Dwalin harrumphed to himself.  
"Well, nothing for it. We should push it back there."  
"Better when it is empty," Kili said.  
"Good idea," Dwalin said.

Once unloaded, they began pushing the wagon back towards the stabling area where Fili and Bofur were tending the ponies. Kili had an odd feeling about these tasks. They felt like busywork.

Dwalin looked at Kili as they were pushing. "I never thought I'd see the day when you'd willingly braid your hair."  
"I never thought I'd be in love," Kili shrugged.  
Dwalin made a face. "Why the hobbit? Your uncle has spent his whole life in sacrifice and when he finally finds someone to make him happy, you've got to bumble in and ruin it for him."  
"Why is it Thorin that gets to be the poetic, tragic lover? Maybe I've spent _my_ whole life being nearly invisible to everyone but Fili and the second I find someone who can actually _see_ me, Thorin decides that is who he is going to secretly court! Maybe he's the one who is ruining it for me!"  
"The hobbit sleeps in your bed. I see little ruined, there."  
"Then you see nothing, Dwalin, Son of Fundin," Kili snapped.

When they were done pushing, Kili leaned on the side of the wagon.  
"Tell me, did Thorin entreat you to lecture me about giving Bilbo up while you were distracting me from them or was that just an extra touch on your part?"  
Dwalin's silence was damning.  
"I used to look up to you," Kili said. "I thought you were one of the most honorable dwarrows I knew. It seems I was wrong."  
"You think you know honor? What honor is there in stealing the lover of another?" Dwalin asked.  
"That is what I'd like to know," Kili spat before turning on his heel and stalking away.

Fili watched Kili storm toward the house. He began to go after him.  
"Leave it, Fee," Bofur said.  
"But-"  
"Give him a moment."  
Fili chewed on his tongue for a moment and strode towards Dwalin instead.

"What business does Thorin have here _really_? Not that nonsense he said yesterday, either. I want the truth." Fili demanded.  
"You know very well what your uncle seeks," Dwalin said.  
"And you have a hand in this?" Fili asked.  
"I do as my king commands."  
Fili shook his head. "Being king does not mean he is always right, nor does it make his decisions sound."  
"Kili being your baby brother does not mean that everything he does is beyond reproach," Dwalin replied.  
Fili scoffed. "Nearly nothing Kili has ever done has escaped reproach from Thorin!"  
"Stealing his uncle's consort was not going to win him Thorin's praise," Dwalin said darkly.  
Fili rolled his eyes. "Kili loved Bilbo before Thorin's secret came to light. And Bilbo is not a thing to be given or stolen. He made his own decision to be with Kili."  
"And Thorin hopes that Bilbo will change his decision," Dwalin said simply.  
Fili threw his hands up. There was even less point arguing with Dwalin than there was with Thorin.

 

****

Bilbo returned to the dining room without Gandalf and saw only Thorin sitting there, munching on some honeyed bread.  
"Where did everybody go?" Bilbo asked.  
Thorin said, "They went out to unload the wagon and tend the ponies."  
He noticed a smear of honey on his hand and licked at it. Bilbo was momentarily transfixed. This did not escape Thorin's attention.  
"I'll, uh, go help," Bilbo said, darting through the dining room.  
"No, wait. Please," Thorin said, climbing off the bench. "I would like to talk to you."

Bilbo paused as Thorin approached him.  
Thorin said, "I thought I would hear from you after the last letter I sent you."  
"You asked for more than I could give," Bilbo explained. "I did not know what to say to your requests."  
"I asked to know what was in your heart when you thought of me. Do I now mean so little to you that you can no longer give me so much as your thoughts?"  
The warmth in Thorin's voice nearly made Bilbo tremble. A part of Bilbo longed to comfort him with embraces and kisses.  
Bilbo summoned his resolve. "You know you do not mean little to me. You wanted more than my thoughts."  
"You are right. I will always want more than your thoughts. I want to hold more than your letters. I want your flesh, warm and solid underneath my hands," Thorin said, brushing up against Bilbo.  
Bilbo relished the contact but forced himself to take a step backward. "That part is over, Thorin."  
The king reached out and ran Kili's braid through his fingers.  
"Is this the real reason why you did not write me a letter, Bilbo? Because you did not know how to tell me?"  
Bilbo tried not to lean into the touch. "I planned on telling you eventually."  
Thorin closed his eyes. "Do you know how much it hurts to see another dwarf's bead in your hair? To watch you two disappear behind a private door?"  
"I did not intend for you to watch it. You are supposed to be in Erebor." Bilbo countered.  
"Yes, conveniently tucked away in my mountain. Touching myself alone in my bed when I'd rather be touching you," Thorin's voice was seductive. He took another step forward.  
Bilbo stifled a whimper but could not stop his mind from envisioning Thorin naked with his hand on his prick.  
"Mmm, you liked that thought, didn't you?" Thorin said, reaching a hand up to stroke Bilbo's face.  
Thorin's hand seemed to be as hot as a forge. Bilbo felt the touch burn through him. He looked into Thorin's eyes and saw his own desire mirrored in them.  
Bilbo thought to himself, " _No, this is bad. This is very bad. Kili is going to be heartbroken_."  
Bilbo placed his hands on Thorin's (broad and solid, damn him) chest and pushed himself away.  
"We cannot do this anymore," Bilbo said with some effort. "We cannot exchange dirty talk or promises of love any longer. I meant what I said, Thorin. What we had was beautiful, but it is now only in our memories."

The rejection soured Thorin's demeanor. "Such loyalty for your new suitor. I wonder, did Kili have to connive for long before you would agree to his courting of you?" Thorin asked.  
Bilbo summoned his courage. "It was me who asked him."

Thorin nearly stumbled at the shock. The implications of Bilbo being the initiator were more than he could bear.  
"You asked him?" Thorin repeated.  
Bilbo nodded.  
"You chose him. You chose him over me. How? How did this even happen?" Thorin demanded.  
Bilbo bristled. "It was not merely choice between the two of you, as though you were first and second place. If Kili were not here, I think I still would have wanted to return to the Shire after you renounced our bond. I know you regret it and you have apologized, but it gave me time to think. Everything I've said to you about why I could not remain with you was true, with or without Kili. I will always be attracted to you, Thorin, but you and I are not a happy match. I've discovered that Kili and I are."  
"But how? Why? Why _him_? How is he a better match for you? He's not disciplined! He's emotional and impetuous, undignified and unkempt! He's not even the first heir!"  
"He is so much more than you've ever given him due," Bilbo said defensively. "Kili cares deeply about people. He is considerate, funny, and smart. He's emotional and impetuous but I count those as favors, not faults. And he's--"

Something moved in the corner of Bilbo's vision and he realized Kili had crept into the room. Bilbo gazed at him, momentarily breathless, taking in the way the light from the window shone on the side of his face and glinted off his hair as though he were divinely blessed.

"He is the most beautiful creature I've ever laid eyes upon," Bilbo breathed. Thorin followed Bilbo's line of sight and saw Kili.

 

****

Kili stalked up to the house and hoped he was not too late. Of course Thorin would need him, Fili, and Bofur out of the way. He needed Bilbo alone to make his move. Kili should have waited for Bilbo to finish his conversation with Gandalf. He berated himself for his foolishness in leaving Bilbo behind. He paused to peer in the window. Thorin and Bilbo were standing too close to each other in the dining room, having what seemed to be an intimate conversation. Thorin's hand was on Bilbo's cheek and the hobbit was not recoiling from the touch. Kili's stomach sank to his feet. He did not want to, but he knew he needed to go in. He needed to know where Bilbo's heart was when everything was laid out before him with no secrets to keep.

The door was not latched all the way and he was able to carefully sneak in after a few moments. He wanted to hear what was happening before he made his presence known, even if what he heard was painful.

_"--How is he a better match for you? He's not disciplined! He's emotional and impetuous, undignified and unkempt! He's not even the first heir!"_

_"He is so much more than you've ever given him due. Kili cares deeply about people. He is considerate, funny, and smart. He's emotional and impetuous but I count those as favors, not faults. And he's..._ "

Kili's head was swimming with Bilbo's lovely words. Bilbo was not romancing Thorin! He was talking about how he cared for _him_. Bilbo's voice faltered and Kili realized he had been spotted.

_"He is the most beautiful creature I've ever laid eyes upon."_

Kili nearly wept.

 

****

Thorin lashed out like a wounded animal when he was hurt, and he was certainly hurt now.

His lips curled into a wicked smile. There was still one area where he had the strongest advantage. He stood close to Bilbo.  
"What does he know of you, Bilbo?" Thorin asked, voice velvety and dangerous. "Does he know how much you love to be fucked up the arse? How you loved to be milked from the inside out? Does he know how many fingers you can take? Have you ever bent him over and ridden him until he came? Did you ever tell him about our last night in Lake Town where we had to sneak down to the bath in the middle of the night to wash away six rounds of spend because we were too filthy to sleep? Or that neither of us could hardly walk to the boat the next day? Have you ever fucked him so hard that he wept from the intensity of it?"  
Thorin leveled his gaze on Kili. "Because we've done all that and then some."  
"Thorin, stop," Bilbo protested.

Thorin pressed Bilbo into the wall and leaned close to his face. He cupped his hand around Bilbo's crotch and rubbed him, making him squirm. "You're hard just thinking about the things we used to do. I can tell by the look on Kili's face that you've not allowed him your special hobbit pleasures yet. Pity for him."  
Kili grabbed at Thorin's shoulder to pull him away. Thorin wrenched out of his grip.  
"Let him decide what he wants or doesn't want," Thorin snarled. "You wanted what you called a fair fight when you thought I was in Erebor and it would be easy to win! But you don't like it this way, do you? Here you are, wearing a darling little braid while your suitor has a stiff cock in his pants for _me_. He is mine, Kili. I still affect him like this. I imprinted him first. You can run away to the Shire to play house with him but I've marked him so many times I've lost count. Part of him will always respond to me whether you like it or not. And _he_ likes it."  
Thorin licked a path from Bilbo's neck to his ear.

Hard or not, Kili knew the look in Bilbo's eyes and it was not arousal. It was shame.  
Kili yanked Thorin's arm back and threw a punch hard enough to land the king on the floor.  
"I believe he told you to stop, Thorin," Kili snarled, shaking out his hand.  
Thorin was momentarily stunned but he recovered enough to pull himself up and ready a return blow.  
Bilbo jumped in the middle.  
"Stop it! Both of you! This isn't right!" Bilbo cried.

Kili and Thorin began arguing over Bilbo's head with one another.  
Bilbo put his hands on his ears. "I cannot stand this!" Bilbo shouted. He grabbed a fur and ran outside.

Thorin was advancing again on Kili when Gandalf came to investigate the commotion. "I would not do that if I were you, Thorin Oakenshield. Kili, leave us."  
Kili paused for a moment, unsure of whether he should walk away from his fight. Gandalf lowered his eyebrows and nodded his head to encourage him.

"He has assaulted his uncle and his king!" Thorin protested as Kili left the room.  
"Putting aside the fact that we are not in Erebor, I heard enough to say that Kili was justified in his action. You deserved worse than you received. What has gotten into you?" Gandalf demanded.  
"Kili is courting my consort, Gandalf! That is what has gotten into me."  
"No, Kili is courting your former intended consort. The one you threatened to kill, if my memory serves. And even if you had not, Bilbo was never your property. From the moment you started whatever was between you, he has had a full right to decide it was not for him and back out. He equally has the right to move onward with anyone he chooses. I would hope that a king of the line of Durin The Deathless would have more honor and grace than rattling off a litany of his favored bedroom practices to his new suitor. Truly, that was undignified. Who were you trying to hurt more with that, Kili or Bilbo? No matter. You are the one you have hurt most. You are a fool, Thorin Oakenshield. You might have had a chance until today."

 

****

Kili found Bilbo sitting at the base of their tree. He was huddled inside his fur, cold tears streaking his face.  
Bilbo looked up at Kili. "Have you come to end it?"  
"End it? Why would I end it?"  
"Because I have a former lover who will never let us have a moment's peace together. Because I carry his imprint and my body shamefully responds to him even when my heart belongs to you. Because he talked about things you and I have never done even though I love you more. Because you've always been worried about him and he's just given voice to your fears. Because...Lake Town..." With that, Bilbo began to cry.  
"Bilbo, my sweetest love, my warmest jewel." Kili folded Bilbo in his arms as the hobbit wept. "You are worth any trouble Thorin is going to cause. I don't love that your body responds to him, but to hear you say your heart belongs to me makes up for it. I know that when the time is right, we will do all those things and more. And I know I'll do them better. I've been worried but even after his speech, his touch, and everything else, you are out here shivering in the cold in my arms under our tree instead of laying in his bed. And Lake Town...well, I knew you two were having sex, didn't I? Even though I don't like to think about it."  
Something in Kili's tone gave Bilbo an odd thought. "This wasn't the first time he's taunted you about our bond, was it?"  
Kili said nothing.  
"Was it, Kili?" Bilbo pressed.  
"No," Kili said quietly.  
Bilbo swore under his breath. "When?"  
"After the battle, in his tent."  
Bilbo's stomach turned. He remembered back to those couple days following the battle. Thorin had been begging his forgiveness and giving him kisses and pretty words. It seems he was doing so while trivializing the very bond he was trying to reforge just to make Kili squirm.  
"Kili, I am so sorry for all of this."

****

Dwalin, Fili, and Bofur returned to the house in time to see Thorin at the table with Gandalf. A bruise was already beginning to form on the dwarf's cheek.  
"What happened?" Dwalin asked.  
Thorin looked embarrassed. "Kili, ah...hit me."  
Fili was shocked. Bofur squeezed his hand but they said nothing.  
"Where is he?" Dwalin said angrily.  
"Calm down, Dwalin," Gandalf said. "We will have no more violence here."  
He looked hard at Thorin. "Of _any_ kind, am I understood?"  
"Yes," Thorin said.  
"I am not the host but I think it might be best if you do not extend your visit much longer," Gandalf advised. "Beorn will not stand for such strife in his household. Fili, Kili, and Bilbo were all thriving before your arrival. It will not take much for him to figure out the source of the trouble."

Fili clutched at Bofur. He had just gotten there!

Thorin was incredulous. "Source of the- _source of the trouble_? Kili hit _me_! And I was not allowed to defend myself! How am I the source of the trouble?"  
"You cannot be this willfully ignorant, Thorin," Gandalf said icily. "Or do you wish for me to tell everyone the reason Kili hit you?"

Bilbo and Kili returned before Gandalf made good on his threat.  
"Thorin," Bilbo said, gesturing toward the hallway. "We need to speak."  
Thorin nodded and crossed the room. Dwalin began to follow.  
Bilbo halted him. "Just Thorin and Kili."  
Dwalin looked to Thorin for direction. The king closed his eyes and nodded. Dwalin did not go after them.

They entered the room Bilbo shared with Kili.  
Kili spoke first. "I should not have hit you, Thorin. I apologize."  
"I think you owe me the opportunity of a return blow," Thorin said bitterly.  
"What? No, that is not the way this is going to be done," Bilbo protested. "If you are going to do it like that, then I get a chance to hit you as well. I am the one you were assaulting."  
"Assaulting?" Thorin said incredulously.  
"Yes, assaulting. I am not yours to touch whenever and however you wish, Thorin," Bilbo lectured. "While we are on the subject, that little power play of yours was insulting, embarrassing, and uncalled for. And I know it wasn't the first time. You talk such big talk about how special and sacred our bond is, but you seem to have no problem using it when it suits you, whether it is against me or against Kili. Has Kili ever done that to you? Described the things we've done together in great detail with the only point being to hurt you?"  
"Kili is hurting me by interfering with our bond! He knew you were mine and yet he pursued you!" Thorin argued.

Bilbo had been hoping it would not come to this, but Thorin was not going to stop blaming Kili for everything unless he spoke up.

"It is not only Kili's fault, Thorin. I realized before we got to the mountain that I had been in love with Kili since we were last at Beorn's. I kissed him several times before you renounced our bond. You are correct, we've not consummated our romantic relationship, but it also means he didn't back me into an engagement I did not understand."  
Thorin looked stricken. It made Bilbo's heart ache but he continued.  
"I loved you both for a time. I thought I could make you and me work, Thorin. I tried to forget him, to leave him behind so I could build my life with you, but I could not. What is between Kili and myself could not be undone, not even for as much as I cared for you."  
"You..." Thorin whispered. "You are _in love_ with him."

Kili was stunned silent at Bilbo's candor.

Bilbo nodded. "I've realized since then that I wasn't building a life with you. You and I had passion, Thorin, but little else. I was merely being swept along into your life. Kili and I are in this together, talking to each other, and deciding what we want as a pair. I once told you that I counted you as a friend and you were shocked. You and I were lovers but you never cared about me being your friend, or even your companion once we weren't in bed. Our lovemaking was special and I did adore it, but I need more."

Two tears spilled down Thorin's face, one from each eye. "You are wrong, Bilbo," he murmured. "I wish I could have told you how wrong you were before all this happened."  
Bilbo closed his hands around Thorin's to comfort him but the king pulled away.  
"No, I-I can't," Thorin said. "I can't handle your tender touches because I will never stop wanting more."

Thorin closed his eyes tightly and took a couple of deep, calming breaths. He stood tall and straightened his back before he spoke again.  
"I'm hurt that your lips touched another even while you shared my bed, but nothing will make me stop loving you. Nothing, Bilbo. I will always want you for a partner, for a lover, and for my consort. I am sorry that I hurt you today. I never meant to belittle the gift you gave me. The divine love you brought to my bed is more special to me than you know. I should never have spoken of it in such a manner."  
"Thorin, please," Bilbo said.  
"It hurts me that you thought your companionship only meant something to me privately. I hope one day you will realize how much I love you. I will not stay here much longer. I can be honest now and tell you I truly only came to Beorn's for you. It does not matter what happens from this moment onward, what you choose to do, or with whom you choose to do it..." Thorin paused.  
Kili felt as though he were intruding on an incredibly private moment. Perhaps he was.  
Thorin placed the gentlest of hands on the side of Bilbo's head and touched a whisper of a kiss on his forehead. "...for I will always love you," Thorin finished.

He left the room before Bilbo could reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the love and comments! I appreciate it so much!


	58. Goodbye, My Lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I can't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a song to go with your Bagginshield feels.
> 
> http://youtu.be/wVyggTKDcOE
> 
> Yes, I know I'm going to hell.

Bilbo, stunned, watched Thorin leave. He did not know what he expected would happen, but he knew it was not that. Kili looked equally bewildered.  
"Are you okay?" Kili asked.  
"I do not know how to answer that," Bilbo said.  
"Do-do you need to go after him?" Kili asked worriedly.  
Bilbo furrowed his brow and turned to Kili. "Why would I do that?"  
"To stop him if you've changed your mind," Kili said.  
"I would not have had you two in here so I could truly explain about us if I had changed my mind."  
Kili smiled at the thought. "I cannot believe you told him that. All of that. About me, I mean. About falling in love with me."  
"I tried to explain this to you last night. I'm serious about us," Bilbo said.  
"So what makes you not okay right now?" Kili wondered.  
"It still hurts to let him go," Bilbo replied truthfully. "I hated to damage his feelings like that. And apparently it matters little to him what you and I do as a couple because he will still love me. That is a powerful statement for someone to make, particularly someone as possessive as Thorin. I don't know what to think of it, but it makes a part of my heart hurt."  
"I see," Kili said warily.  
"I realize you might have wanted a different answer, Kili, but I promised you the truth."  
"As long as the things you said about me were true, too," Kili said.  
"Absolutely," Bilbo said.

*****

Thorin returned to the dining area where Fili, Bofur, Gandalf, and Dwalin were still seated. He managed to compose himself before entering the room, but his voice was serious and a bit sad.  
"We will be leaving in the morning," Thorin said. "There is no point in remaining here much longer. Gandalf, I would greatly appreciate a little time tonight to talk politics with you and Beorn before I depart."  
Gandalf said, "Of course."  
Thorin disappeared back down the hall.  
Dwalin muttered, "I suppose that did not go well, then."

Fili was horrified.  
"Two days? That's all the time we are going to have together?" he fussed to Bofur.  
"Let's not have this conversation here," Bofur said.  
He stood and held a hand out to Fili. He led them to Fili's room and shut the door. 

"Fili, I had hoped it would be a little longer before we had this conversation, but time doesn't seem to be our friend," Bofur said.  
"What conversation?" Fili asked.  
"What is this to you? You and me?" Bofur asked. "Are we friends?"  
"Yes, dear friends," Fili said. "And more than that. I-I feel things for you. I'm not ready to let this end...or to let you go."  
"Aye, I'm thinking that this might be so much more than it is right now. If you gave me the chance, that is. If you would consider a non-political courtship?"  
Fili brushed his knuckles gently over Bofur's beard. "That is the only kind I would consider, Bo. Are you...are you asking?"  
"Yes," Bofur replied.  
Fili's heart was thudding hard against his ribcage. "Then I am accepting."

Fili pulled one of his beads out of his hair. He took down one of Bofur's pigtails, plaited a small section, fastened it, then helped Bofur put his ponytail back into place. Bofur was trembling like a leaf in a breeze the whole time. He cradled Fili's jaw with his hand and leaned in to give him a soft kiss. His eyes were shining and wet when he pulled back. He fished a bead out of his pocket and smoothed out a section of Fili's hair behind his ear to braid. When he was done, Fili kissed him thoroughly and held him tightly afterward.

"I do not know if this is going to make our separation better or worse," Fili said.  
"About that," Bofur started.  
Fili leaned back to look at him. "What?"  
"Bombur has given us his blessing. I will not be going back to Erebor with Thorin and Dwalin...as long as you will have me on this road with you."  
Fili was shocked. "Is this true?"  
Bofur nodded. "I brought a chest of my treasure to help pay my way along. I didn't go to Erebor with much other than what was on my back to start with, so I did not have much to pack. The rest of my gold sits in the mountain like yours, too much to transport and too great a temptation for foes in a land as gentle as the Shire."  
Fili pulled Bofur into another hug and kissed him anew.  
"Oh Bo," Fili chanted over and over again as he hugged him.  
"Do you think Bilbo will mind?" Bofur asked.  
"He told you from the beginning that you were welcome and has been making plans all along for when you came to us in the Shire. He will be thrilled!" Fili promised.  
"I know I said we'd go slow, but I can't bear to go back without you and if I'm going to be traveling with you, I wanted to make my intentions clear," Bofur said.  
"If you would've asked me after the battle to court you, I would have said yes. I think if you would have asked me that night we waited for Bilbo at the gate, I may have said yes even then. I've fancied you for quite some time, Bo."  
Bofur grinned. "Bless me! If you only knew, my golden one. Such time we've let pass! But we will not let any more slip by us."

*****

There was a soft knock on Thorin's door.  
"Come in," Thorin said.  
Thorin was a bit disappointed that the knock belonged to Fili and not Bilbo. He'd held out a last shred of hope that Bilbo would still come to him before he left for Erebor. He knew it was likely impossible, but he could not help it.

"How is your face?" Fili asked.  
"It is fine. Compared to the way I feel inside, it feels wonderful," Thorin groused.  
Fili sat next to him on the bed.  
"Do I want to know what you said to Kili that made him strike you?" Fili asked.  
"I'm sure he'll tell you, anyway. You two keep no secrets." Thorin sighed heavily. "I was upset and I spoke rather vividly of things Bilbo and I used to do in private. Then I touched Bilbo lewdly. Kili tried to pull me away, I said something rude to him, kissed Bilbo possibly against his will, and that's when Kili threw his punch. A pretty good one, too, the little brat. I went down like a sack of potatoes. At least he paid attention during his combat lessons."  
"You know Kili and I were your best fighters on this mission," Fili said.  
Thorin huffed a laugh. "Indeed."  
Fili shook his head. "I knew it had to be bad for him to actually touch you in anger."  
"He's already apologized," Thorin said.  
"Has he?" Fili chuckled. "Figures."

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence.

"Thorin, I've-I've been rather cross with you since you sent those men here from Lake Town," Fili confessed.  
Thorin put his head in his hands in mortification. "Can we not speak of that?"  
"If that is your wish. I figured everything all could be traced back to Kili and Bilbo, anyway. I don't know what you were trying to accomplish with Bofur, but I wanted to thank you."  
Thorin looked up curiously. "Thank me?"  
"At least for bringing him with you this time. He's requested to court me and I've accepted. I know how you feel about him but-"  
"-No, Fili, you don't." Thorin interrupted. "I've been irritated with Bofur because I was jealous of him for a time. After that, I disliked him because he said some things to me that I did not want to hear. I felt like he was meddling too much in my life for someone who barely knew me. But he means something to you, and to Bilbo as well. Not to mention he was one of the heroes of Erebor, and I hear his family owns quite a bit of wealth."  
Thorin winked at Fili, who grinned widely.  
"He's a good dwarf, Fili," Thorin said sincerely. "If your courting still pleases you at its end, I will give my blessing to your match. If I was going to rule with a hobbit by my side, I cannot try to pick your suitors for you. We have too much work on our hands with Erebor to also worry about arranging marriages and the like, anyway. I'd rather have happy kings and make our alliances in other ways."  
"Marriage is a bit beyond my thought right now. We only just started courting this afternoon," Fili said.  
"Be that as it may, I wanted you to know before I left in case I do not see you again before the bigger decision is made."  
"So you and Bilbo?" Fili ventured. "Are you done trying to interfere in his life? Is it over?"  
"Over? It will never be truly over, Fili. Bilbo and I are bonded in battle, in love, and in sex. There will never be another for me. Dwarrows do not work the same as hobbits, it seems." Thorin shook his head in disbelief. "I have a few more things I would like to say to him before I leave, but leave I shall."  
"I wish things could have been different somehow," Fili said.  
"I wish that as well," Thorin said sadly. "Will you watch over him for me?"  
Fili put a comforting hand on Thorin's shoulder.  
"Of course I will."

*****

Bofur found Bilbo and Kili while Fili was breaking the news to his uncle.  
"I've asked Fili his leave to court him and he has accepted," Bofur said.  
Bilbo was in his arms in a flash. "This is fantastic news! Good for you, Bo!"  
"I wanted to speak with you, Bilbo," Bofur said when he pulled away. "I--that is to say, Fili and I--wish to travel with you and Kili back to the Shire. I think Fili has hopes to even live there a while. I don't want to presume an invitation, but-"  
"Tut, not another word!" Bilbo said. "Bofur, for some time now I've hoped you would accompany us back home. It has always been my plan that you would either leave Erebor with us or join us on our road. You and Fili are so dear to me. Kili and I have already discussed it. Our home is your home for as long as you wish it."  
Kili nearly melted into a puddle when Bilbo said "our home."  
Bofur grinned widely. "Thank you, Bilbo. I cannot tell you what that means to me."

The implication of Bilbo's inclusive word choice was not lost on Bofur, either.  
He nodded toward Kili's braid. "It does me good to see that finally swinging from your hair instead of hiding in a bag."  
Kili hugged Bofur. "Thank you. I'm happy for you and Fili, too. He's been terribly lonely without you."  
"I've been lonely without Fili, too." Bofur said. "Bombur told me I needed to stop worrying about him and Bifur and follow my heart. The more I thought about what he said, the more I realized that I belong here with the three of you. All I did in Erebor was miss and worry over you, anyway."  
"It has not been the same without you," Kili said.  
Bilbo said, "You will love it here. And Beorn will love having you here."  
"Beorn! I didn't think to ask his leave to stay," Bofur fretted.  
Bilbo smiled slyly. "Beorn has a sense about people. He probably figured before you were halfway up the yard that you and Fili were together."  
"If your dramatic entrance didn't tip him off," Kili added. "That was a scene out of a romantic ballad."  
Bilbo thought to himself that were circumstances different, Thorin's arrival would have been as well.

*****

Dinner was a mixture of happy and maudlin. There were congratulations all around for Fili and Bofur's courtship announcement. Other than a toast of well wishes for Fili and Bofur, Thorin was withdrawn throughout dinner. Bilbo was sneaking glances but he never managed to catch Thorin's eye. When Beorn and Gandalf were done with their dinner, they took their meeting with the king as Thorin requested. Once business had been conducted, Thorin took a bath and retired to his room early for the night.

*****

Kili was undressing for bed and grinning like a loon.  
"What?" BIlbo said.  
"Just thinking about how amazing you are," Kili said.  
Bilbo raised his eyebrows as he pulled off his trousers. "Oh?"  
Kili nodded. "Thinking about the wonderful things you said today."  
"Like what?" Bilbo asked, scrambling up on the bed.  
"Like how you like that I'm emotional," Kili said, kissing his way up Bilbo's leg.  
"And how you said what was between us could not be undone."  
Kili kissed Bilbo's stomach and his chest.  
"And how you said that your heart belongs to me," he said.  
"I love that when you ran away, you ran away to our tree," Kili said, pressing himself against Bilbo's side and resting his head on his hand.  
Kili took Bilbo's hand in his free one and threaded his fingers through it. He gazed into Bilbo's eyes.  
"And you said I was the most beautiful thing you'd ever laid eyes on," Kili whispered. "No one has ever said that about me before, much less where other people could hear."  
Bilbo reached up a hand to stroke Kili's face.  
"It was true," Bilbo assured him. "All of it."  
Kili kissed each of Bilbo's fingers.  
"I love you," he said.  
"I love you, too," Bilbo replied.  
Kili laid his head on Bilbo's chest, still clutching his hand. "I know," he breathed happily.

*****

Bofur and Fili were stripped down to their unders and kissing in bed. Their tongues moved across one another's lips, taking turns slipping in and out of the other's mouth. Bofur liked to break from time to time to nibble or suck on one of Fili's lips. It made Fili moan and buck up into the dwarf on top of him. Fili liked to gently snatch Bofur's tongue and pull it into his mouth with light, rhythmic suction. It put Bofur in mind of something else Fili might be good at. It made him burn with _want_.

Fili reached down to palm over the bulge between Bofur's legs.  
"Is this okay?" Fili asked.  
"Gods, please," Bofur groaned. "Touch me, Fee."

Fili rubbed experimentally over the fabric and noted with pleasure that Bofur was panting and his head had fallen forward on Fili's shoulder. Fili took both his thumbs and pulled down the last scrap of clothing keeping Bofur modest. He wrapped his fingers around Bofur's erection and the response was immediate. Bofur's whole body flexed back and he nearly choked on a moan in surprise. 

"That feels amazing. Don't stop," Bofur said.  
Quietly in a whisper, he added "Don't _ever_ stop."  
Fili was aching. Kissing Bo already had him hard, but watching his new lover respond to him so emphatically turned him on even more.  
Fili leaned into Bofur's ear. "Touch me, too, Bo. Touch me bare."

Bofur pulled back just long enough to get Fili naked and take him in hand. Fili arched off the bed when Bofur stroked him.  
"Gorgeous, you are," Bofur said.  
"If you could only see yourself, Bo."  
"I wonder if you get even prettier when you come," Bofur said impishly.  
Fili responded with a whimper.  
"Let's find out," Bofur said. 

He licked and then spat on his palm and set to pumping Fili's cock. Fili tried to keep touching Bofur, but it was not long before all he could do was hold on and let Bofur finish him off. Bofur was gentle but firm and set a very insistent rhythm as he brought Fili around. Fili was gasping for air and clutching at Bofur's arm, finally spurting out over his lover's hand and his own stomach with a strangled cry. 

"Whaddaya know about that?" Bofur said, licking a bit of Fili's seed off his thumb and raising his eyebrows. "You _do_ get prettier when you come."  
Fili hummed. "I like this side of you, Bo. I had no idea you were this wicked."  
Fili wiped some of his spend off his chest and grabbed Bofur's prick, using his own wetness to ease his slide.  
Bofur gasped at the contact. "I-I would say that you h-have quite a wanton side your-yourself."  
Bofur could not suppress a moan as Fili pleasured him.  
"This is only the beginning," Fili promised as Bofur tensed and kneaded his own thigh. "That's it. Did you touch yourself like this and think of me when you were in Erebor?"  
"Yes," Bofur rasped.  
"Show me how you finished when you thought of me, Bo."  
Nearly on command, Bofur cried out and came. Fili sat up and kissed him before he even caught his breath.  
"I'll say," Bofur said between breaths, "it never felt like that when I did myself!"  
"I should hope not," Fili teased.  
Fili cleaned them up as best he could and cuddled into Bofur.  
"So much for not rushing things, huh?" Fili said.  
Bofur chuckled and kissed his temple.

*****

The next morning saw Thorin and Dwalin readying to make their trip back to Erebor. Bilbo had prepared them things much more delicious than cram to chew on as they made their trip back home. It made Bilbo feel better to make meals for Thorin to take on his journey. It would almost be like Thorin was taking some of Bilbo's love with him, he thought fancifully. Bilbo had made his choice but he felt a sadness not entirely unlike the one he felt when he left Thorin in Erebor. Bilbo thought it was unhappy chance that he had to say goodbye to Thorin twice. Part of him still wanted so much to take Thorin in his arms and make him forget all the pain he had caused him. The part of him that loved Kili knew that to be a disastrous idea but it crossed his mind nonetheless.

Thorin approached him as the household was finishing breakfast. 

"Bilbo, I wish to speak to you before I leave about...things of a personal nature. I would prefer the conversation to be private but I understand if neither you nor Kili would be comfortable with that. Everyone present are kith and kin to either you or I so if it is not to be private, I will proceed as long as it will not embarrass you. I've done enough of that, I think."  
Bilbo looked questioningly at Kili. He got a shrug in reply.  
"If you are not embarrassed to say what you wish here, you have my leave as well," Bilbo said.  
"I've lived as a prince and as a king with no kingdom," Thorin began. "My life has not been lived for myself but for others, and not passively. I've had to be bold, make decisions, and tell people what to do. When I fell for you, it was the first time I let myself hope for something--for someone--that would be only for me. I struggled with it long before I told you because I did not know if I even had a right to love given my mission and my duty. I struggled after because I am not practiced in these matters. I'm still learning what it means to share my life with someone. I do not wish to leave with anything misunderstood between us. Please allow me to make clear my part of things before I go."

Thorin paused and held out a hand. Bilbo swallowed and took it. 

"You said that I only valued your companionship in bed. That isn't true. I wanted to share my days with you, too. I wanted to make decisions with you, although I did a poor job of it when you gave me the opportunity. I wanted to know about you and the things that you hold dear. I wanted to be your partner in all senses of the word. I've always wanted that. I just didn't know how to do it or how to show it. I fumbled it badly and will regret it always. But please do not think for a moment that I did not love you truly, inside and out, mind and soul as well as body. If I had my choice, I would never wake without you, I would never take a meal without you, and I would never sleep without you at my side. My priorities have altered drastically since those quiet nights in the Elvenking's dungeon. Our union was as important to me as anything has ever been, including being king of Erebor. It took me losing what we had to appreciate it to its fullest, but I know now that there is nothing I would not give if I could have it again. I would give up my crown and my mountain without hesitation."

Bilbo's eyes were locked with Thorin's. Kili was glancing between them both, disconcerted by Bilbo's rapt attention to Thorin as well as the words the king was speaking himself. Gandalf felt a little discomfort at being present for something this personal. Beorn could sense the sadness coming off Thorin in waves and felt sympathy. Fili and Bofur were clutching each other's hands, hearts aching the more they heard. Dwalin himself was surprised by Thorin's candor.

Thorin took another deep breath. "I used our bond for selfish gain and it was a shameful way to handle something that I truly hold sacred. I was desperate for a way to keep you in my life and made a terrible choice. I cannot apologize enough for speaking to you that way, for speaking to Kili that way, and mostly for mishandling your gift so egregiously. Forgive me, please."  
Bilbo placed a second hand on Thorin's.  
"I understand," Bilbo said softly. What else could he say?

"You said that I backed you into an engagement you didn't understand," Thorin said. "Did you not wish to be my betrothed?"  
Bilbo explained, "I loved you, Thorin, and when you told me what it meant in your culture to have been as intimate as we were, it did not frighten me away from the love I felt. In retrospect, I would have liked to have been asked. It was a decision that I would have liked to have _made_ , as opposed to one that was announced to me. Perhaps if I had time to reflect upon it, I could have saved some heartache along the way."  
"For tradition, for your sake, and for my own mind going forward, let me fix that mistake," Thorin said.  
He knelt in front of Bilbo, bowing his forehead into the hobbit's hands. "Will you marry me?"

Kili put his hand to his mouth to halt an outburst. The rest of the room collectively held their breath.

Bilbo stroked Thorin's hand and murmured, "Do not make me hurt you, Thorin. Please."  
Bilbo leaned over and kissed him on the top of his head.  
Thorin stood and nodded. "The answer does not surprise me but I've owed you the question since Esgaroth. Now that it has been properly asked, it will stand for all-time. At any time, for any reason, should you wish to answer 'yes,' I will travel anywhere with arms open for you."  
"That's a long way from 'he has no place amongst us,' isn't it?" Bilbo said with an awkward chuckle.  
Thorin pulled Bilbo to him gently in an embrace, resting his chin on the top of his head.  
"I am sorry for the terrible things I've said since we met, for all the times I did not listen to you, for everything ill-advised I've done to try and win back your companionship, and for anything I've ever done that has hurt you, dragon sickness or not. I am not very good at love, it seems, but please know I do not feel it in my soul any less than one who is more practiced. It is my hope that when you think of me, you will not dwell on my faults but think of the happiness we found. I will go now, but a part of my heart will always travel with you. Please call on me without hesitation if there is anything you ever need. Especially if it is me." 

Everyone present was moved by Thorin's speech, as evidenced by several watery eyes. Even Dwalin seemed to have trouble keeping his eyes dry. 

"Oh Thorin," Bilbo said, voice not at all steady. "You must not ever think I did not--that I do not--love you. I do. But love can't always be enough, and these beautiful things you are telling me have come too late. For that, I am truly sorry."  
Thorin stepped away from Bilbo and nodded, still holding one of his hands. Bilbo gave it a squeeze.  
"I'm going to go prepare the ponies," Thorin said.  
He released Bilbo's hand and tried to discreetly wipe his eyes as he exited.  
Dwalin followed Thorin outside.

Bilbo watched Thorin go and turned back to his friends, feeling suddenly quite awkward. Kili wore a strange expression. Bilbo had hoped his resolve in the face of Thorin's final appeal would have pleased Kili or maybe made him more secure in their relationship. These things were not evident in his expression, though.  
_What have I done now?_ Bilbo wondered.

Kili listened to Thorin pour his heart out to Bilbo and it made his chest ache for both of them. He'd never seen his uncle quite like this, not even yesterday when he left Kili and Bilbo in their room. And to speak so in front of an audience! It was brave and foolish at once. Kili was shocked that Thorin proposed marriage to Bilbo, but he was even more surprised that one as prideful as Thorin would do it already assuming Bilbo would say no. Kili knew Thorin's apologies and his tender words were the things that Bilbo needed to hear from the beginning. Kili wondered if Bilbo had been swayed by his sentiments. Thorin promised to be there if ever Bilbo might change his mind. What if Bilbo decided in a year that he missed his first love? Although Kili may be the one courted by Bilbo and moving to Bag End, Thorin just ensured that Kili would always live in the shadow of his uncle's love for Bilbo. 

Kili sighed, reached over, and ran his hand over Bilbo's cheek. He smiled briefly before going outside himself. 

Gandalf put his hand on Bilbo's shoulder and patted it. It was quite something to see the stately king of Erebor humbled before his hobbit. Gandalf knew the decision had already been tough enough for Bilbo before he had to endure that tender scene. 

His eyes, like Bilbo's, also curiously followed Kili out the door.

*****

Thorin noticed Kili milling around close to him as they prepared the wagon for departure. He knew this behavior to be typical of Kili when he wished to speak but was either unable or unwilling to make the first move. He walked over and stood in front of his nephew.

Thorin slowly reached out a hand to touch the braid in Kili's hair. He smiled at him wistfully.  
"When you were growing up, all I ever wanted was for my little Kili-colt to be happy. I thought that your joy would come from growing into your own as a stern, proud heir of Durin like the uncle whom you were so much alike. I was hard on you but it was because I wanted so much for you. Now that your happiness is tied directly to my greatest sadness, I don't know how well I should wish you. I both love and hate you, Kili. I do not know what to do with that."

Kili was surprised at Thorin's openness. He hadn't called him 'Kili-colt' in _decades_. 

"It always saddened me that I was a disappointment to you. I tried hard to make you proud." Kili's voice broke as he talked. "I may not have been serious about much over the years but I'm as serious as I've ever been when it comes to Bilbo. I'm in love with him. I cannot stop loving him any more than you can, though I am regretful for your pain. I'm also angry. I am angry that I have finally found someone to love me as I am and now I have to compete with you every day for the rest of my life. I want to marry him, Thorin. I would have done it a dozen times over already if he would only say yes. I've adored you from birth but I live in fear every day that the mere mention of your name will tear down the life I'm trying to build. I know even less what to do with that than you do."

Thorin laughed but it was more sad than mirthful. "I never thought in all my years that you and I would be able to understand each other, Kili. How unfortunate that this is the situation in which we find ourselves where we finally do."

*****

Everyone under Beorn's roof assembled outside in the chilly late morning to bid Thorin and Dwalin farewell.  
Thorin thanked Beorn for his hospitality and the help he would give him with the Men in the spring. He thanked Gandalf for his counsel. He embraced Fili and made him promise to still write with regularity even though Bofur was no longer at Erebor. Thorin already had his words with Kili before everyone came outside. Now, he merely nodded deeply toward his youngest sister-son and he received the same in return.

As before, Bilbo was last for farewells.  
"I find it harder to leave you than I found it to be left," Thorin said to Bilbo. "When you left before, I still carried hope. This time, I shall leave it behind with you. Be safe and be well. Always remember that I love you."  
Bilbo did not trust himself to speak, so he chewed the inside of his mouth and bowed his head.  
As the ponies pulled away, Thorin turned around. Bilbo held his hand up in farewell. Everyone but him went into the house as the wind picked up. 

Only Bilbo was outside to see that Thorin did not turn away from him as long as they were in each other's sight. 

Bilbo watched them go until he could see them no longer. He pulled his fur around him for more warmth and sat on the porch staring into the distance where they had disappeared.  
"Are you coming inside, Bilbo?" Kili asked from the door. "It is too chilly to spend the afternoon out here, even with the sun."  
"I'll be along shortly, dear heart," Bilbo assured him.

Bilbo wondered if he would ever not feel torn in two.


	59. Turmoil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because things aren't always easy. Or nearly never, if you're Kili.

Bilbo sat outside and chewed his lip. The sun beat down on him and made the chill in the air much easier to take. With the fur drawn around him, it was only his face that was cold. He wondered how fast the Thorin's ponies were going. If, say, a hobbit were to run, could he catch up to the wagon? Or maybe if he borrowed a pony from Beorn? Of course, he wasn't a particularly skilled rider. He might wind up going the wrong direction if he weren't careful!

"What are you doing, Bilbo Baggins?" he asked himself silently. There was a reason he left Erebor and why he sent Thorin away today. He and Thorin were not a good match.

_Why is that again?_ a corner of his mind wanted to know.  
"Well, because...because Thorin wanted to order me around like a king, of course. He did not want to be my partner."  
_Doesn't he? Didn't he just say he did want you for a partner? And that he had gone about it the wrong way and was aware of that fact?_  
"I suppose. But I don't want to live in Erebor."  
_He said he'd live anywhere, either retaining his title with the use of stewards or passing his kingdom to another._  
"I don't want him to do that for me."  
_Isn't that his own choice? You didn't want him making your decisions for you, but here you are doing the same._  
"What about the possessiveness? The latent behaviors the gold sickness brought forth? The intimidation?"  
_He has apologized many times over. He said he learned from his mistakes. He's new at this, even newer than you were. Are you not a different hobbit than you were even four months ago? Why doesn't he get the right to learn and grow like you do?_

Bilbo did not have an answer for himself. It was easier to think that Thorin was unable to change. It made it less painful to justify their separation. Because it was painful. Painful enough for him to be sitting outside on a sunny winter day pondering if a hobbit can run faster than a wagon can meander down a road.

Bilbo thought about running, running as hard as he could. Thorin and Dwalin had only been gone maybe under a half hour if the sun was any indication. Could he run for that long? Or maybe he could run until they were within his vision and then he could shout. He would shout and Thorin would make Dwalin stop the ponies. Thorin would jump down off the wagon and wait for him in surprised awe. Maybe he would run to meet him. They would stop and stare at each other wide-eyed for a moment while Bilbo caught his breath.  
"Bilbo?" Thorin would say, hopefully. His eyebrows would be raised in question and his expression would be soft and incredulous.  
Bilbo would smile at him and they would embrace. Thorin would hold him tighter than ever and maybe tangle a hand through his hair. He would whisper his name over and over in his ear.  
"You came back," Thorin would say reverently.  
"I could not let you go," Bilbo would confess. "Not this time."  
They would kiss for the first time in weeks. It would be desperate and beautiful. Thorin's kiss would burn him from head to toe.  
"I need you," Bilbo would whisper, working into Thorin's trousers.  
Thorin would pull him into the woods and claim him once again as his own. Oh, how Bilbo had missed those hands on his skin! Thorin would have to take his time with him, working him open so he could fill him in the way that only he could. It had been so long since Bilbo had someone else inside him like that. He and Kili had not...

Bilbo's imagination came to an abrupt halt.

Oh.

Kili.

Bilbo could not do this to him. Even if he could, what could he ever say to Kili to justify it, especially after all they had been through? Once the passion with Thorin subsided, how could Bilbo bear leaving Kili behind? Bilbo had lost him once before and it hurt more than leaving Thorin did. Bilbo was ashamed of himself. He let his feelings for Thorin make him all but forget about Kili for a moment. Thorin seemed to have that effect on him. If Kili could only make him forget about Thorin the same way, it would be simpler. A few tears slipped down his face as his turmoil inside became too much to take.

*****

"Kili, you can't sit and stare at the door all day, waiting for Bilbo," Bofur said. "He's had a trying morning. He'll come in when he's ready."  
"Bo's right, Kee. You're creeping me out a bit sitting there," Fili said.  
"Shut up," Kili pouted.  
"Do you think he's going to up and run after Thorin?" Fili joked.  
When Kili turned around, his expression was sad.  
With sinking clarity, Fili realized that was exactly what was worrying Kili.

*****

Kili poked his head outside again. "Your nose is going to freeze, you know," he teased.  
Bilbo reached to brush the wetness from his face before Kili saw it but the movement gave him away.  
Kili sat next to him. "You've been crying?"  
"A little," Bilbo admitted. No point in lying.  
"For Thorin? Is that why you've not come in yet?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo looked down at his hands and said nothing.  
"Am I lucky you are not good with ponies?" Kili tried to jest nervously.  
Bilbo looked up at him, stunned as though Kili had read his mind.  
Kili saw everything he needed to know in Bilbo's surprised and guilty expression. His face grew hard.  
"I'll bet you could have caught them by now. Why are you still here?" Kili asked icily.  
"You," Bilbo murmured.  
"Is this where I am supposed to make my own grand, sweeping gesture, perhaps by selflessly letting you go so that you can run back to your one true love without guilt?" Kili asked bitterly.  
"No."  
Kili was up and pacing. "'No' because you don't want me to? 'No' because he isn't your one true love? What is it? Wait, don't tell me. It doesn't matter."  
Kili was trying not to cry. "It doesn't matter because I'm not doing it. I'm not stepping aside to make things easy for you and Thorin. He certainly is not trying to make things easy for you and me!"  
"He left for you and me, Kili," Bilbo said. When Kili stopped pacing to whirl around and look at him, Bilbo realized it was the wrong thing to say.  
Kili was losing his battle with his tears. "No, he did not! He did nothing for _us_. He left because he did not get you. He left because he did not want to see you with me. And he still made a huge attempt to woo you on his way out the door. So big that you are sitting out here right now thinking that maybe you made the wrong choice after all!"

Kili was openly weeping now but he was too angry to care. "Durin's-fucking-beard, I am sick of crying over you and Thorin! When does it stop? I wear your braid! I sleep in your bed! We are _lovers_ , for Mahal's sake! Do I ever get to just be happy with you for more than a few days at a time without fear? Do I get to wake up at some point and know heart to bones that you do not wish you were in his bed instead?"  
Bilbo was now crying anew. The pain in Kili's voice was heart-wrenching.  
"Why did you choose me if you weren't ready?" Kili asked accusingly. "Why did you ask me to go with you? To court you? Why am I here at all? This isn't normal Bilbo, this way things are with us!"  
"I was ready!" Bilbo protested.  
"Until he showed up," Kili finished.  
"No! I told him about us, about you, remember?" Bilbo asked desperately.  
"But that was before. Before he told you everything you ever wanted him to tell you. Before he refuted your reasons for not renewing your bond. Before he asked you to marry him." Kili scoffed. "That's _two_ proposals by my count. One physical and one verbal. All the excuses are gone, now!"  
The passion dropped out of Kili's voice.  
"All that is left is me," he said brokenly.  
They looked at each other for a moment before Kili went into the house.

*****

Bofur and Fili were kissing at the table when Kili stalked back in and off to his room.  
"I think he's been crying," Fili whispered.  
"Go see about him," Bofur urged.  
Fili stole one more kiss before going after his brother.

Shortly after, the door opened and Bilbo crept in. Bofur could tell he had been weeping, too.  
Bilbo looked around. "Kili?"  
"Fee's with him right now." Bofur patted the bench next to him. "Wanna tell me about it?"  
Bilbo tossed his fur over a box by the door and climbed up next to Bofur. He didn't say anything for a while.  
"Thorin?" Bofur finally asked.  
Bilbo nodded.  
"How often would you say you two argue about Thorin?"  
Bilbo's cheek twitched. "Too much."  
"Why do you think that is?" Bofur asked thoughtfully.  
"Kili is afraid that I'm going to chose Thorin instead," Bilbo said.  
"That's a funny thing, isn't it? You've adored Kili for ages." Bofur gave Bilbo a meaningful look. "He has no reason to think that, now does he?"  
Bilbo leaned an arm on the table and rested his forehead on it. He said nothing.  
"Does he, Bilbo?" Bofur asked again.  
"I do not know how Kili stays, Bo," Bilbo said. "He waited while I was betrothed, he waited after, and every time he's nearly comfortable being happy with me, I do something to mess up. I thought I did everything right this time. I didn't kiss Thorin, I told him about being in love with Kili and how I had been since before we even went to Erebor, I did not crumble this morning while he confessed his heart...but I was sad that he went. So sad that I nearly went after him."  
"But you didn't," Bofur said.  
"No, but I made Kili cry just the same," Bilbo said miserably. "And then there's the sex."  
Bofur nudged Bilbo playfully. "Now we're gettin' somewhere. Tell me about the sex."  
Bilbo managed a small smile.  
"Kili and I do not do the things that Thorin and I did together and that is a problem for him," Bilbo confessed.  
"'Twould be a problem for me, too, I have to admit," Bofur said. "What holds you back?"  
"Thorin and I consummated our bond and it didn't work out," Bilbo explained. "Now Thorin and I have to deal with the pain of being imprinted and apart. I don't want to put Kili through that."  
"I see. So you put Kili through the pain of thinking he's not as important as Thorin, instead," Bofur said plainly.  
Bilbo gaped at Bofur. The dwarf shrugged.  
Bilbo composed himself. "I-I had not thought of it that way."  
"Well, I'm sure Kili thinks of it enough for the both of you," Bofur assured him with false comfort.  
"Bo!" Bilbo said indignantly.  
Bofur shook his head in exasperation. "Look, I've tried to watch out for you since before we left the borders of the Shire. Even after Thorin decided it was his responsibility, I kept an eye on you. Kili is kind, courageous, gorgeous, and he's plain mad for you. You are not obligated to choose him simply because he adores you, but I know you care for him just as much. It is with the utmost love that I am telling you to pull your pointy ears out of your arse and realize what you have before it is too late for the both of you."  
Bilbo opened his mouth to speak and closed it when he realized he had no response.

*****

Fili found Kili flopped across the bed on his stomach. He climbed up and sat cross-legged next to him. Kili looked up long enough to see that it was his brother and dropped his head back down. Fili sat quietly, rubbed Kili's back, and waited for him to decide to talk.

"How many times can we have the same argument?" Kili asked at last.  
Fili sighed. "As many times as you let yourselves have it."  
Kili rocked his head on his arms. "How do we make it stop?"  
"You know how to make it stop, Kee," Fili said.  
"I can't," Kili whispered.  
Fili shrugged. "Then you will have to find a way to keep on going in spite of it."  
Kili rolled over onto his back. "I was so happy yesterday when Bilbo put everything out in the open. You know, for _him_. Bilbo told me he loved me last night and for maybe the first time, I truly _knew_ it."  
"What changed?" Fili asked.  
"Thorin did, apparently. His little speech covered nearly all of Bilbo's objections. Bilbo has been outside since they left. He's sitting in the cold, staring out into the distance, and crying over his lost love."  
Fili glanced at Kili. "You want he should be able to simply shut his feelings down? Like it never mattered?"  
"No. I just-I want to be the one who matters more," Kili said quietly.  
Fili rubbed Kili's arm soothingly. "He's here with you now, right?"  
Kili was silent, thinking about Bilbo's guilty face when Kili mentioned him going after the wagon.  
"Right, Kee?" Fili asked more urgently. "He _is_ still here, isn't he?"  
"As far as I know," Kili replied.

Fili exhaled in relief. He wasn't sure if _his_ heart could take Bilbo running back to Thorin, much less Kili's. 

"I'm tired, Fee," Kili lamented. "It is almost harder to bear being his lover than it was being nothing at all."  
Fili clarified, "But you said you're not done."  
Kili put his arm over his eyes. "I don't think I'll ever be done."  
Fili moved Kili's arm and regarded him. "There's your answer, then," he said gently.

*****

Thorin and Dwalin had stopped to have something to eat as soon as Thorin could settle his stomach enough to try a mouthful. The ride so far had disquieted his insides. Thorin far preferred ponies to wagons. They were more fluid and less jarring.

Dwalin was pawing through the food bag. Thorin mused that he was probably looking for the cookies Bilbo had doubtlessly packed for him. He hoped Dwalin wouldn't damage anything in his haste. He knew Bilbo had personally insisted on preparing them their food for the road. It made him feel warm inside even though he was sad. He understood how important and symbolic food was to hobbits and realized this was Bilbo's way of giving him a little bit of himself to take along. Bilbo may have turned him down that morning but Thorin was not blind. He saw the love in Bilbo's eyes when he left. 

"Oi, I think this is for you," Dwalin said. He handed Thorin a folded bit of parchment with the king's name on the outside. Thorin's pulse raced. He recognized that handwriting!  
He heard Dwalin exclaim, "Yes! Cookies!" and smirked to himself as he opened the note. 

_"Thorin--_

_Though I may not sleep in your bed again, part of me stays ever with you._

_I will always love you, too._

_\--B_

_PS I sneaked you two extra jars of Beorn's honey. I know how much you love it."_

Thorin had difficulty swallowing and tears pricked his eyes. Bilbo must have written this as he fixed their food. 

"Thorin? Are you alright?" Dwalin asked with concern.  
Thorin shook his head for a moment and was lost in thought. His heart both swelled and ached.  
"It's just-I, um...save the honey for me, will you?"

*****

Fili joined Bofur and Bilbo in the kitchen. Bilbo looked as miserable as Kili was.  
"I think I'm going to go check on Kili," Bilbo said. "Thank you for listening, Bo."

Fili watched over his shoulder until Bilbo was out of sight.  
Fili spoke low. "Did he talk to you?"  
"Aye," Bofur said. "How's your brother?"  
"Hurt and miserable but still holding on to Bilbo for dear life," Fili said.  
Bofur shook his head. "Those two lads need to get it sorted. They are too crazy for each other to be this sad. Are they like this all the time?"  
"Only when Thorin finds a way to interfere," Fili said. "The rest of the time they are sickeningly in love. Can barely keep my food down by day and can't get any sleep at night."  
"Ah, I believe I recall a letter to that effect," Bofur giggled and wrapped his arms around Fili. "'Tis possible we can find something for you to do when you can't sleep from now on."  
Fili grabbed the back of Bofur's neck and pulled him down into a kiss.

*****

Kili was still laying on his back when Bilbo joined him in their bedroom. Bilbo climbed up on the bed and snuggled into Kili without saying anything. He noted with relief that Kili did not recoil from his touch. Instead, Kili put his arms around him and held him silently for a long while before they both drifted off for an afternoon nap.

*****

Bofur did not have to endure the loud love sounds of the other household couple in his first several days at Beorn's because Bilbo and Kili weren't particularly getting along. They did not talk about their fight from the morning Thorin left and were civil enough, but they had been using their bed only for sleeping for the first time since they arrived. Members of the household saw them speak, of course, but Bilbo spent more of his time reading and Kili had taken to renewing his training.

Fili noticed the distance between them but did not interfere. He'd had enough of talking Bilbo or Kili through these issues that always seem to crop up around Thorin and he had nothing new to say. Bilbo and Kili knew what they each could do to put an end to the cycle and neither of them seemed to be willing to do it. Fili felt for them, but he was staying out of it this time. 

Bilbo was lonely. He and Kili were still continuing their courtship as far as he knew--neither spoke of ending it--but they didn't kiss or hug as they used to. They talked, but not about anything personal. Bilbo did not know what to say about their last fight. He felt as though he had nothing to say that would convince Kili that he loved him. They shared a bed but no intimacy. Without Kili's company, Bilbo buried himself in books. There were plenty to occupy him between the ones Beorn had and those that came from Erebor. His mind frequently wandered to Kili, though. He missed their closeness now that it was so rare. There was one notable exception: Bilbo's nightmares. He had them more frequently now than he did when they first came to Beorn's. When Bilbo would wake from one of these dreams in terror, Kili would still hold him murmuring comfort and calming him down. It was nearly the only time Kili even touched him anymore. Valar help him, but he almost looked forward to it. He missed Kili but he did not know how to go about fixing things with him when he had nothing new to say. He felt like a stranger in his own bed. 

Kili felt the loss of his friend and lover deeply. They were still courting but it was in name only for the time being. Fili had a point that Kili could not deny: if Kili wasn't ready for it to be finished, then he would have to keep repeating his pattern with Bilbo. Kili was far from ready to end it, so they were at a standstill. He did not know how to move forward. He had already told Bilbo everything he had to say many times over. He supposed he was waiting for Bilbo to say something, anything, that would make it better. In the meantime, he thought it would not be a bad thing to resume his training. He had to convince Beorn that he would not harm any creature on his property and swore to only practice his bow on trees and his sword on thin air or another sword. His focus was sharper but most of his thoughts were still about Bilbo. The hobbit started having more regular nightmares again almost immediately after they fought. Kili decided right away that he would put aside the awkwardness between them to soothe him. Bilbo felt wonderful in his arms and for a few sweet moments, he could pretend they were like they used to be. He felt terribly guilty about doing so, but he looked forward to Bilbo's bad dreams.

*****

Several nights after Thorin left, Bilbo was dreaming vividly. He was not having a nightmare this night. Far from it. He dreamed that he and Kili were in an elaborately carved four poster bed. He was making love to Kili from behind. He was draped over his back, moving with his lover and coming deep inside him. He kept pulsing until it was dripping down both their legs and they collapsed together on the bed. As Kili flattened onto his stomach, Bilbo sank into the length of his body as though Kili were water. He fully melted into his lover's form.

He woke up achingly hard. Kili was already awake, resting his head on his hand, and looking at him with a great deal of interest--more interest than he had in days.

"That must have been some dream," Kili said.  
"What makes you say that?" Bilbo asked.  
"You were rather aggressively grinding against my leg and murmuring my name." Kili said.

Bilbo hesitated to explain his dream. The "tell me what you would do to me game" had long since become a bit of a sore subject with them. They had stopped playing weeks ago because Kili would get upset that Bilbo wouldn't actually let him do those things. 

"We-we were making love," Bilbo confessed.  
Kili was definitely interested now. "Tell me."  
"I had you on your hands and knees and when I finished, it just wouldn't stop pouring from me. Then I melted into your body like I was submerged in you from top to toe."  
Kili ran his fingertips down Bilbo's forearm but avoided his gaze.  
"Would you want to do it to me that way?" Kili asked him quietly. "On my hands and knees?"

Bilbo's pulse quickened. Kili had hardly said more than "Do you want honey on your bread?" or "Would you put the candle out?" to him in days.

"I want to do it to you every way," Bilbo replied breathlessly.  
Kili gazed at Bilbo. He was sure they could hear his heart pound in the next room.  
Bilbo's whispered low, "Kili."  
He pulled Kili's lips to his for their first proper kiss in over a week. To Bilbo, it was like food to a starving hobbit. 

Kili did not hesitate even a moment once he felt the warmth of Bilbo's skin against his. He pressed against Bilbo, stroking a hand down his body just as his tongue stroked inside his mouth. He had missed this so very much. Bilbo sighed softly and Kili deepened their kiss even more. Bilbo pulled Kili fully on top of him so he could feel his weight and smoothed his hands over Kili's back, savoring the feel of the muscles underneath his fingertips. He snaked a hand up into Kili's hair and pushed harder into their kiss. His breathing quickened along with Kili's and soon they had to break to breathe properly at all. 

Kili wanted to talk, apologize, and cry all at once. He did not do any of those things, though. He was just happy to have Bilbo in his arms again. Unbeknownst to him, the same thoughts went through Bilbo's mind as well. 

Bilbo felt Kili's lips move down his neck and settle in his sensitive area where his neck met his collarbone. He felt Kili nip at it and clutched at him with a moan. Kili began to suck at that spot and Bilbo knew he was marking him again. He whispered "Yes."

Kili was nervous about marking Bilbo but his fears were put to rest with one precious syllable. He moved down Bilbo's torso, licking and biting at his nipples, running his tongue along his hipbones, and finally rested in between his legs. 

Bilbo could feel Kili's breath on his prick. He wanted that exquisite mouth on it. He flexed and heard Kili giggle. A bolt of lightning flew up his spine as Kili took him in his mouth. He groaned loudly. Bilbo had missed Kili's talented tongue. 

Kili noted with pleasure that his first suck along Bilbo's length rewarded him with a few salty drops. He loved it when Bilbo was turned on enough to start dripping. It made him want more. He wanted Bilbo shaking for him. He slowed his pace, mouth still around his cock but with his tongue moving more than his lips. The sweet noises coming from Bilbo--gods, he had missed those--encouraged him. 

Bilbo fought the urge to buck into Kili, even once the dwarf picked up a rhythm. He could tell that Kili had decided it was time to get him off by the suction and the pace he set.

"Kili, wait!" Bilbo said.  
Kili stopped and propped himself up on his elbows. Bilbo encouraged him upward and kissed him when he got there.  
"Not like that," Bilbo said softly.  
"Okay," Kili exhaled. 

Bilbo rolled over on top of him and gathered both of Kili's hands in his, resting on his chest. He leaned forward and nipped at Kili's lips. Kili's tongue darted out to try and catch him. Bilbo met it with his and soon they were hungrily consuming each other again. Bilbo leaned back to look into Kili's eyes, still clutching his hands.

"I am so sorry," Bilbo whispered.  
"I'm sorry, too. Gods, I've missed you."  
Bilbo kissed the knuckles on each hand he held.  
"Tell me you know I love you, Kili," Bilbo pleaded.  
"I-I know you love me," Kili said.  
Bilbo sucked his own mark into Kili's neck and moved on to trailing his tongue down his stomach.  
"Mean it when you say it. 'I love you,'" Bilbo said.  
"You-oh!" Kili exclaimed when Bilbo licked his erection. "You love me."  
"I absolutely do," Bilbo confirmed. He teased Kili with little licks and presses of his tongue before disappearing off the bed altogether.

Kili had barely registered his weight had left the mattress before he was back and pressing open mouthed kisses up his thighs, pausing to lick at his stones. Kili was suddenly very grateful they had each bathed before bed tonight. 

Instead of spreading Kili's legs open to lick his entrance, Bilbo moved up his body again.  
"Do you love _me_ , Kili?" Bilbo asked.  
"You know I do," Kili said.  
Bilbo spread soft kisses across Kili's cheek back to his ear. "Tell me," BIlbo whispered.  
"Bilbo, I love you. Sometimes so much it hurts," Kili whispered back. 

Bilbo drew his fingers down Kili's stomach, brushing over his cock, and reaching underneath him. Kili instinctively spread his legs. Bilbo dipped his fingers into the separation of Kili's backside and touched him gently. His eyes never left Kili's, even when the dwarf gasped and flexed.

"Do you trust me?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili swallowed. "I do."

Bilbo grabbed a pillow and situated it under Kili's hips like he did when he would rim him. Kili closed his eyes and hummed with happiness. The loss of the closeness he felt when they were inside each other like that had been particularly difficult for him. Bilbo didn't settle between his legs yet, though. He leaned back against his body, gazing into his eyes. Kili felt an odd texture between his legs. Bilbo's fingers were slippery. It wasn't until one slid in determined circles around his hole that he realized what was going on. _Oh_. He looked wide-eyed at Bilbo.

Bilbo stroked around Kili's entrance, slicking and massaging it. When understanding dawned across Kili's face, Bilbo leaned in and kissed him softly.  
"Will you let me do this to you, Kili?" Bilbo murmured.  
Kili whimpered.  
"Will you let my fingers inside you?" Bilbo whispered against his lips.  
"Please," Kili said, tongue flicking against Bilbo's mouth. 

He felt Bilbo smile against his kiss as he pushed gently inside him. It was only a little at first, but it was far different from the feeling of Bilbo's tongue. Kili was panting.  
"Deeper breaths, dear heart," Bilbo soothed in a voice deeper than Kili was used to hearing from his lover.

Kili complied and Bilbo began easing his finger in and out of him, gaining a little more depth each time. It felt bizarre to Kili. He wasn't used to anything going _in_ him like that. Bilbo was peppering his collarbone with kisses and humming in the back of his throat. Kili finally felt one of Bilbo's other fingers bump against his arse and he realized Bilbo had buried a full digit. Once inside, Bilbo wiggled it but did not pull it out in long strokes. 

Kili's body thrummed with excitement. He was almost drunk on the rush of the closeness he felt.  
"You are inside me," Kili breathed. "This is so much more than your tongue. S-so intimate."  
Bilbo huffed a small laugh. "My most precious love, you have no idea."  
Kili was trying to will his scattered mind to parse the meaning of that statement when he felt a new pressure. Bilbo was working a second finger inside him! This one was a little less comfortable than the first.  
Bilbo was working very slowly so that the discomfort he read on Kili's face did not become outright pain.  
"Touch yourself for me," Bilbo said.  
Kili enthusiastically stroked himself.  
"Not too much. Slow. Very, very slow," Bilbo said. He only wanted Kili to be distracted from the more unpleasant part of the stretch. 

Kili adjusted to feeling Bilbo's two fingers inside him. They had whispered about this several times in the dark before when Bilbo was trying to tantalize him to a delicious orgasm, but he had no idea how it would actually feel. There was something about Bilbo touching him inside his body that was at once beautiful and wanton. He understood so much better why Bilbo had been hesitant to introduce more invasive aspects to their sexual repertoire. Physical pleasure aside, he felt as though his heart would burst inside his chest with the emotion coursing through him. 

Bilbo was watching the reactions crossing Kili's face as he breached and stretched him. He knew this was a very moving experience, particularly being Kili's first time with anything more than Bilbo's tongue inside him. Bilbo felt a great deal of responsibility and pride as well as love that Kili was giving himself to Bilbo like this. There had been times in the past few days where he wondered if Kili would ever so much as kiss him again. Now he was two fingers deep inside him. 

Kili felt Bilbo sit up and slide his fingers out. Surely he wasn't done yet? He took his hand off his member.  
"Bilbo?"  
"Just adding some salve," Bilbo explained. "The more slick you are, the less the chance that it will feel bad. I'm going to stretch you wider now."  
Bilbo felt Kili's body quiver beneath him.  
"Yes, I want more of you inside me," Kili said huskily.  
"Breathe," Bilbo commanded. 

Kili felt two fingers return with the pressure of a third just at the entrance. He no longer felt discomfort being filled with Bilbo's digits. He was rolling his hips against Bilbo's hand and vocalizing involuntarily at how amazing it felt. Bilbo worked the extra finger the rest of the way in and began to wiggle. A spike of pleasure went through Kili and he screamed. When he opened his eyes, Bilbo was grinning.

"Do you want to feel that again?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili already looked undone. "Yes, please!"  
Bilbo shifted his hand and Kili felt it again. And again. And again.  
"Gods, what are you _doing_ to me?" Kili wailed, thrashing his head and clutching onto Bilbo's arm so hard it hurt.  
Bilbo nibbled on Kili's ear.  
"That, my darling love, is what makes this particularly delightful. When you put your fingers in me, I'll help you find my spot, too."  
Hearing that Bilbo was going to let him touch him this way almost made Kili come on the spot.  
"Yes, let me do this to you. Please, I have to do this to you, too," Kili begged.  
Bilbo sighed raggedly. "So eager. Believe me, you will. I want you to so badly."

Kili was squirming and pushing back on Bilbo's hand as he stretched him. He was breathing heavy and mewling sounds Bilbo had never heard him make before.

"Kili, you are breathtaking right now. I've never seen someone look so beautiful."  
Kili grabbed the back of Bilbo's head and kissed him. He put everything into it, trying to convey all the longing he had been feeling.  
BIlbo shifted back and pulled his fingers out of Kili.  
"Kili, look at me."  
Kili gazed into Bilbo's eyes.  
"Do you want me?" Bilbo asked.  
"Yes, I want you," Kili panted.  
Bilbo sat back. Kili saw him slicking down his cock with salve.  
"I want to be inside you, Kili," Bilbo whispered duskily.

Realization slammed into Kili like a boulder. He nearly choked on the sharp breath he took in. They weren't just playing. Bilbo meant to _have_ him.

" _Mahal_ ," Kili breathed, stunned. "Take me, then. I want it."  
Bilbo pushed Kili's thighs back against his stomach and nudged at his entrance.  
His voice was like silk in Kili's ears. "Do you wish for me to claim you? To mark you?"  
"Yes! Yes, please. I've always been yours," Kili whimpered.  
Bilbo rocked against him until Kili felt the split and stretch of his opening around Bilbo's tip.  
"There's no going back once we start, Kili. Do you wish to carry my imprint?"  
Bilbo's eyes were burning into Kili's.  
"I've wanted it since the first time I kissed you, Bilbo."  
Bilbo took a breath and began to rock again.  
"Wait," Kili said.  
Bilbo paused.  
"This doesn't have to mean-we don't have to be, um..." Kili stuttered. He didn't want Bilbo to feel trapped by this.  
"Kili? Shut up."  
Kili smiled. "Right."

Kili couldn't believe this was happening. Bilbo was splitting him wider than he'd ever been. The sensation was so foreign to him. He supposed it should hurt, but he was too overwhelmed by the feelings flooding him to notice. This was so intimate, so...explicit. 

Bilbo was grunting and moaning as he felt Kili surround him. It has been so long since he had felt pleasure like this. Kili was usually so responsive and he certainly did not disappoint now. Kili was keening, trembling, and grabbing at him.

"That's it, Kili. Let me in," Bilbo whispered, leaning forward to kiss his knee.  
Bilbo took his time but he was finally buried in Kili, his hipbones flush with the back of Kili's thighs. He threw his head back and moaned. He could feel the pulse of Kili's heartbeat around his prick.  
"By the Valar! You are nothing short of exquisite!" Bilbo cried. 

Kili was nearly beside himself. His most private area was stretched open and stuffed with Bilbo's cock. It was as filthy as anything he had ever thought of before he met Bilbo. No whispers he had heard in any tavern had ever prepared him for this. Not even Bilbo's dirty talk, nor seeing Bilbo do this back in Lake Town readied him for how it would truly be. He looked up at Bilbo leaning over him. The hobbit was so gorgeous he could barely stand to look at him.

Bilbo's gaze was wicked and his voice still deep. "Are you ready?"  
Kili nodded. "Drive me mad, Bilbo."  
The memory made Bilbo's cock twitch.  
"My pleasure," Bilbo replied lustily.

Bilbo's thrusts were shallow at first, not wanting to hurt Kili. Kili spread his legs more so he could wrap them around Bilbo.  
"I love how limber you are," Bilbo panted. "So much."  
Kili giggled and Bilbo felt it in his cock. Bilbo moaned again.  
"Let me hear you, Bilbo," Kili purred. "I want them to know how good I feel stretched around you as far away as Rivendell."  
Bilbo picked up his pace and moaned louder. 

Kili was in the more vulnerable position but he adored watching Bilbo unravel above him. Bilbo's eyes were closed and he growled as his thrusts picked up in intensity. A mischievous smile spread across Bilbo's face and before Kili could wonder about it, Bilbo changed his angle. Bilbo bit his lip and changed it again on the next thrust. The third time, Kili felt that jolt he felt when Bilbo's fingers were inside him and he cried out. Bilbo let out a strange half groan, half laugh and relentlessly slid into Kili at that angle over and over, making him cry out each time. Kili realized neither of them had touched his cock in minutes, yet he was filled with the most luscious pleasure. He wanted it to last forever but he also never wanted to come so badly in his life.

Kili tightened his legs around Bilbo as Bilbo chanted his name, reverently and repeatedly. It has been too long for Bilbo for him to draw this out like he wanted, especially with this being Kili. _His_ Kili. The thought was euphoric. He adjusted so he could reach between Kili's legs. 

"I need for you to finish for me," Bilbo said.  
Kili sucked in a breath at the pleasure of being stroked on the outside as well as the inside. He felt his orgasm well up within him quickly.  
"Please come, Kili," Bilbo pleaded breathlessly.  
Kili screamed as he spent hard underneath Bilbo, twitching around his cock and oozing his release onto his own stomach. Bilbo watched him with wide eyes as he neared climax.  
"Gonna m-mark you," Bilbo said, strangled.  
Kili didn't know how he could feel any more possessed than he did at this moment, but he begged for it anyway.  
Bilbo cried out Kili's name as his body convulsed and he finished inside his lover.  
Kili was tight around Bilbo as he came and he would swear he felt all of it: the twitching, the pulsing, and the spurts of hot wetness releasing inside him.

The pair were both shaking and panting out tiny, breathy moans as the aftershocks subsided. Bilbo eased back so Kili could lower his thighs, slipping out of him as he softened. Kili could feel Bilbo's seed drip out of him and he thought it was terribly erotic. Bilbo kissed him passionately and then collapsed against his chest. 

Kili had never felt like this in his life, physically or otherwise. Bilbo had ruined him in the most enchanting way. Bilbo had been using terms like "mark" and "imprint" all this time but Kili thought they were just words. He didn't fully comprehend that it was real. He felt Bilbo in every nerve in his body, down to his soul. It was almost paralyzing. He'd always been crazy about Bilbo but he no longer knew a word strong enough for how he felt about him now. As his brain began functioning on more than instinct, he was flooded with understanding. Bilbo had done this with Thorin. Mahal, no wonder they had such difficulty letting each other go. Kili knew he never could let Bilbo go again, not after this.

*****

Fili and Bofur were both awoken by a distinct wail in the middle of the night.  
"Well, sounds like they finally made up," Fili said, yawning. "Thank Mahal."  
"That's the lads?" Bofur asked.  
"Yes," Fili said.  
Bofur listened with relish as the noises built in frequency and intensity.  
Fili felt Bofur shift and reached down to touch him. He was hard.  
"Bo, does that turn you on?" Fili asked.  
Bofur was a little embarrassed. "Hearing people make sexy noises makes me think about sex, I guess."  
"Maybe, but I shouldn't get turned on listening to my brother," Fili said.  
"I'm not related by blood to either one of them, you know," Bofur defended, feeling a bit dirty.  
"Plus you think they are nice to look at," Fili suggested.  
"That too, but don't be jealous. You're the one who gets to touch me," Bofur said. "Don't tell me you never been moved to touch yourself hearing Bilbo scream his way through an orgasm the way you say he does?"  
Fili buried his face in Bofur's chest in embarrassment.  
"Fee," Bofur chided.  
"Okay, well, I couldn't help it," Fili confessed. "It isn't that I want to take him to bed. But the _sounds_..."  
"I understand completely. How about," Bofur began kissing his way down Fili's body, "I see if we can give ol' Mister Baggins a run for his money."

*****

Bilbo started to relax heavy against his chest and Kili realized his lover was going to fall asleep soon. He could not let him. He was terrified the morning would change Bilbo's mind and Kili would not have the chance to claim him. Kili already had a tough enough time being so deep in love with Bilbo. He thought it might kill him if he was the only one of the pair marked as well.

He rolled Bilbo over on his back. They were sticky from Kili's orgasm but he didn't care. He reached down and softly tugged at Bilbo's soft but still-slick cock.

"Mmmm, Kili," Bilbo sighed sleepily. "T'mrrow," he slurred.  
Kili bit into Bilbo's neck. "Tonight," he countered.

An arm wrapped around Kili and held him close. The other hand found the back of his head and pulled him down roughly into a kiss. A tongue thrust swiftly into his mouth. After a few moments of kissing, Bilbo leaned up to nip at Kili's collarbone.

"You are certainly insistent," Bilbo said.  
"I've waited for you so long. I don't want to wait until tomorrow," Kili said.  
Bilbo was fully awake now.  
"I don't want you to wait, either," Bilbo rasped as he licked his way into Kili's mouth again. 

Kili rubbed against his body. He was already hard. Bilbo was right behind him, erection rapidly rising. He clutched at Kili's backside and it still felt slick in between. Merely thinking of what he just did to Kili set Bilbo on fire again. Kili had been perfect underneath him, so sweet but so hot. Now that he had it once, he wanted it over and over. But not right now. Right now, he was going to learn what it was like to be claimed by Kili in turn. 

Kili sat back and seemed to be looking for something. Bilbo helped him find the tin of salve on the bedding and placed it in his hand. He looked up at his lover with trusting eyes and nodded his permission. Kili's hand trembled slightly and Bilbo found it incredibly arousing. 

Kili pushed Bilbo back on the bed and tucked the pillow under his hips. He reached between Bilbo's legs and felt around to tease his entrance. Bilbo sucked in a gasp. Kili popped open the salve and coated his fingers. He set it aside and leaned forward to find Bilbo's opening again. Remembering how Bilbo took his time, he massaged a bit first before he pushed forward with some pressure. Bilbo made a delectable sound. Kili adjusted himself so he was close enough to Bilbo's mouth to kiss him. He slid his tongue over Bilbo's lips as he worked his digit slowly in and out. Bilbo licked at him frantically but Kili would pull back with a giggle whenever Bilbo tried to catch his mouth. Bilbo groaned in frustration and yanked Kili to his mouth by his hair, snatching Kili's tongue in his mouth and sucking on it. The deeper Bilbo sucked, the deeper Kili worked his finger. They were both rumbling moans into the other's mouth when Kili sank all the way in. 

"You are wonderful like this, Kili," Bilbo murmured. "Doing so well." 

Bilbo had missed the stretch of someone inside him. That someone being Kili elevated the sensation considerably. He felt a new pressure and soon Kili had two fingers in him. He noted with a smile that Kili was wiggling and stretching just like he had done. He bucked back against Kili's fingers and his eyes rolled back in his head. Bless that dwarf for paying such good attention. 

Kili was mesmerized watching Bilbo's body move as he pleasured himself against Kili's hand. Bilbo canted his hips and yelped. Kili tried to remember what Bilbo had just done and was rewarded with another yelp. Bilbo was kicking and grabbing at the blanket as Kili thrust in and in again. Bilbo was roaring and his cock was seeping onto his stomach. Kili felt powerful. Bilbo was laying beneath him looking nearly wrecked and it was all because of him. He dipped his other hand into the salve and slicked it on his other fingers so he would not have to pull his hand out of his lover. He nudged against Bilbo with another digit and it went in remarkably easy. He marveled at how lovely Bilbo felt inside. It was so smooth and hot. Kili imagined what that would feel like sliding against his prick and couldn't help but moan. 

The time Kili was taking was excruciatingly delightful to Bilbo. He was aroused as though he had not had an orgasm that night at all. Kili opening him was as filthy and sexual as he expected, but something about it moved him unexpectedly. He'd never imagined that a lover could seem tender with three fingers working in and out of him, but that is exactly what Kili was. 

Kili was not sure when it was time to move on from merely using his hand.  
"When?" Kili asked.  
"Now," Bilbo practically moaned. 

Kili drew back his hand and slathered some salve on his prick.  
"Do you want to be on your back like I was?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo nodded. "Yes, I want to watch you."  
Kili pushed Bilbo's legs back against his stomach and began to guide himself into Bilbo's entrance.  
"I can't wait to feel you inside me," Bilbo whispered. "I want to give myself to you."  
Bilbo's words made Kili's chest flutter.

Kili's pace was slow and careful.  
"I can take a little more speed," Bilbo prodded gently.  
"I-I'm not sure I can," Kili replied unsteadily. "This is intense."

Bilbo groaned in pleasure and Kili could feel it where Bilbo was already squeezed around him. Kili became aware of moans and growls coming from the back of his own throat as he worked his way inside. Bilbo was impatiently pushing against him, shortening the time time it took for Kili to at last be inside him as far as he could get. 

Bilbo let himself relish the fullness when Kili paused for adjustment. Kili felt amazing inside him. Thick. Hard. _Right_. He was open to this beautiful creature in every way a hobbit could be. He was nearly dizzy with the love he felt. Kili was holding himself up partially by propping up against Bilbo's leg. His eyes were closed tightly and his breathing was ragged.

Kili's voice was strained. "It is so tight... _gods_. I can feel your pulse, it is so tight. Was I this tight?"  
Bilbo reached up and took Kili's hand. He laced their fingers together. "Tighter," Bilbo flirted.  
Kili rested his head against Bilbo's calf. "How did you stand it? This is-I can't..."  
"When you are ready, you move," Bilbo said tenderly. "Once you start moving, your body will take over."  
Kili giggled and Bilbo felt it in his arse. "That's what I'm afraid of," Kili said.  
Bilbo squeezed his hand in encouragement. "Make love to me, Kili. Make me yours."

Kili sucked in a stuttering breath and began to move. He began crying out immediately. The heat, the pressure, and the slick smoothness were beyond divine...and that was before Bilbo started keening and moaning. Kili felt the vibration from Bilbo's voice in his cock. Bilbo was beautiful beneath him. His face was contorting with pleasure in ways yet unfamiliar to Kili and he was writhing like a hobbit possessed. Bilbo couldn't seem to get the leverage from his legs to push the way he wanted, so he was trying to use his torso. Kili tried to guess the rhythm Bilbo wanted. He was rewarded with grasping fingers and a wail when he found the right one. 

Bilbo was lost in Kili. Completely. He was engulfed in both sensation and emotion. His body responded to every touch, every thrust, and every cry of pleasure. He thought he knew what to expect because he had been to bed with Thorin but the intimacy he felt with Kili was different. _This_...this had no precedent. 

"Yours," Bilbo managed to choke out.  
"Yes," Kili was holding Bilbo's ankle and kissing his leg. "Oh yes," he sighed.

Kili reached down and grabbed Bilbo's hips. Bilbo could not contain the noise that escaped him. Experimentally, Kili tried it again and Bilbo began gulping for air. Satisfied he had found the sweet spot that Bilbo had found within him, he increased his pace and his pressure. Kili wanted to kiss Bilbo's lips badly but Bilbo was not quite as stretchy as Kili was. Bilbo was babbling, swearing, and quivering beneath him. It was becoming too much, too quickly for Kili and he feared he would not last long enough for Bilbo to get off. 

Kili licked his palm and pumped Bilbo's cock. Bilbo's passage seemed to suddenly get even warmer and Bilbo's breath came in short huffs, each punctuated by the word "Yes."  
Bilbo screamed, "Fuck, _Kili_!" and began to pulse. Kili was watching the liquid spit forth from Bilbo's prick but he was blindsided by the pulsing and the fluttering around his own cock. 

Bilbo was being carried on the wave of his own orgasm when he felt Kili's grip tighten. Kili was stuttering sounds that never quite made it as far as forming words.  
Bilbo called out "Do it...claim me!" and Kili rocked forward, roaring, with his mouth and eyes wide open.

Kili froze for a moment afterward, feeling the wetness he released into Bilbo surround him. Bilbo was shaking beneath him and he was quivering above him. He held Bilbo's legs for a moment until he was sure his own would work enough to slide backward. He stretched his body alongside Bilbo and smoothed his hand over his chest. He could feel Bilbo's heart pound through his skin. 

Bilbo could not stop the rush of his blood. It was silly, but he felt like Kili had just deflowered him again. There was always something special about Kili that Bilbo couldn't resist but it had reached a new intensity when they made love. 

Kili was in awe of the entire experience. He wondered if Bilbo was as affected by being claimed as he had been. Kili was even shaken to his soul by doing the claiming. He had no idea something so obscene could be so profound. Kili was already daydreaming of when they could do it again. 

Bilbo ran a hand over Kili's hair and kissed his forehead. "Our romantic bond is consummated," he whispered.  
The butterflies started up in Kili's chest.  
"You were telling about dreaming that you melted in me," Kili said. "That's what it feels like. It feels like you just melted in me, like you are a part of me."  
Bilbo hooked his arm around Kili and pulled him to his chest. "I missed you so much," he said, eyes welling up with tears.  
"I missed you, too."  
Bilbo tilted Kili's chin up to kiss him.  
Kili saw that Bilbo had started tearing up and reached up to brush them away, whispering, "Don't cry."  
"I can't help it. I just feel so much right now," Bilbo said.  
Kili breathed deeply. "Could-could we add this to our courting? Or do I have to wait until we might get engaged to do it again?"

Bilbo studied Kili. Even after consummating the bond, it seemed as though he was still giving them time to develop their relationship at Bilbo's pace. It was an incredibly selfless gift.

Bilbo kissed him.  
"I plan on doing this as often as you and nature will allow me," Bilbo said.  
Kili giggled. "Just let me eat and sleep every so often."  
"Seems like we'll turn you into a hobbit, yet," Bilbo teased with a yawn.

Kili cuddled into Bilbo and it was not long until they both slipped into a happy, sated slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy smutballs, Batman!


	60. Here In Our Bedroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Fee and Bo were up to last night...and Bilbo and Kili's morning after, part 1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no flippin' time for the writing I want to do this week! I did manage to get some of the promised porn together with a scoop of feels. I want to do a little more introspection and more feels but time isn't on my side tonight. Next chapter, hopefully. And more smut.

_"How about," Bofur began kissing his way down Fili's body, "I see if we can give ol' Mister Baggins a run for his money."_

Listening to the duet of moans drifting into their room, Bofur nibbled along Fili's hipbones. He had thought of this endlessly but now that it was imminent, he was nervous about putting his mouth on Fili's cock. He felt like they were moving rather fast with their relationship. At the same time, he had no willpower to slow them down. The more they did together, the more he wanted. He tried to remind himself that a prince like Fili should be more properly courted. His inner voice pointed out that there was no better way to woo someone than by unraveling them with mind-blowing orgasms. Try as he might, he could not come up with any logic to refute that point when he was poised between Fili's legs and getting ready to taste his lover for the first time.

"Bo," Fili moaned. 

Fili's whole body jolted when Bofur took him in his mouth. Bofur knew how to work his lips and tongue, no doubt about it. His mouth was the perfect mixture of hot, wet, and tight around him and Fili was spilling over his tongue in an embarrassingly short amount of time. Bofur drank him down without faltering. 

"I even love your taste," Bofur said as he pressed kisses onto Fili's chest. "How is it fair for you to be this perfect, Fee?"  
Fili huffed a laugh. "I'm hardly perfect. Perfect for _you_ , maybe."  
Bofur paused and gazed into his eyes. "That's all I need," he said.

Fili gazed back. He felt the weight of whatever this thing was between them and it made his heart beat quickly. He wanted to name it. He wanted to say the words. He had been trying to hold back but he was not sure how much longer he would be able. If he didn't distract himself right this moment, his heart would override his mouth and the choice would be made for him. 

He licked his palm and jerked Bofur to completion all over his hand.

*****

Kili blinked his eyes open. His first thought was that, judging by the light in the room, he and Bilbo had slept late into the morning. His second thought was _Bilbo_. He froze mid stretch, scarcely daring to breathe, as though any movement would somehow make last night untrue.

Images and snippets of memory flashed through his mind in rapid succession: Bilbo telling him about his sex dream. Their first kiss in days. The taste of Bilbo's skin. The look on his face as he slipped his fingers inside Kili. The things Bilbo said...gods, the questions he asked! Kili was quite sure that he could live the rest of his life solely sustained on the memory of Bilbo asking him if he would let him inside him and if he wanted Bilbo to claim him. And he did. _They_ did. Kili and Bilbo had consummated their bond at last, each one marking the other. Kili thought he might fly apart in all directions at the magnitude of it all. Surely such a little body such as his was not built to withstand feelings like this.

He peeked over at his soundly sleeping hobbit. His. He was gripped with a need to do it all again in the sunlight, to prove the to day as well as the night that he and Bilbo belonged to each other. He gently stroked a hand down Bilbo's thigh and kissed his shoulder.

Bilbo hummed sleepily. "Kili..."  
Kili grinned and pressed his lips to Bilbo's cheek. "G'morning, love. How did you sleep?"

Still half in a sleep-daze, Bilbo almost asked Kili why he was in such a good mood this morning. As he woke enough to string that thought together, memories of last night flooded his mind.  
He had been inside Kili. Kili had been inside him. It had been _beautiful_. More beautiful than he had ever imagined.  
Bilbo smiled at Kili. "Much better afterwards."  
Kili nuzzled him. "I've never felt anything like that. Like this. You never told me it would be this way."  
"I tried," Bilbo said. "It is not something I could exactly explain. And, um, I didn't know it would be quite this way. It wasn't like this for me before. I was a little surprised myself."  
"Wasn't like this before? With Tho-with _him_?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo shook his head with a tiny, shy smile.  
Kili rubbed Bilbo's stomach and pressed a kiss to his neck.  
He asked, "Should I be flattered or worried?"  
"Flattered, I should think," Bilbo said.

Kili smiled and a giggle even escaped him in his joy. He ran his hands down between Bilbo's legs and felt the wetness there.  
Kili groaned in delight. "You're still wet with me between your legs."  
Before Bilbo could formulate a retort, Kili was perched between his thighs with a searching digit. He slid it into Bilbo's entrance.  
"Oh!" Bilbo exclaimed in surprise.  
" _Mahal_ , this is lovely. You are wet with my seed and practically sucking my finger inside you."  
Bilbo glanced down. He would have giggled at the serious look on Kili's face as he studied Bilbo's arse if he wasn't busy feeling the results of the study instead.  
"You feel so interesting coated with me," Kili said as he moved his finger. He pressed another one into Bilbo and watched the hobbit arch off the bed.  
"This is fascinating," Kili proclaimed. "I adore having a new place to touch you."  
"I-I can tell," Bilbo panted.

Kili withdrew his fingers and straddled Bilbo.  
"I'm still wet, too," Kili said excitedly. "Feel."  
Kili guided Bilbo's hand to his arse,

Bilbo was nearly stunned by Kili's approach. As with all things Bilbo had taught him, Kili approached penetration with a mixture of fascination, enthusiasm, and frankness. It aroused Bilbo like mad. He slipped a finger in. Kili threw back his head and exhaled sharply. Bilbo worked in and out of Kili's hole. The dwarf fell forward and spoke low in Bilbo's ear.  
"I want you inside me again," he said.  
"Again?" Bilbo asked teasingly.  
"Again and again and again. I want you to never stop marking me," Kili whispered desperately.  
"What about slick?" Bilbo asked. "I don't know if this is enough all on its own."  
Kili looked around and found the tin abandoned in the folds of the blankets. He moved to lay down and Bilbo held his thigh to stop him.  
"Like this," Bilbo said.  
"Like this?" Kili repeated, thinking for a moment about how it would work.  
"I want to claim you by daylight this time. I want you to watch me do it and I want to watch you take it. I need there to be no doubt in either of our minds that we both want this."  
Kili closed his eyes. Sometimes he wondered if Bilbo could read his mind.  
"Yes," Kili said. 

Bilbo coated his member with the salve and Kili lowered himself onto it. This time, it did not take him long to bury Bilbo to the root inside him. Kili looked down at Bilbo. The hobbit was already breathing heavy, eyes glassy and heavy-lidded. Bilbo was stroking his thighs and rolling his hips in tiny circles. Kili lifted himself and sank back down. Bilbo's pressed his head into the pillow and moaned. Kili began a slow, agonizing series of bounces, each one driving Bilbo increasingly more wild. He leaned down for a kiss and Bilbo grabbed his head with both hands, thrusting his tongue inside Kili's mouth. They were joined at both ends until Bilbo released him to groan in pleasure. Kili buried his face in Bilbo's neck as he fucked himself on Bilbo's cock. 

"I want to come in you again when you finish," Kili begged. "Can I, Bilbo? "  
Bilbo pushed Kili back so he could look at him. Bilbo regarded him for a moment with a curious expression and said, "Yes."

Kili sat back and began moving faster, holding onto Bilbo's thighs for leverage. "Give it. I want to feel it hot inside me."  
Bilbo grabbed Kili's hips hard and growled. Kili felt Bilbo twitch inside him as the warmth of his release filled him. Before Bilbo even pulled out of him, Kili was slicking his cock with salve. When Bilbo's shuddering subsided, Kili flipped his lover's thighs back and worked himself inside his arse. 

Kili began pumping into Bilbo languorously. He leaned as close as Bilbo's thighs would allow and dipped to kiss Bilbo's breastbone.  
"My heart," he whispered. 

Bilbo had expected Kili to find his pleasure quickly, but Kili seemed determined to explore this new experience more thoroughly. It was a bit uncomfortable for Bilbo so soon after finishing but it rapidly melted into bliss. Kili was caressing all the flesh he could reach and murmuring sweet tenders of affection against Bilbo's skin in between the kisses dusted across his calves. Last night, Kili was overwhelmed; this morning, he worshiped his lover properly. The desire and affection Kili was showing him ruffled Bilbo's brain. He felt giddy.

Kili felt Bilbo's release dribble from him as he moved. It was deliciously profane and it set him aflame. It was not long before he was gripping Bilbo tightly and crying out his name over and over as he came. He rested against Bilbo until he caught his breath and then eased slowly out. In the light of the room, he could clearly see his own seed drip out of Bilbo as he withdrew.  
"That is so _filthy_ ," Kili sighed in awe, dropping to his elbows to look closer. 

"What are you-oh!" Bilbo's thought was cut off when Kili pressed a finger inside him.  
"I love seeing you like this with my seed in you. You have no idea how much. I just want to keep it inside you," Kili said. He punctuated his point burying his finger once again.  
Bilbo squirmed. He was still sensitive and perhaps a little tender after not having anything more invasive than a tongue inside him for weeks.  
"I wish you could see how you look wrapped around my finger," Kili said. He added a second digit. "Gods, that is even more lovely."  
Bilbo was grunting softly as Kili explored him.  
Kili was almost talking to himself when he asked, "How did I find your special spot?"  
Bilbo felt him pressing and rubbing. When Kili found it, Bilbo mewled. 

Kili smiled brightly at the discovery when Bilbo made his noise. He rubbed repeatedly along the area.  
"Kili, I-I can't," Bilbo panted. "It's too much."  
Kili did not stop his ministrations. "Is it? Do you want me to stop?"  
"No." Bilbo gulped a mouthful of air. "Yes. No."

Kili cocked his head to the side, eyes straying from their focus between Bilbo's legs to his face to assess the situation. Bilbo was sighing and moaning. His eyes were squeezed shut and he thrashed his head back and forth on the pillow. His chest was heaving with frequent breaths and Bilbo was leaking onto his stomach. Kili went back to being fascinated by his fingers and his seed inside Bilbo's arse. He added a digit and Bilbo nearly arched off the bed with a shout. 

Kili sighed reverently, "Your body responds to my every move."  
Bilbo started to formulate a smart retort but it died on his tongue. The sensations he was feeling were much too much--maybe everything--and he didn't know if he wanted Kili to quit or never stop. All he could do was tearlessly sob as Kili relentlessly stimulated him.

"Kili, I'm gonna die," Bilbo finally managed to wail. "I feel like I'm gonna die. I can't handle anymore."  
Kili kept moving. "Are you sure?" he asked, pressing firmly in shallow strokes.  
"I-I-" Bilbo started and then let out a guttural, animal cry. He was coming across his stomach, cock untouched.  
Kili watched it, stunned. Once Bilbo came back to himself, he was rather stunned as well.  
"No more," Bilbo gasped, reaching for Kili's arm. "No more, please."  
Kili kissed Bilbo gently on his thigh and slowly withdrew his fingers. 

Kili laid along Bilbo's side. He didn't recall ever seeing Bilbo look so wrecked.  
"That-that was...I did not know it was possible to come without touching yourself," Kili said.  
"I didn't either. That has never happened before," Bilbo said, still shocked.  
"You mean you and Thorin-"  
"Never," Bilbo finished.  
Kili did his best to stifle the self-satisfied grin that threatened to invade his face.

*****

Fili and Bofur were having a late breakfast with Gandalf. They had tried to wait for Bilbo and Kili but the couple was sleeping later than usual. Fili would normally go rouse them and tell them not to sleep the day away, but he and Bofur knew the pair had been up rather late "making up." Fili wondered if his brother had also woken Gandalf with his antics the night before. He heard the wizard was a pretty heavy sleeper, so he hoped not. Beorn was out doing what Kili called his "bear patrol" all night and had not yet returned, but Fili suspected that bedroom noises did not make any difference to him, regardless. He glanced at Bofur and thought shyly that it was probably a good thing. The two of them weren't as vocal as Kili or Bilbo either one, but they had a good time nevertheless.

After breakfast, unmistakable sounds drifted down the hall. Fili looked up at Gandalf, who merely glanced back at Bofur and Fili with a knowing expression and eyebrows slightly cocked. Bofur chuckled into his fist a little before clearing his throat. Fili was embarrassed for Kili and Bilbo both. Gandalf's mouth quirked up at the corner and he shook his head.  
"They would never believe this in Hobbiton," Gandalf said.  
"How d'you mean?: Bofur asked.  
"Hobbits are proper creatures," Gandalf explained.  
Fili gave him an disbelieving look. He'd been living with Bilbo and Kili too long to believe that.  
Gandalf continued. "They are a sensual people who love their food, their pipes, and other things that bring them joy and comfort, of course, but private things are just that. Private. Think back to when Bilbo first joined the quest. He had a firm sense of propriety. I remember several of you had quite a time convincing him to bathe in that first stream we found."  
"Now that you mention it, I do remember him being a bit of a fusspot," Bofur said.  
"He was a bit shy in Lake Town, too," Fili remembered.  
Gandalf nodded. "Think about how much he must adore Kili to behave in a manner that is so unhobbitlike. As a guest in someone's home, no less. Kili brings out a very different side of Bilbo...one that even Thorin could not quite manage. I hope the Shire can handle a Bilbo Baggins in love."

Gandalf chuckled to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments and love keep me going! Thank you all so much. Love you!


	61. So Much Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili and Bilbo's morning after part 2. And smut. A lot of freakin' smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just reiterating my note from many chapters back that I'm being very generous with dwarf/hobbit biology to make the sex more fun. If you want hyper-realism, smutty fanfiction with hobbits fucking dwarves in another world is probably not where you should be, anyway :P

Bilbo and Kili emerged from both bed and bath in enough time to catch lunch. Kili was all over Bilbo while they were washing up, too. If Bilbo and their growling stomachs had not kept them on task, Bilbo was fairly sure they would have had sex again while they were washing off the prior evidence. 

Bofur and Gandalf each greeted them with a knowing smirk. A smattering of self-awareness spread across Bilbo's face, giving him the same shy expression as Fili had on his behalf. There was no dampening Kili's mood, though, and he merely smirked back.

After Bilbo and Kili filled their stomachs, Gandalf announced that he had brought back a surprise from his last chilly ride into civilization.  
"Pipe weed!" Bilbo squealed when Gandalf presented the small cask.  
"It is not Shire-weed, but I have found it rather satisfactory. I daresay that you could use a satisfying smoke right about now." Gandalf winked and this time Bilbo _did_ blush.  
"Oh, but I mislaid my pipe. I suspect it is likely still where I left it in Erebor," Bilbo said sadly.  
"I do not have one, either," Kili said.  
"Here, now," Bofur interjected. "You can bet we will share! I still have mine that everyone is welcome to use."  
"I have mine. Kili and Bilbo may use it and I shall share yours," Fili said.  
"Nice to have that sorted!" Gandalf chuckled. 

They sat around the sitting room and enjoyed their first luxurious smoke in a long while. 

Kili finally had a chance to think about the events that had transpired these past several hours. He could scarcely believe what they had done was real. It had been a distant dream for such a long time. Bilbo had been adamant about waiting, too. Knowing Bilbo as he did, he expected for it to happen with more ceremony or discussion. Instead, it was a glorious surprise, one that defied all expectation. Kili filled with desire even recalling it. His body had never felt such pleasure, whether he was taking or being taken. He loved everything that he and Bilbo had done before, but this was in a category all its own. Even having his cock stroked reached levels beyond what he had known it to be when Bilbo was moving inside him. He could honestly say that he had never come so hard. The filthy, beautiful intimacy that came from Bilbo being within Kili's most private place moved him in ways he did not know was possible. He felt touched in every sense of the word. He meant it when he told Bilbo he had no idea it was going to be like this, but he would not take it back for anything. 

Bilbo was sitting next Kili sharing Fili's pipe. His mind was on the same thing as Kili's. He knew that making love to Kili would be profound for the dwarf in many ways. Already an ardent lover, Bilbo realized that Kili would throw himself wholeheartedly into this world of new sensations. Kili had already discovered something about Bilbo's body that he did not know about himself. Bilbo wasn't prepared for how intense it would be for _him_ , though. He had never been so lost in someone before. Kili consumed him in a different way than Thorin did. Bilbo felt more complete...even when he was the one doing the claiming. It was possible that Kili affected him so completely because they had waited for it, but Bilbo now strongly suspected that if they had made love in Lake Town, he never would have seen the mountain at all.

*****

Other than meals and their delightful opportunity to smoke, Kili made sure that Bilbo was alone with him at every opportunity. He could not get enough of his hobbit and persevered until they had spent many of the day's waking hours in bed. Bilbo eventually had to insist that he rest his own sore backside for the night (figuring that would get him some rest) but Kili was all too eager to offer his. He persuaded Bilbo to make love to him twice more before Bilbo was firm that they get some sleep and recuperate.

*****

"What's wrong, Fee? You've been odd all day," Bofur asked.  
Fili shrugged. "I don't know. We were having our fun last night with the noise and I've never begrudged Kili his indulgences with Bilbo because he suffered so long, but today I was embarrassed. We were sitting there with Gandalf and I felt like a parent having to make apologies for a wayward child."  
"Gandalf didn't seem to mind so much," Bofur said.  
"He's also polite. He's not going to tell me to muzzle my brother," Fili countered.  
"You don't know that. He seems like just the type who would, actually. Is that it, then? Just Gandalf?"  
"Mostly, yes. The other part is that it is my _brother_. He and Bilbo have been rather vocal since we've been here, but since they made up it seems like the racket has intensified." Fili chuckled. "I guessed they missed each other."  
"Don't focus on it too much, Fili. And if us talking about it yesterday made you uncomfortable, we don't have to play like that again. I don't want you to feel strange with me," Bofur said.  
"No! It isn't like that, Bo," Fili insisted.

Bofur took Fili in his arms and kissed him. Fili melted against him and forgot all about Kili for a little while.  
"We are wearing far too many clothes," Fili said, pulling off his shirts and unlacing his pants.  
"Agreed," Bofur said as he stripped as well. 

Fili gasped as he felt Bofur's skin against his. He loved the closeness he felt when they were together like this. So much so that he had to hold back. His emotions were getting the better of him more and more frequently and he was trying desperately to corral them. Still, when Bo gazed so sweetly into his eyes while lustily grabbing two handfuls of his arse, Fili heard himself say, "Tonight, it is my turn to taste you."  
"Oh, yes," Bofur exhaled.  
Fili dropped to his knees and looked up at Bofur through his eyelashes.  
"I'm going to finish before you even start with you looking at me like that," Bofur warned.  
Fili smiled and leaned forward, licking a slow stripe up the length of Bofur's cock. Bofur sucked in his breath slowly. Fili took Bofur in his hand to position him and slid his mouth around his head. Bofur moaned in response. Fili bobbed shallowly a few times before taking Bofur in as far as he could fit. He began working his lover's shaft in and out, slow and steady. He kept his eyes on Bofur's face, enjoying the bliss splashed across it. Fili loved knowing he was the cause. 

"You look gorgeous taking my cock, Fee. Gods, so gorgeous," Bofur panted. "You're so brazen, watching me as I'm watching you. You know you look in-bloody-credible right now, don't you?"  
Bofur began to move a little himself, earning himself a pleased groan from Fili.  
"Do you like it when I move?" Bofur asked.  
Fili moaned in the affirmative. He positioned a hand at the base of Bofur's erection so that he wouldn't choke and he pulled Bofur into him by the hip with the other.  
"Do you want me to fuck that pretty mouth?" Bofur asked.  
Fili's eyes flicked back up to Bofur's and he hummed.  
"By the Valar," Bofur sighed reverently as he began pumping in and out of Fili's mouth. 

The pace grew frantic and sloppy. Fili's spittle was dripping between them and the slurping sounds would have been funny if they weren't so obscene. Bofur was grunting with each stroke while Fili's eyes watered from the strain.  
"Fee, oh Fee. So good. I'm almost there," Bofur warned. "Gods, you are going to suck it right out of me!"  
Fili wanted to do just that. He began to move the hand he had on Bofur's cock, lining it up with his lips and moving them up and down his shaft together. It was more than Bofur could stand.  
"I'm coming!" Bofur cried as he spilled down Fili's throat. 

Fili stood and wiped the saliva from his chin. He didn't miss a drop of Bofur, though. He made sure of that.  
Bofur pulled him in for a kiss.  
"I must have done something pretty amazing that I do not remember to deserve the likes of you," Bofur said.  
"Bo, I-" Fili faltered. He was too scared to say what he was really thinking.  
"I'm the lucky one," he finally said.  
Bofur smiled slyly. "In that case, it is your turn for a prize."  
Bofur lowered himself to his knees and nuzzled his face against Fili's prick.  
"I adore your magnificent cock," he sighed.  
Fili groaned. "I love the way you speak! Does it bother you that I don't have your gift for dirty talk?"  
Bofur stopped what he was doing. "What? I think you do just fine! Besides, I like you best when you are sighing and moaning your pleasure."  
He resumed his attentions. "Much like this, actually," he said as he wrapped his lips around Fili's erection.  
He did not stop until Fili was spurting in his mouth.

*****

Bilbo woke with Kili's lips on his body.  
"Kili..."  
"Morning, lover," Kili sighed happily.

Bilbo was nearly worn out and the day had only just started. His bum was tender and he had an ache in his stones from overuse.  
"Kili, you've had me so many times I'm pretty sure I can only shoot air right now," Bilbo said in exasperation.  
Kili frowned for a moment. "So you don't want to?"  
"Dear heart, of course I _want_ to. I don't think I have another one in me right now."  
Kili's brows knitted together as he glanced down at his own erection. He shrugged and cheerily said, "Okay."  
Bilbo smiled and closed his eyes, only to be jostled by movement. He looked at Kili in disbelief.  
"Are you getting yourself off?" Bilbo asked.  
"Well, yes. I'm thinking of you, though. Mahal, am I _ever_!" Kili breathed. 

Bilbo rolled on his side and rested his head on his hands. Kili had one hand pumping his erection, the other one alternating between tugging at his stones and pressing hard strokes into his thigh. His hair was splayed on the pillow and his eyes were closed. His mouth was open and panting with his tongue occasionally darting out to lick his lips. His chest was heaving as he vocalized staccato sounds of pleasure. Bilbo was watching him with his own mouth slightly open. Sore or not, his cock was fully invested in the sight as well. 

"Do you want to finish with me inside you?" Bilbo whispered.  
Kili stopped. "Yes," he rasped. "Yes, please."  
Bilbo rolled on his back and patted his hipbone. Kili grinned and climbed over to straddle him. He reached for the nearly empty tin and slicked some salve onto Bilbo before tossing it aside.  
"Do you need some?" Bilbo asked Kili.  
Kili leaned down with his forehead to Bilbo's.  
He whispered lasciviously, "I've got two rounds of your spend inside my arse along with the salve we used last night. I think I'm pretty prepared."  
"So salacious," Bilbo accused.  
Kili sat up. "Your fault entirely," he countered. 

Kili almost fully seated Bilbo's cock in one movement. In only three, he began riding Bilbo in a pleasant rhythm.  
Bilbo looked at the vision of Kili bouncing above him and he nearly couldn't remember why he didn't want to have sex this morning. He almost giggled. Not ten minutes ago he was sore, wanting sleep, and not ready to have sex again so soon but here he was, balls deep in his lover.  
"Only Kili," he mused to himself.  
Kili threw his head back and growled. When he looked back down at Bilbo, his eyes were determined. He draped forward and pinned each of Bilbo's wrists to the bed, kissing Bilbo deeply as he held him down. His hips did not lose their pace.  
He pushed back enough to gaze into Bilbo's eyes.  
"I will love you forever," Kili said.  
The unexpected declaration affected Bilbo and suddenly he was incredibly close. He began to buck back.  
Kili swooped in to claim his mouth once again.  
"Forever, Bilbo," Kili whispered.  
Bilbo grasped Kili's cock and stroked it as he spurted inside the dwarf with his release. Kili came shouting shortly after. 

Kili fell forward and shuddered through his aftershocks. Bilbo ran soothing hands up and down his back. He was somewhat surprised at his visceral reaction to Kili's words of love. He went from figuring he may not finish at all to having to hurry Kili to his own completion. Kili lifted himself off Bilbo and then collapsed on him again.

"Thank you," Kili murmured.  
Bilbo kissed his temple. "Just when I think I couldn't be any crazier about you, Kili...the things you do to me."  
"Not just for this," Kili rolled off Bilbo onto his own side. "Thank you for our bond. I didn't realize...I, um, it is everything to me."  
Bilbo reached out a hand to smooth Kili's hair out of his face.  
"You should know that I was in no way prepared how intense it would be to bond with you, Kili."  
"Is that what you meant when you said it wasn't like this before?" Kili asked.  
"Yes. What Thorin and I had was special, but it wasn't as intense as what we have. This is new to me. And it is exquisite," Bilbo said.  
Kili mulled over the potential implications of this confession as he slipped back into sleep.

When Kili woke again, Bilbo begged off for more sleep and encouraged Kili to start his day without him. Reluctantly, Kili left Bilbo behind. After several minutes, Bilbo crept down the hall and checked the bathing room. Although Kili had been there recently, it was currently empty. Bilbo set about washing himself and getting dressed. He stealthily made his way down the hall, listening for voices. Hearing none, he popped his head around the corner. Bofur was at the table alone.

"Where's Kili?" Bilbo asked quietly.  
"He went outside to spar with Fili. Nice day for it." Bofur's expression grew troubled. "You lads aren't back to quarreling, are you?"  
Bilbo walked into the room. "Oh no. Far from it, actually. He's just been very, um, _affectionate_ since we resolved our last tiff and I'm having trouble getting anything done. Like eating. And sleeping."  
Bofur laughed merrily.  
"Oh, the horrible problems of the deeply smitten!" he mocked.  
Bilbo smiled at his friend. "Well, you would know all about being smitten, wouldn't you?"  
"Aye, that I would," Bofur agreed.  
"How is your courting going?" Bilbo asked.  
"Seems to be going well. For the most part, anyway."  
Bilbo pulled some jam out of the pantry and cut some bread.  
"What do you mean 'for the most part?'" Bilbo asked.  
"May I be frank with you, Bee?"  
Bilbo blushed. "Considering that the whole house knows what I sound like in my most private moments, I would say yes."  
Bofur explained, "Sometimes when things are going so well that I think I must be dreaming, he starts to withdraw. We will be doing something intimate and the next thing I know, it seems like he is leagues away. I don't understand it."  
Bilbo shook his head. "You know Fili, though. He's the opposite of Kili in that regard. All those lessons about control that Thorin used to drill into them actually _made_ it into Fili's head. Maybe he's afraid to let go."  
Bofur frowned. "I am worried that he has decided as we have been courting that I'm not a good life-match for someone like him."  
"I don't think that at all. I think he's quite mad for you," Bilbo said. 

Bofur was quiet for a moment while Bilbo chewed his snack.  
"I've fallen in love with him, Bee," Bofur confessed softly.  
Bilbo's chewing slowed and he swallowed his bite. Bofur looked so unguarded and exposed that Bilbo wanted to hug him.  
"Truly?" Bilbo asked.  
"Aye."  
"That is fantastic!" Bilbo exclaimed. "Does he know?"  
"I've not told him," Bofur admitted.  
"What is stopping you?"  
Bofur sighed heavily. "I feel so overwhelmed sometimes that I nearly cannot help but tell him...then I'll feel that odd distance between us. It is almost like he knows I was about to confess and he doesn't want to hear it."  
Bilbo put his hand on Bofur's. "I'm sure that is not it."  
"I wish I had your confidence," Bofur said.

*****

Fili blocked his brother's blade. "So you and Bilbo have come to the end of another Thorin battle?"  
Kili withdrew and shuffled to the side. "Yes, finally."  
"I'll be sure to enjoy the peace before the next one," Fili said, mirroring his brother's footwork.  
"I'm hoping there won't be another one for a while," Kili panted as he lunged.  
Fili dodged. "You always hope that!"  
"But this time we have an understanding," Kili said as he skittered backward a few paces.  
Fili rolled his eyes as he stepped forward. "Don't you always?"  
Kili defended against Fili's strike.  
"I suppose. But this last argument," Kili paused for air, "lasted too long and took too much out of us."  
Fili moved to strike again and Kili spun to block it. He and Fili were locked for a moment. "And when we made up this time, it melted everything away that came before it."  
Fili pushed Kili rather forcefully out of their clinch. "Yes, and they heard you making up halfway back to Erebor," he said acidly.

Kili was surprised at the push, Fili's tone, and the sour expression on his face. He lowered his weapon.  
"What is wrong, Fee?"  
"Nothing is wrong! It is just... _Gandalf_ heard you. I heard you. Bo heard you. You and Bilbo, you are too-too..."  
"Too what?" Kili asked.  
"Too lewd! Durin's beard, have some shame!" Fili said, sheathing his sword and grabbing a waterskin.  
Kili was taken aback. "You've never had a problem with it before."  
Fili held out the waterskin for his brother. "Well, I have one now."  
Kili studied Fili in between drinks. "Are things not going well with Bofur?"  
Fili threw up his hands. "Bofur has nothing to do with this!" he said through clenched teeth.  
Kili could tell instantly he had hit a raw nerve.  
"Doesn't he?" Kili asked gently.

Fili looked for a moment like he might hit something (or someone). Just as quickly, his shoulders slumped and he leaned against a fencepost with his arms crossed.  
"Dammit, Kee," Fili muttered.  
Kili asked, "What's wrong?"  
"Nothing is wrong and that is the problem!" Fili complained. "Bofur wanted to take our time but I am terrible at it because it feels so good between us. When he looks at me or touches me, I want to tell him everything I'm thinking. But I can't, Kee. I just can't."  
Kili reached out to touch Fili's arm. "Why can't you?"  
"How can we go slow like he wants when I'm so in love with him?" Fili asked desperately.

Kili smiled. Fili in love. It was about time!

"I'm guessing you don't want to tell him you're in love?" Kili said.  
Fili pinched the bridge of his nose. "I am afraid he does not feel the same yet. I do not want to pressure him or make a fool of myself."  
Kili put an arm around his brother. "We are so different and yet sometimes we are so alike. You sound like me last summer at Beorn's."  
Fili huffed a laugh. "I guess I do, don't I?"  
"Bofur is wild about you. He left his family to be here with you," Kili assured him.  
"And you. And Bilbo," Fili countered.  
"But mostly you, Fee. Deep down, you know it. Do not wait like I did. Every day you keep this a secret is a day you are wasting time," Kili said.  
"Thank you, Kee," Fili said as he embraced his brother. He appreciated the encouragement but it did not make him any braver.

They parted and Fili spun his sword.  
"Okay, lazybones," he said, shaking off the awkwardness of his emotional confession. "Break time is over. Why don't you show me what you've got?"

*****

Bilbo was watching the brothers train through the window. Kili would be giggling and happy one moment and bitterly determined the next. Bilbo thought he looked terribly sexy when he was in "fight mode." He moved quite gracefully for a dwarf. There wasn't as much chill in the air today and the brothers were sparring in full sun. Kili's exposed skin glistened in the sunlight with perspiration. His hair swayed in the breeze, fanning out behind him when he would spin. Bilbo watched the way Kili's form worked as he would swing, dance, and dodge. He smiled to himself thinking of how that body moved when it was disrobed. His trousers were getting uncomfortable as he watched. He was still a little sore on both ends but suddenly, he could not bring himself to care. He shook his head at his own silliness. He was sneaking around this morning trying to avoid another onslaught by his lover and now all he could think of was taking him to bed as soon as they came in.

*****

Bilbo lay sticky next to Kili with heavy limbs, a tender bum, and a happy heart.  
The moonlight illuminated Kili's form as he yawned and stretched like a satisfied cat.  
"It was hardly chilly at all today with the sun out," Kili noted. "I feel like warmer days will be here before we realize it."  
"I'd like to stay until the trees bud and the flowers bloom, but I think I'd like to move on toward Rivendell before summer," Bilbo said.  
"That soon?" Kili asked. He knew they would have to leave some time but he adored being at Beorn's with Bilbo.  
Bilbo sighed. "I do love it here, but I'm starting to get restless. I'm looking forward to visiting Rivendell and exploring the beauty there with you. More than that, though, I find I miss the Shire. I miss meals with roast meats. I miss the music and dancing."  
"I agree. I left the harps Fili and I found back in Erebor and I haven't played a proper fiddle since before Dwalin's was lost in the Misty Mountains," Kili said.  
"I forgot you played the fiddle. The mountains and the caves," Bilbo paused to shudder at the memory of the Gollum creature. "That seems like it was a lifetime ago."  
Kili pondered for a moment. "When we get to the Shire, I think I would like to find someone to make a fiddle or a harp for me. One for Fili, too. Then the four of us could make ourselves a party no matter where we were!"  
Bilbo smiled. "Now I am wishing we would have thought of that weeks ago! This would have been a much livelier winter!"  
Kili laughed. "It was already fairly lively on its own."

*****

Two nights later, Fili and Bofur were in bed. They were nude and entangled in each other as they kissed.  
"Bo," Fili sighed when they broke apart. "I-"  
Bofur scraped his teeth along Fili's neck.  
"Hmmm?" he said when Fili hesitated.  
"I-I love...I love the way you feel against me," Fili finished.  
Bofur hummed in agreement. "My best fantasy never touched how delightfully sinful this reality is with you."  
Bofur kissed his way across Fili's collar bones and up the other side of neck to his ear. He sucked on the lobe and ran his tongue around the shell.  
"My Fee," he breathed in Fili's ear.

Fili was still inwardly berating his own cowardice when Bofur pulled back to gaze into his eyes, his love confession on the tip of his tongue. If Bofur didn't know any better, he would think that Fili's expression almost looked pained. Now was obviously not the time, Bofur thought to himself.

Fili watched Bofur's face change when he looked in his eyes. Fili felt panic. He was just thinking about telling Bofur he loved him and now Bofur's face seemed almost sad. Clearly, Bofur was not looking forward to whatever he thought Fili was going to say. He tried to kiss him passionately again, but both of their hearts had gone out of it. 

"Are you feeling a bit tired?" Bofur asked.  
"Maybe a little," Fili lied. "What about you?"  
"I could use a cuddle and a sleep, methinks," Bofur replied, not altogether honestly himself.  
They snuggled together, each one longing for the other as sleep took them.

*****

Bilbo had been getting a daytime sex reprieve over the past couple days as Kili laughed and ran off to do something "secret." Bilbo's body had appreciated the rest but he was burning with curiosity. Bofur had disappeared yesterday and today with him.  
"What do you suppose those dwarrows of ours are up to?" Bilbo asked.  
Fili shrugged. "Who knows? Whatever it is has Kili practically bouncing out of his skin. He's terrible with surprises, you know. The very moment he can tell you, he'll tell you everything!"

Bilbo grinned at this new insight. Lately, the mere thought of Kili seemed to draw a smile across Bilbo's face whether he wished it or not. He also missed Thorin less. He felt a little guilty for it, but Kili was quite a fair distraction. The physical connection that kept Bilbo longing for Thorin all those weeks was being satisfied by Kili. More than satisfied, truly. Kili had the advantage on Thorin in all ways but one: For all his enthusiasm, Kili was never moved to be rough with him. Heated, yes. Passionate, _always_. But neither rough nor hard. Bilbo thought about giving Kili the pounding he'd like to get himself but he held back. He didn't want to spoil what they had if Kili didn't enjoy it. Roughness aside, Kili still wrung him out more thoroughly and more profoundly than Thorin did. There was a time he would have never thought it possible. Kili seemed addicted to pleasure--Bilbo's even more than his own. Perhaps it was not such a bad thing that Kili did not have a penchant for animalistic sex on top of that.

*****

That evening, Bilbo found out what Kili's surprise was.  
Kili sauntered up to him in the kitchen before dinner with something behind his back. A giant grin was on his face.  
"So, pick a hand," Kili said.  
"Pardon?" Bilbo said, confused.  
Kili rolled his eyes. "Pick. A. Hand."  
"What do you mean, "pick a hand?'" Bilbo asked obtusely.  
Kili stamped his foot and leaned forward staring at Bilbo with purposefully widened eyes.  
"Oh, very well," Bilbo said, exasperated. "That one!"  
Bilbo tapped Kili's left arm. He pulled his left arm around and opened his fist to reveal nothing inside.  
Kili's smile was blinding and he was stifling a giggle.

Beorn, Gandalf, Fili, and Bofur were watching Kili's game with amusement. 

"Oh for pity's...fine, that one then!" Bilbo indicated Kili's right arm.  
Kili's smile turned shy as he presented Bilbo with a newly carved pipe.  
Bilbo's sharp retort at Kili's presumed cleverness died in his throat.  
"Oh, this is...this is lovely," Bilbo said.  
"It is a courting gift. I carved it myself but Bofur helped me finish it with something special," Kili said proudly.  
On the bowl, there were flowers carved and stained in to match the bead Bilbo had Bofur make for Kili.  
Bilbo was caressing the long, curved stem in wonder. "I didn't know you did woodwork, Kili."  
"Most young dwarrows in Ered Luin learn some carving before we're old enough to learn forge and fighting," Kili explained. "I do not have Bofur's master-skill, but I have some usefulness."  
"Thank you. Thank you both!" Bilbo hugged Kili and Bofur in turn.  
"After dinner, I've got some of that pipe weed left that we can use to break in your new treasure," Gandalf said. 

"Do you really like it?" Kili whispered in Bilbo's ear.  
"I absolutely love it," Bilbo replied.

*****

Gandalf had been one day gone on another of his journeys, this time accompanied part of his way by Beorn. The mornings had less urgency when Beorn was out inspecting his borders or visiting and although Bilbo had come to adore the man, he was glad for it this day. It had been a rough night. Bilbo woke with particularly raw nightmares and then kept awake with the love Kili gave him afterward to help him forget them. Fili had woken them early besides. A late winter's rain with intermittent storms blew in cold and heavy late in the morning, adding to the dreary and lazy feel of the day. After observing Bilbo's fourth rather large yawn, Kili tugged on his sleeve.

"Why don't we lay down a while?" Kili suggested.  
"I think that would be lovely," Bilbo agreed. 

Watching them trail down the hall hand in hand, Bofur turned to Fili. "That isn't a half bad idea, you know."  
"Lead the way," Fili said.

The room was pleasantly dark for being so early. Kili held Bilbo and listened to the rain fall.  
"Do you remember the last time we did this?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili gave Bilbo a little squeeze. "Yes. I was thinking about it when I suggested it."  
"I was so worried about leaving Lake Town and not having any more private moments to spend with you," Bilbo recounted. "I remember being rather agitated, too, and cuddling with you soothed me. I should have realized then that this was right. That _we_ were right."  
Kili giggled slightly. "I was so shocked when you snuggled into me. I was not expecting it. I loved it so much, though. It ached that I only had those little tastes of you, but they also helped me hold on during the lonely times."  
"Kili, I'm so sorry. I've been such a fool," Bilbo said.  
"None of that," Kili chided Bilbo gently. "Though I will tell you now that I wanted to kiss you so badly that afternoon. The singing was beautiful and then you were so warm and perfect in my arms. I only was able to restrain myself because I didn't want to make you so uncomfortable that you wouldn't want to be alone with me again."  
"I kissed you when I got up to leave," Bilbo confessed in nearly a whisper. "It was just a touch because I didn't want to wake you. I couldn't resist, though. Even then, I wanted you so badly."  
"I knew," Kili said. "I woke up just a little, just enough to know you did it."  
"I'm glad," Bilbo said.  
"Would you-would you sing that song to me now? The one you sang that day?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo bashfully buried his face in Kili's side. "It would be sort of embarrassing," he said.  
"Why now? I love it when you sing to me," Kili said.  
Bilbo knew Kili was being truthful. All the singing he had done for Kili during their courtship was specifically because Kili mentioned it that one rainy afternoon in Lake Town.  
"I don't know. I suddenly just feel sort of...exposed, I guess," Bilbo explained.  
Kili sighed. "Okay."

Bilbo frowned at the disappointment in Kili's voice. He began to hum the requested song. Kili closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of Bilbo's voice resonating through his body where they were pressed together. The tune brought back memories; not just of that day, but of other times they spent together in Lake Town. Kili couldn't contain himself any longer. He pushed Bilbo onto his back and kissed him.

"My warmest jewel. I loved you so much back then but it pales in comparison to how much I love you now," Kili said, voice trembling with emotion. "I dreamed of being able to kiss you--I hoped so much to have a future with you--but I did not honestly believe I would some day be pressed against you like this."  
Kili paused to kiss Bilbo passionately again.  
Kili continued. "Courting. Bonded. Sleeping every night in your arms. I am thankful for you every day."

Bilbo looked up at Kili. He could scarcely believe himself that this precious, handsome thing above him was willingly his.  
"I need to feel you inside me," he said.

Kili's body tingled at the request. His lips claimed Bilbo's once again as the hobbit pulled at his clothes. Kili sat up and yanked off his shirts. He helped BIlbo sit and stripped his torso as well. Bilbo's fingers worked his laces and Kili helped pull off his trousers before wiggling out of his as well. Lightning filled the room and illuminated Kili's lover, bare and pale upon their bed. His blood raced with need. Kili fell upon Bilbo as thunder rumbled across the sky.

Bilbo broke their kiss for breath. "Now. I want you now."  
Kili usually liked to take his time but he felt the same urgency Bilbo did. He snatched the bottle of slick from the bedside table (he found he preferred oil to salve after he nicked some from the kitchen) and rolled Bilbo over on his stomach. Lake Town at the forefront of his mind, there was something he had been wanting to do for some time.

Bilbo was not expecting Kili to want him on his stomach. Kili was inventive and playful, but he also was an incredible romantic. So far, he had preferred their couplings to take place where he could gaze at Bilbo. Bilbo felt the first finger slide in easily and the second with only a bit of stretch. No burn, just pleasure.

The more they made love, the easier it was for Kili and Bilbo to prepare each other. It didn't take long for Bilbo to feel ready and Kili did not have to be asked to get on with it. Not this time. He slicked himself and drew Bilbo up on his knees. He positioned himself between the hobbit's legs and pushed inside. Bilbo's moan was deep, throaty, and went straight to Kili's groin. Kili began moving in and out in slow, sensuous strokes. He loved this; he felt like he could get even deeper inside behind Bilbo like this. Bilbo had a pillow up to his mouth and was moaning out long, wrecked tones. Kili reveled in how it felt for himself and thought how amazing it must feel for Bilbo to be carrying on into the pillow like he was.

Kili draped himself across Bilbo's back.  
"So good. You _have_ to do this to me, Bilbo. Swear you'll take me like this."  
"I promise," Bilbo managed to choke out between sounds.

The storm outside grew closer as Kili and Bilbo made love.

Bilbo pushed back on him and Kili snapped his hips in response. Bilbo mewled and bucked back again. Kili grabbed Bilbo's waist and increased the pace. It felt amazing. Something in him burst and he began thrusting hard and fast, leveraging himself against Bilbo's hips to pound into his lover over and over. Bilbo could no longer hold his upper body up and was face down in the pillow, wailing.

The storm was now raging along with their passion. Hail hammered the roof, lightning lit the room, and thunder boomed overhead, rattling the windows.

A familiar feeling grew low in his abdomen that Kili knew would soon be an orgasm. He reached his arms under Bilbo, pulling him flush against his chest and sitting back with them both rested on Kili's haunches. A loud clap of thunder drowned out Bilbo's cry of surprise but Kili did not slow his thrusts. Kili had one arm wrapped across Bilbo's stomach to hold him, the other angled across his chest with his fingers wrapped around Bilbo's throat. Bilbo couldn't do much more than flail. He was helpless to push back or ease off in Kili's embrace. Kili used his control of Bilbo's body to repeatedly slam him down onto his cock.

Kili hissed in Bilbo's ear. "Touch yourself."  
Bilbo managed a hand around himself and began to pull. Kili was ruthless in his pace and Bilbo felt the force in every thrust. Bilbo knew it would not take him long at all to finish.  
Kili's voice was sensually menacing in his ear. "I'm going to fill you."  
"Yes," Bilbo said frantically.  
Kili's moans were ramping up in intensity. "I'm going to fill you so full."  
Bilbo was close and Kili talking dirty in his ear was getting him closer.  
"Yes," Bilbo cried. "Fuck me! All the gods, _FUCK ME _, Kili!"__  
Bilbo screamed as he finished, spurting over their thighs. Kili was still driving into him as thunder shook the walls.  
Kili felt Bilbo flutter and clamp. He bit down his own cry as he felt his own orgasm shatter him. He tightened his hold on Bilbo and bucked into him until the pulsing subsided.

Another flash of electricity glowed in the room followed by a rumble as Kili laid Bilbo forward again on his stomach and backed out of him. He watched with fascination as his seed dribbled out. He bent down and licked some of it, making Bilbo squirm.  
"Kili!"  
"Just let me-" Kili said before he buried his tongue in Bilbo.  
Bilbo gathered the pillow to his mouth and keened into it again as Kili lapped himself up.  
Kili hummed. "You sound nearly destroyed. I love doing that to you."  
Bilbo managed to gasp, "You take me apart so--unf--so thoroughly." 

After a few minutes of sweet torture, Kili climbed up Bilbo's body and laid on his back. Pressed into him, Bilbo felt Kili already getting hard again.  
Kili shifted and Bilbo was once again breached.  
"Oh! Gods, Kili, you can't be _serious_ ," Bilbo moaned.  
Kili leaned down to whisper in Bilbo's ear as he began to move inside him. "Oh, but I am."  
"You are going to ride me to ruin," Bilbo lamented.  
"Am I, Bilbo?" Kili's voice was husky yet urgent. "Shall I ruin you for anyone else? Should I fuck you so completely that none could compare with the phantom of my cock inside you?"  
Bilbo sobbed from the excess stimulation. "You already have!"  
"Tell me," Kili commanded, nipping at Bilbo's shoulder.  
"You've ruined me," Bilbo panted. "No one could fuck me like you."  
"No one?" Kili pressed, drawing himself in and out of Bilbo in long, determined strokes.  
Bilbo grunted and pulled his own hair to distract from the vicious ecstasy.  
"No one, Kili. No one has ever made me feel like you do," Bilbo confessed. 

Kili cried out and increased his speed. He reached between them and pushed down on the base of his cock with his thumb. The pressure against his shaft changed the stroke just enough to roll against Bilbo's sweet spot with each snap of his hips.  
"Oh no no no no no no!" Bilbo stuttered.  
"Should I stop now?" Kili purred.  
Bilbo growled. "Don't you dare."  
"So amazing. You feel incredible," Kili breathed.  
"I can't-I can't...it is too much," Bilbo wailed.  
Kili gasped, " _Mahal,_ you're getting ready to come. I feel it."  
A few more strokes and Bilbo was clenching around Kili's prick and shouting into his pillow.  
Kili was only a few breaths behind him. He leaned into Bilbo's shoulder and guttered in the back of his throat as he released his climax deep inside his lover. 

Bilbo was hoarse from all the screaming into the bed.  
"That was glorious," he said, "but you are going to fucking kill me with that sort of thing."  
Kili giggled-- _were relentless sex demons supposed to giggle_ , Bilbo wondered?--and rolled off to his side. He grabbed a rag from the bedside table and cleaned them up.  
"We forgot to put down a towel," Bilbo lamented, seeing the mess he made on the bed.  
"We'll clean it later. Right now, I'm more than ready for that nap," Kili said. 

Kili climbed under the covers and held out an arm in invitation for Bilbo to snuggle against him. The heavy part of the storm had passed. Thunder still rumbled across the sky but it was quieter and further away. The rain still beat hypnotically against the window. 

Kili had all but dozed off when Bilbo murmured sleepily, "If we had done that in Lake Town, I think we'd be married by now."  
Kili's eyes flew open. He glanced at Bilbo, who barely seemed awake.  
"I should be so lucky," Kili whispered. 


	62. Turnabout Is Fair Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feels and smut.

Rain pattered outside as Fili and Bofur cuddled in the lazy dim of their bedroom. Occasional flashes of not-so-distant lightning would periodically illuminate the room. As he listened to the soft purr of thunder following the lightning, Bofur mused that a storm was on the way.

"What are your plans?" Bofur asked quietly, as though he didn't want to disturb the rain. "We're going to the Shire with Bilbo, but what do you want to do then?"  
Fili shifted even closer to Bofur. "I remember liking the place quite a bit when we were there last time and I adore Bilbo's stories."  
"-And Bilbo and Kili," Bofur added.  
"Of course. And barring any more sudden Thorin intervention, I imagine Kili will be inclined to stay. My thought is maybe to live there a little while, perhaps longer if it is agreeable. It is possible that I'm romanticizing the memory of it and that I'll be bored, but I don't think that will be the case. I was not all that bored here once you showed up and I daresay there is a lot more of interest for us to do in the Shire."  
Bofur warmed at the usage of "us."  
"We'll be close to the Blue Mountains," Fili continued. "I'd like to either visit home or have my mother visit. I'm sure she'll have a thought or two about Bilbo and Kili. Who knows what Thorin has told her?"  
"That's a fine point," Bofur agreed.  
"What about you?" Fili asked.

Bofur absentmindedly ran his fingers across Fili's arm. "I haven't been planning much beyond getting Bilbo's leave to stay with all of you in the Shire for a time. I guess it depends on how long you can stay before your responsibility calls you back to Erebor."  
Fili frowned at both Bofur's choice of words.  
"If the Shire should prove welcome, then?" Fili asked.  
Bofur thought for a moment. "I think perhaps I would do some toy making or some woodwork. I'm happy to have enough resources to never mine again, but I truly enjoy creating things. It is quite something to see a little one's eyes light up because of something I've made, you know?"  
"Did you-did you hope to one day have children of your own?" Fili asked, trying to ignore the pit of dread in his stomach.  
Bofur sighed. "I adore the wee ones but it is not my fate to have my own. Not naturally, at any rate. I've got a little too much fascination for what you carry in your drawers and too little interest in what ladies carry in theirs."  
Fili laughed heartily.  
"That's good news for me," Fili said once he caught his breath from laughing.  
"What about you? Don't you need to produce heirs? Doesn't look like Kili is going to be much help with all that," Bofur noted.  
"Thorin was not concerned about heirs when he picked Bilbo as his consort," Fili reasoned. "There is no Ereborian law that I know stating that my heir has to be birthed of my blood. I wasn't birthed of Thorin's, after all. As it stands, Erebor is going to be a reborn dwarrow kingdom if Thorin pulls this off. We can create our own traditions. If Thorin is too firm on me having children, I would someday be king. I would change it so that I could name whomever I'd like as heir."

Bofur kissed Fili on the top of his head. A quiet worry he had carried with him all the way from Erebor softly faded away.  
"Besides," Bofur felt Fili grin into his chest, "what is in your drawers interests me a great deal, too."  
"Is that so?" Bofur flirted.  
Fili climbed on top of him and teasingly licked at his lips. "That _is_ so."  
"I thought we were supposed to be napping," Bofur said.  
Fili flopped back hard on the bed. "If that's what you'd rather do..." he teased.

Bofur scrambled on top of him, straddling him and unlacing his trousers. He yanked them down to mid-thigh and wrapped his hand around Fili's shaft, making him gasp.  
"What does it feel like I want to do?" Bofur smirked.  
"Well," Fili gasped as Bofur began slowly stroking him. "It feels to me like we're dispensing with the drawers completely."  
Bofur leaned forward and claimed Fili's lips.  
"Seems like that Prince of Erebor is a smart one, after all."  
Fili leaned up to capture Bofur's mouth again. His hands were blindly reaching to unlace Bofur's trousers. He thought he managed well considering that Bofur's skilled tongue was working his mouth the whole time.

By the time they were fully undressed, the rain had picked up against the window and the thunder followed the lightning even closer than before. Fili loved the sound of the rain mingled with Bofur's heavy breathing as his lover set about his own shower of kisses down Fili's torso. Bofur spent a little extra time nibbling and tongue-teasing Fili's piercings.

"My golden one, adorned with gold," Bofur purred. He gently tugged on Fili's navel ring. "This one drives me wild, Fee."  
"The other one is the one that makes me hard when you bite it," Fili pointed out.  
"I love that one for that very reason. But this one," Bofur licked around Fili's navel and dipped his tongue inside. "This one makes _my_ cock hard. You look glorious with metal."

The hail had begun and thunder started rattling the windows when Bofur took Fili's prick into his mouth. Fili's body bowed at the sensation. Bofur loved sucking prick more than any bed partner Fili had experienced. Bofur would moan and hum against him like a starving man eating the most delicious meal of his life. Fili felt thoroughly worshiped when Bofur was between his thighs.

Fili's own soft moans were interrupted by Kili and Bilbo's drifting through the house. Fili felt a little embarrassed at first but the lewd noises from the hall seemed to only increase Bofur's intensity. Blocking out Kili and focusing on the sensations of Bofur's mouth, Fili's desire built until almost could not stand any more. Stretched tight with his hands behind his head, braced against the headboard, Fili felt his orgasm swell within him as Bilbo's cries of passion became more urgent. The sky flashed and boomed as Bofur's mouth pulled Fili to completion, twitching and groaning. Bofur was coaxing out the last few drops of Fili's semen when they both heard the unmistakable command:

" _FUCK ME, Kili!_ "

It was followed by such a scream that Bofur did not know whether it made him want to come or find a healer for the poor lad.

Thunder shook the house as Bofur stretched out next to his lover.  
"Did he just say, 'fuck me?'" Fili asked.  
"That's what I heard," Bofur said. "Wait, do you think he meant..."  
"I don't know. You say that you're going to fuck my mouth," Fili shrugged. He also thought about the tongue thing Kili had explained, but he was too bashful to say it.  
"That's true," Bofur agreed. He was almost disappointed. He'd heard the rumor of what Bilbo got up to with Thorin but it had all been conjecture. He couldn't quite imagine it for himself, but he believed it just the same.  
"Still, you have to admit," Fili ran a hand down Bofur's thigh. "That sounded pretty sexy."  
"Which part?" Bofur said, breath hitching as Fili ran his tongue down his breastbone.  
"Bilbo coming so hard as to nearly drown out the thunder," Fili said in between the kisses that led him to Bofur's rather impressive prick.  
"Gods," Bofur moaned. "I thought you were uncomfortable with that."  
"I was too ashamed to admit it, but there's something," Fili paused to swirl his tongue teasingly around the head of Bofur's cock, "arousing about hearing the pleasure of someone else."  
Fili sucked Bofur in as far as he could and pulled back off just as quickly. Bofur practically gurgled in response.  
"Don't you agree?" Fili asked, deceptively innocent.  
"I do," Bofur panted. "You know I do."  
"I had just shot in your mouth but if I hadn't, that scream would have made me come." Fili licked and pressed wet kisses up and down Bofur's shaft. "Mahal, it would have made me come so hard."  
"Fee, your mouth is about to make _me_ come so hard," Bofur growled. "What was all that nonsense about you being rubbish at talking dirty?"

Fili stopped teasing, pulled Bofur between his lips, and began working his cock. Bofur had not been lying; Fili was only a few strokes in before Bofur cried "I'm about to..." and released hotly against his tongue. Bofur's shouts were muffled by the pillow he held over his face.

Fili crawled up to snuggle next to Bofur again. The storm had moved on but the rain beat steadily against their window.  
"Fili, there's nothing like you in this wide world," Bofur exhaled.  
"Does it bother you I don't shout like those two?" Fili said.  
He felt Bofur shrug.  
"Only in that I want to bring you the kind of pleasure that could be heard outside. I'd hate to fail you," Bofur admitted.  
"Don't think that! You're far from failing me. I just-I get shy, I suppose. My pleasure is only for you," Fili said.  
"Well, in that case, I don't mind at all," Bofur replied.

 

*****

The storms had passed but the rain was still whispering outside when Bilbo woke. Kili was deeply asleep next to him. The hugeness of everything at Beorn's house had taken some getting used to--he missed normal sized teacups and benches he didn't have to climb to sit upon--but he adored two things: the giant bed and the large bath. He and Kili did not come close to using the bed's size, barring when they were tumbling each other, but he loved being cuddled in that enormous space. He pondered having a larger bed made for them when they got back home and putting his old bed in a guest room. Even if he never took another dime out of the Ereborian treasury, he had enough in one of his chests alone to never really bother with money again. That wasn't counting what he had when he left home, or his second chest from Thorin.

He pondered Thorin's hand-picked treasure. That was a pickle and no doubt about it. That second chest was full of truly exceptional pieces that Thorin meant especially for him. He didn't want to give them away or use them as currency. They were irreplaceable gifts and they meant a lot to him. But he couldn't wear any of it, could he? Kili would notice and he would not like Bilbo wearing something Thorin gave him with love. Bilbo had never been ostentatious, but the time he had spent in the company of the dwarves had made him appreciate ornamentation more than he had in years previous. There were a few things in that chest that Bilbo had tried on and of which he'd rather liked the look. Although perhaps he did not yearn as painfully for Thorin as he once did, it would warm him to wear things that he might have worn at Thorin's request.

Bilbo's thoughts drifted to betrothals. It almost hurt his heart that Kili had been adamant through his failed seductions over the weeks that he assumed no promises from consummating his bond with Bilbo. Kili reiterated it seconds before Bilbo made love to him for the first time. Bilbo knew Kili meant it as a comfort, but from Bilbo's vantage point it seemed like yet another instance where Kili's expectations of him were horrifyingly low. Kili held nothing back--he was incredibly open--but he simply expected Bilbo to be guarded in the same way he expected dawn each morning. Bilbo almost chuckled at Kili's innocence in thinking they could bond like this without promises, anyway. They wore each other's imprint--a powerful commitment all on its own. Still, Kili was true to his word and hadn't voiced a single thought about getting engaged since they had begun.

Kili sighed softly as he stirred. He opened his eyes and gave Bilbo a sweet, sleepy smile. Bilbo thought his insides might turn to jelly on the spot.  
"What time is it?" Kili asked lazily.  
Bilbo hummed. "Late afternoon, I expect."  
"Probably should get up and get some dinner ready, then. We're still not up to your seven meals a day," Kili said.  
Bilbo ran a hand through Kili's hair. "I've long fallen out of practice for those. I figure as long as I am in the homes of others, there's no point in restoring such habits. I'll be lucky if I get used to it again even once we reach Hobbiton."  
"Really? I was rather looking forward to it, myself," Kili said, disappointed. "I think I could readily take to a hobbit meal schedule."  
"I have no doubt of that," Bilbo replied.  
"Hey!" Kili exclaimed, propping himself up on Bilbo's chest with his fist. "Would you like me to make you a pie tonight?"  
Bilbo burst into a fit of giggles.  
"What?" Kili said.  
"Nothing." Bilbo kissed him tenderly on the lips. "I just love you so much."  
As they dressed, Bilbo had to stifle another giggle. Kili was gorgeous, mad about Bilbo, amazing in bed, _and_ he loved to bake Bilbo pastries. He didn't think any hobbit had ever been so lucky.

 

*****

Kili rolled his pie crust as he watched Bilbo happily flit around the kitchen. Fili had come in to help but Bilbo lovingly chased him off to the sitting room.  
"You and Bofur just enjoy each other's company. Kili and I have this well in hand."  
Bilbo was so happy he even shooed off the dogs and the sheep.  
"You are welcome to stay if you wish but please rest. You are not to lift a finger. Erm, paw. Or...hoof?" Bilbo said, unsure.

Kili had been replaying their day almost non-stop since they got up from their nap. He was glad his tunic was long and billowy. He purposely didn't belt it, for certain memories of the day caused quite the tightness in his trousers. Just as frequently as he revisited the sex, he also kept going back to Bilbo's cryptic statement as the hobbit had drifted off.

_"If we had done that in Lake Town, I think we'd be married by now."_

What did that mean? Did it mean that Bilbo was glad they didn't tumble in Lake Town? Or that he wished they had? Did he regret not getting married then? Did he want to get married now? Kili had promised Bilbo that if they claimed each other that he would not push any longer and he meant it. He did not realize that marking each other in such a way would make him feel the way he did, anyway. He felt a comfort he did not have before that quelled some of the urgency to formalize their union. Still, his desire to marry Bilbo was there. He knew he would do it in an instant. Bilbo had initiated their courtship. Did that mean that Bilbo should be the one doing the asking? If Kili didn't pester or wheedle, if he just _asked_ Bilbo to marry him, would that be breaking his promise?

"Kee, are you okay?" Bilbo asked, concerned.  
Kili realized he had just been standing there for the last several moments.  
"Yes, I'm fine. I was just thinking," Kili said.  
Bilbo leaned in and whispered, "You'll have to share it with me later. The look on your face made me hard."  
"Naughty!" Kili accused. Come to think of it, he was stiff in his trousers as well.  
 _Who knew betrothal would be so arousing?_ Kili wondered to himself.

 

*****

Bilbo hauled Kili off to bed after dessert was finished and the kitchen cleaned. They had made extra for Beorn, but he had not returned from escorting Gandalf beyond his borders. They knew he may not return for another day or so but no one was alarmed. Beorn's house was eternally well-stocked and they had certainly dealt with much worse in their travels. Fili thought specifically of the siege at Erebor and how tough it was on them all.

The storms that afternoon had brought colder air in with them. The fire was particularly welcoming and Bofur bade Fili sit with him near it. They had not sat long before Fili found himself cradled in Bofur's lap, tasting the leftover sweetness on his tongue. They broke their kiss and Fili gazed at Bofur. The glow of the fire made Bofur look even more handsome to Fili, though he wasn't sure how that was possible. Bofur fiddled with the braid he put in Fili's hair. He looked thoughtful.

"Bo?"  
"Ah, I was just sort of...composing," Bofur said. "Something that occurred to me and I was thinking of it combined with the tune of an old ballad I knew once."  
"Oh? Share?"  
Bofur closed his eyes and sang quietly--

_"The braid in your golden locks_  
 _Made from hands working gentle and true_  
 _Has plaited our lives together_  
 _Beginning the story of me and you"_

Bofur peeked at Fili and smiled shyly. "It is probably silly."  
"No, it isn't," Fili breathed. "It really, really isn't. It is lovely."  
They gazed tenderly at each other for several moments.  
Bofur pressed a soft kiss to Fili's lips and pulled him close and tight.  
"Bo, you're trembling," Fili said.  
Bofur huffed a nervous laugh. "Am I?"  
"Is everything okay?" FIli asked, concerned.  
"Very okay," Bofur said.

Bofur tried to calm himself with a couple deep breaths. Fili affected him more with every passing day. He frequently used humor to deflect when he thought he was becoming too far gone but tonight by the fire something else compelled him. Bofur found himself nearly consumed with feeling. He'd already shown part of his heart by singing his thoughts to Fili. Should he tell him more? Should he tell him everything?

Fili was concerned he upset Bofur somehow, though instinct told him that what he was feeling from Bofur as he held him was far from bad. The stanzas Bofur had composed as he fondled his braid seemed like a promise. "Plaiting our lives together," Fili thought. _Together_. Fili wanted to break their hug and confess his love, but Bofur already seemed overwhelmed. Perhaps now was not the time.

Quiet moans floated down the hall, making them both laugh. The tension broke and their moment passed.

Fili stood and inclined his head down the hall.  
"No point in letting them have all the fun tonight, right?" Fili teased.  
"Last one naked is an orc scout," Bofur said, pulling off his tunic as he walked briskly towards their room.

 

*****

Bilbo was stripping Kili the moment their door closed. He kissed him urgently as he pulled off each piece, removing some of his own in between. He smacked Kili on his arse to encourage him to climb up on the bed and wasted no time scrambling up after him. Bilbo attacked his mouth again.  
"What's got you so stirred up?" Kili asked.  
"You," Bilbo said. "Gods, _you_. As if you aren't bloody gorgeous all the time, that look on your face tonight! If Fili and Bofur weren't there, I might have had you against that counter. What were you thinking about, anyway?"  
"This afternoon," Kili said. It wasn't exactly a lie, he reasoned.  
Bilbo sighed a ragged, "Yes" as he licked and nibbled across Kili's chest. He paused for a moment to suck and bite on Kili's ring. Kili dug his fingers into Bilbo's shoulders.  
"That's it. Do you have any idea what it does to me when you are frantic?" Bilbo asked. "The way you fucked me today..."  
Bilbo made a gutteral noise in the back of his throat.  
"Do you know what I'm going to do to you?" Bilbo asked huskily.  
Kili shook his head as he breathed heavily.  
"I'm going to stretch you open with my fingers," Bilbo said. "I'm going to make you squirm and pant. I want to make you _writhe_. You are stunning when you are about to split apart with pleasure."  
Kili whimpered. He was already hard enough to start seeping and Bilbo's filthy talk was making him crazy.  
"Yes," Kili whispered. "All of it, please."

Bilbo climbed off the bed and grabbed a towel from a recent bath. For him it was big, but knowing Beorn it was probably just a face flannel. He laid the towel down and had Kili lay on his stomach on top of it.  
"You're going to need that," Bilbo promised ominously.  
Kili was already grinding himself against it, desperate for stimulation.

Kili felt movement behind him and soon Bilbo slicked a finger inside him.  
"Oh, it went right in. We've kept you nice and stretched with all our lovemaking," Bilbo noted.  
Kili moaned and pushed back. Bilbo kept the digit buried and rotated just the finger in circles as wide as he could manage.  
"Easy to open but still so tight. I can feel your heartbeat against my knuckle. Oh my, it is beating rather rapidly," Bilbo said with mock surprise.  
"That's because you're massaging my hole," Kili quipped.  
Bilbo clicked his tongue. "If you can sass me, you are far too coherent."  
Bilbo couldn't see Kili's smirk.  
"Then fuck me and make me _incoherent_ ," Kili challenged.

Bilbo reached his other hand around and drew it across the head of Kili's prick, dragging it through the wetness there. Kili sucked in a ragged breath at the contact. Bilbo drew a "B" on Kili's rump with the wetness as Kili flinched with surprise.

"My most precious love, you will be incoherent long before I fuck you," Bilbo said.  
That was the answer Kili wanted to hear. He loved making Bilbo wild and he had experienced plenty of mind-numbing pleasure himself so far, but tonight he wanted Bilbo to take him apart.

The finger inside Kili began to press and rub. Bilbo wasn't pulling it far out, but he was rubbing and circling with such determination that Kili was surprised Bilbo didn't get a cramp. At first, it wasn't enough girth to send waves of pleasure rolling up his spine, but Bilbo's diligence soon had Kili growling low. Kili's legs were twitching. Bilbo's own erection was damp and needy, but he knew drawing this out for Kili would be worth the wait.

Kili lost track of how much time Bilbo was content to wiggle one lone finger inside him. A lifetime later, a second one reached inside with the first. Bilbo moved them agonizingly slow, purposefully avoiding the spot Kili most wanted him to stroke. Bilbo kept this up so long he had to shift his position before his foot fell asleep. Kili was groaning and whimpering. Bilbo was moaning right along with him.

"Touch me there, Bilbo," Kili pleaded.  
"Where is 'there?'" Bilbo pretended not to know.  
" _There_. My sweet spot," Kili panted.  
Bilbo hummed. "Quite right you are. You still have the ability to form sentences. Maybe some additional stimulation is needed."

Kili probably should have figured he was in trouble the moment Bilbo had to brace one hand against his backside for proper leverage. Bilbo concentrated all his attention rubbing over Kili's gland. After the teasing, the direct stimulation had Kili mewling. He was kicking his legs and clutching onto the pillow. Bilbo was nearly drunk with the power to drive Kili over the brink. He ruthlessly fingered Kili's hole, adding a third finger on one of the passes inward. Kili howled.

"That's it," Bilbo gasped. "You look gorgeous with my fingers in your arse."  
"I-I, I need-" Kili choked.  
"What's that, love?"  
"B-Bilbo. Fuck! There, there, there!"  
Kili keened and cried out. His whole body stiffened, he stopped kicking, and his entrance rhythmically pulsed tightly around Bilbo's fingers.  
Bilbo rubbed a little more gently and Kili sucked in a breath.  
"Stop, please," Kili said raggedly.

Bilbo rubbed the small of Kili's back feeling more than a little satisfied. Kili was still breathing out small moans when Bilbo stretched himself across Kili's back. He moved the hair off the nape of his neck and kissed it tenderly. Bilbo leaned down next to Kili's ear.  
"Now," Bilbo said menacingly. "I'm going to fuck you until you come screaming."  
"Oh, gods," Kili lamented.

Bilbo leaned back to slick his prick.  
"Hands and knees," Bilbo ordered.

Kili complied and BIlbo sank into Kili with one movement. Kili groaned loudly but Bilbo groaned louder. Bilbo was so aroused from coaxing Kili's first orgasm that he knew this would not last long. He reached around to Kili's sticky prick, already almost fully hard again.  
"Oh, how I adore your dwarvish stamina," Bilbo murmured.

Bilbo began pumping into Kili, slowly at first but getting faster and harder as he went.  
"I don't have your strength to hoist you off the bed, but hobbits are very fast, dear heart," Bilbo said.  
The image of Bilbo taking Thorin like this in Lake Town came to Kili's mind, unwelcome and unbidden. Jealousy and fear burned in his gut and something within him snapped.  
"Fuck me hard, Bilbo," Kili begged brokenly. "Fuck me better than you fucked him."

Bilbo's pace didn't falter but the request stabbed at his heart and staved off his orgasm. Suddenly more determined, Bilbo gripped Kili's hips and began slamming into him harder and faster.  
Kili let out a cry that didn't sound earthly. Bilbo reached for one of his shoulders and dug his nails in.  
"H-H-Harder!" Kili moaned just before his arms gave out. Bilbo draped part of his body over Kili's, wrapping his arms around his stomach. He kissed his back and used the leverage from his arms to pound into him.  
"So much," Kili choked. "Too much."  
Bilbo wrapped a hand around Kili and began to pump him.  
"Come, Kili. I'm going to come inside you and I want to feel you," Bilbo gasped. "I want you to squeeze me as I fill you. Come, Kili. Come for me."  
"Can't handle it. Bilbo, oh gods! Bilbo! I'm-"  
Kili screamed as he filled Bilbo's hand and clenched rhythmically around his cock. Bilbo grunted and moaned, spilling inside his lover as his orgasm shot through his body. Even after Kili was done screaming, he was whimpering softly with each exhale. Bilbo held him from behind and stroked his hip and thigh as they both composed themselves. It was only when Bilbo laid Kili down on his back to clean him off that he noticed Kili's tears. Bilbo had him in his arms immediately.  
"Did I hurt you?" Bilbo kissed his forehead. "Talk to me."

Kili had been crying softly but now his face crumpled and he buried his face in Bilbo's neck to sob.  
Kili's voice was muffled. "Mine. You're mine."  
"Shhhh. Yes, dear heart. I'm yours," Bilbo soothed.  
"You're all mine," Kili repeated.  
"Yours," Bilbo said gently. "And you are mine."

 _"Fuck me better than you fucked him."_

That would haunt Bilbo for a fair little while. He assumed these tears were connected to whatever Kili had been thinking to make him say that. He didn't know how to ask without making it worse, though.

Kili pulled back and looked at Bilbo with hopeful, weepy eyes. Bilbo thought he was still so beautiful, even like this.  
"Stay with me, Bilbo. I need you. I need you to be mine."  
Bilbo smoothed the tangled hair off Kili's face and wiped away his tears.  
Bilbo asked gently, "Tell me, did I hurt you just now? Was that too much?"  
"No," Kili said. "It was perfect."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes, I just-I love you," Kili said.  
"Kili, I've never known love the way I know it with you," Bilbo confessed.

Kili's face broke into a watery smile and Bilbo had a rather sudden mouthful of dwarf. The kiss started frantic but grew deep and lingering. Kili had reached up to cup Bilbo's jaw and used his thumb to open Bilbo's mouth wider to accommodate more of his tongue. Bilbo moaned and slid his own tongue over Kili's. Bilbo pulled back just enough to suck Kili's lip into his mouth. The need for deeper breaths eventually won out and the kisses became short presses and nibbles.

Kili tried to stifle a yawn.  
"Sleepy?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili nodded.

Bilbo pulled back the covers and they snuggled into each other. Tonight, it was Kili who curled up in Bilbo's embrace.  
"Mine," Kili whispered. "No one else's."  
Bilbo kissed his hair. "Yours. Always yours," he whispered back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love your love! Thank you so much for the comments, reblogs, graphics, recommendations, and other things you've done to support this mammoth of a fic. I appreciate it so so much <3


	63. New Experiences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little brother time, a couple bombshells, feels, and a flipton of emotional smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments give me life (and are lovely incentive to update faster). Thank you so much for the love and the insight! <3

Fili rolled his eyes as Kili had to "kiss Bilbo goodbye" for nearly three minutes just to go outside and practice. 

"You really should repair some of these arrows," Fili said, examining the few they had.  
"I will before we leave," Kili replied as he set up the makeshift target on a tree.  
"When is that, do you know?" Fili asked as Kili took his shot.  
Kili shrugged and handed the bow to Fili. "Bilbo said he wants to stay until it is a little warmer but he wants to get to Rivendell before summer."  
"What do you think about spending time in Rivendell?" Fili asked before he released his arrow.  
"Nice shot! I'm interested. Thorin raised us to hate elves and I did for a while, particularly after Mirkwood," Kili said.  
Fili handed him the bow back. "Ugh, don't say that name."  
"And it is true that Thranduil was not kind to us in the beginning, but he was respectful to us after Thorin turned us out. He gave us a tent in his own camp. Many of his own troops did not have that kindness. We watched elves fight--and die--next to our kin in the battle. And the Elvenking aside, Elrond himself was very kind to us and it is to his home we are going," Kili paused to sight and take his shot.  
"He was still magnanimous after Thorin and Gloin spoke sharply to him," Fili agreed.  
"Right. Although I would have never admitted it to Thorin, I was disappointed to leave so soon. I would have liked a better look around." Kili handed the bow to Fili.  
"Besides," Kili added. "Bilbo was in love with the place and I'm in love with him, so even if none of that other stuff were true, I'd still be going. Do you and Bo not wish to go?"  
"Bo has not seemed opposed but I suppose I should ask him specifically. He never mentioned having Thorin's manner of grudge against the entire race. For my part," Fili released his arrow. "I share your outlook. I would give Rivendell a chance. Not to mention, if I am king someday, having better diplomatic ties with the other peoples of Middle Earth will only help."  
"Very regal," Kili agreed as he sighted his last arrow. 

"So, Bilbo..." Fili began as they walked to the target to retrieve their arrows.  
"What about him?" Kili asked suspiciously.  
Fili shrugged. "How are things?"  
Kili fixed his brother with a wary eye as he pulled the arrows that hit their target out of the tree. "I know that expression, Fee."  
"What expression?" Fili asked innocently. "Is it wrong to ask after the well being of my brothers?"  
Kili crossed his arms and legs and leaned against the tree. "Just ask me whatever it was that you were going to try to lead me into telling you."  
"Fine," Fili huffed.  
Kili smirked.  
"During the storm, you know when we were all napping?" Fili inclined his head and Kili nodded. "Well, I overheard Bilbo shout something really loudly and I wanted to know if it meant what I think it meant."  
"And that was?"  
"Um, he asked you to fuck him," Fili said. "Screamed it, actually, otherwise I would not have heard it," Fili added somewhat guiltily.  
Kili felt a lovely spike of warmth at the memory. "He did ask me that."  
"Are you two, you know...like hobbits?" Fili asked.  
Kili had no chance of supressing the grin that overtook his face. "We are."  
Fili grabbed Kili's elbows and lightly shook him. "That's wonderful! Oh Kee, you waited so long for this! So who did the asking?"  
"Bilbo," Kili said.  
"Oh, I adore that hobbit!" Fili nearly squealed. "So how are we handling the wedding?"  
Kili's smile faded.

 _Oh_.

"No wedding?" Fili said with markedly less enthusiasm.  
Kili shook his head. "Not currently."  
"But I thought that consummation of a bond made a wedding nearly just a formality?" Fili began to get angry. "How did Bilbo get out of letting you have what he gave Thorin freely _this_ time?"  
"Stop that, Fee. Just a second ago you adored him," Kili chided. "It was my idea. I did not want Bilbo to keep putting off bonding with me until he was ready to marry, especially if Thorin was going to keep insinuating himself into our lives. And I'm not going to lie, Fee. I wanted him. I wanted him so badly I ached."  
Fili certainly understood want these days. "So you told him what, exactly?"  
"I assured him if we coupled, it did not have to mean a betrothal. That he could take more time," Kili said. "After our last difficult patch, he asked to bond. He was just ready, I suppose."  
"And what about you?" Fili asked.  
"I've been ready since the day I confessed my feelings to him in Lake Town." 

Fili sighed. Being in love himself now, he understood Kili's motivation a great deal better. Like Fili would with Bofur, Kili will take whatever Bilbo lets him have. But as Kili's brother and protector, he was sad that Kili still lived in part of Thorin's shadow. It occured to Fili that this new development was why Kili and Bilbo were so loud (and tired) lately. That night they made up was probably the night in question.

Kili rolled his lips in that way Fili knew meant he was fighting a smile. Fili raised his eye brows in question.  
"Do you want to know what it is like?" Kili asked.  
"Yes!"  
Fili dropped cross-legged on the ground and tugged Kili's shirt hem so he would join him.  
"There's nothing like it in this world, Fee," Kili mooned.  
"Did you do it or did you get it done to you?" Fili asked.  
"Both."  
Fili winced. "Did it hurt to have it done?"  
"Not as much as I thought," Kili said. "It feels amazing."  
"And what about doing it?" Fili leered.  
"A different kind of amazing," Kili sighed dreamily.  
"So you quite like it, then?" Fili asked.  
"Yes. It isn't just about getting off," Kili explained. "All that talk about 'marks' and 'imprints' and the bond influencing behavior? It is real."  
"So Thorin and Bilbo actually had some mystical thing between them that made it difficult to be apart?" Fili asked.  
"Yes. I understand it so much better now. I'm glad I didn't know what it was like before Bilbo and I shared it. I would have feared Thorin's influence much more."  
"So marriage or not, you two are bonded for life just the same," Fili reasoned.  
"Yes," Kili said.  
"Why do I get the feeling there is more to it than that?" Fili asked.  
"Because you know me too well. There _is_ another reason I'm looking forward to going to Rivendell. I have mithril that I pocketed that first day in Erebor. Neither you nor I nor any of the dwarves I personally know have the skill to craft it like our people used to centuries ago. But I've heard that elves do," Kili smiled mischeviously.  
Fili raised his eyebrows and shrugged. He didn't follow.  
Kili explained, "I'm hoping to hire an elven smith to craft a pair of rings with my Ereborian mithril. Once I have them, I'm going to ask Bilbo to marry me."  
"But you just said you weren't going to invoke that whole betrothal thing?"  
"I'm not going to assume it the way Thorin did. But it isn't breaking my promise to propose to him. Besides, Rivendell is yet ahead of us. I'm still giving him time like I said," Kili reasoned.  
Fili laughed happily. There must be something to that whole bond thing if his brother was planning such a bold move.  
"Oh Kee," Fili said before leaning over and hugging him. "I'm happy for you. I apologize for getting angry with Bilbo. I just want him to love you like he should."  
"He does," Kili smirked. "That's why I want to marry him." 

Kili waggled his eyebrows at Fili and was promptly tackled. The brothers rolled around wrestling, laughing, and playfighting. Archery practice was entirely forgotten.

*****

Kili and Bilbo were standing in their room, undressed for bed and kissing heavily.  
Kili moved to bite a new claiming mark in Bilbo's neck. Since they stopped having to hide, it made him cranky when his hobbit wasn't properly marked.  
"Do you ever think of making love somewhere other than the bed or the bath?" Kili asked.  
"Why do you ask?" Bilbo flirted, kissing Kili's knuckles.  
"I don't know. I just wonder about things sometimes. You said that thing about taking me up against the kitchen counter," Kili shrugged against Bilbo and moved to nibble on his ear. "I think about making love in that giant chair we like in the sitting room quite a bit."  
Bilbo groaned happily. "I've been thinking of that chair since before we marked each other. Probably wouldn't do as guests in someone's house to have sex all over their furniture, though. When we get home, we'll make that a priority."  
"You want to have me in _your_ kitchen?" Kili giggled.  
Bilbo cradled Kili's head in both of his hands and gazed at him intently. "I intend to have you in every room of Bag End."  
Kili's cock twitched and he dove for Bilbo's lips. As they kissed, he grabbed Bilbo's backside and shifted his hips to rub against his cock.  
"We'll have to be creative about getting Fili and Bofur out of the house," Kili said.  
"Let them watch," Bilbo growled, passion inflamed by the friction against his prick.  
"Bilbo!" Kili was shocked. "That-that was not very hobbit-like!"  
"Eru help me, but you do things to me, Kili," Bilbo said. "When I want you, everything proper I've ever been taught leaves me. Nothing in the world matters but me and you."  
Kili said, "Here I've been trying to preserve what's left of your propriety. Little did I know you were planning on wickedly dragging me into exhibitionism!"  
"I could take you on the dining table right this moment if it turns you on that much," Bilbo teased.

Kili split Bilbo's lips with his tongue and hotly plundered his mouth.  
"They listen, you know," Bilbo panted when Kili slackened the kiss to breathe.  
Kili looked at Bilbo wide-eyed. "You think?"  
"You know they must! You've seen the bashful looks we get in the mornings from Bofur and Fili. Gandalf smirks and winks when he is home. I think Beorn is pretty indifferent overall, but the other three...they don't just overhear. They _listen_ ," Bilbo said.  
Kili's voice grew deep and rough. "Does that make you hard? That they listen to what I do to you?"  
Bilbo gazed up at Kili from under his lashes and whispered, "Yes."  
"Well, I'll be," Kili breathed in wonder as his pulse quickened. "I had no idea,"  
"Neither did I. I was never like this...before." Bilbo paused, hoping Kili would get the meaning. "Only when I'm with you."

Kili felt a surge of lust when he twigged what Bilbo was implying. He still felt as though he were competing with Thorin and he was viscerally tied to every victory.  
He murmured frantically, "I need to come _right now_. In your body, in your mouth, in your hand, on my stomach...I don't care. I just need it."

Bilbo glanced around and his eyes settled on a bench in their room. It was probably only a boot stool or something similar for Beorn, but it was just about the width of Bilbo's body and easily longer. Bilbo sat and then laid back on it.  
"I want you to finish on _my_ stomach," Bilbo said, voice deep and dusky. "I want you to ride it out on my cock." 

Kili snatched the oil from the bed table without any further query. He straddled Bilbo, noting with interest that his legs were free to hang over the side. If he stretched, he could barely toe the floor. Bilbo's own legs were spread and he had the balls of his substantial feet on the floor already. The newness of this positioning intrigued him.

Kili gazed down at Bilbo. The hobbit's eyes were lusty and wild. He had a mottled flush covering most of his body and he was breathing shallowly in his arousal. Kili prepared himself quickly. Bilbo vocalized low in his throat as he watched the pleasure spread across Kili's face when his arm moved behind him. Kili smeared a little more slick on Bilbo's cock and lowered himself steadily. Bilbo huffed out a sharp breath and stroked Kili's hip. 

"Stunning," Bilbo whispered.  
Kili smoothed his hands across Bilbo's stomach and rolled his hips. "That's what I see," Kili said.  
Kili did not have the bed to push off of to bounce as he usually did and the floor was not much help unless he really ground down. He braced himself against Bilbo's chest and bucked into another graceful roll of the hips, pulling Bilbo just enough out of him to stimulate them both before closing back down again.  
"Kili," Bilbo said raggedly. 

Kili let out a slow exhale, closed his eyes, and rolled again. It felt brilliant. It rubbed against him in the most luscious way. He opened his eyes and looked at Bilbo again as he repeated the movement, slow and sure. Bilbo's mouth was open and he looked the very picture of pleasure. Bilbo pushed back slightly and they were soon grinding in slow rhythm. Kili ran his hands up and down Bilbo's torso, lightly pushing on wherever his hands were when it was time to stroke again. Bilbo was lightly dragging his nails over the hard muscles in Kili's thighs, pulling against his legs occasionally to alter Kili's thrusts. Kili felt like he was on fire everywhere Bilbo touched him. They were both moaning and stuttering sounds that never quite made it into syllables. 

Kili wanted to express the amazing thrum he was feeling through his body--he needed Bilbo to know how he affected him--but he couldn't find words. He had started this because Bilbo's talk had him so turned on he was going to burst. He thought he wanted quick and dirty but they were making love instead...and he was reveling in it. He shifted and reached back to brace himself on Bilbo's thighs. He stroked the hobbit's legs as he undulated atop his cock. He felt his own hair brush his back when he tipped his head and his skin was so sensitive that it sent tiny shivers through him. Bilbo was caressing his arm. Kili shifted again and took Bilbo's hand in his. He placed it over his heart. Bilbo kept his eyes on Kili's, found his other hand, and placed it on his own heart. They moved together like that, each feeling the other's heartbeat, not breaking their gaze. Kili could feel Bilbo's heart pounding through his skin as he knew Bilbo could surely feel his. 

"I'm getting close," Bilbo said quietly but urgently. "I want to get you close, too."  
Kili nodded and moved his hand from Bilbo's chest. Bilbo grabbed his wrist back and kissed his fingertips. Returning Kili's hand to his chest, Bilbo whispered. "It beats only for you."

Bilbo moved his own hand down to Kili's neglected erection and began stroking him. Kili used his palm on Bilbo's heart to push himself to a faster pace, angling so the head of Bilbo's cock struck his gland with each pass in and out.  
"Yes, Kili," Bilbo panted. "You are so tight and warm inside. You're almost there. Oh, I feel you coming! I'm going to-I'm-"

Bilbo shouted Kili's name and surged upward, each wave of his orgasm releasing more warm heat inside. Bilbo had it timed nearly perfect, Kili guttering a wail as he came over Bilbo's hand and onto his stomach. As they caught their breath, Kili noticed that even through both of their climaxes, they each kept their palms on the other's heart. Kili leaned forward and kissed Bilbo deeply, trying to convey everything he was feeling with his lips. He was trembling with emotion. 

Bilbo was shaking as well. For everything Bilbo had put him through, Kili was still so willing to open up and give Bilbo everything. The dwarf was a marvel. Each time they coupled, Bilbo felt it in his flesh, his heart, and his soul. Right now, he imagined he even felt Kili rushing through his bloodstream. Bilbo felt sadness that Kili was still carrying his fear of Thorin. He wanted to talk with him about it but there never seemed to be a good time to bring up something that troubled Kili so. Bilbo hated being the one to chase the breathtaking smile from Kili's face. He would just have to _show_ him that he was cherished as often as possible until the proper moment presented itself.

They lay together for a short while but eventually needed to break apart to clean up. Kili didn't realize until he swung a leg over to get off the bench that his limbs were a bit achy from the new position. Bilbo felt similar aches from the hard surface against his shoulder blades and hips. Although he had a hobbit's ample bum, it didn't appreciate being ground into wood. 

"That was amazing but I think overall I prefer something that is upholstered if I'm to be on my back," Bilbo noted.  
"Yes, and-oh! Oh Mahal, that is fucking obscene," Kili said silkily.  
"What?" Bilbo secretly adored it when Kili cursed.  
"You just ran down my leg," Kili said, eyes nearly rolled back in his head in bliss.  
Bilbo closed the short distance between them and ran a hand up the back of Kili's thigh. There was a stream of wetness that trailed down from Kili's entrance. He touched it and Kili shivered. Bilbo slipped a finger inside him and Kili sighed roughly.  
"You were right. This is sort of fun," Bilbo said as he plugged his own spend inside Kili.  
Kili's body tensed and then relaxed as he leaned forward and rested his head. "Bilbo," he murmured roughly.  
"Don't worry. I do not intend to be cruel," Bilbo whispered.  
He pressed his body close to Kili so he could hold him while he teased him with his fingers. He leaned up and kissed the dwarf lovingly.  
"I wish to be very kind," Bilbo said. 

He let Kili lean on him as Bilbo licked and nibbled his lips, neck, and shoulders, all the while shallowly and slowly penetrating him with two fingers. Kili had his arms wrapped around Bilbo and was whimpering into his hair when Bilbo did not have his mouth otherwise occupied. Bilbo could feel against his hip that Kili's erection had rallied. He removed his fingers and leaned back enough for Kili to relax his embrace. Bilbo claimed his lips again.  
"Do you want to come once more?" Bilbo asked softly.  
Kili was still disheveled from several minutes before and taken apart a little more besides. He was not entirely sure he trusted his voice, so he merely nodded.

Bilbo lowered himself to his knees and gently took Kili into his mouth. It still had the taste of Kili's last orgasm. Bilbo took his lover's cock in and out very slowly, taking care press his tongue against it while it was deep and to flick and swirl when it was shallow. Kili threaded fingers through Bilbo's hair and just held him loosely as he moved. Kili was moaning softly and occasionally gasping while Bilbo made love to him with his mouth. Bilbo savored the experience. The two of them still enjoyed these oral pleasures but completion of this manner had been pushed aside for newer experiences. Bilbo forgot how much he loved to feel Kili's weight on his tongue. He slipped his fingers back inside Kili, making the dwarf's breath hitch.  
Bilbo massaged Kili inside as he stroked him with his mouth, steady but not hard, until the fingers tightened in his hair and Kili's legs were trembling. 

"Faster," Kili managed to pant.  
Bilbo picked up the pace with both his mouth and digits until Kili croaked, "I'm there," and splashed his orgasm down Bilbo's throat. Kili was as quiet as he had been back in the tent camp, but Bilbo could tell from the way Kili gripped him and shuddered that it was powerful nonetheless. Bilbo found out how much when he pulled himself to standing and found himself nearly having to support a boneless Kili. 

"Do you need to have a lie-down?" Bilbo asked.  
"Yes," Kili murmured. 

Bilbo helped him onto the bed.  
"That all was..." Kili trailed off.  
"I agree," Bilbo said, snuggling next to him.  
"I-I think I need to sleep now," Kili said.  
Bilbo hummed in amusement. "Did I manage to wear you out for once?"  
Kili held Bilbo tighter. "Body and soul this time. Those were pretty intense experiences for me. You've never had your fingers inside me with your mouth on me before."  
"No," Bilbo agreed.  
Kili yawned. "I'm doing that to you for sure. You _have_ to feel it."

Bilbo grinned. Kili was an incredibly generous lover. If he liked something, he made sure Bilbo had it himself at the earliest opportunity. Ofttimes repeatedly if Bilbo liked it, too.

Bilbo felt Kili's breaths grow deeper as he inched closer towards sleep.  
"You are everything to me," Kili said in a voice scarcely above a whisper.  
"I love you, too," Bilbo replied gently. "Sleep now, dear heart."

*****

"I think I would like a bath before bed," Bofur announced as he was taking his boots off for the day. "That tub of Beorn's has been a gorgeous luxury after all that time on the road."  
"I don't disagree. And it is so big!" Fili said.  
"Like a hot spring," Bofur agreed.  
Fili shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "You know, Bilbo and Kili take nearly all their baths together."  
Bofur stopped with a boot halfway off his foot. "Is that so?" he asked seductively.  
The glint in Bofur's eye chased away Fili's shyness at broaching the subject. He took off his shirt as he closed the space between he and Bofur. "That is so."  
Bofur stood and wrapped his arms around Fili's neck.  
"What would you be suggestin', lad?" Bofur drawled.  
Fili met Bofur's gaze without flinching. "That you and I have been wasting water."  
Bofur used his grip at Fili's neck to bring him in for a kiss.  
"Where have you been all my life?" Bofur asked.

They made their way to the bathing area and Bofur worked on setting up their water while they both stripped.  
"I think I'm going to wash my hair while I'm in there," Fili said as casually as he could. He was trying to mask how nervous he was. Silly to be this jittery about nudity when he had given Bofur orgasms, he reminded himself.  
"Oh, that's a good idea. I could use to shake this mop out. You have to promise to re-plait my courting braid, though. No backing out of this relationship just because I'm having a wash!" Bofur joked over his shoulder.  
"Not a chance, Bo," Fili smiled.

Bofur was watching the water level with his back to Fili. As he unraveled his own hair, Fili observed Bofur taking out his fasteners, carefully putting them aside, and un-plaiting his pigtails. Bofur's hair fell long, wavy, and dark down his naked back. It made Fili's breath catch in his chest. It was longer than he knew. He realized that other than the pigtail he smoothed out for his courting braid, Fili had never seen Bofur with his hair down and unadorned. When the water was ready, Bofur turned around. Fili was nearly frozen to the spot. Bofur was a handsome dwarf with his pigtails but now he was a _vision_. 

The grin on Bofur's face faded to a look of astonished awe when he caught sight of Fili. Standing in front of him was the Prince of Erebor--his own golden Fee--naked and hair fully unbound. He thought about how few people had ever seen this and felt honored indeed. He crossed to where Fili was standing, so moved by his beauty that he thought weeping was a distinct possibility. He threaded both of his hands in Fili's hair and leaned his forehead to his lover's. He found himself unable to hold back any longer.

"My Fee," he whispered. "Why did you not tell me I was in love with you?"  
Fili's hands went to Bofur's hair as well. They were forehead to forehead, clutching one another.  
"Because I did not know," Fili whispered back in wonder.  
Bofur wound his hands further into Fili's locks.  
"Psst, I'm in love with you," Bofur said conspiratorially, nudging his nose against Fili's.  
Fili giggled as a tear spilled down his cheek. "Bo, I love you. I've been so afraid to tell you. I've loved you for the longest time."  
Bofur giggled with Fili, kissing him quickly a couple times before Fili held him fast and surrendered his mouth to him. They moved their lips and tongues together, exploring each other's taste and texture as though it were the first time. When they broke apart, a tear or two had escaped Bofur's eyes as well. 

Bofur moved his arms down to Fili's shoulders and held him close.  
"Mmm, I love you. I love you. Now that I'm no longer petrified to tell you, I'm going to tell you all the time," Bofur said.  
"You were scared too?" Fili asked.  
"Terrified," Bofur confirmed. "Thing is, I don't know why _you_ were so scared. You've had to have known I've been crazy for you since Erebor!"  
"You said you didn't want to rush. And I didn't know. Whenever I would think, you know, _maybe_ , you would get a weird look on your face or make a joke. I thought you were trying to deflect me or something," Fili said.  
"I could kick myself for saying I didn't want to rush. I was worried you would think our courtship was too soon. I said that so you would not feel crowded. The first time I felt you warm in my arms, I was pretty much a lost cause anyway. And I wanted to tell you...so many times, Fee, you don't even know! You would be so oddly distant sometimes, usually when things were going amazingly well. Now I understand why," Bofur said, shaking his head.  
Fili leaned back to look at him. "We're a couple of fools."  
Bofur kissed Fili's nose. "Good thing we're cute, isn't it?"

Bofur led Fili to the tub and they helped each other in. Fili soaped Bofur's torso, creeping playfully under the water to tease his prick. Bofur leaned in and nipped at Fili's slick neck. Fili reached around to wash Bofur's back and let his hand sneak low. He thought about the hobbit tongue act Kili had described to him before Bofur arrived. Feeling emboldened by Bofur's confession of love, Fili dipped a finger in Bofur's cleft and touched his entrance. Bofur inhaled a quick breath, so Fili smoothed over it again. Bofur made another soft noise in his throat. 

"I think you may need to turn around to get a more proper wash," Fili said.  
Bofur's eyes met his for a moment and there was no trepidation in them. Only lust and perhaps a hint of curiosity.  
Once turned around, Fili manipulated him so that his backside was out of the water. Fili ran his finger back over the sensitive area before pulling the flesh apart on either side.  
 _Well, that's something I don't see every day,_ Fili thought to himself.  
He leaned in and experimentally ran his tongue over Bofur's pucker. Bofur jumped a bit, sighed, and flexed his back so that his hind end was (for lack of a better word) presented for Fili.  
 _Interesting,_ Fili thought.  
He repeated his motion but did not stop after one pass. Instead, he licked and swirled around it. Bofur began to wiggle and groan.  
"Durin's beard, Fee, are you-are you _licking_ me? It's so filthy," Bofur sighed.  
Fili paused. "Should I stop?"  
Bofur moaned, "Don't fucking dare."  
Fili smiled. _Success then,_ he thought. 

Bofur felt the first slide of slickness against his backside and it was pleasant. He'd not paid much attention to that area other than its necessary uses and Fili's boldness in touching him there piqued his curiosity. He made sure Fili knew the attention was welcome and the wetness returned again. This time, he was aware of the soft scratch of Fili's beard and he worked out exactly what the slickness was. He was shocked. It was unheard of. It was perverse. It was _fucking wonderful_ and he couldn't wait to get his tongue on Fili. He was willing to bet that Fili's sweet little hole was just as perfect as the rest of him. 

Fili was even more curious now that Bofur was thoroughly enjoying himself. He wondered what it felt like on Bofur's side of things. His jaw was starting to ache a bit, so he switched to running his lips around the entrance and taking nips at Bofur's flesh. Bofur was fairly hairy from his waist down and Fili found that straying from the entrance meant he had to stop and fish hairs out of his teeth if he nibbled too much. Once his jaw was rested, Fili screwed up his courage and poked his tongue inside his lover. It was met with an animal noise of approval, so he did it again. And again.

"That's your tongue inside me," Bofur said, astonished. "You've got your bloody tongue inside my arse."  
He breathed out a long, guttural tone.  
"I fucking love you, Fee."

Bofur was caught up in a number of sensations. He had cool air on his torso, warm water around his legs, and a tongue as hot as a firebrand working in and out of him. Fili was pushing against him with enough force that he had to struggle to not slide sideways into the bath. He felt astonishingly vulnerable in this position. He had no point of reference for it. This was beyond anything that even his most vulgar of mining buddies may have mentioned. The sensation of Fili's tongue against that sensitive flesh was delightful but there was also a lovely intimacy that stirred him even more deeply. 

Fili's jaw and tongue were getting sore. He sat up for a moment to locate the soap. Bofur's stiff cock was hanging just below his mouth in this position, so it was easy to reach between Bofur's legs and start to stroke him. The slickness made it much easier for Fili to slide his thumb over the more sensitive part and add a twist or two that he liked himself when he took his own pleasure. Bofur's legs began to twitch and shake. Fili went back to tonguing Bofur's entrance while he stroked. Bofur mewled and made sounds that Fili had never heard him make before. Bofur let out a final grunt followed by a wail. Fili felt the channel around his tongue start to rhythmically squeeze. It startled him enough to stop moving, but he didn't pull away. He just sat there until the pulses were further apart and Bofur's breathing grew less ragged. Fili had a handful of seed that he didn't want to put in the water if he was washing his hair. He stretched over the side of the tub to grab a sock, almost tumbling all the way out. When Bofur turned around to tell him how amazing he was, all he saw was one of Fili's legs in the air and a hint of the swell of his rump. 

Bofur laughed hysterically. "What are you trying to accomplish?"  
Fili fell back and held up a sock triumphantly. "I had to do something with your seed. I doubt you really want to wash it into your hair."  
Bofur smiled and fondly shook his head. He sank in the water to warm his body for a minute before holding his arms out for Fili.  
He buried his face in Fili's loose hair, feeling the dampness on the ends.  
"I adore you," Bofur said. "What you just did to me...Fee, you were _inside_ me. It's...I just-well, obviously I'm rubbish at explaining it. I'm going to have to show you."

Bofur positioned Fili much like he was just perched. Fili had the advantage (disadvantage, Bofur thought) of knowing at least in part what Bofur was going to do. Not entirely sure where to begin, Bofur mimicked Fili's initial movements. Spreading him open, he smiled with the satisfaction that Fili's arsehole _did_ look as sexy as the rest of him. He took a preliminary lap and found the texture of Fili's pucker against his tongue to be erotic as well. He licked around the edge and the flattened his tongue and massaged over it. Fili keened loudly enough that Bofur almost felt it. He lapped and kissed until Fili was tossing his head like a trapped animal. He experimented with a bit of pressure and found that he could slide his tongue in fairly easily. He pressed it in as far as it would go and slid it in and out. Then Fili--his shy, quiet Fili--wailed. The subsequent moans were clearly muffled, so Bofur assumed Fili had a hand over his mouth. All he knew was that if he could get Fili to make a noise like that, he was going to keep doing what he was doing. 

Fili was shocked at how amazing it felt to have his hole stimulated. The licks and pressure Bofur was using before he penetrated him were thrilling all on their own, but having Bofur licking _into_ him was obscene. He thought about the conversation he and Kili had concerning bonding and it gave him chills. He already felt a new connection to Bofur just from his tongue--what if Bofur put his cock inside him? He started subconsciously rolling his hips at the mere thought of it. It felt good to push back on Bofur, so Fili kept at it. Bofur was groaning and moaning while he stroked Fili's entrance with his tongue. Fili began to ache for release.

"Bo," he panted. "Touch me. Bring me off."  
Bofur stopped for just a moment to tell him, "Just keep your pretty little arse working my tongue."  
Fili felt Bofur grip him along with the gentle scrape of beard and mustache as Bofur buried his face in Fili's backside. He felt the sensation of his impending climax draw up gradually before it flattened him like a boulder. Fili bit his cry into his arm, leaving teethmarks and still being rather loud besides. He felt himself squeezing Bofur's tongue and found he rather enjoyed the feeling of having something to flutter against as he came. 

Bofur caught Fili's semen in his hand as he felt Fili come around his tongue. It was a surprise to him how involved his arse was in his own orgasm--he never really noticed it without something in his bum--but he had been looking forward to feeling Fili come against his tongue from the moment he did the same to Fili. 

He located the sock Fili had risked life and limb to get to keep their water fairly clean and wiped off his hand. Fili was collapsed and relaxed in a corner of the tub with his foot braced against a corner inside the tub so he didn't slip under water. Fili held out an arm and Bofur settled into his embrace as they enjoyed a bit of a soak. 

"Is it safe to assume that this little adventure came to us courtesy of the Shire?" Bofur asked.  
Fili smiled shyly and nodded. "Kili told me about it."  
"Would it make things uncomfortable if we gave them a 'thank you' gift? Maybe some nice dried fruits in a basket?" Bofur joked.  
Fili laughed. "Possibly. Can you imagine how Bilbo would blush?"  
"Like a strawberry!" Bofur agreed. "Funny how he can be so brazen on one hand and on the other, flush from head to toe if you look at him the wrong way."  
"Bo, when your eyes land on something you find pretty, there is no right way," Fili mused. "I blush, too."  
"True," Bofur agreed, "but I don't look at just anyone the way I look at you."  
Fili squeezed his arm. "That's because you court me."  
"And because you're so pretty," Bofur added. 

Bofur slid down into the water to soak his head. He surfaced and reached for the soap.  
"No, let me," Fili said. "With your leave?"  
"You want to wash my hair for me?" Bofur asked, surprised.  
"If you would allow me the honor," Fili said softly.  
"You have to know the honor would be all mine," Bofur replied. "If you would allow me to wash yours as well."  
Fili smiled at him so sweetly that Bofur thought his heart might melt. "Please," Fili said. 

Bofur sat between his legs as Fili massaged his scalp. He nearly purred with contentment. Tonight he saw Fili without his braids, Fili told him he loved him, they did something incredibly personal to each other, and now Fili was washing his hair. What a courtship! Most dwarrows will not wash their mate's hair until they are married--and some not even then. Bofur had deeply wished to court Fili and vowed when he accepted to enjoy every moment of it for as long as it could last, but he never let himself realistically hope that some day Fili could be his husband. Until now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kili & Bilbo's bench sex scene was partially inspired by this gorgeous, explicit, incredibly NSFW gifset that scrolled across my dash during Cumber-porn's Penis Friday. http://cumber-porn.tumblr.com/post/54115209590


	64. Gifts Of The Heart And Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Gandalf returned from his visiting the day before Beorn's friends departed. His horse was laden with bundles this time. Some of them were for Bilbo, though Gandalf had to be rather secretive about delivering them. Beorn helped Bilbo distract the dwarves so he could sneak in his parcels."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are all wonderful <3

Bofur woke with Fili in his arms, his lover's hair still a bit damp from their bedtime bath. Fili's hair curled up quite a bit when it was wet. Bofur had noticed it a few times on the road, but without his side braids it was much more noticeable. He gently coiled a wave around his finger. He thought of Fili's low hums of enjoyment as he washed his hair and how those thick, blond tresses felt all soapy beneath his fingers. It was so intimate...almost as intimate than what they did together prior. 

Bofur thought back to the beginning of the quest. He had noticed Fili--a blind dwarf would have noticed him in a dark room--but he never thought a dwarf like that would want to be his lover. Once he found out that Fili was in line for the throne should they succeed, Bofur firmly wrote him off as an impossible dream. He devoted his attention to Bombur, Bifur, and Bilbo instead (having long since taken his sweet Bilbo under his wing as he saw how tough on him Thorin was--at least, until Bilbo made Thorin his choice). If someone had told Bofur back then that he would one day warm Fili's bed, that he would be on his way to live in the Shire with Bilbo and two princes, he would have thought they had gone simple in the mind. Honestly, if someone would have told him half of what he had witnessed in the past year, he would have walked away laughing before the list was done. They had survived orcs, elves, spiders, a dragon, and a bloody war--a war in which elves and men fought proudly beside his people, no less. Erebor rose up out of childhood legend and he had personally walked its halls and defended its gate. He watched as Thorin went from berating Bilbo to bedding him, all while Kili quietly fell in love with and eventually won the king's mate for himself. And now Bofur had Fili. He would never think anything impossible again.

A short while later, Fili woke. He stretched himself out and ran a hand through his hair. Finding it damp, he was reminded of the night before. He peeked at Bofur and found him well awake.  
"G'morning, gorgeous," Bofur said.  
"I love you," Fili said abruptly. He grabbed Bofur and held him tightly.  
Bofur chuckled. It was a little strangled because Fili was constricting his chest.  
"I had no idea you were so affectionate in the morning," Bofur kidded.  
"I spent too long keeping it to myself," Fili reminded him.  
"Far be it from me to complain! I'm pretty mad about you, if you'll remember," Bofur said.  
"As if I'm going to forget!" Fili laughed.

They heard the unmistakable shuffling of something large in the house.  
"Oh, Beorn has returned," Fili said.  
Bofur noted, "That means Gandalf will probably be back within the week. Where does he get off to all the time? Do you know?"  
Fil shrugged. "I am not sure. He seems to have dealings all over the place and knowledge besides of people he has never met. He did not know Beorn but somehow he knew enough about him to get us food and shelter. My education did not include much about the wizards of the world but I think there is a great deal more to Gandalf that any of us knows. Thorin thought our quest to be of the utmost importance to him but something tells me that we were only a small thread in his great tapestry."  
"I've got to start waking far earlier than you to keep up with your sharp mind," Bofur teased. "I've only just woken up enough to remember where we're at."  
Fili smiled. "You are more than able to keep up, Bo. You're one of the sharpest dwarrows I know."  
Bofur kissed Fili's shoulder. The compliment made him feel giddy.  
"Well, wherever he goes, he certainly makes good time. Not long ago, he mentioned going to Rivendell and back and I hardly knew he had gone to begin with," Bofur said.  
"About traveling to Rivendell," Fili began. "How do you feel about elves?"  
Bofur was amused. "Elves?"  
"I was talking to Kili yesterday. Something he said reminded me that you and I haven't discussed Bilbo's wish to visit Rivendell," Fili said.  
Bofur shrugged. "I did not think it was necessarily up for discussion."  
Fili sat up. "Of course it is! There are other things we could do if you did not want to go there."  
"You'd skip Rivendell for me?" Bofur asked, sitting up as well.  
"If it would make you unhappy to be there, absolutely I would," Fili said.  
Bofur grabbed Fili's hand and kissed it. "As it so happens, any prejudice I had against the elves was lost during the battle and what came after. And wrongs aside, the elves of the Valley are different folk than the elves of the Greenwood. Master Elrond was kind to us...much kinder than we were to him, I'm afraid. My brother broke his furniture and then I burned it. Honestly, I'll be surprised if I'm allowed back in without a guard to keep an eye on me," Bofur chuckled.  
"That was similar to the conclusion that I drew as well, barring the account for your mischief," Fili teased.  
"Do we know when we depart?" Bofur asked.  
"I don't think very soon. Bilbo wants to wait for spring but leave before summer," Fili said.  
"He wants to see the flowers in bloom again before he goes, I would imagine." Bofur smiled.  
"You want to know what is sad? That you know that about him, but Thorin probably does not," Fili shook his head.  
Bofur ran the back of his hand lovingly down Fili's cheek.  
"That is why Bilbo is probably sound asleep in your brother's arms right now instead of cuddled up to Thorin in Erebor," Bofur reasoned.  
Fili sighed. Being in love made him sadder than ever for Thorin.

*****

Bilbo was combing through his hair with his fingers as he got dressed for the day.  
"Confusticate this hair!" Bilbo complained. "It is getting to where it is knotty all the time."  
Kili looked up when Bilbo spoke. The hobbit's hair had grown down to his shoulders on the sides. It would have been well past his collar in the back had he not been singed by the dragon.  
"That's because you don't know how to keep longer hair," Kili said, getting up to help Bilbo.  
He poured a small bit of oil in his hand and ran it through Bilbo's ends. He produced his own comb from a pocket and smoothed back through it, being careful not to snag the braid.  
"You may not like fussing with it, but you look gorgeous with your hair long," Kili noted.

Bilbo blew out of the corner of his mouth to move a tendril that had fallen near his face and Kili giggled at Bilbo's irritated expression. Kili rummaged through his belongings and came back with his hair clip. Kili began combing Bilbo's hair off his face.

"There," Kili said as he fastened his clip into Bilbo's hair. "Is that less bothersome?"  
Bilbo turned his head a couple times experimentally. "Yes, actually."  
"Use that one for now. At the next opportunity, I will get you a nicer one," Kili said.  
Bilbo felt a swell of affection at Kili's gesture and words. The dwarf acted like this was the most natural thing in the world and the familiarity of it touched him. 

"While we are talking about adornments, do you ever wear more than your clip and your ring through your skin?" Bilbo asked.  
"Oh sure," Kili answered. "I'm still a dwarf, you know. I have a couple things I've carried with me from the start, such as my beads and a ring with my symbol that I was given at my coming of age. I've also got what Fili gathered from Erebor. In addition to the money, he packed me some things that I quite like."  
"The thought occurs that I've gotten very few glimpses of that side of you," BIlbo said.  
"True. We've been traveling, fleeing, and fighting so much that there has not been much cause for pomp. Other than Lake Town, we've also had no opportunity to acquire new things. We went from a battlefield to staying here. Here is nice, but it isn't a town. It isn't the right environment for fussing over jewelry. Plus we hardly have fair clothes. It would make an odd combination."  
Bilbo chewed on the inside of his mouth thoughtfully. "It _is_ odd, this lifestyle. Not having many clothes and nearly no possessions would have made me crazy before, but after going two weeks living off nothing but cram or sleeping on the hard ground, I find myself happy for the meals and the bed."  
Kili giggled. "To think once you didn't even want to leave the Shire without your handkerchief! I know what you mean, though. Although we were more or less royalty in exile, Fili and I were not raised paupers. The worst of the lean years had passed by the time we were old enough to know better. We were not spoiled or rich, but we had fine, tooled leathers and respectably crafted clothes. After everything this quest took out of us, I find myself much like you--happy to not have to kill any orcs or eat cram for dinner every day. Or maybe I'm having such a good time being naked that I don't much mind not having nice clothes."

Kili stroked Bilbo's jaw tenderly and kissed him.  
Bilbo opened his eyes and smiled at Kili. "I do rather like the way you think."  
Kili took Bilbo's hand. "What about you? Do you like jewelry?"  
"More than I used to. I blame traveling with dwarves, you know. Hobbits are simple folk. We do love fine clothes, but jewels are typically worn sparingly."  
"When we get back, do you think you'll have the nerve to wear any?" Kili asked, subconsciously stroking Bilbo's ring finger. Bilbo did not notice any significance.  
"Again, perhaps I would not a year ago, but I've lived a lifetime since then. If I can sass a dragon, I can handle my neighbors complaining about my lack of humility," Bilbo said. "If nothing else, we'll have no shortage of friends amongst the merchants when we return."  
Kili laughed. "It will be quite something living with you in civilization, I think."  
Bilbo smiled devilishly. "Count on it."

*****

Bilbo was pleased to discover Beorn had returned with supplies and had another wagon of friends a day behind him bringing more besides. Beorn commented on trading for more oil because they were going through much more of it lately. Bilbo coughed and changed the subject quickly. As Beorn bustled about and told stories of his most recent "bear patrol," Bilbo couldn't help but smile. He had grown terribly fond of the man. He even managed to develop an affection for the nickname "Bunny." It was a good thing, too, for Beorn seemed to have long forgotten that Bilbo had any other name besides.

With Beorn back and warmer days coming more frequently, they spent the daylight hours helping him with daily chores as well as special duties to ready for the change of seasons. Kili watched Beorn and Bilbo chattering excitedly while walking through what would be the planted portion of the garden. He admired the way the sun shined on Bilbo's hair, occasionally reflecting brightly on the metal clip that held it off his face. Bilbo looked so happy and free. Happy, free, and _his_. They could be alone together without having to make excuses, they never had to worry about Dwalin interrupting them with one of Thorin's summons at a moment's notice, and they could lay the whole night through while blissfully naked in each other's arms...or bodies. Kili endured a lot of heartache to get to this point, but he was oddly thankful for it. Every moment he spent with Bilbo was made sweeter by the memory of what it was like taking only the thought of Bilbo to bed at night.

*****

Bofur managed to find a moment alone with Bilbo. He had some special news to share.  
"I told him," Bofur said.  
"You did? And he's just as mad for you, of course," Bilbo surmised.  
Bofur smiled. "That's what he says."  
"I knew it! Good for you, Bo. I'm so thrilled for the two of you! So, what now?" Bilbo asked.  
"More of the same. Courting. Going with you to Rivendell, that sort of thing," Bofur said.  
"Going to bed..." Bilbo added.  
"My, my, my! Bilbo Baggins! I am surprised at you!" Bofur grinned before delivering his punchline. "We've been to bed _already_."  
Bilbo giggled. "A word to the wise: that line of Durin will wear you out."  
"Well, you would know," Bofur quipped.  
Bilbo shrugged. "Two out of three," he agreed.  
Bofur nearly choked and began to laugh deep from his belly. "Well now! _Somebody_ is feeling rather shameless today!"  
A pink flush made its way across Bilbo's cheeks and up past his collar, but he still merrily winked at Bofur. 

*****

Gandalf returned from his visiting the day before Beorn's friends departed. His horse was laden with bundles this time. Some of them were for Bilbo, though Gandalf had to be rather secretive about delivering them. Beorn helped Bilbo distract the dwarves so he could sneak in his parcels.

"Thank you, Gandalf. I know you are far from a servant and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you doing this for me," Bilbo said.  
"My dear fellow, the pleasure is mine. I was going to be in town, anyway." Gandalf replied.

Beorn was a fine co-conspirator, releasing and calling back Fili, Kili, and Bofur perfectly so that Bilbo could get his time alone with each of them.

*****

Bofur was first. Bilbo pulled him into his bedroom and shut the door. The dwarf was very confused.  
"Um, Bilbo?" Bofur called.  
Bilbo shimmied under the bed and Bofur swallowed thickly.  
"Is something, uh, troubling you?" Bofur asked.  
Bilbo popped back up with a case in his arms. "No, but this needs to be a secret from Fili for the moment."  
Bofur tilted his head in confusion.  
"I asked Gandalf for a favor and he's delivered quite well. I want you to give this to Fili for a courting gift. I know he's been missing having one of his own," Bilbo said as he handed the case to Bofur.  
Bofur set the case on the bed and opened it. A fiddle was nestled inside.  
"But why from me?" Bofur asked, closing the case again.  
"Because I'm merely the messenger," Bilbo explained. "And because you've been kind to me and you've been a fantastic support for Kili when things were difficult. I know from courting a sweetheart of my own this winter that the best gift to give you right now is something for Fili."  
"This is a beautiful gesture, Bee. I don't know what to say," Bofur said.  
"Say you'll give it to him before dinner. I feel like singing tonight."  
Bofur smiled affectionately. "Then the treat is going to be doubly mine."

*****

Fili was next. Bilbo presented Fili with a tin whistle for Bofur along with the same explanation of the how and the why. As with Bofur, he requested Fili give it to him before dinner.

*****

Last was his own Kili, who thought they were sneaking off for sex. He had a tongue in Bilbo's mouth and a hand down the back of Bilbo's trousers before Bilbo was able to wiggle away from him. It was only then that Kili noticed a case on the bed.  
"What's this?"  
"That is for you. A courting gift, actually," Bilbo said.  
Kili opened it and found a fiddle. He lifted it from the inside carefully and looked over it as though it were a treasure itself.  
"Bilbo, how?" Kili asked in breathless wonder.  
"Gandalf did me a rather grand favor while he was on his last visits," Bilbo said.  
"Rather grand is right," Kili plucked at a string. "I've never played a fiddle this fine."  
Bilbo smiled. "Gandalf had the foresight to get additional supplies, too. Spare strings and things I don't recognize."  
Kili looked at him hopefully. "And this is mine? Really mine?"  
"Of course," Bilbo said as Kili gently placed the instrument back into its case. "I wanted him to bring you boys back a harp, too, but Gandalf couldn't find one that he could fit easily on the ho--mmmphf!"  


Not for the first time and certainly not for the last, Bilbo was surprised mid-sentence with a rather sudden mouthful of happy dwarf.

*****

Fili and Bofur sneaked off for a private moment in the late afternoon.  
"I have something for you," Bofur said as he handed the fiddle case to Fili. "It is supposed to be a courting gift but I must tell you that it came from Bilbo. He wanted me to have something special for you. If I had his foresight, it very well could have been from me but I cannot claim credit."  
Fili opened the case and gasped. He ran his fingers over the wood.  
"It is lovely, all the same."  
Fili smiled and set the case aside. He pulled open the drawer where he kept his things and came back with the whistle.  
"I'll give you three guesses where I got this, but I wager that you'll only need one," Fili said.  
Bofur's face lit up. "I lost mine when the floor fell through the cave in the mountains! Oh, that hobbit!"  
"I think it is precious that he wanted us to have courting gifts for each other," Fili said.  
Bofur chuckled. "I'm glad I was forthright about that fiddle. You would've known its source right away!"  
"Yes, he didn't think that one through did he?" Fili mused. "But Bilbo acquiring it doesn't make it any less special."  
"I agree. The songs I'll play for you will be from me," Bofur said.  
"And the songs I play for you will be from me," Fili said lovingly. He turned that thought over for a moment in his head. "Hmm, maybe he _did_ think it through after all."

*****

Dinner was a boisterous affair. Beorn's visitors had brought exotic flours and dried fruits that had been enthusiastically utilized by Bilbo, the dwarves, Beorn, and his animals as they prepared the night's feast. They also brought welcome casks of ale that were cheerfully consumed by all throughout the evening. After stuffing themselves, the dwarves broke out their new instruments and began to play. They played traditional songs they already knew, taught each other new ones, and tried to pick out accompaniment for melodies that Bilbo, Beorn, and the men would hum for them. Furniture was moved so Bilbo could teach them all some dances. Kili knew he'd never forget the look of Beorn and Bilbo doing a pub dance Bilbo had taught him. It was a wonder Bilbo didn't get squashed. Gandalf laughed so hard he nearly had a fit. Bilbo, Beorn, and Bofur sang and sang. The freer the ale flowed, the more lively the party got. Kili set aside his fiddle to dance with Bilbo and it reminded him of their going away party in Lake Town. This time, it would be him that took the affectionate drunk hobbit to bed.

Eventually, the party wound down and the revelers made their way to their respective rooms. 

Beorn looked over the askew sitting room and the ragged remnants of the feast.  
He said, "We won't be happy to be greeted with this clean-up in the morning, but it is a small price to pay for such a joyous night."  
"What a delightful evening," Gandalf said. "That was more than worth finding the merchant, I think."  
Beorn clapped Gandalf happily on the back, almost tossing him on the floor with the unintentional force. "That was a good thing you did for them. It has been a long time since there has been more than singing within my walls. Had Bilbo only had this idea at the beginning of winter! All our feasts would have been so merry!"  
"And you would've had a great many more hangovers, besides," Gandalf added teasingly.

*****

Fili was naked before Bofur managed to get his trousers off. He started tugging at Bofur's shirt.  
"Come _on_ , slowpoke!" Fili insisted.  
"Has anyone ever told you that you are impatient when you are drunk?" Bofur asked.  
"I'm in a hurry to be naked with the one I love," Fili said.  
"Hmmm, and sweet, too."  
Fili licked Bofur's lips. "How sweet?"  
Bofur licked back. "Oh, very sweet. The sweetest, I would say."

Fili led Bofur to the bed and flopped on his back. "I want you to get yourself off for me," Fili announced.  
Bofur was taken aback. "You want me to touch myself?"  
Fili nodded exaggeratedly. "I want you to perch here," he indicated his stomach, "and I want to watch you up close while you make yourself come."

Bofur made a mental note to make sure Fili drank more ale in the future. He straddled Fili's stomach and began to stroke himself. He was slow and exploratory at first, enjoying the hungry look on Fili's face as the blond watched his hand. Fili had an arm next to his body that Bofur felt move beneath him. Bofur licked his palm and got down to fulfilling Fili's request. He stroked and pulled up on his stones while he was working his prick. Fili licked his lips as his eyes darted between Bofur's cock and face. Bofur did not take his eyes off Fili's face at all.

"You like this quite a bit, don't you?" Bofur asked.  
Bofur felt the arm move again but this time it did not stop.  
Fili exhaled raggedly, "It is so hot."  
"Are you stroking yourself beneath me?"  
"Yes."  
Bofur moaned.  
"So fucking perfect for me, Fee."

Bofur licked his hand again and pumped himself. Fili was breathing out small, erotic whimpers that were bringing Bofur more quickly to completion.  
"Where do you want it?" Bofur panted, close.  
"Come on my face," Fili answered.

After hearing that, Bofur could not have stopped his orgasm if he tried. He surged forward and spilled his seed on Fili's face. Fili's mouth was still open and gasping for it when he cried out and came himself. Bofur felt some of it spurt onto his bum and he stored the memory for a later date when he needed to pleasure himself alone. Bofur turned around to look for something to wipe Fili's face when the dwarf lunged and licked at his backside. He felt Fili's tongue on him where his seed had landed. Bofur fell forward with a soft grunt. 

Bofur sat up after a moment and saw Fili wiping at his face with a cloth. Fili also licked a blob off his thumb, much to Bofur's enjoyment. They climbed into bed and cuddled into each other.

"I think I'm addicted to you, Fee," Bofur murmured.  
"Good, then my master plan is working," Fili teased.  
The ale in Bofur's system helped loosen his tongue. "If your plan is for me to never want to let you go, I'd say it is working quite well," Bofur said quietly.  
Fili turned his head up quickly to look at Bofur. There was no teasing expression.  
"I mean it," Bofur said. "I'm drowning in this. In you. I am not courting you to play, or to bed you, or to 'just see where it goes.' Each day that goes by--each night you spend in my arms--I become less and less able to picture my future without you in it."  
Fili couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You're drunk," Fili said bashfully.  
Bofur's voice was serious. "Not so drunk that I don't know my own heart, Fili."  
Fili gazed at Bofur and took a deep breath for courage. "Then you should know that everything you just said could have spilled from my own lips. I'm not playing, either. We're not there yet, but from the day I accepted your suit, I have hoped this courtship would be fully realized."

Bofur kissed Fili deep and long. He clutched him tightly afterward.  
"Could I, uh, get you to put that in writing?" Bofur quipped.  
Fili answered softly in Bofur's ear. "Someday, you just might."

*****

Bilbo pushed Kili back into the bed and kissed him sloppily.  
"Mister Baggins, I do believe you are drunk," Kili said.  
Bilbo sniffed, "Hardly any drunkier than you. Drunker, drunker...more drunk? Is it 'drunker' or 'more drunk?'"  
Kili giggled. "I've not seen you pickled like this since Lake Town."  
"Shut up and take your clothes off," Bilbo said.

The task was easier said than done. Kili and Bilbo both had impaired coordination for the intricacies of such things as buttons and boot removal. Kili ended up on the floor, arse over tea kettle, with a sock on his hand. Bilbo had been stuck inside his own shirt at the time (having forgot to remove his braces before trying to take it off over his head) and thusly had no idea how Kili managed it. 

Eventually naked, Kili bent Bilbo over, dropped to his knees, and licked him stones to tailbone. He heard Bilbo muffle a cry into the bed. He stood and pressed himself against Bilbo's back.  
"I think I'm going to fuck you now," Kili said.  
"You couldn't even get your boot off on the first try!" Bilbo giggled. "I hope you can find the hole."  
"Oh, I'll find it. Bury me if I'm ever to drunk to find your arse," Kili said. 

Kili managed to oil up his fingers without dropping or breaking the bottle. Pressing two fingers in, he was pleased to find that a drunk Bilbo was also very pliant.  
"Shouldn't we climb up on the bed?" Bilbo asked.  
"No, like this," Kili said.  
"My legs are all wobbly," Bilbo complained.  
Kili promised, "I'll hold you up."  
"Stop lollygagging around, then. I'm ready already," Bilbo said impatiently.  
Kili slicked his prick and pushed the tip in to make sure. Bilbo backed himself all the way onto him in one swoop. It nearly knocked the breath out of Kili.  
"Gods, Bilbo!"  
"I thought you said you were going to fuck me," Bilbo challenged flirtatiously.

Kili grinned. He grabbed Bilbo by the waist and began pumping him briskly. Bilbo's feet kept sliding backwards along the floor, causing the hobbit to scramble to remain upright. Kili held him more firmly and fucked into him harder. Bilbo mewled and Kili clapsed a hand over his mouth.  
"Beorn has company, lover. We don't want to be rude," Kili chided. 

He had Bilbo bodily pinned against the side of the bed (which in truth went up to about Bilbo's chest) and used the hand over Bilbo's mouth and the opposite hand on his hip to pull them together again and again. Bilbo was moaning into Kili's hand, occasionally drunkenly licking the inside of it as Kili thrust into him. Kili's slight dizziness from the ale combined with the heady pulse of pleasure in his veins made him feel as though he were fucking Bilbo in some beautiful dream. 

Bilbo was squirming trying to get his hand in between the bed and his prick. Kili seized the hobbit's wandering arm.  
Pulling him back by the face, he growled in Bilbo's ear. "No."  
Bilbo whimpered and Kili jerked Bilbo's head to the side to kiss him roughly. He moved his hand from Bilbo's mouth.  
Bilbo's voice was ragged. "But I'm too drunk to get off without touching myself."

Bilbo tried to reach for himself again. Kili pulled out of Bilbo, hoisted him on the bed, and climbed up after him. Kili pushed himself into Bilbo again and seized both of the hobbit's arms. He pinned them both behind Bilbo's back and pounded into him in a punishing pace.  
"You will come in my mouth but not until I defile you," Kili hissed.  
Bilbo was face down in the bed and he groaned into the blanket as Kili rode him hard.  
He turned his head to beg. "Come, Kili...oh, fuck...please come. I can barely stand it. Gods... _fuck_!"  
"Yes," Kili rasped. "Tell me what you want."  
"Fucking mark me," Bilbo was practically sobbing. "Fill me up like no one else can. You, Kili. Only you."

With that, Kili lurched forward with a muffled cry. He climaxed, biting his lip so hard he thought it would draw blood. He covered Bilbo's body with his as he shallowly circled his hips for some spectacular aftershocks. Bilbo started deliberately squeezing around his cock, desperate for some stimulation. 

"Don't be cruel," a strained voice spoke from underneath Kili. 

Bilbo's plea shook Kili back to awareness from his tipsy, post-orgasmic haze. He backed out of Bilbo and rolled him over. He did not waste any time on pleasantries and immediately swallowed Bilbo's cock. Bilbo was nearly ready to burst. Kili pressed two fingers into him and stroked deliberately as he sucked Bilbo in and out of his mouth. Bilbo was panting and babbling incoherently as Kili's speed increased. He came rapidly with a low, sustained gurgle that ended in nearly a sob after Kili stimulated him a few seconds too long. Kili climbed up Bilbo's body and pressed a thumb to Bilbo's bottom lip to open his mouth. Bilbo watched with wide eyes as Kili spat the whole of Bilbo's orgasm onto his tongue. Bilbo swallowed it dutifully. 

"You're so fucking dirty," Bilbo sighed in happy wonder. "How did you _get_ so wonderfully dirty?"  
"Me?" Kili said incredulously, acquiring a rag to gently wipe Bilbo down. "What about you? All day you say things like 'oh darn,' or 'oops, confound it' but at night you have the mouth of a miner! 'Fuck fuck fuck.'"  
Bilbo pulled back a blanket to cover them. "Is that a complaint?"  
Kili pulled Bilbo into him and kissed him. "Hardly. I love it when you talk dirty and swear. I didn't even know you knew some of those words for most of the trip! It turns me on when you spew such filth."  
Bilbo leaned in to claim another kiss, this one deeper.  
"Your seed tastes amazing on your tongue," Kili whispered.  
"Dirty," Bilbo whispered back.  
Kili draped himself half over Bilbo and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "Your fault, you know."  
Bilbo kissed Kili's head.  
Kili exhaled blissfully. "I hope I remember this in the morning."  
"I think my arse will remember, at any rate," Bilbo said.

Kili's last memory before sleep was giggling and the warm spread of joy throughout his body.

*****

After breakfast, Gandalf approached Bofur, Bilbo, Fili, and Kili at the dining table. Despite a couple hangovers, the companions were still laughing and recounting the musical adventures of the night previous.  


Gandalf said, "I did not wish to disrupt your merry plans yesterday, but while I was on my own errands I was bidden to deliver these letters. They are from Erebor." 

The mere mention of the mountain seemed to suck the happiness from the room. As the heir, they all knew Fili would hear from Thorin fairly regularly. It was a small trade-off for not being forced to stay in Erebor. Even so, "news from Erebor" always carried an undercurrent of dread, especially for Kili.

Gandalf handed one to Bofur.  
"Oi, it is from Bombur!" Bofur said happily.

He handed one to Fili.  
"From Thorin, of course," Fili said.

Gandalf gave the last two to Bilbo.  
Bilbo looked at the top one. "One from Ori and..."  
He flipped the other one over to read the front and his face fell. "...one from Thorin," he said flatly, glancing up at Kili.

Kili said nothing, but neither Fili nor Bilbo missed the color draining from his face.


	65. The Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin's letter prompts some discussions

_"One from Ori and...one from Thorin."_

Sensing the tension and not sure he wanted to be a part of it, Gandalf quietly excused himself to help Beorn see his men off.

Kili could not claim surprise, but he had still hoped they wouldn't have to deal with Thorin's influence on Bilbo again for a while. Especially now. They had blazing sex, whispered declarations that were as precious as emeralds to Kili, and their bond. Kili felt as though they were stronger than ever, but he hadn't thought they would be tested so soon...much less against their love's greatest threat.

Bilbo looked evenly into Kili's eyes, not wavering. "Do you wish to read it first?"  
"It is not addressed to me. I should not read it at all," Kili said.  
"This is a special case. I will not have another misunderstanding like last time," Bilbo said. "I'll keep no secrets from you."  
Kili relaxed the smallest bit inside. "It is yours, Bilbo. You'll share it with me as you see fit, but you need to read it before you can make that decision."

Fili and Bofur had sat nearly as still a stone since Bilbo read Thorin's name. Fili was pleased that Bilbo was going about this openly with Kili. Still, he cut his eyes toward the letter Bilbo held. It was thick--likely three or four pages. He somehow doubted that it was a breakdown of Erebor's fiscal planning for summer and fall. He was the _heir_ and his letter was only one page.

"I'll give you your privacy," Kili said.  
"I do not need privacy to read a letter in front of you," Bilbo argued.

Kili gave Bilbo a small smile. Bilbo was giving him what he needed by insisting everything be out in the open. In turn, Kili would give Bilbo what he needed, which was some time without Kili hovering over him and analyzing his expressions to process whatever Thorin had to say.  
"Or likely you could not bear what would be written across his face before he had a chance to couch his feelings," his inner voice supposed.  
Kili glanced at Fili and Bofur. Both of them curious and insatiable gossips, he knew that they were not going to budge from the table if Bilbo wanted to read his letter there. Well, no matter. They had less to lose.

Kili kissed Bilbo's forehead. "Because you do not demand it is why I wish to give it to you," he said softly.  
He grabbed a cloak and disappeared outside.

Bilbo glanced up at Bofur and Fili, both opening their letters while surreptitiously glancing at Bilbo as well as each other. Clearly, Kili's thoughts on privacy were not shared by the other members of their little family. Bilbo thought he should read the one from Ori first just to draw out the suspense. It would serve Fili and Bofur right. His own curiosity was too great, though. Bilbo opened his letter from Thorin, took a deep breath, and read.

_"Dearest Bilbo,_

_I am finding it hard to adjust to this life without you. Before I saw you last, I held hope that our separation would be temporary. Maybe we would find our way back to each other or perhaps I could somehow win your companionship back. After the revelations at your most kind host's home, I rode back to Erebor with a heart as heavy as an anvil. Life without you before was something to deal with or to get through until we could be together again. Now, life without you is much like my first days in the Elvenking's prison. I am alone and cold, lonely and a little frightened, and I worry I might have to endure it forever. Only this time it is worse. Back then, a sturdy and brave hobbit found me. A pretty little thing with a shining eyes, a warm laugh, and a stout heart would come to me late in the night and tell me stories so I wouldn't be alone. Stories about Tooks and Gamgees and a tale of two boys seeking illicit pleasure in Brandybuck Hall...a funny, bawdy story that led to the love of my life. And that brave, wonderful hobbit would know when I was scared and he would shyly seek my hand through the bars and hold it. I wonder if he knew that sometimes his touch brought tears of relief and comfort to my eyes. So here I am once again. Lost, alone and cold, lonely and a little frightened. I have an entire kingdom and her allies at my disposal but all I want is my brave hobbit to comfort me again. My Bilbo Baggins._

_I remember the things you told me, Bilbo, these tales of Tooks and smials and the like. I may not have given them the weight they deserved at the time or given them enough consideration when making decisions about our life together, but I remember. I know you love gardens, elves, your Shire, books, the sun on your face, and giving all your love to the people you've chosen as family. I discounted or teased about or outright ignored the things important to you along the way, but please know my foolishness did not extend to blind ignorance. Your breath as you chatted happily about the things you held dear was never wasted._

_You might notice that I am not asking you to love me again as I have in the past. It is because this time, I know. You do love me. I saw it in your eyes when I left you behind. Not just your eyes, but your face. Even your posture when I left seemed as though any minute you would spring into a run after our wagon and beg for me to take you in my arms. I scarcely breathed from the moment we pulled away until you were completely out of my sight. Although you did not do it, I saw you remain outside after everyone had given up on the chill in the air and gone in the house. Funny, for when you left Erebor, I was also the last one remaining. I watched you leave until I couldn't strain to see you even as a speck in the distance and then stayed there longer besides, staring at the horizon in which you disappeared. I wept. I wonder, did you cry after you lost the sight of me? I will bet you did. Because you love me. You loved me enough to watch me._

_You loved me enough to prepare the food for my journey. Again, I listened to you, Bilbo. I know food is as sentimental and as pivotal in hobbit culture as metal, gem, and stone are for dwarrows. The meals you provided were further proof of your love. And the honey you sneaked to me. You should have seen me try to explain my tears to Dwalin. I blamed it on the forest but you know he didn't believe me._

_There is love between us, but for some reason it is not enough. The love between you and Kili is enough, it seems, although I do not understand it. I do not understand the hold it has over you when you aren't bonded with him. I do not understand what kept you rooted to your spot outside Beorn's house when I saw in your eyes that you wanted desperately to come with me. Remember that I held your wrists and had your hands at my head when I asked you to marry me. I felt your pulse nearly leap out of your skin. You wanted to say yes, yet you stayed with Kili. Knowing you love both of us so much is both a comfort and a hardship._

_I find myself wondering when I will see you again, although seeing you without having leave to touch you was a torment. It might amuse you to know that Balin took the news of my most recent rejection only slightly better than I did. He's a bit of a romantic himself, it would seem. He was the first to encourage me to speak my heart to you. I do not know whether to thank him for being partly responsible for the best weeks of my life or to never speak to him again for the pain that came after. I ask you, Bilbo, what is worse? Knowing the sweetest pleasures love has to offer only to lose them or never having loved at all?_

_Without you, even the hottest of summer nights will be always be cold. I have been in a room with two hundred dwarrows and have felt lonely for you were not of their number. I cry at night. I hold my pillow, try to remember how you felt against me as we slept, and I weep. Maybe I should not admit it, but I am weeping now. Do you know I went years not shedding a tear? Tough, heartbreaking years would pass and I would not spill a drop. Since I've met you, I've wept with fear, with happiness, with love, with passion, with sadness, and with unimaginable emptiness. It has not even been a year and I've wept more than I did in my whole life leading up to it. You did this to me, Bilbo._

_From the moment I saw you, I knew you would be trouble. I had never felt such a compulsion to protect anyone other than my kin. I was angry with you from the beginning for getting to me in such a way. I'd spent my life since Azanulbizar bricking away my heart so it would never be so affected again and you reached right into it as though you were a child of air and not earth. No matter how I snapped at you, I could not keep myself from caring. Caring and then loving. So much love, Bilbo. I had spent so long believing that such things were not for me, that I would be married to my kingdom if I did not die reclaiming it. Then came you and I would have sworn the sun rose and set in your eyes. Now, I am forced to believe that I was right all along. I will have no consort, no lover but you. If I cannot marry you, then Erebor will get what is left of my heart. You keep the lion's share of it, though, and I am yours to claim whenever you so choose. Even if it was only for a night, I would gladly yield to you._

_The wine I've had tonight has made me both sentimental and audacious. Perhaps when I am not under its influence I might think better of revealing my soul to you, but I am a dwarf with nothing to lose. All I hold at night are my best memories of you and regrets for what came after. If I am to be without you in this emotionless mountain, I do not want to leave these realizations unsaid. I am not telling you what I've learned in your absence because I wish to entice you back, although I do wish that down to my bones. I want to tell you because this clarity is burdensome. By sharing it with you, with its cause, I hope it will be somewhat lightened. And if you are not to return to me or call me to you, my remaining days will be bittersweet with lessons learned from the love I lost._

_This letter has quite gotten away from me. One bottle of wine and three pages down and I still have not yet come to my reason for beginning this letter--_

_I have invited Fili and Bofur to visit Erebor again before you depart from your current host. After you leave his house, Erebor will grow ever more distant and such a journey will be daunting. I know it will be long before Fili will return again and I wish for him to see what we've accomplished with the kingdom he will some day rule. I also realize with a heaviness in my gut that it may be long before I will see you again, too. Perhaps never, although that thought fills my veins with ice. In light of my fervor and most recent undignified behavior, I would understand your trepidation in joining Fili on his journey back. Still, I could not live with myself if I did not ask it. Will you visit Erebor before you return home? Maybe it will be for the last time. We would not be here if not for you and the sacrifices you made. You should hear the songs they are singing about you from here to new Dale. You would be pleasantly surprised with what we've managed in the short time that has passed. I know your friends all miss you. Kili would no doubt accompany you and I promise no harm would come to him if he did. No one would detain either one of you or do anything against your will. Please._

_All my heart_  
_All my body_  
_All my soul_  
_All my life_  
_My crown_  
_And the mountain itself_

_Yours,_

_Thorin"_

 

Fili only pretended to read his own message from Thorin. He watched Bilbo's nervous look of anticipation turn instantly sad as the hobbit began to read, noting the tears quickly welling in his eyes. A wistful smile followed closely behind and faded around the time that Bilbo was ever so slightly nodding in agreement at something Thorin wrote. The tiny smile returned briefly, only to revert in moments to a saddened frown. Bilbo's lip began to tremble and his eyes spilled over, tears dripping slowly down his face and landing in his lap. Then, his brow furrowed--in concentration or confusion, Fili couldn't tell--and Bilbo exhaled a heavy breath that may or may not have concealed the smallest of whimpers before slumping back in his chair.

At this point, Fili and Bofur were openly staring at Bilbo, all pretense of letting him have his letter to himself gone. Bilbo blinked back at them and wiped the wetness from his face as though he only had just realized he had cried at all. Bilbo held the letter out for Fili to take.

"Read yours first, though." Bilbo said.  
Caught, Fili's lips quirked up in an embarrassed smile as he turned his attention to what Thorin had to say to him.

_"Dear Fili,_

_Before anything else, I want you to know that the news of your courtship has been met with much happiness. Bombur has already brought me a letter for Bofur that I'm sure is filled with congratulations. The company was also thrilled. I heard a reliable rumor that Nori made quite a pretty penny on wagers he had on the two of you getting together. Perhaps you should insist on some of his winnings. Politically, my team of advisers also agree with this match. Bofur is one of the The Fourteen, as our company has come to be called, and it is widely agreed that there would be no questioning of your judgement in choosing him. Of course, you and I discussed when I saw you last that yours would not have to be a political marriage by my own decree, but it is doubly nice that I would not have to argue the matter on your behalf. Please know I understand when we spoke that marriage was not yet something the two of you were ready to contemplate, but whether you are here or in the Shire you are still prince and heir. We have to consider these things well in advance so if and when the time does arrive, we have a plan._

_Before long, the weather will warm and it will be easier to travel. I anticipate that your group will get on the road to head further west. While you are still an easy couple days' ride from Erebor, it would please all of us if you would return for a visit. So much has happened since you were here last that it would make our future correspondence easier if you could see where we are at right now for yourself. I'm sure Bofur's family would be happy to see him and as your suitor, he is welcome. I do not expect much from it, but I am inviting Bilbo and Kili as well. I'm not sure how I can bear it if they accept, but I'm not sure how I will bear it if they decline, either._

_Sometimes I look out over one of the inner balconies at all the activity inside our Erebor, dear nephew, and I feel such pride at what we've accomplished. Other times, I lay in bed and curse the day Gandalf gave me that map. And every day, I think of you, Bilbo, and yes, even Kili. I love all of you, even though it frequently hurts. This is such an odd position to be in. I hate it, truly. Would that Kili had fallen in love with anyone else! How happy I would have been for him! I've lost both lover and kin and I'm sick with it._

_I hope instead of getting a letter back, I am soon alerted to ponies at the gate carrying the future King of Erebor home for a visit. I'll have a room prepared for you and Bofur. I'll have one prepared for Bilbo and Kili as well, although I assume it will likely go unused. I do not know whether I dread that or pray for it._

_Be well, sister-son. I hope to see you soon._

_Thorin_

_PS To prepare you, Balin is buzzing about, nothing but a ball of excitement about the potential of your royal wedding. If you and Bofur are having a long courtship or are otherwise not ready to speak of marriage, you may wish to keep Bofur away from Balin or at least warn him so that the two of you do not face embarrassment."_

Fili smiled to himself. Thorin had really come around with Fili being courted by Bofur. Fili noticed that there was no mention of the company's reaction to Kili's courtship. Although loyalty to Thorin might lead to it not being as widely accepted as Fili's, he thought that there must be some that would be happy to hear of the other prince's match. He was fairly sure that some gold was earned on that bet, too, with pretty big payouts given Kili's lower odds. Also, they were speaking of Fili marrying but nothing of Kili, when Fili was positive that Kili would marry before he did. In short, he was perturbed even if he was not surprised. He knew that it was common practice for Kili to be shunned for interrupting Thorin's courtship with his own suit, although it was largely secret that they began before Thorin called off the betrothal to Bilbo. At any rate, it was still a slight for Kili to court the former intended, a greater slight still that the king wanted to reconcile and Bilbo wouldn't, and worse beyond that because Kili was royalty and the rules and punishments were much harsher for them.

Fili handed Thorin's letter to Bofur to read so that he could read Bilbo's. As Fili read the second letter, he imagined his face had similar expressions to the ones Bilbo wore. Thorin's letter was nostalgic, sweet, funny, and heartbreaking. Fili was surprised to see so few pleas. Just a lot of resignation and sadness that their affair might well and truly be at its end. If he were Bilbo, he was not sure he could resist such an outpouring of raw emotion.

"That is, um, quite a love letter," Fili said at last.  
"I don't disagree," Bilbo said. "It certainly tugs at my heart."

Bofur was trying to resist grinning like a loon at Thorin's letter for Fili. One aspect of loving a prince that he hadn't wholly anticipated were councils of advisers discussing his love life. On the other hand, Erebor seemed to be preparing for the eventuality of their marriage. Bofur's heart pounded with the very thought. Seeing it in writing made him nearly giddy. They weren't ready and Thorin acknowledged that, but the thought exhilarated him all the same.

Gathering his composure (and with no small amount of pride in its contents), Bofur held up Fili's letter for Bilbo. Bilbo nodded and accepted it. Bofur kept glancing at Thorin's letter on the table.  
Bilbo noticed Bofur's interest and sighed. "No point in keeping it a secret from you, Bo. Just...don't tell Thorin I let you read it. He'd probably be mortified that I shared it with anyone. I wouldn't, either, if it were anyone but the three of you."

Bilbo finished Fili's letter well before Bofur finished his.  
"Fee, this is sweet. I mean, the news about you and Bofur," Bilbo said. "The rest of it breaks my heart. And Balin carrying on about royal weddings when Thorin and I were supposed to have the first one. That has to be hard on him, too."  
Bilbo shook his head sadly.

Bofur finished Thorin's letter and gave it back to Bilbo.  
"Bloody damn, _I'm_ about to beg Thorin to take me back after that letter and we never courted!"  
"Not helping, Bo," Fili fussed.  
"Sorry, but wow. I did not know any of that about Mirkwood," Bofur said.  
"Neither did I," Fili agreed. "I knew you spent time with him, but that was really touching."  
Bilbo sighed. "No one knew much about the time I spent with him in the dungeon, other than the fact that I visited him most often."  
"Do you still wish to share this with Kili?" Fili asked.  
"Of course. Even if had been ten times worse, I'm not making this mistake with Kili again. He will read it and we will discuss it," Bilbo said.

Fili itched to ask Bilbo what his plan was, but Bilbo had just shared a very private and emotional letter with him. He didn't feel like he had the right to ask additional questions at the moment. Fili was in the odd position of not quite knowing who to hope for any longer, particularly with this additional insight from Thorin's side. He had a renewed view of his uncle. More of his tough demeanor and even his indelicate treatment of Bilbo in those early days made greater sense. He imagined being Thorin in this situation and Bilbo being Bofur. The clench that merely _thinking_ of it gave his gut nearly made his breakfast come back up. Then again, Kili felt all of that and more because Kili was also fighting the insecurity of being the second choice. Fili did not envy Bilbo. He felt tormented on the hobbit's behalf.

Bilbo made a move to go out and join Kili.  
"No, wait," Fili said. "May I go first?"  
"He's probably about to jump out of his skin with worry, Fee," Bilbo said.  
"But if he is going to lash out, isn't it better if he gets me first?" Fili asked.  
Bilbo nodded. "Very well, but bring him in with you the moment you two are done."

 

****

"Kee?" Fili called, rounding the corner of the house.  
He found Kili leaning against a tree not far away.  
"Should I be concerned that I'm seeing you and not Bilbo?" Kili asked.  
"He was on his way out and I told him I wanted to come out first," Fili admitted. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."  
Kili chuckled mirthlessly. "The weird part is that I'm fine. Well, not _fine_ , exactly, but I'm calm in a way I haven't been before."  
"Because of the bond?" Fili asked.  
"Partly, I think. Before, I felt like I was at a disadvantage because I couldn't give him everything I had within me. Since we've bonded, there has been nothing I've held back other than the actual words of a marriage proposal. Should he choose at any point to go, I know that there was truly nothing else I could have done to keep him with me. There is an odd sort of comfort in knowing you've given it everything you've got, you know?"  
Fili frowned. "Do you think he might? Might go back to Thorin?"  
Fili noticed an odd light in Kili's eyes when he spoke his answer. "That is the other weird thing. I don't think he will. I've got some nerves, but I didn't come out here to sulk over them. I wanted Bilbo to read his letter, have his reaction, and have a little time to think about what it means to him."  
"He wants you to read it, too," Fili said.  
"I know, and him wishing to be open about it means that no matter what happens, this time I am not chasing ghosts in the dark. That's pretty comforting as well," Kili explained. "What of your own letter?"  
"Thorin sends the company's congratulations for my courtship," Fili said.  
"And none for mine, I'm sure," Kili said.  
"Well, he wouldn't, would he? Even if they had good wishes for you, Thorin probably would not want to share them," Fili explained.  
"If I'm not being shunned. I know he said he didn't banish me, but who knows what the talk is?" Kili said. He shrugged. "It is not as though we'll be going back soon. They've got time to get over it."  
Fili cleared his throat. "Actually..."  
"Oh, _what_?" Kili said as he rolled his eyes.  
"Thorin has asked that I take advantage of the close distance to pay another visit to Erebor before we depart Beorn's for the season. It does not feel off or seem like a ruse."  
"It might not be a bad idea, honestly. I'm assuming Bo can go, too. He'll see Bombur and Bifur again before he travels far and the two of them can pull you aside and threaten you to not hurt him." Kili grinned widely. "I'm almost sorry I'm going to miss that."  
"Thorin has indeed extended his invitation to Bo...and to you and Bilbo," Fili said, inwardly cringing at what would inevitably come next.  
"Me and Bil-Really?" Kili asked. "Hmm, that is sort of interesting."  
That was not what Fili expected. Fili studied his brother. "You are kind of scaring me, Kee."  
Kili laughed, "What?"  
"Like you said, you _aren't_ sulking. You're not crying. You aren't falling to pieces because Thorin wants you and Bilbo back in Erebor. You aren't pacing or nervously picking at the bark on the tree. This is not at all like you."  
Kili shrugged again. "Bilbo and I are not fighting. I'm not waiting on a decision. At worst, I'm waiting to see if we have to have another tedious discussion about Thorin that may or may not lead to Bilbo needing time or more space. I suppose we will also discuss whether we wish to go to Erebor or not, assuming Bilbo does not turn the idea down flat."  
"When did my baby brother grow up so much?" Fili asked.  
Kili pressed his forehead to Fili's. "I don't think it is being grown up. I've just been here before. Don't worry. I'm still irrational enough to be your baby brother."  
Fili closed his palm around the back of Kili's neck. "When you are 250 and a grand elder statesman, you'll still be my baby brother, Kee," Fili said tenderly.

****

After Fili disappeared outside, Bofur said, "I do not know if you are the luckiest or if you are the unluckiest hobbit in the world."  
Bilbo huffed a laugh. "I suppose it depends on how one looks at it, yes?"  
Bofur gazed at Bilbo fondly. "Can I ask you something?"  
"Always," Bilbo said.  
"What made you stay here when Thorin left?" Bofur asked.  
Bilbo tilted his head. "Kili."

Bofur simultaneously raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes to express that Bilbo's answer was a little more simple than the one he was seeking.

"I don't know," Bilbo stammered. "Kili understands me. He gives me so much love but it is not suffocating. I'm his but I don't feel owned like an object. I'm never fearful of anything but hurting his feelings and only then because I'm apparently unintentionally amazing at it. With Thorin, I frequently felt fear. I never knew if I was saying the wrong thing, talking too long to the wrong person, or if Dwalin was going to descend upon me and swoop me to where Thorin thought I should be instead. Kili just lets me be me. Thorin groused about my wish to revisit Rivendell. Kili is already planning how we are going to explore it together. And then there are...other things."  
Bilbo chewed on the inside of his cheek.

Bofur grinned wolfishly. "Bee, you can't just leave it at that. You know how I love to hear about 'other things.'"  
"I'm going to tell Fee his suitor is a pervert," Bilbo said.  
"He knows," Bofur countered.  
Bilbo giggled. "I'm sure."  
He heaved a sigh. "Thorin was--you have to keep this between us, do you promise?"  
"I swear," Bofur said.  
"Thorin was a passionate lover and he never left me unsatisfied. Quite a bit of the trouble that came about between Kili and I after Thorin sent me away at the gate came from the fact that I still had an enormous physical attraction to him. If I got within a couple paces from him, I somehow wound up in Thorin's arms."  
"But..." Bofur lead Bilbo on.  
Bilbo repeated, "But...but Kili. By the Valar, that dwarf has got a _gift_ , Bo. I've never known anything like it."  
"At the risk of furthering my reputation as a pervert, I will have to say that I rarely heard what you and Thorin got up to in Lake Town," Bofur said. "Um, not so here with Kili."  
Bilbo smiled bashfully. "Not so with Kili at all," he agreed.  
"Academically speaking, what is it that Kili _does_ that makes him better than Thorin?"  
Bilbo looked at Bofur with his eyebrows raised skeptically.  
"Purely academic interest, of course," Bofur said.  
"Academic interest as in possibly experimenting on a handsome blond prince or academic interest as in you're going off to have a wank when I'm done explaining my sex life to you?"  
Bofur nearly choked on the shocked breath he inhaled.  
"Bilbo!"  
Bilbo was already blushing, but he continued, "I'll probably tell you either way, but the former will get you more detail than the latter."  
"Academic as in I want Fili to wake the household when I take him to bed at night," Bofur said.  
"Sometimes, Kili teases me. He'll draw me out to nearly my limit and then keep me there or back off again and again until I can't help but burst. Other times, he gets greedy for my pleasure. He'll get me there again and again until I'm pleading with him to stop. He corners me at any time of the day or night. If we can be alone long enough to get something done, he's got a hand down my pants. Plus his youth gives him a hobbit's natural advantage. Thorin was toe-curling, truly, but he could not be, erm, _ready_ as often as I could. Kili and I both can so we...do. There are days that my prick is actually sore from too many orgasms."

Bilbo was candid but careful to not single out specific acts. This was already uncomfortably bordering on talking dirty to his brother's sweetheart, but he knew Fili was going to benefit greatly.  
Bofur's own prick was stiffening listening to Bilbo talk. He was looking forward to taking Fili to bed as soon as the dwarf was agreeable.  
"Sounds like a rough life," Bofur teased. "I think we have discovered beyond a doubt that you _are_ the luckiest fucking hobbit in the world."

Bilbo heard Fili and Kili heading toward the house.  
"Are you hard?" Bilbo asked Bofur.  
Slightly taken aback, Bofur didn't bother to deny it. "Y-yes," he stuttered.  
Bilbo folded his letter and rose just before Kili opened the door. Climbing down off the dining table bench, he whispered to Bofur, "Make his cock sore for me."

The door opened just a second later.  
"May I have a word with you in private, Kili?" Bilbo asked Kili, conversation with Bofur seemingly forgotten.  
Kili nervously offered Bilbo his hand and they disappeared down the hall.  
Bofur watched them go, half in shock at what had just transpired.

"So, what did you two talk about?" Fili asked.  
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," Bofur said, lunging at Fili and claiming his mouth roughly.  
"I might," Fili panted.  
"Let's go to bed and I'll show you," Bofur purred.  
"It isn't even afternoon yet!" Fili halfheartedly protested as Bofur began to lay him down on the bench.  
Bofur nipped at Fili's neck. "Trust me, we won't be sleeping."

 

*****

Bilbo climbed up on the bed and patted the space in front of him. Kili joined him and they both sat facing each other with crossed legs.  
"I think it is time you and I had a talk, Kili," Bilbo said.  
Bilbo didn't seem sad, which Kili took as a good sign.  
Bilbo pulled out the letter and handed it to Kili. "Read this first. Not for any one particular thing or passage, but because I want no question left unanswered when we talk."  
"This is huge. Is there any ink left in the mountain?" Kili said.  
"He better have left some for Ori or he's going to have an angry scribe on his hands," Bilbo joked.

Kili read the letter, going over parts of it twice. Some of it was news to him. Much of it was just sad. It gave him a different perspective of his uncle and more insight on why he was the way he was when the boys were growing up. If Bilbo was not his own lover, he might try to persuade him to give this Thorin fellow another chance. Kili quietly considered himself lucky that Thorin hadn't come to these realizations in Lake Town or before the battle. He might not have had the same chances he had now. Kili had been Thorin once, but only with the tiniest hints of what it was like to be Bilbo's lover. He knew the feeling of loving a phantom, down to what his pillow felt like in his arms. It truly was tragic that Kili's own joy was tied to Thorin's sorrow.

Kili set the letter aside. Bilbo was looking at him expectantly. Perhaps he was waiting for a tantrum like Fili had been, Kili thought to himself. It wasn't going to happen this time.  
"That was beautiful," Kili said honestly. "I felt like an intruder reading it. That was very obviously your Thorin on the page, the one that he only allows you to see. Promise me you will never tell him someone else read that."  
Bilbo was surprised. "I-I promise. Anything else?"  
"Truthfully? I sort of wanted to go back to him myself and he wasn't even courting me," Kili sighed a laugh.  
Bilbo shook his head. "That's what Bo said!"  
"Oh gods, Bilbo. You let _Bo_ read that?" Kili asked disgustedly.  
"What? Your brother was going to tell him anyway," Bilbo defended himself. "I just saved him the trouble of memorizing it."  
Kili sighed. "Thorin tore open his heart and bled over three pages for you. That was clearly only for your eyes. Did you notice the tear smudges on the last page?"  
"I know, but you three are my family. And how is it that you are defending him? You've been so stirred up about him lately. You are the last person I thought would defend his feelings for me," Bilbo accused.  
"I do feel like I'm competing with his memory, but it isn't a fair competition if I try to discredit my opponent," Kili said.  
"Tell me, Kili. What still worries you?" Bilbo asked.  
"His memory. Your bond. Sex," Kili said.  
Bilbo shook his head and took Kili's hands in his. "I think of him less than I used to, both good and bad things. The nightmares have even fallen off again. But I will still think of him from time to time and when I do, it will not be because I wish your places were switched. I'll do it because I'm a thinking being with feelings and I can't just forget I loved someone."  
"I don't want you to forget you loved him," Kili said.  
"I know. As far as our bond goes, I suppose that will be there just like the memories. Kili, what we have is different. Our bond doesn't compare, although I'd hate to ever have to tell Thorin that because it would break his heart. What is between you and I is alive, electric, and intense. Even before we consummated our bond, my pull to you was incredibly strong. Enough to leave him behind once and once to watch him ride away even though the bond between Thorin and myself strained against my will."

Kili noticed that Bilbo started subtly trembling when he began to speak of their own bond. Bilbo's face flushed slightly and he shifted on the bed as though his trousers were too tight.

"Does talking about our bond arouse you?" Kili asked curiously.  
"It does," Bilbo affirmed. "Even when I'm only thinking about it, I feel it. And Kili, this never happened with Thorin, either."  
"And _that_ turns me on," Kili said, stroking Bilbo's arms lightly.  
"What does?"  
"Telling me that I make you feel something that Thorin didn't. I think I'll always feel a little insecurity about him because of the way we began and when you tell me I've done something for you that he didn't...well, it really scratches my itch, if you follow me."  
"In that case," Bilbo rose to his knees and pulled off his tunic, "let me address your final concern."  
Kili unlaced Bilbo's trousers before removing his own shirt. "And that is?"  
Bilbo stood on the bed to take off the rest of his clothes. "Sex."  
Kili was wiggling out of his own trousers. "Tell me," he said, breathlessly reaching for Bilbo, who was back on his knees.  
They pressed their bodies together and Kili gasped at the touch.  
"Oh, Bilbo. No matter how far we go, I will never get over how amazing you feel just pressed against me," Kili sighed.  
Bilbo ran a hand through Kili's soft hair at the nape of his neck.  
"You've been saying some things lately, like when you asked me to fuck you better than I fucked Thorin. Are you worried about Thorin in bed?"  
Kili sat back on his heels. "I want to be the best thing you've ever had. I want to love you more and I want to fuck you better. He had you first, as he delighted in telling me," Kili sighed. "To be honest with you, Bilbo, I want to fuck him out of your brain."  
Bilbo was left a little breathless by Kili speaking so frankly. "It is hard for me to imagine from that first time I explained sex to you that you would be the one to blow my mind with it. I've never come close to anything like what we have. You've elevated the experience to an art form."  
Kili was trying to suppress his grin at the praise. "Truly?"  
"I have no shame with you. _No shame_. Do you have any idea how strange that is for me? Even the mere thought of the things we do makes me bolder than I've ever been. You have no idea--I gave sex advice to Bofur today that should've turned me purple and sent me hiding under the table. Instead, I was even more brazen because I was thinking about you. Fuck, Kili," Bilbo seized Kili's face and kissed him. "You are the best everything I've ever had. Best lover, best bond, best friend...I-"

A realization slammed into Bilbo. He looked at Kili with a new, clearer set of eyes. Kili was his future.

"I love you, Kili," Bilbo breathed as he gently laid the dwarf on his back. "Thorin can send all the letters he wants. I will read them. I will think they are sad and haunting and beautiful. I might even keep them if it doesn't bother you. But I'm yours. You are mine. I'm not foolish enough to let you get away from me twice and I'm still making up for the time before that when I was so blind."  
Kili's hands smoothed all over Bilbo's back as Bilbo kissed him.  
"Bilbo," Kili sighed. "I don't think my heart has ever beat so fast. Everything you said-"  
"-I mean it. Every last word and all the spaces in between. I swear it," Bilbo spoke in between kisses from Kili's ear to his neck. He paused to mark his claim.  
"I love you," Kili said.

Bilbo reached for the bottle of slick and pulled Kili back up on his knees facing him, nudging his legs wider. He poured some of the oil on Kili's hand.  
"Reach around me while I kiss you," Bilbo said.

Kili had enjoyed the intimacy of this when BIlbo did it to him and was happy to comply. He enjoyed having his tongue in Bilbo's mouth as he slicked his digits in and out of Bilbo's entrance. Bilbo was sighing soft sounds in between Kili's lips. He felt movement and then fingers at his own hole. He threw his head back and groaned.

"Don't stop kissing me," Bilbo panted. "Open me from top to bottom, dear heart."  
Kili snatched Bilbo's tongue again, pushing and pulling in and out of his lover's body in two hot, wet openings. He felt Bilbo's own fingers behind him. Bilbo added a third and Kili couldn't help but drop his forehead on Bilbo's shoulder. He sighed Bilbo's name.  
"Stretch me more," Bilbo whispered in his ear just before he flicked the top of it with his tongue.

Kili did not know what Bilbo was after, but his heart and his cock were both filled to bursting. Bilbo could have asked him to do just about anything right now and he'd grin stupidly and do it. He was happy to grant this particular request. They kissed and stretched and fondled each other for what seemed like an age to Kili in his excited state. Their reach was too shallow, otherwise he would have likely spilled over Bilbo's hip already.

Bilbo nudged Kili gently to resume his position on his back. He slicked his cock and Kili's both before pulling Kili's legs up and burying himself in him. Kili sucked in a breath at the intrusion. There was no pain. Just fullness. Bilbo rested his body against Kili, adjusting a thigh to be next to him instead of under him so Bilbo could be as close to Kili as possible.  
Kili got the hint and shifted. Bilbo slipped his arms underneath Kili's shoulders and dipped down to claim his mouth, rolling his hips into Kili at the same time. Kili sighed and stretched beneath him.

"I'm going to make love to you," BIlbo whispered. "Because I am yours."

With that, Bilbo began to move. His strokes were slow but strong. He licked his way into Kili's mouth again, hands threaded in his hair as he rolled his body into Kili's like waves rolling into shore. Bilbo kept his lips on Kili's through it all. Kili was quivering below him, quietly moaning and stuttering noises into Bilbo's mouth. Time had stopped for Kili. Bilbo was wordlessly giving him everything and Kili would swear he could _feel_ it all. The physical pleasure was there, but there was an undercurrent of pure bliss that transcended his body.

Bilbo pulled back from the kiss and reached down to touch Kili's cock. Bilbo fully slid out of Kili. The loss of contact confused Kili as his dreamlike state was interrupted. Bilbo climbed on him and sat back on Kili's erection. He leaned forward for a softer kiss.

"And you are going to make love to me. Because you are mine," Bilbo murmured against Kili's lips.

Bilbo sat back and circled his hips until Kili started moving against him. Kili raised his knees with his feet flat on the bed so Bilbo could relax against him. Following Bilbo's lead, Kili began undulating into Bilbo with a slow rise and fall. He threaded his fingers through Bilbo's on each hand. Bilbo's eyes were closed and his head swayed from side to side with Kili's rhythm. Kili thought he looked like he were in a trance.

Bilbo let himself be carried on Kili's movement as the dwarf's knees held him up. He allowed himself to be lost in the sensation of feeling his lover inside of him in a way he usually didn't. He was not racing to the finish or even pushing back. Other than periodically tightening around Kili's prick on the out-stroke, he did nothing but breathe. Sounds escaped him but he he wasn't paying attention. Soon, he began to tremble as well.

They went on like that, occasionally switching places and pouring everything they had into one another. It grew more and more intense as they went on. Eventually, Kili broke with Bilbo wrapped around him.  
"Bilbo, it is too much for me. I feel like I'm going to shatter into a millon pieces," Kili insisted.  
Bilbo leaned forward and kissed Kili. He leaned back and braced himself with his hands on Kili's chest.  
He met Kili's gaze. "Mark me," he rasped.  
The look on Bilbo's face went from peaceful bliss to raw need so fast that Kili's head nearly swam. Kili set the pace and this time, Bilbo rode it thrust for thrust. Kili's sighs grew into moans that turned into a sweet, agonized roar as he gripped Bilbo's hips and pumped him with his release. Kili was breathing hard and ragged breaths and stroking Bilbo's thighs as his pleasure ebbed. He looked into Bilbo's eyes.  
"Mine," he said softly.  
"Yes," Bilbo whispered.

Bilbo pulled himself from Kili and repositioned himself inside his lover. Kili was still extra-heated from his orgasm and a little tight. Bilbo pushed in to his root and stretched his body across Kili as before. He slid his tongue into Kili's mouth as he moved, keeping a similar rhythm with both his tongue and cock. As he increased his pace, his tongue retreated and he breathed his breaths into Kili's mouth instead. Kili was moaning low, sustained sounds that broke each time Bilbo's hips jarred his body. Bilbo changed his angle and Kili raised up to him, clutching at his back. Bilbo was getting close, gulping in air as he became more and more breathless.  
Kili laced his fingers in Bilbo's hair and tightened them ever so slightly to get his attention. "Mark me."

Bilbo cried Kili's name over and over as he came inside him. His whole body shook with each pulse. Bilbo fell forward. Kili carded his hands through Bilbo's hair. He squeezed around Bilbo's cock, making the hobbit shudder. He rocked himself against him as Bilbo was still a bit hard. Bilbo rocked back and Kili's lightly scratched his nails down Bilbo's back. Bilbo eased out and noted Kili was fully erect again.

"Another?" Bilbo asked.  
"Please," Kili sighed.  
Bilbo settled between Kili's thighs and pressed three fingers inside him. Kili pulled up on his hips and thighs so Bilbo could get at him more easily.  
"You are unreal," Bilbo sighed.  
"You felt so amazing when you came. It made me crazy all over again. Plus you kept grazing my spot," Kili explained.  
Bilbo pressed and made Kili squirm.  
"I'll do more than graze it, now."  
Bilbo kept up a quick rhythm with the perfect pressure that he learned made Kili kick and buck helplessly.  
Kili was moaning Bilbo's name repeatedly, periodically punctuating it with a "yes."  
"Do you want me to stroke you with the other hand or do you want to try it just like this?" Bilbo asked.  
"Touch me," Kili pleaded.  
Bilbo pushed himself up on his knees so he could move both hands in concert. Kili pulled a pillow over his face and screamed as he spilled his seed on his chest and stomach. Bilbo let him ride out the last waves before he pulled away. He moved up towards Kili's torso and licked the semen from his stomach in slow, deliberate licks, never taking his eyes from Kili's.

He stretched out next to Kili on his side. Kili turned to face him until they were nose to nose.  
"I don't have any words for what that was," Kili said. "It felt otherworldly. You do not have any idea what you do to me."  
"You were made for me," Bilbo sighed happily. "Aulë made me my own perfect dwarrow to love and his name is Kili."  
"I think I broke your brain," Kili laughed.  
"Do you disagree that you were made for me?" Bilbo challenged.  
"Well, no," Kili supposed.  
"Okay, then." Bilbo said with finality.

 

*****

Forty minutes after Bofur started sampling Fili's body, the blond was begging him for release.  
"Bo, please! I feel like I'm going mad!" Fili moaned.  
Bofur took his tongue from Fili's entrance and hovered over his cock.  
"Since you are asking so pretty," Bofur flirted before wrapping his mouth around Fili's shaft. Fili had each of Bofur's braids in his hand and was biting back wails as he came hard and long.  
"You are pure evil," Fili panted. "But so, so good."

*****

"I think we should go," Kili said suddenly, pulling Bilbo out of his perfectly pleasant post-sex haze.  
"What? Go where?"  
"To Erebor. With Fee and Bo. We should go," Kili said.  
Bilbo made a face. "I don't know if that is a good idea. Besides, we don't even know if they will go."  
"I think Fee wants to. Why isn't it a good idea?" Kili said.  
"Because it would hurt Thorin to see us together. We don't have to be cruel to be a couple," Bilbo said.  
"But Thorin asked you. Practically begged you. And he said I could come," Kili said.  
"And what if it is a trap?" Bilbo said.  
"I don't think that. Not anymore. I think he is concerned that once you leave anywhere close to Erebor, he will never see you again. Possibly me too, for that matter," Kili explained.  
Bilbo thought about the mentions of Kili in Fili's letter. He might not be wrong.  
"Aren't you worried about he and I being in close proximity again?" Bilbo asked. "You know, with the bond?"  
"Truthfully, yes. The bond and his damn eyes that seem to hypnotize away all your reason," Kili frowned. "But I don't want to have the stronger love if it is only stronger when you are miles and miles away from him. If we get there and you find him irresistible, it means you would have been _un_ happy with me, after all."  
"I would not be unhappy with you," Bilbo protested.  
"Then I still have nothing to worry about," Kili reasoned.  
Bilbo leaned up on his elbow and peeked in Kili's ear.  
Kili giggled. "What are you doing?"  
"I think I might have fucked your good sense out of you," Bilbo said, stonefaced.  
Kili poked a tickle into Bilbo's side. The hobbit shrieked and laid back.  
Kili rolled over to fold into his embrace. "Will you at least think about it?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo sighed. "We'll talk about it with Bo and Fee."  
"Good," Kili said contentedly, drawing a lazy circle around Bilbo's belly button. "Besides, we are going to need a dwarven piercer to take care of your navel."  
"Wait, _WHAT?_ "

*****

After his own orgasm, Bofur peppered Fili's legs and thighs with soft kisses. He pushed Fili's thighs apart and back against his stomach to lap again at his entrance.  
" _Mahal_! What are you doing _now_?" Fili gasped.  
"Oh, I think you might have one more in you," Bofur drawled.  
"I'm leaving you alone to talk with Bilbo more often," Fili panted.  
Fili couldn't even bring himself to be jealous that Bofur and Bilbo were talking about dirty things. These sex tips from Kili and Bilbo were far too enriching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The good news is this update. The bad news is the nosy bf is off four days for the American holiday weekend. The chance I'll be able to update before Tuesday is slim, indeed.


	66. Royal Pains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is much discussion about whether or not Bilbo and Kili should risk going to Erebor. Everyone has an opinion, it seems.

For once, Bilbo and Kili resumed their day after their afternoon romp well in advance of Fili and Bofur. When the second pair joined them in the kitchen, they walked in on an argument in progress.

"But it will hurt," Bilbo said.  
"No worse than any of the scratches you got during the battle," Kili reasoned.  
"I didn't ask for those!" Bilbo protested.  
Kili smiled. "Which makes this even better. Do you not want one?"  
"One what?" Fili asked.  
"A ring through his belly button," Kili replied.  
"Oh, like mine," Fili said. "That would be rather attractive, I think."  
"Sweet _Maker_ ," Bofur swore under his breath.  
"Bo likes the idea," Fili laughed.  
"So it is settled," Kili declared.  
Bilbo raised up a finger and pointed it as he said each word. "Nothing is settled!"  
"I thought you liked my ring," Kili pouted.  
Bilbo's tone softened. "I do. Very much so."  
"But?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo shook his head. "But this conversation is pointless right now, anyway. We don't even know if we're going."  
"Going where?" Fili asked.  
"Erebor," Kili said plainly.

Bofur and Fili exchanged a look.

"Erebor?" Fili asked. "Be serious!"  
Bilbo made a face. "He is."  
"Kee, my lad, don't you think trouble has an easy enough time finding you all on its own?" Bofur asked.  
"There is no guarantee there will be trouble," Kili said.  
"Aye, like there is no guarantee the sun will come up on the 'morrow," Bofur said. "But the chances are usually pretty good."  
"What about Thorin? The bond? I'm not trying to offend you, Bilbo, but there's no point inviting temptation," Fili said.  
"What? Don't look at me! I told him it was a bad idea," Bilbo said.  
"I want Bilbo to be where he wants with whom he wants. If we go into Erebor and he wants to stay with Thorin, then this wasn't going to work, anyway," Kili explained.  
"But you'll be heartbroken!" Fili protested.  
Kili gazed at Bilbo meaningfully as he answered his brother. "Keeping Bilbo in a cage isn't going to keep that from happening if it is going to happen, Fee."  
"Oh, Kili," Bilbo said, leaning in to kiss him.  
"Why would you even want to go?" Fili asked his brother.  
"I have friends there still and I want to see what progress has been made, just like you do. I left Erebor in a rush because I wanted to get Bilbo and I away from Thorin. I've realized since then that being away from Erebor doesn't mean we are out of Thorin's reach, only that we cannot defend our names. I may not be the Crown Prince but I'm still a prince of Durin's line. You and Bo have only been courting a few short weeks and the whole place is in an uproar with delight over your union. No one has said anything about mine. I am proud of our courtship, too. I want to show them all I do not see a reason to hide. Not being banished doesn't mean much if I'm still hidden away like I have been all my life, always the embarrassment of the line of Durin. If that is what I am to be, then it can be said to my face once and for all. Let him say it and I will never return, but at least I'll finally know."

Fili stared at Kili in astonishment, realization dawning that this was about far more than BIlbo. "You were never an embarrassment!"  
"Wasn't I?" Kili countered, eyes blazing.  
"No!" Fili protested. "You were just-just..."  
"Special? Spirited? Impetuous? _Elvish_?" Kili spat the hated euphemisms of his youth.

A soft hand slipped up to cradle Kili's face, causing the wound-up dwarf to startle.

"Amazing. Brilliant. Compassionate. Breathtaking. And yes, special. So very, very special," Bilbo said.  
Kili raised his hand to tenderly hold Bilbo's wrist. He looked into Bilbo's eyes and saw nothing but love.  
"I do not care what they say," Bilbo continued. "I do not care what Thorin says. You are the most wonderful thing in my world and if you need to do this, I'll be at your side to tell anyone who asks exactly that. If they would like to kick us out, then we will leave the mountain behind us and never look back."

Kili pulled BIlbo into an embrace. Fili put his arms around both of them.  
"I still think it is unwise, Kee, but if you have something to prove to yourself or to Thorin, I will support you," he said.  
Bofur put his arms around the group as far as they would reach. "I'm with you, lads, for whatever it is worth."  
"It is worth a lot to me," Kili's muffled voice said.  
"Me too," Bilbo said.  
"You know how I feel," Fili said.

Everyone slowly stood back except for Kili and Bilbo, still embracing one another.  
Kili drew a breath and tried to break the tension. "So, what about that ring?"  
Bilbo laughed into Kili's shoulder. "I will if you will," he said.  
Kili kissed Bilbo's nose. "Deal."

Bilbo went back to fussing about in the kitchen. He caught Bofur's eye and mouthed the question, "How many?"  
Bofur held up two fingers. Bilbo nodded, raised his eyebrows, and puckered his lips in approval.  
"Bo, are you _blushing_?" Kili asked, oblivious to the silent communication.  
"Of course not!" Bofur said. His eyes darted over to Fili, thinking about how beautifully he had just fallen apart.  
Fili's eyes met Bofur's and he flashed him a devious smile. His lover would learn tonight that he was not the only one who could be ruthless.

"What did your brother have to say?" Bilbo asked.  
"Things are going well. He's heard from the family and they are on the move again now that the worst of winter is behind them. He and Bifur are excited about Fili and are pestering me to bring him 'round so they can tell him embarrassing stories about my younger years." Bofur said.  
"Or scare me off!" Fili said.  
"I thought you royal types were made of sterner stuff than that!" Bofur teased.  
"I don't scare that easily," Fili promised sweetly.  
"That was the most of it, that and progress reports," Bofur continued. "Bombur is rather excited that Thorin has worked out a trade agreement with some Men from up northern way. I'm imagining it is some of Beorn's folk. It has helped with the influx of more inviting food and some ale. That's about it. No particularly juicy gossip."  
"Ori's was much the same," Bilbo said. "General news and some particulars about the library and various excavations. He asked if I could provide him some translations of some passages he didn't recognize. He added that he misses us all terribly and would like us to hasten to Hobbiton as soon as possible so he may come observe. I think he might just want to escape his brothers for a bit. He enjoyed the time he spent with us on our boat immensely."  
Kili grinned. "It will be a nice surprise for him to see us all again so soon!"  
"Won't it?" Bofur agreed.  
Bilbo smiled at Kili's enthusiasm. Maybe this trip to Erebor wouldn't be so bad.

*****

The dwarves and Bilbo had announced their plans to visit Erebor during dinner. Afterward, Gandalf invited Bilbo out for a smoke alone. There was a bite in the air but the nights were already less cold.

The wizard did not waste time. "Bilbo, you could not fly fast enough from Erebor when we left it last. You would not dare even spend another night inside the gate...rather wisely, I might add. I do not need to remind you what happened when you last saw Thorin."  
Bilbo nodded solemnly.  
"What possesses you to return now?" Gandalf asked.  
Bilbo looked up at Gandalf. "Kili."  
"Kili? Kili stands no benefit from bringing you within a league of the mountain," Gandalf said, puzzled. He puffed his pipe as though he was trying to work it out.  
"Kili has unfinished business with Thorin," Bilbo said.  
Gandalf scoffed. "That is an understatement."  
"This is partly about me but not me only," Bilbo explained. "Everyone being so happy for Fili and Bofur has reopened some old wounds for him. He sees it as another example of how he is second best. Whatever is churning in his gut now was there long before I showed up to complicate things. Aside from that, Fili is going and Kili doesn't want to be left out."  
"But you hesitate, don't you?" Gandalf asked.  
Bilbo sighed. "Thorin gave me his word that we would not be detained and he told Fili he missed his family. He has been sly in the past, but I believe him this time. He just seems so...resigned. I don't think he means to keep us."  
"Personal freedom is not the only risk involved," Gandalf said knowingly. Too knowingly. Bilbo had to look away.  
Bilbo admitted, "No, it is not."  
"Have you told Kili this?" Gandalf asked.  
"Yes. He said that our love isn't strong if it is only made strong by distance from Thorin."  
It was Gandalf's turn to sigh. "That dwarf of yours has some interesting ideas for one so young. And what of Thorin? Have you considered how seeing you and Kili together would make him feel?"  
"I have but he was the one who invited us both. He told Fili that he knew it would be both good and terrible for him, but he nearly pleaded with me to agree to it. I have to trust that he knows what he can handle," Bilbo said. He wasn't sure he quite believed it, though.  
"Indeed," Gandalf said.

*****

Thorin was restless. His letters had been gone several days but he did not know when they would land in the hands of their recipients. It was likely too soon to expect much of anything, particularly if there was to be a visit. He did not imagine Fili and Bofur would decline his invitation. Fili was determined to take this odd little holiday from Erebor with his brother, but he still had a sense of duty. Thorin knew Fili would not stay in Erebor, but a visit would not be terribly taxing at this distance. Bofur being with him would also increase the chances. It was safer to travel with a companion and he knew Bofur would wish to see his family again before heading further west. He congratulated himself for having the idea to bring Bofur to Fili. That should have been his idea from the start. He felt guilty for trying to compromise Fili's relationship when all he needed to do was strengthen it instead. He sighed. No matter, now. It would be very nice to see Fili again. He was lonely for his family. Before the quest, Thorin and the boys might spend weeks apart now and then as he traveled to gain support for his idea but (other than Mirkwood) they had been by his side for this entire journey. Spending full days and nights together, he had grown quite accustomed to their presence. And to Bilbo.

He wondered how his letter to Bilbo would be received. He came close to not sending it at all. He worried it might have been too much. In the end, whatever it was that compelled him to write it all out in the first place also pushed him to send it. Did Bilbo's heart leap or sink when he saw it? Did he scoff at the feelings contained within or did his fingers tremble as he held the pages? Thorin recalled the last time he saw Bilbo and decided that Bilbo surely trembled. He did not honestly think his letter would change things between them, though. He had thought much on the situation after leaving Beorn's with all he had learned there and realized that Bilbo's mind was not set _against_ him, but _for_ Kili. Thorin was not up against his past actions as once he thought. Still, he hoped his letter would please Bilbo as atonement for his misdeeds. Should anything change in Bilbo's heart or mind for Kili, perhaps he would look upon Thorin with different eyes now that he understood better his heart.

And what of the invitation? Would Bilbo be so stirred as to accept? Thorin wasn't sure how much he dared to hope for such a thing. Dirty and wounded after the battle, Bilbo declined to spend so much as one night in Erebor where a hot bath and bed awaited him...and that was before Thorin behaved considerably less than regally in his pursuit. It was also before he requested Kili to court him. Bilbo had more to lose and more to fear now if he was mistrustful of Thorin's motivation. 

"What _is_ my motivation?" Thorin wondered, although he knew the answer. Regardless of the pain it would inevitably bring, he longed to see Bilbo again. He needed to hear his voice and see his smile. He wanted to show Bilbo the progress they had made within the mountain. He wanted Bilbo to be proud of him. 

Then there was Kili. Oh, once sweet little Kili-colt. He wanted to hug him tightly...then throttle him. He never thought he would miss that annoying, giggling, chattering dwarf this much. That brat used to get himself into the worst kinds of trouble, but it was all harmless compared to this. Lesser things had started wars and toppled empires. Thorin understood more with the passage of time that falling in love was not something Kili had done on purpose nor was it done to spite Thorin. He believed Kili when he said he could not turn it off if he tried because Thorin _had_ tried. Thorin tried to cut off his feelings and tell himself he was not in love with the hobbit, but such a thing was not possible. He did not know how Bilbo could stand loving two people. When trying not to love Bilbo hadn't worked, Thorin tried using his anger to dull the sting of separation from Kili. No matter the betrayal, Thorin still cared for Kili very much indeed. 

What if they accepted his invitation? Seeing them together at Beorn's was tough and watching them disappear to bed was tougher, but back then Thorin was at least soothed by the thought that Kili's time with Bilbo was limited. It was easier to bear watching when he was thinking that he would be the one holding Bilbo before long. If they would come to Erebor, he would have to see them together. Not just for a day, likely, and surely without hope of reconciliation. Bilbo would be spending his nights in Erebor kissing another. Thorin scrubbed his hands over his face in frustration just thinking about it. How could he bear them being there? Although it would pain Thorin in a different way for Bilbo to decline his invitation, he knew it was probably for the best. No, they would not chance visiting Erebor. 

He told himself he felt better and rolled over to try and find sleep. Bilbo's shining eyes and Kili's sweet smile crept into his mind once again. Maybe they _would_ visit...and maybe it would be worth it.

*****

Bofur lay naked and spent in Fili's arms, twice completed, having been at the blond's mercy for the better part of an hour.  
"I don't think my legs function any longer," Bofur panted.  
"I rather like you on your back, anyway," Fili teased. "Perhaps while you are helpless, I'll bring you around once more."  
"I'm not as young as you are, Fee. You're going to end me," Bofur warned.  
Fili huffed a laugh. "You are not terribly old, either. Not enough for your virility or your resilience to be in question. You keep rather good pace with me, I think."  
"Remember that and have it etched on my tomb," Bofur remarked.  
Fili rolled his eyes. "No one told me you were so melodramatic."  
"No one told me the Prince of Erebor was a golden fucking sex god, either," Bofur said blissfully. "Interesting the things one finds out behind locked doors."

A broken wail was heard through the wall. Bofur guessed it was likely Kili.

"I think the best I can hope for is 'sex champion.' The real sex gods seem to be a couple rooms down," Fili said.  
"I'd like to argue with you but you could likely be right. Do those two ever manage to sleep?" Bofur wondered.  
Fili giggled. "They have to at some point, I'm sure." 

Mentioning Kili and Bilbo, Fili thought of Kili's wish to go to Erebor. He would not have guessed it, but Kili always was full of surprises. After a few moments of thought, Fili sighed deeply.

"I can hear you thinking," Bofur said.  
"Erebor," Fili replied simply.  
"Ah," Bofur said, kissing Fili's chest. "Do you think Thorin's intentions are less than true?"  
"I don't think they are. You've read both the letters. I think he may honestly just be lonely for us. But Bilbo...I've seen him nearly abandon reason because of that blasted bond. I'm worried Kili is so focused on the chip on his shoulder that he is not weighing the other risks."  
"Or possibly Kili feels now that what he has with Bilbo is strong enough to withstand being near Thorin. Kili won out last time, remember?" Bofur noted.  
"Yes, and I remember the aftermath," Fili said. "Bilbo was heartbroken when Thorin left and he and Kili were distant for days."  
"And perhaps it is different this time," Bofur reasoned.  
Fili brightened a bit. "It _is_ different this time."  
Bofur propped up on his elbow in curiosity. "Oh?" He was thinking specifically of Bilbo screaming out for Kili to fuck him and wondered how literal it was. 

Fili paused for a moment. Kili had been open with him about bonding with Bilbo but that information might be too private to share. Then again, Fili and Bofur both benefited from Kili's whispered confession about licking Bilbo's most intimate area. And Bilbo _did_ tell Bofur about some of his bedroom activities (for which Fili and Bofur were fantastically grateful). But that was not the same as bonding. It wasn't the same as leaving one's seed _inside_ someone. 

"I, uh, think they reached a new understanding from that last fight and this new letter," Fili said.  
Bofur flopped back on the bed, a little disappointed there wasn't a deeper story.  
He said, "You are right. They are different with each other, now. More 'sickening,' as you like to say." 

_"Fuck yes, ri-right there!"_

Fili and Bofur looked at each other and stifled laughter as the sounds of Bilbo's pleasure broke through the walls. Bofur could not help getting aroused and Fili could not help noticing.  
"Hmm, what was this about not being young?" Fili said as he moved down Bofur's body. "Seems like you are plenty resilient, after all."  
"Gods, Fee," Bofur whispered.  
"Seems I have some catching up to do if you want to come when they do," Fili said, just before taking Bofur in his mouth.  
"What? Oh!" Bofur threw his head back and the argument died in his throat.  
Fili pulled off his cock. "Tell me, Bo. Tell me how you love to listen to them fall apart as I'm wringing you out." Fili took him in once again.  
Bofur groaned. "I do, gods help me but I do. It is like I'm feeling everyone's pleasure as you suck me."  
Fili moaned around his cock and Bofur felt the vibration. He also felt the bed begin to jiggle.  
"Are you pulling yourself off?" Bofur asked.  
Fili hummed a yes.  
"You like to listen, too. You can't help but touch yourself," Bofur purred.  
Fili hummed again.  
"Dirty little thing," Bofur gasped in appreciation.  
Fili worked Bofur over efficiently, not bothering to tease. He went right for the depth and the suction he knew would bring Bofur there fastest.

_"I can't take it! Fuck, I-I can't take it much longer!"_

This voice was Kili's. Bofur still burned as hotly as ever but Fili hesitated a moment. Another wail pierced the air and Fili returned to his pace, reluctance forgotten.

 _"Come for me, Bilbo! Now, please, now!"_  
 _"Yes! Kili Kili Kili Kili, FUCK! I'm coming!_ "

A ragged cry and screams split the night, Kili nearly sobbing Bilbo's name as he doubtless reached his completion.

Bofur came salty and wet on Fili's tongue as Fili did the same a few strokes later in his hand.  
Fili relaxed his body with a soft "swoosh" against Bofur's thigh, breathing heavily. Bofur tugged him up into his arms.  
"So dirty," Bofur said, kissing him. "Dirty, gorgeous, and all mine."

*****

After a couple days' preparation, Bilbo, Kili, Fili, and Bofur were readying to leave for Erebor. There was some debate and in the end it was decided they would take three ponies. Bilbo and Kili would double up on one on the way there. Should they choose to bring anything back, Fili and Bofur could double up on the second pony and the third could be led as transport. Bilbo and Kili were finishing up the food, Bofur was gathering everything else, and Fili was loading up the bundles as they were readied.

Gandalf approached Fili as he packed the ponies.  
"I understand why you and Bofur should go but I am concerned about Bilbo and Kili accompanying you on this errand."  
"You are not alone. I've made my arguments. Kili is determined and Bilbo is set to do it because Kili is," Fili said.  
"And Thorin's state of mind? How do you perceive it?" Gandalf asked. "He was not of a noble mind when we saw him last."  
Fili shrugged. "I think that has passed. He seems more sad and lonely than devious."  
"Or perhaps seeming sad and lonely is the devious part," Gandalf said.  
"What are you getting at?" Fili asked.  
Gandalf put a hand on Fili's shoulder. "Do you know what 'King's Privilege' is, Fili?"  
"No," Fili said.  
"Then let us hope Thorin does not, either. It was an archaic punishment in some of the dwarf clans of old and more remote realms of Men that the king could claim the mate of another if a slight was perceived against either crown or kingdom. I would say that according to current dwarrow custom, unless I'm mistaken, Kili's relationship with Bilbo could be looked upon as a violation, particularly if Thorin wanted to press about its origins."  
"Thorin already wants Bilbo for himself, he could punish Kili and reclaim Bilbo for his consort at the same time," Fili finished.  
"In more barbaric form, the union was consummated in view of the accused," Gandalf added.  
"You surely do not think-"  
"-I do not know," Gandalf answered honestly. "I would not have guessed him to assault Bilbo in plain view of Kili, either, nor would I have expected him to cruelly propose marriage in front of the dwarrow Bilbo himself was courting, but it happened."  
"But that is a bit different than what you are suggesting," Fili argued. He couldn't imagine Thorin doing something so vile.  
"Love makes people act in ways one would never suspect. Desperation even more so. Love and desperation together can be a disaster too big to contemplate," Gandalf warned.  
Fili looked at Gandalf helplessly. "What do I do? I can't force them to stay!"  
"Keep an eye out for them, Fili. Protect your brother as you always have. If you know for what to watch, you can keep Kili and Bilbo from harm. Perhaps all this concern is for nothing, but I will rest easier with at least one of you knowing what may be in store."  
"And now I won't be resting well at all," Fili thought.

*****

Beorn and Gandalf accompanied the group on some of their way, Beorn begging off at the border of the wastes.

"Be well, my friends!" Beorn said. "Keep safe and I shall see you sooner than later."  
He embraced Fili, Bofur next, then Bilbo and Kili at the same time.  
"You two be particularly watchful," Beorn warned. "The King of Erebor is not a bad soul but he is unpredictable."  
"We will," Bilbo promised. 

That night, they gathered a fire and ate well thanks to Bilbo and Kili's unrestrained packing of rations. Gandalf shared some pipe weed and they all enjoyed the evening under the stars.  
The next afternoon, Gandalf went his own way.

"My travels east and north have been fairly without incident, but stay aware and know where your weapons are," Gandalf said. He looked at Bilbo and Kili. "And remain aware while you are in Erebor. Do not hesitate to leave at the first sign of trouble."  
"Thank you, Gandalf," Bilbo said.  
"Don't worry, we'll be cautious," Kili promised.

As Gandalf rode away in a different direction, Kili said, "Well, that sounded ominous."  
Bilbo tried to shrug it off. "You know how Gandalf is."  
Fili rode along, still carrying Gandalf's secret in the pit of his stomach.

*****

Being on the road with Bilbo again was frustrating for Kili. Bilbo wouldn't let them stray too far from the fire at night without Gandalf or Beorn around like last time. Riding against Bilbo was driving him mad. He kissed and nuzzled at Bilbo's neck. Bilbo squirmed, so Kili pulled him tighter and rubbed against him.  
"I'm going mad without you. I think I could get there just like this," Kili whispered in his ear.  
"This poor animal does not want you rutting against me on her back," Bilbo whispered back.  
Kili groaned loudly and thunked his head against Bilbo's.

"Are you all right back there?" Bofur called.  
"I think we could use a spot of lunch and a water break," Bilbo said. 

"Be right back," Bilbo said as they were off the horses.  
Bilbo yanked Kili into the treeline until he found one large enough to hide behind. He unlaced both his trousers and Kili's with a deftness that shocked the dwarf before crashing into him with a bruising kiss.  
"You think you are cute, teasing me like this when there's so little we can do about it?" Bilbo asked.  
He licked his palm and began stroking Kili's cock. Kili moaned and Bilbo closed a hand over his mouth to quiet him.  
"Kissing, nibbling, sucking into my neck, rubbing your prick against me, and knowing full well that I cannot get what I want from you," Bilbo hissed.  
Bilbo increased his pace roughly, pinning Kili hard against the tree so he couldn't buck.  
"Do you want me to take what I want from you?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili nodded and tried to reply through Bilbo's hand.  
"Cover your own mouth," Bilbo demanded as he dropped to his knees.  
Kili was already close by the time Bilbo sucked him in. Kili clapped both hands over his mouth to muffle his cries as Bilbo finished him.  
Bilbo stood and pumped his own cock a couple times.  
"My turn," he grinned. "And you'd better make it good after all that teasing."  
Kili did not disappoint.

*****

"You know I'd rather you be naked," Kili whispered in their bedroll that night.  
"Soon enough," Bilbo said.  
"Never soon enough," Kili flirted, snuggling in tighter.  
Bilbo sighed. "I'm worried."  
"About Erebor?"  
"Yes. I don't know what it might be like. I don't want to hurt Thorin and I don't want him to hurt us, either. And Fili's been acting oddly toward me since the morning we left. I'm nervous about the whole thing."  
Kili kissed Bilbo's cheek. "It will be fine."  
"I'm not doing this for me. You know that, right?" Bilbo asked.  
"I know," Kili said, "but you and I both need to do this for reasons of our own."  
"I love you, Kili. Please remember that, no matter what," Bilbo said.  
"I love you, too," Kili said.

 _...and I'm going to be the one that marries you,_ he added silently.

*****

The ravens must have alerted Thorin to their impending arrival. He was waiting for them with the remaining members of their company as they approached on their ponies. Kili tightened his grip around Bilbo when the dwarves at the gate came into view. He kissed Bilbo's temple.  
"This is going to be okay. We are going to be okay," Kili soothed.

Thorin saw three ponies in the distance and was puzzled. As they grew nearer, he saw that one pony had two riders. When he realized Bilbo had come, his heart began to pound. He knew better than to hope Bilbo came for reconciliation, but seeing him again--knowing he was willingly coming to Erebor at last--filled him with a different sort of elation.

No one made any move to greet the visitors until the king did. The moment Bilbo was on the ground, Thorin was standing in front of him. Bilbo thought Thorin looked too thin, but otherwise he was still as handsome as ever. He was dressed much finer than the last time Bilbo had seen him, too.

"Hello, Thorin," Bilbo said, bowing to the king. "Is it-is it customary to for me to bow? I'm afraid I do not know the etiquette for friends of kings."  
Thorin's mouth was open with a smile as he shook his head and folded Bilbo into his arms. "It is I who should bow to you, now and always."

Once Thorin had moved to embrace Bilbo, the rest of the company swarmed around Fili and Bofur with hugs and congratulations with Bombur and Bifur leading the group. Bifur lifted Fili off the ground in his joy.

Bilbo was conscious of Kili just a couple short paces behind him, but he returned Thorin's hug. It felt good to be in Thorin's arms and Bilbo could feel their connection renew. It was different than it had been, though. It seemed less urgent than it had before.  
"I love you," Thorin whispered so that only Bilbo could hear.  
Bilbo did not reply, but squeezed Thorin a little tighter.

Thorin opened his eyes and saw Kili standing behind Bilbo. Kili smiled awkwardly. Thorin was torn between being bitter toward his rival and happy to once again see his youngest nephew. He felt Bilbo loosen his hug on him and realized he had been clinging to him. Thorin released Bilbo with a kiss to the forehead and turned his attention to Kili.

"Thorin," Kili said in greeting, shifting his weight on his feet.  
Thorin almost laughed to see Kili fidgeting as though he were a dwarfling. He found it hard to stay angry when it was obvious that Kili wanted a hug from his uncle. Thorin held out his arms and the invitation did not stand empty for long. Kili nearly knocked him over leaping into them.  
"I'm so sorry I struck you, Thorin," Kili muffled into Thorin's shoulder.  
"Shhh, I daresay I deserved it," Thorin said, patting his nephew's back. Thorin held his sister-son, not allowing himself to think about Kili and Bilbo so that for a moment he could only feel joy.

They parted their hug and Kili looked at his uncle with wet eyes.  
"Look, I know nothing will be the same again between us. I mean, how could it, really? But you are still my family and I still love you."  
Thorin felt a tightness in his chest.  
"Now is not the time to speak of such things, not when there are so many happy reunions happening." Thorin indicated the company that had now included Bilbo in its swarm of hugs as he walked toward them with Kili. "There will be plenty of time for heavier conversations and tears later, I'm sure. Tonight, we shall feast. I do not think any of you get enough meat at Beorn's. You look thin-"

Thorin was interrupted by Kili getting his own shower of hugs and love as he was noticed by his friends. Dwalin kept his distance entirely but Kili was greeted by all the rest. Even Balin and a kind smile and a pat on the back for him.

Thorin made his way from Kili to Fili, embracing his heir tightly.  
"Thank you for coming. And thank you for bringing Bilbo," Thorin said into his ear.  
"I did not bring Bilbo, Thorin. Honestly, I thought it unwise for both of you," Fili confessed.  
Thorin stood back and regarded Fili quizzically. Changing the subject, he said, "You look well. "  
Thorin put a hand on Bofur's shoulder and squeezed. "You both do. Maybe a little skinny, but love suits you both."  
Bofur smiled. "Thank you, your highness."  
"'Thorin' will do, Bofur," Thorin said.  
Fili smiled proudly.

Dwarves whom Bilbo did not know took their ponies and their bundles as Thorin, Balin, and Dwalin took them on a quick tour. The rest of the company trailed along as happy companions. Bilbo was amazed by how different things looked from the last time.

"Many of the residence rooms are inhabitable as well as the barracks. Those were priorities. It will take years before everything is fully restored to glory, but we've got a number of things up and working. The forge is now operational for many things. The kitchens are fully functional, too."  
"This is remarkable, Thorin!" Bilbo said. "You've accomplished so much!"  
"Wait until you see your hot springs," Thorin said proudly. "You won't recognize them."  
"Oh, the hot springs," Fili nearly moaned. "Those sound amazing after this trip."  
"Forgive me!" Thorin said. "I've been so eager to show off our progress that I have not been a good host. You will want to wash and change, I'm sure. We will have dinner as soon as possible, but let me see if I can get some sort of snack prepared for you in the meantime."  
"If I can find our packs, we've got some of the road food I prepared us that will hold us over," Bilbo said.  
"I had your packs brought to your rooms, although I'm sure the guards who boarded your ponies didn't know whose was whose," Thorin said.  
"We'll figure it out, I'm sure," Bilbo said, smiling kindly.  
"There is a room for Fili and Bofur to share as well as one for," Thorin took a breath and spoke on the exhale, "you and Kili."  
Bilbo looked up at Thorin's pained expression and knew in an instant how difficult it was for him. "Thank you," Bilbo murmured.  
Thorin had been trying to ignore it, but standing with Bilbo here in the light it was impossible to ignore that his throat was peppered with love bites.  
"Balin, will you show them ahead to where they are staying?" Thorin said. Bilbo could hear a strain in his voice.  
"Aye. This way," Balin said.  
He started down the hall with Fili, Bofur, and Kili right behind. Bilbo did not move yet.  
Before he joined Kili, Bilbo stood on his toes and said for Thorin's ears only, "By the way, I brought you some honey."

Bilbo caught up with Kili to follow Balin down the hall. Thorin watched Kili take his hand. 

Thorin walked briskly to his council chambers and shut the door behind him. When he was sure he was alone, he began to cry.


	67. Welcome To Erebor Part 1:  Enjoy Our Lovely Amenities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day in Erebor: getting settled in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thorin's soundtrack for this chapter http://youtu.be/C_qWlPCEnGM

The rooms in which the visitors were staying were greatly improved from their last time in Erebor. The hearths were functional, the blankets were not musty, and the furs were not dry rotted. Once they got their packs sorted with what belonged to whom, Fili and Bofur announced they would be heading down for the first bath. Although they did not specify it, Bilbo figured they would be wanting their privacy.

For his part, Kili was about to vibrate out of his skin. After weeks of being isolated for the winter at Beorn's, he was excited to be around more souls. There was so much he wanted to do and see while he was here, the first of which was being intimate with Bilbo. They had not been able to make love the way he wished on the road. He fell back on the bed, pulling Bilbo on top of him.

"I need you inside me," Kili pleaded urgently.  
Bilbo was surprised. "What? Now? Don't you want your bath first? Or food?"  
"I can't wait. I need you now," Kili was already working on Bilbo's trousers.  
Bilbo stood to pull them down and sift through his pack for something slick. Kili kicked off his own bottoms.  
Kili had the oil out of his hands and fingers inside himself before Bilbo even realized he wasn't holding the bottle any longer.  
Slicking over Bilbo's prick, Kili said, "Now."  
"You've not-" Bilbo began to protest.  
"Now," Kili cut him off, flipping his legs back and tugging him forward.  
"It might hurt," Bilbo warned.  
"Now, please."

Bilbo pushed in. Kili grunted with the strain but pushed back. Bilbo tried to go slow but Kili pushed and pulled him, setting a pace that had him ready in moments. He opened his mouth to warn Kili, but the dwarf was already stroking himself to completion. Bilbo felt it before he saw it and had no hope of holding back once Kili began to spasm around him. He bit into his own hand to stifle his cry.

Bilbo slumped forward to rest his head against Kili's chest. "That might be the fastest I've ever finished."  
Bilbo rolled his head to the side and felt the lump of Kili's bag under his tunic. He laughed. "We didn't even get undressed."  
"I couldn't wait another second. I needed you so badly after only being able to play on the road," Kili said.  
Sitting back, Bilbo giggled. "Now we _really_ need a wash."  
"We should likely wait for Bo and Fee. I imagine they are having a similar reunion. Hey, will you dig me out some of that bread?"

*****

Thorin leaned against the door of his council chamber and tried to compose himself before he was discovered. He hadn't expected to break down like this. Then again, he didn't expect a lot of things. Kili and Bilbo showing up at all was a surprise. Thorin was also caught off-guard by the surge of happiness he felt when Kili hugged him. It was more and more difficult to stay mad at him, regardless of the betrayal.

Some things were the same, though. Bilbo still felt incredibly right in his embrace. Fili was still the proud, strong, and honest prince he was raised to be. And Bilbo and Kili were still a couple. This was going to be more difficult than he expected. The love bites, the pony sharing, and the hand-holding spoke of physical and emotional intimacies between the pair that Thorin did not wish to think about.

*****

Fili and Bofur were happily soaking in one of the warm pools after frantically getting one another off nearly the moment they were undressed. They were submerged to the neck and leaned away from the other. They both propped their shoulders against stones with the soles of their feet pressed to each other's so they did not slip.

"That seemed to go better than we thought, right?" Bofur said. "The lads and Thorin, I mean."  
"For now, anyway. I was surprised to see Thorin embrace Kili so. Perhaps he truly _has_ missed him," Fili said.  
Bofur tapped against one of Fili's feet with his own. "Of course he has. It is obvious he misses both of you."  
Fili breathed deeply and enjoyed the feel of the water around him. He allowed himself to relax a little. Perhaps Gandalf was being over-cautious, after all.

*****

Bilbo paused before undressing to take in the changes in the springs. He was amazed at the difference. The debris that Bofur and Dwalin had made a path through was all gone. The wall sconces were now visible the length of the room and held torches to be lit when the baths were in use. The room was much deeper than Bilbo had realized originally and there were a few pools, the others having been hidden by debris when Bilbo had been there before. The pools contained oddly glowing blue stones that slightly illuminated the waters. They also contained regular, heavier stones for use as benches and foot-stops as the pools were rather large for single dwarrows. No one else was down in the baths, though it seemed likely that communal bathing was a regularity with all the pools ready for usage. There were also several cakes of plain soaps on a stone side-table, one still wet and slick from what Bilbo supposed was Fili and Bofur's bath. Bilbo felt a twinge at the memory of Thorin gifting him with lovely scented soap before their first night together.

Bilbo undressed and climbed into the water. Another memory drifted into his mind. He remembered Thorin insisting on bathing with him in this very pool after an alarming display of dragon sickness, back before Bilbo quite understood what it was. That recollection was not as pleasant as the one of the soap. 

Kili caressed his shoulder.  
"You do not look well," Kili said.  
Bilbo nearly melted into Kili's touch. "No, I am fine."

Bilbo shook off the memory of before and set about making a new one, tenderly washing Kili's hair and allowing his lover to do the same for him before moving on to wash their bodies. Once their ablutions were complete, Kili sprawled out in the heated water.  
"Soak with me," Kili requested. 

Bilbo sat back against him and braced his foot against a stone so he wouldn't sink underneath. Kili wrapped one arm around Bilbo's ribcage. With the other, he lazily cupped water and spilled it over Bilbo's shoulders and chest. He hooked one of his calves around Bilbo's free leg and sighed contentedly.  
"This feels fantastic after bouncing around on that pony these last couple days," Kili said.  
Bilbo hummed in agreement. "And you feel wonderful pressed up against me, too."

They soaked in silence for a few moments before Kili spoke again.  
"How does it feel? Seeing him again? Seeing him here?"  
Bilbo didn't have to ask whom. He shrugged. "Different and the same. I've got good memories and bad ones associated with being in the mountain. It feels...bittersweet."  
"And the bond?" Kili said.  
"I doubt it will ever go away," Bilbo answered honestly.  
Kili sprinkled another handful of water over Bilbo. "Do you...do you _want_ him?"  
"I still feel the pull of him, some of that desire," Bilbo admitted. He turned around to face Kili, pressing his weight on him. "But your presence soothes it. You both calm and excite me in ways I cannot explain. This thing between you and I--our love, our attraction--is special. What came before does not match it."  
Kili leaned up to claim Bilbo's lips. No more was said for a while as they kissed and hands leisurely explored wet skin. 

Neither of them noticed the figure just outside the entryway as it made its exit.

*****

Once again clean and comfortable, Kili excitedly dragged Fili down to examine the forge before their welcoming feast. Bilbo clipped back his damp hair and decided to pay Thorin a visit. After asking around, he finally located Thorin alone in his council chambers.

Thorin was surprised when the person at his door was the subject of his thoughts.  
Thorin sprang out of his chair. "Bilbo?"  
Thorin's expression was pained for a split moment.  
"Am I bothering you?" Bilbo asked.  
"Never!" Thorin walked to greet him, grinning widely and warmly. "Please, come join me."

Bilbo deposited two jars of honey on Thorin's desk.  
"Those were not sneaked. They came directly from Beorn," Bilbo said.  
"Is that so?" Thorin smiled knowingly.  
"Well...I _might_ have told him you'd particularly appreciate it," Bilbo admitted.  
Thorin tilted his head and looked at Bilbo kindly. "And you, sweet hobbit? Are you getting enough honey, bread, and clotted cream? You are still a sight thinner than you should be considering you aren't running from orcs anymore."  
"You are a fine one to talk. You weren't even this light on the road. Do you forget to eat without Fili here to remind you?" Bilbo said.  
"Food isn't the pleasure for me that it once was," Thorin said wistfully.

There was a tension-filled silence between them. Thorin briefly wondered where Kili was and what the dwarf would say if he knew he were alone with Bilbo right now.

"Bilbo, about that letter," Thorin began. "I am sure I overstepped nearly every bound there was with it. I missed you so! I know it is not an excuse, but I had been drinking..."  
Bilbo interrupted him. "Your letter was beautiful, Thorin. It was moving and honest and eloquent. It was everything I had ever wanted from you before...well, _before_. Had you shown me that side of you the last time I was here in the mountain, I may not have been as afraid to return to it."  
"Or perhaps you might not have left it at all?" Thorin suggested.  
Bilbo shrugged, not wanting to aggravate the wound further by confirming Thorin's supposition.  
Thorin sighed, realizing Bilbo wasn't going to let them continue with that line of questioning.

"I'm so proud to show you what we've done with Erebor since you helped us reclaim it," Thorin said, changing the subject somewhat. "I've been longing for you to return to the mountain, even if it was just for a little while. I can't thank you enough for giving me this. You being here is difficult in some ways, but it still means so much to me. I know you were reticent and I hope I can show you that your trust was well-placed."  
"This was not my idea, Thorin. I thought it was risky at best," Bilbo confessed. "I know that isn't what you want to hear, but I can't bear for you to praise me when none of it is true."  
Thorin furrowed his brow. "You must forgive me for being confused, then..."  
"Kili was the one," Bilbo said. "He wanted us to come. Fili, Bofur, and I tried to talk him out of it but he was pretty damn insistent, actually. You know how hard it is to turn down those giant, pleading brown eyes."

Thorin thought back to when Kili was barely taller than his knee and smiled at the memory. He knew the exact expression of which Bilbo was speaking. His nephew had been using it to great advantage for the better part of 77 years.

"It is more than a little strange to be commiserating with you about my nephew's more charming traits when he is now your lover," Thorin said.  
"I am sorry," Bilbo apologized. "It _is_ a strange situation, isn't it?"  
"If we had gotten married, he would have been your nephew as well," Thorin said. "He would have been your nephew and you would have known what his kisses tasted like."  
Bilbo subconsciously licked his lips thinking of Kili's mouth. "That's not very acceptable, I suppose."  
Thorin sighed and shook his head. "It is not the way I would have wished it. None of this is."

Thorin touched Bilbo gently on his shoulder, so as to not frighten him as he stepped closer. "I promised myself I would not do this but you often make me forget why I bother with dignity in the first place. Oh, Bilbo...there's little I wouldn't deal with in order to spend life with you as my consort. At the risk of sounding crass, you could bed half of the Greenwood and I still would want to place my crown on your head."  
"Don't, please," Bilbo said, turning away.  
Thorin slipped an arm across his chest and pressed gently behind him. "That is all I'll say for now. I just want you to know it will never be too late."

Bilbo reached up to touch Thorin's forearm. He wondered how much Thorin guessed about Bilbo's intentions for Kili or what they did together.

Bilbo closed his eyes. "I need you to move beyond this," he said. "It is not healthy for you to pine this way. I care for you too much to watch you torture yourself. And I care too much for Kili to give you the answers you so desperately want."  
Bilbo felt Thorin's chin rest heavy on his head. "Tell me you love me," Thorin requested softly.  
Bilbo turned around to look at him but Thorin did not release him.  
"What if I don't? What if I tell you that I don't love you at all?" Bilbo challenged.  
"The pain in your eyes tells me otherwise," Thorin whispered.  
"Damn you," Bilbo croaked as he forcefully returned Thorin's embrace.

Thorin knew it was too sweet to last. He realized this was not a victory, but he let himself have this fleeting moment of Bilbo in his arms.

Thorin pressed two kisses into Bilbo's hair. "There is so much I would take back, Bilbo. So fucking much. But I would never take back a single moment of you close to me like this. Not even the times like now where it hurts so much I feel like I might break in two."  
Bilbo exhaled raggedly. "Thorin, please don't do this. To either of us."

Thorin released Bilbo but took hold of his hand. He breathed deeply to calm himself. "Why don't you let the lads know it is nearly time to sit for dinner? I'll see you in a little while, yes?"  
Bilbo nodded quietly and squeezed Thorin's hand once before releasing it and leaving the room.

*****

The feast held in honor of Fili, Kili, Bofur, and Bilbo's return was grand. Although Erebor did not have the benefit of a full spring and summer of stocks, the trade and buying agreements Thorin had made since the battle were enough to provide some fine meals, indeed. Fili tasted the familiar ale of Beorn's friends from the north and was silently thankful for his uncle's diplomacy. Bilbo's mouth watered at the smell of roasted meat. It was difficult to identify--boar, perhaps--and an earlier version of himself may have found it a little tough to chew, but on this night it struck him as food fit for the gods.

Thorin kept a furtive eye on Bilbo, who was seated further down the table from him next to Bofur and Kili. Bilbo would occasionally roll his eyes in bliss as he took a bite of food and Thorin couldn't help but smile to himself. Once or twice, Bilbo or Kili would steal food off the other's plate, laughing and play-fighting with their forks. Bilbo gazed at Kili with such affection that Thorin could barely stand it. Kili looked equally besotted himself. As the couple talked across the table to their friends and former traveling companions, they traded lines and weaved in and out of the other one's stories as though it had been practiced. Thorin wistfully remembered back to his own engagement party; he was quite sure he'd not seen Bilbo this lively or giggly without a few mugs in him first.

Thorin had a disturbing thought. He leaned over to Fili and asked, "Are Kili and Bilbo yet betrothed?"  
"No," Fili answered.

It was one of those truths that felt like a falsehood. Bilbo and Kili had consummated their bond and Fili knew Kili at least planned on asking Bilbo to marry him. Still, they were not intendeds and no wedding was being planned, so Fili justified that he wasn't exactly lying. The look of relief that crossed Thorin's face at his answer made him a bit heartsick, though. 

As the meal wound down, Thorin stood with a mug of ale in hand.  
"Tonight, we make merry and celebrate the temporary return of the Crown Prince of Erebor, Fili!"  
A cheer echoed off the walls.  
Thorin held up his hand to quiet them. "We also once again welcome the incomparable Hobbit of Erebor, our beloved Bilbo Baggins!"  
Another round of cheers went around the room.  
"Bofur and Prince Kili join them, both of the esteemed Fourteen."

As their friends yelled for them, Fili couldn't help but feel a bit sad for Kili. He was mentioned last and without much made of his title. Kili was smiling what his brother recognized as his forced smile. Fili knew Kili had noticed the slight. 

Thorin held up his hand once again to calm the room. "Many of you know, but it is still my great pleasure to announce that Bofur is formally courting Prince Fili. Here's to happiness and hopefully some future good news for you both!" Thorin held up his mug and drank. Everyone followed suit, celebrating the announcement wildly. 

As Thorin sat down, the room began to chant, "Kiss, kiss, kiss!" They did not stop until Fili and Bofur appeased them (to great applause). 

Fili noted with disappointment that Thorin was done making toasts and announcements. Kili's face was dark and he was whispering back and forth with Bilbo, who seemed to be comforting him. Fili knew Kili was upset that nothing was made of his own courtship. 

Fili leaned across Bofur's lap.  
"Are you okay, Kee?" Fili murmured.  
"I don't know what I expected," Kili said. "But I expected better than _that._ "  
"Maybe it undermines his position to announce your courtship to his former betrothed," Fili reasoned, glancing back to see if Thorin overheard. The king was busy talking to Balin.  
"I guess," Kili shrugged. 

It hurt Fili's heart to see Kili's frown when he had been so happy mere minutes before. _I'm going to regret this,_ he thought as he stood.

Fili cleared his throat and spoke authoritatively. "As Crown Prince of Erebor, it falls to me to announce that Bilbo Baggins has formally requested to court my brother, Prince Kili of Erebor. My brother has graciously accepted his suit."  
There was a cheer for them, but a few glances were thrown Thorin's way before voices were dared raised.  
Fili held his mug aloft. "I wish Kili and Bilbo--my brothers--nothing but happiness in the path that lies ahead." He quaffed his ale down to the last drop and slammed his mug triumphantly on the table. This time the happy shouts were louder.

Ori tried to start a "kiss" chant but Dori put his hand firmly on his arm and shook his head. Ori hunched his shoulders dejectedly.

Kili was grabbing across Bofur to clutch at Fili's arms in appreciation as soon as he sat.  
"Thank you," Bilbo said. 

Fili sat upright and risked a peek to his side. Thorin was glaring at him. He crooked his finger for Fili to lean toward him.

"What was all that about?" Thorin demanded quietly.  
Fili leaned in further so only Thorin could hear him. "Kili is a prince, too, and the first of the two of us to be courted besides! You ignored it in front of everyone. I rectified your error."  
"My _error_?" Thorin hissed so as not to draw attention. "How dare you speak to me so? It was no error. I'm not raising a toast to the one I love and the one who has taken my place by his side. I do not care if Kili is a prince or not. He's lucky to be anything! I could have had his title stripped! I could have had him banished! I could have-" Thorin stopped. His expression was dangerously hard.  
Fili swallowed thickly. "Could have what, Thorin?"  
"Never you mind, but remember your place. Remember Kili's place, too. Everything your brother enjoys in Erebor is a gesture of my goodwill. Do _not_ test me. Either of you," Thorin warned.

Fili felt ill.

After the feast, the dwarrows and Bilbo had sat and talked amongst themselves at the tables. Chairs were pulled up to the largest table where the visitors, Thorin, and Bofur's family had dined. Soon, the room was full of song and happy conversation. Bofur had his whistle and played while the companions sang along. Kili could see Bilbo was tired after the travel but he also knew Bilbo would consider it rude to retire to bed so early. He slapped his thigh in invitation and Bilbo turned his chair so he could put his feet in his lap. Kili stroked his calves and smoothed his hands through the hair on Bilbo's feet. The hobbit nearly purred with contentment. Kili knew it relaxed him. Bilbo tipped his head over the back of his chair with eyes closed and a small smile playing around his lips. He had his companions all together again, Kili caressing him, a warm fire, and a full belly...it was like the best of all his worlds distilled down into this moment.

Thorin darkly watched Kili and Bilbo together. He saw their tender moment happen without a word between them. He observed with interest as Kili knew just what to do to put Bilbo in a state of happy, relaxed bliss. Thorin had touched and kissed those feet, but he wasn't sure if he ever bothered to comb through the hair there. Bilbo clearly adored it. Truthfully, Thorin had been torn all night between observation and jealousy. Kili and Bilbo seemed to be at utter ease with one another: anticipating needs, exchanging personal touches, or whispering in each others ears and sharing the smiles that came after. From Kili's knowledge, Thorin was trying to covertly learn these sweet, small things that pleased Bilbo...but it burned him to the core that Kili knew them in the first place.

*****

Bilbo was exhausted by the time he and Kili reached their room. Kili wanted him badly but knew Bilbo did not have the energy for much more than cuddles and sleep. Kili undressed the both of them and nudged Bilbo into bed, climbing in after him. Bilbo smoothed his hands over Kili's chest as he burrowed next to him.

"I was thinking today as we walked around," Bilbo said sleepily, "that my best memories of Erebor were made with you. Places where you kissed me or held me."  
Kili stroked Bilbo's arm. "Where you ambushed me and licked my prick for the first time..." he flirted. Gods, he would never forget _that_!  
Bilbo snuffled a small giggle. "I seem to recall a similar ambush instigated by you."  
"Fair enough," Kili conceded.  
"So many times back then I had longed to change my circumstance, to hold you through a night, or to not have to hide what I wanted. Now we are here together and we have come so far. It makes me sentimental," Bilbo said.  
"And Thorin? Does he not factor into it?"  
Bilbo shrugged in Kili's arms. "I feel things for him but I have so few good memories of him here. I know it would hurt him to know that I feel my love for you more keenly within these walls than his."  
Kili knew Bilbo must have heard his heartbeat quicken as he spoke.  
"I do not know, looking back now, how I ever thought we could be apart." Bilbo yawned helplessly. "It was never going to work. I should have known by the time we left Lake Town that if you could pull at me harder than Thorin without a consummated bond, what was between us could not be ignored. I loved you then...here, before. I was foolish not to realize what it meant."

Kili was affected deeply by Bilbo's words. The had talked of these things before but to speak of the past now, in Erebor as they once had been, Bilbo's confession seemed almost sacred. If the hobbit had not been rapidly fading towards sleep in his arms, Kili would have made love to him deep into the night.  
"I love you, too. Then and now," Kili whispered.

*****

Fili had Bofur naked and on his back within moments of returning to their room. He pressed his weight into him and kissed him soundly.  
"I was so proud tonight," Fili said.  
"Of what? Me?" Bofur asked.  
"Yes, of course you! I felt so lucky to be the one sitting next to you all night and when Thorin announced our courtship, I felt such a rush."  
Bofur rolled Fili onto his side and cupped his cheek. He gazed at him in wonder. "You? You of all dwarrows felt proud to be with _me_?"  
"Why wouldn't I?" Fili asked.  
"Because I'm me and you're...you. You're a bloody _prince_ , Fee. I'm fortunate you bothered with me at all," Bofur said.  
Fili closed the distance between them with a tender kiss.  
"You've never treated me like the Crown Prince of Erebor," Fili said softly. "I was always 'Fili,' or 'your Fee.' I felt treasured by you as a friend and eventually as something more, but you never once made me feel like a royal prize to be won or someone whose only value was my title. Everything I've ever experienced with you felt genuine and true. I've rarely experienced that in my life, Bo. It is one reason why I cared so much for you and Bilbo from early on. I am fortunate you bothered with _me_ , that you cared for who I was inside and not just what my bloodline might be."

Fili pressed his lips to Bofur's again, this time wetting them with a soft swipe of his tongue until Bofur parted and allowed him entry. As their kiss grew heated, Fili pushed Bofur back into the bed. 

He said, "You are funny, bright, kind of heart, and fucking gorgeous...and you chose me. You chose me and the king officially announced it to court, family, and friends. Of course I would feel proud, you fool."  
Bofur felt a sweet spread of warmth in his chest listening to Fili speak this way.  
Fili tongued at one of Bofur's nipples. "It took enormous self control to not crawl under the table then and there to show you how much."  
Bofur moaned softly at the sensation of Fili nibbling and licking a path down his body. He clenched the blanket in his fist when Fili ran his tongue down the length of his erection.  
"I see no need for self control now...for either of us," Fili said slyly. "How many do you think you have in you tonight? Two?"  
Fili engulfed Bofur's shaft.  
"Fuck, bloody, fuck!" Bofur gasped.  
Bofur felt a laugh vibrate through the back of Fili's throat.  
Fili slid his mouth off Bofur. "Hmmm, at _least_ two," he purred before taking him in again.  
"Mahal, I love him," Bofur thought to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your amazing support! This turned into a monster of a fic and it makes me so happy that folks are sharing, commenting, promoting, making graphics, and recommending it to friends. You are all wonderful.


	68. Welcome To Erebor Part 2: Erebor, It's For Lovers!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody is in love, but we can't necessarily say that nothing hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This could have been a giant chapter or broken into two. I broke it into two so the wait wouldn't be as long.
> 
> Thank you all for EVERYTHING! <3 We're up over 1600 comments, too. That thrills me down to the depths of my wee little heart.

It was morning and Bilbo was determined to make up for his weariness the night before. Kili was upright on his knees and Bilbo's back was on the bed. Kili had Bilbo's hips lifted up _just so_ , pumping him shallowly and steadily. Bilbo was stuttering out cries at the sensation of Kili rubbing him ruthlessly on his gland. He stuffed the blanket in his mouth to stifle his voice.

"You are going to have to do better than that if you don't want Thorin to hear you yelping as you come around my cock," Kili said fiendishly.

Kili knew Bilbo was trying to being kind by muffling his cries but Kili _wanted_ Thorin to hear what he did to Bilbo. The mere thought of it set him aflame. So much so that he found himself spilling hot inside Bilbo quite unexpectedly. Although it was nearly too much, he did not slow his strokes at the favored angle in order to drive Bilbo to an orgasm of his own. Bilbo pulled a pillow to his face with one hand and touched himself with the other. He came with a muffled roar.

Kili pulled out of his lover and lifted his bottom up towards his mouth, tipping him nearly upside down with only Bilbo's shoulders remaining on the bed. Kili began lapping at BIlbo where he had just been penetrated.  
"Kili!" Bilbo gasped. "Stop. I-I need a minute."

Kili lowered him reluctantly. On his way back up the length of Bilbo's body to kiss him, he ran a tongue through the semen that had dripped downward on Bilbo's chest. He dipped his tongue into Bilbo's mouth and the hobbit sucked it greedily. They kissed for several moments, eventually breaking because Kili couldn't get enough breath through his nose alone.

"Mahal, I'm ready again," Kili sighed happily. "I can't get enough of this. Of you."

Kili kissed Bilbo again and looked into his eyes. "What you said to me last night will not leave my mind. About before, what it was like the last time we were here. I was crazy about you. After you began spending your evenings with me, losing you at bedtime was another painful reminder that our love had to be a secret. I would lay in bed listening to my brother snore while I ached for you. Even so, I far preferred a love kept secret over the longing and sadness I felt without you in Lake Town. And I confess I had darker thoughts, too, like how you wouldn't have the energy to juggle both Thorin and myself if you were mine. I swore if we were together that I would love you with everything I had."

Kili reached between Bilbo's legs and gently ran a finger over his entrance. He looked at Bilbo with eyebrows raised and the hobbit nodded. Kili lifted Bilbo's hips and slid his cock inside.  


"And now I'm fucking you in Erebor," Kili said. "I'm yours this time. That turns me on so much."

Bilbo leaned up to pull Kili's mouth to his own as the dwarf slowly undulated into his body. Bilbo and Kili made love languidly, losing track of both time and the outside world. Bilbo could only whisper things like "yes" and "I love you" as his emotions overwhelmed him. He did not feel taken; he _gave_ himself to Kili. 

Kili widened Bilbo's legs so he could lay against him as much as possible. He looped his arms under Bilbo's and around his shoulders to hold him as he stroked in and out. He gazed at Bilbo and shared his breaths. It had been worth every ounce of pain and madness he had been through to have Bilbo beneath him like this, surrounding him with impossibly tight heat and whispering his love. 

They reached their end, panting, clawing, and clutching at one another as though they needed the other's release to continue drawing breath. Kili was sure in that very moment that it was true.

*****

"So, I was thinking I'd like to use the forge today. Coming with me, Fee?" Kili asked after what passed as breakfast. He and Bilbo had spent so long making love that it was more like lunch.  
"I'm, um, sitting in with Thorin's council today," Fili said.  
"Is that so?" Kili asked flatly.  
"Yes, as the heir Thorin thought it might be good for me to participate while I am here. It is not sitting well with some of the advisers that I am running off to the Shire," Fili said.  
"I'll note that they could not give an orc's arse whether I was there or not," Kili said.  
Fili frowned. "Don't be like that, Kee."  
"They used to have us both sit in on meetings and the like, remember? They said it was good to have us both prepared."  
"Yes, and you'd daydream, squirm and fidget until it was over," Fili reminded him. "Besides you want to go to the forge, anyway!"  
"It is the principle, Fee," Kili said darkly.  
Fili rested a hand softly on his brother's arm. "I know, Kee. I do not want to pick on you when you are already upset, but you have to realize that there are consequences for your relationship with Bilbo. It could be worse than a few missed invitations to council."  
Much, much worse, Fili thought to himself.  
"You are right. Of course you are right," Kili said, trying to force a smile for Fili.  
"One day, if things go as we plan, I will be the one calling the councils and there will always be a chair at my side for you. If you aren't there, no other will be allowed to fill it so everyone knows how important the Prince of Erebor is to the king," Fili promised.  
Kili smiled again, genuinely this time. "I love you, Fee."

*****

After Kili kissed Bilbo goodbye and headed for the forge, Bilbo sought out Ori. He found him in what was once the library.

"It doesn't seem the library took much damage at all!" Bilbo said, glancing around.  
Ori shook his head. "No, the biggest obstacle to getting the library back was, erm, _obstacles_. It was the hallways leading here that had damage and debris. Dori had a fit when he found out I was crawling over stones to come back here. He was terrified there would be a cave-in because the hallways were no longer sound."  
"He could have been right, you know," Bilbo said sternly.  
Ori waved him off with a hand. "It was fine. Dori was merely being a fusspot. You know how he is."  
"Well, any road, things are looking nice in here. I had no idea the Ereborian library was so vast," Bilbo said.  
"It took a lot of work, to be sure," Ori said. "Decades of dust and rot needed to be dealt with, plus the former librarians had no respect for order. I still have a lot of organizational work in front of me."  
Bilbo eyes were flicking over the shelves as he browsed long lost tomes. "There are books here in Sindarin?" Bilbo asked.  
"Oh, yes! Many in Common, too, such as the ones I lent you," Ori said.  
Bilbo looked guilty. "I, ah, did not bring any of those back with me. We were taking ponies and no wagon."  
"That is okay. Honestly, if you were to take them all the way to the Shire, I would not begrudge them," Ori said.

Bilbo was running his fingers over an ancient spine when Ori cleared his throat.  
"So, uh, you and Kili, then?" Ori asked.  
Bilbo turned around and couldn't help but smile. "Yes."  
"Serious?"  
Bilbo felt a flutter in his chest. "Very much so, I would say."  
Ori smiled sweetly. "Good. You two suit each other well. I thought as much on the boat, though I would not have dared say it to the king."  
"I'm glad you think so," Bilbo said.  
"Fili and Bofur too. I hadn't thought of that one until I heard the news. I had a bit of a crush on Fili when we were on the boat, too," Ori admitted.  
Bilbo looked at him sadly.  
"Oh, it is okay, though," Ori said. "He was just nice to look at and treated me like I was my own dwarf. It wasn't _love_. I'm happy he and Bofur found each other. I would not have guessed it in the beginning, but now I cannot seem to picture them with anyone else."  
"They _are_ good together," Bilbo agreed.

"So, um," Ori coughed awkwardly, "now that you are not betrothed to the king, I was wondering if you would be willing to give me an academic statement on the, the, the...uh, _mating habits,_ of homosexual hobbits?"

Bilbo swallowed thickly. _Here we go again,_ he thought.

*****

Kili emerged from the forge after a few hot hours, sweaty and sticky but feeling rather proud. He walked down the hall (pondering whether Bilbo would still be in the library with Ori) when he noticed the council chamber door was open. He peeked inside and saw Thorin, alone at his desk. He lingered for a moment and was turning to leave when Thorin spoke.  


"You don't have to go," Thorin said.  
"I was just returning from the forge and saw the door open," Kili explained. "I thought I'd see who was still here."  
"Your brother has already left. I think he's gone to spend the afternoon with Bombur and Bifur." Thorin looked up. "And Bilbo hasn't been here today," he added.  
"I didn't ask about Bilbo," Kili said.  
"But you were curious, were you not? I know I would be curious," Thorin said, standing and walking around to the front of his desk.  
Kili shrugged. "I expect him to want to spend some time with you." Kili rubbed the back of his own neck. "The two of you still have things to discuss, I'm sure."  
Thorin leaned against his desk with his arms crossed in front of his chest. "And that doesn't bother you?"  
"He loved you, Thorin. A part of him loves you still. Of course it bothers me, but I cannot expect his feelings for you to just... _un_ -happen."  
"What is this all about?" Thorin asked. "This visit? Bilbo told me that you two are here at your insistence."  
Kili looked down at his boots. "That is true."  
"Are you here to flaunt your victory? To show me how tender and pure your love is?" Thorin sneered.  
Kili's head snapped up. "What? No! That's not it at all!"  
Thorin began to pace. "You could have fooled me. Coddling and cooing at each other like there was no one else in the world!"  
"I promise you we are trying _not_ to do those things. We are making efforts to not flaunt our relationship in front of you!" Kili said.  
"If that was trying not to flaunt it, I'd hate to see what you are like when I am not around!" Thorin spat.  
"You probably would," Kili mumbled.  
Their eyes met. Thorin saw sadness in Kili's eyes but no mockery. His expression softened.  
The side of Kili's mouth quirked up on the side in an awkward smile. "Fili says we are 'sickening.'" 

"Why are you here, Kili?" Thorin asked quietly.  
"Because I want to matter. I'm one of your nephews, too. Everyone is excited about Fili's courtship but not mine. Fili gets invited to council but not me. You haven't even sent me one single letter since I left," Kili said.  
"Now? You pick now to have a care for Erebor? Years of fidgeting through lessons topped off with stealing my husband and _now_ you want to worry about being a prince?"  
"This isn't about Erebor. It is about _me_ , Thorin. I've been second best my whole life. I've never been good enough for anyone but Bilbo, and I didn't even get to be first choice there. I know you are angry but if I'm to be shut out I do not want it to be a secret only to me. You say I'm not banished, you say I'm not shunned, but I get cold looks from your advisers and glossed over while Fili gets lauded. I'm of age, Thorin. I've made decisions and I will take the consequences, but I want it laid out for me plainly. I don't want you to tell me one thing when the reality is another. I'm either your nephew, Prince Kili of Erebor, or I'm the whore that stole your betrothed. For fuck's sake, pick one and let us have done with it!"  
Kili had grown increasingly agitated as he spoke and he ended with audible pain in his voice. 

"What is your intention with Bilbo?" Thorin asked.  
Kili sucked in his bottom lip and looked up in an attempt to collect his emotions. "I wish to marry him. That has always been my wish."  
Thorin struggled to keep his voice from wavering. "And what does Bilbo think of this?"  
"He has not agreed," Kili admitted.  
"I would like some time alone to think," Thorin said.  
Kili looked at him for a long moment before nodding and leaving his uncle alone once again.  
Thorin leaned against his desk with his face in his hands and he thought.

*****

Kili bathed alone after not finding Bilbo in their room, though Bilbo was on the bed reading when Kili returned.  
"Such a shame you got all wet without me," Bilbo said, crawling forward to greet Kili with a kiss.  
"Have you ever _been_ in a forge?" Kili asked rhetorically. "I couldn't come back here and kiss you all dirty and sweaty."  
Bilbo ran his nose from Kili's cheek to his ear and whispered, "Next time, let me be the judge of that."  
Kili laughed. "Does my hobbit have a thing for filthy dwarrows?"  
"I fell in love with you on a dirty, muddy, bloody adventure. One might say I have a latent a weakness for such things," Bilbo said, tugging at Kili's trousers. "The secret truth is that I adore bathing with you. I love washing you clean and then making you filthy myself."  
Bilbo pulled Kili into a kiss that nearly weakened the dwarf's knees. Kili had to steady himself against the edge of the bed.  
"I'll try to remember that in the future," Kili exhaled.  
Bilbo pulled Kili up on the bed with him and kissed him again.

*****

"Oi! Lads, I'm glad I've caught up with you at last!" Balin called to Fili and Bofur as he jogged to catch up with them.  
"Just...don't panic, okay?" Fili whispered to Bofur.  
Balin poked Fili. "I tried to get this one to stop after today's meeting but he must not have heard me."  
Fili looked innocent. "Did you? I apologize. I was in a hurry to catch up to Bombur and Bifur."  
"No matter. I want to discuss the matter of your impending betrothal. The way Thorin did it was certainly not the formal way a king should go about it, but we were more or less in war-time, then. You, on the other hand..."

Fili and Bofur fell behind a bit as Balin rambled on about tradition and ceremony. Fili was flushed red in his cheeks with embarrassment and Bofur looked much the same.

"I"m sorry," Fili mouthed.  
Bofur smiled and shook his head to let him know it was okay.  
"...and then we come to the matter of a royal wedding!" Balin said excitedly, clapping his hands together. "The first of Durin's line to wed in Erebor since before the dragon! I had hoped the first marriage would be Thorin's, but unfortunately, it was not meant to be," Balin said sadly.  
"Balin? Bofur and I are not ready to discuss that quite yet," Fili said.  
"Oh, yes, yes, yes, quite," Balin agreed. "Of _course_ this not the time to discuss a wedding between you two. We would need to call a committee for that, clearly."  
Bofur glanced at Fili. The blond looked as though he wished the dragon would swoop back in and eat him.  
He addressed Balin. "Would you mind terribly if we were to have a bit of a wash up before meeting everyone for dinner?" Bofur asked.  
"No! Please, run ahead. We will talk more later," Balin replied. 

Fili and Bofur made a point of walking the opposite direction of Balin, breaking into a run when he got far enough behind them not to hear. They ran all the way back to their room and shut the door. They broke out into a laugh. Bofur was doubled over with his hands on his knees trying to get a breath in. 

"That was so embarrassing!" Fili said, still laughing and burying his face in his hands.  
Bofur smiled. "Not too embarrassing, I would hope. I don't want the mere idea of it to seem ridiculous to you."  
Fili looked up and beamed. "Not like that! But all this pressure, talk, and expectation...I hope you still want to court me after all this."

Bofur looked at Fili's face. It was flushed from laughter and had a slight sheen from their run. Fili's eyes were mirthful and sparkling. Bofur reached out to toy with his braid in Fili's hair. 

Bofur spoke reverently. "I used to steal looks at you, you know. We'd be having dinner 'round the fire and the flame-light would make your skin and hair glow. You looked otherworldly. I longed to reach out and touch you but I did not think it would ever be possible. I never thought we'd be friends in those early days, much less lovers. If you think people discussing me potentially marrying you would make me want to give this up, you are barking mad."  
Fili gazed upon him with love. "Bo, I liked you from the start. You pleased my eye from the moment we met, but your kindness is what drew me most. By the time we got inside Erebor, you had me fully ensnared."  
"I think you have it the other way 'round, but no matter. Whichever it is, I know I am elated to be yours."  
Fili kissed him. "Mine."

*****

Bilbo and Kili left early to have a chat with Oin before the evening meal.

"Congratulations are in order, my lads," Oin said, indicating Kili and Bilbo's braids.  
Kili grinned. "Thank you."  
"Fili's toast aside, I'm sure you've caught proper grief for it, too," Oin surmised.  
"Some," Bilbo said.  
Oin barked a laugh. "I wager it was a lot more than 'some.' Messy, messy business, love is. Worse when it is mixed with kings."  
Bilbo couldn't help but smile as Oin shook his head and clicked his tongue.  
"No matter," Oin continued. "You two listen to me and you listen proper. Do not let any of Thorin's sycophants shame you for this. Anything that makes two souls shine the way yours do is not bad, no matter what the traditions say."  
"I had no idea you were such an old softie," Kili said.  
"I'm not so old as to not tan your hide for spreading such a vicious rumor about one of the illustrious Fourteen," Oin teased. "I have a bitter reputation to uphold, you realize."

"So, Oin...I hear you are a dwarf who knows a thing or two about piercing the skin?" Bilbo asked.  
"Probably the best in all Erebor at the moment," Oin said proudly.  
"Kili and I would be interested in speaking to you about navels."  
"We would?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo gazed at Kili with tenderness.  
"Wouldn't we?" Bilbo asked, smiling sweetly.  
A grin split Kili's face as he picked Bilbo up in a hug. "Yes, we would!"

*****

Dinner this second night was as grand as the first. Bilbo fretted that Erebor would run out of rations at this rate and said as much.

Thorin smiled fondly. "Although we are perhaps going through some of the best in our stores, believe that there are plenty to go around. If you plan on eating us out of mountain and home, fret not. We've got more on the way and spring is just around the corner. In fact, I encourage you to stuff yourself as full as you can stand."

Bilbo laughed and the meal went on. 

Kili was careful to not be too affectionate with Bilbo in front of Thorin but the hobbit was not having it. It was useless to try and resist, anyway. Bilbo's hand would graze his neck when he brushed Kili's hair away to speak low in his ear--something he liked to do with regularity at the table. Frequently, Kili would feel Bilbo's lip brush against his lobe and could not help the tingle that went down his back. Kili wondered what Thorin was thinking about their talk earlier that day...and what he would decide.

Dinner dissolved into conversation and song. This night, Bilbo was not too tired to participate. He and Bofur performed songs they learned and wrote while at Beorn's. Bilbo and Bofur also taught the dwarrows tunes that they had been taught by Beorn's friends so they could surprise them on their next supply visit. 

Thorin did not participate. Instead, he sat back and watched everyone carouse with an amused smile. Bilbo's voice and his merry laugh made him even more bewitching. Thorin recalled their engagement party where Bilbo and Kili were as drunk as he had ever seen them, singing and dancing on a bar table in Lake Town. He thought he was going to laugh until he suffocated. He remembered a time later, when Bilbo sang for them all during a storm. Bilbo had so captivated the company that Thorin cut him off in a jealous fit instead of enjoying him...or letting him enjoy himself. That was the day Bilbo told him he napped with Kili. _Mahal_ , why couldn't he have just let Bilbo sing? There was yet another time with Kili, later when Thorin had abandoned Bilbo at the farewell party. All Bilbo wanted to do was dance with him. Thorin had been envious of everyone in the room (Man or dwarrow) and left so Bilbo could have fun without Thorin ruining it. Kili had seen him home--had seen him home and yelled at Thorin for making Bilbo lonely. Thorin realized that Bilbo had been _his,_ yet it was Kili who had been there with Bilbo for it all: dancing, singing, laughing, and comforting. It was too much for him. 

Thorin rose and swept out of the room. The music died down to chatter. The king did not return and the party was officially declared over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haz a Tumblr  
> http://www.tumblr.com/blog/hobbit-feels


	69. Welcome To Erebor Part 3: Experience The Excitement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "By the way, Bombur would like to see you while I'm meeting with Thorin. He and Bifur were very particular that I not be present," Bofur said.  
> "Wait, _what_?" Fili cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bifur's speech is in italics. I figured I'd leave it up to the reader to decide if he's actually speaking Khuzdul or if he's using Iglishmêk, based on your own preferred head canons.

Bofur rolled over on Fili, waking him with kisses.  
"Oh, I'm sorry. Were you not getting enough attention while I was asleep?" Fili teased.  
Bofur grinned. "I'm supposed to see the king after breakfast, Fee. We can't stay in bed all day."  
"How does that follow that _you_ have to see Thorin early so _we_ can't stay in bed?"  
Bofur stuck his tongue out at Fili and laughed.  
"And stop calling him, 'the king.'" Fili said. "He's _Thorin_. You've withstood a siege with him, bonded with him in battle, hiked with him for miles upon miles, and you are courting his sister-son. Believe me, you have a right to call him by his name."  
Bofur shrugged. "I suppose. I do not know the protocol with this situation, particularly because I'm rather interested in you and would like him to look favorably on that."  
"He even asked you to call him 'Thorin.' Do not worry about it," Fili said.  
Bofur shook his head. "That is easy for you to say!"  
"Well, don't. The most important opinion is mine and I think you've got a pretty good shot with me," Fili flirted.  
"Hmm, it sounds better when you put it that way. By the way, Bombur would like to see you while I'm meeting with Thorin. He and Bifur were very particular that I not be present," Bofur said.  
"Wait, _what_?" Fili cried.  
"Do not worry about it," Bofur soothed mockingly. "The most important opinion is mi-"

He was cut off when Fili smacked him with a pillow.

*****

"Fili! We were just talking about you!" Bombur said.  
"Bo said you wanted a word?" Fili said.  
"Yes. Our Bofur is rather fond of you, I'm sure you realize," Bombur said.  
Fili smiled. "I do. I'm pretty fond of him, too. More than that, honestly. I love him."  
 _"That right there is why I approve of this match_ ," Bifur said.  
Bombur smiled and nodded. "I like that you are not being coy about your feelings. We have long admired how grounded you are."  
"Thank you," Fili said.  
 _"We would like to know why you waited for Bofur to ask to court you."_ Bifur said bluntly.  
"I was hoping to lead up to that but yes. In your royal position, we would have expected you to take the lead in these matters," Bombur said. "Instead, you left Erebor."  
Fili pressed his lips together and nodded in understanding. "I wanted Bofur to come with us when we followed Bilbo over the wall, but he chose not to come. I asked him more than once to come with us when we left Erebor, but he declined then as well. Just as I needed to be with my family, he needed to be with his. I missed him terribly, though, and when he decided to travel with us I nearly wept with relief. Please do not think I did not want him or that I played games to make him come to me."  
"That is more information than Bofur had shared with us," Bombur said.  
 _"He probably did not want us feeling guilty for his decision to stay with us instead of going with Fili,"_ Bifur said.  
Fili smiled. "That sounds like him. I'm sure you have other questions about my intentions or what have you but I want you to know that I feel so fortunate to be Bofur's choice. I'm taking this courtship seriously and it is my preference to see it through to its intended conclusion."

Bombur and Bifur looked at each other, seemingly having a silent conversation with only their expressions. 

Bombur's face was serious when he turned back to Fili. "You would see a toymaker and a miner hold the second highest title in Erebor? To sit beside your throne when you are king?"  
Fili took a deep breath. "There is a lot of engagement and wedding talk right now because I may one day be king. It is our preference--Bo and myself--to take things a little more slowly than that for now. We would rather enjoy each other and not have to deal with all this ceremony and discussion. But as things are, the answer is yes. It would not matter to me if Bofur were a toymaker, a pauper, or born into a royal house. He is still one of the finest dwarrows I've ever had the privilege to know and somehow I'm the lucky one that he loves. I could only hope he would agree to sit in the throne beside me as my consort when the time comes."  
Bifur smiled. _"Your bearing is proud but you are humbled in the face of love. You will make a fine king someday, and a good mate for our Bofur._ "  
"I realize that the Crown Prince of Erebor does not need our approval, but it pleases me that you see Bofur for the treasure he truly is. We would not welcome you into our family nor would Bofur welcome you into his heart merely due to your title. You are a fine dwarrow yourself, Fili, and should the time come for the two of you to create a more permanent union, we would support it."  
Fili smiled widely. "That means so much to me and it will mean a lot to Bofur."  
Bifur moved to hug Fili and Bombur followed after.  
"One thing, though," Fili said conspiratorially. "I fear Bofur is already feeling pressure with Balin wanting to talk marriage and Thorin saying who knows what to him right now. Would you two please keep the part where I said I wanted him to be my prince between yourselves for a while?"  
Bombur found Fili's nervousness charming.  
"Of course," he said.  
 _"Not a word,"_ Bifur agreed.

*****

About the time that Fili was having his conversation with Bofur's family, Bofur was walking through Erebor's corridors with Thorin.  
"Bofur, I want to apologize for the time in the past when I was short with you. You were wise indeed when you counseled me about Bilbo. I was too blind to see and now I'm paying for it," Thorin said.  
Bofur did not know what to say. "Sometimes I say too much. I was worried that our tenser moments might count against me."  
"That might have been true at one time," Thorin said carefully. "During the height of the dragon sickness, particularly. Things are different now. More importantly, you make Fili happy. I daresay he was ready to accept your suit earlier than you may realize."  
"If it makes a difference, I was ready to offer it well before my circumstance caught up to my heart," Bofur said.  
Thorin smiled kindly. "Speaking of circumstance: I know you two aren't talking marriage yet, but I want you to consider the outcome if this courtship is successful. You would be marrying a prince. It comes with its own set of challenges. Someday beyond that, Fili will be king. You would be Prince Consort."

Thorin paused. Bofur might have been able to explain away that he merely imagined he heard the catch in Thorin's voice on the last words. However, there was no denying the pain in his face was real as he recalled another to potentially bear that title. 

Thorin stopped walking. He turned to Bofur and put a strong hand on his shoulder. He said solemnly, "It is no small thing to be entrusted with the heart of the kingdom, Bofur."

The King of Erebor was standing before him in at least two full layers of clothing, but Bofur suddenly felt as though Thorin was naked. 

Thorin continued, "I have fulfilled my destiny to journey to my homeland. As though we had all walked out of legend, I've fought beside my own people, Men, Eagles, Elves, a bear and a wizard to reclaim the mountain. I have a kingdom at my fingertips, yet love has brought me to my knees. I may likely be forever known as the Lonely King of the Lonely Mountain."  
Noting the surprised expression on Bofur's face, Thorin said with a joyless smile, "Oh yes, I've heard the songs. It is not a fate I wish for Fili. If you are going to pursue this, do it with the knowledge that it won't be easy, do it with all your heart, and do it until the end."

Bofur was stunned by Thorin's candor. "I have to say that I'm honored that you would share these insights with me."  
"They were hard-earned. If Fili can benefit from this knowledge, perhaps it would be worth at least a couple of the sleepless nights it has given me," Thorin said.  
"So you do not have a problem with someone like me courting Fili?" Bofur asked.  
Thorin tilted his head. "Someone noble? Someone who runs into danger for his friends even though he is afraid? Someone loyal? Someone smart who will put his neck on the line to try and talk some sense into a wayward king? No, I have no problem with 'someone like you' courting Fili. Not as long as you love him."  
"I do, Thorin. I truly, truly do," Bofur said.  
"That is all anyone can ask," Thorin said. 

They began walking again.  
"I apologize for the times I was snappish when I thought you were getting too cozy with Bilbo," Thorin said. "I thought for a while that your intentions were toward him."  
Bofur shrugged. "I wasn't trying to court him away from you, so's you know, but it is okay. I can be a little over-friendly at times."  
"In either case, I apologize for my possessiveness," Thorin said.

Thorin added silently, _"You weren't the one I should have been watching."_

*****

Mid-morning, Kili and Bilbo returned to their room giggling like a couple children who had stolen a pie.

"I can't believe you did that!" Kili said.  
"I told you if you would that I would, too. I'm rather pleased we were able to match on such short notice," Bilbo said.  
"If you would have told me that the first pair of rings we exchanged were going to be pierced through our belly buttons, I would have thought you had gone quite mad," Kili laughed.  
"First and last!" Bilbo said decisively. "I don't know if I'm up for putting any more holes in my body. That hurt more than I thought it would. You and your libido will have to settle for this one."  
Kili was stricken for a moment until Bilbo better explained his meaning. He took Bilbo's hand.  
"There are other rings we might one day exchange," Kili murmured as he kissed each of Bilbo's knuckles.  
Bilbo lifted Kili's chin with his free hand to gaze into his eyes. He leaned in to press his lips to Kili's. Kili moved to wrap his arms around Bilbo and hold him close but when their stomachs touched, they both flinched their hips backward.  
"We didn't think this through very well," Kili lamented. "We won't be able to make love face to face until we are less sore."  
"There are ways around that, dear heart. Although you may not hold me as tightly as I wish for a short time, we are not giving up sex," Bilbo said.  
Kili licked his lips. "Especially not now. Seeing a dwarvish ring through your navel is more arousing than I thought...and I thought it was going to be scintillating to begin with."  
"That is a great benefit," Bilbo agreed. "You know how metal in your body affects me too."  
"When it heals, I'm going to make you a wardrobe of rings to suit your fancy," Kili promised.  
"No," Bilbo said, turning rather serious.  
Kili frowned. "That would not please you?"  
Bilbo cocked his head. "Only if yours matched. To me, this signifies that I am yours, as you are mine. I should always like our rings to be twins."

Kili looked into Bilbo's eyes. He knew Bilbo consenting to a dwarrow piercing had been significant, but perhaps he did not realize how much.  
"I think I would prefer that, too," Kili said softly.

*****

Kili cornered Fili as soon as he saw him return from his chat with Bofur's family. He lifted his shirt and exposed his navel.  
"You got it done! Did you go to Oin?" Fili asked.  
"Yes," Kili said. He was swinging back and forth like a dwarfling and grinning.  
Fili couldn't help but smile back. "But there's more?"  
Kili yanked up Bilbo's loose shirt front to flash Bilbo's matching adornment.  
Bilbo swatted at his hand. "Rude!"  
"Durin's beard! You agreed to get it done, too?" Fili asked incredulously.  
"Yes. Your brother needs to stop baring my stomach to everyone we pass, though," Bilbo said.  
"I'll say he does, especially if he wants to keep you. It is pretty sexy," Fili said.  
"Well, it-really?" Bilbo blinked.  
Fili winked and said, "You'd best not let my Bo see that. He might follow you all over the mountain."  
Kili bumped Bilbo's hip. "I _told_ you it looked amazing."

Turning his attention back to Fili, Kili said, "Let's go down to the forge today!"  
Fili made a face. "I can't this afternoon. I've got to go to council."  
"You are sitting in with the advisers _again_?" Kili fussed.  
"Yes, every day that they meet." Fili replied.  
Kili made a noise of frustration. He pulled Fili aside.  
"I have something I need help with. I'm not as good with details as you are," Kili whispered.  
"Can it wait until tomorrow? Or even later tonight?" Fili asked.  
Kili pouted. "I suppose."  
"Don't be so fussy, Kee. You still get to spend your afternoon roaming Erebor with Bilbo," Fili pointed out.  
Kili brightened. "That is true."

*****

"Thorin would like to see you for lunch, Bilbo," Bofur said.  
Bilbo glanced around the room. "Me?"  
"He said if it is convenient. He made me promise to tell you it was a request and not a command."  
Bilbo looked at Kili. Kili nodded.  
"It is okay," Kili said. "There's only so long it could take. He still has council to get to."  
"Where?" Bilbo asked.  
"Council chambers," Bofur replied.

Bofur followed Bilbo out into the hall. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but don't be too hard on the fellow, okay?"  
Bilbo gave Bofur a funny little smile. "I won't."

*****

Bilbo could smell the food in the council chambers before he saw it.  
Thorin greeted him with a smile. "I figure since we are both concerned about the other getting enough to eat, perhaps we could have a meal together."  
"This is very kind of you," Bilbo said.  
Thorin shook his head. "I'm being selfish, actually. I did not get a chance to speak much to you yesterday. This is my way of ensuring I see you today."

Thorin looked over Bilbo and frowned. "I guess my gifts have not been delivered to my guests?"  
Bilbo puffed out his cheeks and shrugged. He had no idea what Thorin was talking about.  
"You four are still going around in near-rags. It does not reflect well upon this king to allow such a thing. I've drawn upon some resources to have some garments made for all four of you. It took a couple days and more than a couple dwarrows to get them ready, but they should have been delivered to your rooms this morning," Thorin said.  
"Now that _is_ terribly kind of you, Thorin."  
Thorin gestured for Bilbo to sit. "Again, purely selfish. The princes should not run about in tatters, after all."  
Bilbo wondered briefly if he meant Fili and Kili or if he meant all four of them.  
He sat down carefully, trying to not irritate the new ring through his flesh. It was growing more sore by the hour, though Oin told him to expect that.

Before he took his first bite, Bilbo fixed Thorin with a look.  
"Do not think I am ungrateful but food, clothes...you know these things appeal directly to a hobbit's sensibilities. Are you trying to woo me?"  
Thorin hummed a laugh. "Not directly, no, though if such a thing would work I cannot lie to you--I would be thrilled beyond measure. It was always my intention to spoil you if you had stayed in Erebor with me. Although you are not my consort, seeing you so thin and dressed so spare has inflamed my desire to stuff you with roasted meats and clothe you like a favored guest of the king."  
Bilbo studied Thorin's face for any hint of double meaning.  
"I appreciate it, I truly do," Bilbo said.  
Thorin gestured with his fork. "The others are getting much the same, so you do not have to fret about being singled out or making Kili feel ill at ease."  
"Thank you."

The meal was easy. Thorin asked what Bilbo thought about the baths, the library, and other things he had seen. Bilbo asked questions about their plans for spring and Thorin did the same. Thorin spoke about trade and possibly even farming in new wildlife to populate the desolated areas now that Smaug had gone. For his part, Bilbo told him he'd like to see Rivendell on his way home and expected to be back in the Shire later in the summer. Bilbo was no longer afraid to tell Thorin where he would be. He knew Elrond would let no harm come to them, particularly on Gandalf's watch. Thorin and Bilbo ate and chatted like dear friends. Bilbo mused that this was probably one of the nicest conversations they'd ever had. 

Bilbo eased up out of his chair so as not to harm his ring.  
"Are you injured, Bilbo?" Thorin asked with concern.  
Bilbo answered, "Yes. I mean, no. Well...kind of."  
Thorin looked at him with a puzzled expression.  
Bilbo sighed and pulled up his shirt. Kili had already shown it to nearly everyone they had seen that morning, anyway.  
Thorin's eyes locked on the ring immediately. Fully entranced, he stepped near Bilbo and dropped to his knees, hand outstretched.  
"You have a dwarvish piercing," Thorin breathed.  
"Careful, it is fresh and very sore," Bilbo said. 

Thorin's hand trembled for a moment in mid-air before he reached out to touch Bilbo's stomach, mindful to not touch the ring. Feeling Bilbo warm beneath his fingertips sent the rest of Thorin's sense somewhere far away. He slipped one arm around Bilbo's hips as his hand slid up Bilbo's chest. He placed sensual, open-mouthed kisses on the flesh around the ring, trying not to brush it. 

Bilbo could not help but gasp at the first touch. Before he recovered, Thorin's mouth was on his stomach, heated like fire. He gave in to the sensation, throwing back his head and moaning. He threaded his fingers in Thorin's hair.  
"Bilbo," Thorin whispered in between kisses. "So good."  
" _That is not Kili's voice_ ," something said deep within Bilbo. He looked down and met a pair of intense, blue eyes. They were beautiful, to be sure, but they were not the sparkling brown of his lover's. Bilbo gently pushed Thorin's shoulders and took a step back.

"This can't happen," Bilbo said.  
Thorin stood. He was a bit lust-dazed at first, but he quickly sobered.  
"Tell me you felt it, Bilbo. There's no way you did not feel it."  
Bilbo turned away from him. "I-I did not."  
"Liar. You quivered beneath my hand!" Thorin accused. "Tell me!"  
Bilbo whirled around and spat, "Yes, I did feel it! I felt our bond, felt it like lightning up my spine! But that part is over, Thorin!"  
Thorin looked so pained and raw that all the anger went out of Bilbo.  
Raggedly, Bilbo said, "My body will always respond to you. I'm always going to want your mouth and your touches. But I cannot give into that when I love Kili the way I do. He's too important to me, Thorin. And he should be too important to you, too."  
Thorin scrubbed a hand over his beard. "I apologize, Bilbo. I should not have touched you. That ring looked so enticing on you...I lost my head for a moment. Please, do not mistrust me," he pleaded.  
"I apologize, too. I let it go on too long. It isn't fair to you," Bilbo said. "I'm sorry for a lot of things, actually."  
They looked at each other for several moments, not speaking. 

"Well, um, I should probably go and let you get ready for your afternoon meetings," Bilbo said finally.  
Thorin shuffled awkwardly. "Yes, a lot of new business to discuss."  
Bilbo was at the door and about to open it when Thorin called his name. Bilbo turned around as Thorin met him at the door.  
"Do-do you want to marry Kili?" Thorin asked.  
Bilbo looked up at Thorin and said nothing for what seemed to Thorin an eternity.  
"Yes," came a quiet whisper. 

Thorin squeezed his eyes shut as though if he didn't see Bilbo, it wouldn't be true. He opened them again and kissed Bilbo lightly on the cheek.  
"Go," Thorin murmured.

*****

"So, how did the discussion with my family go?" Bofur asked.  
"Oh, it went well," Fili smirked. "They took me down to the forge and threatened me with red-hot pokers. They also branded a 'B' on my backside. If you are good, I'll show it to you later."  
Bofur laughed.  
"How about you?" Fili asked, expecting a similarly smart-arse answer.  
"It was...eye-opening," Bofur said.  
The look on Bofur's face was more wistful than mirthful and Fili began to worry.  
"In what way?" Fili asked, concerned.  
"He and I put away our old issues and reached an understanding but then it got weird. I'm sort of your Bilbo, in a way. Someday you may be king, someday I could possibly be your consort...I think it brought up some old pains for Thorin. Or maybe they are already at the surface because Bilbo and Kili are here. Either way, he's profoundly affected."  
Fili turned this over in his mind.  
"He said something to me I don't think I'll ever forget," Bofur said. "Fee, if you could have seen his face, I swear your heart would have shattered."  
"What was it?" Fili asked cautiously.  
"He said, 'It is no small thing to be entrusted with the heart of the kingdom,'" Bofur replied sadly.  
Fili frowned.

*****

Thorin sat in his council chambers, the remnants of lunch since carted away. His heart was heavy and his stomach was sick. All he could think of were Kili and Bilbo. Holding hands. Kissing. Sharing a bedroom. Riding the same pony. In Lake Town. Gods, in Lake Town! Thorin thought of Kili doing all the things for Bilbo that he should have done instead. "When did they first kiss?" Thorin wondered. "When did they become lovers?" His veins burned with jealousy. And now they were courting and going back to the Shire together. The only thing keeping Kili from marrying Bilbo was the assumption Bilbo didn't want to--but Thorin knew now that Bilbo _did_ want to. It was hateful knowledge.

Thorin's afternoon was haunted by the taste of Bilbo's skin once again on his tongue. The mere sight of that blasted ring made him hard in his trousers. Bilbo wanted him. He felt it, not only under his hands but to his core. Their bond had been ready to bloom once again like a rose. Bilbo stopped them, though...because Thorin wasn't Kili.

" _And he should be too important to you, too."_

Thorin thought of his talk with Kili and the request he had made. It was nearly a demand, actually. Was Kili to be welcomed as a prince or shunned as a whore? 

Thorin's heart was torn and bleeding. He had to make a terrible decision. Thorin had truly hoped it would never come to this, but nearly all his hope was lost. He readied ink and paper and began to write.

*****

Thorin and Fili's meeting with the royal advisers was well underway.  
Thorin spoke, "For our last piece of business, we come to a more delicate and private matter. Balin, fetch Bilbo Baggins. Kili, too."

Fili felt a twist in his stomach. "King's Privilege," Gandalf had said. He looked at Thorin to see if he could sense any danger, but Thorin was unreadable.

"Why do we need Bilbo and Kili?" Fili asked suspiciously.  
"Royal matters," Thorin replied firmly.  
"What does Bilbo have to do with that?" Fili replied.  
Thorin grew agitated. "He was nearly my consort and he is courting your brother, that's what. We aren't going into this until they get here," Thorin said.

Fili glanced around the room. Everyone there would be loyal to Thorin until the end. There was only one door out of the chamber. He was running scenarios through his mind as fast as he could for how to get Bilbo and Kili out of there should the worst happen. None of them had a good end. He cut a glance to Thorin again, who managed somehow to look both nervous and self-satisfied. The wait was agonizing.

Balin finally brought them in. Bilbo looked perplexed and Kili looked puzzled.

Thorin stood and addressed them. "I've called you both to council today to discuss personal matters pertaining to Erebor's future."  
Fili noticed a scroll in his hand. It must be an official decree!  
Thorin looked around the council. "It is no secret to anyone present that there is tension between Prince Kili and myself as a result of being in love with the hobbit, Bilbo Baggins. Kili is currently being courted by Bilbo and they wish to return to the Shire, a land near Ered Luin. As you all realize, the future of Erebor must be protected-"  
Fili couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't let Thorin say it. "Don't do this, Thorin!"

Thorin paused. The entire council chamber stared at Fili.

Kili held Bilbo's hand in worry. Fili must realize something terrible is about to happen to be this upset.

"Why wouldn't I?" Thorin was shocked at Fili's passionate outburst.  
"Have you taken full leave of your senses?" Fili cried, starting to tremble.  
Thorin spoke sternly, "No, but you've possibly taken leave of yours! Sit down or I'll have you removed."  
Balin patted Fili's shoulder and urged him back in his chair.

"Bilbo Baggins. As the months warm and beyond, many dwarrows will be making the long trip home to Erebor. I would like for you to take this letter and speak to your, 'Thain,' is it?"  
Bilbo nodded.  
"To your Thain on our behalf. I imagine many more dwarrows will be passing through over the next few months than the Shire has seen in years put together and I do not want your people to panic or think they are being invaded. My people are refugees and they merely wish safe passage back to their home. I would like you--and Kili, I'll get to that in a moment--to explain what has happened here. I would also ask that they be open to selling food and supplies to caravans heading this way. The dwarrows from Ered Luin should be able to fund their own trips homeward but if not, a simple letter will gain the Shire an emissary from Erebor carrying enough payment to handle anyone who should travel through for quite some time. Will you agree to speak on our behalf?"  
"Of course, your highness." Bilbo said formally.

Fili began to feel an entirely new sick feeling in his stomach.

"Kili, I would like to name you and Bilbo both ambassadors of Erebor. Bilbo, because he has been tied closely to Erebor twice over and I trust him to have a care for our kingdom. Also because the Shire is his homeland and they know him. You, Kili, because you are a Prince of Erebor. You will serve as our royal representative. This is _not_ to be thought of as an annexation, but rather as a political alliance to ease the way of our people coming home and to rest the minds of the gentle folk whose help they may request. Kili, do you accept this first formal duty of your title, in the name of Erebor?"

Kili's eyes met Thorin's. This was his answer. In another time or place, he was sure he would have wept with both joy and relief. He paused to look at Bilbo for approval or objection. Bilbo gave him a nearly imperceptible nod and gently squeezed his hand.

"I accept this duty as Prince of Erebor," Kili said proudly.  
"Bilbo Baggins, do you accept this responsibility as a representative and citizen of the Shire?"  
"I accept, your highness," Bilbo bowed slightly.  
A smile played on Thorin's lips. "Although aspects of this arrangement pain me personally, your agreement pleases me greatly as king. You both honor Erebor with your service. I know you are planning and richly deserve a more leisurely trip back to the Shire. As travel season is quickly approaching for the people of Ered Luin as well, I would request that you would send word ahead to your Thain once you safely reach Rivendell."  
"Certainly," Bilbo agreed.  
Thorin nodded. "Thank you."  
He looked around the room. "The council is dismissed. Thank you, everyone, for your participation."

As the dwarves began to file out, Thorin said, "Fili. You are to stay here."  
Balin was milling around, purposefully slow to leave, and eventually last only to Thorin and Fili. Thorin did not wait for Balin to exit before shutting the door and whirling around to demand the cause of Fili's distress.

"What in the Void was that?" Thorin boomed.  
"I thought...I thought you were going to invoke the right of 'King's Privilege,'" Fili said.  
"'King's Privilege?'" Thorin asked.  
Balin gasped. "Fili! How could you think such a thing?"  
Fili put his head in his hands.  
Thorin shook his head. "What are you two talking about? Balin?"  
"I've only heard rumors of it," Balin explained. "It is said some of the ancient clans used it as punishment for enemies of the king. The king would claim the enemy's mate as their own to exact payment and vengence for the wrongs perceived done to them."  
"Claim the enemy's mate? As in, marry them?" Thorin asked, aghast.  
"Aye, marry them. Or sexually defile them. Usually publicly, in front of the accused," Balin said, shaking his head. "Barbaric practice."  
"Fili, is this what you thought I was going to do when I called Bilbo and Kili in?" Thorin asked.  
"Sort of," Fili said miserably into his hands.  
"I-you... _how_?" Thorin floundered in helpless shock.  
Fili looked up into Thorin's stricken face and he felt ill. "I thought Kili courting the mate you had chosen could mean he had plotted against the king. If you named him as wrong-doer, you could get Bilbo to marry you while making an example of Kili at the same time."  
Balin shook his head in disappointment.  
" _Fuck_ , Fili!" Thorin shouted in anguish.  
Balin and Fili both jumped at Thorin's rare use of an expletive.  
"Kili and I are at odds but he is not an enemy! His behavior could have gotten him socially shunned, but to declare him an enemy of the mountain? I am not an animal! I don't wish to make an example of him merely because he fell in love with the wrong person! That is why he was not banished or denied his reward in the first place. And I don't want Bilbo to be _forced_ to marry me by royal decree! _Mahal!_ " Thorin kicked a chair over and began to pace.  
"Gods, and you thought I might actually, actually, actually _take_ Bilbo against his will, intimately, in front of this council?" Thorin stuttered. "Force him in front of _Kili_?"  
Thorin was wild-eyed now in his horror.  
"Well, no, I didn't think _that_ part. Gandalf mentioned-"  
"Gandalf?" Thorin barked in surprise.  
"Gandalf was the one who told me what 'King's Privilege' was," Fili admitted.  
Thorin had tears on his cheeks that he didn't even know were there. "Is there anyone who doesn't think that I am a demon?"  
He paced a few steps more. His eyes popped wide again in further terror as a thought occurred to him. "Did Bilbo think this?" Thorin asked.  
"No, no, no! I didn't tell anyone!" Fili promised.  
"How could you think so low of me, Fili?" Thorin asked brokenly.  
"I'm so sorry," Fili said.  
"Leave me, both of you," Thorin said.  
Fili and Balin hesitated.  
"I said leave me!" Thorin boomed.  
Thorin was left alone in the council room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are all fantastic and I adore you. This is the third rapid update. The next one may be a few days...we'll see how the weekend goes.


	70. Welcome To Erebor Part 4:  What Happens In Erebor, Stays In Erebor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath

*****

Kili and Bilbo chose not to linger after the meeting. That is, Kili had wanted to loiter around the hallway until Thorin and Fili came out but Bilbo thought it would be best for them to speak to Thorin later. They walked close together in the direction of their room.

"Did that really happen? Did Thorin acknowledge me as a Prince of Erebor and give _us_ royal leave to travel to the Shire together? Well, we would have whether he did or not but to have it be official..." Kili said.  
"I think so," Bilbo grinned.  
Kili made a face. "What do you think Fili's problem was? Surely, he did not take exception to that?"  
Bilbo shrugged. "Fili was clearly upset, but I sneaked a peek at him while Thorin was speaking to you. If I were to suppose, I would say he thought something much different was going to happen."  
"I wonder what," Kili said.  
"I'm not sure. Let's be happy for what did happen, though." Bilbo took Kili's hand. "I'm so thrilled for you."  
Kili smiled bashfully and kissed the hand threaded in his. "I'm almost embarrassed to say how proud I felt when he called me by my title at an actual council inside Erebor. I didn't realize that I had been longing for it until occurred."  
"Perhaps Erebor means more to you than you originally thought?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili puckered his lips in thought. "No, not Erebor. Thorin. I had been waiting so many years for his acceptance. Even with all the bad feelings between us lately, I guess I never really stopped hoping for it."  


Bilbo squeezed Kili's hand and felt the heaviness of guilt. How did one little hobbit cause such a rift in this family?  


After a few moments, Kili said, "I know what you are thinking and I wish you would stop. Thorin and I had troubles between us long before we met you."  
"So you've said, but our situation did not help matters," Bilbo said glumly.  
Kili shook his head. "None of us planned this. You didn't plan to fall in love with two dwarrows far from your home, Thorin didn't plan to break my heart by courting you first, and I did not fall in love with you to spite him."

Bilbo was pondering this when they heard Balin call after them, nearly frantic. He jogged toward them, puffing with exertion.

"Fili...Thorin," Balin panted, bent over with his hands on his knees. "Trouble. Need you."  
Bilbo put a soothing hand on Balin's back but there was alarm in his voice.  
"Are they injured? What happened?"  
Balin shook his head and was still struggling for breath. "Not injured. Fili...very upset. Thorin alone."  
"Do you need one of us to stay with you?" BIlbo asked.  
Balin shook his head again, more vigorously this time. "Go."

Bilbo and Kili ran back toward the council room. They found Fili about mid-way, sitting against a wall with his head in his hands.  
"Fili!" Kili cried, crouching next to his brother.  
Fili looked up with weepy eyes. "Oh, Kee. I've done something dreadful. Just dreadful."  
Kili shifted to sit and pulled Fili into his arms. "Tell me," Kili said softly.  
Fili spoke rapidly, as though getting it all out at once would hurt less. "Before we left, Gandalf pulled me aside and told me about something he feared Thorin might invoke to take Bilbo from you. The dread of it had been growing within me and when he called you to council today, I thought sure he was going to enact it. I tried to stop it, only to discover that he was doing something completely opposite. He demanded I explain myself afterward and...Durin's Beard, Kee. He was so hurt. The look on his face is going to haunt me forever."  
Bilbo and Kili exchanged a look.  
"What had you so afraid?" Kili asked.  
Fili's voice hitched as he spoke. "I don't even want to say it out loud, now. Not after I said it to his face."  
"Please, Fee. I can't help either of you if I don't know," Kili pleaded.  
Fili took a breath and exhaled sharply.  
"In clans of old, kings had the right to demand the mate of another in payment for wrongs perceived or crimes committed," he said.  
"You thought that Thorin might demand Bilbo as his mate to punish the two of us?" Kili asked.  
Fili nodded miserably. "More to punish you. He never seemed to be all that angry at Bilbo for falling in love with you for whatever reason. I think he's too in love with Bilbo to be angry with him."  
Kili kissed Fili's hair. "If he were to have demanded Bilbo marry him, it would have been an ugly scene. I'm glad we did not have to endure it, but I'm surprised it has you and Balin this frantic."  
Fili's face screwed up in pain. "Oh, there is more."

Fili explained the worst part. 

"And you told _Thorin_ this?" Kili asked.  
"No, Balin did. I thought-I thought Thorin already knew about it. Turns out he had never heard of any of it," Fili replied.  
"Did you think he would do that to Bilbo in front of everyone?" Kili asked. "With a non-gold addled mind?"  
"I didn't think he would do, um, _that_ , but Gandalf told me it could go that far and still be considered just within dwarven law," Fili said.  
"Considered just by whom?" Kili asked disgustedly. "Did you at least explain to Thorin that _you_ didn't think he would go that far?"  
"Yes, but I when I mentioned Gandalf, it upset him all over again." Fili sniffled. "The fact that Gandalf saw fit to warn me wounded him, too."  
Kili nodded. "I expect it would."

Bilbo had stayed quiet and let Kili do all the talking since Fili was distraught. He considered Thorin. The king had his share of issues with the princes but beyond it all, he loved them dearly. He placed considerable faith and trust in Fili as the heir. Bilbo tried to imagine the hurt and betrayal Thorin must be feeling upon realizing Fili thought he would do something so...rude. 

"Fili, where is Thorin?" Bilbo asked abruptly.  
"He is in his council chambers, I think. He ordered us to leave him. I tried to explain..." Fili trailed off helplessly.  
"I need to check on him," Bilbo said to Kili.  
Kili nodded. "I agree. You run ahead. I'm going to stay with Fili a bit longer and I'll catch up with you."

Bilbo leaned in to kiss and hug Kili.  
"Take care of him," Kili whispered into Bilbo's ear.  
"You, too," Bilbo said, indicating Fili. 

Bilbo left with such haste, he practically flew down the corridor.

"Come on, Fee. Let's go back to your room," Kili said, helping Fili up.  
"I need to explain to Thorin," Fili argued weakly.  
Kili held Fili's face to help him focus. "And he'll listen, but if he's as upset as you say, you know now is not the time. Now is the time for you to calm yourself."  
Fili walked with Kili towards his room.  
"I need Bo," Fili said. "I should go find Bo."  
Kili put his arm around his brother. "I'll find Bo for you."

*****

Thorin sat in his council chambers. His emotions were a maelstrom. Fili thinking him capable of something so cold wounded him. He was angry that Gandalf even put the idea in his head to begin with. Thorin was embarrassed that anyone would think of him in such a manner. And what would Bilbo say if he knew? The whole thing was mortifying. As though he hadn't broken his own heart today, Fili had to break it for him a second time.

There was a soft rap at the door. Thorin sat very still, only moving his eyes to see if he could spy a place to hide undetected if someone came in. He didn't want to see _anyone_.

"Thorin?" came Bilbo's voice from behind the door. "It is just me. No one is with me."

Except Bilbo. Suddenly he needed Bilbo more than anything else in Middle Earth.

Thorin rushed to the door before Bilbo could give up and walk away. He opened it, staying behind it until Bilbo entered the room.  
"Oh, Thorin," Bilbo said sadly. "You don't look well at all."  
Thorin willed his voice to work. "I'm not."

Bilbo held his arms out and found them filled without hesitation. Thorin held to him firmly and cried. Bilbo was surprised by this reaction but he did not show it. He simply hugged Thorin back, shifting slightly and trying to ignore the sting of the friction on his fresh piercing.

Thorin sobbed into Bilbo's hair, pausing only to draw breath to sob more. He cried over the horror and embarrassment of Fili's accusation. He cried for all the time he had lost with Bilbo, as well as the time Bilbo and Kili spent together falling in love. He cried for his empty bed and for Bilbo's inevitable marriage to someone who was not him. He cried for the dragon sickness that cursed his line. He cried for the father who never saw them retake Erebor and the grandfather who fell at the hand of Azog. He cried for his late brother and all his comrades who had perished in battle over the years. He cried for the original destruction of the dragon and all the souls lost or broken that day. Every tear he had ever held back in his life (and some he hadn't bothered withholding the first time) came pouring out as his body wracked with sobs in Bilbo's arms. He wrung himself out until Bilbo's hair was wet against his cheek and he could no longer stem the tide from his nose. 

Thorin still felt a sad sort of hollowness inside, but he also felt somewhat...lighter. This breakdown was decades upon decades in the making and Bilbo was the only person in whose arms he could have had it. There was no awkwardness in the silence that followed, merely the comfort of Bilbo's warmth against him.

When Thorin pulled back, he realized that somehow they came to be sitting on the floor. He had also twined a hand rather firmly in Bilbo's hair and softly tried to tug it free.

"Your hair...it has gotten so long," Thorin said softly.  
Bilbo hummed. "Yes, it is quite overdue for a cut."  
"Oh, I do wish you wouldn't," Thorin murmured. "It is quite becoming. I always-"  
Thorin's voice hitched. He had to clear his throat slightly to continue.  
"I always imagined that you would wear longer hair once we reached Erebor." Thorin ran the back of his hand gently across Bilbo's cheek. "After we were married."  
"I imagined I might, too," Bilbo said, unable to tear his eyes from Thorin even though it made his chest ache.  
"Your heart was torn when you were with me," Thorin said with resignation. "Perhaps you always knew our union would never come to pass."  
Bilbo tilted his head. "My heart is torn still."  
"But there's no question whom you want to wed, is there?"  
Bilbo held Thorin's gaze but did not answer. 

"Why did you come looking for me?" Thorin asked.  
"Fili said he hurt you deeply. As I've hurt you enough for a lifetime, I thought I would try to comfort you for a change. Honestly, I could not get to you fast enough."  
Thorin embraced Bilbo again.  
"You comfort me more than you know," Thorin sighed. "So Fili...did he tell you?"  
"He did," Bilbo admitted.  
Thorin sat back and buried his face in his hands. "This only adds to my humiliation."  
"Humiliation? Fili is the one humilated here. Oh, Thorin, he is a wreck right now that he upset you!"  
"Yes, humiliation! That he would think I would do that to Kili! To you! To force you like that! And then to tell you!" Thorin cried.  
"I do not know Fili's reasoning behind his thought, but I do know my own mind. I was nervous about coming to Erebor because you and I are as bad at being apart as we were at being together, but your letter assured me our safety and freedom. I want you to know I did not doubt that you would keep your word," Bilbo explained.  
"You don't think I'm a monster?" Thorin asked.  
Bilbo took one of Thorin's hands and stroked it comfortingly.  
"You did some questionable things under the influence of the gold sickness. You've been somewhat less than ethical in your desperation to remake our bond. Even so, I never once thought you were a monster. And I see you now. I see you trying hard to be better, even when it hurts you to do so. You did a wonderful thing for Kili today, Thorin. He has been waiting probably his whole life for that validation from you. You wouldn't be striving to grow and be a better dwarf if you were a monster."  
"You make me want to be better," Thorin whispered. "You always have."  
"You aren't a monster, Thorin. No one thinks you are," Bilbo said.  
"Fili does. Gandalf does," Thorin countered.  
Bilbo rolled his eyes dramatically. "Gandalf, that old busybody. He always thinks he knows what is best for everyone. You know, one time he invited a bunch of fucking dwarves to a dinner party in my house without even _telling me_? Their leader was a cranky sod, too."  
Bilbo winked.  
Thorin knitted his brows first in confusion, grinned, and then sputtered out a laugh.  
"You think that is bad? He brought a bloody hobbit to join my war party! To take on a dragon!" Thorin cackled.  
Bilbo rolled backward, giggling. "A _hobbit_? Everyone knows hobbits never go on adventures! I'll bet he couldn't even hold a sword!"  
"Held it like a garden hoe! And the wizard gave terrible directions, too!" Thorin fell against Bilbo laughing.  
Bilbo gestured with a hand. "See? I told you, the old man is _daft_!" 

The two of them shared a good fit of laughter that had Thorin and Bilbo wiping away tears of a different sort than the king had started with. 

"Still," Thorin said, voice still carrying a hint of mirth, "the hobbit was brave, I have to give him that."  
Bilbo smiled. "I suppose that grumpy king was a bit of alright. Gorgeous singing voice, at any rate."  
"And that hobbit could somehow make me feel better when I was sad," Thorin said tenderly.  
"That dwarf is going to be the finest king the mountain has ever seen," Bilbo replied.  
Thorin reached up and lightly traced Bilbo's jaw. "He misses his hobbit. So much, Bilbo."  
Bilbo drew a shaky breath. "I'm sure the hobbit misses his king sometimes, too."

Thorin closed his eyes. He always treasured the moments Bilbo called him "my king." Bilbo hadn't used the endearment since before the siege. 

Bilbo saw tears fall into Thorin's lap when he closed his eyes. Times like this with Thorin were what hurt him the most. He and Thorin could be so tender with one another. He knew Thorin did not open up like this with anyone else. Bilbo wished there were some way they could remain close. Maybe not as lovers--he was not willing to give up Kili's love--but as friends, battle brothers, perhaps something that had no name that simply meant...them. 

"The hobbit doesn't have to miss his king," Thorin said quietly after a few moments.  
"But then the hobbit would miss someone else very dear," Bilbo said.  
"And he would no doubt miss...you," Thorin said, putting an end to their game.  
"I would have us be close if it were up to me, Thorin," Bilbo said. "I feel like our friendship is stronger now than it was in Lake Town. If I knew it wouldn't cause more hurt to you, I would want to cultivate it even further."  
Thorin leaned forward and rested his hands on Bilbo's crossed ankles.  
He said, "I agree that you and I have managed to grow closer but it makes this separation all the more frustrating for me. Now more than ever I want to touch you, to kiss you, and to take you to bed. I know it isn't proper, but I can't help but think how it would feel to make love with you now after all of this emptiness and yearning. We've gained a better understanding of each other over these tumultuous months. I know it would only heighten the physical expression of our bond. Oh, how I've ached for you, Bilbo. To once again twine together after this time apart...it makes me quiver just to speak of it."  
"I have thought about what it would be like for our bodies to reunite," Bilbo confessed. "But I have too much to lose. I will not risk Kili to satisfy my curiosity."  
Thorin shook his head. "I'm sorry. I don't think I have what it requires for us to have a close friendship if you belong to another. I can't help wanting more. I know myself well enough to realize that sooner or later, I would break. I'd try to kiss you or ask you for something inappropriate. What I did at Beorn's was embarrassing and not at all honorable. I'm not sure I could promise it wouldn't ever happen again."  
Bilbo sighed sadly. "You've been important to me since the day you walked through my door and started sassing me in my own home."  
He gently tilted Thorin's chin up with his hand. "I love you, Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain and leader of the illustrious Fourteen. It may not be in the way you prefer, but it is love nonetheless."  
Thorin grasped Bilbo's hand and rubbed against it with his cheek, eyes closed. He pressed a kiss into Bilbo's knuckles.  
"No matter how I may miss you, you will understand if I ask you not to tarry here much longer?" Thorin said, gazing seriously into Bilbo's eyes.  
Bilbo bit his lip. "It pains me, but I understand."  
He let out his breath in a huff and squared his shoulders. "We should try to get to Rivendell in a timely manner to pass along word, after all."  
Thorin released Bilbo's hand. "You know that is not why I ask," he said sadly.  
Bilbo tried to force cheer into his voice. "But that is what we will say should anyone inquire."

Thorin huffed a mirthless laugh.  
"What?" Bilbo asked.  
"I'm not as upset about Fili any longer. You've distracted me with laughter, more tears, and a little heartbreak besides. I don't know if I should thank you or not."

There was a knock at the door that moved it a bit. It seemed the door hadn't been closed fully.  
"Yes?" Thorin called.  
"It is Kili. May I come in?"

*****

Kili had walked Fili back to his room and found Bofur for him. Having his brother sorted, he started toward the council chambers.

Truth be told, Kili was rather angry with his brother. Kili did not think Thorin would have done something as terrible as force himself on Bilbo with a room full of witnesses, but Thorin had done some questionable things in the past. Fili clearly thought there was a threat yet he did not warn Kili or Bilbo either one that he was afraid for them. What if they had been in potential danger? Perhaps he and Bilbo would not have come after all. Or maybe they would have been more careful. It bothered Kili that Fili would not share such incendiary information. Fili was so heartbroken over upsetting Thorin, though, that Kili could not bring himself to add on to his troubles at the moment by scolding him.

Halfway down the hall from the council chambers, Kili heard laughter echoing off the stones. Thorin must not have felt too badly to begin with if Bilbo was able to get him to carry on like this. The laughter had died by the time he reached the door. He paused to knock and heard voices coming from the cracked opening. 

_"He misses his hobbit. So much, Bilbo."_

_"I'm sure the hobbit misses his king sometimes, too."_

Kili stopped his hand in mid-air and had a brief argument with himself. Although he knew it wasn't right, Kili had a bad habit of eavesdropping. He debated whether he should listen or whether he should knock and make his presence known.

_"The hobbit doesn't have to miss his king."_

_"But then the hobbit would miss someone else very dear."_

The decision was made. Eavesdropping it was.

_"I would have us be close if it were up to me, Thorin. I feel like our friendship is stronger now than it was in Lake Town. If I knew it wouldn't cause more hurt to you, I would want to cultivate it even further."_

Kili considered this. He had not put much thought into Bilbo missing Thorin's friendship. He had been far too busy being jealous of-

_"I agree that you and I have managed to grow closer but it makes this separation all the more frustrating for me. Now more than ever I want to touch you, to kiss you, and to take you to bed. I know it isn't proper, but I can't help but think how it would feel to make love with you now after all of this emptiness and yearning. We've gained a better understanding of each other over these tumultuous months. I know it would only heighten the physical expression of our bond. Oh, how I've ached for you, Bilbo. To once again twine together after this time apart...it makes me quiver just to speak of it."_

-of _THAT_. Kili had to begrudgingly admit that Thorin made a compelling case for pleasure. 

_"I have thought about what it would be like for our bodies to reunite."_

Shit.

_"But I have too much to lose. I will not risk Kili to satisfy my curiosity."_

Oh. _Oh_. 

_"I'm sorry. I don't think I have what it requires for us to have a close friendship if you belong to another. I can't help wanting more. I know myself well enough to realize that sooner or later, I would break. I'd try to kiss you or ask you for something inappropriate. What I did at Beorn's was embarrassing and not at all honorable. I'm not sure I could promise it wouldn't ever happen again."_

_"You've been important to me since the day you walked through my door and started sassing me in my own home. I love you, Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain and leader of the illustrious Fourteen. It may not be in the way you prefer, but it is love nonetheless."_

Kili's heart broke for Bilbo that Thorin was refusing the friendship he wanted. 

_"No matter how I may miss you, you will understand if I ask you not to tarry here much longer?"_

Kili had a hand to his mouth. As much as Thorin had wanted Bilbo there, he was asking them to go. Kili understood the impulse--he had it himself when he thought of running away from Lake Town--but he never thought Thorin would send Bilbo from Erebor.

_"We should try to get to Rivendell in a timely manner to pass along word, after all."_

_"You know that is not why I ask."_

_"But that is what we will say should anyone inquire."_

Oh, his sweet, brave Bilbo. Kili took a moment to compose himself so that it wouldn't be evident that he had overheard their conversation. He tapped on the door. 

"Yes?" Thorin called.  
"It is Kili. May I come in?"  
"You may enter," Thorin replied. 

Kili pushed open the door and had to stifle a laugh at the sight of Bilbo and Thorin sitting on the floor in the middle of the council chambers like dwarflings. It did not escape his notice that Thorin had been weeping excessively. The matter of the two of them laughing as he approached seemed nearly mystical, now, and made him even sadder that Thorin did not want Bilbo's friendship without the sex. Surely Thorin could see that someone who made him laugh like that through tears would be worth keeping in his life.

Thorin and Bilbo stood up to greet Kili. 

"Are you okay?" Kili asked Thorin.  
"Truthfully? No," Thorin said.  
"Fili wanted to come and explain himself but I told him to give you more time," Kili explained. "He is terribly upset that he hurt you."  
Thorin frowned.  
"Where is he now?" Bilbo asked.  
"He is in his room with Bo," Kili replied. 

There was an uncomfortable silence between the three of them for a moment. Bilbo broke it first.

"Thorin, you might want to splash a little water on your face before dinner. Your distress is...evident," Bilbo suggested gently.  
"I do not wish to go to dinner tonight," Thorin said.  
"You need to eat," Kili protested.  
Bilbo put a hand on Thorin's arm. "I'm going to tell Balin to not delay tonight's meal with the company in favor of the king's presence. Then, I will be stopping by the kitchen and requesting they prepare your portion of tonight's meal for private dining. Do you want them to bring it here or in your personal chambers?"  
Thorin sucked in a breath to argue. Seeing the all-too-familiar determined look in Bilbo's eyes, he exhaled it again just as quickly.  
"Personal chambers," Thorin sighed. 

Satisfied, Bilbo smiled and stood up on tip toe to hug Thorin. Kili watched them embrace each other tightly. Oddly enough, he felt no jealousy. Just sadness.

Bilbo hugged Kili, too. "Keep him company," he whispered as he brushed a kiss to Kili's ear. 

Both dwarves lovingly watched Bilbo disappear, closing the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you all so much <3


	71. Welcome To Erebor Part 5:  Everybody's Talkin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More aftermath and conversation. Lots and lots of conversation.

Bofur held Fili as he explained what had transpired. Fili cried again when he got to the part where Balin told Thorin what Fili had been assuming. Bofur hadn't seen Fili cry often and even when he had, they were rarely tears of sadness. He stroked him soothingly and did his best to provide him comfort. He felt privileged that Fili trusted him enough to show him this side of himself.

"As if he is not having enough trouble with Bilbo and Kili here," Fili said as he finished the story.  
Bofur kissed him on the top of his head. "Thorin has done some wicked things in the past where Bilbo has been concerned. It is not a far stretch to think he would do something like that. Kili is your brother and haven't you told me before that you are his protector?"  
"Yes," Fili agreed weakly.  
"You wouldn't have been much of a protector if you hadn't spoken up when you thought there was imminent danger," Bofur reasoned.  
"But there wasn't," Fili said.  
"No, but that is why you are so upset. If you were as terrible as you keep insisting, you would not feel this remorseful that you hurt Thorin's feelings," Bofur said.  
Fili sniffed and shrugged.  
"Give Bilbo a chance to work some of his Thorin magic," Bofur suggested. "Later, you can go to him and explain yourself. Thorin has had his moments but at heart, he is reasonable."  
"You think?" Fili asked.  
Bofur squeezed him. "I do."

There was a knock at the door.  
"Should I get that?" Bofur asked.  
Fili nodded and sat up. "I think it would be okay."

There were several dwarrows at the door, most of whom Bofur did not recognize or whom he had seen only in passing as part of the merchant groups from the Iron Hills. They were carrying garments. Some folded and stacked, some grander items draped over outstretched arms.

"We have a delivery of clothes for the princes at the behest of the king," one said.  
"Come in, then," Bofur replied. He figured new clothes ought to cheer Fili up. Bofur thought it was terribly nice of Thorin to commission some clothes for Fili and Kili.

Bofur looked around.

"I'm not sure where you can put all those, uh..." he gestured, hoping the dwarf would fill in a name.  
"Oh! I am called Mignus. I am a tailor from the Iron Hills,"  
Bofur smiled widely. "I figured that last bit," he teased.  
Mignus asked, "May we lay some of them out on the bed?"  
Fili stood and smoothed over the covers. He hoped his eyes were not red or undignified.

Mignus set about gathering the broader, larger coats first to lay out.  
"This one is for...oh, this one is for Prince Fili. This is for Prince Bilbo. Who has the blue one? Ah, the blue one is Prince Kili's. And this one would be...Prince Bofur's. So now all we have to do is sort out the rest."

Mignus buzzed about the dwarves holding the clothes and began to lay out and stack the various garments on the piles to their proper owners. There were quite a few.  
"I apologize to your highnesses about the tardiness of the completion of this order. We had to call in some help to get all this complete and in record time, I might brag. The king was insistent that it be completed as soon as possible." Magnus paused to glance over Fili and Bofur's current clothes. "I quite see why, now."

Bofur heard Mignus talking but what he was saying hadn't registered. Prince Bofur?

"Will there be anything else for the moment?" Mignus asked.  
"No, this is just wonderful. Thank you," Fili said.  
"If you need any alterations, we've got a temporary workshop set up on the barrack level. Pop in any time and we'll get you in right away. King's orders," Mignus said.  
He held the door and snapped his fingers. His crew filed out quickly and Mignus shut the door behind him.

Fili glanced at Bofur, who looked stunned.  
"Prince Bofur, I presume?" Fili teased.  
Bofur just looked at Fili helplessly. Fili's smile faded.  
"Bo? Are you upset? Please don't be upset! Thorin is just getting a little ahead of himself and-"  
Bofur put a finger on Fili's lips to silence him.  
Bofur tried to explain himself. "I just never thought...I mean, I always assumed if you and I, well, of course _you_ would be, wouldn't you? But me? I...I'm not making any sense am I?"  
Fili smiled tenderly. "Probably not to anyone else, but you are to me. Bo, it was a very sweet gesture on Thorin's part to include you. Having them use the title probably ensured the quality, as well. You know how odd Thorin can be, too. This was probably his way of welcoming you to the family. Hopefully that doesn't scare you too much, considering we're only courting."  
"It is such an honor, Fee. My knees are about to give way under me," Bofur said.  
Fili embraced him. "I'd better keep you upright, then. Particularly since the bed has Prince Fili, Kili, Bofur, and Bilbo's clothes on it."  
Bofur hugged him back with a grin for a moment before Fili stiffened in his arms.  
They pulled back and looked at each other.  
"Prince Bilbo?" they said at the same time.  
"What do you think he meant by-" Bofur began.  
"-I have no idea," Fili finished.

*****

Kili stood awkwardly in the council chambers with Thorin.  
"About Fili-" Kili began.  
Thorin shook his head. "I'm done talking about that for the time being. The initial shock has worn off and I do not wish to re-live it again until I have the inevitable conversation with your brother."  
Kili looked at Thorin closely. His uncle was fidgeting.  
"You are still agitated," Kili said. It was not a question.  
"You could say that, I suppose." Thorin said.

Kili approached him and took his hand. Thorin looked at him as though he were doing something strange.  
"I was going to tell you this later, but I want you to know how honored and proud I am that you have chosen to once again acknowledge me as your nephew and an heir of your house."  
"Did you expect the worst of me, too?" Thorin asked.  
"I truly did not know what your decision would be after we had spoken," Kili admitted. "You've looked after me since I was small, but your feelings for Bilbo are volatile and blinding. You could have chosen the other path for me. I would have been devastated, but I realized it was a possibility."  
"Even when I was at my angriest, I chose not to cast you aside," Thorin said. "I've had a lot of time to myself to consider this situation since then. I hate it, Kili, but I can't hate you. Believe me, I've tried. It would make it at least a little bit easier."  
"I am thankful for all that transpired in our favor at council today, but it did not escape my notice that you are sending Bilbo and I away. If time is a factor to reach Rivendell in time for travel season, we cannot stay here. I do not believe that to be a coincidence," Kili said.

Thorin squeezed Kili's hand and released him. "You are perceptive. Kili, I know I invited you here--both of you. I understand I brought this all upon myself, but I can't pretend anymore. I can't grit my teeth and act as though it were a smile. I sleep alone when I'd rather Bilbo and I make love night after night, naked and warm in our bed. He is here again at long last but I have no leave to touch him. I am denied the taste of his mouth. It hurts to see him so tender with you when it should be me who looks after him. I recognize the sparkling look of love in his eyes, but now you receive it. What am I to do?"  
"Oh, Thorin," Kili sighed. "Do you think I do not understand? I had long been wanting to court him with all my heart when I discovered him in bed with you. I had to attend your engagement party and wish you well. I thought I'd have to stand up at your wedding. I slept alone while he slept with you, knowing full well what was going on behind your door. I had to watch you two together. And then came the things harder to endure than your love, like when you made him sad, made him cry, and treated him roughly. Think about this for a moment: I had to watch you send him down to Smaug, twice, and I couldn't even kiss him goodbye, knowing full well he could have perished."  
Thorin winced.  
"I suppose your point is that you love him more? Love him better? Perhaps you feel you deserve his love more than I do?" Thorin asked bitterly.  
Kili shook his head. "My point is that I know what it is like to love what one cannot touch."  
"Oh, but you did touch, didn't you?" Thorin said.  
"And you have not?" Kili countered.  
Thorin decided to leave out his brief stomach-kissing moment of weakness. "Not in a while."  
"Bilbo loves you. Nothing I ever do or say will change that. He would probably have us both if he could," Kili supposed.  
Thorin threw his hands in the air in frustration. "How can he love two people?"  
"He's a hobbit, Thorin. He's just made and raised in a way other than us."  
Thorin gestured toward Kili. "And how can you be so _calm_ about this?"  
"I'm not always calm, believe me," Kili said. "I've got my own issues competing daily with your memory. Several arguments between Bilbo and I have had your name on them. But we love each other. He loves you, too. I've realized while we are here that what is in his heart is different for each of us. He feels your absence and wants you in his life."  
"But not in his bed," Thorin said sullenly.  
"His bed is occupied."  
Thorin rubbed his face with his hands. "And now we are back to the beginning of the argument. What am I to do? Should I do what you did? Will we be attempting to win Bilbo back and forth for the rest of our lives? Will I be giving you this same little talk you are giving me in two years' time?"  
"I don't have a good answer, Thorin. I know the pain you feel. I hate to be the cause of it. If our positions were reversed--if you had known how much I loved Bilbo when you fell for him--would you have walked away and let me have him to spare my heart?"  
"I would not have, no. I would not have tried to love him when I didn't to spite you, but as it happened, I could not have walked away. I still can't, Kili. I left him at Beorn's but begged him to come here. I'm sending him away but I'm already regretting even asking him to go," Thorin said.  
"Because a part of you wants whatever he'll give you," Kili surmised. "Some corner of your heart would rather have some of him than none of him, even if it hurts."  
"You truly do understand what it is like, then," Thorin said.  
Kili nodded. "For my part, I know your mere presence is a risk to the future I want with Bilbo, but I love him enough to want him to be happy...and I love you enough to at least try to work out some way you two wouldn't have to sever all ties."  
"Kili, I love you, too. This hurt so much because I love you. I would have Bilbo at my side with you and Fili as my right and left hands, all of us bringing Erebor into a brilliant, new age. Bilbo returning home is tough enough, but you going with him means that I've lost both of you and that has been a bitter thing to accept."  
"Oh, Uncle. You've not lost me. Or Bilbo, not completely. Can you really not abide him without the sex?"  
"My love for him is not that shallow!" Thorin protested. "It isn't solely the sex, although I cannot tell you I do not miss it. For me, the hardest part is the lack of tenderness. To see him and not be able to caress his cheek or give him soft kisses, all the while watching you able to do what you wish at will. I do not trust myself to try and remain close to him without wanting to kiss or hold him."  
"I never wanted to hurt you," Kili said. "I realize that is little comfort considering that I hurt you terribly, regardless. And I'm so proud to be named with my title by you. I've always wanted your acknowledgement. I know with what I've done that it is too much to ask for your pride in return-"  
"Kili, our romantic situation notwithstanding, I _am_ proud of you. I find some small amount of comfort that if Bilbo did not choose me, that he has chosen you. You _are_ me, if I had not been damaged by the coming of Smaug and crushed under the weight of my station. We are more alike than you understand, for you did not know me then. I, too, was once young, idealistic, dark haired, and handsome."  
"Handsome?" Kili repeated bashfully.  
Although Bilbo helped immensely, Kili still felt insecurity when it came to other dwarrows. Thorin himself had not been entirely kind after Lake Town.  
Thorin sighed. "I said some hurtful things when I was reeling from my jealousy. I went after the things I knew would upset you most and I apologize. Kili, it is true you are not handsome in our common ways. Instead, you are a rare and exotic beauty amongst our kind. Your manner of fairness is greatly coveted amongst the other races as well--far, far more than those whom dwarrows would consider comely. Some of our kind may not appreciate you for the stunner you are, but you are not to ever listen to those fools again, okay?"  
Kili smiled broadly. "Okay."

*****

Bilbo came back a short time later to Thorin and Kili reminiscing and laughing.

"By the gods, I thought Dwalin was going to hang you upside down by your boots for that!" Thorin chortled.  
Kili laughed. "Fee and I sure were terrors."  
"Terrors or not, Dwalin was crazy about you two. That is likely the only reason either of you are still alive," Thorin joked.  
"Yeah," Kili said, feeling a wave of melancholy. Thorin might be willing to try and move beyond this betrayal but he was doubtful Dwalin ever would.

"I see the mood has lightened in here considerably and I am glad," Bilbo said. He regarded Thorin. "Do you want to reconsider dining with the group?"  
"No, you've gone to the trouble of making arrangements and I would not undo them and cause further disruption. I've still got much to think over, anyway," Thorin said.  
"Would you like someone to eat with you so you aren't alone?" Bilbo asked.  
_Yes, you you you, always you._ Thorin thought. He glanced at Kili and back to Bilbo again.  
"I'll be fine," Thorin said. "Maybe...maybe you could send Fili up to see me when he's done eating?"  
Bilbo nodded. "I'll let him know you'd like to speak with him."  
He gave Thorin a gentle hug in farewell, careful of his own midsection. He'd let Thorin have a few tight squeezes that afternoon already and his ring was burning.  
"I'm glad you are feeling better. I much prefer your smile," Bilbo murmured as they embraced.

Thorin couldn't help but smile at Bilbo when they parted.  
"That's the one. I've always thought it should be illegal, you know," Bilbo quipped before he winked.

Bilbo paused on the way to the door. "Are you staying for a while, Kee?"

 _Kee?_ Thorin thought.

"I think Thorin probably has things to get done before dinner," Kili said.  
He moved in to hug his uncle goodbye but was not as mindful of his new jewelry as Bilbo was. He hissed and jumped back. Thorin cocked his head and looked at him with a confused expression.  
"Sorry! Oin has put a ring through my navel and it is fresh and angry," Kili explained. 

Thorin frowned a bit as he considered that his hobbit took his first ever dwarvish piercing in the place where Kili had just gotten one as well. He was pulled out of his cloudy thoughts by Kili pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. 

"Thank you for what you've done today and the decision you made. I wish to make you and Erebor proud," Kili said. 

With a last look from Bilbo at the door, they left Thorin to his thoughts. 

Thorin leaned against the desk with Kili's unexpected kiss fading from his cheek and Bilbo's flirtatious words spinning around in his head. Those two were going to be the end of him, he was sure. Possibly Fili, too, if he kept up his recent nonsense. 

"I can feel myself going grayer by the minute," Thorin grumbled.

*****

Bilbo noted with relief that Fili looked better than he did when he saw him last. In fact, Fili had his "good gossip" expression on his face, having seemingly forgotten about his feud with Thorin for the moment. Fili led Bilbo and Kili over to the bed he shared with Bofur to show them the piles of clothing.

"Oh! Thorin mentioned this earlier today. He was rather irritated they hadn't arrived first thing this morning," Bilbo said, running his hands over an embroidered cuff. "Gods, is this thread made out of actual _gold_?"  
"A veritable army of tailors from the Iron Hills brought these by late this afternoon," Fili said, a strange grin on his face.  
Kili was sifting through his pile.  
"Oh, blue! You look gorgeous in blue!" Bilbo interjected as Kili held up his new jacket.  
"Yes," Fili continued, "They had a pile each for Prince Fili, Prince Kili, Prince Bilbo, and Prince Bofur."  
He paused expectantly.  
" _Prince_ Bofur? Did they really say that?" Bilbo asked, grinning widely.  
Bofur could not help the smile on his face and nodded.  
"Wait, Prince _Bilbo_?" Kili said.  
In his excitement for Bofur, Bilbo hadn't noticed his own title. This was the second time it had come up that day, only this time it was not as ambiguous as the first.  
Fili raised his eye brows and nodded with a smirk.  
Bilbo and Kili exchanged looks.  
"Whose prince do you suppose he means?" Kili asked.  
Fili shrugged. "We were hoping maybe you two knew something we didn't."  
Bilbo shook his head. "Kili?"  
"I do not know what that is about," Kili answered truthfully. 

"Um, how is he? Thorin?" Fili asked.  
"More calm and less embarrassed," Bilbo said.  
"You certainly have a way with him, Bee," Bofur said admiringly.  
Fili elbowed him in the side.  
"Oof! Well, he _does_ ," Bofur protested.  
"It wasn't all me," Bilbo said. "Kili did his part, too. They were giggling like fools when I came back from running some errands for Thorin."  
Fili was surprised. "Really?"  
Kili quirked up a corner of his mouth and shrugged bashfully.  
"Absolutely," Bilbo confirmed. "And, um, because of the new task Kili and I were given, we should probably not stay much longer, here or at Beorn's either one. I think it would be best to travel with you and Bo if it would not rush you. How much longer do you need to stay?"  
"A couple days, perhaps? Enough to wrap things up, supply ourselves, and give proper goodbyes," Fili answered. "Bo? How about you?"  
"Whatever works for you will work for me. I might spend my day with Bombur and Bifur tomorrow, if that is the case."  
Fili nodded. "Kee and I have a date with the forge tomorrow, anyway."  
He grinned at his brother.

*****

Thorin ate on his own while the rest of the company dined together. So much was at odds within him. Bilbo, Kili, and Fili had turned his world inside out over the past couple days. Truthfully, Bilbo and Kili had it turned inside out for much longer than that. Thorin did not know what he wanted anymore. He wanted Bilbo, but was he prepared to only take what the hobbit could give? He and Kili were working on repairing their rift but he resented that Kili took Bilbo to bed every night. Regardless, they were leaving him. Even had he not asked them to leave soon, they would have left eventually. Did he want to maintain ties that were not purely diplomatic? He had set things up so he would not lose contact with Bilbo--as ambassador, Bilbo would at least need to write him official letters. That was _something_ , anyway. But he wanted to place distance between himself and the happy couple...didn't he? This visit, he felt something new budding between himself and Bilbo. Kili, too. There was an easiness to their conversations as of late and a warmth that had been lacking before, even though Bilbo had shared his bed and Kili shared his blood. Then there was the matter of Fili. Next to Bilbo, Fili was the one to whom Thorin had bared most of his soul. What tainted his opinion of Thorin so much? If they could put today's awfulness behind them, it wouldn't change the truth that Fili was leaving, too. Going with his brother, like he always did.

Thorin knew he would not be truly alone. Indeed, he had Balin and Dwalin. The brothers had been through some of this world's worst terrors with him and he loved them. It wasn't the same, though. It was not like having Bilbo, Fili, or even Kili. He wished he could go with them. Were he able to install a steward and do just that, he still did not think he would be particularly welcome. He sighed as that stupid "Lonely King Of The Lonely Mountain" song went through his mind. That certainly was not the way he thought he'd be remembered in ballads.

*****

Bilbo did not refuse his food, but he was sad that Thorin was eating by himself. He thought about his lunch with Thorin and how nice it was just to talk with him. Bilbo still found the king physically attractive, but what he was going to miss the most when they left was this new, gentle companionship. He would have liked the chance to explore a non-sexual relationship with Thorin further, but he understood how he felt. It was probably as difficult for Thorin to behave himself around Bilbo as it once had been for Bilbo to control himself around Kili.

Kili glanced at Bilbo and saw him lost in thought. Kili wished somehow that Thorin and Bilbo could find some way to move forward without such sadness in their hearts. Bilbo had been tested lately (quite frequently) and each time, Kili was his choice. The very reason Bilbo's offer of friendship had been rejected by Thorin was because the hobbit wasn't willing to give him more. Kili still felt some nervousness and some competition with Thorin--Thorin's little sex speech at Beorn's would probably be stuck in Kili's craw for _years_ \--but he no longer feared Bilbo would fall under Thorin's command with a glance. And Thorin...well, in spite of it all, he adored Thorin. Kili had spent too many years idolizing Thorin to allow them to be eclipsed by a romantic rivalry and a few rough months. He understood Thorin's difficulty with attempting to quell his romantic or sexual feelings to pursue a friendship that was only an echo of the commitment he truly wanted. He also realized that Thorin trying to go without Bilbo entirely would be worse for him. He did not know what to do to soothe his love or his uncle, either one.

Kili _did_ know he was not about to give Bilbo up, particularly not now that their bond was consummated and they were nearing a possible betrothal. His sympathy for Thorin only went so far.

Bilbo waited until the meal was finished to tell Fili that Thorin wished to see him. He did not want Fili to fret so much about the meeting that it put him off his dinner. 

Fili kissed Bofur. "Wish me well," he said nervously.  
"You will be fine, Fee. I'll be here for you when you are done," Bofur assured him.  
Fili nuzzled Bofur's nose. "Have I told you lately that I love you?"  
"Not since this afternoon. Unacceptable, by the way," Bofur joked. "It states clearly in my contract-"  
"Bo," Fili warned teasingly.  
"Right. Off you go, then," Bofur said.  
"I love you!" Bofur called after Fili as the blond walked away.

He turned back around to see Bifur smirking at him.  
"What?" Bofur asked. "Mind your business and eat your bloody bread!"  
Bifur winked at Kili. " _Oh, he's got it bad._ "

*****

Thorin answered the tap at his door and let a very sorrowful Fili into the sitting area of his chambers. He gestured for Fili to sit and they both took chairs near the hearth where Thorin had eaten his dinner.

"I've thought about things quite a bit this evening," Thorin began. "You've told me what you thought, you've told me where the idea came from, but what I need to know for myself is _how_? How could you hear this and think that it was something I would do? Enough to interrupt me at council because you thought it was imminent?"  
"I'm so sorry, Thorin. I can't tell you enough how sorry I am," Fili said shakily.  
"I know you are sorry, but it is vital to me to understand how. I need you to answer my question."  
Fili ran a hand through his hair.  
"Before you and Bilbo were betrothed, I would not have thought such a thing possible. Nor would Gandalf, I would say. I've been thinking about this, too, and for me, it starts with the gold sickness. You, um, assaulted Bilbo in front of the company. You were going to assault me, too, to make sure I hadn't been intimate with him. Do you remember that?"  
"I think I do," Thorin said quietly.  
He wasn't sure if his memory was of the event itself or having been told about it after the sickness lifted, but no matter. It was something that happened, nonetheless.  
"You plotted afterward. I was in Erebor for some of it. You were going to follow Bilbo to the Shire, then you decided you would just buy the Shire..." Fili hesitated.  
"Go on," Thorin said.  
"When we got to Beorn's, it was as though the Void had been unleashed. I know you sent a human there to take Kili's virginity so that Bilbo wouldn't want him," Fili said.  
Thorin shook his head in shame. "Not my finest moment."  
Fili was getting braver. "Then you showed up at Beorn's and tried to win Bilbo back in person."  
"I was desperate," Thorin defended.  
"It was that same desperation that made me think that maybe, possibly, you would invoke your right to call Bilbo your own. I think the trouble at Beorn's is what worried Gandalf," Fili explained.  
"I tried to make amends when I left," Thorin reasoned.  
"But not before you touched Bilbo inappropriately and later asked for him to marry you--all in front of Kili. There is only a small break between asking for Bilbo's hand in front of Kili and demanding it in front of him," Fili said.  
Thorin gestured by poking into his palm. "The difference is asking Bilbo, not ordering him."  
"I did not know if you were able to distinguish between the two as upset as you have been!" Fili cried. "I had just about had myself talked out of thinking it was a worry at all but then you said some threatening things when I made that toast, then you called Bilbo and Kili into the meeting, and when you started in about how there was tension between you and Kili...I know I made a terrible mistake, Thorin."

Thorin mulled this over.

He said, "I did not realize I had set such a poor standard of expectation." He buried his head in his hands. "I have behaved without honor quite a lot, lately. Haven't I?"  
"You've been brokenhearted. Now that I understand what love is like, I could see how that could cloud your judgement," Fili said.  
"Yes, and before that it was the gold sickness. I've been an arse for a while, it seems," Thorin said miserably.  
"I was wrong to accuse you. You _do_ have honor. You were sick and after that you were heartsick. In between, you reclaimed a homeland and fought in a battle and it all happened after we dealt with a dragon," Fili reasoned.  
Thorin shook his head. "What are you trying to say?"  
"That maybe you've earned the right to be forgiven for a little bad behavior. We should not condemn you for past behavior--behavior under duress, I might add--for the rest of your life," Fili said.

Thorin reached over to put a hand on Fili's. "I'm sorry."  
" _You're_ sorry?" Fili asked.  
"I've not been a very good uncle or a king lately."  
"Thorin, you've done the best you can. What you did for Kili today...Durin's beard, how hard that must have been for you! We love you. _I_ love you," Fili said, voice breaking.  
Thorin looked up at the ceiling and exhaled sharply. "Kili. That dwarf is aging me rapidly."  
Fili huffed a small laugh. "You've been saying that about him since he was twenty."  
"It has been true since he was twenty," Thorin countered. "Can I ask you a question?"  
Fili raised his eyebrows. "Hmmm?"  
"What is up with Bilbo calling him 'Kee?'"  
"We have nicknames for each other," Fili explained. "Kili and I have the ones we've always had, you know I call Bofur 'Bo' already, and we call Bilbo 'Bee.'"  
"Gods, you four are going to rot my teeth," Thorin teased, though he was secretly envious. The little quartet had turned into a strange little family of its own.  
"Do you want a nickname, too? You could be...I don't know, 'Tee' or something," Fili offered helpfully.  
Thorin straightened his posture and spoke in his most kingly voice. "'Tee?' Just for that, you will be calling me 'Your Majesty' from now on!"  
Fili laughed and threw the remnants of a bun from Thorin's dinner at the king, who easily deflected it into a corner of the room.  
"Oh, you are going to pick that up when you leave," Thorin mock-threatened.  
Fili grinned and looked down at his hands. He glanced back up. "So, are we...are we good?"  
Thorin stood. "Come here," he beckoned.  
Thorin folded Fili into his arms and embraced him tightly. "We are good. Promise maybe you'll think better of me next time?"  
"I promise," Fili said, muffled into Thorin's hair.

*****

Kili lay in bed, tucked into Bilbo's arms. They were discussing the day's events quietly in the dark.

"You did a fine job of calming Thorin today," Kili said.  
"To say he was upset when I found him would be an understatement," Bilbo agreed. "It is sort of a shame, you know."  
Kili kissed Bilbo's chest. "What is a shame?"  
"It's just...I would rather have Thorin as a friend than not to have him in my life at all. There was a time not long ago where I didn't think that was so, but I feel it now," Bilbo said.  
"Is that how you viewed me when you were engaged to Thorin? Did you decide we may as well be friends than nothing?"  
"No, I was unhappy being your friend because it was a constant struggle against my heart. Kili..." Bilbo paused, trying to figure out how to say what he wanted without saying too much. "You were meant to be my mate. I tried to honor my promises and the love I had for Thorin by trying to push onward with his plans, but a part of me _knew_ I belonged with you, even if the rest of me was slow to realize it."

Kili felt a rush of elation at Bilbo's words. It sounded very close to a declaration, but now was not the time to press him. Kili stashed it away to analyze later. 

"So what of now?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo exhaled slowly. "Thorin has decided that friendship is not something that is possible for him. He said he will always want more physical expressions from me, which he cannot have."  
"So, maybe you give them to him," Kili suggested.  
Bilbo's pulled Kili back to look at him. "Kili! Are you insane?"  
"Perhaps a kiss now and then or an embrace wouldn't be too upsetting for you and I. If you think you could control it, of course. You've said you still want him. I wouldn't like you replacing me as a lover, you know."  
"I-you-just..." Bilbo sputtered. "Wouldn't that make you crazy?"  
"It would make me crazy if you would want to leave me for him, but let us look at the facts. You do not wish to lose him in your life. Neither do I. He misses the expression of your more tender affections. I certainly took some liberties with the sanctity of your relationship with him before you were mine. Perhaps a little smooch now and then would be permissible. Maybe it would even assuage the pull of your bond."  
"Or make it pull harder. Kili, I think Thorin wants to do more than hold my hand," Bilbo said acidly.  
"I am very aware," Kili replied flatly.  
"Weren't you the one telling me not two weeks ago that you were worried about Thorin's place in my life?"  
Kili shrugged. "Things have changed a bit since then. I'm more secure with my own place in your life. Being here in Erebor has not deterred us from planning our future travels together. I realize more and more that you loving Thorin does not mean you have stopped loving me."

He kept it to himself that he overheard Bilbo turning Thorin down because of his devotion to Kili.

Bilbo agreed. "As time goes on, the differences seem to grow."  
"Think about it. Maybe try it out and see how it works. Just don't get carried away, please," Kili said.  
"I promise I'll only get carried away with you." Bilbo kissed Kili deeply. "As a matter of fact, I'm a little carried away now."  
Kili gasped as Bilbo reached into his trousers.  
"I'm feeling a little out of control myself," Kili flirted.  
Bilbo lifted Kili's shirt and kissed his stomach, staying well clear of the sore, new piercing.  
"Let's get you naked and figure out a creative way or two to make love for the next couple weeks while these are healing," Bilbo said.  
"We'll probably need to work out several, you know," Kili said, wiggling out of his trousers.  
Bilbo removed his own clothes. "I'm counting on it."  
"Tonight?" Kili asked hopefully, pinning Bilbo's hips to the bed and engulfing his cock in one motion.  
Bilbo hissed and arched his body, stifling a moan.  
"Give me what you've got," Bilbo panted.

*****

_"There will be no life for us together and you are fortunate you continue to have one at all. Leave my sight, halfling. Our betrothal has ended and I renounce our bond in all the ways we had one. May we never meet again!"_

Thorin woke with a start. This was not the first time he had dreamed about that horrid day at the gate, but it had a new resonance now that he had once again asked Bilbo to leave the mountain.

_"May we never meet again!"_

Bilbo was here in Erebor with a hand outstretched towards him in friendship and Thorin was about to send him away because it wasn't both arms outstretched in passion.

_"May we never meet again!"_

He didn't mean it then and he realized he didn't mean it now. The thought of not seeing Bilbo again made his blood run cold, but it would be a very real possibility if he let him leave like this.

Thorin jumped out of bed and wrapped himself in a robe. He was nearly at Bilbo's door before he realized it was the middle of the night and the hobbit and Kili were likely asleep. Or not, which would be worse. He sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face.

"What am I doing?" he muttered to himself.

The king made his way up to one of the few open observation balconies. It was his favorite when he was young because it was high enough to see much of the beauty that surrounded the mountain and a little bit of Dale besides. It was the first one he ordered cleared and repaired. The night was comfortable for early spring and bright with a fat, full moon. Thorin thought his eyes might be deceived by some trick of either mind or moon when he caught sight of a familiar figure leaning over the stone ledge. It did not evaporate when he approached it. Instead, it turned around.

"Thorin!" Bilbo exhaled with a grin. "You are up late."

Thorin was stunned to find the very person he had gotten up to see. Perhaps he was a little over-emotional due to his nightmare and the late hour, as well. Those were the only things he could think of later to blame for what he did next.

Gently grasping Bilbo's shoulders, he pulled the hobbit in for a kiss. Bilbo's lips were as sweet and as warm as he remembered. He also found them surprisingly willing as they moved against his without the expected protest. A wet, curious tongue swiped gently along Thorin's bottom lip. He answered it with a tentative lick of his own and Bilbo's mouth parted slightly. The tips of their tongues brushed each other, but Bilbo closed his mouth before Thorin could deepen their kiss further.

Bilbo leaned back with a soft sigh and ran a gentle hand along Thorin's bearded jaw. "Well, hello to you, too."  
Thorin leaned his forehead against Bilbo's and smiled. 

"What has you up here at this time of night?" Bilbo asked.  
"I-I had a nightmare. It was about that day at the gate," Thorin admitted.  
"You have those as well?" Bilbo asked.  
Thorin stood back, slightly stricken. He had briefly forgotten Bilbo was also plagued with nightmares about that day. Thorin nodded in reply.  
"The fresh air will do you good. It helps me," Bilbo said, turning back to look out over the ledge.  
He rested his hand on the small of Thorin's back. He pondered bringing up the subject of the clothes, but he thought that might be better saved for the day time. He wanted to ask about the "prince" situation.  
Instead, Bilbo said, "It is rather lovely out tonight. A smidge chilly, but not terrible."  
Thorin tentatively slipped an arm around Bilbo's shoulder and leaned into him to share warmth.  
"Why are you not in bed? Where is Kili?" Thorin asked.  
Bilbo shrugged. "I had too much on my mind to sleep. I managed to ease out of bed without waking him."

After a few moments, Bilbo spoke again.  
"Ori showed me the different balconies to which you've cleared paths. This one is my favorite. This view must have been amazing before the desolation."  
Thorin turned to look at Bilbo in surprise.  
Bilbo worried he had said the wrong thing.  
"Not that it isn't pretty now, but once wild things come back to live and things are properly growing again--" Bilbo trailed off, not sure how to explain himself.  
"No, I know, it is only that...um, nothing. I knew what you meant," Thorin said.  
Bilbo chewed the inside of his mouth. He wasn't sure what had just transpired. He decided to change the subject.

"This moon is glorious. Everything looks as though it is coated in blue daylight," Bilbo said. "It is lovely."  
Thorin looked at Bilbo bathed in its glow. "Lovely," he whispered.  
Bilbo smiled to himself.  
"Being out here with you now reminds me a bit of Rivendell," he said.  
"Rivendell? Really?" Thorin tried to keep the scoff out of his voice.  
"Yes, when we were by the falls and Elrond figured out the moon runes. The night was clear and warm--warmer than this one--and whatever magic he employed to show the runes during the crescent of the moon cast us all in a shine not unlike this." Bilbo turned his head to look at Thorin. "You were so petulant about that bloody map! Yet you were also so beautiful to my eyes in that light...and you are beautiful to me now."  
Thorin blinked. "Do I still dream?"  
"Being with Kili doesn't make me blind," Bilbo said. "Your attractiveness has never been in question."

Thorin gazed at Bilbo.  
He blurted out quickly, "I am afraid I will never see you again when you leave."  
"I thought perhaps that was your wish if I was not to be your consort," Bilbo said quietly.  
Thorin shook his head. "That is not my wish. In fact, it was a mistake to ask you to leave so soon. I was...pained."  
"No, I think it is probably for the best. My presence here with Kili upsets you and I truly do need to head towards home with your message before the Thain starts arming our borders," Bilbo said.  
Thorin took back his arm to gesticulate. "Durin's beard! Why must you listen to my idiocy? You have never listened this well any other time!" Thorin said desperately.

Bilbo pressed his lips together to try and stifle a laugh but it was sputtering through despite his best intentions. Thorin's own words rang in his ears and struck him funny as well. They giggled together for a few moments.

"Don't fret overmuch," Bilbo said at last. "We've got another couple days for me to find new ways to annoy you, I think. I think it is wisest if we travel with Bofur and Fili if we can."  
"I agree with that. I'd feel better if you were all together," Thorin said.  
Bilbo backed away from the ledge. "Well, I suppose I'd better head to bed. If the night air hasn't cleared my mind by now, it is not going to clear at all."

"I don't know how to stop loving you, Bilbo," Thorin confessed suddenly.  
Bilbo paused.  
"I don't know how to stop loving you, either." Bilbo raised himself up on his toes and pressed a kiss to Thorin's lips. "But I've decided I don't need to stop. My heart feels fuller with you in it."

With that, Bilbo left Thorin on the balcony. The king's fingers brushed over his lips as he pondered Bilbo's words.

*****

Bilbo stripped and crept back into bed. Kili stirred beside him.

"Your nose is cold," Kili giggled sleepily as he wrapped Bilbo in his arms. "Mmm, your hair smells like outside."  
"I went up to an overlook because I was thinking too much to sleep," Bilbo said.  
Kili hummed. "I must not have worn you out properly, then."  
"I saw Thorin," Bilbo said.  
Kili stopped joking. "And?"  
"I kissed him. He kissed me once and I kissed him as I left. They weren't deep lover's kisses."  
"How did it feel for you?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo thought for a moment. "Good, then bad. It was good in the moment, but afterward I felt like I had done something wrong."  
"Like you felt when we kissed in Lake Town?" Kili asked cautiously.  
Bilbo huffed a laugh. "Worse, which was odd because I didn't kiss him anything like I kissed you in Lake Town. Walking back to our room, I felt sick to my stomach. Sneaking kisses to Thorin while you slept alone in our bed..."  
"But I told you-"  
"-I know, but I've already taken too many risks with your love, Kili."  
"Would you rather I be present?" Kili teased.  
Bilbo squinted an eye. "Probably," he said truthfully.  
Kili barked a laugh. "Now who is being silly?"  
"I know you meant well but I am unsure this is the best way to keep him in our lives. He asks too much. You didn't even ask this much," Bilbo explained.  
"That is because you freely gave me words of love and occasional kisses," Kili said. "Plus, you forget. I did ask you. I asked you all the time. I had a fit on the side of the mountain and made you kiss me, if you'll remember."  
"I do remember, and I especially remember you did not have to force me," Bilbo said. "I gave you those things because deep in my heart, I wanted to be your _lover_ , not because I was trying to maintain a friendship."  
"None of us are innocents in this situation," Kili sighed. "How happy will you be if you deny yourself your loves? How long will you stay with me before you realize you need Thorin too much to live without him?"  
Bilbo leaned back to look at Kili. "Is that what this is all about? My dearest, yes, I love Thorin and I cannot deny sometimes I desire him. But I am _in love_ with you, and a tiny word like 'desire' does not begin to describe the way I feel about _this_ bond. I care for him, but you are my love. I would not choose to excise Thorin from my life now as once I did, but if those are his terms, then so be it. You are the one I need every day."

Kili closed his mouth over Bilbo's and kissed him passionately. "I need you, too. So much," Kili said.  
Bilbo nuzzled into Kili's neck. "You do not have to endure me kissing another simply to keep me happy enough not to leave you."  
"I care about Thorin, too. The kissing was about keeping him happy also," Kili mumbled.  
Kili felt Bilbo shake his head. "I know him too well. The kissing might keep him happy for a moment but he will always want more. He would eventually push the boundaries until we were so far gone that we were making love. Do you really want another dwarf--your uncle--making love to your bond-mate?" Bilbo asked rhetorically.  
He continued, "No, we will leave for the Shire in a couple days as he has requested. I had no real plan for how long we would be here, anyway. I don't think my nerves or my heart either one could take an extended stay."  
"Or my libido. I miss your love noises," Kili said.  
"Naughty," Bilbo said.  
He leaned over Kili to kiss him again.  
"I love you," Kili whispered.  
Bilbo wrapped his fingers around Kili's cock.  
"Show me," Bilbo whispered back.


	72. Ereborian Smut Interlude: Get Down, Make Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin

Thorin stood outside and looked up at the stars as his mind tried to process his interaction with Bilbo. He knew he was wrong to kiss him, yet Bilbo willingly kissed him back for the first time since the hobbit originally left for Beorn's. Bilbo spoke sweetly to him, too. Thorin might have allowed himself some hope but Bilbo also mentioned being with Kili and leaving with him, so it seemed as though he had not gained any advantage over Bilbo's current suitor. Then why? Why was Bilbo touching him and allowing himself to be touched without pushing him away? He said he decided not to stop loving him. What did that mean? Thorin did not particularly want to stop loving him, either, but how was he supposed to love Bilbo when he was with Kili?

A little too cold without Bilbo pressed into his side, Thorin left the balcony. His feet led him to Bilbo's door. It was closed again, Kili with Bilbo on one side and Thorin alone on the other. Thorin smiled wistfully at how fittingly it mirrored the romantic situation. He didn't know why he was there. He was not planning on knocking, although he knew Bilbo and Kili were awake. He thought he heard the murmur of voices through the wood. They were so quietly muffled that he would have no hope of hearing the conversation. Thorin placed his palm on the door. He did not know why, but it made him feel closer to Bilbo.

 

*****

Kili covered Bilbo with infuriatingly gentle, wet kisses from his neck to his ankles. His mouth traveled back up his lover's thigh, nibbling a little more on the second pass, and earning him a shuddering sigh. Kili stroked Bilbo's hip lovingly as he skipped over his cock for the second time. Instead, he licked a wide path around Bilbo's navel.

"I did not think you could arouse me any more than you already did, and then you went and did this," Kili nipped at Bilbo's stomach on the last syllable. "Seeing this ring on you _does_ things to me. More to the point, it makes me want to do things to you."  
"You're going to go wild when I get my nipple done," Bilbo deadpanned.  
Kili's head whipped up and his expression was one of shock and elation.  
"I'm kidding," Bilbo quickly insisted.  
Kili's face fell. "Fuck, Bilbo, I almost _came_."  
Bilbo giggled.  
"Oh, you think I'm joking?" Kili teased menacingly, poking Bilbo in his tickle spot.  
Bilbo squeaked, squirmed, and tried to defend himself. Kili pinned Bilbo's hands on either side of his head as he hovered over him on his hands and knees.  
"I'm terribly sorry, but I'm going to have to fuck you now," Kili said.  
Bilbo intoned melodramatically, "However shall I bear it?"  
"If earlier was any indication, with a pillow in your mouth to catch your screams," Kili whispered just before lowering his mouth to Bilbo's.

Kili caught Bilbo's bottom lip between his teeth, biting it first before soothing it with his tongue. Bilbo opened his mouth wider and darted his own tongue out to touch Kili's. Their lips, parted, touched as they licked into each other. Growing more heated, Kili pressed more heavily into Bilbo and tasted him deeply. He reached down to touch Bilbo's prick at last, causing Bilbo to growl and buck upward. Kili paused his attentions to snatch the bottle of oil from the bedside table. He tucked a pillow under Bilbo's hips, nudged his legs open, and perched between them. His eyes met Bilbo's as he slicked his fingers and they could not help but smile at each other.

"I have so much fun with you," Bilbo sighed happily.  
Kili smoothed the oil around Bilbo's entrance and pressed a digit inside. Bilbo closed his eyes and hummed in pleasure.  
"I have fun with you, too," Kili said, punctuating his thought with a second finger. Bilbo exhaled with a grunt.  
"Clearly," Bilbo said.  
Kili rubbed Bilbo's thigh with his other hand.  
"Sex aside, though-"  
Bilbo interrupted, "You've got two fingers in my arse and you're saying 'sex aside?'"  
Kili penetrated Bilbo with another digit. "Three, and yes. Sex aside, I did not know love could be this much fun."  
Bilbo gazed at him. Only Kili could be three fingers deep in him but manage to render him nearly breathless with a _comment_. It touched Bilbo unexpectedly.  
Bilbo murmured a confession. "Me either."  
Kili's breath hitched.  
"I need my prick inside you," Kili whispered urgently.

Bilbo rolled his hips as Kili's fingers filled him. "Now," Bilbo commanded.  
Kili removed his fingers, slicked his cock, and pushed Bilbo's thighs back to press up against Bilbo's entrance. The frequency of their lovemaking had decreased since leaving Beorn's but it still did not take long for Bilbo to fully take Kili in.

Kili clutched one of Bilbo's legs, groaning low. "So tight...I'll never get used to how you feel around me."  
"I'll never get used to how you feel _in_ me. You penetrate me to my core," Bilbo gasped as Kili began to move within him.  
Kili moaned softly in reply. Their bond tugged at him insistently this night.  
"I'm so glad you came back to me after you kissed Thorin," Kili admitted, giving voice to a concern he didn't know he had until that moment.  
Bilbo pumped his hips to meet Kili, stroke for stroke.  
"You, you, you," he breathed. "It has always been you, Kili, even when I did not know it yet."  
"Mahal," Kili rasped. "I'm so in love with you."  
A tear escaped Bilbo's eye. "This was meant to be. I-I..." Bilbo was so consumed by his feelings that he was coming dangerously close to telling Kili he wanted to marry him.

Kili spoke again and saved Bilbo from himself.

With a voice like silk, Kili said, "Kiss him if you wish, but know that our bond is the one that makes you feel this way. And when you kiss him, tell me about it so I can fuck you and remind you what is yours."  
"Yes," Bilbo panted. "Give me what is mine and take what is yours. Oh, _gods_ , I'm yours."

Kili increased his pace and Bilbo pulled the blanket to his mouth to muffle his moan. Kili shifted angles until Bilbo nearly choked on the resulting cry. He loved being Bilbo's undoing.

"I hate that I can't get close enough to you with our new rings," Kili complained.  
Bilbo hummed in both agreement and desire. "I want to feel your skin on mine and kiss you while you take me."  
"If I could crawl inside you, I swear I would," Kili whispered.  
"I would want you to," Bilbo replied.

Kili glanced down where Bilbo was stretched around his cock. He gently traced the entrance as he moved. Bilbo sucked in a breath and twitched beneath him. Kili used both his thumbs to stroke edge of the hole where he was splitting it open and Bilbo covered his mouth to try and quiet himself.  
"Th-that feels so, _oh_ ," Bilbo stuttered.

Kili leaned over to grab the bottle of oil from where it had rolled. He slowed his pace while he slicked his fingers. Bilbo watched him with curiosity, though he couldn't see quite what Kili was doing. It did not take long for him to feel it, though. Kili slipped a finger inside him, pad side up, along with his cock. Bilbo made unintelligible noises as Kili moved within him this way.

"Fuck, you just got tighter," Kili moaned.  
Bilbo's brain sassed, " _I wonder why_ ," but the signal to say it out loud was interrupted before it reached his mouth.  
Kili reached a second finger inside him and Bilbo nearly bowed off the bed. This time, he was too lost in pleasure to possess the awareness to muffle his cry. Kili continued to thrust his cock in and out while holding his fingers inside. He began to wiggle and press the digits until Bilbo was keening. The tightness was almost overwhelming for Kili. He felt his own fingers every time he bucked into Bilbo.  
Bilbo gasped for breath, speaking on the inhale. "So full, so-"  
His words broke into a wail as Kili massaged his sweet spot.

Bilbo's responsiveness was bringing Kili's orgasm on rapidly. Bilbo had abandoned all pretense of trying to be quiet, so Kili did not see the point of trying himself. He was groaning and sweating as he worked Bilbo over with both prick and fingers. Bilbo was sobbing out noises that Kili had not heard him make before. He felt the pressure build within him and reached for Bilbo's cock to urge him along. Bilbo was so wound up with ecstasy that it only took a couple strokes for him to come in Kili's free hand, roaring himself nearly hoarse. Kili felt Bilbo's hole clench hard around both his prick and his fingers. He came screaming, too, with no hand, shoulder, or blanket to quiet his pleasure.

 

*****

Thorin leaned his forehead against the hand on Bilbo's door and hoped that he would not be discovered by anyone walking the halls. He did not think anyone would pass at this hour, but he didn't want to ponder how he would explain it if they did. He wasn't sure how long he stood there, but his thoughts were interrupted by a sound. Through the wood, he thought maybe it was loud talking. He listened closely, hoping he could make out words. After hearing nothing for a few moments, he heard something else. He furrowed his brow and pressed his ear to the door. A few more noises drifted through that Thorin recognized as Bilbo. It dawned on him that the sounds were sexual in nature. Before he could consider that further, Bilbo cried out louder. He realized for his own sanity that he should walk away but he could not bring himself to do it. It had been so long since he had Bilbo sighing beneath him that he found himself drawn to the sound of his passion, even if he was not the source. Thorin heard a wail that was unmistakeably Bilbo followed by what could only be Kili moaning and grunting ever more loudly. Bilbo's wail turned into sobbing, wrecked sounds that Thorin did not recognize at all. He briefly wondered if Bilbo was okay when the hobbit began roaring...until Kili's moans built to a scream a few moments later.

The noises died down and Thorin was suddenly very self-conscious. He was standing in the hallway with his ear to his former lover's door with an incredibly hard prick. He rushed back to his room, closed the door, and hastily threw off his robe and sleep clothes. Laying back on the bed, he wondered what Kili did to make Bilbo react like _that_? Or what Bilbo was doing to Kili to make him scream so? Those sounds! He was jealous but he was also so turned on he was aching.

He closed his eyes and imagined Bilbo stretched out naked on his bed. Thorin smiled at the thought as he touched his cock.

_"I've missed you," Thorin said as he pressed his body against Bilbo's._  
_"We shouldn't be doing this," Bilbo said._  
_Thorin bit into Bilbo's neck, making the hobbit hiss and clutch at his back._  
_"I agree," Thorin murmured, kissing his way down Bilbo's torso._  
_"I'm with Kili," BIlbo protested weakly._  
_"It looks to me like you are naked in my bed," Thorin said in between kisses._  
_Bilbo moaned with pleasure._  
_"I-I shouldn't be here."_  
_"I do not see you getting up and getting dressed," Thorin said, stopping at Bilbo's prick. "Should I be the voice of reason? The bigger person? Should I send you back to your lover...or should I swallow your beautiful cock?"_  
_Bilbo arched up, bumping Thorin's lips with his erection._  
_Thorin smirked. "That's what I thought."_

Thorin slicked his palm and began working himself. He used his personal memories of sucking Bilbo off to fuel his fantasy.

_Bilbo was writhing and moaning as Thorin pinned his thighs and took his length into his mouth over and and over again. He stopped abruptly, causing Bilbo to whimper at the loss of stimulation. He moved up to Bilbo's face and cupped his jaw._  
_"If we are doing this, I want to do it fully. You need to tell me, Bilbo."_  
_"Fuck me, Thorin. Please, I need you to fuck me. Mark me. Reclaim me. I want to feel you spill inside me," Bilbo begged._

Thorin pumped himself faster. His head was tilted back with his hair scattered across the pillow. Arching his back slightly, he was panting, nearly smiling with his mouth slightly open. One hand was pressing hard strokes into his inner thigh.

_He was inside Bilbo, making love to him. He felt the vibrations from Bilbo's cries through the tight skin wrapped around his cock.  
"I love you, Thorin. I'm yours, no matter what he and I have said. No one makes me feel like you do," Bilbo panted between moans. _

As Thorin got closer to orgasm, his fantasy of Bilbo intensified. Bilbo's moans were now the moans he heard a few minutes earlier. Cupping his bollocks as he worked his cock, Thorin imagined that he was the one pulling those sounds from his lover.

_Bilbo's cries grew louder and more urgent as Thorin fucked him ruthlessly. Bilbo was calling his name over and over._  
_"Come back to me, Bilbo. Come back and I'll do this to you every night and every morning," Thorin promised._  
_"Yes, please, just fuck me harder. I'll do anything if you will fuck me harder," Bilbo cried._  
_Thorin kissed Bilbo, the hobbit moaning uncontrollably into his mouth._  
_"And if I make you come?" Thorin asked, wrapping his hand around Bilbo's prick and stroking._  
_"Marry me, Thorin. I want you to marry me," Bilbo shouted._  
_Bilbo dug his fingernails into Thorin's shoulders as he roared, convulsed, and came._

Thorin's own orgasm slammed into him when fantasy-Bilbo said he wanted to marry him. His aftershocks were punctuated with the memory of Bilbo's ear-splitting orgasm from earlier.

"Bilbo," Thorin sighed into the dark as he finished.

There was no answer.

 

*****

Fili was awakened by Bofur nibbling his nipple ring.  
"Mmm, Bo," Fili sighed.  
"Something woke me," Bofur said, playfully placing Fili's hand on his swollen cock.  
"So you woke me," Fili said, giving it a gentle tug.  
"Better than _not_ waking you, aye?" Bofur kissed him. "Listen."  
Fili strained his ears as he ran his hands over Bofur's skin. He heard soft rumblings at first that grew into the sounds of Bilbo and Kili in the throes of what could only be the final stages of sexual bliss.

"This is the first time I've heard them since we got here. I thought Bilbo was trying to spare Thorin the pain of listening to Kili, uh, do what he does to him. They must really be up to something if we can hear them through the stone! Gods, I hope Thorin can't hear this," Fili said.  
"It is the middle of the night, love. Thorin is sound asleep and several doors down--he has no idea. Us, on the other hand..." Bofur flirted.  
"So what woke you? The noise or your cock?" Fili asked playfully.  
"I imagine the lads pulled me out of sleep. My cock got interested once I began touching you," Bofur said.  
Fili bit and sucked into the sensitive part of Bofur's neck.  
"How long had you been touching me?"  
Bofur grinded his erection against Fili's hipbone. "A moment before you woke. It isn't as much fun for me when you are asleep, you see."  
Fili hummed. "It might be nice to wake spurting my pleasure into your mouth, though."  
"If you could sleep through it for that long, I wouldn't be doing it right," Bofur countered.

Fili rolled on his side, reached down, and smoothed his hand over Bofur's erection. The dwarf shook slightly and sighed at the sensation.  
"I love it when you touch me, Fee," Bofur breathed. He moved onto his side and reached for Fili's prick.  
Fili moaned at the contact.  
Bofur stroked him lightly before spitting into his hand and pumping him more aggressively. He spoke endearments into Fili's ear.  
"My beautiful, golden one. You sound so sweet when I'm touching you like this. I want you to spill in my hand, dearest. Mmm, yes, just like this," Bofur cooed.  


Fili had suspended his movements on Bofur while he was being handled. Bofur whispering both sweet and dirty in his ear was pushing him closer to completion. A part of Fili just wanted to lay there and enjoy it.  
Bofur had other plans, though.  
"Don't get lazy, love," Bofur chided after a few moments.  
Fili wet his palm and redoubled his efforts up and down Bofur's length as his own finish gained in urgency.  
Bofur hissed in a breath and sped up his own stroke.  
"Fuck, you are so good. Th-that's it. Make me fucking come for you, Fee," Bofur murmured feverishly.  
Fili couldn't contain the groan that broke from his mouth when he reached his climax. He slowed his own hand on Bofur as the tremors of his pleasure shook him.  
"Yes, _by the fucking Maker_ , so gorgeous when you come, don't stop...don't stop!" Bofur babbled. He put his hand around Fili's and worked himself along with his sex-hazed lover.  
Bofur bit into Fili's shoulder and grunted as he shot ribbons of seed between them. He sighed out a few more moans before he rolled on his back with a soft "thwump."

"The way you talk to me! It is a wonder I can last at all," Fili breathed in appreciation when he finally found his voice.  
Bofur sighed in awe. "The way you...everything. I adore you, stones to bones."  
Fili giggled. "Stones, indeed. Mine are going to be dry if you keep bringing me off three times a night."  
"That was only two tonight: one before bed and this one," Bofur said.  
"Who said we were done?" Fili challenged.  
Bofur rolled his eyes in bliss and grinned. " _Mahal_! Have I mentioned I love you?"

 

*****

Bilbo was nestled in Kili's arms after a hasty clean-up, still trying to regulate his breathing after the toe-curling orgasm he had quite literally at Kili's hand. His hand trailed down to where Kili wore the mate to Bilbo's own navel ring. Kili's stomach quivered.  
"That tickles," Kili giggled.  
Bilbo smiled. "Sorry. It is...it is so lovely on you."  
"I'm glad you find my metal this attractive," Kili said.  
"I truly do. I've loved your other ring since I first saw it glint in the candle glow of our battlefield tent," Bilbo said softly.  
Kili squeezed Bilbo lovingly. The first time they undressed each other was one of his favorite memories.  
"But this one," Bilbo teased a finger in a circle around Kili's belly button, making the dwarf's stomach twitch. "This one is special. This ring says you're mine."  
Kili stopped breathing for a moment even though his heart pounded hard.  
"So you said," he whispered.  
"You mean the world to me," Bilbo whispered back.  
"I'll love you for the rest of my days, Bilbo."

 _"for the rest of my days_ "

Bilbo felt tears prick his eyes and he buried his face deeper into Kili's chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, I accidentally "feeled" with my smut chapter. My bad.


	73. Welcome to Erebor Part 6: Visit Our Gift Shop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversation and smut. And conversations about smut.

Bilbo stretched and accidentally woke Kili by smacking him in the head with an elbow.  
Kili sputtered awake, complaining.  
"Sorry!" Bilbo apologized.  
"When I was lonely and imagined what it was like to wake with you, this wasn't what I envisioned," Kili groused teasingly.

Bilbo kissed Kili at the point of physical insult and was pulled into the dwarf's arms. Kili smiled, closed his eyes, and snuggled Bilbo close for a little more rest. Bilbo glanced up at him. Kili looked so serene, so sweet, and--even disheveled by sleep--so stunning. Bilbo felt a flip in his abdomen. He wanted so much from Kili, _with_ Kili. It had been on the tip of his tongue to ask it of the dwarf since they deepened their sexual relationship, but Bilbo resisted. Kili might have been older than he was, but the more Bilbo thought of marriage, the harder it was to ignore how young Kili truly was for his kind. Kili had more years _left_ in his life than Bilbo's lifetime would span from beginning to end. 

Kili felt strange movement against his chest. He lifted his head, trying to see Bilbo's face.  
"Are you crying?" he asked, suddenly concerned.  
"No," Bilbo lied. "I'm just having trouble waking up today. Confounded eyes are bothering me."  
Kili settled back down and kissed Bilbo's hair.  
"I know how you feel. Some maniac thwapped me in the head," he joked.  
Bilbo smiled in spite of himself.

*****

Thorin woke up late, messy, and with a headache. He tried to sort out what of his memories of the day before truly happened and what were part of his restless dreams. Aside from his last waking thoughts (the memory of the fantasy making his cock twitch once again), it began to sink in that it was all real. Lunch with Bilbo, _that piercing_ , Fili's outburst, being comforted by Bilbo and Kili...all of it. Bilbo letting himself be kissed was real, too. Thorin rolled over and buried his head in his pillow. The kiss was actual, but unfortunately that meant that the sex sounds were, too. He had never heard Bilbo create such a commotion even when they were at their most passionate. Fili said that Bilbo and Kili were not betrothed, but Thorin could not imagine anything that would pull such sounds from Bilbo or Kili either one that was not...invasive. He pulled another pillow over the top of his head. He told himself he did not need to know what Kili sounded like when he had an orgasm. With Bilbo, no less.

Thorin rolled back over before he suffocated himself with pillows. He was erect. Figuring he had to clean up anyway, he touched himself while recalling the feel of Bilbo's tongue on his lips the night before.

*****

Bofur was twirling the courting braid in Fili's hair absentmindedly around a finger as they lounged together in bed.  
"What do you know about what Bilbo used to do with Thorin?" Bofur asked.  
Fili nearly choked. "What?"  
"There was a lot of talk after that fight you had with him, you know. And then Thorin put that whole moratorium on anyone asking Bilbo about it," Bofur said.  
"Well, I saw it. At least a bit of it. Kili and I both did, actually," Fili said.  
"What was it like?"  
"It was pretty much like you probably heard. They were coupling as a male and female would consummate their union," Fili said.  
"Using the arsehole as the entry. Gods, and Kili saw Thorin doing that to Bilbo?"  
"Bilbo was doing that to Thorin, actually," Fili corrected.  
"Cor! Poor Kee. He was already well and truly in love with Bilbo by then, wasn't he?"  
"Practically planning their wedding," Fili confirmed.  
Bofur shook his head.  
"Now that things have changed, do you think Bilbo and Kili will, uh, consummate their courting like that? Get engaged like Bilbo and Thorin did?"

Fili did not say anything. He didn't want to betray Kili's secrets, but how secret was it all when the pair were so _vocal_ about it?

"Fee?"  
Fili shifted. "They are not betrothed, but they are...um...having sex. Like hobbits."  
"How can they not be betrothed?" Bofur asked, confused. "Consummation is almost a wedding all on its own!"  
"Bilbo is a hobbit. He is not like we are," Fili said.  
"But when he and Thorin had sex, Thorin announced their plans to wed!" Bofur argued.  
Fili had to admit he did not sound nearly as convincing as Kili did when he tried to deliver Kili's own rebuttal on the subject.  
"I don't know, Bo. Kili wanted it, Bilbo made him wait forever because things moved so fast with Thorin, and then one night they simply decided it was time. Kili is not pressing for the betrothal because...well, I'm not sure, really. But he told Bilbo there would be no pressure and Bilbo seems to be sort of fine with that."  
Bofur thought for a moment. "So wait, when Kili and Bilbo are howling next door they are-"  
"-Very likely, yes," Fili finished for him.  
"Has Kili told you anything about it?" Bofur asked, curiously.  
Fili was becoming aroused talking about something this taboo with Bofur. "Vaguely. He said it felt amazing from both ends."  
"He's done both? Bilbo has done both?" Bofur thought briefly of what that might look like and had to chase the thought away. "Didn't it...didn't it hurt?"  
"Kili said it wasn't as bad as he thought. Obviously, if they keep going at it, it must not be too terrible," Fili reasoned.  
Bofur sounded impressed. "It sounds fantastic through the wall, I can say that."  
"Kili said that all that bond and imprint stuff Thorin and Bilbo were going on about is real. They are marked and bonded for life," Fili said.  
"So Thorin was drawn to Bilbo even after it was over, whether he wanted to be or not," Bofur said. "No small wonder he has acted strange."  
Fili nodded. "That is what Kili said. I'm figuring now that Kili has this with Bilbo himself, that is why his attitude toward Thorin has softened. He's more secure, but he also understands better why Thorin is so torn up."

"Do you think you might like that?" Bofur asked silkily, slipping his hand between Fili's legs and smoothing a finger up the length of his crevice. "Being penetrated?"  
"I'm very curious," Fili whispered.  
Bofur hummed. "Me as well. How big of a gift basket do you think we would have to give Bilbo to get him to explain _that_ to me?"  
Fili barked a laugh.  
"When the time is right for us, you can corner Bilbo and I'll ask Kee," Fili said. "I don't think any gift basket is necessary. Watching you flush and squirm in your freshly tightened trousers would be reward enough for Bilbo. I'd wager the little cocktease would get off on it."  
Bofur remembered the last private talk he had with Bilbo, ending with Bilbo asking him if he was hard. He had to agree. "For all his sputtering and blushing, he _is_ a filthy fucker."

Speaking about such an intimate act, combined with Bofur hinting that he might want to do it one day as well had Fili nearly at his boiling point.

"Take me to the baths so we can slide our tongues inside each other. After that, I want you to use your mouth on me, Bo. Make me come and swallow it down," Fili said.  
Bofur felt almost dizzy at Fili's obscene suggestions.  
"You're quite a filthy little fucker yourself," Bofur said, already up and throwing on something to wear to get him to the baths. Nothing to be done for his erection but to hold something in front of it, though. A change of clothes seemed to work nicely for this purpose.  
Fili scrambled off the bed and did the same.  
"Shall we?"

*****

Thorin crept down to the baths. He intended on washing himself, but he also secretly hoped to stumble upon Bilbo as he had that first day. Unfortunately, at that time Bilbo had been soaking neck-deep in the water with Kili. Other than overhearing that Bilbo still desired him, he did not get to see much else that aroused him before he had to steal away so as not to be detected. Today, he heard sounds of pleasure as he approached. It gave him a sense of shameful excitement that he might see Bilbo and Kili together. He inwardly berated himself for this recent turn of events. Was he so far gone with lovesickness that being privy to Kili giving Bilbo pleasure was preferable to not hearing or seeing Bilbo's arousal at all?

He rounded the corner and froze. Bofur had Fili bent over one of the leaning stones, half out of the water, with his arse-cheeks spread wide. Bofur was rather enthusiastically licking the prince and Fili seemed more than grateful. Although he had just been pondering Kili with his lover, seeing Fili nearly made Thorin go blind. He quickly darted away before he was discovered. He wanted to stand sentry at the door so no one else could catch Fili and Bofur in this intimate state, but he did not want to hear any of it now that he knew it was Fili. He decided to linger at the entrance to the corridor where the noise was undetectable instead.

Bofur and Fili eventually walked down the corridor, hand in hand. They were surprised to see Thorin.  
"Fili, might I have a word? Privately?" Thorin asked.  
Fili nodded at Bofur and sent him ahead with a squeeze of his hand.

"I came down to do some bathing and discovered you in a very delicate position, Fili."  
"What? Oh gods!" Fili covered his face with his hands. "Which one?"  
"Which one?" Thorin repeated incredulously. Clearly, Fili and Bofur had been busy.  
"You didn't hang about, did you?" Fili peeked through his fingers.  
"Of course not!" Thorin insisted. "Once I figured out what I was seeing, I left immediately and stood sentry so no one else would wander in to see the same."  
Fili lowered his hands but he was clearly still reeling from embarrassment. "What did you see?"  
"I saw something distinctly...undwarven," Thorin said by way of euphemism.  
Fili knew what he meant and anticipated the next question correctly.  
"Where did you learn about this?" Thorin asked.  
Fili glanced down at the ground. "Kili told me about it."

Thorin's face felt hot. He knew without a doubt that Bilbo was involved with Kili's knowledge of this intimate act. The thought of the two of them exploring each other in this unique way only added a new layer to the building puzzle of horror, heartbreak, arousal, and shame.

"You are a grown dwarrow. I do not begrudge you time spent with your lover. However, you are the Crown Prince of Erebor and some day you will be her king. It might not have been me to have seen you in the baths. It will be difficult to rule a people when some of them know what you look like with the Prince Consort's tongue in your...well, I think I've made my point."  
"Yes, Thorin. It, ah, won't happen again," Fili explained.

Fili hoped he didn't inadvertently make things worse for Kili and Bilbo. He realized Thorin would know exactly where Kili had gained this skill.

*****

After a bit of a lie-in, Kili roused and began peppering Bilbo's torso with kisses. Bilbo hummed and stretched, his earlier worries forgotten with the sensation of Kili's lips and tongue on his chest.  
"You were stunning last night, my jewel. You drive me mad with want," Kili murmured in between kisses.  
"I can't believe the things you do to me," Bilbo said breathlessly.  
"I can't believe the things you _let_ me do to you," Kili countered.  
The dwarf had stopped between Bilbo's thighs and was about to take him in when there was a sharp rap at the door.

"Late breakfast call," an unfamiliar voice said. Bilbo guessed it was one of Balin's assistants.  
Kili rolled his eyes, backed off the bed, and went over to the door.  
Not opening it, he said loudly enough to be heard, "What is this?"  
"The king wishes your company for a late breakfast this morning, if you please," the voice said.  
"Okay. Thank you," Kili said. 

Looking back at Bilbo, he said, "Should we finish quickly now or linger later?"  
Bilbo gazed at Kili standing naked before him in all his gorgeous glory and glanced down at his own erection, unfazed by the interruption.  
"Do I have to choose?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili grinned widely and climbed back on the bed.  
"Not at all," he said.

*****

Fili easily caught up with Bofur. He waited until they were back at their room to explain to Bofur what had happened. Bofur nearly fainted with shock.

"I cannot believe the King of Erebor caught me with my tongue in your arse," Bofur said.  
"Forget that! My _uncle_ caught me with your tongue in my arse!" Fili argued. 

Bofur looked hard at Fili as though he couldn't believe Fili had it worse than he did. Within moments, they were giggling like mad. 

"No where to go from here but up, anyway," Fili said as his laughter died down.  
Bofur gently smoothed his knuckles down Fili's cheek and gazed into his eyes.  
"Never a dull moment with you, Fee."

*****

After dressing in some of their new clothes, Bilbo and Kili walked arm in arm down the corridor. Kili kept stealing glances to the side to look at Bilbo. He frequently caught Bilbo peeking back at him. He finally could not resist the urge another moment and pushed Bilbo against the wall not far from their destination.

Kili kissed him soundly and was still kissing him when someone cleared their throat behind them. It was Dwalin.

"Honestly, you two. Show some restraint in consideration of the king," Dwalin fussed.  
Kili's first inclination was defiance but instead, he dipped his head. "Apologies."  
Dwalin stalked ahead of them without another word.

Balin, Fili, and Bofur were already waiting when Dwalin, Kili, and Bilbo entered the room. Thorin had not yet arrived.  
"Sit next to Thorin today," Kili suggested. "I'll sit across from you."  
"Wait, why?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili shrugged. "I think he would appreciate it, particularly since our time here is so limited. Not to mention, I will get the treat of looking at your whole face and not just your profile."  
Bilbo smiled at Kili, who stole another kiss. 

Thorin came in a moment later. Not Bilbo, Kili, nor Dwalin realized Thorin saw the affectionate exchange in the hall. His hard expression softened when Bilbo took a place next to him, though. It turned almost to puzzlement when Kili seated himself across the table instead of gluing himself to Bilbo's side as usual. Food was brought and the companions tucked into it eagerly.

Fili glanced at his brother. "Kili, you look...different," he said, gesturing at Kili's hair.

Kili's hair was pulled off his face in a single braid that started at the crown of his head and was woven in from the scalp down to the nape, where it continued in a traditional plait. Bilbo's courting braid was wrapped in a section of the strands, though the bead was tucked under another chunk of hair. The tail was secured with a cord.

"Bilbo plaited it for me to keep it out of my face in the forge," Kili explained proudly.  
"Good on you," Bofur chirped.

Fili and Thorin glanced at each other. They had been after Kili for years to put more care into his mop of hair, particularly given that it wasn't as thick as most dwarrows'. Other than the occasional hasty ponytail, he could never be bothered with more than his clip. Additionally, it escaped no one's notice that Kili's clip now resided in Bilbo's tresses. The advent of the courting braid was remarkable enough but this was another matter of its own!

"Bilbo, you seem to have achieved the impossible," Fili said.  
Bilbo smiled shyly.  
"Quiet, you," Kili said, sticking out his tongue.  
Not bothered, Fili said, "I'm just saying if it weren't Bilbo doing the plaiting-"  
"That's enough from you lads," Balin interjected.

He enjoyed the princes' patter and was intrigued in his own way by Kili's willingness to let Bilbo groom him, but Thorin's expression was not as amused as Fili's. After the day they had with their king yesterday, Balin would just as soon avoid any unpleasantness today.

"I see the delivery finally came," Thorin said, using his fork to indicate the clothes the visiting foursome were wearing.  
"Oh! Yes, and thank you so much for it!" Bilbo said.  
"'Twas terribly thoughtful," Bofur added.  
"Thank you. Our other clothes were getting worn a little too quickly," Fili said.  
"About that," Thorin began after he finished his most recent bite, "the other things I had made for you, what you've been wearing is what has become of them?"  
Kili spoke up this time. "We do not have many possessions at Beorn's and only a couple changes of clothes. We've likely been harder on what you gifted us than they were meant to withstand. I imagine they are nearly unrecognizable by now. The beauty and quantity of these new garments is greatly appreciated."  
Thorin shook his head and looked around at Fili, Kili, and Bilbo. "I worry for you. Your cloth has been entirely too poor for princes. Although Kili's explanation makes sense, the heirs of Erebor should have more to wear than a roadside fruit vendor! And you are all so thin. Do not think I have not noticed that these new clothes are belted and cinched to fit although they were made from patterns of clothing that fitted you before the battle. Even Bofur is looking a bit on the gaunt side and he hasn't stayed at Beorn's nearly as long. I've been to Beorn's. I know he has ample supplies to feed you."  
Thorin glanced at Bilbo and asked gently, "Do you not eat?"  
"I swear we do, Thorin," Bilbo said.  
Thorin scoffed. "I do not know how he has developed into such an enormous hulk of a beast living only on fruit, grain, and honey. The body of a skinchanger must have different needs. Hobbits and dwarrows require meat and heartier vegetables in addition to these things. In the short couple days you have been here, your color has vastly improved."

Thorin dropped his fork and folded his hands. 

"It was with great misgivings that I watched you leave Erebor. It pained me for reasons that I do not need to explain again, but I trusted you to at least take care of one another. Did you not see each other grow pale, thin, and threadbare in front of your eyes?"  
Fili replied, "Beorn's is not the height of civilization. Where were we to get additional clothes? Our diet is lacking in certain favored comforts, but we never have pinching stomachs. Honey, bread, and Kili's pies were very welcome after the siege and the battle. Perhaps it is not enough of the right type of foods to maintain our bodies to the fullest but Beorn does not let us go hungry."  
"I'm not intimating that Beorn is a poor host. I am...I just worry," Thorin said.  
Bilbo placed a hand on Thorin's arm. "It looks worse than it is. We have had as safe and happy a winter as we could have asked given the circumstances. Once we head onward, we will have more opportunity for Fili and Kili to look their roles, both in raiment as well as the glow of health in their skin."  
Bilbo decided not to bring up the "Prince Bilbo/Bofur" question quite yet.  
Thorin nodded and graced Bilbo with a small smile. He picked up his fork and went back to enjoying his food. 

Throughout the meal, when Bilbo would glance over at Kili, the dwarf would be staring at him with a look that could only be described as smouldering. Truly, Bilbo felt naked. He was not the only one to notice it. Thorin was watching the interaction between the two across the table and Kili was gazing at Bilbo with undisguised _want_.

Once the meal was finished, the group began breaking up. Balin and Dwalin left together, Bofur went in search of Bombur, and Fili was ready to grant Kili's request to visit the forge. They were going to have to change first, though. Fili had no desire to test the durability of his new clothing. 

"Come on, Kee. We've got things to do," Fili said, heading to the door.  
Kili drew Bilbo into his arms. "Forge time," he grinned.  
"I'll see you in a little while?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili kissed Bilbo as though Thorin wasn't standing scant paces away. Hugging him close, he discreetly licked a path around the inner shell of Bilbo's ear.  
He whispered for Bilbo alone, "Oh yes. Later, you are going to do to me what I did to you last night. I can't stop thinking about it."

Catching up to Fili, Kili winked at Thorin. "Behave yourselves, you two."

Thorin mentally shook himself. Kili had spent most of their meal undressing Bilbo with a gaze, kissed him shamelessly, and then had the cheek to tell _them_ to behave? Thorin looked after Kili, agog, and then back to Bilbo who was trying to compose himself after whatever Kili said in his ear.

"Will you tell me what in Durin's name is going on around here?" Thorin asked.  
"I'll tell you if you tell me," Bilbo said.  
"What are you talking about?"  
"Our clothes came yesterday for the _princes_. All four of us," Bilbo said. "You know very well that Bofur and I do not carry titles."  
"Bofur will carry that title soon enough. He and Fili are completely besotted," Thorin said.  
"And me?"  
Thorin chewed the inside of his mouth.  
"Me, Thorin?" Bilbo insisted.  
"I am not a simpleton, Bilbo. You told me yourself you wish to marry Kili one day," Thorin said.  
"So you figured you'd do me the same courtesy as you did Bofur?" Bilbo said in a softer tone, approaching Thorin with a wondrous expression.  
Thorin couldn't lie to those trusting eyes. "No," he sighed.  
Bilbo squinted in confusion. "No?"  
"Not only, at the very least. I've told you before you will ever be the king's only consort whether you take the title or not. You may not be Prince Consort in ceremony, but you will always be accommodated as such as long as I am King Under The Mountain."  
"Thorin," Bilbo protested.  
Thorin cradled Bilbo's neck with a hand and touched their foreheads together.  
"Please, let me spoil you a little," Thorin said tenderly. "My words at the table were true for Fili, Kili, and Bofur, but for you most of all. It particularly pains me that I have a kingdom to lay at your feet and you are wearing nearly rags. If I cannot caress your body the way I wish, please at least let me adorn it with beautiful fabrics to kiss it on my behalf."  
Bilbo closed his eyes. "You should not say these things. It is not your place to spoil me."  
Thorin threaded his fingers into Bilbo's hair. "I daresay I shouldn't need anyone's leave to give you the things you deserve. Kili is not keeping up adequately for someone who wanted the job so badly."  
"Some things cannot be measured in gold," Bilbo said defensively.

Thorin considered this.  
"Are you and Kili betrothed?" Thorin asked.  
He did not break his stance with Bilbo and the hobbit seemed to be making no move to add space himself.  
"No," Bilbo said, glancing up to look Thorin in the eye.  
"I...heard you last night. Together. Moaning and screaming," Thorin said.  
Bilbo squeezed his eyes shut. Thorin did not release his hand from his hair, still holding him fast.  
"I'm-oh gods, Thorin, I'm so sorry you heard that. I've been trying to be quiet," Bilbo apologized.  
Thorin found he could not quite help himself.  
"You sounded gorgeous, Bilbo. I couldn't even be jealous. I had to touch myself. I spilled with your name on my lips," Thorin whispered salaciously.

Bilbo moaned involuntarily and Thorin closed the rest of the distance between them with a kiss. His brain froze. "Kiss him," Kili had said. Bilbo could not deny it felt good, but he belonged to Kili. He did not know what to do. The warm wetness of Thorin's tongue pressed against his lips and paused his internal war. He threw his arms around Thorin and yielded to him.

Thorin groaned and pushed against Bilbo greedily. The kiss was obscene. He alternated sucking suggestively on Bilbo's tongue and thrusting his own into Bilbo's mouth. Thorin was determined to make it as much of an event as he could, making love to the hobbit in the only way he was allowed at the moment.

Bilbo was enjoying Thorin's filthy kiss. His body (and bond) thrummed, but there was something not quite right. It tasted wrong, he realized at last. It wasn't his Kili. It had also grown far too sensual to be within the bounds of what Kili had been suggesting in the first place. Bilbo moved his head and interrupted the kiss. He was breathing heavily.

"That's...that's enough, I think," Bilbo panted.  
Thorin purred encouragement in his ear. "Come on, Bilbo. Just a little more and I'll come in my trousers for you."  
"Yes, definitely," Bilbo squeaked entirely too loudly as he backed away. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Erm, enough. Definitely enough."  
The king looked at Bilbo's groin approvingly.  
"Looks like you might not have been far off, either," Thorin teased.

Bilbo was indeed aroused but he was also agitated. "I told him you couldn't be satisfied with a few kisses."  
Thorin looked puzzled. "Told whom?"  
"Kili. I was sad you did not want my companionship without touches or kisses, so he gave me his leave to share affectionate gestures with you," Bilbo explained.  
Thorin recalled his own conversation with Kili, wherein he told Kili more or less the same thing.  
"'Gave you his leave?'" Thorin inquired curiously.  
"Well, not that he thinks I need permission to be my own hobbit, but he assured me that a few kisses would not mean the end of our courtship," Bilbo said.  
Thorin blinked in confusion. "He did that for you to be happy?"  
"For you and I both. He doesn't think we have to do without each other simply because we aren't sharing a bed. I had hoped that could be the case, but you told me otherwise yesterday afternoon. Kili thought perhaps we could find some compromise, but I thought you would push for more...like you did," Bilbo said.

Thorin could not imagine courting Bilbo and encouraging him to kiss someone else.

"You know your lover is insane, do you not?" Thorin said, scrubbing his hands over his face.  
"I tell him so every few days," Bilbo agreed.  
"So that is why you've not been resisting my kisses," Thorin said.  
"I did not lie last night, Thorin. I don't need to stop caring for you simply because I'm with Kili. I want us to have something. A friendship, a closeness, or whatever you want to call it. I may not be marrying you or warming your bed, but that doesn't mean I wish our communication to stop. I love talking with you and being someone in whom you can confide."  
Thorin shook his head. "Before you complained we had only passion and no common ground. Now we've got common ground and you are trying to ignore the passion. You are the most frustrating hobbit in the whole of Middle Earth!"  
"People change. Before, passion is all we had. Now we can have something deeper."  
"But can't we have the passion, too?" Thorin scooped Bilbo into an embrace and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth. "Hmmm? Can we please?" Thorin cooed.  
Bilbo laughed at Thorin's cutesy tone of voice. He wormed out of Thorin's arms.  
"How many times must I tell you that part is over?" Bilbo was firm but he still wore a smile.  
"It didn't feel very over a couple minutes ago when I was tongue-fucking your mouth," Thorin sassed.  
Bilbo's eyes grew huge and he put a hand over Thorin's lips.  
"Thor- _in_!" he half-giggled. "You cannot say such things!"

Thorin pulled Bilbo's hand away and kissed his palm.

"I can say whatever I wish. I'm the bloody King of Erebor," Thorin smirked. "And _you_ are evading the question!"  
Bilbo made a noise of frustration. "Of course I enjoy kissing you! I do not think this is a shocking revelation."  
"You are having fun here with me in Erebor, admit it," Thorin said.  
"I _am_ having fun. I've had fun with you nearly this whole time. That is why I am trying, here. A couple months ago, I would not have imagined this visit would have gone so well for you and I. I was ready to sever our communication because I did not think this was possible. Now, I do not want to leave here without some sort of understanding between us."  
"There lies our difference. I've never been ready or able to sever our communication, save for that terrible moment at the gate where I was not myself. I do not want you and Kili to leave here at all. I am as in love with you as I've ever been. More, because now I know what it is like to miss you," Thorin explained.  
"Too much has changed for me to go back to what we were," Bilbo said. "I love you, but differently than before."  
Thorin's tone grew serious and quiet. "Do you love Kili as you loved me before?"  
"What I feel for him is unlike anything I've felt," Bilbo confessed. "It consumes me yet does not deplete me."  
"I must admit it is not very flattering for me to hear you speak this way," Thorin said glumly.

Thorin pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't understand this relationship you two have. Kili is obviously mad for you, but he is encouraging you to kiss your former lover. You also seem to have few issues with kissing me, but you are too in love with Kili to let it carry out its natural course. You still love me enough to want to retain some sort of emotional relationship with me. You and Kili have an oft-remarked upon and rather loud physical relationship of some sort, yet you claim you are not betrothed. It is not at all dwarvish. I could perhaps understand that if you were both hobbits, but Kili is not only a dwarrow, he is royal by blood."  
"We aren't 'claiming' we aren't betrothed," Bilbo defended. "We just...aren't. I confess that I want it, though."  
Thorin studied Bilbo's face. "Something holds you back."  
Bilbo looked down and picked at his fingernail, silently confirming Thorin was right.  
Thorin tilted his head curiously. "In fact, I would say something holds you back so strongly that you might deny yourself indefinitely. Is that something me?" Thorin asked.  
"No," Bilbo said.  
"Are you sure?"  
Bilbo nodded. "I'm sure."  
"Honestly, I'm more than a little disappointed that it isn't. If it is not me, then what? Do you have additional lovers hidden across the countryside?" Thorin joked.  
Bilbo glared at him. "Of course not. Two of you is one too many as it is."  
"I apologize, Bilbo," Thorin said gently. Look, you want me to be someone who confides in you. So confide in me, too. I promise no more jokes."  
Bilbo quirked a small smile. "I like your jokes most of the time."  
Thorin ran a finger along Bilbo's jawline. "What weighs on your heart so heavily?"

Bilbo regarded Thorin and his soft expression, trying to determine how much he wanted to tell him. He took a deep breath and made a decision.

"Kili has lived more actual years than I have but he is still so young compared to me. He will live nearly two of my lifetimes still after I die," Bilbo said.  
"Ah," Thorin said in understanding. "You do not want to be faded at the end of your years while he is hale and in his prime."  
Bilbo nodded and glanced at his feet.  
"You were not as reticent with me," Thorin noted.  
"You are older than he is. We would have been more apace; you would not have had as many years without me. We may have even been grey together," Bilbo said.  
Thorin gently grasped Bilbo's shoulders. "So grow grey with me instead. Why subject yourself to the heartache of watching Kili still be wild and young when you can no longer keep up?"

Bilbo's eyes filled with tears as Thorin voiced his fear.

"Because I cannot let him go," Bilbo whispered. "I love him so much, Thorin. I realize you do not want to hear it and I'm not trying to be cruel, but he's all I ever wanted. Even if I were to give you and I another try, I'd find my way back to his arms over and over again. I know this for certain."

Thorin released his hold.

"I've been in many battles, but I have taken some of the worst wounds of my life from you," Thorin muttered.  
"I'm sorry," Bilbo said. "I should not have told you that."

Thorin shook his head. He had no idea how wise he had been all those years by avoiding anything to do with love.

"I tried to tell him that you were too old for him," Thorin confessed. "I told him that he would outlive you by a long time."  
"You _what_?" Bilbo nearly shrieked.  
Thorin tried to justify his actions. "It was after the battle. I was hurt. I was trying to win you back. I said a lot of things around that time, actually."  
"You bloody bastard," Bilbo growled.  
"But he's still with you, isn't he? He didn't let it deter him," Thorin argued.  
Bilbo considered this.  
"What did he say when you told him that?" Bilbo asked.  
"I asked him what he planned to do about the age difference. He said," Thorin paused to swallow around the lump that formed in his throat. "He said that you two would do the best you could."  
Bilbo stared at Thorin. He almost felt pity for him to have his own solemn words used against him. He also ached for Kili who had been hurt enough to do it.  
"I'll bet you were livid," Bilbo said.  
Thorin grinned at Bilbo but his eyes were sad. "Fucking furious. Durin's beard, what an obstinate brat he can be!"  
"He is too much like his uncle for his own good. Or my good, for that matter. Valar save me from the line of Durin."  
Thorin chuckled darkly. He cupped Bilbo's face and claimed another gentle kiss.

"What do I do, Bilbo? I want your happiness but I don't want you to find it with him. You make me laugh. You make me think. You comfort me when things are tough. I do not want you to marry Kili. I want you to marry me."  
"I can make you laugh, think, and comfort you as things are now," Bilbo explained.  
Thorin sucked his lips into a mock pout. "But without the good parts."  
Bilbo smiled. "This is all I can give you."  
"Do you tell Kili these things? How you love him? How you fear growing old while he remains young?" Thorin asked.  
"I do tell him I love him. Not so much the other thing, though. I don't want to spoil things as they are."  
"So instead you quietly refuse your wish to marry him?" Thorin clarified.  
Bilbo shrugged. "It sounds strange when you say it out loud, but I suppose that is the way of it."  
" _Good_ ," Thorin thought to himself.

*****

Kili and Fili were working and sweating in the forge. Fili was providing some detailed work on one of Kili's presents for Bilbo. Since they had both paired off in their own courtships, Fili cherished their times alone all the more. He was always better at getting Kili to open up (and confess details) when it was just the two of them. The recent weirdness with Thorin and concern for how it was affecting Kili had been particularly heavy on Fili's mind.

"How are things with you and Thorin? You seemed to be getting along today." Fili asked.  
"We've been working through some of our problems," Kili replied.  
Fili tilted his head. "Is it going well? Bilbo said you and Thorin were enjoying each other's company yesterday."  
"We've had some tense conversations, but there has been some laughter, too. I think we understand each other a little better," Kili said.  
Fili did not look up from the piece he was twisting. "Because you both understand the bond?"  
"Possibly, although he doesn't know Bilbo and I have consummated our bond yet. I used to feel the way he feels now, you know. Back in Lake Town. Neither of us wants to lose Bilbo," Kili said.  
"I've noticed you have had no problem letting them have time alone," Fili said, flicking his gaze toward Kili.  
Kili sucked in one of his cheeks and looked away. "Bilbo and I have sort of an understanding."  
Fili rolled his eyes. "Mahal, not another 'agreement!'"  
"Thorin told both myself and Bilbo that not being able to show affection to Bilbo made him not want to be around him anymore," Kili said. "That is the real reason we are leaving so soon. Thorin wants Bilbo to go if he cannot be affectionate with him."  
"I don't like where this is going..." Fili said.  
Kili ignored him. "So I suggested to Bilbo that maybe he lets Thorin kiss him or hold him if it makes Thorin happy. Bilbo, too."

Fili stopped what he was doing entirely to stare at Kili.  
"Kee, you are an idiot."  
"What?" Kili said defensively.  
"After all this time pining and trying for Bilbo, he is finally courting _you_. You are planning on asking him to marry _you_. I thought it was a bad enough idea coming to Erebor, but to suggest that Bilbo encourage Thorin is lunacy. You are not a prince. You are a king--the King of Terrible Plans," Fili quipped.  
"Bilbo wants a non-sexual relationship with Thorin," Kili explained in exasperation. "Thorin only wants Bilbo's companionship if there can be tenderness. I've got most of what I want with Bilbo right now and we are happy. I don't see the problem."  
Fili fixed Kili with a look. "Aside from it being not at all like you to be fine with the prospect of Thorin kissing Bilbo, I'll tell you what the problem is. Friendship with conditions is not friendship, Kee. It is manipulation. If Thorin wanted to maintain some manner of friendship with Bilbo just for the merit of Bilbo's company, then he would. To tell both you and Bilbo he could only handle it with certain conditions in place--conditions that include kissing your would-be husband--it sounds to me like it isn't just friendship he is after."  
"You think Thorin is still trying to manipulate us? Fee, you should have seen him yesterday. He was--I don't even know how to describe it...raw, I suppose. I don't think he was calculating; I think he was being honest."  
"It is your call, of course. I think that Bilbo isn't the only one whom Thorin has enchanted, though."  
"I just understand him, Fee. He is me, in a way," Kili said, recalling Thorin's words from the day before.

Fili's gaze on him felt heavy and Kili shifted uncomfortably. He changed the subject.

"How is Prince Bofur handling the, ah, public nature of your courtship? Has Balin chased him off yet? I'll note I'm not the one Balin is harassing about a royal wedding," Kili said, somewhat sadly.  
Fili brightened at the mention of Bofur. "Likely because he's heartbroken it will not be Thorin's. I wish he were not harassing us, either. Still, Bofur has had to deal with both Balin and Thorin and he is still planning on coming to Rivendell with me, so I suppose that means something good."  
"Bilbo and I both care for Bofur quite a bit. Do you plan to make him our brother?" Kili asked.  
Fili couldn't help but smile. "I am hoping that will be where this leads. Um, Kee? How did you know and Bilbo know the time was right for...um-"  
"Consummation?" Kili asked.  
Fili nodded.  
Kili quirked his mouth. "I don't know how to answer that. I knew I wanted everything from Bilbo the moment I figured out that I had fallen in love with him. Everything past that point has been all up to him. I did not know about hobbit sex or any of that back then, but the moment I found out it existed, I wanted it with him because I wanted _him_. I would have married him in Lake Town if he had been agreeable. All the waiting we did was about him, not me."  
Fili looked thoughtful. "I wonder how Bilbo decided, then?"  
Kili shrugged. "I do not know. I think it helped that I promised him not to push for marriage. If I had held out for a betrothal, I'd likely still be waiting. Because I am. Still waiting for a betrothal, that is." Kili trailed off.  
Fili tried to assure his brother. "But what is between you two--you said the marking is real. So when he made the decision, he knew that he was at least binding himself to you in some way."  
"Fee, are you thinking about consummating your bond with Bo?" Kili asked.  
"Maybe. Our intimate contact feels incredible, but I feel antsy, like there is something more. We've, um, done that thing you mentioned to me. With the tongue-  
Kili tilted his head back and closed his eyes. "Gods, isn't it fantastic?" he said dreamily.  
"Ah, yes. And, well, I keep thinking about what you said about how good the other thing feels."  
"I won't say you have to agree to be betrothed to do it, not like Thorin insisted, but it will create something between you. Something strong. And apparently something that pulls and strains against you if you decide to move on from each other. I have no regrets that Bilbo and I have shared each other's bodies like that, but I knew I wanted it before I even knew what it was."  
"Are you telling me to be careful with Bo's heart?" Fili asked, smiling.  
"No, more that I want you to be careful with both of you. Bilbo tried to explain it to me but nothing he told me prepared me for the way it affected me, both emotionally and physically." Kili said conspiratorially, "I've got to tell you, it is fucking hot. If you enjoy a tongue inside you-"  
Fili hissed, "Shhh! Would you keep it down?" He looked around frantically.  
"Who is going to hear me? Seriously, Fee," Kili continued. "You've never felt pleasure like it, I swear. Gods, we need to finish up so I can find Bilbo."  
"You two..." Fili shook his head.  
"You'll understand," Kili promised.

*****

Fili was greatly in need of a second bath after the trip to the forge. After the embarrassment of the morning, Bofur sent him down alone. Bofur flopped back on the bed with his hands crossed behind his head and pondered his life for a moment. He was regularly taking a golden god to bed--that alone was beyond his wildest hope. On top of that, his lover was a prince. Beyond _that_ , Bofur would also gain a title should they marry. It seemed incomprehensible to him. He came on this journey half-hoping to win a different life and half-expecting to die. Fili falling in love with him and wanting to create something together never even danced across his mind as a possibility.

Bofur sighed. _Should they marry_. Prince or not, marrying Fili would be like a dream realized. It had taken him so many years to fall in love that for a while, he despaired it might not ever happen. After all, it happened for Bombur when he was younger than Fili. Bofur had developed feelings for Bilbo early on, but they were not returned. Bilbo never gazed at Bofur the way Fili did, and although Bofur still had affection for the hobbit, what he felt for Fili was incredibly _certain_ \--as though it had been decided by forces beyond their ken. Fili had been (adorably) fretful when Balin and Thorin started talking marriage, blushing and sputtering apologies every time the subject came up. He seemed to think it was going to scare Bofur away. He did not know Bofur's heartbeat quickened happily every time it was mentioned. Bofur wondered how short of a courtship was socially acceptable for a dwarrow of Fili's station.

*****

Bilbo inhaled Kili at the neck. He smelled like sweat, smoke, heat, and metal. He licked a path from his collarbone to his jaw. The salty taste only served to turn him on.

"I really should get a bath before you start licking me," Kili insisted.  
"No, I want you dirty," Bilbo said in between nips along Kili's neck. "I'm going to make you even dirtier and then we'll both go get clean."  
"All I've been able to think of all day is how crazy you got last night," Kili sighed.  
"So you said," Bilbo whispered.  
Kili bit at Bilbo's ear. "I came so hard. Mahal, you clamped down on me so tight I thought you were going to break me."

They undressed each other. Kili softly breathed Bilbo's name as the hobbit tasted the skin he was baring on his way to his knees. Once Kili's trousers were removed, Bilbo inhaled the deep, musky smell around Kili's cock and groaned. It was not at all proper and a Bilbo from an earlier time might have even been a little disgusted by it, but at this moment the scent was incredibly enticing. He licked Kili's length and the dwarf nearly buckled. He was pressing teasing kisses along the shaft when Kili hauled him to his feet.

"Need your mouth. Now," Kili said, just before parting Bilbo's lips roughly with his tongue.  
The _rightness_ of Kili's taste in his mouth brought back an uncomfortable memory of his afternoon with Thorin. Bilbo felt a wave of guilt. He gently pushed away enough from Kili to speak.  
"Thorin kissed me today," Bilbo blurted out.  
"Did he now?" Kili moved in to kiss Bilbo again, undeterred.  
Bilbo held up a hand to Kili's mouth to pause. "It was not at all chaste."  
Kili rested his forehead on Bilbo's. He was burning with lust but Bilbo obviously needed to clear his conscience.  
"How did it feel?" Kili asked.  
"Good. Wrong. My body wanted him but he wasn't--he wasn't you. I _told_ you he was going to keep pushing his limits until things turned sexual."  


The word "sexual" got Kili's attention.  


"How 'not chaste' was it?" Kili asked.  
"It was deep...filthy. When I stopped him, Thorin told me he was about to finish in his trousers."  
Kili was unfazed. He nuzzled the skin under Bilbo's ear. "And you didn't let him?  
"Kili," Bilbo said in shock, leaning back to look in his eyes.  
"It was just kissing," Kili said, stealing a lick of Bilbo's lips for his own.  
Bilbo's protests were growing weak, perhaps even a bit husky. "But it _wasn't_. It was...he told me he heard us last night,"  
Kili hummed as he cupped Bilbo's backside. "Did he?"  
"He said he got himself off thinking about what he heard," Bilbo murmured.

Kili moaned and laid Bilbo on the bed. Gods, if he had only known last night that Thorin was listening!

"That doesn't alarm you?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili rubbed against him. "No, it makes me want to be fucked by you,"  
"My ex-lover stroking himself to our love sounds turns you on?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili smoothed his hands down Bilbo's sides, making him shiver.  
"I want him to hear how much better I please you," he said. "I've come myself imaging he was listening to us."  
"That's cruel," Bilbo noted  
"Apparently he didn't seem to think so," Kili purred.  
He reached down between their legs and held both of their cocks together. Bilbo gasped at the contact and bucked into Kili's grip. He grabbed Kili by the back of the neck and pulled his face in close. Against his lips, Bilbo begged, "I need you to take me, to erase his kisses. Take what is yours, like you said."

Bilbo kissed him desperately, thrusting into Kili's hand with the same rhythm his tongue was dipping into his mouth. Kili moved and slipped his hands around Bilbo's hips. He rolled them both so that Bilbo was on top of him, instead.

"Maybe later, if you beg me sweetly," Kili said. "But right now I need you to show me what it felt like for you last night. Fill me, make me twitch and scream."

As Bilbo worked Kili open with his fingers, the dwarf's desire grew more heated. When Bilbo buried his cock at last, Kili grabbed his wrists tightly.

Kili pleaded, "Make me come so loud that Thorin hears it. Show him what you do to me. Make him spurt in his own hands. Make him wish he were me."  
"Kili, you are so mercilessly filthy," Bilbo moaned.

For most of the journey from Bag End to Erebor, Bilbo saw Kili as a bright and cheerful sort of fellow with beautiful, shining eyes and the most innocent smile. It wasn't until Bilbo began to share private moments with him that he realized what an obscene creature his precious dwarf could truly be. That sweet gaze and smile could turn predatory in an instant. Bilbo especially loved the shift in Kili's vocabulary when he was aroused. He could be as lewd as anything Bilbo ever heard. Thorin had been much the same, hardly ever uttering a single swear until he got Bilbo alone. Bilbo figured it must be a Durin trait.

Bilbo began to move inside his lover. He went slowly at first in an attempt to drive Kili out of his mind, but he soon found _he_ was the one being overwhelmed.  
"I can't take this anymore. I need to press against you," Bilbo said.

Although his piercing was much angrier this second day, he carefully stretched himself across Kili's torso. He took care not to rub against Kili's own ring too roughly. Bilbo stroked Kili from the inside out with slow movements as he leaned in for a kiss. Kili tilted his chin for an easier reach and flicked out his tongue for a taste. Bilbo snatched it between his lips and drew it in. Bilbo felt Kili flex and flutter deliberately around his prick.

"Kili," Bilbo sighed brokenly, resting his forehead on his lover's clavicle. Even during their basest, most carnal couplings, Bilbo marveled at the astonishing swells of love he felt.  
"How is it that I can feel so possessed by you when I'm the one doing the possessing?" Bilbo breathed.

Kili, as always, was nearly lost in the sensation of being claimed by the one he loved. The pleasure was a welcome rush, but his favorite part was the intensity. Nothing he felt before Bilbo came remotely close and yet it was different between them each time. He rubbed his hands over all of Bilbo's skin he could reach, wishing (not for the first time) that he could melt into Bilbo like the hobbit's dream. He wished to breathe with Bilbo's lungs, force his blood with Bilbo's veins, and shudder throughout his limbs. He imagined what it would be like if their ribs locked together and they were sustained by one single heart.

Kili wanted to confess this to his lover but he was too far gone for his thoughts to reach his lips intact. Instead, he simply whispered, "I love you."  
Bilbo whimpered in response as though the words themselves gave him bodily pleasure.

Bilbo pushed himself up to increase his pace without causing either of them discomfort. Kili was gorgeous beneath him--gasping, moving, and making the most enticing faces. Kili raised his knees and Bilbo used them for leverage as he pumped harder.

"Stretch me," Kili panted. "Mahal, _please_ stretch me."

Bilbo coated his fingers and brushed feather-light strokes over the opening stretched around his cock. Kili stuttered out sounds on staccato breaths. Bilbo pressed against the skin with a firmer stroke. Kili responded even more favorably. Keeping the nail side down so he could feel more easily, he managed a finger inside Kili along with his cock.

"Yes!" Kili wailed.

Remembering how it felt last night, Bilbo kept pumping his hips but kept the movements of his finger more subtle, feeling around for the tissue that would make Kili cry out more intensely. The dwarf was already babbling underneath him, but he wasn't saying anything Bilbo recognized as words. Bilbo pushed in another finger and Kili keened.

"You were right. This feels so tight," Bilbo gasped. "Are you okay?"  
It took Kili a moment to be able to answer in fully formed words.  
"Y-yes. So good. The stretch is intense." Kili sucked in another breath. "So full."

Bilbo risked a little more movement with his fingers. Kili jerked and yelped.  
" _Fuck!_ Oh fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Bilbo grinned lasciviously. That is what he wanted. Once he found what he was looking for, Bilbo showed him no mercy. Kili was gasping for air and uncontrollably vocalizing. He thrashed and bucked beneath Bilbo and the hobbit would have sworn the temperature inside his lover burned three times as hot. Bilbo was not going to last through all this tight, filthy wildness.

"Finish, Kee. Finish yourself for me," Bilbo begged.

Bilbo _had_ to feel Kili come like this after how Kili described it. Kili wrapped a hand around himself. He sputtered out a ragged wail and came with amazing speed. Bilbo almost choked on his breath when he felt it. It was hard, hot, and tight. It truly did feel like Kili could almost break his prick off with the force of the muscles squeezing around his cock and fingers. The pleasant tightness in Bilbo's abdomen released suddenly and his own orgasm hit him so hard his head spun. After his head cleared a bit, he realized he had been whispering Kili's name over and over.

Bilbo carefully removed his fingers and backed out. He collapsed alongside Kili and watched his chest rise and fall rapidly, his lover still reeling from the experience. Kili's head lolled over toward Bilbo and their eyes met. Kili smiled with his mouth still open from panting.

"You knew what that felt like last night and you made me wait until now to have it? Shame on you," Kili teased.  
"You were the one who wanted to spend the day with Fili in some hot forge," Bilbo countered.  
"It was worthwhile, I promise," Kili said.  
They lay side by side in sated silence as their blood cooled. 

Bilbo rolled over and draped an arm over Kili's chest.  
"What was it you were doing in the forge today?" he asked.

Kili sat up slowly, wiped off his stomach, and dug around in his belongings until he produced a little leather bundle. He sat next to Bilbo on the bed and handed it to him. He was grinning like an excited dwarfling.  
"It is for you," he said.  
Bilbo grinned back and opened it. It was a hair clip with the same symbol as Kili's, but wrought instead of etched. He looked up in wonder.  
"Fee had to help me with some of the detail work," Kili explained. "It was never really my strong suit. And this doesn't mean that I don't adore seeing you wear my things or that I would begrudge you anything I own. I just wanted you to have one to call yours."  
Bilbo was astonished.  
"Thank you so much. This is beautiful," Bilbo murmured.  
"Do you think so? Do you really like it?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo leaned over to hug him. "I love it."  
"I thought about making you one with jewels but I didn't want it to clash with anything you might wear or for the settings to catch strands of your hair and pinch..." Kili trailed off.  
"No! This one is lovely. Lovely and it matches yours. You know how I feel about that," Bilbo said.  
"I do," Kili replied softly.

Bilbo took Kili's hand and squeezed it.  
"Shall we go down and wash up before dinner? I should like to wash my hair so I can wear my new clasp."  
Kili beamed. "Yes, please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your continued support. I appreciate it all so much. I especially love my commenters (the regulars as well as the de-lurkers). I'm glad you are still here.


	74. The Beautiful Ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin spoke up. "I wish to dance," he said.
> 
> The room grew silent as he walked over and bowed slightly before Bilbo.
> 
> "I believe I once promised you a dance in my own halls, Master Baggins," Thorin said.

Bilbo and Kili took out their beads and fasteners, un-threaded their braids, and took tender care washing one another's hair. Once their hair was clean and rinsed, Kili cupped Bilbo's face and gazed at him before leaning in to capture his lips. They moved against each other tender and slow. Kili took a quick, involuntary breath. Bilbo used the opportunity to slick his tongue inside and swirl it against Kili's. A small moan escaped him and he leaned his forehead to Kili's, momentarily breaking the kiss.

"Mine," Bilbo whispered. "All mine."  
A smile split Kili's face. He loved it when Bilbo spoke like this.  
"Absolutely yours," he agreed.  
He pressed another soft kiss to Bilbo's lips.  
"I always have been," Kili murmured.

Kili's quiet words filled Bilbo with both warmth and lust. He attacked Kili with a kiss much more ferocious than the last, maneuvering the dwarf as he licked and bit his lips. On his knees, he pressed Kili into the side of the pool wall. Kili responded by wrapping his legs around Bilbo's waist. Counting on Kili to still be open and possibly slick with either oil or spend from earlier, Bilbo reached between them and nudged the head of his cock to Kili's entrance. Kili sucked in a sharp breath.  
"Bee! Someone might come in!" Kili whispered urgently.  
Testing how the hot spring water would affect their coupling, Bilbo bobbed shallowly just inside his lover.  
"You are facing the door. You'll just have to keep an eye out," Bilbo said, just before pushing himself inside fully.  
Kili gasped and stifled a cry in Bilbo's shoulder.

The water added an odd friction that Bilbo did not love, but Kili had still been slick enough inside to feel good. Bilbo would limit how much he withdrew completely and they would be fine.

"We've never made love in the baths before," Kili breathed, partly in awe.  
"If we're caught, we'll pretend we were merely kissing. No one can see that my cock is buried in you," Bilbo reasoned.  
Kili gripped him tighter. "Gods..."  
Bilbo pressed his cheek to Kili's. "Need you. Need this."  
Kili exhaled as he spoke. "Whatever you want. Claim me, over and over."

Bilbo had both hands on Kili's arse, pressed in deep and thrusting in short strokes. Kili was whimpering and sighing in his ear. Bilbo was pleasing him, but he couldn't pull long across the spot that made Kili wail. He took Kili's cock in hand and began pumping it quickly as he increased his own short, rocking strokes inside. When Kili's gasps grew rapid, Bilbo pulled Kili off his cock and brought his hips to the water's surface. Bilbo drew Kili's length into his mouth and sucked him the rest of the way to his finish.

Kili was astonished when Bilbo put his mouth on him. The movement was so quick, Kili didn't quite realize what was happening until Bilbo had him nearly at his orgasm. He didn't muffle his cry when he came. Still trembling, Kili was spun around facing the side of the pool they were in. Grabbing his hips, Bilbo pulled him to his feet and pushed into him again. Bilbo fucked into him at a feverish pace. Bilbo surged forward with a deep thrust, lips open and pressed against Kili's spine, as he breathed and groaned through his completion. Kili felt the wet heat from Bilbo coming inside him. _I'll never get used to feel of this_ , Kili thought blissfully.

Bilbo was draped across Kili's back as he caught his breath. He placed several tender kisses across Kili's shoulder blades as he eased out. Kili turned around to face him and they embraced tightly, both settling back into the water on their knees.  
"Hurt?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili shook his head. "Happy."  
Bilbo shifted so that he could lean against a stone and Kili could lay back-to-chest in his arms. They stayed that way until Bilbo's fingers were almost too pruned to remake Kili's courting braid.

 

*****

Never a fan of his company or his kin traveling with hangovers, dinner this night served as a final celebratory feast before the four travelers made their way back to Beorn's the day after next. The Fourteen were invited, as well as Dain and other members of what was passing as the court until Erebor grew into itself.

Kili and Bilbo were some of the last to arrive at dinner. They came in freshly washed and wearing the glowing flush of the recently fucked. Bilbo had the sides of his hair secured in his new clip and Kili wore the same style, having borrowed his own clip back. Dressed in their new clothes, even Thorin could not deny they looked a fine pair. He thought their glow and their easy, extra-wide smiles for each other only served to make them more beautiful. He wasn't the only one. Many pairs of appreciative eyes found their way to Kili and Bilbo over the course of the meal.

Bilbo was cheerful and attentive to The Fourteen in particular. Thorin gratefully did not sense any tension with Bilbo based on their earlier encounter and in return he did his best to not wear his burning envy for Kili on his sleeve.

After dinner, the instruments came out once again. The merriment started with sing-a-longs at first, but segued into both song and dance once the ale flowed more freely.

Thorin sat back with his mug and watched Bilbo _shine_. He felt silly even thinking about it in such a manner, but there was truly no other word for it. Bilbo was captivating when he sang and he laughed like mad when he hopped and danced to the drinking songs that were being played, one after the other. His face was ruddy with activity and giggles. He had begun to sweat, so he shed his jacket and secured his hair at his nape with a piece of lacing. Thorin recalled another night that Bilbo radiated similar joy: the farewell feast in Lake Town. Bilbo wanted Thorin to celebrate with him and Thorin was too jealous of everyone in the room to bear it. What a bloody fool he had been. Bilbo was his back then and Thorin could not get out of his own head enough to enjoy the night with him. He remembered Bilbo wanting him so badly to dance. It was only now that Bilbo and Kili were taking each other to bed each night that Thorin could appreciate how much happiness it brought him to simply be at a party with Bilbo.

Another rowdy song ended and the discussion began anew of what tune would be next.

Thorin spoke up. "I wish to dance," he said.

The room grew silent as he walked over and bowed slightly before Bilbo.  
"I believe I once promised you a dance in my own halls, Master Baggins," Thorin said.  
Bilbo glanced back at Kili. Kili nodded--what else could he do?  
Bilbo faced Thorin and bowed in kind.

"What song, your highness?" Bofur asked.  
"'My Beloved,'" Thorin said, his eyes fixed on Bilbo.

Murmurs spread across the room. It was one of the simplest dwarrow ballads, but it was known by everyone. It was notably popular at weddings. Bofur exchanged glances with both Fili and Kili. Fili plucked the beginning of the melody from the harp he was playing and Bofur sang--

_"Is she fierce?_  
 _Her beauty rare?_  
 _What is the color of her hair?_  
 _My beloved._  
 _Does she hunt?_  
 _Does she sew?_  
 _Is she anyone I know?_  
 _My beloved._  
 _Is she stout?_  
 _Is she tall?_  
 _Or perhaps he is not a she at all._  
 _The one I shall one day call my own, my beloved."_

Thorin expected to teach Bilbo the steps but he was not surprised that Bilbo recognized the form of this dance well in advance of the first instrumental break. The dance was simple. There was not as much holding as in dances of Men, but hands were frequently joined with the touch of a hip here, a hand on a shoulder there. When done right, there was considerable eye contact. Bilbo did it correctly.

_"Is he the moon?_  
 _Or perhaps the sun?_  
 _Could he be my dearest one?_  
 _My beloved._  
 _Is he gruff?_  
 _Is he fair?_  
 _Would he follow me anywhere?_  
 _My beloved._  
 _Would he fight_  
 _By my side?_  
 _Could he be right before my eyes?_  
 _The one I shall one day call my own, my beloved."_

Kili was trying not to openly glare. Thorin had kissed Bilbo that very afternoon and Kili did not bat an eye, but this? This felt like a violation. Thorin had requested a wedding song, for Durin's sake! Kili watched as Thorin and Bilbo moved delicately around each other with their eyes locked. He felt an unpleasant twinge of jealousy in his middle.

Bofur sang a final, dramatic coda, gazing at Fili all the while Thorin was gazing at Bilbo.

_"Will he stay_  
 _By my side?_  
 _This love that is right before my eyes._  
 _This one today I call my own,_  
 _My beloved."_

Thorin brought Bilbo's hand to his lips and kissed it before he sat down once more. He watched with pleasure as Bilbo--looking a bit stunned, maybe?--chose to sit the next one out as well. Bilbo did not sit next to Thorin but no matter; it gave Thorin a better vantage point. His amusement waned as Kili pulled the chair next to Bilbo. Their grins from earlier had faded to darker, more concerned expressions. 

*****

"Remember when we were talking about what was okay and what was not okay with Thorin?" Kili asked Bilbo as he sat.  
Bilbo nodded. "Yes."  
"That," Kili indicated the area where Bilbo had just danced. "was decidedly _not_ okay."  
Bilbo's eyes snapped up to meet Kili's. He looked stricken.  
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean...I just thought-"  
Kili placed a hand gently on Bilbo's. "I know. You did not realize what would happen, and even figuring it out half way through, what could you have done?"  
Bilbo tried to swallow though his mouth was suddenly dry. "Are we...?"  
Kili shook his head. "We are fine. Just know that my ease with your friendship with Thorin does not include seduction."  
"The next time he wants to dance to an old dwarrow ballad, I'll feign a foot cramp," Bilbo said.  
"An old dwarrow wedding ballad," Kili corrected gently.  
Bilbo's eyes widened. "Oh, Kili...gods, I'm so sorry. I didn't know!"  
"Shhh, I know you didn't." Kili leaned into Bilbo's ear. "I draw comfort from belonging to you so completely that your seed rests inside me as we sit here."  
Bilbo closed his eyes and breathed Kili's name.

*****

The longer Thorin sat and drank, the more irritated he grew with Kili. Bilbo had put so much love and faith in him and for what? For Kili to stand idly by and watch someone openly romance Bilbo? He even told Bilbo he could be kissed by another! Sure, Thorin benefited from it now but what of later? What if someone else took a fancy to Bilbo in their travels? Would Kili just allow him to be passed around? Did Kili value Bilbo so little to risk him like that? Didn't it hurt Kili to have someone else gazing sweetly into his love's eyes? Thorin decided it was time to slow down his drinking when he realized he was getting angry at Kili for not being mad enough at him. Thorin shook his head to try and clear it. No, it wasn't about Kili not being mad at him. It was about Kili once again being typically reckless. Well, not with Bilbo he wouldn't. If Kili claimed to love Bilbo, he needed to do a better job of taking care of him--in _all_ aspects. If Kili wasn't going to do it, Thorin would do it for him.

 

*****

The scandalous dance forgotten by all but a handful, the party raged on. Bilbo and Kili eventually re-joined the merriment and managed to share a couple tender dances of their own in the midst of the rambunctiousness. Thorin was tipsy enough to still feel his ale-aided annoyance at Kili, though he was far from drunk. During one of their sit-down breaks, Thorin approached the couple.

"I would like a word with you both," Thorin requested.

Bilbo and Kili stood and followed Thorin out of the feasting area and to one of the office rooms not far down the corridor.

"Bilbo has informed me that you've mentioned kissing me will not interfere with your courtship," Thorin said.  
"I have said something like that," Kili agreed.  
Thorin said, "As I'm not courting Bilbo, I've had to trust that you would give him the love and care that he needs...that he _deserves_. We've already discussed the state of his clothing and waistline and perhaps I could understand the failings there, as they were, but I do not approve of you being so free with his affections. Just this afternoon, Bilbo reiterated to me how much he cares for you and how important you are to him. What I wouldn't give for what you have, Kili! I know you tend to be unrestrained, but I implore you to have a care for this treasure that shares your life!"  
"Wait, what?" Kili was confused. Thorin wanted this, didn't he?  
"How can you not care if Bilbo is kissing whomever has a fancy to?" Thorin demanded.  
"No! Not 'whomever.' You. Only you, Thorin," Kili explained.  
"I'm not sure I understand," Thorin said.  
Kili felt like he had explained this too many times already.  
"You've stated your terms are that you cannot keep Bilbo in your life with your feelings unacknowledged. Bilbo cares for you, as do I. I had hoped maybe if you could hold him sometimes, or write him tender words when you were apart, he would not have to lose you forever."  
Thorin's eyes narrowed. "What do you have to gain from this?"  
Kili shrugged. "Your happiness. Bilbo's peace."  
"You would risk your love with Bilbo like this? Simply for happiness and peace?" Thorin asked.  
"Yes, though I do not see it as a risk. I want Bilbo to be with me and love me because he wants to. I feel like he has room enough in his heart to be my suitor and your friend. If I'm wrong--if he leaves me--then he would have left, anyway."

Thorin was gaping at Kili as though he were speaking Sindarin.

"Understand that I'm not talking about Bilbo being your lover," Kili clarified. "Or any repeat performances of wedding dances, for that matter. But if you are moved to put an arm around him in conversation or give him a tender kiss goodbye upon parting, that would be okay as long as that is what Bilbo wanted as well. I'm not Bilbo's keeper or his master."

Thorin turned his gaze softly to Bilbo. "And what _does_ Bilbo want?"

Bilbo had been standing aside, silent, for this exchange. "More now than I have since the battle, I would like us to be friends, Thorin. Believe me that I'm not trying to hurt you further when I say that Kili places too much faith in you."  
"Does he?" Thorin asked tightly.  
Bilbo nodded sadly. "He does and you _know_ he does. It isn't just about soft words or a gentle, reassuring hand on my back. It is about deep, obscene kisses and the hope of heated touches on bare skin."  
Thorin could feel the blood stir in his groin even as Bilbo spoke. Even so, he countered, "So you think I cannot control it?"  
"Oh, I think you could," Bilbo stated. "I think you do not want to. I can control our bond enough to deepen a friendship, but I can't be the only one of us trying. This wouldn't be fair if you didn't try, if instead you took the offering he is giving you and press for more."  
"What makes you say this?" Thorin asked.  
"Other than the practical evidence I've already gotten? Other than that _dance_? I've been mulling over things you've said since yesterday. You told Kili that you could have a friendship with me if you were not denied small affections. You told me that you could not have a friendship with me at all if I belonged to another. Aside from telling Kili and I different things, all I've heard are conditions on your part. It does not work that way. It never has with me, anyway. I'll miss you when I'm gone and the thought of never hearing from or seeing you again twists my guts, but--just as before--my love and my friendship are not fitted to your requirements alone, Thorin. There are other people involved with feelings, needs, and wants beyond your own. I'm sorry."

Kili wondered if Bilbo had been talking to Fili.

"I deeply regretted turning away your offering of friendship, Bilbo," Thorin protested. "I regretted asking you to leave so I wouldn't have to see you two together, too. I told you as much last night!"

"But what of the rest of it? Do _you_ even know what you want?" Bilbo asked.

Thorin looked at Kili and Bilbo. Standing here now, he realized that it would be harder on him if they left than if they stayed.

"Completely honestly, I will tell you what I wish. As I mentioned earlier, I'm concerned that you two of not been taking the best care of each other,"

Kili opened his mouth to protest, but Thorin held up a hand to still his tongue.

"I understand the given reasoning, but I do not think being at Beorn's again followed by extensive road travel is going to be good for you. Nor, indeed, is perhaps even Rivendell. Beorn's rural hospitality has been somewhat lacking and there is no guarantee three dwarrows and a hobbit would get better once you reached the elves. You say my love and friendship is conditional. I'll have you know my only true conditions are these: I need to see you fed, round-cheeked, and healthy. I want you to be dressed in fine things. I want you to have valets and assistants if you wish them. I want you to be happy, comfortable, and safe every day," Thorin said.

"What are you saying, Thorin?" Kili asked.

Thorin took a deep breath. "I'm asking you to stay here in Erebor. Together. We can renovate you a full suite, if it would please you better. I want you here. Both of you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amazing come-chaos has recorded a beautiful imagining of "My Beloved" for this fic. https://soundcloud.com/comechaos/my-beloved
> 
> Thank you!!!


	75. Wants Versus Needs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Invitation, conversations, and smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys! Come-chaos made-ed me a thing! She composed music for and recorded the lyrics I wrote in the last chapter! Can you even believe that awesomeness??? It is absolutely perfect because she's an amazing genius of the world. Go visit--
> 
> http://come-chaos.tumblr.com/post/58612353170/my-beloved

_Thorin took a deep breath. "I'm asking you to stay here in Erebor. Together. We can renovate you a full suite, if it would please you better. I want you here. Both of you."_

 

A corner of Kili's heart jumped at this. He'd been sick with the thought of Thorin hating him since he admitted his love for Bilbo. Despite his fiercer moments protecting the one he loved, Kili had been quietly mourning the loss of this heroic dwarf whom had been such a huge part of his life. This invitation had the potential to lead to further progress being made between them. The rest of Kili, however, was not as elated.

Kili and Bilbo had a _plan_. A _life_ to get to. A life that Kili was going to formally ask Bilbo to share once they reached Rivendell. And what about that? Bilbo had been wanting to go back to visit the elves since they left the first time. Bilbo wanted return to the Shire, too, probably more than Rivendell. How could Thorin forget that? Or ignore it? Not to mention, staying in Erebor with Thorin as a part of their daily lives was never something they had entertained.

Bilbo aside, _Kili_ wanted to go to Rivendell. He wanted to follow the elven archers around and learn from them. He hoped to learn some new elven songs with which to thrill Bilbo. Beyond that, he also longed to spend time in the Shire. He wanted to sleep in Bag End and drink at The Green Dragon and skip stones off the Bywater Bridge. He wanted to help Bilbo start a new garden. Maybe they would even plant the acorn from Beorn's somewhere on their property. Kili wanted to live and breathe the stories that made Bilbo...well, _Bilbo_. The Shire always seemed to Kili like a home he didn't realize he had missed and he did not want to lose the chance to see if he was right.

In the space of a couple short moments, Kili had himself worked up into a near-panic. He looked to Bilbo to try and read his desire.

"That is sweet, kind, and I am sure it gladdens Kili's heart as it does mine," Bilbo began in a tone of voice that seemed to Thorin to be humoring at best.  
"Please do not answer so quickly," Thorin said, worried the cause was already lost.

Thorin slipped a hand behind Bilbo's head and tenderly guided the hobbit's lips to his own. He took care to keep the kiss light, lingering a moment less than would render Kili uncomfortable. The look in Bilbo's eyes was soft and affectionate, but Thorin noticed the hobbit had already straightened his posture and was setting his jaw with an answer he wasn't going to like. Thorin was going to have to appeal to Kili if he wanted an agreement.

Thorin moved to Kili, clasped both hands at the back of his neck, and nudged their foreheads together. He spoke with a gentleness to which Kili was unaccustomed from Thorin.

"Since you've reached the age of responsibility, we've endured many conflicts. It was only because I loved you so and wanted more for you. The issues with-" Thorin paused, deciding not to name it specifically. "...on this journey have been our worst and I feared they had broken us. In this short time you've been here, I feel like we have repaired some of that rift. I'd like a chance to repair it further. I still want what is best for you, my Kili-colt. I think Erebor could provide it you."

Kili had nearly stopped breathing. One of things he had consistently wanted most in his life was Thorin's love and acceptance. Just when he nearly thought all hope was dashed, Thorin was open here before him. Kili couldn't sustain Thorin's gaze. He closed his eyes and felt Thorin kiss his forehead before releasing him.

Bilbo watched this encounter with interest. He'd never witnessed Thorin quite so tender with his nephews, though he had heard enough from Thorin, Fili, and Kili in the past to know that they all had been close before the requirements of lineage, age, quest, and duty put a rougher edge on their interactions. There was something unexpected yet charming about watching Thorin embrace Kili so sweetly. Kili was clearly affected by Thorin's plea, which made Bilbo's plan of declining the invitation now much more difficult.

Bilbo placed a gentle hand on Thorin's arm. "Kili and I would need to discuss it together, at the very least. I would not make a large decision on his behalf any more than I would want him to make one without speaking with me."  
"Of course," Thorin said. "You should have a sleep for it. We'll talk more tomorrow."

Wishing him good night, Thorin pressed a kiss to Bilbo's cheek. He paused a moment to consider, then kissed Kili's cheek as well.

*****

In respect of the king's absence, the party waned. Fili and Bofur were some of the last remnants in the dining hall. They each sat in chairs on opposite sides of the corner of the table. Fili's feet were in Bofur's lap and they were both picking at a bowl of dried cherries.  
"I don't know if I like the way these taste after ale," Fili said, making a face.  
"Nah, eat a few more and they will chase the taste away," Bofur said.  
Fili rolled his eyes and grinned.

Bofur wasn't sure if the ale had finally caught up with him or if it was the song from earlier, but Fili's grin filled him with a desire to grab and beg him to be his until the end of time. Bofur kept his composure, but found the nerve to put voice to a question he had been wanting to ask.

"Why are you traveling with us, Fee? Beorn's, Rivendell, the Shire...all of it. You may someday be King of Erebor but you're leaving her. Why?"  
"We've talked about this before," Fili said.  
"Not like this," Bofur said solemnly.

Something in Bofur's eyes told Fili that a deeper answer was required this time, for reasons that he may not yet understand. He obliged without further protest.

"Kili is the reason I usually give and he is a great part of it," Fili began. "Beyond that, when I make my official return, there will be much work to do. As you said, I will some day be crowned king. Erebor will become a great responsibility and also somewhat of a cage. I want these days to see some of the world outside Erebor and revisit some of the wonders we've witnessed. I want to enjoy my brother as we've not been allowed since we were small. I want Bilbo to show us the Shire. I want to fall more deeply in love with you every day and not have to split these precious times with the whole of a kingdom. We've all been through horror after horror and came out on the other end of it, not only alive but wealthy enough to enjoy ourselves. We could have lost our lives. Now I wish for us to appreciate them for a while without the weight of a kingdom on our shoulders. If I thought Thorin was on his own, perhaps I would think better of it. He's so upset about Bilbo that his view is narrow. He forgets he has Balin, Dwalin, Dain, and more besides. If he had enough trusted people to care for the kingdom to go running off after Bilbo to Beorn's, he's got enough support to assist him when he's actually present. And he still has Kili and I through correspondence, should he need us." 

Bofur nodded as Fili talked, heart swelling when Fili mentioned his wish to enjoy their relationship as part of his reasoning. Fili's answer was thorough and filled in all the proper seams in Bofur's mind. A concern that Bofur had not realized he had been carrying was extinguished.

"My Fee," Bofur breathed.  
"Did you get what you needed?" Fili asked.  
"Aye," Bofur said. "And then some."  
Fili smiled. "Good. Now take me to bed."  
"Gladly."

*****

Bilbo and Kili had not spoken on the way back to their room. Bilbo hoped the silence would give Kili some time to better sort his mind and come to a smarter conclusion. He did not begrudge Thorin and Kili repairing their broken relationship, but he couldn't help but wonder about Thorin's motives. Kili was rather affected by Thorin's entreaty; he seemed almost dazed after Thorin spoke to him.

Once behind their door, Bilbo shrugged off his jacket, sat on the bed, and patted next to him. Kili removed his jacket and boots and accepted the invitation. 

"We should talk about what just happened, I think," Bilbo said.  
"Okay," Kili said warily. "What do you think about it, then? Thorin wanting us to stay?"  
Bilbo sighed. "Just yesterday, he insisted that we go because he could not stand it. Today, he kissed me to within a breath of my life. Who knows what he'll be thinking tomorrow?"  
Kili shifted sideways on the bed so he could better see Bilbo.  
"I am not interested at the moment with what Thorin is thinking," Kili said softly. "What are _you_ thinking?"  
Bilbo turned to face Kili as well.  
"What do you think about it?" Bilbo asked, stalling.  
"Oh, no you don't. I asked you first," Kili said with a faint hint of a smile.  
Bilbo seized Kili's hands.  
"I do not want to be the thing that comes between you and Thorin yet again. If staying is what you think you need to do, we can consider it," Bilbo said.  
"But?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo nodded. "But I do not wish to stay in Erebor. I think it is dangerous. I know him, Kili, possibly better than you do. He won't stop trying to get me to bed. He has the power to command you away from me, too, if seeing us together becomes unbearable for him. If we cannot be separated in heart, he can at least make it happen in body. What happens when he decides to send you on a six month envoy to Mirkwood or such nonsense?" Bilbo's demeanor had been steadily growing more frantic as he spoke. "What happens if he sends you off on some dangerous patrol and you don't come back to me?"

Kili looked at Bilbo with surprise. Not only had he not considered these things, he was shocked at how quickly Bilbo had gotten upset merely speaking about them. He scooted in closer with his legs on either side of Bilbo, just short of being in his lap, and stroked Bilbo's hair. 

"Hush, my dearest. Nothing has happened yet. I'm right here with you," Kili soothed.  
"I know," Bilbo said bashfully. He was feeling a little embarrassed by his outburst.  
"But there's more," he added.  
Kili rested his hands at the base of Bilbo's spine. "Tell me."  
"I want to see Beorn's spring garden in bloom with you." Bilbo reached up a hand and threaded it in Kili's hair. "We are supposed to go to Rivendell together. I want to show you the Shire. I want-I want us to go _home,_ at least for a little while. There are many things away from Erebor that I very much wish to share with you."

Bilbo was calmer now but his tone was softly determined and punctuated by a few emotional breaks. Kili felt like he could nearly cry with the relief he felt. He gently grasped Bilbo's face with both hands and leaned in to kiss him, insistent but sweet. 

"Your turn," Bilbo said when Kili leaned out of their kiss. 

Kili took a large breath and spoke from his heart.  
"I'm touched that Thorin asked us to stay. Of course he would want _you_ here, but Thorin mentioning me as one of the reasons, well, it means a lot to me. The need that drove me here with you in the first place was undeniably soothed by that. But," Kili stroked Bilbo's worried face as he spoke, "I love the plans that we have. I want all of that--everything you described--and things beyond that we haven't even discussed yet. I do not wish to hurt Thorin any more than we have, but I do not think our immediate future is in Erebor. I want to continue to travel West with you, just like we talked about." 

Bilbo gazed at Kili with shining eyes. "Truly?"  
"Truly," Kili confirmed. 

Bilbo leaned forward and kissed Kili again, this time pouring all his relief and love into it. Bilbo had been worried that Thorin had swayed Kili to stay, but he feared even more so that Kili would agree to leave only because Bilbo asked. And to hear Kili speak so lovingly about their plans together! Sometimes Bilbo got so wrapped up in how much he wanted Kili with him on this journey that he forgot how much Kili wanted it, too. 

Kili swore he felt Bilbo heat up in his arms, as though he could pinpoint the exact moment the mouth on his went from "relieved" to "amorous." The hobbit tugged at Kili's clothes as his lips grew more assertive. As they shed the rest of their clothes and spread tongue-wetted kisses on each other's bodies, Bilbo began to beg. 

"I need to feel you in me," Bilbo said.  
"Patience," Kili replied, kissing and biting across Bilbo's chest with an agonizing slowness.

Bilbo squirmed and whimpered as Kili's tongue flicked across first one nipple, then the other. Kili licked a trail up to Bilbo's neck and sucked a mark to replace the one that was fading.

Bilbo gripped Kili's hair and spoke into his ear. "Gods, Kili, _now_. I'll give myself to you. I'll give it all to you if you will just _take_ it," he pleaded desperately. 

Dwarf he may be, but Kili was not made of stone. 

"Ride it out on me," Kili rasped as he rolled over on his back. "I want to watch you unravel."  
Bilbo scrambled to straddle Kili's chest, chin hovering over Kili's navel ring, eyes toward his feet.  
Presenting himself, he panted, "Open me."  
Kili moaned and wasted no time reaching for the oil.  
"Filthy, wicked hobbit," he purred.

*****

Bofur lay naked on his back in bed with Fili on his knees, feeding Bofur his cock. Fili had one arm braced on the wall, the other hand on the braced bicep, and his face was buried in their juncture as he moaned in appreciation. Bofur could not quite recall how they went from kissing to this, now that he thought about it, but he was not complaining. He was stroking himself while his lover groaned erotically above him. Fili was heavy on his tongue and excitedly fucking his face hard enough that Bofur's other hand was at the root so he wouldn't choke. Fili breaths came more rapidly and each of his exhales were punctuated with a sharp "oh!" Bofur knew Fili was close and sped up his own strokes to try and finish with him. Fili abruptly pulled out and started pumping himself in his own palm.

"I want to come on your face," he breathed.

Bofur was--well, _getting used to_ was probably not the best term, but he at the very least was no longer as shocked when Fili asked him to spill on his face. It seemed to be one of his favored requests when he had consumed a goodly amount of ale. However, this was the first time Fili wanted to do it to him. He was not sure how he felt about it.

He didn't get a lot of time to figure it out before Fili was crying out and streaking his face with thin ropes of seed. Bofur closed his eyes and felt it land on his cheeks, eyelid, nose, and mouth. Fili was already lowering himself to lay across Bofur's body. He nudged Bofur's hand out of the way and took over stroking his cock for him. 

"You are gorgeous like this," Fili whispered. 

Fili's tongue darted out to taste himself on Bofur's mouth. He was rewarded with a growl and a warm tongue sliding against his. Fili pulled back and then slowly licked a ribbon of seed from Bofur's face. Swallowing, he moved on to clean Bofur's eyelid and nose...all the while still stroking Bofur's cock. Bofur's eyes fluttered open as his finish grew tense and tight in his abdomen. Fili locked eyes with him and licked the last long stripe of seed from his other cheek. Not breaking their gaze, Fili lapped it into Bofur's mouth. Bofur came a moment later, moaning around Fili's tongue.

Bofur decided he felt just fine about it, after all.

*****

Thorin was having trouble finding his rest. He did not regret making the invitation for Bilbo and Kili to stay. Indeed, if he regretted anything, it was stupidly telling Bilbo he needed to leave to begin with. Bilbo and Kili may have stayed for a couple weeks or longer had he just stayed quiet and left them to their own whims. Thorin did not imagine Fili would move to leave until Bilbo said he was ready, either. Taking a letter to the Thain of the Shire could have been done by messenger if Bilbo had been open to staying longer. It was merely convenience for Bilbo to take it on his way.

He had taken care to not push Bilbo too far this evening during their discussion, particularly after pressing his luck with the dance. He could tell the hobbit was already reticent. If Bilbo was answering just for himself, Thorin already knew before he embraced him the answer would be "no." Kili was going to be the deciding factor this time around. Thorin realized the loss of their relationship pained Kili and he was confident he gave Kili a fair incentive with the right measures of charm and affection. Although it was somewhat calculated, it was not a lie. He had welcomed Kili's company lately and would greatly enjoy having him around again. Thorin was beginning to appreciate him for being his own dwarf in a way he hadn't before...well, _before_. More importantly, Kili's presence ensured Bilbo and Fili's continued presence, too. Having the three of them together these past couple days made Erebor seem more real to him than it had in all the time they had been absent. Of course, the mountain was solid, cool stone against his shoulder and underneath his feet without them, but having his handsome princes and his love--especially tonight, all dressed so fine and at his side--made him feel truly kingly. It was the makings of a real court that Dwalin, Balin, and Dain tried to but could not replicate. 

His mind drifted to the dance he dared. He thought that if Bilbo and Kili did elect to leave after his impassioned plea to Kili, it would be the dance that did it. He mostly had eyes for Bilbo while they danced, but he stole enough glances at Kili to know he had been seething. Funny how Thorin could kiss Bilbo silly but a dance is what riled Kili up the most. He was not sorry, though. If he and Bilbo never made it to a wedding of their own, Thorin would at least have the memory of sharing that particular intimacy with him. He wished now he had danced with Bilbo more in Lake Town. For all his boisterous stomping when it came to the tavern songs, Bilbo was remarkably light on his feet when it came to couple dances. 

Kili's irritation with the dance aside, Thorin felt better after their talk that Kili's looseness with Bilbo's affection was at least for his benefit alone. He tried to understand the reasoning Kili gave him, too, though he could not picture himself making the same decision in Kili's position. He bristled a bit at the memory of Bilbo saying Kili placed too much faith in him. _He_ was the only one who seemed to think there shouldn't be any "permission-granted" kissing at all! Even though he reaped the benefits, he still felt it was folly. On both their parts, actually. Kili shouldn't be okay with Bilbo kissing someone else and Bilbo should not be so easily kissed by someone whom he was not courting. Not if they were serious about each other. He finally drifted off to sleep silently admonishing each of them for their carelessness.

*****

Kili was awakened by Bilbo rolling sharply out of his arms. The hobbit was whimpering unpleasantly. Kili frowned. The return of Bilbo's nightmares always worried him. He gently shook Bilbo to wake.  
"Thorin!" Bilbo cried.  
"Shhh, it is me. It is your Kili."  
"Kili," Bilbo murmured as he buried his face in the dwarf's shoulder.

Kili rocked him gently, murmuring comfort.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Kili asked when Bilbo had calmed.  
"You were there this time. You...and he..." Bilbo did not seem to be able to finish.  
"-It didn't happen and it is not going to," Kili soothed. "Whatever it was, anything other than me protecting and loving you forever is only a figment of your imagination."  
After a few moments, Bilbo conceded quietly. "You're right, it was merely a bad dream."  
"Let us talk of more enjoyable things until we get tired again," Kili said.  
Bilbo breathed deep and tried to shake off the bad feelings left behind by his nightmare.  
"Okay," he said.  
"Speaking of happier things, there is something I've been wanting to ask you for a while," Kili said.  
Bilbo glanced up at him. "Oh?" His heart sped up again, only this time it was not from terror.  
"Yes. It is sort of presumptuous, I suppose but..." Kili hesitated.  
"Go on," Bilbo said anxiously.  
"Do you...do you think we could have a party under the Party Tree?" Kili asked with what Bilbo thought to be the tender sweetness of a fauntling.

Bilbo giggled and buried his face, a little embarrassed at thinking Kili's question was going to be something weightier. 

"What?" Kili asked. "Seriously, can we?"  
Bilbo leaned up and kissed Kili's jaw. "Of course we can, dear heart. We are going to have _such_ a party under the Party Tree."  
Kili's tone brightened so much that Bilbo thought his heart was going to burst from the cuteness. "Can we have cake?"  
"Cake, conkers, and even some of Gandalf's fireworks if the old rascal is in our part of the world at the time," Bilbo assured him.  
Kili hugged Bilbo to him more tightly. "I've been wanting one for so long. I think since the very first time you mentioned it, even. I tried to recall if Fili and I had passed the tree on the way to your house."  
"Oh, you would have known it if you did!" Bilbo said. 

He pondered for a minute that Kili had been occasionally daydreaming about a hobbit party under the Tree for however many months, now. He was also struck by a flash of repeat memory--a sleepy, dreamy vision he once had of Kili in the Shire. He wondered briefly about the significance before his mind was taken over imagining Kili quietly plotting how to ask Bilbo for a party with cake. He couldn't help but smile.

"You are terribly hobbity for a dwarf, Kee," Bilbo said.  
"Perhaps you have grown rather, erm, dwarrowly for a hobbit! What do you think of that?" Kili challenged.  
Bilbo snuggled in deeper.  
"I think that makes us a wonderful pair," he said. 

Bad dreams thoroughly chased away, Bilbo and Kili both found their rest amidst drowsy thoughts of cake, trees, and fireworks.


	76. Downpour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin does not take the news well. You are not surprised.  
> Kili does some soul-searching.  
> Balin gives Bilbo an unexpected insight.

Bilbo woke and pondered the day's preparations: One last round of visits to everyone before they go, packing provisions, and breaking the news to Thorin. As much as he dreaded it, he knew they would need to see Thorin early. He wished he could have answered Thorin right away and spared him an evening of false hope.

He and Kili were just finished dressing when there was a knock at the door.  
"Are you decent?" they heard Bofur call.  
Kili giggled and let Fili and Bofur in.

"Apparently, it has been pouring rain outside all morning," Fili said.  
"Ugh, that means we're sleeping in mud tomorrow night," Bilbo said.  
Kili shrugged. "The ground might not be that soft. It could stop soon."  
"They said there are rain and storm clouds as far as the eye can see from the lookouts. At the very least, it will remain rainy and stormy well into the afternoon," Fili noted.

Bilbo sighed to himself. The other thing about living inside a mountain was that it could be raining for two hours and one wouldn't even know it. For some, that would be bliss. For Bilbo, it was just disconcerting.

"Bo and I are going to spend some time with Bombur and Bifur after breakfast. What are your plans?" Fili asked.  
"Kili and I need to speak with Thorin before we do anything," Bilbo said.  
"What now?" Fili asked, resigned.  
Bilbo replied, "Thorin has asked us to stay in Erebor. Indefinitely."

The color drained away from Fili's face.  
He cried, " _What?_ Mahal, you just _cannot_! We have places to go and things to do! What about Beorn? Gandalf? Rivendell? Bag End, Bilbo! Gods," Fili spluttered, finding a place to sit before his knees gave out. "Y-you just cannot stay here!. We have not even discussed it! We've-" Fili's voice broke. "We've got plans."

Bilbo and Kili were shocked that Fili was so invested in heading West with them, but Bofur slipped an arm around Fili in quiet understanding. If Bilbo and Kili did not leave, Fili would no longer have his acceptable excuse for leaving, either. The freedom, however temporary, that Fili described to Bofur in passionate detail would be effectively taken from him. Fili needed them to leave even more than Bilbo and Kili needed to go.

Bilbo kneeled at Fili's feet and gently took a hand. "We are not going to stay, Fee," he said softly. "We do indeed have plans."  
Kili put an arm around his brother and leaned a chin on his forehead.  
Fili's breathing calmed and he started to feel a little silly for his outburst. "I'm sorry I didn't ask you what you decided first," he said.  
"It is okay. I wanted to tell him outright but Thorin made a compelling case for staying, especially for Kili. He made us promise to sleep on it," Bilbo said.  
Fili was about to ask what Thorin said about Kili but Bilbo continued.  
"So, we have to deal with that unpleasantness. Sometime today, I also have promised to spend some time with Ori and then Kili and I should make some visits with the rest."

Calmer now and ready once again to think about the day, Fili addressed his brother.  
"Kee, do you want to come with Bo and me to see Bombur and Bifur while Ori holes Bilbo up in the library to take hobbit notes and pore over old books?"  
"I do not dislike libraries, but I will admit your morning sounds more fun. Bilbo and Ori get off into their own little world," Kili said. "Do you care, Bee?"  
"No, but before it is too late today we need to stop by and visit Oin. We need to say our goodbyes, give our thanks, and get some herbs to take with us to help heal our piercings."  
"Excuse me," Bofur said, eyeing Bilbo curiously. " _What_ piercings?"

"Oh, you've gone and done it now," Fili teased Bilbo.

 

*****

Fili and Kili lagged well behind Bofur and Bilbo on the way to breakfast.

"Kee, what did Bilbo mean when he said Thorin made a case for you staying?" Fili asked.  
"He told me that he wanted a chance for us to get closer, to fix things between us," Kili said.  
Fili considered this. "Tell me how the invitation came about. I want to know what he said, what Bilbo said, and what you said."

Kili started at the point where Bilbo explained to Thorin that his friendship was not subject to conditions and ended with Thorin's request for them to sleep on it. He included the parts where Thorin softly kissed Bilbo and mentioned his own embrace with Thorin.

"Mmm-hmm," Fili said.  
Kili eyed his brother. "What?"  
"Nothing," Fili said innocently.  
"Not nothing," Kili insisted.  
Fili sighed heavily. "And you believed all that?"  
"Well, yes, actually," Kili said. "You do not?"  
"I believe he cares for you, but doesn't it seem odd to you that Bilbo was not responding to Thorin the way he wanted him to right before he made his heartfelt confession to you?"  
"No," Kili said somewhat brusquely.  
"You do not feel a little bit used by that scene of his?" Fili said.  
"No, none of that seems weird and I certainly do not feel used," Kili said icily. "You do not know. You were not there."

Fili cringed inwardly at his tone. He had hurt Kili's feelings.

Fili said, "I love you. I've loved you your entire life. I would not say something like this to you solely to be hurtful, but we'll see how much Thorin cares about you when Bilbo gives him an answer he does not want."  
"Fine," Kili replied. He broke into a light jog and caught up with Bilbo.

There was a rumble that reminded Bilbo of Smaug's awakening after he took the first golden cup. "What was that?" Bilbo cried.  
"That's just thunder," Bofur said.  
"Eru bless, it sounds just like the dragon did!" Bilbo shivered involuntarily.

Fili still lagged behind, frowning.

 

*****

Bilbo knew Thorin would be able to read the guilt and sadness on their faces if he and Kili didn't speak to him before breakfast. He did not want to draw it out further or give Thorin time to fret over it. He asked for a private moment with Thorin before the meal. Thorin guided Bilbo and Kili to the same room in which they spoke the night before.

"I see from your face that I may not like what you have to say," Thorin guessed rightly.  
Bilbo nodded. "Your offer was sweet, generous, and meant a great deal to us both. Although I would hope we would be welcome back to visit, we have other places to see. Bag End needs tending and the Thain needs to be told of the dwarrows coming through from Ered Luin."  
"I see," Thorin said. "And you think you will remain healthy on the road back? Safe? You've been less than a week's ride from a kingdom that is in part yours and you've been living like a pauper. What faith should I have that you will fare better when you are hundreds of leagues away?"  
"Now see here! I know you are worried that our winter was rough. Admittedly, we did not look like royalty when we arrived, but we are far from poor. The gold we carry to the Shire could probably buy the entire place," Bilbo said.  
Thorin scoffed derisively.  
"All of us came on this journey with only what we could pack on the ponies. Less, in my case," Bilbo explained. "After that, we lost the ponies and only had what we could carry on our backs. We lost much of that between the Misty Mountains and Mirkwood. Just about everything we acquired in Lake Town was gone when you sent us away at the gate."

Thorin flinched at the mention of that terrible day.

Kili felt like he should say something, too. "Fili and Bofur eventually got to pack their Erebor belongings, but they were sparse at best. Bilbo and I took only what you sent along. Beorn's land is not exacting a booming village where trade and merchants are plentiful. I know it bothers you that we have few possessions or clothes, but it will not be that way much longer."

Thorin glanced at Kili briefly and addressed Bilbo again as though Kili had not spoken at all.

"And what of food? Of your health? Beorn's will seem like a feast when you start on the long road back. There will be no eagles this time to bear you those many leagues. You've only just gotten your color back!" Thorin was growing more frustrated as his arguments for staying were countered and it was reflecting in his voice.

Bilbo was getting a bit agitated himself. Somehow, he was always explaining himself to Thorin. It was irritating enough when they were lovers, but to have to break everything down for him so thoroughly even still was nigh infuriating.

"Did you forget how much I want to go to Rivendell?" Bilbo implored. "How I have longed to see my home again? It is not only our physical wellness in question, here, although I do not think we are in the danger you do."  
Thorin's response dripped with sarcasm. "Oh, Rivendell and the elves! How could I be so silly! Mahal forbid you miss the _elves_!"  
"I want to visit Rivendell again, too," Kili jumped in. He wanted Thorin to know it wasn't solely Bilbo who wanted to do these things.  
"What's this surprise?" Thorin asked mockingly. "Bilbo loves the elves so now Kili loves the elves, too? You are so predictable."  
"Thorin, you are being incredibly rude and it is unbecoming," Bilbo warned.  
"Yes, I'd better watch my step or my loved ones might do something drastic like run off and leave me lonely in Erebor!" Thorin spat.

Bilbo knew Thorin was hurt and, as such, he was trying hard to hold his temper. He made an attempt to reassure Thorin.

Bilbo said, "You've got Dwalin and Balin, your very best friends, and your cousin Dain besides. You're going to have all manner of your people coming in from Ered Luin and elsewhere. Dale will rebuilding nearly on the doorstep. You will be so busy you won't have time to be lonely."

Thorin strode over to Bilbo, scant breaths away from his face.

"What do you know of loneliness, Bilbo Baggins?" he asked bitterly.

The hobbit was truly furious now and stood his ground unflinchingly. He spoke with a disquieting, deadly calm.

"After my parents died, I was the loneliest hobbit in Hobbiton. My wealth and my family name ensured I was waved to at market and invited to parties, but I was heartsick with my loss and lonely to my core. My childhood friends had all grown and started families of their own. I had forgotten what it was like to have real friends until Gandalf dragged me out of my hole to travel with your company. I've told you all this before, though you seem to not remember. I've unveiled my heart to you in the deepest parts of the night but it was apparently all for nothing. You stand here and you rant and you rave and you throw your influence around all in the name of loving me and yet sometimes I wonder if you ever listened to me at all, Thorin."

Bilbo stalked silently out of the room. Kili hesitated a moment and followed him, pausing at the door to take a glance back at Thorin. Thorin looked at Kili impassively. Kili ducked out the door and went after Bilbo with a wounded heart.

 

*****

Thorin sat down to breakfast.  
"Where's Kili? Bilbo?" Fili asked.  
"They, ah, won't be joining us this morning," Thorin replied.  
Fili and Bofur exchanged worried glances.  
"Did you-" Fili said.  
"-No. I do not wish any more discussion on the matter," Thorin said sternly.

Thorin did not speak again during the meal.

 

*****

After breakfast, Balin was chattering away about royal business to Thorin, who was honestly not listening to him much at all. The king wasn't sure if he was brokenhearted or just numb. He knew there was only a chance Bilbo and Kili would stay and he thought he was prepared for it not to go well, but he must have been more sure than he thought for it to hurt this way.

"...should have spoken to Fili about the royal wedding at breakfast," Balin was saying.  
"What was that? Fili is betrothed now? When did this happen?" Thorin said.  
"Oh, not yet, of course, but it is a matter of time," Balin said.  
"Balin, leave them alone," Thorin said wearily. "Let them court like normal dwarrows. We can do all the planning when the time comes."  
"It is easy to say that now, of course, but this is going to be the first royal wedding in Erebor since the dragon was vanquished. It has to be-"  
"Enough, Balin," Thorin said, pinching the bridge of his nose.  
"Although I understand it is upsetting for you to talk about weddings since yours was supposed to be the fir-"  
" _I SAID ENOUGH_! No more wedding talk! And you don't understand! Bilbo was the most amazing, astounding creature I've ever met and for a few short weeks, he was mine! I had been destined to live my life alone for nearly two centuries and this beautiful hobbit turned the whole thing upside down. He is the only one I've ever loved--will _ever_ love--and in a day he will be gone. _Gone_ , Balin. No wedding, no anything. I wasn't even smart enough to figure out I was in love with him until we'd been on the road for ages. All that time with him was just wasted. And now he is leaving me for the second time and I don't even have beautiful years to reflect upon. All I have are weeks, Balin, some of which I spent out of my mind with dragon sickness. That's all I have to hold. Let Fili and Bofur have this for as long as they can have it and let them enjoy it, for Valar's sake! Things can change in the blink of an eye. One moment, I'm holding the love of my life in Lake Town and the next I'm watching him ride away with Kili! How am I supposed to suffer you prattling on about weddings when my _consort is leaving the mountain_?"

Tears were streaming down Thorin's face now and he did not even seem to notice. Balin had not seen Thorin like this since the day he wrecked his council chambers.

"Thorin, I..."  
"-Don't answer that," Thorin said gruffly.

He pushed past Balin and rushed out of the room.

 

*****

Fili tried to get details of what happened before breakfast out of Kili but, for once, the younger dwarf was not forthcoming. He told Fili that Bilbo got angry enough at Thorin's response to skip out on the royal breakfast, but Kili knew what Fili really wanted to know. Fili was angling to find out if he had been right. Kili conceded to himself that Fili very well might have been. Thorin did not seem to care about anything Kili had to say that morning. Kili tried to help Bilbo explain their reasoning and Thorin looked right through him. His only seeming notice that Kili was in the room at all was to snap at him about elves. He thought back to the things Thorin said the night before and how much it meant to him. Indeed, how much all their moments had meant to him over the past few days. Was Fili right? Was Kili just another way to get to Bilbo? Kili squeezed his eyes shut. It would hurt so much if that were true. The uncertainty was almost too much for him to bear.

Fili watched Kili quietly leave the room. He moved to follow him but Bofur grabbed him gently.  
"Let him be, Fee. He knows where you are if he needs you," Bofur said.  
Fili chewed on the inside of his mouth.  
"Hey," Bofur slipped his arms around Fili's waist. "He'll be okay."

" _If you will forgive me saying so, you will all be much better once you leave_ ," Bifur said.  
"I am not in a hurry to see you go, but Kili and the hobbit will not find much peace here," Bombur agreed.  
Bifur nodded. " _The hurts are too fresh for Thorin to deal with this properly while they are in the mountain._ "  
"Thorin asked for them to stay," Bofur added.  
"You jest!" Bombur said.  
Fili said, "Thorin even offered to renovate a new suite for them. Presumably for all of us."  
" _No, Bilbo is too smart for that. He would not agree to it._ " Bifur said.  
"He didn't," Bofur confirmed. "But his refusal seems to have created a new set of problems all its own."  
Bombur sighed. "It is such a shame. Bilbo was good for Thorin, but from everything you've told me, Kili is good for Bilbo. Tough choice, that."  
" _Tougher still that Bilbo has made the choice but Thorin will not listen to him,_ " Bifur said.  
"Aye, no mistake there," Bofur agreed. "Thorin does not realize that he makes it harder on Bilbo every time he tries a new way to hold on."  
"Not much incentive for Thorin to make it easy for Bilbo, either, if making it easy means Bilbo stays with Kili for certain," Fili said.  
"Fili! That is your brother!" Bombur admonished.  
"True, but it is also my uncle. Kili and Bilbo are the better match, but it does not mean I'm happy about the sadness it brings Thorin. He and I have spoken about this on many occasions--some more bitter than others--and I understand his point. Now more than ever, truly," Fili took Bofur's hand in his. "Being in love makes it much harder to watch this play out. A lover never wants to watch another lose his love."  
"Oh, I like that! I should make their tale into a ballad and use that line," Bofur said.  
Fili fixed him with a look. "Bo, I rather like your stones. I should hate for Thorin to cut them off, which he surely would if he heard you so much as hint at such a thing!"

There was laughter and the subject changed shortly after. Fili glanced periodically at the door. He knew Bofur was right but he couldn't help worrying about his little brother.

 

*****

Balin burst in on Bilbo and Ori in the library. He was dripping wet and followed by Kili, whom he had found while he searched frantically for Bilbo.  
"Bilbo! Thank The Maker! There is a situation," Balin said. "Follow me!"  
In blind worry, Bilbo jumped up and ran out after Balin. Kili and Ori went with them.

As Balin hurried down the corridor, Bilbo said, "What has happened? What is going on? Why are you wet?"  
"It is Thorin! He's standing on the Grand Overlook in the pouring rain and he won't come in!" Balin fretted.  
Bilbo stopped and tugged on Balin's sleeve to stop him, too.  
"Is he injured?" he asked.  
"No, but I was outside with him for at least five minutes begging him to come in and he is so upset he will not budge. He's soaked to the skin and he won't speak to me," Balin explained.  
"What does this have to do with me?" Bilbo asked suspiciously.  
"You're the only one he responds to when he is like this! You're the one he wants, the only one who can get through to him," Balin said.

Bilbo drew a breath and squared his shoulders before slumping and then squaring them again as he made up his mind.

He said, "You know what? No. Not this time. Why is it me that has to pull him out of these broods he gets himself into? Why is he in a snit at all? Because he cannot abide the choices I've made? And what am I to do, can you tell me that? It is always, 'Oh Bilbo, Thorin needs you,' and the next thing I know, I'm the one standing there with my heart bleeding because he begs for something I can no longer give him and it tears me apart. He transfers his pain onto me, and I can tell you it is usually with no shortage of attempts at gropes, kisses, or offers. Nope, not doing it. Not doing it at all!"

Bilbo threw his hands in the air and headed back to the library. Ori glanced at Balin and Kili, shrugged, and followed him.

Half-dazed, Balin looked at Kili.  
"Can you point me toward this Grand Overlook?" Kili asked.

 

*****

Kili opened the door and peeked outside. Balin did not exaggerate. The rougher aspects of the earlier storm were mostly absent but the rain was still coming down in sheets. Thorin stood with his arms spread wide, leaning against the railing. His hair was soaked and flat against his head and his clothes were dripping. Kili had no idea how long he had been standing out there, but from what Balin said it had been a good half hour at least. Kili removed all but his tunic, trousers, and boots and walked out into the deluge.

"Thorin!" Kili called.  
Thorin turned his head to the side to address him but did not look at him or turn around. "I told Balin, I want you all to leave me be! What is the use of being king if no one listens to my orders!"  
Kili did not reply.  
"So, what? Are you supposed to bring me in out of the rain now? Was that why you were sent?" Thorin asked angrily.  
"No one sent me," Kili said, his tone rough. "I came to ask you a question."  
Thorin scoffed. "And what question would that be?"  
Kili took a few more steps forward, moving within arms reach of Thorin.  
"I need to know...the things you said last night. Were you just using me to get Bilbo to stay?" Despite his best efforts, Kili's voice cracked. "Did you mean any of it?"

Thorin whirled around. Kili was standing in front of him, drenched. His hair dripped into his face. Kili was squinting and blinking rapidly to keep the water out of his eyes. He was breathing through his mouth and managed to look at once both fierce and broken. Kili's questions echoed in his mind, along with their implications. Thorin felt an ache in his chest and suddenly all his fight seemed to leave him.

Thorin pulled Kili into his arms.

"And here I thought you had grown up and finally gotten some sense," Thorin huffed into Kili's wet hair. "Of course I meant it. I meant all of it, Kili. I promise."

Kili's grip on Thorin tightened considerably for several moments. 

When he leaned back, Thorin could not tell if it was rain or tears on Kili's cheeks. Thorin gently smoothed Kili's wet fringe back from his forehead.  
"I care for you deeply, Kili. Even when I've simultaneously wanted to shake your teeth out, I've adored you. I've never quite been able to help it," Thorin said.  
Kili's mouth quirked at the corners in a small smile.

The sky was still pouring on them.

"You are a drowned mess, you know," Thorin said accusingly.  
"Me? You should see yourself! Thorin Soggyshield! Ah! Stop!" Kili shrieked as Thorin pulled him into a headlock.  
"Come on, Trouble. Let's get out of the rain," Thorin said.

They stopped inside the door. Balin had left some towels there the first time he failed to get Thorin to come in out of the rain. They would only help so much until the two could change clothes, but they were helpful to squeeze the water from their hair. They each wore a towel around their shoulders as they headed back to their rooms.

"I will miss you, Kili," Thorin said as they walked. "Bilbo leaving isn't the only thing that pains me. I want you and Fili here with me. I have so much to teach you, still."  
"I was starting to feel sad until you mentioned lessons," Kili teased.  
Thorin knocked a shoulder into Kili and smiled.  
"Brat," Thorin said with no venom.  
"I learned from the best," Kili sassed.  
" _Cheeky_ brat," Thorin countered.  
Kili giggled but grew serious once again.  
"I'm going to miss you, too. I am sorry for the kissing thing. I tried to make things better for you and wound up causing you more hurt than ever," Kili said sadly.  
"I understand that you didn't mean any harm. I won't lie--I enjoyed it at the time," Thorin smirked. His expression softened. "The hurt comes from it only being a small taste of what you two have. I'll always want more. I wish I could say I wouldn't but my feelings...you know how they cloud my judgement."  
Kili sighed. "I know."  
"I truly wanted you two to stay," Thorin said quietly. "Both of you. None of what I said to you last night was a lie."  
"He has things he wants to do, you know. We both do. He-" Kili faltered for a moment, not wanting to ruin this truce. "He does not belong in a mountain, Thorin."

Thorin paused and leaned against a wall. He pulled in his bottom lip, looked down, and shook his head.

"Perhaps not. He is a child of the kindly West and the West calls his heart home," Thorin said.  
"You had best not let Bilbo hear you call him a 'child' of anything. Especially right now," Kili cautioned.  
Thorin exhaled a chuckle but his face stayed serious. "He is pretty mad at me, isn't he?"  
"I wish I could tell you he was not. Balin wanted him to talk you off the balcony and he wouldn't come," Kili said.  
"-So they sent you," Thorin guessed.  
"No, what I told you was the truth," Kili said. "I had something I needed to know."

Thorin shook his head and kissed Kili on his damp forehead. "Kili..."  
"I know now," Kili said.  
Thorin and Kili regarded each other for a moment.  
Thorin spoke next. "You should probably go get changed before you freeze," he said quietly. "And I need to find a way to apologize to Bilbo. I do not want him leaving with these ill feelings."  
"What you want to give him is not what he wants from you right now. Trying to convince him that he wants it will only push him further away from you. He loves you Thorin. In your heart you know he does, or you would not keep trying," Kili said.  
"Why are you telling me this?" Thorin asked.  
"Because I love him. And because I love you," Kili said. "Regardless of this mess, I do not want either of you to be hurt. Or lonely. His friendship is yours for the taking, but not if you are going to return it with conditions or have a tantrum if he does not wish to stay in your mountain."  
Kili reached up to gently stroke Thorin's beard.  
He asked, "What is better? Something? Or nothing?"

Kili gave Thorin a small bow, and went in the direction of his room to get changed into something more dry.

 

*****

Before lunch, Balin ushered Bilbo down to the treasury under Thorin's orders. Since Bilbo and Kili declined his invitation to stay, Thorin reiterated an earlier wish that each of the four leave with another bag of treasure and gold...and possibly their pockets full, too.

Bilbo awkwardly filled his bag. He had argued with Balin about the need for any of them to take more gold--particularly given the weight of four bags on the ponies--but Balin insisted the king was firm. He felt particularly odd about it since he and Thorin had just had a heated argument. An argument that Bilbo walked out on, no less. He decided to try and make small talk with Balin.

"So, what do you have planned for the people coming in from Ered Luin?" Bilbo asked.  
Balin scratched his beard. "I think our first task once the mountain is populated with more than just soldiers is to re-open the mines. We've been doing integrity tests this winter and it seems safe. Well, safe as mining ever is."  
"Really? You are going to re-open the mines?"  
"A growing kingdom is not going to get far without continued resources. There are still many, many gemstones to be unearthed here and seams of gold that have yet been unrealized," Balin explained.  
"Ah," Bilbo said.

The silence between them once again grew uncomfortable.

"Bilbo," Balin started. Bilbo looked up. "I've been close to Thorin for some time, you know. He's as much brother to me as Dwalin is, and my king besides."  
"Yes," Bilbo said.  
"He would cut off my beard for speaking behind his back, but he loves you so. I never thought I'd see the day when he would actually fall for someone and it is breaking my heart to see him like this. Durin's name, Bilbo, I was supposed to be planning _your_ wedding! Yours and then Fili's at some further off juncture."  
"And then Kili's, I suppose, and now I've gone and ruined two out of three?" Bilbo said dryly.  
"Actually, I don't think Thorin thought anyone was going to be good enough to marry Kili. He was always his favorite," Balin said.  
"Wait, his favorite? Hardly," Bilbo scoffed. "Kili has told me some stories."  
"Thorin had to be tough on those lads because the world was going to be tough on them, doubly so if we were to undertake this quest one day. Even so, Dwalin and I nearly grew sick of Kili's name because Thorin was so proud of him. Even the things that made him different, Thorin celebrated. He used to brag that Kili was a better bowman than any elf! When the other dwarrows called Kili unattractive, they frequently found themselves threatened at the end of his blade. The smarter and the quicker Kili became, the tougher with him Thorin was."

Bilbo was shocked. Kili clearly knew none of this. The dwarf's hurts went much too deep to have been aware any of this had been going on around him.

"I thought Fili was the favorite," Bilbo murmured.  
Balin nodded thoughtfully. "Fili was quieter. He was whip-smart, cunning, calm, and strong like his father. He was a scamp like all lads are--twice as bad when Kili got past walking-age--but when it was time to be serious he would apply himself and take direction as one of his station should. When Thorin would push, Fili flexed along with him, taking his role as the eldest seriously. Thorin truly adored Fili, too, but Kili...well, Kili was forged of the same fire and passion that his mother and Thorin were. He drove them both completely mad and they secretly adored every minute of it. Fili was the golden child but Kili was their strong, wild pony. Thorin could not publicly dote on him for fear of making the lad soft or spreading the rumor that he was spoiled. That wouldn't do for one of Durin's line. In private, though, all we heard was how bright, handsome, and talented he was."  
"Kili did not hear that in private," Bilbo accused.  
"Well no, that wouldn't do, would it?" Balin replied as if it made all the sense in the world.

Bilbo felt years of sadness and regret on Kili's behalf tighten in his chest.

"Sometimes, dwarrows still confound me," he muttered.  
"And hobbits confound _me_ ," Balin said, remembering how they got on the subject to start with. "You could help rule a kingdom! Have a mountain at your disposal! The greatest dwarrow of our age--truly, Durin's like walking again in Middle Earth--could be your wedded! Why-"  
Balin scrubbed a hand over his cheek. "Why Kili?"  
"He understands me. He moves me. He loves me, Balin. Not just the idea of me, or what might transpire in our bed, but _me_. And I love him," Bilbo said. "I love him more than I thought possible."  
"But Thorin-" Balin started.  
"-Thorin wants my heart but it is no longer mine to share. I have given it away. This is not about kingdoms, riches, and titles. I loved Kili when it looked like he might have naught but his bow and the clothes on his back. I love him still as a prince. It makes no difference to me."  
"You loved Thorin more when he had no kingdom," Balin surmised.  
"The kingdom was never a part of it, one way or the other. I loved Thorin and I love him still, but as mates we had so much conflict. We wanted different things. I'm not a treasure that can be kept under glass in a mountain. I don't want my every move watched, calculated, and reported. If I want to be friends with elves, then I will bloody well be friends with elves. For all the beauty I found with Thorin, there was also shadow."  
"But is it not like that with all things? Good and bad?" Balin argued.  
"It is all in measure, Balin. When Thorin and I were betrothed, I was upset more than I was happy. The good times were deliriously good, but they weren't enough. Kili? Kili is enough. More than enough, truly. We want the same things, and we want each other."  
"I still do not know if I understand it, laddie, but I had to at least try on Thorin's behalf before you left the gate again. I do hope you will keep this between us," Balin said.  
"I will. I'd hate for you to lose your beard," Bilbo joked.  
Balin smile was kind but his eyes were sad.  
"I've been hoping for weeks that you would come to your senses. I'm saddened by your decision--it would have been the most beautiful royal wedding in known history--but I do not wish you ill. Kili either." Balin patted him on the back.  
"I understand why you and Dwalin have chosen to deal with Kili and me the way you have. Thorin needs people close to him to guard his interests. He's lucky to have you," Bilbo said.  
"Thank you, laddie," Balin replied.


	77. Propinquity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like waiting until the last day to finally begin talking and enjoying each other's company. Better late than never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you all so much for the support! The reblogs, recs, and comments mean the world!

Kili and Bilbo met up in their room before lunch. Bilbo threw his arms around Kili on sight and held him close. During his walk back from the treasury, Bilbo had recalled conversations he had with Thorin in the dungeons and in Lake Town. Although it was never said outright, Bilbo could more easily see that Thorin's fond recollections, exasperation, and eventual pain came from a place of great affection. To think of all the times Kili thought he was second best when Thorin had loved him so dearly shattered Bilbo's heart. It was made even worse by the knowledge that Bilbo had betrayed Thorin's love with someone he adored. 

"Come, now, what is all this?" Kili asked. "You are trembling. What is wrong?"

Bilbo hadn't realized he was shaking. He wanted to tell Kili what Balin had revealed but he had no idea what to say or how to say it...or if he should even say it at all. He nervously fiddled with Kili's hair at the nape of his neck. It was curiously damp.

"Did you go down to the baths?" Bilbo asked, changing the subject.  
"Oh. No. I, um...went to the overlook to talk to Thorin in the rain," Kili admitted.  
Bilbo pursed his lips. "Did Balin talk you into going in my place?"  
"No. I had some things to get straight with Thorin. I had to stand in the rain for a moment to do so," Kili said.  
"And did you get them straight?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili smiled shyly. "I think so. It is difficult to tell with him, but I think we have gained some more understanding."  
"Good," Bilbo said.  
"I think you should talk to him, too" Kili suggested.  
Bilbo stepped away from Kili. "We've talked. The conversation is always the same. It ends with him crying, kissing me, or getting angry with me. Sometimes it ends with all three. Why should I go through that yet again? I am not a violent person but I swear to you today I wanted to strike him when he accused me of not knowing loneliness. We've had entire conversations about it--very painful for me, at times--and it was like we had never spoken of it at all! He doesn't listen. That alone is reason enough why he and I could not be wedded."  
"I know that bothered you," Kili said gently. "I would not ask you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I know you, though. If you leave angry, you'll be more angry with yourself later on. You love him too much to be happy leaving it like this."

Bilbo blinked at Kili. It was true, of course. Bilbo would be upset that he wasted the last day in Erebor fighting with Thorin. He would be even more upset if that was the last time they spoke.

Bilbo shook his head in concession. "Confounded dwarves," he muttered.  
"I love you, too," Kili said.

*****

Thorin called Bilbo aside for a private discussion before lunch was served. Bilbo was glad, as he had been tying himself in knots worrying about the meal being awkward before they had a chance to speak.

"I've requested the kitchens pack you foodstuffs for your journey tomorrow," Thorin said with no lead-in. "If you have the rest of your belongings readied in the morning, I'll have the guard load your ponies as well."  
"Yes. Ah, thank you," Bilbo replied. 

He coughed nervously and shuffled his feet. He was not quite sure what he wanted to say.

Thorin broached the subject first. "I am sorry for what I said to you today. I was upset and spoke without thinking, as I often do. I realize my words were hurtful and even more, I know why. I truly did listen to you when you spoke to me of your loss and of what being with us on the journey meant to you. I do not know how to apologize enough for letting my feelings get in the way of yours."  
"Oh, Thorin. Can't you see?"  
Bilbo reached out and held Thorin's face in his hands. Thorin's fingers gently encircled Bilbo's wrists.  
Bilbo continued, "That is the very root of the problems that led to our end. Your feelings are strong, overpowering, and always the priority. How I feel and what I want get buried. You say you listen, but when you are emotional you forget nearly everything but yourself. Before we were lovers, most of our conflicts still had that at their root. I appreciate your apology and I know you always feel regret after, but it is too ingrained in your nature to change. You could not 'un-king' your thinking enough for us to have the kind of marriage I wanted. You can barely do it to have the sort of friendship I want."  
"But I do want your friendship. Truthfully, I cannot bear the thought of you being so far away from me. I will miss you so much. It eats me up to think of it," Thorin said, tightening his hold on Bilbo's wrists.  
"I am not leaving to escape your companionship," Bilbo said, lowering his arms and clasping Thorin's hands instead. "I'm not running away from you this time. I'm simply going toward my own life. It is unfortunate that you cannot be a regular part of it, but my near future lies West, not East," Bilbo said.  
Thorin bowed and held Bilbo's hand to his forehead. "Will you please forgive me for this morning? I would prefer to enjoy the short time you have left, if you will allow it."  
Bilbo furrowed his brow and pulled back the corners of his mouth in sad empathy.  
"Of course I will. I rather dislike being angry with you, you know," Bilbo said.  
Thorin risked a small smile. "I rather dislike it, too."  
"Did you apologize to Kili?"  
Bilbo didn't have to tell Thorin for what.  
"In a way. He found me and was rather, um, _insistent_ about having a bit of a discussion," Thorin said. "I'm happy he did, though. I do not want him to leave with lingering bad thoughts, either."  
"That dwarf of ours is certainly determined," Bilbo agreed.

" _That dwarf of **ours**_." Bilbo's innocent comment scraped across Thorin's feelings like a jagged sliver of rock. He released Bilbo's hands and crossed his arms. His lighter mood drained out of him quickly. Bilbo watched him curiously, wondering how his demeanor could change so fast. Thorin paced a bit, almost hugging himself.

Bilbo cocked his head. "Thorin?"

The king warred with himself a moment, needing to make his thoughts known but not wanting to cause trouble so soon after resolving the earlier conflict.

"Please, Thorin. You are worrying me," Bilbo said.  
Thorin's voice was little more than a rough whisper. "Out of anyone in this world you could have picked to love instead of me, you managed to fall for the one that hurt me the most. It is so difficult to know you are in love with someone else, but for that someone to be Kili cut me deeper than I knew was possible. I've gotten better at handling the pain and sometimes I'm even happy for the two of you because you seem to be a good pair, but sometimes..." Thorin paused to take a shaky breath. "Bilbo, sometimes it strikes me roughly and unexpectedly. I loved you both so much. I love you still."

Thorin was obviously trying not to cry.

"I've asked myself a thousand times 'why?' Why Kili? I've said terrible things about him before but it was all from jealousy and envy. If I'm being honest with myself and not petty, I know why. How could you not love him? He is like the first rays of dawn: warm, bright, and beautiful. I do not know how half the world has avoided falling in love with him, to be truthful. And beautiful, pure-hearted creatures have a way of gravitating toward each other. I should have known that everything I love about you--all your kindness, bravery, and goodness--would call to him."

Thorin was winning the battle to control his tears but Bilbo was having worse luck.

"Thorin-" Bilbo started.

"-And I also asked myself a thousand times 'why not me'?" Thorin continued. "We've answered that pretty thoroughly since the battle, though, haven't we? How cruel that I was given a heart drawn to the sensibilities of a hobbit without the proper personality to match! My love, I would give you anything. Anything at all. Do you have any idea how crazy it makes me that I have a kingdom at my disposal--truly, I could give you anything in this world you desire--and you do not wish to marry me? But you are a hobbit. Gems and mountains and titles only go so far. You require a selflessness that is difficult for the best of dwarrows, but it seems particularly tough for me."  
"I so wish our happiness could be found in the same place," Bilbo said as he dabbed at his eyes.  
"I want you to know that I am trying, Bilbo. I am bad at it but I'm truly trying because I cannot stand for you and Kili to leave tomorrow and ride out of my life forever. I do not know how I could manage to continue rising from bed each day if that were true. And I worry. I truly do worry that you are not eating well. I do not want you to wear torn, dingy clothes. I am terrified for the four of you to make a journey that _fourteen_ of us still needed two wizards, a group of eagles, and a shape-shifter to make successfully. I love you, Kili, and Fili too much to not be scared out of my mind by that."  
"It will not be so bad. We are not being hunted by the Pale Orc this time. We will also have Gandalf for the distance from Beorn's to Rivendell. Mirkwood is nowhere we need to go and the dragon is dead. We will be wary, as the world is still a wild place, but we do not face the same obstacles on our journey home. We will also steer clear of snoozing in any goblin traps." Bilbo grinned at his joke.  
Thorin did not find it as funny.  
Bilbo sighed. "I know you are trying. That you are trying at all means so much to me. I am trying, too. How do I balance living my life and being happy with not traumatizing you with how I feel about Kili? I'm making so many mistakes, but the alternative is to leave you fully behind without a glance back. The thought of that bothers me as much as it bothers you."  
"We just have to figure it out as we go, I suppose," Thorin conceded.  
"I would like that. Kili would, too. He cares for you," Bilbo said.  
Thorin hummed a small laugh.  
"What?" Bilbo asked.  
"Kili said something similar about you earlier, too."  
Bilbo replied, "He's quite right, you know."  
Thorin smiled, took Bilbo's hand, and softly kissed it.  
He said, "We'd probably better get to the table. No doubt they've waited for us."  
Bilbo nodded in agreement. "Everyone is going to have cold food because we needed to pour out our souls," he laughed.

*****

Lunch was still warm when Bilbo and Thorin were seated and they had a pleasant meal. Bofur's family joined the king and his visitors as well as Balin, Dwalin, and Dain. Kili noted with some annoyance that Dwalin was still barely speaking to them. Dain had more to say to them than Dwalin did and he barely knew them at all. Bilbo noticed this as well but he did not mind. He had been wary of the warrior for some time, though he appreciated that Thorin had such a devoted adviser and bodyguard. If Dwalin could be this irritated with those he once counted as friends, he would certainly protect Thorin from naysayers and enemies. Yes, if Bilbo had to leave Thorin behind, he was glad he had Balin and Dwalin at the very least.

Kili caught Thorin's eye and tilted his head in Bilbo's direction with raised eyebrows. Thorin glanced back with a nod and a slight smile. Kili felt better for Bilbo knowing they had resolved their argument. Obviously it did not end with Thorin angry, but Kili wondered if Bilbo was right about it ending in either tears or a kiss. Or both.

Thorin announced that The Fourteen would be gathered that evening for dinner before the princes departed. Fili, Kili, Bofur, and Bilbo all chimed in with agreement and thanks. 

Once food was finished, Thorin requested Fili join him for one last official meeting about what would be going on in Erebor this summer in his absence. Kili was released to spend the afternoon as he wished but he was not as bothered by the exclusion from council as he was before. He and Bilbo took the opportunity to visit Oin and get some herbs to speed the healing of their new piercings.

"Hmmm," Oin said as he peeked at their navels. "Kili's is coming along rather nicely. Bilbo, yours not so much. Have you been careful not to jostle it?"  
Bilbo thought about all the hugging he had been doing, particularly the day he had it done.  
"Not as careful as I should be," Bilbo admitted.  
"It is going to be tender twice as long if you do not stop jarring it," Oin scolded.  
"I'll try to be more mindful," Bilbo promised. 

Oin clicked his tongue but smiled kindly at the pair. 

"I was happy to see the two of you again. Fili and Bofur, too. I'll be a bit happier when you leave, though not for rude reasons," Oin said. "Erebor loves you lads. Parts of it a little too much. If your future is to be together, then your future is outside the mountain."  
"That sounds fairly ominous. I do not think it is as bad as you see it. Not anymore, anyway," Kili said.  
"Our dealings with Thorin have improved since we've been here," Bilbo agreed.  
"There's an old saying about forests and trees but the whole thing always struck me as too elvish to bother with." Oin waved his hand as though shooing away the thought. "Any road, I think you both are letting your care for Thorin keep you from seeing things for what they are. The sooner you are on your way, the happier I will be for you."

Bilbo changed the subject to plants and spring herbs that would be good for gathering on their journey and Oin did not bring up any further warnings. The pair left with a temporary goodbye as they'd be seeing him again at dinner.

*****

"Did you and Thorin fix your argument?" Kili asked once he and Bilbo were back in their room.  
"I do not think it will ever truly be fixed, but I'm not as upset with him as I was," Bilbo replied.  
Kili cocked his head to the side. "Were you right? Were there kisses and tears?"  
"I was the weepy one this time. Thorin held himself together admirably. There were more heart-wrenching confessions, though," Bilbo said.  
"And kisses?" Kili persisted.  
"No kisses. Well, unless you count him kissing my hand."  
"You know what I mean," Kili said. "I was just curious. I have already told you that you could if you felt like you needed to."  
"And _I've_ already told _you_ -"  
Kili interrupted, "Yes, yes, I realize. Still, know that I expect that you will kiss him goodbye tomorrow."

Bilbo stopped arguing. He did sort of wish to kiss Thorin goodbye and did not want to protest too much. 

"So, what sort of heart-wrenching confessions were there?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo replied, "Thorin is worried that our journey will be too dangerous for the four of us."  
"Of course he is. What else?"  
"Quite a bit about you, actually," Bilbo said.  
Kili knitted his brow in confusion. "Me?"  
Bilbo spoke with care. "He said that no one I could fall for would have hurt him more because he cares so much for you. He said he is not surprised I love you because you are bright and beautiful like the dawn. He said all this is hard for him but that he is truly trying to deal with it because he could not stand for us to ride away tomorrow if it meant we were riding away from him forever."  
"He-he said all of that?" Kili asked, voice hitching slightly. 

Kili was obviously moved by what Bilbo had to share. His eyes were huge with wonder and perhaps a little wetter than they were moments before. Bilbo thought back to that morning's conversation with Balin. He made a decision.

"There is more, dear heart," Bilbo said.

*****

After the meeting ended, Thorin walked the halls of Erebor with his heir.  
"Balin will not be troubling you any more with this wedding talk," Thorin said.  
Fili smiled. "It is not the idea of it that is bothersome, mind you. It was just so fast. Poor Bo."  
"I don't think he is as 'poor Bo' as you think. He is mad for you. It is all over his face when your name is so much as mentioned. He looks at you like-" Thorin stopped short.  
Fili placed a gentle hand on Thorin's arm. "Like you look at Bilbo?"  
Thorin shook his head. "Like Bilbo looks at Kili."  
Fili's heart ached. "Uncle..."  
Thorin focused his eyes on the ceiling and drew in a long breath through his nose to try and gather himself.  
"Well," he said with a tight, wistful smile, "at least I know he is loved."  
Fili drew Thorin into his arms. He was seized tightly back as Thorin's composure slipped away completely.

*****

Bilbo had two arms full of weeping Kili. He wondered if it had been a mistake to tell him what he learned from Balin. Bilbo held him and rocked him gently until he was ready to speak.  
"I never knew," Kili said. "How was I to know? I thought he was disappointed in me! Annoyed! Ashamed!"  
A new thought occurred to him and he buried his head back in Bilbo's shoulder. "If he wasn't before, he is now. Gods! No wonder he-oh _fuck_ , no wonder! What have I done, Bilbo? What have _we_ done?"

Bilbo petted Kili's hair. He felt a new worry creep into his gut and begin to gnaw. 

When Kili calmed again, Bilbo eased him back and gently took his face in his hands. "Tell me truly and we will deal with the outcome. Does this change things? With us, I mean?"  
Kili's eyes widened in realization. "No! Absolutely not! How could you even think it?"  
"Perhaps if you knew you were so loved, you would have been less apt to seek your happiness from a hobbit. Or perhaps you would have walked away when you found out about us in Lake Town if you knew how much you meant to Thorin. Maybe now that you know, you feel too much guilt to stay with me." Bilbo fretted.  
Kili leaned in to kiss Bilbo tenderly. "I could not help but fall in love with you. It had nothing to do with Thorin at all. Indeed, I was lost to you long before I knew about the two of you. I was in too deep by Lake Town to walk away. Knowing I was not the shame of the line of Durin would not have changed that. If it would have changed anything, it would have given me the confidence to ask to court you at Beorn's last summer. Or perhaps in Rivendell before that."  
Another tear escaped Kili's eye. He hugged Bilbo. "I feel worse for Thorin than ever, but you are still my dearest love. How could I not stay with you when you mean the world to me?"  
Relief flooded through Bilbo. "I love you, Kili."

Kili responded with a kiss that Bilbo felt down to his toes.

*****

"So," Fili started when he had a moment with Kili alone.  
"So?" Kili countered.  
"How did things turn out with Thorin?" Fili asked.  
Kili replied, "It would seem that you and I were both right."  
"Really?"  
Kili nodded. "He did not seem to even notice me when Bilbo turned down his offer, nor did he care about anything I said. We did speak afterward, though, and while I believe the things he said to me last night might have been timed to influence my decision, I also firmly believe that the words themselves came from his heart. He does love me."  
"I never meant to imply that he did not love you at all! Of course he loves you! Any dwarf with a mind knows he does. I only meant the plea itself was intended to manipulate you into changing Bilbo's mind. Now that I think of it, even that was a cruel thing to say to you," Fili said. "I'm sorry, Kee."  
"No, you were right to suspect. Thorin has had, um, we'll say somewhat _questionable_ judgement as of late. You are my protector, Fee. You were only doing what you thought was right for me. You love me enough to tell me even the things I do not wish to hear."  
"I did not mean to say that he did not care for you at all, though. No wonder you were upset with me!" Fili said.  
"No, I knew what you meant. You would never, ever tell me that Thorin did not love me. Even at the worst of things with Bilbo, you still insisted Thorin cared for me. Don't feel guilty, brother. I know you were trying to help."  
Fili pressed his cheek to Kili's. "For what it is worth, I am glad you and Thorin are starting to heal your rift. It seems this trip was more needed than any of us had thought."  
Kili thought about Bilbo's confession and smiled. "I think you are right."

*****

Dinner was a merry affair and lacked the melancholy that Bilbo thought it might have. It was quite literally a feast for princes and Bilbo feared once again that Thorin had emptied their stores to provide it.

"You worry about us starving on our road, but what of these huge meals you've been presenting us? Will there be a bean left in the pantry when we leave?" Bilbo asked.  
Thorin laughed loudly. "Never you worry! We still have plenty plus new trade wagons due any moment. I had hoped they would have arrived before tonight, but the rain has no doubt slowed them."  
Bilbo smiled but still eyed a bit of salted pork suspiciously, as though eating it would mean the starvation of Erebor.  
"Eat, and let the worry be gone from your eyes! I would happily stuff you to bursting to keep that pink in your cheeks," Thorin said before quaffing his ale.  
"I think the ale is enough to keep the pink in yours!" Fili joked.  
Thorin barked another laugh. "No, that would be the wine what pinks my cheeks! Unfortunately, we _are_ out of that. Which is why I hoped the trade wagon would get here!"

The table laughed along with Thorin. Bilbo continued tucking into his food, occasionally fighting off Kili's searching fork. 

"Why must you insist upon stealing morsels from me when the bowl is sitting not an arm's length away from you?" Bilbo asked exasperatedly.  
"Because it tastes better when I've eaten it off _your_ plate," Kili joked.  
Bilbo rolled his eyes but grinned widely. Quick as a hobbit, he speared Kili's bun and had a bite of it by the time Kili realized what happened.  
"Hey!" Kili protested.  
Bilbo made a show of enjoying the bun, closing his eyes and moaning in suggestive bliss. "You are right. This is so much better when it is _yours_."  
"Oh, you think you are so clever, don't you?" Kili teased menacingly as he stole the last of Bilbo's salted pork.  
"Oh, _you_!" Bilbo cried with mock indignation.  
They jostled, giggled, and dueled with their forks. 

Thorin watched and listened to Bilbo and Kili's interaction with fondness. It was funny to see Bilbo puff up thusly in the face of Kili's lack of concern about the boundaries of one's dinner plate. It was so like each of them. It was even more amusing to watch them bicker and play-fight. The fun they had together filled him with warmth...and sadness. 

"Oi, have some class, you two!" Bofur said with his mouth stuffed full of bread.  
"Riiiight," Fili said. "Do you see what I have to put up with?" he addressed the table in general.  
Thorin sighed. He should be so lucky as to deal with this chaos every night. 

As dinner wound down, instruments and a new cask of ale came out. Thorin rarely participated in any post-dinner revelries, opting instead to merely observe or (when visitors weren't present) go to bed. This night, he shocked everyone by kicking off the festivities himself. Song after song, he either played along on the harp or sang with the group. Not merely classic ballads, either. He knew the rambunctious dwarven drinking songs that Bilbo had come to love, too. Fili and Kili tried to recall the last time they saw Thorin like this and they simply couldn't. The closest Fili could remember was the engagement party at the tavern in Lake Town, but even then Thorin was more intoxicated and less lively. 

Bilbo had seen Thorin's lighter, more playful side when they had been alone as lovers but he had never seen the king like this. Bilbo sang along with everything to which he knew the words and danced to that which he didn't. Kili, Fili, and Dwalin all took turns on Dwalin's new fiddle, Kili and Fili having left theirs safely back at Beorn's. Emptied casks had been turned over and were being rather enthusiastically used as drums by Nori and Bifur. Just about everyone present had an instrument (actual or improvised) and yelled and sang along. Music rang through the halls of Erebor long past dinner, slowing only when the participants grew tired or hoarse. Thorin gave the harp a rest when his fingers were too sore to play any longer.

Fili waited for Thorin to make another grand, public gesture such as the dance but one did not come. There were surreptitious glances and longing looks, of course, but no dedications of love songs. He let himself relax on Kili's behalf. 

"We should turn in," Fili said to Bofur. "It is going to be a long day of travel tomorrow."  
Bofur waggled his eyebrows. "And the last night in a real bed for a couple of sleeps!"  
Fili tingled in anticipation. Had he any idea Bofur was such an enthusiastic lover, he may have requested his company much earlier on the journey.

*****

Thorin paused outside Kili and Bilbo's door. He had followed them back closely enough for it to be impossible for them to be involved in anything he would be interrupting. He was so sure when he left the hall that he wanted to do this, but the same emotion in his blood that emboldened him then now made him shy. It was such an odd request, and not very kingly. Still, the thought of his bed being once again so empty was too sad for him in the face of what would transpire tomorrow. There was no wine to help obliterate his thoughts completely, only ale to intensify his feelings.

*****

Bilbo wrapped Kili in his arms when they entered their room and licked insistent kisses into his mouth.  
"Bee," Kili giggled. "I don't have my boots off yet!"  
"We don't need bare feet to kiss, now do we?" Bilbo said, nibbling at Kili's lip.  
They kissed for a moment before Kili replied, "To be fair, you've got bare feet all the time."

Bilbo tangled a hand into Kili's hair and the dwarf leaned into it like a contented cat. Kili was about to suggest something that involved less clothes when there was a soft knock at their door. Thorin was standing on the other side when he answered it. 

"Thorin?" Bilbo said, surprised. "Is everything okay?"  
Thorin stepped into their room. "Ah, no. Not exactly."  
Thorin was fidgeting with his hands and alternating his gaze from Bilbo to Kili and back again.  
"Is there something you need?" Kili ventured.  
"Yes. I've been lonely, as you know, and the nights are the hardest part for me. My bed, uh, that is to say..." Thorin trailed off, not sure how to ask what he came to ask.  
Bilbo and Kili glanced at each other nervously.  
Thorin took a deep breath and tried to get his request out quickly. "I do not wish to sleep alone tonight with all of you leaving in the morning. Would you-would you please sleep in my bed with me one night before you go?"

Kili could not believe his ears. Thorin must have had more ale than Kili thought. "Are you-are you asking for a _snuggle_?"

Thorin looked down at his feet, embarrassed. "Yes," he replied quietly.  
Bilbo exhaled in relief. He thought Thorin was asking for something rather different.  
 _"Fili would never believe this, not in a life-age,"_ Kili thought.  
"Who?" Bilbo asked warily.  
"Both of you," Thorin replied. "In night clothes, of course," he added, seemingly reading Bilbo's mind.  
"We...don't have night clothes," Kili replied. 

Thorin banished that thought before its implication could fully assault him. "Well, whatever clothes you're comfortable sleeping in, then."

Bilbo looked at Kili, who raised his eyebrows and shrugged. Bilbo had rather hoped to make a mess of Kili before they spent the next couple nights on the road, but Thorin did not look like a predator with a plan. He just looked sad and perhaps a bit lost. Bilbo thought a moment more and nodded.  
"Okay," Bilbo said.  
Thorin smiled in disbelief. "Okay?"  
"Okay," Bilbo confirmed. 

Bilbo and Kili shed everything but their loose tunics and trousers and followed Thorin to his chambers.

Once inside, Kili exclaimed, "Your bed is huge! No wonder it feels so empty."  
Bilbo elbowed him and gave him a look.  
Understanding, Kili looked contrite. "Sorry."  
"No, you are right. It probably does not help it feel less empty when I could fit most of the council in it," Thorin chuckled. 

Thorin poked at and drew the screen on the hearth fire for the night. He took off his boots and pondered changing into his nightclothes, but decided against it. He would feel a bit awkward if he were the only one. He took off all but his loose shirt and trousers. He stood looking from Kili to Bilbo uncomfortably.  
"This is a bit awkward, isn't it?" Thorin said. "I must confess I did not think this entirely through."  
Bilbo climbed up on the bed. "Nonsense. Thorin, you get in first and then Kili and I...hmmm, how _do_ we do this?" 

Thorin was momentarily thankful for a hobbit's matter-of-fact approach to things until Bilbo, too, was at a loss.

Kili hopped up next. "Thorin goes in the middle and you and I will go on either side," he volunteered cheerfully.  
Bilbo tried not to frown. He preferred to sleep next to Kili. He supposed he could have Thorin on one side and Kili on his other, though. He was about to suggest it when Thorin bounced up next to them nearly like a dwarfling again, beaming. "That sounds just fine," Thorin said.

" _Oh,_ " Bilbo thought dejectedly. He glanced at Thorin. The sweet look on his face chased away Bilbo's disappointment. After all, if Thorin did not want to be lonely, what better than to be surrounded on both sides? 

"Um, under covers or on top?" Thorin asked.  
"Under," Kili said. "It'll be nice and warm. If it gets to be too much, we can always kick them off."

Thorin scooted in first, Bilbo next on his left, and Kili last on the king's right just after he blew out the candle. Thorin thought they all might just lay side by side but Kili burrowed right into his side without question. Bilbo glanced over at Kili and decided to do the same. Bilbo slotted into Thorin's side as though they had not spent the past several weeks sleeping apart. There was a comfort about it that gave Bilbo a rush of happiness. Thorin settled an arm around each one of them. Kili and Bilbo glanced at each other across Thorin's chest. Bilbo reached out the hand on which he was not laying and Kili clasped it. They both smiled.

Thorin's mind was racing. He had two loved ones snuggled in close to him and his heart felt uncommonly full. He was incredibly glad now he risked the discomfort of making such an embarrassing request. This was worth all of it and more. He sighed a deep, happy sigh. 

Thorin knew Bilbo was a bed-time talker, but Kili being one surprised him. They all chatted quietly by hearth light about what Thorin planned for Erebor over the next year or so, Kili and Bilbo chiming in occasionally with questions and opinions. The rumbling baritone of Thorin's voice combined with a long, emotional day began to lull Kili to sleep. He was floating in and out of the conversation and had been quietly still for a while when Thorin moved on from the subject of the mountain. 

"Bilbo, I swear to you I am not trying to cause strife, but how do you know Elrond will welcome you into his home?"  
"He invited me to stay last time," Bilbo replied.  
"Did he?" Thorin asked, incredulous.  
Bilbo nodded against Thorin's chest. "He did."  
"But you left," Thorin said, seeking to understand.  
"Yes, I left to go with the company."

Thorin was not sure his heart could take any more. He recalled how much Bilbo had loved Rivendell and how envious it had made him at the time. Bilbo adored it and yet he left anyway. Thorin remembered how Bilbo had been gazing longingly back down into the valley the morning they left and how he had barked at him. If he had a wizard who could grant wishes, Thorin was sure he'd use them all up taking back the terrible things he had said and done to Bilbo since they met. He tightened his arm around Bilbo, hugging him more into his chest.

"I am sorry," Thorin said. "I spoke to you so roughly. I thought you simply longed to stay. I did not realize you had the option to stay and chose to leave. Why did you not tell me?"  
"Because then you would have accused me of false bravery or some nonsense. The less I spoke to you in those early days, the better off I was," Bilbo said.  
"How did you ever fall in love with me?" Thorin asked.  
Bilbo's lips quirked. "Beats me," he teased.  
Kili added sleepily, "Because you are brave, smart, handsome, charismatic, and people cannot help but want to follow you. And because along with being a gruff, stubborn arse, you can also be gentle and kind."

Bilbo stared at Kili in shock. Thorin, too, looked down in surprise. Kili was laying against Thorin with his eyes closed, unaware of the amazement his comment had caused. Thorin hugged Kili in closer and the prince merely cuddled in tighter as though they did this every day.

"Thank you, Kili," Thorin replied quietly.

A few moments went by and Kili seemed to have drifted off again.

Thorin tilted his head downward toward Bilbo to whisper, "He truly is remarkable, isn't he?"  
"He is," Bilbo whispered back.  
"I've never seen such a capacity for love and forgiveness," Thorin said, still quietly enough to not disturb the dozing dwarf. "I know I've said I see much of myself in him, but we are wholly different in that regard."  
Bilbo peeked up at Thorin. "You do not give yourself enough credit. That Kili and I are here with you right now is proof you are rather capable of love and forgiveness yourself."  
Thorin pressed a kiss into Bilbo's hair, turned his head, and pressed another into Kili's. Kili snuffled softly and gripped Bilbo's hand a bit tighter.

Time went by and the hearth glowed less. Kili was now breathing deeply and occasionally snoring lightly. Bilbo was awake. He had slept on Thorin's chest enough to know the king was awake as well. The familiarity of being held in Thorin's bed--even with clothes on--recalled so many lovely memories. Well, lovely they were when he and Thorin were partners. They were more bittersweet, now.

Thorin was tired but he was fighting sleep. This was his final chance to hold Bilbo through the night. He did not have this much warning before and did not know to savor it. He was determined to take it all in this time. Thorin leaned down periodically and breathed deep, inhaling Bilbo's scent. He felt Kili deep asleep against his other side and it soothed him. Kili cuddled into him was unexpectedly pleasant. His bed went from cold and lonely to more warm and full than ever. It was a chaste arrangement but it was still immensely satisfying. He could tell from Bilbo's movement, weight, and breathing that the hobbit was still awake, too.

Thorin stroked Bilbo's hair.  
"This is nice, isn't it," Bilbo whispered.  
Thorin replied contentedly, "More than nice,"  
"I've missed you like this," Bilbo admitted.  
"I think of it every night," Thorin murmured.  
"I'm so sorry, Thorin," Bilbo apologized. "I'm sorry for everything I've done to hurt you. I-I never wanted to make you cry."  
"Shhh, I know. I've done some hurting of my own. I'll always forgive you, Bilbo. I'll always forgive you and I'll always want you here."  
Bilbo could not help himself. "I love you."  
Thorin closed his eyes and let Bilbo's words envelop him with their beautiful warmth.  
"I love you, too," he whispered.  
Thorin kissed Bilbo's hair again and continued stroking it. "Sleep, sweet hobbit. Tomorrow will be here too soon as it is."


	78. The Reason I Hold On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili looks for Kili, our trio wakes up, and smut. 
> 
> Thorin's mood shifts on the breeze this chapter. He's got too many feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to take this all the way to the scene at the gate but it would've taken another couple days. I hope you do not mind that I split it up in order to post sooner.

Fili and Bofur reluctantly left their warm bed and each other's bodies to prepare for the day. Gathering their belongings, Fili went next door to Kili's room to make sure they were up. After several knocks with no answer, he opened the door and risked a peek inside. The bed was made for the day but none of their things were gathered. Fili rolled his eyes in annoyance. Where had those two wandered off when they hadn't even packed yet?

Fili spent the next quarter hour looking for his brother. No one had seen Bilbo or Kili either once since the night before. He and Bofur had gone to sleep before Bilbo, Kili, or Thorin had left the gathering, so he did not see Bilbo or Kili go back to their room. He started to feel a cold panic rise within him. Fili knew Thorin was not happy about them leaving today. He thought his uncle was past trying anything drastic, but he was not sure what else to think. He ran back to find Bofur.

"I cannot find Kili or Bilbo!" Fili cried.  
Bofur furrowed his brow. "What do you mean you cannot find them?"  
Fili grabbed Bofur by the shoulders. "I mean they are not in their room and no one has seen them since last night. Their bed is made but I think maybe they did not sleep there in the first place. None of their things are packed, either!"  
"Do you think something happened to them?" Bofur asked, concerned. He didn't have to elaborate on what he thought "something" might be.  
Fili closed his eyes and shook his head. "I do not know."  
"Have you seen Thorin yet?" Bofur asked.  
"No," Fili replied despondently.  
"Stay calm," Bofur soothed. "Let's check in with him, then."

On the way to Thorin's room, they saw Balin.

"Balin! Maker be praised! Have you seen Bilbo or Kili?" Fili asked.  
"No, can't say as I have. Last I saw them was last night. They were still in the hall when I retired," Balin said.  
"Fili thinks they may be missing. Their bed was not slept in last night and they have not been seen this morning by anyone," Bofur explained.  
A horrified look crossed Balin's face. He knew Thorin would be a wreck if Bilbo and Kili went missing.  
"Do you think they have left on their own?" he asked.  
"No, they haven't even packed." Fili said.  
"We have to alert the king!" Balin cried. 

Fili frowned. He suspected that Thorin was already quite familiar with the situation.

*****

Kili awoke altogether too warm and under an unusual amount of weight. As he came more to himself and attempted to move his head, he felt a scratch of beard at the soft divot at the base of his throat. Glancing down, he saw the top of Thorin's head. He worked out the weight he felt over easily half his body was Thorin slung over him. Bilbo was on his other half, back to his chest and cradled in place by Kili's arm. Bilbo covered all of him that Thorin did not. They all seemed to still be under the blanket, too. _How did I manage to sleep like this?_ Kili wondered. He was not quite sure how they switched places, either. He had no memory of it.

Thorin began waking, unknowingly disturbed by Kili's attempt to get his bearings. As he roused, he realized he was not alone in his bed. Had it all been just a dream, then? He dreaded that the dragon was still yet before them, but having Bilbo warm beneath him was a breathless relief.

"Mmmm," Thorin purred, rubbing sensuously against the body under him. Eyes still closed, he pressed a kiss to the throat at his lips and felt the muscles there tense.  
"Shhh, relax," Thorin whispered. He placed soft kisses from base of the throat to chin. Feeling stubble beneath his lips ( _Bilbo has no facial hair_ , he thought distantly), he opened his eyes at the same moment Kili cleared his throat to protest. He saw Bilbo across from him, which only meant...

"Thorin?" Kili whispered. 

Thorin leaned back and looked into Kili's confused face. He opened his mouth to explain and closed it again in embarrassed surprise. His mind caught up now that he was fully awake and unhelpfully reminded him that he just ground his erection against Kili's thigh. 

"I-I..." Thorin tried again. "I was half asleep and thought you were Bilbo."

BIlbo stirred. "Hmmm?" Bilbo felt Kili's arm around his chest and smiled to himself. "'D'you say something, Kee?"

"You were going to wake Bilbo like that?" Kili asked, not sure if he should be amused or perturbed. He was leaning toward the latter now that he realized he had Thorin's sleep drool rapidly cooling down the side of his neck.  
"I was yet waking myself," Thorin defended himself. "I've been alone so long, I thought for a moment I was still in Lake Town when I woke to someone warm in bed with me."

Thinking of dreams, Kili was immediately grateful that Bilbo did not have one of his nightmares about Thorin while sleeping next to him. Kili did not want to picture how horrified Bilbo would have been waking up from one of those to Thorin himself. 

Bilbo's eyes flew open at the sound of Thorin's voice. The memory of the night before returned to him. He and Kili were in Thorin's chambers and had cuddled him to sleep.  
"What's going on? How did I get over here?" Bilbo asked, rubbing his face.  
"I'm not sure myself," Thorin said. "We must have moved around after we all drifted off." He stretched, pleased, and reached out to lace his fingers in Bilbo's.  
"I did not rest long, but that was the best sleep I have had since, well, Lake Town probably. Mahal, why did we not think of this nights ago?" Thorin said.  
"This is nice and all but could the two of you please get off me? Now that you're awake and shifting about, you're pushing down on all the worst places," Kili asked. 

There was a sharp rap at the door and it opened nearly immediately. 

Balin stood there with Fili impatiently pushing past him. 

"Thorin, Bilbo and Kili-" the words died in Fili's throat as he took in the scene of Thorin, Kili, and Bilbo all in bed together. 

Bofur peered around Balin and had to put a hand to his mouth to catch his gasp. It was quickly followed by a snicker as Thorin, Bilbo, and Kili were all staring back at the three of them with varying expressions of horror and confusion. 

"Bilbo and Kili are in bed with you," Fili managed to finish flatly. 

Balin recovered quickly and coaxed Fili back out with an arm around his shoulder. "It seems everyone is safe and accounted for. Apologizes, your Highness."

The door shut behind them. Thorin, Bilbo, and Kili all glanced at each other for a moment before bursting into a fit of laughter. 

"Gods, the look on their faces!" Bilbo said.  
Thorin shook his head. "Oh, this is going to make _such_ a batch of rumors!"  
"And songs!" Kili added.  
Thorin laughed harder. "That suitor of your brother's is probably going to write half of them!"  
"Balin looked so scandalized!" Kili said.  
"Not as scandalized as Fee! Oh my," Bilbo said, grabbing his side that had started to cramp.  
Kili put his face in his hands. "Poor Fee," he chuckled as he calmed somewhat thinking of Fili.  
Bilbo sobered a bit as well. "He probably visited our room this morning and thought we were in real danger."  
"Just in danger of Thorin's drool. Hey!" Kili protested as Thorin smacked him in the head with a pillow. 

Bilbo rolled backward to laugh at them and almost fell off the bed. This started a new round of giggles. Kili finally begged off as hard laughter was a bad complement to a full bladder. 

Kili got out of bed to visit the water closet. Bilbo was still watching after him fondly when he found himself held to the bed at the wrists. Thorin was pressed nearly on top of him, grinding into his hip as well as nibbling and kissing his neck.  
Bilbo yelped, "Thorin, what do you-"  
"Hush, he'll hear. Oh _Mahal_ , you felt perfect last night. Completely perfect. What do I have to do to convince you to stay another day and spend it naked with me in bed?"

Bilbo had spent most of the night cuddled into Thorin more sweetly and intimately than this, but he felt far less comfortable with it when Kili was not in the room and Thorin was licking the tip of his ear, as he was now.

Bilbo shivered from the sensation. "You know we cannot do that," he protested weakly.  
"But you feel it, do you not? The bond? The desire?" Thorin crooned in his ear. "Do not answer me if you are going to lie, because I felt you hard against my hip last night."

 _Dammit, Thorin_ , Bilbo silently cursed, for the king spoke truth. Even now, he was stiff. He had not felt Thorin's weight on him like this since before the siege. He fought the urge to arch up against Thorin and wrap his legs around him. 

"Stay another day, another afternoon...long enough to open me up and take me," Thorin murmured filthily.

 _That's it._ Bilbo had to get out from under Thorin before he lost all his sense. He closed his eyes and summoned his will. He rolled as strong as he could and managed to flip Thorin on his back. He pinned him at the hip with a straddle, much to the king's delight.  
"Oh! You are hard _now_." Thorin hummed and rolled his erection up against Bilbo's bum. "I love it this way, too. Remember how you used to ride me?"  
Bilbo scrambled off as though he'd been burned. "Thorin! Kili is just in the other room and back at any second! Get it under control!"  
Thorin sat on the edge of the bed. "I'd suggest you get yourself under control as well. Your sweet lover will wonder what has made your prick stiff," he teased.  
"Thorin!" Bilbo said again in protest.  
"I do know my name, still," Thorin gently chided. "You need not keep repeating it."  
Bilbo fired back, "I wouldn't know as you seem to have forgotten all else, including your sense of propriety. One does not ask one's friends to spend the day naked in bed with them and talk about past sexual thrills."  
"So you admit they were thrilling," Thorin smirked.

Bilbo had grown so flustered with Thorin countering everything he said with a flirt that he couldn't form a coherent argument anymore. He simply grew red in the face, threw up his arms, and exclaimed, "Gah!"

He moved to leave the room when Thorin grabbed him by the shoulder. "Wait! Do not leave angry!"  
Bilbo whirled around. "I am not angry. I am frustrated! Our night was so lovely and pleasant. You had to go and spoil it by bringing up the past and pressing the issue!"  
"It felt more like the present to me," Thorin grumbled.  
"There you go again!" Bilbo said.

Thorin's expression changed. Bilbo could only describe the new look in his eyes as haunted. Thorin reached out for one of Bilbo's hands but seemed to think better of it before they managed to touch.

"If Kili was getting ready to leave you--truly, if there was a chance you may never see him again and you knew it--can you say how you would behave? If you knew he longed for you somewhere in his heart, if his body still responded so enthusiastically to your touch, would you simply sit on your hands and hold your tongue? Or would you do whatever you could to gather the last few touches and tastes of your love before he left you for good?" Thorin asked.

Bilbo sat back down on the bed. He could not stomach to so much as imagine how he would feel if Kili left with another lover. The more noble side of Bilbo wanted to believe that he would let Kili go to his happiness, but truly Bilbo knew he would not be faring much better than Thorin. If their places were switched in such a situation, Bilbo probably wouldn't even be wearing clothes right now. A new wave of sadness and guilt washed over him. He looked up at Thorin and their eyes met in a few moments of silent understanding. They were still looking at each other when Kili returned.

There was a new tension in the room and Kili felt uneasy. "Is everything...um, did something happen?"  
"Nothing new," Thorin answered. "Same old hurts, same debates. I'm having trouble with what is to transpire today, particularly in light of the joy last night brought me."  
"And you?" Kili asked Bilbo.  
Bilbo swallowed and replied, "It seems my mere breathing in and out gives Thorin grief these days."  
Thorin sighed. "It _is_ hard for me to let go. It gets more difficult with each passing second."  
Kili frowned sadly.  
Bilbo stood and coughed uncomfortably. "I'm going to go start packing."  
Kili stood to leave with Bilbo.  
"Are the guards going to come by for our packs? If it is not raining, that is," Bilbo asked.

Thorin had a sudden longing to command the skies.

He replied, "Yes, the guards are still planning on loading your ponies. I would feel better if you would let me feed you before you depart."  
Bilbo tried to joke to lighten the somber mood once again. "Was there any question? I am a hobbit, after all."  
Thorin attempted a small smile. "Allow me a chance to have it started."  
"We were not going to be running through the gate any time in the next few moments. We still need to get our things ready and I was hoping to get in one last bath before the road, too."  
"Fair enough," Thorin agreed.  
"We'll see you at breakfast," Kili said as they left.

Thorin watched them go and flopped back on his bed. He inhaled the sheets. They smelled like all three of them. It ended rather uncomfortably, but last night was glorious. Thorin was glad to finally have a happy memory to associate with his bed in Erebor. It would give him something to hold onto when the nights were tough.

*****

"Well, that was an interesting evening," Kili remarked as he gathered his things.  
"It was a bit different than the one I had planned," Bilbo agreed.  
Kili ceased packing for a moment to take Bilbo in his arms. "Is that so? Tell me."  
Bilbo kissed Kili deeply. "My plans for bed were less social and far more sexual."  
"Bedding down with Thorin was enjoyable, but I admit I missed the way things have been for us. You were not warm and unclothed in my arms, we weren't mere inches from a kiss whenever we wanted one, and there were no orgasms. I had not realized how spoiled I had gotten with you until last night," Kili said.  
Bilbo gently smoothed Kili's fringe to the side. "Funny now that we used to sleep in entirely separate beds."  
"Funny now that we used to not know each other at all, isn't it? In the past year, you've become as essential to me as breathing air," Kili mused.  
"I thought I was fine back in Hobbiton, but I realize now I merely did not know what I was missing. Otherwise, how could I bear it?" Bilbo said.  
Kili grinned and hugged Bilbo tightly.

Bilbo thought back to what Thorin had said about putting himself in Thorin's place, if he were the one losing Kili, and he cringed. If Bilbo and Kili felt these things, surely Thorin did as well. It made him sick and sad. Thorin's desperation this morning suddenly seemed all the more forgivable. _How did I manage to get us all in such a huge mess_? Bilbo asked himself for the hundredth time.

*****

Dwalin stopped Thorin in the hall to discuss the day's plans, including Bilbo's departure and the business they would be conducting after. Thorin was brusque and distracted. He wanted to get to the baths before Bilbo left them.

"Can we talk about this at breakfast? I am heading down to the springs," Thorin said.  
"You've got some time. I passed Bilbo and Kili going in as I was leaving. I daresay you do not want to be there when they are," Dwalin said.

Thorin's hard look informed Dwalin that was exactly Thorin's intent.

Dwalin sighed heavily. "Look, Thorin. We've all had the compulsion to put our pricks in mouths where they did not belong but you truly need to get past this. It is not good for you to torture yourself thusly."  
"First, my prick is not your business. Second, Bilbo is exactly where I belong, heart and soul. Third, my love is my concern and no one else's! If you were not my friend, you would be bleeding at this very moment and that is a fact!"  
Dwalin straightened and looked fiercely in Thorin's eyes. "If I were not your friend, I would remain silent and relish seeing you deal with the pain in which you've been since you cast the hobbit aside at the gate. If I were not your friend, I would not have helped you carry out morally dubious plans to fill your bed and empty poor Kili's. If I were not your friend, perhaps I would point out that you are nothing less than _completely fucked up_ that you've lost Kili as well as Bilbo to this union of theirs."  
"How dare you speak to me this way?" Thorin demanded.  
"I dare because someone needs to talk sense to you! No, you did not ask Kili to fall in love with Bilbo. You did not ask Bilbo to return that love. Both of those things are unfortunate and hateful and I am truly sorry that they happened to you on top of everything else you've been through. But you did push Bilbo aside for the love of treasure. You sent him away, Thorin. Durin's beard, you nearly killed him! You told him you hated the sight of him and that there would be no future for the two of you. I heard it with my own ears. You were the one who let him go. Whether it was the dragon sickness or your anger at what seemed at the time like a betrayal, or even if you suspect now that Bilbo and Kili might have decided at a later date to run off together anyway, it doesn't change that the severing of the betrothal was _your choice_."

Thorin slammed Dwalin into a wall and held him at the throat.

"I'm warning you, Son of Fundin," Thorin growled.  
Dwalin saw violence in Thorin's eyes but remained calm. "And I'm warning you. There is no future in this. You have a kingdom to run. You have a duty to your ancestors and to the people who are looking to you in these fragile first years of rebuilding Erebor. If you cannot move past this obsession, you need to either crown Fili or name a steward and step down. You are endangering yourself and your people by sniffing around after Bilbo and Kili. Harm me if you are so inclined, but it does not change the matter of the truth."

Thorin growled low again in the back of his throat but said nothing. He roughly released Dwalin but the large dwarrow did not flee. Instead, Dwalin stood there looking at Thorin until the king left him in the hall.

*****

"We do not have much time," Bilbo said breathlessly in between kisses. He and Kili had just rinsed away the last of the soap and the dwarf was pressed against him insistently.  
"You remember what getting here was like," Kili complained. "I can't do without you for that long without a little something to send us on our way."  
"I'll give you a 'little something,' alright," Bilbo teased.

He kneeled and raised Kili to leverage him against one of the leaning stones so he could take him in his mouth without drowning. Kili had to help hold himself up, so he was fully at Bilbo's whim. Bilbo licked and teased Kili's shaft, drawing both sighs of pleasure as well as groans of frustration from the dwarf.  
"My arms are going to give out before I can finish," Kili said.

Bilbo slicked his tongue from Kili's stones to the head of his cock before parting his lips and taking in the length. Kili cried out and shifted to free a hand to stifle himself. Bilbo had to shift himself, too, lifting one of Kili's legs over his arm to keep him up against the stone. Bilbo was steady pulling Kili in and out of his mouth in long strokes. It was fantastic, but Kili wanted more.

"Put your fingers inside me," Kili begged.

Bilbo did not slow his mouth as he dipped first one, then two fingers inside Kili's arse. Kili squirmed beneath him with no leverage to buck. He bit into his hand and arm in an effort to keep silent. Bilbo's digits pressed inside as his lips and tongue worked Kili's length and soon Kili was spilling down his throat. Even with Kili's mouth silenced, there was little muffling the graveled sound of desperate pleasure that rumbled through Kili's throat as he came.

*****

Thorin heard panting and sounds of sex as he crept up to the doorway to the springs. Peeking inside, he saw Bilbo's back and Kili's front as Bilbo was orally servicing his lover. Kili was mad for it, too. Thorin burned with envy as he took in the scene. His blood quickened as he realized Kili was fully at Bilbo's mercy with no way to participate in his own pleasure. All Kili could do was hold himself up as Bilbo brought him to the very brink. Thorin recalled times of their own when Bilbo had been maddeningly clever like this in delivering him to the edge as well. He took a moment to appreciate Bilbo nude and wet in the water. Thorin had not seen him without clothes in a long while. The hobbit's newly long hair was damp and wavy against his smooth back. Even at this distance, Thorin could see the muscles in Bilbo's too-thin frame working to keep Kili lifted and anchored against what Thorin assumed was one of the leaning stones. Thorin could almost feel Kili's orgasm as it hit him. He definitely heard it, at any rate. His cock was hard in his trousers and it had started to throb. It was torture watching them, but there was a definite pleasure to go with the pain.

*****

Bilbo eased his fingers out of Kili and set him back in the water. When Bilbo stood, Kili clung to him for a few moments as he caught his breath. Bilbo ran his hands up and down Kili's back, soothingly at first but then markedly more sensual. He mouthed at Kili's earlobe and bucked his erection against the dwarf's water-slick skin. Kili kissed Bilbo and backed him into the wall as he sucked the hobbit's tongue.

"You didn't save me any," Kili fussed quietly.  
"I didn't know you wanted any," Bilbo murmured back.  
Kili licked into Bilbo's mouth again. "I love my taste on your tongue."  
Kili took Bilbo's cock in hand and began to stroke.  
"But not as much as I love your taste on mine," Kili whispered.

Bilbo wound a hand into Kili's hair and braced himself against the wall with the other as Kili pumped him. The sound of water sloshing around their thighs as Bilbo kicked drowned out his softer moans but as the pressure built, Bilbo had to mute himself with Kili's shoulder. With Kili whispering lewd encouragement in his ear, Bilbo bit into his lover's shoulder with a cry and came in his hand.

*****

Thorin felt an unmistakable pang of jealousy when Bilbo and Kili embraced so intimately after Kili's completion. He nearly forgave them, though, because when they shifted, their new position against the wall allowed Thorin to see Bilbo's front from thigh to face. _Mahal_ , he had missed that body. Thorin could nearly make out the glint of metal through Bilbo's navel before his eyes lowered to Bilbo's eager erection. Thorin licked his lips. Kili did not leave that hard cock wanting, either. Thorin focused on Bilbo as Kili ( _all too masterfully_ , Thorin thought darkly) brought him off. Kili raised his soiled fingers to his mouth and licked at them. Thorin had to stifle a moan as he imagined what it tasted like. Kili thumbed Bilbo's lips open and fed the hobbit seed from his digits. Thorin was so hard now it was nigh uncomfortable. Kili and Bilbo kissed deeply before helping each other out of the pool. Thorin stole away quickly, lest he be detected.

Thorin ducked in the first empty room and locked the door. He frantically unlaced his pants and stroked himself while thinking about what he just witnessed. It took nearly no time at all before he finished in his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from the song "Stay" by Rihanna & Mikky Ekko
> 
> Thank you for reading, as always!


	79. But Now They Go At Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast and goodbyes at the gate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Structure note: I chose not to have all four departing visitors talk to each and every dwarf wishing them well. Instead, I've included snippets of chosen conversations, separated by ~~~~ to reduce confusion. Hopefully it does not make for too clunky of a read.

Kili returned from his bath with Bilbo sated and happy. Fili was sitting in Kili's room waiting with his arms crossed. The expression on Fili's face faded Kili's smile.

Bilbo glanced from brother to brother. "I'll, ah, give you two a few moments. Perhaps Bofur and I will begin walking towards breakfast."

The hobbit excused himself. Fili was glaring at his brother. 

"What, Fee?" Kili asked, resigned.  
"I thought Thorin had the two of you kidnapped, you know," Fili said accusingly. "Or locked in a room. Or maybe split up, with you tied on a wagon heading toward the Iron Hills. I was going out of my mind!"  
Kili scrubbed a hand over his face. "You know Thorin isn't pulling any of his old tricks anymore," he chided.  
"Do we, though? Do we really?" Fili asked.  
"Clearly he wasn't. What was I supposed to do? Knock on your door in the middle of the night and give you my whereabouts?"  
Fili didn't have an answer for that. He decided to gloss over it and move on.  
"Middle of the night? So you slept there? What in the Void were you doing in his bed? With Bilbo?"  
"Thorin asked us to bed down with him last night so he would not have to sleep alone," Kili said.  
"And?" Fili pressed.  
"And nothing! We settled in with him and gave him a good snuggle. With our clothes _on_ ," Kili amended, noting Fili's expression.  
"Thorin randomly asks you and Bilbo to tuck him in to beddy-bye and you do not see anything strange about that?" Fili asked.  
Kili did not like Fili's tone. "What is this really about?"  
"What do you mean 'what is this really about?'" Fili repeated.  
"I mean what is your problem? Are you jealous? Is that it?" Kili snapped.  
"Jealous?" Fili laughed humorlessly. "Why would I possibly be jealous?"  
"Because Thorin cares about me now. Because I'm not the outcast anymore. Because he didn't ask _you_ to help him feel less lonely," Kili listed.  
Fili shot back, "He didn't ask me to sleep with him last night because I don't come with a Bilbo and you do!"  
"Or maybe you are jealous that you aren't the only favorite anymore!" Kili said.  
"Kili, are you even listening to yourself? I've spent decades telling you how wonderful you are and trying to explain away the things Thorin said that made you sad. Do you really think that I _want_ to undermine Thorin showing you that you are valued? "  
"Well, then," Kili said, running out of steam. "Perhaps you are jealous that I don't need you to protect me any longer."

As soon as Kili finished his sentence, he regretted it. Fili looked stricken. 

"Oh, Fee, I did not mean that. I really didn't. I-I'll always need you," Kili said.  
"Did you stop to think that it is _because_ I protect you that I am wary of Thorin?" Fili asked quietly. "Or that because I adore you so much, I do not want someone taking advantage of your feelings? Of course I want Thorin to appreciate you for everything that you are. I cannot help remaining suspicious of the dwarf who left behind his kingdom to try and tup your lover when I walk in and find you and said lover in his bed."  
Kili decided not to mention this morning's case of mistaken identity to his brother.  
"It wasn't like _that_ , Fee. It is not as though he took Bilbo and I to _bed_ bed," Kili said. 

Fili sighed. Kili was not ready to hear him right now and Fili wasn't entirely sure what it was he was trying to get across, anyway. Something about this whole situation did not sit well with him, though. 

Kili embraced Fili and pressed a cheek to his. "I'm sorry I said those things to you. I hate all the arguing we've been doing."  
"Me too," Fili said, squeezing Kili's shoulder. "I'm not your enemy, you great fool."  
"I know. I'm sorry," Kili said.  
"I would not risk your ire if I did not care so much," Fili replied.  
"I love you," Kili said.

Fili backed away and patted at Kili's stomach, luckily just missing Kili's ring. "Let's go fill your 'pack,' yeah?"  
Kili grinned. "Absolutely!"

*****

If someone would have asked Thorin, he would have said breakfast went far too quickly. Fili in particular pushed the pace. There were no rains that morning to delay the trip and Fili wanted to make the most of the daylight. He was already irritated that not knowing Kili's whereabouts had cost them time, but Bilbo wanted a bath on top of it, and then there were the farewells at the gate to be had. At this rate, they would not even head out until it was almost midday.

Thorin spent most of the meal with his eyes on Kili or Bilbo. The intensity was such that Bilbo found he could not hold his gaze. He could feel himself blushing, too. Kili did not know what to make of Thorin's look. It was not lustful, but it was knowing in a manner that Kili felt rather unclothed when Thorin's eyes rested on him. It was as though Thorin knew a secret about him. There was the weirdness in the morning, too, that Kili did not understand. Kili had left Bilbo and Thorin on the bed still wiping tears from fits of laughter but returned to what seemed to be someone's funeral. He wished for a moment that they had another couple days in Erebor to suss it all out. Every time Kili learned something new about Thorin, it only created several more questions to follow. 

Fili nodded to Bofur to walk ahead with his family down to the gate. Fili tarried behind with Thorin, who was to be the last in the farewell line. Balin had already gone down to make sure the ponies were ready. 

"What are you doing, Thorin?" Fili asked directly.  
"What am I doing about what?"  
"Confessing your heart to Kili. Asking them to stay. Having them spend the night with you. Why don't you pick any number of strange things you've done this week and we can start there?"  
"You have not cut me open enough this week with your suspicious nature?" Thorin asked pointedly.  
Fili tried not to lose his nerve. "This is not about me. I want to know about you. I am asking this time instead of assuming."  
"And what would you assume if you were assuming?"  
"That you are using Kili's lifelong need of your approval to keep Bilbo close to you," Fili said plainly.  
"It is not like you to be envious of your poor brother," Thorin chided.  
Fili felt like Thorin was baiting him. "I have no reason to be envious. I am concerned."  
Thorin explained, "I always dreamed of a day--if we did not die in the process of reclaiming her--that you and Kili would rule Erebor with me. Kili elected instead to break my heart."  
"He-" Fili started.  
Thorin silenced him. "I know it was not planned, but it did not prevent it from hurt all the same. So now sweet, lovely Kili is now being courted by my equally sweet, lovely Bilbo. I admit knowledge that they are courting rather, erm, passionately. I will not deny that it makes me crazy. In fact, having them here this week I've run a full range of emotions. I asked them to go and learned with a shock that it was the last thing I wanted. I've learned that if I can get around the jealousy of the two of them together, I still love them both a great deal. I want them here. I want you here. I want you all safe and by my side. I need time to heal and navigate the delicacies of the situation, but I would much rather it happen with them here than weeks worth of leagues away. I asked them to sleep in my chambers because...well, because I was tired of sleeping alone. I was as surprised as anyone when they agreed and I'll tell you, I wish now I would have asked them that first night."

Thorin's voice carried a great deal of emotion and Fili was finding it difficult to remain hard with him. He seemed honest enough. Fili still felt an uneasiness but he was beginning to think it to be irrational.

"So you've been completely sincere? About everything?" Fili asked hopefully.  
Thorin nodded. "I suppose I cannot blame you for your concern, but yes. Now that Erebor has been reclaimed and we have respect as those who have achieved the impossible, I'm seeing Kili more for whom he has grown to be and not as much as whom I fretted about him being--or whom I demanded he become. He has grown into himself much like you did, only without my intervention. Indeed, likely in spite of it. I long to repair as much of our rift as I can. Not only for the sake of Erebor or even for you, but for ourselves."  
"I am relieved to hear that," Fili said.  
Thorin clapped Fili on the shoulder. "You are a good brother, Fili. If you look out for Erebor half as well as you look out for Kili, you will be the greatest of all dwarf kings."

*****

Although the day before had been soggy and stormy, this was a beautiful, temperate spring day full of sun and pleasingly soft breezes. As the farewell line was formed with the remaining members of The Fourteen, the visitors' ponies were brought around at the gate. There were only two for riding on this trip back as the third pony was now needed to bear the extra packs. While they indeed picked up more treasure and clothes in Erebor, Bilbo thought the third pony looked more laden than it should. Thorin and Fili were the last to arrive.

Bofur went through the line first, followed by Fili, Bilbo, and Kili at the end. 

There were warm handshakes and lingering hugs from Dori and Ori and promises to write and visit were exchanged. Dori had a particular fascination with potential varieties of Shire-grown tea and Bilbo's presence in Erebor only fueled Ori's desire to learn more about hobbit culture. 

"Take good care of Bilbo," Ori whispered into Kili's ear as they embraced. Little did he know, Dori had whispered much the same into Fili's ear about Bofur moments before. 

~~~~

Bilbo was not particularly close with Nori. Nori and Gloin were two of the dwarrows who did not bother choosing sides between Thorin and Kili, though Bilbo figured they were much nearer to Thorin's side than to his own. They had their share of close calls on the journey and were battle-bonded like the rest, but Bilbo had never quite forgiven Nori for teasing Kili about looking like a lass. For his part, Nori did not actively seek out Bilbo for close conversations the way his brothers did. That was why Bilbo was surprised when Nori did not let go of his hand when Bilbo moved to continue down the line. 

Nori cleared his throat. "I've seen you do many a brave and stupid thing as time has gone on. Honestly, I thought returning to Erebor was one of the dumber things you've done."

Bilbo bore a face of amused confusion as he tried to figure out Nori's point. This wasn't much of a farewell speech.

"There is the manner of bravery that is found in a fight, but bravery may take other forms as well," Nori said. "A powerful dwarf offers you almost the mountain itself, but you still choose to leave because you have the courage to insist upon the life you want. Many otherwise brave souls could not say the same of themselves. I offer you my respect and best wishes that you will find the joy you are seeking. Both of you."  
All Bilbo could do was stare at Nori, stunned.  
Bilbo placed his other hand over the their joined hands and squeezed. "Thank you, Nori. That...that means so much to me."  
Nori squeezed back and released Bilbo's hands. 

~~~~

When it was his turn, Oin told Bilbo, "Take care of that piercing, now. Hobbits do not seem to heal as quickly as our kind."  
Oin hugged Bilbo warmly, taking care to not press into his stomach.  
Oin spoke in Bilbo's ear low enough that only he could hear. "Do not be a fool, lad. Marry him."  
Bilbo leaned back in surprise. Oin smiled kindly.  
Bilbo felt suddenly warm in his face. "Thank you for everything," he said. 

~~~~

Bofur hugged his cousin tightly.  
" _I will miss you but I want you to know I am very proud of you,_ " Bifur said.  
"I will miss you as well. It is tough to leave..." Bofur looked back at Fili.  
Bifur sensed Bofur's hesitation. " _This is a good match for you, prince or not. You will be happy wherever you go as long as you are together._ "  
Bofur quite thought he might cry.

~~~~

Fili followed after Bofur and gave Bifur a hug of his own.  
" _You are family now, battle and blood,_ " Bifur said.  
"I promise to be good to him," Fili said.  
" _He better be good to you, too,"_ Bifur joked.

~~~~

Bofur and Bombur hugged for several moments.  
"Oi, Bom, this is it for a while. I'm not sure what I'm going to do without you two," Bofur said.  
"Your place is with him. Remember what a mopey mess you were last time?" Bombur joked.  
Bofur chuckled.  
"I'm sorry I won't be here to greet the missus and the wee ones, though."  
"They'll miss you, but I know you'll be back. You are courting the future King of Erebor, after all," Bombur said.  
Bofur did not usually say things like that out loud. Hearing it was a bit of a shock.  
"I guess I am, aren't I?" Bofur replied.

They chatted a little while longer and shared two more hugs before Bofur tore himself from his kin to move further down the line. 

~~~~

Fili paused to speak with Bombur.  
"I'm glad I was able to spend some time with you before we traveled far," he said.  
"I am as well. My brother loves you very much," Bombur said.  
Fili smiled. "I love him, too. Enough to drag him halfway across Middle Earth and back. I promise you I'll look after him."  
"We know you will. You're a good one, Fili. Erebor will rejoice when you return home to stay," Bombur said.  
Fili embraced him. "Thank you."

~~~~

Dwalin was next to receive Fili.  
"You lads be careful on your way, particularly around the Misty Mountains," Dwalin warned.  
Fili nodded solemnly. "We will. We are in no hurry this time and will not be taking unnecessary chances."  
"Keep an eye on your addlepated brother and his hobbit, too," Dwalin said gruffly. "Thorin would never forgive you if anything ill befell them."  
"I doubt I'd forgive myself, either," Fili said. 

~~~~

Bilbo dreaded going through Dwalin's part of the line but there was nothing to be done for it.  
"Well," Bilbo said, rocking on his heels.  
"Master Baggins," Dwalin said by way of greeting and dismissing farewell all at once.  
"Right," Bilbo replied. He started to move on but thought twice about it and stepped back in front of Dwalin.  
"Please look after Thorin. Make sure he eats and at least tries to rest. Do not let anything bad happen to him and for the Valar's sake do not let him do anything stupid," Bilbo said.  
Dwalin nodded deeply. Bilbo wasn't sure, but he could have sworn Dwalin twitched a smile at him before he walked away.

~~~~

"Mister Dwalin," Kili said.  
"Kili," Dwalin replied, much as he did with Bilbo.  
"So that's it, then? You might never see me again but you'll be angry with me until the last, yes?" Kili said testily.  
Dwalin looked smug. "You'll be back, lad. One of these days...you'll come back."  
Kili sighed. That was probably the best he was going to get. "In that case, help Thorin keep it all together until we do."  
"That's what I do," Dwalin replied. 

~~~~

To Balin's credit, he did not utter the word "wedding" once to Bofur or Fili either one. 

~~~~

"Well, laddie, I suppose this is it for a while," Balin said to Bilbo.  
"Yes," Bilbo agreed.  
"We are entrusting the safekeeping of Erebor's princes to you while they are in the Shire. Keep them out of trouble, if you wouldn't mind."  
"I promise there will be no diplomatic emergencies at their hands," Bilbo assured him. "Watch over Thorin, please. I will still worry about him, you know."  
"I will. And you'll hear from me. You and Kili are ambassadors of Erebor and we'll need to be in contact from time to time. As such, I'm sure reports on the king's well-doing would be within your official interests," Balin said with a wink.  
"Thank you, Balin."  
"You're welcome. Oh, and Bilbo?" Balin said. "Good luck with Kili, son. You're going to need it."

~~~~

"Bofur, most of my world travels West with you," Thorin said.  
"Aye, I know it does," Bofur replied.  
"I was glad to get the chance to clear up our prior confusion," Thorin said. "You are good for Fili and I will be proud to..." Thorin paused for a moment, about to break the "marriage moratorium" under which he placed Balin.  
"Well, anyway, I'd be proud," Thorin finished.  
Bofur grinned wide. "I would be, too"

~~~~

"So, the Crown Prince of Erebor leaves her to...what, exactly?" Thorin said to Fili.  
"Uncle, we've been over this," Fili groaned.  
"I know, I know," Thorin replied.  
He clasped his hands behind Fili's neck and leaned their foreheads together.  
"I hate this, Fili. I cannot pretend I do not."  
"I am coming back. You know I am. I just...need to do this," Fili explained.  
Thorin sighed. "I know. You'll be close to Ered Luin. You should visit your mother. There is much to tell her. I've sent a letter but let her know I need her here. Someone has got to boss Dwalin and Dain around for me. They'll listen to her better."  
Fili laughed.  
"I'll do all that and more," he agreed. "Thorin, I'm sorry. I'm very sorry for upsetting you so terribly at council."  
"Hush." Thorin kissed Fili's forehead. "I love you, Fili. Take care of yourselves and one another. And this time, be better about writing to me."  
"I love you, too. I'll write, though it will take longer the further we get"  
Thorin shrugged. "You'd best write more letters, then."  
Fili smiled. 

~~~~

Bilbo stopped at last in front of Thorin. He put his hands on his hips, and nodded toward the ponies.  
"I'm sure I do not recall us having that much extra to bring home," Bilbo said affectionately but accusingly.  
Thorin looked up at the sky innocently. "I may have added a few things to what the guards packed on the ponies."  
"You do realize we have things at Beorn's, too. We are going to have a hard time getting to Rivendell if we acquire anything else," Bilbo said.  
"If getting to Rivendell is a problem, you can always send for someone to bring you and your things back to Erebor," Thorin replied.  
Bilbo crossed his arms and fixed Thorin with one of his looks.  
"I am jesting! Somewhat. Either way, do not be ungrateful! You'll find a great deal of what the creature bears is consumable. I still worry about the diet you keep at Beorn's and even more about what you'll have available beyond that," Thorin said.  
Bilbo unfolded his arms. "I apologize. Of course I am not ungrateful. That is very thoughtful."  
"I'm just taking care of the ones I love," Thorin murmured.  
"And who will be taking care of the one we love? You should be eating and resting as well," Bilbo poked gently at Thorin's chest to punctuate his point.  
"I'll be resting better now that I have the memory of last night to chase away the emptiness in my chambers," Thorin said. 

Bilbo gazed at Thorin silently for a moment before he remembered something. He fished a folded letter out of his waistcoat and handed it to Thorin. 

"What's this?" Thorin asked.  
"A remedy for my tied tongue. I knew this would happen," Bilbo explained.  
"What would happen?"  
Bilbo shrugged. "That I would stand in front of you with a dozen things to say before I go and not be able to remember what they are. This has happened each time and I'll remember when one of us is half a league away."  
Thorin smiled, unexpectedly touched.  
"I wish I had thought of that," Thorin said. 

There was another beat of silence before Thorin seized Bilbo and hugged him close. 

"Gods, I wish you'd stop leaving me," Thorin said brokenly.  
Bilbo clutched him tighter.  
"I'm sorry, Bilbo. I'm sorry for everything I've ever done that made you feel hurt, anger, belittled, or anything other than the glorious, brave, amazing creature that you are," Thorin said, voice muffled by Bilbo's hair.  
"Me too," Bilbo said. "I wish it could be different. I have made so many mistakes but I never wanted to hurt you like this. I never wanted _us_ to hurt like this."

Thorin moved to press his forehead to Bilbo's. The hobbit's eyes were filling with tears and Thorin was but dimly aware that he may have shed a few already himself. He flicked a glance at Kili who was waiting patiently in front of Balin. Kili met his eyes and gave him the slightest of nods. 

Thorin cradled Bilbo's face with both hands and leaned in with a soft touch of his lips on Bilbo's. Bilbo parted his with a slight gasp but Thorin did not yet press this advantage. Instead, he breathed Bilbo's breath with him as their lips moved slightly. Bilbo exhaled raggedly and Thorin pressed in tighter, mouth open a little more. Bilbo pulled Thorin closer to him as the pressure increased. Bilbo swiped his tongue lightly along the inside rim of Thorin's bottom lip. Thorin's tongue swept into his mouth and Bilbo opened wider to accept it. They clung to each other as the kiss deepened, momentarily oblivious to everyone around them. 

Fili and Bofur (and just about everyone else) were agog at this passionate display with Kili standing right there. Even though he had silently given Thorin permission (and had actually spoken his permission to Bilbo the day before), Kili was taken aback as well. He had seen them kiss before, of course, but as the kiss went on ever longer, he wondered how many times Thorin and Bilbo had kissed like _this_ since he gave Bilbo his leave. He quelled the growing uneasiness by reminding himself that it was he who was leaving with Bilbo and that he could get these kisses from Bilbo any time of the day or night. 

Thorin and Bilbo couldn't stand there and kiss forever, though Thorin would have been fully willing to try. Thorin inwardly smiled as he shifted to pull away. There was an unmistakable passion yet in Bilbo's kiss. 

They parted from each other with Thorin ducking back in to steal one, two, three more softer kisses before he spoke again.  
"Always, Bilbo," Thorin said softly.  
Bilbo nodded. "I shall miss you."

~~~~

Kili was rather wishing he had said farewell to Thorin before Bilbo. The king was sure to be somewhat distracted, and Kili felt a little awkward given that the dwarf before him had just soul-kissed his sweetheart in front of all their friends and family. 

Thorin did not seem to feel the same discomfort Kili did. Without any fidgeting, Thorin addressed Kili with a voice that was tender but sure.

"These partings are always bitter," Thorin said.  
"At least we are on speaking terms this time," Kili replied.  
Thorin hummed a laugh. "This is true. In many ways, these have been a hard few days, but I would not trade them. The things I've said to you are true--both the unhappy things as well as the affectionate sentiments. I'm no better at figuring out our uncomfortable situation than you are, but aside from all of that I want you to know that I very much love you."  
Kili whispered, "Thorin," and launched himself into the king's arms. 

Thorin held onto Kili firmly and sighed into his ear, "My Kili-colt."

When their embrace loosened, Thorin leaned back enough to gaze into Kili's eyes. He gently cradled the prince's face with a hand and spoke.  
"Take care of each other, and be not too proud to write or return to Erebor if there are difficulties. Promise me."  
Kili placed his hand on top of Thorin's along his cheek. "I promise," he said.

Thorin slowly brushed a kiss across Kili's lips, slightly more substantial but similar to the one Kili gave his brother before they ran into battle. A gasp spread through the crowd. Such a gesture was not unheard of, but Thorin and Kili's contention was nearly the stuff of legend if not already of ballad. To see the concession of such tenderness toward the dwarf riding away with Thorin's former betrothed was surprising for the bystanders indeed. Kili was stunned. In all his years, Thorin had never kissed his mouth before. 

Bilbo was more surprised than Kili, were such a thing possible. Though the gesture was chaste, Bilbo felt an ugly churn in his gut. He knew he had no right to be upset--truly, he could still taste Thorin on his own tongue--but it was so achingly loving that Bilbo found it difficult to watch. 

Also looking on with a great deal of interest was Fili. He and Kili were close even for brothers. Indeed, it was oft said of them that despite the years that separated their births, their bond was as keen as that of twins. They never shied away from hugs, kisses, or various other gestures of great affection. Even so, Kili and Fili had only touched lips less times than Fili had fingers on one hand. 

Thorin whispered, "Please return soon," before he stepped away from Kili with a smile. 

Bilbo and Kili were both a little dazed as Nori and Bifur helped situate them up onto their pony. Dain and Dwalin assisted Fili and Bofur on theirs. 

Thorin stood back and cleared his throat to speak. 

"Four of our beloved Fourteen ride out today for adventures far West. They take with them tales and songs of your deeds to spread across the lands so that all will know what has transpired here. They go in all our names and in the name of Erebor! They go with our blessing, our appreciation, and our very hearts. We wish them safe, we wish them speed, we wish them well, but most of all we wish for their glorious return. May Mahal guard their steps!"

The onlookers repeated "May Mahal guard their steps!" as though Thorin was delivering a toast. 

Thorin approached Fili and Bofur's pony, grasping a hand of each of the dwarves riding her and giving them a squeeze. As he backed away, Fili urged his pony onward. Thorin did the same with Bilbo and Kili, though he held on to them longer before reluctantly releasing them as well. 

As before, Thorin stayed outside until he was the last one standing in the spring breeze. He was heartbroken watching them ride away but there was still a tingle on his lips. He smiled. "This is not over," he thought. 

When Thorin could see them no more, he sat down on the ground and leaned against a sun-warmed stone to read Bilbo's letter. 

_Dear Thorin,_

_I am writing this because it is difficult for me to tell what I'll be capable of saying when we part today. You should know that despite what you might think, leaving you never gets easier._

_I wish to thank you for this invitation for us to come to Erebor. I admit I was hesitant at first, but the time we have spent and the conversations we have had needed to happen and they could not have happened any other way. It meant so much to Kili, too. Truly, more than you could even guess. Do not think for a moment I do not realize the high emotional toll you paid to have us in the mountain with you. I can only hope that you gained something precious for yourself to make the pain worthwhile._

_Although I am a suitor to one of your princes, I understand why you did not pull me aside the way you did with Bofur to speak about Kili's future. It would have been awkward at best and I am not sure I could have withstood the pain in your face. I would like to take a moment to promise you as his kin and king that I will take care of Kili during our travels and beyond. I will do my best to make sure his stomach never pinches and that his trousers seldom need patching. It might take me until Bag End to ensure he will never be without a warm hearth, but I can promise now he will never want for love. I assure you that I will do my best to look after Fili on the journey ahead, as well._

_I regret any pain I've caused you. I have been unfair to touch and kiss you knowing it could not progress as you wished. I wonder if I shall kiss you goodbye? Would it be cruelty or a kindness? I've got a weakness when it comes to you that seems to cause more pain than pleasure. Seeing sadness in your eyes hurts me so, yet somehow I cannot stop putting it there. I would much rather see you smile the smile that I love so much._

_The last two times we've parted, it has been heart-rending. I've either ridden away or watched you go with a sinking feeling of finality. This time will still be filled with the sadness of parting, but I'm so fortunate to leave with your friendship. It is worth more to me than the gold we have packed. All the difficulties we faced while we were with you these past few days were worthwhile for this to not be 'goodbye,' but 'until next time.' I'm not afraid to tell you that I love you anymore, for now its meaning is richer, broader, and I am better for it._

_I take lovely memories with me, such as a late night conversation on a moonlit balcony and a cuddly, giggly, and somewhat crowded sleep in your chambers. It is my hope that when you recall these past few days that you'll remember the laughter, singing, dancing, and smiles more than you recall the tears and the angry, heated words._

_Oh, my king, please take care. Stay safe for us and do not do anything foolish like getting yourself injured. When you think of me, do not think of my absence from your bed. Rather, know that there is a temperamental hobbit out there with an infuriating, obstinate dwarf named Thorin close to his heart._

_Best,  
Bilbo"_

The ache in Thorin's chest renewed and he hugged the letter to him as though it were Bilbo himself. He closed his eyes and said out loud to no one, "Definitely not over."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for everything! Comments, reblogs, and participation are very motivating to me, which is why you're getting this chapter a good two days sooner than I thought :D Love you guys!


	80. Road Tales

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sampling of things that happened on the road back to Beorn's. And road smut.

There were glances behind for Bilbo this time, but nothing quite like the last time he put Erebor to his back. Kili, Fili, and Bofur all had their moments to turn to look behind as well.

Bilbo shed no tears once they left. When he realized that truth, he thought on it. He had a new level to his relationship with Thorin now. A deeper...understanding, he supposed. How funny that even when Thorin was sharing his body at night, they had not managed to develop their relationship as much as they had in the past few days. And even so, instead of the parting wounding him more deeply than last time, he was much more at peace. Kili's hand shifted against Bilbo's hip and he smiled to himself. _That_ was the reason. His future was here, pressed against his back, sharing his pony. He and Kili had come so far with each other.

 

*****

"That was some kiss you had," Kili said, hoping he sounded nonchalant.  
"I could say the same thing," Bilbo said.  
Kili slipped his arm further around Bilbo's middle.  
"It was...unexpected," he said.  
Bilbo leaned back into Kili's embrace. "So was mine."  
Kili hooked his chin over Bilbo's shoulder. "Fair enough," he conceded.

*****

Fili was seated behind Bofur and took surreptitious glances at Bilbo and Kili when he could. They seemed a touch sad but they were almost cuddling on their pony as they went. Not fighting, then. He tried to make some sense of what he witnessed at the gate. As Bofur whispered to him earlier, "Thorin really laid one on Bilbo, didn't he?" That he did. Bilbo did a fair run of "laying" himself, to be truthful. Fili thought of Kili's arrangement with Thorin wherein he was allowed to be affectionate with Bilbo. Was Kili really okay with _that_ sort of affection? If that is what they did in front of everyone, what did Thorin do when Bilbo was in his bedroom? Fili had been inclined to believe Thorin's impassioned reasoning when confronted with the prince's suspicions, but the uneasiness that never quite left Fili was swelling once again.

Then there was Kili's farewell from Thorin. It was almost uncomfortably tender. Was it possible that Thorin might have been jealous of both Kili and Bilbo all this time? He tried to recount all the times Thorin was beyond furious with Kili but refused to banish him, choosing instead to hug him good-bye, nudge his forehead, or invite him to visit Erebor. To _stay_ in Erebor, even. For the first time, Fili entertained the notion that perhaps Thorin hadn't wanted Bilbo touching Kili any more than he wanted Kili touching Bilbo.

Fili hugged Bofur a little tighter and tried to put his mind on more pleasant things. He and the dwarf he adored were riding to where they could be together under no one's terms but their own. He knew he would return to Erebor, but he had some living to do first.

 

*****

There was an air of melancholy that surrounded Fili, Bofur, Kili, and Bilbo until they had been hours on the road. They camped and readied the evening meal without their usual mirth. True to Thorin's word, the third pony had food to last well beyond merely returning them to Beorn's. Bilbo wondered what tempting morsels were packed on the creature, but there was no point in opening everything simply for curiously pawing through.

The evening was cool, the fire was welcome, and the ground was not as wet as Bilbo feared. Bofur and Fili offered the first watch when bedtime came. With a full stomach and a warm Kili, Bilbo settled into their bedroll.

Kili wrapped his arms around his hobbit. He did not love the unforgiving ground or the necessity of clothes, but he still had Bilbo against him. He had received a fair amount of unsolicited advice over the past few days and it was nearly all the same: If he were serious about Bilbo, he would get them out of Erebor. Well, that and the advice of Oin and Dori who mentioned (quite privately) that he needed to ask Bilbo to marry him at the earliest opportunity. Kili smiled at the thought. Little did they know! He was eager for the four of them to get to Rivendell so he could carry out his plan. Surely that would be enough time for Bilbo, he reasoned. He hoped this betrothal would not unmake all the steps he had taken forward with Thorin. After all, Kili told him outright he would marry Bilbo in a moment if he could and he and Thorin still had progressed afterwards so much that he was given a kiss farewell. That had been unprecedented for them. Settling in closer to sleep, Kili wished for a confirmed betrothal with the one he loved...and for it not to ruin what he and Thorin had left.

 

*****

Bofur and Fili sat up for watch. They did not stray far from the fire for warmth, light, and safety, so they were especially quiet when they spoke. Bilbo and Kili were folded into each other and sleeping peacefully.

Bofur was watching them thoughtfully. "Do you think Bilbo will ever remove his head from his arse and marry that lad?"  
Fili shrugged. "I would hope so."  
"I mean, really. Just look at that." Bofur gestured toward the couple. "What is holding him back?"  
"Short answer? Thorin," Fili said.  
Bofur supressed a snort. "Long answer, Thorin Oakenshield?"  
"Something like that," Fili agreed. "Still, I suppose if you are counting actual time courting, their courtship has been fairly short."  
"It seems long, though, like Bilbo has strung him along for an age," Bofur said.  
"If it seems that way to you, how do you think I feel?" Fili said. "I've been watching Kili moon over him since Rivendell. He started planning to court Bilbo the _last_ time we were at Beorn's. And Bilbo has been sneaking Kili kisses since Lake Town. This feels like the longest courtship in memory!"  
"So," Bofur started what he hoped was subtly, "what do you consider an acceptable length for a courtship?"  
"I suppose it depends on the dwarrows. How long they've known each other, if they've been together in battle, that sort of thing," Fili said.  
Bofur nodded and poked at the fire with a stick that was by his feet.  
"Um, you?" Fili asked.  
"Probably the same as you," Bofur said.

They sat in silence for a while, both lost in their thoughts.

 

*****

Thorin crept into Kili and Bilbo's room. It was under strict orders to not be entered, cleaned, or otherwise tampered with. Not that it was a problem. The resources they currently had in Erebor did not include service to empty rooms unless they were soon to be filled. There were too many other things that required attention. Thorin looked around where the pair had spent the past few days. They had left it much as they found it. Thorin shed his robe and crawled up on the bed in his night clothes. He flopped straight down on his stomach and inhaled. It smelled like the two of them. It soothed him breathing it in. He could almost separate what was Bilbo from what was Kili. There was something else, too, sort of faint. His eyes popped open. Sex. Of course, they had been intimate this week. He had heard it.

He scooted back on his knees and pulled back the covers. Inspecting closely, he could tell areas where someone (doubtless Bilbo) had made an effort to spot clean the bedding. Thorin nearly moaned as he ran his fingers over one such area. _Bilbo could have come on this exact spot_ , Thorin thought. He lightly rubbed at his prick. _Or Kili_ , he realized. He pulled his hand back. He was not comfortable thinking about Kili ejaculating on the bedding. Bad enough he knew what Kili looked like when he came. His mind flashed back to that morning, watching Bilbo work Kili over in the spring. Gods, Bilbo really knew how to wring a dwarf dry. With his mind firmly back on his hobbit again, Thorin rolled on his back and rucked his bed shirt up to his chest.

He closed his eyes and recalled that morning in his chambers. Bilbo wanted him. He had felt it rolling off of him in waves; their bond was practically singing. Thorin had been so close--he could almost hear the war Bilbo was fighting against himself in his head. Thorin licked his hand and pulled on his cock as he thought about how it could have happened had Bilbo's conscience lost.

_Bilbo reached both hands around to Thorin's arse and pulled him against his groin._  
 _"I can't stand this any longer. Fuck, Thorin, I need you," Bilbo said desperately._  
 _"How do you need me?"_  
 _"Naked. Slick. Inside me."_

Thorin threw his head back in pleasure. Even imaginary, those words went right to his cock.

_Bilbo was above Thorin, seated on his prick and rolling his hips. He was whimpering in agonized delight.  
"Kili is going to come back from the water closet and see this," Bilbo said._

Thorin's fantasy faltered a bit. If he were properly replaying this morning, that would be part of it. He licked his palm again and smiled to himself mischievously.

_"Let him see. Let him watch how your bonded makes you come, Bilbo. Let him see what I give you that no one else does."_  
 _Bilbo moaned and began to ride Thorin, steadily rising and falling on him. Thorin held his hips and pumped back. They were moaning, sweating, and fucking like that when Kili found them. Kili said nothing. He merely looked on in shock._  
 _Thorin pulled Bilbo down on his cock harder and faster. Bilbo was crying out with nearly every thrust now. He closed his hand around his prick and stroked._  
 _"Oh, fuck! Thorin, fuck, you're going to make me come!" Bilbo said._  
 _"Do it," Thorin growled._  
 _Thorin and Kili locked eyes as Bilbo came writhing and screaming on Thorin's cock._

Ribbons of hot semen pulsed and pulsed across Thorin's stomach as he moaned through his orgasm. He shuddered through pleasant aftershocks before wiping himself clean, blowing out the candle, and settling under the covers. He fell nearly immediately to sleep with a smug smile on his face.

 

*****

Bilbo and Kili took their turn at watch as Fili and Bofur slept. Bilbo had his head on Kili's shoulder as they sat by the fire.

"I'm happy that you got some of the resolution you wanted while we were in Erebor," Bilbo said. "And you were right. It was not nearly as bad as I imagined. Still painful and awkward, but at least neither of us are tied up in the dungeons."  
Kili stifled a giggle. "I'm glad. Perhaps you won't be averse to going back to visit when Fee returns. Maybe we could live there for a while after he's crowned," Kili said.

Bilbo winced. He had put it out of his mind for a couple days while they dealt with more pressing issues, but Bilbo's anxiety roared back to life. He hated bringing something like this up when they had already been through so much so recently, but he realized there would never be a _good_ time to talk about it.

Bilbo sighed heavily. "Kili, we have been avoiding a very important conversation. Thorin and I had it once and you and I need to have it all the more. I'm...I'm very likely not going to live to see Fili's coronation."

Kili had known this, of course, but he tried not to dwell on the fear of it he had felt since he first learned about hobbit life expectancy.

"No, Bilbo..."  
Bilbo interrupted him. "I have no hope of seeing you even to your middle age. You are going to be a dwarf in his prime and I will be a doddering old hobbit who spends my days sitting under blankets because my bones are stiff and chilled. If we were to ma-uh, to stay together, that would be your future. I've got Took blood, so that may keep me spry for another 20 or 30 years but what then?"  
"Then I will take care of you and pile blankets on you and make you tea," Kili said.  
"And when I die? You will live more life without me than you would with me. I get the happiness and honor of being with you the rest of my days but you get only grief for the rest of yours," Bilbo said sadly.  
Kili shook his head. "I get joy!" he said hushed but frantically. "Joy of spending your life with you. And we could have died already. We nearly did. Who knows what the future brings? Perhaps I will not outlive you due to accident or illness!"  
"Don't say that!" Bilbo argued  
"You are the one who wanted to talk about this," Kili countered.  
"I just want you to know what our future may hold. You do not want to be stuck with an infirm lover," Bilbo said.  
Kili slipped an arm around Bilbo's shoulder and pulled him in tight. "Oh, Bilbo, my most brave and precious love. It doesn't matter if it is 5 years or 50. I will treasure whatever we are given together, by choice or by mortality. And whether you one day choose to leave me on your own two feet or if it is so that you should not outlive me, I will still love you until my time here is over. Nothing changes between us because of this."  
Kili kissed his hair. "Nothing."  
Bilbo chewed his lip and thought.

 

*****

Thorin crept back to his chambers after a soothing rest. He was king and could do as he pleased, of course, but he would just as soon not have to explain it to Balin. Balin was one of the few people who would not take "because I felt like it" as an easy answer when it came to his personal matters. There was no good way to tell his friend that if he could not sleep with Bilbo, sleeping where he and Kili slept for a week would do. He suspected the scent had something to do with the comfort he felt. His own bed retained some of it, but not as much as the room the pair had themselves. He was already planning spending the next several nights in Bilbo's former bed.

*****

Night passed without danger for Bilbo and the dwarves. A good night's sleep and a blessedly large breakfast chased away the remainder of the melancholy from their departure. They managed to get themselves on their ponies and head out. Kili's pony was leading today. He had his arms wrapped around Bilbo as the hobbit handled the reins. His head was close to resting on Bilbo's shoulder and they talked quietly. Bofur watched them from his pony (Fili riding at his back today) and could not help marveling once again at how mad for each other they were. He wondered if he and Fili appeared that way to onlookers. As though he could hear him thinking, Fili leaned into him and kissed his cheek. Bofur grinned.

*****

That night when Fili and Bofur were already sound asleep, Bilbo and Kili cuddled happily by the fire. Though technically on watch, they were gazing at the sky and occasionally pointing out patterns or shooting stars to the other.  
"I knew you'd come," Kili said.  
Bilbo glanced over. "Pardon?"  
"The morning we left your home and you chased after us. I was one of the ones who bet you'd come. Gandalf and I both were sure of it. Made a few coins, too," Kili chuckled quietly. "Nothing quite like we carry now, though."  
Bilbo felt a rush of unexplainable pride, having unknowingly rewarded Kili's faith in him.  
"What made you so sure?" Bilbo asked.  
"I don't know, really," Kili said. "Maybe it was your dazed expression when you wished us good night. Maybe it was because I got the sense that you were not as happy in your home all alone as you had repeatedly insisted. Or maybe it was because I found you so intriguing and handsome that you _not_ joining us was nothing I cared to contemplate."

Bilbo smiled and kissed Kili. "I'm very glad I did, you know."  
"I'm glad you did, too," Kili said softly.

 

*****

"You rubbing up against me today drove me crazy," Bofur whispered as he nuzzled Fili's neck.  
"Hush, you'll wake them!" Fili said.  
Bofur cradled Fili's head and lowered him the rest of the way to the ground. He captured Fili's bottom lip and pulled it into his mouth before moving up and invading Fili's own mouth with his tongue. Fili couldn't help but grind up into Bofur's body.  
"Do you want to take this into the trees? 'Cause I sure do," Bofur said.  
Fili surged up and kissed Bofur again. "Let's go."

The two crept just inside the treeline so as not to be too far away from camp. Bofur leaned Fili against a tree and quickly unlaced his trousers.  
Fili said, "You realize that fate dictates this will be the moment we are beset by- _oh yes!_ -by goblins."  
Bofur wanted a long, slow pleasure session but their situation did not allow it. He pulled Fili in and and out of his mouth a couple times before pausing for a moment.  
"I hope you don't mind this will be a bit quick and dirty," Bofur said.  
"You're not the only one who spent half the day hard and pressed against his lover. Quick and dirty as you please," Fili said.  
Bofur grinned and proceeded to suck Fili to completion. In the dead quiet of night, Fili thought his gasps were nearly deafening. He left teethmarks in the meat of his thumb when he reached his climax.

Bofur had his prick out and had been stroking it while he took care of Fili. When Fili's finish hit him, Bofur's was right behind. He spilled into the grass, body wracking. He leaned his forehead against Fili's exposed hipbone as Fili stroked his hair.  
"Right. I need a nap," Bofur quipped.

 

*****

Kili thought it would relieve some of the tedium of road travel to whisper lewd suggestions in Bilbo's ear for a couple hours as he rubbed against his backside. Bilbo thought he was going to go mad with desire. He had stayed hard in his trousers long past the point of comfort, frequently squirming and adjusting. He was straining so much that his last adjustment almost finished him.

"I want to fill all of you with me," Kili whispered, now on hour three. "I want it dripping out of your hole, down your neck, and painting your body. I want to come on your navel ring and on your cock. I want to stroke you off with my own seed. I want you to get there hard enough to quake, then I want to smear it on your lips and kiss you while it is still warm."  
Bilbo adjusted to find some comfort. Kili noticed him shaking and heard him choke a cry.  
"Bee?" Kili asked in concern.  
Bilbo reached back and pulled Kili's mouth to his roughly. He thrust his tongue in and kissed Kili deep and hard.  
"I just came in my trousers," Bilbo accused breathlessly.  
Kili laughed.  
"Oh, you think that is funny, do you?" Bilbo said.  
Kili hugged Bilbo tightly from behind. "Only because I did it myself about a quarter hour ago."

 

*****

Kili was quietly leaning heavy against Bilbo's back as they rode and the hobbit suspected he might be dozing. The lack of chatter left Bilbo to his thoughts. He had been feeling vulnerable and sentimental when they left Thorin at the gate. Now they had passed a couple nights on the road, the more in control Bilbo felt. He suspected the bond was to blame. Although his bond with Kili was far stronger, it seemed the more time he spent with Thorin, the more captivated he was by him and the harder he was to resist. That first day back in Erebor, Thorin did not get any further than a couple hugs. By the time they left, Bilbo was thoroughly reacquainted with the taste of his tongue. He was tempted by the king, but even with Thorin's weight on him and his gorgeous baritone whispering filthy thoughts in his ear, Bilbo managed himself in check for Kili's sake. Still, he couldn't help feeling a little guilty at the kisses that were shared...whether Kili had given him permission or not.

*****

When Beorn's house came into view, it was not a moment too soon for Bilbo. He pondered the long trip to Rivendell and dreaded the nights on the road. He loved riding with Kili--gorgeous, sadistic Kili who loved to talk sex to him when they were stuck on a pony for hours on end to pass the time--but he considered for the first time how difficult it would be for them to not have space of their own for days at a stretch. He hoped for more frequent settlements on the way back than they saw on their way out. He wondered just how far the eagles did manage to fly them last time? He knew it saved them days on the road, but was it more like weeks? He was sure that he still wanted to go home, but the reality of the trek was starting to sink in. He would make the most of the bed and the privacy while he had them, at any rate.

Gandalf was gone on one of his errands, but Beorn was thrilled to see them return. He declared that night to be a night of feasting and made Kili and Fili swear to him to play their fiddles.

The ponies were unpacked and tended. Kili was desperate for some proper time alone with Bilbo but there were chores to be done before that could happen. The four of them went through all the bundles from Erebor. They decided between them to save any of the food that would keep for when they left Beorn's. Quite a bit of it would, actually, and Bilbo suspected Thorin planned it that way.

"What's this?" Fili said.  
Bilbo glanced over. "Oh my!"

There were more bundles of clothes for all of them that were not the sets delivered to them by the tailor.

"It appears to be trousers and tunics," Kili said.  
Fili nodded. "The things we need the most."  
"Did you know about this?" Bofur asked.  
"No, not me," Fili replied. "Bilbo?"  
"No, I had no idea," he said, somewhat dazed.  
"Those poor tailors! Did they sleep at all this past week, I wonder?" Bofur said.  
"I can't imagine they did," Kili replied.

Kili shook his head in awe of the thoughtfulness of the gesture. Thorin knew they would have to use their new, nice clothes sooner or later for travel between Beorn's and the Shire. Thorin also knew even if they came across towns to replenish supplies, they would likely not have time to have additional clothes made. It seemed like all the things he told them about not wanting them to go without were true after all. He glanced over at Bilbo. The hobbit seemed genuinely touched. Although Bilbo saw the futility in being overly proud in appearance after a journey as difficult as theirs, Kili knew full well the pride hobbits had in their clothes. Bilbo told him once he had entire rooms devoted to wardrobe.

 _Food and clothes_ , Kili thought. Perhaps Thorin understood Bilbo better than either of them had given him credit.


	81. In Your Arms I Know I'll Find This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-travel smut. 
> 
> Also inside: Spring is in full bloom at Beorn's, Fili and Bofur are getting curious, and Kili and Bilbo go for a walk.

Bilbo and Kili were allowed the first post-road bath. Kili was far less concerned with washing than he was with molesting Bilbo.  
"Kee," Bilbo protested. "We've got to do what we're actually in here to do. Fili and Bofur are waiting for their turn."  
Kili grabbed two slick handfuls of Bilbo's bottom. "And I've been waiting for _my_ turn!"  
Bilbo said, "You do not think they also have some private business they'd like to conduct? The more quickly we wash, the more quickly we get to our bed. I promise once we get there, we will not come out again until dinner."  
Kili snatched the soap and tossed it to BIlbo.  
"What are you waiting for, then? Get to it!" Kili grinned.  
Bilbo rolled his eyes and grunted in exasperation. 

Secretly, he _loved_ it.

*****

Bofur approached Fili as the bath filled with fresh water. They had already disrobed. He reached to run his fingers down one of Fili's braids.  
"May I?" Bofur asked.  
Fili replied softly, "You do not need permission to loose my hair."

Bofur felt a lovely flutter inside. He gently removed Fili's ties and began to unravel his braids. He saved the courting braid for last, softly kissing the bead before he set it aside. Bofur returned his attention to Fili and ran his hands through the unbound strands. 

"Gorgeous," Bofur said breathily. "I can't begin to tell you how much I love that I may see you this way."  
"There is no part of me that you may not have, that you may not touch, or that you may not see," Fili confessed. 

Bofur tightened his hands in Fili's hair and brought his face up for a kiss. Fili softly moaned and wrapped his hands around Bofur's waist. They remained locked in their kiss for so long that they nearly overfilled the bath. 

Bofur reached up to untie his pigtails.  
"No, let me," Fili said.  
Bofur lowered his hands and gazed at Fili as he worked through his braids.  
"I love to see you like this just as much as you like to see me," Fili whispered. 

They climbed into the bath and settled in the water. Bofur leaned back and lowered his body until his entire head was below the surface. He bobbed back up and let out a smack of satisfaction.  
"I've gotten spoiled by these baths and springs, I'll tell you true," he said.  
Fili sank under the water to wet his head as well. "I do not think I've been clean this frequently in my life. Then again, I've never had a lover who so thoroughly sampled my body with his tongue, either."  
Bofur leaned over Fili and slipped the bar of soap between his legs, stroking up into the cleft of his buttocks. "I've never had a lover whose arse I was so inclined to lick."  
"Bo!" Fili giggled.  
Bofur dipped down to kiss Fili. "Well, 'tis true." 

Bofur set aside the soap and lengthened his stroke from Fili's entrance, up to his stones, and back down again. Fili closed his eyes and sighed happily.

"I don't suppose you would be so kind as to bend over the side of the bath?" Bofur said.  
"Whatever for?" Fili flirted.  
Bofur shrugged. "Oh, you know. Reasons."

Fili positioned himself with his backside out of the water. Bofur spread him wide and licked him full along the flesh exposed. Fili hissed in a breath. Bofur licked him broadly several times in succession before focusing his efforts on the exposed pucker. Fili tensed, moaned, and splashed as Bofur gave his hole close attention. He already wanted so badly to come. 

Bofur ran the pad of his finger over Fili's wet opening in between licks. He thought about the things Bilbo got up to with Kili and wondered what Fili would do if he pushed inside. The more he licked, the more he thought about it. Would Fili scream? Would he be angry? Would he come? He decided to play it safe and slide his tongue inside instead. Fili's groan of pleasure buzzed against his mouth. Bofur pushed in and out with as much depth and speed as he could bear. He heard a soft splashing and realized Fili was stroking himself. He spread Fili as wide as he could and speared him repeatedly. Fili's moans turned into a shout and the telltale flutter let Bofur know that Fili had just finished around his tongue. 

When Bofur drew back, he saw Fili clinging to the side of the bath and panting heavily. Fili stayed like that a few moments before he moved.  
"That was... _oh_ ," Fili frowned.  
Bofur was concerned. "What?"  
"I was so distracted that I spilled in the water," Fili said, scooting over to Bofur. He slicked a hand down Bofur's length.  
"Fuck it, I say," Bofur said.  
Fili laughed. "What's a little seed amongst friends?"  
Bofur pulled Fili tightly against him.  
He drawled lowly, "I should hope we're a little more than friends."  
Fili whispered against Bofur's lips, "Quite a bit more."  
Fili closed the hair's breadth of distance between them with a soft kiss. Parting his lips, he coaxed Bofur's mouth open and flicked a light touch of his tongue inside. Bofur cradled the back of Fili's head and crushed their mouths together, deep, hot, and wide.  
Parting again, Fili reiterated softly, "So much more."

*****

Bilbo thought they might take their time once they reached the bedroom but Kili had other plans. Before Bilbo had the chance, Kili was preparing himself.  
"Gods, slow down and let me watch this," Bilbo said. "You look fantastic."  
"I'll look more fantastic with your cock inside me," Kili replied.  
Bilbo stroked his own length as he watched two of Kili's fingers disappear between his legs.  
Bilbo said, "Maybe I wanted _your_ cock inside _me_."  
Kili poured more oil and nudged Bilbo's hand out of the way. He coated Bilbo's prick.  
"Get in line," Kili sassed.  
Bilbo smirked. "Oh, that smart mouth of yours is going to cost you."  
"Promises, promises," Kili said.

Bilbo twisted Kili around until his back was flat on his bed but his legs were to the side, exposing his bum so Bilbo could fit inside. Bilbo pushed into Kili, bracing himself with an arm and a knee up on the bed. Kili whimpered and tried to push back, but he was in no position to gain control of his own taking. Bilbo's eyes were closed in bliss. It had been too many days since they had coupled. He looked down at Kili, whose mouth was open, gasping, and emitting the most arousing noises. _How did I ever resist him_? Bilbo wondered.

Kili managed at last to get some leverage and flipped full on his side. Bilbo let his bracing arm go and was soon just spaces away from being spooned against Kili. Kili was able to rock against him like this and Bilbo loved the feel of it. He pulled one of Kili's thighs open and hooked a knee around his arm to spread him wider. He used this new advantage to push into him harder. Kili started whining out beautiful noises and Bilbo knew he had discovered a good angle. Kili's cries were becoming more high-pitched and desperate and Bilbo was grateful. He was very close to the edge himself and wanted to take Kili with him. With no free hand, he whispered to Kili, "Touch yourself." The dwarf did not need any more encouragement. Bilbo could not keep the pressure within him from swelling beyond his control. He came pulsing with a shout. He continued to move within Kili, pegging his spot until Kili cried out and shook. Bilbo lowered Kili's thigh and stroked his hip but did not slide out.

"I will never get over what it feels like for you to claim me," Kili said breathlessly. "I do not know how I could be more yours if I tried."  
Bilbo kissed his shoulder and made a contented sound.  
 _Well, I know **one** way,_ Kili thought, smiling and thinking once again of Rivendell.

*****

Dinner was a happy reunion with Beorn. He wanted to hear all about the trip to and from Erebor, especially.  


"I am glad you are finding no threats on the road. It bodes well not only for our trade partners and friends, but for Erebor itself. I had worried that perhaps unconsidered foes may begin to creep toward the mountain," Beorn said.  
"It is possible it still could happen but Thorin is not unaware," Fili said. "He has the army from the Iron Hills still amassed at Erebor to keep it protected. He told me they periodically send small forces out beyond the perimeter to make sure the roads and surrounding woods are safe."  
"Wise of him," Beorn said.  
Fili agreed. 

After dinner, Kili, Fili, and Bofur played music for their host and Bilbo and Bofur sang. Beorn laughed and sang along to everything he knew...and a few things he didn't.  
As the revelry wound down, Beorn remarked, "It has been quiet around here without the four of you, that is for sure!"  
Bilbo felt a pang of guilt. They would have to leave Beorn and fairly soon, too, if they were to reach Rivendell for the summer.  
"We shall be sad to go again," Bilbo said.  
Beorn smiled kindly and put a large hand on Bilbo's back. "Be not sad, my bunny. Wonderful times cannot go on forever, but we can always remember the happiness they brought us while they lasted."  
"Well said," Bofur replied, raising his mug aloft.

*****

Bilbo looked up adoringly at Kili. The dwarf had Bilbo's thighs pushed back and was sliding in and out of him achingly slow. He was whispering words of sweetness and caressing every bit of the skin he could reach. For all Kili's love of the wild and playful, Bilbo marveled at how he also managed to make the most tender love.

Kili met Bilbo's gaze and quirked a smile. It took Bilbo's breath away.

*****

"Erebor is nice, but I'm relieved to be back here," Fili said.  
"You were worried, weren't you? That you'd have to stay?" Bofur asked.  
Fili snuggled further into Bofur. "Yes, does that make me a bad prince?"  
"I don't think it does," Bofur said.  
Fili thought for a moment. "Bad nephew?"  
"I suppose it depends on how one looks at it," Bofur reasoned. "Your 'bad nephew' decisions lately have been because you are an amazing brother. It is an unfortunate fact that Kili and Thorin both can't win right now."  
"My heart aches because just about everyone who means something to Thorin is in this house at the moment and only traveling further away from him. He is losing so much and I-I do not want to add to his pain," Fili said.  
Bofur kissed his head. "From what you've told me, Kili has been on the losing side plenty himself. I've been there for some of it. Your brother deserves happiness, too. Long overdue, I'd say."  
"I suppose. I just-"  
Bofur gently hushed him. "Thorin began making the decisions that led to present events long ago, before we ever found the door to the cursed dragon. You cannot beat yourself up for the way things have turned out. Even if you were to remain with him and sacrifice visiting westward with Kili, Thorin would still be without Bilbo. Only instead of making just himself miserable, he'd make you miserable as well. You cannot fix what ails Thorin, Fee."  
Fili sighed. "But I _want_ to."  
"And that is what makes you a good nephew," Bofur said.

*****

Bilbo and Bofur sat in the grass watching Fili and Kili spar. The brothers were showing off for their suitors by teasing and baiting each other and using moves far too embellished to be practical for anything but exhibition play. Bofur and Bilbo could not help but laugh and laugh hard at the two of them putting on such a show. Fili and Kili were enjoying it as well. Kili's smile seemed to Bilbo to be nearly as bright as the afternoon sun.

Bilbo's mind had been playing over the things they discussed on the road. Oddly enough, Thorin had not been a frequent topic of conversation since they left Erebor. Nowhere near as much as he had been for them prior, anyway. Bilbo kept coming back to Kili's comment while they were stargazing. As early as the night they met, Kili had apparently been able to read him. Bilbo _hadn't_ been as happy alone in his home as he insisted he was. And Kili had faith in him right away, laying coins on the bet that Bilbo would join them. He tried not to compare Kili to Thorin in this instance, for Thorin was responsible for the safety and care of his whole group with many cares on his mind. Still, thinking back on it now and all the things that had happened since, Bilbo could not help but feel like Kili had been special since the very beginning.

*****

Gandalf was back by mid-week. He, too, was interested in the visit to Erebor. Fili told him about the disaster at council. Gandalf did not seem to assume any responsibility for the debacle, but he was pleased to learn that the notion of King's Privilege was at least appropriately horrifying to Thorin. Bilbo and Kili wisely kept their various agreements with Thorin to themselves, but did share with Gandalf that they were tentatively moving forward with their own ways to repair past hurts with the king. Bilbo wanted Gandalf to know correspondence from Erebor would be welcome and not a cause for alarm. Gandalf was amused and intrigued by Bilbo's new ambassadorship as well as Kili's role. For his part, Gandalf brought good news about the road ahead. He had been to Rivendell and back a couple times since their stay at Beorn's and remarked that, although never guaranteed, the way seemed frought with far less peril than it was the first time.

Gandalf took Bilbo aside privately.  
"Did you find what you sought?" Gandalf asked.  
"Well, it was not I who was seeking this time around," Bilbo said.  
Gandalf raised his eyebrows. "No?"  
"Kili was the one who had questions to be answered," Bilbo replied.  
"But you had questions, too, did you not? Concerning Thorin?"  
Bilbo looked down. "I suppose I did."  
"Since you are here, I gather that Kili's faith in what is between you was not undeserved."

Bilbo was always disconcerted how Gandalf looked at him as though he could see into his mind.

"I guess you could say we passed the test," Bilbo said.  
Gandalf nodded. "How many more tests must Kili pass? How long will you make him wait before you are satisfied?"  
"What do you mean?" Bilbo asked.  
Gandalf did not reply.  
"Gandalf?"  
Gandalf moved to leave Bilbo alone. He glanced back. "I believe you know what I mean. Think on it."

*****

Bofur felt the bed clothes move against his back as he breathed heavily. Fili had been particularly insistent this night and they had just finished each other for the second time. As Fili collapsed next to him, Bofur's head lolled to the side to take in the sight. Fili was always beautifully flushed after they played, usually with a fine sheen of sweat that made him glow all the more. Bofur's thoughts about penetrating Fili with more than his tongue had increased in frequency. Perhaps enough time had not passed for them to plunge headlong into betrothal, but fuck if Bofur did not _want_. He did not know quite how it all worked, but the thought of moving within Fili, feeling his heat with his fingers (or-- _Mahal_ \--his cock) moved him on every level.

*****

Bilbo sat straight up, waking from a nightmare. In his dream, Kili had gone from him. He had spoken with emotionless calm and told Bilbo they were finished with each other. Bilbo had cried and begged but Kili merely looked through him as though he were a pane of glass. He left and Bilbo could find no trace of him to even plead for his return. It was so horrifyingly vivid that he thought Kili being in the bed with him was the part that was imaginary.

It took Kili a moment to figure out what was happening because Bilbo was not screaming or thrashing like he usually did. The hobbit was still frantic, though. Once Bilbo verified that Kili was there willingly and in the flesh, he held onto him as though he might escape. 

"Kili, I'm so sorry! You offered me your heart in Lake Town and I refused it like a fool. What if you had accepted that? Or what if you had run away? What if you listened to me every time I told you I was going to stay with Thorin? What if you hadn't come back to the tent the day you left me? If that had been the end of us? What if the dragon had killed you? Or the battle? You would have fallen and I wouldn't have known how sweet it was to share this life with you. If _any_ of that happened, I wouldn't have known how precious and boundless your love truly was. I wouldn't have had the chance to tell you...to show you...you are everything to me."

Bilbo was openly weeping.

"Shhh, sweet love. None of that happened. You and I are together now and all of that has only made us more thankful for it," Kili soothed.

Bilbo felt terribly lucky that none of it did happen. How many times did he come close to not having Kili hold him like he was holding him now? Kili's own love, determination, and no short amount of good fortune on both their parts led them to this point. And what did Bilbo do to show Kili his appreciation? Hold off their courtship, hold off their bonding, pine for Thorin, _kiss_ Thorin, and allow Kili to consummate their bond while nearly ignoring the subject of betrothal! Kili was a well of patience and Bilbo thought it was nearly luck alone that it hadn't run out yet.

Kili kissed Bilbo and rubbed comfortingly on his back until Bilbo regained some of his wits.

Bilbo said, "Thank you, Kili. Thank you for being patient, for being steadfast, and for loving me even though I've been a complete idiot. Everything I love about us, I owe to you."  
Kili hummed a quiet laugh. "I think you are underestimating your role in this relationship. I love you for a reason, you know. Several, actually."  
Bilbo smiled as he wiped his eyes.  
"Mine?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili kissed him. "Yours."

*****

Fili stirred in the night. Bofur was draped across half Fili's torso. Feeling his lover's heat and weight made his cock twitch again. Bofur had already proved himself better than even Fili's fantasies up to that point, but Fili wanted more. Kili's face when he talked about having sex with Bilbo was simply so... _blissful_ , so satisfied, that Fili could not help but wonder. That, plus the earth-shaking moans that emanated from their room regularly filled him with envy. Even the way Kili and Bilbo behaved around each other now made it clear something had shifted in their relationship and brought them closer. Indeed, they were more sickening than ever before. Fili wondered more and more what it would feel like inside Bofur. What Bofur would feel like inside _him_. Were they ready to make all Balin's marriage talk a reality? Perhaps not. Then again, Kili and Bilbo had been having sex without a betrothal. Kili planned on asking Bilbo to marry him, of course, but it wouldn't be for a little while yet. Still, Kili cautioned Fili that bonding in the manner of hobbits was not something to take lightly.

Imagining what it would be like to make love with Bofur was too tantalizing. Fili's hypothetical thoughts were soon abandoned in favor of waking and seducing the dwarf in his bed for the third time that night. 

" _Mahal,_ Fee," Bofur moaned as Fili wrapped his lips around his cock. "Oh yes, right _there_. Fuck, you are too good to be true."

*****

The flowers in Beorn's garden and the surrounding areas were beginning to blossom now that spring had fully arrived. Fili and Bofur started returning from their walks with small wildflowers laced into their plaits. Bilbo woke one morning to a bundle of fragrant blooms next to the bed--he didn't even realize Kili had gotten up before he did! One day not long after, Bilbo planned a picnic for the two of them under their tree. He had some promises to keep.

Bilbo packed up a blanket, wine, butter, some of the dried fruits from Erebor, and a loaf of bread fresh out of the oven that Fili had baked especially for them. Kili thought there could not have been a more perfect day to spend outdoors. It was warm, sunny, and the tree had leafed out enough to give them a pleasing mix of sun and shade. Bilbo spread the blanket out under the great oak and they happily munched on their snacks. 

"This was a fantastic idea!" Kili said.  
Bilbo was leaning against the tree trunk and his thigh had turned into Kili's pillow once the dwarf had eaten.  
"I must admit I had an ulterior motive in being out with you today," Bilbo said.  
Kili looked up. "Oh?"  
"Yes. I recall promising you at some point that I would make you a flower crown, officially, as your suitor and one who loves you. Well, the flowers are in bloom and I think we're well past time for me to keep my word."  
Kili sat straight up. "Are you serious?"  
"I think today is a fine day for a picnic and a flower walk, don't you?" Bilbo asked.

Kili giggled and stood up. He grabbed Bilbo's hand and pulled him along.  
"Come on!"

*****

Bilbo and Kili sat across from each other in the sunshine, a little ways off from their tree. A pile of picked flowers was between them. They set about creating things for each other as they once had in Lake Town, back before they confessed their hearts.

"I didn't know the meaning of flowers for dwarves when I made bracelets and crowns for all the children of Lake Town. They'll be terribly sad that I'm courting another, I'm sure," Bilbo teased.  
Kili sniffed, "Well, too bad for them. You are my suitor!"  
"I think we should count ourselves lucky that I did not make more missteps than I did while navigating the intricacies of dwarven love. So much is just...assumed. Hobbits may see flowers as a sign of love and they can be exchanged with intent, but merely putting flowers in your hair is not alone a declaration as it is with your folk. I cannot lie, though. I felt love for you that day we sat outside telling stories to those children. I defended our friendship to Thorin and swore our innocence. It is almost embarrassing, now, how hollow the truth was. You were-you were so beautiful that day. I think I might have been trying to convince myself as much as I was trying to convince Thorin. I look back now and wonder how I slept in his arms that night with you just down the hall."  
"Bilbo," Kili said softly. "I knew what I was doing when I let you plait my hair. I wasn't trying to make fun of you like Thorin thought. I was in love with you and it just felt so _right_. I suppose it was wrong not to tell you but I was so lost in the moment I let you do it anyway. I wanted it so badly and I didn't know about Thorin. I hoped you and I had a chance, that possibly somehow you meant it without even knowing it. Your hands felt so good in my hair and your lips were so warm on my cheek. You could have asked me to do anything in that moment and I would have, just for a chance to be yours."  
"I saw it," Bilbo confessed. "I didn't know how deep your feelings ran, but by the time I got to the second braid, you were all but purring beneath my fingers. I knew it was affecting you and I didn't stop. It wasn't until kissing your cheek affected _me_ so much that I stopped pressing the boundaries."  
Kili smiled. "It is rather arousing to think of you noticing my interest and purposefully not stopping. It is a wonder I didn't just throw you down at any given point in Lake Town and make you beg for it. How did I last so long?"  
"I don't know how I managed not to beg for it, being thrown down or not. You nearly had me the first time you kissed me, whispering in my ear how you wanted me to have you. Do you know I found it so sexy that I would imagine it as I touched myself for weeks after?"  
"Honestly?"  
Bilbo closed his eyes and sighed sensuously, "Oh, yes. It is still one of my favorite memories, although I'm not taking care of myself alone much these days. _Someone_ is fucking me bowlegged on a regular basis."  
"You have no idea how many times you got me off before you ever touched me," Kili admitted. "After you kissed me, it only increased. I came twice the night I found out you had been sleeping in my bed when I was gone. Between the memory of your body against me that afternoon and the thought of your head on my pillow, I had no choice. Thank goodness Fili is a heavy sleeper."

Bilbo completed the crown he had been knotting. He stood and reached out to place it on Kili's head. Kili looked up at him with a mixture of such adoration and hope that Bilbo quivered slightly as he crowned him.

Kili might have sworn his heart stopped for a moment when he felt the wreath settle on his head. Although Bilbo had been warming his bed for several weeks, this felt like something toward which they had long been building. There were a thousand things he wanted to say to Bilbo in this moment, at least 200 them being variations of marriage proposals. Not trusting his voice to make an appropriate decision, he instead reached out a hand and pulled Bilbo down to kiss him tenderly.

*****

Bilbo and Kili were well and truly adorned, more than making up for lost time and missed opportunities. Each of them had flowers in their courting plaits. bracelets on each arm, intricate crowns on their heads, and Bilbo even had anklets. They strolled hand and hand around Beorn's property. They spent time admiring its beauty, the creatures that lived on it, and the way each other looked in the sunlight before walking back toward their tree.

Bilbo said, "If you are going to be living in the Shire, you will probably need some manner of last name."  
Kili hummed in thought. "Do I just make one up?"  
"No, it should be a name that is known. What about 'Baggins'?" Bilbo suggested.  
"That's your name. Your neighbors will think you married me," Kili chuckled as they reached the base of the oak.  
Bilbo faced Kili and took his other hand. "My father built my mother the finest home in the Shire because he wanted to share a life with her. I didn't have to dig it myself, yet I have offered that same home to you. It seems only right that you should wear the name that goes with it."

Kili could not breathe for a moment. He knew what this sounded like but he did not trust himself to hope.

Bilbo lowered to his knees and removed all doubt. "Marry me, Kili."  
"Me?" Kili's eyes welled up with emotion. " _You_ want to marry _me_?"  
"That's usually how it works when someone decides they want to spend the rest of their life with someone, isn't it?" Bilbo gently teased.

Kili, trembling and incredulous, looked at Bilbo a moment before he dropped to his own knees and crashed his mouth on Bilbo's.

"Is this real? Is this _really_ real?" Kili said when they broke, clutching Bilbo's face with both his hands.  
"I want you," Bilbo said. "Now and always, from top to bottom. I've been foolish making you wait when I've felt it all this time. Please, Kili. Please tell me I didn't wait too long. Please marry me."  
"Yes!" Kili cried. "Yes, I will marry you! Gods..." Kili kissed Bilbo all over his face and clutched him tight. "I swear to the Valar, if I'm dreaming this time, I pray I never, ever wake again."

Bilbo beamed and kissed Kili back. Their mouths broke their kisses with uncontrollable smiles. The smiles gave way to happy laughter and they giggled and kissed until they fell over on the blanket. That only made them laugh more. Sweet, elated kisses soon deepened into something more passionate and meaningful. As they shed their clothes, there were no protests or worries about what was or was not appropriate. There was only each other; nothing else in the world mattered to either of them in that moment.

Kili did not think he had ever been this happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from one of the most beautiful love songs ever. I thought it was appropriate for the boys.
> 
> http://youtu.be/0pB6wwVG_dU


	82. Interlude:  Consummation Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Engagement smut part 1

Bilbo covered Kili's body with sensuous, languid kisses. As he worked his way across his skin, Kili could feel the small, wet places left by Bilbo's tongue as they cooled in the light spring breeze. Kili nearly chuckled at the sight of the top of Bilbo's head crowned in flowers as it moved downward. Flower wreaths, engagement, _that mouth_ on his skin...Kili was a mass of emotion and sensation. 

Bilbo licked soft, teasing paths along Kili's cock but moved on to Kili's thighs without pursuing a more thorough investigation. Kili arched and whimpered but Bilbo did not waver in his pursuit down his legs. After kissing all of Kili's toes, Bilbo worked his way back up again. He stopped once more to tease at Kili's length, humming satisfaction when he tasted the arousal that had been gathering there. He picked up one of Kili's wrists and buried his nose in the flowers encircling it before he kissed up to the crook of Kili's elbow. He moved over to lick circles around Kili's navel ring, now nearly healed enough to pull, and mouthed his way up to Kili's other ring that was ready for Bilbo's full attention. Kili was trembling with want by the time Bilbo reached his mouth again at last. Bilbo licked at Kili's lips, already parted eagerly for him. Kili held Bilbo close and slid against him as they kissed. 

"Claim me," Bilbo murmured, voice raspy with desire. "Properly this time, as it should have been before."  
"Mahal, Bilbo," Kili breathed.  
Bilbo whispered, "Consummate our bond. Our real bond, my _betrothed_."

Kili felt electricity shoot down his spine and begin racing back and forth in his abdomen.  
"Yes," he whispered back.  
He paused for a moment. "We did not think to bring any oil with us," Kili said. 

Bilbo frowned. It just wouldn't do to break their tender moment to dress and go back in the house. They could do other things, he supposed, but there was something appealingly poetic about getting betrothed and claiming each other under their tree. He spotted the butter container on the blanket with its contents further softened by the being out in the sun. He grinned wickedly at Kili as he reached over to grab it.

"You are kidding," Kili said with a smile as Bilbo straddled him.  
Bilbo shook his head, smile equally wide. "Do you have a better idea?" he almost giggled.  
Kili shrugged. He scooped some out, coated his fingers, and slipped a digit inside Bilbo.  
"Mmm, that's nice, that is," Bilbo purred.  
"So many innocent things will seem erotic to me after today. Flowers, oak trees, butter..." Kili said. 

After Bilbo was prepared (with no small amount of impatience on the hobbit's part), they shifted so Kili could lean against the tree as Bilbo moved on him. "I want to be able to hold you," Kili had insisted. Bilbo looked at Kili in the daylight. He was gorgeous wearing flowers against his dark hair. Though there was unmistakable lust in his eyes, Kili also bore an expression of absolute joy. Bilbo sank down fully into Kili's lap. The dwarf growled in pleasure and wrapped his arms around the small of Bilbo's back as they began to move.

*****

Fili was beating down another couple rounds of dough for baking when something caught his eye.

"Oh, Bo," he lamented. "Bee forgot to pack their honey for their lunch!"  
"Ah, so he did. Want me to bring it to them?" Bofur asked.  
"They've probably already half-demolished that bread. Still, they'd probably appreciate it if they wanted seconds," Fili reasoned.  
"I'll run it out, then. Do you figure they are having their picnic under that big oak?" Bofur said.  
Fili huffed a laugh. "Do you think Kili would let them have one anywhere else? 'Our tree, our tree, that's our tree, you know,'" he mocked.  
Bofur laughed. "And here I was, hoping romantic notions ran in your family."  
Still laughing, Bofur dodged the kitchen towel Fili playfully flung at him. It hit the wall in a floury puff.

*****

Bofur wandered around the outside of the house and towards the large oak. As he neared, much as Fili had surmised, Bilbo and Kili were indeed under their tree. Bofur stopped short when he figured out what he was seeing.

Both Kili and Bilbo were visible to Bofur from the side. Bilbo was naked in Kili's lap, all softness and creamy skin with what seemed to be a rather impressive erection for his stature bobbing between them. Kili was also naked, more compact and less hairy than Fili, but still sinewy and strong. He was sitting up against the trunk with his arms around his lover, caressing his back. Crowns of flowers adorned both of their heads as their longer hair flowed beneath. He could see blooms wrapped around their wrists and what appeared to be around Bilbo's ankles as well. Bofur found the idea intriguing and had a lost moment of picturing Fili with delicate flower anklets of his own. A sound of pleasure brought him back to the scene at hand. The couple was moving together, Bilbo sliding up and down Kili's shaft. Bofur quite couldn't see from his vantage point, but he was pretty sure as to where it was disappearing. What struck him most was the tenderness. Bilbo was leaned forward so that his forehead rested on Kili's as the rest of his body moved. Both of them had their eyes closed and wore expressions of such peaceful bliss. 

They were nothing short of beautiful together.

Bofur knew he shouldn't be watching but he couldn't look away. He was fairly well hidden by his angle and his distance, not to mention that Kili and Bilbo obviously were in a world of their own at the moment. 

Fili came up behind Bofur, talking as he walked.  
"You forgot a spoon-"

Bofur held up a hand to silence him. Fili stopped talking and followed Bofur's line of sight. Slowly creeping up next to Bofur, Fili was also entranced by the scene.

"We shouldn't be watching this," Fili whispered quietly so as to not be discovered. He did not take his eyes off the couple.  
"Quite right," Bofur whispered back, also not looking at anything but Bilbo and Kili.  
"Seriously, we should go back in the house," Fili insisted.  
"You first, then," Bofur said.  
Neither of them made a move.

Bilbo moaned and threw his head back. Kili licked the line of his neck up until he could not reach anymore. Bilbo seized Kili's face and kissed him in a way Fili thought was as pornographic as the act they were performing. Fili had not paid much attention to Bilbo on those occasions he saw him without his clothes but it was difficult not to fixate on him now. Bilbo's body was smooth and pale; he moved with serpentine grace. Although not his usual type, he could see why Kili was so enamored of the hobbit's form. He was quite lovely. Fili also could not help noting that although he had very briefly seen Bilbo and Thorin engaged in sex, what he was watching now did not even appear to be the same act. 

*****

Bilbo and Kili moved together. They always relished the feeling of their bodies joined, but this time seemed to have a hint of ceremony to it as well. Bilbo let it all wash over him and reveled in it. He grabbed Kili's face and kissed him passionately. It was as filthy as it was loving and Kili responded enthusiastically. Kili reached up a hand of his own to cradle Bilbo's face just as Bilbo was holding his.

"I'm going to marry you," Kili said, eyes threatening to fill again.  
"I'm counting on it," Bilbo replied, also a little watery.  
Kili buried his head in Bilbo's chest and held him tight, never wavering in the rhythm of his hips.  
"I'm going to fucking marry you," Kili repeated. 

Bilbo giggled even as a tear fell down his cheek. Tears, laughter, and sex. _This is what Kili does to me_ , Bilbo thought.  
"I could handle this for the rest of my life," Bilbo said aloud.  
"You'll have it," Kili promised, craning his neck up to get kisses. "Anything. Always. Just... _fuck_ , don't stop."  
"I want to make you come. _Gods_ , I need it inside me. Make me yours. Entirely yours," Bilbo panted.  
Kili already felt as though he were on fire, but now he was ablaze.  
"All I've ever wanted," Kili managed to gasp.

Bilbo held to Kili as he arched back, moaning and crying out. He was riding Kili faster and Kili was rising up harder each time to meet him, groaning and wailing in return. Kili was only _just_ grazing the spot that made him go wild and Bilbo wanted more of it. He arched back further. Knowing what Bilbo wanted, Kili cradled his lower back with one hand and held firm against his chest with the other. Feeling secure, Bilbo let Kili hold him as he leaned back into it. He felt his crown slip from his head. A moment later, he felt Kili drive against him in a way that made him yelp. Kili fucked into him at that angle, bracing him securely as he made him cry out over and over. 

"I want you to get there just like this," Kili murmured lasciviously. 

Bilbo's reply never made it to his throat. Kili relentlessly pushed into him until Bilbo came screaming, spurting and untouched.

*****

Sweet whimpers and soft moans that Bofur and Fili initially barely heard from their distance grew in volume and urgency. They could see Kili and Bilbo moving faster, now, and the tenderness was being overtaken by something more primal and needy. Bilbo's back was arched as he clutched Kili's head into his chest. Kili's knees were pulled up to give him more leverage to push and Bilbo was undulating more rapidly. Each time he sank down, his cries grew louder and more broken. Kili was keening and moaning louder with each stroke.

Fili felt particularly guilty because it was obvious that they did not think anyone could see or hear them. He did not budge, though. For his part, Bofur was too entranced to feel ashamed. He was fascinated by watching the dance that was behind the symphony of sounds that drifted from the couple's room at night. 

They saw as Kili slipped a hand down to the small of Bilbo's back and pushed another hand along his chest, leaning the hobbit back far enough that he lost his circlet of flowers to the ground beneath his feet. Bilbo was yelping and gasping with every push as Kili pulled him hard against him. Bilbo screamed and stuttered. Kili was still pumping him as Bilbo gulped for breath, the dwarf roaring out and crying Bilbo's name. Kili and Bilbo both jerked a few times more before Kili pulled Bilbo back against him. The two of them settled against the tree for a moment; Kili's back to the bark and Bilbo leaning against his stomach. They kissed tenderly.

Bofur took Fili's hand and they quietly made their escape before they were detected. 

*****

Once in the house, Bofur led Fili to the bedroom. He pushed him against the wall and kissed him desperately.  
"You may call me a deviant if you must but that almost made me spill in my trousers," Bofur said breathlessly.  
"I'm a bigger deviant than you. I just watched _my own brother_ make love to his suitor," Fili wailed, fingers furiously working to unlace his own trousers.  
"Or you watched Bilbo make love to him. That's not as bad, right?" Bofur supplied helpfully. 

He kissed Fili, forcing his lips open with his tongue. Fili pulled in a breath through his nose and sucked on Bofur's tongue. Without looking, he had Bofur's trousers pushed down and both of their pricks gripped in his hand before Bofur broke the kiss with a grunt. 

"I don't think it counts as perversion, anyway. Art is supposed to be admired," Bofur said.  
"Art?" Fili asked, pausing his stroke.  
"I don't know what else you would call it. That...well, I don't know what I thought they were doing in their room at night but I didn't think it looked like _that_ ," Bofur said admiringly.  
Bofur licked his palm and reached down to pick up where Fili had left off.  
Fili moaned. "I want it, Bo. I want _that_. Mahal help me, but I want to fuck you," he said breathlessly.  
Bofur growled and dropped to his knees. "Show me. Take my mouth and show me what you'd do to me," he commanded.  
Fili felt Bofur's lips wrap around him, sliding down to wet his length, but then he paused. Fili glanced down and saw Bofur looking back up at him expectantly. Too far gone to be embarrassed, Fili moved in and out of Bofur's mouth. He was slow at first, imagining that he was pushing into Bofur's tighter hole instead. He increased his speed as he took Bofur harder in his mind. Bofur had to brace against Fili's hips to keep from choking as Fili pumped him faster and faster. Soon, Fili tensed, grunted, and flooded Bofur's mouth with his release. 

The scene outside and Fili speaking of things so taboo nearly had Bofur finishing as Fili came. Still on his knees, he reached for himself. Fili pushed him backward and joined him on the floor.  
"By my mouth, and you'd best not spare me a drop," Fili said silkily as he moved down to take Bofur into his mouth.  
"N-not lasting long," Bofur warned. " _Fuck_!"

His mind was so full of erotic images that he could not focus on a single one before Fili was greedily swallowing his seed.


	83. Interlude:  Consummation Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Engagement smut part 2, Fili and Bofur have a discussion, and Bilbo has a strange dream.

Because the bark was biting into Kili's back, Bilbo eased himself off his lover and they cuddled into each other on the blanket.

Bilbo felt as though his blood was buzzing under his skin. The promise that accompanied this coupling made it all the more intense. Although he had been betrothed before, Bilbo had not experienced or appreciated it like this. Or maybe Kili was just _Kili_. The dwarf seemed to be the precious exception to everything Bilbo thought he knew.

Kili stroked a hand through Bilbo's waves as the sounds of nature carried on around them.  
"You fucked your flowers off," Kili said.  
"Excuse me? I believe _you_ fucked my flowers off," Bilbo replied.  
"So I did. Well, it isn't every day a lad gets engaged, you know," Kili joked.  
"True."  
Kili let out a happy yell and rolled on top of Bilbo. "We are getting married!"  
Bilbo giggled. "Yes, I know. I was there."  
Kili rolled his eyes and began smothering Bilbo's face with little kisses and pressing into his tickle spots along his sides.  
Bilbo squealed. "Stop! Ah, stop! Stop!"

Kili landed the last kiss on Bilbo's mouth and flattened his palm to stroke Bilbo's side, earning him a much more favorable response. Bilbo twined his hand into Kili's hair and rolled his hips upward. Kili pulled back with a happy sigh and rested his head on his hand.

"I was going to ask you to marry me," Kili confessed.  
"What? When?" Bilbo asked.  
"In Rivendell. I had decided to ask you to marry me when we got there," Kili said.  
"You were _not_ ," Bilbo countered.  
Kili was indignant. "I was _so_! You can ask Fee! I told him all about it. I have some pieces of Ereborian mithril that neither Fili nor I have the skill to craft. I was going to see if I could pay one of the elven smiths to make rings for us and then I was going to ask you to marry me."  
"Elven smiths for a dwarven engagement?" Bilbo asked. It seemed rather unlikely.  
"Well, the metal would be dwarven. Historic dwarven, even. But you have such a fondness for the elves. I thought you would rather enjoy having something special created by them," Kili explained.

Bilbo gazed up at him in wonder. Kili was going to commission _elvish_ rings for them to wear, simply because he thought it would please him.

Kili took in Bilbo's astonished expression and thought he still didn't believe him.  
"As a matter of fact, I have a piece of it in my bag! Here, I'll show you," Kili said as he started to get up.  
Bilbo held fast to his arm and pulled him close again.  
"I believe you," Bilbo said softly. "You carry a piece in your 'baggins?""  
Kili smiled sheepishly. The name Fili gave it still embarrassed him. "It is not enough to craft much all on its own, but I liked having it in there to remind me."  
Bilbo brushed his knuckles tenderly down Kili's face. "Did I...did I ruin something special by asking you?"  
"No!" Kili protested. "I can always present you with rings! Not having to wait to know that you want this is worth it. More than worth it--you wanting it enough to ask for it means everything to me. Not having to fear that you might say no-"  
"Did you think I would turn you down?" Bilbo interrupted.  
"I feared it, sure," Kili admitted.  
Bilbo felt his heart ache a little bit. "Oh, dear heart."  
Kili smiled. "So you see, you've gone and made it much better. We'll still see about having those rings crafted, of course."

Kili's confession stirred Bilbo's emotions and the press of their bodies together was stirring something else entirely. Bilbo nipped at Kili's neck and sucked a fresh mark into his favorite spot.  
Kissing along Kili's collarbone, Bilbo said, "We've only half consummated our betrothal, you know."  
Kili felt Bilbo's hand smooth across the swell of his bottom. He leaned down to whisper in Bilbo's ear.  
"I find it unacceptable that you are not dripping down my leg at this very moment," he said lewdly.  
Bilbo huffed a laugh and bit his lip. "I love the obscene way you speak to me."

Kili rolled on his back and winked at Bilbo. The hobbit swirled his fingers in the liquifying butter and pressed into his lover. Kili sighed Bilbo's name and hummed encouragement. Hums turned to little squeaks and mewls as Bilbo took his time to stretch him further and apply pressure to his favorite spots.

"You are so enticing like this. Maybe I'll just work you with my fingers and finish you with my mouth," Bilbo teased.  
He had every intention of reclaiming Kili, of course, but he loved to jest with the dwarf until he told him exactly what he wanted.  
Kili panted, "Don't...you...dare! More than ever- _oh fuck, that's good_ -I need...you inside...me."  
"I need it, too," Bilbo agreed, erect once again.

Slicking himself, he pushed back Kili's thighs and pressed inside. He closed his eyes and let himself get caught up in the sensation. He always loved the moment when he slipped past the resistance and was simply enveloped. Kili--his wonderful, limber Kili--spread his legs wide and tugged him down.  
"I need you closer," Kili said. "Kiss me."  
Before Bilbo could comply, Kili leaned up and claimed Bilbo's lips. Bilbo pushed down against him and matched the rhythm of his tongue in Kili's mouth to that of his cock inside Kili's arse. Kili moaned against him as they moved.

Kili gave himself over to the feelings swelling within him. The further they took it, the further he always wanted to go. The first time they kissed, the first time they were naked, the first time they made love, and now...Bilbo wanted to be married. _Asked_ him to be his. When they reached the Shire, he would stand before Bilbo and promise everything to him. Kili's faith had been rewarded. He would have his love. He was drunk on emotion, on their bond, and on this incredible pleasure as Bilbo obscenely shared his body for the first time as intendeds.

It wasn't long until the steady rolling in and out turned into more frantic thrusting as Bilbo's lust got the better of him. Kili enjoyed watching Bilbo unravel.  
Grinning mischeviously, Kili said, "I want you to finish first, because I am going to come inside you again."  
"Fuck!" Bilbo moaned. This dwarf was too much. _I **am** the luckiest bloody hobbit who ever lived_ , Bilbo thought.

Bracing himself against Kili's shoulders, Bilbo pounded against him until the pressure could no longer be contained. He came hot and hard, wailing and grinding his fingers into the earth under Kili's shoulder blade. Kili gave Bilbo a moment to collect himself before murmuring, "My turn."

Bilbo eased out of Kili and climbed up to straddle him.  
Kili raised an eyebrow. "Really?"  
Kili slicked himself and Bilbo sank down. Bilbo trembled, still sensitive from his second orgasm of the afternoon. Kili rolled his hips experimentally.  
"Give it, Kili," Bilbo begged.

Grasping Bilbo's thighs and using the ground for leverage, Kili pumped into him. After a few steady strokes to get Bilbo used to it, Kili's pace turned ruthless. Bilbo's sweet spot had already taken a pounding today and he felt as though Kili was going to split him in half. He was half-moaning and half-laughing in delicious, agonizing, over-sensitized delirium.

Sometime between the flirtatious suggestion to get off inside Bilbo again (designed to push Bilbo over the edge) and the present moment, a mad desire overtook Kili. Bilbo was groaning, giggling, _shuddering_ above him as though he had lost his mind and Kili was driven with the need to fill him as much as possible. Oh, he would mark that hobbit over and over again, simply because he could. He felt his orgasm build low, growing in intensity as he urgently drove into Bilbo. It crashed over Kili in a wave as he pushed Bilbo up off the ground and pulsed into him. Lowering his hips, Bilbo tumbled forward on top of him.

"I almost bloody came again," Bilbo panted. "Gods, Kili! You fuck like a _demon_."  
Kili chuckled and kissed Bilbo's hair. He wrapped his arms around Bilbo's back.  
"It is my pleasure to be at your service," Kili flirted.  
"The best I have ever had, the best I ever _will_ have," Bilbo murmured sleepily.

Kili's breath caught unexpectedly in his throat. Bilbo complimenting him in this manner never failed to make his heart soar, but this time in particular moved him deeply. He drew a ragged breath and tried to speak lightly.

"Good thing you are marrying me then," he said. His voice was surprisingly even, given the swell of awestruck joy that was nearly bringing him to tears.  
"Mmmm, quite good," Bilbo agreed, settling in off to Kili's side. A nap in the spring air seemed like a wonderful idea.

Naked, sticky, and wholly wrapped up in each other, Kili and Bilbo fell asleep on their picnic blanket.

 

*****

The rush of urgent desire somewhat quelled for the moment, Fili and Bofur moved from the floor to their bed.

Bofur laughed.  
"What?" Fili asked.  
"We did not even take our boots off," Bofur said.  
"There was no time for undressing," Fili replied.  
Bofur grinned. "Quite right. So, do we tell them we saw them?" he asked.  
"No!" Fili nearly shouted. "Have you gone mad? They'll think we're, we're-"  
"The filthy perverts that we are?" Bofur supplied.  
"Yes!" Fili said.  
Bofur laughed again and hugged Fili to him. "I love you so much."  
Fili laughed, too. "Durin's beard! I can't believe we did that. Watched them, I mean."  
"I could not help it. I've never seen anything like it," Bofur said.

"Um, Fee?"  
Fili looked up through his lashes. "Hmm?"  
"When you said you wanted me like that...were you serious?" Bofur asked.  
"We've talked about it before," Fili pointed out.  
"But you've never asked for it," Bofur replied.  
"I've been thinking about it," Fili confessed. "A lot, actually."  
"Me too. At first it was whenever you touched my arse, or when I touched yours. Now whenever we take each other to bed, I can't seem to get it out of my mind," Bofur said.  
"I-I cannot either. And then I saw them today and it was so erotic. I just...fuck, Bo, I wanted it with you. I don't know quite, well, _how_. Not so it doesn't hurt, anyway," Fili said.  
"If we knew more about it, you would have had me. That's how badly I wanted it," Bofur said.  
Fili considered that for a moment. "Are you ready for that? Kili said it was a bond, that all that stuff Bilbo would say about Thorin was real. That it was like a betrothal."  
"But Kili and Bilbo have been together like that and they aren't getting betrothed," Bofur countered.  
"But Kili wants to. And regardless, they're bonded to each other, marriage or not. That's why Thorin is such a mess, because he bonded with Bilbo and now they are apart," Fili said.  
"So you don't necessarily approve," Bofur clarified.  
"I do not disapprove, I'm merely one for caution. I'm crazy for you, Bo, and I want this courtship to end with its proper intent when the time is right," Fili began.  
Bofur sighed in relief. "I'm crazy for you, too. We do not have to get engaged or go through all that formal marriage nonsense of Balin's yet, but I very much wish for us to make love. I want you so badly."

Fili felt his stomach sink. Bofur seemed so relieved, but Fili did not get a chance to finish explaining he was wary of consummating their relationship. Fili was frightened--he saw what it did to Thorin, and even what it was doing to Kili. Fili knew full well that Kili's feelings were hurt that Bilbo was making him wait even though they were having sex. Kili was so _vulnerable_. It scared Fili to give someone that sort of control over him, even his darling Bo. He looked over at him. Bofur looked so bloody _happy_.

"What's the next step? Do we want to speak with Bilbo and Kili like we had mentioned before?" Bofur said.

 _Well, it wouldn't hurt to be informed_ , Fili thought. It would give him some time for his mind to fall in step with his heart on this matter.

"Yes, perhaps tomorrow we will see if we can separate them and get our questions answered," Fili said.  
Bofur pulled Fili in for a searing kiss.  
"This ought to be rather _interesting_ ," he said, grinning wolfishly.  
"You just want Bilbo to talk dirty to you," Fili teased.  
"And you're jealous because you want him to talk dirty to _you_ ," Bofur teased back.  
"It seems I might simply like dirty talk in general," Fili said. "Besides, he's pretty but he isn't my type. I like my lovers distinctly dwarven and much more rugged."  
"What a coincidence! I just happen to prefer blond sex gods named Fili who are first in line for the crown of Erebor. Do you know anyone like that?" Bofur flirted.  
"Maybe," Fili replied.  
"Good, because I'm getting another erection in my pants and there's no one I'd rather have relieve it," Bofur purred.

This time, they undressed before taking their pleasure with each other.

 

*****

_Bilbo walked through Beorn's garden. Kili and the picnic were gone. Under the great oak, there stood a woman in fine clothes. Easily as tall and as lovely as an elf, she had long hair that seemed to be a different color each time Bilbo blinked. Her voice was gentle and carried the slightest echo of tinkling bells._

_"Hello, Bilbo Baggins. I accept your generous offering and shall reward you with a blessing," she said._  
" _Offering? I do not recall..." Bilbo tried to remember, well, anything. Where was Kili? Who packed up the blanket?_  
 _"You coupled in the wood, did you not? A rather sacred coupling for you and your mate," she said._  
 _Bilbo's eyebrows shot up. "Making love is an offering?"_  
 _"Acts of love and pleasure are my rituals," she said sweetly. "The tree which you were under is special and sacred to the two of you, as all things that grow from the earth are to me."_

_Bilbo's eyes grew wide. "Yavanna," he breathed._

_"I see your mother taught you my name. Her ancestor's bloodline was favored by me. She herself made me many offerings in her day," she said._  
 _Bilbo furrowed his brow in horror, thinking of his mother (and father) making these "offerings."_  
 _"Do not make such a face, child. How do you think you were created?" Yavanna shook her head. "Although those aren't the only offerings of which I speak. Food and drink were also given up to me."_

_Bilbo remembered that his mother kept an altar of sorts on the side of the garden when he was young. From time to time, a dish there would have an apple or slices of bread._

_She smiled. "Your mate is of my husband's children, and a special one at that."_  
 _Bilbo nodded knowingly. "He is of the line of Durin."_  
 _"Yes, but not only. What makes your mate a rarity is not his bloodline or political destiny. Not many of His have your dwarf's love of things that grow or the curiosity of other races," Yavanna said._  
 _"No, they do not," Bilbo replied, feeling a swell of pride._  
 _"He also lacks the rabid possessiveness of his predecessor in your suit. His generous nature is both a blessing and a danger. Take care, Bilbo," she warned._  
 _"Wait, predecessor? You know about that? What do you mean danger?" Bilbo asked._  
 _Yavanna smiled, but did not answer his questions._  
 _She continued, "My blessing for you will be to clear your mind of things that trouble you at night. No more shall the horror of your past haunt your sleep."_  
 _The absence of the nightmares would indeed be a blessing, for him and Kili both._  
 _"Thank you, my most generous lady," Bilbo bowed deeply._

_Yavanna laughed gently and it made Bilbo feel warm from head to toe. Only now did he realize he was naked, but oddly he felt no shame in it. Yavanna bent over low and tipped Bilbo's chin up with two of her fingers. She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips, lingering for a moment before fading away.  
Bilbo's eyes fluttered open at the loss of contact and found he was alone. He looked around, going as far as to turn his full body around twice, but she was gone. _

Bilbo came to wakefulness slowly. The angle of the sun had shifted. A cool breeze told him the heat of the day was already on the wane. He sat straight up, remembering Yavanna. Looking all around, he saw no trace that anything out of the ordinary had come to pass. Kili was still next to him and had been dozing until Bilbo sat up. They were both still unclothed and more than a bit of a mess from their earlier activities. Their blanket was laid out and what remained of the picnic was as they left it when they had collapsed on each other, exhausted after their lovemaking.

"Bilbo, what is it?" Kili yawned.  
"Nothing. Just, uh, had a bit of an odd dream, that is all," Bilbo replied.  
"Nightmare?"  
"No," Bilbo said, touching his own lips. He smiled. "It was actually quite lovely."  
"Good. Wow, we are going to need a bath before dinner," Kili said, eying the evidence of their afternoon.  
"Let's dress. We'll pack everything up, head in, and get our bath in before it is time to eat. At dinner, we will tell the household our good news," Bilbo said.  
Kili gazed at Bilbo lovingly. "Tell them the news," he repeated, letting it sink in. "We're really going to do this, then."  
"Absolutely! You said 'yes,' no going back on it, now," Bilbo answered jovially. "I want to tell them all you agreed to be mine. Our time for hiding things and keeping secrets is over, dear heart."  
Kili kissed him, tenderly at first but rapidly growing more suggestive.  
"You've got to cut that out or we won't make it in the house in time for a bath and dinner," Bilbo cautioned.  
Kili pouted. "Okay, but when we go to bed tonight, we are going to make love until dawn."  
Bilbo felt a shiver in all the best places. "If you insist," he grinned.

As Kili silently plotted naughty things to do to Bilbo in their bath, Bilbo left the rest of the uneaten bread at the base of the tree.  
 _For the birds,_ he told himself.


	84. You'll Be Here In My Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili makes a happy announcement. Plus smut.

Kili and Bilbo dressed and groomed for dinner. They decided not to wash their hair to preserve the flowers in their plaits for one more day, but Bilbo insisted on smoothing out Kili's tangles for him. He worked a little oil through it to manage it like Kili taught him. They had abandoned their bracelets and Bilbo's anklets, but they both agreed they wanted to wear their circlets of blooms to dinner. Bilbo topped Kili off with his and pronounced him gorgeous. Kili took the comb from Bilbo and set about making his hair presentable as well.  
"Can we tell them now?" Kili asked.  
"Wouldn't you rather make the announcement proper and formal at dinner?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili bounced on the balls of his feet and made a playfully frustrated noise. "I can't wait, though!"  
Bilbo smiled to himself. Kili being so eager and proud was a balm to his nerves. He had worried that he mucked the whole thing up proper by making Kili wait so long, particularly after his nightmare.  
"Would you like to be the one who tells them when it is time?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili turned Bilbo around and gazed at him, big brown eyes brimming with adoration. "I would love to," he said softly.

*****

Beorn was insistent this evening that he and his animals take care of the dinner arrangements. Bilbo suspected Beorn must have sensed something special about tonight early on. He would have been happy to help, but he was glad that he could simply be with Kili without getting in the middle of the dinner mess. They had each dressed in new clothes ("though I prefer you naked for this auspicious occasion," Kili had said) and their hair was de-tangled, shiny, and mingled with blooms that had not yet gone limp.

Fili fretted that he wouldn't know where to look when he saw Kili and Bilbo next. He thought what he had seen would be written all over his face. Bofur assured Fili he was being silly, but he had some trepidation himself. Fun though it was, Bofur understood they had seen something very personal that was not meant for their eyes. Bofur realized their fears were pointless once they were seated at dinner. Kili and Bilbo had little attention for anyone but each other. 

"You both look happy tonight. Happy and handsome," Bofur said cheerfully.  
Kili laughed and held Bilbo's hand up to kiss it. Their fingers were tightly laced together.  
"I think we are," Bilbo replied, not breaking his gaze from Kili's. "Happy that is."  
Fili glanced at Bofur. Something was going on here. 

Gandalf joined them but if he had thoughts about the scene, he kept them to himself. Food was served and Beorn sat down at the table with them. 

"All these flowers can only mean the two of you wove a path of destruction through my garden today," Beorn teased without malice.  
"Simply making use of the blooms before they wither on their stems," Bilbo retorted cheekily. "More will grow."  
Beorn laughed. "You are right about that!"

Bilbo and Kili wore easy smiles throughout dinner and Fili noticed them touching each other even more frequently than normal. As the meal wound down, he observed Kili getting more antsy. Bilbo leaned up and whispered something in Kili's ear that made him smile widely, eyes sparkling. Kili pressed a gentle kiss to Bilbo's temple. He cleared his throat and spoke so that the table could hear him. 

He said, "I would like to share something with you, my dearest friends. A year ago, in a land far from here, I fell in love. With the Shire, with a beautiful home that I was loathe to leave after only one night, and with the witty and lovely hobbit that dwelt within that home. That last part took me a little while to figure out because I did not know the swell within my heart whenever he spoke had a name."  
Kili looked at Bilbo tenderly and threaded his fingers through the hobbit's own.  
He continued, "We've made some missteps, shed too many tears, and each of us has done a share of waiting for the other. I am beyond proud to sit here today and tell you that there will be no more waiting, no more hiding, and no more bargaining. Bilbo has asked me to be his husband and I've accepted." 

There were happy exclamations around the table. Beorn chortled merrily and held his mug aloft in congratulations. Bofur let out a "Whoop!" and rushed over to clasp forearms and knock foreheads. Gandalf laughed in his joy (and great relief for Kili). Kili's eyes sought his brother. Fili was sitting with his hand over his mouth, eyes wide and filling. 

"Fee?" Kili said cautiously. 

Fili didn't answer, as though he were in shock. Kili got up and walked over to Fili's side of the table, Bilbo following right behind. Fili stood slowly, hand still over his mouth. Bofur looked at Fili with concern. This was not the reaction he expected from Kili's own brother.

Kili started to get upset. "I thought you'd be pleased, Fee."  
Fili went to speak and a strangled sob came out. He sucked in another breath and the tears fell. His face crumpled and he threw his arms around Kili.  
"Oh, Kee, Kee. My Kili," he sobbed.  
Kili held him, looking up at Bofur, Gandalf, and Beorn helplessly. He felt Bilbo's hand soothingly stroke his back.  
Fili pulled back and seized Kili's face with a huge smile. Tears still in his eyes, he began to laugh.  
Confused, Kili smiled back at him.  
Fili hugged him close again. "I'm so happy for you!"  
Kili exhaled in relief and hugged Fili tighter.  
Fili opened his eyes and saw Bilbo standing behind Kili. He released his brother and embraced Bilbo next.  
"It is about fucking time, you know," Fili admonished him.  
"I know," came Bilbo's reply, muffled by Fili's shoulder and hair.  
Fili released him and wiped at his tears.  
"How is it possible that you're in the exact same state Kili was when I asked him?" Bilbo teased.  
"I think I've been waiting for this longer than he has," Fili said. "I knew you two were in love before you did."  
Fili pulled Kili and Bilbo to him once more. "After everything that has happened, after Erebor, and then you were, but then you weren't...I just didn't know what to think! Oh, my brothers!"  
Bilbo was a bit confused by Fili's rambling, but hugged him back tightly all the same. Kili was clutching onto both of them for dear life. 

When at last they broke, Kili dabbed wetness from his own eyes and brushed a kiss across Fili's lips.  
"We would not have this if it weren't for you, Fee. You were there for me and Bilbo both. Your faith in love helped us through the times when we might not have made it otherwise."  
Fili was embarrassed by the praise. "I merely helped you two fools find your way in the dark. It was worth it, even if this means you'll be more sickening than ever."  
Bilbo glanced at Bofur. "Don't you let him fool you. Fili might be the biggest romantic in that family."  
"But he's a sneaky one, too," Kili told Bofur. "Has he ever told you about all the plotting he did?"

Beorn always loved a good story and he had not yet had his ear bent about Bilbo and Kili's early days. He insisted on hearing as many of the tales as Fili could remember. Bofur and Gandalf, too, were rather interested in Fili's telling of their subterfuge, for much of it was unknown to them. They all drank and laughed as Fili told stories of those times. Kili periodically interjected with his perspective. Some of these tales were new to Bilbo's ears as well. Not to be outdone with love stories on the night of his own engagement, Bilbo shared the account of the Day The Children Came, much to Gandalf and Beorn's delight.  
"'Mister Bilbo Hobbits,'" Gandalf chuckled to himself.

The surprise of the engagement announcement and subsequent joyful discussions fully chased away the guilt and awkwardness Fili and Bofur felt about their stolen afternoon show. 

Beorn eventually asked for a song, which naturally became several. Fili played fiddle and Bofur sang ballads so Bilbo and Kili could dance together sweetly. They also played raucous pub songs and even Gandalf made sure to take his turn dancing energetically with each of the grooms-to-be. When the evening drew to a close, Beorn sent Bilbo and Kili off to bed with a saucy wink. Gandalf had a feeling the night ahead would not be a quiet one, but he did not begrudge the lovers their fun.

*****

Kili covered Bilbo's body with his own, heated and naked.  
"How long have you known?" he asked.  
Bilbo did not have to ask to know what Kili meant.  
"How long have I felt it or how long have I known?" Bilbo clarified.  
"They aren't the same?" Kili asked.  
"Things changed for me in Lake Town, that day that we first kissed in your room. It was then I felt the yearning for a future that I did not think I could have. It grew from there. The day before we left I think was the first time you told me outright that you wanted to marry and, gods, I felt the ache all the way to my soul. I went to great lengths to try and erase that pain, to try to convince myself I was doing the right thing." The memory even still twisted in Bilbo's middle and brought extra wet to his eyes.  
He continued, "That day we got in that awful argument in Bard's camp, I realized I had no interest in a future without you in it. From that day forward, each step I took was toward this."  
"So, there was no single moment where you decided you wished to marry me?" Kili said.  
"No, just milestones and way points, I suppose. I was frightened--of hurting you, of hurting me, and of growing old while you were still hearty and young. Once we spoke about that, I realized I had no other objections. None. All I wanted was to start the rest of our days together," Bilbo confessed. "Does that disappoint you?"  
Kili was silent for a moment, "No. You had...other things to contend with."  
"Did you have a moment that you knew?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili nodded. "I was so focused on trying to find a way to court you that it didn't occur to me for a while that weddings come after courting. The moment that we kissed, though, it was like lightning. You've heard battlefield tales of wounded warriors with their life passing before their eyes? It was like that for me, but forward instead of reverse. I lived a whole life in that kiss. If you had asked me to marry you that afternoon, I would have said yes. Had you not stopped me from making love with you, I might have asked you before you so much as had the chance to dress."  
Bilbo felt again as though he might cry. "Kili, my most precious love. I--I am so sorry. I will never be able to apologize enough."  
"Hush, now," Kili said gently. "I would have always loved and treasured you, but what we've been through has made this more special. The aching, the waiting, and the pining have given me a deeper appreciation. I know you truly want it. Waiting drove me crazy but your decisions have been deliberate and that has made it sweeter. There is a surety in our love that I might not have known if we had given into passion from the start."  
Bilbo's voice was thick with emotion. "I do not deserve you, but I'm going to love you for the rest of my life."  
Kili closed his eyes and smiled. "There was a time you would say that only in my most fevered imagination. I am going to make you so happy, Bilbo. I swear I will."  
"You already do," Bilbo murmured, pulling Kili into a kiss.

*****

"Well, how 'bout that, then?" Bofur said, shedding his clothes for the night. "I am guessing by your reaction that you were as surprised as Kili."  
"I knew Kili was going to ask Bilbo to marry him in Rivendell, but if I had been betting on whether Bilbo would beat him to it, I surely would have lost."  
"No wonder they were so lost in each other this afternoon," Bofur observed.

Fili hummed in absent-minded agreement as he pulled off his trousers. He nearly froze in place as that thought sank in. Bilbo and Kili would no longer be having sex without a betrothal. Bilbo and Kili's physical relationship had been an example of how he and Bofur could move forward with their own without getting engaged. What did that mean for them, now? Fili wanted to explore this hobbitish way of lovemaking--Mahal, did he _ever_ \--but in addition to the fear of surrendering himself to another, there would now be additional pressure towards a marriage of his own. Fili knew he did not want anyone other than Bofur, but getting married so soon seemed to him like yet another way he could be pulled back to Erebor. 

"Fee? Did I say something wrong?" Bofur said.  
Fili realized he was standing in the middle of the room, clad in only his socks and a scowl. He climbed up onto the bed with Bofur.  
"No, I was just thinking," Fili said.

Bofur had been half-hard remembering what he saw this afternoon and gazing at Fili naked got him the rest of the way there. Fili was distant and flaccid, though. Bofur held out an arm and Fili accepted the invitation by curling into his side. 

"You know we do not have to rush, right? I want a lot from you but it doesn't have to all be in one day. We don't have to do anything you do not wish to do," Bofur said.  
Fili looked up at Bofur in wonder. Was he that obvious?  
"Bo, I want a lot from you. More than that, I want to _give_ a lot to you. But I am afraid."  
Bofur shifted to his side and stroked Fili's arm.  
"Of?"  
"I do not know. Losing myself, perhaps," Fili sighed.  
Bofur kissed his forehead.  
"Then we will wait until you are not afraid," he replied simply.  
Fili argued, "But I do not want to wait, either."  
"Then I'll fuck you senseless." Bofur shrugged. "Whatever you want, Fee. You can tease my cock every night simply talking about it if you wish. That would be fine, too, as long as I can touch myself when you're done."  
"But that's not--"  
Bofur shushed him with a gentle press of fingers against his lips. "I love you. I love you so much that half the time I feel drunk and the other half I feel like I'm insane. And somehow, don't ask me how, I've got you in my arms night after night. If that is all you _ever_ give me, it will still be more than I ever dared hope."  
"You are the most amazing dwarf I've ever known," Fili breathed. 

Bofur rolled on his back and encouraged Fili to lay his head on his chest. He lazily stroked Fili's hair until they both drifted off to sleep.

*****

Kili and Bilbo had spent over an hour languorously caressing and kissing each other from head to toe. Bilbo had spent another quarter hour tonguing Kili's hole until the dwarf was begging for entry, only to flip over on his back with a smirk on his face and a demand to be taken instead. Kili was frustrated that he would have to wait for what he wanted, but he readied Bilbo and sank inside as he had been commanded. Vindictively playful, Kili refused to move once fully seated within. Bilbo squirmed and squealed beneath him, but Kili used his weight to still his hips and his hands to pin his wrists. It was difficult to resist with his lover wrapped so tightly around his cock, but Bilbo was getting nothing more until Kili was ready to give it.

"For the love of all that is green upon the earth!" Bilbo gritted through his teeth.  
"Oh, was there something you _wanted_?" Kili teased.  
"Fuck me, you utter bastard!" Bilbo swore, trying once again to grind his hips to get some friction.  
Kili clicked his tongue three times before leering at him. "Did I call _you_ names for licking me out to madness and then not fucking me?"  
Bilbo made a noise of frustration.  
Kili lowered himself closer to Bilbo's face. "You are gorgeous when you are gagging for it, do you know that?"

Bilbo pushed the back of his head further into the pillow, trying to get leverage to move. Having a flash of inspiration, he glanced up at Kili and grinned maliciously. He flexed around Kili's cock.

Kili dropped his head to Bilbo's ribcage.  
"That's not fair," he gasped.  
Bilbo flexed, flexed, and flexed again.  
"Who's the 'utter bastard' now?" Kili asked. 

Kili's restraint was broken with Bilbo squeezing and giggling underneath him. He began rolling in and out of his lover. He pushed Bilbo's thighs back and leaned against them, making them burn as he moved. 

"You always get what you want, don't you?" Kili hissed without venom.  
"Mmmm, I've got you, do I not?" Bilbo coquetted back.  
Kili grinned. "Completely, much to my ruin."  
"I've not begun to ruin you yet," Bilbo purred.  
Kili shifted and snapped his hips faster. "That's something to look forward to, then. You still owe me a pounding tonight."  
Bilbo moaned, pleasure increasing with Kili's change of movement.  
"I'll give you as good as I get," Bilbo challenged.  
Kili gave him a look that was at once sweet as it was evil. 

After that, Bilbo was rendered incapable of speech (aside from keens and wails) until well after Kili made him come.

*****

Fili woke to the sounds of passion drifting through the walls and the jostling of his own bed. Bofur was masturbating beside him. Fili watched for a moment before sliding a hand along Bofur's stomach.  
"Why didn't you wake me?" Fili asked sensuously.  
"I did not want you to feel pressured after our conversation earlier," Bofur said.

He rolled over and licked between Fili's lips. Fili let out an appreciative groan and opened wider, slipping his own tongue out to meet Bofur's. 

"I appreciate the consideration, but is it also not considerate of me to meet _your_ needs?" Fili flirted. "You obviously needed to get off."  
They heard a muffled wail from the other room.  
Bofur kissed Fili again. "Hearing it after knowing what it looks like...I couldn't help but touch myself."  
"It makes me want to touch _you_ ," Fili said.  
Bofur wound a hand into the hair above Fili's nape and pulled him close to whisper in his ear. "Now that I've seen it, I picture you. I picture you and wonder how much noise you will make when you take my cock."

A duet of moans and cries told them that Bilbo and Kili had reached their completion, but Bofur barely noticed. Spitting into his free hand, he grabbed both their pricks, stroking and grinding. Fili arched up and grunted as Bofur continued to whisper salacious suggestions in his ear.

"I want to fuck you. I want to turn my noble prince into a wrecked whore. Do you think I could?" Bofur whispered.  
"Yes--oh fuck! You do that anyway. You're doing it now," Fili panted.  
"Aye, but not with my seed inside your sweet little arse."  
"Oh _gods_ ," Fili wailed.  
Bofur stopped to wet his hand again and went back to stroking.  
"But more than that, I want to be fucked by you. I want you to shatter me like Kili shattered Bilbo today." 

Bofur's speech was growing less controlled as he got caught up in his fantasy, the feeling of his hand and Fili's cock, and Fili shuddering and mewling beneath him. 

"Mahal, you could, too. Shatter me completely. You nearly shatter me sometimes with a simple kiss. Feeling you inside me, touching me. pushing and pulling, grunting and sighing...I would not stand a chance. I'd be coming so hard for you, fluttering all around your cock. Can't you almost feel it?"  
Bofur's words and hands had Fili so enraptured he could barely stutter out, "Y-yes."  
"I want to feel what that is like, you spurting in my arse, all hot, wet, and slippery. _Fuck_! That's it--oh fuck _Fili_ \--come inside me," Bofur pleaded breathlessly.

Fili pressed up against Bofur as he cried out, finishing in Bofur's hand. The increased wetness and the eroticism of the moment had Bofur coming a few breaths behind. Bofur collapsed on top of Fili, panting hot breaths against his neck.

"I thought I was supposed to be the one who taunted _you_ with hobbit sex," Fili remarked.  
Bofur huffed a laugh. "Eh, you know. Just breaking the ice and all that."  
Fili hummed happily. " _Melted_ the ice is more like it. You have such a gift for filthy talk."  
"'Tis one of my many talents," Bofur boasted in jest.  
Fili opened his mouth to sass back a witty retort and changed his mind. He stroked Bofur's shoulders and craned his neck to kiss his forehead.  
"Indeed," Fili murmured.

*****

A bleary and unclothed Bilbo answered a knock on the door early the next morning, all but his face tucked behind it for modesty. Fili stood on the other side.

"Are the two of you going to come help us with breakfast?" Fili asked.  
Bilbo tried unsuccessfully to blink his eyes into focus.  
"Ah, not this morning Fee. We were up past dawn making love...we only went to sleep a little bit ago. We'll be up for lunch, yeah?"

Without waiting for an answer, Bilbo closed the door and stumbled back toward bed. It wasn't until he was climbing back in under the covers that he woke up enough to realize what he just said.

"Oh!" he exclaimed.  
"What?"  
"I just told your brother we made love all night!"  
"Yes, so? We did," Kili waggled his eyebrows and bit at Bilbo's shoulder.  
"But I said 'make love!' He is going to _know_ ," Bilbo wailed.  
Kili just looked at him, blinking every few seconds.  
"He already knows," Bilbo said flatly.  
"Well, he _is_ my brother," Kili explained. "Sometimes I, uh, tell him things. Does that upset you?"  
Bilbo thought for a moment. "I suppose if he knows what I sound like when I have an orgasm, it is not too far of a stretch for him to know why." He chuckled. "You know, there was a time one short year ago when I wouldn't be caught in my own empty kitchen without a proper dressing gown. Now I'm answering doors naked and the whole house knows my sexual business. The things you've done to me, Kee! If not for my furry feet, no one would know I was a hobbit!"  
Kili settled Bilbo against him and pulled the blanket up over them. "Oh, they'd still know you were a hobbit. They'd just think you were a naughty one."  
Bilbo yawned and draped an arm over Kili's stomach. Kili kissed his hair before relaxing against his own pillow.  
"But you're _my_ naughty hobbit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments, reblogs, creations, and any/all support you've given this story. I appreciate it more than you know.


	85. Hearts And Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding plans begin. What will they do about Thorin?

Fili reappeared in the kitchen wearing a funny little grin.  
"Did you wake the lads?" Bofur asked.  
"Yes, but they won't be joining us."  
Bofur cocked his head. "What happened? Why are you smiling like that?"  
"Bilbo answered the door. He was exhausted and a little fuzzy in the head. He said they wouldn't be getting up until lunch because they made love until dawn. Then he shut the door in my face," Fili said.  
Bofur barked a laugh. "He _told_ you that? He must have been really tired. Either that, or engagement has made him more brazen."  
Fili kissed Bofur's cheek. "If it is the latter, I envy the discussion you will have with him. Is it too late to trade you the hobbit for my brother?"  
"You think I could not get your brother to talk filth to me as well?" Bofur teased.  
"I have no doubt you could get Thranduil himself to talk dirty to you. It is unfair for one dwarf to have that much charm, truly," Fili said.  
"Not all of us are as gorgeous as you are. We need something to fall back on."  
Fili stuck his tongue out at Bofur, who grabbed him by the waist.  
"If you insist on sticking that thing out, I'm going to give it something to do," Bofur promised.

*****

Bilbo rolled over and stretched. He had a headache from not sleeping enough but the light in the room made it difficult to drift off again.  
"Hey," Kili said gently, dropping a kiss to his cheek.  
Bilbo asked, "How long have you been awake?"  
"Just a little while. It is too bright and my head is too full to go back to sleep."  
"What is your head full of?"  
"You. Me. Our wedding."  
Bilbo grinned. "Tell me."  
"That is just the thing. I have no idea. I do not know what hobbit weddings are like. Dwarf weddings have a certain amount of ceremony depending on the station of the dwarrows getting married, but at its heart, we gather our friends, say some pretty words, make each other promises, eat and drink ourselves silly, and then the married couple retires to consummate their union while their friends drink the rest of their spirits."  
Bilbo chuckled. "That is not too different from a hobbit wedding, honestly. Let's start with where."  
"The Shire," Kili said decisively.  
"The Shire?" Bilbo breathed excitedly.  
Kili nodded. "Yes, with our wedding celebration under the Party Tree."  
Bilbo could not contain his smile. "You're going to get your party, alright. The biggest party Hobbiton has ever seen!"  
Kili giggled. "Don't forget my cake!"  
"How do you feel about getting married in the fall?" Bilbo asked. "The Shire in September is warmish and it is quite lovely. All sorts of fruits are still in season, which will make the feast particularly nice. It would also give our friends time to get there, even from as far away as Erebor."  
"I like that idea quite a bit," Kili agreed.  
"September 22?" Bilbo suggested.  
"Your birthday?"  
"Seems fitting. I can't think of a gift I'd rather have," Bilbo said softly, taking Kili's hand in his.  
"Yes, but you told me hobbits _give_ gifts on their birthdays," Kili clarified.  
"And so I shall. I will give myself to you."

Kili's eyes welled up. He pulled Bilbo's hand to his mouth and kissed each of his knuckles. 

"You have to stop getting weepy when we talk of getting married," Bilbo jested. "You are going to give me a complex."  
"I assure you, they are all from happiness and love," Kili said.  
"I should hope so! Because I'm going to marry you on September 22nd in the Shire." Bilbo punctuated this confirmation with a kiss on Kili's nose. "We'll invite Gandalf and Beorn, of course. Fee and Bo will already be there."  
"I will warn you, Fee is going to be our Balin. When I told him we had consummated our bond, his first question was as to how we were handling our wedding. He was crushed when I told him there was no wedding yet to handle," Kili said.  
Bilbo replied, "That is rather precious, to be true. Maybe we should actively seek his counsel, then."  
"He would love that," Kili concurred.  
"We should send word to Erebor and invite our companions. What do you wish to do about, um..." Bilbo trailed off.  
Kili hesitated for a moment himself. "Thorin."

Bilbo nodded. He had put Thorin out of his mind enough for them to enjoy their day yesterday without being haunted by ghosts of the past. Bilbo realized that planning on marrying each other meant having to speak about Thorin sooner or later. He carefully sat up cross-legged on the bed, ready for a discussion. 

"So, let's talk about Thorin," Bilbo said.  
Kili sighed. "I suppose we need to figure out what we are going to tell him, how he will react to it, that sort of thing."  
"We will tell him the truth, obviously. I've asked you to marry me. We've decided no more hiding, right? He will not like it, but I do not think the news will be shocking. I told him when we were in Erebor that I wished to marry you."  
Kili's eyes grew wide. "You did?"  
"I did."  
"I told him I wanted to marry you, too," Kili confessed.  
"Did you now?" Bilbo considered this. "I wonder which one of us told him first. Curious that he chose not to tell the other he knew."  
Kili shrugged. "Not so curious. If I didn't want you running off and marrying someone else, I would probably not be eager to share that information, either."  
"We still have to tell him it is actually happening, of course, but it seems even less likely he'll be surprised knowing this new information. How shall we tell him?" Bilbo asked.  
"A part of me feels like I need to look into his face when I tell him, like I owe him that much. But that is yet another trip out to Erebor and back. Surely, we would not be welcome to spend the night there after such a thing, so we would have to leave out that same night," Kili debated.  
"I do not think he would be violent or angry, but I never know with him what his mood will be," Bilbo added. "Or if he is sad and begging, that would make it worse for all three of us, not better. I agree, I would like to be able to look at him and give him comfort, but I do not know how comforting our presence would in reality be. I cannot just send word to Erebor, though. I do not want him finding out in front of the company or, worse, _from_ someone in the company. I think I shall write him his own letter and enclose the announcement to our friends inside."  
"I--I think I would like to write him, too," Kili said.  
Bilbo quirked a small smile. "I think that would be lovely. There is no possibility that Thorin or Balin would want you to wed in Erebor?"  
"Not if I am marrying you," Kili confirmed.  
"Good. I confess, I've daydreamed about you in the Shire. Even in Lake Town, I would have dreams in the night about you back there with me. I was confused at the time as to why that was, but now it is all as plain as day."

Kili pounced on Bilbo, knocking him backward on the bed before kissing him deeply and insistently. 

"I am afraid I am temporarily broken," Bilbo apologized. "Our night has left me with an ache in my bum as well as my stones. I need at least a meal and a few hours."  
Kili looked innocent. "Can I not simply kiss you?"  
"There was nothing simple about that assault on my mouth, dear heart."  
"For once, I'm in a similar state as you. I don't think I could give or receive right now if I had to. Talking about this is about to make my chest burst, though. You are here with me--solid and real--and we are discussing our _wedding_." Kili's voice hitched and his eyes began to fill again. "I cannot help but feel passionate."

Bilbo reached up and tenderly thumbed across Kili's cheek. Long ago, he feared getting lost in those eyes.  
Now they were like home.

*****

True to his word, Bilbo and Kili were up and dressed in time to help prepare lunch. The betrothal was still a lively topic of discussion.

"Any thoughts yet on figuring out the wedding?" Fili asked casually.  
"We've made a few decisions between us," Bilbo said. "Perhaps you would like to assist with some of the others?"  
Fili beamed. "I would be delighted!"  
Bofur smiled, too. He knew Fili wished to be included.  
"We've decided to get married on September 22nd and we will be doing it in the Shire," Kili said.  
Fili had to suppress a squeal.  
"I was hoping it would be," he managed to say like a normal person.  
"That gives us plenty of time to send word to friends and family far and wide and give them time to travel," Bilbo noted.  
"And when they get there?" Fili asked.  
"I was thinking I'd just rent out rooms at the inn. It is not as though we do not have the funds for it. In seriousness, just the Ereborian coins I had in my pocket from our first day in the hoard would likely be enough to just buy it outright," Bilbo remarked. "I will pay out for at least the full month so that we will be ready if people arrive at different times."  
"I can throw in some coins, too. It is my hope Bombur comes with his family and if so, I'd like them to stay as long as they care to," Bofur said.  
"Anyone making the trip is welcome to stay as long as they wish, as far as I'm concerned," Kili agreed. "Bee is right. We certainly can afford food and accommodation for a near army of dwarrows and hobbits with it barely making a dent in the funds we have with us." 

Gandalf had been chewing on a piece of honeyed bread as he listened to the conversation.  
Swallowing, he asked, "What do you propose to do about Thorin?"  
"We are telling him," Bilbo said matter-of-factly.  
"I have no doubt of that, but what of inviting members of the company? Will you be excluding Thorin when you do so? Or do you risk inviting him?" Gandalf pressed. 

Fili and Bofur both looked at Bilbo. Bilbo glanced at Kili, who looked back at him with a puzzled expression. Bilbo and Kili had an entire conversation about how to tell him about the wedding, but no one had spent time considering this.

"I--Um, that is to say...uh, Kee?" Bilbo stammered.  
Kili spoke carefully and measured his words. "As your intended, I feel apprehension having someone who once held that distinction himself being present. I've waited ages for this and I have no doubt it will be one of the happiest memories of my life. I would not wish anything to taint it."  
Bilbo sensed there was more to say. "But?"  
"But," Kili said, "Thorin meant--means--so much to me. I love him in spite of it all. I want to at least reach out to him, to let him know that even though this is happening between you and I, it does not mean he is unwelcome in our lives. I cannot see him wanting to be here to watch us marry when he wished you for a husband, but I think if we do not invite him, it further grieves the wound. How do you feel?"  
"For my part, I think the hurts run too deep. It would feel strange making my vows to you in front of him. I cannot imagine a scenario where he would enjoy it, either. Perhaps I am wrong, though. If he is truly invested in forging new bonds of friendship with me and rebuilding what had been lost between the two of you, maybe he would wish to be there. If that be the case, I could not deny him that."  
"Would my opinion be welcomed on the matter?" Fili asked.  
"Please," Bilbo encouraged him.  
"I think Thorin attending this wedding would be a hurtful disaster for all three of you, and likely myself and Mam as well," Fili said. "Though not giving him the opportunity to suss that out for himself would be more hurtful. Not being invited would just wound him further, as Kili said. It would be even worse if the majority of our original company should choose to attend. He would feel left out and more lonely than ever. I think you should extend the invitation to him. Let him decide for himself if he is too brokenhearted to be a part of it."  
"And if he should surprise you all and accept this invitation?" Gandalf asked.  
"Then we will deal with it when the time comes. I agree, it would be awkward to have him here, but not asking him would be worse," Bilbo said.  
"If there was not a history between you two, if I were not marrying his chosen, it would make me incredibly sad for him to miss my wedding," Kili added.  
Fili nodded. "It is a family occasion at its heart, even if that family is strained at the moment. I love him and would like to see him."  
"I love him, too, Fee," Kili said.  
"I love him as well." Bilbo sighed. "All the more reason, then. I'll write the necessary letters." 

Gandalf did not respond further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is not the chapter you were waiting for, you delightful little pervs. Soon, my loves. Sooooon.


	86. The Birds And The Bees (And The Dwarrows And The Hobbit)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili and Bilbo enlighten Fili and Bofur.

To Bofur's great disappointment, neither Bilbo nor Kili were in a mood conducive to the sort of discussions Bofur and Fili had planned. Although not unhappy, they each had the snappish sort of spirit that came with not having enough sleep...snappish at least with anyone besides each other. Additionally, they were not amenable to any manner of separation for the rest of the day. They curled up on their chair in the sitting room as a spring rain fell outside. They talked softly to each other and Kili lazily carded through the hair on Bilbo's feet until they slipped into a doze. Even when it was time to ready dinner, they were hardly beyond arm's reach while they worked in the kitchen.

Fili watched Bilbo and Kili as well, coming to the same conclusion as Bofur. The two of them were in no mood for anyone but each other this day. Fili allowed himself a moment in the midst of all their happiness to feel sad for Thorin. Kili and Bilbo were deliriously in love and seemed to fall deeper by the day. Then again, Kili and Bilbo also had the advantage of months nearly alone together for such feelings to flourish. Bilbo and Thorin had two dedicated weeks in Lake Town and only a short few more between then and the battle. Those remaining weeks were not leisure time, either. He sighed. He helped Kili make this happen and he was unfailingly loyal to his brother, but the lover in him felt such pain on Thorin's behalf. He tried to imagine waking one morning to Bofur deciding to go be with someone else and had to stop before he wept.

*****

Gandalf spoke to Fili, Kili, Bilbo, and Bofur after dinner.

"I can not tarry much longer. The weather has changed and I have extended business West. I am leaving tomorrow on my last errands in this part of the world for a while. After that, West I must go and later South besides. You need not accompany me, but if you would like a guide to Rivendell, this will be your only chance to do so with me."  
"I think we should go with you. I've likely stayed too long past the thaw as it is with going to Erebor and waiting for the gardens here to bloom," Bilbo said. "Kee, what do you think?"  
Kili replied, "I am ready whenever you are."  
Bilbo addressed Fili and Bofur. "What about you two?"  
"Whenever you are ready to go, we will go as well," Fili replied.  
Gandalf smiled. "That settles it, then. I should be back inside the next week, possibly less. That will give you time to figure out what you are taking and how you shall take it."

The conversation turned to the logistics of their travel, moving on afterward to Gandalf agreeing to bring letters to messengers on their behalf. They had until the next afternoon to write their last messages that would reach Erebor with any efficiency. From there on out, there would be a great many leagues between them and the mountain.

*****

Cuddled in bed, Kili asked Bilbo what he thought about Gandalf's announcement that they would be leaving soon.

"I shall hate to leave Beorn, but I think I'm ready to go back toward the Shire," Bilbo said.  
"You don't want to go to Rivendell first?" KIli asked.  
"I truly do, but I'm also ready for us to be in our own home. I miss going to market. I miss cooking food of my own choice. I want to show you the Shire. I want us to smoke Old Toby pipe weed and get blind drunk with Fee and Bo at The Green Dragon. I want hobbit-tailored clothes. I want to make love in our own bed. I want Bag End, Kili, and I want it with you."  
"That all sounds rather wonderful," Kili agreed.  
"And I want our wedding, dear heart. It is long past time for us to formalize this union."  
"Is it weird that when you talk about marrying me, my prick gets hard?"  
"No, just thinking about it had me ready," Bilbo said.  
Kili grinned and rolled Bilbo over on his back. "Are you still sore?"  
"Not enough to stop us from having some fun. You?"  
"I could be persuaded," Kili replied.  
Bilbo shifted his hips. "The erection grinding into mine says you have already been persuaded."  
Kili nibbled his way down Bilbo's neck.  
"So it seems," he whispered.

*****

Bofur had Fili folded nearly in half, his bottom raised well off the bed as Bofur licked him inside. Fili groaned and stroked himself as Bofur's tongue shot sparks through his nerves. There was a tantalizing tension between them in bed since discussing the possibility of making love. Bofur went at Fili with a ferocity. His head was filled with how Fili would react if it were Bofur's cock instead of his tongue that was working him over. It made him throb and leak. Fili's thoughts were similar. Each time Bofur's tongue would invade him, Fili imagined what it would feel like to be truly spread by the hardness of Bofur's prick.

Feeling himself getting close, Fili begged, "Tilt me higher!"  
Bofur gripped Fili around his back, clasped his arms at Fili's ribcage, and pulled him up, resting himself on his knees to accommodate this new angle. Only Fili's shoulder blades still rested on the bed and he seemed to love it. Whimpering and moaning, Fili reached his climax, spilling over his own face. Bofur was stunned. He gently lowered Fili back to the bed. 

Wiping his eyes, Fili looked at Bofur with a lazy smile and a face striped with his own spend. Bofur found it adorable as well as obscene.

"Did you...on purpose?" Bofur asked.  
"Yes," Fili replied.  
"Mahal," Bofur growled, leaning down to taste Fili on his mouth. 

Bofur moved to get something with which to wipe Fili, but he stopped him.  
"Your turn," he purred. He pulled on Bofur, encouraging him to move upward on Fili's body.  
"You want me to--"  
"Please."

Bofur felt a flutter from his abdomen all the way down to his cock. Fili made him crazy in all the best ways. He grasped himself and began to pump. It would not take long.  
"My dirty little prince," Bofur growled. 

Fili smiled in reply and the flutter spread up to Bofur's heart. Shortly, Bofur spilled his release on top of Fili's, streaking his lover's face. Knowing it would thrill him, Bofur licked a path across Fili's cheek and kissed them both onto his tongue. 

"Do you like the taste of us together?" asked Bofur huskily.  
"If I needed to touch myself much these days, this would be what I would do it to for weeks to come. You are fantastic, Bo. I would never dare ask the things from other lovers that I trust to ask of you."  
"I should hope that you currently have no other lovers," Bofur teased. "Not hiding anyone under the pillow, are you?"  
"You know everything there is to know about my bed, and always will," Fili sighed happily.

*****

Beorn and Gandalf left the next afternoon. Gandalf carried letters and a package to Erebor to drop with a messenger along the way.

Bofur knew time was of the essence. If he and Fili were to agree to get more physical, doing it while they still had a bed and an understanding host would be optimal. Otherwise, they would have to wait until they were in the house of Elrond. Bofur did not imagine them having as much abandon under the roof of elves. Fili seemed to Bofur to still be uncharacteristically withdrawn about the subject when they were not fantasizing about it in their bedroom, but he was willing to formulate a plan to get Kili alone to ask about particulars. They agreed that Fili was going to take Kili out to their favorite practice area beyond the front fence so they could discuss personal matters in relative privacy, while Bofur would walk with Bilbo out back beyond the gardens and spring the subject on him there.

*****

"Why ask me? Why not ask Kee?" Bilbo asked wearily. He felt as though he had explained the mechanics of sex entirely too often for a hobbit of proper upbringing.  
"Fee is talking to him," Bofur replied. "Figured it would be less awkward with him talking to his brother and me talking to you, particularly given that you and I have a bit of...history in this respect."  
"So what happens to me when your handsome lover finds out I've given you such graphic knowledge?" Bilbo asked.  
Bofur leaned close and drawled, "Who d'you think wanted me to talk to you in the first place?"  
Bilbo quivered and blushed.

*****

"C'mon, Kee! Don't be like that! If I can _hear_ it night after night, the least you can do is explain it to me!" Fili fussed.  
"Forgive me if it is a little too strange for me to describe to my own brother how to," Kili dropped his voice to a whisper, "give it up the jacksie!"  
"You've told me other things," Fili wheedled.  
"But this is different!"  
"I don't see how. Please! Remember how you felt when Bilbo wouldn't tell you?"  
Kili pouted at his brother. Fili was not playing fair.  
Fili continued, "Bofur is asking Bilbo about it probably right this second and I don't want to embarrass myself in front of him being completely clueless. Please!"  
"Bofur is asking Bilbo? To explain hobbit sex?" Kili asked in surprise.  
"Who else was he going to ask?" Fili replied.  
"Oh, fine!" Kili groaned in exasperation.

*****

"So, what do you want to know?" Bilbo asked.  
Bofur shrugged. "We should start with how to start, I expect."  
"What do you know already?"  
"Well, we've done quite a bit with our mouths. Licking the area in question."  
"Do you put your tongues inside?"  
Bofur felt his face grow hot. "Aye."  
"Fingers?"  
"No."  
"Very well. We will start with fingers," Bilbo said plainly.

*****

"I suppose you could use your own spit to wet your fingers, but we prefer oil unless we are too carried away to bother," Kili explained. "It just feels nicer."  
"Oil...oh! So _that_ is why we're going through it so quickly!"  
Kili nodded. "A couple wagons ago, Bilbo slipped some coins to our friends from up north to bring extra so we wouldn't have to explain it to Beorn."  
Fili couldn't help but laugh.  
Kili said, "Once I'm slick, I just--"

*****

"--pop one in there?" Bofur asked.  
"'Pop' would not be the term I would use," Bilbo gently corrected. "You'll do much the same as you likely do with your mouth: rub around the, uh, _entrance_ to get him used to the idea. Then you ease in."  
Bofur groaned low. "What does _that_ feel like?" He wondered aloud.  
"A bit strange at first, particularly when one is only used to things going the other way. But once you get used to it, it feels nice. And once _he_ gets used to it, you can gently add another one."

*****

"Two? At the same time?" Fili asked, horrified.  
"Use your mind! If you are going to get your prick in there, two fingers are the least you can do to stretch him out," Kili replied.  
Fili looked skeptical. "And you claim this feels good?"  
"I promise, Fee. It pinches a bit at first but once you get used to it, you are going to be begging him to touch you like that, even when you aren't going to have sex. There's a place inside up sort of," Kili indicated with his hands, "here that feels amazing when it is touched."  
"If you say so," Fili said doubtingly.  
"Look, no one says you have to have sex, or that I have to explain it to you any further if you are going to be a brat about it. But as you love to remind me, you've heard us. That's all I'm going to say."  
Fili paused to consider Kili's point and the noises they made at night. "I'm sorry, Kee. I'm not trying to be bratty."  
"Apology accepted. So, once he's comfortable with two and you've got him pleading, it would probably be a good idea to try to work a third finger in."  
"A _THIRD_?"

*****

Bofur cleared his throat. "Ah, forgive me, but when do we stop stuffing him with fingers and get to the good part?"  
Bilbo smirked. "You'll take that back when you've got Fili writhing on your hand and swearing to the Valar."  
"Writhing on my hand, you say?" Bofur grinned. "Very well, do go on."  
"You'll be able to feel it when he is comfortable with three digits stretching him out. He might even ask you to get on with it. He should be pretty worked up at this point. I have to say, talking about it is working me up a bit as well."  
Bofur laughed. "You are such a prick-tease, do you know that? Fili nearly stuck me with Kili just to hear you speak this way."  
"You're a fine one to talk. I see you shifting around like there is a stiff one in your trousers, too," Bilbo sassed.  
"Not denyin' it," Bofur said, eyes twinkling.  
"You're incorrigible." Bilbo shot him a flirtatious look that belied his words.  
"And you're about to explain to me why we've got Fili's arsehole stretched around three of my fingers," Bofur replied smoothly.

*****

"You'll have to decide how you want to, erm, do it," Kili said. "For the first time, it is sort of romantic if you can see each other. You can lay him on his back and do it that way, or you can lay down yourself and he can lower himself onto you. If he is afraid of it hurting too much, he might like that."  
"What about the way we saw Bilbo with Thorin?" Fili asked. He regretted it as soon as he said it. A dark look passed over Kili's face.  
"If you'd like," Kili said curtly.  
"Kee, I'm sorry. I didn't think that...well, I didn't think."  
Kili's tone remained clipped. "No matter. It happened. We're past it."  
"Are you?" Fili asked.  
"I'm the one who gets to do it now," Kili said. "And I do it better."  
Fili laughed. "Someone thinks a lot of themselves!"  
"How many orgasms did you hear Bilbo have in Lake Town, dearest brother?"  
Fili thought that Kili looked obnoxiously smug.  
"Point taken," he conceded.  
Unpleasantness over, Kili continued, "Once you figure out where you want him, you'll slick yourself well."

*****

"You'll touch your cock to his opening and very gently push. If he clenches, give him a moment to breathe. It is best if you don't try to push in all at once. I prefer sort of rocking in and out. You'll get a little further each time. There will come a point where you get past that point of resistance and it is much easier. More enjoyable for him, too. It is more comfortable those first few times if you don't pull back past that. Once you are all the way in, give him--and yourself--a few moments to adjust."  
"Mahal, how must that feel?" Bofur breathed in wonder.  
The look on Bilbo's face was ecstatic and he nearly moaned as he described the feeling.  
"For him? Full. Glorious. Intimate. Simply being the one doing it, sometimes I almost finish right then. The tightness feels so good," he breathed.  
Bofur felt an involuntary shiver. "You're doing the cock-tease thing again, Bee."  
"You've got me describing what it feels like to have Kili wrapped around me. I cannot help but get excited. When we're done here, I'm going to find him and put it into practice," Bilbo said.  
"What if he's still with Fee?" Bofur asked jokingly.  
Bilbo shrugged. "Then I'll have to fuck myself, I suppose," he said airily.  
"Do not put images like that in my head, Bilbo," Bofur said, suddenly serious.

Bilbo realized he crossed an invisible line. He liked to flirt with the boundaries of the fondness they'd always had for each other, but making Bofur truly uncomfortable was never his intention.

"I apologize," Bilbo said.  
"When we're talking about Kili and Fili, we can get as raunchy and as filthy as you would like," Bofur explained. "It is sort of fun to have someone to compare sexual notes with, actually. Taking them away from it feels like...something else. A risk, maybe? I probably sound a little crazy."  
"Not crazy at all." Bilbo held Bofur's gaze meaningfully. 

Bofur's eyes widened and he smiled softly in wonder as he realized his attraction to Bilbo may not have been as one-sided as he had always thought. 

"We'll to leave it to innocent fun, yeah?" Bilbo confirmed gently.  
Bofur teased, "Well, I don't know how _innocent_ this fun is. You're about to graphically inform me how to fuck my lover, after all."  
"Now who is talking dirty to whom?" Bilbo chided. "Unfortunately, there is not much more to tell for now. Once you're in, you can work out how the rest of it goes. You can find that hot spot with your prick, too, depending on how you angle yourself. You can be gentle or rough. When he wants to get off, you can take care of it or he can."  
"That's it? No more words of wisdom?" Bofur asked.  
Bilbo's expression grew serious. "If you do it to him, let him do it to you to complete the bond. Or the other way 'round, if that is how it happens. It would be rather awful with one half yearning for the other without reciprocation. And be sure you want it. You do not have to agree to be married to have each other, but you will always be connected regardless. You've witnessed my troubles with Thorin. You know how badly that ends," Bilbo said sadly.  
"How did you know the time was right?" Bofur asked.  
"Which time?"  
"Either. Both."  
"With Thorin, I did not realize that sex was so culturally important to dwarves. Or, indeed, that male dwarves had not previously had a way to consummate their relationships to fully realize such bonds. I had no idea I could even be imprinted and bound to a dwarf, being a hobbit. I just knew I loved him and that I wanted him. The rest of it just sort of...happened. What do you do when someone tells you that you've done this monumental thing, that you've accidentally made this lifelong commitment? How do you tell someone you love that you meant it, but not like that?" Bilbo's voice quaked.  
"I didn't realize," Bofur said sympathetically.  
"I made a mess of things. It was never my intention," Bilbo sighed in resignation. "That is why I made Kili wait so long. I did not want to do something so terrible twice. That was almost a mistake itself. I was in love with Kili and knew I wanted him to be my partner, but my fear made me wait. I'm simply lucky I did not wait too long."  
Bofur smiled kindly. "He would have waited until the Fourth Age for you, Bilbo. He loves you like nothing I've ever seen."  
"I love him, too," Bilbo said. 

Exhaling a gust of air as he spoke, Bilbo said, "Welp, I think I'm going to go find that dwarf I love before I burst. Do not let it be said that I am the only tease between the pair of us--you over there with all your wide-eyed questions. 'What does it feel like?' and all that nonsense. You knew damn well what you were doing to me!"  
Bofur winked. "Mayhaps."

Bilbo laughed and turned to go his own way but Bofur called after him.

"Ah, Bilbo?"  
Bilbo glanced back at Bofur.  
Bofur grinned impishly and raised his eyebrows. "Who was better? Thorin or Kili?"  
A grin of his own slowly stretched across Bilbo's face. "Thorin was incredible, but Kili is merciless."  
Bilbo walked up to Bofur, pressed into him, and whispered with his breath hot against Bofur's ear. "If Fili is anything like either of them, you are in for the ride of your life."

Satisfied at having the last word, Bilbo turned and walked back toward the house. Bofur was left gaping after him.

*****

"So now that you've been having sex, you and Bilbo are getting married," Fili said, almost accusingly.  
Kili corrected him, "Not only because we've been having sex. I suppose there was nothing keeping us from going forever simply with the bond."  
"But that wasn't enough for you," Fili pressed.  
Kili frowned. "It wasn't enough for _you_ when I first told you, either, if I recall correctly. What gives? I thought you were happy for us."  
"I was--I am--but I do not understand why marriage is so necessary if there is a bond there."  
Kili thought Fili's overnight change of heart about the importance of marriage and bonding was a bit perplexing, to say the least.  
He said, "It is not. But I wanted it. I wanted Bilbo to want it, too. With our history, him wanting it was important to me. More important than I realized until it happened, actually."

"What way is better? Doing it or getting it?" Fili asked, abruptly changing the subject.  
Kili squinted an eye. "They are different. There is something incredibly special about Bilbo letting me inside him. Letting me _finish_ in him. It is such an honor even still--and it feels fantastic. Having him inside me, though..."  
Kili trailed off as he closed his eyes dreamily and hummed.  
"That good? Even though it hurts?" Fili asked.  
Eyes still closed, Kili shook his head. "I wish I could tell you what it is really like, being possessed in such a way. It is so wildly intimate. The physical pleasure is almost secondary. Sometimes we bicker over who gets it because we both cherish it."  
Fili's mouth was quirked crooked when Kili opened his eyes.  
"I'm so aroused just by talking about it that I am throbbing, yet you look like you are getting a wound sewn. You are the one who asked me for this explanation, if you'll remember."  
Fili looked down at the ground. "I know."  
Kili gently tipped Fili's chin up to meet his gaze. "What are you afraid of, Fee?"  
"Nothing," Fili lied. "I'm just nervous. It has been a long time since I've been so inexperienced, that's all."  
Kili was not sure he believed it.

*****

Bofur's erection ached in his trousers. Walking around the house, he saw Fili and Kili still deep in conversation in the distance. He decided he could not wait for assistance. Returning to their room, Bofur closed the door and pulled out his cock. He didn't even bother to drop his trousers all the way. The things Bilbo described to him today seemed so forbidden and dirty. After seeing Bilbo and Kili together, he had some suspicion of how things would likely go, but being _told_ about it made it seem so deliciously real. The images in his head were all of his gorgeous Fili, but the voice narrating his fantasy was Bilbo. For the first time in weeks, thoughts of the hobbit helped him spill into his hand.

*****

Kili pushed Bilbo down on the bed and snaked his tongue into his mouth.  
"Should I be disturbed that you got this aroused from explaining sex to your brother?" Bilbo asked Kili when he could speak again.  
Kili absentmindedly hummed "no" in response before he had a chance to think.  
"Wait, how did you know I was explaining sex to Fili?" he asked.  
"Because Bofur ambushed me wanting to know the same things. He told me Fili was asking you," Bilbo said.  
Working his clothes off, Kili said, "I'm turned on from talking about _you_ to Fili. Explaining what we do together had me so hard. How about you? Did you enjoy telling Bofur naughty things?"  
Bilbo shed his trousers. "I did. I got so stirred up describing our sex that I had to get myself off afterward."  
"You came back here and masturbated?" Kili asked, biting into Bilbo's nipple.  
Bilbo moaned and bucked. "You weren't done yet, so I did it myself."  
"You didn't save me any?" Kili asked, pretending to be forlorn.  
"Oh, I saved you _plenty_. I've got at least one more in me just for you," Bilbo promised.  
"Good," Kili growled, reaching for the oil.  
"Where do you want it?" Bilbo flirted.

*****

Bofur was in the sitting room when Fili returned to the house. He swept him in his arms and kissed him deeply.  
"Did you have an enlightening conversation with Kee?" Bofur asked.  
Fili smiled. "'Enlightening' was certainly the word for it. How about you?"  
"Insufferably hot. I made myself come after. I couldn't wait for you and Kee to finish," Bofur admitted.  
Fili nuzzled Bofur. "Damn, I knew I should have taken Bilbo for this! So hot that you couldn't wait, hmmm?"  
"I had images of you in my head while Bilbo described how you would writhe on my hand. I consider it a personal victory that I didn't spill in the middle of the telling," Bofur said.  
"Bilbo described that sort of thing? We need to compare notes later. I think your talk was far less clinical than mine," Fili said.  
Bofur bit Fili's earlobe. "How about we go to bed now and I tell you in detail all the filthy things I learned today? I'll bet I could get you close just like that."  
 _We're going to go to bed and I'm going to have to make a decision_ , Fili worried.  
He demurred, "Um, I should probably start some bread if we want any with dinner tonight."

Bofur felt as though a barrier passed between them. Had he pushed too hard? He didn't say they would actually _do_ the things they learned...merely talk about them because it was sexy and fun. Bofur tried not to let himself get too worried about it. Surely Fili knew he would not rush him.  
_Didn't he_? Bofur thought.

*****

"Did you enjoy arousing my lover?" Fili teased Bilbo when next he caught him alone.  
"I'm merely getting some of my own back for all those times he flirted with me for the sole purpose of watching me blush," Bilbo replied cheekily.  
"He gets all the fun," Fili mock-pouted. "I had to ask my brother. It wasn't quite as arousing, I'm afraid."  
"I don't know. I find your brother fantastically arousing," Bilbo purred. "Especially when he has me stretched open and begging for it."  
"Bilbo!" Fili cried, holding his hand out as to silence him.  
Bilbo responded with a sly grin on his face. "Just letting you in on Bofur's fun."  
"Durin's beard! Is that how you explained it? I think maybe I need to be present the next time you two decide to compare notes," Fili said.  
Bilbo chuckled. "I blame you dwarrows. I used to be a far more shy, private, and proper hobbit. Thorin began it and then Kili went and made a right whore of me."  
"Um, about that. I suppose it is not giving away any secrets that I know you and Kili waited a long while to, ah, consummate your relationship. Did it change things?"  
Bilbo replied, "It did. It was nothing I undertook lightly with him, knowing this time what it meant. I understand now that the bond is real."  
"And Thorin? How did you decide to let that bond go?"  
"I realized my past was interfering with my future," Bilbo said simply. After a beat, he added, "The bond is never truly broken, though."  
Fili chewed his lip, lost in thought.  
Bilbo regarded him for a moment before stroking Fili's shoulders with tender hands.  
He said, "Caution and consideration are good. It is admirable to not want to hurt the one you love for the sake of fleeting pleasure. However, fear can cost you. It was only due to Kili's sweet and forgiving spirit that fear did not rob me of that which gives me my greatest happiness. Listen to your heart, Fee."

Bilbo's soothing touch and gentle tone moved something deep within Fili. He suddenly embraced Bilbo closely. 

He said, "I _am_ afraid. I do not want bonding to mean I have to marry because getting married means going back to Erebor and that is not the life I want yet."  
"All of Balin's marriage talk has you thinking you must wed in Erebor and that you'll somehow get stuck there?"  
Bilbo felt Fili nod into his shoulder.  
"You and Bo could remain betrothed for years if you wished. Balin need not even know," Bilbo said comfortingly.  
He noted that Fili did not relax even a little in his arms.  
Bilbo murmured, "Or is there more?" 

Fili paused a few moments before he whispered a confession into Bilbo's hair that he hadn't even dared voice to his brother.  
"I do not want anyone to have the power over me that you have over Thorin and Kili."

"And you do not think they have the same power over me?" Bilbo asked softly.  
Fili clutched him tighter. "I've seen you _all_ vulnerable and half-destroyed by the bonds you share. I am afraid to yield that to Bo, and I am equally afraid I may wound him myself."  
Bilbo stroked Fili's hair tenderly. "I am regretful of the scars Thorin and I have due to my poor understanding of these things at our beginning. He is your kin and I know that the pain I caused him hurt you as well. Making Kili wait so that I would not make the same missteps twice hurt him in a different way, and I know you also felt that pain. Sweet Fee, you hold the ones you love so dear that you bear wounds from relationships that were never yours."  
Bilbo paused to press a comforting kiss against Fili's head.  
He said, "I cannot tell you what to do with your heart or your body either one. I can tell you that the beauty in what Kili and I have together has outweighed our pain. Ask yourself if Bo is the one you truly love and want. If the answer is yes, that is all you need know. All the worries about formal marriage, Erebor, and the future are for later."  
"What if the answer is not yes?" Fili asked hesitantly.  
Bilbo leaned back to look at Fili. "Is that a possibility?"  
Fili closed his eyes and smiled, softly shaking his head. "Not at all."  
Bilbo smiled, too, and leaned his forehead to Fili's. "You two will figure out what is right for you. Talk to each other. You _know_ how much Bo loves to talk."  
Fili laughed and they broke their embrace.  
"That is true," he agreed. 

Fili paused thoughtfully for a moment, then added, "You know, I've never really had a big brother until now. It is kind of nice to have someone comfort me the way I do Kee. I, um, I just...thank you."  
"I love you, too," Bilbo said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An alternate "What If" Boffins version of Bilbo and Bofur's talk will be posted in the "Deleted Scenes" in the next day or so for my delightful little pervs--  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/953830/chapters/1865963


	87. Just Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo and Kili make things both easier and more difficult for Fili and Bofur. 
> 
> Feels, smut, smut. In that order.

Fili seemed happier to Bofur at dinner. Lighter, maybe. He had been alternating between hot and cold since yesterday and Bofur could not figure it out. Bofur hoped this brighter mood would stick with Fili for a while. He wanted them to have at least a happy night, if not a fulfilling one. Just talking about what they learned this afternoon would be a pleasure. He glanced across the table at Bilbo, who gave him a shy smile. Bofur nearly laughed at the absurd cuteness of Bilbo reverting to being a bashful hobbit after the filthy things he taught him this afternoon. He was learning it only took the right comment or set of circumstances to loose that obscene side of Bilbo's. It was not wise to abuse this knowledge, but he planned to make more use of it in the future. 

Bilbo hoped his talk with Fili helped him with some of his worries. The dwarf had been there so much for them all. Bilbo had never stopped to truly think how much of their pain he took on. He would feel terrible if the mistakes he made with Thorin and Kili somehow cost Fili some of the happiness he could have with Bofur. The two of them deserved love as much as anyone he knew and he was thrilled they had found it with each other.

After eating, Kili and Bilbo settled in their chair.  
Kili murmured just low enough for Bilbo to hear. "What did you _do_ to Bofur today? He keeps sneaking you the queerest looks, like he needs to keep an eye on you."  
"Same thing you did. Told him the best way to slip his fingers inside Fili to make him squirm and then told him how to fuck him," Bilbo flirted.

Kili growled and pounced on Bilbo. 

Fili and Bofur glanced up from their spot by the hearth. Kili kissed Bilbo with a wet, open mouth and rolled his hips into his groin. It was rare for Bilbo and Kili to make such a spectacle in front of them. Although their sexual escapades were noisy, the two of them did little more than kiss passionately in front of company. _If they knew they were being watched in the first place_ , Fili considered with a small sliver of guilt.

The activity on the chair was escalating heatedly. Though no clothes were being shed, Bilbo and Kili were kissing and grinding rather frantically. 

Fili cleared his throat. "Um, Kee? We're still in the room."  
"So?" Kili managed to reply.  
"What do you mean 'so?'" Fili asked.  
Kili pushed himself up on his forearms and looked over his shoulder, annoyed that he had to stop what he was doing. "I mean so? Look, I know you hear us make love through the walls. Today, we each described to you in rather specific detail how those noises are made. There's not much modesty left to preserve other than getting naked, so if we want to kiss on the chair, I don't understand the problem."  
Fili found it difficult to argue with Kili's logic. 

Bofur was trying not to stare at the rising commotion on the chair. He wondered briefly how far Kili and Bilbo would go on an occasion when they _realized_ they had an audience.  
Feeling amorous, he stroked Fili's back and whispered, "Fee, now might be a good time to go off on our own for a bit."  
Fili took a deep breath and whispered back, "Okay."

*****

Kili giggled into Bilbo's shoulder when Fili and Bofur disappeared down the hall.  
"Did you see Bo's face? I think I could have fucked you right here and he would have just wanked to it."  
"Yes, and you might have traumatized your brother for life. Perhaps he doesn't want a live sex show from you three paces in front of his eyes." Bilbo said.  
Kili shrugged. "Not from me, but maybe from you. Maybe I'll just strip you and touch you for them."  
Bilbo bucked up into Kili and moaned.  
"Oh, you _like_ that, don't you? You want me to show you off, show off what I do to you?" Kili purred.  
Bilbo struggled to get up. "I'm taking you to bed right this second."  
Kili held him firm. "I'd rather be taken here."  
"Beorn's furniture," Bilbo reminded him.  
"I'll get a towel."  
"Quickly," Bilbo replied.

*****

Fili sat on the bed with Bofur. It had not escaped Bofur's notice that Fili wasn't making the usual move to undress them.

"Something has been troubling me," Fili said.  
"I know. I mean, I don't know what it is, but you've been acting strangely since yesterday."  
"I was cross with Kili today when we should have been having fun. It was not until I had a talk with Bilbo that I figured it out."  
"You had a private talk with Bilbo, too?" Bofur asked curiously.  
"Not the kind you had, my dear, but important nonetheless." Fili hesitated a moment before continuing. "I've been afraid since we talked about consummating our bond," he said.  
Bofur squeezed Fiii's hand. "I know."  
"Well, maybe you don't know all of it."  
"Do you trust me enough to tell me?"  
"I am afraid for us to have sex because of the bond," Fili confessed. "I feared it before Bilbo and Kili announced their betrothal. After that, I feared it more than ever."  
"Tell me why," Bofur coaxed gently.  
"If Bilbo and Kili could be bonded without being betrothed, it gave me hope that you and I could make that decision at some point without having to marry. After they made their announcement, it seemed all the more inevitable."  
"You do not wish to marry me, but you would still bind yourself to me. Well, maybe. Eventually. Someday. Um, I'm feeling in need of a little reassurance, here," he laughed feebly.  
Fili explained, "If I get married, I will need to marry in Erebor. I cannot get away with what Kili is doing, as you are not Thorin's beloved and I am the heir to the throne. If I make that trip back to Erebor for a wedding with all its preamble and aftermath, I fear I will be stuck there. Stuck there with you, which would lessen the sting, but stuck there living the limited life I'm not ready to commit to as yet."  
Bofur brightened. "So this is not about me, it is about your position?"  
"That is part of it," Fili said hesitantly.  
Bofur's face fell again. "But there is more."  
"I want the closeness with you. I want that pleasure so much that I make myself half-mad with it when we're in bed talking about it. In fact, talking about it in bed has become one of my favorite things because it makes us both wild. But the bond, Bo. I've seen what it does to people. Thorin is a mess because of it. Bilbo, too, though his bond with Kili seems to have made some of it better. But what if things between them go awry? What happens when Bilbo passes? Or what happens if Bilbo finds he cannot resist Thorin? Kili and Bilbo could destroy each other with that sort of connection if it is damaged. I love you so much. And I trust you, I swear I do. But it terrifies me to think of us giving ourselves over to something that neither one of us can control. Doesn't it scare you?"  
Bofur smiled sadly. "No."  
"No?"  
"I look at my future and I ask myself, 'Do I want Fili to be in it?' The answer is always yes. It has been yes since before you kissed me. Beyond that, the future is not for me to guess. Whatever happens, happens. But I am not the Crown Prince of Erebor. My decisions do not affect a kingdom. I'm just a miner and a toymaker that risked his life on some crazy-arse gamble for something better than I had. I came away from it with more than I had dreamed of in all my wildest imaginings, and I'm not talking about a single coin of that blasted gold. I've got friends like Kee and Bee, who are two of the most remarkable people I've had the privilege to know. And I've got you. Fili, I love you. For the rest of my life I'll love you. The only thing I fear to my marrow in this world is that you won't want the future with me that I want with you. Bond or no bond, it will all remain as true as it is at this moment."  
"But with the bond-"  
Bofur kissed Fili gently. "Shhh. I want you to know I understand your fears about Erebor and I do not think you are wrong. But there is nothing to say that you could not be bonded without betrothal, or betrothed indefinitely without a wedding, or even that you couldn't have two weddings if you wanted them. I know you have duties, however far away you may be, but from here on out, Erebor has nothing to do with the decisions we make about our courtship. Agreed?"  
"Agreed."  
"The rest of it is for you to figure out on your own. I understand your hesitation and I've made my feelings known to you. I will not pressure you, or even bring it up outside our playtime. All I ask is that you speak to me if doubts or worries about us are plaguing you. Is that also agreed?"  
"But we can still talk about _things_ in bed, right?"  
"Every last obscene detail," Bofur grinned.  
"Agreed."

Bofur claimed another sweet kiss from Fili's lips.

"So, you were cross with Kee today when you two had your talk?" Bofur asked when they parted.  
"Yes. I was, uh, unreasonably fussy."  
"It is a shame you did not manage to enjoy it."  
"Not all of us had the, what was it? 'Insufferably hot' experience you did," Fili teased.  
"That's the second time you've brought it up. You sound a mite wistful," Bofur said. "Does the frankness of my relationship with Bilbo bother you?"  
"I think I should be the one asking you. Because you know it is not Kili who gets me there when we play while they moan. And it was not Kili whom I watched yesterday."  
"I watched the both of them," Bofur admitted.  
"I know you did. You told me a long time ago that you thought the three of us were pretty. I happen to think BIlbo is pretty, too. Aside from that, when he gets you all stirred up, I'm the one you seek to act it out."  
"So when you tease me about today?"  
"It is because I wanted to be a part of it. He's more than welcome to turn us on and then turn us loose on one another. And I swear to you, I think he _likes_ it."  
"I think they both do, otherwise Kee would have been more surly about it and tried less to fuck him through his clothes on that chair."  
Fili laughed. "What was that even about?"  
Bofur ran a hand along Fili's stomach, making it twitch.  
"I'm kind of sorry you said anything," he admitted.  
"Well, I thought I was helping. I didn't know if they were aware we were still there."  
Bofur pulled Fili's shirt up around his ribcage and kissed his stomach.  
"I wonder how far they would have gone..." Bofur dipped his tongue into Fili's navel and tugged on his ring.  
"You wanted to watch again," Fili breathed.  
"Didn't you?" Bofur asked, unlacing Fili's trousers.  
"Yes."  
"Wanted to see that practical education you received today played out step by step?"  
Bofur licked the head of Fili's prick.  
Fili twitched. "Yes," he whispered.  
Bofur pulled Fili's trousers down and kissed down his thighs. As he traveled, he spoke between kisses.  
"I wanted that, too. No guilt this time. I wanted to watch them do the things I want to do to you, then I wanted to take you in here and do it."  
"Next time, I'll keep my mouth shut. For Mahal's sake, Bo, _please_!"  
Bofur had stopped at Fili's knees, kissing everything exposed but his prick and bollocks. 

As Bofur teased Fili, a distinctive series of grunts and moans floated through the door. They were louder than usual and seemed to come from a different part of the house. 

"Is that noise coming from the other direction?" Bofur asked.  
"You don't think..." Fili trailed off in disbelief.  
Bofur quirked his eyebrows. "The sitting room?"

*****

Fili had put his trousers back on to sneak down the hall with Bofur. They were investigating to see if their suspicions were correct. They were.

From their vantage point just inside the hallway, they could see Kili was nearly backward off the chair. Only his legs were still on the cushion. Bilbo was facing away from him entirely, pinning Kili's spread thighs down against the chair as he stroked in and out of him. Fili cocked his head, trying to make sense of it. Bofur thought Kili appeared rather bendy. 

Abruptly, Bilbo pulled out and moved to ease Kili into a more comfortable position on the floor. Fili and Bofur both stepped backward into the hall to escape detection. After a moment or two, the soft sighs and moans started up again. Creeping forward, they could see Kili reclined with his back to the floor and Bilbo's hand between his legs. The view was obstructed, but they could guess what he was doing. Kili appreciation was growing louder by the moment and Bilbo was murmuring something to him they could not hear. Kili wailed as he arched himself off the floor and tried to push himself backward and away. Bilbo anchored him down with what had to be a firm hand for the way Kili was struggling. When the hobbit dipped his head to take Kili's prick into his mouth, the dwarf was lost. He shuddered and whimpered as he came quickly thereafter. Bilbo climbed up his body until they were face to face. With fingers encouraging Kili's mouth to open, Bilbo spat what seemed to be the whole of Kili's orgasm back into his mouth. 

Fili was tugged rather forcibly backward, narrowly bottling a yelp of surprise. Bofur pushed him into their room and kicked the door shut with his foot. He attacked Fili's mouth and started pulling at his clothes.  
"Durin's bloody axe, that was hot," Bofur growled.

*****

Bilbo had just slid his cock back into Kili when they heard a door slam. They both looked toward the hallway, but no one was there.  
"If they weren't coming out of their room-" Bilbo whispered.  
"-They were going back into their room. Do you think--do you think they were _watching_? I was mostly joking earlier but-- _oh, fuck!_ "  
Bilbo had started pumping into Kili fast and hard. He was groaning with every stroke.  
"Mahal, you _do_ like it," Kili breathed. "Fuck, Bee, I like it, too. No one can have you the way I have you and it _gets me off_ that they can only see the way we shatter each other."

Kili's words were all Bilbo needed to fall over the edge. He surged forward and muffled himself against Kili's chest. Kili kissed his hair and caressed his shoulders until Bilbo eventually shifted to stand. Luckily, there was little mess other than on each other. 

Bilbo gently took Kili's arm as he gathered clothes, encouraging him to drop them and hold Bilbo instead.  
He said, "Everything about you is maddeningly delightful. I am utterly yours."  
Kili smiled and cradled Bilbo's face. "I'll give you the next thousand years to stop saying things like that."  
"Better make it two thousand, just to be safe."  
Kili closed the gap between them with a tender kiss.

*****

Bofur and Fili were naked in their bed.

"Sit atop me," Bofur requested. 

Fili straddled Bofur's hips. Bofur adjusted his cock so that it sat along the cleft in Fili's behind, spreading it wider so he would nestle in nicely. Fili glanced down in surprise. 

"Just play," Bofur assured. "Is it okay if we play this way?"

Fili breathed in and nodded. He felt the silkiness of the skin on Bofur's shaft in this new place and thought it felt strange. Enjoyable, but better if it had been slick. He imagined how nice it would feel for Bofur to slide wetly along his cleft and stimulate his entrance that way. 

Bofur thought Fili looked lovely above him with the soft amber glow of candlelight illuminating his skin. He ran his hands along the flesh stretched over muscle and through the soft blond hair on Fili's chest, abdomen, and down to his legs. 

Fili was stroking himself and bouncing shallowly with Bofur's cock still nestled behind him. Bofur wet his palm and nudged Fili's hand off his cock.  
"Let me take care of this. I want to watch you just...enjoy it."

Fili leaned back more, stretching Bofur's prick backward but not unpleasantly. He braced a hand behind him on Bofur's thigh as the first soft sighs escaped him. As Bofur pulled him closer to his finish, his chest heaved and his head was thrown back. His head snapped forward with wide eyes when his release came. He leaned forward, holding himself up against Bofur's torso as he spilled on his lover's stomach. He rolled his hips, thrusting his final waves against Bofur's hand. He rocked back against his feet and exhaled sharply.

"That was...excellent. Somehow, it is always better with your hand than with mine," Fili said.  
He climbed down and stretched along Bofur's side. He ran a teasing finger up Bofur's shaft.  
"There is the matter of what to do about this."

Swirling a finger through the spend on Bofur's stomach, Fili reached underneath him and pressed up against his entrance, slicking it. Bofur sucked in a breath. Fili looked at his lover, who was looking back at him in stunned desire. Swirling more this time, Fili once again reached underneath and spread it around, smoothing over the puckered flesh and making Bofur whimper. A third time he drug his fingers through the wetness, he coated one with the rest. He applied a light pressure to Bofur's entrance and Bofur spread his legs wider. Fili met his gaze. 

Repeating Bofur's earlier request, Fili said, "Is it okay if we play," he pushed a little more, just enough to work his fingertip inside. "this way?"  
"Yes," Bofur whispered.  
Fili pressed more firmly until he was inside up to his knuckle. Bofur hissed in a breath.  
"Is there pain?" Fili asked.  
"No," Bofur exhaled. "Feels weird, though."  
Fili wiggled a little more, gently rolling in and out until he was in all the way. Bofur's hisses had turned to soft sounds.  
"You're inside me. You're actually _inside_ me," Bofur murmured in wonder.  
"It is so tight around me. Tight and hot. You are so warm inside," Fili sighed, pressing soft kisses along Bofur's chest.  
Bofur circled his hips and hummed a moan.  
"Feel good?" Fili asked.  
"Yes"  
"Move and show me where it feels best."  
Bofur used Fili's finger to stroke himself, panting and moaning as he felt more sensation. He suddenly jerked and grunted. He repeated the motion and had the same reaction.  
"Oh, I think I found my-- _oh_!"  
Fili had mimicked the motion in the spot where Bofur seemed to enjoy it most. "There?"  
"Yes!"

Fili patted against the spot as best he could for as tight as it was. Bofur was crying out more and leaking so much that it was dripping along his shaft. Fili grabbed it with his other hand and stroked. He had never seen Bofur so wet without an orgasm. Bofur had his hands fisted into the bedding and was thrashing his head. Remembering what he had seen in the sitting room, Fili dipped his head down and took Bofur in his mouth as he stimulated him inside. Bofur came roaring, pumping what seemed to be an endless amount of semen into Fili's mouth. The contracting around his finger was strong enough to shock Fili. Gods, what would that feel like on his cock? Even after Fili removed the digit and relaxed alongside him, Bofur was still shaking and whimpering. 

Fili rubbed his stomach soothingly. "Bo?"  
Bofur pulled Fili on top of him. "I've never felt anything like that. You were inside me and it was so...so _personal_."

Fili gazed at Bofur and saw the love and trust that he was accustomed to seeing, but this time there was something new. Something like surrender.

"I realize this is an odd thing to say about your finger up my arse, but it was beautiful, Fee." He hugged Fili with a happy sigh. "Just beautiful."

Folded into Bofur's sated and blissful embrace, Fili was more terrified than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the continued love! <3 You are what keeps me going on this story!


	88. He Said/He Said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bofur doesn't understand, Kili takes a turn at being the voice of reason for his brother, and Fili is pretty lucky Bilbo loves Kili.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter this time around. I've been remiss in updating because I took a 12 day break to play with dragons-- 
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/989229/chapters/1951635
> 
> I'll be doing a proper, regular length update here soon.

Kili and Bilbo found Bofur alone at the dining table early the next morning. They had not yet decided whether to tease Fili and Bofur about watching them the evening before, but right away it was clear that this was not the morning for such things. Something was troubling Bofur and Fili was not with him. Bilbo and Kili exchanged puzzled looks. 

Bilbo's tone was intentionally cheerful. "Good morning, Bo!"  
Bofur tried to return the cheer but it did not sound as convincing as he would have liked. "G'morning," he said.  
"Where's my lazy brother? Still in bed?" Kili asked.  
"He got up early and went out to the garden. Last I saw, he was sitting against a tree," Bofur said glumly.  
"What is he doing out there?" Kili wondered.  
Bofur made a frustrated noise. "Your guess is better than mine."

Bofur still hadn't turned to look at them. 

"Well, I need him, so I'm going to go bug him," Kili said. "Bilbo?"  
Kili gestured toward Bofur, indicating that Bilbo should stay with him. Bilbo nodded knowingly.  
"If you're planning on skipping breakfast, I'm going to stay here and have it with this handsome dwarf I know," Bilbo said.  
Kili dropped a soft kiss to his lips.  
"Uh-huh, I see how you are." He winked at Bilbo before going outside to find Fili.

"Rough night?" Bilbo asked as he climbed on the bench next to Bofur. He sat sideways so he could see Bofur as he talked.  
"Beautiful night, actually. That's the problem."  
"I don't follow?"  
Bofur breathed a heavy sigh. "Fee and I had the same night, yet somehow I woke up more in love than ever and he's sitting outside right now with a face like a cat's arse."  
"Did you...?"  
"No, not like that. We just played a bit and," Bofur hummed blissfully, "you were right. It felt fantastic. I thought he enjoyed it too, seeing as he's the one that did it to me, but this morning he could not escape me fast enough."  
"I don't know what to say. I'm sorry."  
Bofur huffed a wistful laugh. "I keep thinking about what you said, about how sad it would be if it was just one of us yearning for the other with no reciprocation. It was only fingers, but I really _felt_ it, you know? Deep down. It might sound odd, but I feel sort of...left behind now."  
"Oh, Bo."

Bilbo scooted forward and put his arms around Bofur and rested his head on his arm. The dwarf clasped both his hands around the arm Bilbo had drawn across his chest. 

"You are special to each of us, but to Fili most of all. Please do not start to doubt that," Bilbo implored. "He would never leave you behind."  
"Thank you. You are too good to me and that's a fact."  
"I'm merely returning many favors. I don't know where I'd be without you. I have not forgotten a single kindness you've shown me, Bo, and I do not think I ever will."  
Bilbo lifted his head to look at Bofur. "I care for you so very much."

Bofur turned to really look at Bilbo for the first time since their conversation started. His sadness still reflected in his gaze but there was also warmth and gratitude. The corner of his mouth lifted in a small smile. 

"No one besides Fili has the knack to turn my mood around the way you do," Bofur said.  
Bilbo rested his head on Bofur's arm again and squeezed him a bit tighter. "That's what best friends do."

*****

Kili sat on the ground next to Fili.

He said, "How about you tell me about it? And don't lie and say you're fine this time."  
"Tell you about what?" Fili asked.  
"Tell me why you're out here sitting on your own and my betrothed is inside flirting with Bofur to cheer him up because he is sad and confused."  
"I don't particularly wish to talk about it," Fili groused. He pulled his legs toward his chest and rested his chin on his knee.  
"Fine," Kili countered.

They sat in silence for several moments.

"I'm scared," Fili quietly confessed.  
"Of?"  
"Bofur and I getting too close."  
"Is it not working out between you? Are you thinking of ending the courtship?"  
Fili looked up, shocked. "What? No!"  
"Then I don't understand how you can be too close."  
"Yes we can! All this business with poking inside each other, fingers and sex and all that. It changes things."  
"Of course it does! It makes them even more wonderful. Feelings are deeper, and the pleasure is immense."  
"Yes, and the hurts are greater. The risk is large. Your will is compromised!" Fili argued.  
Kili shrugged. "I suppose there is some risk. There's risk with breathing in and out, if you want to know the truth. Living is a risk."  
"The bond ruined Thorin. It nearly tore you and Bilbo apart until you had your own. What if something unforeseen happens? What will you do, then?"  
"I guess we'll deal with it when the time comes. It isn't worth giving up what I have for a later worry. As for Thorin, I am sad for it. Perhaps he and Bilbo made an error by rushing into things. Is that your fear? Do you not want Bofur like that?"  
"Of course I do! I'm mad for him!" Fili insisted.  
Kili clarified, "But you don't want a life with him."  
"I do! I do want a life with him!"  
Kili studied his brother.  
"Then why is he suffering at Beorn's table? Why are you sitting out here, wallowing? You could be together right now. Talking, holding each other, maybe even making love." 

Fili put his chin back on his knee and sighed. He had no answer for Kili. 

Kili sat a few more moments giving Fili an open ear to unburden his heart, but he seemed to be done talking. He leaned over and kissed Fili's temple.  
"I'll leave you to your thoughts, then."

Kili stood and walked a couple paces before stopping and turning.  
"Your fears make you foolish, Fili."

Fili was left alone in the garden.


	89. Facing Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili wises up. Kili gets inquisitive. We peek in at Thorin.

Fili went into the house with the intention of getting something to eat and talking to Bofur. The house was curiously empty. Fixing a quick snack of honeyed bread and dried fruit, he was sitting at the table when he heard music. He chewed as he went to the window and peeked outside. Out front, Kili was playing his fiddle and Bofur seemed to be attempting to teach Bilbo a dwarven dance. Fili smiled to himself and imagined it was probably for the wedding. The three of them were laughing and seemed to be having a grand time. Bofur snatched his flute from the grass and Kili took a turn dancing with Bilbo. Fili felt envy trail upward from his gut. Envy for what Kili and Bilbo had, envy for them bringing that smile out of Bofur (though he suspected that was largely Bilbo's doing), and envy because they were having fun while he was moping. He knew it was his own fault that he felt left out. Indeed, he could see this easily as some diversion cooked up by Kili or Bilbo either one to cheer Bofur because of what he did to begin with. Kili was right--Fili was a fool.

*****

The trio returned to the house, laughing. Bofur's eyes landed on Fili. His laughter quieted but the smile remained, a little uncertain. Wordlessly, Fili rose from his chair, crossed the room, grabbed Bofur's face, and kissed him soundly.

Bilbo elbowed Kili, who was staring.  
"Picnic, Kee?" Bilbo said.  
Kili caught on immediately. "Oh yes, it is a fine day for it!" 

Bofur was surprised by Fili's sudden burst of affection. He melted into the kiss with a flood of relief that Fili still loved him. He was lost in his gratitude for a few moments before he realized that he still had no clue what Fili was upset about in the first place. Irritated, he pulled back.

With a quickness, Bilbo and Kili had gathered a blanket, bread, honey, and Kili thought to nick a little oil as well--just in case. They were out the door before Bofur broke the kiss. 

"Wait!" Bofur said, gripping Fili's biceps to keep him close but at a certain distance. "You stalked out of here this morning with barely a word! Now you're kissing me? I've got to be honest, I feel like I'm losing my mind, here."  
Fili put his hands on Bofur's face. "Bo, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."  
He moved in to kiss him but Bofur's arms stiffened to keep him in place.  
Bofur's look was determined but his tone was soft when he spoke again. "Explain to me what happened. What did I do? Why are you sorry?"  
"I panicked. I felt so good last night after our talk and the sweet things you said to me. When you played with me, it felt good--sort of forbidden and new. I wanted to take it further and, Mahal, the rush of being the one to give you those feelings was nearly overwhelming on its own. But afterward, you were shaking and affected like I've never seen you. When you looked at me, you were just-just-just-"  
"Just what, Fee?"  
"Mine. Completely mine. I saw it in your eyes in a way I had not before."  
"Do you not wish for me to be yours?" Bofur asked, a little hurt.  
"I do, but I was not prepared for it to affect you so profoundly. Or me, for that matter. That wasn't even bonding!"  
"So now what do we do?" Bofur asked.  
"I'll tell you once again how sorry I am that I didn't explain it to you or talk to you like I promised. I did not know how to put it into words this morning. I understand now that I've spent so much time worrying about the bad things that could happen while you've been focusing solely on the lovely things. It did not occur to me until today how much I must have hurt you with all my focus on disaster."  
"I thought maybe I was more alone in this than I had originally figured," Bofur admitted.  
"That is not true at all. Please, Bo, let go of my arms and let me hold you. I need to feel you close to me," Fili pleaded.  
Bofur relaxed his grip and Fili pulled him into an embrace.  
"I am sorry I confused you. I do want you. I want you so badly," Fili said.  
Bofur held him tightly. "Bloody beautiful prince, you know I can't stay upset with you even if I wanted to."

Fili shifted to rest his forehead against Bofur's. He kissed him, gently at first, but rapidly growing more heated as their lips parted. Bofur had one hand in Fili's hair and the other hand rubbing his bum. 

"May we get naked?" Fili whispered against Bofur's mouth.  
Bofur answered between kisses, "Think that's wise?"  
"I don't care any longer what is wise," Fili replied honestly.  
Bofur's cock twitched in his trousers. "Fair enough. Bedroom?"

*****

Fili and Bofur were tangled in each other on the bed.

"Gods, I love you like this," Bofur whispered. "Naked, warm, _hard_."  
He punctuated his thought with a grind against Fili's erection.  
"I want you to touch me," Fili said.  
Bofur sucked Fili's nipple ring into his mouth, making the other dwarf hiss.  
He paused long enough to answer, "I am touching you."  
"I want you to touch me _there_. With your fingers," Fili said.  
Bofur stopped and moved up to look into Fili's eyes. "You don't have to-"  
"-Yes I do," Fili interrupted. "I want whatever it was you felt last night. I need it."  
Fili rolled over and stretched to open the drawer of the nightstand. He pulled out a bottle of oil.  
Bofur's eyes twinkled as he laughed. "You naughty little thing."  
Fili rose up to kiss him and pulled him back down.  
"Touch me," Fili repeated. 

Bofur poured some oil in his fingers but it was a bit awkward balancing himself on the bed without spilling oil everywhere.  
"How do Bilbo and Kili even do this?" Bofur complained. "I suppose it gets easier with practice?"  
He finally poured some in Fili's navel.  
"What are you doing?" Fili asked, giggling.  
"Saving some for later. I'm tired of fiddling with this damn bottle. Quit laughing, you're gonna spill it!"  
That only made Fili laugh harder, though he stopped abruptly with a sigh as Bofur reached between his legs and massaged his entrance.  
"Good?" Bofur asked.  
"Mm-hmm. Push."  
Bofur eased in to his first knuckle.  
"Oh. Oh wow," Fili sighed.  
Bofur grinned. "Yeah?"  
Fili smiled back. "Yeah."  


Bofur sank in a little more. Fili started circling his hips, pushing himself further down on the digit until it was all the way in. Bofur stayed still and let Fili move the way he wished. 

Fili was moaning and panting as he took in the sensation of something larger than the tip of a tongue breaching him. He sucked in a hard breath when he felt a spike of pleasure. His moan turned to a wail as he rubbed himself over Bofur's finger in that spot. 

"More," Fili said.  
"More what?"  
"Fill me more. Deeper, wider."  
Bofur grunted. "I was not sure it was possible, but I think my prick just got harder." 

He used the oil in Fili's navel to slick his index and middle fingers. Reaching back down between Fili's legs, he pressed the tips of both in. Fili scrunched the blanket in his hands. 

"Give me a moment. Let me...let me take them in on my own," Fili panted. 

Bofur shifted so that his prick was pressed against Fili's thigh. As Fili squirmed around on his fingers, he also rubbed pleasingly against Bofur's erection. Soon, Bofur was again inside Fili to the base of his fingers. Fili was bucking up against him. Bofur began to wiggle and move within him. 

Fili yelped and arched off the bed, crying "Don't stop!" 

Bofur marveled at his normally quiet Fili as he keened and moaned loudly without a care for for his volume. The prince was going wild beneath him. Bofur rubbed himself against his thigh, groaning in pleasure of his own. Fili's cock was oozing and Bofur was overcome with a desire to taste it. He closed his mouth around it, still moving within Fili and grinding against his leg. Fili screamed. Bofur took him all the way in, messily slurping and sucking him in and out, only halting to stutter a moan as he came against Fili's thigh while listening to his love sounds. Soon, Bofur felt Fili's muscles tense and stiffen beneath him. He knew from the night before that Fili was about to have a strong orgasm from this dual stimulation. Bofur's had been one of the strongest of his life. Thrashing and sobbing without tears, Fili spilled in Bofur's mouth. He was still twitching and shuddering as Bofur slid his fingers out of him. Bofur collapsed with his head on Fili's chest and held him. 

"That was...I don't even know what that was," Fili breathed when he could speak again.  
"Intense," Bofur said.  
"Surely. Fuck, no wonder those two scream their heads off."  
Bofur chuckled. "You sounded fantastic."  
"I'm so glad they are outside right now," Fili laughed.  
"How do you feel?" Bofur asked seriously.  
"Different. Shaky. Incredibly satisfied."  
Fili felt Bofur smile against his stomach. "Yeah, I can relate."  
Fili urged Bofur up to face him. He smoothed his hand over Bofur's hair and gazed into his eyes.  
"And deeply, deeply in love," Fili murmured.  
"I can definitely relate," Bofur replied. He claimed Fili's lips passionately.

*****

"How did you learn about sex, Bilbo?"

Kili and Bilbo cuddled together, naked and sticky on their blanket. Their picnic had been quickly abandoned for making love under their tree once again. 

"What made you think of that?" Bilbo asked.  
"You were the one who taught Thorin about coupling like this. You taught me. In a roundabout way, you've taught Bofur and Fili. I was just wondering as to how you learned."  
"As young and curious hobbits, we'd talk about things we'd heard or seen. Eventually, we did some idle exploring on our own. I never went in for the more invasive play. Even back then, it seemed too intimate a thing to share just for fun. No one appealed to me so much that I wanted to get that personal with them. I touched myself, though."  
"So when you and Thorin made love, he was the first person besides yourself to touch you inside?"  
"Yes."  
"And I was only the second?" Kili said.  
"Yes," Bilbo confirmed.  
"But you were so...so _skilled_! Mahal, how often did you and Thorin make love in Lake Town, anyway? Wait, don't answer that."  
Bilbo shook his head. "The things that pop into your mind, Kee!"  
Kili hummed noncommittally.  
"Over the years, I may have acquired some books for my personal library that added to my knowledge," Bilbo confessed.  
Kili perked up. "Books? What kind of books?"  
"Some educational. Others were more, um, erotic prose."  
"You have books of dirty stories in Bag End?"  
"Erm, yes, that's one way to put it," Bilbo said, a little embarrassed.  
"Will you read them to me?"  
"Excuse me?"  
"I want to get naked and listen to you read dirty stories to me. We'll get ourselves stirred up and then we'll make love."

Bilbo moved to look at Kili's face. The dwarf was serious! And excited. Bilbo never thought he'd be able to share his erotic library with anyone. Of course Kili would be different, wouldn't he?

"Only if you'll read to me, too," Bilbo replied, suddenly very interested in the idea.  
Kili said wistfully, "I wish I would have thought to borrow something smutty from the Ereborian library."  
"I think I might be the co-author of the smuttiest thing _in_ the Ereborian library," Bilbo muttered.  
"Are you serious?"  
"Well, Ori wanted to take down my knowledge of, ah, male-to-male penetrative sex so that other dwarrows might learn from it to enrich their own relationships. I dictated, he asked questions for clarification and wrote it all down."  
Kili barked a laugh. "Ori had best hope Thorin never finds out you sat in the library and talked dirty to him for an afternoon!"  
"What about you? Does it bother you?"  
"Not really. As long as you didn't explain it to him the way you explained it to me with all the moaning, sighing, and kissing."  
"Ahem. _You_ kissed _me_ , as I recall."  
"With you in my arms, hard against my thigh, and practically swallowing me whole once our lips touched," Kili noted.  
"Fine. I'll admit I desperately wanted to kiss you and was failing rather spectacularly at talking myself out of it when I first felt your lips on mine. And no, it was not like that with Ori. There was a lot of blushing and possibly some erections due to the subject matter, but everyone kept their hands and lips to themselves."  
"That's my husband, providing the dwarrows with the sexual awakening of an age," Kili said. "Now you'll be famous in Erebor for two things!"  
"Gods, I hope not," Bilbo said.

*****

When Bilbo's former room in Erebor no longer retained any traces of his scent, Thorin started sleeping in his own bed once again. There had been no word from the quartet since they left. As the weather warmed, Thorin spent many early mornings and late evenings on the Grand Overlook. Life was slowly returning to the surrounding areas and it pleased him to look upon it. At least, that is what he told Balin, Dain, and Dwalin. The larger reason for spending so much time up there was because it was one of the few places in Erebor where he had truly lovely memories of Bilbo. No big fight or argument; simply memories of soft kisses and sweetness. He also had a fond memory of Kili, dripping wet and full of dwarvish passion, looking every inch an Heir of Durin as he demanded answers. Thorin had been so proud.

He wondered where Fili, Kili, and Bilbo were. What were they doing? Did they speak of him? Did they miss him? Did _Bilbo_ miss him? Were they eating? Staying safe? He realized he did not know if they had even left for Rivendell yet. He hated not being a part of their daily or even weekly lives. He concluded almost as soon as they left that the separation and the emptiness were far worse than watching Bilbo and Kili hold hands. Or make love, as the case may be. He was rather ashamed that recalling Bilbo moaning through the door was one his favorite erotic thoughts in the dark loneliness of night. Sometimes, he would remember things he and Bilbo had done together and replace Bilbo's original cries with what he heard that evening. Sometimes he thought about Bilbo in the baths, too, though it bothered him that Kili was an integral part of Bilbo's experiences in his two most recent fantasies. He did what he could to block it out. Sometimes he imagined Kili was simply a younger version of himself making Bilbo respond so. 

Luckily, as Bilbo predicted, Thorin did have several pressing issues every day that demanded his attention and kept him sane. Fili was the one he missed most during the day as business in the mountain reminded him of his absent heir. It was exciting, though, rebuilding a kingdom. Even the frustrating things helped keep him going. Although Thorin's days were completely Erebor's, his nights belonged to Bilbo.

Thorin left his bed and went up to the Overlook. He leaned against what he thought of as Bilbo's spot on the ledge and breathed in the scent of a Spring evening. This time last year they were barely just starting out on their journey. He wished he knew then what he knew now. How many nights around the fire did he waste being cold and distant when he could have given Bilbo some kindness? When he could have been claiming his kisses? When he could have been deflecting Kili's interest? If he could only have that time back, it would be better than rooms full of gems. He stood there for a long while as he remembered and regretted. 

Before he went back to bed, he whispered into the night.

"I miss you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important poll for you--Should this remain a giant story and keep going through the Shire with no break? Or should I "end" when they leave Beorn's and start up a Part 2 in the series that carries their adventures from Rivendell through the Shire? I worry that the size/number of chapters intimidates new readers, but I also don't want to lose half of you by starting a Part 2. If I keep this all as one story, we'll be over 400,000 words and 100 chapters fairly easily. Thanks for your input!


	90. Bilbo's Sanctuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo tries to hold on to his last days at Beorn's. Fili and Bofur explore each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a voice in my head for Beorn and a cadence of speaking. I finally figured out who it was today. The Ghost Of Christmas Present from "The Muppets Christmas Carol." Of course, he doesn't have the short term memory issues or the appearance, but he has his laugh and his merry demeanor amongst friends (when he's not being a bad-ass battle bear). The DoS movie will make my Beorn seem really OOC, I'm sure.

With Gandalf due back any day, Bilbo woke the next morning trying to ready his mind to leave. It would be a bittersweet moment, having Beorn's at their backs. He decided he would spend the evening making as many of Beorn's favorite hobbit dishes as possible. Although working around meat was a challenge, now that warmer weather was here he could at least get a few fresh ingredients. His daylight hours were spent mostly outside enjoying the garden while he still had the chance. He and Kili had made love twice under their tree since the day before, the second time with flowers woven around Kili's neck, head, wrists, and ankles. 

Cuddled up to Kili in the warm sunshine, Bilbo sighed ruefully.  
"Bee, it will not be so bad," Kili said in comfort.  
"I know! I just wish to take it all in as much as I can before I go."  
"Will you be bidding farewell to all the individual plants in the garden?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo nipped at Kili's chest. "Hush!"  
"You know I'm teasing. If you want to see Rivendell and the Shire, though, we will have to go."  
"I know," BIlbo said. 

He closed his eyes and listened to the sounds of nature around them, wishing for a way to put it so Kili would understand.

"Remember when we left Lake Town?" Bilbo asked. "That day we sat outside and talked about how we were sorry to see it go?"  
Kili pulled Bilbo closer. "Vividly."  
"That is how I feel leaving here. We had so many happy memories here."  
"I was sad to leave Lake Town because I thought we were leaving our good times behind. So much happened to us there. There were times you kissed me or sought me out to exchange sweet words--things I thought would never happen again once we left--and that is where I confessed my love. It was where you first told me you loved me, too," Kili explained.  
"But here we explored each other, made love, courted, and were betrothed. We did so much more here than in Lake Town."  
"But don't you see? When we left on the boat, I thought the road ahead would see some tragedy with the dragon, or perhaps I would have to watch you marry Thorin. I thought Lake Town would be the end of my happiness with you. Leaving Beorn's behind will be a fonder parting, because we are moving forward. Oh, my jewel! We still have Rivendell to wander together and rings to be forged. Then you have the Shire to show me! We shall set up housekeeping at Bag End and we are to be married."  
Bilbo smiled. "Yes, you are very right."  
Kili rolled over excitedly to look at Bilbo. "And after _that_ , we begin our life together. Not to belittle your thought, but this is nothing like I felt when we left Lake Town. We're leaving beautiful memories to make even more!"  
Bilbo giggled at how happy Kili looked. "I had not thought of it that way at all. I was so sad to leave behind the beauty that I was not looking ahead."  
Kili kissed him. "I'm going to do my best to make you happy no matter where we are. I promise."

*****

Beorn returned that evening, luckily after Bilbo and Kili had clothed themselves and left their tree. Bilbo told him of his plan to make him as much food as he could manage before he left and Beorn was indeed pleased.  
"I should like Fili to make me some bread and Kili to make me a pie, too, if they are offering," he said.

While they ate dinner, Beorn informed them Gandalf would be back some time the next day. As near as he knew, Gandalf would likely wish to head out the day after that. "Best we make merry while we can!"  


He tapped a cask of ale he had brought back with him. After dinner, they sang and played his favorite tunes until well past bedtime. They even taught him the new dwarven dance that Bilbo learned for the wedding.

*****

Fili and Bofur crawled into bed, warm from ale and immediately all over each other. Bofur ran his hands and legs over the bare skin next to him. He coaxed Fili's tongue from his mouth and slicked his own against it. Fili grew hard against him, fueling Bofur's own desire.

"May we play again?" Bofur whispered.  
"What did you have in mind?"  
"I want you to touch me inside."

Fili trailed kisses from Bofur's neck down to his thighs. "Let's do this properly this time, hm?"

He reached up to get the oil and turned himself around to better see what he was doing. He encouraged Bofur to roll on his side. Oiling a finger, he set the bottle aside. The bottle followed the dip of the bed and settled against Bofur's back, giving him a twitch from the chill of it. Fili toyed with his entrance before pushing in shallowly. Relaxing his body alongside Bofur's, his prick was positioned at a very convenient kissing distance. 

Bofur licked Fili's length while he was enjoying the stretch of being penetrated. Fili moaned and pushed toward him. Bofur wrapped his mouth around Fili's warm thickness and sucked him in as the dwarf pushed more deeply inside his opening. Fili slicked Bofur's straining shaft with his tongue. Bofur reached behind him for the bottle and drizzled oil in Fili's cleft. 

"What are you doing?" Fili asked, surprised.  
"The same thing you are."

Bofur pulled Fili closer to him, licking his cock as he breached him. Fili responded with a moan that Bofur felt around himself as he bucked inside. Mouths too busy now to talk, the sounds in the room were simply pleasured groans and the slick sounds of suction. 

The dual sensation of feeling what he was doing to Bofur while he was doing it inflamed Fili. He pressed his finger inside more aggressively until Bofur growled deep and loud around him, its vibration radiating out to his hipbones. Satisfied he found the pleasure spot, he concentrated on it as he lapped at and sucked Bofur's cock. 

Bofur was so affected by Fili's increased ministrations, he could not use his mouth for anything but noise. Digit still inside, Bofur clutched Fili's thigh close and keened into it. All he could do was hold on while Fili made him come and come _hard_. 

Fili flexed around Bofur's finger. "Don't stop," he urged once his mouth was free again to talk. 

Still reeling from his orgasm, Bofur took Fili in his mouth again while he manipulated the finger inside him. He flicked his tongue and stroked Fili firmly with his lips. He was about to add a second finger when Fili's body began to shake and tense against him. Fili had one arm around Bofur's hips and the other clutched a leg as he convulsed and moaned through his finish. Lightheaded himself, Bofur was trembling as he swallowed it all. 

After a few moments of rest, breathing hard against each other, Fili righted himself on the bed. Bofur grabbed his face and kissed him deeply. The taste of each other mingled in their kiss. Fili collapsed against him at the end of it. 

"You are a bloody genius, Bo," Fili murmured into his chest.  
Bofur laughed.  
Fili said, "Fuck, that was amazing."  
"We'll put that on our list of things to do again," Bofur agreed.  
"I am going to miss this bed. I'm realizing now why Kee was in such a state on the way to and from Erebor. It is much easier to suck cock on the road than it is to penetrate someone," Fili said.  
"Aye, he was pulled tighter than one of his bowstrings."  
"Which is worse, do you think? Knowing what it is like to make love and not being able to do it for days or not knowing but looking foward to it?" Fili asked.  
"Both sound like exercises in extreme anticipation to me, but good problems to have. Much more fun than, say, traveling for months with no sexual prospects and a dragon at the end of the trail."  
"You have a point, there!" Fili agreed. "So glad that is behind us."  
"I get such flutters when you say things like 'us' and 'we,'" Bofur confessed.  
"I love you. I'm so sorry I upset you over this."  
Bofur kissed Fili's hair. "Shh, shh. No more of that. I love you, too."

*****

Tipsy and aroused, Bilbo and Kili helped each other out of their clothes. Kili fell back on the bed and held his arms out for Bilbo to join him.  
Bilbo climbed up next to him, giggling.  
"What?"  
"'What will we do when we are related by marriage?'" Bilbo said, recalling their conversation on the boat.  
Kili's grin was huge. He pounced on Bilbo and kissed him all over his face.  
"Call each other husband, of course," he replied, just as he had that day. "I thought you were cross with me when I said that."  
Bilbo gazed up into his eyes. "I was cross because I wanted so badly for it to be true."  
Kili claimed his lips passionately and buried his head in the space between Bilbo's shoulder and his neck.  
"How did I ever think I could watch you marry another?" he said, less playful now with the alcohol swimming through his veins making him particularly emotional. "How did _you_ think you could, knowing you felt that way about me?"  
Bilbo clutched him close. "I don't know anymore. I-I feel the way I feel now and I have no idea what I thought I was doing back then, Kili. I swear I don't."  
Kili looked at Bilbo solemnly.  
"It hurt so much. _So much_. Holding back, not being able to love you the way I knew I could."  
Kili had started to undulate against Bilbo. The hobbit was responding in kind while rubbing his hands over Kili's bare back.  
"I'm sorry," Bilbo said, also rather affected by the ale. "It hurt me, too. I had lost count of how many times I wanted to kiss you--gods, to make love with you."  
Kili reached for the oil at the bedside. He reached behind and worked himself open as he whispered into Bilbo's skin.  
"I knew I could love you better, make you harder, get you to scream louder. Don't I, Bee? Don't I love you better? Fuck you better?"  
"Like nothing I've felt before," Bilbo agreed breathlessly.  
Kili rolled onto his back, taking Bilbo with him. Stroking Bilbo's cock with the rest of the oil in his hand, he said, "Tonight, I want you to make _me_ scream."  
Bilbo seated his cock in one long stroke, making Kili twitch.  
"I'm completely yours, Kili."  
"Show me."

*****

Gandalf arrived before breakfast. He bade them be ready by late morning the next day, ate, and disappeared to his room to catch up on his sleep. He typically kept his business close, but the dwarves and Bilbo were concerned that he had chosen to ride through the night instead of sleep.

The rest of the day was a flurry of activity. In between packing and getting the wagon ready, Bilbo made sure to have his last bits of leisure time with Kili to enjoy Beorn's animals, home, and garden. It was decided that they would take two ponies and a wagon between the four of them. Gandalf was to have his own horse, as usual. It made Bilbo nervous to only have two ponies in case the wagon was lost or needed to be left behind at some point, but everyone agreed that Bilbo was a very nervous traveler in general. Bofur reminded him of the time he was going to turn around an entire caravan of dwarrows due to fretting over the lack of handkerchiefs. 

As Bilbo promised, there was a flurry of baking. Fili and Kili merrily did their part, each secretly flattered that Beorn had asked for their specialties by name. Beorn had his favorites prepared for him many times over.  
"I think it should spoil before you can get to everything!" Bilbo said.  
Beorn chuckled and patted his stomach. "You can bet I'll find a place to put it all before then!"

Time went by (entirely too fast by Bilbo's estimation) and before they knew it, dinner was done and they were singing for Beorn one last time in his sitting room. He showed no melancholy--indeed, he was as cheerful and raucous as ever. Bilbo felt the sadness in his heart to say goodbye to his friend and his sanctuary. Bilbo had seldom felt safer since leaving Hobbiton as he did within Beorn's walls. Still, Kili's words gave him comfort. They could not hide at Beorn's forever when there was a life to be lived and memories to be made elsewhere. 

Giving their host a sweet goodnight, Bilbo and Kili made for the bathing area to get their last good use out of Beorn's enormous bath. Having bathed before dinner, Fili and Bofur had the bed on their minds. 

Watching the couples in love scamper down the hall, Gandalf was glad he had already slept quite a bit that day. He imagined there was going to be no shortage of lover's music that night.

*****

"Give me more," Fili begged.  
Bofur had two fingers inside him and Fili was begging for another. Seeing him stretched around him like this was nearly more than Bofur could bear. And to hear him beg like that! Bofur gave him one more and Fili vocalized long and low. Fili pumped himself against the fingers inside him.  
"Harder!"  
"I don't want to hurt you."  
"I _want_ you to hurt me. I want to feel you tomorrow," Fili panted.  
"Fuck! You are so filthy like this!" Bofur groaned.  
"It could get filthier," he said seductively.  
Bofur lifted his eye brows. "Oh? Tell me how."  
"You could touch my hole with your cock."  
Bofur stopped. "What?"  
"I want to feel you against me like that. Touch me."

Bofur leaned his forehead against Fili's stomach. His still-damp hair spilled all around. Fili had insisted they unravel all but their courting braids for bed even though they had woven them after their bath. 

"You just had a huge problem with us playing so intimately and now you want, you want _that_?"  
"It is just touching," Fili reasoned.  
"Fee, you are killin' me. I want everything you want, but I can't take another personal crisis."  
Fili arched upward to get some friction inside him. "Please, Bo. _please_."  
Bofur took back his fingers, climbed up toward Fili, and rubbed the head of his cock against his hole.  
"That feels...oh, your skin feels so soft," Fili said.  
Fili slicked up his hands and lubricated Bofur's cock.  
"What are you doing? I thought you just wanted to touch."  
"I want more of you touching me. Inside."

Bofur grunted in equal parts desire and frustration. Fili pushed against him and the tip worked past the resistance. Fili moaned and Bofur hissed. 

"I'm not going to be able to resist you for long, Fee," Bofur said, voice ragged and unsteady.  
"Then don't."  
Bofur pulled away from Fili. "You don't know what you are asking. I won't be able to stop if I start _that_ again."  
"Yes, I do. I want you. I want this. I want us. I don't want to wait until we have a bed again to know what this pleasure will be like."

Bofur fell forward on Fili and cradled his face. 

"Thorin told me that if I was going to be with you that I had to do it knowing that it wouldn't be easy. Said I had to do it with all my heart and I needed to be there until the end. I've always planned to, Fee. 'Til the end' has been my wish since that first night when we held each other in our unders, to tell you the truth. But I have to know it will be the same for you."  


Fili gazed at him silently, trying to find words for what to say next. 

Fili's hesitation told Bofur what he needed to know. Bofur nodded and kissed him lightly. "There will be other beds, there are other ways I can get you off...there's no need to rush this when you are going to hate us both when we wake."  
Bofur shifted to roll off Fili but the dwarf caught his arm and held him firm. "Wait, Bo!"

Bofur lacked the emotional strength to fight Fili as well as the willpower to deny himself this much-storied pleasure for much longer. Leaning down to press his forehead to Fili's, Bofur breathed in deeply to try and steady himself. 

As gently as he could for as frustrated as he felt, he said, "Fili, I don't have the heart to weather this if you regret it later. Going further means we're no longer just playing. We've seen it with Thorin, yeah? Because I want you. Mahal knows, I want to be inside you so badly that I'm shaking with the thought of it. And I love you, I love you enough to wait months if that is what you need. I promise it is okay to need that. All you have to do is tell me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut cliffhanger. Smut-hanger! Or cliff-smut.


	91. 'Til The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, look! Smut!

_"'Til the end' has been my wish since that first night when we held each other in our unders, to tell you the truth. But I have to know it will be the same for you."_

Fili's tongue had been frozen while his brain could not seem to settle on any one of a dozen things he longed to say to Bofur. He managed to still Bofur for a moment as he searched for the proper words, only to be met with more of Bofur's thoughts. It was damned unfair that the dwarf could be so tender, raw, and eloquent when Fili couldn't seem to say anything. Bofur looked at him expectantly and Fili realized he must speak quickly or their evening would be irreparably ruined. 

"I'm not playing anymore," Fili confessed. "I've been afraid and I've hurt you, but please have no doubt that I've wanted you for a very long time. Needed you, even. Tonight, I need to feel you inside me, and afterward I need everything that goes along with it."  
"You are not afraid anymore?"  
"Terrified, but as long as you are with me, I know I'll be okay."  
"I'll always be with you," Bofur promised.  
"Then, please."

Bofur smiled and thought for a moment he might cry. Fili's hand guiding his cock to his entrance distracted him from his tears, though, and Bofur pressed against him again.

Fili's eyes met his. "Til the end, Bo," he said.

Fili pushed downward, taking Bofur in past the tightest part as before. They both gasped.  
"More," Fili said.  
Bofur pressed a bit, added some oil, and eased in a little more. The intensity of the sensation as well as the feelings swirling in his chest were almost too much for him. Fili stuttered breaths beneath him as Bofur finally settled in to the root. Able to lean forward enough to press against his chest, Bofur stroked Fili's hair and kissed his cheek.

Fili had always admired Bofur for his full, curved prick. It seemed now to be _huge_. He felt as though he were being split in half. It was a delicious violation, though, and his curiosity outweighed the unpleasantness.

"Are you alright? Does it hurt?" Bofur asked.  
"M'okay. It hurts a little, but not enough to make me want to stop. I want to know what it feels like for you to move."  
"I need a moment, I think. The pressure around me feels so good right now that I'm worried I'm going to simply pop off."

Bofur rested his forehead against Fili's collarbone and took several deep breaths. He fancied he could feel Fili's heart thump against his head. 

Gathered again, Bofur kissed Fili sweetly. "Til the end," he whispered against his lips. 

Bofur experimentally circled his hips, slowly at first. He and Fili both whimpered as the oddness of their new situation blossomed into pleasure. Fili clutched Bofur as he rolled up to meet his strokes. Bofur licked an obscene kiss into Fili's mouth, connecting them at both ends. 

Fili was struck by how incredible it felt to have Bofur sliding inside him. Kili had been right about all of it, and had likely been holding back quite a bit of detail as well. Enveloped in the gloriousness of their coupling, Fili felt like a right arse having grieved Bofur about this. This was nothing to have feared. He moved with his lover, giving himself with reckless abandon and hoping it would make up for all that came before. 

Likely the only thing that kept Bofur from finishing as soon as he started was the near-shock of having Fili under him, wrapped around him, and well on the way to being completely his. The first time he had taken himself in hand and finished with Fili's name on his tongue, he had no earthly idea that this would some day be his reality. He tasted Fili's lips and gazed at how beautiful the dwarf was as he surrendered to him. They had not yet completed even half of their bond, but Bofur was profoundly affected. 

Bofur reached under him to grab two handfuls of Fili's arse and stroked in deeper. Fili yelped and cried out Bofur's name. Bofur repeated the stroke and Fili clutched him tighter, scratching and begging. He put the pressure on his upper body in order to keep his hands on Fili and pull them together. It squashed his face into Fili's neck and made breathing laborious, but air seemed less important at the moment than Fili's loud, wanton moaning. Movement under him told him that Fili had started stroking himself. Bofur felt Fili grow warmer inside. The friction the new angle gave him combined with Fili's noise and heat was more than Bofur could fight. 

"How close?" Bofur managed to pant.  
"Close!"  
"I can't-"  
"-Then don't. Inside me, Bo. I want it all inside me," Fili pleaded.  
Bofur choked out, "Fuck, you're going to get it."

With a loud, rumbling groan, Bofur pumped his seed inside Fili, jerking and twitching. Fili was right behind him, screaming through his own finish. Fili had never made such a commotion before and Bofur loved it. Fili's muscles snapped so tightly around his cock that Bofur felt like he might be coming again. 

Bofur released Fili's buttocks and reached up to stroke Fili's face. Fili was still shuddering beneath him with his eyes shut tightly. Bofur kissed him softly. 

"Fee?"

Fili let himself savor the warm feeling spreading through his veins another moment before he opened his eyes and gazed upon his bond-mate. 

"That was...everything," Fili said breathlessly.  
"Fee, Fee, my Fee," Bofur sighed in between kisses against Fili's skin.  
"Yours. Well and truly yours. I have never loved you so much."

Bofur nearly wept with relief. Despite Fili's words and promises, Bofur feared what would happen when the haze of lust lifted. 

"How does it feel to be marked?" Bofur murmured.  
"I feel you in my fingers and my toes, as though your very essence is pulsing through my body."  
Bofur said in wonder, "I feel as though you have marked me, too, then."  
"I should hope that you allow me the honor of claiming you properly, just to be sure."  
Bofur laughed and held Fili close to him.  
"I will beg you for it, I guarantee."

*****

Fili's moans swelled as Bilbo and Kili kissed in their own room.  
"Bofur has to be giving it to him so good," Bilbo said, impressed.  
"You think they are making love?"  
"They are usually much quieter than this. I figure it being the last night for a while with a bed, they would be doing what you and I are and making something of it. And it sounds like Bofur is making the very most of it, indeed."  
"Feeling envious, my jewel? Do I need to remind you how loudly I can make you howl?"  
"I'm simply happy for the two of them. Bo deserves a lover as lusty as himself, and Fili deserves all the pleasure Bo can give. However, if you sensing a challenge makes you milk me until my stones ache, be my guest."

Kili smiled and moved his kisses to Bilbo's neck. Fili wailed through the wall and Kili could feel more than hear the groan in the back of Bilbo's throat. 

"Do you like hearing my brother fall apart?"  
"I do," Bilbo admitted. "It sounds like it feels amazing. It makes me think of what would make me moan like that, then I start thinking about how it feels, and suddenly I'm close to coming without you even touching my cock. It is probably the same reason they like to watch and listen."  
"I'd never thought of _why_ I would like such a thing, but now that you mention it, it makes sense to me."  
"Does it bother you that it is your brother?"  
Kili shrugged. "I don't know. Pleasure is pleasure. It isn't so much who it is as much as it is the sounds. If I were watching, it probably wouldn't be me fretting over it being Fee as much as it would be me appreciating the act itself. I've not put much thought into being the one to coax those sounds from him, but Bo making him moan still sounds erotic."  
Bilbo considered this.  
Noticing Bilbo processing what he just said, Kili became self-conscious. "Do you think me perverted?"  
"Only in the best ways," Bilbo reassured him. 

Bofur groaned through the wall, sounding like some great beast. Fili came screaming shortly after, so unusually vocal that Bilbo knew now without a doubt that Bofur had fucked it out of him.

"Kee, I need to come _right now_."

*****

Bofur was sprawled across Fili's body. He had one of Fili's hands clasped in his as they silently reveled in what had just passed between them.  
"Are you falling asleep on me?" Bofur asked.  
"Under you, actually."  
Bofur chuckled.  
"No, I'm fine," Fili said. "I'm better than fine. I feel rather amazing."  
Bofur scooted up to kiss him.  
"Mmm, something's missing though," Fili said.  
"Oh?"  
Fili pushed Bofur on his back. "I have a claim to stake."  
Bofur could not help the shiver that went through him. " _Yes_."

Fili pressed kisses from Bofur's throat to his knees and back up again. He traced the lines of his tattoos with his tongue, making Bofur giggle in his more ticklish spots and moan where he wasn't ticklish at all. Bofur sighed and whispered endearments, but he did not attempt to rush him. He allowed Fili full control.

Again hard and ready, Fili reached for the oil. He dipped a slick finger inside Bofur's entrance. Slipping inside him so deliberately, with the intent of opening him for coupling, excited Fili more than he would have anticipated. He did not think his own feeling of being taken could be bested, but being responsible for giving Bofur this experience gave him a tingle all its own. Fili wanted him to buck, to scream, to _need_ \--to need so much that Bofur could never again be satisfied without Fili either in or around him.

Bofur felt Fili explore him with first one digit, then a second. This was the most Fili had stretched him thus far. He knew Fili would have to pull him even wider if he was to accept the dwarf's thick cock. He was secretly glad Fili had gone first, otherwise this part would have made him much more nervous. The pinch eased and Fili grunted, as though he had been waiting for it. Fili wiggled and rubbed experimentally until Bofur could not help but groan. He felt Fili stroke over the more sensitive area a couple more times before slipping another finger inside. 

"You wrapped around me...this is truly a lovely sight," Fili said. 

Bofur was whimpering and twitching too much to shoot back one of his usual witty retorts. 

Moments later, Fili whispered, "Are you ready?"  
Bofur nodded. "Aye, as I'll ever be."  
"Do you want me here? On top?"  
"I think...I think I'd like to be atop you, the way Bilbo was with Kili."  
Fili smiled. He knew Bofur had been captivated by that image and was not surprised he wanted it for himself. 

Fili oiled his prick while Bofur shifted to straddle him. Fili bent his knees in order for Bofur to have something to hold as he lowered himself. Bofur steadied Fili's cock so it would not slip. 

"Oh!" Bofur said, feeling the first, wide stretch.  
"Okay?"  
"Yes, it is just so-so _much_."

Breathing deeply and clutching onto Fili's knee behind him, Bofur began the gentle rise and fall that would allow Fili entrance. The tip gave way with a sudden slip. Fili rubbed Bofur's thighs soothingly.

"That is the most difficult part," Fili reassured him. 

Bofur found that taking the rest of Fili in was an easier endeavor. Sooner than he had imagined, he felt his buttocks rest on Fili's hipbones. He placed a hand on Fili's stomach to still his lover. Fili caressed his arm. 

"This suddenly feels quite, quite _real_ to me," Bofur chuckled weakly, overwhelmed with the feeling of Fili within him.  
Fili grinned. "And did it not before?"  
"It was the realization of so many fantasies I've had. I kept expecting to wake up."  
"Oh, Bo..."  
"Have to say, though, if your fat prick up my arse isn't enough proof this is real, I don't know what would be."  
Fili barked a laugh that shook the both of them. "You are daft but I adore you."

Bofur smiled back. Bracing his hands on Fili's stomach, he started moving tentatively. He became more brave and increased his speed as the intrusion grew more pleasurable. Soon, he was bouncing hard on Fili's cock. 

Fili watched Bofur's nervousness give way to a more brazen quest for pleasure. Raking his fingernails down Bofur's thighs, he moaned at the sensation of Bofur using him to fuck himself. Had he not gotten off once already, this surely would have ended him by now. He reached for Bofur's cock and the dwarf nearly shrieked. 

Bofur leaned back against Fili's knees and a current of delight shot through him. If he leaned back just a little more, Fili would be pegging him repeatedly on what Bilbo called his "hot spot." He couldn't hold himself at that angle, though. He reached out for Fili's arms.

"Hold me like this," Bofur panted.

He and Fili clasped each other's forearms, the leverage allowing him to lean back without falling. He was able to get the nudge he wanted, but he needed it harder.

"Fuck me back, Fee."

Fili growled at Bofur's obscene request and returned Bofur's grinds with thrusts of his own. That seemed to be just what Bofur needed. Soon, Bofur was keening and begging, swearing and whispering devotions in snatches of Khuzdul. His cock seemed to be oozing a steady stream now that Bofur had found his desired position. The pleasure Fili felt from their frantic pace drove him crazy. He was going to finish soon. 

Bofur teetered on an edge. He felt the sensation build up as though he were going to come and it simply stayed at that dizzying level with no relief. He rode it without a single break in the maddening tension until he didn't recognize the sounds coming out of his own mouth. He pleaded with Fili for release.

Fili raised a knee so Bofur wouldn't fall when he took one of his arms back. He wrapped his fingers around Bofur's cock--impossibly wet, he thought--and stroked. Nearly immediately, Bofur spilled in his hand. His lover sobbed without tears as he came. The rhythmic tightness around his own cock too much to bear, Fili cried out. Clutching Bofur's thigh, he surged upward and pulsed inside him. 

"Fuck, I _feel_ you marking me," Bofur exhaled. "Love you. Love you so much."

Whispering Bofur's name, Fili twitched inside him one last time. Bofur collapsed across his torso and kissed Fili's neck. 

"Tell me again why we haven't been doing that since we left Bag End?" Bofur joked.  
"You know, I can't even recall," Fili answered dreamily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all! I appreciate your continued feedback and support of this story. It keeps me going! <3
> 
> I have another chapter ready to go and it will be posted tonight, too. I thought that Fili & Bofur's moment needed to be in a different chapter than the company leaving Beorn's.


	92. A Bittersweet Parting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The quartet leaves Beorn's. Thorin receives some letters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update of the evening. If you haven't caught the resolution of the Fili/Bofur smut-hanger, go back 1 chapter.

Kili held Bilbo closely in their bed.  
"Do not let tomorrow trouble you so," Kili said.  
"I've felt better about it since we talked. I'll miss Beorn, but you were right. We've got a lot of things still to do together."  
"Name one thing that you are excited to do. Other than our wedding, of course."  
"I'm going to go to market and we are going to have such a meal. Meats, potatoes, carrots, tomatoes, beans, apples, cakes, pies, breads, every gravy I've ever been taught...we won't be able to walk for a day! How about you?"  
"I suppose it is too obvious to say 'make love in every room of Bag End?'"  
"No, I'd say that is a perfectly acceptable answer. More than acceptable, really."  
"Still not walking for a day, though," Kili quipped.  
Bilbo laughed heartily. "Speaking of such things, there is one comfort of Beorn's we will have in Hobbiton. I've decided I'm commissioning us a new, giant bed."  
Kili giggled and hugged him tighter. Bilbo tried unsuccessfully to suppress a yawn.  
"Get some rest, Bee," Kili said. "We've already been up half the night as it is."

Kili had things he was going to miss about Beorn's, too. Their chair, the bed, the bath, their tree, the garden, the animals, and (not the least) the big man himself. Kili was half afraid of him when first they met, but he had learned that once Beorn counted someone as friend, he was most amiable. He opened his home to them and treated them as kin. He would always be thankful and grateful for Beorn and his place in their lives. Even so, Kili was eager to leave. He knew Bilbo relished the safety and the seclusion that Beorn's provided, but they were well due to stop simply marking off time in favor of going forth and living. _Experiencing._ The road ahead was less safe and more unknown than their winter at Beorn's had been, but Kili could not wait to set foot on it with his hobbit.

 

 

*****

Altogether too early in their estimation, Gandalf knocked on the couples' doors and woke them rather firmly for breakfast.

When Gandalf returned to the dining room, Beorn noted jovially, "You will surely be traveling with sleepy dwarves and a hobbit!"  
Gandalf shook his head in exasperation and rolled his eyes.  
"And they will be traveling with a sleepy wizard!" Gandalf replied.  
"Do you honestly begrudge them their fun?"  
Gandalf smirked. "I'd begrudge it less were they more capable of noise control."  
Beorn chuckled and went back to setting the table, singing a happy song about lovers in springtime.

 

 

*****

Fili stretched and rolled over on Bofur. "G'morning handsome."  
"G'morning yourself. How do you feel?"  
"Bloody tired...and fantastic. Do you think we have time to make love before breakfast?"  
Bofur kissed him. "I wish it were so but Gandalf sounded pretty impatient."  
Fili huffed in disappointment. "How do _you_ feel?" he asked.  
"Tired. A little sore. Blissful."  
"No regrets?" Fili asked.  
"What? No! I should be asking you that!"  
"I only regret what I put you through while I was behaving like an arse."  
"But I understood. Had you wanted to wait, I would have." Bofur ran a hand over Fili's naked hip. "Although 'tis probably a good thing I didn't know what it felt like. I may have been far less patient."  
Bofur growled and pretended to bite Fili and the blond laughed in his arms.  
"I am going to love being bonded to you, Bo."  
Bofur hugged him closely.  
"Me too," he whispered.

 

*****

Over the past week or so, Bilbo had been gathering what he could from the early seeding plants. Beorn surprised him after breakfast by sharing last year's stores from plants that would seed after Bilbo was gone.  
"My garden will be the envy of the Shire!" Bilbo exclaimed happily.

No one saw it, but Bilbo sneaked away during preparations to leave the last of his offerings at the base of the grand oak tree. "I will not forget you again, Yavanna." Bilbo said softly. "I shall renew my mother's special place for you upon my return home."

Rejoining his friends, Bilbo and the dwarves made another round (their second of the morning) of thanking, kissing, and giving a cuddle or a pet to all of Beorn's animals.

Soon the wagon was packed, checked, double-checked, and all was secure. Bilbo had not realized how much they had accumulated during their time at Beorn's, though the great food bundles would dwindle all too quickly. The large amount of treasure they toted between the four of them also gave Bilbo pause. He worried about traveling with so much, both for their own safety as well as the good of their ponies. Between them, they could probably buy the Shire twice over and that sort of wealth was not light to pull along.

They all gathered outside to say their goodbyes. Beorn faced Bilbo. Bilbo indicated he wanted Beorn to pick him up--something about which he would normally complain--and threw his arms around as much of the large man as possible. He pressed a kiss to his lips and another to his cheek.  
For possibly the first time in the hearty man's life, he blushed as vivid as a radish.

"What you've done for all of us can never be repaid, my dear friend," Bilbo said, voice thick with emotion. "You are eternally as welcome in our home as you have made us in yours. I do not know how comfortable you would find hobbit accommodation but we will do everything in our power to make it such! If you ever need anything, let me know. I will do all that I can for you without hesitation."  
Bilbo felt Beorn's voice rumble down to his toes as he spoke, as he was still hugging Bilbo to his chest.  
"The house will be much emptier without the cheer you all bring. There is nothing to repay; you have filled these cold months with warmth and joy. I will always think fondly of the winter you all spent under my roof. Furthermore, I am happy to oblige you any time you should ever need it."  
Beorn moved to set Bilbo back on solid ground. "I look forward to dancing at your wedding, Bilbo."  
Bilbo nearly blushed himself when Beorn said his proper name. He could not remember the last time Beorn had used it.  
Bilbo grinned even though his eyes were about to spill tears. "I believe it is pronounced, 'Bunny,'" he corrected with a jaunty waggle of his head.  
Beorn laughed loudly. "So it is."

Fili, Bofur, Kili, and even Gandalf all took turns at a thankful and bittersweet goodbye. Beorn refused their offers once again of gold for their room and board.  
"This is what friends do for each other, and I count you all as close as my kin," Beorn assured them. "Besides, Thorin's guilt-gold will tide me and my fellows over for quite a time!"

Mounted up on the wagon with Gandalf leading on his pony, the group found that Beorn was tall enough to easily extract another round of hugs from them all. He paused at Bilbo and Kili last.  
"I told you we'd get you two sorted," Beorn said with a wink.

As the group departed, Beorn stood and waved until they reached the tree line. He sighed heavily and went back in his home.

 

 

*****

Balin brought Thorin letters and a package that had just arrived by messenger. Thorin cancelled all appointments as soon as he recognized Bilbo's hand. Should these letters carry warmth, Thorin wanted to live in their words for the rest of the afternoon. However, he did not let himself get swept away in what sweet, small hope he carried from the day Bilbo left him with such a perfect kiss at the gate. A nameless sense of uneasiness had been growing within him over the past couple weeks. He had a suspicion that these letters would not bring him the comfort he wished. Not at all. Should they bring less pleasant news, he knew full well he would not want to see anyone else for the rest of the day.

The larger letter addressed by Bilbo had two missives. One still folded and addressed to the Fourteen tumbled out as he opened the first. He set it aside and read Bilbo's words for him.

_Dearest Thorin,_

_I have news that I cannot keep from you, though I spent last night awake trying to think of how to tell you. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do, but somehow I excel in exactly that. I am sure you have guessed by now what I need to say. I have asked Kili to wed and he has agreed. We will marry this autumn in the Shire. Prince or not, we did not think our wedding would be looked upon as a happy occasion in Erebor. We would not expect you to host something this potentially painful in your own halls._

_Imagining how you might be feeling right now has made tears spring up in my own eyes. A part of my heart breaks, for that piece will always be yours. As beautiful as we were for a few short weeks, we were not matched well for forever. Please know my love for you was never a lie._

_I wanted you to read this so you would not find out when the rest of our company did. This was the best way I could think of allowing you to be the first to know in Erebor, short of riding in to tell you myself. I would have preferred to tell you in person and Kili would have, too. Being there would not have lessened this sting, though, and likely would have made it worse in other ways._

_I still mean what I said when we left as well as the things I wrote for you to read thereafter. I realize this may very well mean the end of whatever we were able to salvage. I hope it will not, but I am not unrealistic. The second letter folded into this one is the wedding invitation to the company, and there is a third letter within that one from Kili as well. The invitation is for everyone who wishes to make the trek. You are certainly not excluded. It would be awkward, to be sure, but we love you and would not be averse to your presence should you choose to attend. There is also the matter of time spent, both here and back again. You might not be able to leave a newly liberated Erebor under a stewardship for that long. I understand if you would have no choice but to decline, either personally or politically._

_I have also considered that Balin and Dwalin might choose to decline considering that they've disapproved of this union from the beginning, being fiercely loyal to you and your interests. Although the four of us have disagreed, we would not exclude them either if they would like to attend. I would request that it be impressed upon Dwalin that there will be a truce between us should he come. It does us no favors for him to make the trip and refuse to speak to me or Kili either one. Erebor is one thing, but I shall not put up with that sort of rudeness in my own homeland._

_Thorin, I want you to know I love you. Kili loves you. None of this was meant to hurt you. Even so, we cannot live the rest of our lives couching our feelings to favor yours. Would that I had a way so no one cried lonely tears! I am sorry I could not make it work for the two of us._

_Please stay safe and stay well._

_Love,_  
 _Bilbo_

Thorin had anticipated this since the visit. After all, Kili and Bilbo both separately confessed their desire to marry. He knew it was merely a matter of time before they confessed it to each other, too. The expectation took the shock out of the letter but not the hurt. His Bilbo, his _Kili_...Mahal, how cruel the world could be!

He unfolded the letter to the company.

_Dearest Friends and Companions,_

_Kili and I will be wed on September 22nd of this year. Each of our treasured companions and their families are welcome to come to the Shire to celebrate with us. As road travel is not particularly exact, we will provide accommodation for the entire month of September in anticipation of those arriving early. More, if you think should like to stay longer._

_We have not spoken of it publicly, but we are aware that the nature of this union may put some of you in a delicate position. Should it create misgivings, please know that we understand and we will not be offended if we do not see you. Alternately, the journey may simply be too far for some of you to go after traveling so far the first time. You will be missed but not faulted. We understand all too well the demands of extended road travel._

_This invitation does not stop at our wedding festivities. Any of you (as well as your families) are always welcome for visits. A letter ahead of time will make planning easier, but even those popping up on our doorstep will be welcomed with open arms and full belly shortly thereafter._

_We love you all,_

_Bilbo_

Thorin sighed. He amused himself for a moment as he imagined buying the smial next door and staying there indefinitely. "You said I could stay longer!" he would say to Bilbo. He nearly laughed picturing the look of shock on Bilbo's face as he stuttered and spluttered in an attempt to rescind the extended invitation. Thorin knew very well that is not what Bilbo meant, though. Although Bombur or Bifur might be welcome for a three-month stay, he doubted that his presence would be wanted in the same way. It surprised him that he was invited in the first place. Bilbo was probably just being polite and expecting a refusal. Although, Bilbo and Kili did both say they wanted to further repair the damage between them as they left Erebor. Perhaps a good visit in a place Bilbo felt at ease would not be altogether unwelcome...

"No," Thorin said out loud. Even if he could bear to watch those two marry each other, he did not want to be around for weeks on end to watch them as newlyweds.

As Bilbo promised, there was a third letter from Kili.

_Thorin,_

_Bilbo has told me of his plan and I know you must have read his letter already giving you the news. I am thrilled beyond measure but it is tempered with guilt and sadness. It was never my wish to be your rival. I've been on both sides of this relationship and they've each made my heart ache._

_I'm sure you think Bilbo is simply being hobbity by extending you an invitation. Believe me when I tell you that it was sincere and from both of us. In some ways, we know it would be strange and bittersweet for someone else who loves Bilbo so much to be there, but in other ways it would seem odd if my uncle was not. I was prepared to stand up at your wedding when Bilbo was not mine, though, and I know how much the mere thought pained me at the time. I did not think I was going to be able to bear it._

_Even if heartbreak or duty keep you in the mountain, I would hope that the words we shared in Erebor and the mending we managed will not all be undone by this. I truly hope not. It would break my heart twice over if marrying the one I love meant losing you for good. I've always adored you so._

_I wish you the safest of travels if travels there will be. If not, I wish you happiness and health._

_Until I see you again,_

_Your Kili_

There was a letter from Fili, too, with an allusion to Bilbo's letter. The rest was merely pleasantries and distractions. Fili obviously worried Thorin would read his letter first and did not want to be the one to break the news. Thorin surmised that they must have planned it out that way. The efforts they made to lessen the pain of Bilbo and Kili's betrothal showed him how much they all cared for him, even if it was not the way he wished it.

He flipped through the rest of the missives sent to the company but decided not to read any more. They were not addressed to him, anyhow. He opened his package instead. Painstakingly and carefully nestled inside were two jars of Beorn's honey. Each had a tag on the lid, written by two different hands: _"For T, From B"_ and _"For T, From K"_

Thorin wept.


	93. On The Road Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Road tales.  
> Road smut.  
> The Ereborean dwarrows decide who is going to the wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time on the road will be lapsing much more quickly than the time at Beorn's or Erebor, and I may yet take liberties with the true distance from Beorn's to Rivendell because no one wants to read months of travel when we have elves and a wedding in front of us. 
> 
> We are sticking with the pre-DoS film book version of the barrel scene where the barrels were sealed, Bilbo did not do much swimming, and Fili hates apples to this very day.

Bilbo found he enjoyed road travel much more with a wagon. As many as three of them could fit the driving bench (all four if a lap was utilized) and there was room in the back amongst the things they toted for a lie down. It was much easier on his legs than walking, too. The dwarrows took turns steering up front throughout the day and, other than the hard surfaces and endless hours, it wasn't wholly unpleasant. Gandalf seemed to be pleased with the speed in which they were covering ground and Bilbo always preferred it when the wizard was content. As content as he ever was, at any rate. 

Kili had been sitting up front with Bofur for most of their second afternoon while Fili caught a nap and Bilbo watched the world go by. Kili eventually traded places with Bilbo and woke his brother.

Bilbo settled in next to Bofur up front. "Do you want me to hold the straps for a bit?"  
"Nah, I'm fine." 

They rode a little while exchanging pleasantries about the day and the road. Eventually, Bilbo peeked over his shoulder to see if anyone was listening. Kili and Fili were in the middle of a conversation of their own. 

Quietly, Bilbo leaned in and asked, "Can I assume the sounds coming from your room the night before last were, um, _official_?"  
Bofur rolled his lips in sheepishly. "Heard that, did you?"  
"No worse than you hear us, I'm sure. Truth be told, I rather liked it."  
"Why, Bilbo Baggins," Bofur said in feigned shock.  
Bilbo grinned wide and shrugged.  
"So?" he asked, leading.  
"So?" Bofur repeated.  
" _You know_."  
Now it was Bofur's turn to break out in a huge grin. "I think you were withholding information when we had our little talk. There were so many unexpected little pleasures."  
"It would have spoiled the fun if I had told you _everything,_ " Bilbo teased.  
"And how I felt in here," Bofur gestured toward his chest, "well, I suppose there really is no description for that, is there?"  
Bilbo shook his head. "None I've found."  
"You didn't tell me how messy it was going to be, though. I s'pose I could have figured it out after we talked if I had been focusing on anything other than the fun."  
"Ha! Messy?" Bilbo asked.  
"That deal with the oil and then afterward, all that squidging around with a wet bum!"  
Bilbo giggled.  
"You could always do what Kili does to me and lick it out of him," he said.  
"Stop it!" Bofur countered, disbelieving.  
Bilbo simply smiled at him guilelessly, not denying it or giving it up as a jest.  
"Cor!" He called to the back of the wagon, "Kee, come get your betrothed before I wet my trousers."

Bilbo kissed his cheek and hopped over the seat to join Kili at the back of the wagon. Fili was already up with a grin and moving forward to take Bilbo's former seat.

"What have you said to him this time?" Fili asked in mock accusation.  
"I'm sure he'll be happy to tell you. Or show you," Bilbo coquetted. He smacked Fili on his bum as they traded places.

Bilbo sat down with Kili, who had a smile for him as well as a knowing look.  
"Well? Are you going to confess?" Kili asked.  
"I simply gave him a solution to a problem," Bilbo said innocently. Leaning over to whisper more lasciviously, he said "You would not deny them the pleasure of licking seed from the other one's arse, would you?"  
"Durin's axe, Bilbo! It is a wonder he did _not_ wet his trousers."

A few moments later, Fili's cry of "What?" reached them from the front of the wagon.  
Kili and Bilbo looked up to see Fili looking back at them incredulously. Kili winked and Fili turned around again.

Bilbo figured Fili must not have been too opposed to the idea, though. When he looked up again, Fili was practically sitting in Bofur's lap and they were whispering rather cozily indeed.

Gandalf rode ahead about fifteen paces but managed to catch bits and pieces of the conversation. Hobbits and dwarves! He wouldn't have guessed it, himself.

*****

As the days passed, Bilbo took advantage of their meal stops to search for herbs and mushrooms. On the way from the Shire to Erebor, they had not the leisure for such things. Although Gandalf did not wish to dally, they were not in the same hurry or danger they were back then. The wizard also stood to benefit from the treasures Bilbo would find. Still, he called for caution. "The wild is still the wild," he said.

Kili also took advantage of these stops, following Bilbo into the woods to seek fast pleasures in relative seclusion. Sometimes they would use their hands, other times they would use their mouths. They had not the comfort, privacy, or assumed safety to take the time to make love, making the closeness they could allow all the more desperate. Kili missed the intimacy so much it made his chest ache, but he had to admit he enjoyed the fevered hunger in which they consumed each other within their limits.

Still a few days away from their first chance at an overnight at a farm or inn, Kili caught up with Bilbo in the woods. They had spent their afternoon kissing deeply in the back of the wagon and he was practically shaking with pent-up desire. He almost ripped Bilbo's trousers open in his haste. Leaning against a tree, he pulled Bilbo's back to his front, spat in his hand, and stroked him to wet him. Spitting again for more slick, he went at Bilbo hard and fast. Bilbo gasped his name and Kili covered Bilbo's mouth with his bracing hand. The faster Kili pumped, the more Bilbo bowed, groaned, and twitched. Kili held him fast and worked him relentlessly. Crying into the dwarf's hand as Kili forced his completion, Bilbo arched away while his body jerked, his seed spilling out onto the grass. He leaned back against Kili, slumped like a doll and panting. Kili wrapped his arms around Bilbo and hooked his chin over his shoulder.

Eyeing the ground in front of him, Kili said, "Gracious, look at all that! I'm regretting now I didn't take you in my mouth."  
Bilbo laughed and turned around in Kili's arms. Pinning him to the tree with a kiss, he murmured, "I will not make that mistake."  
Unlacing Kili's trousers, Bilbo lowered himself to his knees.

*****

Gandalf did not let Fili and Bofur run off at the same times Bilbo and Kili did. He thought it safest for them to avoid being scattered. "As hunters, you and Kili should both know there are other things besides goblins of which we should be wary," Gandalf cautioned.

This particular day, Bofur and Fili had to wait for Bilbo and Kili to return before heading out to gather wood and steal moments of their own. They were barely out of sight when Bofur pulled Fili down to the ground with him. He untied Fili's laces while he kissed him hungrily.

"Do you have any idea how bloody beautiful your hair is in the sunlight?" Bofur panted. "I've been dying to touch you for hours."  
"I've been dying to touch and be touched," Fili replied, freeing Bofur's cock from his trousers.

They pawed and groped at each other in the grass. They did not have long to linger and each of them were trying to feel as much of the other as possible. Fili started to stroke Bofur in earnest. Bofur responded by muffling a moan into Fili's chest.

"What do you think they do when they wander off?" Fili whispered.  
"I'd like to follow them and find out."  
"Not under Gandalf's watchful eye, though they may just get brazen enough that we wouldn't have to. Did you see them in the back of the wagon today?"  
Bofur took Fili in hand and pumped him in rhythm. "Mahal! Yes I did. I thought Kee might swallow his face...or something more filthy."  
Fili moaned as Bofur pleasured him. "I wish he would have tried."  
"Doesn't bother you anymore?"  
"Watching Bilbo get sucked off? Not in the slightest."  
"Even with Kee doing the sucking?"  
"He's not sucking _me_ ," Fili pointed out.

Bofur silenced him with a kiss as they continued stroking each other.  
Bofur's voice was hoarse with need when he spoke again. "I want to fuck you. I've been thinking about it since we left and it has been making me crazy."  
Fili felt a pleasing tingle inside from his groin up to his sternum. "Oh yes! How often have you been thinking about it?"  
"Only every time I take a breath," Bofur replied.  
"You could pretend to fuck me."  
Bofur paused his movements. "What?"

Fili pulled Bofur's pants down to his knees and licked in between his thighs. He spit on his hand and slicked his cock. Fili reclined on his side, facing Bofur, and moved Bofur's stones out of the way. He pushed in between his saliva-slicked thighs and began to snap his hips as though he were inside him.

"Like this," Fili explained.  
"That feels sort of odd."  
A small moan escaped Fili. "Not for me."

Fili grabbed Bofur by the hair and pulled him in for a kiss. He thrusted madly in between Bofur's legs.

"Press your legs together as tight as you can," Fili gasped.  
When Bofur complied, Fili grabbed his shoulders harder. He bit into his own forearm and vocalized low and brokenly. His hips stuttered and he exhaled deeply. Bofur felt something warm against his thigh.  
"That worked, did it?"  
"Very well," Fili purred happily.  
"I may yet try that, but perhaps not today."  
"Oh?"  
"Today I think I need your mouth," Bofur whispered.

Bofur rolled Fili on his back but heard a yelp in the distance before he could do anything.

They both sat up. "Was that Bilbo?" Fili asked.

They heard Kili shout right after. Wasting not a moment, they ran toward camp, barely bothering to lace themselves back up. No one was in camp when they arrived, so they frantically called out for Bilbo and Kili. 

"Here!" Kili shouted, coming into view holding Bilbo in his arms, Gandalf walking just behind. Kili and Bilbo were soaking wet and Bilbo was protesting.  
"I am _fine_ , Kee, truly."  
"What happened?" Bofur asked, concerned.  
Kili put Bilbo down on his own two feet. "We were catching water from the river and Bilbo fell in."  
Bilbo looked a little sheepish. "I can't rightly swim and I'm wearing that mithril shirt. Without aid, I would have sank like a stone."  
Bilbo checked his pockets. Luckily, his ring was in a buttoned pocket and had not fallen out.  
"I daresay you would have sank like a stone, anyway. For as light on their feet as hobbits can be, they drown remarkably easily," Gandalf said gravely.  
Bilbo tutted. "Oh, don't scare them. Some hobbits are very clever water-folk. Some of the Bucklanders, for example."  
"But neither Bagginses nor Tooks. Please do be careful, Bilbo. Nothing more than knee-deep, light flowing streams from now on if we aren't around to catch you. You were very fortunate Kili was with you and able to move so quickly."

Bofur exhaled in relief. He had no idea they had come so close to tragedy. Regardless of Bilbo's protestations, if Gandalf thought the situation dangerous then he could be sure dangerous it was. The widened look of fear in Kili's eyes told him the rest of what he needed to know. He made a mental note to keep a better eye on Bilbo around water. 

Fili was gazing at Bilbo with a different kind of horror. "Bee, what about the whole mess with the barrels? Are you telling me you couldn't swim when you came up with all of that?"  
Bilbo shook his head. "A bit of a flaw, that."  
"So how...?" Fili asked, trailing off.  
"I had to cling to and ride them. It was necessary to be invisible for a time, which was a bit frightening. No one would have been able to see me to save me had I fallen off."  
"And we were all sealed inside and couldn't have helped, anyway," Fili said. He felt suddenly guilty for complaining about his own barrel trip. "I promise I will never complain about apples in your presence again," he said. 

"At least it is a warm day today," Gandalf said, changing an unpleasant subject. "The two of you should get out of your wet clothes before you chafe."

Kili held Bilbo close, horrified that something might have happened to him. No one blamed him when he followed Bilbo for the next few days as though he were his shadow. Not even Bilbo.

*****

There quite a bit of talk in Erebor about the upcoming wedding. The "Royal-Not-Royal Wedding," as Nori had taken to calling it. He was always up for a new experience and had thrown in his lot with Ori, whom Dori would have had to forcibly restrain to keep from going. Outnumbered and outvoted amongst his younger brothers, Dori was going even though given his druthers, he would have liked to stay in one spot for a while. Still, he couldn't send them halfway back across the land without anyone to watch over them. If he missed his four friends or had a deep desire to see what a dwarf/hobbit wedding would look like, well...that was no one's business but his own.

Gloin's wife and son had just arrived in Erebor after a long journey of their own. He had nothing against Kili and Bilbo, but he did not feel bad about choosing to stay in their new home and enjoying some quiet time. Oin was thrilled when he received the news, though, and while he loved spoiling his nephew, this was a union he planned to celebrate. 

There was much discussion between Bombur and Bifur about Bombur's attendance. Bombur missed his brother, his partner, and their friends. He had always planned to visit Bofur in the Shire but the truth of the matter was that his wife and children would be arriving in June after a particularly difficult and lengthy journey from the Blue Mountains. To take them nearly all the way back again just a few short weeks later seemed almost cruel. After days of soul-searching, Bombur and Bifur both agreed the timing was not on Bombur's side for a visit this fall. Bifur assured him (many, many times over) that he would explain it all to Bofur and that he would easily understand. Bombur insisted on writing letters to all four of their distant companions and planned to send presents ahead as well. Without a wife or little ones about whom to worry on the road, Bifur himself was eager to strike out again. He did not love the travel, but he missed his cousin fiercely. It would be unlikely that he would have either the safety or companionship of such a large number of friends striking out toward the Shire from Erebor again and Bifur planned to take advantage. 

Balin was torn, to say the least. He still did not approve of Bilbo's union with Kili or how it came about, but Kili was one of the princes. Moreover, he was kin and Balin had known him from birth. Balin was also immensely fond of Bilbo up until he and Thorin had their romantic rift. Once the possibility of a relationship between the hobbit and Thorin had come to light, Balin could admit he thought no one better suited for the king. That was why Bilbo's union to Thorin's favorite nephew pained him so. Oh, he was a bundle of contradictions! At the end of it all, his decision truly rested on Thorin. Would Thorin go and need him for support? Or, for that matter, would Thorin stay behind and need him for the same? The king had entrusted him with the reading of both Bilbo and Kili's letters, each one softening Balin's bitterness toward them. He knew in his heart neither part of the couple wished Thorin any malice. Still, Balin had no idea what he would do were he wearing Thorin's boots. 

Dwalin, like a good friend and loyal bodyguard, decided he would go where Thorin went. He assured the king that he could be cordial to both Bilbo and Kili while in the Shire should Thorin choose to travel. 

Thorin had gone through nearly all his emotions since the letters came. He had raged, wept, sighed, laughed, and thought until his temples throbbed. He had even gone back to Bilbo's old room and had a couple wanks. He stood on the balcony where he and Bilbo once kissed and watched one full day go by from breakfast to dusk, doing nothing but playing out possible scenarios in his mind. He was still no closer to a decision than he had been before. He told Dwalin as such one night at dinner. 

"Perhaps I should simply send you onward with my regrets," Thorin said wearily.  
"Do you not think Balin much better suited to diplomatic tasks?"  
"Possibly, but can you truly tell me you do not miss Fili? Kili?"  
Dwalin snorted derisively. "Fili left you when you needed him and Kili ran off with your lover. The affection I had for them has lessened as of late."  
"You can try to act tough but I know being angry with them does not mean you no longer care for them," Thorin chided. "You doted on them just as much as I did. Moreso after they lost their father."  
Dwalin grumbled to himself and looked at his plate.  
Thorin subtly cleared his throat and said, "I imagine that my sister will be there, of course." He surreptitiously glanced at Dwalin to catch his first reaction.  
"Your sister?" Dwalin said, perking up instantly before schooling his expression to one of nonchalance.  
Thorin grinned to himself. "Oh yes. I had hoped she would come to Erebor before winter, but I am sure she will make a fair stop in the Shire with the lads there. With the wedding, it is all but guaranteed."  
"Well, nothing has been decided yet," Dwalin said. "You haven't even chosen whether you will go or not. If you truly desire me to be your emissary instead of my brother, I will not argue your decision."  
 _At least Dwalin is still easy_ , Thorin thought to himself.  
"Indeed," he said aloud.

*****

"What have you been doing with all your visitings and traveling about?" Kili asked Gandalf one night as they munched their dinner.  
"I have been working on and researching a rather important matter," Gandalf replied.  
Fili looked at him a moment. "This matter of yours, it is related to why you took an interest in our taking back Erebor."  
"And why you were so insistent in Bilbo joining us, too," Kili added.  
"But who actually became king of Erebor made no difference as long as Smaug had been ousted and dealt with," Fili finished.  
Gandalf looked between them with surprise. "The heirs of Durin are rather shrewd, indeed," he said.  
Bilbo chimed in, "I did not think wizards bothered much with politics."  
"I suspect politics had naught to do with it, other than a means to an end," Bofur said. "These comings and goings, this matter of yours--above politics, aren't they?"  
Gandalf regarded the three dwarves. "Erebor will be a formidable kingdom, indeed, with you as her lords. I should hope if the matters of my research grow beyond my aid, that it is you three who shall be leading the mountain."

Bilbo felt as though they were speaking over his head somehow and it made him nervous, as he had never in his life thought himself unintelligent. This talk of Fili being king bothered him as well. Thorin would have to be incapacitated or dead. Perhaps Bilbo would be dead, too. It would be very likely, he had to admit. Kili being included in Gandalf's comments without him made it seem that way all the more. He felt a shiver as though someone had walked over his grave.

Kili noticed Bilbo's humor change and slipped an arm around him when he shivered. Kili was not entirely sure if Bilbo needed it for comfort or for warmth. 

"The four of us," Kili gently insisted. "Or the two of them. Bilbo and I will not be parted, not even for the good of Erebor."  
Gandalf's gaze flicked between them as though he were carefully considering his next words. Lifting his chin and squinting slightly, he said, "Yes. Yes of course." He attempted a comforting smile.

Bilbo was not soothed by Gandalf's correction.


	94. You Keep Me Without Chains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations on the road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More quick passage of time. By the end of the chapter, we're another couple weeks ahead. The back to back Bofur/Fili, Bofur & Gandalf chapters happened the same night, though.

One morning, Bilbo's group came across a farm that the wizard remembered from his travels. They were able to replenish many provisions and buy a cooked, hot meal for their early lunch. Gandalf wished to keep moving after eating, though, insisting it was too early to stop for the night. The dwarves were bitterly disappointed, all of them being preoccupied with the extended pleasures having beds would provide them. Bilbo was also disappointed by the loss, but the sadness of his libido was evenly tempered by the joys of his stomach. Brazen and dwarven he may increasingly seem, but he was still at heart very much a hobbit. Fresh (not dried!) strawberries, fiddleheads, radishes, broccoli, cabbage, morels, pork, and the first of the summer apricots were all being loaded into the wagon. Bilbo could forgive sleeping in a bedroll tonight if it was on a stomach full of tempting lovelies he had not tasted in what felt like an age.

Bilbo also learned when they stopped that Gandalf took some of their gold with him on his early Spring visits. He had been gradually changing gold coins out into smaller monies so they would not be forced to overpay for things out of necessity. Such a thing had not occurred to Bilbo at all, he was embarrassed to say.

They had ridden about an hour out from the farm when Gandalf slowed to ride alongside them. "Should we be so lucky as to have somewhere other than the ground to sleep between here and Rivendell, I will expect the four of you to put your best efforts in observing manners...and local noise ordinances. I would also ask you to remember not everywhere is like Beorn's. People--in the towns of Men specifically--may take exception to same sex or mixed race couples. Do what you need to do but please, do it carefully and quietly."  
He thought for a moment.  
"And stay together."  
He thought again.  
"And probably let me do all the talking."

The four of them agreed without trouble. Bilbo was embarrassed that Gandalf felt the need to warn them against their overly affectionate natures but he could not say that the wizard's point was baseless.

*****

Fili and Bofur were on second watch. Bofur heated up as the fire dwindled.  
"Please, Fee. I need your mouth," Bofur whispered.  
"The others," Fili insisted.  
"The others are asleep. If we are quiet, they will stay asleep."

Bofur unlaced his trousers and pulled himself out, already quite hard. The last of Fili's thin resistance faded. He wanted to taste Bofur as badly as Bofur wanted to be licked. Bofur sucked in a breath when Fili's mouth touched him. Fili started out with long, slow licks with the intent to tease, but he quickly worked _himself_ into a frenzy. The feeling of Bofur in his mouth made him think of what Bofur felt like when they made love. He tugged Bofur's trousers down a bit more.

"What are--?"  
"Shhhh."

Fili wet a finger and massaged Bofur's entrance. Bofur dropped his head on a ground with a thud that had to have hurt, but he did not utter a sound. There were just quick, short breaths as Fili pushed inside while he licked. Bofur rose up off the ground to meet him, nearly choking him. Fili kept at him, cheeks hollowing with the suction as he wiggled his digit gently. Bofur shuddered and his release flooded Fili's mouth with no real warning. Fili loved it.

Tugging up Bofur's trousers, Fili draped over him. He kissed Bofur as he rubbed himself against his body.  
"I'm nearly there," Fili whispered. "Touching you again had me so close."  
Bofur grabbed Fili by the bum and bucked rhythmically against him until Fili was gasping and biting into Bofur's shirt.  
Fili huffed out a quiet laugh. "Just came in my trousers."  
"I'm honored," Bofur replied with a grin. "Let me help you clean that up."

Once again sorted and comfortable, Fili curled up next to where Bofur sat. He laid his head on Bofur's thigh, cradling his leg and sighing contentedly.  
"Oi, we're supposed to be on watch still," Bofur teased gently.  
"I'm not sleeping. I'm just, uh, resting a moment. That was very relaxing."  
Fili yawned.  
Bofur stroked his hair. "You just rest a moment, then."  
He knew full well Fili was going to be sound asleep in a matter of minutes, but he did not mind.

*****

Deep in the night, Gandalf awoke. Unable to go back to sleep, he decided he may as well relieve Fili and Bofur of their watch and start a turn. Bofur sat pensively next to the remnants of the fire while Fili slept next to him.

"Could not stay up?" Gandalf asked quietly, gesturing toward Fili.  
Bofur looked at Fili fondly. "I didn't see the point in waking him once he had drifted off."  
"You two should settle in together. I will take over watch."  
"I will in a few. 'Tis a nice night tonight."  
"Indeed it is. I wish I had some Southfarthing pipe weed right now," Gandalf sighed.  
"Is that the 'Old Toby' that Bilbo is always going on about?"  
"They have a few varieties, but 'Old Toby' is certainly a favorite of men and hobbits alike. Dwarves, too, I would imagine."  
"Begging your pardon, Gandalf, but what _are_ you?" Bofur asked.  
Taken aback, Gandalf replied, "How do you mean?"  
"You have close dealings with elves as no outsiders do, but you are not an elf. I've always been told wizards were mysterious, scholarly Men who wielded powerful magics. You do appear to be an older man, yet you talk about the far future as though you should have no trouble living to see it, so clearly you are not what you seem. You're not a dwarf, orc, or anything of that sort. Therefore, I ask, what are you?"

Gandalf looked into Bofur's eyes and saw no maliciousness or even suspicion. There was nothing there but affection and curiosity. Fili had told him once that Bofur was observant. Plainly, he saw more than Gandalf had realized. He wished he had a pipe to puff on even more.

"I am...a Guardian," Gandalf said finally.  
Bofur's eyes grew wide. "Surely not like the Valar?"  
Gandalf inclined his head. "Not quite so, no, but it is my purpose to have a care for the good of this world."  
"By my beard," Bofur breathed in wonder.  
"I have to say that I am quite impressed with you, Bofur. Thorin himself did not seem to guess, or if he did, he never had your courage to ask. Your gift for observation rivals even that of the company's Spy Master."  
Bofur shrugged, embarrassed by the praise.  
"This group the four of you have formed--your unlikely little family--there is something special about it. The closer your quartet grows, the stronger my belief becomes that this is so."  
"What is special about us? I mean, I know what _I_ think is special but...what?"  
Gandalf smiled kindly and shook his head. "Even the very wise cannot see all ends, my dear Bofur."

Several feet away, a hobbit lay awake in his lover's arms.

Listening.

*****

Kili was riding up with Fili and Bofur, thinking Bilbo was catching a quick snooze. A noise turned him around in his seat and he smiled to see Bilbo rooting around in the produce basket they had bought a few days prior. It was a warm day, pleasantly hinting that summer was surely on its way. There was a nice breeze as well as golden sun mottling down through the leaves. Not realizing he was being watched, Bilbo leaned up against the side of the wagon with his elbow leaning on his bent knees and ate an apricot. He breathed deeply and smiled at the day. Kili's heart swelled at how lovely Bilbo was when he could relax like this. Bilbo finished his snack and Kili couldn't take it any longer. He hopped into the back of the wagon and slid in behind Bilbo, pulling him on his lap. He hugged him from behind and kissed his neck.

"Kili!" Bilbo giggled.  
"I can't help myself! You look too pretty not to cuddle."  
Bilbo relaxed against him and wrapped his arms over Kili's.  
"You're still planning on marrying me, right?" Kili murmured playfully in Bilbo's ear.  
Bilbo sat up, turned around, and straddled him. He clasped his hands behind Kili's head and leaned down to look in his eyes.  
"I'm going to marry you _so hard_ ," Bilbo said.  
Kili laughed and craned up to grab a quick kiss. Then another and one more besides. Bilbo grinned and leaned his forehead against Kili's.  
"I love you, Kee."  
Kili hugged him tightly. He spoke quietly so only Bilbo could hear him. "Sometimes I can scarcely believe that I'm here with you. I've woken up in our bedroll once or twice thinking we're still on the way to Erebor and I've imagined the whole thing."  
"Were this a dream, it would be the best dream I've ever had," Bilbo whispered back. 

Fili turned around to see what drew Kili's attention. He saw Bilbo and Kili clinging to one another and was struck by the pure happiness shining on Kili's face as he cuddled into Bilbo's shoulder. He nudged Bofur and gestured backward with his head. Bofur's look of curiosity melted to one of sweetness as he took in the scene. He smiled as he turned back around. 

"Part of me wishes that Thorin could see that with unbiased eyes, merely once," Bofur said for Fili's ears only.  
Fili was aghast. "It would be heartbreaking."  
Bofur shook his head. "It would be a mercy, Fee. How could anyone look at that and not realize those two were meant for each other? Maybe then he could live the rest of his life without wallowing in misery and unfounded hope."  
"What makes you think he didn't get that closure when we left Erebor?"  
Bofur snorted. "You saw that kiss as plain as I did. That was not 'have a great life without me.' It was a promise, like he was showing everyone that he was still in this battle. Kili's too."  
The kisses both Bilbo and Kili received at the gate made Fili uneasy at the time, though he had since long put them out of his mind.  
"But now they are engaged and we're halfway to Rivendell. Letters have been written. The battle is over," Fili said firmly.  
Fili's voice had an edge that Bofur regretted putting there. He tried to undo the damage.  
"Thorin is your kin, of course. You surely know him better than I do," he conceded. 

It seemed to be the right thing to say. Fili smiled and the defensive tension left him. Stealing a peck on his cheek, Bofur steered their conversation toward more pleasant matters.

*****

According to Gandalf, they were closer to Rivendell now than they were to Beorn's. Bilbo was glad Gandalf was their guide, for Gandalf could have told them they were in Gondor or Ered Luin and Bilbo would not know any better. It seemed a much faster trip than Bilbo thought. With no eagles to bear them, he thought it might take half the summer and not just a few weeks. Gandalf had found efficient passage through the lower mountains, passage that allowed them the use of their wagon. Bilbo certainly appreciated it. The Tookish part of him was getting weary while the Baggins was getting stronger. Home called to him. They would spend some time in Rivendell and then he would take his new family to Bag End at last.

Once again, it seemed Bilbo would be in Rivendell for Midsummer's Eve. It seemed oddly fitting and bittersweet. Bilbo's thoughts of Thorin did not lessen in frequency, though they grew kinder with distance. He did not dwell on the danger, the possessiveness, and the negative aspects of their former relationship. Instead, he remembered the softness of the voice Thorin used only with Bilbo, his eyes, and his smile. 

Bilbo did not often think of the more carnal moments he spent with Thorin, though. These days, Kili occupied the majority of Bilbo's dirty thoughts. Bilbo ran his hand down Kili's thigh, earning him that dazzling, curious look that Bilbo knew always meant the most delicious sort of trouble. Though Kili was driving, Bilbo leaned up and whispered plans for their next bed-stop until Kili was whimpering and squirming in his seat.

*****

Thorin soaked in a bathing pool after a sweaty evening in the forge. It caused quite a scandal--the king working as a laborer--but Thorin enjoyed it when it was for its own sake. He had no fondness for the times he spent working for a Man's pittance, but now that he answered to no one, he found it almost meditative.

He was no closer to a decision about going to the Shire than he had been the day he received the letter. Time was running out if he planned to go. The rest of the dwarrows planned to set out mid-July, but Thorin was not just anyone. He would have to set up people and protocol so that Erebor could function in his absence. He scrubbed his wet hands over his face. Not for the first (or last) time, he mentally kicked himself for not just leaving Lake Town when Bilbo asked. There would have been no need for stewards, agricultural study, housing logistics, trade agreements, or any of the dozens of other issues that came with running Erebor. Just Bilbo. The way he laughed, the way he sang, and--Mahal--the way he made Thorin _beg_.

Thorin reached between his legs and stroked his stiffening cock. He leaned his head back against the stone as he pulled against himself. He moaned softly and grasped his wash flannel with the other hand. Thorin scrubbed it down the inside of his thigh as he pumped himself. Thorin thought about their last night in Lake Town. Bilbo was so adept at commanding him that night. When Bilbo took, he took him absolutely. Thorin stroked faster, recalling how Bilbo made him open himself up while he watched. He couldn't believe he had done something so filthy. Pulling the flannel against him, Thorin came strongly, remembering the feel of Bilbo flooding into him. He wadded it up and tossed it over his shoulder onto the stone. 

Thorin dunked his head under the water, rose, and wiped the cascade from his face. Hobbits were infuriatingly perplexing creatures. Thorin had no idea how Bilbo could simply abandon that sort of passion as though their bond never was. Thorin was haunted by it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title by Sara Bareilles because it works for all the pairings, really.  
> Bofurlove mentioned "Gravity" in general gives her Bagginfeels for this fic and I agree.


	95. Nearly There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More brotherly love and fellowship for our travelers before they experience Rivendell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a short one--all sugar, no angst--to start your weekend! 
> 
> We'll dig into Rivendell on the next chapter.

Unfortunately for the dwarrows and Bilbo, larger towns were not in their trajectory from Beorn's to Rivendell. The only "inn" they found was more or less a spare bedroom with two beds and a wash basin. They had also rented accommodation in a barn on a particularly nasty, rainy night. Had either place been on their way to Erebor, bachelor Bilbo would have been thankful for their small comforts. Now that he had a lover, though, they were only frustrating.

*****

Summer season, good planning, Beorn's rations, and a little bit of luck kept the group from being too hungry along the way. They certainly weren't eating like they had in Lake Town, Erebor, or Beorn's, but they were getting by. Gandalf, Fili, and Bofur spent part of an afternoon talking about wild game and--although their food situation was not dire--it was decided they would stop for the evening a little earlier as Fili and Kili tried to hunt something to supplement their dinner.

Kili and his brother followed some tracks while Gandalf, Bofur, and Bilbo set up camp for the night.  
"How much longer until Rivendell, do you think?" Kili asked.  
"It is tough to tell, considering we aren't coming back the way we went. I would guess less than a week, though."  
"That was my thought as well, judging from the peaks on the horizon. It will be a good thing, too. I've not gone this long without Bilbo since before we were courting."  
"Aren't you two finding ways to um, relieve your itches?" Fili asked.  
"Yes, but it is not the same as making love. We've not done that in weeks and I'm going crazy."  
" _You're_ going crazy? Bo and I only experienced it one night and had to quit. Try that and then tell me how crazy you feel," Fili groused.  
"But we were in the habit of it--nearly every day! Multiple times if I had my way about it. That is far worse to quit if you ask me."  
"I can't believe we are arguing over who is gagging for it more! Let's just agree we both sorely need to get laid, hmm?"  
"Gods, yes!" Kili said.  
Fili laughed. "Seems like only yesterday that you were so shy that you had to _whisper_ to me that you liked a tongue in your arse."  
"Bilbo just does things to me. He makes me bold, I suppose."  
"Oh, he _does_ things to you alright. Everyone within a mile of Beorn's house knows that," Fili teased.  
"Funny you should mention it, because I did not know you knew how to yodel until our last night there," Kili sassed back.  
Fili smirked. "Bilbo taught me," he said, just before running out of Kili's reach. He laughed wickedly.  
"You bloody--" Kili started, taking off after him with a determined grin.

The hunt was forgotten but the chase was on.

*****

Kili and Fili returned to camp dirty and disheveled, bearing no new meat but sporting a few new blooming bruises and some scrapes. They were cackling like loons.

"What happened to you two?" Bilbo asked.  
Gandalf rolled his eyes. "Brothers," he sighed.

*****

Bilbo leaned up against a stone rising from the ground close to their fire. It was their turn at watch and Kili was nestled in between Bilbo's legs, the dwarf's back to his front. Bilbo had his arms locked across Kili's chest and could feel them buzz when Kili spoke.

"Do you know what I was thinking last night?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo hummed. "Does it involve renewing our imprints and copious amounts of semen?"  
"No," Kili said. "Well, yes, but not that only."  
Bilbo chuckled softly. "Tell me."  
"I realized you haven't had a nightmare in weeks. Not the kind that wakes us, anyway."  
"Not since we were engaged," Bilbo agreed.  
"That's as long as you've gone without one since I began sleeping through the night with you."  
"I think that is as long as I've gone without one since my parents passed, honestly. But especially the Thorin nightmares. They've completely stopped."  
"That is interesting. Is it because we're further from Erebor, do you think? Or because we are betrothed and you feel safer?"  
Bilbo hesitated, not sure if he should share his suspicions. "I had...oh, this sounds daft," he muttered.  
Kili tipped his head back in an attempt to look up at Bilbo. "What sounds daft?"  
Bilbo said nothing.  
"Bee?"  
Bilbo sighed. "I had a-a vision."  
"What sort of vision?" 

Kili was very interested now. He shifted to face Bilbo but was held fast to his position by the hobbit's arms. Bilbo felt suddenly shy and would have an easier time telling Kili the story if he wasn't looking in his wide, curious eyes. 

"It was the day I asked you to marry me and we made love under our tree. When I dozed off, I had a dream. I was still outside but you and the picnic were gone. In your place, I saw Yavanna. She told me our making love that day was a sacred offering and as such, she would bestow a blessing on us to ease me of my bad dreams. When I woke, I was with you and everything was still as it was."

Bilbo decided to leave out the ominous warning. He didn't even understand it himself, yet. 

He said, "I had decided mostly it was only a dream, but my nightmares truly have ceased to be. More and more, I'm starting to think perhaps it really was a vision."  
"You hadn't told me about that," Kili said.  
Bilbo shrugged. "I didn't know what to say. My mother used to leave offerings in the garden to honor Yavanna. After seeing her--be it real or imagined--I've renewed that tradition."  
"I had wondered about the bits of food you've been leaving behind here and there. I thought you were feeding the wildlife," Kili said.  
Bilbo couldn't help but giggle.  
Kili squeezed Bilbo's arms with his hands. "I think it is a good tradition--a little blessing never hurts! Except we'll have really fat birds."

Bilbo barked a laugh and clapped his hand over his mouth to stifle it, lest it wake everyone up. He fell over to the side in a fit of giggles and Kili went with him, rolling over to face him. They laughed as silently as they could until their eyes were wet from the strain. Chuckles turned to sweet kisses. It was not long before Kili was atop Bilbo, grinding against him and flicking his tongue into his mouth. 

Bilbo was sure asking Kili to marry him was far and away the best thing he had ever done. It was practically absurd how happy he was.

*****

Bilbo unpacked some writing materials and sat up near the driving bench with Kili. Fili was on the bench with Bofur and the four of them (mostly Fili, Kili, and Bilbo) discussed wedding logistics. Bilbo was going to begin making arrangements from Rivendell for things that needed it in advance.

"Do dwarrows have officiants for marriages? Or is that a hobbit thing?" Bilbo asked.  
"No, we do that as well," Fili replied.  
"Does it have to be a specific person or rank for the two of you since you are heirs?" Bofur asked, more for his own information than Bilbo's.  
"For us, it would be Thorin because he is our uncle and king," Fili replied automatically.  
Kili winced and the color left Bilbo's face.  
Fili tried to recover quickly.  
"But that doesn't mean...I mean, of course it wouldn't--oh, blast," he muttered.  
"Don't fret, Fee. We know our situation is different and a bit delicate in that respect," Bilbo said.

They didn't notice that Gandalf had slowed his horse in order to fall back for easier eavesdropping. 

"Who would a hobbit get to do it?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo thought for a moment. He said, "Most frequently it is a family elder, or possibly the Thain depending. I suppose those are options for us, but I'm afraid they are not very personal ones for you, Kee."  
Kili stroked Bilbo's knuckles. "It is okay. What makes it personal and special is you holding my hand and promising to love me forever."

Gandalf's horse was now beside the bed of the wagon. The wizard cleared his throat.  
"I have some experience in such matters," he said. "Officiating ceremonies and the like."  
"Would you want to?" Kili wondered.  
"I thought you'd never ask," Gandalf replied.  
"Truly?" Bilbo asked, excited.  
"Of course. I'm sure your mother would not have settled for any less," Gandalf said.  
Bilbo smiled. "And we would love nothing more."  
"You were close to Bilbo's mother?" Kili asked.  
Gandalf nodded. "We were friends for a good many years."  
"Do you--do you think she would have approved of me?" Kili asked.

Bilbo gazed at Kili. There was something vulnerable in his voice, so earnest in his expression that Bilbo thought his heart might pop.

Gandalf smiled at him. "She would have utterly adored you, Kili. The two of you had much in common." 

This time, Kili's relieved grin in response _was_ more than Bilbo's heart could handle. Bilbo seized him and held him close for several moments.

*****

One warm afternoon, they heard the thump of horses approaching. They were met on the path by Lindir and two other elves they did not recognize.

"Mithrandir! Lord Elrond bids you welcome!" Lindir said.  
He glanced at the dwarves and his smile grew a little tighter. "He has been expecting all of you since your last letter, of course."

The elves escorted them through a supply passage that almost proved too tight for the wagon. Bilbo tried to figure how the elves received anything large when their small transport had barely made it in. Logistics became the last thing on Bilbo's mind when the path widened and the beauty and grace of Rivendell bloomed before them. 

"Bless me," Bofur breathed.  
"Indeed," Fili echoed his tone of awe.  
Kili threaded his fingers between Bilbo's and squeezed. 

They gazed upon the Last Homely House East Of The Sea. The carved architecture, the falls, the trees...it was all gloriously beautiful. Ori had told Bilbo when last they were here that it defied his best attempts at description and Bilbo still would have to agree. Bilbo looked at his friends, free to appreciate Rivendell this time without the judgement of Thorin or the other dwarves. The three of them were completely captivated. 

Bilbo breathed deeply and let the magic and wonder of this sacred place flow through him. Before, he felt like an outcast, the valley a sole moment of relief and joy in what was (at that point) a harrowing and heartbreaking journey. Even so, the small pleasures he could take from it were solitary and rushed. This time, he was determined to drink his fill of its magnificence with his dearest by his side.


	96. Welcome To Rivendell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Food, conversation, and smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I borrowed a few lines of fun from the book for their return to Rivendell, including the songs the elves sang outside his window in the middle of the night.

Elrond greeted Gandalf warmly and turned his attention to the three dwarfs and Bilbo.

Said Gandalf, "You remember Bilbo, Fili, Kili, and Bofur from their last visit."  
Elrond nodded. "I must admit I am surprised to see you here after you last crept out in the small hours of morning without so much as a farewell," he said with the faintest hint of a tease.

Gandalf glanced at the dwarves, hiding a smile, to see what they would have to say to that.

Fili stepped forward, bowing shallowly in reverence to Elrond's station. He had not sensed the subtle amusement in Elrond's voice and addressed his comment sincerely.

"As Thorin's heir, I shall take responsibility for his actions in his absence," he said.  
"Does Thorin's heir share his humor toward my people?" Elrond asked.  
Fili replied, "The four of us do not share Thorin's feelings about elves, particularly not the elves of Imladris who have shown us nothing but kindness."  
Elrond quirked a smile at Fili's use of Sindarin. "Mithrandir has told me more since your departure of your need for haste and stealth that morning. Though I may not have advised it, all seems to have worked out in favor. Imladris will continue to show you kindness, Fili, Heir of Thorin." Elrond shifted his attention to Bofur. "That is, if Master Bofur does not plan on burning any more of my furniture."

 

*****

While rooms were being prepared, Elrond had food served for his guests.

Bofur relayed Bilbo's and the dwarves' part of the telling of their travels. This suited Bilbo fine as Bofur was a gifted raconteur and Bilbo loved his stories. Bofur had a way of telling tales that was so captivating that even though Bilbo had been there, he found himself listening with rapt attention as though the experiences were new to him. He mused that between what Ori had taught him about writing and what he had learned about spinning a good yarn from Bofur, perhaps one day he could write a book about his adventures.

Bofur was complimentary to Bilbo as he recounted the journey. More than that, actually. Bilbo was clearly the hero in nearly all of Bofur's accounts forward from the Goblin Caves, although Fili and Kili were far from forgotten. Bofur also sang the ballad he had spread around Erebor about Kili, Fili, and Bilbo's deeds in regards to attempting to avoid the battle and what happened thereafter. Bilbo was not used to such praise and hid his face in his hands.

"It seems that you were fated to accompany Thorin Oakenshield after all," Elrond said.

He noticed Bilbo cringe ever-so-slightly and filed the knowledge for another time.

Gandalf took over the telling from that point onward. Bilbo was beginning to drowse, quite against his will. Most of Gandalf's tale he knew, too, but every now and again he would open one eye and listen when a part of the story which he did not yet know came in. It was in this way that he learned part of where Gandalf had been to. It appeared that Gandalf had been deep in council with the wizards and guardians. He believed they had at last driven the Necromancer from his dark hold in the south of Mirkwood.

"Ere long now," Gandalf was saying, "The Forest will grow somewhat more wholesome. The North will be freed from that horror for many long years, I hope. Yet I wish he were banished from the world!"  
"It would be well indeed," said Elrond; "but I fear that will not come about in this age of the world, or for many after."

Bilbo felt a great uneasiness as the mention of the Necromancer. He toyed with the ring in his pocket for comfort. The strange feeling was soothed as the conversation moved on. After Bofur and Gandalf's tales there were other tales, and yet more tales--of long ago, of new things, and tales of no time at all until Bilbo's head fell forward on his chest.

Kili made their excuses and gently lifted Bilbo in his arms. Elrond himself led them to their room. Kili looked around it, astonished. It was an enormous suite with a set of folding doors that opened to a balcony far above the ground that overlooked (besides other things) a courtyard with a small stream running through it. There was a sitting area with comfortable looking chairs in a style Kili had not recalled ever seeing and they had a hearth of their own as well. There was a door far off to the left that Kili assumed to be a water closet. The most amazing detail, though, was a bathing tub built into the floor with its own filling and draining mechanisms, slightly smaller than Beorn's but more luxurious. In baskets around it, there were several corked bottles and a generous complement of towels. For one of the first times in his life, Kili honestly felt like a prince.

Elrond smiled. "This is the favored accommodation of some of my most honored guests. Mithrandir mentioned that the two of you are celebrating joyful news and I thought it quite fitting for a Prince of Erebor and his intended. I have had supplies refreshed for you."  
"It is more than fitting, Lord Elrond," Kili replied. "It is most generous and magnificent. Bilbo is going to be all sorts of upset he was not awake enough to make the appropriate fuss over how wonderful this is. We thank you for the kindness of opening your home to us, particularly as I do not think the dwarrows made such a good impression last time. Bilbo hated to leave here and I can tell you returning on his way home is one of the things he has desired most. I am grateful that you agreed to chance hosting the three of us again to fulfill Bilbo's wish."  
Elrond nodded deeply in acknowledgement. "It seems that both of Thorin's heirs share a sincere form of eloquence previously unknown to me amongst dwarrows. I will make sure to let Bilbo know that your expression of thanks was most appropriate, indeed."  
"Thank you, Lord Elrond."

Now alone, Kili laid the slumbering hobbit on the bed. Poor Bilbo must have been dead tired if he was able to sleep through being carried to their room and a conversation pressed against Kili's chest. Kili knew Bilbo would grumble about sleeping in a fine bed while he was still dirty from the road, but he could not bear to wake him. Kili sighed resignedly. He had been half-lost to fantasy all night thinking about what he was going to do with Bilbo once they got their room, but it would have to wait.

 

*****

Fili and Bofur were agog at how lovely their room was.  
"We've got a couch and everything!" Bofur said.  
Fili was exploring. His voice drifted out to Bofur, "Looks like a shared bath, here! Two other doors lead in."  
"A bath connected to our room? Movin' up in the world, aren't we?" Bofur shouted back. "Didn't even have beds the last time we were here."  
"Fifteen of us showed up unannounced, you know. We left before he had a chance to even prepare for us," Fili said.

Bofur noticed Fili's voice sounded close again. Putting down the sculpture he had been idly examining, he turned around. Fili was standing in the doorway, naked but for a towel slung over his shoulder, and swinging a bottle back and forth with his fingers.

Bofur started peeling off his clothes. "What d'you have there, Fee?"  
"I found oil," Fili replied seductively.

By the time Bofur reached Fili, he was naked to match. He crashed his mouth on Fili's, hugging him close and walking them backward toward the bed. He leaned out of the kiss, pulled the towel from Fili's shoulder, and spread it out over the blanket.

"I'd hate to stain Lord Elrond's blankets with your come," Bofur murmured dangerously.

Fili moaned and pushed past Bofur's lips with his tongue. Bofur tightened his hands in Fili's hair, luxuriating in the feeling of their bare bodies hotly pressed against each other for the first time since Beorn's. He leaned his forehead against Fili's.

"Tell me what you want." Bofur panted.  
Fili replied, "Everything. I want you to do everything to me."  
He buried his mouth in Bofur's neck, biting and sucking. Bofur stretched his head back to encourage him.  
"Do you want me to fuck you?" Bofur asked.  
He felt Fili moan into his collarbone. "Yes," Fili whispered.  
"Say it."  
"Fuck me!"

Bofur spun Fili around and pushed him against the bed. Fili climbed up and Bofur went up after him. Bofur took the bottle of oil from him, nudged Fili onto his stomach, and slicked his fingers. He pushed one inside, forcing a grunt from Fili as the blond gripped the blanket. Although he was throbbing with need, Bofur went slowly stretching Fili. He relished this ability to make Fili nearly forget his own name. By the time Bofur slipped in a third digit, Fili was keening into the bed.

"Remember what Gandalf said," Bofur purred. "You can't make too much noise, now. Not even if I split you wide open with my cock."  
Fili made a wrecked sound. "Please."  
"Please what?"  
"Do it now, split me open now," Fili begged. "I fucking need it."

Bofur grinned. Fili's mouth had gotten considerably dirtier and he adored it. He positioned himself behind Fili. It was a little more difficult to get situated, but soon he was buried inside. Bofur draped himself across Fili's back, threading his arms under to curve back and grip Fili's broad, strong shoulders for more leverage. Circling his hips, he licked the nape of Fili's neck.

"You feel perfect, Fee. I love us like this," Bofur sighed.  
Fili crooked an arm to hold one of Bofur's hands on his shoulder. "Twice was not enough."  
Bofur leaned toward Fili's ear. "Ten thousand times won't be enough."

Fili used his knees to push back into Bofur on each stroke the dwarf made into him. Bofur bit into Fili's back and quickened his pace to stroke harder. Fili groaned deep into the blanket. The more Bofur used Fili's shoulders to pull them together, the more Fili seemed to vocalize approving noises. Bofur sat back on his heels and pulled Fili up on his hands and knees. While Bofur was sliding back in, Fili snatched a pillow and collapsed his upper body into it. Bofur snapped his hips with more force and Fili wailed.

"That's it! _Fuck,_ that's just the spot!"

Bofur set a rhythm that made him bite his own tongue for fear of announcing to all of Rivendell how fantastic it felt to have his prick in Fili's arse. He was about to tell him as much when Fili cried, "Harder!" Bofur gripped Fili's hips and slammed into him over and over.

Fili had the corner of a pillow stuffed in his mouth, clutching it with one hand like a lifeline. The encounter ranged from tender to brutal and Fili was shocked how much he liked it wild. Bofur was fucking into him hard and pegging his pleasure spot on every other pass. Although Bofur had claimed and imprinted him last time, this time he felt completely _taken_. It was all too much. Fili reached down with a free hand to stroke his cock and it took only a few pulls before he was screaming into his pillow and spilling onto the towel.

Bofur was about to warn Fili that he couldn't last when his lover screamed and spasmed around him. Bofur pitched forward onto Fili's back, knocking him flush against the bed again. Moaning into Fili's shoulder blade, Bofur pressed against Fili and came inside him. They lay there panting for several moments. Bofur placed gentle kisses on Fili's shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Bofur whispered into Fili's ear.  
He felt Fili exhale deeply beneath him.  
"Perfect," Fili replied. "Ready for a sleep."  
Bofur shifted a little to the side so he could spoon Fili without withdrawing quite yet.  
"Me as well. Been a long day," Bofur agreed. "When we get some rest, though, I want you to do what we just did to me."  
Fili giggled. "You want a raging, hard fuck for your second time?"  
"I think your begging and orgasm were rather hearty endorsements, don't you?"  
"Fine point. I _would_ rather like to ruin you like that."  
"Mahal, Fee. I'm crazy about you," Bofur sighed happily.  
"I love you, too."

Fili fell asleep with Bofur still inside him.

 

*****

Bilbo woke to find himself and Kili atop covers on a white bed, and the moon shining through an open balcony. Below it, he heard many elves singing loud and clear on the banks of the stream.

_"Sing all ye joyful, now sing all together!_  
_The wind's in the free-top, the wind's in the heather;_  
_The stars are in blossom, the moon is in flower,_  
_And bright are the windows of Night in her tower._  
_Dance all ye joyful, now dance all together!_  
_Soft is the grass, and let foot be like feather!_  
_The river is silver, the shadows are fleeting;_  
_Merry is May-time, and merry our meeting._  
_Sing we now softly, and dreams let us weave him!_  
_Wind him in slumber and there let us leave him!_  
_The wanderer sleepeth. Now soft be his pillow!_  
_Lullaby! Lullaby! Alder and Willow!_  
_Sigh no more Pine, till the wind of the morn!_  
_Fall Moon! Dark be the land!_  
_Hush! Hush! Oak, Ash, and Thorn!_  
_Hushed be all water, till dawn is at hand!"_

He sat up on his elbows and let his eyes adjust. His mouth fell open in amazement. The room they were in was large, ornate, and beautiful. He could only imagine the dignitaries that must have slept in this very bed. He wondered how it was possible that he and Kili managed such grand chambers.

"Mm, look who is awake," Kili said lazily.  
"How did I get here? How did _we_ get here?"  
"You fell asleep during a lengthy song about a sailor named Eärendil and I carried you to bed."  
"But here?"  
"This is where Elrond led me. Gandalf told him of our betrothal and we were given this room purposefully in regards to it."  
"It is so opulent! Kee, you should have nudged me awake to thank him for this," Bilbo bemoaned.  
"I did my best in your stead. You can ask Elrond himself!"  
"I'm sure you did." Bilbo sat up. "Oh! I am too filthy for a lovely white bed."  
Kili rolled out of bed. "I knew you would fret about that. You were too asleep for bathing, so I settled us on top of the blankets. You should see this bath, though."

Bilbo circled around the bath. It seemed unreal to him--and that was after seeing Beorn's!

He gestured to it. "Why didn't _you_ take a bath, at least?"  
Kili embraced Bilbo. "I wanted us to take our first bath here together."  
Bilbo grinned and gave Kili a quick peck. "Sentimental fool."  
"Want to figure out how this thing works with me?" Kili said, eyebrows waggling.  
"Absolutely!"

 

*****

Bilbo was warm and wet but not at all soapy. He pawed through the baskets, searching for a cake. There was a neat little stack, all different colors. They smelled heavenly. He tossed one at Kili that smelled curiously of tea with cream and honey.

Kili peeked over Bilbo's shoulder while he soaped the hobbit's back. He asked, "What are in the corked bottles?"

Wet hands proved a bit of a challenge, but Bilbo managed to get one open. He rubbed the fluid between his fingers, pausing to sniff it.

"Um, Kili? It appears we have quite the collection of scented oils here. Ostensibly meant for the bath, but I think we could _OH_!"

Bilbo found himself rather suddenly lifted over the edge of the bath, stomach flat against the floor as Kili stood behind him, still in the sunken tub. Kili grabbed a bottle, uncorked it, and slipped an exploratory finger in Bilbo's arse. Bilbo made a strangled sound.

Kili murmured from behind him, "I've been waiting for you for weeks and now we've got oil besides. I see no reason to waste another moment."  
Bilbo spoke breathily, working to find his voice while Kili slipped another finger inside him. "This was my thinking as well, though your reaction was much more swift than I thought."  
"You've underestimated how much I've missed this. _Needed_ this."  
Bilbo moaned into his arm. "I don't think I have, not if you feel the way I do."

Bilbo felt Kili's cock bump against his entrance with a soft rub before it opened him. Bilbo pushed back as Kili rocked his way inside.  
"I missed you, Kee," Bilbo panted.  
Kili pushed back into Bilbo, leaning forward and kissing his spine.  
"I missed you something awful," Kili agreed. "Let's see how many ways we can think of to make it up to each other until we exhaust ourselves."

 

*****

Bilbo stirred. He was not yet used to waking in a bed again, and certainly not one this comfortable. Kili was curled into him, clutching him like a child with a prized toy. He kissed the dwarf awake.

Bilbo whispered, "We're going to miss breakfast if we stay in much longer."  
"We only just went back to bed a moment before dawn," Kili complained.  
"A little sleep does a great cure in the house of Elrond," said Bilbo, "but we should take all the cure we can get. Do you wish to skip the first meal?"

Kili was starting to agree with Thorin that they had been missing too many meals lately, particularly being on the road. They had not been starving, but were not exactly sated.

Kili kissed Bilbo's nose. "A bit of breakfast will do us an even better turn, I think. We can always take a pleasant nap in a sunbeam later if we need it."

 

*****

Gandalf had told them not to expect Elrond for every meal, but he was present and presiding over breakfast. The quartet thanked him for their generous rooms several times. Elrond let them know they were free to wander through the valley, utilize the library, and generally use their time any way they saw fit.

Lindir jumped in rather nervously. "If you should wish to swim, we have places better suited than fountains."

Elrond bit back a smile.

Kili asked, "Lord Elrond, would you have smiths here from whom I might commission a special project?"  
"What manner of special project?" Elrond inquired.  
Kili fished his bag from inside his shirt and pulled forth a small piece of the mithril he carried.  
"I have mithril that I would like crafted into elvish rings. This is but a piece. I found it in the treasury when we first took the mountain from the dragon. I'm guessing it came from Erebor."  
Elrond took it and held it carefully in his hand. "If it is Ereborian mithril, it is one of the rarest metals to be found in Middle Earth. The mountain famously contained mostly gold and gems and very little mithril of which to speak. Certainly not enough to sell or trade."  
"But wait," Bilbo said. "I have a full shirt of mithril that Thorin gave me from the treasury."

Elrond's eyes went wide and his composure slipped for the briefest of moments. He and Gandalf exchanged knowing looks.

"The mithril in your shirt likely came from Khazad-dûm and is incredibly valuable in its own right," Elrond said.  
"I did not know mithril was not mined in Erebor," Kili said.  
"Our smiths have not had the pleasure of working mithril in a terrible number of years. I doubt any of them would take more payment than the joy of crafting them for you." Elrond chuckled, "If there is a chance it could be from Erebor itself, they might wind up requesting to pay you simply to have the right to boast!"  
"It is honestly that rare?" Fili asked.  
Elrond nodded. "If Erebor was its origin, your two rings' worth of mithril could likely buy the whole of Ered Luin."  
Bilbo choked on his water. Bofur slapped him on the back.  
"How would we know?" Kili asked.  
"Likely only Aulë himself could tell, unfortunately. Take heart, though. Mithril from any source has been rare since the dark days befell Khazad-dûm. You and Bilbo will still have quite the heirlooms," Elrond reassured them.  
Bilbo laced his fingers through Kili's. "I would not care if they were common as long as they were ours," he said.

Elrond smiled at them kindly, if not a bit curiously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continued thanks for the support, reblogs, comments, and additional kindnesses you've all shown this fic. <3 <3 <3
> 
> Up soon: Midsummer's Eve thoughts from Bilbo (in Rivendell) and Thorin (who wishes he was in Rivendell, elves aside).


	97. Hey Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili makes new friends and Bilbo meets someone special for the very first time.

Bilbo was eager to spend the morning exploring, but speaking to the smiths about the rings was important to Kili. Bilbo was also excited about the rings, though he was more patient about such things. He had done plenty of ordering clothes and other items to be made where he had to wait days or weeks for the craftspeople to do their work. Bilbo glanced at Kili as they walked. He was one bounce short from skipping as they went. Grinning, Bilbo thought for the countless time how fortunate he was to call this adorable creature his own. 

They were introduced to a sister (Nerithel) and brother (Nîfon) who had experience working with mithril. Elrond had sent a message that they would be seeing Kili and Bilbo as well as why, so the siblings were most eager to speak with them.

Kili handed his unformed prizes to Nîfon, who regarded them with wonder. "Is it truly possible that these may have come from Erebor, of all places?"  
Kili shrugged. "Lord Elrond seems to think it unlikely, but at the very least, that is where I found them. Perhaps they were carried un-crafted from Khazad-dûm to Erebor for some reason."  
"Be that as it may," Nerithel said, "We have not had the circumstance to work mithril for long years. We would be honored to grant your request."  
"Forgive me, but I've never commissioned an Elf-Smith before. Is there payment due up front before you may begin?" Kili asked.  
Nerithel smiled. "No payment due up front and I believe you will find our price to be most reasonable."  
"I do not worry about that," Kili said cheerfully. "I am a dwarf, you know. I would expect to pay for quality of craft."  
Nîfon said, "Let us lay the vulgar subject of payment aside and talk about concept. You have very few limits in how intricate these may be. Mithril can be crafted into nearly thread without danger of breaking. For a romantic union, I daresay you could not have purposefully come up with anything more symbolically appropriate."  
Kili beamed with pride and squeezed Bilbo's hand.  
Nîfon continued, "What would you like for your design?"

All eyes were on Bilbo, much to his surprise. 

"Go on, Bee," Kili encouraged. "Tell them what you want."  
"M-me?" Bilbo stuttered. "I rightly do not know! I thought you had an idea."  
Kili raised his eyebrows in question. "I figured the dwarvish part of our rings would be the materials, but I was going to leave the elvish design to you."  
"You hadn't told me that," Bilbo gently accused him.  
"I just thought you'd maybe...know. Somehow."

Kili's face fell and he looked like a wounded baby animal. After how thrilled Kili had been to do this today, Bilbo couldn't stand it. He threw his arms around Kili and kissed him gently. 

"It is okay, dear heart. Had you told me a month ago, I may still not have had an answer because I've never had the incredible fortune to have something this special created for me."  
Kili's answering smile was bright.  
Bilbo stepped back and looked to the elves. "Perhaps Nîfon and Neirthel have some suggestions?"  
Nerithel nodded. "We will be glad to help you compose your design."

*****

Well over an hour later, the design was discussed, agreed upon, and sketched. It pleased Bilbo that it looked traditionally Elvish at a glance, and it pleased Kili that the knot pattern selected was knot language for 'unbreakable bond.' The bands would not be excessively wide--Bilbo expressed displeasure at a ring that would go to his knuckle--but still substantial. Bilbo sighed in satisfaction...and perhaps a bit of exhaustion as well. He had not realized the ordering process would take so long. Kili was thrilled by the whole experience and had struck up a fast friendship with both Nîfon and Nerithel.

With the first phase done, Nîfon prepared for the next part of the process. Bilbo climbed out of the chair he had occupied, stretched, and rocked on his heels. Kili remained seated, curiously enough. Bilbo inched toward the door, but Kili did not follow. 

Hints not seeming to work, Bilbo finally asked Kili, "Where are we off to next?"  
Kili looked at Bilbo like he was quite mad. "They are going to start on our rings," he said, as though it explained everything.  
"Yes, we will leave them to it," Bilbo agreed. Or thought he was agreeing.  
Kili frowned. "You don't mean to watch them do it?"  
"Kee, my sweet, I do not want to stay down here all day," Bilbo said gently.  
"I've never seen an Elf-Smith work before. I'm dying to see how they do."  
"I don't have the interest in metalwork that you do."

For the second time that morning, Bilbo saw the light dim in Kili's eyes. For the second time that morning, Bilbo was determined to fix it. 

"Would you be agreeable to meeting me for lunch?" Bilbo asked.  
Kili's expression brightened. "Do you mean it? You wouldn't mind if I stayed while you went?"  
"Of course not. There will be plenty of time for us to experience Rivendell as a couple. I promise I'll do very little sightseeing without you. Perhaps I'll go to the library--it is less fun for you to watch me read a book than it is for me to watch you watch the smiths."

Kili kissed Bilbo goodbye and (oddly enough) thought for the countless time how fortunate he was to call this wonderful creature his own.

*****

"The hobbit seems different this time," Elrond said to Gandalf. They had been on a late morning stroll, discussing all manner of business.  
Gandalf nodded. "There is no denying he has been changed by his experiences."  
"It is more than mere life experience and you can tell, can you not?"  
"I did notice a change once he acquired his artifact from the Goblin Caves. However, he is no darker or withdrawn, and you will note he was very close to Dol Goldur and yet the ring did not draw him there. In fact, he went the opposite direction. He did not try to overtake the battle, nor even use the ring to help his friends win the day. Some manner of magic that ring is, but I do not think it is a ring of power."  
"Or perhaps he does not know yet how to wield it. It is a matter that could use a watchful eye."  
"I had planned on doing that, anyway, even without ominous concerns. I am greatly fond of Bilbo Baggins, much like I was his mother before him."  
"It was not dark forces of which I was speaking, though. I sense another force at work strongly around him. He seems almost...blessed," Elrond said.  
"I thought that, too. It was strong from the day he was betrothed to Kili. Love does agree with this hobbit," Gandalf said.  
"Yes. Love," Elrond said, lost in thought.

*****

Kili was late to lunch, but Bilbo could not hold it against him when he was so happy. Kili chattered on between bites as though he had been wound with a key.

"--And I'm learning so much! Nerithel is practically a genius. With what she's taught me alone, I could have crafted your hair clip without Fili's help. I've never been able to work such detail!"  
Bilbo felt a small twinge of jealousy, but he banished it quickly.  
"So what more needs to be done?" Bilbo said.  
"It has been set aside for today."  
Bilbo exhaled in relief. "Good! So what would you like to do with the rest of our day?"  
"After lunch, Nîfon is going to introduce me to the Captain of the Bow Guard. I can't believe my luck! Here I was hoping against hope I could talk an elf into letting me buy a bow and now I'm going to be receiving lessons from the _Captain_! Can you believe it?"  
Bilbo's heart sank. "No, no I can't," Bilbo said distantly.  
"Bee? What's wrong?"  
"I thought maybe...never mind."  
Kili looked concerned now. "You thought what? Please tell me."  
"I had been thinking we were going to spend the day together, but you are right. Getting bow lessons from the best archer in Rivendell is an amazing opportunity, one I would not let you turn down."  
"Are you sure?" Kili asked cautiously.  
"Of course," Bilbo tried his best to smile convincingly.  
Kili wiped his mouth with his napkin and rose from his chair. He kissed Bilbo on the cheek.  
"You're the best!"  
He ran off cheerfully, hollering back over his shoulder, "See you at dinner!"  
"Dinner?" Bilbo said to himself.

He sighed heavily and rested his chin in his palm.

*****

Holding hands, Fili and Bofur strolled down a path by the stream.

"These trees are unreal," Bofur said. "Have you ever seen trunks this enormous?"  
"This whole place is wondrous. I wish I had behaved more princely the last time we were here," Fili said.  
"I think we all misbehaved a bit. Thorin, dare I say, did not act very kingly, either."  
"No, he did not. I think he has since learned a thing or two about diplomacy, though."  
"I'm sorry, Fee. I have some respect for him, I do, but I also have criticism. You love him, though, and I should make an effort to criticize him a bit less," Bofur said.  
"Do not fear speaking your mind to me. I know your feelings about him are mixed, but you are fair and just. I've had those thoughts myself, and more. When it is my turn to wear the crown, I hope to do it with a more open mind."  
Bofur raised Fili's hand and kissed it. "You are the best dwarf I know." 

They rounded a corner and saw a widening of the path in the distance, branching off into a semi-circle grove of trees punctuated with delicate benches.  
"Say, isn't that Bilbo?" Bofur asked. 

Bilbo was sitting on a bench with feet swinging that did not touch the ground. His face wore a frown and his eyes were cast downward. 

"Hey there!" Bofur greeted him, hoping to get a happy hello in return.  
Bilbo looked up and smiled weakly. "Hello, you two."  
Bofur's smile faded. "What's wrong?"

Bilbo wanted to say that nothing was wrong, but his disappointments so far that day were too great. Instead, he told Fili and Bofur about Kili's new friends, his staying in the forge, how Nerithel was a genius, how Nîfon liked Kili so much that he pulled strings to get him special lessons, and how Kili had left Bilbo alone until dinner on what was to be their first full day in Rivendell. 

Fili sat next to Bilbo on his bench and set a soothing hand on his knee. 

"You've got to understand, Bee. My brother is a social creature. Being at Beorn's, we've only had each other, but Kee makes friends wherever he goes. He always has, and he enjoys doing so very much. You would much rather him be adored than disliked, right?"  
"You know I do so hate it when you have a good point," Bilbo halfheartedly joked.  
Fili squeezed Bilbo's knee lightly. "Do not be jealous. He loves you more than he's ever loved anything. I don't think he looked at his first bow with as much affection in his eyes as the day you simply joined our journey."  
"If he knew you would be this sad about it, he would not have gone off on his own, I promise you," Bofur added helpfully.  
Bilbo sighed. "I did tell him to go ahead. I wanted him to be happy."  
"You need to make sure you include your happiness, too," Fili said. "Have a little chat with him later. I'm sure you two can work out a way for each of you to get the most out of our stay here, both together and apart."  
Bilbo said, "You are right. You are both absolutely right." He hopped off his bench. "Thank you so much for talking to me."  
"That is what family is for," Fili said kindly.  


*****

Bilbo sat in a wide, airy passage across from a giant window with no glass, perusing a language book he borrowed from the library. He was listening to the wind rustle in the leaves and practicing his Sindarin pronunciations.

"Gwaed _ETH_. _GWAE_ deth. Gwaa-EE-deth," he muttered, contorting his mouth as he tried out different inflections.  
A boy giggled. "What are you doing?"

Bilbo looked up to see a boy--a _human boy_ \--far closer to adolescence than he was to toddling. He was thin and a bit grimy, as boys tended to be, with longish, dark hair. His eyes were blue, clear, intelligent (putting Bilbo in mind of Thorin's), and currently full of mirth.

"Well, I was working out my Sindarin, if you must know," Bilbo explained, not unkindly.  
The boy helped himself to a spot next to Bilbo. "I could help you, if you'd like."  
"I must say, I'm impressed." Bilbo lowered his voice conspiratorially and glanced from side to side. "I could probably use the help. What is your name?"  
"Estel," the boy said. "What's yours?"  
"I'm Bilbo Baggins."  
Estel looked at Bilbo as if he were considering this. "I'm eleven. Just turned in March," he volunteered.  
"Eleven!" Bilbo made a show of examining the boy's face. "You're nearly growing a beard!"  
Estel laughed again. "You're silly! How old are you?"  
"Fifty-one. Fifty-two this autumn."  
Estel grinned. "You're a hobbit, aren't you?"  
"Aren't you clever? Indeed I am."

The boy nodded decisively, as if they had just made some manner of pact. He nudged Bilbo to hold the book between them, pointed to a word, and set to explaining.

"The 'a' here has more of an 'ah' sound..."

*****

Fili saw Kili in the hallway that lead to their rooms.  
"Fee! I just was on my way to wash up and tape up my fingers. I've been doing archery practice most of the afternoon. My calluses are no match for elvish technique!"  
"You are enjoying Rivendell, then?" Fili asked him.  
"This place is great! We missed _so much_ last time we were here. Everyone is so friendly, too! Tomorrow, Nerithel--she is one of the Elf-smiths--is going to teach me how to forge actual elven arrowheads! She says they usually do not teach outsiders, but she and her brother are going to show me. Isn't that amazing?"  
"Yes, it is amazing alright. How is Bilbo enjoying Rivendell, do you think?" Fili asked pointedly.  
Missing Fili's meaning, Kili replied, "I'm sure he loves it!"  
Fili's tone grew sharper. "What was he doing while you were learning archery tricks? What will he be doing while you forge arrowheads tomorrow? Do you even know where he is right now?"  
"What is your problem?" Kili asked, annoyed.  
" _I_ don't have a problem, but _you_ will if you keep running off and leaving him alone in the most romantic and lovely place we've stayed in our travels."  
"He said he didn't mind!"  
"Well he would, wouldn't he?" Fili countered.  
Kili frowned. "It was just for today," he said wanly.  
"And tomorrow, too, when you're learning to make arrowheads," Fili reminded him.  
"That's just in the morning while the other smith finishes the rings. Tomorrow is the anniversary of the last time we were here--Midsummer's Eve. I wouldn't leave him on his own for that!"  
"For your sake, I hope you don't get distracted by your new friends for the second day in a row. Bilbo is an interesting new face in Rivendell, too, you know. In fact, not long ago I saw him in one of the open passages near the library, practically nose to nose in a book with a handsome young man."  
"What? Who?" Kili demanded.  
Fili shrugged. "Some human."

Kili ran off without saying goodbye. Fili smirked. It wasn't a lie, and the human in question was certainly _young_.

*****

Kili's side was starting to stitch from running laps through the passages, looking for Bilbo. He bent over and rested his hands on his knees for a moment when he heard a voice he could even hear in his dreams.

"Êl síla erin lû e-govaned vîn," Bilbo said.  
"Draw out the last one, like viiiin," a different voice said. 

Kili rounded the next corner and he saw Bilbo sitting with a human boy, slightly taller than he. He made a mental note to put frogs in Fili's boots. 

"Kili! Come meet my friend. Estel, this is Kili. He was the one I mentioned. Kili, this is Estel. Elrond is his guardian and he lives here. Isn't he a lucky young man?"  
Kili was relieved and confused all at once but he recovered well enough to greet the lad. "Lucky indeed. It is nice to meet you, Estel."  
"Well met, Prince Kili," the boy said, bowing a bit.  
"Only Kili, young friend. Bilbo, it is nearly time for dinner?"  
"Is it? Merciful heavens, where did that time go?" He stood. "Thank you for all your help, Estel. Will you be at dinner tonight?"  
"Perhaps. Lord Elrond does not always wish me to dine with travelers. He says sometimes it can be a bit rowdy and it is not a good influence for a boy my age."  
Bilbo nodded gravely. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I absolutely see his point," he agreed. Inside, though, he was giggling. Elrond was no fool. 

After Estel took his leave, Bilbo and Kili walked toward their room to wash for dinner. 

"I was going to wash and meet you at the table, but Fili told me you were huddled into a book with some guy. I dropped everything to find you," Kili admitted.  
"I've been seething with jealousy all day," Bilbo said. "Your new friends are so interesting and fascinated with you and it hasn't helped a bit that they are also bloody gorgeous."  
"Nothing is as beautiful to me as you are," Kili said.  
"Isn't it odd, now? You could kiss Bofur or Fili and I would not mind, but even thinking of you touching your friends from the forge makes me crazy."  
"Bee, I'm not touching anyone in Rivendell but you." Kili knew Bilbo's mind wouldn't be running away with him if he hadn't spent the day alone. "I'm sorry I ran off and left you so much today."  
"No, it is me being foolish. I want you to have friends and have fun. Your world does not have to revolve around me. Today being our first day here, and me having planned to spend it with you...I guess I started with a bit of disappointment and it grew from there," Bilbo said.  
"In my mind, we had other days to spend together. I was not thinking about it from your point of view. In the morning, I'd like to revisit the forge while the rings are being finished to learn to make elvish arrowheads. You are welcome to come with me, or I can do it another time if it saddens you."  
"No, Kee. Do what you planned on doing. I think as a dwarf bowman, learning not only elven archery but how to craft their preferred arrows is an enviable skill. Doubly so that they are willing to teach it, given that their secrets are normally very guarded." Bilbo stopped to kiss him. "You take this opportunity and I promise I will not hold it against you."  
Kili embraced Bilbo tightly. "When I'm finished, I want to spend the rest of the day and evening with you. That is, if you would like it?"  
"I would love it."

*****

After dinner, Fili and Bofur sat in the moonlight by the stream. Bofur was lost in thought wearing a quirky, small smile. Fili gazed at him until Bofur noticed him.

"What?"  
Fili replied, "I'm trying to figure out what has that look on your face."  
Bofur gave a small shake of his head. "This. You. Everything. In the last year and a half, my life has turned into something more wild than a fairy story."  
"In what way?"  
"My partner is going to be the King of Erebor. We're in the company of a wizard who may or may not be a servant of the Valar--the _actual_ Valar. My best friends in the entire world are princes and a hobbit. We are staying in Rivendell on the good favor of Elrond, who actually was the subject of one of my favorite ballads I was taught as a child. But that was only after we spent the winter with a man who changes into a bear. I'm wealthy beyond my imagination. I'm moving in with hobbits. And that all comes after an epic journey, a dragon, and a battle for a kingdom looming from out of legends alongside men, elves, and eagles. I mean, Mahal, Fee...take your pick!"  
Fili's face matched Bofur's quirky, small smile from before with a slightly knitted brow to go along with it. "When you say it out loud like that, it sounds pretty unbelievable."  
Bofur gently stroked Fili's face with the back of his hand. "Your love is the most amazing thing on that list," he said softly. "I love you, Fili."  
Bofur calling him "Fili" got his full attention as he did not frequently use Fili's whole name anymore. Bofur's deep, soulful eyes were brimming with such adoration that Fili could almost see it spilling forth.  
Fili cupped Bofur's jaw and leaned in close. He whispered, "I love you, Bofur" against the dwarf's lips before he kissed them.

*****

Kili was having trouble sleeping, so he watched Bilbo sleep instead. Bilbo looked so much more peaceful here in Rivendell. If Kili remembered back, it seemed that Bilbo grew more and more relaxed and happy the closer they came to the Shire. He looked easily a decade younger at the moment. Had Thorin been Bilbo's choice, Kili had no idea how the hobbit could have happily lived so far from his homelands.

 _Thorin_. Why did Kili have to invoke his memory in the quiet of a late night? Thorin had this once, this closeness with Bilbo, these unguarded moments where he could watch the hobbit deep in a sated slumber after they had spent all their passion. Kili squeezed his eyes shut and chased the thought away. He did not know how this jealousy still managed to bubble up. Bilbo was his completely, proven time and again. Kili was so sure of this, he let Thorin kiss Bilbo, for Durin's sake! Part of him even fantasized about Thorin hearing or watching the two of them making love. He did not understand how he could be so confident in their love as to flirt madly with letting Thorin have a taste, yet still have these sudden, unbidden flashes of jealousy so strong that he could nearly taste sulfur because they made him so ill. He supposed that part of him probably would not truly relax until the wedding was over.

Bilbo snuffled adorably in his sleep and Kili had to suppress a giggle. Just like that, all of Kili's dark thoughts disappeared, replaced by the joy of being welcome in Bilbo's bed, heart, and mind. All of his fantasies, hopes, imaginings, and dreams from Lake Town had come true many times over, save one, and that was happening on September 22nd. Kili relaxed back into the bed and pressed into Bilbo. Still asleep, the hobbit draped and arm and a leg over Kili. Kili was snoozing in moments, well on his way to pleasant dreams about wedding cakes and party trees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any longer passages of Elvish will be done Bifur-style, in already translated quoted italics. For this chapter, though, I actually looked some up here--  
> http://www.realelvish.net/101_sindarin.html  
> and here--  
> http://www.jrrvf.com/hisweloke/sindar/online/english.html
> 
> gwaedth--bond or troth  
> Êl síla erin lû e-govaned vîn.--A star shines on the hour of our meeting
> 
> I had planned for this to be the Midsummer's eve chapter but it didn't seem to fit. I may do it as interludes, not sure yet. The Thorin part is complete already :D


	98. Midsummer's Eve pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elrond tells Bilbo something that stuns him. Kili is a happy puppy. Thorin is a sad panda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not too much Fili/Bofur this round, or in Rivendell in general. Rivendell is mostly for Bilbo.

After an early breakfast, Kili kissed Bilbo goodbye for the morning with a promise to meet up before lunch. Bilbo watched him disappear down the stairs and around the corner. 

Still at the table, Fili regarded Bilbo with concern. "Leaving again?" he said.  
"We spoke last night. We've agreed he can spend the morning getting lessons and spend the day together after," Bilbo explained.  
"If he tries to renegotiate for more time, let me know. I'll drag him out of the forge by his hair," Fili said.  
Bilbo laughed. "We'll be fine, I am sure."

*****

Bilbo's morning explorations took him as high as Elrond's council chambers. Once Bilbo caught sight of the view over the cliff, he forgot about all else for several moments.

"That is one of the best viewing spots in all of Imladris," Elrond said.  
Bilbo jerked around suddenly. "Lord Elrond! You nearly scared me out of my skin!"  
Elrond inclined his head. "Apologies. You are enjoying yourself?"  
Bilbo was instantly self-conscious, wondering if he had overstepped some invisible barrier. "It is quite beautiful up here. I've not trespassed, have I?"  
"No, you are welcome to the view."

Elrond joined his side at the overlook. 

"Much has changed for you since our first parting. I confess I was surprised to hear about Thorin Oakenshield's wish to marry you. I thought sure when you last left that it would be Kili and Bofur in a race for your affections."  
"Bofur became a trusted friend. Truly, he has no better match than Fili. And you could tell about Kili even then? I did not figure it out for a long time."  
"Kili's emotions radiated from him whenever you were near. You did not see because your attentions were elsewhere. Not being accepted by Thorin made you heartsick. I realized at the time that it troubled you, though I did not figure out why until you chose to follow him."

Bilbo shrugged, a little embarrassed to be talking about his fickle romantic entanglements with Elrond, of all people. 

"I loved him," Bilbo said. "Part of me loves him still, but I realized I loved Kili as well. I made some mistakes and did not handle it as elegantly as I would have wished. Oh, who am I kidding? I did not handle it elegantly _at all_. Were it possible, I'd go back and do things differently to erase the hurts."

Elrond realized this was the source of the fleeting pain he still occasionally glimpsed in Bilbo's eyes. He put a gentle hand on Bilbo's shoulder. 

"Did you know that I have the gift of foresight, Bilbo?"  
Bilbo's eyes widened. "No, I did not."  
Elrond clasped his hands behind his back and looked off into the distance. "It is not the sight of all ends--only the fate most likely--and I cannot always pick or choose what I wish to see. I offered you the choice to stay here because I saw...something. Something in which the gentle folk of the Shire had no business being involved. I thought to spare you."  
"What did you see?" Bilbo asked.  
Elrond turned to face Bilbo completely. "I saw the line of Durin fail. I saw a great battle--what the balladeers now call the Battle Of Five Armies--and I saw Thorin fall at the hand of the pale orc."

Bilbo's stomach felt as though it had dropped to the floor. Thorin dying in the battle! That was horrifying and gut-wrenching all on its own but--

"You said 'line of Durin,' but he was not the only direct descendant," Bilbo said carefully.  
Elrond's expression was grave. "Fili and Kili fell, too, defending their kin."  
Bilbo's eyebrows shot up in shock and his eyes were immediately wet. "You knew this and you let them leave, anyway?"  
"The dragon was vanquished and that was for the greater good. In fact, a greater good than possibly any of us can imagine even still," Elrond said.  
Bilbo backed into the pillar to keep himself standing. "So you let them leave to meet their destiny, but thought to spare me mine?"  
"It was my fate to give you a choice and yours to make it. Sometimes things do not become clear until much later." Elrond crouched to Bilbo's eye level. "When you left to follow your heart, you altered the course of things to be. Delivering the Arkenstone away from Thorin set in motion things that spared many people their death. Your subsequent banishment for it saved your own life. Moreover, your relationship with Kili saved Thorin's."  
"Were Thorin here, he would tell you I ruined it," Bilbo said glumly.  
"Had Kili and Fili been with Thorin when he was attacked, they all would have fallen. Instead, Kili went you into banishment and Fili followed the both of you. The three of you were there to rescue Thorin from certain death."

Bilbo blinked, hardly able to breathe.

Elrond gently gripped Bilbo's arm. "Everything that happened--even the heartbreak--put events in place that spared Thorin, Fili, and Kili in the end. Your love for Thorin saved many; Kili's love for you saved his family. My foresight did not take into account the power of a hobbit's courage and love, or a dwarf's love besides."

Bilbo looked back at Elrond with watery eyes. Elrond stood and encouraged Bilbo to walk with him. 

"While it is noble to strive to become a more honorable and honest person, do not let the mistakes of your past continue to trouble you," he advised.

*****

Nîfon nudged Kili. "It seems as though your request has been completed," he said.

Nerithel approached them, having been tasked with the final stages of finishing the rings while Nîfon demonstrated arrow-craft to Kili. She indicated that Kili should hold out his hand. In it, she placed two mithril rings. 

"These ought to help mend some of his hurt feelings over the loss of your companionship yesterday," she said.  
Kili gazed at them. "I'm...well, I'm speechless."  
"Something that is highly unusual, I'm coming to realize," Nîfon joked. 

Kili laughed and shoved him rather dwarvishly. Nîfon un-elvishly shoved him back, adding a laugh of his own. 

"What a terrible influence you are on my brother," Nerithel teased.  
Kili was still admiring the rings with awe. "These are beyond my best hopes. I know Bilbo will agree. Name your price and I do not care what it is. I'll ride back to Erebor for another chest if I must," he said.  
"You are too young to remember, but even in the brightest days of Khazad-dûm, raw mithril was not frequently wrought by those who weren't dwarrows. Because of their pride in its brightness and beauty, the dwarrows were hesitant to let others craft it. Opportunities were few and far between even then, and for many years Nîfon and I despaired we would not get another chance."  
"She is long-winded, even among our people," Nîfon interrupted.  
Nerithel rolled her eyes at her brother.  
Nîfon continued, "What's she's talking around is this: The chance to make these rings for the two of you is a joy above any payment you would devise. The added delight of the possibility that it could have been mined from Erebor itself--no matter how slim--pushes the opportunity beyond value."  
"I'm incredibly thankful, but no! I cannot let work like this go without something in honor of it," Kili protested.  
"You _will_ honor it. You shall honor it with your love, and I have no doubt you'll also speak fondly and often to others of how those rings came to be," Nerithel said.  
Nîfon smiled slyly. "A dwarf bragging about the craftsmanship of elves! That is nearly a double payment in my mind. Tell me, do you desire any additional items made?" he quipped.  
Kili laughed. "No, this ought to take care of things for now!"

Kili finished up his lesson with Nîfon early and decided to surprise Bilbo. He thanked his friends, offering payment again which was declined.

"Remember what I told you about the magic," Nerithel said in parting.  
"I won't forget," Kili promised.

*****

"Fee! Have you seen Bilbo?" Kili asked excitedly.  
"Not long ago, I saw him out by the fountain. There's something odd about him today," Fili said.  
Kili did not like the sound of that. "Odd like how?"  
"How 'bout when he laid eyes on Fee, he ran over to him and nearly tackled him in a hug. He clung to him like that for several moments, muttering under his breath and refusing to let go," Bofur said.  
Kili looked at him as though he were mad. "Seriously?"  
"It is true," Fili confirmed. "His eyes were weepy but he was smiling at the end. Told me I was a 'treasure of treasures' and mumbled something about fate being kind."  
Bofur nodded. "Aye, it was enough to make me jealous, that is for sure!"  
Fili cast a mirthful, sideways glance Bofur's way. "Of me or him?" he challenged devilishly.  
Bofur waggled his eyebrows and shrugged.  
"Typical!" Fili said, diving in to give Bofur a kiss and a tickle.

Leaving Fili and Bofur to their fun, Kili searched around the fountain. He found Bilbo not far off. Bilbo ran and jumped into Kili's arms, not unlike Bofur's description of his greeting for Fili. Kili was lucky enough to get kisses as well. Soft, searching kisses were soon overtaken by hungry, desperate ones. Kili reluctantly pulled away before it escalated to sex in Elrond's gardens. 

"I'm not complaining, but what has gotten into you?" Kili asked.  
"You are alive and real and by my side and it all could have gone so utterly, utterly wrong," Bilbo babbled, eyes filling with tears.  
"Hey, hey," Kili soothed, cupping Bilbo's face. "What's all this, then?"  
"I was talking with Elrond this morning and he told me--he told me..." Bilbo began to pant in panic, as though saying the words out loud would somehow make Kili disappear.  
Kili's face pinched with concern. He did not need any more obstacles in this relationship. "He told you _what_ , Bilbo? You're scaring me."  
Bilbo's gazed into Kili's eyes and swallowed thickly. "You, Thorin, and Fili...you were going to die in the Battle Of Five Armies. He saw it in a premonition--saw the three of you fall."  
Kili exhaled a shaky breath. That was a bit alarming, to say the least.  
He comforted Bilbo. "We did not, though. None of us fell, my jewel. We are fine." 

He held Bilbo close until the hobbit seemed to calm down. He had an odd thought. 

"Did he say...did he say why we did not fall?" Kili asked.  
"You and Fili left the gate with me. Because you were not hemmed in by orcs and goblins like the rest of the company, you two were saved and the three of us together saved Thorin," Bilbo explained.  
"But if we hadn't come with you, the three of us would have perished."  
"Yes," Bilbo said miserably.  
"That is amazing!" Kili exclaimed, startling Bilbo in the process.  
"What?"  
"This! Us! It was practically destiny! That simply reinforces it! Whenever I start to feel sad or guilty about Thorin, I can hold to that. Thorin is alive--and Fili--because you and I love each other. We were _meant_ to be together, to leave together, and to go back and defend our king! Mahal, I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my heart! Thank you for telling me!" Kili cried, seizing Bilbo close to him again.  
"Um, you're welcome?" Bilbo said, a bit confused by Kili's reaction. Bilbo's had been one of horror, but of course Kili would see the brightest of bright sides.

*****

After lunch, Bilbo and Kili went through their carried treasure to find gifts for Nerithel and Nîfon. Although the pair would not accept payments, Bilbo insisted they would not be so ungracious as to refuse heartfelt gifts. Kili rather liked the sound of that. Bilbo selected a jeweled comb with expertly crafted flowers so delicate, tiny gold veins whispered through the petals as though they were real. They agreed Nerithel would enjoy it. For Nîfon, Kili suggested an emerald cabochon pendant from his own box. Remembering Thranduil's fascination with emeralds, they decided it would be a good stone to present to an elf.

The gifts were accepted with surprise and joy. Nerithel and Nîfon both praised the maker of her hair comb, guessed by them to be one of the finest jewelers from Erebor's golden years. Nîfon's eyes grew wide when he saw his emerald. Having a fondness for the gem in general, he praised the size, color, and quality, for he had never seen its like. 

"Only in Erebor would something like this be found," he said reverently. Kili puffed with pride. 

With Bilbo's insistence on hugs and a wink or two besides, Nerithel and Nîfon wished Bilbo and Kili to have a lovely day...and the most _pleasant_ of evenings. Bilbo was glad courting a dwarf had made him brazen enough that he did not blush or stutter at the inference.

*****

Thorin stood at the Grand Overlook. Although he watched the Midsummer's Eve sunset from his special spot, his mind was in Rivendell where Bilbo doubtless was by now. Thorin wished he were with him this time with no dragon looming before them or a Durin's Day deadline to meet. He thought about last year when they were there together. It seemed a lifetime ago. Bilbo said he thought Thorin to be beautiful that night. Thorin wished he had known at the time. Bilbo seemed so happy there, but Thorin had been short with him. It was anger borne of jealousy, made even worse by Bilbo's wistful last looks into the Valley. Bilbo had left behind the elves he loved to follow Thorin's company--likely to his death for all he knew-- and the only way Thorin could think to respond was with derision. Thorin shook his head. He did not deserve to be the one walking the paths while holding Bilbo's hand, kissing him in the moonlight by the waterfall, making love with him on a private balcony or in some wooded grove...

He snapped himself out of his reverie. _Making love_. With each passing day, it seemed less and less likely that Thorin was alone in holding Bilbo's bond. A part of him yet held out hope that perhaps Bilbo would save their consummation until the wedding. Although Thorin knew BIlbo and Kili were unmistakably intimate to a degree, Bilbo had told him repeatedly that he and Thorin did not handle their betrothal appropriately when it came to sex. Perhaps it was not so impossible that they remained unbonded. That considered, picturing Kili with Bilbo in Rivendell even without sex still threw a shadow over Thorin's mood.

He stood atop everything of which he had ever dreamed and it was not enough. It was a fact that annoyed him. Truly, how did he go from nearly a lifetime bent on avenging his people and retaking their homeland to pining over a hobbit? How was it possible that he could be King of Erebor and long instead to spend this night in an elf's kingdom leagues away? Bilbo had altered Thorin's life when he taught him what it was to love another person. How does one simply forget a lesson like that?

Deep, inky blue spattered with a dusting of stars was overtaking the last vestiges of purple-orange in the sky when he heard Balin's voice behind him.

"Thorin? You have missed dinner. I told the rest to eat without you lest they starve. The kitchen is keeping some things warm for you. Why don't you come with me and have something?"  
"I will, by and by. I have...things on my mind."  
Balin leaned on the railing next to him. "Hobbits, I imagine."  
Thorin looked down at his hands.  
"If you are going to the Shire, we need to start making plans for your absence immediately," Balin said.  
"I do not know if I will be traveling to the Shire."  
"There is no time left to consider the matter, Thorin."  
Distracted by his own faraway thoughts, Thorin said, "Did you know September 22nd was Bilbo's birthday?"  
"Um, no, I didn't," Balin admitted.  
Thorin chuckled but it sounded more sad than mirthful. "Ori told me, of all people. I didn't even know his birthday..."

Balin was growing impatient with Thorin's refusal to stay on task.

"If you tarry much longer, the decision will be made for you," he warned. "You must choose: go or stay?"  
Thorin pushed away from the rail, back to the subject in full force. "You say that as if it is the simplest choice in the world, as though I were choosing between wine and ale for dinner! It is not that easy! If I go, I get the heartbreak of seeing the one I love most marry my precious flesh and blood!"  
"It might be good for you. Perhaps you'll get some closure."  
"Closure!" Thorin spat the word. "I don't want _closure_."  
"Well, then you can stay here," Balin reasoned.  
"Stay here while the company goes without me? Not show Bilbo that he is important to me? Or Kili? Stay here and let it all happen without a second thought?"  
"It is happening whether you stay or go. I have no doubt of that."  
"What happened to you being on my side?" Thorin asked angrily.  
Balin's tone was firm. "It is over, Thorin. Let them have their Shire wedding. You belong in the mountain, anyway."  
Thorin's gaze grew almost violent. "I belong," he said through gritted teeth, "to Bilbo."  
Balin cried, "You have to let this go! Let _him_ go! Why must you insist on torturing yourself? It isn't good for you or Erebor either one!"  
Thorin grunted in frustration. "Do you think I want to feel like this?" he ranted. "I don't! I don't _want_ to love him! I never wanted to! It was trouble from the moment we left Bag End!"

When he finished, Thorin leaned over the rail. Balin stared at Thorin's form for several moments before turning in exasperation. There was no dealing with the king when he was in a strop like this. As he walked away, he heard Thorin speak, softly but thick with emotion.

"Did I ever tell you what happened in the dungeons in Mirkwood?"

Balin stopped and looked back.

Thorin was still facing away from him, but the king kept talking.  
"Funny, I spent so much of the early part of our journey angry at Bilbo for making me care for him. After the eagles dropped us off, after what happened with the orc, I couldn't stay angry at him any longer. It wasn't until the dungeons, though..." Thorin trailed off and took a deep breath. "I was isolated and alone in my cell. I did not know what became of any of you. Thranduil had a go at me and I had too many hours afterward to think deeply about things."  
He paused and huffed a small laugh. "I remember I had the worst headache. Bilbo said my name and I thought it was a hallucination brought on by the pain."  
He turned to look at Balin. "Yet he was truly there. The relief that he was alive was like no other elation I remembered feeling in my life. He told me you were all as well as you could be, things considered, and then he did the oddest thing. He reached through the bars and took my hand. I stopped lying to myself that night."  
Thorin's gaze glazed over for a moment as he lost himself in the memory. He blinked away tears and sniffed quickly before continuing in an affected voice.  
"After that, he spent hour after hour simply talking to me in my cell...hours he honestly should have been sleeping and taking care of himself. He'd give me updates about all of you, of course, and we'd talk a little about what to do about the predicament, but mostly he told me stories and asked me to tell him stories of my own, simply to keep my spirits up. I decided if we ever got out of that mess, even if it had to be a secret from everyone else, I would not--could not--keep my feelings from him any longer. I thought I could not love him more, but Lake Town happened."  
Balin nodded sympathetically. He remembered Lake Town well.  
"Whether I'm in the Shire or in Erebor, how can I be expected to bear this? Although we've been apart, I've always felt like Bilbo was somehow still holding my hand through those bars. Calming me. Saving me. How can I be expected to let him go?"

Balin's heart ached for Thorin but there was nothing for it. He put a soothing hand on Thorin's shoulder. "Laddie, what _choice_ do you have?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for staying this long!


	99. Midsummer's Eve pt 2:  Sex Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo and Kili have a lovely, surprise dinner and an even more lovely bottle of _special_ wine afterward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut, smut, and more smut. All Bilbo and Kili. This is another "fun with sex" chapter, sort of sex-pollenish with most biological realism blown out of the water in order to have some really dirty fun. You've been warned :D
> 
> Fili and Bofur will come back next chapter.

Kili and Bilbo spent their Midsummer's Eve afternoon exploring Rivendell together. They held hands, dangled their feet in streams and pools, and judiciously selected summer blooms to wind into their braids. Kili was glad Bilbo waited for him to deeply explore.

When it was time for dinner, Lindir led them away from the usual dining area and up stairs familiar to Bilbo. Dinner for two was being set up by a handful of other elves in the council chambers where Elrond had found BIlbo admiring the view.

"What is this?" Bilbo asked.  
"Lord Elrond was informed Prince Kili's rings were completed today and likely would be exchanged tonight. He ordered your evening meal to be set up in this specific location. It is somewhat unorthodox, but he said Master Baggins would particularly appreciate it."  
"It is unbelievable," Bilbo confirmed, enthralled.  
Lindir lowered his voice to a hush. "In the interest of, ah, privacy, Lord Elrond requested no musicians for your dinner."  
"That's okay," Kili whispered back, winking.

Lindir looked confused for a moment, bowed, and left them to their evening. The other elves followed him.

"Do you suppose that fellow has ever had fun in his life?" Kili asked, taking a seat.  
"Maybe _some_ dwarves scarred him forever when they hucked food at him and swam naked in a public fountain," Bilbo sassed.  
Kili smirked. "You are simply bitter because you were lounging about on some balcony when you could have been checking us all out in our wet, naked glory."  
"Not _all_ of you, mind."  
"Well, you've managed yourself a few private shows since then, anyway," Kili flirted.  
"And I shall expect one later, but not until I've eaten."  
"Agreed! I'm starved," Kili said.

 

*****

Once dinner finished, Bilbo led Kili to the overlook.  
"Come, watch the sunset with me," he requested.  
Kili wrapped his arms around Bilbo from behind and hooked his chin over his shoulder.  
"This view is breathtaking," he said. "I can hardly believe the luxury of being given this space to dine tonight."  
"One of the perks of your being royalty, I think," Bilbo said.  
"Do you think so?"  
"It is possible. I've noted yours and Fili's titles are used frequently and reverently by those who you've not fully befriended yet. We've got an incredible suite, private dining, use of their smiths and forge...I cannot imagine all this trouble were I here alone."  
"Maybe," Kili conceded, "For the couple's things, anyway, but I've been watching the way Elrond is with you. I think you are a dignitary to his eyes in your own right. Even Gandalf's demeanor has changed slightly toward you since we arrived and our stories were shared from beginning to end. What Elrond trusted you with today...well, that is not something one randomly blurts out to a mere guest in one's home."  
"But I'm only a hobbit," Bilbo argued.  
"Only the Hobbit of Erebor! The web-cutter and the stinging fly! He who sneaked 13 dwarrows out from under Thranduil's nose and rode them in barrels down river when he could swim no better than a stone! Or perhaps I should call you the Hobbit of Lake Town, for you charmed them all--down to the last child! You figured out the riddle to the door to the mountain and went inside _twice_ , knowing full well there was a dragon there. You fought for beds and baths to comfort us. You argued against the siege and defied a king! You crept out in the dark of night with the king's jewel as an ambassador for peace, expecting to be held as prisoner of war! Though you knew it may cost you everything, you admitted as such to Thorin so Bard would not be unjustly accused of theft. You fought in the battle, you _saved_ the king, and you earned the respect of the very elf who had us imprisoned. My sweetest, compared to you, Fili and myself are merely jesters. _You_ are the guest of honor. You are more a prince than I shall ever be."  
"Kee, don't say that! I would not have had half the courage to do those things without the people I loved. And you know I could not have left for Bard's camp without Bo's help. You and Fili were the ones who truly fought in the battle--I merely dodged. Plus, it took _all three_ of us to save the king!"  
Kili kissed the top of Bilbo's head and rested his chin there. "My opinion on the matter will not be changed."

Purple skies gave way to moonglow. Kili turned to face Bilbo and clasped their hands together.

"I want to ask you something important. I know before when you were with...well, _before_ , you changed your mind about your desire to marry after a couple weeks. We've had a few weeks since we left Beorn's for us to reflect on our own union. I can tell you truthfully that my affection for you only grows. You are my Chosen, and I know I shall love you as long as I breathe, but I told you once we have to be in this together. I believe that now more than ever. Knowing all that you know, my dear Mister Baggins, will you still consent to marry me?"

Bilbo gazed at Kili, both amazed at the offer and embarrassed that he had set such a terrible expectation for himself.

He said, "Perhaps I was content enough before, with my armchair and my garden, to get up each day, eat breakfast, and start it over again. From the beginning of the journey, I looked forward to you in my days...even when we were simply friends. After we fell in love, you became the very reason I got up in the morning. I could never go back to how it used to be, not knowing how it feels to love you. I could not live a life without you in it any longer. Yes, I will consent to marry you. I want it more now than even when I asked, and trust me when I say I wanted it quite a bit back then!"

Kili pulled his bag from his shirt and removed two gleaming, mithril rings. Bilbo had been waiting for this and inhaled sharply in shock at how stunning their rings were.

"Oh, Kee! These have bested my imagination," Bilbo breathed in wonder.  
Kili's spoke with tenderness. "I learned part of what makes elvish metal-craft extraordinary is not only the detail, but the magic with which each piece is imbued. Neither of our new friends quite have Elrond's abilities in that area, but Nerithel said deeply felt love will never be broken as long as these rings are worn. They will never dull or tarnish, and neither will my love for you."

Kili slipped one on Bilbo's finger and kissed it once nestled in its place. Bilbo gazed at it on his hand until his vision grew blurry with joyful tears. He guided the remaining ring onto Kili's finger and clasped his hands around it.

"Promise me you'll always keep it on unless I say otherwise," Bilbo said.  
"I promise," Kili said dutifully.

The metal, which was lovely enough by day, seemed to adore the moon and glowed with the slightest reflection.

Kili cupped Bilbo's face and pressed a kiss to his lips.  
He said, "This is like one of Bofur's favorite old ballads."  
"What is?"  
Kili trembled slightly. "Being here amongst all this beauty. Being here with you, seeing all of this with new eyes. With your eyes. If I held to the prejudices with which I was raised, I would have missed so much, our rings not the least of things. Thank you."

Bilbo could not help but think how Thorin would have denied him this experience in Rivendell, the very one Kili embraced. As early as his first confession of love, Kili told Bilbo they could go anywhere he wanted as long as they were together. Bilbo thought it was blind, desperate sentiment in the moment--just as empty as those occasions when Thorin had told him the same--but Bilbo had been wrong. Kili was here with him...and not under duress, either. Kili was experiencing Rivendell with the wonder of an open heart.

Bilbo did not want to taint this moment with Thorin's name, so he grabbed Kili's face and kissed him passionately instead. He used his lips and tongue to try to express the love and gratitude he felt. It was not long before Kili wanted more.

"Let me taste you," Kili whispered, already unlacing Bilbo's pants.  
"Here?" Bilbo looked around nervously.  
"You know Lord Elrond saw to it that we would have our privacy tonight. I want you to finish in my mouth with all the gorgeousness of the valley before your eyes."  
Kili nipped the tip of Bilbo's ear and the hobbit's protests ceased.

 

*****

Upon their return to the room, Kili and Bilbo discovered a note of congratulations from Nerithel and Nîfon as well as a bottle of wine and two goblets on their bed. Both their names were etched into each cup, to their great delight.

"The note reads that this bottle is a 'Special Batch of Lovers' Wine.' What does that mean, do you think?" Bilbo asked.  
"Nerithel told me her partner creates a rare and unusual wine. Perhaps that is her way of saying they are sharing it with us on our special night. Nîfon said she tends to be more flowery with her language."  
"Well, I think that is simply lovely. We'll have some while we soak tonight. Do you think you would enjoy that?"  
"I'll draw us a tub," Kili volunteered.  
"While you do that, I'll pour our wine."

Bilbo met Kili at the bath and handed him both cups before he scooted in to join him. Taking a tentative sip of the wine, Bilbo found that it was sweet, but not cloyingly so. Kili tried to quaff his and complained that it burned.

"Perhaps it is better to sip it just this once," Bilbo suggested gently.

Bilbo thought it _did_ seem to warm as it went, though. He imagined he could feel it warming its way down to his stomach and then flowing out through his arms and legs. He felt as though his skin was slowly becoming more sensitive, too. Kili washed Bilbo's hair and by the finish, both of them were moaning low. Bilbo did not think it had ever felt so sinful to have his scalp touched.

"Your hair felt amazing on my fingers," Kili sighed sweetly.

Bilbo took a turn with Kili's hair and had to pause twice to finish. The sensation of touching Kili was making him tingle all the way up his arms. He did not seem alone--Kili was fighting back moans like Bilbo was licking his prick, not washing his hair. When at last he rinsed, Kili seized Bilbo and kissed him hard. Just as quickly, he pushed him away.

Blinking in confusion, Kili asked, "Did you _feel_ that?"  
Bilbo raised a hand to his lips. "It felt like we were, like my tongue was my, as though we were-"  
"Fucking," Kili finished.  
"Kee, what is in that wine? Do you know?"  
"No, she just said it was special and that her partner was very selective about to whom it was sold. She said it is very sought after."  
" _Lovers' Wine_ ," Bilbo said. It made sense now. "I can see why it is in such high demand. It has made us both incredibly sensitive. Every time we touch each other, I feel like I do when you are stroking my cock."  
"If regular touch feels like this, what _does_ it do when I truly stroke your cock?" Kili murmured dangerously.

He reached out, wrapping his fingers around Bilbo's length and giving it a pump. Bilbo sucked in a quick breath and exhaled, " _Fuck_ ," drawing it out in a long growl.  
Kili grinned impishly and went to move again but Bilbo stayed his forearm. "I might come."  
"Right now?" Kili said, incredulous.  
"Right now."  
"That's _some_ wine! Okay. We are going to need a plan, then."

It was decided that they would get out of the bath separately to dry off. Kili insisted they each finish their glass of wine, though Bilbo was more reticent.

"I already feel like I'm about to go mad with pleasure," Bilbo protested.  
"Yes," Kili replied, eyes sparkling with mischief, "and just imagine how much better it will be when we are properly dosed!"

Bilbo eyeballed Kili, wondering if there was not a little Took blood in him somewhere. Ignoring his own inner Baggins, he dutifully drained his glass before being the first out of the bath. It seemed it was not only another person's touch that sent shivers through Bilbo. Rubbing his arms vigorously with his towel brought Bilbo to his knees, groaning. Kili leaped out of the bath in concern.

"Are you hurt?" he asked.  
Bilbo closed his eyes and shook his head. "Far from, but drying off is a problem."  
Kili experimentally toweled at his hair to lessen the drips and quivered at the pure delight that shot down his neck. " _Oh!_ "  
"I wish I knew of this wine when I was a bachelor," Bilbo joked in a voice most unsteady. "Nights alone would have been much more eventful."  
Kili laughed.

Bilbo stayed on his knees a moment, looking up at Kili through his dripping hair while the moisture on Kili's own body was left to evaporate. The absurdity of the situation struck him and he enjoyed what was going to be (unbeknownst to him) one of the last moments of true clarity he would have for the next few hours. Here they were, sensation drunk on some drugged elvish wine that made even the simplest of touches shoot erotic tingles across their skin. Out of all the problems Bilbo had seen since leaving Bag End, this likely had to be one of the very best. He stood and held out a hand for Kili.

"What are we going to do?" Kili asked.  
"I believe we are going to wreck each other," Bilbo replied.  
Kili smiled his brightest smile. "Sounds good!"

The simple act of taking Bilbo's hand made Kili purr from how good it felt, while scooting his body across the bed made him whimper and breathe faster. Once Bilbo climbed over to lick his pierced nipple, Kili did not recognize the sounds coming from his own mouth. He pulled Bilbo up to kiss him, managing to hold on for a few moments before abruptly pushing him away.

"Bee, I-I can't handle kissing you right now. It feels _too good_. Fuck, this wine is a curse as well as a blessing," Kili said.  
"I think you need to come," Bilbo murmured.  
"So soon?" Kili whined.  
"We've proven that we're pretty resilient, so I don't think it would end our evening. I think if you and I are this aroused, maybe getting off could diffuse it a bit."  
"It has nothing to do with the fact that you want me to come hard for you," Kili deadpanned.  
Bilbo smirked. "Of course not, and even less to do with the fact that I'm about to climb out of my skin, myself."  
"Okay. As long as we are being selfless, I'd like to selflessly request to feel you inside me."  
Bilbo groaned in desire and rested his head on Kili's breastbone.  
"Can you imagine what that is going to feel like?" Kili asked in breathless anticipation.  
Bilbo reached for some oil. "In a few moments, I won't have to imagine."

Bilbo rubbed a slick digit around Kili's entrance. Kili's breaths were coming in short gasps from that alone. Bilbo pushed in to the root, forcing a moan from both of them at the sensation. Kili seized a pillow and held it to his face. Kili's muscle was not resisting, so Bilbo slipped another finger in without moving the first. Kili bucked into him and shouted into his pillow. Bilbo rocked his fingers inside and licked Kili from his stones to his tip. Kili pulled down the pillow long enough to croak, "I can't hold it," already spilling by the time Bilbo's tongue reached the head. Bilbo closed his mouth around it to swallow the rest while Kili bucked and screamed. Well after Kili stopped spurting into Bilbo's mouth, he was still contracting around BIlbo's fingers and shouting himself hoarse. When he finally ceased, he pulled the pillow away so he could catch a proper breath.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I couldn't help it," Kili apologized.  
"It is fine."  
"I wanted so badly to last until you were at least inside."  
"It hit you so hard, I don't know how you managed for as long as you did. I know your arse has to be even more sensitive than your mouth," Bilbo soothed him.  
"You don't even know. Bee, you _have_ to feel this. Fuck, I didn't think I'd ever stop coming," Kili sighed.  
"It seemed to go on for a while," Bilbo agreed.  
"Definitely a new experience for me. Time for you to have it, too. I think I'm ready enough to take you in."  
Bilbo slicked himself, nearly finishing in his own hand. "I do not expect I will last much longer, myself."

Easing in and out, Bilbo was only halfway sunken into his lover when he felt the tension start to break within him. "Kili!" he shouted. Kili dug his heels into Bilbo's backside and pulled him in the rest of the way. Bilbo pitched forward and bit Kili's shoulder, groaning and gurgling sounds that seemed to him more animal than hobbit. The sensation of orgasm took many moments to subside. Barely holding himself up, Bilbo gazed at Kili through bleary eyes.

"Incredible," Bilbo said.  
Kili rolled his hips, pushing Bilbo further inside him. "Don't stop," he panted.  
Bilbo glanced down. "You're hard again."  
"It never stopped being hard," Kili said. "and I want more."  
Bilbo furrowed his brow. "Now that you mention it, I just had the sort of orgasm that would probably kill me were I ten years older and I still want you terribly."  
"Lovers' wine?" Kili asked.  
Bilbo shrugged. "Lovers' wine," he said.

Bilbo moved within Kili, secretly loving how it felt to slide in his own seed. The sensations were every bit as vivid and as deliciously difficult to bear as they had been, but the edge of urgency seemed to have been a bit dulled by climax. At any rate, Bilbo was able to get a few strokes in this time. He was determined to get a good kiss, too. Locking his lips on Kili's, he licked into Kili's mouth with the same rhythm that he was pumping into his arse, grunting and moaning in the near torture of the pleasure he was feeling at both ends.

Kili broke away, gasping. "Coming. Fuck, I'm going to--"  
Kili threw back his head to cry out and Bilbo clapped a hand over his mouth, hoping to contain it. Hands scrabbling over his back and the feeling of Kili going wild beneath him was all Bilbo could take before he joined him in ecstasy. The two of them shuddered together through the lengthy pulse of wine-aided release.

"You know," Kili panted, "I don't see what the point of muffling me is when you're wailing loud enough to wake the dead."  
"Shush, you," Bilbo said, letting himself collapse on Kili's chest.

They lay still for several moments, each needing to catch their breath and slow their blood before going back to the crazed sensitivity of touch. Bilbo listened to Kili's heart beating rapidly in his chest. He could see Kili's hand resting on the bed, mithril ring brightly visible even in the sparse moonlight streaming into their room. He closed his eyes and reveled in this moment of blissful tenderness.

"Bee?" Kili spoke after a bit, breaking the silence.  
"Hmmm?"  
"Are you still hard, too?"

Bilbo pushed back up on his knees. Twice finishing and laying peacefully should have somewhat damped their lust, but they were both incredibly _ready_. Bilbo's curious expression met Kili's.

"My turn to be inside you?" Kili said with a hint of a shrug and a devilish smile.  
Bilbo licked his lips. "It would only be fair, after all."

 

*****

Already past their previously highest number of most orgasms in a night with no sign of their erections flagging, Bilbo propped up on an arm to look at Kili.

"How long do you think the effects of the wine will last?" he panted.  
Kili waggled his eyebrows at him. "We still have half a bottle."  
Bilbo fell back on the pillow with a soft "whoosh."  
"Send my best wishes to my next of kin," he said.

 

*****

Bottle drained to the last drop (which Kili licked from Bilbo's skin), the pair were now tipsy on top of being drugged by whatever aphrodisiac was in their drink. The extreme pleasure and subsequent orgasms had numbed Bilbo and Kili to a degree. The feeling was still beyond their comprehension but they had blessedly more time in between finishes. Now there was enough time for sex-driven delirium and the unique delights that come when the body, mind, and heart are driven past known limits.

Kili moaned as he nuzzled and sucked BIlbo's neck.  
"Mine, mine, you're so fucking mine," He growled.  
Bilbo shuddered at the sensation. "How yours am I?"

Kili pushed Bilbo's thighs back and slid easily inside him to punctuate his point, the way made more than slick by Kili's own semen. The two of them both keened from the intensity.  
  
"Everyone is going to hear this if they haven't heard already. I have no control to quiet myself," Bilbo said helplessly.  
"Tonight, I don't care. You are mine and I'm wearing your ring. I'd claim you in front of all of Rivendell if it would not get us kicked out."  
Bilbo clutched into Kili's back and groaned.  
Kili hummed in delight. "You would love it."  
"I would," Bilbo panted.  
"All our new friends, Fee and Bo...oh, _especially_ Fee and Bo. You'd like to show them how lucky I am, wouldn't you?"  
"As much as you would," Bilbo murmured.  
Kili's head spun with this wine-aided intensity.  
"I would," Kili confessed, voice raspy. "I would take you from behind so they could see you, holding your hands behind your back so you could not finish yourself. They would watch as you got closer and closer, moaning and squirming, begging for release. Maybe they would take pity on you and help you."  
Kili bit Bilbo's ear before he whispered, "I would _let_ them help you, too. I would let them touch you."  
"I wouldn't let them touch _you_ ," Bilbo said defiantly.  
Kili laughed and pinned Bilbo's wrists to the bed on either side of the hobbit's head. "Oh, I'll be fucking you, so I'll be getting mine, but poor Bilbo! So hard, so needy. In whose mouth would you like to come, my jewel? Who will be wrapping their lips around that cock? Bo or Fee? You know they would be gagging for it."

Bilbo struggled, not against Kili's grip itself but against this torturous, inescapable pleasure from the wine coupled with the erotic images Kili was putting in his head. Kili licked Bilbo's lips, pushing his way inside. He could only stand the feeling a few moments before he had to stop.

"You would want Bo, wouldn't you? It would be fitting to be him, I think. I'd even let your arms go so you could grab his hair, making sure he didn't miss a drop. But don't worry about Fee. Bo could kiss him and share it as long as he wasn't too greedy. They could have their little taste, their taste of what I do to you--what no one else gets to do to you. Not even _Thorin_ has taken you the places I have," Kili said darkly.  
"No one makes me feel the way you do," Bilbo said, wine-haze blinding him to Kili's change of mood.  
"I'd fuck you in front of Thorin, too. Him most of all."

Bilbo hated the part of himself that made him arch up in pleasure at the mere thought.

"I would pull all your most beautiful sounds from you," Kili promised. "I'd show him. Show you, too. Oh yes, you'd know once and for all. Perhaps you would care to compare us? Do you want to fuck him? Do you want to show him what we've learned together?"  
"Only for you--only if you were there, too. Only if you wanted it," Bilbo choked between moans.  
"But you want it, too, don't you? You have to miss him, your bond _has_ to ache. You want to feel him again, to compare the feeling now that you've had another lover, now that you've had _me_. Don't you?"

A rational corner of Bilbo's mind knew these were paths too dark to tread with Kili drunk, emotional, and lacking inhibitions. Unfortunately, that corner was currently flooded with wine. Instead, the more erotic Kili's talk, the fuzzier Bilbo's head became until he was lost along with Kili.

"Yes," Bilbo replied, breathless and dizzy. "I want to fuck you both. I want to know what it feels like to have both bonds roar to life beneath my skin. I want to show Thorin how good you've made me and then I want you to show Thorin exactly to whom I belong."  
"You're as brilliant as you are beautiful, do you know that? Go ahead, Bilbo, fuck him."

Bilbo was temporarily shaken. It seemed as though Kili was almost hallucinating. Bilbo's lucidity was only momentary, though. When Kili spoke again, Bilbo slipped back into the fog with him.

"I'm going to fuck you while you give him what he wants," Kili said. "You'll have him wrapped around your prick and me deep inside you. I'll show him how it should be done, show him how you should be taken. I'll show him so he _feels_ it. I'll push you into him the way you love it."

Bilbo was past words at this point. His nerves, the wine, his brain, Kili's voice--it was all culminating in an agonizing tension in his abdomen, one that seemed as though it couldn't pull any tighter.

"You know deep down that you could fuck him all he wanted and you would still be mine. You are mine and I am yours, down to our souls."

Kili was in two places at once. Bilbo was under him, squeezing him, and the pleasure was nigh unbearable. When he closed his eyes, Bilbo was also in front of him, making love to Thorin with Kili in full control of them both. The vision filled him with hatred...and passion.

"I'll let him have the last, exquisite pleasure of coming with you inside him before I pull you back and finish you myself. He'll see--you'll both see--that I fuck you better, love you more, make you come harder. I'll do it so well," he promised, nearly in a sob.

Bilbo guttered deep from his throat, trembling as every muscle in his body tightened. He managed to whisper, "Only you," before orgasm ripped through him, as lengthy and bone-shaking as the rest.

Kili had barely been holding himself together. Bilbo's climax was more than he could fight. He screamed and surged forward, twitching and gasping for several moments. Kili collapsed against Bilbo when he finished.

"So well, I'll do it so well," he was still whispering.

 

*****

With kisses, whispers, and many, many declarations of love, Bilbo managed to coax Kili back from the darker, more fearful corners of his psyche. Encouraging Kili to sit atop him as Bilbo claimed him again, the mood grew lighter as Bilbo reduced them both to jelly and fits of giggles at the same time. Their final climaxes were no less intense than those that preceded them, but they were joined this time by some discomfort as well. Their bodies could no longer be fooled by the drug within their wine--they had reached the absolute peak of their physical limits.

It was the latest of the dark hours before the sky would gradually lighten ahead of dawn. Bilbo and Kili were spent, sore, and had nothing more than a drop or a dribble left when they reached orgasm. Bilbo said they would wreck each other and they had accomplished that end to great effect. Finally, at long last, their cocks softened and their nerve endings relented enough that they could bear to cuddle each other into slumber.

"We should have saved that bottle for our wedding night," Kili said hazily, half on his way to sleep.  
"What a night that would have been, but how were we to know? No," Bilbo sighed happily, "I think having it on the night of our second betrothal, exchanging our rings in the glory of Rivendell and coming back to this lovely room to fuck each other half-blind was a fine, fine use of it."  
Kili couldn't help but giggle at Bilbo's poetically vulgar sentiment. "I cannot wait to be your husband, Bee."  
"Neither can I," Bilbo yawned. "I mean yours. I mean for you to be mine. Husband. Bah, you know what I mean."

In moments, they were both sound asleep.

 

*****

_Bilbo stood naked in the moonlight beneath the grandest waterfall in Rivendell. It poured into a clear pool, deeper than Bilbo was tall. There seemed to be a grass and flower grotto behind it, one that Bilbo did not recall seeing before. Bilbo heard his name over the fall of the water. Kili stood naked a few paces away, tinged an ethereal pale blue by the light of the moon._

_"What are doing down here with no clothes?" Kili asked._  
 _"I could ask the same."_  
 _Kili grinned. "Waiting for you, I suppose."_

_Kili wrapped his arms around Bilbo and kissed him deeply. Bilbo felt like he was floating. He tangled his hands in Kili's hair, flicking his tongue in and out of his mouth. He felt Kili's hands grip his shoulders and smooth down his arms. When they parted, Kili said, "Look!"_

_Bilbo's lips and skin glowed bright, pale, white-blue in finger-paths wherever Kili touched him, as though his skin was merely dust on the moon. Kili's mouth glowed from their kiss. Bilbo ran a hand down Kili's chest and discovered he was similarly affected in body. Kili grinned impishly and circled a finger around the head of Bilbo's prick, making it glow._

_"I want you," Kili whispered._  
 _Bilbo glanced around as though they could be surrounded by elves at any moment._  
 _"Where?" he asked._  
 _"Behind the waterfall," Kili said, leading Bilbo by the hand._  
 _Bilbo stopped, pulling their arms taut. "I can't. The pool is too deep."_  
 _Kili let Bilbo's hand go and eased into the pool. He turned to him and held out a hand. "I won't let you go under. I promise, I'll hold you up."_

_Bilbo scooted into the water and Kili's arms. Joyfully, he discovered he was able to float, making it easier for Kili to help him to the other side._

_"I'll always hold you up," Kili whispered into Bilbo's ear._

_They ducked past the waterfall and Kili laid Bilbo on the grass. He licked and nibbled Bilbo's damp skin, pausing a moment to worship the piercing Bilbo put in just for him. His kisses formed an illuminated trail of affection across Bilbo's torso. Kili giggled while using a finger to write his name across Bilbo's thigh. Also laughing, Bilbo wrote his name on Kili's cock. Kili's giggles turned to moans as Bilbo's fingers wrapped around him and stroked. Still holding Kili, Bilbo rolled him onto his back and moved to suck a claiming mark into his neck. It was also shining brightly. Kili grasped Bilbo's hand that wore his ring, threading his fingers through it and gazing at it lovingly._

_"Mark me again," Kili said meaningfully, shifting his gaze to Bilbo's._

_Bilbo reached between Kili's legs and felt it slick. It did not occur to him to question it. Kili spread his legs wider and Bilbo pressed against his opening. He fully sank inside. Kili whispered Bilbo's name as he began to move._

_Bilbo was lost in the beauty and utter bliss of coupling with Kili behind a waterfall, in the moonlight, on such soft grasses and surrounded by fragrant blooms. Kili sighed and undulated beneath him, hands painting beautiful designs all over Bilbo's body in their passion. Bilbo did not know how long they went like that, simply wrapped up in each other, before desire tugged at them more urgently. Kili wrapped his arms and legs around Bilbo and rolled him onto his back. When Kili sat up, still impaled on Bilbo's cock, there was nearly no part of him left untouched by Bilbo's lips, hands, or body. He glowed like a creature of light._

_Kili traced around Bilbo's navel with a finger tip, traveling upward with his eyes until they locked with Bilbo's. "You are the most breathtaking creature I have ever beheld," Kili whispered.  
Bilbo reached out a hand. "No, you are."_

_Kili took Bilbo's hand to kiss it. His expression changed from sweet to lustful as he increased the speed at which he rose and fell on Bilbo. His whimpers grew to moans. Bilbo shifted his hips and pushed back, making Kili cry out louder._

_"That's it, right there," Kili panted._

_The two of them moved together, Bilbo getting closer to his finish as Kili was falling to pieces above him. Kili cried out, fell forward on his hands, and spurted his release across Bilbo's stomach. Bilbo watched in an odd detached wonder as Kili spilled and spilled, still moving on his prick. Kili pressed against him and began to sink beneath his skin, still gasping in pleasure and calling Bilbo's name. It was only when Kili disappeared fully inside Bilbo that the hobbit came, too. He wailed, his voice chorded with Kili's. He exhaled after, but his sigh was Kili's alone. He felt two hearts beat against his breastbone, one ever so slightly behind the other._

_"Kili?" Bilbo said._  
 _He felt Kili's giggle from within him._  
 _"Bilbo," Kili said from inside his head._

_Bilbo sat up._

*****

Looking around, Bilbo was in bed. It was still dark, he was still sticky and sore from their night (perhaps a few drops stickier than when he went to sleep), and Kili was beside him, blinking his lovely brown eyes.

"Did I wake you?" Bilbo asked.  
"No, I think I woke up on my own from a dream. Did you have a nightmare?"  
Bilbo smiled. "No, I just had an intense dream. It was beautiful, though. You and I were down by the big waterfall, naked. Wherever we touched each other, our skin would glow. You wanted to make love behind the waterfall, but I was afraid, so-"  
"-I got in the pool and helped you over. You were afraid but I promised I'd always hold you up. You made love to me and I faded into you when I came, like that dream that you had the night you decided to consummate our bond."  
Bilbo's eyes grew wide. "Yes, exactly! Kili, were...were you in my dream?"  
"Or you were in mine. I've always loved the idea of the dream you had that night, so it might have been my fault we melted together."  
"That was the most incredible part. I _felt_ it, Kee. I felt you wholly inside me."  
"I felt you, too. I even felt the orgasm--both yours and mine."  
Bilbo embraced Kili and kissed him. "The whole dream, it was simply beautiful."  
Kili held Bilbo and sighed happily. "Mahal, that was _some wine_ ," he repeated.  
Bilbo could not help but chuckle.

 

*****

Kili and Bilbo could barely rise from bed when they awoke in the brightness of morning. Though it was not a traditional case of the day-afters, the effects of the vigorous night before could be felt from head to toe. Between the sore muscles, depleted resources, and parts overused, Kili and Bilbo were moving slowly and wincing frequently. Cleaning up and getting dressed were seemingly monumental tasks.

"I think I'm more sore than I was after the battle," Kili groused.  
"If your bum and stones hurt like this after the battle, you and I might have to have a little talk," Bilbo joked.  
"Don't make me laugh! It hurts!"  
BIlbo groaned. "I do not think I have a drop of liquid left in my body after last night."  
"Or food," Kili said.  
"Want breakfast?"  
" _Yes_."

Kili almost wished for a traditional hangover, complete with lost memories. He remembered everything, including things that embarrassed him now that his right mind had returned. Mahal, some of the things he had said! Walking (slowly) to breakfast, he decided to get it out in the open before it had a chance to fester.

"Um, Bee? How much do you remember about last night?"

 _All of it,_ Bilbo thought. He debated the merits of fibbing to avoid the grittier subject matter, but chose against it.  
"For as foggy as I felt at the time, my memories are pretty clear," Bilbo admitted.  
"Look, I said some things. Crazy things. Things that I don't necessarily want. They just--just sort of, uh, came out once I was worn thin."  
Bilbo reached out for Kili's hand and took it. "If ever there was a defining case for the phrase 'heat of the moment,' I'm pretty sure that was it. Our history with Thorin has left you with demons hiding in deep places. I hate my part in giving them a home, but I'll do what I can to banish them."  
"You share my bed. I'll share Bag End and your name. We're on our way to sharing our lives. More of my fears fall away every day. I do not wake up worrying that you may decide to go back to him, anymore. I think last night was an exorcism of sorts, but I do not think I'll ever tire of hearing I'm your best."

BIlbo stopped walking and slipped his arms around Kili's neck.

"Kee, you _are_ my best. You never stop amazing me, pleasing me, loving me like a force of nature. I did not know I could love anyone this much."  
"So all those things I said?"  
"No worse than the things I said."  
Kili hugged Bilbo. "You always make me feel better. I love you."

They kissed tenderly before continuing on their way. A few moments later, Kili began to titter.  
"What?" Bilbo asked.  
"Durin's Beard, what a _night._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much!!


	100. ...And Back Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From Rivendell to the Shire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We cover a few weeks and some distance here. It is similar to a road-tales chapter, bookended with the two locations and a giant helping of smutty mcsmutness in the middle. I did not want to split them because I loved the idea of ending this section of the fic right at 100 chapters. Such a nice, round number. 
> 
> Warning: there is a scene teetering on the very fringes of Durincest--Fili and Kili naked with their lovers, a small instance of finger sucking--so if that is a trigger or a squick for you, be forewarned.
> 
> I took the liberty of a small amount of book quoting in a couple spots, including Bilbo's song at the end.

Bilbo was content that his time in Rivendell was well-spent. He was able to send out missives and begin arrangements for his impending return and marriage. He also worked on his elvish, wrote verse, got to know some of the elves, and enjoyed his time in this valley of legend with Fili, Bofur, and especially Kili. Weariness fell from him soon in that house, and he had many a merry jest and dance, early and late, with all his friends old and new. Yet even that place could not long delay him now, and he thought always of his own home. By early July, Bilbo was thinking he was ready to head toward the Shire. He had hoped to reach home by August with at least a month to spare ahead of the wedding, preferably at least two weeks before their out of town guests began to arrive.

Bofur, Fili, and Kili were not idle in Rivendell, either. Bofur found like minds with whom to pool knowledge and crafted some toys for the children who would no doubt be attending Bilbo's wedding. Bilbo was shy about the request at first, but Bofur was thrilled to have an opportunity to endear himself to those among whom he would soon be living. For his part, Fili paid special mind to learning the customs and etiquette expected of elves. The more he learned, the more ashamed he was of their prior behavior the year before. As Crown Prince and one day King, Fili promised himself to make amends for the past by making the most of any future dealings he had, not only with elves, but with men, hobbits, and dwarrows alike. Kili was all over the valley, both with Bilbo as well as his friends. He was earning a reputation as an archer that rivaled even their best. He did not have elvish speed, but his accuracy was a marvel. He finally realized his dream of owning an elvish bow...as a personal gift from the Captain of the Bow Guard! It had been specifically built to the specifics of his form and height. He was incredibly proud.

They all spent some time learning better Sindarin, Kili taking some lessons to plan a special surprise for Bilbo.

With Elrond's leave, Estel took many meals and spent a fair amount of his leisure hours with the visitors. Although he was well-liked by them all, Bilbo and Bofur had a particular affinity for the boy. He had a keen interest in language, songs, and history, giving them quite a bit to discuss. He was also endlessly fascinated with the story of the trip to the mountain--particularly the parts with Smaug. He requested Bofur and Bilbo recount the tale over a half dozen times. Bofur and Bilbo would take turns voicing Smaug, to Estel's delight. They always pushed him to select a favorite, but the boy was smart enough to never tell. So great was his fascination with Smaug that Bofur made him a dragon with moving wings. It was originally built to glide when thrown but Bofur had given it too many metal details. Every few tries, they could manage it to fly but not very far. Estel did not mind in the least.

 

 

*****

Bilbo, Kili, Fili, and Bofur splashed about in the swimming area one particularly hot day. Kili and Bofur were determined to teach Bilbo how to swim.

Bofur and Kili were holding Bilbo flat on his back in water shallow enough to stand. Bilbo was glad they had kept their unders on, or it could have been more embarrassing than it already was. Having all those hands on his body was only just short of giving him an erection. For once, he was thankful for his nervousness of water.

"Just relax your body and you'll float," Bofur said.

They released him and he sank straight down. He stood, spluttering. It seemed no matter how they held him, the moment he was released, down he went. They flipped him over and tried to teach him to paddle, which had very limited success. Even with the motion, the moment he paused any but the most vigorous thrashing, he went down--back end first.

"Must be the feet," Bofur concluded jovially.

 

 

*****

Fili finally plucked up his courage to approach Elrond about a matter that had been weighing on his mind.

He bowed deeply and said, "Lord Elrond, you are well-liked among all the peoples of Middle Earth. As I've seen with my own eyes, your reputation of being a generous and just leader is greatly deserved. I know you have matters of your own to oversee and concerns greater than the needs of dwarrows, but I would be grateful for any advice or lessons of diplomacy you could share."  
Elrond smiled fondly. "A dwarf would ask an elf about such things?"  
Fili shifted nervously. "I know our first meeting was ungracious at best and that is precisely why I would welcome your counsel. If I am to be a king worthy of the crown, or even should I remain prince and ambassador, it is my wish to reach out to all people for the greater good. I am proud to be a dwarf and prouder still that we've been able to seize Erebor back from the shadows of legend, but if there is no change in our future, we may be doomed to repeat mistakes of the past."  
Elrond did not answer immediately, and in his nervousness Fili began to ramble, "Not that the matters of Erebor are your particular concern, of course."  
"Not my concern? Middle Earth will have grown large indeed if I could afford to spare allies! I welcome open communication between our people and our realms. Although Thorin may not appreciate you making such overtures in Erebor's name, I see in you a different manner of leader, the type of leader that the East may sorely need in time yet to come. I would be pleased to share some guidelines with you that have served me well, but that you see the need and benefit of the peoples of this world working together...well, you are already well on your way to be coming a fine diplomat and leader."  
Fili smiled and tried not to blush from the praise.

 

 

*****

The morning they were to leave, Elrond requested to speak to Gandalf in private.  
"We need to talk about Bilbo. I have had a disturbing vision," Elrond said.  
"Does it have to do with his ring?"  
Elrond shook his head solemnly.  
"No," he said.

 

*****

Bilbo and his small company at last said farewell to Elrond, Estel, and all their new friends, giving them such small gifts as they would accept. Elrond did not expect to attend the wedding but sent along a gift of as many bottles of Rivendell-made wine as could fit in the wagon without ousting a passenger. Bilbo was especially given a carved box with delicate red handkerchiefs folded within. Elrond had laughed the loudest when the story was told of how Bilbo was going to turn Thorin's entire caravan around because he had forgotten one. As a gesture of goodwill, Elrond also gifted Fili with a small, ornate dagger that had been with him since the First Age.

"We shall cut away the bitterness of the past and move forward as allies," Elrond said.  
Fili bowed deeply. "This means the world to me, my lord, and it will mean much to my people. I will take the stories of your kindnesses wherever I go and all shall know that elves and dwarrows need not be at odds."  
Bofur also bowed. "I will write the songs for him and teach them to both the young and the old."  
Elrond inclined his head in thanks. "That is more than I would ask. I thank you both."

Nîfon had a gift for Kili: a bottle of Lover's Wine (carefully wrapped for the road) to be stashed away until they were wed. 

Estel presented them with gifts of his own. He had composed a few verses about their time in Rivendell and carefully lettered them out on paper. He handed one to Bilbo and one to Bofur.

"One for each of your libraries," Estel said.  
Bofur replied teasingly, "But perhaps we four shall live together?"  
"Not always, not when you and Fili get married," Estel reasoned.  
Bofur glanced at Fili, almost blushing. Fili winked back at him.  
"You are right. When Bofur and I get married, we'll be happy to have one of our own," Fili said.  
Estel grinned proudly. Bofur _did_ blush, now.

Elrond crouched to Bilbo's height. For the first time that Bilbo had seen, Elrond seemed to genuinely struggle with what he was going to say.  
He said at last, "Never forget that the burden of your destiny affects more than yourself, Bilbo. When times seem bleak, hold on to hope. You are loved by many."

Bilbo embraced Elrond tightly in response, to the elf's surprise. He returned the hug with an awkward smile. Kili couldn't help smiling, too, for he was sure such an honored and storied elf leader did not receive many surprise, boisterous hugs.

More hugs, tears, and promises to write were shared all around before the three dwarrows and Bilbo finally rode away with Gandalf. Even as they left the valley the sky darkened in the West before them, and wind and rain came up to meet them.

"At least it is warm summer rain," said Bilbo, as the rain beat into his face. "But our back is to legends and we are coming home."  
"There is a long road yet," Gandalf cautioned.  
"But it is the last road," said Bilbo.

With no need of shortcuts and special paths, some of the sights began to seem familiar to Bilbo. At each point on the road Bilbo recalled the happenings and the words of a year ago and then some, amazed at how much had changed for them all.

 

 

*****

Thain Isumbras Took received a curious bundle of letters and packages, allegedly from one Bilbo Baggins. Rumor had it that he disappeared a year ago April, last seen running at breakneck speed across Hobbiton and hollering about adventure. It had been assumed that he had met an unfortunate end after months had passed without a word. Isumbras felt a chill run up his back. It was as though a spirit had sent him mail.

Reading the missives, he was shocked by what they contained. Bilbo was now a royal ambassador of Erebor-- _Erebor!_ \--and would be returning home with three dwarves, two of them princes, and one of whom he was to marry in the Shire in the fall. A _male_ dwarf. Although such unions were not unheard of--many hobbits explored both sexes in their tweens--marriage was not as common. Most hobbits wished to gain children from their marital unions. And Bilbo was to marry outside their race! Well, Bilbo Baggins was also part Took, after all. Leave it to him to do things his own way. Perhaps to some of the other hobbits, his Tookish blood made him peculiar from the get-go. For Isumbras, he smiled to himself and thought of how much Bilbo reminded him of Belladonna.

"My, my, my...he certainly _found_ his adventure, didn't he?" he said to himself.

In addition to informing him that dwarves from Ered Luin would be making the journey back toward their lost homeland in the East, the other letters were full of queries, orders, and demands. Bilbo would not be back in enough time to make arrangements for his upcoming nuptials and had requested various orders be made on his behalf. One of the heavier bundles revealed a pouch of gold to cover initial expenses. Bilbo went on to request that since no one was at Bag End to take deliveries from far and near, perhaps Isumbras would be so kind as to receive them on his behalf.

_No one at Bag End._

"Oh merciful Eru!" he cried in horror. Grubb, Grubb, and Burrowes were due to hold an auction at Bag End in less than a week to auction off the effects of the late Bilbo Baggins Esquire, for he was indeed presumed quite dead. Bilbo, the princes, and maybe even the King Of Erebor would have the hair off his feet if Bilbo returned expecting a wedding, only to find he had no home at all!

He ran out the door and down the path with a quickness that would impress a rabbit.

 

 

*****

Fili and Bofur approached Bilbo one day after a lunch break on the road. It was a rare moment they were able to find him without Kili close by, and they wanted a question answered by the hobbit alone.

"So, Kili tells us you are going to commission a new bed when we get to Bag End," Fili said.  
"Yes," Bilbo replied. "Beorn's and Rivendell have certainly spoiled me, I think."  
"I do not know much about hobbit customs and all that, but Bo and I were talking and we were wondering if it would be appropriate for us to craft one for you as a wedding gift?"  
"What? Really?" Bilbo cried.  
Bofur mistook Bilbo's excitement for shock and explained, "Fili and I are no stranger to woodworking and I'm particularly good with details. I promise you it would be a very nice bed."  
"It is going to be the most amazing piece of furniture in the whole of the Shire!" Bilbo said, hugging Bofur and Fili both to him. "Oh, and Kee will be so happy! All my belongings are so hobbitish. What a lovely, lovely way to begin our life as marrieds! The two of you are so thoughtful."  
Fili and Bofur nearly blushed with the way Bilbo went on.

 

 

*****

A week out from Rivendell, it was time for Gandalf to go his own direction. Fili and Kili seemed pretty confident in where they were and where still to go, so Bilbo was not as terrified to see Gandalf go as he had been in times past. Still, he would miss the wizard's company. Gandalf took a last breakfast with them and Bilbo helped load up his horse with some provisions for his road.

Gandalf said, "I will see you in mid-September, in plenty of time for the wedding and a few feasts leading up to the day. Your road from here to the Shire should be fairly safe, but caution is always best exercised. Take care of each other."  
"We will," Fili promised.

Gandalf lowered himself to look into Bilbo's eyes. He was wearing an expression that the hobbit did not know how to read. He reached out a hand and gently cradled the back of Bilbo's head.

He said, "I once told someone very special that although I was afraid, you, Bilbo, gave me courage. Go forward now, my brave hobbit, and have the courage to live the life you want for yourself."  
With a shy smile at the praise, Bilbo said, "Thank you, Gandalf."

The wizard bid them farewell, climbing on his horse and riding south.

 

 

*****

By now, word of Bilbo's imminent return had spread throughout Hobbiton--indeed, most of the Shire--along with it rumors of all kinds. There was dour speculation about what sort of hobbit travels _East_ and returns home to willingly enter a childless marriage. Others, not at all keen to miss what was going to be the best party in generations, were much more charitable in their talk and hoped their kind words would make it back to Bilbo's ears. Messengers and wagons would visit the Thain every week and there was an even greater curiosity about these things. It was rumored that Old Gandalf was reportedly seen once or twice, though no one could agree upon exactly where or when. It was common rumor that Gandalf was the one who started all this adventure nonsense, for he had been seen traipsing down the path to Bag End with a group of dwarves the night before Bilbo's disappearance...and back _out_ of Hobbiton (with even more dwarves) the morning after.

Isumbras successfully intercepted the sale of Bilbo's property. Feeling some guilt for presuming Bilbo dead and nearly selling off everything dear to him, Isumbras also had the weeds pulled, bushes pruned, and a half-dozen other things done to Bag End to ready it for Bilbo's homecoming. If it happened to make him look good for the princes, so much the better.

 

 

*****

The fire was blazing, the night was clear, they were closer to the Shire than Rivendell, and Fili, Kili, Bofur, and Bilbo felt safe and happy. The beauty of Rivendell was behind them, but the end of hard journeying seemed just around the bend.

"Night like tonight, I'd love a nice mug of beer or three," Bofur said.  
Fili hummed in agreement.  
"Do you have good beer in the Shire, Bee?"  
Bilbo raised his eyebrows smugly. "Only the best West of Bree! Or better! Not as bitter or as watery as that nonsense we had in Lake Town."  
"And good pipe weed to go with, right?" Kili added, knowing of Bilbo's particular pride in that area.  
"Absolutely! So good that with all the expanse between here and Erebor, Gandalf would still talk about how he yearned for it...and you know Gandalf can get hold of just about anything!" Bilbo said.  
"Well, I'll be looking forward to a drink and a smoke, then," Bofur said with a sigh.  
"We'll stop in Bree and get a little of both, Bo," Bilbo promised. "I know for a fact that quite a lot of Shire food, weed, and drink go on wagon out to Bree on a regular basis."  
"We can have a drink now, if that's what you're on about," Kili said to Bo. "Elrond gave us all those bottles of wine for the wedding."  
Bilbo wagged his finger back and forth. "Oh, no you don't. That's for later."  
"Just a little, Bee? Please? It would be so nice," Kili begged.  
Bilbo looked at him from under his eyebrows. He tried to be resolute, but he rarely could deny Kili much of anything.  
"Two bottles and two bottles _only_ ," Bilbo relented, but sternly. "I want us to have some for our party."  
"Just two?" Kili asked, forlorn.

Fili was amused at how little it took to for Kili to break Bilbo's resolve. He knew that look of his brother's well, having many times fallen victim to it. It was hard to resist Kili's puppy eyes when he decided to turn on the sweetness. Bilbo needed someone on his side in this matter.

"Two bottles ought to be plenty," Fili soothed his brother. "We cannot be fully incapacitated out here in the woods, no matter how safe we might feel for the moment."  
"Aye, and elvish wine has a way of knocking me on my bum with surprisingly small amounts, comparatively speaking," Bofur added.

The first bottle was opened and went quickly.

"Speaking of being knocked on one's bum, you two should hear about this wine Nerithel gifted us," Kili said.  
Bilbo laughed. "Oh, applecores! Don't tell them _that_ story!"  
" _Absolutely_ tell us that story!" Bofur countered.  
"Wait, what sort of wine did she give you?" Fili asked.  
Bofur asked pointedly, "And why didn't _we_ have any?"  
"Because it was for us," Kili said. "Plus, it was only one bottle and by the time we had it figured out, we were too incapacitated to share the other half."  
"To say the least," Bilbo said.  
Fili's eyebrows shot up. "Incapacitated by only a half bottle between the two of you? Was it that strong?"

Tonight's wine buzzing under his skin and feeling a bit tingly remembering the boundless sex they had, Bilbo grinned impishly.  
"It was sex-drugged," he said.  
Bofur smirked. "Sex-drugged? What does that mean?"  
"Imagine every touch to your skin feeling like it does when you touch your cock," Bilbo replied.  
Bofur's jaw dropped. "Cor! You're having us on!"  
"He's serious, Bo. It confused us like mad at first. We were in the bath and couldn't even dry ourselves off without nearly coming," Kili said.  
"We didn't even get as far as actually having sex at first," Bilbo remembered fondly. "We both finished ridiculously fast. After that, it just happened over and over again."  
"Over and over again?" Fili asked, shocked. "How many times?"  
Kili shrugged. "Lost count. Whatever was in the wine kept us erect, though."  
Bilbo nodded. "Erect and coming until the wine itself wore off."  
"Pretty fantastic night, though," Kili said, casually taking another drink.

"You two," Bofur shook his head, smiling fondly. "I'm tight in my pants thanks to you."  
"Me too," Fili said.  
"So am I," Bilbo said.  
Kili just laughed and poured the last of the wine for them all.  
"To tight pants!" Kili raised his cup.  
"To tight pants!" The others said.  
"Up!" Kili said, drinking down his share.

"We've got some catching up to do, Fee. These two seem to be way ahead of us in the 'wild night' area," Bofur said.  
"Yes, what else don't we know about?" Fili asked, grinning wolfishly.  
"What do you mean?" Bilbo asked. "I think between us we've told you an awful lot over the past few months!"  
"What's one of the wilder things you've done?" Fili asked.  
Kili replied, "One night, Bilbo and I sucked each other off in Elrond's council chambers, overlooking the entire valley."  
Bofur almost choked. "You what?"  
"It felt great. Sort of like flying did when we were on the eagles, only with more semen," Kili laughed.  
Fili laughed, too, and threw a stick at Kili. "You liar!"  
"No, that is completely true," Bilbo said.  
FIli glanced at Bofur. "Catching up, indeed."

Bilbo licked his lips and shifted himself to sit more comfortably with his erection.

With a voice like silk, he said, "So, as long as we're stiff and talking about bedroom matters, what do you _wish_ you could do? What's your fantasy? Fee? Bo?"

Bofur looked around nervously. "You mean something I actually might do or something unattainable like, say, having sex with dragons?" _or kissing you,_ Bofur added silently.  
"Either, if you prefer. I was thinking of something more attainable, though."  
"Honestly, Fee and I are already experiencing things I did not think were actually possible, so I don't really know," Bofur hedged.  
"I like to watch," Fee said quietly.

Three heads whipped over to look at Fili in surprise.

"Did you just say you like to watch?" Kili asked.  
Fili glanced at the ground. "I know it sounds strange because you're my brother, but there's something about watching other people that is arousing."

Bofur was shocked Fili admitted it.

"You like to watch...us?" Bilbo asked.  
Fili nodded.  
Bilbo's cock twitched. He only knew of the one time. "When have you watched?"  
"You've done it outside your bedroom a few times, or have sneaked off for some mouth-play on the road. I'm sorry. I should have said something, or not watched at all. I'm ashamed."  
"Wow," Kili said.  
Bofur wasn't letting Fili go down by himself. "I watched, too. Seeing you two together, so loving but so sexual...I couldn't help myself. If you're going to be mad at Fee, be mad at me, too."  
"Whoa, nobody said anything about being mad," Kili said.

There was an embarrassed silence for a few moments.

"No one asked me what _my_ fantasy was," Bilbo said.  
Bofur looked Bilbo in the eyes. This was bound to be good and Bofur wasn't missing the opportunity.  
"What is your fantasy?" he asked.  
"I want to be watched. Kili and I both do," answered Bilbo.  
Fili looked surprised. "Are you serious?"  
"Yes," Kili said. "We knew you were watching once or twice. I also thought Thorin might be listening once in Erebor and I was relentless trying to make Bilbo scream for him."  
"You knew we saw you?" FIli asked, mortified.  
Kili replied, "We didn't want to embarrass you by saying anything, but yes."  
"So you don't mind?" Bofur asked.  
"Nope," Bilbo said. He reached over and ran a hand suggestively up Kili's thigh. "When you are imagining it, who is getting fucked? Is it Kee or is it me?"  
Bofur sucked in a breath. "You. Both are appealing, but-"  
He got too embarrassed to continue.  
"You've already said this much, Bo. May as well finish your thought," Bilbo said.  
Bofur closed his eyes, "You both make more noise when Bilbo is, ah, receiving."  
"Fee?" Kili asked.  
"No preference," Fili said.

Bilbo kissed Kili deeply and pulled his tunic over his head. Kili gazed into his eyes. Bilbo raised his eyebrows and Kili grinned and nodded.

Kili was undressing Bilbo when Fili asked, "What are you two doing?"  
"What does it look like?" Kili asked.  
"Durin's fucking beard," Bofur swore under his breath.  
"You're just going to...to..." Fili trailed off.  
"Oh, yes," Bilbo said seductively.  
"Let me unpack some oil before we get too far," Kili said.  
Bilbo glanced down. "Well, since you are the one still in trousers, maybe you'll do the crawling around in the wagon?"

Kili scampered off to find something slick. Bilbo looked at Bofur and Fili, both wearing expressions that were a mixture of shock and anticipation. Bilbo crossed his arms and pretended he wasn't standing there naked and hard.

"Well? Aren't you two going to take off your clothes?" he asked casually.  
"What? Us?" Fili said.  
"Yes, you! I imagine it is going to get cramped in those trousers...and I'd rather like a look. Besides, perhaps you will be aroused enough to please each other. I'll confess, I'd like a look at that, too."

Bofur shrugged at Fili and undressed. Fili hesitated for a moment but followed suit. They both had erections when they pulled down their pants.

Bilbo looked them over with interest. _Why not?_ he thought. _They'll certainly be looking their fill at me._ Bilbo found the tattoos down Bofur's legs very appealing by firelight. Fili had lovely metal rings that glinted through his nipple and navel, similar to his brother.

Kili returned with his treasure, dragging the bedroll closer to where Fili and Bofur were standing. He paused with one curious glance that Fili and Bofur were naked, then hummed as though it were no big deal and took off his own trousers. He grinned at Bilbo just before seizing him and kissing him soundly. Kili backed him around the fire to the bed roll. Kili dropped to his knees and took Bilbo into his mouth. Bilbo moaned. Bofur sat, Fili lowering to the ground to cuddle in behind him.

Fili felt a little odd seeing Kili like this, but watching Bilbo from such close range stirred his blood. He knew Bofur's mind had to be racing.

Bofur wondered if it was possible to be so aroused that one went numb. Watching Bilbo thread his fingers through Kili's hair and guide him while he sucked, hearing his sounds, watching Kili's mouth that looked remarkably like his brother's...well, Bofur would have easier believed Smaug gave children rides at the Spring fair before he would have believed he would have lived to see this up close.

Bilbo lowered himself to his knees and Kili tried to chase his cock with his mouth. Bilbo nudged him up and sucked Kili's bottom lip into his mouth while reaching down to stroke Kili's length. Bilbo continued to touch him while they kissed, breaking away to kiss Kili's neck. Kili sat back on his heels and Bilbo kissed lower. He paused to lick a circle around Kili's navel ring before moving it down to swirl around Kili's head. Getting more comfortable with the reality that Bofur and Fili were watching them--scant paces away, truly watching them with permission--Bilbo put on a show. He wanted to Fili and Bofur to envy them. He knew Kili would love that and, if he was being honest, his ego rather liked it as well. After several moments, Kili pushed Bilbo back to the ground and grinded up against him.

Bofur had been rubbing Fili's thigh as Bilbo made Kili groan with his skillful mouth. Fili rubbed his erection against Bofur's back and had sneaked a hand around to touch him. Bofur was still self-conscious and biting back moans, but he breathed harder as the moments passed.

Kili nuzzled BIlbo's ear. "Are you ready?" he whispered.  
Bilbo nodded.  
"How dirty does this get, my jewel?"  
Bilbo smiled and turned toward Kili's ear. "A full show, don't you think?"  
Kili looked into Bilbo's eyes and dropped a kiss to his lips. "Oh, I do think."

Fili and Bofur saw Bilbo and Kili talking but couldn't hear what they said. Fili was worried it had gotten too real for them. He worried needlessly.

Kili drew back on his knees and helped Bilbo up to his. They scooted to within arm's reach of the other couple.  
"Would you like to really hear him make some noise?" Kili asked.

Bofur could only nod.

Kili glanced between Fili and Bofur. He feared Fili might be feeling a little left out and chose to involve him on the next part before Bofur.

Kili pointed his finger close to Fili's mouth. "Suck."  
Fili looked at him oddly. "You want me to--um, that's weird?"  
Kili rolled his eyes. "This isn't for me. I want you to wet it so I can slide it in his bottom."  
Fili heard a deep rumble from Bofur's throat. Focusing on Bilbo's face, he did as he was told.

Bilbo was surprised that Kili was involving Fili like this, though he was not a bit sorry to be the recipient of that suggestive gaze as Fili sucked Kili's finger. It was obvious that Fili found something on which to focus besides the fact that it was Kili's. A wet finger pressed against his hole and the filthy reality hit him: he was getting fingered in front of Fili and Bofur with Fili's saliva wetting his hole. He moaned and threw his head back. Kili's free hand pressed against his jaw, encouraging his head back so they could kiss.

Fili was turning himself over to the experience now. Locking eyes with Bilbo and seeing the desire there--the desire to please, desire to be pleased--melted away any last bit of resistence he felt. Bilbo was fully exposed to them and the sight gave Fili new fantasies, fantasies he had not entertained before. He felt Bofur trembling in front of him.

Bofur was stunned when Kili offered his fingers to Fili and even more stunned when he figured out why. He watched Kili and Bilbo kiss, Bilbo's lovely throat elongated and exposed while his body was stretched taut. Bofur had a close look at Bilbo's navel ring as well as his erection, showing the first signs of wetness at the tip. He had seen Bilbo like this before from clandestine peeks, but being free to look his fill made him ache with want. Kili seemed to be taking on the role of being the master of this encounter and it suited him well. Bofur could not deny Kili was a sensual beauty, but Bilbo was the one in the pair who shot the most tingles up his spine.

Kili broke the kiss to glance over. "I think he needs another one."  
Kili pointed his middle finger at Bofur. "Would you like a go?"

Bofur shot a quick look back at Fili and received a nod in return. He leaned forward and locked his eyes to Bilbo's as he sucked Kili's finger suggestively. He could smell Bilbo's sex on Kili's hand.

"You should feel how amazing his tongue is, Bee," Kili murmured loud enough for the other couple to hear.

Taking it as an invitation, Bilbo reached up to touch Bofur's mouth just as Kili withdrew his hand. Eyes never wavering, Bofur captured Bilbo's digit in his mouth and ran his tongue under it. BIlbo's breath caught twice: first at the sensation of Bofur's mouth, second as Kili used Bofur's wetness to stretch him wider. Kili tipped Bilbo's head back again and Bilbo withdrew his finger from Bofur's lips.

"How does it feel to have Fee and Bo's spit in your hole?" Kili asked lasciviously.  
"Deliciously dirty," Bilbo replied.

Kili thumbed open Bilbo's mouth and snaked inside with his tongue, stretching his arse with the other hand.

Just as Bofur was fearing perhaps he had pushed Fili's kind patience too far by entertaining Bilbo's curiosity, Fili's lips touched his ear.

Whispering so only Bofur could hear, Fili said, "Look at Bilbo, displayed like that. Can you imagine the things you and I could do to him if Kee would let us? You could nibble his navel ring while I licked his stones. Mahal, what must his prick taste like? We could find out together. We could find out lots of things togther, running our lips and hands all over that sweet skin to find out what makes him moan. What would it take for us to get his cries to carry through walls?"

Bofur turned to look at Fili in surprise. Fili's eyes were darkened with lust. Bofur was only able to gaze at them for a moment before FIli crashed into him with a bruising kiss. A small "pop" disturbed them and they turned to find Kili pouring oil into his hand.

Kili braced an arm across Bilbo's chest as he reached in with three fingers. Bilbo panted and keened as he was readied. Kili looked up at Fili and winked before pressing into the spot that made Bilbo wail.

"So, what view do you want? Do you want to watch him stretch around my prick as I fuck his tight little hole or do you want to see his face when he comes?" Kili asked.  
Fili shook his head. " _Gods_ , Kee, when did your mouth get so filthy?"  
"When Bilbo taught me how fantastic it felt to fuck," Kili retorted.

Bofur shrugged at Fili as though that were a pretty fair reason.

"Maybe both ways, first one and then the other?" Bilbo suggested.

Fili and Bofur did not seem to have an answer, so Bilbo pushed Kili onto his back, slicked the dwarf's prick, and impaled himself. Fili and Bofur would be able to watch his bum as he rode Kili.

Bofur was still reeling from Fili's dirty suggestions about Bilbo when Bilbo sank down to to Kili's stones right in front of his eyes. Fili nudged him to lay back. Bofur turned his head so he could still watch Bilbo and felt a wet heat engulf his cock.

"Fuck, Fee," he moaned.

Bilbo turned his body so he could crane his head to see what was happening behind them.  
"What's going on?" Kili said between breaths.  
"Bo is getitng sucked. It looks so good."

Fili heard and grinned around Bofur's cock. He drew back and began to pull long licks up the shaft, giving Bilbo a similar show to the one he gave them. Just as Bofur was whimpering, Fili would take his full length back in and make him shout.

Bilbo turned back around and bent forward to kiss Kili.  
"You're missing out," Bilbo told him.  
Kili bucked into him hard. "I wouldn't say that, myself."  
Bilbo stroked his forehead. "The other half the show, I mean. Not fair if I'm the only one who can see it." He leaned in closer to whisper, "Unless it is bothering you that it is Fee?"  
Kili whispered back, "No. I'm having fun. It is driving me mad to show you off like this, to make you moan and get you wet. Thought I was going to burst when Bo sucked your finger. Thought he would, too."  
"Then let's move," Bilbo suggested.

Bofur was licking his way down Fili's torso when Kili and Bilbo shifted their position. Kili bent Bilbo over and slipped in behind him. If Kili pulled Bilbo upright, they would be about as close to the other couple as they were before. With Bilbo tipped forward on all fours, his face was half a pace away from Fili's hip.

Bilbo's eyes fluttered open and realized how close he was to Bofur's face and Fili's prick. "Um, hello," he said.  
Bofur slipped off Fili's prick and grinned. "Hello, yourself."

Kili began his stroking rhythm and Bilbo's attention was diverted.

Fili glanced over when Bofur stopped to say hello, seeing Bilbo being taken from behind. Bofur's mouth went back to work on him, driving him into a frenzy. Kili and Bilbo were breathing out sharp sounds with every thrust and Bofur's tongue was keeping pace with them. Fili couldn't stand it.

"Bo, I need to fuck you," Fili said urgently.  
Bofur climbed up his body. He noticed Fili had gotten a bit bolder once penetration was included in their bedroom activities, but he was still fairly private. "Are you sure?"  
"I want to bend you over and fuck you the way Kee is fucking Bee."  
Bofur paused just a moment to search Fili's face when Bilbo's voice croaked, "Please."  
Bofur and Fili both looked at him. Bilbo spoke again.  
"I want to watch him take you," he said.

Bofur hadn't been about to turn Fili down in the first place, but there was no way he would deny Bilbo's request on top of it.

"You had better fuck me well," Bofur teased. "We have an audience."

Bofur shifted to being upright on his knees with Fili behind him. Bilbo was reared back on his knees with Kili holding him around his middle, pumping him slowly while they watched.

Fili took a deep breath. He wasn't sure how to go about beginning this, but he suspected once things started going, they would sort themselves out easily. Fili thought Kili's idea of using the other couple to get Bilbo ready was erotic, so he decided to start there.

"Should we get a little help opening you up?" Fili purred in Bofur's ear.  
Bofur moaned.  
"Seems like a yes. Bee?"

Bilbo pitched forward dangerously close to Bofur's cock. He grabbed Fili's outstretched hand and gazed up into his eyes as he pulled a digit into his mouth. He pulled back and ran his tongue under the soft pad and sank down to the root again. Joining Fili's middle finger with the first, Bilbo shifted his gaze to Bofur. He made a show of obscenely fellating the digits for Bofur's benefit.

Voice now husky, Fili said, "Looks like he took care of yours, too, Kee."  
Kili was still rolling in and out of Bilbo, slow and steady. "He does so like to overachieve. Works out okay...I'm a little busy at the moment."

As Fili's finger pressed inside him, Bofur's mouth dropped open and he made noises from deep in his throat. He could not take his eyes from Bilbo, though. The hobbit was rocking with Kili's thrusts and still looking at him _like that_ with his lips parted. Bofur reached down and ran a finger over Bilbo's lips, his eyes fixated on his mouth. A wet, pink tongue slipped out to meet it before it was sucked inside. Bofur was wickedly jealous of his own hand. This obscene display was weakening his knees, but even more than he wanted this, he wanted those lips on his.

Bilbo loved teasing Fili and Bofur, showing them what he did to Kili's cock when they put fingers in his mouth. He was trying to drive Bofur wild when the look in the dwarf's eyes changed from lust to something softer and more perilous, something Bilbo thought might be reflected in his own. Bilbo released Bofur and tried to straighten up to his knees. Kili caught him and held him, still breathing out moans and moving within him.

Fili crawled forward to nab the discarded bottle of oil.

"We've come a long way from you getting embarrassed by Bilbo and me fooling around under the covers in that tent, eh Fee?" Kili said.  
"I blame Bilbo," Fili said, grinning at Bilbo with a wink.  
"Me too," Kili said.  
"Hey!" Bilbo protested.  
"Wait, what's this story?" Bofur asked.  
"I'll tell you later," Fili promised, pushing Bofur forward. "We've got other things to do right now."

It was Bofur's turn to look up at Bilbo and Kili while Fili stretched him more.  
"You two are so bloody beautiful like this," Bofur sighed.  
"Thank you. You aren't so bad yourself," Kili teased.

Fili rocked in and out of Bofur, drawing grunts and groans from him until he was pressed in with hipbones resting on his buttocks. Bilbo could not look away as they moved together. Almost immediately, Bofur grabbed his own prick and began massaging it loosely. Bilbo realized he had been so focused on the way Kili felt and everything else going on that he hadn't even touched himself. Fili gripped Bofur's hips and stroked into him harder, making both of them keen loudly. Bilbo reached down to finally touch his own cock.

Kili gently looped his arms through Bilbo's, holding the hobbit up with his arms behind his back. He whispered to Bilbo alone, "Shall I restrain you so that you cannot touch? Do you wish to fulfill the _other_ fantasy, the one we haven't told them? Tell me, my jewel: should we see if Bo would suck you off?"

Bilbo shook his head vigorously even though the suggestion made his insides flutter like mad.

"Would you rather Fee?"  
Kili released his arms when Bilbo shook his head again. Reaching back with a hand to pull Kili's head foward, closer to his mouth, Bilbo whispered, "Only you. I want you to make me come screaming. I want you to make them so jealous they aren't you."

Kili growled and pushed Bilbo forward so he could use both hands to grip his hips and he pumped him. Bilbo narrowly missed colliding with Bofur.

"Durin's Bloody Axe! Fuck him, Kee! Fuck him harder," Fili said.

Bilbo did not have time to ponder how odd that was because Kili wrapped a hand around his stomach and hoisted him backward. Kili rested back toward his heels and Bilbo's legs were spread too wide to truly rest anywhere. Kili had one arm across his chest, gripping his throat, and the other one braced him at his stomach. Bilbo was helpless. Kili only had him like this once before and the memory was still one of Bilbo's favorite fantasies.

Bofur had risen up to his knees when Kili hoisted Bilbo off the ground. Fili was moving rapidly, using Bofur's hip as leverage with one hand and holding him up with an arm nearly pinned behind him. The sensation of Fili pegging into his hot spot was making him exhale in groans with every thrust, but he could not stop staring at Bilbo and Kili.

Fili felt pleasure skitter through his body like distant lightning might streak across the sky. He never imagined it would be so hot to watch while being watched. He and Bofur picked up their pace, Fili unable to hold out much longer. Kili went from making love to Bilbo to fucking him hard to...well, Fili didn't know _what_ that was.

Kili was talking dirty in BIlbo's ear through gritted teeth, slamming the hobbit's body down on his cock again and again. Bilbo was crying out with each thrust.

"Do you think you can come before I do?" Kili whispered menacingly. "Because I'm close. I'm so close, fucking you for them. I'm going to mark you right in front of them, too. I'll let it go so deep inside you that you might be able to taste it. I want it to roll down your leg when I pull out. I want them to see it dripping from you. Do you want to come for us?"  
"Yes," Bilbo whimpered.  
Kili hissed, "You'd best get to it, then, because I don't have a free hand. Come for them, BIlbo. Come for _him_. If you don't beat me to it, I won't let you come at all. You'll have to watch them finish, as fucking sexy as it will be, and you'll be the only one going to bed tonight unsatisfied. Fucking do it. They want to see. I bet it will make them come if you do."

Kili continued whispering his litany of dirty talk and threats while Bilbo stroked his cock frantically, racing Kili to their finish.

Bofur would've given his share of the treasure to know what Kili was saying to Bilbo that had the hobbit so crazed. He was struck by how brutal Kili was fucking him. Bilbo's face was red as a beet and contorted in either extreme pleasure or pain. He was frantically tugging at his cock and tearlessly sobbing. Bofur would think Bilbo was in peril were it not for the fact that the hobbit was far from calling for help. Bofur had never wanted to be someone else so badly as he wanted to be either Kili or Bilbo in that moment. His own finish was rapidly approaching.

Fili had been in battles with his brother and not seen him as ruthless as he was right now with the hobbit in his arms. He wondered how Bofur would react to being taken like that, or if he would be willing to take Fili in such a matter. He found himself thrusting into Bofur harder and harder as Kili and Bilbo went at each other. He could not decide who he envied more, but he knew that he was not going to last through Bilbo's orgasm...not if what he heard at Beorn's house was any indication.

Bilbo was teetering right on the edge. Kili's breaths were coming quicker and he knew he was about to get an arseful. He glanced at Fili, fucking Bofur and groaning loudly. His eyes fell on Bofur. Although the dwarf was being pumped and rapidly pulling at his own prick, his eyes were locked to Bilbo's. Bofur mouthed the word, "Come," as though it were for them alone. Bilbo's orgasm hammered him, forcing him back against Kili, screaming and arching his back. Caling Bilbo's name, Kili came, too. He rocked them both back to rest on his heels while he jerked up in periodic jolts. Kili pulled Bilbo's face sideways to tongue kiss him deeply.

Bofur was rather close when he asked Bilbo to come and he was spilling in his hand with a deep, throaty groan as Kili shouted Bilbo's name. Fili finished some strokes after, moaning and keening, tipped forward with his forehead on Bofur's shoulder blade. As Bofur came back to himself, he realized the little puffs of air Fili was breathing out onto his back were actually Fili whispering, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." He chuckled to himself and twisted around to kiss him. Bilbo was incredibly special to Bofur, indeed, but Fili was his mate. With some luck, Bofur mused, he might one day be his husband.

Breaking their kiss, Kili eased out of Bilbo and stood. Bofur and Fili were similarly separating. Kili smeared a finger through the seed on Bilbo's abdomen and sucked it. He glanced up to see both Bofur and Fili staring at him.

Fili tipped toward Bofur's ear. He teased, "Now, what do you suppose _that_ tastes like?" not realizing Kili could hear him.

Smirking, Kili ran all four fingers through the semen. He took two steps over to Bofur and wiped them across his lips and chin.

"If you're good, you'll share," Kili taunted.  
" _Kili_!" Bilbo shouted, aghast.

Bofur slipped his tongue over his lips for a taste. Fili dove for his head and kissed him deeply, pausing to lap the extra off Bofur's beard. They kissed as dwarrows desperately in love, even with Bilbo on their tongues. Bofur carefully memorized this moment to be replayed later. _Likely thousands of times_ , he thought.

Bilbo watched the two of them share what Kili gave them in equal parts desire and shock. Neither of them protested Kili's lewd action, either. Quite the opposite, truly. Bilbo watched them practically swallowing each other. It was painfully erotic, but dangerous. Perhaps a little too dangerous for Bilbo's peace of mind.

 

 

 

*****

Fili and Bofur volunteered for first watch, both figuring on their own that Bilbo and Kili needed some rest after that stunning display. There was no argument. Bilbo and Kili settled in and were snoring within an hour.

Fili asked Bofur, "Did you get jealous when Bilbo sucked my fingers? Or when I said I wanted both of us to make him moan?"  
"Funny enough, no," Bofur said with a chuckle. "Yourself?"  
Fili gave him an odd little smile. "No, not with those two. Anyone else might get a taste of a blade but I feel like anything that passes between the four of us is, I don't know, safe. Kili and Bilbo are bonded and beyond mad for each other. I know neither of them would do anything to hurt either of us. You and I have a similar relationship, and we would not do anything to hurt them. Kee and I are closer than twins and you and Bilbo have had your own special connection since before Kee or myself became romantically entangled with either one of you. I can't exactly explain why, it just does not bother me. I don't even feel shy with them any longer, not now that our proclivities for watching and listening are no longer secret."  
"I can't put my finger on why it is, but I agree the four of us are, as you said, safe. Tasting Bilbo on your lips didn't upset me, it inflamed me."  
"Gods, me too! Kee is like a completely different person when he and Bilbo are naked. I can't believe he did that!"  
"Neither could Bilbo--he was more surprised than I was, I think. I felt a little guilty, like I was tasting him against his will," Bofur said.  
"He was surprised, but I peeked at him while we were, um, sharing. It did not seem against his will."  
Bofur exhaled contentedly. "Tonight was a night to commit to memory, that is for sure."  
"I am still amazed that they did not judge us for such fantasies. Indulged us, even," Fili remarked.  
"Like you said, Fee. Safe."

 

 

*****

Bilbo and Kili roused and relieved Fili and Bofur of their watch duties. Kili was glad of the private time so he and Bilbo could discuss the night's...activities.

"Why didn't you want Bo to touch you?" Kili asked.  
"The playing we do is erotic, and I enjoyed what we did with them, but it should go no further than that. It will ruin things for the four of us."  
"Ruin it how?"  
"I worry that my getting too intimate with Fili would make it weird for you. Weird for me, too, because I don't know if I would be all that proud that I've had sexual contact with the closest members of your family. Getting intimate with Bofur and excluding Fili feels completely wrong. Being pleased by them when you aren't also feels wrong, and I do not want anyone touching you but me."  
"If Fee and Bo want to please you, and you want pleasure, I don't need either of them touching me. I'll get off watching you get off."  
"It would be too much, Kee. It is a dangerous area in which to be mucking about."  
"Because of how you feel about Bo," Kili said gently.  
Bilbo paused a moment. "I care for both of them."  
"I know you do, but it is different. You find Fee attractive but you are crazy about Bo."  
"Kili-"  
"It is okay. Fee and I both know. Bo's crazy about you, too. Fee and Bo are meant for each other the way you and I are. No one thinks you and Bo are about to run off together. You more than had your chance plenty of times long before Fee and I, if that was what your hearts wanted. I'll admit, if it were anyone other than Bo, I'd probably be jealous, but he has always been deeply invested in our relationship. He own relationship is exceptionally dear to him, too. He would not do a thing to you without Fee's say-so. And it seems you won't do much even _with_ my say-so."  
"Kili, sex is messy and wild and you and I both have proven we can lose our heads with the right combination of stimulation. You are overly generous with my body and my heart, but you do not know what it might cost down the road. I love the four of us just the way we are, with a little bit of teasing here and there, a deep set of battle bonds, and friendships that will not be broken. Bo licking my prick would not ruin us, but what if it went beyond that? Or what if they decided Bo should lick yours, too? Kili, it may make me a terrible person to be open to Bo or Fee's touches and not want to share you at all with them but the fact remains that I don't. I love so much that I'm the only person to have made you come. I wish I could have been that for you, too, but I wasn't. Thorin wasn't even the first to make me come. I suppose that makes me a bit of a whore."  
Kili was taken aback. "I did not know you felt that way. You've never minded showing me off naked. Have the things we've been doing made you uncomfortable? I've taken you at your word when you said you wanted things."  
"And I _have_ wanted those things. I'm proud of you, but showing you off naked is not someone else stroking you. Showing others how I please you is not someone else helping themselves to the same," Bilbo said. "I love the way we play. I love everything we've done, but I don't want anyone touching you who is not me. Not sexually."  
"I don't need Bo's touches or kisses. Goodness knows, I don't need Fee's. But I find I rather like showing off that you are mine. I like to tease them with hints and tastes of you because I know it gets you off. What gets _me_ off is that I'm the only one who does what I do to you, that you are desperately in love with me, that you left a king to take me home and marry me, and that I'm the one who brings you happiness."  
Bilbo furrowed his brow. "For someone who was so terribly jealous of Thorin, it is remarkable to me that you do not have more issues with Bo and Fee."  
Kili shrugged. "Bo and Fee wouldn't hurt us the way Thorin has," he said simply.

 

 

*****

Breakfast the next day saw a couple awkward glances and uncomfortable smiles, but all was normal between the couples by lunch. Better than normal, by Bilbo's estimation. He could not point out specific examples, but the four of them seemed closer than before.

With Gandalf gone, the final privacy barrier broken between them also improved relations within each individual couple. Although there were no more overt shows, the pairs no longer bothered finding excuses to sneak off into the woods to satisfy their sexual needs. The rest of the journey to the Shire was far less sexually frustrating than the journey that preceded it. Fili and Bofur were particularly delighted by this change, but they tried to not be terribly obvious.

 

 

*****

An August day came at last when they were in sight of the country where Bilbo had been born and bred, where the shapes of the land and of the trees were as well known to him as his hands and toes. Coming to a rise he could see his own hill in the distance.

He began to sing,

_"Roads go ever ever on,_  
_Over rock and under tree,_  
_By caves where never sun has shone,_  
_By streams that never find the sea;_  
_Over snow by winter sown,_  
_And through the merry flowers of June,_  
_Over grass and over stone,_  
_And under mountains in the moon._

_Roads go ever ever on_  
_Under cloud and under star,_  
_Yet feet that wandering have gone_  
_Turn at last to home afar._  
_Eyes that fire and sword have seen_  
_And horror in the halls of stone_  
_Look at last on meadows green_  
_And trees and hills they long have known."_

It struck Kili then--all of them, really--how staggeringly innocent in the ways of the wild Bilbo must have been the day he ran out his door to follow the dwarves into the unknown. He had never known hunger, cold, discomfort, or danger in the way he had seen it in even their first few weeks on the road, never mind battle. There was a sweetness to Bilbo's voice as he sang the last line that tugged at Kili's heart. No one deserved this homecoming more than their hobbit.

They crossed the bridge and passed the mill by the river, drawing more and more attention as they went. They developed a bit of a crowd behind them. Isumbras met them on the side of the road and Bilbo requested Fili stop the wagon.

"Bilbo Baggins, my boy! So nice to see you home and safe at last!" he said.

Other hobbits that had not been trailing along behind them poked out of their doorways to look their fill of Bilbo. They whispered amongst themselves. His hair! It was so long! His clothing! Tsk tsk tsk...not at all like a hobbit. The dwarves! Well, who would have thought dwarves to be so handsome? Or smile so much?

Bilbo hopped out. "Thank you. I would like you to meet my betrothed, Prince Kili of Erebor. This is Crown Prince Fili of Erebor and his suitor, Bofur."  
Isumbras bowed deeply, "Your Highnesses! Welcome! I am most proud to receive you."  
Fili, Kili, and Bofur climbed out of the wagon, all returning the Thain's bow.  
Bilbo waved away the pomp with his hand. "Yes, these are the dwarves I mentioned. I trust you received my letters as well as the official missive from Erebor?"  
"That I did. Everything is coming along nicely, just as you asked. Your property has been kept up for you, too, and you'll not have much to do to step back into your routine other than visit the market. The four of us have much to discuss and I have several deliveries for you, too. I'm happy you have a wagon," Isumbras said, speaking a little quickly in his eagerness.  
"I appreciate that very much, and believe me we will take that meeting sooner than later, but we are weary, hungry, and I honestly just cannot wait to sleep in my own bed."

There was a quiet murmur of agreement from the crowd. Even odd, Tookish, adventuresome hobbits would surely crave their own pillow upon arrival home.

"Of course! I understand completely," Isumbras replied.  
Bilbo motioned for the dwarves to get back into the wagon, which they did.  
To Isumbras, Bilbo said, "I appreciate it, I really do. Could you send someone 'round to the market for us?" Bilbo pressed some coins into the Thain's hand. "Some meat, veg, eggs...whatever is just fine, really. I've got enough energy left to shop for dinner or enough to cook it, but not enough for both."

Bilbo scrambled back up into the wagon and Isumbras was momentarily stunned. He was _Thain,_ not some squire! Still, he did not want to seem discourteous to the princes, and Bilbo did not actually ask _him_ to do the running. He decided he could let it go this time.

"I will send someone on your behalf and I'll request he does not tarry," he promised.  
"Thank you. Oh, one more thing?" Bilbo tipped his head back, indicating the crowd behind them and said (just above his breath), "Could you do something about this, please? Thank you."

Fili set the horses moving again. They could hear Isumbras behind them: "Shoo, go on, all of you! It is rude to gawp, you know. Would you rather those dwarves tell their king that hobbits have no more manners than mules? Keep it up and you won't be getting an invitation to the wedding, I can tell you that!"

The quartet managed the rest of the short distance to Bag End without a single follower. They were climbing out of the wagon as close as they could get it to Bilbo's door when they were not-so-shyly approached by a hobbit Bilbo recognized as Holman Greenhand.

"Welcome home, Mister Bilbo. We missed you!" Holman said.  
"You-you did?" Bilbo said in surprise.  
"Of course! They were saying you were dead and I just wouldn't believe it, I wouldn't. I said 'Mister Bilbo would not go off dying without telling anyone!'"  
"No, no I suppose that would have been rude," Bilbo agreed solemnly.  
"We've been taking care of your garden the past couple weeks for you so you wouldn't come home to weeds and mush."  
"We?" Bilbo asked.  
"I have a new apprentice. He's young but he's a keen lad, has a fine interest in things that grow," Holman replied.  
"You know, I'm going to be far too busy these next couple months to tend a late summer and fall garden." Bilbo managed a few more coins from somewhere Kili did not see. "Perhaps we could procure your services? We would be happy to let your apprentice practice at Bag End. Under your expert tutelage, of course."  
Holman took the coins and grinned wide. "It is a deal, Mister Bilbo! He will be so thrilled to have his own yard! In a manner of speaking, of course."  
"Why don't you go and tell, um..." Bilbo trailed off, not knowing the younger's name.  
"Hamfast Gamgee," Holman supplied.  
Bilbo nodded. "Tell Hamfast the news. We're going to do our best to get settled and have some dinner."  
"Yes, of course!" Holman said, backing down the path and bidding them farewell rather enthusiastically. "Have a good night! It was nice meeting you all, even though I did not really meet you yet. We'll see you soon!"

Bofur looked over the outside of Bag End while Bilbo was turning over rocks looking for his spare key. "This place doesn't seem too worse off for being left for a year."  
"Prettier than I remembered it in the daylight, too," Fili agreed.  
"Ah! Found it!" Bilbo said triumphantly, holding the key in the air.  
Kili took Bilbo's free hand. "It was strangely hateful for me to leave this place behind, particularly when you were still in it. I did not understand at the time why it pulled at me so strongly."

Bilbo smiled and kissed him softly. He unlocked the door and gestured for Kili to go in first. Fili and Bofur demurred when Bilbo paused to let them enter ahead of him as well. Fili caught Bilbo's eye and flicked his gaze toward Kili, standing just inside. He hoped Bilbo would understand that taking these first precious moments with Kili in their home for just the two of them was far from rude. Bilbo inclined his head with a sweet smile, understanding perfectly.

Bilbo stepped in behind Kili, circling his arms around his lover's waist.

"Welcome home, dear heart."

Kili looked around.

"Yes," Kili said with a smile. "Home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 ends here, full of fluff and happiness, for those who are faint of heart. The story absolutely continues, but it will get more angsty (but still smutty--I'm still me!) from here on out. 
> 
> Part 2 (Part 3, really, due to the Deleted Scenes) will pick up immediately after this chapter, with Kili inside Bag End. Please subscribe to the series if you do not want to miss the continuation of the story. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for the reblogs, comments, support, graphics, songs, and more! I appreciate you taking this journey with Bilbo, Kili, Fili, Bofur, Thorin, and me! I truly hope you stay with us <3

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a lovely Bagginshield illustration Sradanvers commissioned of one of Bilbo & Thorin's talks in Thranduil's jail--  
> http://clarice82art.tumblr.com/post/129087196165/final-bagginshield-commission-for-my-dear

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Deleted Scenes from "Wait, You Are Supposed To Put It Where?"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/953830) by [HobbitFeels](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HobbitFeels/pseuds/HobbitFeels)




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